Therapy Gecko (0:00)

This is an iHeart podcast.

Lyle Gecko (0:02)

Guaranteed Human. Hey folks, if any of you guys are creators on TikTok, you're gonna wanna know about this. TikTok is putting on a celebration spotlighting creators from all over the world called Live Fest 2025. I know a lot of people who listen to the show are creators of some kind. And whatever it is you guys do on TikTok, doing it with TikTok Live is a great way to engage with your community and grow your audience. So check out LiveFest2025 on TikTok to find out how you can be a part of this global celebration. Let's elevate Live together. Then the space hamster flew his hot air balloon all the way to the bottom of the ocean.

Therapy Gecko (0:46)

Where did that story come from? Book Dream? Nope. It came from a conversation. Meet Miko Mini plus, the AI companion that co creates personalized story adventures with your child in real time. What color was the hamster's cape and what did he pack for lunch? Unlock your child's imagination. Discover Miko Mini plus and the magic of AI exclusively at Costco.

Lyle Gecko (1:10)

Hey folks, I am very excited to finally have a therapy sponsor for this podcast that takes insurance. Rula is a healthcare company that makes getting therapy from a licensed professional easy, easy and affordable. They accept most major insurance plans and the average copay per session is only $15. Head on over to rula.com gecko that's R U L A.com gecko to get started today. After you sign up, they will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that Therapy Gecko sent you. Go to r u l a.com gecko and take the first step toward better mental health today. Hello. What's up? How's life? Thanks for being here. It's Lyle Gecko man. Welcome to the Therapy Gecko podcast. I normally take phone calls on this show with random anonymous people, but today, as I did a few days ago, I will be reading viewer mail and pondering it. I'm glad. For those of you who listened to the episode with my sister and left positive comments. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. She appreciated it. She had fun. And now I'm here alone. I think I'd like to do more of these things with other people. I might just do them more with other people randomly in my life. You know, there is a period of time where we had like rappers on here and stuff like that, and I'm open to that. But I'm also just like, you know, it could be anyone you know what I mean? If, like, some guy from off the street wants to be a guest on the show and it's just me and him reading emails, that could be good too. I don't. I don't know why guests always have to be celebrities. Can't they just be this whoever is walking around? That's kind of what the show is. Is this. It's me and a guest, but the guest is a. Is kind of whoever is walking around. Anyway, I'm gonna read some viewer mail and talk to you guys, and hopefully it's substantive for the time that you're listening. Listening to it. My voice just cracked. Uh, I'm gonna try to. I'm gonna do a lot more pondering than advice giving. I've been giving a lot of advice, and I don't like it. I. Every time I give advice, it's against my will. Actually, not every time. Sometimes I give advice because I genuinely believe in it. But there's been plenty times I give advice because I'm like, I just have to say something, and I hate that. I don't ever want to do that. So if I. From now on, if I'm reading, okay, so throughout the time I'm reading these emails, if I'm prompted to give advice, I'll do it. But if I fucking don't know, I'm just gonna say, I don't know. And that's how. That's how I like to do it. You know what I mean? I like to ponder the emails. I don't know if I have an answer for things, but I like pondering things. So I'm in the dark. I just had some coffee. The vyvanse is kicking in. Let's read some emails. Okay, this first one is from Jackson. I think my co worker is watching me. Hey, Geck, Longtime listener, first time mailer. I think my co worker is watching me. I recently started working for a cannabis wholesale distribution center in Oregon, and it's been an absolute blast. While I was listening to one of your older episodes, I. Another Sophie Cunningham ad came on. So I was skipping the ad when one of my co workers wrote in our Slack chat, he's on his phone. Followed by, he put it down. What the fuck? I was confused, of course, and I immediately called it out. And they were very embarrassed after they realized their mistake. I know they were talking about me because their desk is diagonal to mine, and I was the only male presenting person in that moment, which means someone higher up told her to watch me or she wanted to watch me. On her own volition. And I don't know what's worse. I talked