Podcast Summary: Therapy and Theology - S7 E5 | "Am I Trying To Control What Is Actually Out of My Control?"
Host/Authors:
- Lysa TerKeurst
- Jim Cress, Licensed Professional Counselor
- Dr. Joel Muddamalle, Director of Theological Research at Proverbs 31 Ministries
Release Date: October 17, 2024
Duration: Approximately 26 minutes
1. Introduction to Thought Spirals and Control Issues
The episode begins with Lysa TerKeurst sharing her personal struggle with "thought spirals"—persistent, negative thought patterns that hinder emotional well-being.
Lysa TerKeurst [00:00]:
"When you've been hurt or experienced real heartbreak or betrayal, it's so hard then to not fall into thought spirals."
She explains how these spirals often stem from a desire to control uncontrollable situations, leading her to jump to worst-case scenarios. Initially, Lysa attempted to mitigate this by reminding herself that worst-case scenarios rarely come to pass. However, repeated negative experiences over the past decade made her recognize that her fears sometimes did materialize, complicating her ability to dismiss these thoughts.
Lysa TerKeurst [02:30]:
"It's not necessarily that I want to control what you do. I just want to control the things that feel out of control so that I can bring some sense of peace and security back into my life."
2. Connecting Control with Trust Issues
During a reflective moment, Lysa identifies the core issue: her attempts to control are intrinsically linked to trust struggles.
Lysa TerKeurst [03:32]:
"What I don't trust, I try to control."
She elaborates that her need to control stems from a lack of trust in others and even in God, creating an illusion of safety. This behavior is fueled by pride and an unrealistic belief that she knows what's best, leading to internal conflict and anxiety.
Jim Cress [06:09]:
"No matter what your motive or modus operandi is, you're really trying to keep yourself safe."
Jim highlights that Lysa's controlling behavior is a defense mechanism aimed at self-preservation, despite its unhealthy nature.
3. Strategies for Managing Thought Spirals
Lysa discusses the challenges of processing these spirals, especially when immediate support isn't available, such as late at night when her husband, Chaz, is unavailable to engage in lengthy discussions.
Lysa TerKeurst [07:52]:
"I have to believe I'm safe for myself. And that's where the thought spiral just nobody else can fix it."
To cope, she employs journaling to externalize her thoughts, allowing her to process without relying solely on others. However, she realizes that over-processing with others can lead to exhaustion without resolving the underlying issue.
Lysa TerKeurst [12:03]:
"If I acknowledge what worst case scenario is and I acknowledge what best case scenario is, and I literally say out loud to myself right now, this moment, it's not worst case scenario, it's not best case scenario. It's in the middle."
By acknowledging both worst and best scenarios, Lysa brings her thoughts to a balanced "middle ground," enabling her to discern actionable steps within her control and surrender the rest.
4. Biblical Insights and Theological Perspectives
Dr. Joel Muddamalle introduces a theological framework to understand and manage control issues, referencing 2 Corinthians 10:5.
Joel Muddamalle [19:37]:
"2 Corinthians 10:5 teaches us to take every thought captive to obey Christ. Bringing your thoughts back into the middle aligns with this scripture, helping us not to control but to obey God's guidance."
He explains that biblical teachings encourage believers to relinquish control and trust in God's sovereignty, distinguishing between what can be managed (stewardship) and what must be surrendered.
Joel Muddamalle [21:04]:
"Control is something uniquely what God can only do in totality. Stewardship, on the other hand, is recognizing our human limits and responsibly managing what God has entrusted to us."
5. Distinguishing Control from Stewardship
A key discussion point revolves around differentiating control from stewardship. Jim Cress and Joel Muddamalle emphasize that while control involves exerting power over outcomes, stewardship is about responsibly managing what one can influence, acknowledging and respecting divine sovereignty over the rest.
Joel Muddamalle [26:36]:
"Stewardship is theologically the sense that God has given us responsibility and vocation, recognizing our human limits."
Jim Cress [25:12]:
"When I try to control what I cannot control, I will be controlled by what I cannot control."
This distinction helps believers focus their energy on areas where they can make a difference, reducing anxiety and fostering trust in God's plan.
6. Practical Takeaways and Personal Reflections
Lysa TerKeurst shares actionable steps for listeners to manage their own control issues:
- Acknowledge Extremes: Recognize when thoughts are skewed towards worst or best-case scenarios.
- Bring Thoughts to the Middle: Find a balanced perspective that neither catastrophizes nor overly idealizes situations.
- Identify What You Can Control: Focus on actionable steps within your influence.
- Surrender the Rest: Mentally and spiritually hand over uncontrollable aspects to God.
Lysa TerKeurst [26:17]:
"Am I being a steward of this, or am I trying to control this? I have to be careful that I don't run into the future mentally."
She emphasizes the importance of staying present and relinquishing the need to script the future, trusting that God's plans, while different, are inherently good.
7. Notable Quotes with Timestamps
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Lysa TerKeurst [12:03]:
"It's not worst case scenario, it's not best case scenario. It's in the middle."
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Jim Cress [07:20]:
"There is a real sense of, like, what is a practical thing in the brain, soul, body of this is you will feel energized."
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Joel Muddamalle [21:24]:
"We take every thought captive, period. There's no period."
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Lysa TerKeurst [25:57]:
"What is my problem with their problem?"
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Jim Cress [30:37]:
"When I try to control what I cannot control, I will be controlled by what I cannot control."
8. Conclusion and Final Insights
The episode concludes with reflections on the importance of self-counseling and aligning one's thoughts with biblical truths to overcome control issues. Jim Cress and Joel Muddamalle provide encouragement for listeners to undertake an honest self-assessment of areas where they may be overreaching for control and to embrace stewardship instead.
Jim Cress [24:45]:
"What are the things in my life that I'm trying to manhandle control over, or direct toward the outcome that I really think is."
Joel Muddamalle [28:30]:
"Control is power, authority, and the ability to exercise that power and authority in any way that you wish and to have the outcome that you desire."
Listeners are encouraged to utilize the tools and insights shared to foster a healthier relationship with control, trust in others, and, ultimately, with God.
Resources Mentioned:
- Mental Health Coach Training Program: Visit mentalhealthcoach.org to learn more.
- Lysa TerKeurst's Book: I Want to Trust You, But I Don't available at the Proverbs 31 Bookstore.
Note: This summary omits introductory remarks, sponsor advertisements, and concluding promotions to focus solely on the episode's core content and insights.