ENCORE Doing The Most With The Least feat. Alessandra

Summary

The Southern Tea – ENCORE: Doing The Most With The Least feat. Alessandra

Host: Lindsie Chrisley
Guest: Alessandra
Date: February 18, 2026

---

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode is a candid, wide-ranging chat between Lindsie Chrisley and her friend Alessandra about navigating adulthood, relationships, parenthood, technology’s effect on social life, societal expectations, and the unexpected (and often absurd) situations life throws our way. With humor and unfiltered honesty, they reflect on growing up, setting boundaries, dating after divorce, family dynamics, and the value of independence.

---

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Catching Up & Life Updates (00:54–06:36)

• The two friends catch up, joking about fashion dupes and the whirlwind of transitioning from summer to fall.
• Lindsie shares her exhaustion returning from the cabin and handling her middle-schooler’s new academic expectations.

“Having a middle schooler, it's very different than having an elementary schooler. And I am not. Okay.”
– Lindsie (01:34)

• Jokes and stories about hiding and forging signatures on progress reports as kids.

2. Modern Parenting, Technology, and School (01:47–07:48)

• How grading and parental oversight have changed with digital tools.
• Discussion about the transparency and instant feedback of online school portals compared to the secrecy of paper report cards growing up.
• Anecdotes about youthful attempts to forge parental signatures.

3. Reading Habits & Book Talk (05:01–06:36)

• Lindsie admits she’s read more books than the average American this year (four), and wonders what to do with books she's finished.
• Alessandra keeps her books as “trophies” but previously donated or gifted them.

“I have bookshelves, so I keep them. Kind of like trophies.”
– Alessandra (05:37)

• Little Free Libraries and donating books as ways to pass on finished reads.
• A segue into crime documentaries and true crime book trauma.

4. True Crime & Social Trends (06:36–09:29)

• Recent crime documentaries ("Yogurt Shop Murders," "High School Catfish") prompt a conversation about online bullying.
• The hosts reflect on viral social jokes about “bringing back bullying” and the dangers of actual bullying in the digital age.

“When second graders are committing suicide over it, I just don't think it's, like, funny.”
– Alessandra (09:16)

• Contrast between childhoods then (landlines, limited access) versus now (phones, 24/7 communication).

5. Tech, Boundaries & Social Media (09:29–14:22)

• The stress of perpetual connectedness for both kids and adults.
• Parenting fears regarding social media, specifically Snapchat and Roblox.
• Alessandra describes setting strong boundaries with her phone to protect her mental health.

“Those are boundaries. Like, that's. If I'm not on my phone, I'm not on my phone. That's why I read so much, because I'm genuinely, like, not looking at it.”
– Alessandra (11:38)

• The importance of solitude and retaining independence within adult relationships.

6. Independence, Travel & Healthy Relationships (13:16–14:52)

• Lindsie talks about doing therapy to better understand communication in romantic relationships.
• Alessandra highlights how maintaining individuality and personal space—even while in long-term partnerships—is vital.

“In order to be the best version of you as a unit, you guys have to be the best version of yourselves independently.”
– Alessandra (14:22)

7. Modern Dating, Cheating & Lies (17:15–27:00)

• Absurd news stories about infidelity, including a man unknowingly hiring his own wife as a prostitute and another charged for bigamy.
• Discussion on honesty vs lying, especially when caught, and the psychological reasons people double down on lies.

“If I'm coming to you with something and asking you a question, I already know the fudgeing answer.”
– Lindsie (18:27)

• Alessandra shares personal stories about being unwittingly involved with married men and why transparency is crucial in dating.

“I would need your Social Security number, a list of three references. Like I need to call your mom. I need to see all the social media because men out here are shiesty.”
– Alessandra (23:48)

8. Red Flags, Vetting, and Dating After Divorce (32:30–35:23)

• Both hosts reflect on how their standards for dating have changed with age and life experience.
• Divorce and remarriage bring a new set of vetting processes—to the point of wanting a partner’s “Social Security number.”

9. Gender Roles, Upbringing & Financial Independence (35:27–38:10)

• Deep-dive into how independent women contrast with men not raised to match that strength.
• The importance of financial independence and mutual growth in relationships.

“I have worked so hard to be where I am now that I am not willing to give that up for anybody.”
– Lindsie (37:20)

10. Fulfillment, Motherhood, and Roles (38:10–39:40)

• Alessandra personally wouldn’t find fulfillment being a stay-at-home mom, while Lindsie enjoyed her “Pinterest mom” days but insists independence is crucial.

11. Recent News Stories: Crime, “Grandma Showers,” and Wedding Dynamics (39:53–51:20)

• Discusses shocking news about a college cheerleader arrested for hiding her newborn in her closet and debates the contributing societal factors.
• “Grandma showers” (baby showers for grandparents) and whether they’re appropriate or self-centered.
• The phenomena of mother-in-laws upstaging brides at weddings—especially wearing white.

“It's like the mother in laws who wear like blush to a wedding.”
– Alessandra (49:27)
“Why are you so obsessed with your son?”
– Alessandra (50:18)

12. Family Dynamics, Future Mother-in-Law Hopes, and Change (52:10–59:00)

• Lindsie expresses hopes to be a supportive, not intrusive, mother-in-law.
• Alessandra advocates for family inclusivity—welcoming partners as real family members.
• They discuss traditions in the South about marital unity and how independence and individuality are often lost in relationships.

13. Growth, Change & Life Lessons (55:58–59:00)

• Lindsie reads an inspirational Instagram post about change, loss, and the pain of growth.
• Both discuss their tendency to crave routine and the challenge (and necessity) of evolving.

“This new season will ask you for a choice. Repeat or evolve... Growth often demands loss, but stagnation often demands your life. When you're faced with the weight of all of that, you have to ask yourself, which pain are you willing to carry?”
– Quoted by Lindsie from Instagram (55:58)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On childhood and forging signatures:
  “I’ll never forget. I got so caught... forging my mom’s signature. I wrote her name. So I was caught as– and the teachers were like, ‘That’s not your mom’s signature.’” – Alessandra (02:53)

• On tech and raising kids:
  “Kids today, even as young as seven and eight years old, have access to Snapchat...I really just don’t understand the premise.” – Lindsie (10:53)

• On relationship independence:
  “I'm way too independent. Like, I need my space from my partner.” – Alessandra (14:11)

• On why people lie when caught:
  “They want you to have a perception of them...so they will do whatever they have to to keep that facade up.” – Alessandra (18:54)

• On modern dating precautions:
  “I need to know exactly all of the houses that you ever lived in. I need to know where you went to high school. I need to know every girlfriend that you’ve ever had. I need access to your social media.” – Lindsie (33:54)

• On mothers-in-law and weddings:
  “It's like the mother in laws who wear like blush to a wedding...Did you watch Hunting Wives?...There’s a woman in there that has a weird emotional attachment to her son.” – Alessandra (49:27–50:45)

