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Annie Parker
Good morning, millennials.
Hallie Parker
Welcome back to the toaster win 2024 extravaganza. I'm Hallie Parker.
Annie Parker
And I'm Annie Parker.
Hallie Parker
No, you're not. What's her last name? Annie James. Annie James.
Annie Parker
Oh, I do know that. I'm Annie James.
Hallie Parker
And we are joined with special guest.
Jessie
Oh, hello. I'm Aunt Jessie. Oh, Aunt Jessie is here.
Hallie Parker
Hello, Jessie. What's her last name?
Jessie
Hello, Aunt Jessie the hooker.
Annie Parker
Doubtfire Garten. Kelsey.
Jessie
Oh, and Jessie is here to see you both. It's so good to see you, Chessers.
Annie Parker
Chessers, we miss you.
Jessie
By the way, everybody says Chessie with a C. It's a J. Her name is fucking Jessie.
Hallie Parker
It's not actually.
Jessie
You look it up. You Google. It's Jessie with a J. Why do people say Chessie with a C?
Annie Parker
Ben, you might want to take several seats. It's literally Chessy. Google it. I love that none of us know the names of our characters.
Hallie Parker
Excuse me, none of us. I literally knew my name, actually. Check. It's Chess.
Jessie
You're positive it's Chessy?
Hallie Parker
Yes. I was getting ready.
Annie Parker
What makes the lore so strong? If she were Jessie, she'd be any other Jessie.
Jessie
Understood.
Annie Parker
Jackie.
Hallie Parker
As I was getting dressed today, I literally had to say Alexa. I could not remember Halle's last name. Like I knew Annie James. And I literally said Alexa. What is. What the fuck's her name? Annie's Halle's last name. And Parker. Yes. Nick.
Annie Parker
Nick Parker.
Hallie Parker
My daddy. It's legend.
Jessie
Legend.
Annie Parker
So funny is I googled Annie James this morning, like for accessory ideas. And then I forgot my own name.
Hallie Parker
So Ben and I are in the same studio. We're on different cameras. You just. It's important to know what's really going on behind the scenes at Toastoween. It is 6,000 degrees in this place. We are both wearing.
Jessie
You have no idea how hot it is. Oh, you have no idea.
Annie Parker
On my FaceTime, like Claudia, we always have this angle, but Chessie looks like she's been.
Jessie
I can't breathe.
Annie Parker
She's been taking. Taken hostage.
Jessie
I can't breathe. This is like the tightest. Look at this sweat mark. Can you see I have under boob sweat marks. It's so hot. So hot.
Annie Parker
It's giving summer camp, it's giving summer case, and it's giving cross transatlantic continental podcasting, which is so Parent Trap coded.
Hallie Parker
We have one fan and I was like, very generous because Chessie was already sweating through her shirt when we got here. But Ben, I'm letting you know, like, we Will be sharing that fan.
Jessie
You have no idea how hot it is over here. You have no idea.
Annie Parker
Jesse's bosom is moist.
Jessie
I can't breathe.
Hallie Parker
So is it Annie's?
Jessie
No. Claude, do you see? No. Annie, do you see?
Hallie Parker
Do you see Ben's throat? Mark.
Jessie
Annie, look.
Annie Parker
It's getting bigger.
Hallie Parker
Look, look.
Annie Parker
Listen. It's that summertime Napa Valley heat.
Hallie Parker
It's that summertime Napa Valley heat. And, you know, growing up on a vineyard with my servant Jesse, I obviously know what it's like to exist in the warm climates. And I travel a lot because my dad is, like, really wealthy. So I'm only at this camp, like, for fun. I'm spending the rest of the summer at my vineyard.
Annie Parker
Most of us are at this camp for. I would hope so.
Jessie
Nick Parker is so rich. Not enough people talk about how rich he is.
Hallie Parker
They both are both the parents, independently wealthy.
Annie Parker
And then when they come together, blended.
Hallie Parker
By the way, alternate title for the parent trap. Three identical strangers or blended. Yeah. Like, the way they were both so wealthy, it's better. Because if they had gotten separated and one had to go with a poor parent and one went with a rich parent, that wouldn't have been fair.
Annie Parker
No. It was just really like, two completely different lifestyles, but both at a very high level of living.
Hallie Parker
At a very high level of living.
Annie Parker
So happy tostoween everyone. The day is here. Halloween. What fun.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. And it's nice. I like October because I celebrate toast to ween. But also my birthday. October 11th.
Annie Parker
My birthday is October 11th.
Hallie Parker
Halle. We're not sisters. We're twins. Basil. And by the way, I know a lot of you guys think that I'm Annie Parker, the twin from the vineyard. The vineyard twin, however. That's just what you think.
Annie Parker
However. You look like the camper from the camper and the counselor.
Hallie Parker
I do. Because she's kind of wacky looking, like.
Annie Parker
What do you mean?
Hallie Parker
She looks like me, you know, but she has, like, wild red hair. Like, my hair is really.
Annie Parker
You really look like her. I think you should tell people that to you. And the uniforms are also green and white.
Hallie Parker
And is Ben the counselor?
Jessie
I look like Sadie sinks older brother in Stranger Things.
Hallie Parker
Is that her brother?
Jessie
Yes.
Annie Parker
Is that Ben Castor snitch?
Hallie Parker
Yeah. Because counselor Stitch has, like, a sexy physique.
Annie Parker
Yes. Always showing off her bosom.
Hallie Parker
Right.
Jessie
How scary is this tank top?
Hallie Parker
It's giving naps better. Amazon's finest.
Annie Parker
You love that shirt. When you're dressing like a lady.
Jessie
I don't think that there could Be. I don't think that there could be a thicker version of this shirt, though, Jackie. The thin one that we wore for Ina Garten was nice and thin. Very Olivia. This one. This is a coat. This is a winter coat.
Annie Parker
That's not your Ina garden shirt.
Jessie
No, that Ina Garten shirt is long gone. It's probably at your house.
Hallie Parker
Wow.
Annie Parker
And I wonder, what did you wear for Donna Kelce?
Jessie
I wore a knit sweater.
Hallie Parker
We wore Jenny K and cashmere. Oh, I bet you so hot that day.
Annie Parker
At least you're not wearing cashmere.
Jessie
I think it was cold that day.
Annie Parker
Oh, you look fantastic as Donna. I just pulled it up.
Jessie
It's such a shame. 80 degrees in New York on Halloween. What are you like, it's so true.
Hallie Parker
Ben is also wearing, like, an excessive amount of house labs blush and a makeup by Mario lipstick. It does.
Annie Parker
You've got a lovely blush to you. A lovely sheen. So out of all the ladies you've played over the years, who's your favorite?
Jessie
Like, I am in a Garten in my soul. How easy is that? But the Doubtfire, Donna Kelsey was really fun. Ooh, My sons. Sugar in my sons.
Hallie Parker
I just want to say sugar in.
Annie Parker
My sons that you're playing are the same. The elk of the same woman.
Hallie Parker
It's very, like, maternal spirit. Even Chelsea. Like, she's always whipping shit up in that.
Annie Parker
Yeah. Not like a kitchen is not an unfamiliar place to them. Home in hearth. A big chili. Chessie loves a chili.
Jessie
Chessie loves a chili. And her golden retriever. We should have brought Romeo. Should have brought him. They had a dog.
Hallie Parker
They did. They did.
Jessie
Romeo could have cosplayed as a golden retriever.
Hallie Parker
If Margot still worked for us, she would obviously be Meredith Blake.
Annie Parker
Obviously, somewhere out there, she is being Meredith. Meredith Blake.
Hallie Parker
She literally was born Meredith Blake.
Annie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
I'm just saying justice for Martin. Martin was a strong character.
Annie Parker
Stand by your man, Chessy.
Jessie
Martin's a strong character with those leather pants.
Hallie Parker
Although it would make more sense for, like, Ben in the context of the three of us, like, to be my servant, not yours, you know?
Annie Parker
Of course. And he has to be a woman. Like, how boring.
Hallie Parker
Oh, of course. Of course. When I was telling my friends that, like, I went to dinner with my high school friends, like, what is toast to weed? And I was like, we're being Annie and Hallie, and Ben is being Chessy. They're like, not Martin. I'm like, no, you don't understand. He has to play a woman.
Jessie
I don't know what it says about myself, I love dressing as a woman.
Hallie Parker
You know who else loved dressing as a woman?
Jessie
Who?
Annie Parker
Kate.
Hallie Parker
Bruce Jenner.
Jessie
Very good. And Bruce Saver.
