
Hosted by Gil Roth · EN

Can people change? How continuous is identity? With YOU'VE CHANGED: The Promise and Price of Self-Transformation (William Morrow), Benoit Denizet-Lewis explores the concepts of personal change and change-in-the-world, the ways we find identities and community, and the peril of changing into our parents (haha). We talk about how we define change and transformation, what happens when we think we've changed but the people in our lives don't notice any difference, how his husband feared that he would change too much in the writing of the book, and how the American narrative of change equals "overcoming one's problems." We get into how he made his own story of change and addiction part of the book (while guarding his privacy), whether change involves finding a core self or something new, whether redemption is possible for people who committed heinous crimes, what happened the time he got scientifically tested about his sexual preferences, and the chapter he wishes he could've included in the book. We also discuss who he's reading, whether the therapy that works for him now would have helped when he was younger, how one can prioritize one's own happiness while the world is (let's say) ending, his hallucinations in Esalen, and a lot more. Follow Benoit on Instagram and Bluesky • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

Philosopher and biographer Clare Carlisle converses & communes with me over her new book, TRANSCENDENCE FOR BEGINNERS: LIFE WRITING AND PHILOSOPHY (NYRB). We talk about her existential moment of being invited to give the Gifford Lectures on natural theology and how it led her wonder what she could say about the knowledge of God, how writing biographies raised philosophical questions on the nature of a life in its entirety, how flexible the notion of transcendence is (and why it doesn't have to be "rising above" the world so much as "spreading out" into it), how the lecture mode and how it offered her an opportunity for a different writing voice, and how she adapted those pieces into this book. We get into the possibility of communion and transmission, the tension between biography and philosophy, the harmfulness of the notion of attainment and what that implies of the seeking of wisdom, and what happens if you're like Kierkegaard and you hear The Call but don't know what it's calling you to do. We also discuss her philosophical love affair with Spinoza and his philosophy of interconnectedness, the bridge she discovered between Spinoza and Indian traditions, the influence of past guest Celia Paul on the lectures, and more. • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

Pull up a chair, enjoy a kasha varnishke, and listen to me and Josh Alan Friedman talk about his kaleidoscopic novel, ALL ROADS LEAD TO GREAT NECK (Wyatt Doyle Books/New Texture)! We talk about the momentous years he spent in Great Neck as a kid and why he set his novel in 1970, the ne'er-do-wells and drug addicts he knew (and emulated) in school, how Great Neck has changed since his "glory days," and the larger-than-life Yiddishkeit ghost who haunts the novel. We get into how he managed to weave Irving Berlin, Floyd Patterson, and Leslie West into the story, how his wife got him to finish the book by putting up post-it notes in their kitchen about each chapter, and how he reconstructed 1970 Great Neck from his collection of the notes girls used to pass in schools and the letters his friends sent him from reform school. We also discuss life after losing his dad, Bruce Jay Friedman, in 2020, how he used to take his 14-year-old pals to see showings of Bruce Jay's play Steambath so they could catch the nude scene, how it felt to see pieces of his childhood transformed in his dad's stories (incl. a visit to Las Vegas), what's left of the New York of his heyday and why he misses Joe Franklin, the play he's writing about his chauffeur days, his retirement from his lifelong guitar career after a carpal tunnel diagnosis, and more. Follow Josh on Instagram and Facebook • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

With THE WONDERFUL WORLD THAT ALMOST WAS: A Life of Peter Hujar and Paul Thek (FSG), Andrew Durbin brings us a masterful biography of a pair of artists, their art, gay life pre- and post-Stonewall, and more. We talk about his first exposure to each of their art, why he restricted the biography to the years Paul and Peter were together/around each other (1956-1975), how queer lives are often oriented around death and why he wanted to affirm life with this book, when a biographer can let his subjects go, and why he prefers Thek over Hujar. We get into the ephemerality of much of Thek's art installations, Hujar's dissatisfaction with commercial photography and the struggles with getting photos taken seriously as art, the triangle they formed with Andrew's hero, Susan Sontag, Thek's belief that marrying the right woman (Sontag, at one point) would have "fixed" him, his regret at not getting to interview Joseph Raffael for the book, and how meeting Ann Wilson changed the course of the book. We also discuss how Andrew became an art-writer/-editor by accident, how NYC has changed since he left 6 years ago, why young people are enthusiastic about his Thek and Hujar, why he needs to decompress from writing about history, how art criticism feeds his fiction and poetry, and more. Follow Andrew on Bluesky and Instagram • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

