“GAMBLING RUINED OUR RELATIONSHIP”

Summary

Therapy Gecko — “GAMBLING RUINED OUR RELATIONSHIP”

Podcast: Therapy Gecko (iHeartPodcasts)
Date: August 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, host Gecko (Lyle) takes calls from three guests with wildly different life stories — each facing pivotal, life-altering challenges. The centerpiece is a conversation with Sydney, who is coping with the fallout of her fiancé’s gambling addiction and its impact on their relationship, finances, and her sense of self. Later, we meet Jackson, who reflects on a grueling six-hour daily commute and family estrangement caused by his father's right-wing streaming, and Jake, who shares how a harrowing motorcycle accident changed the course of his life. Throughout, Gecko offers his signature blend of empathy, existential musing, and candid (sometimes irreverent) advice.

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Key Guests and Topics

1. Sydney: Grappling with her fiancé’s hidden gambling, financial betrayal, and existential questions about commitment and self-worth.
2. Jackson: Reflects on choices—finding meaning (and music) in a hellish commute, then facing family trauma caused by parental neglect and ideological drift.
3. Jake: Survived a near-fatal motorcycle accident with gruesome injuries, which ironically put him on a better career path.

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1. Sydney: Gambling, Betrayal, and Self-Faith

(Starts: 01:34)

Sydney’s Story: Discovery & Fallout

• Sydney reveals her fiancé had a hidden online gambling addiction (“Baccarat online”), leading to significant financial losses and emotional turmoil.
• After moving in together and giving up her own place, Sydney was unknowingly subsidizing his gambling losses.
• The stress and uncertainty made her feel “crazy,” and eventually landed her in the hospital. Her fiancé finally confessed when he could no longer handle the mounting consequences.

“I recently found out that my fiancé had a gambling addiction and kind of lost all of our money.”
– Sydney (02:36)

The Psychological Toll

• Sydney describes doubting her own sanity, feeling like she was “the root of all these problems.” She initially blamed herself for the collapse of their communication and financial foundation.
• For months, she struggled with insecurity: “I was like, wow, everyone else is able to build lives together really easily. I’m putting in all this work, and I kind of felt like it was my fault.” (06:00)
• She is still living with her fiancé because she has nowhere else to go after giving up her apartment.

Status & Boundaries

• Sydney doesn’t believe her fiancé is gambling presently, but wants to “see a couple months of progress.”
• She now has passwords to his accounts but worries he could open new ones.
• They’ve separated finances and paused all joint purchases, especially those related to the wedding.
• Despite everything, she’s not ready to leave: “I want to be with him, but I also don’t have anywhere else to go.” (06:42)

Breach of Trust and Existential Crisis

• Sydney admits to an “existential crisis” — questioning her sexuality, her place in the world, and the very idea of commitment.
• She had recently been in the psych ward before learning of the gambling, and feels this instability “bled into other aspects of our lives.” (12:27)
• “I think maybe when I say, do I want to commit my life to one person? I think I have a hard time trusting my life with one person.” (15:36)

Gecko’s Reflections:

• Explores the nature of faith in relationships versus faith in oneself:
  “Commitment is a matter of faith at the end of the day… Faith is a tough thing because you want to make your leaps of faith from a point of really, really strong clarity. And it’s hard to get to that point.” (16:09)
• Gecko gently challenges Sydney: Is she willing to put faith in her fiancé, with his track record, or does she have enough faith in herself to strike out on her own?
  “There’s faith in yourself, where it’s like, ‘Do I believe in my own abilities…in an abundant universe filled with many people I will connect with?’” (23:12)

Family’s Reaction

• Sydney’s mom is surprisingly forgiving, believing the fiancé’s intentions were to “better their life” (17:48), but Gecko calls out the rationalization:

  “My problem with that…the version of the brain that is not exactly driven by rational thought, you know? Gambling’s just addiction…pulling a fucking lever like you’re a rat.” (18:39)

• Sister is more empathetic, prioritizing Sydney’s agency: “what do you want to do?”

Symbolic Moments

• Sydney recounts buying a $5,000 couch she couldn’t afford, prompted by her fiancé’s manipulations (“He said, ‘I’ll take you on a trip if you buy me this couch.’”) (21:40)
• Gecko breaks composure:
  “That’s fucking stupid. That’s insane.” (21:47)

Advice and Personal Growth

• Sydney recognizes she’s young (24) and needs to “take a couple months off and really just put some faith into myself and take advantage of free rent.” (27:34)
• Signs off with:
  “Peace and love. Geck bless.” (27:54)

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2. Jackson: Six Hour Commute & Family Abandonment

(Starts: 31:31)

The Commute Life

• Jackson used to spend six hours a day on a train, commuting to a job in Philadelphia while living with his fiancée’s parents to save on student loans.
• Initially, he found meaning in the commute: “I read more than I ever read in my life…made some of my favorite songs…just sit there and zone out.” (39:21)
• Eventually, the grind led to burnout (“I was drinking four Celsiuses a day,” 40:26), and he gratefully switched to a job with a “whole 30 minute” commute, regaining hours of his life.

Family Trauma & Rumble Streaming

• Jackson’s father, after years of unstable relationships and emotional neglect, becomes obsessed with right-wing live streaming on Rumble.
• Father’s streaming escalates to alcohol-fueled, nightly, often anti-social marathons, leading to abandonment of family obligations.
• The tipping point: On New Year’s, Jackson’s dad refuses to come inside to say goodbye because he’s busy streaming a 24-hour show.

“He wanted me to, like, go out there and like say bye to him to everyone on the stream.” (47:12)

• Emotional and physical isolation from extended family, orchestrated by his dad and stepmom, led to a ten-year estrangement from his sister and grandparents.
• Reunites with his sister and grandparents after college; learns the truth of past abuse and finds healing.

Healing and Moving Forward

• Therapy and family reconnection have led Jackson to a place of happiness:

  “I really am great… My sister was the one who was the secret photographer [for my engagement]. It felt like the perfect thing.”

• Offers advice:
  “Call everyone that you love and you know on a weekly basis now… it’s a big game changer.” (54:14)

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3. Jake: Life After a Catastrophic Motorcycle Accident

(Starts: 58:26)

The Accident

• Jake, 22, describes a cursed night ride where first, a near-miss with a turkey nearly beheaded him ("getting beheaded by a turkey on a motorcycle sounds kind of cool," Gecko quips, 61:27).
• Moments later, a runaway “Clydesdale-sized horse” nearly collides with them, then a deer runs into his motorcycle at 50 mph.
• He suffers a shattered tibia and fibula, foot twisted “completely backwards,” yet astonishingly maintains composure and calls for help.

The Changes It Brought

• Jake’s recovery puts him on disability, accidentally saving him from being forced out of his apprenticeship at a toxic workplace.
• Once healed, he bids onto a better position (“with people that want to teach me and to learn,” 67:20), staying in the field he loves.
• The accident, though traumatic, becomes a “blessing in disguise.” Had it not happened, his whole career and possibly his relationship trajectory would have diverged.

