Toast Herstory: Chopping the Tarts (Original Airdate Wednesday, May 4th, 2022)

Summary

Toast Herstory: Chopping the Tarts – A Detailed Summary

Released on August 14, 2025, "Toast Herstory: Chopping the Tarts" is an episode of The Toast podcast hosted by Claudia Oshry and Jackie Oshry. This episode delves into a mix of celebrity news, personal anecdotes, and listener advice, all delivered with the hosts' signature humor and candidness.

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Introduction

The episode kicks off with the hosts exchanging playful banter about their outfits and the challenges of dressing up consistently. Claudia opens at [00:01], welcoming listeners warmly and humorously addressing their repeated appearances despite Jackie's recent childbirth. Jackie responds at [00:18], expressing her excitement and slight overwhelm about upcoming events, mentioning performances at Madison Square Garden and Chelsea Music Hall.

Notable Quote:

• Claudia at [00:01]: "Don't forget to hump someone you love."
• Jackie at [00:24]: "I'm running on adrenaline."

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Fast 5 Stories

The Fast 5 segment covers five major news stories, each discussed with the hosts' unique perspectives and engaging commentary.

1. Dave Chappelle Attacked at Hollywood Bowl ([10:43] - [16:43]):

   • Summary: Claudia and Jackie discuss the shocking incident where comedian Dave Chappelle was physically assaulted on stage by an audience member wielding a knife and a replica handgun. They express concern over the security lapse at such a high-profile event and the broader implications for performer safety.
   • Notable Quotes:
     • Claudia at [11:32]: "I really feel bad for Dave Chappelle."
     • Jackie at [15:00]: "You don't get to charge someone with a knife and then say that the reaction is too big afterwards."

2. Lili Reinhart Criticizes Kim Kardashian Over Met Gala Diet ([18:03] - [23:52]):

   • Summary: The hosts delve into the controversy sparked by Lili Reinhart's criticism of Kim Kardashian's drastic weight loss for the Met Gala. They explore themes of body image, celebrity influence, and the double standards in public backlash against different celebrities.
   • Notable Quotes:
     • Claudia at [18:11]: "It's disgusting for celebrities to admit to starving themselves."
     • Jackie at [20:34]: "I took no issue with her sharing because by the way, what she did is..."

3. Post Malone Expecting First Child ([23:52] - [26:03]):

   • Summary: Claudia shares the exciting news that Post Malone is expecting his first child with his longtime girlfriend. The hosts express their surprise and joy, highlighting the traditional and heartfelt nature of his announcement.
   • Notable Quotes:
     • Jackie at [24:06]: "I'm excited for this next chapter in my life."
     • Claudia at [25:10]: "I love to see posts."

4. Intruder Disguised as a Priest at Windsor Castle ([27:52] - [33:10]):

   • Summary: The duo discusses a bizarre incident where an intruder posed as a priest and spent the night at Queen Elizabeth’s Windsor Castle. They critique the security measures and express disdain for the perpetrator’s deceitful actions.
   • Notable Quotes:
     • Claudia at [27:52]: "It was so abhorrent to intrude into a personal person's home."
     • Jackie at [29:15]: "Don't you think we all feel that way, right?"

5. Aaron Judge’s Heartwarming Moment with a Fan ([37:50] - [39:50]):

   • Summary: Ending on a positive note, Claudia and Jackie recount a sweet TikTok video where New York Yankees’ Aaron Judge gives a homered ball to a young fan, leading to an emotional moment shared between the boy and his father. They celebrate the unifying and heartwarming aspects of sports.
   • Notable Quotes:
     • Claudia at [38:10]: "It will bring a tear to your eye."
     • Jackie at [39:18]: "What could be better?"

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TV Recap: Real Housewives of New Jersey ([40:05] - [44:52])

The hosts pivot to a recap of the latest "Real Housewives of New Jersey" reunion. They dissect the intense drama on the "left couch," focusing on the strained relationships and shifting dynamics among cast members. Claudia expresses disappointment over Jackie Goldschneider’s perceived demotion, believing it hinders the progress made in addressing toxic behaviors within the group.

Notable Quotes:

• Claudia at [40:36]: "The left couch is crumbling."
• Jackie at [41:17]: "Well, anything can happen. They haven't started filming."

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Dear Toasters: Listener Advice Segment ([44:52] - [54:28])

In the Dear Toasters segment, Claudia and Jackie respond to listener emails seeking advice on personal matters.

1. Mother-in-Law’s Inappropriate Kissing ([46:11] - [47:35]):

   • Summary: A listener seeks guidance on addressing her mother-in-law’s habit of kissing her 8-month-old baby on the mouth, which she finds gross and inappropriate. The hosts advise setting clear boundaries and addressing the issue directly rather than waiting for her husband to intervene.
   • Notable Advice:
     • Jackie at [47:05]: "If you see it and it doesn't sit right with you, say please don't do that."
     • Claudia at [47:24]: "Do it when you see it. Don't let it fester."

2. Brother’s Girlfriend’s Explicit Instagram Photo ([48:44] - [51:32]):

   • Summary: Another listener is concerned about her younger brother’s new girlfriend who has shared an explicit photo on Instagram. Initially alarmed, upon viewing the photo, the hosts find it tasteful and advise not to interfere as it doesn’t appear harmful.
   • Notable Advice:
     • Jackie at [51:08]: "If you say anything, you're just gonna drive a wedge."
     • Claudia at [51:19]: "It's awkward. Take it off the Internet."

3. Booger Flicking Habit in a Relationship ([52:43] - [54:28]):

   • Summary: A listener updates on her previous query about her boyfriend’s habit of leaving boogers around the house. With the hosts’ advice to place more tissue boxes, she successfully mitigates the issue.
   • Notable Advice:
     • Claudia at [54:06]: "Keep tissues around the house so they're readily available."
     • Jackie at [54:18]: "Get him a box of tissues on his side of the bed."

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with celebratory remarks as Jackie prepares for her performances at Madison Square Garden and Chelsea Music Hall. Claudia and Jackie express pride and excitement for Jackie's upcoming shows, ending the episode on an uplifting note.

Notable Quotes:

• Claudia at [54:51]: "I love you."
• Jackie at [55:11]: "We’re so excited. You’re going to be amazing."

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Key Takeaways

• Celebrity Security Concerns: The episode underscores the vulnerabilities even top-tier performers face, illustrated by the Dave Chappelle incident.

• Body Image and Celebrity Influence: Through the Lili Reinhart-Kim Kardashian controversy, the hosts explore the impact of celebrity actions on public perceptions of body image.

• Heartwarming Sports Moments: Aaron Judge’s gesture exemplifies the positive side of sports in uniting and uplifting individuals.

• Personal Boundaries and Communication: The Dear Toasters segment emphasizes the importance of setting clear boundaries and addressing issues directly in personal relationships.

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Overall Impressions

"Toast Herstory: Chopping the Tarts" offers a balanced mix of serious discussions and light-hearted banter. Claudia and Jackie Oshry navigate through current events and personal stories with humor and empathy, making the episode both entertaining and insightful for listeners.

Notable Moments to Revisit:

• Claudia's heartfelt reactions and Jackie's humorous interjections provide a dynamic interplay throughout the episode.
• The resolution of listener advice showcases the hosts' practical and caring approach.

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For those who haven't listened yet, this episode is a testament to the hosts' ability to blend pop culture commentary with genuine personal connection, making "The Toast" a must-listen for fans of engaging and relatable podcast content.

Transcript

[Claudia Oshry]

Good morning, millennials. Welcome back to the morning toast. Happy Wednesday. It is hump day, so don't forget to hump someone you love. Speaking of someone I love, I am joined for the third consecutive day in a row, which is so sickening, given the fact she just gave birth. It's Jackie O. Morning toast. Original recipe.

[Jackie Oshry]

Original recipe. Hey, guys. Happy to be here. It's really catching up with me. Like, it's a little too much too soon.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, really?

[Jackie Oshry]

But I'm happy to do it. This is such a big week. Week. So I'm running on adrenaline. Running on steamy, steamy vibes. Running on N Log.

[Claudia Oshry]

You're running on steamy vibes.

[Jackie Oshry]

I am feeling quite steamy because it's always warm in here.

[Claudia Oshry]

It is always warm in here. We've got to fix it.

[Jackie Oshry]

And we're always wearing sweatshirts and leggings and Air Force ones and twinning.

[Claudia Oshry]

We're literally wearing the same outfit. Clowns again. This is, like, embarrassing.

[Jackie Oshry]

I know. What's with us? I guess it's the Air Force ones.

