Toast Herstory: The Royal Toast (Original Airdate Friday, October 30th, 2020)

Summary

Summary of "Toast Herstory: The Royal Toast" – The Toast Podcast by Dear Media

Episode Title: Toast Herstory: The Royal Toast
Host/Author: Dear Media
Original Airdate: Friday, October 30th, 2020
Release Date: July 17, 2025

In this episode of The Toast, hosts Jackie and Claudia Oshry present a fictional, humorous dialogue between Prince William, Prince Harry, and their Grandmother (portrayed as Queen Elizabeth II). The conversation is a blend of royal banter, family dynamics, and satirical takes on modern issues, all infused with playful jabs and witty exchanges.

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1. Warm Greetings and Familial Banter ([00:02] - [00:30])

The episode opens with Prince William and Prince Harry warmly greeting their Grandmother, complimenting her appearance with exaggerated flattery.

• Prince William ([00:23]): "You are the most radiant woman in all of Great Britain."
• Prince Harry ([00:17]): "You look so beautiful. Grandmother, we are so happy to see you."

This sets a lighthearted tone, highlighting the close-knit yet playful nature of their relationships.

2. Sibling Rivalry and Royal Duties ([00:37] - [03:04])

The conversation swiftly shifts to a mock confrontation between the brothers, revealing underlying tensions.

• Prince William ([00:37]): "Broke the family apart, disrespected the crown, and I'm the problem."
• Prince Harry ([01:02]): "Los Angeles. Gallivanting around the country while your duties wait for you at home. Don't you miss your duties?"

William expresses frustration over Harry's perceived neglect of royal responsibilities, while Harry defends his personal choices.

• Prince William ([03:04]): "Part of being the next heir to the throne is my royal duties in the Air Force."
• Prince Harry ([01:09]): "I have enough duties on my own."

This segment satirizes the often-publicized rift between the brothers, emphasizing their conflicting approaches to royal obligations.

3. Introduction of Grandmother and Podcasting ([03:38] - [05:22])

The Grandmother makes her entrance, bringing a touch of authority and wisdom to the conversation.

• Prince Harry ([03:38]): "Grandmother, is this your first podcast?"
• Prince William ([03:39]): "I think it's great."

They discuss the podcasting medium, with Grandmother humorously critiquing the saturation of podcasts while praising their own show.

4. Addressing the Royal Rift ([05:22] - [13:52])

The brothers delve deeper into their strained relationship, touching upon media narratives and personal grievances.

• Prince Harry ([11:28]): "The press is saying our royal rift was sealed by fate and Diana. ... this was destiny."
• Prince William ([12:58]): "But the monarchy is most important."

Harry apologizes for his departure, citing family well-being over royal expectations, while William insists on the importance of maintaining the monarchy’s integrity.

• Prince Harry ([13:04]): "I'll protect the monarchy from Montecito."
• Prince William ([13:22]): "Brother, I do. I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm afraid it's too late."

This segment underscores the depth of their rift, blending genuine sentiment with comedic undertones.

5. Pop Culture and Celebrity Commentary ([14:00] - [19:23])

Shifting gears, the brothers humorously discuss contemporary celebrities and societal trends.

• Prince Harry ([16:50]): "They let Meals on Wheels make the announcement so that Meals on Wheels would get press and more donations."

They mockingly critique celebrity weddings and philanthropic gestures, blending royal perspectives with everyday pop culture phenomena.

6. Entertainment Segment: TV Recap ([29:21] - [44:28])

The latter part of the episode features a fictional TV recap segment where William and Harry review American reality shows like "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" and "Southern Charm."

• Prince William ([29:47]): "It really did, like, I didn't feel like I was watching a torturous virtual experience."
• Prince Harry ([25:14]): "I think that this is the most amazing thing, especially because... they are being brought to life and saying the sweetest things."

They offer satirical critiques of the shows, blending royal perspectives with humorous observations about pandemic-era television production.

Notable Moments:

• Hologram Technology: Discussing Kanye West’s hologram of Robert Kardashian, they highlight the emotional and technological aspects of bringing deceased loved ones back via holograms.

  • Prince Harry ([25:14]): "I think that this is the most amazing thing, especially because... they are being brought to life and saying the sweetest things."

• Reality TV Dynamics: They mockingly dissect the interpersonal dramas of reality TV stars, reflecting on their own familial tensions.

  • Prince William ([37:06]): "So, yeah, Patricia. No."

7. Closing Remarks and Goodbyes ([44:18] - [44:28])

As the episode concludes, the brothers offer humorous yet heartfelt advice to listeners, blending royal decorum with modern-day sensibilities.

• Prince William ([44:18]): "Wash your face, wash your hands, wash."
• Prince Harry ([44:16]): "It's hard out there. Listen to the mother Queen, the literal Queen, Listen to her."

They bid farewell with traditional royal salutes interspersed with casual sign-offs, cementing the episode's blend of satire and warmth.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Prince William ([01:32]): "To be the heir, not the spare. Oh, but I would give to be the spare."
• Prince Harry ([12:45]): "I'm sorry that that was not what was best for this family."
• Prince Harry ([25:14]): "I think that this is the most amazing thing, especially because... they are being brought to life and saying the sweetest things."
• Prince Harry ([44:16]): "It's hard out there. Listen to the mother Queen, the literal Queen, Listen to her."
• Prince William ([44:18]): "Wash your face, wash your hands, wash."

Insights and Themes:

• Family Dynamics: The episode humorously explores sibling rivalry and the complexities of maintaining familial bonds amidst public scrutiny.

• Royal Responsibilities vs. Personal Freedom: Through mock dialogues, the episode contrasts the weight of royal duties with the allure of personal independence, reflecting real-world tensions faced by the actual royals.

• Satire of Modern Media: By parodying reality TV and celebrity culture, the episode offers a critique of how media shapes public perception, especially regarding public figures like the royals.

• Technology and Emotion: The discussion on holograms touches upon the intersection of technological advancements and emotional connections, pondering the implications of resurrecting deceased loved ones digitally.

Conclusion:

"Toast Herstory: The Royal Toast" masterfully blends satire, humor, and fictionalized royal banter to offer a playful yet insightful commentary on family dynamics, media influence, and the challenges of balancing tradition with modernity. The inclusion of notable quotes with timestamps allows listeners to pinpoint memorable moments, while the structured sections ensure a cohesive and engaging narrative flow for those unfamiliar with the episode.

Transcript

[Prince William]

Good morning, Millennials. Good morning, brother.

[Prince Harry]

Good morning, brother.

[Prince William]

Good morning, Grandmother. Good morning, my grandsons. You are looking ravishing this morning, Grandmother. Thank you. You as well.

[Prince Harry]

You look so beautiful. Grandmother, we are so happy to see you. Thank you for having me.

[Prince William]

The most beautiful. I can keep the accented so well. You are the most radiant woman in all of Great Britain. Thank you.

[Prince Harry]

So radiant.

[Prince William]

Yes.

[Prince Harry]

We love you so much, Grandmother. You, brother, are another story.

[Prince William]

Oh, I'm another story? Broke the family apart, disrespected the crown, and I'm the problem. Grandmother. Can you believe this? What? Bullocks.

[Prince Harry]

Bloody l. Grandmother. You know that's not what happened.