Reflections and Advice

• On safety: “Definitely have your head on a swivel… Never ride at night, or at least be very cautious.” (67:56)
• On motorcycles: Despite everything, Jake plans to keep riding, questioning if it’s “dedication or stupidity.” (69:37)
• Gecko:

  “It shows a lot of dedication…to almost die doing it and to just keep doing it.” (69:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Sydney: “I want to be with him, but I also don’t have anywhere else to go.” (06:42)
• Gecko: “Faith is a tough thing because you want to make your leaps of faith from a point of really, really strong clarity.” (16:09)
• Gecko (calling out rationalization): “Gambling is just addiction — just pulling a fucking lever like you're a rat.” (18:39)
• Sydney (personal growth): “I feel like I need to not blame myself right away and kind of give myself the benefit of the doubt.” (24:44)
• Jackson (on keeping in touch): “Even just like a 10-minute call to people you love… it's a big game changer.” (54:14)
• Jake: “The worst part is a turkey almost beheaded me flying out into the road.” (61:27)
• Gecko: “Getting beheaded by a turkey on a motorcycle sounds kind of cool.” (61:33)
• Jake: “It was not a good time at all.” (65:10)
• Gecko: “It shows a lot of dedication to your hobby, to almost die doing it and to just keep doing it.” (69:26)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:34 — Sydney joins to discuss her fiancé’s gambling and relationship fallout.
• 06:00 — Sydney unpacks blaming herself for the relationship’s issues.
• 12:31 — Existential crisis: questioning sexuality and commitment.
• 16:09 — Gecko philosophizes about faith and clarity in relationships.
• 21:38 — The $5,000 couch manipulation story.
• 23:12-24:09 — Gecko challenges Sydney to have faith in herself instead of her partner.
• 27:34 — Sydney resolves to “take a couple months off” for herself.
• 31:31 — Jackson’s story: six-hour commute, job changes, and music inspiration.
• 42:24 — Jackson details his father’s obsession with far-right streaming and the effects on their relationship.
• 53:27 — Jackson’s healing: renewed family connections, engagement, advice to listeners.
• 58:26 — Jake’s call begins — near-fatal motorcycle accident.
• 63:53 — Describes his grisly injury (“my toes were facing my ass”).
• 67:14 — How the accident forced a positive change in his career.
• 69:37 — “Either that or stupidity” — on riding again after the accident.

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Tone & Host’s Attitude

Gecko maintains a mix of absurdist humor, sincere curiosity, and philosophical musing. He affirms the significance of his callers’ struggles, openly admits the lack of “definitive answers,” and encourages honest self-reflection over easy advice. The podcast is equal parts a confessional, a support group, and an exercise in existential comedy.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Addiction and secrets can deeply destabilize relationships; facing truth is painful but necessary for healing.
• Sometimes, unplanned or traumatic detours inadvertently place us in healthier, happier circumstances.
• Calling and connecting with loved ones — even briefly — can have an outsized impact.
• Faith (either in others or yourself) is essential when standing at life’s crossroads, but making the leap should come from clarity, not compulsion.

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Final Words

Each guest ultimately walks away with a sense of agency — Sydney choosing to center her own healing, Jackson reclaiming his time and family, and Jake surviving disaster to find new direction. Gecko’s “therapy” is more about gentle provocation than answers, inviting all of us to reflect on what (and whom) we put our faith in, and reminding us that from suffering, perspective can grow.

“Faith, Love, Gambling. There it is.”
– Gecko (29:16)

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End of summary.

Transcript

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[Jackson]

Hi.

[Sydney]

Hello.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Hello there.

[Sydney]

Is this ly?

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Sydney]

Oh, Holy.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What's up? Hello. Has. What's your. What's your name?

[Sydney]

I'm Sydney.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Sydney Lyle.

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Nice to meet you, Sydney.

[Sydney]

We've met before actually, but we've never talked on the phone.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

I saw you sent me a photo of us meeting at. MacEwan when I did that show in Edmonton.

[Sydney]

Yes. Yep.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Dude, that was a good time. I mean it was. The show was fun. The city was one of the most depressing places I've ever been in my life.

[Sydney]

You came in a really depressing time.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah. Is Edmonton always like that? It's like gray and dark and scary.

[Sydney]

Oh, yeah, it's kind of always scary, but it's not always gray and dark.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Well, Sydney, what did you want to talk about today?

[Sydney]

Well, I messaged you because I recently found out that my fiance had a gambling addiction and kind of lost all of our money.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh shit.

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So he was playing with your money too?

[Sydney]

Well, he was looping me into financial situations that I guess I Wasn't. If had I been aware of the gambling, I would not have been footing the bills for so more or less.

[Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Sydney]

Gambling with my money because I was paying for things that I wouldn't have.

[Jake]

Wow.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So. Yeah. You want to talk about it? What, what did you get ripped into?

[Sydney]

Well, I hadn't gotten rid of my place until we got engaged. I had an apartment that I had set up all on my own, and I went ahead, got rid of that, moved in with him, and I hadn't really like checked over his finances. We had talked a lot about it. I trusted him thinking what he said was right, obviously. And it wasn't. He was gambling after I went to bed every night and just kind of stringing me along. And it was months and months of me kind of feeling like something is wrong until I put myself in the hospital because I thought I was going crazy. And then finally I realized he couldn't keep the secret anymore and he fessed up and. Yeah, we're. We're just kind of trucking through.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

I really hope they don't put a Prize Picks ad after this call. I told them not to do that anymore.

[Sydney]

No, those ads keep coming up now.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

For what? For on my show.

[Sydney]

No, no, no, no, no. Just like around our house. I feel like it's like, listen. They're listening.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Do you. Was that, what, what was it sports betting or was he like a casino guy? What was his thing?

[Sydney]

Bachrat Online?

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What is Bachra?

[Sydney]

It's like, I actually don't know, but it's a casino game. But I guess it gives more game than like just like hitting a button. So I think he felt like he could outsmart it. But you're not outsmarting that shit.

[Narrator or Guest on Cal Penn's Podcast]

So

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

it drove you crazy. You went to the hospital and how long ago was that?

[Sydney]

That was in May. Beginning of May.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. How you doing now?

[Sydney]

I'm doing better now. I feel a lot more clear headed. I feel kind of like I wasn't really the root of all these problems. And it feels kind of nice, but I don't like to blame him for it either.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Why did you think you were the root of his gambling problem?

[Sydney]

Well, I didn't know it was a gambling problem. I thought they were like just life problems that we were dealing with at the time. The gambling only came out really a couple weeks ago, but we were running into a lot of issues and I started to struggle financially and I felt like our communication was falling off and I'd been giving up like pieces of myself to kind of build this life together, and I was like, wow, everyone else is able to build lives together really easily. I'm putting in all this work, and I kind of felt like it was my fault.

[Jackson]

Hmm.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Are you guys still together?

[Sydney]

We're still together. I am currently there because I. Well, I want to be with him, but I also don't have anywhere else to go.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What do you mean by that?

[Sydney]

Well, more so, like, where I live, we just. We kind of just gave up everything that I had, and then when I did, that is when I found out about the gambling, so kind of put me in a bit of a tough position, something that I wouldn't have financially put myself in. So right now, I'm kind of leaning on him to. To be my. My roommate, I guess. Mm.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Do you feel like the issues that you guys had have been, like, sufficiently worked out?

