Summary of "Toast Herstory: The Royal Toast" – The Toast Podcast by Dear Media

Episode Title: Toast Herstory: The Royal Toast
Host/Author: Dear Media
Original Airdate: Friday, October 30th, 2020
Release Date: July 17, 2025

In this episode of The Toast, hosts Jackie and Claudia Oshry present a fictional, humorous dialogue between Prince William, Prince Harry, and their Grandmother (portrayed as Queen Elizabeth II). The conversation is a blend of royal banter, family dynamics, and satirical takes on modern issues, all infused with playful jabs and witty exchanges.

1. Warm Greetings and Familial Banter ([00:02] - [00:30])

The episode opens with Prince William and Prince Harry warmly greeting their Grandmother, complimenting her appearance with exaggerated flattery.

• Prince William ([00:23]): "You are the most radiant woman in all of Great Britain."
• Prince Harry ([00:17]): "You look so beautiful. Grandmother, we are so happy to see you."

This sets a lighthearted tone, highlighting the close-knit yet playful nature of their relationships.

2. Sibling Rivalry and Royal Duties ([00:37] - [03:04])

The conversation swiftly shifts to a mock confrontation between the brothers, revealing underlying tensions.

• Prince William ([00:37]): "Broke the family apart, disrespected the crown, and I'm the problem."
• Prince Harry ([01:02]): "Los Angeles. Gallivanting around the country while your duties wait for you at home. Don't you miss your duties?"

William expresses frustration over Harry's perceived neglect of royal responsibilities, while Harry defends his personal choices.

• Prince William ([03:04]): "Part of being the next heir to the throne is my royal duties in the Air Force."
• Prince Harry ([01:09]): "I have enough duties on my own."

This segment satirizes the often-publicized rift between the brothers, emphasizing their conflicting approaches to royal obligations.

3. Introduction of Grandmother and Podcasting ([03:38] - [05:22])

The Grandmother makes her entrance, bringing a touch of authority and wisdom to the conversation.

• Prince Harry ([03:38]): "Grandmother, is this your first podcast?"
• Prince William ([03:39]): "I think it's great."

They discuss the podcasting medium, with Grandmother humorously critiquing the saturation of podcasts while praising their own show.

4. Addressing the Royal Rift ([05:22] - [13:52])

The brothers delve deeper into their strained relationship, touching upon media narratives and personal grievances.

• Prince Harry ([11:28]): "The press is saying our royal rift was sealed by fate and Diana. ... this was destiny."
• Prince William ([12:58]): "But the monarchy is most important."

Harry apologizes for his departure, citing family well-being over royal expectations, while William insists on the importance of maintaining the monarchy’s integrity.

• Prince Harry ([13:04]): "I'll protect the monarchy from Montecito."
• Prince William ([13:22]): "Brother, I do. I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm afraid it's too late."

This segment underscores the depth of their rift, blending genuine sentiment with comedic undertones.

5. Pop Culture and Celebrity Commentary ([14:00] - [19:23])

Shifting gears, the brothers humorously discuss contemporary celebrities and societal trends.

• Prince Harry ([16:50]): "They let Meals on Wheels make the announcement so that Meals on Wheels would get press and more donations."

They mockingly critique celebrity weddings and philanthropic gestures, blending royal perspectives with everyday pop culture phenomena.

6. Entertainment Segment: TV Recap ([29:21] - [44:28])

The latter part of the episode features a fictional TV recap segment where William and Harry review American reality shows like "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and "Southern Charm."

• Prince William ([29:47]): "It really did, like, I didn't feel like I was watching a torturous virtual experience."
• Prince Harry ([25:14]): "I think that this is the most amazing thing, especially because... they are being brought to life and saying the sweetest things."

They offer satirical critiques of the shows, blending royal perspectives with humorous observations about pandemic-era television production.

Notable Moments:

• Hologram Technology: Discussing Kanye West’s hologram of Robert Kardashian, they highlight the emotional and technological aspects of bringing deceased loved ones back via holograms.

  • Prince Harry ([25:14]): "I think that this is the most amazing thing, especially because... they are being brought to life and saying the sweetest things."

• Reality TV Dynamics: They mockingly dissect the interpersonal dramas of reality TV stars, reflecting on their own familial tensions.

  • Prince William ([37:06]): "So, yeah, Patricia. No."

7. Closing Remarks and Goodbyes ([44:18] - [44:28])

As the episode concludes, the brothers offer humorous yet heartfelt advice to listeners, blending royal decorum with modern-day sensibilities.

• Prince William ([44:18]): "Wash your face, wash your hands, wash."
• Prince Harry ([44:16]): "It's hard out there. Listen to the mother Queen, the literal Queen, Listen to her."

They bid farewell with traditional royal salutes interspersed with casual sign-offs, cementing the episode's blend of satire and warmth.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Prince William ([01:32]): "To be the heir, not the spare. Oh, but I would give to be the spare."
• Prince Harry ([12:45]): "I'm sorry that that was not what was best for this family."
• Prince Harry ([25:14]): "I think that this is the most amazing thing, especially because... they are being brought to life and saying the sweetest things."
• Prince Harry ([44:16]): "It's hard out there. Listen to the mother Queen, the literal Queen, Listen to her."
• Prince William ([44:18]): "Wash your face, wash your hands, wash."

Insights and Themes:

• Family Dynamics: The episode humorously explores sibling rivalry and the complexities of maintaining familial bonds amidst public scrutiny.

• Royal Responsibilities vs. Personal Freedom: Through mock dialogues, the episode contrasts the weight of royal duties with the allure of personal independence, reflecting real-world tensions faced by the actual royals.

• Satire of Modern Media: By parodying reality TV and celebrity culture, the episode offers a critique of how media shapes public perception, especially regarding public figures like the royals.

• Technology and Emotion: The discussion on holograms touches upon the intersection of technological advancements and emotional connections, pondering the implications of resurrecting deceased loved ones digitally.

Conclusion:

"Toast Herstory: The Royal Toast" masterfully blends satire, humor, and fictionalized royal banter to offer a playful yet insightful commentary on family dynamics, media influence, and the challenges of balancing tradition with modernity. The inclusion of notable quotes with timestamps allows listeners to pinpoint memorable moments, while the structured sections ensure a cohesive and engaging narrative flow for those unfamiliar with the episode.