Hallie Parker
And we're in trouble.
Annie Parker
And we're in trouble.
Hallie Parker
But no, I feel like I can make jokes because I feel like Caitlyn Jenner actually appreciates those jokes. Like, she thinks they're funny 1000%.
Annie Parker
And because Ben is an ally who loves to dress like a woman.
Hallie Parker
It's so true. And you do. And from the back, it's actually very funny to see Ben, like today when he put on the wig for the first time and then he walked. He turned around and walked away. Like seeing from the back, this, like, six foot broad. It is so funny in person, you guys. And the wig is. It's not 100%. You know, they don't have a Chessy wig. Like, it was. You had to really. This wig.
Jessie
I'm sorry. This wig is a shonda.
Annie Parker
You never looked better.
Jessie
This wig is a complete shame.
Annie Parker
Perfect.
Jessie
But I'm just saying, she doesn't have these bangs.
Hallie Parker
She does. It's like very 90s Farrah Fawcett. But you look more like Morgan Wallen.
Annie Parker
You didn't.
Jessie
That's who it is.
Annie Parker
You didn't. Morgan occasion.
Jessie
No, no, no. I'm. I'm. Chessy chest hair.
Hallie Parker
Chessy chest hair.
Jessie
Let me just pull it down a little. How's that?
Hallie Parker
Oh, my God. And by the way, this is the first toast to eat. Ben is gonna be here for however long we want him to be. We set up a whole little studio for him. Right. He's literally right next to me. We're pretending like we're not in the same room. We're literally right next to each other. And I think Ben's gonna stick around for the stories. Like, okay. What?
Annie Parker
Not a little sprinkle of Chessy on the stories. That's what they need.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. And, Ben, feel free to, like, chime in or just, like, scroll on your phone.
Jessie
What are the fast five? What are we talking about, ladies? Yeah.
Hallie Parker
What?
Jessie
What are we chatting about? Gal pals.
Hallie Parker
Oh.
Jessie
What are we chatting about? Gal pals. Oh, no. It's where Mrs. Doubtfire turns Jamaican at some point.
Hallie Parker
Irish and Jamaican.
Jessie
She is. She's Irish?
Annie Parker
I believe so.
Jessie
She's Irish.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. No, that sounds all right.
Annie Parker
That feels right.
Jessie
What are we talking about? Gal pals. Let's get into it.
Hallie Parker
Honestly, Chessie was a little overbearing.
Annie Parker
I know. But Annie needed that sort of guidance, boundaries in her life.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. I mean, I just prefer my servants, like A little more relaxed.
Annie Parker
What are you gonna do?
Hallie Parker
It's also really crazy that like both girls had servants.
Annie Parker
Right?
Hallie Parker
Like, cuz Chessie was a little above and beyond. She wasn't just like a nanny, she was like a cooking and a cleaning. And Martin was dressed like a full.
Annie Parker
Martin was a straight up butler. But I guess that's like in a single parent household. Like they had like they definitely need additional childcare.
Hallie Parker
So true.
Annie Parker
So they arrived at the same conclusion. Cure branded a bit differently.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. You actually look like the twin. Like with the headband, the whole thing.
Jessie
You look great.
Annie Parker
Thank you. This is the most comfortable toastaween I've ever had.
Hallie Parker
How nice.
Jessie
How nice.
Annie Parker
You look great. Like.
Hallie Parker
No, this wig is like amazing to me. Should I go red?
Annie Parker
I think you maybe should.
Hallie Parker
And I feel like today because we're always talking about redhead representation, I feel like we're really doing the most for the redhead community.
Annie Parker
Yes. Which we need the most at dark times like this. It's so true.
Hallie Parker
And by the way, yesterday when we were going through all of our Toastoween costumes over the years, we did forget Viserys and Daemon Targaryen.
Annie Parker
We did so good.
Hallie Parker
Does that make it our most forgettable? Because we literally forgot it.
Annie Parker
I guess so. I guess so. But don't wipe yourself. They're all really 10 out of 10. So like.
Hallie Parker
Fine.
Annie Parker
You want to find a 9.9 in there? Fine.
Hallie Parker
It's so true.
Jessie
I'm not wiping my lipstick. I was wiping the sweat off of my upper brow.
Hallie Parker
Okay, but I literally saw you wipe your lipstick and now you upper lip because you wiped it on your pants.
Jessie
No, there's nothing on my.
Annie Parker
She's kind of a messy, messy shit.
Jessie
Jessie. Messy, messy Jesse. Messy Jesse.
Hallie Parker
So Morgan, Wallen, Annie and Halle are so excited to be here today. Happy toast to and happy Halloween. I can't believe it's finally Halloween. Honestly. It's been Halloween for three weeks.
Annie Parker
Yeah, this has been one of those I don't like on a Thursday.
Jessie
I'm calling tell the story Claude to the toasters of the hooligans below. She didn't last Saturday night.
Hallie Parker
I did. And I said let's go.
Annie Parker
My God, where else? Let's round up the dreadful things we did this week. Okay.
Jessie
That was the worst night of my life. Hang on.
Annie Parker
I saw a lot of comments about this yesterday, aside from my audio, which I believe is fixed, but the 45 minute conversation about the creators list, which we did address at the end of the episode yesterday, if you made it there, maybe some of you fell off before that, and we apologize. That went on too long.
Hallie Parker
That went on too long. And that's on us and our personal interests. And really not being able to separate, like, our personal interests from the interests of the toasters. And usually the Internet. Like, it's usually just a big circle.
Annie Parker
But there is a sliver outside of the circle. I guess we couldn't read the room because there's nobody in here. And for that, we apologize deeply.
Hallie Parker
Ben, have you cooled down like, I have? I'm okay right now. This looks.
Jessie
I can't breathe. Like, you could literally make a soup with the amount of water under my breath.
Annie Parker
Do you want to take your blouse off?
Jessie
I don't think the people are ready for that. Like, that is. That'll be the end of the show.
Annie Parker
Make yourself comfortable. Yeah, I guess. We can't let it get off the rails. We haven't even started. We haven't even started, Martin. We haven't even started.
Hallie Parker
And by the way, do you think Martin and Chessie were well suited for one another? Like, no, I think. I don't think so either.
Annie Parker
Like, Mr. Right Now. You know, he's there. He's a warm body. There's really no one else around. They're gonna be together for the rest of their lives. Let's make a go of it. It's comedian.
Jessie
There was honestly a zero percent chance that Martin liked women like that. It just, like. That's just like, not a thing. Like, I looked at them and I was like, this is mismatched.
Hallie Parker
Like, if anything, I think you're mistaking, like, British for gay. Like, they're just different over there, you know?
Annie Parker
Maybe that never occurred to me, though now that you say it, it seems kind of obvious. However, Chessie was not like other women.
Hallie Parker
Chessie is an all American woman.
Jessie
She was all American, for sure.
Hallie Parker
I'm so excited for our camping trip.
Annie Parker
I'm so excited for our camping trip.
Hallie Parker
Chessie, what kind of treats are you gonna be packing for us?
Jessie
Oreos and peanut butter, of course. For you fat bitches.
Hallie Parker
That sounds great. Honestly, I know Meredith will really appreciate it. Jesse, what do you think about Meredith?
Jessie
I think Meredith is a stupid cunt. Like, she's so fucking mean to my. What's his name? Dennis. No, that's literally his name.
Annie Parker
Nick.
Jessie
She's so fucking mean to my Nick. I feel like Jamae. Private school girl.
Annie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
By the way, talking shit, I'm Chris Lilly.
Hallie Parker
And by the way, there is a subplot within the film of obviously Chessy being in love With Nick Parker.
Jessie
Oh, yeah.
Annie Parker
Yes. But I think she realized a long time ago, which is not gonna happen for her, when he likes like 26 year old bitches.
Hallie Parker
PR girls.
Jessie
Yeah, that's really how it should have ended though, with me and Nick Parker.
Annie Parker
No, but Elizabeth.
Jessie
Elizabeth. What a queen she was.
Hallie Parker
Oh, my God. We've literally not even spoken about Elizabeth this whole time. Your mother.
Annie Parker
Yeah, she's kind of in the background.
Hallie Parker
But she's a simple woman like that.
Annie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Did they, like, intentionally name her Elizabeth so that we would, like, draw royal comparisons?
Annie Parker
So actually that's so interesting because I feel like when we were like, now when I think about Elizabeth James, like, she is so like, reminds me of Princess Diana. I feel like I can't actually.
Hallie Parker
There's a whole generation of young girls who grew up thinking that the mom from Parent Trap was Princess Diana.