[Sydney]

If the gambling could actually stop, then I think that that would hopefully solve.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh, he's. He's still. He's still. He's still gambling.

[Sydney]

No, I don't. I don't think he is. I think if it could permanent. I mean, like, it's a long time that I'm hoping this will. This is going to be a forever thing. So I got to. I got. I think I've got to see, like, a couple months of. Of progress, I guess, at least.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. And so what. I mean, what do you think?

[Sydney]

I got to see more progress.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah. What do you have in place for your communication about that?

[Sydney]

Oh, I've got the passwords.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

You got the passwords to the account?

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Sydney]

Yeah. Let's hope he doesn't open any other ones. But. But I. I'm logging in.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

I mean, so this is your. This is your fiance. Are you guys, like. Do you guys have, like, joint bank accounts together? Like, how financially intertwined exactly. Are you.

[Jackson]

No.

[Sydney]

So I. I kind of put the kibosh to that. That was what was coming up. And. And that's when he realized he couldn't weasel out of it anymore. He couldn't just kind of ask me for it or let me just pay for things. But. Yeah, no, we're separate accounts right now, and I'm keeping it as separate as possible. We were. We were making big purchases, obviously, because there's a wedding coming up, so those. Have. I put a stop to those?

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

How long have you guys.

[Sydney]

Not. Not exciting.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

How long have you guys been together?

[Sydney]

We've been together for three years.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

How much money did he lose?

[Sydney]

He hasn't given me a full number, honestly.

[Jackson]

Mm.

[Sydney]

He won't. He won't Drop a number.

[Jackson]

Hmm.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. And so what, when you kind of first like confronted him about this, what. How did he respond?

[Sydney]

Well, he was the one who came to me with it because we were supposed to do some landscaping on our house and he couldn't set the bill for it. And it was the next day and he wanted me to do something about it. I think he wanted me to pay for it, honestly. And he kind of came to me with the like kind of self pity and really apologetic, but I think he felt good to get it off his chest. But honestly, it kind of blew up everything for me. So his relief was now my burden, which kind of sucked.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So are. So who's paying for things? Are you guys like in a like a 50, 50 joint kind of thing or what? Like, what's going on?

[Sydney]

Well, he takes care of our house and then I really take care of everything else. Else. He had the home before and so it was kind of easy. He was just like, come on in, move in with me. And I think that was his way of easily letting me pay for everything else and not really have insights to our finances.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay.

[Sydney]

So he just made sure that our like mortgages paid off.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. So he. Well, okay, so he pays mortgage into a house that he owns.

[Sydney]

Mm.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

And so you essentially. Essentially you're living rent free in this guy's house and in return you're paying for everything else in your guys life.

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay.

[Sydney]

Which isn't a bad deal, honestly.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

No, it's not a bad deal.

[Sydney]

But if you were roommates, not partners.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Well, okay, you sent me a bunch of other stuff. Do you still want to talk about that?

[Sydney]

Oh, shit, that was a while. Not even that long ago.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

But it was like a month ago.

[Sydney]

Sure. Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay, well, you said. Let's see here. You wrote, I'm currently engaged and looking forward to starting this new chapter with my partner. I recently got out of the psych ward and ever since then I've been struggling with my sexuality, my place in this world, and the idea of committing myself to one person for the rest of my life. And then you wrote a lot. You're basically talking about how you're having an existential crisis about whether or not you are on the right path. Is that accurate?

[Sydney]

Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty accurate.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So what. I mean, if you still want to. I don't know if you still want to talk about this stuff, but what is it with your. Are you questioning your sexualities in the recent time?

[Sydney]

Well, this is all before I found out this stuff and I guess maybe I still am, but I felt maybe with, like, the communication or something, I was like, is this actually Jessica see the guy? Because I couldn't figure it out. I was like, he's not cheating on me. Everything felt good. And I couldn't put my finger on the gambling and how much that bled into other aspects of our lives. And so I was feeling, I guess, just really uncertain in myself, in our situation. And I guess there's a lot that I'm placing on this one instance.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

But I'm sorry, you said there's a lot. There's a lot that you're placing on

[Sydney]

this one instance or of him coming out with the gambling. I guess I'm putting a lot on it by saying that my identity was being ru or not ruined, but I didn't know who I was. But now I'm hoping that now that things are in the open, we can make mixed steps to being one. One person.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Sure. And listen, I. I personally, I mean, it's very easy. I don't really have answers to these questions. I think about things like this a lot. And it's very easy to be like, okay, well, let's just move on from this. And, you know, sometimes that's the right move. And then other times or situations where people are like, you know, something happens to the relationship that destabilizes that one partner breaches trust of some kind and they, you know, fix it, and then they come out with this, like, even more strong union sometimes because they went through that. And I don't. I don't in any way shape from discount that that happens. And I'm a little, you know, like you, I think existentially about this stuff. And I. I don't know if there's right or wrong answers or if there's just what you pick that aligns with how you're feeling. But, like, do you. What makes you feel like. Because you were also saying, like, I'm struggling with the idea of committing myself to one person for the rest of my life. And also the way in which the breach of trust with this person made you question your identity. What is it that's making you feel like you really want to commit to this?

[Sydney]

Well, I feel like I'm really meant to have a family and to commit my life to having a family.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay.

[Sydney]

I think maybe when I say, do I want to commit my life to one person? I think I have a hard time trusting my life with one person.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What do you mean?

[Sydney]

I guess, or like, the idea that somebody is going to take as good care of me as I would of them maybe.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah.

[Sydney]

Or that I would expect. Expect them to or want them to and not maybe feel disappointed or make them feel disappointed in themselves.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, dude, I think a lot about this stuff. I think commitment is a matter of faith at the end of the day. Like, do you have such great faith in this person and in this relationship that you're willing to make this leap of commitment and believe that this person will take care of you in the way that you take care of them? And faith is a tough thing because you want to make your leaps of faith from a point of really, really, really strong clarity. And it's hard to get to a point of really strong clarity, especially if you're a very kind of existential, overthinker kind of person. But I feel like clarity, something you gain, you gain it from perspective and from like searching within yourself to feel like if there, if there's an alignment in some way. So let me ask you this. The people in your life that you trust, do you have people aside, who do you have in your life that you trust?

[Sydney]

My mom and my sister are really close to me.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What do your mom and your sister think about your commitment to this person?

[Sydney]

They were surprisingly on board with me going along with all of it.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Really? And what did they say?

[Sydney]

Yeah, they, they. My mom at least I feel like, felt strongly in his using the gambling to better himself for me. And I guess that's how he was putting it is that he was really trying to build our life up and get ahead now. And I think she saw that in him and how it wasn't a malicious intent and how it was kind of of a desperation.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So your mom is like, oh, the gambling is just like an attempt to financially better himself for the purpose of the relationship.