• On change and growth:
  “Change is scary...But change is really important for development.” – Alessandra (56:37)

---

Important Timestamps

• 00:54 – Introduction and catching up
• 01:34 – Lindsie’s adjustment to her child being in middle school
• 02:53 – Forging signatures & childhood anecdotes
• 05:37 – Handling finished books
• 06:48 – Crime documentaries and trauma
• 09:16 – The seriousness of modern bullying
• 11:38 – Setting boundaries with technology
• 14:22 – Relationship dynamics and independence
• 17:15 – Man hires wife as prostitute: absurd news story
• 23:48 – Alessandra’s dating horror story with a married man
• 34:10 – Vetting dating prospects after divorce
• 37:20 – Financial independence for women
• 39:53 – University of Kentucky cheerleader crime news
• 47:02 – Grandma showers and family roles
• 49:27 – Mother-in-law wedding stories
• 55:58 – Inspirational message about change and growth

---

Tone & Style

The tone throughout is breezy, unfiltered, sometimes irreverent, but always supportive and empathetic. Lindsie and Alessandra share both their vulnerabilities and humor, making listeners feel included in a very real, relatable conversation between friends navigating the challenges of modern life.

---

Summary

For listeners who haven’t tuned in, this episode of The Southern Tea is a testament to the power of candid conversation. Lindsie Chrisley and Alessandra cover everything from school memories and digital communication overload to modern relationships, boundaries, unique family dynamics, dating challenges, and personal growth. Full of stories, laughs, and “can you believe it” moments, it’s a comforting listen for anyone making sense of adulthood, independence, and the evolving shape of family and love.

Transcript

[VRBoCare Announcer]

Support is available 247 with VRBoCare. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help. Because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Maybe I'm just like, weird. Maybe I'm crunchy. This is the Southern Tea with Lindsey Chrisley. I think it's so funny when you get Christmas cards and all of these people write their children's accomplishments on the back.

[Alessandra]

I don't love them.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

A Southern girl and a boy mom who's trying to navigate life while staying.

[Alessandra]

True to her roots.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I am a functioning, non functioning human being right now. Join Lindsay each week as she swears.

[Alessandra]

To spill the tea, the whole tea.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And nothing but the tea. That is the tea. Here's Lindsay. Good morning and welcome back to another episode of the Southern Tea. Hi, Alessandra.

[Alessandra]

Hi.

How are we?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So weird seeing you over here.

[Alessandra]

I know. Welcome back to me. I was over here one, like a couple months ago.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I feel like it was weeks ago, but it probably was like months ago.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Summer went like a blink.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So why do you look like you've been in Montauk?

[Alessandra]

Oh, mom talk. This is my target Ralph Lauren dupe. Oh, and I love it. It's so cozy.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I'm obsessed. I honestly thought it was Ralph Lauren. So they did a good job on the dupe. They did.

[Alessandra]

They did.

Honey.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I just got back from the cabin. I love going to the cabin in the fall.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And came back at like 12 o' clock and had roughly 65 emails that I needed to get through. And when I tell you, having a middle schooler, it's very different than having an elementary schooler. And I am not. Okay.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. He's in the big leagues now.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

He is. And you know, like, when we don't turn in our work, when we're supposed to turn in our work, you know.

[Alessandra]

Oh, yeah. I'm so happy we didn't go to school in this time. We would have been screwed. Like, your parents can get your grades.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

On the Internet immediately. So, like when it's the craziest thing, when they take a test or a quiz, it's all on the computer. So as it automatically grades it unless there is like a question. Like, it'll grade the ones that are multiple choice and then it'll leave the ones off that have to have like a written response. And then it will be like, edited.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But immediately, you know, like what they got on the assignment. If they turn the assignment in, like all of the things. And I think back to when I was in high school, they had started the Automated, like, call thing for when report cards came home.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Did y' all have that?

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Oh, sure did.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. So the first time I ever hid a progress report from my parents was specifically in sixth grade.

[Alessandra]

I'll never forget. I got so caught, I think it was in, like, second or third grade, forging my mom's signature. Because we used to have to, like, have our parents sign that they saw our report cards. But, like, I didn't forge it as if it was her signature. Like, I wrote her name. So I was caught as. And the teachers were like, that's not your mom's signature. And then my mom. I was. I was trying. I was sticking with the bit. I was like, that's my mom's signature. I don't know what you're talking about. It's like scribble.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That's hilarious. So actually, Jackson did that on a note that came home in kindergarten. But the best part of it was, was it was absolutely his handwriting. And he did not sign my name. He signed mom.

[Alessandra]

Oh, that's so cute.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I was like, you were trying to be shiesty. And like, you just like. It wasn't. It was not happening. And then when I was married to Will, his mom told me this story about. I mean, she was a public educator for, like, 30 years, and so they would send, like, notes home and stuff, and she was always in the know about what was going on at the school. So he tried to forge his mom's signature on a piece of paper. And I'm like, boy, you are ballsy. Like your mom works up at that school.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, that is ballsy. I have friends used, like parents were teachers or subs. Substitutes, and they always used to get comp. Not much you can do about that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay. So somebody told me when I was a rising senior in high school, this senior that was above, like, my junior class was like, hey, the best hack is. Is that when the syllabus goes home, you sign your parents name so that the signatures look consistent.

[Alessandra]

That's smart. That's right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You know what I mean?

[Alessandra]

That guy's got to be a CEO now.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I mean, I'm not trying to, like, out anybody, but I might have dated this person at one point in my life.

[Alessandra]

I mean, that's a smart guy.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So, you know what? Just Mr. Smarty Pants. I know that you are a heavy reader.

[Alessandra]

Very.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I have a couple of questions for you. So I have read four books this year, which is not a lot, but.

[Alessandra]

That'S more than the average American.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

What does the average American Read a year One. One book. Oh, well, I was below the average for, like, many, many years. Plus, maybe my devotional would count.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So I was reading that, like, every day for years and then reading nothing else other than the articles that I find. But I have read four books this year. And what do you do with them, like, once you finish reading them?

[Alessandra]

I have bookshelves, so I keep them. Kind of like trophies. I used to, when I wasn't reading, like, a million books at a time, I would just get rid of them. Like, so I would just give them to friends if they wanted to read them. I'd put them in a little library. I would donate them to a library. I just didn't want them. But I also have more space now. This is also when I was moving, like, every year, and I was just in apartments, you know, So I have an office, and I keep all my books on my shelf.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It's like, some of these books are books that I know that I will never go back and revisit or, like, reread. So do I gift them to people? Do I. You know, like those, like, on Walking Trails and stuff? Those, like, little book things?

[Alessandra]

Free libraries? Yeah, yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, do I put them in there? Like, does anybody want, like, the Idaho four book?

[Alessandra]

I'm just like, yeah, you're like, I'm not going to reread that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I was traumatized, so I'm good on that. But have you read this?

[Alessandra]

Yes. I love Abby Jimenez. She's such a good author.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay, so I just got this book on Friday. I've not started. I had a very lazy weekend at the cabin, and I watched the Yogurt Shop Murders.

