My Story: Trauma Bonds, Breakups & Patterns

Summary

The Southern Tea – "My Story: Trauma Bonds, Breakups & Patterns"

Host: Lindsie Chrisley
Co-Host: Kail Lowry
Date: July 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Lindsie Chrisley opens up about her relationship patterns, trauma bonds, and the reality of breakups. Joined by her friend and Coffee Convos Podcast co-host, Kail Lowry, Lindsie dives into a deeply personal exploration of her breakup cycles, her experiences with co-parenting, and the hard truths she continues to grapple with. This is part one of a two-part conversation, with part two releasing on the Coffee Convos Podcast.

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Main Discussion Points

1. Setting the Stage: Why Tell This Story?

[00:30 – 02:43]

• Lindsie introduces the episode as an honest, vulnerable conversation about relationship patterns: “Parts of this have already been shared publicly. The good and the difficult. And I’ve never been someone to only show a polished version of my life.”
• She clarifies the conversation isn’t about reliving every detail, but about making sense of experiences that were “confusing and overwhelming.”
• Emphasizes she’s not here to defend herself or change anyone’s mind—just the truth as she knows it.

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2. The “Boat Story”: Meeting David

[03:01 – 11:03]

• Lindsie recounts retreating into isolation after a breakup with her ex, Trent: “I was hermiting at that time, not really coming out of the house…felt very…self-induced isolation.”
• Friends finally convince her to join a lake outing on Labor Day; David arrives unexpectedly: “So, this guy pulls in, which was David…who the f*** is this guy?”
• Both Lindsie and David had gone through recent breakups. Neither had previously accepted their friends’ invitations for years, but both showed up that day.
• Lindsie initially refuses to speak to David, feeling it would be a betrayal of Trent, even though they aren't together:

“It just felt wrong to me. Like, I felt like I would have to carry a sense of guilt going through heartbreak knowing that I was…communicating with another man, even though I was broken up.” (Lindsie, [08:41])

• Eventually, she warms up; they talk and arrange a date for the following day.

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3. Early Dating: Hesitation and Red Flags

[11:04 – 16:28]

• Discusses skepticism about dating David (age difference, his real estate connections, his previous relationships).
• Lindsie admits concern over David dating “from one influencer to me…sounds a little sus,” but ultimately, she keeps an open mind.
• Recognizes timing is unpredictable in relationships:

“Timing is always, like, not by your choice—never. And so that’s something I had to learn through this process, right? Like, this presented itself…what am I supposed to do with this?” (Lindsie, [13:49])

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4. Patterns: Breaking Up, Trauma Bonds, and Letting Go

[16:28 – 23:25]

• Lindsie opens up about her emotional barriers:

“I have a really hard time letting people go and letting people in past surface level.” (Kail, [16:28])

• Reveals previous boyfriend, Trent, was going through a divorce when they met; their bond was rooted in mutual grief:

“It almost felt like he and I were trauma bonded…even though I knew I didn’t want to be with him. It was almost like I was grieving a friendship.” (Lindsie, [17:17])

• Breakup with Trent triggered by a betrayal involving another woman—“That’s a betrayal. That’s what we’re not doing.” (Lindsie, [20:18])
• After several weeks dating David, Lindsie breaks things off, realizing she’s not fully healed and doesn’t want to bring unresolved issues into a new relationship.

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5. The On/Off Cycle: Reuniting with Both Exes

[23:26 – 28:06]

• After breaking up with David, Lindsie reconnects with Trent, but realizes her feelings for David are unresolved:

“I realized through that, hanging out with him, that I did have feelings for David. But I don’t think that I realized that I had the feelings that I had for David until I did that.” (Lindsie, [23:49])

• Ultimately chooses to reach out to David again at Christmas, leading to him taking care of her through illness and cementing their deep attachment.

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6. Breakup Cycles, Defense Mechanisms, and Relationship Patterns

[28:06 – 36:46]

• Lindsie describes repeated breakups with David, often over small issues, as “a trauma response”:

“My immediate answer is just go away. Just go away…It’s a defense mechanism. I genuinely do. It’s a trauma response to some degree.” (Lindsie, [33:51])

• She and Kail joke about “fake breakups” being their pattern:

“We’re not breaking up. We just have to break up.” (Kail, [36:10])

• Both acknowledge it’s unhealthy but hard to avoid after experiencing divorce, where leaving becomes much easier.

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7. Blending Families, Boundaries, and Co-Parenting Challenges

[39:24 – 64:32]

• Lindsie expresses discomfort about the dysfunction in David’s co-parenting dynamic:

“If I can get out of a marriage and I have one child and we don’t have that type of dysfunction in my home, why would I invite it from someone else?” (Lindsie, [39:25])

• Major source of conflict: David’s rigid, high-conflict parenting plan, which disrupts their plans and relationship. Lindsie's experience with more flexible co-parenting with her ex, Will, sharpens the contrast.
• “That parenting plan was intended to control a party and to inconvenience a party…” (Lindsie, [42:45])
• The co-parenting struggles impact every layer of their relationship and threaten her own boundaries and peace:

“Now my life has to be on hold until that is sorted out.” (Lindsie, [60:41])

• Lindsie discusses how David’s ongoing court battles and lack of flexibility created an “uphill battle” in the relationship.

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8. Choosing Yourself: Walking Away While Still in Love

[60:59 – 72:07]

• Lindsie confronts the heartbreak of leaving someone she still loves:

“Sometimes you have to love someone away from you because that’s not something I want to welcome into my home. I don’t want that type of dysfunction.” (Lindsie, [63:25])

• Kail probes how she decides “how much [she’s] willing to go through with somebody.”
• Lindsie identifies that as much as she loves David, the situation is not sustainable long-term due to the continuous outside conflict.
• The challenges have also impacted her relationship with her ex Will and their son Jackson.

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9. Money, Moving In, and Future Planning

[73:03 – 76:59]

• Conversations about cohabitation, finances, and remarriage—“I lost half of everything [in my divorce] …I wouldn't be willing to do it again.”
• Both Lindsie and David agree they would not legally remarry, considering domestic partnership or living together instead.
• Weighing the risks of moving someone into her home, given their on-off dynamic: “It's easy when you’re in an argument to say, this is mine and that’s yours. I don't have to deal with this right now.”
• Lindsie stresses the need for conflict resolution and expresses reluctance to move in together until major issues are resolved.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “It’s about trying to make sense of something that has felt very confusing and overwhelming at times and really heavy.” – Lindsie, [01:50]
• “If you’ve ever been in a situation that has pulled you or pushed you away or left you questioning everything at the same time, this episode might resonate with you.” – Lindsie, [02:34]
• “You have a hard time letting people go. You have a hard time letting people in past surface level.” – Kail, [16:28]
• “It almost felt like he and I were trauma bonded to some degree. I think it was just hard for me to let that go, even though I knew that I didn’t want to be with him.” – Lindsie, [17:17]
• “My immediate answer is just go away. Just go away…it's a trauma response to some degree.” – Lindsie, [33:51]
• “Sometimes you have to love someone away from you because that's not something that I want to welcome into my home…I don't want that type of dysfunction.” – Lindsie, [63:25]
• “I don't believe that love is always enough. Do you think love is enough?” – Kail, [71:56]
• “If you love someone enough, you should be able to get to a point to where you can overcome certain things. But sometimes it takes space and distance to be able to do that.” – Lindsie, [72:07]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:30] — Lindsie sets the episode’s purpose and context
• [03:01] — Meeting David: The Boat Story
• [16:28] — Discussion on letting people in and out
• [17:17] — Trauma bonds and breakup with Trent
• [23:26] — Realizing feelings for David
• [28:06] — Reuniting through illness, deepening the bond
• [33:51] — Defense mechanisms and unhealthy patterns
• [39:24] — Co-parenting struggles with David’s ex
• [60:41] — The decision to walk away from a person you love

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Tone & Final Thoughts

The tone is raw, honest, and introspective, with Lindsie discussing patterns she recognizes in herself—particularly cycles of withdrawal and self-protection. The conversation with Kail is candid and peppered with humor, but tackles serious realities about love, boundaries, the cumulative toll of complex relationships, and the necessity of choosing peace over persistent dysfunction, even when the heart still wants to hold on.