to my manager, and when I asked, they said to not worry about it and that the coworker was talked to already. However, I still feel like I keep spotting them watching my moves or when I'm just skipping ads or trying to select an old episode to listen to. I really like this job and don't want to be confrontational and cause a scene about something that could have been dealt with already. Am I being paranoid? Should I be worried? Is it chill now? P.S. please come back to Portland when you tour again. I will be coming to Portland in June. Okay. Anyway. Wow, that's crazy. No, I think you should ask her. I think you should ask her. Like, here's the weird thing, right? Is like, this job sounds fucking. What? I don't know. What do you do? You work? No. Yeah. You work for a cannabis wholesale. Okay. All right. You said it's been a blast. Okay? So if you're saying it's been a blast, that means that this is a good job and things are cool. I don't think it's being confrontational to be like, yo, are you listening to my fucking phone? Like, stop watching me. You know? And you don't have to even be like that. And it doesn't even have to be like a confrontational, like, what the fuck are you doing? But you got to go in there and find the information. You got to go in and be like, yo, are you watching me? And if they say no, then say, are you sure? You can tell me if you are. And then maybe they say, okay, I am. And then you go, okay, I need. I need you to stop doing that or tell your manager or whatever, because if it truly is like a chill work environment or like a. An absolute blast, and I feel like it wouldn't be that big of a deal to not confront, but perhaps in choir as to why this person is watching you. Maybe she likes you. Maybe she has a crush on you. That could be it, too. Maybe she's in love with you, Jackson. Maybe she's admiring you. Maybe she's writing letters. Maybe she's thinking about you. That could be it, too. In which case you would want to know, because maybe you. Maybe you love her too, and you guys can get married and have a baby. Okay, This is from Sour Candy. Subject line, fell in love with a red bearded colonizer. Send help. Dear Therapy Gecko, I fell in love with a foreigner in my own country. Parentheses, I'm Asian, like, full on aggressively handsome. White man, red beard, Scottish accent. He works here. Lives here. Somehow made my dusty ass city feel like the set of a slow indie romance. We dated, then didn't, then did, then didn't again. We had dumb little rituals, inside jokes about orcas, fun facts passed like love notes. We roasted modern art and acted like we weren't two nerds falling in love in public. He made coffee on Sunday mornings like it was a sacrament. This is beautiful. He also introduced me to your YouTube channel. Said you'd like therapy. Gecko. And I did. Of course I did. He knew me like that. So if the algorithm is doing its thing and by some chance he's watching this. L. I know you watch this lizard man during dinner. If you see this. Hi. I love you, and I'll probably always miss you. What happened here? Okay, I'm invested in this. I want to keep reading anyways. But also, I cried, like, a lot. Sometimes at him, sometimes next to him. I was the I need reassurance or I will perish girly. He was the I love you but I'm emotionally congested guy. I spiraled. He vanished. Rinse, repeat. And yet we kept trying. We told ourselves it could work if we just tried hard enough. We tried. And it didn't. He said he'd give 100%, and I believed him. God, I wanted to. And for, like, five business days, it felt real. Why business days? Whatever. But trying and being able to are two different flavors of heartbreak. So now I'm here, eating sad noodles, writing to a man in a lizard costume because there's nowhere for all this leftover love to go. It's like emotional Tupperware with no lid. Do I want him back? Do I just want the best version of us? Do I need a lobotomy? Who knows? Anyway, send help. Or a lizard emoji. I'll take either yours in cringe and healing. G. Interesting. Oh, man. There always. There really is. That's one of the toughest things about love and relationships, is that two people can be so in love with each other, and yet the logistics of the universe just don't work out. I was talking to someone about this because I met someone who was like, I think that it's. I. I met someone who was like, I think the only reason a relationship doesn't work is because two people don't love each other enough. And I don't believe that. She was like, if you love each other enough, you will make it work. And I don't know. I'm really fucking just searching for the answers. To those questions myself. You know, it's like that, like love is a choice kind of a vibe, you know, and she might be right in some cases, but everyone has their own philosophy of it. The problem is you only get 50% of the choice. I do believe that, yeah, people can be in love, but whatever, like external things surrounding them which don't even have to be things outside of themselves. It could just be your personalities are incongruent with each other and that just fucks everything up. That's very possible. Okay, this next one is from Sam. Subject. Why do I drink so much Celsius? I love Celsius so much. It is affecting my life. Let me explain. I have dealt with social anxiety my whole life to the point where I was basically mute in high school. Since then, I cut back on caffeine and it seemed to help things substantially. Interesting. Maybe I should do that. I'm 26 now and my social life is pretty good. But then I tried the Peach Vibe Celsius and I've been drinking one every day since. Every morning I wake up and I crave a sip of that sweet, peachy nectar. I can't get enough. And I'm beginning to notice that I am a lot more alert, but in an evil way sometimes. The way that takes away my presence and well being and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I. I also picked up a Zyn habit while working long days. So it all compounds. That is to say, I know why I drink it so much. It gives me a rush and I like it, even though it makes me feel weird sometimes. I'm trying not to let it overtake my life, but it may. I know you partake in the occasional Celsius. Have you tried the Peach Vibe? What do you think? Have you had issues with stimulants before? I am not secretly a Celsius spokesperson. Please drink coffee if you can. It's an expensive habit. Ooh. Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts about this stuff. Yeah, so, I mean, I don't know, man. It's hard because, I mean, I'm on coffee right now. I was a big Celsius guy and then I started taking Vyvanse. And now if I drink a Celsius and the Vyvanse, I. It probably will kill me. On days that I end up that I skipped my Vyvanse for whatever reason, I do a Celsius and dude, I don't know. I'm. No, I'm not a doctor. I'm a terrible guy for like, for like medical advice. But I'll just tell you my. I'll just tell you my experience with this stuff is that, like, I don't feel normal if I'm not on some kind of stimulant. Like, I get really fucking depressed if I don't have coffee or Celsius or Vyvanse. Now that's probably not good. Or it's just like. I mean, I have a weird brain, man. I. I got all the, you know, whatever mental health issues and all that shit and the ADHD and all that stuff. And I'll be on Vyvanse, man, and I'll just be like, wow, holy. Like, I'll have, like a minute where I'm like, oh, okay, I understand. I think how most people. Maybe not most people, but like. Like, I'll see relaxed people and people just going about their lives, not going insane. And I'll have a second where I'm like, okay, I think I know what that feels like. And I'll have. And that's. That's about two hours of me on Vyvanse. So it feels good. It feels good when I'm in with the Celsius, too, because it just. You know how it is with adhd. Like, you just can't fucking do anything. And then when you get the feeling that you actually have some control over your fucking life, it makes you feel great. Makes you feel like the world's in some insane burden, that you're like, Sisyphusian li rolling the ball up the hill. You feel like you can kind of pick the ball up and throw it across the field. Now, listen, I've always fantasized or thought that, like, hey, what if I quit doing all that stuff? And I just, like, took, like, a few months to get unaddicted to, you know, sugar. And I eat salmon every day, and I didn't, you know, whatever. Whatever would I. Would that secretly fix things for me? I don't know. Maybe. But every time I've tried to do that, I end up feeling like shit. But I've been on a. I've been on caffeine for so long that I don't really know how I feel like, without it. And I know that when you quit any kind of substance, there's a strong withdrawal period that you have to really get through. And every day feels like a year to me. So when someone's like, oh, you got to give it two months before you really can become unaddicted, I'm like, fuck you. I don't have two Months. That's two months. That's. That's like my entire life, for all I know. So, yeah, this is. This is just me ranting about my experience with it, but I'm not. I don't know if this was helpful to you at all. It is interesting that cutting back on caffeine helped you out with your social anxiety. I'm trying to figure out what you mean when you say that you are evil. You take it takes away your presence and replaces it with overthinking and anxiety. I don't know. I feel. I feel the opposite when I'm on a stimulant. Because, like, if I'm just talking as to someone and I'm not, and I'm adhd, I'm really not present. I'm thinking about life and everything else. But if I'm on the stimulant and I feel good, and someone, some fucking guy is talking to me about something that I give a fuck about, I'll engage with them. I'd be like, oh, interesting. I've never seen that before, but I'll check it out. Oh, okay. You do B2B marketing SaaS. Interesting. Now I. How does marketing, like, how do Facebook ads really work? And I'm not even bullshitting when I'm doing that stuff. I'm really in it. I'm like. And I'm in my head, I'm thinking, wow, I am acting like such a normal human being. And it's. It's happening so effortlessly, and I'm not thinking. I'm just. I just love. I love being a normal human being. It feels so good. I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast before, but I'll tell it. I remember it was just like 2023 or something. I was going through a really hard time and a lot of anxiety, a lot of overthinking, a lot of mental health, whatever. And I was. I was at some party or whatever, and I was sitting at a table with these guys, and this one guy, he's making a sandwich, and he puts some Doritos on his sandwich. And the other guy looks at him and is like, hey, man, you like putting chips on your sandwich? And then the guy who's with the sandwich, he's like, I love putting chips on my sandwich. And then they start talking about putting chips on. On their sandwich. And they're. And I'm watching them have this conversation, and I'm just like, these two guys are so deeply in the present right now. Like, I just felt I was just. I'm over fucking thinking everything and I'm watching them and I'm like, these guys are in the present right now, just like in life, talking about putting chips on a sandwich, making jokes, their brain, whatever. You never know what's going on in someone's head. But I was pretty goddamn sure that these two guys were 100% invested in that current moment in the conversation that they were having with each other about putting chips on a sandwich. And I was observing this and I fuck it, I had to go to their room. I started crying because I was like, I fucking wish I could do that. I wish I could be in a fucking just normal conversation without thinking all this anxious, crazy thoughts. And you know, I wish I could just be sitting there having a conversation about chips and a sandwich and not thinking about 20 other different horrible things. And Vyvanse gets me that point, so that's why I like it. And I'm sure there's other chemically things or whatever, but you know, if your brain is just wired in a certain way where you. It's just. It's always somewhere else, then I. I don't know. You're just. I don't know. But yeah, I've since. I've since then been able to have plenty of conversations about normal ass shit without freaking out. But anyway, that was a long rant. Thanks for sending in your thing, Sam. I appreciate you. Okay, let's read another email. This one is from Kaylin Fish Farmer. Hey Geck. I called you last week and actually got through but somehow managed to botch answering the phone correctly. I was calling to talk to you about my experience moving across the country to work at a fish hatchery. So far it's been a great experience. I feed fish and clean tanks every day and do some basic maintenance around the hatchery. It pays well and my housing is provided so it's a heck of a way to save some money. I live at the hatchery in my own house right at the base of the mountains. It is beautiful here. That said, I have been getting rather homesick lately. Last week was especially bad as my grandma passed away and I wasn't able to go back for the funeral. This was really hard for me, but my family reassured me that this is what my grandma would want me to do. I miss my family and friends quite a lot, but I am still glad I am trying this. Thanks for reading this, Geck. I've listened to you for years, but only tried reaching out in the past week. I know you don't Typically call during your Gekmarle episodes, but I'm gonna leave you my number with no expectations. Yours truly, fish farmer. You know what, fish farmer? I. I'm really happy for you. I am. I think that in life it's important to have an arc. I'm pro ark some people, not everyone wants to have an arc. I get that. I. The majority of people even probably don't want to have arcs. But I'm pro ark. And part of an arc is that you have to go on the hero's journey and leave wherever you are so you can go on your ark. And you did it, fish farmer. You left. And the. The trade off is that you're not gonna be around your friends and your family as much. But the good news is you develop as a person and that's what you