FISHING FOR CLARITY

Summary

Therapy Gecko - Episode: FISHING FOR CLARITY Release Date: February 26, 2025 | Host: iHeartPodcasts

---

Overview

In the "FISHING FOR CLARITY" episode of Therapy Gecko, the host, an unlicensed lizard psychologist, delves deep into the minds of his callers, providing a unique blend of empathy, humor, and philosophical musings. The episode primarily revolves around three heartfelt conversations with listeners Chase, Isaiah, and Keegan, each grappling with their personal struggles and seeking solace through their interactions with the Gecko.

---

1. Chase's Existential Rant Timestamp: [02:27] - [18:23]

Chase initiates the conversation with a simple greeting, but the discussion swiftly evolves into an intense exploration of existential dread and self-identity. He shares his recent introspections about life's purpose, inevitable death, and feelings of isolation.

Notable Quotes:

• Host: "Things will get better. This is a documented phenomenon that people have gone through before." ([08:30])

• Chase: "I was like, all right, I'm not a completely insane individual... this is a documented phenomenon." ([03:15])

• Host: "Keep doing shit. Because I get in this habit where I'm always like planning to do stuff... I don't want to spiral in my own weird head." ([17:00])

Chase admits that the podcast has become a therapeutic outlet for him, helping him feel less isolated in his experiences. The Gecko encourages him to continue sharing, emphasizing the importance of community and self-expression.

---

2. Isaiah's Struggle with Dreams and Creativity Timestamp: [22:02] - [38:04]

Isaiah brings forth his passion for animation and filmmaking but is hindered by feelings of burnout and societal expectations. Living in a small town in Texas, he feels pressured to conform to Western and cowboy themes, stifling his creative desires.

Notable Quotes:

• Isaiah: "I want to make like little movies and stuff like that. But that's adding to the dread... I have to make stuff for people." ([27:47])

• Host: "It's a good thing to live in a world where you have to keep trying... it's therapeutic for other people and for me." ([33:37])

• Isaiah: "Be kind. Don't be one of those people that go around and just try to start problems with other people." ([17:41])

The Gecko and Isaiah discuss the challenges of maintaining creative integrity while seeking external approval. Isaiah expresses a desire to reconnect with his roots and rediscover his passion, highlighting the therapeutic benefits of creative expression.

---

3. Keegan's Battle with Alcoholism and Fatherhood Timestamp: [43:11] - [61:09]

Keegan opens up about his ongoing struggle with alcohol and tobacco, detailing how these vices have affected his mental health and family life. As a father of three, he grapples with the responsibility of providing for his children while battling personal demons.

Notable Quotes:

• Keegan: "I hate that I'm so unhappy all the time." ([58:09])

• Host: "You seem like you care about life. You care about your kids... you're trying to give a shit about existing on the planet." ([57:55])

• Keegan: "I'm going to feel like a piece of... I really want... I could afford to go somewhere for 21 days or a retreat of recovery." ([52:27])

Throughout the conversation, Keegan reflects on his past and current efforts to seek help, including therapy and medication. The Gecko offers unwavering support, urging Keegan to continue striving for improvement despite the challenges. Keegan's heartfelt admission of wanting to break free from his cycle underscores the episode's emphasis on resilience and hope.

---

Host's Reflections and Therapeutic Musings Timestamp: [18:23] - [74:45]

Beyond the caller interactions, the host shares his introspective thoughts on the nature of the podcast itself. He contemplates whether hosting the show serves as a therapeutic outlet or contributes to his own existential struggles. This meta-conversation reveals the Gecko's vulnerability and the intrinsic challenges of being a confidant to others.

Notable Quotes:

• Host: "Is repeated exposure to all of the lives of other people driving me insane... am I actually doing a good thing by doing this show?" ([59:46])

• Host: "I have to keep doing random shit constantly... maybe like a shark kind of mentality. You gotta keep moving." ([33:37])

• Host: "Let the feelings flow like water. If you're feeling insane, just let it fucking pass. It's not gonna be forever." ([60:41])

The Gecko emphasizes the importance of action over perpetual planning, advocating for engaging in activities to break free from mental stagnation. His upcoming art exhibition, showcasing his "trash," symbolizes his commitment to diversifying his therapeutic outlets and maintaining personal well-being.

---

Conclusion

"FISHING FOR CLARITY" is a poignant episode that navigates the complexities of mental health, creativity, and personal responsibility. Through authentic dialogues and reflective musings, Therapy Gecko offers listeners a window into the shared human experience, fostering a sense of community and understanding. The episode underscores the value of communication, self-expression, and the relentless pursuit of hope amidst adversity.

---

Upcoming Events:

• Art Gallery Exhibition: The host will be displaying his collection of "trash" in an art exhibition set to open in Brooklyn, New York, on March 14th from 7:00 PM to 10:10 PM. Details and links will be provided in the episode description.

---

Thank you for tuning into Therapy Gecko’s "FISHING FOR CLARITY." Continue following for more insightful conversations and journeys across the universe of thoughts and emotions.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Ryan Seacrest here When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbacasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and live the Chumba Life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Unknown Host]

No purchase necessary VGW Group Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Unknown Voice]

The battlefield is set, the stakes are high. The only thing standing between you and victory. Nothing. Ascend to the pinnacle of gaming greatness with Lenovo, Legion laptops, towers and the new award winning Legion Go, the world's first officially licensed handheld. Powered by SteamOS, Legion relentlessly pushes gaming technology forward with towers built for raw untamed power, laptops with best in class AI tuning that sharpen your reflexes and the Legion Go, a handheld for serious gaming on the go. Stay ahead with lightning fast responsiveness on a stunning 16 inch PureSight display. Keep your cool with cold front thermal technology engineered for marathon sessions and with all day battery life. The game never stops until you say so. So check out lenovo.com legion Lenovo Lenovo empowering creators everywhere.

At Amica Insurance we know it's more than a life policy. It's about the promise and the responsibility that comes with being a new parent, being there day and night and building a plan for tomorrow today for the ones you'll always look out for. Trust Amica Life Insurance. Amica Empathy is our best policy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest. For Albertsons and Safeway. It's stock up savings time now through March 25th. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible snacks from Doritos, Cheez Its and Pringles or sweet treats from Haagen, Dazs, Kinder Bueno and Reese's, plus many more. Then clip the offer in our app for automatic event long savings stack up those rewards to save even more restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Chase]

Hello? Can you hear me?

[Unknown Host]

Hey, I can. What's your name?

[Chase]

My name is Chase.

[Unknown Host]

Chase, what's going on, Chase? How's life?

[Chase]

Life is. No, it's. It's life. You know. I don't know.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, I don't know either. I don't know either. You've caught me at an interesting time. I'm gonna rant for a second. Is that cool?