For those navigating on/off love affairs, trauma bonds, or blended family challenges, this episode offers both heartfelt camaraderie and a reality check: sometimes, love alone isn’t enough—and healing means breaking the cycle.

Transcript

[Commercial Narrator]

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[Co-host Kale Lowry]

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

Disclaimer this episode was recorded in early May 2026, prior to the events that have since unfolded. The conversation reflects the information and circumstances as they were at the time of recording. Maybe I'm just like weird. Maybe I'm crunchy. This is the Southern Tea with Lindsey Chrisley I think it's so funny when you get Christmas cards and all of these people write their children's accomplishments on the back. I don't love them. A Southern girl and a boy mom who's trying to navigate life while while staying true to her roots. I am a functioning, non functioning human being right now. Join Lindsay each week as she swears to spill the tea, the whole tea, and nothing but the tea that is the tea. Here's Lindsay. Good morning and welcome back to another episode of the Southern Tea. Before this episode starts, I would like to say a couple of things up front. This conversation is going to be about patterns, the kind that repeat themselves even when they are so exhausting. It is about on and off cycles, trauma responses, co parenting, stress, resentment, avoiding hard conversations until they eventually catch up. And I am choosing to have this conversation because parts of this have already been shared publicly. The good and the difficult. And I've never been someone to only show a polished version of my life. I also want to be so honest about where I am right now. Still processing a lot of this, especially the betrayal. And that's not something that just goes away overnight. This is not about going, going back and reliving every detail or reopening every wound. It's about trying to make sense of something that has felt very confusing and overwhelming at times and really heavy. If you've ever been in a situation that has pulled you or pushed you away or left you questioning everything at the same time, this episode might resonate with you. I am not here to defend anything. I'm not here to change anyone's mind. I'm here to tell the truth as I understand it right now. This is part one that will be shared on the Southern TE and part two will be released tomorrow show on Coffee Convo's podcast. I would like to welcome my co host of Coffee Convo's podcast Kale Lowry to the Southern Tea. Good morning.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Good morning. You look so cute. You look like a Barbie.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Thank you.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So I'm kind of going into this blind, which I think I know some details, but mostly none. Right. Like, wanted to keep it that way. So let's start from the beginning. Let's start from the boat story.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Okay. So this episode is covering basically mine and David's relationship from the start to current day. And I want to be very honest and as detailed as I possibly can, because I do think that there are parts of the details that really matter. So I had broken up with Trent about three months prior to ever meeting David.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I was hermiting at that time, not really coming out of the house. I would go to Pilates or I would hang out with Jackson. You know, like, this was over the summertime. And I had a girlfriend who was engaged at the time, and they had a boat and her and her fiance had a boat. And they would ask me for years to go out on this boat with them. Like, they would take it out on a Thursday and they'd be like, hey, Lindsay, can. Can you go out on the boat with us? And I'm like, no. I would say no every time.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

You just didn't want to or what?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It was just like it wasn't convenient for my weekly schedule. Like, what would I be going out randomly, like on a boat on Thursday? You know, I understand.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Because you also have a child. I get it. I do get it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So it just like never really aligned to make it make sense for me to do that. And so it was Labor Day weekend and they knew that I was going through a breakup, knew that I was having a really hard time with it. I was not talking to a lot of people, felt very. It was self induced isolation. And I did not want to have conversations with anybody because everything felt so heavy.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Can I just add that that makes a lot of sense for that time because there are times in our friendship that you have sort of herm. Like you say, Trent was someone that I had never met. I know in person. Like, I had never met him. So for you to have been going through something that deep for you, and I didn't even know. I couldn't even have been there for you. Like, I'm sorry that you went through that by yourself again.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I felt like it was a self induced going or doing that by myself because I didn't want the opinions of the outside because I knew what I needed to do and I knew what I wanted to do. And I knew if I got opinions that it would jade the decisions that I was making. And so I felt like if I just sat with myself long enough that I could come to some kind of conclusion. And so they randomly. My. My friends Tori and Brian randomly text me and they were like, hey, we're taking the boat out today. Do you want to go? Never did I ever say yes for years prior to that. And I said, yeah, just give me like 30 minutes and I'll get ready, I'll throw on a bikini and like, let's roll.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Like, for whatever reason, the universe said, you're gonna go on this boat today.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And in my mind I felt like, okay, it's just going with them and I can get on that water. And I do think that there is something so true about, like, water and sand and being healing.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It's like touching grass.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, it is. And so I was like, all right, let's do it. So they come and pick me up and we're gonna go have ourselves a little redneck lake day, or so I thought. So then we pull into the next parking lot and the truck's just sitting there. And I'm like, why are we sitting here? And they're like, oh, our other friend's coming. And I'm like, who? Nobody told me about another friend.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Lindsay's the type of person that has to be prepped and in the know of who is going to be around.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

And honestly, I don't blame you for that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Especially bamboozled. Like, I felt so bamboozled. So this guy pulls in, which was David, and he gets in in a tank top and a backpack. And I'm like, who the is this guy? And like, why is he here?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Were they playing matchmaker?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, they weren't. So he had gone through a breakup also, but like a bit more in advance than me. So maybe like within six months to a year prior to when I did. And so I think what happened, because David's story is that they also asked him for years to go out on the lake, and he never took him

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

up on that offer.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And he had nothing to do on Labor Day. So he was like, yeah, I'll go. So he gets in the truck and introduces himself. And I didn't speak to him the entire ride to the lake. Like, they all talked or like they would talk to me, but it was not like a four way conversation going on at all. I'm like, I hate this guy.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I can confirm that is true because when I talk to David about this, this is one of the things that he Said is that Lindsay would not speak to him at all. At all. That came straight from David's mouth.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And part of that. That I don't. And it's like, weird when you are looking at a guy that you're like, okay, what if that turns into something? Like, it's probably not going to. But also, I don't want him to know that I'm specifically not talking to him because I would feel like I'm doing something wrong because I'm going through a heartbreak that I'm not over. And so I'm just like, I'm just not. Whatever, I won't talk to him.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So for clarification, you're saying it felt wrong to you to talk to David because you were going through something.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Even though you had never met him before?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Correct. It just felt wrong.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