[Sydney]

Yeah. And I think she's like, you know, okay. She might be like, oh, that's a little endearing. Like he's trying for you. Like, get over it.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. There's a version of that with truth, but gambling, there's a. Okay. My problem with that and as someone who like, you know, struggles with like, addictions in my own life is like, when you are. Let's say there's two brain. Let's say this guy's operating from two brains, right? There's like his clear, level headed, mature brain that's like, I'm going to take certain steps to better my life for the sake of the relationship, to gain new skills, to make more money and this and that. The other thing, right. Like, that's one thing and then the other. And then. But gambling is just addiction. It's just like pulling a fucking lever like you're a rat. And so there's not a lot of. It's a version of the brain that is not exactly driven by rational thought, you know? And so I. I, for that reason, don't go along with the idea that he was just doing it to better himself and for the relationship, especially if he's, like, doing it behind your back and, like, trying to. And especially if he's doing it behind your back. Like, it's just not. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. What'd your sister say?

[Sydney]

My sister. She's a little more on my side, or I guess there's not really sides, but she is more like, what do you want to do? She's looking to me and kind of like, oh, that really sucks. And she was along with me throughout. Kind of like the issues that we'd been going through. Like, I bought almost a $5,000 couch that I was not wanting to buy with the intention that there would be income coming our way.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Why did you buy it? Why did you. Why do you. Why did you buy a $5,000 couch that you didn't want to buy?

[Sydney]

Well, we. We looked at it. We said, yeah, we want it. And he works away. So we got the call to go, hey, the couches in. If you want to pay for it and get it, now's the time. And so I was like, awesome. I tell him this. He's like, cool. Can you just go? We'll pay for it. Well, because I'm away. And I was just like. I was not super stoked about that. I was like, I don't really want to drop money on this couch. Didn't expect this to be my couch and money.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay.

[Sydney]

And he's like, well, I'll take you on a trip.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

He said, I'll take you on a trip. Yeah, if you buy me this couch.

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. I've been being very. I've been being, like, pretty amiable this entire conversation, but that's really. That's fucking stupid. That's insane.

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Let me tell. Let's. Let me go back to our conversation about faith, because there's two ver. In a situation like this, There's. Faith can be applied in two directions. And again, I'm no. I'm no genius. I don't know. Some things work out. Whatever. But here's the question. Do you want to put your faith in this guy and the universe, or do you Want to put your faith in sort of yourself and the universe and the idea that if you move on and go into a different direction with your life, with a different person, that you will be okay? That's all. That's a. That's a. That's your same amount of faith applied in a different direction, and that's something to consider, too. So you have to. So from this position, you have to make a leap of faith, and you decide, okay, do I have faith in this guy, that he'll take care of me and he'll this and everything, and you kind of already know in your gut what the answer is, right?

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

And then there's faith in yourself, where it's like, okay, do I believe in my own abilities? Do I believe in my locus of control to make my life better? Do I believe in an abundant universe filled with many people that I will connect with and engage with? And by the way, dude, listen, I'm going on this rant right now, but it's hard to have leaps of faith in the direction. It's really hard to make these decisions, but we should make them intentionally.

[Narrator or Guest on Cal Penn's Podcast]

So

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

just figure out what you're aligned with, because you could make a big mistake by hitching your horse to something if you really, really feel like it's not aligned with you.

[Sydney]

I like that I heard somebody say, I believe in love because I am love, and I can give love. And I feel like that's kind of what you're. What you're going with. And I feel like I need to have more faith in myself. And kind of. When I. When I put myself in the hospital, I think that was kind of one of my. One of my things why I feel better now is because I can place it elsewhere. And I feel like I need to do that from the start. I feel like I need to not blame myself right away and kind of give myself the benefit of the doubt.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah. I mean, how could you think that your fiance's gambling addiction was your fault?

[Sydney]

Well, it wasn't the gambling addiction that I thought was his fault. I thought I was financially not. I just wasn't financially doing as well. And I just felt like my emotional going downhill and kind of just our communication and our wedding planning was, like, always at a stop and a start because he kind of was keeping me at, like, a arm's length that I couldn't really get into his finances. So he was keeping it bare minimum. And I was, like, really excited to do all these things right when we got engaged, but I felt like he really Backed away.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Sydney, your name is.

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

How old are you?

[Sydney]

I'm 24.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

You're 24?

[Sydney]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh, my God. All right, Sydney, Sydney, Dude, dude, come on. How old is this guy?

[Sydney]

He's 27.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay, dude, Sydney, listen. Sic. I'm. I'm not. I'm not gonna tell you what to do with your life in a big decision such as this one. However, I would if I were you. Try to look at life as a long thing and. Have a little faith in yourself and the universe. Because if you. Because you want to have a kid with this guy, right?

[Sydney]

Yeah. Hope.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

That's the whole thing.

[Sydney]

One day.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

That's the whole thing. Because that's a whole other thing, man. That's like, you know, that's way. That's more finances. That's more. It just takes all these problems. It levels them to 8 billion. And also, you're so young, man. I mean, that's like. It's a. It's very young to settle, I would say. But. But again,

[Sean Duffy]

just.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Just, Just, Just do some mewing upon. Do some. Do some mewing upon what it would be like to have faith in yourself and then what it would be like to have faith in this guy and try to make an informed decision.

[Sydney]

I like that. Feel like I'm gonna take a couple months off and really just put some faith into myself and take advantage of free rent.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

All right, man. Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?

[Sydney]

Just peace and love. Geck bless.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Thank you, Sydney. Gek bless. I will. I'll see you around the universe. Good luck in Edmonton.

[Sydney]

Thank you. I'll see you.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

See you, dude.

[Sydney]

Bye.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

That was Sydney. Oh, man. You know what it is? You know what it is, man? Is like, I know I listen to other. There's a. I listen to other advice podcasts sometimes or things, and I don't, by the way, I don't really. I don't consider this an advice podcast. This is a gecko talking to people podcast. I try. I don't. I don't really like. I mean, shit comes up naturally, but I don't look at this as, like, call me and I will tell you the answer podcast. I've listened to shows that are like, call me. I'll tell you the answer podcast. And they're definitive. They're like, no, you totally shouldn't do that. Sometimes I'm. And I think it's reflective of who they are because I'm a very. Like, when I analyze every. When I really like when I really kind of look at the universe and how everything works out. I don't feel like there really are no right or wrong answers. But then also sometimes I feel like that's cope and there are totally wrong and right answers. This is cope. But yeah, think about it. Faith, Love, Gambling. There it is.

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[Cal Penn]

See Terms hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Narrator or Guest on Cal Penn's Podcast]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Cal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and I Heart Audio Base Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your Podcasts.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Hello.

[Jackson]

Yes, hello.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Hi. What's your name?

[Jackson]

My name is Jackson.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Jackson. Jackson, Florida. Jackson was the name of Miley Stewart's brother in the. In Hannah Montana. What's that guy up to? Because we know what Billy Ray Cyrus is doing, right? He's, like, famous. But what's the brother doing? Hold on.

[Jackson]

The brother.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

No, he's not. I think my size has a real brother. But this is, like, her cartoon brother in the show.

[Jackson]

In the show, yeah, in the show.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What was his name? Jason Earls. Whoa.

[Jackson]

Right.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Jason Earl. Okay.

[Cal Penn]

He's four.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh. He's almost 50. He has a child. He's married. Well, he's only five. Five. I remember him being taller.