With REAL LIFE COMIX: ONLY IN NEW YORK (Cosmic Lion Productions), editors Dean Haspiel and Doug Latino bring together 66 fantastic cartoonists and writers to tell 51 autobiographical comic stories about NYC . . . and I'm among them! We got together to talk about the book & its publishing history, the incredible lineup Dean and Doug have assembled (including ~20 of my past pod-guests — like Roz Chast, Drew Friedman, Jonathan Ames, Karl Stevens, Jennifer Hayden, Ben Katchor, and Moby — and a ton of other great cartoonists!), why no one's made a New York City-centric autobio-comics anthology before, what makes for an "Only In New York" story & why I went with a tough one for my 2-page comic, and why YOU NEED TO SUPPORT THE KICKSTARTER (ending May 8, 2026) to help bring it to print! (Yes, we talk about other stuff, like My Joe Franklin Story, what I've learned on hiatus, what Doug & Dean have learned about editing, the challenges of bringing non-comics-writers into the book, why I don't 'think' comics, my favorite Deadly Sin, and more.) Follow Dean on Bluesky and Instagram, and subscribe to his Substack • Follow Doug on Bluesky and Instagram • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

With The Dark-Robed Mother: A Memoir (Wesleyan University Press), poet-translator-professor Rachel Tzvia Back explores her life with high-functioning depression, weaving Ancient Greek myth, poetry, family history, interviews, and more into an amazing tapestry of life in the dark forest. We talk about the challenge of structuring the arc-less nature of depression, the shame of not being completely debilitated by her illness, how the myth of Demeter and Persephone helped her translate and understand her experience as a mother and a daughter, what it means to be the mother who fails and why she included interviews with her adult children in the book, whether there's a therapeutic aspect to writing a memoir like this, and how much of a departure this book was from her poet-roots. We also get into how she found herself in Greek and Roman myths in contrast to her orthodox Jewish upbringing, how she manages to bridge the Athens and Jerusalem divide as a teacher, her family's roots in Israel and what the country has become since she moved back 40+ years ago, what it's like to live life under rockets and how normalizing it affects us, our takes on Achilles and Odysseus, and more. More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

Essayist Sven Birkerts, one of my favorite past pod-guests, welcomes me back to the mic for a conversation about writing, art, mortality, resistance, technology, and selling rare books! We talk about what he's learned about writing from his Substack essay-experiment, how he rediscovered his bookselling persona with his daughter, what he gets from audiobooks, the pros and cons of knowing your audience, and more. Plus, I talk about my book-in-progress, what I've learned from stepping back from the weekly podcast routine, why I'd like to see Dylan play one more time before one or the other of us is gone, and where this podcast might be going, among other stuff. Follow Sven on Instagram, subscribe to his Substack, and check out his and his daughter's rare bookstore, Birkbooks, at eBay and Instagram • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

Essayist Sven Birkerts, one of my favorite past pod-guests, welcomes me back to the mic for a conversation about writing, art, mortality, resistance, technology, and selling rare books! We talk about what he's learned about writing from his Substack essay-experiment, how he rediscovered his bookselling persona with his daughter, what he gets from audiobooks, the pros and cons of knowing your audience, and more. Plus, I talk about my book-in-progress, what I've learned from stepping back from the weekly podcast routine, why I'd like to see Dylan play one more time before one or the other of us is gone, and where this podcast might be going, among other stuff. Follow Sven on Instagram, subscribe to his Substack, and check out his and his daughter's rare bookstore, Birkbooks, at eBay and Instagram • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

For his 2025 year-end wrap-up, Gil's putting the podcast & newsletter on hiatus: talk about your crazy New Year's resolutions! He talks about how he recognized It Was Time For A Break, whether or not this podcast is what gives his life meaning, what he might get up to (HINT: it's WAY past time he finishes writing his Instax book), and how months of depression after his dad's death left him feeling like he was out of options. He gets into his 2025 highlights and why he needed to visit his photo library to overcome his amnesia, the hairiness of his professional life, the thrill of receiving holiday cards from his arts-heroes, the blessings of this world, and a lot more. It's the last episode for a while, so GIVE IT A LISTEN! • More info at our site • Support The Virtual Memories Show via Stripe, Patreon, or Paypal, and subscribe to our e-newsletter

It's time for our year-end Virtual Memories Show tradition, now celebrating its thirteenth anniversary: The Guest List! I reached out to 2025's pod-guests and asked them about the favorite book(s) they read in the past year, as well as the books or authors they're hoping to read in 2026! Twenty-six guests responded with wonderful, idiosyncratic, and illuminating book recommendations: Jonathan Ames, Kayla E., Dan Goldman, Dean Haspiel, Jennifer Hayden, Rian Hughes, Paul Karasik, Glenn Kurtz, David Leopold, Seth Lorinczi, Sacha Mardou, Kate Maruyama, Whitney Matheson, Josh Neufeld, Lance Richardson, Ari Richter, ML Rio, Dmitry Samarov, Jonathan Sandler, Damion Searls, David Shields, Peter Stothard, Tom Tomorrow, Peter Trachtenberg, Cecile Wajsbrot, and Mia Wolff (and me)! This annnual episode of The Virtual Memories Show offers up a huge list of books that you're going to want to read in the new year!