[Prince William]

That's exactly what happened. My. My Harry.

[Prince Harry]

Grandmother. Whose side are you on, Harry?

[Prince William]

William. But I'll still have Harry. Why don't you go back to Canada or whatever it is you're.

[Prince Harry]

Los Angeles.

[Prince William]

Yeah. Gallivanting around the country while your duties wait for you at home. Don't you miss your duties?

[Prince Harry]

No, I have enough duties on my own.

[Prince William]

Well, just know all of us back home are picking up the slack where you and your wife left us.

[Prince Harry]

I'm sorry. Brava. I'm sorry. But I couldn't do it anymore.

[Prince William]

Yeah.

[Prince Harry]

I couldn't do it anymore. Do you know how much.

[Prince William]

Do you know how much I would give to be you? No responsibility. No care in the world.

[Prince Harry]

You know how much I would give to be you?

[Prince William]

To be the heir, not the spare. Oh, but I would give to be the spare.

[Prince Harry]

Let's switch the switch.

[Prince William]

Good morning, everyone. In case you haven't noticed, the Windsor family is coming to you live and in living color from the Toast Studios. Happy Halloween, everyone. Woohoo.

[Prince Harry]

Happy Halloween. Happy Toastoween, Grandmother. We love you. We got the Smidgen Studio.

[Prince William]

Give it up for Grandmother.

[Prince Harry]

Grandmother Smith Snitch. How do you do?

[Prince William]

You are being fucking crazy. Like, you know when you put on a costume and, like, it kind of gets to you? Like, Harry's getting to you.

[Prince Harry]

And, like, I didn't know what kind of Harry I was gonna be, but I just feel like this, like, party boy, where I'm just like, grandmother, let's fuck this shit up. Grandmother, let's hit the clubs.

[Prince William]

Oh, my God. You're definitely channeling, like, early 2000s. Harry, this is not Megan Marle.

[Prince Harry]

Harry. This is not, like, New Fatherhood Harry.

[Prince William]

No, no, no, no, no. It's really, like. Yeah, you're really like, the rebel, Harry.

[Prince Harry]

Rebel without a cause.

[Prince William]

Well, we hope you guys enjoy our costumes. This is now year four.

[Prince Harry]

Year four.

[Prince William]

Wow. That's crazy.

[Prince Harry]

Yep. And honestly, this is my favorite one yet. I'm just, like, really feeling my look. Like my linen suit.

[Prince William]

Honestly, the linen suit is, like, a vibe on you.

[Prince Harry]

No, I know. I was like, I'm gonna save this suit for Zach to try to a.

[Prince William]

Wedding on the beach or something.

[Prince Harry]

It's really a vibe. I see why he enjoys it. To.

[Prince William]

Yeah. No, Fabulous. Fabulous. Bloody fabulous.

[Prince Harry]

Bravo. You look fabulous in your royal garb.

[Prince William]

Well, as you know, part of being the next heir to the throne is my royal duties in the Air Force. I know you know nothing about that, brother, seeing as how you spent your formative years in Las Vegas, but I have actually spent lots of time in the Air Force, and it has been one of the most, if not the gratifying experience of my life. Kate and I are. Catherine and I are honored to have been a part of the Air Force. It's quite a wonderful organization.

[Prince Harry]

I'm happy for you. Brava. Know that I am.

[Prince William]

Okay.

[Prince Harry]

Grandmother in studio. Grandmother, is this your first podcast?

[Prince William]

Good question.

[Prince Harry]

It is, yeah. So we've got Queen Elizabeth on the podcast. Just like, a little too spectacular.

[Prince William]

Gran, what are your thoughts on the podcasting medium? I think it's great. I think it's a little saturated. However, I think that is right. I think this is a great one. Gran just shading us.

[Prince Harry]

Gran just shook up the industry.

[Prince William]

Gran. Gr. Well, we, of course, are delivering the Fast 5. We're giving you a regular show today, just in our royal garb. And, you know, royal. This is the thing about royalty. And as William would say, like, it's just something you're born into. Like, it's not a choice. It's a lifestyle.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah.

[Prince William]

And I definitely feel that way. Like, I was meant to be royal.

[Prince Harry]

The royal life chooses you. You choose it, and it chose me. And I said, no, thank you, bruvva. Peace out, bruuva.

[Prince William]

That's exactly what you said. You said, not today, brother. Not today. Well, we. You know, I actually think it might be beneficial for Harry to hear what's been going on at Buckingham palace since he's been departed for Canada.

[Prince Harry]

Yes, Grandmother. How has your quarantine been?

[Prince William]

It's been lovely. I've had a lot of cattle. I mean, a lot of. Lots of tea, and, you know, it's just chilled with the staff. And to be quite honest, the. The palace has. How do you Americans say, A better vibe. Je ne sais quoi. Without you and Meghan, you know, stinking up the place.

[Prince Harry]

Wow, brother. Well, drama has a great vibe for me. Brother, I'm in Hollywood.

[Prince William]

Well, brother, all I can say is that you are pretty. Presence is not missed. And the palace is doing better. Great without you. And that's. That's all we invited you here to say, brother.

[Prince Harry]

Good. Well, when I left the palace, that's all that I wanted. I wanted the best for everyone, including me and my family.

[Prince William]

How is the little champ, by the way?

[Prince Harry]

Oh, he's such a cute, sweet, crunchy angel boy.

[Prince William]

The man.

[Prince Harry]

Yes, the man, Archie. So crunch.

[Prince William]

He actually is really cute. He's really cute.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, he's really cute. That's your great, great grandson.

[Prince William]

And brother.

[Prince Harry]

And brother.

[Prince William]

Would you like to ask how my children are? How is the future heir to the thrones?

[Prince Harry]

How is the family?

[Prince William]

Brother, the family's just delightful. You know, Kate is just popping them out left and right, even though I didn't even know we had sex still. But she's just popping them out left, right, left, right. It's fucking wild. And the kids, they're just getting so big and so annoying. And I just don't know what to do because I'm from Africa now. The accent's very hard.

[Prince Harry]

It was hard to stay in it when you're.

[Prince William]

So I literally go from, like, British to French. Australian. Australian.

[Prince Harry]

I feel like part like Brits are very state. Like, not very emotional. So when I'm just, like, popping, I just become like a cowboy.

[Prince William]

No, Irish.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah.

[Prince William]

Like, it's really hard not to just automatically become southern, like.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah.

[Prince William]

Even though the regions are just not that close.

[Prince Harry]

No, they're not. But you are the Prince of Wales.

[Prince William]

Well, the people of Welsh. No, the Welsh people are some of my favorite. What a wonderful providence. I actually. Province. Province. And I don't know if father ever told you this story because he hates you, and he probably didn't, but he actually gave a speech in Wales in Welsh, and it was one of the most defining moments of his career.

[Prince Harry]

The Welsh are very proud people. Brother.

[Prince William]

Yes.

[Prince Harry]

I would expect nothing less.

[Prince William]

You sound like Drake and Josh. Yes. Brother, hug me. Grandma, hug me. Brother, hug me. Grandmother.

[Prince Harry]

Grandma, can I have a hug?

[Prince William]

Sure.

[Prince Harry]

Okay. Later you come here.

