Joey Gynecomastia with Joey Camasta: Tuesday, October 28th, 2025

Summary

The Toast – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Joey Gynecomastia with Joey Camasta (Tuesday, October 28, 2025)
Hosts: Claudia Oshry with guest Joey Camasta
Podcast: The Toast (Dear Media)
Date: October 28, 2025

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Overview

This episode features Claudia Oshry in lively conversation with internet personality, beauty aficionado, and podcast host Joey Camasta. The duo dives into a hilarious and honest catch-up, exploring everything from Joey’s exit from Barstool and podcasting with Snooki, beauty procedures, and reality TV obsessions, to celebrity scandals, crime confessions, and dream dinner parties. It’s an episode brimming with sharp pop culture takes, personal stories, and memorable banter—all in The Toast’s signature honest and irreverent tone.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Joey’s Post-Barstool Life and Career Moves

• Barstool Departure: Joey discusses amicably leaving Barstool, citing the end of his contract and a desire to pivot toward cooking content and lifestyle projects.
  • “It had its run and I think it was, it was, it was time.” (03:17, Joey)
• Best and Worst At Barstool:
  • Best: “Tommy Smokes.”
  • Worst: “My inner saboteur.” (03:29, Joey)
• Current Projects: Joey’s podcast with Snooki is “roaring,” and he’s making appearances on ‘Jersey Shore: Family Vacation.’

2. Pop Culture Catch-Up

• Snooki’s Booth Fall: Hilarious recounting of Snooki’s on-air fall and her alter-ego, “Dren.” (05:00)
• Relationship Status: Joey’s relationship is going strong, with his boyfriend backpacking in Europe.
  • “He’s been gone for a month and a half... I’m meeting him in Paris on the bridge to take my lover home.” (06:00–06:31, Joey)
• Health & Beauty: Extensive (and open) chat about Ozempic, trisepatide, and Zofran for weight loss and nausea. Joey shares his personal experience with hair transplants and top surgery for gynecomastia:
  • “Dr. Shuteller. Who did my titties... you can get anything done in East Hanover, New Jersey.” (09:52, Joey)
  • “I had top surgery early on my transition... I have scars like, under here.” (10:09–10:29, Joey)
• On Looking and Feeling Good:
  • “I love that I am [feeling better], but I’m at a low place. I’m ready for something new.” (10:57, Joey)

3. Dream Career and Manifestations

• Joey aspires to Martha Stewart–level culinary success with cookbooks, simmer pots, merchandise, and TV appearances.
  • “My Martha Stewart era is upon us. I want to make satchels of simmer pots and sell them... I want a brand deal with cookwares.” (11:49–12:23, Joey)
• Joey idolizes Ina Garten and Wishbone Kitchen, sharing funny anecdotes about DMing with creators.

4. Quick Hits & Lighthearted Confessions

• Family and Identity: Joey jokes about his Italian heritage, his full name, and the family’s colorful nicknames.
• LGBTQ+ Topics: The freedom to joke about slurs and self-deprecating humor regarding gender and sexuality.
• Reality and True Crime TV: Joey is obsessed with the Murdaugh and Karen Read cases; confesses “true crime does it” for him. (19:05–19:57)
• Shows Joey Loves: Kardashians, Dancing with the Stars, and Traders (“Bottom of the barrel–that’s when we’ll get on!” – 20:42, Claudia/J.)

5. Notable Banter & Hot Takes

• Celebrity Conspiracies: Speculation on Beyoncé’s pregnancies, Avril Lavigne, Katy Perry as JonBenét Ramsey.
  • “My conspiracy is that Beyoncé did not carry Blue Ivy specifically.” (30:08, Claudia)
• Kitchen & Beauty Brands:
  • Loves: Rachel Zoe’s line at TJ Maxx/Marshalls, Courtney Cox’s “Homecourt.”
  • Dislikes: J.Lo, “She has a horrible reputation for being a nasty bitch... Be a humble queen like us.” (40:00–40:46, Joey)
• Luxury Requests: Joey shamelessly requests freebies from Minky Couture (blankets), jewelry brands, and more.

6. Scandals, Crimes & Mock Confessional

• Morgan Wallen’s Mugshot Vanity: Joey jokes he’d let Wallen “throw a chair in my asshole,” and reminisces about his own minor arrests (for underage drinking and unpaid parking tickets).
  • “Twice—first was underage drinking. Prom weekend. Wildwood, New Jersey.” (44:07, Joey)
  • Details run-ins with the law, including being handcuffed with a straight boy crush and an $80 parking ticket leading to handcuffs.

7. Kim Kardashian, Law, and Fame

• Kim wants to transition to a legal career in a decade.
  • “Who’s going to take her seriously as a lawyer?” (54:33, Joey)
• Discussion of O.J. Simpson case, Murdoch, reality TV, and the culture of perpetual fame.

8. Dinner Party Fantasies & Community

• Joey and Claudia build their dream dinner parties—naming celebs like Nene Leakes, Alex Cooper (Call Her Daddy), Bobby Flay, Jessica Kirson, and Gypsy Rose, among others.
• Joey on hopes and dreams:
  • “I’m just hoping for a new light to be lit in my life... a fire to lead the way.” (61:17–61:23, Joey)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Weight Loss Medication:
  • “It’s like legal bulimia.” (07:04, Joey)
• On Top Surgery for Gynecomastia:
  • “I had breasts... I had top surgery early on my transition... he took my nipples off, put them on the table, cleaned them out, put it back on.” (10:10–10:40, Joey)
• On Leaving Barstool:
  • “If I was gonna get stuck there, I was gonna be losing all the je ne sais quoi of what makes me, me.” (03:40, Joey)
• On Dream Projects:
  • “My Martha Stewart era is upon us.” (12:23, Joey)
• About Snooki (“Nicole”) and Jersey Shore:
  • “She takes a licking and keeps on ticking... That was Dren, actually, her violent alter ego.” (05:00–05:20, Joey)
• On J.Lo:
  • “I can't stand her... She has a horrible reputation for being a nasty bitch.” (40:00–40:44, Joey)
• On Martinis and Relationships:
  • Claudia: “Are you the marrying kind, Joey?”
    Joey: “I mean, I'm... Yeah, I would love to get married.” (08:27–08:31)
• On Dream Dinner Guests:
  • “Nene Leakes... Alex Cooper... Bobby Flay... Jessica Kirson... Gypsy Rose.” (63:38–65:09, Joey)
• Joey’s Hopes:
  • “I'm just hoping for a new light to be lit in my life... a fire.” (61:17–61:23)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Barstool discussion – 02:50–04:15
• Joey’s top surgery, hair transplant – 09:09–10:40
• Ozempic, weight loss chats – 06:44–07:55
• Snooki’s alter ego / booth fall – 05:00
• Reality TV, trader shows, DWTS – 19:05–21:29
• Morgan Wallen and mugshot vanity – 42:19–44:07
• Dream dinner party exercise – 63:25–65:31
• Joey’s hopes and closing sentiments – 61:17–61:23

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a whirlwind—a masterclass in witty, chaotic morning show energy. Personal updates, pop culture debates, and unfiltered confessions make for an engaging listen, whether you’re a longtime “Toaster” or a Joey Camasta superfan. Joey’s blend of vulnerability, aspiration, and outlandish humor proves why he’s a beloved recurring guest. The chemistry with Claudia is undeniable: equal parts supportive and savage, with heartfelt candor under all the laughs.

Recommended for fans of:
Pop culture, reality TV, LGBTQ+ hot takes, personal transformation journeys, and high-energy friendship banter.

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Follow Joey Camasta:

• Instagram & TikTok: @JoeyCamasta
• Claudia Oshry: @girlwithnojob

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Transcript

[A]

Good morning, girlies. It's the Toast. It's Jackson Claude and we're your host. It's your favorite show. The best five things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly. It's the Toast. They sound amazing. Welcome back to the Toast. Happy Tuesday. I am so excited to be sitting down with the king of Mal sashimi.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

It's Joey Commaster.

[B]

Hello. Welcome. I like your little teaser that you added.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Did you get my clue?

[B]

I got the clue. Cause I knew that. I knew it was. I thought you were gonna put an Uber on it if you did it. But then I was triggered by the word trout. Now I don't know why, it just makes me feel like a trout. Seems ugly. And why is Olivia called Trout?

[A]

Okay, you'd have to ask Jackie why she calls Olivia trout. I'm not 100% sure.

[B]

That's the worst name ever. I was like trout.

[A]

So on my Instagram, I've been doing these clues and Jackie said that sashimi was gonna be too niche. A couple people got it. They thought it was Ben just cause he loves fish.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then they thought it was Olivia cause we call her Trout. And then a couple of people were like, mal sashimi.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's the king of Mal Sashimi.

[B]

Joey together.

[A]

Welcome to the toast.

[B]

Well, I made it out live and here I am now. I saw you looking at you right here. I always forget.

[A]

The thing is, look wherever you want.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna look around.

[A]

Wherever you look is none of my business.

[B]

That's my camera though.

[A]

That is your angle? Yes. Okay, smile. You're on can of camera. Now, if you were to be cast in a modern remake of Hairspray, who do you think you would play?

[B]

I would hope divine.

[A]

Who's that?

[B]

Tracy Term lad's mother.

[A]

Oh, what did you call her?

[B]

Edna Turnblad.

[A]

Oh, you said Divine.

[B]

That's who played the original. Oh, I. John Waters.

[A]

I grew up in the John. I mean, then in the Nikki Blonsky era. You grew up in the Ricky Lake era?

[B]

Yes. The Ricky Lake era?

[A]

Yes. No, I'm very Tracy. Oh, and you're Tracy's mom? I do.

[B]

Tracy's mom. Yes.

[A]

Wait, let's make a TikTok to one of those songs.

[B]

Hey, Mama. Hey Mama. Good son.

[A]

So for those who might be new here, even though you were literally just on the toast while I was on maternity leave. Thank you for doing that. And thank you for getting Jackie to talk about reminder. Thank you. That was really well she was wearing.

[B]

Grinder socks and she's lying. I know. She found them in her husband's drawer.

[A]

She was caught 100%. I'm so excited for you to be here with me. We Lowkey have so much to catch up on. We have not podcasted together since Jackie's last attorney. Charlie's two years old.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And that was kind of the mal sashimi, like the day everything changed.

[B]

You both have new faces.

[A]

I have the same face, except it's just like a little bit bigger.

[B]

Dr. Sharon Kezi.

[A]

I haven't been to Dr. Sharon Gizy in a while because are you allowed.

[B]

To have Botox when you're pregnant and.

[A]

Or when you're breastfeeding?

[B]

So when are you able. Here's hard hitting questions. When are you getting back on the. On the, on the, on the, on the.

[A]

On the sauce? It's either going to be like this.

[B]

Month because you can't breastfeed in another year.

[A]

Exactly. And then Ruby will be like so skinny, you know, and that's like not what we want.

[B]

We don't want modeling contracts just yet.