Annie Parker
Me, William and Harry have said that the character reminds them so much of their mom and they used to watch, really. Source of comfort. Yeah. I don't know if it was one or both of them, but like, they've said it too.
Hallie Parker
Oh, that's so sweet.
Annie Parker
Yeah. So it's not just us?
Hallie Parker
No, no, it definitely is not just.
Annie Parker
Us, but yeah, there's definitely some intentional confusion. Intentional confusion.
Hallie Parker
Well, we actually have a lot to get into today, and so Annie, Hallie and Chessie will of course be a part of this entire episode, but Jack's, Claude and Ben are. We're gonna be diving into the fast five because we still have a job to do. You know, like, Toaster Ween is kind of the perfect balance of fun and work hard, play hard.
Annie Parker
Yeah, work hard, play hard. Read ads, tell stories.
Jessie
Of course.
Hallie Parker
Of course.
Jessie
Oh, man.
Hallie Parker
Chessie thinks you're hilarious.
Annie Parker
Chesalist.
Jessie
That was funny.
Hallie Parker
Chesalist.
Jessie
That was pretty good gal pal. Pretty good gal pal.
Annie Parker
Okay, well, now, without further ado, do, here are the Fast 5 stories that you need to know.
Hallie Parker
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Annie Parker
Thank you to Turt.
Hallie Parker
You're welcome, jerk.
Jessie
Thank you, Cotton.
Annie Parker
What?
Jessie
I had to look at Ben's sexy shoulder. I had to take out my shoulders. I couldn't breathe. I realized also this costume could double with a big boom boom, double up. Boom boom, boom, boom boom.
Hallie Parker
A lot of people thought we were going to be the Costco guys for hug and it definitely was like a top three idea. And if we had been, whom do we think we each would have been? Ben obviously, would have been the Rizzler.
Jessie
I want to think I should. I was gonna say I want to have been able to have been the Rizzler, but I would have needed to have been Big AJ I'd have no choice. I'm just the tallest, and one of you shorter ladies would have needed to have been the Rizzler.
Hallie Parker
I think AJ Is the kid.
Annie Parker
Body is Big justice, and I'm The Rizzler.
Hallie Parker
Wait, A.J.
Annie Parker
Big.
Hallie Parker
No, it's not big A.J. it's A.J. and big justice is a kid, though. Yeah. Which do you want to be, Ben?
Annie Parker
A.J.
Jessie
I have to be A.J. but I want to be the Rizzler.
Hallie Parker
I want to be AJ have you ever heard him laugh? It's fucking crazy.
Annie Parker
I did when I met him. He was laughing at the storm.
Hallie Parker
Oh, who was I talking to last night? That, like, literally, Jackie met the Costco guys, and it's the craziest thing on the planet.
Annie Parker
I don't met. I think Taylor Donahue and the Rizzler is kind of just, like, off on the side. Sometimes there, sometimes not. They, like, go, yeah, that would be, like, perfect for me, because you guys are in the room together, and then, like, I'm the Riz.
Jessie
Yeah, but the Rizzler.
Annie Parker
With the Riz.
Jessie
The Rizzler. Jackie's on a torpedo to fame. This kid. Did you see him on Fallon?
Hallie Parker
It's. No, I didn't see.
Jessie
Oh, my God. He literally sat there just, like, in his big chair by himself. You had AJ And Big justice together. It was the. It was the Rizzler show. He sat next to Fallon. I showed Fallon how to do the Riz.
Hallie Parker
I feel like I can never remember which twin I am. I'm Halle. I feel like Halle Parker's showing a little badge. I'm just gonna go fix my shorts off camera. You two talk amongst yourselves. No, Jesse's showing breast.
Annie Parker
I'm showing installation cabin for you.
Jessie
Okay?
Annie Parker
Not the naughty version of Parent Trap. So what's up, Riz?
Hallie Parker
I'm back.
Jessie
Oh, am I Riz?
Annie Parker
No, no, no.
Jessie
We're.
Hallie Parker
I mean, you're the chiseler. Chelsea Rizzler.
Jessie
I'm the chiseler.
Annie Parker
Okay, let's get into the stories, because first up, we have some exciting news, and I actually feel like, Chessy, you might be able to weigh in, because it's a blend of celebrity and sports news because Nina Dobrev and Sean White are engaged after nearly five years together.
Hallie Parker
I am, like, really, like, this couple, and I wasn't, like, waiting for them to get Engaged. I don't know why. They just give the vibe of, like, forever young. Like, we don't need marriage. Like, I like to snowboard for a living. Like, I didn't. I didn't think that they were on the traditional trajectory.
Annie Parker
Snowboard for a living. This is added to the list that we can never remember of couples who, separately, I don't really participate in their work, but together, I ship wholeheartedly.
Hallie Parker
That's exactly who they are. Like, I never watched Vampire Diaries. Ben was obsessed with Sean White. Like, obsessed.
Annie Parker
You kind of. By the way, I was just gonna.
Jessie
Say I kind of look like Sean White. I kind of look like Sean White or a version of him. When I tell you Sean White's mom. When I tell you, like, a young me was so obsessed with Sean White. Like, he is unbelievable. Those half pipes, those X Game runs, those Olympic runs. He's. He's incredible. That said, I thought they were married. Already have. They've been together. It feels like a very long time.
Annie Parker
Five years is, like, a long time to then get engaged. Because you think if someone's dating for five years, oh, they're not doing the marriage. The marriage material, and now they're gonna get engaged and I guess married. I feel like some people get engaged just to get engaged. Don't you find?
Jessie
Have you seen that video, Jackie?
Hallie Parker
Getting engaged in Hollywood, like, isn't what it means. If you get engaged in the real world, like, you're most likely getting married. If you get engaged in Hollywood, it's just, like, new jewelry and, like, maybe you'll get married.
Annie Parker
But, yeah, I feel like someone got engaged recently, and I'm like, I don't see these two planning a wedding, like, hiring a wedding planner.
Hallie Parker
Channing and Kravitz.
Annie Parker
No, no. Because she was married and he was married. They obviously do marriage.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Annie Parker
Someone else. I'm like, they're not, like, you know, calling, going to the chapel, gonna get married.
Jessie
Have you seen the Sean White biopic on Netflix, Jackie?
Annie Parker
I have not, weirdly.
Jessie
Have we watched it. It's fantastic. That family, like, they would literally sleep in their car so he could compete and win. He's so impressive. Like, the true American dream. Love him.
Hallie Parker
Ben is obsessed. Like, if Ben, if you could have, like, done anything in this life, like, that's what it would have been, right?
Jessie
If I could have been, like, an Olympic snowboarder or, like, skateboarder.
Hallie Parker
Like, that culture. Yeah.
Jessie
Sick.
Hallie Parker
Bmx.
Jessie
I loved it. I thought that. That's what. I thought that's what, like, high school kids, like, Wore, like, I showed up to the first day of high school, like, wearing skateboarding sneakers and skateboarding shorts. And that's why nobody talked to me.
Hallie Parker
And no, by the way, Ben had hair much like the wig that he is currently wearing. He had so much hair. He was like an obese ninth grader with his skateboarding outfit.
Jessie
Like, what is I exclusively wore DC.
Annie Parker
Shorts look like, is that not Jackie? You'll know.
Hallie Parker
Ben, what's the brand? Google it.
Jessie
CDC DC is the brand.
Hallie Parker
You will know. Cdc Jackie. It will literally. Jackie, this sneaker will, like, light bulb in your brain. Such a classic look.
Annie Parker
Okay.
Jessie
DC Sneakers. Yeah. DC Skateboarding shoes.
Annie Parker
Yeah. Because they're giving me, like, on clouds instead. You know, They've taken over the search, clearly.
Jessie
Oh, my God, they have.
Annie Parker
Oh.
Hallie Parker
Oh, I know, right?
Annie Parker
Oh.
Jessie
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Annie Parker
Jesse.
Jessie
Yeah.
Annie Parker
Oh, my goodness.
Jessie
I would say that they were dark times, but I remember them fondly. They were fantastic.
Hallie Parker
They were dark times. I feel like you were so unburdened by, like, any sort of self awareness or self doubt. And I mean this in a positive way. Like, I think a lot of people at that age, like, are so crippled with what other people think of them. And there are people who just, like, do not give a fuck. Like, and Ben was raised to just, like, have self assurance. And he just walked into that first day, like, that was his interests. Like, did he look like the typical skateboarder? No.
Jessie
I had. I had just watched Brink. Like, I thought that. I thought this was my time. I thought me and my friends were going to compete. Little did I know I went to a Jewish private school and nobody wanted to look like that.