[Chase]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. I'm. I'm in a. So it's funny, I titled the most one of the more recent episodes the existential Dread episode. And, you know, I've been in a weird headspace for, like, the whole month of February. I've been thinking about, like, life purpose. I've been thinking about, like, inevitable death. I've been thinking about isolation. I've been. I've been, you know, I. I looked up, like, existential depression on the Internet, and I found this Healthline article, and it. And it gave me all these, like, symptoms, and I was like, oh, okay, this is exactly what's going on with me right now. And. But that was kind of cool because I was like, all right, I'm not a completely insane individual who is, you know, undergoing some kind of uniquely difficult life experience. Like, this is. What I am undergoing is. Is a documented phenomenon. Here's this article that. That shows that this is, again, a documented phenomenon, which leads me to believe that this documented phenomenon has ways out of it. You know what I mean? I talk a lot on. On the. On the podcast about, you know, like, life being how you see it and all this stuff. And it's funny, I talk about a lot of these things on the podcast, but, you know, then. When. Then it comes time for me and my own personal life to, like, actually. Actually go and live it, you know, and this is. This is kind of one of those times, and I'm trying to have. I, you know, Chase, I have within me this, like, cornerstone. It's in my balls, Chase. It's. It's. It's this cornerstone of optimism. It's a cornerstone of my soul that a. Likes people. I don't think I would. You know, the Gecko universe gets difficult sometimes, but I don't think I would do it at all if I didn't like people, if I didn't like life. You know, I just. I know that in my gut, right, that I like people, I like life, I like the world. And that I'm. And. And. And. And it's so. It's that knowledge that in my gut is a guy who likes people, likes life, likes the world, is curious, desires more, you know, and then also is. Is kind of this cornerstone of, again, optimism for the future. Things will get better. This is a documented phenomenon that people have gone through before. And I believe that it. Things will. Will get better. I will live to see more days where I'm engrossed in life. You know what I mean? I feel this podcast As a whole has definitely become a lot, A lot of, I think me using it for therapy at this point. But it's good. I like it. I was a little bit resistant to that for a little bit, but now, you know, I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying getting to it kind of. It makes me feel less insane to publicly share these thoughts and feelings with other people and then to hear what's going on with other people's thoughts and feelings. And sometimes it spooks me, you know, every time I see like a, like a crazy what Reddit person or whatever, I'm like, oh man, I'm putting myself out there on the Internet and everyone on the Internet is crazy. But I'm just. I don't care. I. I gotta keep, you know, sharing of myself and allowing other people to share of themselves, you know? Cuz it's, it's. It's like it means something, right? Because if I don't. Because if I don't document these. This is, this is, this is, I guess the, the medium that people have, by which people have come to, you know, who I am or whatever. And so I'm like, okay, I guess I owe it to the medium or I owe it to the. I don't wanna. I don't know if I should call podcasting in an art form or whatever, but I'm like, I feel like. I just feel like I owe this thing some form of. Of. Of my, My honest thoughts and feelings or maybe. Maybe my thoughts and feelings are just kind of bursting. They're just, they're just held tight in my fucking brain. I'm like, I gotta get this out there to someone, you know, and that, that someone might as well be the people who are listening to this show. You know, hopefully it is helpful in some regard to someone. But I also, I don't want to. You know, I talked a little bit about on the other episode with that guy Moe about like, you know, there's this weird thing of when you kind of keep talking about your fucking problems. You're. You kind of ingrain them within yourself. And it's like, I don't want, I don't want to view myself as like a depressed guy, you know, because then that becomes your identity, that becomes how you live, that becomes whatever, you know? So it's like, what's the line, right? What's the line between sharing of yourself in a way to, to feel better and to kind of heal and, and whatnot versus like, you know, spiraling in a hamster Wheel loop of your own stuff, you know, because, because sometimes the. It's. It's helpful to talk through stuff, but other times it's like, well, you just got. You got to get out of your own head and you got to fucking go build a cuckoo clock out of wood. You know, like, you think. All you think that you're gonna solve your problems by talking about them and thinking about them until you find some perfect answer, but really all you had to do was build a cuckoo clock out of wood. You know, that's why people do anything. That's why is. Is. Is because it gets you out of your own head. It gets you into life. You participate in something instead of being in your own fucking insane brain. I just got back from walking for like four days through rural Japan. Kind of in. In an attempt in a way to kind of escape this line of thinking by. By doing stuff, by being out in the world. So I'm not spiraling in my own weird head. And I'm working on making a video about that I'm excited about. I'm gonna. Oh, this is another. I'm. I'm. I'm shok that this is now I'm self promoing, but I'm gonna fucking. I'm doing an art gallery. I'm. I'm displaying a bunch of trash from around my room on March 14th in, in Brooklyn, New York. I'm actually gonna put a link to that in the, in the description of this episode. That's a self promo within this existential rant. Chase. That's a little self promo in the existential rant, you know, so that's going to be good. I'm doing these, I'm just doing these things to be like, okay, I don't know if life has some kind of a linear direction or whatever the fuck, so let me just start doing random things that I think would be cool or interesting, you know, so, so yes, I'm so, so I'm so. I'm. I'm so. That's why I'm putting. That's why I'm gonna put an empty water bottle in a, in a glass case and invite people to look at it. Chase. That's why I'm doing. That's why I'm taught. That's why I'm talking to you right now. That's why I'm doing anything. Chase.

[Chase]

Got it. Like you said earlier, you said like different ways to like blow off steam is.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chase]

Essentially is what you were talking about.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Chase]

I'm not a. I'm not A kind of guy that'll go and talk to somebody about it. Right. So, like, I'll. I have a journal. I'll write in my journal. Or I, like, write about stuff that happens in my day or whatever. Or I'll. I like fishing, so I'll go fishing. I like being alone and, like, in the woods or, like, at the lake or. I'm more of a. I like. I like being alone, you know?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. How is. How is fishing been for you? Is that, like a good. Like, when you're fishing, do you feel very, very in the moment, you know?

[Chase]

Yeah, there's not a lot going on, like, in my head, you know, it's just. It's calming.

[Unknown Host]

Have you. Have you always liked being alone?

[Chase]

Yeah, like, I'm not. Like, I like. I like, you know, hanging out with friends or, you know, doing social activities, but sometimes, you know, I just. I want to just chill out, be. Be. Be alone.

[Unknown Host]

What are some of your other favorite things to do alone?

[Chase]

I like fishing. I. I camp a lot. I'll go camping. Hikes. I like hiking. I'm more of a outdoor kind of. Kind of guy.

[Unknown Host]

Why do you. Why do you think you like being alone so much?

[Chase]

I like. There's not a silence. It's. It's silent. Like, I don't need to hear any. Any that goes on in other people's life. Like. Like out, like, explain, you know, like, I have friends. Like, I'll go hang out with them. I'll go do whatever the. But sometimes when. When I'm not feeling the best, I'll just go do stuff by myself.

[Unknown Host]

Do you. Do you feel like you're happiest when you're alone?

[Chase]

I wouldn't say happiest. I'm more. It's like a state of mind, you know? It's like I'm. I'm calm. Like, nothing's. Nothing bad's going on, like, in my head. So.

[Unknown Host]

Do you. I. Do you feel like you've, like, always kind of had that state of calm within you?

[Chase]

I think it's. Since I've gotten a little bit older, you know?

[Unknown Host]

How old are you now?