[Claudia Oshry]

I know, because, like, they're just such great shoes. Like, you have to wear it with a crew neck.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. And we're just always wearing crew necks. And I just have decided, like, until I'm where I want to be in life, physically, mentally, and emotionally, it's just going to be a sweatshirt for me. I don't care what month it is. Like, I tried the first time I came into the studio to, like, put together an outfit because I was, like, ready so excited, and I looked horrific. And so now I'll just be covering everything until I'm ready to show you guys more.

[Claudia Oshry]

You're, like, literally gonna do a full reveal in, like, six months.

[Jackie Oshry]

Six months, yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

Well, we've got a great show for you guys today. Today It's Wednesday, and we've got Dear Toasters. We also have an update from someone who wrote in about something particularly vile. So that'll be exciting. Jackie did not watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion part one because she has a child.

[Jackie Oshry]

Pray on it, you guys. It was, like, hanging over my head all night, and I woke up in the middle of the night to pump, and I was like, I could watch it now, but then I didn't want to wake my mind up because I needed to go back to sleep.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's not worth it. It was only part one. Like, it was part three, maybe, perhaps.

[Jackie Oshry]

But I was really excited to watch it, and I just didn't want to rush it. Like, I want to watch it when I want to watch it.

[Claudia Oshry]

It was really good. And I have a lot of thoughts. I feel like it really. And what my main takeaway is, we haven't even spoken about this, how it's been widely reported. I think it's like, pretty much true that Jackie Goldschneider was demoted to friend of.

[Jackie Oshry]

I just. Yes, but how can they make that call before the reunion? And why make that call before the reunion? Like, see how things play out.

[Claudia Oshry]

I feel like it's such a mistake. And after watching the reunion last night, I'm even more like cemented in my belief that it's the biggest mistake of all time. Especially because if they don't want the show to continue to be like everyone just tiptoeing around Teresa, they've like now changed the landscape and the dynamics so much. It's such a mistake. It's so wrong. I'm like, I'm actually really furious about it. And I never thought I would feel that way because I was a Jackie Goldschneider, like, hater up until recently.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. And I might be cut from a different cloth, but it's top quality fabric.

[Claudia Oshry]

Which is always good to know.

[Jackie Oshry]

Don't forget that.

[Claudia Oshry]

Don't forget that. So we are excited to be here. We're coming off our Met GalaxTravaganza, which was very fun and exciting. I know we didn't get to all the looks like there were still hundreds left, but. But I feel like we did what needed to do.

[Jackie Oshry]

We did the bulk of it. I don't recall. Maybe there was like one or two after where I was like, shit, we didn't mention them. But there's so many people.

[Claudia Oshry]

So many. And we did what we had to do. And that's what we're gonna do here today at the Morning Toast. This is our final episode of the week because for anyone who doesn't know, tomorrow's like a really big day. I'm performing at Madison Square Garden. Tickets [e-mail] tour. It's gonna be fabulous. And oh, I'm also doing a show tonight. Oh, my God, I keep forgetting about that. A little warm up show. Chelsea Music Hall. It's gonna be good. It's gonna be good.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's gonna be fun. Like an intimate night with girl with.

[Claudia Oshry]

No job, you know, It's a fireside chat.

[Jackie Oshry]

Oh, look at you. Teddy Roosevelt, Elizabeth Holmes, fdr. Yeah. Is that what she.

[Claudia Oshry]

I don't know. Fireside chats always remind me of, like, tech companies that like, spend money on these like, you know, team outings. And it's like, let's go to a cabin and do a fireside chat. They were always doing fireside chats in younger.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah, but, you know, it's FDR who started that.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, I didn't know.

[Jackie Oshry]

Little fun fact. With the advent of the radio, he would do a fireside chat and talk to the nation.

[Claudia Oshry]

Wow, you really learn so much when your co host is a historical friction freak.

[Jackie Oshry]

Freak. Is that nice? Is that nice? Got out of bed three days in a row.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's not nice. It's not nice. So what else? What's going on with you?

[Jackie Oshry]

Not much. We recorded the Redheads yesterday. Always a great time with the girls. They're so funny. The Redheads is just like a hysterical, hysterical podcast. We should be in the comedy section. Except we like being in arts, so we are higher.

[Claudia Oshry]

Always in the top.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah, yeah. Comedy is a really competitive category.

[Claudia Oshry]

It is like those office ladies up. Like, they're always.

[Jackie Oshry]

If you have a podcast, find the most obscure category that you can put it in so that you have a chance at hitting number one.

[Claudia Oshry]

And that's also. I'm so glad you brought that up, because when you see influencers. Sorry, this is, like, so shady and mean of me, but when you see influencers, be like, yes. Like, we're chopping. Chopping the tarts. Topping the charts. New episode. They're, like, tricking you into thinking that their podcast is popular when it's not. They're just in, like, a random obscure. I know that's really mean to say because, like, our podcast is so big and I should really be more humble, but I won't. They're just tricking you into thinking that their podcast is big when it's actually not. It's, like, easy to be the biggest fish in a puddle.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wow. Shy day, coming out swinging.

[Claudia Oshry]

I said what I said.

[Jackie Oshry]

I will say if your podcast is number one in any category. Like, it's not teeny dining.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

But it's not, you know, number one.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's not Joe Rogan. Call her Daddy.

[Jackie Oshry]

You're not.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's not Conan.

[Jackie Oshry]

You're not Joe Rogan.

[Claudia Oshry]

You're not Conan.

[Jackie Oshry]

Redheads used to be in society and culture, but it was just, like, a little too depressing. So then we moved over to arts.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, that's better now.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. Society and culture is, like, probably fourth or fifth most competitive.

[Claudia Oshry]

So what do you think it goes by?

[Jackie Oshry]

I think it goes. I'll tell you. Because Apple sorts it. That's my theory.

[Claudia Oshry]

They have the I think it's news and then comedy.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's news and then comedy and then perhaps sports. But the way you can. The pull down is not alphabetical or anything, which leads me to believe that it is chronological. Like, that feature isn't even there right now. Hold on, hold on.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yes, it is. I looked at it yesterday. I'm always checking the charts on the.

[Jackie Oshry]

Top right, where you sort by. It wasn't coming up.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, you know what? And I got a new phone, so maybe man my pot.

[Jackie Oshry]

And. Okay, all categories, here we go. First, news. Second, comedy. Third, society and culture. Wow. Moving on up. I feel like. Because everybody puts their podcast in society and culture because it's a very big umbrella.

[Claudia Oshry]

Right.

[Jackie Oshry]

Fourth, business biz news. Fifth, true crime. That's interesting.

[Claudia Oshry]

We're literally sixth in comedy right now.

[Jackie Oshry]

Six sports. So we're six in number two. That's pretty good.

[Claudia Oshry]

We're six and number two.

[Jackie Oshry]

And then health and fitness, Religion and spirituality. Arts, education. Maybe we should move to education. Seems less competitive. No history. I gotta start a history podcast. I'll be number one every week. TV and film.

[Claudia Oshry]

That's actually surprising that it's so low.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah, a lot of people throw theirs in TV and film. We do TV recaps. We could be number one in TV and film. Let's move over.

[Claudia Oshry]

I'm so sick. Sick of Conan and the Office Ladies.

[Jackie Oshry]

Totally.

[Claudia Oshry]

And Heather McDonald. She's always in front of us.

[Jackie Oshry]

Science. We could do a show about Elon Musk. Number one every week. Technology, music, kids, and family. Leisure. That's a nice. That's a good.

[Claudia Oshry]

I mean, I feel very at peace when listening to the morning toast. I do think we would qualify for leisure.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's really interesting. Then fiction and then government.

[Claudia Oshry]

Woof, woof. Yeah. No one's listening to government podcasts. I'm shocked. Speaking of government, we have an amazing show today. Anything else you want to catch up on before we dive right in? Oh, one thing that I actually wanted to catch up on. That's not a story. But I feel like I would be remiss, devastated and heartbroken if I didn't mention it was Jessica Simpson's Instagram stories yesterday.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yes.

[Claudia Oshry]

She had a birthday party for her daughter. And, you know, we heard rumors that her and north were friends with her daughter, but we didn't really have proof. Now we have proof. They had like. Kids are obsessed with these squishmallows. Do you know them?

[Jackie Oshry]

No.

[Claudia Oshry]

They're like these stuffed. You're gonna know. Squishmallows. They're like collectible stuffed animals or whatever. So I think her daughter had. I don't know if it was her birthday, but north bought her a present so it looked like it might have been her birthday. They had like this movie night squishmallow birthday party. And not only was north there and she brought her a gift that was a pair of sneakers and Jessica was posting pictures of them. Penelope was there too.