To who?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

To me. Like, it felt wrong to me. Like, I felt like I was. I would have to carry a sense of guilt going through heartbreak knowing that I was like, even speaking to or communicating with another man, even though I was broken up.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

You didn't feel like it was a betrayal to Trent?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I did.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay, so it was like you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Even though we weren't in communication, right?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Of course. But you still felt like you would be. You would be betraying him, but also it felt wrong to yourself.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes. Okay, so we get on this boat. I get on the front, I'm looking out at the water. He's on the back. No communication whatsoever. Not until closer to the end of that boat ride did he and I sir communicating and talking. And I'm like, oh, like he's kind of a nice guy and he's kind of cute. And that's where I found out that he was 52 years old.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Oh, you found out that day?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, that day.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I will say that David does not look like he's 52 years old. Like, add you. First of all, if you asked me today how old I thought David was, I would say 40. Like, he's young. I could have never, ever, ever guessed in a million years he was 52 and Ax Young. Okay, I'm gonna look. Be neutral.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Looks and acts. And I'm not saying that in a. A negative way necessarily. Just like his personality is that of

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

a 40 year old.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Correct.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so I'm like, okay, 52. That's a little weird because my parents are in their mid-50s, so they.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

David is old enough to be your parents.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Sibling, technically. And I. I think David was born in 73. And just for reference, I think Julie was born in 72.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

How old is. What year was David born?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

73. So, like, one year. Which, in fairness, Julie, I think is either five or six years younger than my dad. Okay, but still, like, that's real close range, right?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So I'm like, this is probably, like, never gonna work. So then we get back in the car, head home, and David tells me he's gonna take me on a date the next day. And I'm like, yeah, I don't think we're going on a date, but okay. Sends a calendar invite to Kristen for this date, and she's like texting me, what the is that? And I'm like, honestly, I don't know. Like, I don't know. I'm probably not going. Don't worry about it.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I go.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

You went.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I go to said date.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Was it a day date or a night date?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, an evening date. And we went to, like, a nice little steakhouse.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

But before you get to the date, before you guys decide to make plans, did he know who you were or where your. Did he know who you were or who your family is? Yes, he did.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

He did, yeah.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Did you feel any, like, red flaggy energy for that or.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, not necessarily. The only red flag energy that I had from that. This could just be us being in the space that we're in, that a lot of things throw up red flags. He had dated a micro influencer prior to dating me.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And a girl who I would venture out to say was Instagram obsessed. And I knew of them dating through mine and David's mutual friend because she was friends with all of us. We just all weren't friends.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So that part of it, I'm like, okay, from one influencer to me, sounds a little. Sounds a little sus.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But then I didn't really, really read too much into it because I'm like, he's so much older, he probably doesn't really care, you know, like, okay, yeah.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

But also to that point, and to piggyback off that from an outsider, it would be hard to live in Atlanta, which is so close to Tennessee, and not know who the Chrisleys are.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So, like, that's kind of out of your control regardless. So knowing who you guys are isn't really super red flag. I think if he sought you out because you were a Chrisley, that would be more red flagg.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

The other part that was similar is that he's in the real estate world, and my parents entire background prior to TV was real estate, so had he

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

ever crossed paths with your parents?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No. And I honestly don't know how, I don't know how that they didn't at some point geographically, like the areas that we all lived in and being in the same industry, I don't know how they did not cross paths. But to my knowledge, no, they never did. So we go on this date and I'm kind of skeptical, right? Because number one, I'm not totally over my last relationship. I go into this date open minded and I'm like, okay, let me just like, let me just see what it would be like if I went on a date. Timing is always like, not by your choice, never. And so that's something that I had to learn through this process, right? Like, this presented itself in such a natural and like authentic way to me that I was like, what am I supposed to do with this?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Like, which is fair.

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

and so I didn't want to tell him no, not to go on the date because he was so nice. But then at the same time I'm like, okay, well let me just see what like going on a date would feel like after I had been with somebody for two years prior to that.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so go on this date. We don't kiss or anything like that. Go on a couple of dates after that, start hanging out with mutual friends. So the friends that we met through and then also my local friend group. Okay, we would hang out with. And after about. So that was what September 2nd would be Labor Day of that year. September 2nd to about the second week of October, David and I are hanging out with mutual friends, going on dates. And I really liked him. But at the same time, in the back of my mind, and you and I have had this conversation many times before that I have a really hard time of letting people go and in, go and in.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

You have a hard time letting people go. You have a hard time letting people in past surface level. Right. Like Lindsay will welcome people in surface level, arms length, not really letting them know her deeply.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You think that's why it's hard to let go?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Because people, I mean, we're talking about two sort of back to back relationships for two years. You were probably just letting them in at the two year mark for sure.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I think that that's probably what made it so hard when I broke up with Trent. And I think hindsight's always 2020 when you look back on it. I think I was so caught up on the. Our kids had been around each other. I had navigated certain things with Trent just getting out of a marriage when he met me.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Trent was getting out of marriage.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

He wasn't even legally divorced when he and I met.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I don't know if I knew that. If you told me that, I forgot.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so I think that there was just like aspects of that and walking through a journey of grief together. It almost felt like he and I were trauma bonded to some degree. I think it was just hard for me to let that go. Even though I knew that I didn't want to be with him. It was almost like I was grieving a friendship that I developed with him. It wasn't like the physicality of it. It wasn't.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It was more of like a companionship.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It was more of like that was a person that was in my life, in such a hard time of my life. I met Trent two weeks after my parents surrendered to prison.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I'm going to stop you right there. Because now I have a question. Why no tell all on that relationship, but tell all for David. Because if that I didn't even know. Like, I'm learning that today. You know what I mean? So I knew about Trent. I did not know the dynamics of Yalls relationship. You didn't really speak to me about him.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think it was just way less public. I think that I was going through such a hard time in that period of my life that I knew for a fact that at that point, my marriage was over. Like, I had reached that realization sometime around then. And then my parents surrendering to prison, that was another thing. And then watching him walk through a grief journey of going through a divorce and that being finalized and then our kids being around each other, I think it was such a hard period of time that I was so closed off in that period of time that I didn't really talk to anybody about it. We very much, like, like, stuck to

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

ourselves in a healthy way or a not healthy way.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I look back on it now, and I think it was very unhealthy.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Like, it wasn't like a companionship, best friend kind of deal.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I wouldn't say best friends. I would say that we enjoy doing a lot of the same things and we're somewhat equally reclusive. And so I think with what he had gone through and what I was currently walking through, that I felt like it was safe to recluse with him.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So why break up?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You don't remember pickleball girl?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

No, I. I wish that I had a reason for why I remember certain things and not others. Like, I wish I had a reason. I will remember the weirdest things. But, like, pickleball should stand out in my mind.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So he and I had gone out with a group of friends. Trent and I did. And this girl approached our friend group. And Astra, if he was with someone, and he was like, yeah, that's my girlfriend over there. And this was a girl who tried to talk to multiple of my exes. Actually remember me telling you about her vaguely.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