[Prince William]

We actually have a great show because we have Fast five Stories and Southern charm started last night, as did Keeping up with the Kardashians.

[Prince Harry]

So we've been keeping up with them Kardashian girls. And. Very interesting.

[Prince William]

Yes. I've heard you and Megan are really trying to cozy up to that Hollywood scene.

[Prince Harry]

Yes. Yes. We've met Kim before. Very beautiful woman.

[Prince William]

Yes, Very beautiful. Very. How do you Americans say.

[Prince Harry]

How do we say?

[Prince William]

What do we say? How do you Americans say she's very hot, hot, hot. I quite enjoy the Kardashian girls. Brother, if you actually do end up becoming acquaintances with her, do let me know. I'll have to make a visit to the States.

[Prince Harry]

Okay? Brava.

[Prince William]

Okay, so I think maybe like without further ado, we should dive in.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, let's dive in. It's the Toast O ween. We got some great stories for you today. So without further. Without further ado, it is time for the past five stories that you need to know. What have I seen before you wake up and take a bite of your morning toast. Brava.

[Prince William]

I can't. Today's episode of Toast Herstory is brought to you by Lissi Skincare. Created by an esthetician and toaster who struggled with acne for over 10 years. She could not find anything to really clear up her acne or her fungal acne. So enter Lissi Skincare. All of their products are acne, fungal acne, pregnancy and breastfeeding safe. And their best selling and most viral product is the mandelic serum. Helped customers improve every type of acne including hormonal, inflamed, cystic, fungal and more. If you've struggled with any type of acne, you know how unbelievably frustrating it is when nothing seems to work. So check out Lissy Skincare. Their products were made with acne prone skin in mind while also being gentle on your skin barrier. You can try out their other products like their aloe vera based jelly cleanser, their vitamin C serum for acne scars, aging and pigmentation and the hydrating serum for soft, plump hydrated skin. So whether you struggle with acne or you're just looking for premium skincare products in your routine, I personally do not have acne prone skin but I do love Lissy skin Care. I love their vitamin C serum. You know, I'm a mom now. I wouldn't say I'm well into my 30s, but I'm 31 so I need a vitamin C serum. Go to lissy skincare.com and use our code toast at checkout. That'll get you 15% off your order. That's L I S S Y skincare dot com. Our code is toast T O A S T for 15 off your order. Check it out. Support a pari brand but also a toaster founded brand who's sponsoring today's amazing episode of Toast Herstory. I hope you're enjoying it. I know I am. Love ya Bye.

[Prince Harry]

Because I'm very stressed, brother.

[Prince William]

Me, too, Brother. What do you have to be stressed about? Would you look at me? I don't have any bloody hair talking to you. I don't have any bloody hair, Grandmother. And you won't pay for the hair plugs, so what the fuck am I supposed to do, Grandmother? Have the taxpayers pay for them? Oh, my God. Bloody hell. I've been balding since the time I was 12. Nobody in this fucking palace seems to give a shit. You don't have any money? No, Grandmother. You hold the keys to my fortune and I can't go. I've been trying to fly as Father. Thank your father. I've been trying to fly to Turkey for the last three years to get a special hair plug procedure, but nobody in this fucking cam family cares about anything other than bloody Harry and his bloody fucking drama. Ask your father. Jesus. Sorry to take the name Lord's name in vain, Grandmother, but I'm upset.

[Prince Harry]

Brother. Get a job.

[Prince William]

Oh.

[Prince Harry]

Do some Instagram sponsorships like the rest of us.

[Prince William]

Not all of us can just rub elbows with Bob Iger and make a $50 million deal for our wives. Some of us obey the rules.

[Prince Harry]

Well, Bubba, look where I got you. Bald.

[Prince William]

That's so mean. No, I just feel like William's, like, definitely deeply insecure about his hair. Like, nobody takes him seriously.

[Prince Harry]

He could get it fucking fixed. Okay, no, but he can at this point, because then everyone knows. No, but then he'd be, like. He'd be a great speaker for people.

[Prince William]

He'd be a speaker for hair plugs. I'm not really hating, like, the bald look on me.

[Prince Harry]

No, I think you look great. I think he looks great. I think I look fine.

[Prince William]

Sorry, brother. I didn't mean to. It's not very royal of me. I apologize. I know you don't care about being royal, but some of us still do.

[Prince Harry]

Excuse me. I'm the Duke of Sussex, bitch.

[Prince William]

And not anymore. Not anymore.

[Prince Harry]

Still, I got that trademark.

[Prince William]

No, you don't. No, you can't use it.

[Prince Harry]

Stay tuned for Merch Drop. Okay, first story is about us, bruvva.

[Prince William]

What is the British tabloid saying about us again?

[Prince Harry]

The press is saying our royal rift was sealed by fate and Diana. And, you know, brother, that makes me feel better, because this was destiny.

[Prince William]

Are you saying.

[Prince Harry]

What's the story, bruva? Prince Harry and Prince William were once the closest of friends there for each other through thick and thin. Those were the days, bruvva.

[Prince William]

Those were the days.

[Prince Harry]

Charmingly choosing to rent a cottage Together while training to become helicopter pilots in 2009. That's so cute. And so. Yeah. Quote, I do a fair bit of tidying up after him. He snores a lot, too. He keeps me up all night long, William had said at the time. Just over a decade later, jokes are on thin ground. With William in London and Harry in Montecito, there are 5,500 miles between them. They're also in incredibly different headspaces. Quote, the rift gets more serious with every passing day. British historian Robert Lacey told the Post of the feud that caught fire after Harry and wife Meghan quit the House of Windsor in March. So the rift is just. It's astronomical. How do we come back from this, brother? How do we come back to each.

[Prince William]

Other, brother, If I'm going to be quite honest, I'm happy, brother, On a. On a very serious note, I'm very happy for you. But I just feel as though you owe the Crown an apology.

[Prince Harry]

Well, brother, I've been watching the Crown, and I agree.

[Prince William]

Those bloody Americans.

[Prince Harry]

I agree. The Crown is a wonderful institution. Grandmother, you are an icon. Everything of the sort of. And I'm sorry if I let you down, but I had to do what was best for my family. And I'm sorry that that was not what was best for this family.

[Prince William]

But the monarchy is most important.

[Prince Harry]

I know.

[Prince William]

You have to protect the monarchy.

[Prince Harry]

I will, Gran.

[Prince William]

No, you will.

[Prince Harry]

I'll protect the monarchy from Montecito.

[Prince William]

I swear.

[Prince Harry]

I'm sorry, brother. I hope we can be close again. Even though you just touched your nose.

[Prince William]

Brother, I do. I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm afraid it's too late.

[Prince Harry]

So the rift runs deeper.

[Prince William]

The rift runs deeper.

[Prince Harry]

The historian was right.

[Prince William]

I just. I hope that, you know, 100 years from now, the monarchy is not permanently changed because of your actions. And I just. I don't know how you sleep at night.

[Prince Harry]

I sleep quite well, thank you. With Palmer's house boil. I understand your concern, but I had to do what was best for my family. And I'll leave it at that, brother.

[Prince William]

Okay.

