Emotional martyrdom. What is it? And where does it come from? That's today's SelfWork episode.

Recently, I got a comment on the questionnaire blogpost on perfectly hidden depression - from a woman whose every word convinced me that there are too many people in the world who believe it's their job to keep everyone around them happy.

So today we're going to look at what's termed emotional martyrdom. This could be you or someone you're in a relationship with. It can sound like, "It's my job to keep everyone happy, whether or not I am happy myself." Or, "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Or, "I'm not hungry. Y'all go on and eat what's there and I'll see what's left."

Emotional martyrdom can be insidious, as it often masquerades as altruism but leads to neglecting one's own needs and happiness.

The listener email involves a woman who was overly enmeshed with her own mom. She felt guilt for leaving in seeing other members of the family becoming enmeshed. But she also realized she might be repeating the same pattern, and asks the question, "Should she overcompensate or work on things slowly?"

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