[A]

Not yet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So much to catch up on with you. Now we're going to do the fast five. You're one of my favorite people to discuss pop culture with.

[B]

There's a lot going on, but there's.

[A]

A lot going on in your life since you've last been here. Let's talk about you leaving barstool.

[B]

Yeah, let's do it.

[A]

Let's do it. What's the thing? Like, people were shook. Girls in our Facebook group were screaming, crying, throwing up out, and about their favorite show.

[B]

I know. Well, all good things have to come to an end. No, you know, it just wasn't, you know, at bar. So there's contracts. So it was like my contract was up and I had. I was at a place where, you know, I can sign again for, you know, however long it was they were offering or I could kind of go on and do my own thing. And I feel like I wanted to definitely get more into the cooking space.

[A]

And like, kind of.

[B]

And, you know, I think it's just like we. It had its run and I think it was, it was, it was time.

[A]

It was beautiful.

[B]

Yeah, it was. There was fab. I can't say enough good things about horses. You can. Yeah.

[A]

Now tell me who was the best person you met there and who was the worst?

[B]

The best person I met there was Tommy Smokes and the worst was probably my inner saboteur.

[A]

I love when you wrote inner Saboteur.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, good for you.

[B]

No, I think it was a perfect experience. I loved doing it, but, you know, I feel like if I was gonna get stuck there, I was gonna be losing all the je ne sais quoi of what makes me me. Yeah, there was no, like, Susie Homemaker there. Like, I wasn't doing, know, inter interior design, and I wasn't doing, you know, cooking glam and all this stuff. It was, like, kind of subdued by the. The gambling addiction.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so do you feel like you left with a gambling addiction?

[B]

No, I. I probably less now.

[A]

Okay, that's good.

[B]

But I do. I do enjoy going to on DraftKings and, you know, feeling frivolous on the big games. I've been watching sports a lot, but, yeah, it was. There was a 100% experience the whole. All way around. I loved it.

[A]

And you and your co host, Pat, left things.

[B]

Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, he's, you know, we. We don't really hang out very much, but. Yeah, that's so crazy.

[A]

I loved that era for you.

[B]

Yeah, it was fun.

[A]

And you still have your podcast with Snooki?

[B]

Yes, it's. It's roaring.

[A]

It's roaring. I've been seeing your clips all over. You guys are so funny.

[B]

Thank you. We're starting to do clips now. We're trying in the 21st century. I got us microphones.

[A]

Yes, microphone.

[B]

It's hard to get her in the studio because she has 900 kids, five stores. Yeah, she's filming that show still.

[A]

Are you still on that show, the. What is it called? Family.

[B]

Family Vacation. Jersey Shore Family Vacation. Yeah. I do cameos and appearances. I think the next one we were at, we felt we filmed so much. They filmed year round.

[A]

I just saw this clip. I don't know if it's from a newer episode. It's from the new show, Family Reunion or Family Vacation, where Snooki falls off the booth and you're there.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

Oh, my God. What happened? Is she okay?

[B]

Yeah, she's fine. She. She takes a licking and keeps on ticking. She didn't even know what happened. So the next day, and she wasn't even hurting the next day. So I don't understand what was going on, but, yeah, that's kind of like her. Not a party trick. She was. We were in Boston and wiling out. Shoot. Dren was. That was Dren. Actually, it wasn't. It wasn't Nicole. You know who Dren is? No, it's her violent alter ego.

[A]

Alter ego?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So she was there. So she's the one who summoned me to the club that night. We were both in Boston working on separate projects.

[A]

Oh, okay. Separate projects.

[B]

And yeah, so I went over there and she was trying to like scooch up on the booth and like grab and dance, but there was no.

[A]

She didn't realize it was hollow behind her.

[B]

Yeah, it was behind her. So she went down a few like 25 stories.

[A]

Honestly, she looked like she snapped in half. But she's okay.

[B]

She's fine. She snapped. She jumped right back up and didn't know anything had happened.

[A]

Now, are you single, Joey Camasta?

[B]

No, I have a boyfriend.

[A]

Are you still seeing?

[B]

Yes, we're still together.

[A]

Wow, that's a long time now.

[B]

Yeah, my sister in law's living, listening to right now. Say hi to Mary.

[A]

Hey, Mary. Love ya.

[B]

Bye. Yeah, everything's going strong. So he is. He is taking a leap of faith. He left to backpack across Europe for the month.

[A]

You're kidding.

[B]

He's been gone for like. I haven't seen him in a month.

[A]

He couldn't get away from me fast enough.

[B]

No, he's been gone for a month and a half.

[A]

By himself.

[B]

Well, but he started by himself. He started with his family, then he went on a solo thing. Now his homegirl, best homegirl, met him in. They were. I don't know where the hell they were at this point. They were in like Switzerland and now they're in Amsterdam. But to close out his. His spring for his rum springa keeps going out to discover herself. Hopefully she comes back to me. I'm meeting him in Paris on the bridge and. Oh, that's the best to take my. Take my husband home and take my lover home.

[A]

Who's the Carrie and who's the big?

[B]

I'm definitely the big in both senses of size and finances.

[A]

Are you still on a zempig? We have so much to catch up on.

[B]

I am on. I'm a new girl who is Appetite trisepatide, I hear.

[A]

That's the one.

[B]

Yeah. So I didn't know I was doing the wegovy for so long, but now I'm on this, so I, you know, I love it. No, everyone says it's horrible how to get nauseous. You get. But that's how I know it's working. Of course I want to be. No, I want to be like watering at the mouth, about to throw up at all times.

[A]

Exactly. Like when you're. It's. It's just. It's kind of like when you're pregnant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They say when you start to feel sick, like, it's signs of a healthy pregnancy, but you're also, like, in the back of attack.

[B]

It's like, legal bulimia.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Have you ever on your Ozempic journey, gotten to the point of barfing? Because I didn't.

[B]

I got, like, super nauseous.

[A]

Right. But I didn't barf.

[B]

I did, but I maybe. No, I never did. But then they give you those tiny little pills. I don't take those. I like it.

[A]

Well, you don't take those.

[B]

They come in the mail with it. But I'm like the. What's it called? Zofran. Zofran. Zofran. And apparently, people. I had no idea that I had this. There's this phobia of throwing up that I had growing up, and I didn't know what it was. I had OCD horribly. And I would do chants and the number of things because I was terrified of throwing up.

[A]

Oh, you're like Lena Gentleman girls.

[B]

I went vegetarian for, like, 10 years. Cause I was terrified of it. Because of your OCD omniphobia or. I don't know what it is. All the girls that have it in this chat are screaming right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Whatever that is, I had no idea. So apparently the girls that are addicted, that are. That have that phobia, are addicted to Zofran because it's, like, it prevents you from ever getting nauseous.

[A]

So friend is a miracle drug.

[B]

Why is it so tiny, though? I feel so. I think I have to take a whole handful.

[A]

And I don't, like, love the whole under your tongue thing.

[B]

Oh, that was supposed to do.

[A]

Yeah. It has to dissolve under your tongue.

[B]

I was popping on my tic tacs.

[A]

Oh, no, no.

[B]

I had no idea.

[A]

You have to, like, put it under your tongue, let it dissolve, and then, like, swallow. It's gross, but it really works.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So still on Ozempic?

[B]

Still on that.

[A]

Still with your boyfriend?

[B]

Still with the boyfriend. Everything's going good. Yeah. I'm leaving for to scoop him up and a couple weeks going to France.

[A]

That is so cute that he's, like, on his E Pray love journey. And you're going to meet him.

[B]

Yeah, to meet him.

[A]

Are you the marrying kind Joey Camasta?

[B]

I mean, I'm. Whatever. I just, you know, I just. Yeah, I would love to get married. Yeah.

[A]

You would?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you think you would invite me?

[B]

Oh, yeah, I would definitely invite you because I would.

[A]

Would you let me officiate?

[B]

You would Officiate. But I would also want to get some kind of your. Your contacts that you have for rentals.

[A]

For sure, for sure, for sure. We'll get it comped.

[B]

Yeah, I need something comped, but I.

[A]

Don'T feel like I really can be, like, the person I want to be until I've officiated a gay wedding.

[B]

You haven't done it yet?

[A]

No.

[B]

Does your. Your faith allow that? Yeah, I'm sure.

[A]

Yes, of course. And you would let me? I would be like a good.

[B]

I'd be honored.

[A]

You'd be honored.

[B]

Would. I slept on a glass, even though I wasn't. I was. I wasn't. Neither of us are Jewish.

[A]

Is your man Jewish?

[B]

No, but we can still smash things.

[A]

I think you can, like, do whatever you want at your own wedding.

[B]

Yeah. Jump the broom.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

Yeah. There's different traditions for everyone.

[A]

What other life changes have you been going through, Joey, since I've last seen you?

[B]

Well, I got a hair transplant, so that's why my hair looks wild. Do apologize. I don't know how to style it. I've been bald for so long.

[A]

So how long ago did you do it?

[B]

I got it done in February.

[A]

And it's October. Okay, now can you lift back your hair? Can I see your hairline? And you did it here, like, by your hair.

[B]

I did it here and the bald spot and then, like, over here.

[A]

Can I tell you, I never would have known.

[B]

Well, see how fluffy and big it is now? It's like I never had hair before, so I had to, like, you know, I would keep it short and, like, buzz and jizz it down, gel it down. Cause I didn't know how to do with it. But now that I have it, I don't want to cut it anymore. Cause I'm afraid it'll never grow back again. And I don't know how to style it. I need to go. I need to go see Rita Hazon.

[A]

Did you go to Turkey or was this a local job?

[B]

No, Dr. Shuteller. Who did my titties?

[A]

Dr. Shuteller.

[B]

All in house. It does everything in house. You can get anything done in East.

[A]

In the city?

[B]

No, in East Hanover, New Jersey.

[A]

I'm so happy for you.

[B]

I'm a jump from there. Hotel does they do now. He's. He's been on the titty committee for many moons. He's. He's like the go to titty person.

[A]

Remind me what you did to your titties.

[B]

Oh, I had. I had. I had.

[A]

You had breasts.

[B]

Breasts. I had. I had top surgery. Early on my transition. So that's always a good party trick when I pretend I'm trans, but because I already have the voice going, so never know what you need. If I had to get into a good school or something, I could play box.

[A]

You could play, right? And so your breasts. Do you have any scars?

[B]

Yeah, I have scars, like, under here and.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah. So I have the T scar. So I have it. I can. If I. I can really pull it out if I have to. And then he took my nipples off, put on the table, and, like, cleaned them out. Wow. Put it back on.

[A]

And that condition where, like, men have, like, gynecomastia gynochemastia.

[B]

And my name is chemist, so I was always like, this is the tit. The fat titty committee fucking surgery for me.

[A]

Literally in your name.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

So I've been triggered for many years.

[A]

Many years. But you seem like you're looking and feeling and doing better than ever.

[B]

I am. I love that I am, but I'm at a. I'm at a low place. I'm ready for something new. I'm ready for it to. Yes.