[Jackie Oshry]

I saw the picture. So cute. I think the kid just had a birthday party because that's how we learned that they were friends and that Kim wasn't at the party. So maybe this was just like a movie night in the backyard and to pick up truck because, like that's what celebrity kids do.

[Claudia Oshry]

It was so cute. Sounds like an ideal night for me. Like an adult.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

Laying in the back of a truck watching a movie on a Calabasas cliff.

[Jackie Oshry]

You're living the wrong life, sister.

[Claudia Oshry]

100%. Like the fact that I wasn't born Jessica Simpson or Nicole. Nicole. Oh my God. The fact that I wasn't born Jessica Simpson's daughter, like, is my cross to wear.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. There was a mistake in. There was a glitch in the Matrix.

[Claudia Oshry]

There was a glitch. I'm done. Like, I'm really done. I can't even talk today.

[Jackie Oshry]

You are chopping the tarts though.

[Claudia Oshry]

I'm chopping the tarts and the tarts are chopping me 100%. I need to, I need to get like my brain and my mouth more connected because I have a show tonight. Like, I need to start focusing on the words in which I speak.

[Jackie Oshry]

But that's good. Make the mistakes now. Okay, I think we should get right in because we have some great stories to chat about. We have Dear Toasters and we have. Claudia is going to talk a little New Jersey. So without further ado, do to do it is time for the Fast 5 stories that you need to know before you wake up and take a bite out of your morning toast.

[Claudia Oshry]

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[Jackie Oshry]

Okay, first story. Big crazy news of the day. Dave Chappelle was attacked on stage at Hollywood bowl by an audience member with armed with a weapon. So last night at the Hollywood bowl, they were filming Netflix is a joke and Dave Chappelle was doing his set. Towards the end of the set, around 10:45, shocking footage. Footage shows Chappelle standing on stage as an audience member charged and slammed him to the floor. Seconds later, the attacker was tackled by security and then he was beat up thoroughly by a bunch of the people backstage. The man, who lives in Los Angeles, was arrested for felony assault with a deadly weapon. He was armed with a knife and carrying a replica handgun with a blade inside. He was taken to the hospital before he was booked early Wednesday into jail on $30,000 bail.

[Claudia Oshry]

I have so many thoughts. My first thought is like, I really feel bad for Dave Chappelle. There's nothing scarier than being tackled, especially like when you're just like such a target, just standing there under a bright light and everyone else is sitting in darkness. I also feel bad for Will Smith because in one way or the other, this is his fault. And everyone's gonna figure everyone's, like, saying that already. So I know that wasn't his intention. When he slapped Chris Smith. Chris Smith. I'm not. Okay. When he slapped Chris Rock, I know that wasn't his intention, but via the butterfly effect, here we are. And I'd also like to say I don't understand how this happened, because the Hollywood bowl is, like, a really legit venue, and you're telling me through all the security we all have to put up with, that a man with a replica gun got in, but the knife was inside the gun. So, like, you're telling me, like, when he walked through that metal detector, or, like, nothing went off, like, the knife.

[Jackie Oshry]

Is made of metal. If the replica was not made of metal, then maybe it wouldn't have set it off. But why the replica tings are going through my tampons. I can't bring an Advil into a club.

[Claudia Oshry]

Right.

[Jackie Oshry]

But a replica gun and a knife, a.

[Claudia Oshry]

Okay, this is, like, a huge oversight on the behalf of the Hollywood bowl, like, security team.

[Jackie Oshry]

You can't even, like, have your phone at a comedy show.

[Claudia Oshry]

I know, and I hate to blame anyone other than the person who stormed the stage, but a lot of a series of events had to occur in order for this man to get into the venue with his items and be seated close to Dave Chappelle. And so while it is this man's fault, 100%, I'm just so curious how something like this happens in this day and age. Like, okay, you can't stop someone from storming a stage. Like, we all are human beings with independence, but you can stop someone from bringing a knife.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

And they didn't.

[Jackie Oshry]

You would hope, right? Maybe you can't.

[Claudia Oshry]

So this is. So this is awful. Like, this is really, really awful. I saw the video. Looks like Dave Chappelle is totally fine physically, which is good.

[Jackie Oshry]

And everyone was able to, you know, laugh it off. Right after the tackle, Chris Rock came on stage and gave Dave Chappelle a hug and asked, was that Will Smith? Then Dave Chappelle carried on and made some jokes. He was about to announce a musical act. And so, you know, everyone, I think, was able to carry on. Right.

[Claudia Oshry]

Because he was done with. Mostly done with his set, which I did. To bounce back and have to continue performing is literally. Sounds horrible.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right? So I think they made it okay. It will be unclear if it's going to be in the special. I don't know what they even should do about that.

[Claudia Oshry]

Well, we were just talking about that.

[Jackie Oshry]

In general, this is just like setting a jarring, worrisome precedent for, like, comedians being fair game for verbal and physical assaults.

[Claudia Oshry]

Right. But we were talking before the show about, like, whether. So they're filming. Netflix is a joke. Is a comedy festival that Netflix is putting on. And of course, they're filming a lot of the talent to make content for Netflix comedy specials. So I'm sure that this whole evening was filmed. I'm sure that they have the incident on camera. And we were going back and forth as to whether Netflix should put this in or not. Like, part of me, actually, I want to say no completely, because then this guy becomes a celebrity, and then other people are going to be like, wow, if I want to get on Netflix, all I have to do is tackle a celebrity. And I think it, like, encourages bad behavior.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

Even though part of me was also thinking, like, we. It's like, such a horrible thing. I don't know. I don't know. I'm, I. I'm.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's like, what really happened, so maybe you should just put it in. Plus, I think after, you know, when everybody. I think it was like, Chappelle's crew and his personal security, and I think it was about, like, 20 people who beat up on this guy. And it was definitely a very big reaction. But around and find out you don't just get to charge someone with a knife and then say that the reaction is too big afterwards, right?

[Claudia Oshry]

No, that's 100% true. But I imagine that, like, perhaps Dave Chappelle doesn't want it on television. His entourage, like, it looks bad 20 to 1, but you really don't see the one guy who stormed the stage with a knife.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right.

[Claudia Oshry]

So this is just, like, terrible. It's really fucking scary and terrible. And it's just crazy that it happens to Dave Chappelle, who's the biggest comedian in the world. He has, you know, swarms of security. He's in a. In an environment. It's like a legit venue. It's sponsored by Netflix. Like, you would think that something like this couldn't happen at an event like this to a person like this, but here it is happening, right?

[Jackie Oshry]

And even with, like, the logistics of, like, the stage being, you know, some stages, you couldn't really jump. They're too high, they're too far. Still at the Hollywood bowl, it could be done.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's so scary. And honestly, I'm sure he's fine, but I hope he's fine.

[Jackie Oshry]

I think it rattles any.

[Claudia Oshry]

Everyone. I mean, not to make literally everything about Me. But, like, when you're on stage and you hear a weird sound, like, it is so scary, but you have to keep going because most of the time, it's just like, a sound. It's not someone storming the stage. So, like, your heart stops, but then you have to keep going because people are like, what's wrong with this bitch?

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

So for that to actually be something real is so scary. Like, it's every person, human beings, not even comedians. It's every human being's worst nightmare. Like, being attacked for no reason.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

Loser energy.

[Jackie Oshry]

Like, oh, this goes beyond.

[Claudia Oshry]

And this guy got his ass handed to him, which is exactly what he deserved.

[Jackie Oshry]

I'm sorry. There were photos after of him on the stretcher, and his elbow is dislocated from his arm.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's gross.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's really gross.

[Claudia Oshry]

But fuck around and find out.

[Jackie Oshry]

And that's the moral of the story. That's the moral of every story.

[Claudia Oshry]

I was just gonna say that. It is the moral of every story.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yep. So we'll see what happens if Dave responds. What will happen? What will come of this?

[Claudia Oshry]

Dave only responds to things, like, in comedy format. Like, he's not gonna release a statement.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right. And this is also, like, really, Chris Rock's first time speaking out about the Will Smith thing.

[Claudia Oshry]

Right?

[Jackie Oshry]

Really?

[Claudia Oshry]

Because how crazy that Will Smith. That Chris Rock was there.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right?

[Claudia Oshry]

No. Just so weird.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's not okay. Like, we are not okay.

[Jackie Oshry]

No. As a society, we are unwell.

[Claudia Oshry]

Unwell. And it's got to stop. If you come to my show just saying. And you get on stage and, like, you try to touch me, like, what.

[Jackie Oshry]

Happens after that is on you.

[Claudia Oshry]

Like, I will literally. I'm a big. Like, you do not want to with me. Like, I'm strong.

[Jackie Oshry]

No. And she's got a lot of people in her corner.

[Claudia Oshry]

No.

[Jackie Oshry]

And, like, you don't want to mess with me to make the show that you do want to mess with me, but you don't.

[Claudia Oshry]

No. And, like, okay, I like that. Like, his team escorted him off stage. But, like, if you're gonna come out and try and embarrass me, like, I'm leaving you on stage and I'm beating you up in front of everyone. Like, you don't get the privacy of back of backstage.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's a public flogging.

[Claudia Oshry]

All the cameras coming out for a public affair. And I'll tell everyone to get their phones out.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wow. Okay, there we go.

[Claudia Oshry]

But then you'll make like the toasters are. Are civilized.

[Jackie Oshry]

So they are.

[Claudia Oshry]

I don't know, Toaster. After a couple of sprits, she'd get wild.

[Jackie Oshry]

True that. Are you ready for our next story?

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

A little more controversy. Lili Reinhart slamming, quote, starving Kim Kardashian over her met gala 2022 diet.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yes.

[Jackie Oshry]

As we reported yesterday, Kim shared that she lost 60 pounds in three weeks to fit into the Maryland dress. And that did not sit well with Lili Reinhart, who took to her Instagram story on Tuesday and wrote in text to walk on a red carpet and do an interview where you say how starving you are because you haven't eaten a carb in the last month, all to fit into a dress. So wrong. So on hundreds of levels. The star who did not call out Kim by name added that it's disgusting for celebrities to admit to starving themselves considering how many people idolize them. She said, quote, to openly admit to starving yourself for the sake of the Met Gala when you know very well that millions of young men and women are looking up to you and listening to your every word. The ignorance is otherworldly, disgusting.

[Claudia Oshry]

Okay, I have so many thoughts on this.

[Jackie Oshry]

I guess this is that backlash you were talking about. I really hadn't seen any, but now I now I'm familiar.

[Claudia Oshry]

And she doesn't say Kim by name, but she might as well have. She wasn't talking about anyone else other than Kim, which I just don't like to single out Kim because I watched all the interviews and Venus Williams was, like, talking about how she's so hungry and, like, how she and all these other girls were like, I can't breathe in my dress. So to single out Kim and blame her for the entire culture, which you perceive to be toxic, is unfair, first of all. Second of all, the way that Kim framed it in the sense of, like, this, for her, this is a role. And we've heard a million stories. Mark Wahlberg, Joaquin Phoenix, Jared Leto, like, people always, like, dropping and gaining, like, 4, 40, 50 pounds in short amount of times. I don't see any backlash there. So, like, why is it? It's just like, for me, it's like whether the argument about Kim is valid or not, it bothers me that it's always Kim. It reminds me of, like, when Kendall came out with 818 people really upset because they thought, you know, it's a Mexican, it's made in Mexico, and it's a Mexican drink, and there's totally an argument to be made there. But, like, why do these arguments only come out for the Kardashians? Like, nobody said Anything about Casamigos. Is George Clooney Mexican? Nobody said anything about Ciroc. Is P. Diddy Russian. Like, so it's like these, whether they're valid or not, like the fact that these conversations only happen around the Kardashians. Like, it bothers me. It does, yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

It bothers me as well. And I agree. When Kim says she's training for a role, you may not like that her role is considered, you know, just the Met Gala night, a fashion's night out. But this is perhaps one of the most iconic things that Kim has ever done. I took no issue with her sharing because by the way, what she did, and also it's.

[Claudia Oshry]

She didn't lose 16 pounds because she wants to be skinny. She had to fit into a dress. It wasn't like, you know, I need to be this weight so I can look good at the Met Gala. She needed to be a certain weight so that she could fit in the dress.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right. And I personally, as a person, the way that I feel is I would rather someone like shred for the wed and let us know what they did and that it was really fucking hard and not just like, oh, I just happened to fit into Marilyn Monroe's fucking dress.

[Claudia Oshry]

I agree. I think that when celebrities pop up on red carpets looking insanely stunning like.

[Jackie Oshry]

I just had a burger at the.

[Claudia Oshry]

Hotel, I think that contributes more to like toxic body image.

[Jackie Oshry]

You're like, why don't I look like that?

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah, because I just had a burger and I can't fit my ass in my jeans.

[Jackie Oshry]

Whereas I know why I don't look like this.

[Claudia Oshry]

Because I have eaten carbs for three weeks straight.

[Jackie Oshry]

I wasn't doing two a days. Tomatoes.

[Claudia Oshry]

I agree. So, like, don't get me wrong, I mean, in celebrity culture, there's so much toxicity when it comes to body image and weight and it's hella problematic. But I prefer someone to be completely transparent with me than just showing up looking like sheer perfection. Leaving me wondering like, well, if she's just a regular girl, how did that happen? There must be something wrong with me, right? No, actually, I know there's nothing wrong with me now, thanks to Kim, because I eat whatever I want whenever I want.

[Jackie Oshry]

Because you're not putting in that work.

[Claudia Oshry]

Right? So I don't know, I just. There's so many about things and maybe it's just because I'm a Kim apologist. Like if this was someone else, maybe I would feel differently, but I really don't think so. I don't get bothered when people talk about their journey. I really don't. That's just me. I'm. I look the way that I am. I look the way that I do because of decisions I make. And I guess Kim is for Kim. Kim is extremely influential. But I don't know. I think this is a stretch. I do. But I know a lot of people don't agree with me. Even in the comments yesterday on YouTube, people, people are like furious at Kim. So, like you, do you. I'm not, I'm not furious.

[Jackie Oshry]

I think I would feel the same way about the premise of the argument if it were any other celebrity. But I'm just more invested because it's Kim. Lili Reinhart was beefing with someone that I'm not like obsessed with. I don't really know if I would think too hard about it.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

And I mean, I think for Kim, like, she's been doing this her entire career. Like letting us know when she's losing weight, gaining, posting her workouts, letting us know when she's on a diet, when she's having beignets in New Orleans. Like, and she's gotten backlash all all along. But I think for her, like, she doesn't care because like, on principle, she doesn't have an issue with it. It's not like, oh, oops, I'm sorry, I didn't know that I, that I did that, you know?

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah, no, I'm just, there's, there's like a few things about this that I just also don't like singling out like one culture. Like, don't. The, the issue in celebrity and in Hollywood with body image and weight is so big and it's not Kim Kardashian's fault. I'm sorry. It's not. So to like center the whole argument on Kim, I think is really unfair.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. And just everybody has different experiences and everybody like feels differently about what, what they're seeing. Whether you know, you're someone like Lily Reinhardt, who, this is upsetting to you, but you could have be someone with Lili Reinhart, same experience and see this and not find it upsetting.

[Claudia Oshry]

Right. Or like triggering.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah, I just, I'm not agreeing with Lili Reinhart on this, like, at all.

[Jackie Oshry]

No, me neither. But I do. A lot of people do. So.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

There you go.

[Claudia Oshry]

There you go.

[Jackie Oshry]

Our next story, a little exciting fatherhood news now. Exciting fatherhood news. Post Malone is expecting his first child with longtime girlfriend. Who knew he had a long time girlfriend.

[Claudia Oshry]

Not I Post Malone said.

[Jackie Oshry]

I'm excited for this next chapter in my life, I'm the happiest I've ever been and for since I could remember, I was so sad. He told tmz, time to take care of my body and my family and my friends and spread as much love as we can every day. That's so gorgeous. Sources close to Page Six said the couple hosted a private party with friends and family in Southern California over the weekend to celebrate the exciting news. That is just like so traditional, so sweet.

[Claudia Oshry]

I had no idea he had a girlfriend. Love this. I love to see posts.

[Jackie Oshry]

I'm so sorry.

[Claudia Oshry]

What?

[Jackie Oshry]

I'm so sorry.

[Claudia Oshry]

What?

[Jackie Oshry]

So the article said sources close to post.

[Claudia Oshry]

So I just.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's Page Six so I assumed it was the New York Post.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh no. Sources close to Post Malone.

[Jackie Oshry]

As in Malone?

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, of course.

[Jackie Oshry]

That is so funny.

[Claudia Oshry]

That is very confusing though. I feel that I love this for him. I feel like, you know, Post, he's growing up. I feel like hearts are breaking everywhere.

[Jackie Oshry]

As they should be.

[Claudia Oshry]

So my heart goes out to all the girls who thought that this would be them and it turned out that it wasn't you. I see you, I hear you and I'm here for you.

[Jackie Oshry]

Did you know that he had a long term girlfriend?

[Claudia Oshry]

No clue.

[Jackie Oshry]

No clue.

[Claudia Oshry]

No.

[Jackie Oshry]

That he was just like this family man?

[Claudia Oshry]

No, I love that. The thing about Post Malone is like you think you know him but you don't.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right? And like he lives in Utah.

[Claudia Oshry]

He loves country music.

[Jackie Oshry]

He's very unplugged.

[Claudia Oshry]

He loves guitar.

[Jackie Oshry]

He has his priorities in order.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, it's actually so true. Like especially for how famous he is. He could be like anything he wanted. Living in the biggest house in Beverly Hills. But you're right, he's like a weirdly traditional rural king.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right? Like having like a little gender reveal party inside of California. It's cheugy.

[Claudia Oshry]

Post Malone is chuggate.

[Jackie Oshry]

Post Malone Chugalicious. Chugalic.

[Claudia Oshry]

He should make his own remix. Chugalicious Dip. Duff, Duff, Duff, Duff. Chalicious. Post Malone makes the girls go loco. Love that for him. Beautiful. Really beautiful.

[Jackie Oshry]

Beautiful.

[Claudia Oshry]

Happy for him. Know that I am. Well, we've been getting a lot of hate comments about our singing.

[Jackie Oshry]

I saw like is this your guys first time watching?

[Claudia Oshry]

Has something changed?

[Jackie Oshry]

Nothing.

[Claudia Oshry]

Like I, I, I just can't believe like if you or like someone close to me had a voice that was like as good as mine, I would make them sing for me all the time. And I'm giving it away for free.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. And there's always a Reason behind the song, like, we integrate it into this, the stories.

[Claudia Oshry]

Because we got our reason.

[Jackie Oshry]

Just like you when you.

[Claudia Oshry]

Okay, we'll stop. But, like. No, but it's really upsetting.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's just a little random, considering we've been doing this for five years, that we always have a song in our heart.

[Claudia Oshry]

You know what it is? I think this little instrument, like, has definitely increased. It's simple math. When this enters the equation, we have to sing more, you know?

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. Give us a song, any song.

[Claudia Oshry]

How many time we gonna have a good time? A thousand hands up to the sky we gonna get toasted tonight can't let it fade we got a sparkle in our eye can't let it wait I'm counting down until we start we're renegades we come to play and we play hard 2, 3, 4 Hunted down we gonna have a good time A thousand hands up to the sky we gonna get toasty tonight Should I keep going? No.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wow.

[Claudia Oshry]

Hobbit. No, I'm kidding.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah, I think as long as there's, like, a cap of 10 to 20 seconds on the song, I don't know why you guys are complaining. It's like.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah. And also, like, just notice the gift in front of you and be grateful. Don't be ungrateful, okay.

[Jackie Oshry]

Don't be.

[Claudia Oshry]

Don't be all ungrateful.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay. Our next story, a little security. Concerning security news. An intruder disguised as a priest spent the night at the Queen's Windsor Castle. And it wasn't me.

[Claudia Oshry]

How the fuck is this always happening?

[Jackie Oshry]

An intruder disguised as a. Disguised as a priest conned his way inside windsor Castle on April 26 and even spent the night leaving just hours before Queen Elizabeth made her return home. He said his name was Father Cruz and claimed to be a friend of the battalion's padre, the Reverend Matt Coles. And he was invited in and offered something to eat in the officer's mess, a source told Britain's Hawk tv. The source explained that within a few hours, the man was drinking with officers in the bar and started telling stories about his life, including that he had served in Iraq. He was telling lots of tall tales and the lads were enjoying his banter and having a few drinks. It was only later when he started talking about how he had worked as an injector seat test pilot and had some organs replaced, that the chaps started to get suspended. Suspicious security apparently did not conduct any further investigations into the man, and authorities were not alerted until the next morning. Just three hours before Queenie returned to Windsor Castle from her 96th birthday party at Sandringham. Oh, my God, how this is iconic.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah, the thing is, like, not only is it so abhorrent to, you know, intrude into a personal. A person's home, but to do so as a man of God just takes.

[Jackie Oshry]

Man of the cloth.

[Claudia Oshry]

This takes it to another, more disgusting, repulsive level.

[Jackie Oshry]

I mean, yes, though, I do could understand the urge to, like, get close to the queen and just, like, want to be.

[Claudia Oshry]

You don't think we all feel that way, right?

[Jackie Oshry]

And want to be in her space? But this is unacceptable. And this has happened before in the past. We saw in the crown, and you would think, like, what's the. The queen's peeps called, like, her ladies in waiting. No, no, no. Those aren't. Don't exist anymore. Like, Scotland Yards. Thank you, myself. Scotland Yards should be on top of this.

[Claudia Oshry]

Thank you, myself. You sounded like Dana. Only. Only true. Sorry. This is gonna be an extremely hot take. Only true freaks talk to themselves. Okay, that's just a hot take.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wow. I had a dream last night that I was talking to myself, that I was, like, looking in the mirror, and I was, like, thinking that I was seeing. I was talking to someone else. And then I realized I was talking to myself. I was like, oh, it's gotten crazy.

[Claudia Oshry]

One time, Ben, like, okay, one time, my friend Jenna was like, I just ran into Ben on the street. She texted me. I'm like, oh, my. That's so funny. She's like, yeah, he was literally, like, mumbling and talking to himself. And I was like, what? She was like, yeah, it was kind of weird. And then I told Ben, I'm like, when you saw Jenna, like, what were you doing?

[Jackie Oshry]

And.

[Claudia Oshry]

And he was like, nothing. I'm like, she says, you were talking to yourself. He's like, no, I wasn't. I think he might have been, like, going through something. Cause he was literally, like, wandering around the streets, like, mumbling.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's so weird. Like, I talk to myself all the time, but my lips don't move.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, that's called thinking. We all do that. Your lips don't move. That's called thinking. Duh. I'm doing it right now. True. That's a really good point. Yeah. We're all allowed to think to ourselves. I'm thinking. Verbalizing it is weird. I'm sorry.

[Jackie Oshry]

But, like, I do find myself, like, thinking in conversation version. Like, talking to myself still doesn't count.

[Claudia Oshry]

Okay, so the only time I think I've ever, like, spoken to myself when I'm not around Is, like, only, like, powering yourself up. Oh. I mean, yes.

[Jackie Oshry]

Before power poses.

[Claudia Oshry]

That doesn't count. You are smart. I guess I talk to myself a lot. Because, like, unless I'm, like, let's say I left my phone on this counter. I come over and I'm by myself. I go to get my phone off the counter and it's not there. I will say to myself, like, that's weird. Yeah. Even if no one's around.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess, maybe.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, I think. I still think it's weird.

[Jackie Oshry]

I guess I talk to myself sometimes. Like, I'll just be around my room. Like.

[Claudia Oshry]

Breasts and stress and rest and stress. Breasts and stress and rest and stress. And rest and stress. And we have really gotten out of control with Theo's name, with Bryce.

[Jackie Oshry]

And thrice, you know, we haven't done.

[Claudia Oshry]

In a really long time. Dora the explorer.

[Jackie Oshry]

Perfect angel Dora.

[Claudia Oshry]

Crunchy, delicious Dora.

[Jackie Oshry]

Bruno's cousin Dora.

[Claudia Oshry]

My one and only Dora.

[Jackie Oshry]

Special boy Dora.

[Claudia Oshry]

Thick, juicy Dora. Floppy ears Dora. Wet little nose Dora.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wagging tail Dora.

[Claudia Oshry]

Sexy walk Dora.

[Jackie Oshry]

Do.

[Claudia Oshry]

Do. Dora. Theodora. Theodora. Dora Vi. Stunning.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay, I'm sorry for those last few minutes, you guys. It's safe to come back now.

[Claudia Oshry]

What was the story?

[Jackie Oshry]

The Queen had an intruder.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, right. Unacceptable. Like an embarrassment to her security. And the fact that this has happened not once, but twice, is disgraceful to the crown, to the monarchy and to all of England. Honestly, I could not do a British accent.

[Jackie Oshry]

Agreed. Do it, bruva. Gran let me in. Gran, let's just talk. I want to come to the party. Gran, party.

[Claudia Oshry]

Let's check in. British accents.

[Jackie Oshry]

Like, I find I can't do a British accent. I can only do Prince Harry.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah. I can't do, like, any accents. Then. Maybe that's why I'll never really make it as a comedian.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's so true. Because, like, you can't do impersonations.

[Claudia Oshry]

I can do Shakira, but that's it.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's not enough.

[Claudia Oshry]

No. So, like, what would you do as, like, a Southern accent? Hey, y'. All.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

How y' all doing? Hey, bruva, that's not Southern.

[Jackie Oshry]

Hey, brava.

[Claudia Oshry]

Could you do Australian?

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. Hey, brava.

[Claudia Oshry]

You're so annoying. Trying to have a conversation.

[Jackie Oshry]

I can do French. Hey, brava.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, you could do French. Au revoir. Brava. You could do Hebrew. Shalom. Brava. I don't know how to say hello to any other languages.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

Spanish. Hola. Brava.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, my God. I just remembered something I did. I Have to unburden myself. I did. Jaggy. I don't think I can say it now.

[Jackie Oshry]

You have to.

[Claudia Oshry]

It is. I'm literally gonna cry. Oh, my God. I did.

[Jackie Oshry]

This burden is coming from the depths of her soul.

[Claudia Oshry]

I did the most embarrassing thing over the weekend. Like, I actually.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's so funny, because I asked you on Monday if you embarrassed yourself this weekend.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, my God. I just remembered I was really high. Like, really high. And I'm like. I actually don't want to say it. I'm, like, so ashamed.

[Jackie Oshry]

Let it go.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, I can't.

[Jackie Oshry]

You have to set it down. You have to.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's all coming back to me.

[Jackie Oshry]

You have to un.

[Claudia Oshry]

Okay.

[Jackie Oshry]

Paint a picture.

[Claudia Oshry]

So me and Ben, like, we got high at this party, like, on pot. And I got, like, a little. Like, I don't like being high in public. Like, I really don't. So I was like, can we please leave? And he was like, yeah. So we got in the cab, and when we got in bed, I was, like, feeling much better, you know? And I started to enjoy, like, being high and, oh, my spray tan's literally being cried off. So we ordered food from the diner, and it was taking a long time. I can't say it. Like, I literally can't.

[Jackie Oshry]

How could you have embarrassed yourself so bad in your own house on the phone? Oh, God.

[Claudia Oshry]

Okay. Okay. So I placed the order on Uber Eats, and then, like, a couple hours later. No, not an hour. Sorry. Like, 20 minutes later. We were like, hi. And we were like, where's the food? So I called, and I just wanted to make sure, like, that the order went through. And the guy was really nice. He was like. He was giving, like, big Italian, like, mobster over the phone. He was like, yeah, I got your order. So I don't know. I, like, wanted to relate to him. It's not what you think. It's worse.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wait, I can't drink. Okay.

[Claudia Oshry]

So I. When I was saying thank you, he was, like, so helpful and nice, and I was, like, high and dumb. I couldn't even remember what we were talking about. So as we were hanging up, I, like, wanted to relate to him in some way, like, and, like, be, like, authentic Italian, like, girly.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's you.

[Claudia Oshry]

And I just. I was just in Italy, like, a few months ago, and I didn't learn how to say anything except for, like, good night, which is bon bon nuit or something. So as I'm hanging up, I'm like, sir, thank you so much. Bon nuit. And he was like. He Was like, from New Jersey. Like, he wasn't like, Italian. And he was like, what? I was like, bon nuit. And he was like, okay. And I told my the story. He was like, why would you say that? I was so embarrassed. Like, so embarrassed. Like, why would I say that? I do feel better. I do. I do feel better.

[Jackie Oshry]

I only have one thing to say.

[Claudia Oshry]

And to be honest, I don't even think that you say goodnight in Italian. Like, I'm not sure. Oh, my God. I can't breathe. I'm okay.

[Jackie Oshry]

Thank you for unhurt.

[Claudia Oshry]

What were we talking about? Were we talking about Italy?

[Jackie Oshry]

Back to the queen, right? How did we get here? Brother.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, brother. Bonui. Yeah, yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

Bonhouille, brother.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, my God. You know what? I really do feel better. Like, for real.

[Jackie Oshry]

No, that's important.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

No, but you were literally just like, talking to Zach Shapiro on the phone and you said.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah, no, he was literally not. Probably not even Italian.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, my God. I'm crying.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's really funny.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's horrifying. Like, beyond. But I'm okay.

[Jackie Oshry]

And you feel better.

[Claudia Oshry]

I do. Thank you for letting me unburden myself.

[Jackie Oshry]

The power of the unburdening.

[Claudia Oshry]

You guys. I'm okay.

[Jackie Oshry]

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

Which is a little heartwarming sports news.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh, my God.

[Jackie Oshry]

To take us home.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's everything. You guys, you have to watch this. Tik Tok.

[Jackie Oshry]

Aaron Judge. Well, it's a video that does reside on TikTok as well as other platforms.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, it's just TikTok.

[Jackie Oshry]

Aaron Judge Homer leads to fans wholesome moment. So Aaron Judge is a player for the New York Yankees.

[Claudia Oshry]

Tamara son.

[Jackie Oshry]

He's Tamara's son. And he hit a home run. Congratulations, Mr. Judge. And a rival fan of the Blue Jays caught it. So the Blue Jays guy obviously doesn't want Aaron Judge's ball.

[Claudia Oshry]

Even though, like, if you're, like, into sports memorabilia, you could sell the ball. It's. It's great to catch it.

[Jackie Oshry]

Like, cool. Regardless.

[Claudia Oshry]

Even if you catch a ball and it's not your team, like, you usually keep it because, like, it's cool.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right? But he was sitting next to this little kid who was a big Aaron Judge fan who's wearing the jersey and everything. And he gave it to the kid and the kid.

[Claudia Oshry]

They got it on camera.

[Jackie Oshry]

The kid's life was made and his dad's life was made, and it was just like this.

[Claudia Oshry]

Started crying and gave, like, the big. The biggest hug to this random man from Toronto. And it's literally so cute. Like, it will bring a tear to your eye. And then they show, like, the dad, you know, the son going back to the dad, and the dad giving him the biggest kiss, like, he was so proud of it literally could bring tear in my eyes.

[Jackie Oshry]

It really could.

[Claudia Oshry]

We'll post it on our Tick Tock. It is the. On our Tick Tock on our Instagram. It is the cutest, most sweet. And, like, in a world that's so unwell, moments like these. That's really why, like, I don't, like, I don't really love sports, but I don't mind watching them because, like, in sports, there's always something nice happening. You know, they honor the military, they help, you know, people who are sick. They're always doing good things in sports.

[Jackie Oshry]

And they're also, like, they're representatives of their community, so they're always really doing stuff for the community. But sports do bring people together. They could also be quite divisive, you know, of course. But I do feel like at the end of the day, they bring more people together than they then. They separate people apart.

[Claudia Oshry]

They do more good than harm.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right. Because people don't really get into, like, real beef over rivalries. But I think for a lot of people talking about sports, it's an immediate connection. It's like, you know, us talking about Bravo or books, all of a sudden we're best friends.

[Claudia Oshry]

That's true. It's a family affair.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's bringing people together.

[Claudia Oshry]

Well, thank you for that gorgeous fifth and final story that just really put a twinkle in my eye.

[Jackie Oshry]

You already had a tear in your eyes. I know.

[Claudia Oshry]

I'm really not okay. My throat hurts from, like, laughing like that. But the show's not over. Oh, really quickly. Okay, let me do. Okay, let's dive into TV recap really quick. I know you didn't watch it, so I don't want to spoil anything for you.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's okay. But I just want to say I made a choice, you know, and that doesn't mean I can come here and ruin the show.

[Claudia Oshry]

Part one of the New Jersey reunion is just not what you would expect. There is so much drama on the left couch. Like, Jennifer and Dolores are not friends, and Theresa had an engagement party and didn't invite Dolores. So the left couch is, like, crumbling. And actually, Dolores said. She said to the. To the other girl. She said it to Jackie, to Melissa and Margaret. She's like, I am so sorry for. For defending Jennifer all these years. Like, you were right, I was wrong.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay. And what About Teresa.

[Claudia Oshry]

And Teresa was basically like, you know, we had an engagement party with, like, all the couples we go out with, and Dolores and I, you know, we don't double date, so. And Dolores was like, if that's what Teresa wants, it's fine. Like, very cold.

[Jackie Oshry]

Oh, okay. Fine.

[Claudia Oshry]

Like, she's not. There's not. They're not done. But, like, that couch is on their way to ruin. And that's why it was so upsetting, because I really felt like the anti Theresa movement was making a lot of progress last night. Like, Teresa looked so stupid. Everything she said was more dumb and dumb by the minute, and I was losing brain cells. And that's really to the credit of Marge and Jackie. And now that Jackie's been demoted, like, I just don't agree with that decision whatsoever. And I actually saw a tweet that I screenshotted because I thought it was so profound. And it goes like this.

[Jackie Oshry]

Well, anything can happen. They haven't started filming. You know, maybe someone will hear these cries and change course.