[Alessandra]

Oh, is it good?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Have you watched it?

[Alessandra]

No.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I've heard it's on hbo, Max. And the way that, like, I'm so pissed off that, like, the case is not solved is very abnormal. And then somebody told me, they were like, hey, you need to watch the High School Catfish show. Came out on Netflix.

[Alessandra]

Unknown number. Yeah, I saw it all over TikTok, and my mind is blown.

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But I am only maybe. Maybe an hour into it. So I just. I started seeing all the text messages, like, flash up and, like, some of the stuff that was being said, and immediately my mind went into, like, a mode of psychosis. Because if someone was sending my child text messages like, that, the way that I would, like, lose my.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, absolutely. I'm not gonna say anything because Tick Tock spoiled it for me, so I'm not gonna watch it at this point. I feel like I know the whole thing, but you're gonna have to text me when you finish it because you're gonna lose your mind.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Why?

[Alessandra]

When you find out who's the one who was sending all those messages.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So you do find out who it is.

[Alessandra]

Yes. You're gonna lose your mind, Lindsay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay, let me ask you this. Was it her?

[Alessandra]

No.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

My two guesses are it was either her sending them to herself or the mom.

[Alessandra]

You're gonna have to watch, but you're gonna lose your mind.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, the way that it has a stranglehold on me. And I cannot wait to, like, wrap up my day and get back on the couch and watch it.

[Alessandra]

I was on a, like, hole on TikTok when I saw it and just going like, article after article, reading everything, because I just like bullying. There's like a joke going around, right? It's like, bring back bullying. And to some extent I understand what people are saying to a small degree.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Where it's explain, I. I didn't see this joke.

[Alessandra]

So people are saying, like, oh, this generation is so soft. People are so soft nowadays. Like, we need to bring back bullying. People are too comfortable, like, saying whatever they feel, etc. And I guess I can understand to a degree the underlying sentiment of, like, we need to toughen up just a little bit. Like, I do. There is a. I'm very PC. I like to make people feel comfortable. But there's a line where you feel like you can't say anything at all, or you're just, like, tiptoeing around everybody. Like, people are going to make mistakes, you want to be funny, etc. When it comes to real bullying, like, that has lifelong altering effects on people. I mean, when second graders are committing suicide over it, I just don't think it's, like, funny. It's not light, like, bullying, like, that would make somebody harm themselves.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So Kristen and I talked about this, and I do think that the bullying just is very different today than, like, when we were growing up in school because of the access that kids have to each other outside of the school. Like, absolutely. We didn't have that much access. And if we had access to our friends outside of school, it had to be, like, so planned. And they called, like, the landline and like, all of these things. Now kids have access to each other pretty much 24 7. And the cell phone thing freaks me the heck out because they are not. Their brains are not developed enough to be having that type of communication for the period of time they're having that communication.

[Alessandra]

Communication, yeah. Couldn't agree more. And even, like, social media and unlimited access. I saw something on Tick Tock where they're doing, like, a deep investigation into Roblox.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Oh, I've seen this about, like, the.

[Alessandra]

Child predator stuff because I guess, like, I don't really. I don't have kids, so I don't know, like, anything about the premise of Roadblocks. So I didn't know that you have, like, access to different games and chat rooms and things like that. So they're saying, like, there's a very large user percentage that is adults that are preying on children. And there's weird things that are coming up when they. When they're, like, investigating it. And to me, we have so many, like, Internet guards and safeguards. I just don't understand how we haven't developed something to block this. Like, at its core, I don't either.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But it freaks me out that kids today, even as young as seven and eight years old, have access to Snapchat, whether it be, like, on an iPad or a cell phone. And I really just, like, don't understand the premise behind Snapchat either. Like, why do we need to be that connected to people at all times? Like, you're sending selfies of you being at the gym or like, this is what I'm having for dinner. And we didn't think about that stuff when we were kids. Like, we weren't telling our friends, oh, like, this is what we're having for dinner and this is where I'm at and this is what I'm doing. Like, it's so odd to me how we're raising our kids today to think that everybody needs to know everything that you're doing at all times.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, it's too much. Unlimited access. Like, and I think that that erodes even just like, like, relationships between adults. I've had a lot of people recently tell me in my friendships and stuff being like, I feel like I have, like, I can't contact you as easily and I have less access. And in some degrees that's true, but those are boundaries. Like, that's. If I'm not on my phone, I'm not on my phone. That's why I read so much, because I'm Genu, like, not looking at it. I'm not ignoring. I'm not. My DND is set so that notifications don't even come up. You don't even see a number or anything. I can't access it unless I turn it off. And for me especially, what with what we do with work, like, I Had to do that for my mental health and my well being. And I think we're just way too used to having way too much access to people. Like you said, that wasn't normal. Like our parents growing up, our grandparents growing up. You didn't hear them like telling their friends all, everything, all the time they were on the phone or coming over for dinner or going out for a drink and like catching up and having interpersonal communication. I don't see like you, somebody texting me all the time really as a relationship even, you know, I don't, I don't either.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I also think that it takes away so much from a relationship. So from my last relationship to the current one, I was so like, I had done so much therapy, like in between that time even like did therapy on Christmas day, like going through all of this stuff and like what's appropriate communications and how much communications and like all of these things just to try to be like in a healthier space.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I see all the time couples who are texting all day long and then when they get together at night, there's nothing to talk about because they know everything that happened all day long.

[Alessandra]

That couldn't be me. That could be further from me. Like is there. And I, I have had people like slide into my DMs and notice that I travel without Billy often. And to some people I know that that's weird. But when it comes to work or even friendships, like I traveled solo when I wasn't in a relationship and I will continue to travel. If Billy can come, he can come. I'm not going to stop my life because I'm in a serious relationship. And I think that, that, I mean good and bad, like people have their opinions about that. Some people won't go at all without their husbands or like serious relationships or significant others. But that just couldn't be me. I'm way too independent. Like, I need my space from my partner.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think that there is something so healthy with being able to be like your own individual self and then having yourself with your partner be another part of yourself.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, 100%. And I think it's, I mean, Billy and I have been together for eight years. The more that I learn about being in like a relationship long term, it's that in order to be the best version of your, for you as a unit, you guys have to be the best version of yourselves independently. And it's really important to, you know, facilitate that growth for one another and encourage it. Like, I want Billy to be the best version of himself independent to me and vice versa because then we're only stronger together.