[Chase]

I'm 20.

[Unknown Host]

You're 20?

[Chase]

Yep.

[Unknown Host]

You're 20 years old?

[Chase]

Yes, sir.

[Unknown Host]

Man, I thought you were like, 37.

[Chase]

Yeah, I hear that a lot, man.

[Unknown Host]

Wow. Interesting. What, what, what. What are your hopes and dreams for life? Chase.

[Chase]

Like, future. Future, like where I want to be in the future?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chase]

I wanna. I wanna. I wanna live on a farm. I want to have a wife. Two, two, three kids. Financially comfortable.

[Unknown Host]

Are you in. Are you in school or do you work or something like that?

[Chase]

I work.

[Unknown Host]

What do you do?

[Chase]

I work on little pieces for satellites.

[Unknown Host]

You work on little pieces for satellites?

[Chase]

Yeah, like thousands of a millimeter. Like, you use, like, you know those water pressure machines that, like, cut metal and.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chase]

Program it. And then you can program it to a size and then you cut it, and then we send it up to NASA.

[Unknown Host]

Where are you right now? What are you doing.

[Chase]

In my room? It's 2:00am.

[Unknown Host]

Interesting.

[Chase]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Thanks for listening to my rant at the beginning of this phone call.

[Chase]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

All right, well, was there any. Was there anything that you wanted to call in to talk about?

[Chase]

Honestly, I didn't think I was going to get on. On the phone as your luck. I've been listening to your show for a little bit now, so. No, not exactly.

[Unknown Host]

Cool, man. Cool. Well, you're. You're a chill guy. Chill guy. All right, man. Well, good luck. Good luck. Chase. You're gonna be. You're gonna be fine. You don't even need me to say that to you. But I'm not saying that to you because you need. I'm not saying that to you because you need me to say that to you. I'm saying that to you because it's just a feeling that I felt the need to express while we were on the phone.

[Chase]

Yep.

[Unknown Host]

All right, man.

[Chase]

You know, I appreciate it.

[Unknown Host]

So is there anything else you want to say to the people, the computer, before we go?

[Chase]

Be. Be kind. You know, Don't. Don't be one of those people that go around and just try to start problems with other people. You know, just be your own person.

[Unknown Host]

I like that. I like that. All right, man. I'll talk. I'll. I'll see you. I'll see you again one day. In another life, maybe.

[Chase]

Yep.

[Unknown Host]

All right, take care. Bye. Bye.

[Chase]

Bye. Bye.

[Unknown Host]

Wow. That was. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. I honestly forget what I've. I was on such an impassioned rant for a good 10 minutes, and I forget what I was ranting about. Yeah. Okay. That's good. I feel like I got that all out of my system. What the hell was I talking about? Okay, all right, all right. Let's. Let's take some phone calls. Let's see. Let's keep. Let's keep taking some phone calls. That was good. That was good.

[Unknown Voice]

Who doesn't love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? Answer. Nobody. They've been one of the most delicious parts of your life forever. Everybody knows they can't get any better, right? Well, after you try the new Reese's Chocolate Lava Big Cup, a delicious twist on your favorite treat, you might change your mind. The Reese's Chocolate Lava Big cup is the perfect combination of creamy milk chocolate, delicious peanut butter and an ooey gooey chocolatey filling. It's a different kind of delicious. You know, the chocolate filling just takes it to a whole extra level. It's a totally completely new kind of Reese's Peanut Butter Perfection. Lucky you. Lucky everyone. So you really just have to ask yourself how you like your peanut butter cup. The way you've always loved it or with a gooey chocolate lava center. Or don't choose and have both. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Shop Reese's Chocolate Lava Big cup now at a store near you found wherever candy is sold.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest. Life comes at you fast, which is why it's important to find some time to relax a little you time. Enter Chumba Casino. With no download required, you can jump on anytime, anywhere for the chance to redeem some serious prizes. So treat yourself with Chumba Casino and play over 100 online casino style games, all for free. Go to Chumbacasino.com to collect your free welcome bonus. Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Unknown Voice]

No purchase necessary.

[Unknown Host]

VGW Group void where prohibited by law.

[Unknown Voice]

21/ terms and conditions apply during tax season. Your sensitive info does a lot of traveling to places you can't control, stopping off at payroll, your accountant or tax preparer and countless other data centers on its way to the irs. Any of them can expose you to identity theft because they all have the info on your W2. Just the ticket for criminals to steal your identity. No wonder the IRS reported tax fraud due to identity theft went up 20% last year. You need Lifelock. They monitor millions of data points per second and alert you to threats you could miss if your identity is stolen. LifeLock's US based restoration specialists will fix it. Backed by the million dollar protection package and restoration is guaranteed or your money back. Don't let identity thieves take you for a ride. Get Lifelock protection for tax season and beyond. Join now and save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code iheart or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off.

Terms apply at Amica Insurance. We know it's more than a life policy. It's about the promise and the responsibility that comes with being a new parent, being there day and night and building a plan for tomorrow today for the ones you'll always look out for. Trust amiga. Life insurance amica. Empathy is our best policy.

[Unknown Host]

Hello.

[Isaiah]

Hi.

[Unknown Host]

Hey, what's up, man? What's your name?

[Isaiah]

Isaiah.

[Unknown Host]

Isaiah. What's going on, Isaiah? How you doing?

[Isaiah]

I'm just on my bed, culling up in my bed.

[Unknown Host]

Very cool, very nice. You know, I'm feeling good. I kind of. I'm feeling like being a gecko today. You know, I was, I went on last caller, I went on a. An insane rant about existential dread. And I think the best way to get away from existential dread is to do stuff. And I think. I'm pretty sure that being a gecko is doing something. So I'm feeling good about it in this moment. So, you know, let's talk. Let's get into it. Let's. Let's do some.

[Isaiah]

Do some wild things be. Just talk.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there, is there anything in particular you called in to talk about?

[Isaiah]

I'm just like the last caller. I never really sped the beyond here, but maybe, maybe talking about dreams, I guess.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah. What kind of dreams you've been having lately?

[Isaiah]

Oh my God, like one time, it was years ago now, but like I've been dreaming about this. I was in a car meeting, like one of those like drive by car meetings. Like you see like fancy cars and whatever.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah.

[Isaiah]

And I just. I just look up and I see like pterodactyls just flying by, flowing, screaming and yelling. And I just see a meteor just falling down and just all fog red and just everything. I'm crazy and I just woke up and I just wonder what that means.

[Unknown Host]

What do you, what do you think it means? Like, is there anything like floating around in your, in your subconscious that you think it could be related to?

[Isaiah]

I am just stressed, honestly. Or it might be paranoid.

[Unknown Host]

What do you, what are you stressed slash paranoid about?

[Isaiah]

Just work. Trying to be something I want to be but I can't kind of thing like that.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah. What is it, what is it that you want to be that you think you cannot be?

[Isaiah]

It's like I just want to be an animator kind of thing. Want to make film and I just, it's. I don't know if y'all want to be 2D but it's like, it's like something like I want to do for a while, but it's kind of give me a dread this past four, three years.

