On Episode 4 of Season 9 of The Surviving Siblings Podcast®, host Maya Roffler is joined by Erica Bohn, a surviving sibling who shares the story of losing her brother, TJ, in a car accident over 30 years ago, and how that loss shaped her life, her healing, and ultimately her path into helping others.

Erica takes us back to her childhood growing up in a close-knit Midwestern family. Both she and her brother TJ were adopted as babies, raised in what she describes as a loving, "perfect" family, until one summer night in 1995 changed everything. TJ, just weeks away from starting his senior year of high school, left for a party and never came home.

In a heartbreaking twist, Erica's father—who never missed work—left early that night with a bad feeling, took a different route home, and was the one who found TJ after the accident. What followed for Erica at just 14 years old was shock, trauma, and a blur of grief, surrounded by a community that showed up in full force, but without the tools to help her process what had happened.

Erica shares how her grief went largely unprocessed for years, leading to difficult choices in her teens and twenties, and how it wasn't until later in life, after becoming a mother that she sought therapy and began to truly heal. Today, as a social worker, Erica channels her experience into supporting others, carrying her brother's legacy forward through compassion and connection.

This episode is a powerful reminder that grief doesn't have a timeline, healing isn't linear, and the people who simply sit with us in our darkest moments can change everything.

In This Episode:

(0:00:00) – Meet Erica + Remembering TJ Erica introduces her story, her bond with TJ, and their unique family dynamic as adopted siblings.

(0:02:00) – A Big Brother, A Big Personality Erica shares what TJ was like growing up—funny, outgoing, athletic, and loved by everyone.

(0:04:00) – The Night Everything Changed A summer day with family turns into tragedy after TJ leaves for a party and never returns.

(0:05:30) – A Father's Instinct Erica recounts how her dad left work early with a bad feeling and found TJ at the accident scene.

(0:10:00) – Finding Out: "He's Dead" Erica describes waking up to her mother's screams and the traumatic moment she learned her brother was gone.

(0:11:30) – A High School Funeral + Community Support The overwhelming turnout at TJ's funeral and the role her friends played in simply sitting with her through the pain.

(0:15:00) – Understanding the Accident What Erica later learned about the crash, and the unanswered questions that remained.

(0:19:00) – Life After Loss at 14 How grief showed up in Erica's teenage years—through risk-taking, avoidance, and unprocessed trauma.

(0:22:00) – Healing Later in Life Erica shares how becoming a mother led her to therapy and a deeper commitment to healing.

(0:24:00) – Finding the Right Therapist Why connection matters in therapy—and how to know when you've found the right fit.

(0:27:00) – A Career Rooted in Compassion How Erica's life experiences led her into social work and supporting others through difficult circumstances.

(0:33:00) – Family Bonds After Loss How grief brought Erica and her parents closer—and what it looked like to grow together instead of apart.

(0:38:00) – Parenting After Loss Erica shares the fears and realities of raising teenage drivers after losing her brother in a car accident.

(0:41:00) – Advice for the Newly Bereaved Why there's no "right" way to grieve—and the importance of support, presence, and compassion.

This episode is sponsored by The Surviving Siblings®

Connect with Erica:

Website: https://www.mykeeper.com/TrevisTJHeiman
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@imjustericadawn?_r=1&_t=ZT-93IVy2FLBoz

Connect with Maya:

Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/survivingsiblingspodcast/
Maya's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayaroffler/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@survivingsiblingspodcast
Twitter: https://x.com/survivingsibpod
Website: thesurvivingsiblings.com
Facebook Group: The Surviving Siblings Podcast
YouTube: The Surviving Siblings Podcast
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheSurvivingSiblingsPodcast