Transcript
Leesa (0:00)
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Lenovo (1:03)
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Matt Rogers (1:32)
This is Matt Rogers from.
Bowen Yang (1:33)
Lost Culturesis with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Save the date for you're Cordially Invited, a hilarious new wedding comedy starring Will Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon.
Matt Rogers (1:42)
Chaos ensues when two weddings are accidentally booked on the same weekend at the same venue. Uh oh.
Bowen Yang (1:47)
Will Ferrell plays the father of the bride and Reese Witherspoon is the sister of the other bride, and they go head to head to make sure the ones they love get their special day.
Matt Rogers (1:56)
Together on scre time Ever. It's Feral versus Witherspoon. Chaos comedy and alligator wrestling await you, and you're cordially invited.
Bowen Yang (2:05)
Watch January 30th on Prime Video.
Matt Rogers (2:07)
Hello, welcome to Geck Mail. It is a thing where I read mail as a gecko, and I'm assuming that if you listen to this show that you know who I am or if you don't, that's okay. I'm I'll fill you in. I'm a guy and we have one thing in common. If you're listening to this is that we're both not dead. How amazing is that? How Amazing, is it, that we're both not dead? You know, I mean, I. What's this? Hold on, let me Google this real quick. How many of the people who ever lived are dead? Okay, okay, so if we add the number. Oh, okay, all right, look, I got it. I got it right here. Okay. 94% of all people who have ever lived are dead. This is from Google, which is, you know, smart. That means that for every one person alive today, there are 14 people who are dead. Not saying that that one person killed those 14 people, but just as a statistic. So, I mean, there's. Basically, that means that there's a. What, six over ten? How do we. Okay, what's a hundred divided by six? I'm trying to simplify this fraction. There's like. Okay, whatever. There's something like a 1 in 16 chance that you're. You're dead. That you're alive. And you're alive. You're part of the 6%. You're part of the lucky 6% of folks that are. That are still got some time. 94% of all people have no time and they're dead forever. They're never coming back if you die. If you were like a guy or a girl in the year 17, not even 1700. Let's go back further. If you were a guy or a girl in the year 1300. If you were a guy and the girl a million years ago. I don't know when humans came into being, but whatever. Some people, they died like 3,000 years ago and that was it. And we ain't heard a sound from those people in 3,000 years. And I wouldn't hold out hope, because the people that died 3,000 years ago, they're not coming back there. They were alive. The amount of time that they were alive compared to the amount of time that they'll be dead is so minuscule. And in this very moment that you're listening to this fucking podcast, you're at your part of the. You're living the tiny little speck of existence that you're ever gonna live, and then you're gonna be dead forever. And I don't know. That's cool. Welcome to Thera. Welcome to Geck Mail. My name is Lyle, and I'm gonna read mail from people who have emailed me. I cannot read mail from people who have not emailed me because there's no mail to read. So let's do this. And then. And we also exist at the same time as one another, which is kind of insane when you think about it. We're the 6%. We're all the 6%. We're all the six percent. All right. How do they know that? Demographers estimate that around 117 billion people have ever lived on Earth. This number is calculated by making assumptions about population size throughout history and applying birth rates to each period. That's fucking stupid. All right, let's keep going. Or I guess let's start. All right, this is from Louis. Subject line, Porn A controversial Opinion. All right. Hello. I would like to remain anonymous, please. I am writing to you hoping that you can give me a second opinion on this matter that has been weighing heavily on my relationship with my boyfriend lately. I am especially curious about your opinion as you are a man and have openly said on the show that you do indulge in watching porn as well. I really got to remember that people actually listen to this podcast so that when I say things, people can hear them. I gotta. I gotta keep that in mind. But I mean, yeah, I watch. I watch porn, sure, I'm trying to watch it less. I'm trying to watch. I don't. I actively. It's kind of like how people will hit me up and be like, hey, I want your opinion on this weed thing because you smoke weed every day. And I'm like, look, I have. I do these things, but I don't like it. In the perfect version of my life, I don't. I don't watch porn, but anyway, okay, alright. My controversial opinion is that porn is that porn is cheating. I have a few different points to make here. The argument my boyfriend made is that it does not count because it's not real. It's just a video, okay? That is, in fact, a real woman. Why are these women in the porn industry seen as objects and not real women? For perspective, if the woman was in the room with him and he was simply watching her and getting off to it, would that be considered cheating? Why is it different? Because it's a video? What if a woman sent him a video of herself and he used this to get off? Would that be considered okay? Because it is a video and not real. Secondly, he asked me, well, wouldn't you rather me watch porn than cheat on you? That's a stupid thing to say. This was a huge issue for me. This makes me feel like I am being given an ultimatum. Let my boyfriend jack off to other women or get cheated on. Cool. I've surfed Reddit quite a bit on the topic just to get some outside opinion. And a lot of men have this standpoint. Why should women have to fear being cheated on because they do not feel comfortable allowing their significant other to watch porn? Lastly, and most importantly, porn desensitizes the brain. There are all caps. Many studies on this. If you are allowing yourself to look at other women lustfully and satisfy your sexual needs, where is the line the intimacy of sex is lost. Before I get a bunch of hate for being insecure or possessive, let me just say that everyone has their own boundaries and preferences and this is just my own. I do not feel comfortable with it. I love my boyfriend, but if it continues to be an issue, I have no problem breaking off the relationship and finding someone who has similar morals and will respect my boundaries. I could go on and on here, but I am really trying to keep this short and sweet. Thanks in advance. Really enjoy the show. Much love. Okay, first of all, look, I mean, look, I mean, look, you don't need me to tell you this because you said it yourself, look, it's a free country. It's a. You're a free human being. You're. You're. If, if, if you don't want your significant other to watch porn, if that's the, the fucking offense you're putting up. I mean, God damn, like you know, you have the. Whether or not it's insecure or possessive is I, you know, I'm less. It doesn't really matter. Like you can. If that's what you want, if that's the boundary you want to set, then God bless ya. The whole thing of I do, I do think saying would you rather. I would rather watch. Would you rather me watch porn or cheat on you? It's kind of stupid. Like those are the two options. But I mean, look man, it's pretty easy. It's like, look, if you don't like your boyfriend watching porn and your boyfriend don't watch, stop. Want to stop watching porn? Fucking go, go, go, go find a. Go to Utah, alright? Find a nice Mormon gentleman and you know, tell him that if he watches porn, God will strike him down and use that fear to, you know, get him to do what you want. No. Yeah, yeah. Find a nice Mormon gentleman and you know, you guys go be happy together and don't watch porn and live your life. Yeah. Okay, let's keep going. Oh, look at this. I love this one. This is from Emily. Subject line. How do I stop being annoying? What a great subject line for an email. Hello Gecko. My name is Emily. I recently have become very self aware and it's become a curse and a blessing. Although I feel Like I've become a better person because of it. I also feel like I'm so aware of how much I talk, that I'm spiraling, that I have been that one annoying person my whole life and I don't know how to control it. My new year's resolution was to talk less, but so far I have failed. I'm conflicted with the fact that I should not have to change who I am. I recently spent two hours ranting to my parents about my job and, and afterwards I fent I felt this immense sense of guilt because I feel like I annoyed them the whole time just looking for thought. Thanks, Geck. Emily. Wow. What a great email. What a great email. I, I, I, I want to take a second to collect my thoughts on this. First of all, I just, I really believe this. I believe this in my soul deeply. I really believe this. I'm gonna say this. Um, listen, first of all, being annoying is not that bad. I just want you to know, Emily, even if you are and I'm not, I don't know you, I don't know if you're annoying or not. Even if you're annoying, it's not that bad. Like, I swear on my life, you know what? I know that, like, being annoying is not commonly seen as a actively positive trait, but it's, it's not that bad. Being annoying and kind of sucking and like, being irritating is not that bad. You could be, there's way worse things you could be than annoying. You could be fucking, you could be nasty, you can be mean, you can be cold, you can be harsh. You can be so many other things besides just annoying. So just, first of all, being annoying to me is, it's a neutral thing. It's not actively bad. Okay. Second thing is, so you're tr. I think there's some, there's, it's, you're bringing up a very interesting conflict that a lot of people, myself included, have, which are, okay, yeah, convention. I don't, Modern wisdom says to be yourself. Just unabashedly, be yourself, be who you are, and you'll attract the right people and you'll, the people that you turn away will, it doesn't matter because they weren't a right fit for your life anyway. That's what modern wisdom tells you. And I, and I, I believe that to a degree. Although as I get older and as I have more life experience, I continue to, I, I check back in on that belief and I'm like, maybe I should cut my fucking hair. You know, something like that, right? So look, I think it's probably somewhere in between. It's like, look, you don't want to like kill off the essence of who you are to fit into society, but if you make the conscious choice where you're like, you know what? Like, like, I actually love the way you're coming at this. You're like, you know what? Look, like you're laying it out on the table. You're being very logical. You're like, look, I have identified that I am a little annoying and I'm going to make, and I would like to fit in better into society because I have decided that that will make me happier, that will improve my life being less annoying. Therefore I'm going to make a conscious effort to be less annoying. I think that's fair. I think there's a lot, I think like accepting yourself and trying to change yourself. There's a yin and yang to it. And I wouldn't, I don't want to blind, I wouldn't blindly follow either the conventional wisdom of be yourself versus step in line. You got to find a nice little in between. Right? But this is this email, this is from a person who's decided that they're annoying and wants to change. And I'm. Well, okay, no, you're conflicted that you should not have to change. Sorry, I don't know if you said that you. Well, actually no, no, I'm lying. You. Okay, your New Year's resolution, it says here, my New Year's resolution was to talk less. Okay. So you made an active effort to be less annoying, which I respect. I respect. I think, I think it's good to, yeah. Work on yourself here, but just with like, with like talking too much. Um, I mean, look, Emily, here's the. Talk as much as you want, but I think if you're having a conversation with somebody you want to be to some degree, you want to be conscious of them to some degree, of course. And you know, just make sure you're in your conversations, you're having a give and take. You know that because nobody, I guess nobody wants to be like talked at in their interactions. They want a little bit of like go ahead and rant for an hour but then after you're done, be like, but what, you know, how was your day? What's going on with you? You alright? Was everything okay? A really beautiful relationship is two people each taking turns ranting at each other for two hours. So, you know, don't feel, don't, don't, don't feel guilty, don't feel shamed. About being annoying. It's, I swear on my life, there's so much worse things you could be than be annoying. But yeah, I don't, I don't know. I, that was my, that was more of an analysis than it was advice. Which is good because I like analog analysises are. Okay, you said I'm looking for thought, that's great. I feel like I didn't give. Okay, you didn't say you were looking for advice. You said you were looking for thought and I feel like I gave that. Okay, now I'm being a little annoying. Which by the way, as I've established is fine. Lets keep going. All right. This is from Marcella. Subject line, Working at Best Buy, A furry experience. Hi Lyle. I feel like I need to get this story off my chest. I worked at best buy for two years, 2021 to 2023. I started as seasonal and then became a full time Verizon rep. I started noticing odd things around the building. One morning I walk in and my manager is giving someone else a back rub, not realizing I was in there. Flash forward a few months later a new guy starts up front. He seems normal until he drops his phone on the floor and I go to pick it up and his lock screen is presumably him and his friends at a furry convention. So what? Alright, hold on. Kind of fuck this person who wrote this email. All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. I cannot hold this news in any longer and I go to tell my other co workers and oh dude, okay, hold on. I, the person who wrote this email. It bothers the shit out of me, okay, because you're, you're being a little bit of a prick and here's the thing. Okay, so what? All right, so you saw your friend by the way. Here's the thing. I just, I'm not, I, I do, we've talked about this on this fucking show a billion times. But I'll just to say it again. I, I, I, I, I don't, I don't think that I am in any, I am not in any way, shape or form associated with the furry subculture. It's its own thing. However, as a pure, like from a purely logistical standpoint and symbolic standpoint, I am undeniably an adult man who regularly wears an animal