[Unknown Host]

Is it. What is it, what is it about these past four or three years that have been giving you dread with it?

[Isaiah]

I Guess like a burnout. Worry about being an adult and following my dreams, quote unquote. I guess that was. That made sense.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, it makes sense.

[Isaiah]

But I'm better now. I'm trying to get things better. Going back to my roots.

[Unknown Host]

What are your roots.

[Isaiah]

Actually? Like making stuff online. But yeah, I just, I just started doing it like last week.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What, what kind of stuff, what kind of stuff are you making online?

[Isaiah]

I just make like, just drawings for now, but I want to make like short cartoons and stuff like that.

[Unknown Host]

It's interesting. I'm kind of curious what that landscape looks like. Right. Because I think we're, we're kind of past like traditional network television era, cartoons being super popular, like Adult Swim, Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon shit. I feel like we're kind of past that and now we're in. And we're also a little bit past like, you know, like Egoraptor, Newgrounds, YouTube animator universe. And I don't know where we are now with it. If it's like, you know, still heavily segmented and there's people on shorts and Instagram and Tick Tock that are kind of dictating the, the meta of the animator universe. I mean, what, what do you think? What do you think the landscape is like?

[Isaiah]

Yeah, I feel the same way. Because you can't find a way. I'm like, you can't make anything too short because there's not gonna be a lot of people watching it or anything too long is going to be too boring and just ignore it, you know? Does that make sense?

[Unknown Host]

Totally. Yeah.

[Isaiah]

And it's like you gotta work for like some kind of company or something that works like, I don't know, like, let's say you work for like some YouTuber make on Patreon. You get to put yourself out there for that or then put yourself out there on YouTube or anything like that.

[Unknown Host]

What kind of, what kind of like animations do you, do you want to make? Like, are you telling stories?

[Isaiah]

Yeah, like, I want to make like just like, like little movies and stuff like that. But that's, that's adding to the dread. Like I can't make stuff for me, I have to make stuff for people, something else in a way. But, but right now I'm trying to figure that out as I'm working on it.

[Unknown Host]

When you said, when you said you can't make stuff for you, like as in, do you mean that as in like for your job you have to make stuff for other people? Or as in you have to make stuff that you Think other people will like for yourself?

[Isaiah]

Yeah, I think it's like that. Just like, I'm trying to make sense of this. Like, where I live, I live in Texas. Right. And I have to make, like, something with western or cowboys with cows or something. And I want to make, like, something with punch. Huh.

[Unknown Host]

Well, wait, hold on. Here's. Why do you. Why do you have to make western stuff? Because you live in Texas.

[Isaiah]

Oh, because where I live, you have to make. There's something you make for, like, let's say you want to make a punk band kind of theme, and they're like, oh, I can't. We can't use that. We just want western landscape and stuff.

[Unknown Host]

Wait, who's we?

[Isaiah]

Oh, like, people where I live, like, in Texas, in my small town, and it's kind of hard, but I. I think that doesn't even make sense because I'm talking about, like, Internet stuff right now.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why you're. If you're. You're not making stuff for the people in your small town of Texas, you're making stuff for the people of the Internet.

[Chase]

Yeah.

[Isaiah]

I can't even. Hold on just a second.

[Chase]

Hold up.

[Isaiah]

Well, I'm trying to see. What. I don't even.

[Unknown Host]

What's the matter?

[Isaiah]

No, I'm just shaking a little bit. It's cold.

[Unknown Host]

Let me think. Yeah, I guess I still don't understand why you have to make western shit. You know, you want to make punk things.

[Unknown Voice]

Yeah.

[Isaiah]

Like, make stuff, like, fun and creative, but they want to be just plain Jane and boring.

[Unknown Host]

Who is that? Well, hold on. When you keep saying, like, we and they, who is they and we?

[Isaiah]

It's just these people in my hometown, but I'm. I'm. I'm rambling a nonsense right now. I'm sorry.

[Unknown Host]

No, I don't. No, no, no, don't be. What's your name again?

[Isaiah]

Isaiah.

[Unknown Host]

Isaiah. No, don't be. Sorry, Isaiah. I wanna. I wanna get to the bottom of this. That's the. That's the only reason I'm asking. I'm asking because I want to make you feel bad or anything. I mean, yeah, man, you're making stuff for the Internet. Why don't you just make whatever it is you want to make? It's not like you're. It's not like you're trying to pitch cartoons to the local newspaper or anything like that.

[Isaiah]

Now I'm thinking about. Maybe I'm just. I don't want to say traumatized, but maybe I'm a little nervous to putting myself out there. Maybe I'll get like the same reaction. I put an Internet as I'm putting on my hometown.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, oh, interesting.

[Isaiah]

You know, I think that's what I'm trying to say.

[Unknown Host]

Oh, interesting, interesting, interesting. Do you, I mean, but you understand that that's irrational, right?

[Isaiah]

Yeah, yeah, I try to think the same like that in a way, but I. It was rambling nonsense.

[Unknown Host]

Mm. Do you, do you think you, you will eventually gain the courage or perspective or whatever the hell it is that you need to, to put yourself out there?

[Isaiah]

Yeah. Because right now I have to tell myself to just do it other than just wait and see.

[Unknown Host]

Right.

[Isaiah]

Because that's what I learned. You just have to do it and figure it out.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to. I don't know if you heard me ranting to chase earlier, but I'm trying to. Yeah. In my kind of current bout of existential whatever, you know, I'm trying to be more action biased. I'm trying to just do shit like go for a long walk or do a trash art gallery. Just try shit. Because I'm, I was realizing, I'm like, oh, I might do this trash gallery and then be looking around and go, why the fuck did I do this? But it won't matter your know why it won't matter? Because at least I, because I can go, okay, I don't know why the fuck I did this. Let's do something else. This is keep doing shit. Cuz I get in this, I get in this habit where I'm always like planning to do stuff. I'm always, I love, I'm writing down to do lists, I'm writing down things that would be a good idea to do instead of just like actually like being willing to like try doing random shit. And I'm, and I, and I'm. Honestly, I'm Even, even the fact that I'm going on this rant to you right now is a version of me procrastinating on doing shit because I'm reinforcing to myself in my head that I'm going to try to be more action bias without actually becoming more action biased. You know, that's the trap. Is it Isaac or Isaiah?

[Isaiah]

Isaiah.

[Unknown Host]

Isaiah. That's the trap. Isaiah. We can't, we can't, we can't let ourselves be trapped. We gotta do random shit constantly. Yeah, but it's not, it, but it's not a bad, but it's not even a bad thing because you like making the stuff. If you just like making the stuff, then it's not A bad reality to live in where you have to just keep trying, you know. Sorry, you were gonna say something, I cut you off.

[Isaiah]

No, I just feel like it's like a shark kind of mentality. Like you gotta keep moving.

[Unknown Host]

Yes.

[Isaiah]

You die or something like that.

[Unknown Host]

Yes, of course. Yeah. 100. Yeah, that's how I'm. Yeah. No, and it is. And it's true because I'm lit. I think I'm experiencing the death of not moving. It feels like a death, you know? Do you feel that way when you, when you're not moving?