[Sydney]

That's cool.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Damn. If Jason Earls can do it, we can all do it. That's awesome.

[Cal Penn]

Let's see.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What's he doing? What's he doing now? Is he. Oh, wait, he has a. Wait, he has a podcast. He has a.

[Jackson]

Of course he does.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

He has a Best of Both. He has a podcast. It's called Best of Both Worlds, and it's a Hannah Montana rewatch podcast. Have you ever seen anything like that? Like, you ever watch, like, you know how, like, the. The Neds. Declassified kids have a thing that they do. I call him Kids.

[Jackson]

That's the only one I've heard of. I didn't. I had no idea that he had one for Montana. I mean, is it. He just sits there and watches the episode? Is that it?

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Let's. Let's hold on. Let's. Sorry. I know I'm supposed to be doing my own podcast right now, but let's look at this. Let's look at Jason Earls podcast. It's the Hannah Montana. It's an unofficial Hannah Montana rewatch podcast.

[Jackson]

Um, unofficial.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay, this. He looks like he's having fun. He looks like he's having a good time. I don't know who's on. I guess I remember him.

[Sean Duffy]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What do you remember about him?

[Jackson]

I remember him being. I. I mean, I was pretty young. Like, I remember my sister loved Hannah Montana, but I never, like, sought it out, but I remember always thinking he was funny. Was he also on that show Kicking it? Was that. Is that the same guy or am I.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

You know, I have Jason. I have Jason Earl's Wikipedia page up right now, so I can. Yes, he was on a show called Kicking It. He was. He directed four episodes. He directed four.

[Jackson]

Look at that.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

You want. You want to. Something crazy. Okay, this is the last thing I'll say about Jason Earls, who played Hannah Montana's brother on the Hannah Montana sitcom. The last thing I will say about him, get this, he was my age. He was 28 years old when he played Hannah Montana's brother. Guess how old Hannah Montana's brother is supposed to be in the show. Guess how old the character's supposed to be.

[Jackson]

17.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

16.

[Jackson]

Oh, and he was 28.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Dude, you know what's crazy? Wait, hold on. I gotta look back at. There's no way he looked 16 while he was doing it.

[Jake]

He did.

[Jackson]

He. He's a young. He was a young looking guy. I feel like I remember that.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Jackson, what made you want to call me today? We can talk about your life.

[Jackson]

Oh, wait.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh, holy. Wait, you're calling me back. Oh, wait, hold on. I called you?

[Jackson]

Yeah, you've called me a couple times. And I've been at work and I missed it and holy.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay, we've never. Wait, okay, we've never. We've never spoken on the phone before, right?

[Jackson]

Oh, no. You've read one of my emails.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. You've been, you know, you texted me. I've been trying to call you. I just do this thing now where I record the podcast by calling back people who texted me like three days ago. It's a very inefficient and stupid way of doing this, but. Okay, you. Okay, all right, let me set the scene here. I mean, you sent me two interesting things, but let's talk about the first one. You emailed me on geckmail, like however long ago, and you told me that you have a job where you do a three hour commute two ways, correct?

[Jackson]

That is correct. And actually sometimes it was more than three hours, so.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

And so you're. So you're spending six hours in a train or a car.

[Jackson]

It was a train. Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay. Spending six hours in a train. And you told me that you really enjoyed having a six hour round trip commute to work every day.

[Jackson]

You know, when you say it out loud, it makes me sound absolutely insane.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

It makes you sound absolutely insane. And that's what I was talking about when I read the email is I was like, that's. This is insane. Why do you do this? And then I think you sent me, maybe you sent me another email being like, call me. A lot of the times people send me emails and they're like, call me if. You know, I don't usually really do that. You know, like the email to just be the email. But this was one where I was like, I gotta know why the. You did that.

[Jackson]

Yeah, I mean, I can go over it. I can go over.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Please.

[Jackson]

Why I was doing it.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Please, Please.

[Jackson]

I guess yeah, I'll just start where my, my fiance and I, well girlfriend at the time were living in Philly and actually I went to one of your shows. We both went to one of your shows. We were in Philly. It was great. Sweet.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Thank you.

[Jackson]

And so we have. Yeah we were living in Philly. We both graduated from college and degrees that got us a fair bit of student loans. So we were in Philly for about man. So we graduated in 2024 and then yeah those end of last year when we were like we need to do something. Like we're barely Philly obviously, you know, is expensive, any city is but everything the cost is rising. So we were like we got to do something and like to save some money. Like we want to get these student loans, we want to like see the world, we want to do so much stuff. But we felt really tied down. So we, we moved in with my fiance's parents who live about like depends if you take the tolls way because Pennsylvania Turnpike is real expensive. But it's about like two or three hour drive. So we, we moved in with them and I was working a job that I was. I had like a hybrid schedule so I would work two, two or three days a week from home. And I thought like in my head like I, I liked the job. Like it was in the like sector of like what my, my degree was and like I was very lucky to get it right out of college because you know a lot of people kind of struggle a bit to find a job. So I was like, I wanted to stay and like my manager was super great. Like everyone I worked with was awesome. Like yeah, it's totally worth it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna just take the train. I'm gonna get up at 5am in the morning and have my fiance's dad drive me to the train station. I'm going to take a two hour train to a train stop near my job in Philly and then I'm going to take an Uber if it's. Well it was the dead of winter so yeah, I had to take an Uber. I couldn't walk to my job and then work eight hours and then take an Uber to train station, one of the regional rails and then take a regional train to 30th street in Philly and then take a train back to Harrisburg and then have someone pick me up at like 9:00 clock at night.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

That's insane.

[Jackson]

Yeah. And I mean it it was insane. And I think I was insanely optimistic. I wasn't very optimistic at the start. Like, I knew it was going to be tough, but.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

No, see I, but I remember in the, in the email, you, you enjoyed it.

[Jackson]

Yeah, at the start. Because I think I can't remember exactly when I sent that email, but I believe that was like a couple weeks into when I was doing it. And I, I did enjoy like sitting on the train. Like I read more than I ever read in my life. I was like writing, like I love writing. Like I make music. I was, I made some of like my favorite songs I've ever made from like writing lyrics on the train. A lot of it was like train and travel based. But like, it gave me a lot of inspiration that way and I was just, it was nice to just sit there and zone out. But like the way there was a lot better than on the way back. Like, I just want to be home. I just want to like be with my family. I just want to like it. The first couple of weeks was doable and like I was like, yeah, this is fine. Like I'm, I have some extra time to do stuff. But yeah, after, definitely after I sent that email, like a couple weeks like into the new year, I was like, yeah, I need to find a new job. Like, I can't do this. Like it's. I was so burnt out. I was drinking like four Celsiuses a day.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh yeah. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. Okay, so what do you do now?

[Jackson]

Yeah, so in. When was that? March. I got a new job near here, near Harrisburg, which is about. And my commute is a whole 30 minutes, 30 minute drive. So it's like I felt like I gained a new life. Like I have, I was. So I was doing that train commute from December of 2025 to end of March 2026. So a good couple months. And yeah, like just the amount of time that I feel like I've gotten back, I, I can like go home and it's five o' clock and the sun is still out and I can, I don't. I've. Yeah, I mean there's a lot of stuff I've gotten into since, since having a normal schedule again.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

You're, you're, you're telling me that your life has gotten expanded and improved by having five and a half extra hours a day.