All right y', all, let's take a quick second to talk about my new mattress. I loved my mattress from Brooklyn Bedding that I actually bought Jackson the exact same mattress. There is just something so peaceful about the way that this mattress holds you. It is steady underneath. It is so soft on top. I just find myself sinking in just enough and it truly feels like I finally found a bed that can meet my sleep needs. If you guys have never heard of Brooklyn Bedding, Brooklyn Bedding handcrafts every mattress in their Arizona factory. So we're talking no middleman, no gimmicks, just top tier quality, honest pricing craftsmanship for a better night's sleep. Brooklyn Bedding knows that sleep is not one size fits all and that's why they offer mattresses for everybody, every sleep style, even in hard to fit sizes. So if you're not sure what mattress is right for you. I just did the Brooklyn Bedding sleep quiz and I was able to find my perfect match in under two minutes. Brooklyn Bedding is one of the few mattress brands endorsed by the American Chiropractic association for spinal alignment and back health. Plus they are 100% fiberglass free for peace of mind. Brooklyn Bedding also offers 120 night comfort trials. So if you do not love it, they will help you return it or swap it hassle free. And if you're not sure that you can take my word for it. Brooklyn Bedding has been awarded the best mattress by CET and best hybrid mattress by wire cutter. So you know it is the real deal. You can go to BrooklynBetting.com and use my promo code Southern Tea at checkout to get 30% off sitewide. This offer is not available anywhere else. That's Brooklyn betting.com and promo code Southern T for 30% off site wide. Support my show and let them know that I sent you after checkout.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Brooklyn betting.com promo code SOUTHERN T. I so believe that. Oh I've got to tell you this crazy shit that I ran across. So it was on one of the Facebook groups and it says man dials up prostitute gets his own wife. That's the headline. This is a newspaper clipping. It says a 52 year old man in Lee's Summit was taken by surprise after a prostitute he hired through a website turned out to be his own wife of the past 19 years.

[Alessandra]

Did she know he was up to this or was she genuinely a prostitute?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It has. The man had been using the site for some months to hire prostitutes and meet them for sex and motels in the neighboring area. Last weekend, the man told his wife he was going out drinking, drinking with colleagues, when in reality he was traveling to hot sheet to a Hot sheet joint on the outskirts of town. Upon checking into the motel, the man used his phone to access his regular website that he used to book prostitutes. According to the statement he made to authorities, he saw the profile of a new 27 year old. The woman caught his attention and it was his own wife.

[Alessandra]

I mean, so it never ends.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It never ends. Like, I don't understand why people think with the Internet. I will never understand this. Like with the Internet, you're gonna get caught.

[Alessandra]

Yep, sure.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

With as many cameras that are around everywhere now, you're going to get caught. Why are you out here riding lies?

[Alessandra]

I'll never understand it. I'll never understand it. Just be honest and when you're caught, be honest. Because that shit pisses me off too.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That pisses me off. I'm just like, you know what, if I'm coming to you with something that I feel like, no, if I'm coming to you with something and asking you a question, I already know the fudgeing answer.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So like, why are we out here continuing the lie? Because now I'm even more pissed off.

[Alessandra]

Yep, yep. Double down.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

What is with people doubling down on the lie?

[Alessandra]

I found out a long time ago that lots of people lie as a form of people pleasing. So they want people to have like. And not in this respect. Right. Like, not when you're freaking hiring prostitutes, but when people are like doubling down when they're caught on certain things. They want you to have a perception of them, whatever that is, so they will do whatever they have to to keep that facade up. So they're trying to, you know, please you in the sense of like giving you the idea of who they're supposed to be to you. And that doesn't make sense. Lying isn't the way to do that. But I think that's why a lot of people do that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But is that like underlying narcissism?

[Alessandra]

To a degree, for sure. Especially if you're doing it constantly and you're doing it manipulatively.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like the lie to cover up a lie is crazy because you're gonna get caught. It's like what it like what you.

[Alessandra]

Got caught in the first place. So you're obviously not that good at being devious. And so you're going to continue to lie and get yourself caught up. And it's going to be worse in the end.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Anyone who has ever done something to me, truly, like, since I've had a social media platform, it's like, you aren't safe because somebody's going to tell on you.

[Alessandra]

They 100 are, right? 100 are going to tell on you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You're like, 100. I'm constantly checking the DMS and I'm like, there it is.

[Alessandra]

Hey, girly.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Oh, not the hey girly dm, the hey girly.

[Alessandra]

And it's like you were holding on to that. Like you've been waiting to hey girly me, you know?

Right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But. But how quick do we think that girl send the hey girly message? Immediate or it's like after time has passed, or is it like they're triggered? Because they see if I'm just using a relationship for an example, they see that, you know, like, maybe they did something with your man and then they see you all together, like on social media or you're on a trip or whatever. Is that when they're sending the hey girly dm, or is it like immediately after it happens?

[Alessandra]

I think it depends. So I've been in several scenarios, unfortunately, because men are dogs and that's just what they do. So I, in my 20s, was like, seeing this guy, and about four years, we weren't. I wouldn't say we were dating by any. We were casually dating. Like, we'd see each other when he was in town, et cetera. Which is. Should be your first red flag if you are seeing somebody who's traveling for work all the time and you only see them when you're. They're in your city. Like, hello. Yeah, but I was younger.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Immediate red flag.

[Alessandra]

So years later, like, I'm talking at least three or four years later, he pops up in my people, you may know on Facebook. And he's got a wife. So I'm clicking. I'm just. I'm just curious. Like, it's been years. Let's see who you've married. Oh, no, no. He's been married the whole time.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Wait, you somebody's husband?

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Not on purpose. I didn't know. So I slid into her DMs and it was years later.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So what'd you say?

[Alessandra]

I said, hey, I just need you to know I just found out that your husband was your husband, but this is what he was doing. He's like, four years ago, he's probably still doing it because he was like, he traveled for construction. Like, he worked in construction. So he was all over the coast. He Was from Atlanta actually. So he was all over the east coast up and down. So I was probably one of many.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Atlanta men are foul.

[Alessandra]

I couldn't believe it. I was flabbergasted.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That is. So did you respond?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, she did.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And you felt so heartbroken for her, right?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, because that's one thing for me. Like I. If nobody knows about me and like my past and my trauma, like I have a lot of cheating trauma with this particularly in my family. Like my dad cheated on my mom. So I like I know that is the complete opposite of my Emma. Like I would never consensually like be somebody who cheats with someone else. Like it's just not, I can't do it. It's just not in my DNA. So I was, I was devastated that I hate when you're putting me in a position that I didn't know. Like you're putting me in a position to betray someone else and I had no say in that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like that's really forthcoming. Like.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

First of all, why are you out here seeking somebody when you've got a whole ass wife?

[Alessandra]

Like and I mean the extent that people will go to lie is so crazy. Like fabricating a whole different life. Like showing a part of your life. I mean when we, when he was like home. I mean you're sending videos and pictures about your every day and what you're doing and you have a whole ass wife.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It's absolutely crazy. I don't care what anybody says. I will absolutely not go on a date with someone if I do not have access to all of their social media.

[Alessandra]

Oh yeah. Like now. I mean I was like 22 years old. I was really silly. He was an older man. I just didn't know what I was getting into. I was really naive. I didn't start really dating until I was like 19. Very sheltered, you know. So now as a 34 year old woman there were red flags galore, you know, like I could have seen that something was off but. And back then I couldn't at all. And I'm with you. Like I would need your Social Security number, a list of three references. Like I need to call your mom. I need to see all the social media because men out here are shiesty.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

The thing is, is like even calling a mom doesn't work in today's time because those types of people that do those types of things also are lying to their parents of who they are.