costume. I am undeniably that. I don't think that that makes me a furry, but I do think it endows me with the responsibility to defend furries because I, like I said, I am a man who dresses up regularly in an animal costume. So I'M gonna. I'm gonna go on a limb. I'm gonna defend this man, and I'm gonna say that I think it was. I think it's a little fucked up that you. You saw that this guy was having a good time with his homies at the, at the, at the dress up like a wolf and fuck each other party. Sounds like he's having a good time. And you're out. You're out here trying to tell. Also, you're, like, telling your other co workers like it's a secret. It's on his fucking phone anyway. All right, I cannot hold this news in any longer. And I go to tell my other coworkers and find out, in fact, that I am the outlier the whole time. 50%, not exaggerating, of the staff was in the furry community, and 30%, she wrote this in all caps, participated in sexual activities with one another. Sounds awesome. I nearly quit, but, alas, I stayed employed at the Best Buy. You know what? I. Dude, the person who wrote this email, okay, you. Okay, this guy. These people, they work at Best Buy all day. Like, most of their life is just getting screamed at by the insane people who are still shopping. I. The only people who are still going in person to buy stuff at Best Buy are, like, old insane people. And these, okay, they're working retail at the Best Buy. They're getting yelled at every day. Their lives are sucking. And you know what? The. You know the one thing that makes them happy, Marcella? You know the one thing that makes them happy is wearing a horse costume and getting fucked in the ass. And I think that's awesome. I think that's beautiful. I let them have it. Marcella, what are you doing here? Why. Why is this such a big deal? All right, hold on. I nearly quit, but alas, I stayed employed at the Best Buy. A furry scuffle broke out in the warehouse one day when one of the alpha furries. Okay, now you're getting sucked into it, too. When one of the alpha furries, who was in a throuple with a guy and a girl also working at Best Buy, had found out that, in fact, he was just getting cheated on the whole time, he ran out of the store, into the parking lot, and moved to Texas. In three days, they had to pull employees from other stores because almost half of our staff went out of town. All caps for the furry convention. I, I. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I have a new. I have a new thing, by the way. I. Hold on. I, I, I. Sorry, I Drank a lot of coffee before I started recording this. I'm gonna calm down for a second. I want to apologize. Okay. The person who wrote this email. Marcela. I want to apologize to Marcela. I want to apologize to Marcel. I said. I said fuck them. I said some choice things about them. I want to apologize because as I'm getting deeper into this email, I'm coming up with a new theory. I'm coming up with a new theory, and the theory that I'm coming up with is making me sad. My theory is that the person who wrote this email is secretly, unconsciously, really upset that she was not invited to go to the furry convention. I genuinely believe that because, look, this person, they also, they worked at Best Buy, and they worked at Verizon, and they pro. I, I, I don't know if they have a lot of friends. I don't know if they're ups. I just. I just, like, I think they're seeing their co workers having so much fun having sex with each other in dog costumes and the. And they kind of wish that they had something like that, and they don't. And so they are just upset and they're. They're taking it out and in this email. And so, Marcella, listen, I just want you to know, like, you can look, find your own version of a furry convention. Go. Do. Go. I don't know. I don't know who you are. I don't know anything about you, but I don't know. Go find something to do instead of getting pissed off at other people. All right. Okay, then. Then she wrote, that's all I have to share. Do not go into Best Buy. I'm not kidding. It is a cult. Do not get sucked in. Oh, I'm going to Best Buy and I'm getting sucked in, baby, if you know what I mean. All right, that was gross. Let's keep going. All right. This is from Shay Random Fat. They wrote, don't read my email on stream. I kind of want to read it now. Why would you send me an email and tell me not to read it on stream? Why would you send me. I kind of want to read this on stream just to spite this person. Why would they send me an email to not read it on stream? All right, anyway, sorry. I don't know why. I'm sorry. I think when I. I think when I drink too much coffee, I just go off the rails a little too much. All right, this is from Oscar, Subject line. I'm obsessed with my ex. Hello, Mr. Lyle Chan. My name is Oscar I've texted my ex again after six months of getting over her lately, missing her quite often, and decided to come up with a master plan to make