[Claudia Oshry]

Sources are confirming that the rumors of Jackie Goldschneider being made friend of for the next season of rahonj. And somebody wrote, my girl gave us the rawest, realest personal storyline across the franchise in years. And this is how they repay her When Dolores has been renovating her house for five seasons. I'm sick from Mark Duffy. I agree, Mark.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wow.

[Claudia Oshry]

I just felt like finally we'd actually made progress in the dynamic of this group where we all just, like, kowtowed Teresa. And it's actually been, like, frustrating to watch. We are making progress. And I do feel like Jackie taking a step back delineates that process.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. But we still have Marge and now Dolores is turning and Melissa. No, but I think that that tweet makes an even better point than the fact that we're making progress. It's like she literally just bared her soul and I think helped a lot of people.

[Claudia Oshry]

And it was actually quite interesting for, like, for a viewer who hates. For someone who hates personal storylines.

[Jackie Oshry]

Like, if Personal journey.

[Claudia Oshry]

I hate that. That footage. I couldn't get enough of Jackie's journey. I thought it was beyond interesting.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

And so. And I think to repay her in a demotion is so up.

[Jackie Oshry]

I agree completely.

[Claudia Oshry]

So it ain't right. But the Melissa, Joe and Teresa of it all was super interesting. Like, you know, Teresa's having a wedding, she's having bridesmaids, and Melissa's not one. But Louis sisters are so like, her sister in law's on the other side and they had an engagement party, and they literally sat Melissa, Joe, and the kids at, like, some random table in the back with random people and, like, for so long. So Melissa doesn't get involved, and she doesn't defend her friends because of Teresa.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right.

[Claudia Oshry]

And Theresa. And for. For Melissa, that's, like, so big. She's. She's sticking with the family. And the way that Theresa has perceived it all these years is that, like, Melissa is Marge's friend, and she doesn't do anything for.

[Jackie Oshry]

It's not enough that Melissa doesn't engage. Engage. Theresa expects her to back her, even though Melissa thinks she's wrong.

[Claudia Oshry]

So it was so painful for Melissa and Joe, like, just talking to this. Who. Like, she's like, all right, you know, okay, Joe, you're always right. Like, it can't even enter her brain that she is always wrong. Like, she's never been right about one thing in her whole life. She's insufferable. I don't understand how people can stand this woman. She's awful. And literally, Angie was like, you always say, like, Melissa never defends you. Like, can you give us a couple examples of times when you've defended Melissa and had Melissa's back? And she's literally like, well, you know, guys, help me. Like, you know. You know, like, tell me, like, what? And then there was, like, a freak circuit breaker, and the. The lights went out right as she was like. And so they get the lights back on, and Andy asks the question again, and we got it both times. She's like, you know, like, guys, come on, help me out. Like, it was painful. I cannot stand this woman. Like, it's. It's insane how invested I'm getting. It's so painful.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah, no, that's how I feel after every time I watch New Jersey. And then by the time we recap on the show, I feel like come to myself a little bit. But the. The feelings are so. Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah. So I want you to watch it. And we'll recap next week with part two.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay.

[Claudia Oshry]

With all the men. Because only Joe Gorga came out, not Frank.

[Jackie Oshry]

And then, like, not Frank.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, only Joe Gorga came out. And Teresa was like, you're such a little bitch, boy. Like, this is a housewives. What are you doing here? Her and Jennifer, Teresa and Jennifer were ganging up on Joe like family. Family. And you're literally this girl you just met last year. You're ganging up on your brother with her.

[Jackie Oshry]

Wait, but if it's only Housewives, then why is she doing confessionals?

[Claudia Oshry]

Hundred percent but don't talk about Gia. Don't you dare talk about Gia.

[Jackie Oshry]

I don't want to.

[Claudia Oshry]

So, like, if you're watching the season, like, you know how painful it is and I'm sorry that we're all going through this together. Now let's dive into Dear Toasters, which is our advice segment. If you ever want to write in, the email is deartoastersmail.com thank you to everyone who resubmitted. I told you guys, like if it's too long, we really can't read it. So a lot of people resubmitted with shorter, more abridged versions. And I'm extremely grateful. Thank you. We also have an update today. Ready?

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah.

[Claudia Oshry]

Hey, Jackson. Claude, I'm in major need of your advice because I'm literally about to explode my mother in law. Ooh, this is going to be divisive. My mother in law has a terrible habit of kissing my 8 month old baby on the mouth. Oh, you heard it on his freaking mouth. I verbalized it multiple times to friends and family about how much it bothers me and she has been there when I've mentioned it. It may not be a big deal to others, but to me it's just gross. I mentioned it to my p chum husband and he said he would address it with her, but he has yet to do so. This weekend she did it right in my husband's face. When I tried to get his attention to notice, he totally disregarded me. He's a bit of a mama's boy and he tends to feel bad about hurting her feelings. What bothers me is that my mother in law works in healthcare and can bring home whatever she has seen at work and. Hello Covid. I honestly wouldn't doubt if she was doing it on purpose as we've had our issues in the past and she tends to be manipulative. What do I do? Do I wait for my husband to address it or should I take it into my own hands and tell her directly? Please help. I promise to give you an update. Sincerely, a toaster who's about to lose her.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay, I don't think she's doing it on purpose to bother you because I don't think she would like she's not the baby immune system. I just have to get at you. There are other ways.

[Claudia Oshry]

I feel as though I have a conflict. Conflict of interest here.

[Jackie Oshry]

You do because you're the perpetrator.

[Claudia Oshry]

I kiss Harry on the mouth, but if you told me not to, I would never.

[Jackie Oshry]

Right.

[Claudia Oshry]

You haven't said Anything. So I'm gonna keep.

[Jackie Oshry]

I haven't really seen it. And that's what I would say about this. Like, I haven't. If someone was doing this, you told me that you do that, but I never saw it. If I saw it and it didn't sit right with me, I would say it. I would say it to anyone, and I would just say it on the spot. And that's the thing about being a mama. That, like, when something crosses your personal life, it doesn't matter if you're right, wrong, and it's how you feel. That's your baby. You cooked him for 10.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's balance.

[Jackie Oshry]

You pushed him out one way or the other. It's your way or the highway. And so you don't need to have your husband say something. If you see it, stop it. If it. If it's not okay with you, and it does. It makes you uncomfortable, say, please don't do that.

[Claudia Oshry]

Especially in this.

[Jackie Oshry]

If you can't follow my rules, then we're going to have to set further boundaries.

[Claudia Oshry]

Especially in this day and age. I feel like, like, we're always saying, like, Covid is the best excuse for everything. So, like, if you really want to do, soften the blow instead of just being, like. Even though I agree with your approach, like, it's your baby off. But if you want to, like, soften the blow a little bit, you can, like, mention Covid. You know, like, Covet is just giving us all reasons to, like, not do things we don't want to do.

[Jackie Oshry]

Exactly.

[Claudia Oshry]

And that's the small blessing coming out of COVID So I agree. If this crosses your personal boundary, like, it's enough.

[Jackie Oshry]

Just call it out. Call it when you see it. That's the best way to do stuff. Don't let it fester.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah. Call it when you see it. I like that.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's. I think that's been, like, one of the biggest changes in me as a mama. Like, instead of, you know, usually.

[Claudia Oshry]

Are you saying mama ironically? I can't tell.

[Jackie Oshry]

Like, I know that it triggers you, so that's always fun. But I do feel like there's a difference between, like, being a mom and being like, a mama.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

Mama bear.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

You know, and I think that that's something for me, where it's, like, used to be, if something bothered me, I would sit on it, think about it, see if it still bothered me, and then find a way to deal with it. Now it bothers me. It's cut.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah.

[Jackie Oshry]

Because mamas don't have time for that. So true. Mamas ain't got the time.

[Claudia Oshry]

So true. Well, I deferred on. I defer to this mama on that mama. Next up. Hey girlies. My three sisters, mom and I are all toasters and we need some of your advice. Our younger brother, 23, is a P job and he's never had a girlfriend. And we are 99% sure he was still a virgin up until recently. He's been dating this 20 year old girl who seems really immature. Her Instagram is in private so we were creeping and we clicked on her Bisco link in her bio. The first thing we see is an extremely scandalous mirror pic of our brother and her naked, fresh out of the shower. She actually attached the picture to us, but I didn't want to see it because I felt like it was invasive. To make it even worse. To make it even worse, this was taken.

[Jackie Oshry]

To see it, I need to see it. Will you pull it up?

[Claudia Oshry]

Will you twist the computer around to make it even worse? It was taken at our parents house.

[Jackie Oshry]

Or you can email it to me. I have my iPad.