And then, like.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I was like, it's kind of trailing you.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Everybody that you talk to. Then she followed suit kind of deal.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And like, wanted to be. Wanted to be an influencer girl. Okay, okay, okay. And she started messaging him on Instagram and he was responding after the fact of that. And so I was like, nope, that. That's a betrayal. That's what we're not doing. Because you never did that in front of my face. Now, had he sat there and had a conversation with her, like, while we were all having a conversation as a group, I wouldn't have been upset about that at all. But the fact that it felt so sneaky and behind my back, like, why do we have to now go find each other on Instagram and be communicating in that way.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I agree.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so that was kind of the end of that. So fast forward. I've dated David roughly five or six weeks. And when I say dated, I would technically consider it dating because we did have sleepovers, we did go on dates, we did hang out with my friend group, met some of his friends. But I was like, I am still not recovered from that last relationship. And I was hearing through therapy, like, don't go from one relationship that you're not healed from to another relationship because you're gonna bring that unhealed version of you from a relationship from something that this new person hasn't done. You're gonna bring all of that into that situation.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so I cold turkey cut it off with David. And I mean, it was cold turkey, like blocked. No communication whatsoever. Unfollow each other on social media.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Did you give him that explanation for what you were learning in therapy at that time?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

You just cut him off?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. I mean, there was a conversation. I was like, we can't do this.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Do you feel like that was like you kind of got scared?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

And so you were like, I can't do this block.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, it felt too serious, too fast. And I think that that's what scared me. And also the fact of his age. I was a little bit uncomfortable with that, which I know age is just a number. Like, I get it sometimes, but I was, I was a little fearful of that. And then not necessarily knowing his background and what he was bringing to the table, knowing that he had one child and he had previously been married, but not really knowing a ton of that information at that time. I'm like, what could I possibly be walking into with a 52 year old man? And I'm like this unhealed version of myself. And so David and I cold turkey, cut off, no communication whatsoever. A couple weeks after that, Trent contacts me close to college football playoffs.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah, but Trent reaches out to you.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Trent reaches out to me? Yeah.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

To say what?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And he and I very much bonded over sports. So, like football, basketball, like all of the things. And so it was about Clemson. And I'm like, okay. Like, he's probably just trying to hang out. And then he asked me where I was, and I was like, well, I'm going out with My friends tonight. And he was like, well, maybe we can meet up. So we ended up meeting up, and I decided that I was gonna hang out with him. I hung out with Trent for weeks. Like, several weeks.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Oh, so it wasn't just like, one and done?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It was a several week situation. And I realized through that, hanging out with him, that I did have feelings for David. But I don't think that I realized that I had the feelings that I had for David until I did that.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Why do you think that is? Like, what gave you the realization? What made you realize that you had feelings for David?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think because I was hanging around my ex that I thought that I was heartbroken over, but I wasn't. I think it was, like, a loss that I felt, but it wasn't really a loss. Does that make sense?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Or maybe it was. It was a loss, but it wasn't the heartbreak you thought it was because it was still a loss. Like, it was he. You said it was like a companionship in some ways, and you guys were kind of walking through very similar but different grief journeys. So it was a loss, but not necessarily like a romantic heartbreak.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

That's kind of what I like. It felt like a person. He always felt like a person to me that I had known for a long period of time in my life, but I didn't. And he was just there, like, always there. So if I wanted to hang out, we could hang out. If I wanted to invite him to go and do something with my friends, we could do that. If I wanted to go to the jump park, we could do that. If we wanted to go and hang out at the local bar with our friends, we could go and do that. If we wanted to go to a sports game, we could do that.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It's giving friendship.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Very much so.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It's giving companion.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But I didn't realize that until I started hanging out with him again. Again. And so at that point, it kind of sank in. I'm like, okay, I actually do have the feelings that I was not acknowledging for David. So kind of go through somewhat the holidays, get through Thanksgiving and go and hang out with my friends. It was a year that I did not have Jackson on Christmas Day. I had therapy on Christmas Day. Yep. And decide, okay, I'm gonna go have dinner with my friends that were mine and David's mutual friends, gonna go to their house, have dinner. I'm like, I don't know what to do about this David situation. Like, we haven't talked since sometime in October, and this is the way I feel. And my guy friend told me it would be best for you to contact him. Like, at this point, what do you have to lose? Okay, so I contact him, and he's in Charleston with his parents for Christmas, and he drives home the next day, gets me, and I go to his house and not only have the flu, but also get the stomach bug. And he took care of me for days.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

David took care of you for days?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

David took care of me for days.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Over two months, you haven't seen him. And this man just comes in, swoops in, and takes care of you with the flu.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

The flu. And then I get the stomach bug.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

All it. Did you, like, get diarrhea in front of him?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Well, I mean, like, not in front of him, just.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

No, but like, in his house. Well, what if you fart?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Well, I mean, I don't think that I cared that my was blowing out of my brains with a stomach bug. And I'm like, what at this point? What do I have to lose? Like, everything just might as well happen at this point, you know, like, I'm throwing up. I'm everywhere. I have a fever, I see stink. We're broken up.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, all of this feels like trauma bonding. You're like, heartbreak. I'm throwing up, got diarrhea, and this man that I have feelings for, but we're not together is taking care of me. And now where do we go from here? But also, I have nothing to lose. Love. That. That's. That is a complicated, chaotic mess.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So then from that point, we stayed together all the way, really, until February. Now, did we have, like, mini breakups and we can get into that, but like, the long period breakup of like, three months that we weren't together was like our longest. Our longest period of no communication. And it was very clear to me after going back and him coming back and ending his trip early to come back to get me the following day. So we're talking December 26th. To take care of me while I had the flu and the stomach bug. I was like, okay. I don't know if anybody that I've ever been with prior to him would have ever done that. So at that point, I. I was already clear on my feelings, but at that point, it kind of solidified where I was.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay, so between December 26 and February, where you are staying together, that's about six weeks. What are you breaking up about between December and February? The little breakups.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

The little breakups.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

And is that a pattern for you and Other relationships to break up for sure. Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

It's kind of like if I. And I do think that that's probably. I never did that prior to going through divorce, but I think after going through divorce, not that I want to minimize because I do want to kind of get into why I did some of those things with David, but I did do that with Trent to some degree as well. And I do think the reason behind that is when you are in a marriage and I don't want this to come across wrong somewhat, you feel like you have to do what you have to do and it's, we're trapped and like we're in this government contract with each other, right. And we can't break up. Like, where are we going? The spare bedroom. Like, for what? And then once I started dating, I'm like, okay, well anything that I see that I don't like that looks like a potential red flag or something that I know that I'm not going to want to deal with long term. I need to cut ties now. Like, that's not the path that I'm choosing for my life. And if that was the case, then I wouldn't invite anybody else into it. I would have just stayed in my marriage and my kid would have been in one home.