Annie Parker
Got it. That is.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. You were barking up the wrong tree. Similar to how Jackie and I, like, really wanted to be cheerleaders who, like, you know, went to football games. Meanwhile, we went to yeshiva that didn't have a cheerleading squad. Right.
Annie Parker
Or any outdoor sports.
Hallie Parker
Right. Right.
Annie Parker
Not cure in the basement.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Feel free to cheer on your own time.
Annie Parker
Cheer your heart out.
Hallie Parker
Wigs are so itchy. Like, it's insane.
Annie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Next year, can we do Glee? I want to be Sue Sylvester.
Annie Parker
Oh. I'll be Roz Washington.
Hallie Parker
And I'll be Mr. Shue. We'll represent the faculty.
Annie Parker
You have to be Mr. Shu.
Hallie Parker
I know. Do you think part of the reason I hate Mr. Shoe, like, more than the average person is because I see a little bit of myself in him?
Annie Parker
Rejection?
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Annie Parker
No, I don't.
Hallie Parker
Okay.
Annie Parker
I think he's super hateable.
Hallie Parker
Oh, okay. Okay. Thanks.
Annie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
He's the Worst.
Annie Parker
Are you ready for our next story? So mazel toe to the happy couple.
Hallie Parker
Like, I'm actually really happy for them.
Annie Parker
And they will have a star studded wedding registry. You know what I mean?
Hallie Parker
No, no, but they will have a star studded wedding, and they're definitely getting married on, like, top of the mountain.
Annie Parker
So you think they're getting married?
Hallie Parker
Oh, I'm sorry. If they get married.
Annie Parker
Yeah. I hope they get, like, you know.
Hallie Parker
Kelly and Miles Aaron Rodgers. They like running that crew.
Annie Parker
Yeah. So 50. 50 in terms of marriage.
Hallie Parker
Go into the chat. We watched the episode of Glee last night where Finn's. Finn's mom and Kurt's dad got married. So cute.
Jessie
It's like such a great show and such a terrible show all at once about it all the time.
Hallie Parker
And me and Ben, we've pretty much come to the conclusion that the worst member of Glee Club is Kurt. But I'm pretty sure that's, like, a universal truth.
Jessie
That is not who the worst member is.
Hallie Parker
No, I know who Ben's gonna.
Jessie
The worst member is Artie, by far. Okay, let me explain. No, let me explain. Let me explain. This is my problem. No, no, no, Artie. If they just cast a real handicapped person, I'd be rooting for him. That said, whoever that actor was, he can walk. So all I think of every time I see him is, okay, eyesore, you can walk. Get out of that wheelchair. But if he really.
Hallie Parker
It's funny that you said homophobic and ableist, because the point of glaze, like, no matter who we would have chosen, you would have said, like, you're anti Latino. You're anti Semitic. Right, Right. Every single person, like, represents my Rachel and Finn.
Jessie
All I know is it was a shame that they didn't cast a truly handicapped person.
Hallie Parker
Rachel's a Jew. Yeah. I guess Finn is the only one who's like nothing.
Annie Parker
He's heteronormative. WASP cognonormative. What's the word?
Hallie Parker
Neurotypical.
Annie Parker
Neurotypical Bad brother.
Jessie
Bad brother. Bad friend. Bad friend. Yeah.
Annie Parker
To who?
Jessie
Yeah, he didn't To. Didn't defend Kurt up against. What's his name, Karovski.
Hallie Parker
We're up to the part where Kurt is getting, like, relentlessly bullied by the piece of shit. Like, who's such a good actor? I want to reach to the screen and actually kill him with my own two hands. Like, he's so fucking evil.
Jessie
Awful. Awful. And what does Artie do? Just sit there?
Annie Parker
Well, he can't do much else.
Jessie
He can. He can walk.
Annie Parker
Well, I Think after Glee aired, like, it ushered in an era not because of Glee, but just, like, times change where it was, like, if someone is something you shouldn't have, like a straight person play a gay part or all these things. And I think that. That this Glee has been marred in scandal a little bit because already in real life could walk. And I think if it happened now, like, they would have chose someone truly handicapped.
Jessie
Yeah.
Hallie Parker
And that would have been amazing.
Jessie
They literally have no roles. What? What?
Hallie Parker
Say no, you're right. Like, they're.
Jessie
They have no roles. Like, it's like the nicest. It's like a gift to be able to write in a handicapped person and cast a handicapped person because they have no roles and they choose this incredibly ugly, capable person. I'm sorry.
Hallie Parker
Holy shit.
Jessie
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said what I said.
Hallie Parker
But he's like, so normal looking. Like, what are you talking about?
Jessie
I'm said what I said. I said what I said. Hurts my heart. Hurts my heart.
Annie Parker
Jesse wants to trash talk today.
Hallie Parker
First and last toast a ween where Ben stays the whole time.
Jessie
By two unhinged. I'm bringing a little bit too much of the Good Guys.
Annie Parker
Oh, is that what that is?
Jessie
Oh, yeah. We go crazy over there. If you guys want to listen. Chess, he's going there next.
Annie Parker
What are you doing on Good Guys Next?
Jessie
It's a great question. Yesterday we actually had Yvette Brown on who was Helen in Drake and Josh from the movie theater. Yes. It was really fun. That was really fun. So tune in when that comes.
Hallie Parker
Big things over at Good Guys.
Annie Parker
That is big things. She was also in Community. Did you ever watch Community?
Hallie Parker
No. We started it once, like 10 years ago and, like, immediately didn't like it.
Annie Parker
I don't think Ben. I don't think Claudia, you would have the patience for it. But, like, Ben, you would fucking love it.
Jessie
Okay. Yeah, I know you love Community.
Annie Parker
I watched Amazon and I loved it. And then Zach did a rewatch recently, so I would, like, let him finish out his episode in the bedroom. And so, so good.
Jessie
Wow, Claude, maybe we need to try it.
Hallie Parker
Maybe.
Annie Parker
No, it might just be like a Ben solo mission that doesn't happen.
Jessie
Like, I have nowhere to watch.
Annie Parker
Right.
Jessie
Where do I watch? No, that frame is literally meant for art.
Hallie Parker
In the living room and in the second bedroom. But he has nowhere to watch. I can't master, of course. But I'm always.
Annie Parker
Ben doesn't watch Claudia.
Hallie Parker
Of course I do, but I watch way more TV than Ben.
Annie Parker
Got it. So you don't watch anything that your wife.
Jessie
I watch only what she watches, and then she watches more.
Annie Parker
Got it.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. It's a nice life.
Jessie
No, it's fine. I'm exposed to shows I would never have watched. I love only Murders in the building. We just finished it. Fantastic.
Annie Parker
Okay. Chessers.
Jessie
Do you watch it, by the way?
Hallie Parker
Did we get through one story or two?
Annie Parker
We got through one story.
Hallie Parker
Okay. Like, let's keep it moving.
Jessie
Yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Hallie Parker
Like, Ben thinks that this is the Ben show.
Jessie
Whoa.
Hallie Parker
And I'm doing the good guys. Whoa. Please, we don't care. Like, literally don't care.
Annie Parker
It is.
Jessie
Whoa.
Annie Parker
Okay, next story. Kiki Palmer is revealing she was shocked to see her ex's comment about her Usher concert attire. So Keke Palmer did an interview with People magazine in this week's cover story, and she opened up about what really happened when she attended Usher's hit concert last year and how she handled the fallout with her ex. So for those who don't remember, like, Keke Palmer was in a relationship, had a baby. All seemed well until her boyfriend went on Twitter and was like, what are you wearing to the Usher concert? Like, you're a mom.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, it was, like, kind of the loser thing on the planet. And it was just like the first in a. The first card to fall because eventually the whole thing came tumbling down and we found out what was really going on between them. And he was, like, incredibly abusive. And honestly, I feel like we as a society moved on from that too quickly because it was seriously one of the craziest things on the planet. Yeah.
Annie Parker
His tweet said it's the outfit, though.it. you a mom to her.
Hallie Parker
What?
Annie Parker
She was wearing, like, a Givenchy dress at an Usher concert looking.
Hallie Parker
She looks sick looking.
Annie Parker
Party as hell. So she says, for her part, quote, I was speechless. I was at a photo shoot, and everybody was looking all weird. I was like, are y'all good? And then I randomly was on my phone and I saw it was so crazy. I didn't want to engage with something that wasn't reality and fan the fire. In her opinion, I was just at a concert doing what I do as an entertainer, creating a fun moment. How it became a storyline that me and Usher are in love, I don't know.
