Therapy & Theology: Episode S8 E2 | How To Deal With Emotional Abuse
Released April 10, 2025 | Host: Lysa TerKeurst | Guests: Counselor Jim Kress & Dr. Joel Mutamale
In the second episode of Season 8 of Therapy & Theology, host Lysa TerKeurst teams up with licensed professional counselor Jim Kress and Dr. Joel Mutamale, Director of Theological Research at Proverbs 31 Ministries, to delve into the complex topic of emotional abuse. The trio explores the intricacies of emotional abuse, focusing on two prevalent tactics: love bombing and gaslighting. Through personal anecdotes, theological insights, and practical strategies, they aim to equip listeners with the understanding and tools necessary to recognize and navigate emotionally abusive relationships.
Understanding Emotional Abuse
Lysa TerKeurst sets the stage by addressing the dual nature of the term "emotional abuse," noting its frequent overuse and misuse in contemporary conversations. She emphasizes the need for sensitivity when discussing such a deeply personal and impactful subject.
"Emotional abuse is one of the most underused terms and overused terms that I think people are using in conversation right now today as we sit here."
[02:07] — Lysa TerKeurst
Love Bombing Explored
Jim Kress provides a comprehensive overview of love bombing, highlighting its nuanced manifestations. He describes love bombing as an intense and often overwhelming display of affection and attention, which can come in various forms at different stages of a relationship.
"They're coming on thick and fast... extravagant actions... all kinds of gifts, you know, statements."
[03:46] — Jim Kress
Lysa shares her personal experience with love bombing, illustrating the "famine-feast" cycle where periods of neglect are abruptly replaced by excessive displays of love and attention. This cycle creates emotional whiplash, making it difficult for individuals to maintain emotional stability.
"It went from the famine of, like, no flowers, no gifts, no love letters, to all of a sudden, things were showing up on my front doorstep constantly."
[06:29] — Lysa TerKeurst
Jim further explains the psychological impact of love bombing, likening it to "emotional vertigo," where the inconsistency between neglect and overabundance leads to confusion and emotional instability.
"That sets up emotional whiplash. It's like, whoa, wow."
[13:10] — Jim Kress
Gaslighting Unpacked
The conversation transitions to gaslighting, a manipulative tactic where the abuser causes the victim to doubt their own reality and perceptions. Jim defines gaslighting as attempts to make someone feel "crazy" or question their sanity by denying or distorting facts.
"Gaslighting is when I try to get you in what I call that emotional vertigo and try to make you think you crazy..."
[24:21] — Jim Kress
Lysa discusses how gaslighting intertwines with love bombing, creating a destructive cycle that undermines the victim's sense of self-worth and reality.
"I was suspicious, but now every time I feel suspicious, I stop and ask me. Instead of focusing on what are they doing that's making me suspicious, I would then stop and go, oh, no, I'm suspicious. I'm crazy."
[25:10] — Lysa TerKeurst
Biblical Perspectives on Love and Gaslighting
Dr. Joel Mutamale introduces a theological lens to the discussion, referencing 1 Corinthians 13 as a benchmark for authentic love. He contrasts genuine, covenantal love with the manipulative nature of love bombing.
"First Corinthians 13, 4, 7... it's not self-seeking. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in truth."
[18:54] — Dr. Joel Mutamale
Joel further explores the Shema from Deuteronomy 6:4, emphasizing the importance of internalizing God's steadfast love as a foundation for recognizing and rejecting manipulative behaviors.
"Repeat these things to your children. ... you need to have some people in your life that I can rehearse the truth with."
[35:14] — Dr. Joel Mutamale
Strategies to Deal with Emotional Abuse
The panel offers practical strategies for those experiencing emotional abuse. Jim advocates for building a "personal board of directors"—a trusted group of individuals who can provide validation and perspective.
"Develop a personal board of directors and say, you know me, we have some history. What do you hear me struggling with?"
[33:53] — Jim Kress
Lysa emphasizes the importance of seeking truth and relying on trusted friends or mentors to counteract the distortions caused by gaslighting.
"Find a few safe people to gather around and give them permission. Tell me what you see."
[33:53] — Lisa TerKeurst
Joel ties these strategies back to biblical principles, suggesting that rehearsing the truth and grounding oneself in scriptural truths can aid in overcoming emotional manipulation.
"You keep me accountable to this. Is this actually true? Is this an accurate retelling of that story?"
[37:12] — Dr. Joel Mutamale
Personal Insights and Conclusion
Lysa reflects on her journey through emotional abuse, highlighting the balance between recognizing manipulative behaviors and maintaining self-worth through community support and faith.
"I believe you, even if you don't get every detail right. I believe that what you are upset about, you should legitimately be upset about."
[29:52] — Jim Kress
The discussion concludes with a reaffirmation of commitment to reality and truth, encouraging listeners to seek support and stay grounded in their faith and personal truths.
"Mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs."
[42:19] — Jim Kress
Key Takeaways
- Recognize the Signs: Understand the patterns of love bombing and gaslighting to identify emotional abuse early.
- Seek Support: Build a trusted network of friends, family, or mentors who can provide objective perspectives and validation.
- Ground Yourself in Truth: Utilize scriptural truths and personal experiences to maintain a clear understanding of reality.
- Set Boundaries: Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect yourself from manipulative behaviors.
- Commit to Reality: Prioritize mental and emotional health by acknowledging and addressing abusive dynamics without denial.
This episode of Therapy & Theology offers a compassionate and insightful exploration of emotional abuse, blending professional counseling with theological wisdom to empower listeners in their journey toward healing and self-discovery.