Podcast Summary: The Toast — Toast Herstory: Sharks Don't Speak English

Podcast: The Toast (Dear Media)
Episode Airdate: July 16, 2021
Summary Date: August 28, 2025
Hosts: Jackie & Claudia Oshry

Overview

In this lively “Toast Herstory” episode, Jackie and Claudia kick off an end-of-week conversation filled with humor, personal updates, and their signature comedic takes on trending stories. The main theme revolves around pop culture news, lifestyle anecdotes, and a particularly spirited debate about the proposed “rebranding” of shark attacks. Their candid banter captures the spirit of millennial podcasting—equal parts light-hearted, critical, and unfiltered.

Key Discussion Points

1. Morning Banter & Friday Vibes

• Claudia and Jackie open with their traditional “Good Morning Millennials!” greeting and poke fun at each other’s Friday appearances.
  • Claudia comments on Jackie’s more “snatched” look and they joke about their typical Friday “merch sweatpants” dress code.
  • Jackie explains her logic in dressing up on her last show before vacation: “I really didn't want the last thumbnail to be like, me in a groutfit again” [00:50].
  • They lightly debate self-tanners, with Claudia championing Isle of Paradise and Jackie sticking to San Tropez, noting the influence of TikTok beauty influencer Sophia LaCourt [01:29].

2. Comedy Cellar Night & “Realizing Stuff”

• Claudia recounts her night at NYC’s Comedy Cellar, emphasizing the liberating atmosphere of being phoneless and hearing edgy humor.
  • “It, like, refreshed my brain that, like, you can joke about stuff. And it was so delightful.” [03:01]
  • She relishes a civilized night out: “Not every night has to be like, blacked out till the break of dawn.” [05:31]

3. Weekend Plans & Studio Comfort

• Both hosts discuss their upcoming busy weekends and joke about studio temperature preferences, a recurring podcast theme.
  • Jackie: “It’s still cold in the studio. Not as cold as it's been…this is a perfect temperature.” [06:51]

4. Content “Slim Pickings” & Fast 5 Stories

• The hosts admit the week’s celeb news is sparse but promise quirky stories for conversation fodder at weekend events.
  • Jackie: “You might need to talk about Jeff Bezos going to space. Maybe you need some interesting factoids about it. Maybe, right?” [07:32]

Fast 5 Stories Breakdown

1. Machine Gun Kelly Had a Megan Fox Poster as a Teen [10:19]

• The hosts joke about the full-circle romance, likening it to other “celebrity destiny” stories (e.g., Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet).
  • Claudia: “That’s some full circle shit...now they are very much in love and together.” [10:27]

2. Kyle Richards’ New Movie: The Real Housewives of the North Pole [14:00]

• Claudia predicts a “Hallmark holiday movie,” while Jackie reads the official plot: two rivals in a Vermont house decorating contest.
  • Both riff on how “uniquely Peacock” this film is and get excited for Christmas.
  • “You really can't go wrong with a great Christmas movie premise. And then to have this Housewives tie-in makes it uniquely Peacock.” — Jackie [17:11]

3. Mark Wahlberg’s 11,000 Calorie Diet for “Stu” [20:41]

• The hosts marvel at the extremes actors take for roles.
  • Jackie: “The fact that people can have that much control over their weight is the most impressive thing to me.” [20:48]
  • They segue into mocking Mark’s complaints about “pain” from overeating, quipping about the privilege of being paid to gain weight.

4. Jeff Bezos to Space with “Youngest and Oldest” Passengers [25:55]

• The hosts derisively assess Bezos’s “record-breaking” attempts as a response to Richard Branson’s earlier mission.
  • Claudia: “He's just giving me, like, major Luan de Lesseps...constantly one upping her fancy friends.” [26:32]
  • They reminisce about Bezos’s leaked text scandal, agreeing the world has generally forgotten but “we'll never forget.” [29:52]

5. Shark Attacks to Be Rebranded as “Shark Interactions” [32:58]

• The segment takes a comical but critical turn, with both hosts rejecting the push to soften language around shark attacks in Australia.
  • Claudia: “Sharks don't have feelings...they don’t really care about, like, your...Sharks don't speak English.” [34:03, 34:11]
  • Both incredulous about societal priorities: “No wonder we haven’t cured cancer yet—everyone’s focused on...the linguistics of Shark Hood.” [34:13]
  • The ensuing “shark attack” chant becomes a memorable, defiant rally: “Attack. Attack. Shark attack. Shark attack. Shark attack. Shark attack.” [36:02]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On comedy in a digital age:

  • Claudia: “We operate in the digital space, which is...sensitive, politically correct, safe space...to hear people making crazy jokes...it was so refreshing.” [03:01]

• On Jeff Bezos’s motivations:

  • Jackie: “Do it for yourself, Diana. Don’t do it for other people.” [26:57]

• On the shark story:

  • Claudia: “Sharks don't have feelings and they don’t really care about, like, your...Sharks don't speak English.” [34:03, 34:11]
  • Jackie: “If only the sharks knew that there were these losers advocating for them, the sharks would bite them.” [34:28]

• Chant:

  • “Attack. Attack. Shark attack. Shark attack. Shark attack.” [36:02]

Other Topics Covered

Love Island Recap [37:40]

• Discussion on relationship drama involving contestants (Cinco, Trina, Cash, Amy, Jeremy, etc.), shower hour logistics, group living challenges, and the appeal of the Love Island villa.
  • Claudia describes the unique social dynamics: “I think the only thing I couldn’t envision myself being a part of is the sleeping arrangements...having to sleep with a stranger, in a room with 15 other people.” [46:54]

Meteorological Musings & Christmas Longing

• Both hosts admit to disliking summer heat and longing for the “coziness” of winter and Christmas.
  • Jackie: “Normalize stanning winter.” [19:15]

Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments

• Opening banter, wardrobe debate: 00:01–01:17
• Comedy Cellar experience & “phone-free” revelations: 02:39–05:59
• Population of “Toasters” (show audience) discussed: 11:49–12:22
• Machine Gun Kelly poster story: 10:19–13:02
• Kyle Richards film / Christmas talk: 14:00–19:15
• Mark Wahlberg’s diet: 20:41–23:16
• Jeff Bezos space narrative/scandal/CD: 25:55–30:16
• Shark attack “rebrand” debate & comedic rant: 32:58–37:12
• Love Island recap: 37:40–47:56
• Closing, co-host previews: 48:03–49:54

Tone & Language

The episode features the hosts’ trademark sarcastic warmth, irreverent pop culture references, and rapid-fire humor. Jokes and inside references abound, but Claudia and Jackie remain relatable for even new listeners. The “shark attack” debate, in particular, is a comedic high point—both riffing off the absurdity and venting their exasperation with political correctness taken too far.

Conclusion

This episode is classic Toast: chatty, irreverent, bridging celeb gossip with everyday relatability and hard-hitting opinions on the world’s most random news (sharks, Bezos, and beyond). The “shark attacks” story provides the episode’s most quotable moment, giving both hosts a platform to lampoon the excesses of language policing, while their pop culture asides and Love Island analysis round out a fast-paced Friday show.

Key Quote:
“Sharks don't speak English.” — Claudia, [34:11]
“Attack. Attack. Shark attack. Shark attack. Shark attack.” — Claudia & Jackie, [36:02]