[Alessandra]

And some moms, unfortunately especially with men are going to believe them and stick up for them.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No matter what, 1000%. Holy shit. Speaking of crazy men. So I saw this article that says that this man was accused of marrying three women at the same time for personal and financial gain. It says this man was from North Carolina and was accused of marrying at least three different women in the same time for personal and financial gain. According to officials, the sheriff's office had released a statement and said that he had been charged with two counts of felony bigamy. This man, I. I would love to be able to show you the photo, but I will post it. He is. I don't know how he got three wives.

[Alessandra]

Isn't that always the way?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And it's always just like so crazy. But it says that the sheriff's office began investigating this in April and that he had somehow managed to have three marriage licenses with three different women and no records of divorce. All of the marriages took place in the same state of North Carolina. And he was released on a written promise to appear in court. He supposed to appear later this month. And the sheriff's office said that they believe that there could be additional victims and if anyone that like, knows this person to call the sheriff's office to give them more information.

[Alessandra]

How, like, was it in his name? Like, were they all the same name?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes.

[Alessandra]

I just don't understand how you do that. Like, how was that not flagged sooner?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I don't know, but I'm like, that seems like that's an issue within the county.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, like the registrar's office. Like, don't you have to register that you're married? There should be a record of that. And then like license, tax information, banking account information. Like, there's so many things that you would think would have pinged that prior.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I know, but also, like, how do you have three full blown wives? And this man looks like he's got to be. He's got to be in his 60s. Okay. How are you juggling three women between houses?

[Alessandra]

Like, like, yeah, like how, like what? He had to have been like a traveling salesman or something like that. There's the. That's the only way you could keep a facade up like that. Because who. How are you explaining to your wife that you're not next to her at night?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I mean, I can tell you I'm pretty quick on my feet to know if something's going on. There is no way that this man truly bamboozled three women in his 60s, married them in the same county. Which means that they probably live like within the same county or like neighboring counties.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So like, where all is he going with these people.

[Alessandra]

Do you think they knew about each other?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think.

[Alessandra]

No, that's nuts. I mean, like, I'm just not understanding what the hell is going on at the county.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

This guy looks like a complete scam. Which, I mean, obviously based off of this information, he is. Yeah, I just don't understand. Which I will say one time, one time I was cheated on by somebody. And we only lived a county apart from each other, connected by a road. And this lasted for probably eight months.

[Alessandra]

Oh, I'll do you one better. I moved my ex boyfriend to New Jersey from South Carolina. Then he moved out from my house with my mother and we were still dating and he moved across the street. So he moved like if you went up my street this way, up to the right, and then you made a left there he was. Cheated on me. Then you know how I found out? Drove past the house while I was on my way to work in the morning and saw him with another girl, walking her into to her car.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Did you stop? Like, do you just keep going in a situation?

[Alessandra]

Oh, I slowed down and waved.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Oh yeah, because you're like, gotcha.

[Alessandra]

And I knew it's always the girl they tell you not to worry about, right? Always. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ended up getting her pregnant.

Okay, ladies, if you are looking for a vitamin company that finally understands women's specific needs, you need to look at Parallel. I love parallel products so much. So whether I'm dealing with period symptoms, if you are out there trying to support your fertility or you're just trying to feel your best every day, Parallel has something specifically designed for where you are right now. So we're talking no more generic multivitamins, finally, just daily powders that do more than just the basics. I've talked about their powders so much in the past, but these are doctor formulated with women in mind and they're safe for pregnancy, breastfeeding. But honestly, anyone can take them. Their protein powder isn't just protein. It is protein plus fiber plus creatine. It is so good. I am taking this every single morning before I leave the house. And their greens have antioxidants and fiber. They even have a hydration powder that has electrolytes, collagen and hyaluronic acid. It is such a great product. It's like getting multiple supplements in one thoughtful, delicious powder. Targeted nutrition for every stage of women's hormonal life. So menstrual health, fertility, pregnancy, postpartum premenopause and daily wellness. Their daily powders include protein, electrolytes, sleep support and greens powders and they are just so good. So if you guys have not tried these products and you are interested exclusive for our listeners, new customers can enjoy 20% off their first order with code T. Visit parallel health.com that's P R E L E L H E a l t h.com all right y', all, let's take a quick second to talk about Willie's Remedy. Plus, if you are tired of waking up hungover or you have been worrying about what happened last night, I have a solution for you. Now you can have fun and relax without any of the regrets with Willie's THC infused social tonic. For anyone that's just trying to be more intentional this year, Willies gives you that social social uplifting buzz without breaking your goals. So if you're kicking off the new year and you want to have fewer hangovers, Willys is the upgrade your resolutions will actually thank you for. Willys is the premium THC infused social tonic crafted by the legendary Willie Nelson. It is a low calorie, low sugar alcohol alternative that actually works, delivering a fast acting, euphoric social buzz without the regrets that come with alcohol. Willy Social tonics come in 5 milligram and 10 milligram doses with the best in class flavor experience. It's so smooth and balanced you barely realize that you're drinking a THC product at all. You can enjoy the tonics as a shot, sipped over ice or mixed into your favorite mocktail. One shot of Willies helps you relax, unwind and de stress. Perfect for taking the edge off at the end of a long day or if you're just out socializing with friends. Willies actually sold out three times in the first six months with over 50 plus happy customers and they actually just restocked. Willie ships directly to your doorstep in 40 plus states. You guys can order now@drink willys.com and use code T for 20 off your first order, free shipping on orders over $95 and enjoy life in the high country.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You know, I just feel like I'm in an age where I'm way too fucking grown.

[Alessandra]

I was also 24:25. No, 24:23 around the time too. I mean, like I put up with so many things that I would never even give a like a half of a chance to these days. If I were dating now, I don't think I would be like. I think I would just be. I don't know that I would be able to.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I can tell you right now that dating after divorce is absolutely diabolical.

[Alessandra]

Well, because most of the time they've also either been, like, in other marriages or serious relationships. They have kids. So there's other people in the picture, too. It's not just you and, like, your current history, you know, but then also.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

If they've been in another marriage and then they've dated, you know, they have that whole history of situation, and it's like. Like you're always so cautious once you get outside. Like, once your marriage is over and you're dating, you almost have, like, more due diligence, like, to yourself at that point to, like, vet so far.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That I would have probably never done marrying Will. Does that make sense? Like, the things that you think about.

[Alessandra]

Yep.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

After going through a divorce and then starting today, it's like, no, I literally need your Social Security number. I need to know exactly all of the houses that you ever lived in. I need to know where you went to high school. I need to know every girlfriend that you've ever had. I need access to your social media.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Yep. Everything. All of it. Because there's just so many ways for our people to you over nowadays. I feel like. Like it wasn't as easy.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I know. And I'm just like, why? Why is it a situation where you would think that people would get better with time, but it's truly worse?