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[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It's interesting because I resonate with that and in some ways marriage. So you know that saying that love is, it becomes a choice at some point. You choose to love this person, you choose to work it out. Marriage can kind of help with that as well because it's like, okay, like you're not going to get divorced over every single little argument, right? And so you're, you're in marriage, you're faced with the decision like, okay, like we're gonna work through this, we're gonna give it time. We know that we're married. So when I get home, you know, tonight we can talk about it or we don't have to, we can wait three days where it feels less solid when you're not married, I feel. And so it's like, okay, well, let's just throw in the towel now. So that's that we're not investing more if this isn't what we want or if something goes wrong. And also if you're going to deal with that with a new partner who you're not married to. To your point, I should have just stayed in my marriage because that we stayed for, for less or whatever. We. I get what you're saying. I just don't know how to put it into words. I guess what I resonate with too for about that is just like, well, it feels uncertain if you're not married. So it's like, I mean, I think

[Lindsay Chrisley]

that there's insecurities in dating that you. I'm not saying that people cannot have insecurities in marriage, but I think there's less insecurity in marriage because there is that level of commitment that it takes effort to get out.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right. So. So you, you have to think once, twice, three times when you're married to actually end this over whatever you're arguing about. Whereas when you're dating someone, it's like, okay, let's just save the heartbreak. We don't have to deal with this. This we can just throw in the towel.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Correct.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah, I understand.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so. Not that it makes it right to get in a habitual pattern of breaking up over small things. I'm not saying that that makes it right. It is easier to do that though. And when you don't have a child together and you don't share finances and you both have your own home, it's like Just go about your way.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

But also, you and I are one in the same when it comes to self sabotage, because it doesn't have to be like that with a partner that you're not married to. It doesn't have to be that way. You can also choose to work through things, and you can also choose to love each other.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I mean, I. I definitely agree, but I think you also have to look at your conflict resolution within the dynamic of a relationship, and the way that David might resolve conflict and the way that I would resolve conflict might potentially create greater conflict. So my immediate answer is just go away. Just go away.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Because you think that that's protecting yourself, but it's not.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I do think it's a defense mechanism. I genuinely do. It's a trauma response to some degree.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So when you enter into this relationship with David, I guess when you guys become official in December, when he's taking care of you, would you say that was when you become official?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Did he know the entire ins and outs of you and Trent?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

No, he did not.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Now, did he know that I had seen Trent from the time that David and I had briefly been dating from. I don't know what you want to call the timeline. September 2nd, from the day we met, or if we're talking about from the first time we had sex, or are we talking like, I don't know where to pinpoint that. That all I know is the second week of October was when I just said, I can't do this.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay. But he didn't know, like, the dynamic between you and Trent. He didn't know how you view that relationship. He didn't know any of that I did have.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So the people that introduced David and I, she meddled in our relationship.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yours and trends or yours and David's?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Mine and David's.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And would give me information about David's past relationship and then also give David information about my past relationship, which was with Trent, and some of the things that were relayed. I can't take much of what she said for actual face value from what she told me about his past relationship, because the things that she told him were categorically untrue. So I'm just like, okay, that's a

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

wash. What, were you guys breaking up? You and David were breaking up? Little bits here and there between December and February. Was that mostly you doing the breaking up? Did he?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah, he did not break up with me.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay, so you and I are similar in as soon as there's a problem, we have to break up.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like you farting the other day, like,

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

yeah, I had to break up with him over that. You know, didn't. But want it, like, thought about it,

[Lindsay Chrisley]

and I do think it's fair to say for both of us, and I know that you would agree with this, that us saying break up is actually not breaking up.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah, no, we're not breaking up. We just have to break up.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

But we're not, like, we're broken up because I'm saying that we're broken up. And I know that that is not healthy by any stretch of the imagination at all. No, but it's like, why aren't you texting me good morning tomorrow? Well, because you broke up, Lindsay. Like, when you break up, that means you're broken up.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

No, because if they were to sleep with someone else, that's cheating. Yeah. So you don't get to go sleep with someone else when I break up with you. And it's only been 24 hours. Because if it's only been 24 hours, we're not actually broken up.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Exactly.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

We're getting back together. And now you're cheating. Obviously, in hindsight, when I look at relationships like that, because I've had relationships like that in the past, I have specifically said that that is cheating because it was a cycle. It was a pattern that was always part of my relationship. We break up and get back together in two days. So to me, you knew you were getting back together. Why would you sleep with someone else? Anyways? I know that didn't happen, but what were you guys breaking up with over between December and February?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think, because once we did get back together in December, I had made my choice, Right. It's like, I know for a fact, like, solidly, that I love this man. And so there was no question in regards to that. From that time, was I immature by constantly being like, okay, this is inconvenient. I'm breaking up 1,000.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

This is inconvenient.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Oh, I would say that. Like.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

What? Like, this is inconvenient. We're breaking up.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, what you're doing is inconveniencing me. So I'm not doing that. I mean, like, I don't want to be a part of that. And so when I made my decision and he chose, he made a. A choice to take me back at that point. Now, he could have told me to kick rocks and open choose at that point.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

That's a new one.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Because I went off to do whatever I wanted to do, and that would have been the consequences that I had to pay for Doing that. Right. But he made an active choice to get back with me. And so when he made that choice, I'm like, okay, this might be a for better or worse situation.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Like, you thought you were gonna marry this man?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, I have literally got back with him, and in one day, I have had. Had the flu and the stomach bug, and, like, we're together forever, no doubt, you know?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

And so, as if this is life or death, it's like the flu in the stomach bug. He took care of me. I'm gonna marry him, obviously.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Obviously.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Obviously.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So I think to touch on the breakup part, and I say inconvenience. Like, even though I did say that, actually, a lot of times the inconveniences were the fact that I'm looking at the age, and I'm like, okay, I'm 36 years old, and I have one child, and I'm divorced, and I don't have the issues of what was being brought to the table from his end with his one child in divorce.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I'm like, that's not. That's not normal. And so I have to look at that situation knowing that I went back in December and chose him. When you choose somebody, you're also signing up for parts of them that you might not agree with. And that might not be something that I can accept. And I know that's certain things that I don't want in my home. If I can get out of a marriage and I have one child and we don't have that type of dysfunction in my home, why would I invite it from someone else? If there's going to be that dysfunction, it's going to come from me.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Because it's your home.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Because it's my home.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I think that's fair.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so there was a ton of conflict from that from December to February, I guess.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Like, when you say conflict, you mean what's just like, why the divorce and the dysfunction from there. From his divorce?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. And it's just like, why is it like that? Like, it doesn't have to be like that. And I know that everybody's situation is not the same, and I get that. But from the outside looking in, it's. He's coming to this situation at 52 with one child that's younger than mine, and a divorce from a marriage that was less time than I was married. And I'm 36, have been in a marriage for a decade. I'm divorced with one child that's older than yours. I'm like, okay, so now I'm taking On a man that's older than me by 16 years, a child that's younger than mine, A dysfunctional co parenting dynamic. No, no.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I mean, I feel like that's fair.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so I very much have struggled with that on and off throughout the entire relationship. And it got to the point to where. And I think this is so common. Like I have to relate it back to divorce. When you start getting done with somebod, everything that they do pisses you off. So it's like they could shake the salt shaker and like three grains come out the wrong way. And you're like, you because you shook the salt wrong. Like it got to that point.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And at. And I keep going back to 52. But at 52, why do you have to have your only parenting conversations on not your parenting time when you're asking me to go out on a dinner date and the time in your parenting plan to have the conversations via FaceTime or the dinner hours. You're asking me to go out to dinner and you're sitting there leaving me by myself or at a table by myself while you're taking a phone call outside. I no longer want to go on the date.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It feel. Yeah, I it as an outsider, it sounds like he should because he was older. You were married longer with one kid who's older. You did not have that same dysfunction. Why are you gonna deal with someone older that's having more immature problems?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Correct. The other problem is, is that like, I'm also a parent, so if I see his phone ringing and his child's calling, I'm never gonna say, don't pick up the phone for your child.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So it felt very much like, and I will say this, and I can say it very candidly and would say it candidly to, to anybody that is a party of the situation, that that parenting plan was intended to control a party and to inconvenience a party to make them not be able to enjoy life outside of that situation. And if you think for one second my ex husband is going to control the life that's going on in my home that I pay for and the life that I pay for or somebody from his past is going to come in and dictate that in a home that we might jointly be in, that is never going to happen.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

No, I would agree with that. Wholeheartedly agree with that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so that was the, the, the root of all of the issues.