[A]

Maybe you need to go on a backpacking solo trip through Europe to, like, find yourself, like, what's your next move? Because I feel like you had this Barstool era, and while it was, like, the last thing people would have expected, right? Like Joey.

[B]

Oh, this cheap fucking studio.

[A]

Well, I think it was like the last place people expected you to be. And you were kind of the last person ever anyone expected, like, barstool to hire Happy. But it was like, a brilliant marriage. It was. You were so great there. I think they really, like, highlighted your talents.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now you moving on to bigger and better things. And we're so excited to see what Joey can master.

[B]

I'm excited to see it too. I mean, in a perfect world, I like, you know how all manifest. We have our career boards, of course, but there's different people on my career boards. Maybe people that are like, we're just, like, cooking in their house. Like, not even trying. Like, you know how when I do my cooking shows, Ben came over and was experienced the Ooh la la.

[A]

He loved it.

[B]

Of the big. Of the big times. And it's like, I'm so used to having a production and, like, people that are, like, doing, like, food styling and, like, all these, like, things, and I just need to just pack my phone up like this and just, like, record me cooking. And that's what people want. Y. And my goal is to have the People that just go on their tiktoks and do the shitty video and then they put it up and then next thing they have, they have a cookbook and they're on Andrew Barrymore show and they're doing all that. So that's like my journey. I want. My Martha Stewart era is upon us. I want to make satchels of simmer pots and sell them and like, you know, I want a brand deal with, you know, cookwares.

[A]

Who is your, like cooking idol? Like, who's Ina?

[B]

Like Ina? Yes, Ina. Martha.

[A]

Can you believe her name is Ina?

[B]

I know.

[A]

I feel like not enough people talk about that not to be like a six year old, but like it's vagina.

[B]

And I, you know, I had no idea that she was Jewish until. Until I found out the hard way. When I found out she was making a noodle kugel, I had no idea. But yeah, now it's even more homey and like cozy though.

[A]

And like, Jeffrey's like so Jewish. Just like, you could just like look at him. He doesn't need to say like, hi, I'm Jeffrey and I'm Jewish. Like, we know.

[B]

What else do we know about Jeffrey?

[A]

What do you. I think the question is, what do you know about Jeffrey?

[B]

What does her friend Michael know about Jeffrey?

[A]

Michael's a star. Those tablescapes really party.

[B]

One float, one flower. And a lot of them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

And he learned so much.

[B]

Yeah. A runner. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I went past her house this summer when I was in Southampton. I took a hydrangea leaf and I have it.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah, it was from the outside, from the fence.

[A]

You know how, like, girls get their wedding bouquets. You can get it like dehydrated and saved and frayed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You should do that with the hydrangea.

[B]

Yeah. Well, the leaf's about to get crumbled, so I have to put it somewhere safe.

[A]

It's time.

[B]

But I thought that was gonna make some magic happen. But yeah, Aina is my girl in modern day Wishbone Kitchen. I love her. Love with my whole heart. I've been trying to be friends with her for so long, I DM her and sometimes she just puts an lol. But she hasn't took the bait yet.

[A]

I feel like she's really busy. You know, her and Ben were supposed to cook together and she canceled like three times and then never rescheduled. Just want to say, and I love her. And I could see, like, you two really vibing.

[B]

Yeah, I could see.

[A]

And I think she's busy.

[B]

She Is busy. She's. She's got cookbooks. She's opening Dior packages at all times.

[A]

Aren't we all?

[B]

I need to get on good PR list. If anyone's watching.

[A]

Yeah, please, we got the PR girls.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Joey, please use this platform. What do you want most in this world? It's kind of like we're like Santa free shit. Okay.

[B]

Never to gain weight and you know, to take naps. I'm just like ready for it. I love napping. Have you had a Lola blanket yet?

[A]

We do, Minky Couture, actually. And don't forget to use co. Toes code.

[B]

Toes. What is Mickey Couture? Can they say one of those?

[A]

Mika is the real blanket and then Lola like copied them?

[B]

Oh, pardon.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like Chanel.

[B]

Well, do you think they're watching for sure? Well, I won't know the difference until I try it myself.

[A]

Minky, give Joey a blanket. Give him one of those big hugs. Blankets.

[B]

Cool neutral tones. Thank you.

[A]

Your home is beautiful. You've not recently, but since the last time I saw you, your apartment was new and you're making lots of updates and, and I feel like you really do have that sort of like, you know, you're just. You're not what people expect. Right. Like you look at you, you think.

[B]

One thing, rough around the edges.

[A]

Yeah, you. Right, you do have this like sort of like bold, edgy look. But then you're also like this very chic.

[B]

Chic, Expensive.

[A]

Gay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you don't actually look, I mean when you, when you walk in with your big trench coat like you did. But like just like looking at you, I wouldn't necessarily think that you're gay.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Oh, is that a compliment? Well, I mean, yeah, you're self hating gay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I mean always. But I think, I think, you know, I've been a woman for so long that's. I mean, transition's finally sticking.

[A]

Oh, right, right, right. Now, if you were a woman, what would your name be?

[B]

I would want it to be something like a boy name. Like, like a boyish name. Like something androgynous like Joey even.

[A]

Joey. Is your full name Joseph?

[B]

It's Joseph John Augustine. Chemista Augustine.

[A]

That's very beautiful because you're Italian. Yes, yes. And does your family call you Joseph? I could see like.

[B]

No, they just call me Joey or Faggot, either one. Whatever the whatever is going on that day.

[A]

Right. Whatever everyone's feeling.

[B]

Is this live?

[A]

Yes. Well, no, it's not live. Like it hasn't been. It's not out yet, but if you want to cut something out, we can.

[B]

No, say it.

[A]

You don't want to cut out the slur.

[B]

No. Loud and proud.

[A]

Yeah, right. You have the ability. Like, you have the privilege of using.

[B]

Well, that's what that's about.

[A]

You've suffered for it.

[B]

I've suffered long enough. My people have suffered long enough.

[A]

They have.

[B]

Our people have been through worse.

[A]

Yes. Who is a gay person that you hate?

[B]

Oh, who is it that I can't stand? I don't know. Cesarelia I hate, but I can't stand. Law. Roach.

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

He just seems like we're from the same place. The Bronx.

[B]

The world. I saw you doing it the other day. I don't know, maybe because I saw him, like. Like, judging drag shows or something, and he was, like, nasty to the girls. Oh, something like that. I don't hate him. I mean, that's. Oh, Jonathan Van Ness I don't like either.

[A]

Yeah, but you're like. That's not a unique take. I feel like a lot of people don't like Jonathan Van Ness ever since his Rolling Stone expose. But I feel like you always, like, randomly, like, love and hate people. Like, I know you love Caitlyn Jenner. We love her, too.

[B]

Love. Yes.

[A]

She is going to be on this week's episode of the Kardashians. Will you be tuning in?

[B]

Oh, what is she doing there?

[A]

They're saying goodbye to their house. They're selling that house that they all grew up in.

[B]

Black and white house.

[A]

The black and white house. So they're having this big dinner, and then Chris said, spoiler alert.

[B]

Hey, look who's here wearing heels today.

[A]

She was actually wearing hokas.

[B]

What is that? Oh, flap, flop, flip flop. No, no.

[A]

Hoga is like, the sneakers. Like, the trendy sneakers. Like, running sneakers.

[B]

Well, she's got. She got osteoporosis. Be careful.

[A]

Everybody forgets Caitlyn is like. Well, yes, but accomplished athletes of our time.

[B]

Oh, so she can. She can do it.

[A]

Triathlon. Triathlete, whatever. Whatever she used to do. What's your Starbucks order?

[B]

This is a quad oat milk iced macchiato.

[A]

What's a quad?

[B]

Four shots. Wow.

[A]

Four shots of espresso in that tiny little thing.

[B]

I've been. I've been napping severely the past two days. No, I. Not really. I was on a girls trip this weekend.

[A]

Fine. Where'd you go?

[B]

We went out to Cape May Down. All the way in New Jersey. And they. They have a really cool Like Halloween, Thanksgiving, fall festival there.

[A]

And when you go on a girls trip, who are the girls?

[B]

Nicole.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

And her friends from home. And then one of our gay best friends.

[A]

Fun.

[B]

Yeah, so we all did that. We went to this big house and then we just, we had drank every day, went to wineries and went to restaurants and stuff.

[A]

Can I ask you an honest question, Joey? Do you ever feel threatened by JWoww and her friendship with Nicole? Because like, Nicole's like kind of two best friends.

[B]

Yeah, No, I don't feel threatened. I think that's. We had to like learn that early on and like, kind of like between her best friends from home.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Her Jerry, showbar sense and now me. We all had to kind of stake our claim and like, you know, put our foot in the ground and stand our ground. So everyone knows, like to respect each other's boundaries. I mean, I am jealous of JWoww's tits.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

If I got tits again, I would want those.

[A]

Oh yeah. I always say if I got like tits, which I will one day, I'll be bringing my sister Margo to the office and say, copy the tissues. Beautiful breasts. She's a beautiful girl.

[B]

A satchel. Satchel.

[A]

Satchel.

[B]

Exactly. That transition from Snatchelor to the Satchelor. Did someone forget a vowel?

[A]

No. Do you remember? Do you watch Vanderpump Rules?

[B]

Not in the recent years.

[A]

I know one of the most recent seasons, like Katie Maloney, like brought a guy and he was like 4ft tall and had really curly hair and his name was Satchel.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And so we just started calling Margot Satchel.

[B]

I do like that show though.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

It's not there anymore.

[A]

What shows are you watching right now? Like, what are you into?

[B]

I mentioned Murdoch. Heavy.

[A]

Heavy. Are you watching the scripted one on Hulu?

[B]

I'm watching every time I Google, I'll Google Murdoch on the tv. Watched it all. Now I'm. Now I know where I am in the storyline, whether it's real or fake.

[A]

You were big on the Karen Reed case too. You believe she's innocent.

[B]

Yes, she's innocent.

[A]

You've been chatting with her.

[B]

We've been face chatting. You're FaceTiming. Yes. She's doing great. There's a new story coming out about her who should have her on the podcast. I tried. She can't. She's.

[A]

She's so busy.

[B]

Yeah, she's not busy. She's just. She's not allowed to do anything like that until after something happens or she's still going to court for the the next trial.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Got it. Season three of.

[A]

Right, right, right, right.

[B]

But I do love her. Obsessed with that. But Murdoch. Back to Murdoch. There's so many twists and turns.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And so I think I reached the end of where he is now. I guess he is still alive and in prison.

[A]

The dad.

[B]

Dad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now I'm watching the Hulu version of it with Patricia Arquette. Anything with Arquette in it I know is gonna be a fucking. A killer.

[A]

You watch Gypsy Rose?

[B]

Of course. Gypsy Rose, Severance. What else is she like? Anything. She's in. Yeah, she's pretty major, so I knew I was gonna like it.

[A]

So you're big into true crime.

[B]

True crime. I love true crime. Nothing is really doing it for me as far as series goes. What should I be watching?