[Alessandra]

Well, I've had this conversation with my mom. My mom is 62, and I'm like, she's single, so I'm like, do they get better? And she's like, no, they don't. Like, they're exactly the same. I'm like, oh, great.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Oh, my God.

[Alessandra]

Right? Because my advice always, like, I'm 34. My friends are. We're not, you know, we're like in our mid-30s. And my advice would always be, okay, then date up. Don't date somebody in your age. But then you date an older man, and you still got to deal with the same.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Oh, listen, to date an older man, I've always said, like, you better come along with some big. You better come along with some big perks.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Guys, if you're still doing this stupid of what somebody my age is doing, then I might as well at least know that, like, I have the security that by the amount of time that likely, I will have them longer.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. 100. 100. I'm with you, girl. I don't get it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

What's wrong with, like, men are just out here doing the most with the least. Truly.

[Alessandra]

I saw something on Tick Tock the other day that really resonated with me. And it was like, our parents raised really strong, independent women to be nothing like the generations that came before them, but they didn't prepare their sons to deal with the women that they were raising.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That makes so much sense to me.

[Alessandra]

And like, I'm the eldest daughter and I have a younger brother. He's two and a half years younger than me, and we were raised completely different. And so I can really see how, yeah, very much. Like, I'm, my mom is from Italy, and then my dad is Puerto Rican, so very much like, gender roles and stuff. And because I was the oldest, there was always just that underlying responsibility, which I'm sure you can understand, of, like, putting on a good example for your siblings. And then if they got in trouble, it was also your fault because you didn't, like, stop it or put on a good example. So that's just something my brother didn't have. He didn't have the same responsibilities or to be told to be, like, loud, independent, strong, make sure, like, like you never give somebody the power. My mom always instilled in me, like, never let a man have complete financial control over you. Always have your own money, like, live independently. I don't think that our moms and our grandmas were telling their sons the same thing or to prepare. Do you know what I mean?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. I was just actually talking to somebody earlier today about financial independence. Really? And I think, you know, and this doesn't just apply to people who have been through a marriage and then it fails, and now you're divorced and you're raising a kid. I think it can apply to, like, more than just that. But in my situation, it's like, I have worked so hard to be where I am now that I am not willing to give that up for anybody.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, I, I, I also don't, Unlike this is, whatever woman finds herself fulfilled by IS 100 valid and justified in whatever works for you. There is no judgment for me. Whatever worked for your family and your lifestyle works for you. And I know, like, the older I get, what would work for me. I personally wouldn't be fulfilled. Like, I nanny for 12 years and I was going crazy by the end of it. Like, just being with infants and children and not having any adult, like, stimulation. I didn't feel like I was using my brain to my full capacity. I just, it wouldn't fulfill me to just be at home with like, like making a home or having kids personally. And for some women it does, and that's amazing. But I just, I couldn't do it. And I'm way too independent. Like, I could never have my partner say, you can't buy that or you can't do that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I am so independent. But what I think really shocks the people that are around me that know, like, all the inner workings of my life and details, that as much as I am independent, like, I really loved, like, my Pinterest mom days and being at home and doing the laundry and organizing the all day and cleaning. Like, I loved doing that. And listen, honey, I'm telling you the truth. If there was a world where I could have financial independence and just do those things, yeah, I absolutely would.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Because there's fulfillment in that, too. And also, I think, and I don't know, like, how your relationship was in your marriage, but I can assume that there was also still a level of independence there, whether it was financial, like, autonomy, like, your body, whatever it was, it still allowed you to be fulfilled independently other than being a mother and a wife and a homemaker, too. So you can have that fulfillment outside of working. You can have that fulfillment by, like, volunteering, like, having groups with, like, other women, a book club. But you can find fulfillment in so many different ways. And I think it really does come down to the core of, like, who your partner is, too, because so many women, you know, we're staying home and not ever getting a reprieve because that's what they're believed is, like, their job. But you're. It's 24 7, 365, for sure.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Speaking of, of moms, did you see that on People magazine about this University of Kentucky cheerleader that was arrested? She had hit a newborn in her closet.

[Alessandra]

No, I did not.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It is crazy. So this happened in Lexington. And it says that she was arrested just a couple days ago on charges of abuse of a corpse and tampering with physical evidence and concealing the birth of an infant. I just don't understand why it says that. The police say that this. I don't want to say her name, but is of the deceased infant and admitted to giving birth. The baby was pronounced dead at the scene when they arrived. And it says that the coroner's office was going to, you know, figure out the cause of death. But it says the arrest citation details the infant was located wrapped in a towel inside a. A black trash bag. This was a cheerleader and a college student that competed on the university's competitive cheerleading stunt team for three years. And it says, we can confirm that she has been a member of this stunt team for the last three Seasons. All other questions should be directed to the Lexington Police Department.

[Alessandra]

Like, why is it always a trash bag? Like, when you hear about this, they're in a dumpster or a trash can or a trash bag. Like that is a living, breathing or should have been breathing being.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

My question is if she's been part of this stunt team. Right. And was pregnant from that article, we don't know how long she was pregnant for. So, like, it might not have been like a nine month pregnancy.

[Alessandra]

True.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

How would you be a part of a stunt team and no one know that you were pregnant?

[Alessandra]

That's. This is very similar to that case and I don't remember her name, where she was also a cheerleader and her mom claimed that she didn't know that she was pregnant. But I believe mom was charged too. I'm not sure. Because in that case you could tell, like when you saw pictures of her, you could tell that she was pregnant. I don't know how somebody wouldn't have said something. And like, obviously I'm not for body shaming. You can't always immediately visually tell that someone's pregnant. But when it's someone who's usually petite, a young teenage girl, you can see the difference in their stomach and you can tell that they're pregnant. And that's not weight gain, you know, for sure.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I just, I think that that is so insane. I just don't understand, like, and I don't want to say, like, geographically, but I feel like maybe because she was in college and so young that maybe she was like trying to hide it from her parents or something.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I don't know. Being in the south, you know, maybe something there. I. I don't know. I also just don't know how a person could take an infant that they had carried and then birthed and put it in a trash bag and hide it in their closet.

[Alessandra]

Like, the outcome is always going to be death. Because I would love to know in the moment, obviously you're. A lot of the times you're probably in shock. What was the thought process? Did you think that you were. Did you know you were going to kill that baby? Or did you think you were just going to put in the closet and deal with it later? That's always my, like, what were you. What was the understanding there?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Obviously it's not a logical pattern of thinking. Right. So you better remove the aspect of like, logic out of it a little bit. Was that like mental break, like what you're saying? Did she have the baby, not know what to do? Dealing with possible mental health issues. Put the baby in there. Just thinking, oh, I'll just like deal with that later.