[Prince Harry]

Also, little royal news about mom and dad. Prince Charles felt. Dad. Prince Philip pushed him into marrying Princess Diana. The royal biographer says this came out today. And honestly, this doesn't sound like news. I think we all knew that, especially if you watch the Crown. But also if you just, like.

[Prince William]

If you just, like, have a brain.

[Prince Harry]

He wanted to marry Camilla Parker Bolt. He couldn't. He married Diana. Things didn't go well. He eventually married Camilla. But I guess that's news, because this royal Biography is saying that he told some of his friends that he felt pressurized into marrying Diana because Philip said you've either got to marry her or let her go. You can't string a young girl along. She's only 19. You can't string her along.

[Prince William]

That's actually good advice, though.

[Prince Harry]

That is good advice. And I think that's literally exactly what we'll see in this season of The Crown, premiering November 15th.

[Prince William]

Oh, I gotta catch up.

[Prince Harry]

Speaking of royal, you are the crown grandmother. It's in your head.

[Prince William]

Yeah. Speaking of royal autobiographies, brother, I meant to tell you, I had a chance to read your non affiliated autobiography, founding Freedom, and I just have to say, what a crock of shit. Crock of poo. Of poo. Real. How do you Americans say propaganda? I don't know why my accent keeps going in and out.

[Prince Harry]

Yes, yes, bruva, I know. But I had to get my story out there.

[Prince William]

Yes, I understand.

[Prince Harry]

Feels like a gang up on Harry.

[Prince William]

Well, welcome to the royal family, bitch. Yeah, well, you've been gone for so long, brother, we haven't had an opportunity to talk to you about all the drummings and the circuit de Soleil around your family. And your name.

[Prince Harry]

Gran, you said a swear word.

[Prince William]

Gran said a swear word. Gran said a swear word. Gran. That's a nickel in the swear jar.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, Gran, a nickel towards your hair plugs.

[Prince William]

A nickel.

[Prince Harry]

Okay, next story, some big news in my country of America. Jost married Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost tie the knot in an intimate ceremony. Scarlett and Colin Jost have officially said. I do. The couple tied the knot in an intimate ceremony over the weekend. The Instagram account for Meals on Wheels and Papers America announced on Thursday.

[Prince William]

Right, that's what's I'm confused about.

[Prince Harry]

So with Meals on Wheels broke the story saying. We're thrilled to break the news that Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost were married over the weekend in an intimate ceremony with their immediately immediate family and loved ones following COVID 19 safety precautions as directed by the CDC. Their wedding wish is to help make a difference for vulnerable older adults during this difficult time by supporting Meals on Meals America. Please consider donating to celebrate the happy couple by click clicking the link in our bio. So they let Meals on Wheels make the announcement so that Meals on Wheels would get press and more donations.

[Prince William]

Okay, it seems bizarre because like literally two of the richest people in the world, like, why don't you just give the money to Wheels on Wheels?

[Prince Harry]

Well, I'm gonna assume that they donated, but then they're also just using this opportunity for philanthropic cause. And as someone who's very steeped in philanthropy.

[Prince William]

Yes. Your book made sure to mention that 25 times.

[Prince Harry]

I think this is a wonderful idea. Congratulations to the Josts.

[Prince William]

Yeah. Brothers. Trying to get them invited to the next party.

[Prince Harry]

I want to host snl. Colin.

[Prince William]

Let me on. I'll show you a real party, Colin. Honestly, I feel like that could happen. That could happen.

[Prince Harry]

100%. I think I would be fabulous. Let me on, Colin. I'll show you a real party.

[Prince William]

We'll party like the crown, by the way, that's definitely, like, a remote possibility in the next five years at least.

[Prince Harry]

Meghan Markle. Oh, we could do it together.

[Prince William]

Honestly, I feel like we're more likely to see Harry than we already seen.

[Prince Harry]

She could perform. I could sing my favorite song.

[Prince William]

What's your favorite song, brother? What's your favorite song, brother? Five, six, seven, eight. Hey, brother. There's an endless world to rediscover oh, that's Avicii. What a talent, Brother. Hey, granny.

[Prince Harry]

Hey.

[Prince William]

Face looks fucking crazy. Hey, brother in the bump grat. Oh, my God, your face look nuts.

[Prince Harry]

Like.

[Prince William]

Oh, my God. Oh, man, my stomach hurts.

[Prince Harry]

Grab.

[Prince William]

Oh, my God.

[Prince Harry]

Grana.

[Prince William]

Have to. Gran. Do you have some Pepto Fismo, Gran? No. As the butt slap. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is too funny.

[Prince Harry]

Okay, well, congratulations to the Josts. Can't wait to see you in New York when I'm be traveling there.

[Prince William]

Dude, you're like this thirsty prince. Like, literally, like, you're using every story as, like, come to my house in Montecito, Colin. Like, you're being fucking rude. We'll crack some jokes, man. Yes, Colin and I have got lots of jokes for Saturday Night Live.

[Prince Harry]

Oh, my God.

[Prince William]

The thirsty prince.

[Prince Harry]

The thirsty prince. Well, not prince no more. The thirsty Duke of Sussex.

[Prince William]

Not even the thirsty American citizen. The thirsty commoner. That's literally what you are. Commoner. Can't relate. Can't relate. Commoner. I live in a palace.

[Prince Harry]

Okay, next story about some other brothers.

[Prince William]

We love brothers.

[Prince Harry]

We love the Jonas Brothers.

[Prince William]

Oh, you know the Jonas Brothers played at a state dinner. Oh, you must have mistake, as you were out dressing up as a Nazi. Yes. That's what you were doing. Yes, yes, yes. How could we forget? But that weekend, the Jonas Brothers, they were big in America. Big. Big. What are you trying to. Quite large. Large. Thank you. It's hard to say big in a British accent. Large in America at the time, there were these very talented young brothers. And yes, you were busy like I said dressing up as a Nazi in a hotel room in Las Vegas. But you miss this state dinner where. Dinner where the Jonas Brothers performed. Gran quite enjoyed them. Right, Gran quite enjoyed that. It was a lovely evening. Lovely.

[Prince Harry]

What's your favorite song, Gran?

[Prince William]

I like Burning Up, Gran. And you also like that new one. Oh, Rollercoaster. Roller Coaster. That was Sucker. Yes, Sucker. That's the one you like, Gran.

[Prince Harry]

No, I like Roller Coaster.

[Prince William]

Play it at night. I know what I like. I know what I like, Gran. I'm telling you, we've got it on vinyl for you.

[Prince Harry]

Oh, Gran. For your gramophone.

[Prince William]

But yes, like I said, gramophone looks.

[Prince Harry]

Like where you play a record. Gramophone.

[Prince William]

Right, yes, but Harry, he wasn't there. Where was he? Oh, right, yes. He was dressing up as a Nazi.

[Prince Harry]

Must you continue to bring that up, brother?

[Prince William]

I just couldn't remember why you weren't at the state dinner and then I remembered. Oh, right. It's because you were dressing up.

[Prince Harry]

Well.

[Prince William]

Oh, yeah. As a Nazi. I'm sorry, you must have been hanging out with.

[Prince Harry]

Sorry.

[Prince William]

With Granddaddy Philip. Too much shade.

[Prince Harry]

Well, our favorite other brothers, the Jonas Brothers, are ready for the holidays with a new song. I need you, Christmas.