Hallie Parker
I wish, honestly, they were, in fact.
Annie Parker
Not in love and never have been. However, she says, as we all know, things are never really what they seem. As to for what contributed to the end of her unhealthy relationship with Jackson, she blames the stress of new parenting and she says, I imagine fame. She says that fame, it's always been a monkey on my back all my life. I'm used to it. But I've always known. And not just with my romantic relationships, but with my family, my friends. Fame has always become a burden.
Hallie Parker
I mean, that's incredibly magnanimous of her because, like, no, what ruined the relationship is him being a big fat loser. Not, like, fame or, like, anything to do with her. But this is, you know, the father of her child. And I guess that's, like, a role she takes really seriously. And she's not gonna, like, disgrace him publicly, even though, like, I would fully support.
Annie Parker
Yeah, there's only so much she's gonna say, but there's also a lot that we know just because of what's out there. So she's, like, addressing the obvious things while also being respecting her family. Yeah, they're respectful to her child, mostly.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. And that's huge of her. It is. And seriously, can never be made.
Annie Parker
Takes a lot of self restraint.
Hallie Parker
It does. It does. And she's doing a lot of press because she has a book coming out. And I imagine it's hard to avoid questions like this because it was this big thing last year, and honestly, it's so crazy.
Annie Parker
Yeah. Yeah, it really is. What do you think? Chessie fucked up? Chessy said fuck you up.
Hallie Parker
You tell him.
Jessie
Fucked up.
Annie Parker
Straight from Chessie's mouth.
Hallie Parker
You heard it.
Jessie
No, like, why? Why is he being mean to her? No, not good.
Hallie Parker
Not good.
Jessie
You're just, like, going out in the town, trying to look good, and then all of a sudden your man's coming and stomping on your good night.
Annie Parker
Publicly. On X, nonetheless.
Jessie
Yeah. Like, fuck that.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. Chess, he doesn't like that.
Jessie
Fuck that.
Annie Parker
Chess.
Hallie Parker
He doesn't roll that way, Chessy.
Jessie
Fuck that shit.
Hallie Parker
Jesse, what kind of woman are you in a relationship? Are you, like, very independent?
Jessie
Are, you know, fuck him up in the relationship. That's what I'm gonna do.
Hallie Parker
Oh, Chess is on the wrong side of the tracks.
Jessie
Yeah, I'll beat him up.
Annie Parker
Okay, thanks.
Hallie Parker
Like, are you. What's like, Chessy, what's your love language like?
Jessie
My love language is a. Is a fist bump.
Hallie Parker
Oh, okay. Okay. Very Sue Sylvester Abio.
Annie Parker
So Chessy coated.
Jessie
Yeah, me and Martin, we bump. We bump. Fists, bump.
Hallie Parker
Uglies and uglies. Yeah.
Annie Parker
Well, our next story, some relationship news, because Ethan Slater, the man formerly known as SpongeBob. Who's. Aria? This is.
Hallie Parker
I'm like, what do you mean, former?
Annie Parker
It was a former role. Chessy. So you know Ariana Grande has a new man. She met him on the set of Wicked. He probably looks like one of the kids in your high school who was also wearing DC sneakers. Shocked to know that he's dating Ari. Meanwhile, they were both like in marriages. He had just had a baby when they met. And like, the timeline is really weird, but Ari maintains nothing nefarious happened, even though that's like virtually impossible. But okay. She's seriously, like, if you guys only knew. So I'm trying to hold space for them.
Hallie Parker
She will seriously take this to her grave. Like, she is not letting up on the timeline being acceptable without telling us anything.
Annie Parker
So anyways, now Ari's dating this guy, Ethan Slater, and Wicked is coming out.
Hallie Parker
He was like a relatively unknown actor. He had played spongebob on Broadway, like really small potatoes.
Jessie
Oh, wait, he wasn't even. I thought he was the voice of SpongeBob.
Hallie Parker
SpongeBob on Broadway?
Jessie
Yeah, the voice of SpongeBob.
Hallie Parker
I'm surprised you don't know. He's like a 75 year old gay man. He's like kind of an icon and.
Annie Parker
He'S probably rolling in it. And that would be a catch, correct?
Jessie
Yeah, but no.
Annie Parker
So she's dating this guy who's in Wicked. So now they're all doing this Wicked press and he's doing press of his own and he's being asked a lot of questions and he's reacting to speculation that her song Imperfect for you is about him. So she put out an album last year called Eternal Sunshine. Just want to say it's es, which is also Ethan Slater. And a lot of the songs are about her crumbling relationship, just like about her. And she has this song, Imperfect for you that people think is about him. So he did an interview with GQ and when asked about the song's lyrics, he didn't exactly reveal if it's about him. He said, quote, she's such an amazing performer and I think everyone knows how good she is as a recording artist and all that, but I'm just really blown away by the songwriting. I love that song.
Hallie Parker
He says, yeah, it's a not really a noteworthy interview in any way, other than the fact that he's really acknowledging Ariana, like, as a human being and his girlfriend publicly and saying nice things about her as a songwriter and a person.
Annie Parker
Literally every question is asked, how's the movie? Ariana's amazing in it. You guys are not going to believe everything.
Hallie Parker
I mean, Jackie, if. If you. It's like, seriously, it's the equivalent of us dating. Like, Glenn Powell. Okay. Like, I would not stop talking about it too.
Annie Parker
Yeah, but I think he's like. I think this is his media strategy. Like, I'm not denying anything. I'm just gonna, like, constantly shower her with compliment. And what can anyone say to that?
Jessie
Even if it wasn't a mismatch, I'm just not sure that, like, the. The boyfriend or the man would ever not just shower the, like, wife or girlfriend with praise. If asked in press. Like, if Claudia was, like, doing a movie and somebody asked me what I thought, I would say. She's amazing. Like, I don't.
Hallie Parker
Well, you know, let's. You're. You're similar to Ethan in the sense that you're with someone who's totally out of your league. So what. What do you make of all of this?
Annie Parker
No, but, like, if you were also in the movie, like, yes, that would be one answer to one question. But, like, you would have other things to say about yourself.
Hallie Parker
But Jackie, he's such an inconsequential character.
Jessie
You're right. It's. It's very pr. It's PR Driven.
Annie Parker
But I think it's, like, a good strategy. It's almost like word salad about Ari's amazingness. Like, we fucking get it. Thank you.
Hallie Parker
It's worth salad about Ari's.
Annie Parker
And then you get fatigued by the answer, so, like, you don't want to hear about it anymore. It's a fantastic strategy.
Jessie
When does Wicked come out?
Annie Parker
It's, like, out.
Jessie
Oh, it is.
Annie Parker
I don't know. November 11th.
Jessie
November.
Hallie Parker
No, Thanksgiving.
Annie Parker
November 22nd. Okay. People are talking about it like it's out.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. Think. Well, a lot of people have seen that. They keep, like, hosting screenings and stuff, but it's out Thanksgiving.
Annie Parker
Yeah. This is, like, a really long lead time on the down.
Jessie
I'm pretty down to see it, though.
Annie Parker
I heard it's amazing. I just saw a headline.
Hallie Parker
I am so down to moment. Oh, I'm first in line. Like, I'm so down to see it.
Annie Parker
Me too. My husband's.
Hallie Parker
Oh, yeah. Your husband loves going to the movies.
Annie Parker
And he's gonna be excited that I'll want to go with him to see something.
Jessie
He loves the movies.
Annie Parker
He does love the movies. And you are a good friend that you typically accompany him to the movie.
Jessie
I do. I do go with. I do go with him to the movies when he wants to go to the movies and the movies. For me, you're just like.
Hallie Parker
And you know what? Can I say something about your husband? Like, he's so, Right. For that. Like, what's not to like about the movies? The snacks are amazing. It's literally an activity where you, like, you leave the house, but you, like, get to do the thing that you do in your house. Sit down and watch tv. Like, he's. It's a good hobby.
Jessie
The last time I went to the movies with Zach, I ran into Cuba Gooding Jr. Getting snacks.
Hallie Parker
Did you really?
Jessie
Yes, in the Hamptons. I ran into the Hamptons.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, I forgot you guys went in the Hamptons. Jackie, did you see that? The first celebrity named in, like, a P. Diddy document. Because they're saying that the celebrities. The first one, Cuba, was Cuba, by the way, so.
Annie Parker
Which is, like, seriously.
Hallie Parker
But I. It's not a reveal.