[Isaiah]

Yeah, because I like I said like this past week I've been trying to just do it, keep at least try to do it and like do something else other than stay in my house and just watching tv.

[Unknown Host]

Right.

[Isaiah]

And twitch and stuff like that.

[Unknown Host]

Right. And that's the thing, right, is I feel like the, the joy is in the attempt more than it is in like, oh, you know, my cartoon got X amount of views or oh, I got the whatever. I mean there's joy in that too. But it's like, oh, there's a bit of, there's a joy and there's an escape from dread in, in the attempt itself, I think, you know.

[Isaiah]

Yes.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. So, so that's good. And that's good also cuz the attempt is like within. Because I think when you're, when you're trying to count on like views or likes or whatever the fuck you're, you're, you're. I mean those things are nice. I'm not gonna pretend like they're not. It's nice like success feels good. Feels good to have things work out.

[Isaiah]

Yeah. It's a normal thing to be.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Isaiah]

In that situation.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. It's a good, It's a thing. It's understandable that people want that and that people, you know, it feels, it feels better. But like when you make a cartoon and you put it on the Internet and it gets likes, it feels better than when it doesn't. But again, I feel like the, the joy is in the attempt. But yeah, I'm gonna try to. I'm gonna try it. I'm having fun. I'm having fun talking to you about this because I'm gonna try to fucking go back into like my normal non gecko life and be like, and be like, I told that guy that the joy was in the attempt. So I'm gonna try to feel away myself, you know.

[Isaiah]

No, it's awesome.

[Unknown Host]

Before we go, do you want plug anything you have something you unplug, Go ahead and Plug your. Dude if you got something.

[Isaiah]

I think at least try Instagram. Like, I think it's called Pro P R O. Underst. Underscore. Cupid.

[Unknown Host]

Pro. Underscore Cupid. That's pretty simple. Hold on. Yeah, let me.

[Isaiah]

I think that's what it is.

[Unknown Host]

Let me pro. Underscore. Simple. I'm going to look at your pro. Underscore. Simple. Oh, no. Cupid. Why'd I say simple? What the fuck? All right, here we go. Pro Cupid. Oh, cool. Oh. Oh, hell yeah. Dude, you drew and you drew. You drew naked Marge Simpson.

[Isaiah]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Cool. I like, I like, I like, I like, I like this. I like the style. It's very.

[Isaiah]

Thank you so much.

[Unknown Host]

Renin's Ren and Stimpy vibes.

[Isaiah]

Oh, my God. That means a lot from coming from you.

[Unknown Host]

Well, thanks for having this conversation with me, Isaiah. Good luck to you in all your fucking crazy life endeavors.

[Isaiah]

Yeah, you too, man. I love you, man.

[Unknown Host]

I love you. Hey, hey. I love you too, Isaiah. All right. I love you too. I love you too. In this moment, I'm feeling. I'm feeling hopeful for your future. I'm feeling hopeful for the future of man. Feeling hopeful for the future of. Of stuff. And I bless you. I will, I will. I. I bless you with. With hope, optimism and. And $42 million.

[Isaiah]

Yeah. God bless, man.

[Unknown Host]

All right, take care, Isaiah. Yeah, that was Isaiah. I used to. I kind of. I used to have a thing where I. I was. I. For a second, I was like. I used to not like saying I love you to people on the Internet. I don't know why. It felt strange, but in that. But they. But it's weird, cuz in that moment, I did feel it, you know, I was like. I don't fucking like, obviously, like, the people I talked to on the show, it's like I don't know them and it's like a little interaction with a stranger. But. But I did. But I. I felt that in a way, like, I was like, oh, I do love this guy. I do. Like, again, I told you I was ranting fucking earlier in the episode to chase. I was ranting about knowing that I love people. You know, like, that's in my soul. I love people. And just now I was like, I was like, I think I love Isaiah, dude. Even just in that moment, like, what, like four months from now, I. I like, like, realistically, I don't know if I'll be thinking about Isaiah unless if Isaiah is like, you know, hey, I was the guy you talked to with the thing and the art thing, I was like, oh, your Isaiah. You know what I mean? But I don't know if that. I think that's. That's. That could be how love works, you know? Love can kind of be this weird thing of the moment, you know? I mean, I've had friends in real life that I've known for, like, not that long. And I'm like, you know, like, I love you. I love you, man. You know? I don't know. It's. That's a weird. It's a weird thing. I'm exploring the like. Like, what is. What does it mean to say I love you to someone? Like, I've. I've had times where I was in. In the grocery store, and I was looking at an old lady in line ahead of me, and I was like, I think I love this old lady. I don't know her. I've never talked to this old lady. I just. She's on the. She's on the planet Earth at the same time that I am, miraculously. That's insane. I think I have to love this old lady. This is what I. It's just in my gut, I don't know her. She might be a crazy person, but I guess I'm a crazy person too. I don't know why. I just love this old lady. I love Isaiah. I love the old lady at the grocery store. Um, and I love drinking a lot of coffee.

[Unknown Voice]

Who doesn't love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? Nobody. They've been one of the most delicious parts of your life forever. Everybody knows they can't get any better, right? Well, after you try the new Reese's Chocolate Lava Big Cup, a delicious twist on your favorite treat, you might change your mind. The Reese's Chocolate Lava Big cup is the perfect combination of creamy milk chocolate, delicious peanut butter, and an ooey gooey chocolatey filling. It's a different kind of delicious. You know, the chocolate filling just takes it to a whole extra level. It's a totally, completely new kind of Reese's Peanut Butter. Perfection. Lucky you. Lucky everyone. So you really just have to ask yourself how you like your peanut butter cup. The way you've always loved it, or with a gooey chocolate lava center. Or don't choose and have both. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Shop Reese's Chocolate Lava Big cup now at a store near you found wherever candy is sold.

At Ameca Insurance, we know it's more than a life policy. It's about the promise and the responsibility that comes with being a new parent. Being there day and night and building a plan for tomorrow today for the ones you'll always look out for. Trust Amica life Insurance Amica empathy is our best policy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's stock up savings time now through March 25th. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible beverage items like Powerade, Monster and Poppy, or breakfast items like Quaker Instant Oatmeal or General Mill cereals, plus many more. Then clip the offer in our app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Unknown Voice]

Stop hitting Snooze on new tech Upgrade the whole [e-mail] Unlock AI experiences with the ThinkPad X1 Carbon powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create and boost productivity all on one device. Win the tech search for business [e-mail].

[Unknown Host]

How you doing?

[Keegan]

I'm good, man.

[Unknown Host]

What's up? What's up, dog? What's up, dog? How's life?

[Keegan]

I'm just trying to bring the stream up, baby. Life.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. How's life?

[Keegan]

Well, we thought, we talked like last year and I was like. I was like, man, everything sucks. It still sucks. But, you know, here we are trying to figure it out. I was listening to you earlier when you're on your rant about existential stuff and. Yeah, I think that's really your only option. Really. You just gotta think about it and get through it sometimes.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Keegan]

And then it still sucks. But.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Yeah. Why does every. Why do you think everything still sucks after a year?

[Keegan]

I think it's because I keep working and I have no money at the end of the day, even though I make enough, and then it's all gone. And then there's nothing to do. But then every once in a while you get to hang out with your buddies or, you know, do something fun like you're in Japan right now. That sounds fun.

[Unknown Host]

I am in Japan. It's been nice. Well, who are these buddies that you're hanging out with?

[Keegan]

I saw my Buddy just turned 40. I'm 37.

[Unknown Host]

Cool.

[Keegan]

Nice. Yeah. After all these years, still got my homeboys from the neighborhood that I grew up with. So it's kind of nice getting out, get out of the house, go see them for a little bit.

[Unknown Host]

Nice. Where. Where'd you grow up?

[Keegan]

In Atlanta. Just outside of Atlanta, Georgia.

[Unknown Host]

And are you still there?

[Keegan]

Yep. Just put some coffee on cool. Getting ready to do some work.

[Unknown Host]

Cool.

[Keegan]

Gonna hate my job more.

[Unknown Host]

And then what's the job?

[Keegan]

It's just like a cycle. Just a cycle of shit. I always struggle to answer that question, but I work in it. Infrastructure, automation, stuff for a little company outside of Atlanta. But, you know, I called last year and just like, man, everything is just so hard. I have no time for myself. I've lost myself. I, you know, I. I have the same struggles that some of your other colors deal with. I mean, the dude that has four DUIs, I have zero DUIs. I'm very lucky for that. But, you know, this. The cycle of, like alcoholism and beating yourself up and stuff kind of sucks, man. But I do find that as long as I can try my best to remember that it's better to be here and kind of suffer through this shit than not to be. I don't know, man. I just kind of felt like calling and just like saying that stuff.

[Unknown Host]

Have you. I mean, when was the last time you had a period in your life that felt particularly prosperous?

[Keegan]

Five to ten years ago. I feel like I've been paycheck to paycheck for my wife and I bought our first house. That probably would have been the thing. And then we moved about six years ago, but then we moved somewhere. I don't really want to be just like a suck, suck hole of suckery, but, you know, it's just because I. I want to, like, just open a sandwich shop and like ski in the mountains every day, but that's just not the reality. Because it's just not the reality. One day, maybe as I'm older, if I stay positive, right? But then I also find myself falling into that hole of suck, doing stuff I shouldn't do and not working all night and having beers instead of working. And then now I'm gonna feel like shit when my boss is giving me that side eye.

[Unknown Host]

What do you mean by doing things you shouldn't?

[Keegan]

Debatable. Just drinking, man. I, I have, I. I struggle with alcohol and tobacco. Those are my, my vices, you know, I'm lucky that I don't have worse vices than that, because I know that those are out there. I've just never been luckily, and I've never found myself in that situation to have anything harder than that. But alcohol and tobacco are not easy either. So. And it, and it weighs on me, right, because I'm always like, man, I should go buy two more beers right now at 2 in the morning. But here I am driving to the store and you Know, starting work at four in the morning and instead of sleeping, sleep would probably be good, but I stress about it and then I. It's just a cycle of suck, man.

[Unknown Host]

How long, how long have you like alcohol and stuff been a thing for you?

[Keegan]

Probably about the same amount of time that it's been felt prosperous. Probably more like longer than that. I feel like, I feel like seven, eight years ago, but even before then I was drinking a lot. I feel like once I started drinking, I go hard on everything that I do, which is why I'm glad I don't. Never gotten addicted to harder stuff. I've never, I'm, I mean, never done anything too crazy. I like mushrooms, so it's fun. But yeah, it's been a long time, man. I've been in a cycle cycles of pretty depressive, pretty. I feel like I'm manically depressed, but maybe not maniacally so not quite there yet. So I'm trying to avoid it, but I feel like I'll go, Go ahead, go ahead. I was just gonna say sorry and then I'll let you take over that. I mean, I feel, I, I, I'm like, don't, don't do it. Don't drink. Because like one beer, man, two beers, it's like five beers, you know. And then it's like I'm losing hours and I gotta do. And just, I just fucking don't want to do it. Then I just drink more beer at that point and then I wake up at 3 or 5 in the morning or pass out at 7 at night. Just feel like my body doesn't like it. I'm just, it's just like I'm just addicted to it. So I just fall back into it.

[Unknown Host]

Why? Oh, oh, I remember what I was gonna say. Have you, have you talked to a real therapist about this? And if so, what have they told you?

[Keegan]

I have gone to therapy, but I just did like the better helping. Right? I didn't, I felt like. Because it was like Covid ish times, you know, so it's just like I feel like I would do better in person. And then I also went to a psychiatrist and got on to some form of antidepressant for the first time a few years ago, a couple years ago. But it actually, and, and some people have this effect. It just made me kind of ain't like very angry, like irrationally angry. And I did not enjoy that at all because I'm not, I'm not an angry person except to myself. Isn't that kind of, I'M very angry with myself, but I'm not angry outwardly towards like my friends and family. Probably more just people that don't know how to drive. They pissed me off.

[Unknown Host]

Okay, that's not as bad as outwardly angry to your friends and family.

[Keegan]

Yeah. Of course if I drink too much, then I might say something dumb and then I gotta feel like I gotta. I'm just joking. But it's not. It's not very fun if you are affecting those around you that actually care about you and you're not trying to. Then I feel bad again and then I'm like, I gotta drink another beer because now I'll feel like a piece of. I really want. What I will really wish.

[Unknown Host]

Go ahead.

[Keegan]

Is that I could afford to go somewhere for you know, 21 days or a retreat of recovery. Something where I can just get away. If I did not have access to alcohol and tobacco and again, could be worse or everyone has their struggles. Right. Could be something else. But like if I could just get away from it. But I can't. I can't afford it. I got it. Worried.

[Unknown Host]

What about those? Like, Well, I don't know. I'm curious because like we. I've talked to some people, remember talking to a dude about work away or I forget the name of the website, but like all these places where like you can go to kind of work in exchange for. I mean you got to save up, I think for the plane ticket. But there's a lot of places you can go to like work in exchange for housing and food. You know what I mean? You ever thought, you ever thought about something like that?

[Keegan]

So what do you mean I would work for someone else during that time?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, like, I mean, I don't know, man. You're talking about like trying to go away for 21 days or go away for an extended period of time to do some. There's. There's these websites where you can go to again, like find some abroad or even maybe domestic where you can go and. Yeah, like, like work on like a farm or like a. What is it? Yeah, you. There's just kind of like all these like opportunities or something. Yeah, co op, something like that. You know, again, you got to kind of save up for a. A plane ticket to get there or gas or whatever it is. But once you're there, you know, you might. Maybe you'll be able to find something that you're looking for. Maybe you'll be able to find what you're looking for there.

[Keegan]

I will kind of look into some more of that, because I feel like that would solve some of my problems. And I bet other people would benefit from something like that too. So it's probably good we're even talking about it. I don't know, you know, sad guru.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, sure, I know who that is.