[Prince William]

It's so good.

[Prince Harry]

It's so good. Christmas came early for the Jonas Brothers fans, including Queen Eliza Snitch. The band of Brothas released a nostalgic dripped Christmas ballad Thursday called I Need you'd Christmas, the lyrics of which celebrate the kind of joy 2020 could really use right now.

[Prince William]

It's really good. It's hard to make original Christmas music. Pretty much everyone just puts out, like an album of covers.

[Prince Harry]

They did one last year.

[Prince William]

It's really good, this one. I really enjoyed it last year.

[Prince Harry]

You know, their faces were all in the ornaments for the promo.

[Prince William]

Oh, yeah.

[Prince Harry]

Oh, my God, I can't remember. Yeah, but this one's good. I think this one might make the Jackie Ho ho Ho playlist.

[Prince William]

Oh, what a prestigious honor.

[Prince Harry]

Yes.

[Prince William]

I like the song a lot. Nick actually sounds very good on it. You know, I take any opportunity to jab at Nick, but he sounds really good.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, Just harking back to toaster weens of years past where the Jonas Brothers were on this show. We're on the same show that the Jonas Brothers were once on, Brother.

[Prince William]

Gran. Who's your favorite brother?

[Prince Harry]

Joe.

[Prince William]

Joe. Because I love Sophie Turner. Oh, were you a fan of the Game of Thrones, Mother?

[Prince Harry]

She is the crown jewel of this country, Gran.

[Prince William]

Truly making Great Britain proud. All across the U.S. we love Sophie. We love Sophie. We do.

[Prince Harry]

And we love that show, don't we, Gran? We used to watch together. No, we didn't.

[Prince William]

Before you left the family for good.

[Prince Harry]

Well, that was after the finale. I said, why would I stay here? There's nothing to watch on tv.

[Prince William]

There's nothing left for me here.

[Prince Harry]

No more Sundays with Gran. I'm gone.

[Prince William]

Gran, what do you say we get a spot of tea after this? Harry, Sorry, I know you can't come, but. Gran, spot of tea? I would love one. Maybe some crumpets and cookies? Yes, I'll have the butler. I like them now.

[Prince Harry]

I'm hungry, too.

[Prince William]

Gran, could I have a. You don't get to eat. Don't they have McDonald's where you're from?

[Prince Harry]

Yes, it's very good. Thank you for reminding me. I'm going to go for a McFlurry. Okay, next story, next story. This is actually really beautiful. Kanye west gave Kim Kardashian a hologram of her dad for her birthday. Holograms are the new candy gram. Kim Kardashian revealed that husband Kanye surprised her with an unusual president for her 40th birthday this week. A hologram message from her deceased father, Robert Kardashian. Kim announced the gift on Twitter, calling it the most thoughtful gift of a lifetime and a special surprise from heaven. It is so lifelike. She added. We watched it over and over, filled with emotion. Robert, who died in 2003, says, you're 40 and all grown up. You look beautiful, just like when you were a little girl. I watch you and your sisters and brothers and the kids every day.

[Prince William]

Well, you know, I saw a lot of people being like, this is so weird. Like, please don't ever do this for my birthday. And even Megan McCain was like this. And, you know, Megan McCain is very vocal about, like, grieving her down. She was like, honestly, like, nobody, please don't ever do this for me. Like, it's so good. No, I think it's so nice.

[Prince Harry]

But see, the thing is, is that.

[Prince William]

The Kardashians lost their dad at, like, a similar age that we did. And it's like, honestly, when you lose your dad at a young age and it's literally been so long, like, you literally forget, like, what they look like and, like, their mannerisms. So I could see how people would think that this is weird. But I actually, like, think we relate to the Kardashians. And I think that this is actually very cool because so much time has passed and you were so young and, like, you didn't get that much time with them, like, Meghan McCain lost her dad now. Like, she's. I don't know how old she is, but she's in her 30s. Like, that's a lot of time where it's like, Kim and everyone. They lost her dad when they were, like, 15, 16. So that's, like, when we did. And you, like, literally don't remember them. So, like, a hologram is, like, crazy.

[Prince Harry]

Crazy. When I. When I first read the headline, I was like, oh, this is gonna be weird. And then I watched the video, and I was just, like, thinking of what that would be like for us if it were for us. And, like, that would be the most amazing thing, especially because, like, people who have lost their parents as adults, like, your parent has, like, met your partner, met your. Hopefully met your kids. Like, you have pictures of them on your phone, like, sees where your life is now and has told you that they're proud of you. But if you've lost a parent, like, 10, 15, 20 years ago, and then they literally are being brought to life and, like, saying the sweetest things. I think that this is, like, the most amazing gift ever. Like, literally a gift from heaven. And it did seem extremely lifelike.

[Prince William]

Yeah, no, I thought it was so sweet. And, like, people were, like, making fun of it. I just feel like Kim's having a bad week. But I loved it. I thought it was so sweet. And, like, I understood exactly why she thought it was so special.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. Like, honestly, it's the most creative gift I've ever 100% heard of. And people aren't. Some people. They're not here for it. And I actually can understand that because when I saw the headline, I was like, nah. But in practice, I think it's an amazing gift. It's truly not for everyone.

[Prince William]

No.

[Prince Harry]

But I think there are people who would absolutely love appreciate it.

[Prince William]

So if anyone wants to make me a hologram, let me know. How much do you think that is? I don't know.

[Prince Harry]

I feel like he just has hologram technology in his studio and just, like, put it towards this.

[Prince William]

And, like, Elon Musk just, like, came over and programmed it.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, look, I think it was free. Yeah. Like, you make holograms of, like, artists on tour. You can. You know, he probably just went into that studio, like, book some time and made a hologram.

[Prince William]

But I guess, like, I don't know. I don't understand how they can, like, get his, like, mannerisms and his voice and that's.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. And his, like, language saying, like, things poofy. Yeah, I'm sure They used old videos and stuff. It really is interesting, you know, I.

[Prince William]

Thought it was really sweet and very cool and I liked it.

[Prince Harry]

I liked it too. I understand. Not for everyone, but I'm here for it. Me too. Are you ready for a fifth and final story?

[Prince William]

A fifth and final?

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, and fine.

[Prince William]

Yeah, bruv. Let's do it, bruv.

[Prince Harry]

Because someone you mentioned, Elon Musk. Grimes reveals her five month old son with Elon Musk is into radical art. He just actually is.

[Prince William]

No, I mean, I too. What's radical art? Ask grandmother. At five months I was into literature. That's why I'm going to be the next king. And not you, but literature, radical art. Like lots of.

[Prince Harry]

Well, Elon, I think this is fabulous. If you want to give me a call.

[Prince William]

The thirsty prince strikes again.

[Prince Harry]

Grimes has a mini art critic on her hands. The singer revealed that her son, at nearly six months old, is already forming his own opinions. In an interview with the New York Times, arguing that babies do have taste. She said that they definitely like some things they don't like. Other things they fully have opinions. I do agree with that, but I wouldn't necessarily like call. Actually, I think I would call Kayla an art critic.

[Prince William]

So that's what I was gonna say. So our niece Michaela is similar age as a ex 12 angel, 52. 97, 81.

[Prince Harry]

And she calls him X for short, by the way.