really want. Cuz I'll see your friends and your family, they're gonna, you know, have their own lives and be doing their own thing. And I don't know, I just feel like life is such a brief flash in the pan that you want to see stuff and do stuff. So I'm glad that you made the decision to move across the country. Feeding fish, cleaning tanks. That sounds nice, man. Keep doing your thing, fish farmer. Sorry, I don't have a whole lot to say about that. Okay. This is. I mean, I had things to say about that. I don't know. I gotta stop beating myself up. Alright, this is from Walker. Subject line, the time an Indian guru saved my bacon. Okay, so me and my buddy had been experimenting with shrooms for a minute, but the most we had ever taken was an eighth. So we get the bright idea to go on the hero's journey. Parentheses any dose above 5 grams and do 7 grams each. It was sub zero temperatures and icy as shit. We took our shrooms and have an absolute blast the first half of the night. About partway through the night we go to walk my friend's dog and the snow, the air and the moon all have a crazy blood red tint to it and it freaked us the fuck out. We tried to go to bed, but after 20 minutes and he kicks me out of his house because he's going through some emotional shit and tripping hard. So I freak the fuck out because it's midnight, I gotta be at work at 7 and now I have to drive while tripping balls. All the way back home I'm crying because if I get pulled over, I'm going to jail. But the sub zero temperatures and ice actually saved my ass because no cops Were out and about. Okay, I'm gonna fore. This is really stupid. But anyway, whatever. Okay. As I'm driving home, I start seeing demons flying at my windshield, reaching out for. Why didn't you sleep in the car, dude? Turn on the fucking air conditioning and just sleep in the car. Why are you driving home? This was stupid. Okay, whatever. I mean, I don't know why I'm lecturing you. It's like you did it. You're already doing it. But just next time this happens, just like sleep in the car, turn the heater up and just sleep in the car. Don't start dry. It's a terrible idea. Especially with the ice and the snow and all that shit. Okay. At this point I feel. Okay. Where was I? I start seeing demons flying at my windshield, reaching out for me, trying to make me crash. Jesus Christ. But somehow I manage to take every back road I know and make it home safe and sound. At this point, I can still feel the demons all around my property. I'm tossing and turning and praying to keep them away from me and my house. Then out of nowhere I hear this Indian guy's voice say, be calm my child. You're a protected sleep now. And I instantly pass the fuck out. The next morning I go to work and about to shit a brick when the first thing that pops up in my Google news is thousands of Indian temples closed in wake of Super Blood Moon for fear of evil spirits. Um, okay, well, I don't know. I'm not trying to be your dad, Walker, but just go to sleep in the car, man. I like mushrooms as much as the next guy, but just go to sleep in the car, dude. I don't think that. I don't think an Indian. I don't understand how you're saying that an Indian. This Indian guy saved you. I don't think any of this is related. I think it was all hallucinations. I think it was all a coincidence. There's nothing cosmic about any of this. You weren't visited by demons. You just got really high and drove around and almost died. Sorry. Let's just go to sleep in the car next time, Walker. I'm a bummer. Sorry man. Alright. Anyway, this next email is from James. Hey Geck, Hope existence is treating you well today. I wanted to get an email to you to get your thoughts on some life motivation stuff. I am a professional bassoonist. Composer. Less than a year out of school. I finished my Master's degree last May. Lately it has felt odd to call myself a professional. Even though I Have the skill set because. Leaving because since leaving school, work and music has become sparse. I used to be getting calls regularly to sub for local symphonies, but haven't received any in months. I've had some recent success in composing with six of my compositions on the way to being published. But it almost feels like false hope because while I enjoy writing, I really want to share this music with others. And I'm having a hard time believing my music will sell. On top of this, I am the main income supporting for my family partner and two cats. So I've had to take on non music jobs to help sustain myself. I'm on my fourth job since graduating. I'm currently a puzzle quality control technician. It's honestly an awesome job. Wait, that's sick. I guess I'm just wondering if you have any advice on pushing the dream forward through all