[A]

Me and Ben are watching any new shows.

[B]

You know, I like to bedrot.

[A]

Oh, and we have a story. Would you watch? Nobody wants us. The nephew show.

[B]

I do. With the rabbi.

[A]

Yeah, with the rabbi. I feel like you would like it.

[B]

Is it ongoing, though?

[A]

New season just came out.

[B]

That's what it was. Okay. I watched the old season. I haven't seen the new season yet.

[A]

I think you'd like it.

[B]

I like the first season.

[A]

Yeah. And we have a story. We'll talk about it in a little bit. That's what we're currently watching. Watching the Kardashians. Oh, are you watching Dancing with the Stars?

[B]

I am. You know what? I, I, I wanted to hate it because I just feel like I'm annoyed that I have. I'm not big enough. Sorry to be on the show so.

[A]

Automatically, but I feel like that's a good goal.

[B]

It is a goal. Also Traders. I want to be on the Traders.

[A]

Oh, you would be great.

[B]

I know. I said wait till they start getting, like, how you're hiring, like the, the.

[A]

Bottom of the barrel.

[B]

Right? Bottom of the barrel.

[A]

Me too. Then we'll be like, hi, we're ready.

[B]

Hi. But Dancing with the Stars, I. They were pulling on my heartstrings this week. That fucking dedication. Robert Irwin is just getting me every time. We both have dead parents, Right? And we know how it is. So I identify with him and also identify as being his lover. When he turns of age, is he not of age? I don't know. He looks very young.

[A]

He looks 13, but also 37.

[B]

I'm sure he's of age. I think he's like 21 now.

[A]

Let me ask you a question.

[B]

Yes, ma'.

[A]

Am. Because every time we talk about dancing with the stars. I talk about how I feel like there's something going on between Zac and Dylan Efron ever since, like, Dylan became a big star. Like, Zac hasn't come to the ballroom. He hasn't supported on, you know, on dedication night. The other siblings came on dedication night. He danced for his sister.

[B]

He danced for her sister. She's trying to hide that facial. Mama.

[A]

Is that what you face? You think he's got a new face and he's just like, on a bit.

[B]

Well, hopefully he went back to his old face.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

It got real scary there for a moment. I don't know where we lie at this point.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I think that could be it because he doesn't want the ridicule.

[A]

That's an interesting theory. I had thought that it was like, Zac Efron's always been the big star in his family. Now Dylan's like, getting his flowers and like, it's been hard for his ego.

[B]

What was Kris Jenner doing there in the audience? Was she trying to get Alex Earl to do a reality show?

[A]

I'm so glad you brought that up. She was there positioned as Alex. I know about Alec Baldwin, friends and family.

[B]

Does she speak the language, though?

[A]

How is she going to Hilaria or Chris?

[B]

Chris. How is she gonna communicate with Hilaria?

[A]

I don't know, but I think that's why she was there.

[B]

Okay. It was odd.

[A]

It was odd.

[B]

There was no, it's there.

[A]

Joey, I have a question for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you ready for the Fast 5 stories?

[B]

I've never been more ready.

[A]

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[B]

Yes. She is the human Xanax that cooks behind TV and beautiful clothes. And her husband's hot as well.

[A]

She is seemingly hitting back after the Internet has speculated that surrogate to welcome her most recent baby. So Nara Smith is hitting back after flaunting her abs two weeks after announcing the birth of her fourth baby. The Internet then started speculating that she welcomed her newborn Fannie golden via surrogate. So she posted this picture two weeks after giving birth. Okay. Oh, and of course, it's an insane photo. She doesn't look like she gave birth in the last 20 years. And as someone who just did give birth, I can show you what it looks like if you want. It doesn't look like that. And so she's sort of hitting back. She shared a picture holding her baby girl as well as another snap with the newborn on her lap, showing off her stomach.

[B]

How many kids does she have?

[A]

Four. She has four kids and she's 24. So this is what she wrote. Women's bodies are pure magic, divinely designed to create, grow and nurture life. We become the bridge between heaven and earth, guiding into this world.

[B]

Even her words are soothing.

[A]

With that, our bodies transform and stretch. I used to feel the need to bend and force it back how it used to look, only to realize that it has been home to four other bodies.

[B]

Well, but you're 24.

[A]

The final stage is filled with grace and slowing down.

[B]

Let me see your stomach.

[A]

Yeah, My stomach or hers?

[B]

No, hers.

[A]

Okay, because I was like, get out.

[B]

We were sharing Midris earlier. It could be. I mean, she. Did she ever gain weight when she was pregnant?

[A]

She had a bump.

[B]

But wouldn't they show her? Wouldn't they know that she was pregnant the whole time, but she just came out of nowhere with a new baby?

[A]

No, no, she has been pregnant. So she obviously saw her in, like, a bikini. Like, you could wear a prosthetic. I'm not saying that she did, but you could wear a prosthetic bum.

[B]

Like Beyonce.

[A]

Like Beyonce, yes. I'm glad you brought that up. What is the celebrity conspiracy theory you, like, 100% believe? Because mine is that Beyonce did not carry Blue Ivy specifically.

[B]

Oh, I don't even know. Let me think.

[A]

You know, they say Avril Lavigne died and came back as that bitch Melissa. I don't really buy that one.

[B]

Rivers.

[A]

Yes, yes. Melissa Rivers.

[B]

I like. I like the one where Katy Perry is Jeannie Ramsey.

[A]

I like that one too. They really do look alike.

[B]

Like, yeah, she's dating that man now.

[A]

Spoke about that yesterday. What do you make of that?

[B]

I mean, get it, girl.

[A]

I kind of like it.

[B]

I mean, the last one, I. I just. I think that sh. I thought that. I thought he was much bigger star for some reason. I think. I think Orlando Bloom, like, marrying her together, like, dulled his, like, celebrity. And, like, it was almost like now she was the only one. I didn't even think of him as an actor anymore. He, like, went into the. He faced.

[A]

I think it also made people not like him.

[B]

Something about him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. But I do like this new thing for him because someone. She needs to get that man out. He was hot.

[A]

Have you ever seen Orlando Bloom's penis?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He was on a paddleboard.

[B]

Paddleboard. Yeah.

[A]

In the nude. And I don't know if he, like, knew he was gonna get paparazzi, but we saw his penis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that interesting?

[B]

I love seeing penises. I'll always say yes to a penis.

[A]

Yeah. I just feel like it's, like, fun.

[B]

Yeah. But back to Nara Smith. I mean, if she. I think she's. She's that type of potty. She's a model. I mean, I think every other model like that. We saw Heidi Klum and all these other women who give birth and they snap back two weeks later. So it could be true. She's 24 years old. She's a model.

[A]

Heidi walked in Victoria's Secret Fashion show six weeks postpartum.

[B]

Yeah. See what I mean? So it's just show. It's able. She is able to snap back like that. And I think if she was going to have a surrogate, she. I think she's the kind of person probably share it and. And, like, be okay with that.

[A]

I think there's a lot of things, like, we just don't understand.

[B]

If it was surrogate, I don't think it would. It would be her being vain. Maybe it's because, you know, she had.

[A]

An issue or something.

[B]

Yeah. You don't. You don't want to screw it up.

[A]

Joey, do you want to be a parent one day?

[B]

I have this. Okay. I always said this. If I'm not as rich as Andrew Cohen and able to give my kid the life that he deserves as a gay kid, I ain't doing it yet. I'm not slumming it.

[A]

I. I think that's fair.

[B]

On a school bus cross town.

[A]

Right, right, right. You don't want a budget.

[B]

No, no. I want to be able to have, like, you know, the. Right. The vacations and all the other things. International friends and the private schools and the. And the charity events and things. I don't wanna.

[A]

Does Snooki have beef with Andy Cohen? Why does that. Why do I remember somebody like that?

[B]

It was that.

[A]

It was that she made, like, a nasty comment.

[B]

Well, no, nice comment. It was about the Housewives of Jersey. Housewives of Jersey. Everyone's saying, is she gonna be. Is she gonna be on it? Is she gonna.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Is she the next house? And auntie was very blatant, like, no. Like, I have no reason to. She's not there. She's not. You know, it's. There's Jersey Shore. Such an iconic thing itself. It doesn't tie in with what the franchise of this. It just wouldn't work.

[A]

And has Nicole ever been on Watch what Happens Live?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And did you bartend?

[B]

I bartended a separate time.

[A]

Got it. Okay.

[B]

But yeah, she. I didn't bartend that. But yeah, Nicole's been on a few times.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

Yeah. So there was no. I don't think there's anything. It was just miscommunication.

[A]

Okay. I feel like his tone was like, not the nicest, but probably. But I'm like a snooky defender till I die.

[B]

Yeah, there are.

[A]

You know that about me, right?

[B]

We're trying to get her over here.

[A]

Yes, I know. I'm trying to book Nicole as a co host, you guys. She always been really, really helpful and maybe this, like, let this be my play. I don't know if you know or that she knows. Like, she was like my number one, like, celebrity in high school.

[B]

Like, she's the only one you with. She with. You're the. You're the only one she with.

[A]

I know, I know. And so I really want her to come on the podcast.

[B]

She's like. She goes. She goes, who is it? I go. I go, it's Claudia. She goes, oh, yeah, for her, I'll do it.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no, no. I'm telling you, like, she would love it. I think she would have a great time. She could promote any of her projects. She's, like, not desperate, right? Like, she. She has a nice thing going on over there in Jersey.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I love her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this is kind of big news for you. Diddy has received his prison release date. He's got a 50 month sentencing for his federal crimes, and they say that he will be released from prison May 8, 2020. 8. So that's not that far.

[B]

I mean I would get myself ready now. This is like for the big reveal party. I would start planning the new next white party. I'd be in there knowing like, you know what I'd be doing when I'm getting out.

[A]

Like getting who has shit by you.

[B]

Who will get invited, Write the tell.

[A]

All right. Of course.

[B]

So he can go on all the talk shows, write the tell all. How many months it since now? Since then. Until then.

[A]

50.

[B]

Still be 50 months from now to then?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I don't think he'll do the full. Full 50.

[A]

You don't? Well actually is it 5012 months? No, it's probably less.

[B]

But then he's going to have to be on probation. Like is he not allowed to drink or. Or have free coffs anymore or.

[A]

Yeah, or like freak free zone. Freak off free zone title. Can I ask you a question?

[B]

Yes, ma'.

[A]

Am. I actually feel, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you would thrive in a prison environment. Cuz you're tatted up and so people would just automatically respect you. Like you a little intimidating.

[B]

Well, I do say it's not the intimidation, it's about the giving permission for people to chuckle or laugh. Do you know what I mean? Like people are such a high strung environment and just not like my little quirks and same with you. Like we would, we would both thrive because.

[A]

No, I would not thrive in a prison environment.

[B]

Our funny bone would get us through everything.

[A]

So I wouldn't be able to flex my funny bone. I would. My biggest fear in life is going to jail. Like I have nightmares about it all the time.