[Jackson]

Isn't that crazy? But I will say I have been playing like I haven't made as. I haven't been as musically inspired so I think I lost some musical inspiration, but that's. You know, I. I think you got to give and take some things, so,

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

you know, I get. No, I get it. I get it. I mean, I like. I also. I like being in transit as well. I feel like it's a good excuse to, like, let your brain sort of dwindle. You know, it's like you. There's no. There's no pressure. There's not a lot of pressure. Like, you're in. Because you're in. Like, your body feels like it's being productive because it's physically moving somewhere.

[Jackson]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So it's not as much pressure, but six hours. A little overkill. I'm glad that you found a nice balance to your life. Well, you tested me. Another thing that I want to ask you about. Yeah, you said that. You said your dad abandoned you to become a Rumble streamer.

[Jackson]

Yeah. Yep. That is the unfortunate truth.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Okay, for those who don't know, Rumble is like the. How would you describe Rumble? Rumble's sort of like a. It's sort of right wing, right?

[Jackson]

Yeah. It's like the twitch for extreme far right conservatives.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah.

[Advertisement Disclaimer Voice]

Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Twitch for extreme far right conservatives.

[Jackson]

Yeah. I mean, this. This goes back a couple years where, I mean, I've had a whole bunch of family problems, and, like, it would. It would take a long time to explain, and I'm not the best with storytelling and with my words, so I think it'd be kind of jumbled. But, yeah, I mean, he. I. I always had a good relationship with my dad, so him and my biological mom got divorced when I was, like, three, so I don't even, like, know my mom. I never remembered my mom. So I was, like, raised, like, half by my dad and half by my grandparents. My grandparents are, like, the best people in the world. And so I've. I was, like, close with him, but never, like, never like those people who are like, oh, yeah, I, like, tell my parents everything. Like, I. They're my best friend. Like, I never really felt like that. And he. He. Throughout the years, like, when I was in elementary school and middle school, he had, like, different women around that he got, like. He got engaged to one woman, and then the engagement fell out, and then he started dating this other woman and didn't work. And then, like. So I always had, like, a warped perception of, like, motherhood throughout my youthful years, which wasn't nice. Um, but it goes down to the point where we get to the point where he marries this final woman. We'll call her sue, and she like, everything was good at first. She's. She had her own two sons and a daughter who become like, who became my step siblings. And they were great. Everything was like fine and dandy. Like a great blended family at first. And I have one biological sister that like, same mom, same dad. And she was very like troubled, like mentally in. In her youth where actually not even very troubled. She was just like depressed and had some like self harm issues and like, and stuff like that. Like kind of like sometimes normal teen behavior that like, oh, you're like a rebel kind of. But like, she was. She was very like, would stay here in a room all day, like eat in her room and whatever. Like, wasn't the cleanest, which is fine. You know, like, she was a kid. Like, we didn't have the best upbringing, so it wasn't like an insane issue in my eyes at least, like looking back at it now, obviously as I'm older, but I. I don't know how I can. How do I word this? At the time I didn't know this, but I. My dad and sue were like, not treating my sister the very best and they were like, they were abusing her. And I had no idea at the time, like, I was a kid, whatever. And. Okay, sorry, I'm kind of rambling. I'm nervous. I'm talking to therapy Gecko.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

No, that's all right. Fucking. Well, what is your. Well, okay, well, we can do it as more of a conversation if that would be easier.

[Jackson]

Yeah, yeah, I think that would be better for me.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

What does your dad stream on Rumble?

[Jackson]

He does. Like, it's. It's like a live podcast. It's kind of just him talking to the camera and like he has these other random Internet people that he met online and they just kind of talk. That's. And he has like, obviously he is very right lean and conservative and he. They talk about stuff like that and talk about politics and like get angry at stuff like that. Mm.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Do you ever watch it?

[Jackson]

Yeah. Well, that's the thing. In the beginning, he started streaming while I still had a relationship with him. Yeah. So I was like. I would even like take part out. Like he had this thing and like he built like this shed, like gazebo thing in the backyard where he would stream outside and like, I. Sometimes I would even like go up and like be in it.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Be like, what's up, Chad? How you guys doing?

[Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah. And this was like like two or three years ago. So he would. It was like fairly normal at first. Just like, oh, like, this is Fun. My dad's like doing live streaming or whatever. But then it just got to a point where he was like, he would go to work, come home, stream for the rest of the night, not talk to anybody. And then just like. And also, I mean the main, the main talking point of his stream is like alcohol, like bourbon and stuff. So he would just get drunk every single day, go on stream. Every Friday he'd stay up to like 3am talking to these random people online. Whoa. And it was just not, not good. And I know the what kind of was the breaking point for me was New Year's of 2024. Yeah. So the year before I graduated I was visiting for New Year's, like the Christmas break or whatever from school and I was leaving. Actually he does like a 24 hour stream every New Year's Eve and that's crazy. All his online friends and he like I was leaving like to go back to Philly to go back living with my, my girlfriend at the time and he just like wouldn't come inside and say bye to me because like oh like I'm streaming. He's like, oh, I'm like I'm streaming. And he wanted me to like go out there and like say bye to him like everyone on the stream.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

And like that sounds man, you know, I can't wait till I have a kid and I can, I can get drunk all the time and ignore them to live stream myself as a gecko talking to people.

[Jackson]

Yeah, it was very strange and it just, it got to the point where the, an amalgamation of that, of him being obsessed with streaming and all the stuff that I found out from, you know, my family, like what he and my stepmom did. My sister.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah. I mean that's, I mean that's crazy man. When's the last time you talked to him?

[Jackson]

Oh, it's over two years now. Mm.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Do you, do you. Does your sister still talk to him? Does like anyone in the family still talk to him?

[Jackson]

No, he. That's one of the things when I was still part of that household like him and my stepmom, they isolated us from everyone else in my family. Like my grandparents, my aunt, like my cousins. So like they told us that like they were the bad people that like. Oh those like I would go and like walk my dog to my grandparents house because we lived literally down the street from them and I'd walk the dog to my grandparents house and when I'd come back they'd like be angry at me that I went to see my grandparents. Um, and so during that time, from, I guess, like 2015, a whole, like, 10 years, I didn't see, like, any of the rest of my family. Like, I missed Thanksgivings, like, birthdays, all this stuff. Like, just because in that house, my dad and my stepmom were telling us that, yep, there are the bad people there and stay away from them. And my sister, actually, they kicked her out, and she moved in with my grandparents when she turned 18. So I didn't see my sister either for about 10 years. And only after the. I graduated and I started to learn these things, I started to see, like, the truth. I, like, reconnected with my sister, and she told me everything. Like, and I reconnected with my grandparents, and then they told us everything. And, like, you know, there always is, like, two sides to every story. And it's just my dad and my stepmom, like, never gave proof of anything. They all. I just told us, yep, this happened. But, like, there's. My sister had, like, video proof, photo proof, like, Facebook posts that my stepmom made on, like, a stepmom Facebook group saying, oh, my stepdaughter is the worst person in the world. And she, like, would tear through her room and stuff. Like, yeah, it was just. Okay, it was really bad. Like, I lost 10 years with them, but luckily, about two years ago, okay, I reconnected with all them, and we're, like, super close now.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So how are you doing now? Are you doing better? Are you doing good?