the bullshit of life and ways that I can keep motivating myself to do all this extra work for the thing I love. Mmm. Um. Well, yeah, I have a few thoughts about this is I think there's certain things that like, if you really like doing them, you just can't not do that, do it. You know what I mean? So like, if you really like making music, I'm going to assume that like you just don't live in a world where you don't do it right, so you're gonna keep doing the work, you're gonna keep making music. So at the end of the day, right, it's like there's really. There's really nothing you can do except for keep doing the work and then figuring out creative ways to market the work. But it sounds to me like, you know, you've been a musician for a long time and I don't think that that's going away anytime soon. So as long as I know it's kind of fluffy, but as long as you just keep doing the work and keep making the music, if something is going to happen, it'll happen. I think again, it's about kind of how you choose to market yourself and how you choose to kind of be smart about the things that you're creating. But the fact that you're creating it in general is a good sign. So. How can I keep motivating myself to do all this extra work for the thing I love? Just love it. Just love doing it. Just. I think that's. I think that's the only way you'll not get burnt out is to just love what you're doing so much that you can't not do it. That's my. That's my best sort of thought on that. Even if it's a little frothy. Alright. This is from Margarita Subject Line Recurring Dreams and Predictions for Real Life Hey Geck, I hope you're having a good day and having healthy, consistent bowel movements. You can call me Morbo. I'm emailing you because of your recent podcast where in the GeckMail segment someone asked about a dream they had about their parents plane crash and whether that meant their parents were going to die in real life and you expressed your opinion that dreams do not externally influence reality. I have a story about a personal recurring dream that I have never been able to fully understand. I don't necessarily agree or disagree about the external influence of dreams and but this experience always felt like more than just a coincidence. Every night for about a year When I was 4 or 5, I had a comforting, predictable dream. My grandpa would take me down a long hallway to a vibrant factory like playroom filled with colorful turning gears, dials and levers. He would leave me there while he was at work and I would happily play until he returned at the end of the day. The dream always ended with me running into his arms and us walking hand in hand back down the hallway, at which point I would wake up. However, one night the dream changed. We were walking down the same hallway, but I felt dread and anxiety. I didn't want to go into the room, but my grandpa insisted he needed to go to work and dropped me off anyway. The room was now rusty, jagged and dull. I played for what seemed like forever, but he never came back and I couldn't open the door to leave. That morning I ran to his room and tried to wake him up to ask him to make me scrambled eggs as he did every day. He never woke up. He had passed away from a heart attack during the night. I was the first to discover him that morning as a five year old, I told my mother he was just being lazy and not wanting to wake up because I didn't understand what death was. For the next two or three years I had the same dream again, but this time I was walking down the hallway alone and entering the room which fluctuated between rusty and colorful depending on the day. Always searching for my grandpa, but he was never there. I would just play in the room alone until I woke up. Eventually, the dream stopped. While my grandpa was a healthy, athletic man with no indication of sickness, I'm not claiming the dream predicted his death, but I often think back to why the dream changed so dramatically. The Night he passed, seemingly warning me that he would not be there anymore. I would love to know what you think of this experience. I have a few more scenarios of my recurring dreams suddenly changing the night before something significant happens to me. Almost like a prediction or a warming. Thank you for reading this. I hope it was interesting. That was interesting. What do I think about this? I mean, I don't. I'm. Listen, I'm pretty agnostic when it comes to a lot of stuff. I'm very easily. I'm somewhat easily convinced of things that are supernatural in a sense. Whether or not. What do I think? I mean, I think that's pretty crazy story. I'm. I don't know if I'm gonna go ahead and say that it was a predictor of your grandpa's death, but I think it is a pretty crazy coincidence