[Prince William]

Got it. I think that Michaela is definitely showing signs of like extreme interest in radical art and literature and poetry and cinema. And I believe that 5 month olds are definitely. While they may not articulate their interests, they definitely have very strong views on radical art.

[Prince Harry]

I agree. Like my son Archie, he's a radical art critic as well. If you want to get the kids together, Elon, maybe we could talk shop.

[Prince William]

Shop, shop. Brother, I could tell you're losing your British accent quite a bit ever since journeying over to the States.

[Prince Harry]

Yes, the States have been very influential on me. Howdy, y'.

[Prince William]

All.

[Prince Harry]

I'm Prince Harry.

[Prince William]

How y' all doing? It's me, Prince Harry, all the way.

[Prince Harry]

From Cambridge, now living in Montecito.

[Prince William]

How's Montecito?

[Prince Harry]

Oh, brother, you've got to come and see. Time of year. It is fabulous. None of that British rain and sludge. We've got sunshine and bikinis.

[Prince William]

You've got sunshine and poor air quality. So I hope you enjoy that, brother.

[Prince Harry]

Thank you, brother.

[Prince William]

Nothing like the British smoke.

[Prince Harry]

Always raining on my parade. No wonder you're Brit. Always raining. Hey, Gran. How you doing, Gran?

[Prince William]

Gran. It's Gran.

[Prince Harry]

It's fabulous.

[Prince William]

Fabulous. I'm hungry. Me, too.

[Prince Harry]

Granite, please join.

[Prince William]

Don't worry, we'll get a spot of tea after this. And I'll take care of you. I'll get you biscuits and crumpets and all the things you like. Scones. Those little blueberry scones that they make down at the bakery. I know you like those. Grand. Yes, I do.

[Prince Harry]

Gran, could I come? Please, Gran, I'm so hungry.

[Prince William]

I don't think so. No, it's Royal's oil stuff. Yeah, grand. Sorry, brother, I couldn't.

[Prince Harry]

You just want to.

[Prince William]

But you could. You could try something. Why don't you go get a coffee? Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you go with your New York friends and get some coffee, Harry.

[Prince Harry]

Oh, Grant, please.

[Prince William]

Let's move into our TV recap segment.

[Prince Harry]

Yes, let's move right into it. I've been watching a lot of TV in America. They've got fabulous shows.

[Prince William]

The reality TV that we was on last night was Keeping up with the Kardashians. And Southern Charm started.

[Prince Harry]

Yes, I watched Kardashians first, so let's start there.

[Prince William]

Okay. I watched Southern Charm charm for. So, brother, how do we know who gets to go first?

[Prince Harry]

Oh, brother. It's an age old question between us.

[Prince William]

Keeping Up Kardashians. It was really good, actually. Like, I feel like in a lot of ways it felt like a PSA for like, coronavirus.

[Prince Harry]

You know what I mean? It really did. And it was virtually filmed, which is so crazy. But they did an amazing job with the two camera angles. And then they had interviews that they clearly, like, filmed in their homes months later. And I thought they did such a good job. Like, I didn't feel like I was watching like a of ton torturous virtual experience.

[Prince William]

I totally agree. I thought tech wise, it was really, really well done and how much, like, they were willing to show because, like, Kim was literally with the four kids. Kanye was quarantined, and I don't think she had any of her staff. So she was literally, like taking care of all four kids full time while they were in school and still managed to film. And then Chloe's like, literally on death's door and she's still managing to film too. But it's like, where was Courtney, you know?

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. Oh, I guess. Then they showed, like, Courtney and Scott went to Palm Springs with the kids, which was cute. And it's nice to see them, like, together and, like, put some, like, pieces together with the headlines of, like, Courtney and Scott are quarantined together. Like, what does this mean? It means that they both love their kids and want to spend time with them. I loved, like, seeing so much of Chloe's bedroom. Like, it's literally the most beautiful bedroom.

[Prince William]

Same thing, Dream bedroom. I'm like, I felt bad that she was so sick and literally couldn't leave her room. But I'm like, of all the places to be quarantined, like her live, her bedroom has like a living room off the side. And then like her. I'm sure her master bedroom, Beth bathroom is so sick. Like, I was obsessed with her room too. Like, her bed looks so comfortable.

[Prince Harry]

So comfortable. She's really like, has a nice decorating style. I feel like her decor is like the most unique. No, I feel like Kim's is like super unique, but Chloe's is like the most livable and like where you would actually want to live.

[Prince William]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Prince Harry]

Kylie also though.

[Prince William]

Yeah, yeah.

[Prince Harry]

Oh, yeah. Kylie.

[Prince William]

You got a little bit of Kylie.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, yeah. It was like, kind of lame.

[Prince William]

No. And it's also like, give me something or don't.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. And she already like shared that on Snapchat. Like, that was a story like, that she had said that she had to quarantine for her pregnancy.

[Prince William]

But by the way, Kim literally looked so beautiful. Like running around Calabasas, like just walking over to her mom's house and like walking around her house, like while the kids were in school. Like, her face and her hair, like, she looked so stunning.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, she really did. She really does it all.

[Prince William]

I liked the episode because I felt like it really symbolized what a lot of people were going through in quarantine, which is like one being lonely to like, worrying, worrying so deeply about like your older family members. Like, when they were just like worried for MJ because like, she had already been quarantined for two months because of her hip surgery and now she wasn't gonna be able to leave. And like, they were just like crying and Chris was like, please call MJ today. Like, it's so sad. And that's what like a lot of people were dealing with. I feel like they actually did a really good job of like capturing the like the vibe of what lockdown was. Especially like the first week.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, the first few weeks. Like really missing your family.

[Prince William]

Yeah.

[Prince Harry]

And feeling lonely. Yeah.

[Prince William]

But when Kim was like, should we go to Wyoming? Like, cuz she had a house, like, that is just the vibe, like to be able to be like, should we just like go to Wyoming?

[Prince Harry]

But they didn't. No.

[Prince William]

I know. Because of Connie Couldn't fly and neither could mj.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah.

[Prince William]

But when MJ finally got to Palm Springs, I felt like a. I was like, what?

[Prince Harry]

She should stay there. Like, I just went for lunch. I feel like. Like, it. I don't think she was moving in. Like, I think just Chris was just getting her out of the house for, like, a day.

[Prince William]

Oh, really?

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. I don't think she was staying there, but I feel like she should have.

[Prince William]

Me, too.

[Prince Harry]

I don't know. She probably has all her things at home, like, and likes her. Yeah.

[Prince William]

And I feel like the older you get, like, everyone worries about you in your house, but, like, you actually like being home.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Prince William]

Well, I thought it was a great episode. I felt so bad for Chloe. You could actually tell, like, when she was starting to feel better, like, she was literally. You know, when you get, like, really sick or, like, you're really, really not feeling well, and then, like, you feel so much better and, like, you are literally so grateful to God, like, for this gift. Yeah, she, like, she was becoming, like, a preacher. She was like, God bless us all. The Lord brought me out of this. Like, I know that feeling when you're in so much pain and you don't know, like, if you're gonna die and, like, God brings you out of it, you become a woman of God. And, like, literally, Chloe was like, praise be. Like, may God bless us all. Yeah. She said that, like, a million times. And, like, I knew exactly what she meant. I can't believe how bad she got it.