[Keegan]

They have. I'm. I'm in Atlanta, so they're in. They have a headquarters in Tennessee and they have a spot. But that's expensive too. And it's like, man, I gotta work, okay? Like, I'm literally. I can't afford to. I have to support, you know, some kids and stuff like that and pay my bills or whatever. So it's just.

[Unknown Host]

How many. How many kids do you have? How many kids are some kids?

[Keegan]

I have three kids. I have three kids and they are all young and they are expensive and it's only gotten more expensive since I started having kids. Just like the economy and everything. That's just like tough, man, because, you know, be like, let me get a few beers. And I'm like, yeah, that's 20 bucks that I probably should put towards there retirement funds or whatever. Then I feel bad about that. So then whatever. But, you know, that's. That's one of the struggles that I have is trying to find the right time. And actually did take off a few weeks of work in December. And I thought, hey, I'll clean my house up. You know, that I'm. I did do some of it and then like kids got thick or that's a lot going on. So then I had almost made the opportunity. I talked to my parents because they're nearby at least a few hours, a couple hours away, that I was like, I'm gonna go stay up there with you guys for a few weeks just to get away. Like, I was open, openly talking to him about same kind of stuff we're talking about. But then time passed and I didn't do it. Now we're back into the whole cycle of like, you know, school stuff and softball, T ball stuff. And I don't want to miss that stuff. I just don't want to be an absent dad. I'm trying to do my best, but then I'm also struggling. So I'm just like, man, what the fuss? What do I do? What do I do, Gecko? What do I do?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah, I don't know, man. You try your best, I guess. I don't know what the hell you do.

[Keegan]

That really is the point that I wanted to make. That's really why I wanted to call, because that's what you got to do you got to do your best, man?

[Unknown Host]

Just try your best, man. I mean. I mean, with, like, alcohol, it's like. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't know, man. I mean, you just have to decide. It's just a thing of, like, deciding to change and deciding to prioritize and deciding to do. Do better on it, you know? I don't know, man. I don't have any. I don't have anything for you. That's.

[Keegan]

I mean, that is really. Answer. I think you're right. It's just not easy, right?

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. I mean, you seem like you care about life. You seem like you care about your kids, because if you didn't care about your kids, you'd be gone by now. You wouldn't even be in anywhere or any. You wouldn't be on the phone with me right now. You'd be in like a. I don't even know. But you care enough about life and be in a bar. Right? You care enough about life, you care enough about your family, you care enough about yourself that you're trying. You know, you still give a shit about.

[Keegan]

Yeah.

[Unknown Host]

Existing on the planet.

[Keegan]

About that stuff and, you know, and.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah. Go ahead.

[Keegan]

I'm a nice guy, man. Like, making people happy. I just hate that I'm so unhappy all the time.

[Unknown Host]

Yeah.

[Keegan]

Went on a date a couple weeks ago. My wife is like, you know, you're. Like, you're kind of hot, but, like, you're so mad all the time, like, oh, you think I'm hot? I don't think I'm hot, by the way.

[Unknown Host]

I'm sorry. You went on a date with your wife?

[Keegan]

My wife. Yeah, we got a date night a couple weeks ago.

[Unknown Host]

Cool.

[Keegan]

Which is very far. Few and far in between, so pretty good timing.

[Unknown Host]

And how's your. How's everything going with your wife?

[Keegan]

Good. I mean, good. And, you know, honestly, it is probably better than it was last year this time when I told you we. We spoke. Be crazy for me to think you would remember the conversation. And I don't even actually remember it that well because I was pretty drunk, but, you know, things are good. So, you know, that was one of the main points. Like I said, I wonder. I got the opportunity to get through to you, too, and just, you know, you just. We just got to keep. Keep our heads up and keep learning and keep thinking and keep trying and just trying to do better, I think. And, you know, we. People do like having these conversations and in general public, it's just harder these days. And everything. So technology related and computers, computer nerd stuff behind the, you know, you get stuck in this cycle behind the. The keyboard and in your own head and stuff, it's hard to break out of it sometimes. But. Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown Host]

What's your name again, sir?

[Keegan]

My name is Keegan.

[Unknown Host]

Keegan. Keegan. Keegan. Keegan. Keegan. You know what, man? I. I'm gonna have optimism for you, Keegan.

[Keegan]

I've got optimism, optimism for me too.

[Unknown Host]

That's all. That's it. As long as you have that, you're gonna be, you know, as long as you actually, truly, genuinely have a little bit of optimism, hopefully things will be on upward trajectory. I hope, man.

[Keegan]

I hope continues to. Hope to help that that's not religious. Doesn't even matter. And I did not have to bring that up, but I think if we just stay on. Stay on the right path and continue thinking and just trying to do better, we'll get there one day, right?

[Unknown Host]

You know, there's a better chance. At least there's a. There's a better chance. At least I'll say that much. All right, Keegan, is there anything else you want to say to the people, the computer, before we go?

[Keegan]

Keep your head up, baby. Never give up. Let's do this.

[Unknown Host]

Rock and roll. Rock and roll. All right, take care, Keegan. Good luck, man.

[Keegan]

Be safe in Japan.

[Unknown Host]

Thanks, brother.

[Keegan]

See you, man.

[Unknown Host]