Annie Parker
I want to know, like, the people. We already know. Some of these people are dogs. Like, who are the people who were constantly showering with praise.
Hallie Parker
Yep.
Annie Parker
Who are dirty dogs.
Hallie Parker
So it was, like, a promising concept that, like, the first name was revealed, but it's like, you can't mar someone who's already been marred. Like, next up, who? Kevin Spacey.
Annie Parker
Like, Shocker Weinstein.
Hallie Parker
Right.
Jessie
I'm sorry. What the hell was Cuba Gooding Jr doing in Pearl Harbor?
Hallie Parker
Oh, yeah, we talked about that. When? When we watched.
Jessie
What was he doing? You can't do snow dogs in Pearl Harbor. You can't.
Hallie Parker
Listen, that's why he was as famous as he was at the time. So versatile. He had range.
Jessie
Honestly, love him.
Hallie Parker
Get you a guy who could do both. Are you okay? Not very ally of you.
Jessie
He's an absolute. But snow dogs. He was great. He was great.
Hallie Parker
I've actually never seen snow.
Jessie
It's kind of like separating the artist from the art. Like Van Gogh.
Annie Parker
Why would it. What about Van Gogh is not palatable for you?
Jessie
His ear. Wasn't he, like, a psycho?
Hallie Parker
He did cut, but he only hurt himself.
Jessie
I'm just saying he cut off his own ear. That's pretty nuts.
Hallie Parker
I feel like that's something you would.
Annie Parker
Do maybe for Claudia.
Jessie
Maybe. Would I cut off my ear?
Hallie Parker
Yeah. Good question. If I said to you, listen, I. I can't tell you how or why, but the universe will rip me from you. Like, I will never see you again if you don't cut off your ear right now. And it was, like, fully factual. Like, I wasn't having, like, a psychotic break.
Jessie
Fuck. All right, I guess I'll cut off, like, my ear.
Hallie Parker
And, like, you have to be the one to physically do it.
Jessie
Yeah, but, like, he didn't cut off, like, his ability to Hear? He just like cut off like the top of his ear.
Hallie Parker
A chunk of the lobe, yeah.
Jessie
All right, look, I'll ditch the top of my ear, okay?
Annie Parker
A chunk.
Jessie
It was just a chunk.
Annie Parker
Are you ready for our next story? Number four?
Hallie Parker
Am I?
Annie Parker
I don't think I'm ready.
Hallie Parker
I don't think so either.
Annie Parker
Doesn't look right.
Hallie Parker
So unlike me to be so unprepared. Okay, is it the fourth story on toasted Wean that's brought to you by Amazon Live? Per chance?
Annie Parker
Per chance it is.
Hallie Parker
So for those of you who live under a rock, Amazon Live is a shoppable experience on Amazon where you can learn about the hottest products from influencers and creators like myself. And shop while you're watching so you'll find beauty must haves, Get Ready with me demos live, try on some of the latest trends and the Garchy party swirlies of course. So you can tune in and ask questions in the live chat and you'll be able to have a lot of fun and get your questions asked by whoever is streaming. So if you like tea, there's plenty of it. They've got reality stars like Kyle Richards, Lala Kent, Paige desorbo. Paige actually has a new show, it's called Embed with Paige Disso where she invites top tier guests to join her favorite place, her bed. Bed and I have done a ton of Amazon lives, different categories. The most recent one we did, we actually filmed in our apartment and it was very. Ben cooked like a three course meal for us. We made Mac and cheese and chicken sandwiches and it was super fun. And all of our home cooking stuff is like from Amazon anyway. So if you're into cooking, you could watch and have fun and ask questions then also shop all the items that we were using. It's very Rachel Ray of us, you know, in a non problematic sort of way. So again, if you're just looking for like fun gossip, I feel like a lot of stuff goes down on Amazon Live. You can find it from all your favorite swirlies and you can stream and shop my channel on Amazon Live by going to Amazon.com/live/girl with no job. Or you can watch enjoy the best of Amazon Live on their new live TV channel on freebie or prime video under the DIY section and you'll be able to shop along on your phone. So make sure to tune in live and follow all your favorite swirlies so that you never miss a stream because then you can like ask questions live about like, you know, beauty or whatever, but also just like Gossip. It's really fun. Today's episode is also brought to you by Taylor Farms Chopped Salad Kits. They deliver the freshest, best tasting salads to eat at home or on the go. So Taylor Farms is one of our favorite sponsors here. They're a family owned company and they're on a mission to create healthy lives to fresh, delicious food. Their chopped salad kits defy boring in every bag. With over 30 flavors and even mini salads. Each base is a unique blend of fresh greens and veggies that are created to perfectly complement the toppings and dressings to deliver the best tasting flavor. Forward salad kits. Their dressings and toppings are packed independently to make it easy to tailor to your tastes. And you can use as much or as little as you'd like. Like a fun fact about many is I actually don't like croutons and I really like the Taylor Farm Caesar and I just don't include the croutons. They make it so easy because everything's packed individually. It's also pre chopped. It's so good. 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So that's shopavara.com forward/the toast. Avara. Everyone's going to be asking where you got your outfit.
Annie Parker
Thank you, a clauda.
Hallie Parker
You're welcome.
Annie Parker
Our next story, a little memoir news. Someone is writing a memoir.
Hallie Parker
Who?
Jessie
Tina Rizzler.
Annie Parker
No, not the Rizzler. Tina Knowles.
Hallie Parker
I wish. Oh. Oh, my God. I had a dream about Tina Knowles over the weekend. Okay. Gabare Sidibe locked me and Beyonce up in this tree. Like, we were stuck up there. Me, Tina and Beyonce, actually, and Tina. Yeah. And the power went out on this, like, fake island that we were on. And so everybody down below, like, couldn't help us because the cranes and everything, like, couldn't operate. So me and Beyonce are stuck in this, like, tiny branch. We can barely hold our own weights. Like, it was really traumatic. And then we finally get down and we go to, like, a pool party and everybody's, like, hating Gabor Sidibe, including Us. Like she fudgeing locked us up in that trait. It was really crazy.
Annie Parker
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Well, I guess Tina Knowles is now writing a book about it.
Hallie Parker
Good, good. Because it was traumatic.
Annie Parker
She's sharing her memoirs, and the title is, huh? Matriarch.
Hallie Parker
Okay, you know what? That's pretty strong.
Annie Parker
It should be Memoirs of a Mama.
Hallie Parker
It should be. But Matriarch is a strong one, and that really is exactly what she is.
Annie Parker
So. The businesswoman, designer, and mother of Beyonce and Solange recently announced her new book. It will be available April 22. She shared some details on Instagram, saying, I've always been a storyteller, and it's something I learned from my mother when I had a family of my own. I believe that my daughters needed to know where they came from in order to know where they were going. I'm now ready to share my story with all of you so that we can celebrate these themes of strength, motherhood, black pride, and identity.
Hallie Parker
She's a good one to write a book. I feel like she's seen a lot, but I do think that she's probably limited in what she can share because Beyonce's so private.
Annie Parker
Yeah. I would say, like, if this book couldn't, you know, be real and not just, like, Surface lyrics. Yeah, I think it would be very good. But, you know, the Surface lyrics do get you, wouldn't you say? Jesse.
Jessie
They do.
Hallie Parker
And Jesse, who do you think is an artist right now out there who's, like, kind of notorious for their Surface lyrics?
Jessie
Blake Shelton.
Hallie Parker
Blake Shelton. Are you saying that as Morgan Wallen.
Annie Parker
Or as Jesse came out swinging?
Jessie
No, that's his name. Blake. Isn't that his name?
Annie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Blake Shelton.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Yeah. Every single song he sings, that's like the classic Surface lyric. Country, like, like about the boots and the barn and the girl and the beer and the.
Hallie Parker
I feel like you're thinking of Luke Bryan.
Annie Parker
No, no, he's not.
Jessie
I am. I am. I am. I am. Who did I say?
Hallie Parker
You said Blake Shelton, Jackie. No, he's not wrong, technically, but I.
Jessie
Know that Blake Shelton is married to Gwen Stefani.
Annie Parker
Yeah.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Love him. I'm thinking Luke Bryan.
Annie Parker
I think both. I think you kind of hit the nail on the head with Blake Shelton.
Jessie
No. I watched Luke at Stagecoach come out with his backwards hat and the beers and the broads and the beers and the broads. And I was like, this is fucking Surface lyrics. Okay? This is Surface. Surface lyrics. And the opposite of Surface lyrics, it's like a Casey Musgraves she goes deep as shit and makes me feel something.
