Episode Highlights With Paul

What horizontal relationships are and why they matter
How vertical dynamics create shame and resistance
The nervous system connection in parenting and how this can help us be more connected and effective in relationship with our children
How Freud and Richard Adler differed on the topic of horizontal relationships and trauma
Practical examples for shifting into horizontal parenting
The flaw with superior positions in relationships and how this robs us of our confidence and autonomy
“Self sacrifice” and how it's a nobler term for self abandonment and how we program this into our kids
How the vertical side uses extreme circumstances to argue for vertical relationships
Why connection > control in raising autonomous adults
How repair builds lifelong trust
How this approach makes you a better leader everywhere else in your life
Utility verticality vs relational verticality
Reputation and the puppet strings it has on us as human beings and how this comes into play in parenting
It isn’t that the strong survive.. It is the connected that survive
Punishment: So much of punishment is laziness on the parents part and the fear of reputation
It isn’t about just changing the behavior but addressing the underlying reason and capacity
Forgiveness isn’t the letting go of what happened but the softening of the blame
There are over 400 unique characteristics that will emerge in your child regardless of how you parent them
How this can create space for a both/and instead of an either/or in parenting
Guilt perpetuated by reputation and verticality
After age 7, our role as a parent is to be a safe place for a child's exploration of themselves

Resources Mentioned

Paul's website and his Instagram
What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Paul Levine
Kiss Me Like a Stranger: My Search for Love and Art by Gene Wilder

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