us fall in love again. Okay. All right. Okay. Even though she's talking and falling in love with someone else. Ah, Jesus Christ. This is gonna make me really sad. I had a talk with her about us getting together again, reminding her how we promised each other that in the end, when we're older, we will get back together. When we broke it off back then, those months ago, she agreed how we can get together only if things don't work out with them together. She agreed. Okay. Okay. I'm trying to. This. This person has a little. Some grammatical errors in this email, but I'm gonna try to interpret them and translate it. She agreed that we can get back together only if things don't work out with her and the guy that she's talking to now. For me to decide and rather be alone and work on myself, dying, waiting for her, missing every moment, clinging to her, still patiently waiting for her to be complete with this guy. Also, we agreed to have sex too. While they are trying to get together and still in the talking stage, I suppose. Planning to make the sex to benefit. To make her love me and gain feelings back. Okay, this person called me. I. Is this person. Is this person Japanese? Because if. Oh, well, okay, Ask her. Okay. I'm just trying to figure out if English is this person's first language or not. Because they called me Lyle Chan. Okay. Okay. Nola, by the way. Hold on. I just. I just. Hold on. I just want to. Okay. I was making. I was not making fun of. But I was. I was. I think I made a rude comment about this person's grammatical errors. Did not realize that they were not a native English speaker. I apologize for that. Okay, if you are not a native English speaker, please keep emailing me. I promise I will not make fun of your English. I genuinely apologize about that. Okay. Planning to make the sex to benefit her love me and gain feelings back. Plus more on that of other ideas about not just about it being sex. Anyways, I have a massive plan written out on my iPhone. Notes on how to get her back and sex sabotage him. Is this a pure obsession of boredom or some super evil mastermind plan? Okay. Holy Oscar. Oh, Jesus Christ, man. This. This. I. This is a phone call, Oscar. This is. This is a. Oscar. Oscar. Let's talk on the phone. I will. I will talk on the phone with you, Oscar. I will. I. I don't. I don't know where you're originally from. But I will front the money for the long distance call for this so that we can talk. So, I don't know, send me another email with your phone number and we can, we gotta talk about this because I, you, I don't. By the way. Hold on. It shouldn't be me, it should be a therapist, but you need to be talked off the ledge, I think, because this is, this is insane. I, like, I'm also kind of curious. Cuz look, if also I'm like very curious how old you are. Because if you're like 19, I kind of. I understand this email a little bit more. But if you're like 37, would you. Or you. Or if you're like 37, you might be. I don't, I don't know, Oscar. I don't know. I'm, I'm. God, I'm on so much coffee right now. I'm. Do you have other people in your life who you've talked to about this? Because you need to be talked off the ledge, like pronto? Because this is, this is wild if this is true. Yeah, this is wild if this is true. You gotta. Yeah, you, you, you, you don't, you don't want to be like. I don't know. This is, this is kind of wild, Oscar. You don't want to be doing any of this. This is gonna kill you, Oscar. Yeah, send me, send me your phone number. And we. I want to. This is a phone call. This is. I can't, I don't, I, I don't think I can respond to the. This is. Because here's the thing. I could sit here and I could respond to this email, but I'm just gonna say the same things that everyone's already thinking. But like, I need, I gotta know what's going on in your life with this one. Oh, okay. You sent me your. Okay, all right, Oscar sent. All right, Oscar sent me their phone number. Should I call, hold on. Should I call this person? Okay, I'm gonna call this person, but just. Okay, I'm gonna call this person. But just so that everyone knows. I just want to let everyone know. This is like a, this is a rare thing. So don't. If you're, if you send an email into the show, don't include your phone number because I don't, I don't. I'm not gonna normally do this. I just, just, just in this, this. Someone in the chat just wrote this sets a standard going forward, and I just want everyone to know that it absolutely does not. I just personally, in this moment, really want to talk to this guy. So I'm gonna call him. But normally I would. Normally, Normally I. I do this email segment because I don't feel like. Because I. I want to take a break from phone calls and I want to just like, kind of read the emails, but just for some. For just right now. So the Oscars email kind of spoke to me, and I want to talk to him, so I'm gonna try to call him. All right, let's see if he answers. Give me one sec.