[B]

Mine is that an amputation.

[A]

Amputation. A specific limb or any amputation.

[B]

Any amputation?

[A]

A finger?

[B]

No, I'd rather die.

[A]

Really? Yeah.

[B]

No, it's my biggest. It's. And again, I am not being disrespectful to the community.

[A]

Of course, of course, of course.

[B]

But it's like, it's just, it's something that makes me so uncomfortable. But I'm an adult and I'm. And I'm respectful and I'm caring and I'm compassionate. So I'm not gonna ever show face about it. And I'm like, you know, but at the end in the inside, I'm freaking out. So uncomfortable.

[A]

So you'd better go to prison. Prison?

[B]

If I had to. Depending on what limb. I mean maybe if it's a digit, I would be fine.

[A]

Prison, wow. I'd rather live without a leg. Prison is.

[B]

I mean now that you're saying it. It does sound nice to lay down all day long and not be able to have to get up. That does sound satiating. But I'd have to cross that bridge when I got there and depends on what. What kind of unit I'm in, if I can be with, like, with where Situation was and, like, where Fire Fest was. They were there together. Fyre Fest. And.

[A]

Yeah, I read Mike the Situation's memoir. It's incredible. And has Snooki written a memoir?

[B]

Not a. I know.

[A]

She wrote a fictional novel.

[B]

She has many books. She has Guido Beach.

[A]

Right.

[B]

She has.

[A]

Those are fiction.

[B]

That's how to be a Guidat. Confessions of Guidat. Then she has, like, three mom books.

[A]

Oh, are any of them memoirs, like, about her rise to fame?

[B]

No, but I think we should. That's the next one.

[A]

She should. Because Mike, the situations, obviously his story is a little bit different.

[B]

Can I have a cookbook? Do you have any publishing friends I can help you. I want a cookbook, too. Too. Anyone?

[A]

Yeah, put. By the way, just put it out there, Joey, right into the camera.

[B]

The cookbook. Thank you. And one of those blankets.

[A]

I read his memoir. It was incredible. And he talked about his time in prison and how he met Billy McFarland from the fire Festival. And they kind of became, like, not buddies, but they only met, like, once or twice.

[B]

And that. And that lawyer was there, too. Cohen. Mike Cohen. Michael Cohen.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes, he was there, too.

[A]

I used to live on the same block as him. And the day he got out of prison, there was paparazzi. I was like, oh, finally my time has come. But it was for Michael Cohen. Oh, yeah.

[B]

I would have still tripped and fell and caused a scene.

[A]

Yeah, of course. Flushed to titty or something.

[B]

Yeah. But let's flash back to Diddy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I mean, I don't know if I should be supporting him. He's a bad person.

[A]

I believe he's guilty of the crimes that he's accused of.

[B]

Well, I hope he finds peace in prison and gets to forgive himself and can.

[A]

What did he have to do to win you back?

[B]

I mean, I'm a thirst trap. So he would just need to sign me to his new record label.

[A]

Right, right. Give me a cookbook.

[B]

Yeah, a cookbook.

[A]

And a Minky Couture blanket.

[B]

A Minky Couture blanket of a cookbook line?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean. Sorry. A cookware line. Dishes. A candle. I want my own fragrance. Candle.

[A]

What celebrity brands like people who do, like, crazy. Chrissy T. Which brands do you think are good like for the kitchen. Dolly. Dolly has a line.

[B]

I talked about this on the podcast the other day and I recently just ran into it, but I forgot to tell her about it. Rachel Zoe has a line at TJ Maxx. Marshall. Marshall's.

[A]

Do you know that Rachel Zo makes the cutest kids clothes? Cause all Ruby's entire wardrobe, T.J. maxx and Marshall, so cheap. It's all Rachel Zoe.

[B]

Who knew? I got a throw blankets, I got measuring cups, I got little clips for the bags. I got like all this shit. And I know she doesn't have a hand in it and I think she probably signs her name over to it.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I would hope she does well.

[A]

Cause you know, I think that makes her, her, her money. Like all the stuff she does. Like the Zo report, like that's not really generating revenue. It's the T.J. maxx, Marshalls, Kohl's. It's the big box. Now that I know she is involved.

[B]

Because I love it now that I know her namesake. When I'm going there, look, it's. It's almost like going to the grocery store and you see the quality product like Nabisco or like a name like.

[A]

Craft, you trust it.

[B]

Something you can trust. An American standard.

[A]

What do you think about her on the Real Housewives of Beverly?

[B]

I like it. And I said, I said I'm so happy for your reservations. I met her at a party. I was fucked up during Fashion week.

[A]

Of course, but I totally forgot to.

[B]

Tell her about my, my, my Zo report of the blankets. So Rachel Zo. I love Courtney Cox's Home Court. Things are fabulous.

[A]

What does she make?

[B]

She makes like a, like a, A spray for the kitchen counter.

[A]

Surface cleaner.

[B]

Hand wash. Oh, like soap? Yeah. Like room sprays and like things like that. Candles.

[A]

Oh. Oh.

[B]

So I like Home Court. I do enjoy that. That, that's a cute name. Yeah, isn't it? Who else do I like?

[A]

What about cuz you're really into beauty too, like hair and makeup.

[B]

Oh yeah. I love you like the way the whey. I not. I. I used to use the way tons of time but they, they just my favorite product. I love their, their dry shampoo mousse was the best.

[A]

People do that.

[B]

They're not doing any aerosols right now cuz they're, they're growing green.

[A]

Oh. Oh.

[B]

But I love Ouai. I do love Lady Gaga flavored make Makeup house labs. The foundation is the best.

[A]

Oh. I recently switched to a new foundation. I feel like such a makeup Girl, Natasha Denona.

[B]

Oh, yes. Italian queen.

[A]

Fabulous.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a queen. Her concealer is probably the best, too.

[A]

I've heard that, too. But I'm kind of in my no concealer era.

[B]

Yeah, we're very fresh.

[A]

I don't know if you can tell.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just getting a lot of stuff. I'm only wearing Charlotte Pillsbury powder today.

[A]

Oh, you look gorgeous. Do you do a full beat every day?

[B]

Not every day. I was gonna do one for today, but I was like, I have to go to the eye doctor after this.

[A]

Oh, so you don't want to get a style?

[B]

I have no contacts left, and I have to go to Europe.

[A]

Europe is calling.

[B]

I'm spending a week in Borjo. I can't. But I love. Who else is doing good over there? That rare beauty is good.

[A]

Do you do road skincare?

[B]

I had it all. But can I be honest? It's lovely and glowy and gorgeous. Those pretty girls are young things. I'm holding things up with scraping glue.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

I need a little more retinol. I need a little more.

[A]

What about J Looser?

[B]

I hate J. Lo.

[A]

Oh, okay. Let's talk about that then.

[B]

I found out the bitch is fucking working out at my gym now.

[A]

What gym?

[B]

I don't want to say, but it's near my house and it's.

[A]

She goes to the same gym as you?

[B]

I don't think she goes there. She just showed up there one day. It's like, fucking, get off my dick, bitch.

[A]

Oh, you think she's, like, following you?

[B]

Well, she probably is. I can't stand her.

[A]

And talk to me a little bit about that, because I'm actually, I'm.

[B]

I just think she's. I've heard from people in this industry for over many, many years, and I remember when I was working at Patricia Fields as a drag queen, she came in there and she tried to buy a cowboy hat for me, and she gave me attitude.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Her and P. Diddy, right? Her and P. Diddy. Oh, this is when they were dating, back in the 90s.

[A]

So, yes, she. You're saying she doesn't have a relationship?

[B]

She has a horrible red reputation for being a nasty bitch to people around her. People above her, people below her. She's just a cunt.

[A]

And I don't.

[B]

I don't play that game.

[A]

I don't either.

[B]

Be a humble queen like us.

[A]

We. I'm constantly in awe of our humbleness and our modesty.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And head down to earth. We both are. I think that's probably like one of the keys to our long, long term success.

[B]

Yeah, but she had a selfie on in the mirror at the gym and.

[A]

It was your gym.

[B]

Yeah, so I haven't been back since. Well, I haven't been there all year.

[A]

But still I forgot that she used to date P. Diddy. She's had a long time life.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, next up, Morgan Wallen. So you know he was arrested in 2024. Well, the body camera.

[B]

If I was in prison with him, that that be.

[A]

Is that your celebrity crush?

[B]

It may one of them I would get. I would do filthy things. You would? Yes. Country boy.

[A]

I don't see that.

[B]

I guess.

[A]

Yeah, you are like lowkey country.

[B]

That's not my main. That's not my. That my main. My main crush. My main hall pass.

[A]

Who is your main crush?

[B]

Drake May.

[A]

I think you're going to say Drake Bell. Who's Drake May?

[B]

Drake May is the quarterback of the Patriots. The hottest guy in the game.

[A]

Wait, I have to look him up. Why do you know that?

[B]

Because he's the hottest guy I've ever seen in my life. My sister was watching.

[A]

Oh, he's so cute.

[B]

If things don't work out, me and your brother. I'm going with Drake May.

[A]

Does he have a boyfriend?

[B]

No, he has a wife.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

He's Christian.

[A]

That's what I meant. He has a wife. Oh, look, that's the first thing that comes up when you.

[B]

So cute. I've always been thinking hyperpieces his wife.

[A]

And stuns in her outfit. Okay, wait, let's see. Let's open her Instagram. Her name is Anne Michaelmay.

[B]

She's probably a toaster.

[A]

Wait. She's so cute. She got married in front of a big cross.

[B]

Yeah. From the Lord.

[A]

From the Lord. Okay.

[B]

I'm happy to have your chupsah from your wedding.

[A]

My chuppah? No. Oh, my chupsah. Thank you for introducing me to Drake May, but I'm talking about Morgan Wallen. So you're saying that you would totally.

[B]

Have sex with Morgan Wallen multiple times a day.

[A]

I think you'd have to fight. Like a lot of times.

[B]

I wanted to throw a chair in my asshole. Yeah, with all four legs going in at the same time.

[A]

That's top five. One of the funniest things you've ever said.

[B]

I just like. I mean, I don't. I like that bad the bad boy part about him, but that's not the one that turns me on about him. I think he's like kind of like just so unserious and like maybe not all there. Yeah, I think that's why he's a little dumb looking.

[A]

He's like a little. Yeah, yeah. Well, so he was arrested in 2024. We talked about. He's also been arrested in 2020. But the body camera footage from the 2024 arrest has just been.

[B]

I want to add somebody camera.

[A]

And he is like, literally like asking if his hair looks good. So I guess he has like trauma from his 2020.

[B]

He wanted to tell her for his hair trans.

[A]

He wanted to redo it. Right. He was like, he was unhappy with how it came out. So we wanted to make sure that his 2024 monk shot looks a little bit more composed than his 2021, according to recently released footage. So in the clip, he can be seen chatting with the officers after he was arrested and brought to a local precinct in Nashville for booking. Throughout the interaction, Wallen remained cordial with the officers. But there was one constant conversational focal point the star wanted to make sure was in order before he was processed. And that's his appearance. So an officer asked Wallen, does anyone.