Hallie Parker
And as you see, what sort of genre do you think Chessie is most drawn to?
Annie Parker
Honestly? Casey Musgraves?
Jessie
I think Chessy.
Hallie Parker
I think she listens to Alan Jackson, honestly.
Jessie
Like, I think she likes Billy Joel. I think she sits on her vineyard listening to Uptown Girl.
Hallie Parker
It's kind of not a bad call.
Annie Parker
I feel that I could also see her being a Deadhead.
Hallie Parker
Oh, do you think Chelsea does drugs?
Jessie
Oh, she definitely smokes weed. For sure.
Annie Parker
For sure. And also, another correction. When we were saying, like, the OG Stan group, we said the Believers, and then someone said, justice for the Deadheads, and they were right for that.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, that's so true.
Annie Parker
I think the Deadheads are the OG Stanley.
Hallie Parker
With, like, a name.
Annie Parker
With a name.
Jessie
I'm just not. I'm just not a Dead fan.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Never was.
Hallie Parker
Are you saying that as Chessie or as bsa?
Jessie
I'm saying this as a bsc. Yeah.
Annie Parker
It's just so funny how someone could be, like, a regular person and then, like, you find out they're a Deadhead, and it just means they have this, like, double life where they, like, where they do drugs, where they travel the world for concerts and, like, upend, you know, their personal lives. Like, for the Grateful Dead.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. It must be jarring to, like, have a co worker who's, like, seemingly, like, boring and normal. And then they mentioned that they went to a Dead concert. You're like, oh, you camp. You do drugs. Like, you're like. You wear tie.
Annie Parker
I know. You don't just go in my close, like, circle is a Deadhead. And you would never expect it. It's not about the drugs. It's. I think you could be a Deadhead without doing drugs. That's not what's shocking. What's shocking is then, like, his partner, who's never listened to Grateful Dead, like, has to go on these journeys with him and travel to the ends of the country to see the Grateful Dead. You want to know who it is?
Jessie
You don't see one Dead concert. That's the thing. You see a hundred. Who is it?
Annie Parker
Josh Webman.
Jessie
I knew it. I was gonna say that. I knew.
Annie Parker
And Dana goes to, like, campsites.
Hallie Parker
Okay.
Jessie
But Dana is prepared for that because she is a Schumerhead. Okay.
Annie Parker
And she does go to the Comedy Cellar once a week to try and see Amy. That's true.
Jessie
She's. She's a shooter.
Annie Parker
But it only takes her to the Comedy Cellar. Like, that's not very far. Like, she's been to, like, Wyoming. To see the dead. The dead.
Hallie Parker
Dead.
Jessie
Yeah. I could, by the way, I could easily peg Josh as a Deadhead in the best way.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
But you're like, josh is the best.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. And he's very straight laced. Like, he's a party kid. So I guess he must really like the music. Yeah.
Annie Parker
No, it's about the music.
Jessie
Yeah. It's always about them.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. I think people are like that with that band Fish.
Annie Parker
Are they the same thing?
Hallie Parker
Like, okay, they. They are similar. Like, you're also a fish head and Pearl Jam head.
Jessie
I think that Fish heads. No, Pearl Jam is pretty awesome. I think that Fish.
Hallie Parker
No, it's actually not Roger Waters, I think.
Jessie
Yeah. True. True that. Even though. Separate the artists from the art.
Hallie Parker
No, we don't Pearl Jam.
Jessie
Of course we don't. We don't. We don't. We don't. We don't do that. We don't do that. But Fish, I feel like Fish is more drugs than dead drugs.
Annie Parker
The two of you.
Jessie
I mean, they're. They're definitely a major player in these concerts.
Hallie Parker
We're young like that.
Jessie
Yeah, we're. Yeah.
Annie Parker
I wonder. The Venn diagram of Toasters and Deadheads. Like, what does it look like?
Hallie Parker
It's small. It's small.
Annie Parker
I think it's small, but mighty. Because I hear Toasters are mighty and Deadheads are mighty. And like, however many there are in crossover, I think they're strong but mighty.
Jessie
They're weird, for sure. They are mighty weird.
Annie Parker
Jesse, you don't mean that.
Hallie Parker
Jesse's kind of like.
Jessie
There's like, 20 of them, and they're. Mike.
Hallie Parker
Yeah. Jesse's a bully, and that's how she got to where she is in this life.
Jessie
You would be a bully, too, if you were this fucking hot. I literally have, like, a hair that's interacting with my contact. I have these headphones over my haircase, over my hair. Jackie, I can't hear. Do you see this? It's over my hair. My ears are clogged with this wig.
Annie Parker
Okay, well, then let's get to the fifth and final story so that she finally unburdened herself.
Hallie Parker
Ben's not wrong. The wig hairs are being pushed into my ear canals with the headphones. You're right. And they're, like, synthetic and really prickly. I was feeling that, too.
Jessie
No, literally, Jackie's here wearing her own hair and AirPods. What a privilege.
Hallie Parker
She's very laissez faire. Better than ever.
Annie Parker
More.
Jessie
These freaking calves. These cans.
Annie Parker
It's so worth it. Chelsea, you look Fantastic.
Hallie Parker
You do.
Jessie
Thank you, darling.
Annie Parker
Are you ready for our fifth and final story? So then you can embark on yourselves? Yes. Ilona Mar is getting personal with People magazine. Alona Mar. You don't know Ilona Mar from the Olympics. She's on the engine.
Jessie
Yes, I do. I just didn't. I thought it was Alana Mayer.
Hallie Parker
Okay, well, it's Ilona Mar. You're not wrong.
Jessie
Alona Mar is her. It's Ilana Mayer.
Hallie Parker
It's I l O n a Jew.
Jessie
Who's Alona Mar? I'm alone at the bar with.
Annie Parker
Alone.
Jessie
Well, I'm alone at the bar with a loan Amar.
Annie Parker
She did a huge spread with People magazine. Some gargy party pictures, like, dressing up like Audrey Hepburn. And she's complaining that her DMS are filled with mothers who are very proud of her and find her very inspirational for their daughters. And not enough NFL players or billionaires, actually. Zero.
Hallie Parker
No, that's so fair. Because her thing is that because she's a rugged player, she's like built different. She doesn't look like a, you know, a stereotypical like feminine woman. She's very built. She's more jacked. She's stronger than a lot of the guys that she dates and a lot of people find that intimidating. And on Dancing with the Stars, she's like always doing things that are like, you know, groundbreaking. Like she lifted her partner as opposed to her partner lifting her. And it's true. Like honestly, the NFL players who date like 90 pound girls, it's not fair. Like they should be. Like, it's only right that they date Alona Mar, you know?
Annie Parker
Yeah. And I'm shocked that like there's not a handful of guys reaching out to her, but there's not. She says, and she loves the moms, like no shade. And she's so happy to be like a great of course for their daughters, but like she's looking for the NFL players.
Jessie
And all I have to say, all I have to say is she is awesome. She's awesome.
Hallie Parker
She really is. I love her. And like such a badass not to bring it up, but like every time we talk about her, it's worth mentioning, like, I knew about her so many.
Annie Parker
Years ago now talk about her anymore. People thought like, you're boycotting her.
Hallie Parker
I'm not boycotting her.
Annie Parker
Don't talk about her. She's always in the news. We don't always talk about her.
Hallie Parker
Well, I'm certainly not boycotting a lot of our people. Okay. I just feel like everyone's talking about her. Now, like, I don't need to, but I feel really passionate.
Annie Parker
It's like you set her free.
Hallie Parker
I. I got her to where she is.
Annie Parker
Launched her into the world.
Hallie Parker
Exactly.
Annie Parker
I can sit back and watch.
Jessie
No, she's super cool. I'm trying to think of like, who could date her.
Annie Parker
Well, we can put her on our list.
Jessie
She's going after the wrong guys. NFL players aren't. Aren't it? It's NBA players because they are so tall. Yeah, like they're. She needs like a nice seven foot guy that will feel like he's a six foot woman is really five feet. Like the six foot one NFL player is not where she should be.
Hallie Parker
No, she's right about NFL because her thing is not so much her height. It's really that she's very strong and like broad.
Jessie
Yeah, yeah, but like.
Annie Parker
No, but you're right, Ben. I think. I think she needs to expand the search to include NBA because you could have an NFL bell player just like on Love is Blind. Like, Hannah was talking to Nick and she thought it was so big, but he's a kicker and he just.
Jessie
What about like. What about like a Chris? What about like a Chris Humphries? I know he's like old news, but like his build. Six, nine.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, yeah.