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

I mean a real breakdown.

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[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Would you say that outside of that specifically you guys had a good time and got along? Mostly, yes. Where you aligned and mostly every other other avenue.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes. The majority of the fighting was the lack of alignment in the boundaries for what life we were wanting to create together. And the outsiders like I call them, being able to control our lives when I mean the reality is when you're divorced, you have your kids, whatever time is in your parenting plan, unless you decide otherwise that you're going to deviate from that and you're going to eventually have a life outside of whatever marriage you were in.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Prior. Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And so I'm not bending to that. Ever.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Had you met his daughter at this point?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

And had he met Jackson at this place? What was the relationship between you guys and the kids?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Great.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It was great. You got along with his daughter. He got along with Jackson.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

She's wonderful.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Careful.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I just want to clarify that the issues were not the communication with the daughter. And I said that a little bit ago. The issue was I was looking at the entire big picture of the situation and seeing that. And I understand that my co parenting is not the same as everybody's. Nobody's is. But as smooth as mine typically runs and seeing the turmoil that could. I could be potentially inviting, that would be my choice. I would be signing up for that. I was very much struggling with the lack of bending. And to. To be honest, there. There's a lack of bending in that co parenting situation for them on both parts.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Like he's not willing to bend either.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Correct.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

And when they were having phone calls, again, there's nothing wrong with him talking to his daughter. I want to clarify that on my end as well. But how long would phone calls normally last? Was there like a normal time?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I mean, it just depends, you know, I mean, kids are kids. So it's like some days they want to have a longer conversation. So it might be 30 minutes. If the conversation is, you know, closer to the window of 6 before 8, it might be a 30 minute phone call, it might be a 40 minute phone call, it might be 10.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Now let me ask you this. Would you call Jackson every day that you don't have him?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I mean, we always communicate, but again, he has his phone and I can control when we're communicating and he can control when he's communicating. And I typically, if I was meeting David somewhere or David was coming to pick me up, I would make that phone call to my child. Because I'm not. I am his mother. I am not going to be governed by some parenting plan that says I can call him within those hours. That's just not how we set up our parenting plan. I do think that in high conflict situations, you do have to have somewhat of a time. But also within high conflict, why are we having that broad of a time?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I agree. That was one of the things that we changed in my parenting plan for that reason. But the other side of that, too, for my situation, is that that my kids don't want to be on the phone. So they're not going to, like, Lincoln just texted me, Right. He's not going to. We're not going to talk on the phone for 30 minutes. He's 12. I could see how this would be a problem, especially if there's no bending on either end. Right. Like, let's be flexible. We're all adults here, especially a 52 year old adult that we're talking about. And you're asking me on a date knowing that you're going to probably have to get up from the table. Table. And that's the point.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I would also never say not to get up from the table because you see your kids calling. I would be likely to answer that as well, of course. However, that is a rarity in my situation. My son might call to ask for a password for something and I would be like, hey, let me text it to you. I'm out to dinner. That is not the same situation that I was met with. So I, I just want to be clear that when I'm looking in a dating situation and knowing that I'm inviting certain things into my home, I have to look at the entire trajectory of that. Also knowing that the child is younger than mine, so she would be in our joint home with us longer than what my child would be.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

What do you mean?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Because my child's 13 years old. His child is 8 years old. So. So I will essentially. I would essentially be an empty nester before David would be an empty nester.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So. Because.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Does that make sense?

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. Because at that point it's like, I know that's not your child, but it would be your child. Right. Like a step parent should. Should in theory, love the other child as if they were their own. So you wouldn't, you would extend your empty nesting. You wouldn't be an empty nester for five. An additional five years.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Correct. And so I'm looking at the entire trajectory of that.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Was that upsetting to you at all

[Lindsay Chrisley]

that he had a younger child that

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

you would like, she would be in the house longer than Jackson? No. Okay.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

No.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

As long as things can operate with a level of respect and it's functional and other people aren't trying to meddle in other people's lives to just make it difficult.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think it's very simple.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I mean, I, I don't feel like what so far where we're at, I don't feel like anything you're saying is unreasonable. I would guess that these are very normal circumstances for blended families.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I also, you know, in regards to co parenting, because I think it's very, like, relevant to, to anybody who's going through it or would potentially Walk through it, that if you are choosing to be with someone that has a child with someone else, you are going to inevitably take on some level of stress that you did not sign up for. That's coming from a past life.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yeah.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And that's, that's both ways. Right. So if there's a level of stress in my stuff, he's going to take that on. If there's a level of stress in his stuff, I'm going to take that on.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

But that's with or without kids, right? That's with or without kids. Kids. It's more intricate and, and, and a little bit more complicated with children. But I would argue that that's with or without kids. When you sign up to be with someone who has a history, has an ex wife, has an ex partner, whatever that looks like you're taking on some amount of their baggage and they're taking on some amount of yours. When you add children into the mix, obviously there's more of that.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I mean, I think that there's positive positives and negatives to a flexible co parenting and a rigid one. Right. Because, because from the rigid aspect, if we're talking about the positives of that, you definitively know, you always know what to expect. You know what to expect with a more flexible co parenting schedule. The reason that you can be flexible is because there is very little conflict. So it's, I guess you, you like what I, I guess you have maybe like he would have to require a rigid co parenting schedule because that's the only way that would work. And I could not go off of a rigid co parenting schedule because Will and I could not function in that way. David has issues with certain parts of my co parenting because it's what he deems so flippant. So if Will has to go out of town and it's last minute, he's like, well, we had plans. Now you have to readjust your plans. So I see both sides.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I don't see that side.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Well, I can't, I can't say out of one end of my mouth. I can't say, okay, it's really annoying this, you know, let's pencil in the time that we can talk on the phone, but then my ex husband's allowed to call 12 hours before he's going out of town. And David might have had dinner reservations for us that night and now I can't do them because I'm always going to choose my child first.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