[B]

Have a Charlotte Pillsbury powder?

[A]

Right. You say you've been arrested before. There's your picture if you want to see it from last time. Do I gotta take another picture? And he said, yeah, they'll probably take an updated picture for you. Can you make sure I got my hair looking decent?

[B]

Vanity Queen.

[A]

Vanity Queen. So if you want to look at the photo side by side, like clearly photo one. It's really not. It's not great.

[B]

Well, that's giving hillbilly hoedown.

[A]

Right? And then he said, In 2024, I can do better there he's really drunk in 2024. He's like, I can do better. He's smiling.

[B]

Oh, that's the one I want.

[A]

Looking more quaffed. Looks like he definitely went to Dr.

[B]

After he made sure that his hair looked good. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. So he's like, this wasn't. This wasn't his first rodeo.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Have you ever been arrested?

[B]

Yes. Twice. You're kidding.

[A]

What. What were your crimes?

[B]

First was underage drinking. Prom weekend.

[A]

Okay, that like doesn't count.

[B]

Wildwood, New Jersey, you, like got thrown in the drunk.

[A]

Drunk tank.

[B]

Yeah, and I got. And I got handcuffed. My big. The guy had a crush on. On.

[A]

Oh, so you planned at that.

[B]

They ran out. They ran out of zip ties. Cuz they were doing zip ties for everyone. Cuz they had to get the whole Hotel out.

[A]

Your kids. Okay, wait. Tell me the story from the beginning. Where did you grow up, by the way? Jersey.

[B]

It was good. Union, New Jersey. We're Crown Weekend in Wildwood, New Jersey. This was the weekend of June 7th in 1997.

[A]

I was just three years old.

[B]

Yes. And I was drinking. So we were all in the. The. The Crown Hotel piled in and, like, we're all, like, you know, drunk and, like.

[A]

Wait, sorry to interrupt. Did you come out in high school or you were still.

[B]

Oh, I was out in middle school. Yeah.

[A]

Out and about.

[B]

Yeah. There we are. I had bleached hair and I was wearing a kitten heel, so they knew.

[A]

They knew.

[B]

Okay, so we were. Yeah, I guess we were, like, all enjoying drinking, and we were in our rooms, and they came, like, knocking on the door, and they walk in. If they found, like, alcohol in the room. You got zipped up. Wow. And I was 18 at the time.

[A]

Oh, so they charged you as an adult?

[B]

I guess. I think my parents had to pay, like, $80 to get me out.

[A]

Okay. Cheap at the price.

[B]

What kind of lip is that? Fenty.

[A]

Oh, this is a fenty lip?

[B]

Yeah. I love it.

[A]

Do you like it?

[B]

Yeah, it looks. Is it. Is it like a hydrating balm?

[A]

It's like a lipstick. Like a creamy lipstick. I'm not crazy about the consistency. You see, it's like, getting kind of dirty.

[B]

Yeah. I have to get a new. I have to go to Sephora before I leave for free trip.

[A]

Oh, that's the last time I saw you in Sephora.

[B]

Yes, that's right.

[A]

Okay, wait, sorry, go back. So Raid, they raided the room.

[B]

The guy I was with, they ran out of the zip tie, so he said, we have to cuff you two together. I was like, so we're hung. So there's all these pictures coming down the stairs.

[A]

Is he gay?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, so you just had a crush on him and, like, unrequited?

[B]

I haven't seen him in years. He probably still is hot.

[A]

What is he up to? I don't know. People who are hot in high school.

[B]

Are like, nick Orioli.

[A]

Put it out there, Joe.

[B]

You know who you are?

[A]

Vicar Cioli.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe his sister's a toaster.

[B]

Yeah. So we got handcuffed together and we went into the clinker, and the grossest thing ever happened. Happens. I remember that. That weekend I had a little toy cat. Like I said. I was like. I was, you know, raver at the time.

[A]

What's a toy cat?

[B]

It was like a little figurine. I like Going on the boardwalk. On the boardwalk. I was figuring it was in my pocket. So they were searching for, like. For like, paraphernalia and drugs and knives and stuff. And he found this little toy, like, kitten in my thing. And he goes, oh, at least after this you can at least tell your friends you got some pussy this weekend.

[A]

I was like, oh, not puss.

[B]

Sick.

[A]

Oh, my God, I'm underage. And then the second time you got arrested.

[B]

Oh, this was dramatic. Okay. They took my shoelaces away this time.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

It was for blocking the box. In your car. In my car going into the hall tunnel. Blocking the box.

[A]

Wait, that's a crime?

[B]

There was an unpaid. Unpaid parking ticket for $80. That. So there's a warrant for my arrest. Out.

[A]

You're kidding.

[B]

So they literally took me away in cuffs. I was on a date. Date. We were out.

[A]

You were driving to the Holland Tunnel on a date?

[B]

I lived in Jersey at the time. It was like the 90s.

[A]

And you were going into the city. It was the 90s.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, it was the 90s. So I was driving into the city and blocking the box and. Yeah, and they. They.

[A]

So they pulled you over just to give you a ticket for blocking the box.

[B]

And then they ran my plates. Oh, you have an unpaid parking ticket. They took me into cuffs.

[A]

Wait, that's so dramatic.

[B]

Yeah, I was like, take off your. Your shoelace. I said, I just got these shoes. Can you just take the shoes off? I was like, I'm not doing this. I had my picture taken and I was like. I thought like. I was like.

[A]

Did you have a mug chat?

[B]

I don't. I can't find it. If anyone can find it. Joey Joseph.

[A]

It predates the Internet.

[B]

Maybe it does pred the Internet.

[A]

And was it in Jersey or were you in New York State?

[B]

I was crossing over.

[A]

So which state were you in?

[B]

Technically, New Jersey. Going into this. I had intentions on going to this because I was. I was only.

[A]

But you never made it.

[B]

I never made it. I did make it eventually. So they let my guy. The guy was. They let him drive the car. Well, that's what I was going to ask, but they took me in on.

[A]

A date and I haven't been in dating scene in a while. Like, when your partner gets arrested, do you stay with them?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How many dates had you been on with this man?

[B]

We were. We were. We were just hanging out for a while. Maybe a couple months.

[A]

So, like, you knew him pretty well?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So he didn't. Like, it was the first date Like, I don't have to come with you to jail, right?

[B]

Like, well, no. What's happened? He had to wait with the car because they took me into the station. Like, that was like. Like behind the. Behind the Holland town. There was, like, a prison. A prison. And they put me in there and they took my pictures. And, like, they were asking, and I was. I. I thought I was in there. I thought my parents had to, like, refinance the home. It was $80.

[A]

Okay, that's insane. So. But neither time that you were arrested, like, you really committed, like, a major crime. What's the biggest crime you've ever committed?

[B]

I mean, probably stealing at the self checkout.

[A]

Yeah, but we've all been there. That's, like, not a crime. That's sort of a rite of passage.

[B]

I don't know. I mean, I like to pick poc. I like. Not pickpock. I like to like, you know, I'll take a note. A cute knife from the table of the restaurant.

[A]

You do?

[B]

I would.

[A]

I was still a pet. I've never. And actually, one time, Ben and I stole, like, a couple of salad dressing. Little. I like those little things.

[B]

Yeah, I like cute little things. It's more about the rush, that is.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

And the last time I stole that something, it was at. I know this Taboo. It's a Tao restaurant. They had these little chopstick holders, like a little gypsy.

[A]

Oh, I know those. Yeah.

[B]

A geisha lady. Go like this. And then you turn it over, it says, I stole this from Tao. I didn't know that till I got home.

[A]

Got it. You must not be the first person to have stole.

[B]

No, I'm not. And I won't be the last. I mean, I'm not. I. I don't really. I. Because my fear of going to prison, I really don't like to do too many crimes.

[A]

Yeah, you don't mess with that.

[B]

That ring has been bothering me. Where did you get that?

[A]

It's from ring concierge.

[B]

I heard about that.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a big fan. Maybe they're toasters, too. Would you like something gifted?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, they're also a sponsor of the toast, so. Please.

[B]

I need jewelry. Do they make gold jewelry?

[A]

Yes, they make everything.

[B]

I need jewelry. Thank you.

[A]

Be more specific.

[B]

I would like gold chains. I would like a ring. I love emeralds. I would love a pendant. I would love anything you're. Anything you're dishing up.

[A]