[Alessandra]

It makes me sound. Because I just wish there were more resources because, like, I would like to put myself in a position if she's so young. You have this baby and what is your first instinct is like, okay, I can't call 911, I can't call the police, or I'm, my parents are going to find out or my school is going to find out or whatever. Where do you realistically go? You don't just drop them off on at a five. I mean, you could just drop them off at a hospital or there's a lot of. But like, you, you're in shock in that moment and you're just, you're not thinking. It's not rational, I think.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I mean, was it a situation, it didn't say like the infant's cause of death, but like, was it a situation that the baby was born stillborn and like she didn't know what to do?

[Alessandra]

Yeah, I just, it's just so hard for me because even as a child I understood, you know, the, the gentleness you. That an infant required or like how precious an infant is. So just, I don't know that I, I try to, I always try to understand all sides. I really, really do, especially in terms of like mental health. But it's just really difficult to me, like when it comes to an infant because they just never had a chance. It's so sad.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

All right, so I know that I.

[Alessandra]

Have a ton of parents who are listening to this podcast and most parents are not aware that 50, 50% of kids suffer from hidden hunger. If you don't know what hidden hunger is, hidden hunger can come from picky eating, processed snacks, or even a lack of nutrient rich soil in the fruits and veggies that your kids are eating. So if you have a picky eater or a kid who only wants to eat chicken nuggets, you're likely going to experience big emotions and frequent outbursts, troubling, concentrating and not being able to stay calm. But the best way to support their mood and behavior is to give their brain the nutrients that, that they need for healthy growth and development. And that's why I became obsessed with First Day daily multivitamins. It is one of the first brands with vitamins designed to fight hidden hunger and nutrient gaps. So First Day makes clean, science backed multivitamins for kids, teens and adults.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I just love that.

[Alessandra]

First Day is extremely transparent about what goes into their products. So we're talking no added sugar, no artificial ingredients, no fake dyes, no crushed bones. With just two gummies a day, you're boosting your kids nutrition, mood, sleep and health. Nine essential vitamins for brain and mood support. And a superfood blend of 12 organic fruits and veggies. First day's multivitamin has more folate than 1.5 cups of spinach, which is so mind blowing. And more vitamin B than five cups of broccoli. Clinically absorbable, family safe, and actually effective for a limited time only. Our listeners are getting an insane, insane deal. You can use Code Southern Tea to get up to 57 [e-mail]. that's up to 57% off. And with a free gift with Code southern [e-mail] after you purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please support my show and tell them that my show sent you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It's so sad. And I'm just like, she made a decision by doing that that will forever change her life.

[Alessandra]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You know what I mean? Like, I just, I don't understand. Speaking of having kids, though, so I saw this thing on parents.com and I was like, oh, my God, I have to ask Alessandra about this and like, how she would feel if you had a baby and your mom threw a baby shower for herself. Like, as a grandmother, what. Apparently these are becoming like a thing, like grandparents throwing a shower for themselves.

[Alessandra]

You know, there is a lot of jealousy, I feel like, and hatred between a lot of moms and their daughters. And I don't, I mean, if I really sat here and I investigated it, I'm sure it has something to do with the patriarchal society and things like that, putting women against each other. But when it comes to a mother and a daughter, I've never been able to understand it, but I feel like that's really prevalent and it's, there's this level of competition there where it's like, the attention isn't on me. I mean, I, I can't even put myself in that mentality. Like, my mom is the most selfless person I know. She would just never do that. But I would be flat. I, I couldn't imagine. I, I just genuinely could. I would lose my shit. Like, what do you mean, a baby shower for you?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I mean, I can kind of understand, okay, let's say when I had Jackson, he was the first grandchild. So if Will's parents would have had like a get together with your friends and stuff to celebrate becoming grandparents Yeah, I would not take any offense to that because their life also is inevitably changing. Like, they're moving into a complete new season. Like, it's no longer just about their kids. It's, you know, time for grandkids. So, like, I get that, but I also think that that would only be appropriate for like a first grandchild situation. And then you wouldn't do that again.

[Alessandra]

And you wouldn't call it a shower.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, you wouldn't.

[Alessandra]

Like, that's where I'm getting like, hung up.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Totally showering.

[Alessandra]

Like, what do you mean? That's wild. That's really wild. Like, did the daughter know? Like, was the daughter okay? Like, aware, involved?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I don't know. It was just talking about like grandma showers, like in general or like now, like this trend and it's a thing. And I'm like trying to put myself in those shoes. If I had another baby and who I had that baby baby with parents, we're like, oh, hey, we're gonna have like this get together and it's gonna be like all of our friends and they're just gonna celebrate like this life change with us and like all of these things. I would take no offense to that whatsoever.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

If it was a baby shower for the grandparents. The fuck are you doing?

[Alessandra]

Like that you're just. To me, it would feel like you're trying to rob me of a moment. Because typically a baby showers are for your first child. I know people have them for their second or third, but if they do, it's like a sprinkle. Typically showers just for the first baby. So you're taking that experience away from mom. Like you said, you want to be. Want to celebrate this chapter of your life. Amazing. But to call it a shower is wild. It's like the mother in laws who wear like blush to a wedding.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Wait, what's the deal with mother in laws wearing blush?

[Alessandra]

Oh, you've not seen like pictures and stuff of like mother in law showing up with pseudo wedding dresses to their son's weddings? Oh, my God. Yeah, I just saw another one on Tick Tock. This woman was wearing a full blown wedding dress.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Full blown, like mother in law to the bride?

[Alessandra]

Yep.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Why would they do that?

[Alessandra]

There is a lot of.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That's got to be psychological.

[Alessandra]

It definitely is. And I'm like, I don't like to make generalizations, but when I see that stuff, I'm like, why are you so obsessed with your son? It just, it feels like displaced emotion and feeling in the way that they act. They're probably not getting that Attention from their husbands. I'm not sure. Did you watch Hunting Wives?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You know, I started trying to watch it, but it was just like a bit racy for me.

[Alessandra]

Oh, my God. It's. I mean, it's pretty much a softcore porn. Yeah, it really is. But there's a one woman in there that has a weird emotional measurement to her son.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Really?

[Alessandra]

It's just. Yeah, I just think it happens a lot, particularly with moms to their sons.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So I've actually heard from tons of makeup artists and hairstylists that mother in laws and mothers of the bride are typically the worst to deal with on a wedding day.

[Alessandra]

100%. I used to do makeup. I did makeup for four years. So I did so many weddings and it was always mother of the groom that was the biggest pain in the ass or grandma.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But is it because they're trying to look better than the bride, or is it just they can't stand that it's about someone else other than them? Like, what is it?