But that's why I don't see that side of it because I'M always choosing my child first. And you. One of, one of the things that Ike said to me early on was you don't play about your kids. And no, the. I don't. So when my kids want to sleep in my room, you can sleep in my room. If one of their dads is leaving out of town, I don't care and I don't care about. I. No offense, babe. I would not give a how he felt. Felt. So it might be annoying to you. Don't even say it's annoying to me. Don't even bring it to me. Don't make it a fight. Do not make it an argument. Do not say a word to me because my child will always come first. So I cannot see that. I can see where the, like the phone calls versus a trip are very different. Where if there was a little bit of flexibility in their parenting plan, he could call before dinner or after dinner. Where a trip is a trip is a trip is work is work is work. That is how he provides for, for Jackson while he's traveling. Do you get what I'm saying?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I do.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Or does it. I mean, because the same goes for Ike, right? Like if I called me or if Ike told me right now that he needs to go to South Carolina. Okay, go. Not gonna say anything because that's your daughter.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

You know, I think the other part of the situation that makes it really hard is that when we got back together in December, I felt like it was so solid. Like he fully wanted to be there with me in that relationship and I fully wanted to be there with him in that relationship. And it very much felt like there was a cloud over us because it's an uphill battle with some of the stuff that he's bringing to the table from his life. And call it what it is, I don't care. I will have it out with my ex husband over the phone. It's going to be what it's going to be. He's going to say whatever he's going to say and we're going to keep moving. Like there's going to be no court filing. There's going to be no. We're not filing contempts. We don't exchange child support. I understand that. Everybody's not in that situation. I'm just saying that's my situation. That is not their situation. And so when I'm looking at the trajectory of my life and I'm saying, okay, this is a, a 52 year old man and we're having real life conversations about being together in A long term capac. I'm looking at all of these factors and also the fact that he's still actively in court.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So then at that point it goes from the start. This is my guess. You start off empathizing because you're like, okay, I've been through divorce, I've been through the parenting plans and now it is okay, now it's kind of like getting annoying. And then at some point it turns into resentment. And so then at that point it's turning into rage. Because now it's like I have already pushed through months and months and months of this for it to turn around and you still don't have your together. That would piss me off too.

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

Order. And I want to be clear, to be fair, that it takes two to tango. Right. So I can say 52 years old, get your together. But also he's not fighting himself, you know, so it is a, a collective unit that feels like it is never ending and it may never get out of court. And it feels like it is controlling the timeline of our life, of where we want to be. Because I will not sett on anything until I definitively know what that looks like.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

You can't plan for anything moving forward until the court part of it all is done. You can't. There's literally no way in hell I've got went through it for five years. You, you cannot plan your life. And then even when you try, there's the phone calls. And again, this isn't about his daughter calling. It's just about the inconvenience that comes with co parenting. Blended families, court system. And then you're living on edge because every little thing will be held against you in court.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Correct. And I just don't love the idea. Obviously there's a reason that family stuff ends up in court. Like, I get it. For me, it's easy to say, why can't we just be normal and figure the situation out without court? Court. That is actually not the norm.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Not at all. I have four and only one of them didn't go to court.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Right. So that is historically, I would say not the norm. But when I've had the norm and I'm like, I'm 36 years old with a 13 year old and I don't have that type of dysfunction in my life. And I now feel like my life is put on hold because of outside factors that I have absolutely no control over and no hand in. And now my life has to be on hold until that is sorted out.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

No, but so at that point, it's like your head and your heart are at in conflict because you love this person. You always deeply love this person. And I know how you feel about David. How do you decide at that point to leave someone that you're still in love with?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think that's the hardest thing that you could possibly ever do.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I agree.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

When you're walking away from somebody that you know so many aspects of life that you're factoring and it's like whatever matters to you, right? So if it's finances and where you want to live and how you want to live your life and how you want to raise your children, when almost everything aligns, while you're kind of figuring

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

all of this out for yourself, not necessarily like with David, are you looking at the bigger picture where you're like, okay, what was their dynamic like that it ended this badly? What, is this what my life with David is going to look like? Is this how he handles conflict in relationships? Like, did you ever think that that is how you and David would. Would coexist?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I have thought about it and I think it would be. I don't think you should be comparing relationships, but I also think certain patterns follow relationships. Just like my pattern of like the fake breakups. I think certain things just follow you because it's inevitably who you are. And I have thought about it. If, if we had a child and he's not opposed to that, if we had a child and went south. I'm sorry, like we're having a prenupt with a custody agreement within a prenupt. Based off of what I currently know, we are having a custody agreement within a prenupt prior to ever getting married. Because I'm not waiting for the conflict to arise to do that.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

How do you decide for yourself what your, how much you're willing to go through with somebody? Because in a marriage, right, like in theory, you're supposed it's better for worse, sickness and in health, all the things you're supposed to choose that person and work through it no matter what. When you entered this relationship with David, in theory, that is what you were working towards, right? Whether you decided to get legally married or just have a domestic partnership, whatever that looks like, you're choosing him for better or for worse. That was, that was the idea. When you entered the relationship, why did you, why do you think you decided that you. These were not things that you were willing to take on?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think that I looked at the bigger picture of life and said to myself, as much as I love him, sometimes you have to love someone away from you because that's not something that I want to welcome into my home. I don't want that type of dysfunction. And ultimately that's going to bleed onto me. I know how it has personally impacted me over a period of time. It's impacted my relationship and ability to be able to function with him as normal functioning people in a relationship to, to be genuinely happy. It has affected my co parenting relationship with Will. It has affected certain dynamics with Jackson

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

when you say it's affecting the relationship outside of David and his ex wife, in what ways? Like are you moodier? Are you fighting with him? Are you guys having regular conversations about court and parenting and things like that and then it's like kind of consuming your life or like in what ways are you do you mean?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Well, because I think that it's very fair to say when you make a decision for yourself, when you say, hey, this is what I'm going to do and I'm going to love him and I'm going to be with him and he chooses me and he's going to love me and be with me. At that point that decision is made, I am going to bring up until that other situation is completely solidified because I cannot have an answer for my future until it's.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

It is.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So yes, we are going to talk about it and I want a status update.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

So the status updates because of how tumultuous his relationship is with his ex wife are probably pretty regular.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yes.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Which can be all consuming. Correct. Got it.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So, so not flexible that this is where that will no longer dictate my life because it feels like a dictator of my life and my relationship. Inevitably, if I choose him, him, I am signing up to say I am willing to take the end of the deal because two grown people can't see beyond their own self. But also what, what happened last summer and I think this is important that my co parenting schedule has been so flexible and my ex husband has been so flexible that he was willing to bend to the trips we were able to take because of the dictation of David's co parenting schedule over the summer. And that is not fair to us.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I would agree that that's probably not like Will is bending to David's custody schedule and that's not fair. With that being said, was there any part of you that was like, I need to go back to Will because at the point that he's flexible, it's been seamless, it's not chaotic. You guys have had separation. Now you realize, realize, wow, I love this person. But also clearly Will and I can work together.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think from a functionality standpoint that it's appealing, right? Because it's like, okay, we function very well together within a marriage because we both were avoidance to each other within a marriage. But, but we still got our done and there was not conflict. And then we get outside of the marriage and we still get our stuff done, done and there's not conflict. And so I think from that aspect, I could See why somebody would say, oh, that's very appealing. But I think that there's been so much time that has passed and so much stuff that has been done on both parts that I don't know. It's like once something breaks, it never goes back the same way that it once was. Was. Also, I'm raising a child, Will's raising the same child. And we would never want to mess up our co parenting situation by like,