Love that. Today's episode of the Toast is brought to you by Saks Fifth Avenue. Clearly, I'm an incredibly fashionable person. And Saks said, who do we want to represent us? It's Saks. Jackie and I are big, big fans of Saks. Obviously, being from New York, we know, like, how iconic and important Saks Fifth Avenue as an institution is. Kind of like Karen Huger's marriage and Saks Fifth Avenue. Saks.com shopping in store, shopping online, it's such a party experience. It's also that time of year. You know, you ever walk outside and you're like that weather kind of feels like Saks Fifth Avenue. We're so living in that era right now. It's holiday season coming up. We're shopping for other people. We're going to holiday parties. We're getting, you know, fabulous trips, plans, trips to the Cape, clam bakes. And Saks is here for all of your holiday needs. So whether you are looking for something to buy for somebody in your life, Saks is great for that. They cover all different categories. So they have men's, they have women's, they have fashion, obviously, they have accessories, they have home, they have beauty, they have kids. Kids. And they also just make it really fun. Like when you're shopping on saks.com I feel as though their website is extremely intuitive. It can be overwhelming when you're shopping at a store that offers you so much. But Saks just really breaks it down really, really well. You can, you know, shop by designer, you can shop by size, you can shop by category. They make it really fun. So whether you're shopping for your holiday list, for yourself, for others, you have like a office crush and you want to get, like, a cute dress where the holiday party stuff. That's so cute. Do it at Sax. Also, I find sex really helpful in wanting to, like, stunt on other. I know that doesn't say that in the ad copy, but it is really good for stunting on other. Like, if you're looking for, like, a new designer that not everyone's wearing yet. Like, one time I got a Daniel Guizio skirt. And I know you're saying, like, everyone wears Daniel Guizio. Yeah, but I got it first. And I wore to the ERA store in Nashville and everybody was like, oh, my God, who's that girl? Taylor? Like, stop the the show to, like, talk about my skirt. Anyway, shop this holiday season at saks.coms a k-s.com or head over to their store. Today's episode is also brought to you by Nutrafol. So, Nutrafol, you've probably seen a million ads for hair growth products. I'M sure you're pretty skeptical. Neutral is that again, not, not in the ad copy, but they are that. It's the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over a million and a half people. So you can feel great about what you're putting into your body. Since neutral hair growth supplements are backed by peer reviewed studies and NSF's content certified. So that's the gold standard in third party certification supplements. So when it comes to like the fancy important stuff, you can trust it. I've taken it. I had, you know, kind of, I don't really like to talk about it, even though I talk about it all the time. I had like an issue with my hair obviously. Like I lost a bunch of weight. I was looking so skinny and amazing, but my hair was starting to, to like, you know, be on the floor. And everyone recommended that I take Neutrophil and had an amazing experience. They make tons of different formulas. They have a women's formula, they have a men's formula. They also have a postpartum formula because obviously like the stages of womanhood are quite complex and a lot of them come with hair issues. So if you want to see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months, you can do that with Neutral. For a limited time, Neutral is offering our listeners $10 off their first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to neutrfol.com and enter promo code the Toast, find out why NEUTR Fall is the best selling hair growth supplement brand@Nutrafol. Do that is spelled N U T R a f o l.com promo code the toast that's nutrafol.com promo code the toast to get $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. Today's episode is also brought to you by Roback. Let's talk about Roback. They just dropped something that might be our newest fall obsession. It's called the Bedford mock neck. And don't you feel like everybody's talking about mock necks? I feel like everybody on Tick Tock is like mock neck, mock neck. And you know, I didn't even realize because I didn't know what a mock neck was. I have a couple and one of them is Roback and I love it. So the mock neck comes in ivory, navy and green. It's a very flattering high neck detail that doesn't choke you. It keeps you warm, but it also like covers your double chin. If that's like the era that you're in. If you're in a stage of life where comfort is very, very high on your priority list. Perhaps you just had a baby. You're living in your soft clothes era. The Bedford mock neck gets it. And the material, I don't know how to explain it. It's just, like, extremely soft. Buttery, I might say. It's also the perfect weight. It's not like, thick and heavy. It's not clingy or stiff. It just falls really well on the body. Pro tip, if you want to to pair it with their Vista collection, they have a great pair of leggings. It's actually their first crack at leggings at Roback. They keep you held in and supported. Not constricting, but very compressive. Like, in all the right places. You don't want to see your underwear or your cellulite through your leggings. Like, I just feel like that's obvious. If you're ready to upgrade your fall uniform, this is your sign. The Bedford mock neck and the Vista Collection are power couple. Also, the men's stuff at Roback. If you're shopping for the man in your life who's like, a slob and you want them to just, like, start looking parchy. Roback men's stuff stuff is fabulous. I also for the girls, I love their hoodie and jogger sets. They just have great stuff. So use code [e-mail] for a generous 20 off your first order through the end of this week. That's Roback r h o b a c k dot com. Our code is toast and that will get you 20 off your first order through the end of this week. Roback.com thank you, Roback, for sponsoring today's episode. Our next story, Kim Kardashian is shocking fans with a bombshell confession about her next career move. So she's ready to give up her Kim k Persona in 10 years. So the reality star was on the Graham Norton show, and she said, I'll be qualified in two weeks. I hope to practice law. Maybe in 10 years, I think I'll.

[B]

Show that latex nude band.

[A]

Maybe in 10 years, I think I'll give up being Kim K and be a trial lawyer. That's what I really want. Sure. She also, like, hasn't officially passed the bar yet. And, you know, everyone's, like, wanting her.

[B]

It's like, how is someone I know she's, she's, you know, very accoladed.

[A]

Like, she's extremely accoladed.

[B]

Yeah, she knows how she's like. She knows all the stuff, but who's Going to take her seriously as a lawyer. Lawyer. It's like, you know what I mean?

[A]

Okay, let's say you are blocking the box on a date and you get arrested.

[B]

I would do it because I know it'd be highly publicized.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Like, anyone who's like. And she knows her. But I think she could have. I think she's gonna have a hard time getting serious clients things, but I.

[A]

Think her passion is getting people out of jail. Like, that's what she would. So, I mean, I guess when you're trying to get out of jail, like, having the most famous lawyer, like, probably helps.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Well, it worked for her dad, that.

[A]

Yes. What do you think about O.J. did he do it?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Yeah. I agree.

[B]

I think the Murdaugh did it, too.

[A]

I would love for you to host a true crime podcast because you really get into stuff. You were super. And by the way, I was following Karen Reed and I found out that she was found not guilty on your Tik Tok Live.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You love to go live. I love following you.

[B]

I do. Because it's my. It's my one way. Because I don't like having to. I like just to like, press button and go. I don't like having to edit and produce and press these buttons. Like, I don't know how to do all that. You're lucky I know how to turn the phone on.

[A]

It's so true. This.

[B]

I need a jitter bug.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

47. 46. 46.

[A]

Do you feel 46?

[B]

No.

[A]

No.

[B]

Do I look 46?

[A]

No, not at all. I. I'm always shocked by your age, cuz I feel like we also, like, just get along really well, so I.

[B]

Feel like I have Benjamin Button syndrome.

[A]

Yeah. You are aging backwards, right?

[B]

Well, thanks to Teller.

[A]

Yeah. Of course. You do any procedures face?

[B]

I do. I do. I get my. I do Botox fillers. I do the fillers. I go to face aesthetics in Westfield, N.J. to Christina Injectorstina on my Instagram. I do all that. I'm trying to get my teeth. My smile makeover done. I need a teeth. I have a doctor. Dr. Andy Jean, Mira.

[A]

I don't think I want to get your teeth done.

[B]

You don't?

[A]

No. Jackie and I are. We talk a lot about veneers here at the podcast because it seems like you can't be famous if you don't have veneers. And Jackie and I feel like the one thing holding us back is that we have our real teeth.

[B]

But all I must Say is people don't have them. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, all these people have. Have veneers. Every single one, for sure. Oh, some are better than others, right? Like, Miley Cyrus is so obvious. Like, her teeth are falling out of her face. But I don't know, I just feel like your teeth are, like, in your smiles. What makes you you?

[B]

I guess so.

[A]

I wouldn't do it, Joey.

[B]

Okay? I would so cancel that.

[A]

But Kim Kardashian says she's going to be a lawyer. The idea that you would ever, like, stop being famous if you watch a show, like, it's kind of a point of contention between her and Courtney, specifically that Courtney really wants to wind down be.

[B]

Courtney's been wound down, right?

[A]

And Kim just, like, doesn't stop.

[B]

She sits and eats those gummy vitamins and.

[A]

Do you take Lemmy?

[B]

I have Lemmy. I know that's your friend. Can I have some Lemy, please?

[A]

Put it at Simon.

[B]

Thank you. I need the Lemy Curb. Lemy. GLP1. Yes.

[A]

By the way, those are actually really good.

[B]

I have them. Yeah, I need that. I need the Let me sleep. I heard they knock you the out.

[A]

Let me sleep is par. Let me tell you something about those Lemmy gummies. They're delicious. When I was so skinny, like, and I was being, like, really good on my nourished, I used to look forward to my morning lemmies because I take the hair, skin, and nails when too, because it's like, it's so delicious tasting.

[B]

And Simon also made a. A natural disaster kit that I never got.

[A]

Oh, you didn't get his natural disaster kit?

[B]

No, I didn't get that, and I didn't get the candles. The sniff candles.

[A]

Oh, by the way, sniff candles. Instant karma is the best candle I'm.

[B]

Gonna have to have. By the way, toasters. I'm gonna give my address at the end of this. An encrypted message that only, only, only vendors can see.

[A]

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

[B]

Oh, I don't wanna leave, but go ahead.

[A]

No, you don't have to leave. And the stories are more so just.

[B]

A vessel for us to wait before we move on. Can we k real quick because I am going to the Louvre this week. Next week.

[A]

What do you make of the Louvre heist?

[B]

Well, did you see her with her face covered like she was being robbed with all the same color jewels on?

[A]

So when Kim was.

[B]

Do you see my TikTok about it?

[A]

Okay. Did you see that? I made a tik tok. About it too. When Kim was in Paris, she went to trial because the people who robbed her were being like, you know, put on trial. Yeah, she had her big sunglasses. I bought those sunglasses. I was so the Celine sunglasses. They're a liar.

[B]

A liar, a liar.

[A]

And they took about six months to come. I ordered them. Like who bought sunglasses? And I remembered what I had done. And now my face is like a little too fat for them. But I'll get back to them. I do remember that. What do you make of the Louvre heist? The crown jewels being stolen?

[B]

I'm just saying she had her face covered the night before wearing the same exact color jewels. Oh, yes.

[A]

Oh, you're talking about something else. Yes, she did. She went to a birthday party, whatever.

[B]

No, it was, it was Academy awards Academy or something.

[A]

Her Facebook had a bag over it and she necklace.

[B]

I thought that was a. That was a you to her. I thought when she were the diamonds in court it was a you. But this was probably like I thought. Am I correct in the statement where she had. Did they put a pillowcase over her head?

[A]

No, she was zip tied.

[B]

But they didn't put anything over her head.

[A]

No, she was wearing a robe. She always tells a story. She was wearing a robe and she got zip tied and thrown in the bathtub with the concierge from downstairs.

[B]

Got it. I thought that she was trying to emulate that thing, but like, you know, this is like what happened to me. They heard my jewels, you, and like something like that. But then the next day, the very next day, the jewel heist happened and.

[A]

And you think she had something to do with it?

[B]

I just think she. I'm just saying she did it. But maybe it was Caitlyn was in the mask when the masked men.

[A]

It was definitely Caitlyn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're the thieves and you have these jewels, you can't really sell them.

[B]

Can'T resell them, and everyone broke it down. They probably would only get like $200,000 each after. After they gut them apart and they dropped the biggest one. How do you drop a crown?

[A]

No, and they broke it too.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Was it made of a plaster?

[A]

I mean, they're really old. Like they're from the Napoleonic era.

[B]

I. If I had to pick Napoleon out in a lineup, I, I wouldn't know who he was. I'm sorry. To this man.

[A]

I completely agree. I would just. I watched. Do you watch the Empress? Such a good show. It's just, it's in a different language. So it's like dubbed English.

[B]

How do you watch it without throwing things?

[A]

So annoying, but it's worth it. And they have Napoleon in there and so like that's how I've envisioned Napoleon.

[B]

Was Napoleon gay?

[A]

No. He had a woman. Josephine.

[B]

Oh. Is it religious? It's a religious figure. Or is he. Was he a political figure?

[A]

No, he was like the leader. I don't know if it's. No, no, not artist.

[B]

France.

[A]

France. He's like one of the greatest. Like wartime.

[B]

You're.

[A]

If you were coing with Jackie, she would be able to tell you.

[B]

Do you think if I drop his name at a Paris restaurant, I'll get a free appetizer?

[A]

Yeah, I think he's beloved, but don't quote me on that. I'm not sure.

[B]

Should I talk about. Should I bring up how the Francis first lady's a man?

[A]

Oh, do. Okay, great question. I'm glad that you brought this up. There is a conspiracy theory. Conspiracy theory that Jacques. What's. So his name is Emmanuel Macron.

[B]

Macron.

[A]

And they say like.

[B]

Macron, like the macaroon.

[A]

Macaroon. Exactly. They say that his wife. Wife. Is actually secretly a man.

[B]

Yep, I saw the pictures. I mean, I don't know. I haven't met her yet. But you know, there, there. There's crazier things have happened.