Jessie
Six, nine.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Annie Parker
I will always ship Chris Humphries with.
Jessie
Whomever she's got to go for. The power forward center in the NBA. Six, nine and above. They're gonna love her.
Hallie Parker
Okay, I don't disagree.
Annie Parker
I thank you for that.
Jessie
They're gonna love her. She'll no longer be alone, Amar. Alone at the bar.
Annie Parker
Hopefully this reaches her.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, I hope so, because we like to give like actual, tangible advice here.
Annie Parker
Actionable advice now at the bar.
Jessie
Chessy, we need to make Alona Mar the Dr. Seuss book. Alona Mar alone at the bar Looking for a man near and far near.
Hallie Parker
And far A man who's a star.
Jessie
Alona Mar went to the bar and couldn't find the man but he doesn't seem far.
Hallie Parker
Okay, we lost it at the end, but it's fine.
Jessie
Alona Mar alone at the bar.
Hallie Parker
Honestly, pretty good.
Jessie
I went to find a man again who wasn't far.
Annie Parker
Does he have a nice car? Oh, she likes that. That alone are.
Hallie Parker
Wait. This drink tastes like tall. What's that from? What's that from? Pear and Trap.
Annie Parker
Let me bring it back.
Jessie
Wow. Full circle. By the way, this wig smells like ass.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, I do think like, what do.
Jessie
The people do to these wigs before they put them in the Amazon? Box and send them, like, wipe their ass with these wigs. Like, he, hey, we have a really nice wig. Let me just wipe my ass with it before I send it to the customer.
Hallie Parker
I honestly think that that might be what's happening. For real.
Annie Parker
Like, why wouldn't it be what's happening?
Jessie
Yeah. Or, like, what is this hair made of? Is it, like, your mom's hair?
Hallie Parker
Yeah, Chessie's chest hair.
Jessie
Your mom is chest hair, Ben.
Hallie Parker
And by Ben, of course I mean Chessie. We can't thank you enough for devoting your morning to Toastoween. You've become a real cornerstone of it. And I just been wondering if Chessy has any last words that she'd like to impart any wisdom to the. The listeners of today?
Jessie
No, look, this has been great. Listen to good guys and go to Sports Society dot com.
Hallie Parker
Chessie's kind of a capitalist.
Annie Parker
She's just hawking product, you know, I'm.
Jessie
Just saying the parallels. She sits on a vineyard. We sell wine products.
Annie Parker
And do you get your wine grapes from Dennis Quaid Parker's vineyard?
Jessie
Yeah. Yes. From Nikki P. Nikki Peas Vin. That's your Nicki know.
Hallie Parker
Yeah.
Jessie
Nikki Peas vino.
Annie Parker
Do you think we could do a Spritz Code Chessie, to get you something today?
Jessie
Absolutely. Let's do Spritz Code Chessie. C H E S S I e for 20 off sports society dot com.
Annie Parker
I love that. Bringing it full circle, you guys.
Hallie Parker
Another toast to ween in the bag. I will say, like, you know, when you know you did something good. Like this.
Jessie
This was good.
Hallie Parker
This was good.
Jessie
And now just, like, for a big reveal, I'll take off this, like.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, yeah. Show us your final sweat stains. Oh, by the way, the under. The under boob sweat stain cleared up. You're good.
Jessie
How do I look?
Hallie Parker
You look naked.
Annie Parker
I'm not. Okay.
Jessie
No. I feel naked and afraid.
Annie Parker
Also, the headphones are making the wig look even more like a mullet. Mullet. It's, like, pressing down and then fanning out.
Jessie
How do people wear tight tank tops? Like, what is the goal? Like, it's terrible.
Hallie Parker
Yeah, it's terrible. It's not your best look, I'll say that.
Jessie
No. Like, you guys, I think we should sign off.
Annie Parker
You look good, Chess.
Hallie Parker
Y'all look good.
Jessie
How easy is that?
Hallie Parker
You guys, thank you so much for listening to the toast. Happy toast. To Weed, the millennial morning show where we Deliver the Fast 5 stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday and YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as Podcast anywhere Podcast we found so Spotify Tune Tutor Public Video I recast box all the places by visit Podcasting five star view about a beautiful, stunning and wickedly talented we are happy Toastoween to all who celebrate. Hope you guys have a very spooky day.
Annie Parker
Love you.
Hallie Parker
Bye.
Podcast Summary: The Toast – "Annie, Hallie and Messy Chessy" (Thursday, October 31st, 2024)
Host/Author: Dear Media
The episode kicks off with Annie and Hallie Parker engaging in playful banter about their names and identities. They humorously navigate the confusion surrounding their guest, Jessie, who insists her name is pronounced with a "J" and not "Chessie." This light-hearted exchange sets the tone for the episode, highlighting the camaraderie and humorous chemistry among the hosts and their guest.
Notable Quote:
Jessie (00:47): "By the way, everybody says Chessie with a C. It's a J. Her name is fucking Jessie."
Annie and Hallie provide listeners with an inside look into the challenges of recording the podcast, particularly the intense heat in the studio during the Toastoween episode. They describe the oppressive temperatures and the physical discomfort it causes, adding a relatable and humorous touch to their behind-the-scenes narrative.
Notable Quotes:
Annie (02:03): "It's giving summer camp, it's giving summer case, and it's giving cross transatlantic continental podcasting."
Jessie (02:32): "I can't breathe. It's so hot."
The hosts reminisce about their past Toastoween costumes, mentioning memorable characters like Viserys and Daemon Targaryen from Game of Thrones. They humorously critique their own costume choices and share amusing anecdotes about costume mishaps, emphasizing the fun and creativity involved in their annual Halloween celebration.
Notable Quotes:
Hallie (10:25): "We have one fan and I was like, very generous because Chessie was already sweating through her shirt when we got here."
Annie (15:06): "We did so good. We did so good."
A significant portion of the episode delves into celebrity news and relationship gossip. The hosts discuss the engagement of Nina Dobrev and Sean White after five years together, expressing mixed feelings about the timing and sincerity of Hollywood engagements. They also touch upon Ariana Grande's new relationship with Ethan Slater, a former SpongeBob actor, and speculate on the authenticity of public statements surrounding their romance.
Notable Quotes:
Hallie (22:43): "I ship wholeheartedly."
Annie (37:02): "She's dating this guy who's in Wicked. So now they're all doing this Wicked press."
The hosts critique the casting choices in media, specifically referencing the Glee series and the portrayal of characters with disabilities. Jessie voices strong opinions about the lack of authentic representation, criticizing the casting of able-bodied actors in roles meant for individuals with disabilities. This segment highlights their advocacy for more inclusive and respectful media practices.
Notable Quotes:
Jessie (28:02): "If they just cast a real handicapped person, I'd be rooting for him."
Annie (29:03): "It's about the music. Yeah. It's always about them."
An important highlight is the announcement of Tina Knowles' upcoming memoir, titled Matriarch. The hosts discuss the significance of Tina sharing her story, emphasizing themes of strength, motherhood, black pride, and identity. They commend her for balancing personal revelations with respect for her family's privacy, particularly regarding her daughters Beyoncé and Solange.
Notable Quotes:
Annie (47:19): "She's sharing her memoirs, and the title is, huh? Matriarch."
Hallie (48:06): "There's a whole generation of young girls who grew up thinking that the mom from Parent Trap was Princess Diana."
The conversation shifts to music preferences, where the hosts debate surface-level lyrics in country music and the depth of songwriting in artists like Casey Musgraves. They compare this to their own tastes and discuss the cultural impact of bands like the Grateful Dead, highlighting the diverse musical influences within their listener base.
Notable Quotes:
Jessie (49:08): "Every single song he sings, that's like the classic Surface lyric."
Annie (50:32): "I think you could be a Deadhead without doing drugs."
As the episode wraps up, the hosts share final humorous anecdotes about wigs and costumes, maintaining the episode's light-hearted and comedic essence. They encourage listeners to engage with their content across various platforms and extend warm wishes for a spooky Toastoween.
Notable Quotes:
Annie (60:53): "This was good."
Jessie (60:54): "And now just, like, for a big reveal, I'll take off this, like."
In "Annie, Hallie and Messy Chessy," The Toast delivers a blend of humor, candid conversations, and insightful commentary on celebrity culture, media representation, and personal anecdotes. The episode successfully balances light-hearted banter with meaningful discussions, making it both entertaining and engaging for listeners who seek an authentic and humorous take on millennial life and pop culture.
Note: Advertisements and promotional segments within the transcript have been excluded from this summary to focus solely on the episode's core content.