[Claudia Oshry]

Oh yeah, email. But don't show it on camera. But can you listen to me? There's more.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay. To make it even more, sister was taken at our parents house.

[Claudia Oshry]

We are all extremely disturbed and we just want to protect our brother at all costs. We are meeting her for the first time this weekend and we need your advice. Do we say something to our brother? Do we wait until after the weekend? Are we overreacting? Thank you in advance and I love you both so much.

[Jackie Oshry]

I'm sorry.

[Claudia Oshry]

Do you have the picture?

[Jackie Oshry]

No, not yet.

[Claudia Oshry]

But maybe she doesn't know that Bisco's public. She put in her bio.

[Jackie Oshry]

You can't say anything like he's living his life. He's not doing anything.

[Claudia Oshry]

Picture.

[Jackie Oshry]

Actually I need to see the picture too. The only thing you could say like if there's. If it's really inappropriate, you could be like maybe I shouldn't put post this somewhere public. That's the only thing that they're doing, you know, quote unquote.

[Claudia Oshry]

We have the picture. Oh, it's not that bad, honestly. Let me see.

[Jackie Oshry]

Really artsy.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's weird. Honestly. Like girl looks pretty. Your brother looks hot.

[Jackie Oshry]

I like it.

[Claudia Oshry]

I like it too. It's a nice photo. It's very erotic. Did she send any more screenshots?

[Jackie Oshry]

I like the beat.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, only the one.

[Jackie Oshry]

I like the beat. Listen, your brother is an artist, clearly, right?

[Claudia Oshry]

Even though what's so funny is like what's funny. I don't know what's funny about that is, like, it's from vsco and the picture appears to have absolutely no filter.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah, no, it's not about the vsco.

[Claudia Oshry]

I don't know how old is.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's just like, really crazy to see from your brother. But again, like, he's not doing anything wrong.

[Claudia Oshry]

No. And your brother looks cute. Like, there's no way he was a virgin. I'm sorry to burst your bubble.

[Jackie Oshry]

They're clearly very into each other and I think that if you say anything, you're just gonna drive a wedge and maybe push him a little further away. So you've got to let this thing run its course. Truckers for VSCO nude pics.

[Claudia Oshry]

Honestly, I'm like, really? I can't get a picture.

[Jackie Oshry]

Kind of stunning.

[Claudia Oshry]

No.

[Jackie Oshry]

I've never seen like a pose like that.

[Claudia Oshry]

Like, I have to do that with Ben.

[Jackie Oshry]

You know, that's perfect because we can't post that picture. I could post mine, you could post yours. It was giving, like Nicola and Brooklyn.

[Claudia Oshry]

It was giving like Annie Leibowitz. It was really stunning. Honestly, like, I think you should just be happy for your brother. Like, the girl is hot, her boobs are amazing.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay. But here, let me throw it to you this way. What would you do if you saw that, like, Snitch and the new man were taking pictures like that?

[Claudia Oshry]

I would only be upset for her that it's public because you know that things like that can ruin your life and things like that really should be.

[Jackie Oshry]

That couldn't ruin your life.

[Claudia Oshry]

But no, if your job found it or something like it's public, it just would.

[Jackie Oshry]

You wouldn't get fired for something like that, but it would make people, like, look at you.

[Claudia Oshry]

It's awkward. Take it off the Internet. But like, keep taking pictures like that. I like it, I like it. But like, if you're going to say something, I would only be about the fact that it's on public. Like, shit like that. Yeah, it's private.

[Jackie Oshry]

Yeah. Be like, isn't this a little private for the public? Yeah, depends how close you are. And if like, you think that this.

[Claudia Oshry]

I'm going to like, reverse Google image search, find this girl's vsco, then her Instagram and befriend her. Yeah, she probably toaster with tits like that. She's gotta be totes. Okay, our final submission is an update and it was an update on one that I did with Ben. So I'm gonna read you the submission.

[Jackie Oshry]

Okay.

[Claudia Oshry]

My boyfriend of eight years and I recently moved in together. He's A P, John. But moving in together sheds light on habits that each other has that we're not always been aware of. And I think I found his major flaw. He's a booger. Flicker. They're everywhere. Don't get me wrong, everyone gotta pick their nose. I'll do it sometimes, but I always make sure to use a tissue to make sure it's hygienic. But I'm finding this man's boogers everywhere. On walls, dressers, blinds. Literally every day, I swear I find a booger in a place I least expect it to. The first one or two times I pointed it out to him, I called him gross, and we both laughed about it. But now it's reaching a disgusting level, and I'm not sure what to do. He's my future husband. I love him to pieces. What do I do? So here, we wrote it, we got an update from her, and we told her, well, I did that this specific entry with Ben, because Ben is, like, always sneezing and his boogers fly everywhere, and he'll, like, leave him crusted on the wall, like, it's disgusting. Okay, okay, so.

[Jackie Oshry]

So what'd you tell her to do?

[Claudia Oshry]

She's got to be stern because this habit doesn't die hard. Clearly, Ben is working on it.

[Jackie Oshry]

Sounds like he has, like, an overproduction of boogers, though.

[Claudia Oshry]

He might have a sinus infection. Hey. Hey, ladies. I wrote a few weeks ago about my booger flicking, and I'm happy to report on some improvements. I loved Ben's math of one booger equalizing two seltzers. Oh, because Ben was basically saying, like, ben, if I'm laying in bed, like, Ben gets me a seltzer, he gets me Advil. Like, I don't get out of bed. And. And me wiping up his boogers is the price I pay.

[Jackie Oshry]

Interesting.

[Claudia Oshry]

So for every two seltzers I get, I have to clean up one booger.

[Jackie Oshry]

Fair.

[Claudia Oshry]

So I loved Ben's math of one booger equaling two seltzers. But unfortunately, I'm not waited on hand and foot by my boyfriend, so I couldn't really implement that advice into our dynamic. But someone in the toast Facebook group made a post about how disgusting my dear toaster story was. Embarrassing, but understandable. And someone left a comment suggesting I keep tissues around the house so they're readily available when my boyfriend feels like he needs needs to clear his nose. I don't know why I didn't realize that before, but it turns out the booger flicking was just a result of pure Laziness. Since placing tissue boxes in a few more places around the house, I can happily share that my walls and furniture have been snot free ever since. And hopefully this habit will begin to stick. Thank you, Ben. The toasters, for all your help. Love a grateful toaster.

[Jackie Oshry]

That's such a great point. I actually have tissues all over my house.

[Claudia Oshry]

You do?

[Jackie Oshry]

Like, I have one on each nightstand in the bedroom. We have one on our coffee table in the living room. We have one in the bathroom. Like, we just do.

[Claudia Oshry]

That's crazy. I don't have one box of tissues in my house.

[Jackie Oshry]

And. No, it's kind of, like, great to have some.

[Claudia Oshry]

No, I agree.

[Jackie Oshry]

You think? Yeah, I could use toilet paper. I could use paper towel. But you don't.

[Claudia Oshry]

Right?

[Jackie Oshry]

And even if you just have a little tickle, you just grab a tissue.

[Claudia Oshry]

Yeah. Wow. I'm learning so much.

[Jackie Oshry]

This is good for you, too, because now Ben could do it.

[Claudia Oshry]

Totally.

[Jackie Oshry]

Get him a box of tissues on his side of the bed.

[Claudia Oshry]

100%. 100%. Well, so glad the toasters were able to solve that for her, even if we couldn't. And that's dear Toasters, again.

[Jackie Oshry]

Sometimes things are out of our control.

[Claudia Oshry]

Agreed. If you ever want to write in or you have an update for us on something you've written in about, it's deartoastersmail.com that is our show. Our final show of the week. The next time you guys see me, I will be a comedian who has performed at Madison Square Garden, which is just so crazy, and it's pretty cool. So that's our show. Any last words, Jax?

[Jackie Oshry]

No. We're so proud of you.

[Claudia Oshry]

I love you.

[Jackie Oshry]

We're so excited. I really feel like I'm just going to be so overwhelmed with pride and joy, and I'm so looking forward to seeing the show for the first time. For the first time. Just like a night out, seeing my favorite comedian in my hometown. What could be better? And you're going to be amazing. So I look forward to seeing you a different woman on Monday.

[Claudia Oshry]

And you know what I have to say to everyone? Bonu Bonu. Y' all have a great day, everyone. We'll see you on Monday. And I'll see all you guys tomorrow at Medicine's Crew Square Garden. Bye.

[Jackie Oshry]

Bye.

[Claudia Oshry]

Goodbye.

[Jackie Oshry]

Good bibbity bye. Bye, Sky.

[Claudia Oshry]

Boop.