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

not an option, like an entertaining something that may or may not. That's fair. I do.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And also, our lives are so. Our lives are so the same, but so different.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

What has his reaction been to your relationship with David and the way that he has been willing to bend to David's custody situation? What are his thoughts?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

His thoughts are, if it's going to impact your life in a negative way to the point that you cannot live your life and the way that you want to live it, don't do it. And that's the whole point of dating. I think the part that he's negating. It's easy for an outside person to say that because I'm the one that's with David, nobody else is with him. So anybody can say, you know, oh, well, that just like functionally doesn't make sense. Sense. I love him, but I don't like the situation at all.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I'm also not going to continue to ask my ex husband to bend for vacations so that we can operate off of somebody else's parenting plan because we don't have to do that. I could text Will right now and say, hey, I just want to have Jackson all next week because you had him all of spring break this week. He'd be like, all right, part. And I guess my biggest part is, if you don't with each other, why do you with each other? And then I look at the financial situation of it all as well.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

You and I had a conversation about finances not too long ago and dating when it comes to finances and things like that. Talk to me about that with. In regards to this relationship, in this situation.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

So there have never really been

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

really

[Lindsay Chrisley]

any financial conversations other than the fact that he takes care of his own and I take care of my own. And I do think it should be said when you are blending a family, that there has to be give somewhere, but it needs to be give where it feels like it's give on both sides.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Yes.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Because it's not necessarily fair just for one side to do it because that's where resentment builds. And. And while Will would probably not tell me no, and I wouldn't tell him no. That's not always going to be the case. Like if David selects certain weeks and I go to Will and he's like, hey, my family already has like a family beach trip planned. Can you take another week? Okay, well, we're taking another week.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Well, let's also think about you. You stated earlier that, you know, looking ahead in your life and what you want in your life life. What happens when Will starts dating somebody else? And what happens if Will remarries or is in a relationship with someone that has a child? He's not always going to be able to be this flexible. And he's only been able to be this flexible because his own schedule allows. So so long as his. He's able to be flexible, he will. I, I would imagine, I'm assuming here he might get into a relationship with someone who also either has a really rigid, rigid custody schedule or not. Because at this big age, most people have children.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think the thing is, is that Will and I have been divorced. July will be four years. And we have had such intentional conversations surrounding the co parenting that he is in the same place of where I'm at that he's looking at the same things with a new partner potentially as I'm looking at. And so, so if that was the case of a rigid custody schedule with somebody that he would be with, I could see him having the exact same issues that I'm currently having with it.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I would agree. I. I mean, yeah, there's no way around it. It just to your point, it's like we're so. We're in our mid. You and I are in our mid-30s. Will is also in his 30s. We have mostly our together. Right. So you expect the same from people who are older and dealing with this. They just, just for you. I worry about the leaving the person that you're still in love with because those feelings are not going to go away. And while you're not, you're not looking to get into another relationship right now, this decision obviously didn't come easy for you. So I don't believe that love is always enough. Do you think love is enough?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think if you love someone enough, enough, you should be able to get to a point to where you can overcome certain things. But sometimes it takes space and distance to be able to do that. Actually, the last conversation that he and I had, and we'll get in that, we'll get into that a little bit later, was kind of me wanting to put a Pause on things. Because being in court, that's something that I never had to do, and it's something that has control my relationship outside of my divorce, which is just kind of crazy to think about to say, hey, can we just put a pause on this and kind of go our separate ways for a little while until your stuff is solidified? Because it's now controlling my life. And I. I keep saying, like, I'm looking at the big picture of everything. I'm also looking at the big picture of, like, the financial aspect of our life, like, when we combine households, if that was a thing. Right, right.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Did you guys ever have the conversation of moving in together?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

We did and had conversations regarding, you know, would we want to legally be married? And for us, we've both already legally been married. And I lost in my divorce.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

In what way?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I lost half of everything.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Did you really?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. And that's just what it is. But I wouldn't be willing to do it again. I think I learned from that. And not saying that he wasn't worthy of. Of being able to give Jackson the same similar life of what we were accustomed to when we were married. That's not what I'm saying. But it was still a loss. Like, in one day, when my divorce was finalized, I signed over my marital home and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. And that and still had to. And I'm fortunate that I was in the situation to where I could go and finance another home and have another home for Jackson, but I still lost. So I wouldn't put myself back in a situation of involving the government in a marriage.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

But what about with a prenup?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

David doesn't want to involve the government with a marriage either.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Oh, okay.

[Commercial Narrator]

So.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Because my lawyer has always told me me that if you have anything worth $10,000 or more, this is for everybody. Not influence. Not just influencers, reality TV people, everybody. You have something worth $10,000 or more, you need a prenup. Obviously, I didn't know that. So when he's helping me with my divorce, there was no other. Like, the more, you know. And so moving forward, I would have a prenup, but I just didn't know if maybe you would involve the government with a prenup.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I would definitely have, because there's also laws that are in place of domestic partnership. There's laws that are in place that if you live together for a certain amount of time, that somebody can claim certain amounts of that asset. Let's say I was in a dating situation, and I allowed someone to move into my home. And they got official mail there, here. I could potentially, and I'm not saying I would ever do this to. To David, and he's never lived at my home, but that would be a potential for me to have to evict in a situation if somebody wouldn't willingly leave.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

That's like squatters rights.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. And so I look at all of these things and I don't think that I would look at these things if I had not been married before. But when you know better, do better. Right. And so we have had conversations about moving in with each other, and then my home would be the place to do that.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

But with that being said and knowing

[Commercial Narrator]

how

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

I'll say back and forth you guys have been. Would you ever feel like if he moved into your home that you would constantly kick him out?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I think that that has been somewhat of a pattern because he has somewhere else to go. So it's easy when you're in an argument to say, this is mine and that's yours. Like, I don't have to deal with this right now. Now go home and we can have a conversation later.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right. But when you live together, if he was to give up his home, rent it out, sell it, whatever that looks like, you wouldn't be able to do that. Correct?

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Yeah. It's because the option's there.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right? Right. Okay.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

And I don't think that obviously when. When you're thinking about a long term situation and you are at a place to move in, and you've both already been married before and we're at the ages that we are.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Are.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

I would hope that by the time we got to that point that the stuff that we're breaking up over would be already resolved prior to doing that. I think that that would be a very flippant act to move in with the circumstances that are presented now.

[Co-host Kale Lowry]

Right.

[Lindsay Chrisley]

Like, that's not logical to me. I just don't understand. When you dislike each other, you both are in other situations and claim that you want to move on, why are we still doing the same song and dance with no resolve? Because what you're telling me and what is probably being said to the other partner, I have no idea. But what you're telling me is you don't have the ability to resolve conflict. So what does that look like for me in the future in the event that we get there?

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

Fantastic.

[Commercial Narrator]

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

That is so effective on Pluto TV

[Commercial Narrator]

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[Lindsay Chrisley]

This week on for the Haters, a podcast around the stories that we survive. The world has been watching Kale for half of her life and it never got the beginning. The cameras showed up at 16. Everything that built her happen before they ever started rolling. This is her story before anyone was watching. Part one of Chael's story is out now on for the Haters. Listen to it wherever you get your podcast.