[Jackson]

I'm doing fantastic. I really am great. Like, it really did hit me really hard, like, in 2024, like, end of that year, like, I started going to therapy because of all the stuff that just got unraveled in the amount of months, like, the small amount of months. And yeah, like, I've, like, I said I've retouched my sister. I call her, like, every week. She actually one of, like, the favorite things that's happened in the past two years. I. I proposed to my. My girlfriend and my fiance back in October of last year. Thank you. And my sister was the one who was, like, the secret photographer. Like, she was the one hiding in the bushes. And I had this whole plan where, like, I set up a picnic beforehand at this park, and she, like, got up at 7am, set up everything, hid in the bushes, and was like. And captured the moment. And, like, it was just. It just felt like the perfect moment, like, the perfect thing to happen, like, reconnecting my sister. And, like, my fiance has been with me through every single step of this, and she's been the best person that could I possibly have next to me. So like it was. Yeah, it was really great. It was just cool, man. It was unfortunate that a couple months later I had to start that six hour commute, which dumb things down a bit.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, I'm glad that you. I'm GLAD it's only 30 minutes now, Jackson. Yeah, thanks for sharing all of this, man. Was. Did it feel good to talk about.

[Jackson]

Yeah, it did because I haven't talked about it in a while and I have started. It's funny, I've started to think about those things recently again. Like I try to push them out of my mind but they start to, you know, they pop up every once in a while. So yeah, it's always good to talk about it. And I'm not the bit of a rambler. I'm not like the best talker. So it was good to get it out. And obviously talking to you, it's been great, dude.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Jackson]

Yeah, I mean, I've started to. To call everyone that I love and I know on a weekly basis now and it's been like such a game changer. Like even just calling my uncle that I barely talk to, like just catching up with everyone. Just if that's like one thing I could tell people to do, like that would. It's. It's such like a simple task and you wouldn't think much of it, but even just like a 10 minute call to people you love every day or once a week, once a month, whatever. Yeah, it's, it'll. It's a big game changer, so.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Well, thanks for calling Jackson and good luck. Good luck with the rest of your entire life.

[Jackson]

Thanks, Geck. Yeah, it's great talking to you and I'm. I'm a bit nervous and rambling, but yeah, it's been great. And I want to go to see one of your other live shows, so.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh, cool, man.

[Jackson]

I know you're back in Philly again soon.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

I'm back in Philly, man. Come hang. That'd be cool.

[Apple Mac Ad Voice]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

If we meet in person, I'll be. Yeah, we meet in person, I'll be like, you're the guy with a dad on Rumble.

[Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah. When I did meet you in Philly two years ago and you said you liked my green shirt, so.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Fuck you. Fuck yeah. Wear it again.

[Jackson]

Yeah, I still have it. I also have actually I have your merch shirt that I got from that.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh, hell yeah. Thanks, man. Thanks, man.

[Jackson]

So I'm gonna wear that.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Thanks, man. I'll see you. I'll see you in Philly. Hopefully, man. You take care.

[Jackson]

All right. Thanks, Keck. You too.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Bye, Jackson.

[Jackson]

Bye.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

That was Jackson.

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[Cal Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary, massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Narrator or Guest on Cal Penn's Podcast]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Cal Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jake]

Hello?

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Hey, what's up, man?

[Jake]

Oh, my God. I can't believe I actually get to doc you. How's it going?

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

How's it going? You know, it's going, it's going good, man. I'm, I'm properly caffeinated. I'm properly medicated. In this particular moment, I'm feeling like my brain is fully ready to engage with whatever you have to throw at it. So I'm.

[Jake]

Oh, hell yeah, I'm.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

I'm present. I'm not always present. I don't always do a good job. I fucked up with the. I don't know if you listen to the podcast, but the guy last week who I, I, I, I cut off his story because I wanted to have a conversation with him. I'm not, I'm not perfect, but I'm here, I'm trying. We're gonna. I feel ready. It's, you know, it's. I'm not always 100%. I can show up at at least four, but I feel ready right now. So let's do it. Let's be here. I'm ready to talk to you.

[Jake]

Um, cool.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

I will, you know what? I'll cut you. I'll cut someone off again. I'll do it again. I'll do it again. No, I'm just kidding. That guy was fine. That guy was cool. I, I liked it. I liked that guy. I liked that guy that I cut off. He was a good guy. Okay, sorry, I'm, I'm getting too meta. What's up, man? What's your name?

[Jake]

Uh, Jake.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Jake.

[Jake]

Jake. Jake.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Jake. You texted me and you said, you said, I'd like to talk about a motorcycle accident involving a deer that changed the direction of my life.

[Jake]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Um, so basically last year, like July 18th, I got home from work and my buddy already planned on going on a bike ride. And I got a hold of him like, yo, you want to go on a, like a different route than what he planned? He's like, sure. So then I got home and I never night ride. I never go out at dark or anything. I have a 2006 Harley Davidson diamond Super Glide. Nice little motorcycle. And anyways, we go up north. I'm from northern New York, and our trip was supposed to be like two hours. And because, you know, he wanted to stop for fuel and we stopped and got some food. We were 30 minutes north of. I live with my parents. I'm 22. We were 30 minutes north of my parents house and basically. Well, let me back up, hold on. So basically we went by a well known location up north, northern New York, a lake by chance, I'm not going to say where, but went by that. And first of all, this is the worst part, or one of the worst parts is a turkey almost beheaded me flying out into the road. Yeah, it just came from the shoulder out of nowhere. Well, that was terrifying because way back in the day some, my parents know somebody way back in the day locally that got beheaded by a turkey on a motorcycle and died.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So like getting beheaded, getting beheaded by a turkey on a motorcycle sounds kind of cool.

[Jake]

Yeah. So then fast forward that happens and then we keep going and eventually we stop and get some food and then we start heading on home. And I didn't know where the I was because, sorry, but I didn't know where I was. It was dark and he's ahead of me, I'm near the shoulder, he's near the middle of the road. And we're coming up on like this, there's like a road sign. I look, I'm like, okay, I know

[Jackson]

where I am now.

[Jake]

And as I look back, he's flashing his brake lights. And what's walking across the road is a Clydesdale sized horse. Mind you, it's pitch black outside and there is a horse that broke out of an Amish field, literally walking right across the road. And he almost got, you know, he almost hit it and then I had to swerve. And then literally not even a minute down the road from that, I took lead because he was scared shitless, mind you. We had intercoms and my intercom, the bed in our helmets or my helmet. So then I couldn't talk to him. He's freaking out. I take lead. And then literally a minute down the road from that, I'm going like 50. Because then eventually he started to catch up to me because he wanted to take lead again and literally going 50 miles an hour. The deer came from the left side of the road, out of the shoulder, freaking hit me. I went down, it ricked a shade and hit him. Its head smacked his head and then his body, body slammed his leg into his gas tank. But he luckily didn't go down because if he would have went down, he would have hit the wire guardrail would have died. And then I luckily didn't go over my handlebars or anything. I just went down and I ended up breaking my tibula or tibia, whatever the. And my fibula like the both big bones down there. And then also completely ripped my foot out of its socket and like, tore all the muscles and ligaments.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Geez, man.