[Alessandra]

I think it's the latter. I think they can't, like stand that it's not about them. And a lot of them, you know, you've heard them say, like, oh, you're stealing my baby boy away from me. And I think that comes down to what we were talking about earlier too. Having like fulfillment and independence outside of motherhood and those things. I think sometimes it can be hard for moms to invest their whole lives into raising a child and then they go off into adulthood and they kind of leave the nest and they have their own life. And you're kind of confused on where to what to go and like, how to do and deal with that. I think some women just take a real hard right and just stay really attached to their children. It's not necessarily mothers and sons sense, but I do feel like that's the dynamic I see it the most.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I'm kind of scared when it comes. I mean, we're a long ways away. Jackson's almost 13 in December, but I'm like, it'll be here before you know it. Right. And I have always wondered, since he is an only child, my only child, and he's a boy, like, how I'm gonna feel when it comes time for those types of things. But I don't think I'm gonna have that type of attachment. Like, I feel like I'm trying to guide my son to make the right decisions and to choose the right people that are right for him and, like, whether that be friend groups or like girls that he likes. Or, you know, whatever. I feel like if you're doing all of those things intentionally and right, then you should never get to the point of what you're talking about.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. And also, like, when Jackson does bring somebody home, I. You're not the type of person that's going to see that as a threat. So you're going to be welcoming and giving them that environment and making them a part of your family, so they want to include you in their family.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Right.

[Alessandra]

So, like, I think. I mean, my uncles stayed so close to home. They're very close. They were very close to my grandmother. I don't think it necessarily has to be. I know there's, like, a lot of conversation about when a son move, it's usually like, the woman's family who, like, they get to do holidays with, they have a closer relationship with. But that necessarily wasn't always my experience growing up in my family. I think it's just what you harvest in your family and what's important. And being a family is important, so you're going to make that person feel welcome, so they're going to want to include you, you know?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Right. Yeah. I could never imagine. I mean, obviously, if you see something like, there is a red flag that maybe your child might not be seeing. I think there is a gentle way to address those things without being abrasive about those things. But I would never make someone feel unwelcome in my home.

[Alessandra]

Mm. I think that's a lot of where it comes to where there's, like, separation. It's me against them, me against the bride, me against the girlfriend. Instead of being like, let's be a team, because he's gonna annoy the shit out of both of us. So we need to, like, have this unison. Like, I hope that in the future I have that with my kids, too. Girl or boy, that, like, their partners know that they're a part of my family. Like, my mom and Billy have their own independent relationship. They tax. When I'm away for work, he makes my mom dinner, she comes and hangs out. Like, they have a very independent relationship. And I love that because she's. She's an important part of my life, you know, So I always wanted that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so is he. And I think that that's so important to be able to have your own individual relationships with the people that matter that are in your life 100%, like, so weird to me, the couples that, like. Like, have relationships with other people, but it's like a joint relationship thing.

[Alessandra]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I'm talking about, like, yes.

[Alessandra]

Like, it's only with the other person. It's not independent.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. And I'm like, what's going on?

[Alessandra]

I. I think a lot of people think that's what relationships are like. They think that once you're married or you're in a serious relationship, that's it. You're a unit forever. And that's just how it goes. Because I think that's what was modeled for them. I just could never be me.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think that's like, a very traditional mindset. I feel like you see that a lot in the south, specifically, of, like, you cling to your husband and the husband clings to his wife, and then they become one, and then that one becomes, like, one to everyone else.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. And I just. And that is. It's geographical. It's generational, it's heritage. It's so many different things, cultural. So many different things that play into that for sure.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I know that we are running out of time, but I wanted to tell you about these two things that I saw on Instagram earlier this week. The first one says, I pray September is kind to my little family. Let it bring peace to our hearts, love to our days, and laughter to our home. This new season will ask you for a choice. Repeat or evolve. It will remind you that staying the same is also a decision, one that cost more than change ever will. Growth often demands loss, but stagnation often demands your life. When you're faced with the weight of all of that, you have to ask yourself, which pain are you willing to carry?

[Alessandra]

I couldn't agree more. Everything I've ever had that was worth having and working for always came on the opposite side of fear. Like, pushing through that fear. Because change is scary. The devil you know. Right. It's easier to stay in something you know, because it's comfortable and your brain can't anticipate it. But change is really important for development, you know?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I agree. And I think sometimes you get caught up in the pattern of, okay, well, at least it's like the devil that I know, and I'm not facing the devil that I don't.

[Alessandra]

Yep.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And that's a really, like, sticky place to find yourself.

[Alessandra]

Well, your brain just. Your brain is always going to crave that comfort. It wants pattern. It wants recognition. It wants to know what to anticipate. So whether that's good or bad, it's comfortable there, and it's going to keep you there. It's going to convince you that that's what's safe, even if it's not emotionally or physically the most safe place you can be. It's just that comfort of knowing what's going to happen and what to anticipate for sure.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think I'm the type of person that I'm like, more afraid of change. So at least if I. Even if it's something bad, like if I can anticipate whatever it is, as long as, like, I know.

[Alessandra]

Yep, that's definitely me too. But I have anxiety. I'm neurodivergent eldest daughter. I have control issues. So I always want to know what's coming down the pipeline so I can, like, prepare myself or try to control the situation. And that's definitely something I try to work on the older I get. Because the real joke of it all is you never know what's going to happen. We can plan, you know, we never know what the heck is going to happen. We all have these plans of what's going to go down and then something derails it. And the only way that I can, like exist without it mentally affecting me is just trying to come to terms with that. I can't control everything and I can't foresee anything. I haven't gotten that narrowed down yet. Definitely not an expert by any means. Once I figure it out, I'll definitely let you know. But I do think it's important because.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I was derailed today.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Yep.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I'm just like, oh, yeah. Me thinking that I know everything doesn't mean that I know anything ever, ever.

[Alessandra]

That's the real joke of adulthood.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And on that note, I'm going to. I have a love hate relationship with nails.

[Alessandra]

Yeah. Yep. The time. Yes. The time that it takes weeks.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. I like to go and have them done if I have the time to do it, to enjoy it.

[Alessandra]

Yes. Yep.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

If I'm going because they just need to be done. I don't want any part of that. And that's what today is. So on that note, if you guys have not subscribed to the show, you can do that from any podcast app, wherever you get your pods. Always first at podcast one. Alessandra, can you tell people where they can find. Find yours?

[Alessandra]

Yes, you can find me at Vibing and kind of thriving on all podcast platforms. You can follow me on IG at Vibing with abg.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Love you so much and I hope that you guys all have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.

[Pluto TV Announcer]

At Pluto tv. We're celebrating Black History Month with our free curated collection of black entertainment. No ifs, ands or buts about catch award winning films like Dream Girls, Monster, Spirit Ball and Selma, we must make a massive demonstration. Iconic hits like School Days and Set It Off. Plus full seasons of shows like Tyler Perry's Sisters and Power. I got you it. Star studded Brilliant Black Entertainment and it's all free. It's getting good this month and always on Pluto TV stream now.

[Stassi Schroeder]

Hey Never Hi, I'm Stassi Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics. I'm obsessed with like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will too. Listen to my podcast Dossy. Wherever you get your podcasts, day or.

[VRBoCare Announcer]

Night, Verbocare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the moment you head home. We're here to help things run smoothly because a great trip starts with the right support. And hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.