[Prince Harry]

I know, like, right at the beginning.

[Prince William]

And she didn't even go to Paris.

[Prince Harry]

Like, she was, like, being super careful, and it was crazy how they were like, Kanye and Chloe were so sick. Like, so, so sick. They were like, maybe it's Corona now. It's like, if you have those symptoms, like, duh, finished.

[Prince William]

But it was very dramatic. Kim Kardashian, west test negative.

[Prince Harry]

Yes.

[Prince William]

Kanye west, positive. Khloe Kardashian, positive. It was really, like, eerie.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, very eerie. Really good episode. Really well done filming. I think some of the best correctual content, if not the best that we see.

[Prince William]

I agree. I agree. And good for Kim and Chloe, once again, for putting the show on their backs.

[Prince Harry]

Right.

[Prince William]

Even when Chloe was literally on death's door.

[Prince Harry]

Right. Like, she literally just set up a camera, like, 24 hours in her room.

[Prince William]

While she was being, like, miserable.

[Prince Harry]

It's not like she turned it on to, like, go cough in her bed. She was just, like, letting herself be filmed, like, being so sick.

[Prince William]

Totally. And then Southern charm was back and you know what? I actually thought it was, like, a great episode.

[Prince Harry]

It usually is. Yeah.

[Prince William]

And I love that new guy. Like, I really ship him in Madison.

[Prince Harry]

I know. Okay, so we need to talk about. There's new. Is he a new cast member? Was that, like, announced?

[Prince William]

Yes, there's two.

[Prince Harry]

Yes.

[Prince William]

And that girl who's friends with Cameron.

[Prince Harry]

Yes. And so this is what I think happened, because I remember her from other seasons, and, like, she's really, like, one of Cameron's best friends. And I think Cameron brought her on the show and was like, come on the show. And it was like, great. And then I think, like, Cameron was supposed to do this season, but heard that, like, it was starting off with, like, Catherine talking about her husband having an affair, and she was like, nope, I'm done with this show. Like this.

[Prince William]

Yeah.

[Prince Harry]

And that's why her friends on it, but she's not. And that's why they were like, is Cam coming to the party? Because, like, they weren't sure. They wouldn't ask that about someone who's not a cast member anymore, but they thought she was still going to be a cast member. And it's clear that she decided, like, once they started filming, like, no, no, no, I'm not doing this anymore. And even though, like, Catherine was so wrong to say those things, especially if they're not true, and even if they are true, like, it's just not her business. Like, I understand why Catherine is.

[Prince William]

I'm sorry. No, I'm 100% on Team Catherine.

[Prince Harry]

Like, I understand why Catherine will be mad at Cameron for to the day she dies. Yeah.

[Prince William]

And by the way, it's. I don't. I don't know if those rumors are. Aren't true, but I heard them too. And it was, like, maybe a year ago, probably around the time that this was filming. Like, I heard all that. There were all those, like, Instagrams of people being, like, I met her husband, whatever. Like, there were legitimate rumors. And, like, why does Cameron get protected when literally, Catherine's rehab, her custody, her relationship with Thomas, none of them. None of that got protected. Like, it was literally all put on display. And Cameron was like, this. The self in. She put herself in charge. It's like the moral compass of the show. So, like, she was the narrator. Like, whatever she said goes.

[Prince Harry]

Whoever she liked, you liked. Whoever, like, she was against, you were against. And she literally.

[Prince William]

I'm so Team Catherine fueled so much.

[Prince Harry]

Of the dislike against.

[Prince William]

She did apologize.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. And she knows that. And, like, we all know that, but.

[Prince William]

I understand she never Got her ass handed to her in the way that she deserved to.

[Prince Harry]

In the way that she handed it to so many people. Even though, like, we love her and she's, like, so funny and she is such a great person. Like, she was real. She really went really hard on Catherine for a number of years. And now Catherine.

[Prince William]

And she was wrong.

[Prince Harry]

Now Catherine can finally get her revenge. And I don't, like, think that that's how it should go.

[Prince William]

An eye for an eye.

[Prince Harry]

But I understand why Catherine feels that way 100%.

[Prince William]

No, I was actually like. I'm like, go like the way that she did it more intentionally. Whereas, like, Cameron, the way what she did to Katherine was like, over many years and was way more sneaky. But I don't know, part of me just, like, did not feel bad at all. Like, sorry, first of all, this is what it's like on a reality show and be. Especially this type of reality show where people's dirty laundry has been aired for years and most of it was Catherine's.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, I understand my Catherine. Like, I. I wouldn't have done it, but I understand my Catherine didn't care. And Catherine was just going to say she looks great.

[Prince William]

Catherine has finally embraced a middle part and I'm so excited about it.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. And when they were flashing back to, like, the things that Catherine has. Cameron has said about Catherine, they didn't even really choose the worst one. They just, like, chose ones where she was, like, not interested in Catherine drama, but, like, she was very hard on Catherine for so many years.

[Prince William]

I agree. 100.

[Prince Harry]

So that's how I feel about that. I think Craig is, like, literally the world's best friend. Like, he's able to be a friend to Catherine and Cameron at the same time. And I think everything that he did in that situation was right. Like, he knew that this shouldn't come up on camera. Like, he's. And he told that to Catherine. Yeah, he's telling Cameron what's happening. I think he's doing a great job. What I like about Southern Charm is that, like, I really genuinely like most of the cast.

[Prince William]

Yeah, me too. And honestly, like, I was really hating Shep last season, but I feel like he's having, like, a come to Jesus moment. He's in a relationship. He started therapy. Like, he, like, he was such an last season, especially to Madison and then that Instagram story thing. I can't believe they put that in the show. Like, yeah, he was just obviously, like, in a bad place in his life. And I, like, love that they're addressing it head on. And it seems like he's really, like, in a good place with, like, this very normal girl who's like, bringing him down to earth.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah, no, I. I look forward to watching the rest of that journey also. Oh, this is what I was gonna say. I genuinely like most of the cast and the people who, like, I've hated are gone.

[Prince William]

Me too.

[Prince Harry]

Like Ashley Landon.

[Prince William]

Yep.

[Prince Harry]

Thomas. I thought seeing Thomas was chills. Chilling. It was so eerie.

[Prince William]

Yes.

[Prince Harry]

And he's part of the cast now, from what I've heard.

[Prince William]

Really?

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. I thought like. Or maybe not like a full cast member, but, like, he's gonna be on the show. And I just think that is so weird.

[Prince William]

I think it's wrong.

[Prince Harry]

I think it's wrong. And it was so weird to see him and the other person who I fucking hate who never got what was deserved.

[Prince William]

Patricia. No.

[Prince Harry]

Oh, we should talk about her jd.

[Prince William]

Oh, agreed. But he was also never a full time cast member.

[Prince Harry]

No, but, like, he did so much damage and so much shit talking and another one who just went so hard on Catherine and then all his chickens came to roost and we never saw it on the show. It was just like, in Charleston Press, like, that he's literally, like, bankrupt and a fraud and like a literal piece of.

[Prince William]

And like a predator.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah. So that, like, I'm glad that all the people that I really don't like are gone.

[Prince William]

It makes it much more pleasant to watch.