[Jake]

Yeah, so. So my bike went down and it rode on its crash bar. Thank God for like 130ft. And there was also a car tailgating us. So I immediately, as soon as I hit the ground, I knew my leg was destroyed. I got up and I started hopping on one leg. That's where wrestling in high school came in handy because I got good balance. I hopped on my one leg all the way to my bike, and I laid down and I look up, my foot is just hanging upside down, and I can still move my toes and everything.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Wait, what do you mean your foot is hanging upside down?

[Jake]

Like, I'm laying on the ground and I'm looking at it, and my foot, like, you know, like, you know, if you lift your leg up and look at your foot, it should be up. My toes were completely facing the opposite direction, like completely backwards, dangling, touching the ground, and my foot wasn't even touching the ground or my. My leg.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

So you're so. So your toes were completely separate. I'm trying to get a visual here. So you're.

[Jake]

No, no.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Separated from your leg?

[Jake]

No, no, no, no, no. So like, say you're lying on your back and then you bring your leg up to a 90. You know how, like, your foot is, like, straight up? My foot was completely flipped the other way backwards. So, like, my toes were facing my ass.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Oh, gee.

[Jake]

Yeah. And then I ended up calling my old lady. Well, I mean, my fiance now. And then I got a hold of my parents, and then the people behind me called 911 and they came up with their phone and everything. And here I am, double fist and phones right in front of me, just trying to freaking tell people what's going on. And they're like, can you move your toes? And I'm like, yeah. So not a good time. Not. Not a good time at all.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Now why do you tell me about. I mean, obviously, you know, an injury is going to change what's going on with you in some degree. But the way you phrased it, you said, this changed the direction of my life. How did that happen?

[Jake]

So, like, like I. In the career that I'm in, I was basically, without giving away too, Too much information. I do line work, like lineman, stuff like that, like power lines. And basically I was at the point in my apprenticeship where I was stationed, where they basically told me. And it doesn't help because the people I'M only as good as you can teach me. And the people are with, do not want to. Did not want to teach, did not want to do anything, and just on me all the time. So they basically were telling me, you need to get the out of here. And I was going to go to a different job, and then there's no guarantee of coming back to it. Well, then literally, like, this accident happened, and then it put me on disability and I didn't end up getting that other job. And then for the grace of God, you know, when I eventually healed up in, like, December, I bid another job to get out of where I was, to come back home. And I still was allowed to continue because now I'm in a different location. So, like, had this accident not have happened, I would have went and did something completely different. And it would have changed, like, a bunch of different things, like, going forward. Like, I would have ended up going to Maine and proposing to my fiance there because I had an Airbnb on a private island for six nights. That would have happened. But because this accident happened, it didn't happen. And that's just like, an example of things that change. And then now I'm on trajectory to, you know, go further in my apprenticeship and everything looks good for the future. But again, like, had the accident not happened, I would have been in a completely different department. Wouldn't even be doing what I'm doing now.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

And are you happy that you're doing what you're doing now?

[Jake]

Oh, yeah. 100. Cool. I'm back home.

[Jackson]

I'm.

[Jake]

I live with my parents, as of right now, back home, learning a lot and with people that want to teach me and to learn. So that's, you know, and I want to learn and these guys want to teach me, and that's. That's a recipe for, you know, greatness. You know what I mean?

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Cool, man. Do you have any advice to. Before we go, do you have any advice to people out there who ride motorcycles on how to not get on how to not get injured and die or get beheaded by a turkey?

[Jake]

Definitely have your head on a swivel. I mean, my head wasn't on a. So for that turkey, but. And then definitely don't ever ride at night or at least be, I guess, very cautious and just be aware of your surroundings. That's really what ended up happening, was him and I weren't really aware. And like I said, I don't ever night ride and I don't ever suggest it. I mean, if you're in a city that's fine, but out in the country where we were, you know, anything could happen.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Maybe in the city. I mean, it's like, so populated. Yeah. But there's also to, like. I don't know. Yeah, I'm biased because I'm not. I'm anti motorcycle in general, but. Well, I don't know. Do you still ride motorcycles?

[Jake]

Actually. I mean, I haven't read it since, but I just sent my bike to get fixed because I was thinking of either selling or. It's a collector's edition. It's a FX35 Dyna Super Glide. It's a red, white, and blue, blah, blah, blah, numbered whatever. Haven't ridden it, but my dad took it last or last year to get inspected. And there's a shake in the front end pretty bad. Probably just the forks or something or whatever because like I said, all I did was just hit the deer and then it went on its crash bar. So really, it shaved the crash bar and everything. But it might. Forks that are messed up. I don't know. But no, I haven't written it since, but I still plan on riding it.

[Cal Penn]

Respect.

[Jake]

Crazy times.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Respect. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it shows a lot of dedication to. To your hobby, to almost die doing it and to just keep doing it.

[Jake]

Either that or stupidity.

[Jackson]

I mean.

[Jake]

Yeah, either that poison, you know?

[Jackson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Jake, anything else you want to say to the folks of the computer before we go?

[Jake]

No, I just. Very grateful to be able to talk to you. I never really thought I'd ever actually be able to get to talk to you, so it's pretty, pretty cool. And I've listened to you for a while and everything. I mean, I didn't listen to the podcast. Yeah. That you were talking about in the beginning.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Yeah, sorry. Sorry for complaining. Sorry.

[Jake]

No, no, you're good. Every day when I was driving, I was listening to the podcast and I would try to contact, then never got a hold of you, but I'm like, man, someday that'd be cool.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Thanks, man. Appreciate you sharing your story, man. Stay safe. Don't, don't, don't die. I always get all freaked out when people are, like, talking about, what are motorcycles at? Extreme sports and things. But where a helmet.

[Jake]

It was even going that fast either, you know, it's just like 50 miles an hour. Wham.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

Wear a helmet, don't die. And I'll see you around the universe, Jake.

[Jake]

All righty. Have a good one.

[Gecko (Podcast Host)]

You too, man. Take care.

[Jackson]

Yep.

[Jake]

Bye.

[Sean Duffy]

I'm U.S. transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. We all get distracted when we drive whether it's from our phones or kids in the backseat bickering, but how we handle these distractions can be a matter of life or death. Before you get on the road for your next road trip, please put your phones on silent and take a mental note to focus on driving. Paid for by NHTSA

[Ryan Reynolds]

I love my

[Jackson]

phone but not my carrier. What do I do?

[T-Mobile Representative]

Well, there are 250 reasons to join T Mobile.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like what?

[T-Mobile Representative]

You can keep your phone and your number and T Mobile helps pay it off up to $800 per line.

[Jackson]

So I wouldn't have to buy a new phone? Yep.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Plus your plan price stays the same for 5 years on experience plans.

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[Cal Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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