Man, oh, man, the more I do this podcast, the more I'm like, I don't have answers. I mean, I. I don't. I don't necessarily advertise myself as having answers to the questions of life. I sometimes. Sometimes I wonder. Folk listeners, help me out here. I tell you know what? I'm just gonna say this. Do you guys. Do you guys think. Sometimes I wonder if doing this podcast makes me depressed or if it makes me better, because on one hand, it gives me, you know, it gives me like some purpose to do this show and have these conversations, and people enjoy listening to it, and people enjoy hearing it, and people. People enjoy this kind of curation of other people's lives and stories and problems. And I do, too. I do, too. And I enjoy getting to express myself, and I enjoy kind of a lot of aspects of doing this. But then sometimes I wonder. I'm like, am I. Is repeated exposure to all of the lives of other people driving me insane, whether consciously or unconsciously? And then is having an audience of people watching in real time as I slowly go insane? Is what. Is that it? But also, am I going insane or am I actually doing A good thing by doing this show. It's been fi. It's been almost this summer. It'll be five years of doing this show. But I don't know. I only. I only know this show from this end of it. I don't know it from the listener end. I don't. I only. I only know my life from my own end. I don't know it from the end of anyone observing it. So I have to kind of ask myself these questions. I have to wonder that. I was thinking. I selfishly was thinking about that a little bit through some of the calls today. I was like, is the. Is. Is. Is dressing as a gecko and talking to people on the phone about all of the infinite. Because I said. Because about. About, like, all the infinite, both joys and sorrows of life a good thing? Or is it detrimental to my own health? I even feel like it's kind of crazy for me to be thinking out loud about this, but I can't not. I've tried. I've said to myself, I'm like, I got to stop thinking aloud so much. I got to stop sharing so much on the podcast. I got to protect myself a little bit. But then I'm like, I think it's just my nature and not, like, in my own life and in this podcast. I think it's just my nature. I don't think I cannot do it. But, I mean, that's what it is. And I'm gonna keep doing it because it's. Yeah, it's. I'm gonna keep doing it. I'm going to keep being a gecko and taking phone calls and making this podcast because I actually really do enjoy doing it. Ultimately, I think I scroll the. I think I talked about this before, but I scroll through my Spotify sometimes. Like. Like, I'll, like, look at all the episodes and I'll look at the titles of them, and I'll remember the conversations, and I'll be like, I really enjoyed having that conversation. I really enjoyed. I like, I look at all the episodes and I'll be like, all of the. Like, all of. At all of the episodes that I post on Spotify. I, like, remember having that conversation, and I'll be like, I enjoyed having that conversation, but I do wonder if it's driving me insane. But I am going to keep doing it, but I guess I. I guess I should also do other things. Like, I think I'm going. I'm also going to do other things, such as do an art gallery where I display my trash. Okay. Yeah. This is a perfect time for me to. I'm probably gonna put an ad somewhere at the beginning of the podcast for this, but I'm gonna talk about it again. I'm. I'm going to display my trash. I'm trying to do things outside of what I normally do. And one of those things that I'm gonna do is take my trash and display it in an art exhibition because it's funny. And I'm gonna do that in Brooklyn, New York on March 14th from 7:00pm to 10:10pm That'll be the gallery opening, but then the work will be on display at the gallery from March 14th to the 22nd. And if you want more details on this, I'm gonna include them and a link in the episode description. So that's my life is. I'm gonna keep talking to people on the phone as a gecko. I'm gonna do an art exhibition where I show off my trash. And, you know, I'm trying to have optimism for myself and therefore I just feel like I have to. To have optimism for other people. It's maybe like a day. It's a danger. It might be like a dangerous amount of. I. It's so douchey to be like I am an empath or whatever. But like, I, like if I, I just, I have to be optimistic for everyone and everything or else I don't know how I'm going to be optimistic for myself. But that might be. That might just be unrealistic. I don't know. Isn't it weird? After five years of doing this, I have way more questions than answers. I had way more confidence and answers, I think, when I started than now, but I'm enjoying. But it's similar in the sense that it's therapeutic for other people to come on and call and talk about these things with an audience to hear them. It's therapeutic for me to do it too. And that's why I'm doing it. That's why I'm putting this on the Internet in a podcast for other people to listen to. Just a big long rant about what's going on in my brain. It's helpful even though it's on the Internet forever. And like in five years, someone will be like, hey, I heard you ranting like a crazy person on a podcast five years ago. What's up with that? I had all. I'm. I'm just gonna. All you really can do in that moment is just go, you know, yeah, yeah, but what's. How you doing? What's. What's the weather like today. What am I gonna eat for lunch today? You know, how am I feeling right now in this moment? Right? That all makes sense, right? I'm enjoying this format of the podcast where I just rant incessantly by thoughts from my own brain. I'm trying to think if I have anything else to share or say before we end the episode. Sunlight is good. It's good to get sunlight. I've been every morning I, I've been taught. I talked about my existential dread a lot this episode. Every morning I feel great. The sun shines, I take a walk, I do some push ups, I feel great. And then at nightfall, as I'm recording this right now, it's nightfall. And then at nightfall, I feel more spirally. So how do I create morning in my brain at all times? I'm not sure. For me, people helps. Like real having interactions with real human beings. Being out of my house, being out of my brain. Walking always feels great. I like activity. I was in a crowded restaurant the other night at 10pm that felt amazing. It's one of the things I like about New York. One of the things I like about Tokyo is that there's always crowds and people and I know everyone's kind of different. Some people, they feel much better alone, but I always feel better when I'm surrounded by like activity and things and stuff. I think it's like an ADHD thing. But yeah, that's it. That's the end of this rant. Say some stuff in the I don't, I read all the Spotify. I'm crazy. I shouldn't do this, but I read all the Spotify comments. I read all the YouTube comments. So talk to each other in the YouTube comments and in the Spotify comments. Say, say some things to each other. Say some things for yourself. I don't know. I don't know anything. I, I, I, I, I am on a search for All I know is I feel good ranting into this microphone right now. And so thanks for listening to this podcast and for listening to the me me ranting into this microphone. I hope it was helpful for it was helpful for me. I hope it was helpful for you. I hope it was good for you and let's keep doing it, but for now I'm gonna go to sleep. So thanks for listening to this podcast. Good luck. Fucking try your best and that's it, man. Try your best. That's all you can do. Try your best. That's all you can do. That's all you can do. Go to go. If you're, if you're listening to this podcast at like 1 o'clock in the morning and you're spiraling, you're going insane. Just drink some water, go to bed, and then try again tomorrow. That's the thing about thoughts, is every time I have a thought, I'm like, this is it. This is the per. Every time I have a negative thought, I'm like, this is it. Now this is the permanent status of my brain forever. And then that makes me spiral more and I just gotta always remember. I just gotta remember. No, it's the kind, the feelings and the. Especially when you have like ADHD or whatever, the feelings in your brain, they just cycle. They cycle and they cycle. So if you're feeling good, it's not going to last forever. If you're feeling shitty, it's not going to last forever. So just, just let it pass. Let it flow like water. I feel like people say that a lot. Let the feelings flow like water. If you're feeling insane, just let it fucking pass. It's not gonna be forever. If. So if someone's mad at you, they won't be mad at you forever. Or maybe they will, but you won't feel it forever. It'll be all right. All right, good luck. Thanks for listening therapy. Get goes doing it right, teaching you how to live your life. But he's not really an expert.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's stock up savings time now through March 25th. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible cleaning items from Tide, Downey, Charmin and Dawn or dinner essentials from Hidden Valley, Healthy Choice or Pillsbury plus many more. Then clip the offer in our app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Unknown Voice]

Get this adults with financial literacy skills have 82% more wealth than those who don't. From swimming lessons to piano classes, us parents invest in so many things to enrich our kids lives. But are we investing in their future financial success? With Greenlight you can teach your kids financial literacy skills like earning, saving and investing. And this investment costs less than that. After school treat start prioritizing their financial education and future today with a risk free [e-mail] iheart greenlight.com iheart hey, Jenice.

[Unknown Host]

Torres here and I'm Austin Hankowitz. We're the hosts of Mind the business, Small business Success stories produced by Ruby.

[Unknown Voice]

Studio and Intuit QuickBooks.

[Unknown Host]

Catch up on seasons one and two and join us for a brand new season of the podcast as we talk to small business owners about how they.

[Unknown Voice]

Manage and grow their businesses with the.

[Unknown Host]

Help of platforms like Intuit QuickBooks. Listen to mind the Business Small business Success Stories on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Unknown Voice]

This is Jenny Garth from I do part two. Everyone's talking about GLP1s like Ozempic semaglutide. With FutureHealth, you can find out if they're right for you too. Just go to try fh.com that's trifh.com and find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just three minutes. FutureHealth is not a healthcare services provider. Meds are prescribed at provider's discretion. Results may Vary. Sponsored by FutureHealth.