[Prince Harry]

To watch a bunch of people who, like, I actually think are good people.

[Prince William]

And I. I love Madison and Austin. I don't know if they're end game because, like, when she was just talking to that guy and like, they have kids and it's like, it's true. Like, and Patricia said it really well. Like, Austin is a frat boy. And like, yes. Madison is just in a different place in her life. Like, she has kids and she's really so mature. Like, even just watching her morning routine with her kid. Like, my God, she's so busy and Austin's still asleep. Like, I actually feel what Patricia was saying.

[Prince Harry]

Yes. I feel like what she was saying too. And I want to see where this goes. Maybe it will. Even if I do sort of think Madison and Austin are endgame, they, like, can't quit each other. Yeah. And she's like, such a smart girl. She just loves him. So. But maybe her, you know, wandering off with like, the. This guy will inspire Austin to step it up.

[Prince William]

Yeah. But like, we've been waiting for Austin. We've been waiting for all these dudes. Like, step it up, like, since we met them.

[Prince Harry]

But Craig, stepping it up.

[Prince William]

Just gonna say that Shep is trying.

[Prince Harry]

To step it up.

[Prince William]

Yep. I agree.

[Prince Harry]

So, yeah, Patricia, I just hate her.

[Prince William]

Like, I just don't understand why this older woman is.

[Prince Harry]

Why was she at chef's party? Yeah.

[Prince William]

And she was like, where's the catering? I'm like, this is a party where people get blacked out. Patricia, you want to go out to dinner, go across the street to the steakhouse. But, like, that's not what it is. Like, she, like, her being at that party makes no sense. Like, and her, like, having parties at her house, dinner parties at her house, where literally every person there is 30 years old, like, makes no sense. And I just think, like, if we're not going to, you know, at least talk about how weird it is, then I can't get on board.

[Prince Harry]

I feel like you and I always talk about how weird it is, and it's like, finally she's coming around. But she is another one who was so, so horrible about Catherine. And Catherine has forgiven her. They've moved on, and they have a friendship. But I just feel like so much. So many people in this cast were just on the wrong side of history. I know.

[Prince William]

And I don't know how Catherine works with them. Like, they're so evil.

[Prince Harry]

I know. But, you know, Catherine's not perfect either, so, yeah, it's that. And they really all seem to be, like, actually friends. Yeah. And that's why the show really works. I thought it was a good episode. It looks like it's gonna be a really good season.

[Prince William]

One person who left, who I miss is Chelsea.

[Prince Harry]

Yeah.

[Prince William]

I really liked her. And Naomi.

[Prince Harry]

And Naomi. But I understand. Like, I understand.

[Prince William]

I actually respect people who know when to walk away.

[Prince Harry]

Agreed. Like Tinsley. Like, yeah. You know, there's a time for everything, and there's also a time to say goodbye. And so.

[Prince William]

And for you, apparently, that was this year when you decided to move to Canada.

[Prince Harry]

Yes. 2020 has been a crazy one, hasn't it been? Brava.

[Prince William]

Well, honestly, at Buckingham palace, it's been relatively unchanged, seeing as how the staff has all been quarantined with us, and we're really living at regular, regular pace. Although a lot of our state visits have been derailed, which has been lovely for Gran, and I were spending lots of time in the garden drinking tea. She's gotten very, very close with Catherine, my wife. I don't know if you know her. And it's just been wonderful for the family. We've never been Closer. Wouldn't you agree, Gran? It's true.

[Prince Harry]

Well, I've never been closer with my family, brother, so I'm glad we're all living the lives that we so choose.

[Prince William]

Yes, I agree, brother. And, you know, after all is said and done, family's family.

[Prince Harry]

Family is family.

[Prince William]

Put her there.

[Prince Harry]

Oh, brother.

[Prince William]

Oh, Clammy. Oh, my God.

[Prince Harry]

I got a lot on my plate, brother.

[Prince William]

Anything else the royals want to say before we wrap up this Toaster Ween 2020?

[Prince Harry]

Gran, thank you for coming on our show. Thank you for having me. It is an honor to have a woman of your stature.

[Prince William]

Truly an honor.

[Prince Harry]

Snitch, we miss you.

[Prince William]

I miss you guys, too. Oh, yes.

[Prince Harry]

Snitch. Like, we have snitch on the toast here, too.

[Prince William]

We haven't had snitch cam in forever. How are you? Did you miss us?

[Prince Harry]

Yes, I did.

[Prince William]

But you're living life, and you're just happy and you don't want to come back here.

[Prince Harry]

Exactly. How's Knowles?

[Prince William]

She's so good.

[Prince Harry]

She's fabulous. She's really growing up.

[Prince William]

It's really sad, but she's.

[Prince Harry]

She's great. She's got her own personality. Like, she is in another world. She's gonna get a cell phone soon. Like, be texting all her friends.

[Prince William]

Like, you'll ask Harry how. Oh, how's Bruno?

[Prince Harry]

I mean, like, I had asked her off camera, but, yes, he's really good. He's so cute. Cute.

[Prince William]

I met him yesterday.

[Prince Harry]

And Lel, what did you think of the man?

[Prince William]

So cute. Like, oh, my God, Like, I love him so much.

[Prince Harry]

He's so cute. He just has, like, such a great energy, you know? He's very Zen. I feel at least. I can't believe you have a puppy. I know. It's so crazy. I'm so excited to get the. The group together. They'll bring the family together.

[Prince William]

The children literally have so many dogs. We have, like, what do they call it? Like, a.

[Prince Harry]

A troop?

[Prince William]

No, like, when you give birth. Like, the litter. We have a litter.

[Prince Harry]

We do.

[Prince William]

We have so many dogs.

[Prince Harry]

We've got to get the kids together to play.

[Prince William]

Yes. Bring them to the garden. Oh, I forgot, you're not allowed back at Buckingham.

[Prince Harry]

Maybe give me a visitor's pass for the day. Maybe for Archie.

[Prince William]

I'll talk to mother about it.

[Prince Harry]

Archie.

[Prince William]

We'll talk to mother, and we'll see. That's all I can say. Archie for archie. For Archie. Dr. For Archie. Anything else anyone wants to say before we wrap this mother up?

[Prince Harry]

We hope everyone has a hat. Happy, happy Halloween. Can't wait to safe. See why you're healthy.

[Prince William]

Margaret. Keep going.

[Prince Harry]

Run. Tell them.

[Prince William]

Vote, vote. Tell them all. Margo. What else do they need to do?

[Prince Harry]

What else, where else do you have to say?

[Prince William]

Wash your face, wash your hands, wash.

[Prince Harry]

Your hands, wear your mask, be with.

[Prince William]

People, don't be alone, be nice to people, be nice, treat people with kindness. Don't troll anyone's Instagram like yeah, if.

[Prince Harry]

You can, try mental health.

[Prince William]

Yeah, just take care of yourself guys.

[Prince Harry]

It's hard out there. Listen to, listen to the mother Queen, the literal Queen, Listen to her.

[Prince William]

And as always, God save the Queen.

[Prince Harry]

Good.

[Prince William]

And with that we bid you adieu. God save the Queen. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. We hope you enjoyed toast to Ween 2020 and we will see you back on Monday for a regular episode. Ta ta ta ta.