[A]

So true.

[B]

Also, any Paris recommendations from the toasters? If you know where you should be going, if you have. If anyone owns a. A, A villa, they want me to go there, let me know. You know, a free champagne tasting.

[A]

I just feel like whatever fifth and final story I was going to choose, like, isn't worth it. I just rather chat with you, if that's okay.

[B]

I'd be on it.

[A]

Tell me, tell me more.

[B]

Jesse.

[A]

Joey, what are your hopes and dreams?

[B]

Well, I'm hoping to make it to a restroom after this double espresso.

[A]

Of course. That was very brave.

[B]

It's going right through me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm just hoping for a new light to be lit in my life.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

A fire. Yes, to lead the way.

[A]

What's the best gay bar in New York City?

[B]

I would have to say Rise.

[A]

Oh, I don't even know that one.

[B]

That's the one I've always. That's like on like 9th Avenue and like 50 something street.

[A]

Oh, the gayborhood.

[B]

The gayhood. I mean, that's the only one I've really been going to. I. I don't even know what's out there anymore. There's so the young Queens have really.

[A]

They turned it up to like the monster. Even though I was escorted out of there once.

[B]

Oh, that was scary. Down there.

[A]

Down basement. Yeah, the basement.

[B]

The basement. I've been. I've been.

[A]

Okay, not me getting kicked out for vaping in the basement. Like crazier things happen in the basement.

[B]

Cuz you're a woman.

[A]

1000. They just wanted me out of there one and then I snuck back in and like I think it was the owner. He was like, I kicked you out and I was so blackout.

[B]

I was like, how long ago was it vaping? Just was meant like two years ago. How did you.

[A]

So. No, I was actually early on the vapor. Do you vape?

[B]

I do, yeah. When I'm drunk.

[A]

Yeah, of course, of course. I'm actually like over a year clean for my vape, which is really sad.

[B]

You always. And you always smoke those tiny little thing.

[A]

Mangoes. Yeah, the mangoes. What do you. What's your.

[B]

I like one. I like one wine has like a chain on. It's like a person. It's like this big rig. It looks like.

[A]

Yeah, like a huge printer.

[B]

Yeah. I want to be able to charge it and like have it. Cuz I can't lose it. It's like those little things, they don't. They don't give me the hit. I need.

[A]

That you need. Right, right.

[B]

So I like one of the big ones like the Gas Jazz or Raz or.

[A]

Yeah, the. The cloud machine.

[B]

Yeah, all those.

[A]

But you, you're old fashioned. You like a cigarette too?

[B]

I would. You like real cigarette Drunk Sig is nothing.

[A]

You only smoke cigs drunk or.

[B]

Oh yeah. If I smoked one. Yeah, I would myself.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really crazy. Oh, who's texting you?

[B]

Oh, sorry. My producer.

[A]

Oh, okay. Production.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That's what I say when Jackie texts me. Who's texting? My producer.

[B]

Producer. I'm always impressed by your art, your level of production here. I do love that you have the iPad and I wonder how you get things on there.

[A]

My iPad case the case.

[B]

I do like from Casetify.

[A]

Thank you. Is it from Casetify? Yeah, it is.

[B]

But yeah, gay bars. I really haven't been freaking that much. I'm much more of a. Since I have the home, I just. I just entertain.

[A]

I like a dinner party.

[B]

I love a dinner party. I love having people over. I don't like to leave the house if I don't have to.

[A]

Okay. Dream dinner party table. Like who's invited?

[B]

Oh, okay. This is hard. Like at my house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Let's say eight people, including you.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay.

[A]

Dead or alive.

[B]

Well, I'm gonna have to say Nene Leakes.

[A]

Perfect choice.

[B]

She's gonna be there. She's gonna. She's gonna host with me. Co host. I would want Nini Leaks. I would want. This is a hard question.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I don't even know. Oh, Alex, can some. Bonnie.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I would love her to be there. She's, like, my new favorite obsession.

[A]

Yeah, you and everybody else.

[B]

I would invite someone who, like, really knows food, like, and as a chef, like, a hot chef that can help us cook, maybe. Like, do you think Bobby Flay is hot? Yeah. I'll bring him over.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Four Robbie Flay this. I'm never this slow. I'm never the slow.

[A]

You need someone, like, to bring the laughs, like, somebody, like, energy, like a comedian.

[B]

Someone on drugs.

[A]

Drugs. Okay. Or someone on drugs.

[B]

Oh, comedian. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay, now we'll get there. I would have Jesse Kierson.

[A]

I love her.

[B]

She's my idol.

[A]

I love her.

[B]

She is the best. If you don't know who she is, look up Jessica Kierson. She's the funniest comedian alive, dead, any. Any time of the life.

[A]

I agree. She's really funny.

[B]

Oh, my God. Jesse Kirsten would be there. I would need someone. For now, we need diversity. We need to have the. The. The girls, the gays, and the. They. I would need someone trans. Oh, I have a transgender ready. Okay.

[A]

Perhaps a Jew.

[B]

Oh, I don't know any Jewish people who host a. A weekly podcast. I would invite you.

[A]

You better.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Sitting right here.

[B]

And I have to bring your husband, too, because he'll bring good appetizers.

[A]

So 7. Give me one more.

[B]

And then the last. Last and certainly not least would be Gypsy Rose. She's friends with you. I was so mad when you got her. I was so upset.

[A]

I know. I think about my career and, like, my career, like, peaks and valleys in my career career. And, like, I don't think enough about how, like, impactful that was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For the community.

[B]

Yeah, it really was. I mean, I was so happy for you, but at the same time, I was like, that should have been me.

[A]

And I knew that it wasn't gonna last with her and that freak. Yeah, same Ryan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now she has another man's baby. Yeah. Me and Gypsy were pregnant at the same time together. We're kind of close.

[B]

Are you done having babies?

[A]

No.

[B]

How many did you want?

[A]

Is.

[B]

Is Jackie done?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

What's the. What's the count on the. On the Ashley sisters. How much does Olivia have?

[A]

Olivia has two. Jackson. Jackie's God willing. God willing. About to have three.

[B]

Oh, she has two already.

[A]

Jackie. Yes. Yes. And I have one.

[B]

How many. How many do you want?

[A]

Well, in a dreamland sister. Five.

[B]

Five.

[A]

In practicality, like, oh, I have to be the one to carry time for all that. Right. And I'm like.

[B]

And that's saying, would you have. Would you. If you like vain. Vain reasons or not are just convenience.

[A]

It's just like. It's physically hard. Yeah.

[B]

Like, would you do it?

[A]

I think I'd probably have three.

[B]

Three.

[A]

But I would like to have five.

[B]

Are the Jewish people allowed to have surrogates?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They just can't eat meat and cheese at the same time. Correct.

[A]

Very confusing.

[B]

Yeah. Who would you. Who would your people be?

[A]

Okay, if I'm having a dinner party, obviously you'll be there. Joan Rivers will be there. A thousand percent. Luke Combs will be there.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Jane lynch will be there.

[B]

I heard she was misgendered on the show the other day. Yesterday.

[A]

On the show yesterday, and I have to tell you, she slid into my DMs.

[B]

Did she?

[A]

I swear to God.

[B]

So Jane's watching.

[A]

Jane is watching. And I sent her a message, actually, before the toast, I was like, wait, do you want to. Come on. Let's see what she says. I happen to fucking love Jane Lynch.

[B]

That's the show. Fame. She's.

[A]

I. It's so funny. I. I'm actually dying for her to come on the podcast.

[B]

She's so amazing.

[A]

I cannot believe she saw that clip. I wanted to die.

[B]

I'm so jealous now.

[A]

Margot embarrassing me if she comes on. You can come and, like, pretend. You can sit behind the desk, pretend.

[B]

To be like, I'm dressed like Su Su.

[A]

You can wear a tracksuit. Yeah. So, yeah, Jane lynch is gonna be invited to my dinner party. Who do I love? Like, who's my fave? Mindy Kaling.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

I can't believe you don't want RuPaul at your dinner party.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

I feel like Rue's, like, a fun. Yeah, yeah, a fun time.

[B]

He doesn't drink, though. Not that you have to drink.

[A]

No, of course not.

[B]

Have you had a drink yet?

[A]

I have. Of course. Yeah, yeah, don't worry about me.

[B]

Where are you liking to go out? Have you had to go out to dinner at all since then? Or any hot new restaurants I need to know about? Cause I'm trying To get free restaurants as well.

[A]

I'm so the worst person to ask. I don't leave my house.

[B]

Me either.

[A]

Well, we'll try again next time.

[B]

Yeah, I. What were you saying?

[A]

I was gonna wrap up, but you say anything else you want to say.

[B]

Anything else you want to ask, please send help. You know, I'm just trying to get it to my next. I'm just trying from point A to point B. And that all starts with you. It all starts with you. I'm riding them fur blankets Wearing a neck full of jewels Sniffing candles on with a. With a. A.

[A]

With a Lemmy coming out of your ass. Joey, it's been an absolute pleasure. Where can people find you? Follow you at.

[B]

Follow me. Joey Kamasta.

[A]

Everywhere.

[B]

Joey Kamasta on TikTok and on Instagram, old username Mr. P79.

[A]

Oh, I miss him.

[B]

I know. And you're like. And then I think you're the one who told me to change it.

[A]

Yeah, it makes no sense.

[B]

Jackie did it first.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everyone's like, who's Jackie O. Problems right now.

[A]

It's Jackie o' Shea and Justin Sylvester, the lady sitter. He changed.

[B]

Did he?

[A]

Now he's just in a. Sylvester. It looks like Justina Sylvester.

[B]

I love him. Yes. Oecamasta on. On Instagra. Please follow me. I don't have nearly enough followers to make the kind of money I'm looking to do. TikTok, Joey, not the talk. And then. Yeah, just anywhere. I live in New York if you want to come see me.

[A]

Yeah, come to my house.

[B]

Yeah, but I'll be back. There's going to be a long pregnancy.

[A]

I told Joey that he has to come back because I still have a bunch of open dates in November and December and people love you, so I would love for you to come back.

[B]

Well, I'll just. Hopefully no one falls sick.

[A]

Hopefully nobody gets stabbed in the street by a man with hair transplants.

[B]

I know. We'll see.

[A]

On their way to the ter.

[B]

I know. Well, hopefully I had a good showing this year. You crushed are very.

[A]

They're tough.

[B]

They're tough.

[A]

They're a tough crowd, but they love you always. You were the number one most requested and I will say when. Jackie. We were planning maternity leave. You were the first person I texted.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast and Landing morning show where we deliver the fastest stories you need to know for many Friday and YouTube. So you're watching us on YouTube. Please don't forget to subscribe and give this video thumbs up. We're also available as podcast and where podcast we found so that's Spotify tuner public video I ready cast box all the places and podcast f toastly about a beautiful sounding and wickedly talented we are love you that was paid us.

[B]

Yes. She used to do that.

[A]

Yes. Well, Charity's been doing it. Chart's been doing it.