nonetheless. Thank you for. For sharing that story. That was very interesting. Okay, here's a real crazy one. This is from Solid Snake subject line. I have a scat fetish and I will never be loved. Hi Lyle, I will spare you any of the graphic details regarding my condition. I really just want to share what my life actually looks like to another living soul. Maybe I'm not as crazy as I think I am. I am a 28 year old Venezuelan man. Really poor, divorced parents, never went to college, never did anything meaningful in life. At the moment I live in Paraguay where I work in a cement factory. I live with my mother who also works in another factory. We earn barely enough to pay our bills and basic stuff. Our life is hard and we only have ourselves, but we keep going. Besides working on a factory, I also enjoy making techno music, drawing furries and cinema. When my parents divorced, I became a low self esteem quiet kid. So I ended up developing a creative side. I am bisexual and as I grew up I developed a very unhealthy sexuality. I can only have sexual pleasure by living traumas again and putting myself through humiliating situations. When I was five years old, before the divorce, I was playing doggy in a side of the house while my family was drinking polar and having a parilla in the living room. What is a parilla? Uh, I have no idea what that is. I guess a party. I was told dogs were dirty and animals. I was told dogs were dirty animals. And I concluded that dogs eat their own shit. And if I am playing doggy, I had to go all the way. Next thing I know, my dad walks in on me with a mouth full of shit, my Johnny Bravo shirt all smeared with shit and he gets really Angry, he grabs me by one hand and drags me from the living room all the way to the bedroom. My whole family sees me, all covered in shit with a stupid face, laughing and laughing. That day was the day that I died. For the first time, it felt like I died. I remember the shame, burning. The feeling that I fucked something up forever. As I grew up, I learned to get turned on by the thought of being dirty and a toilet for other men. I had another similar episode in my teenage years. Left my Gmail account, logged in on the family computer and my dad saw my stash of gay roleplays and my gay scat fetish porn stash. While I was away, I was never too close to my dad. But that day I think I died for him for real. I was 15 at that time. After that, I got out of home, found a job and rented a house together with my mom. She was always very accepting of who I was. Now that we are here in Paraguay, I haven't spoken to my dad in some time. He stopped sending me messages a few birthdays ago and a few Christmases ago. I'm glad he moved on. He didn't deserve to have a sick son like me. Right now I live a pretty normal life. Been at the factory for four years. Always passed as someone normal to my co workers. I don't have friends and don't go out much. I have a side job of drawing scat fetish art for furries. It pays well and it's nice. I have problems with opening up to others emotionally. I haven't had a relationship since I was a teen and only have hookups with strangers. I feel undeserving of love and mostly want to be alone all the time. I don't think I will ever find someone who will accept me for who I am. Sometimes I want to try my fetish with other men. But scat is a very high health risk fetish. Probably one of the most dangerous ones. It's a fetish I experience mostly through porn and masturbation and fantasy. I don't see my life improving in any way. I think I will continue to be poor and with all my sex problems until I am old. My mom will die and I will be alone. Is this life worth living? Okay, well, well. Solid snake. Okay, give me just a moment to take that one in. The scat stuff and the like the eating poop stuff is not the. I think it's the question of is this life worth living? That is like the. The thing here is life worth living. I don't know if I can answer this question. Obviously this is a person who needs a real therapist to talk through a bunch of stuff. But I have some ponders. I mean, clearly this guy has a lot of stuff going on with him that both internally and externally isolates himself from other people. And I think it was brave of you to write this email. Solid snake because you're describing like really crazy fucked up stuff. But we live in a world with really crazy fucked up stuff, man. So. So you're probably not the only per. Whatever is going on with you. You're not the only one. You might be one of the few people brave enough to talk about it, write this email about it, but you're not the only one. I mean, I mean, who are you drawing this fetish scat furry porn for? You know? Think about that. Do you ever develop relationships with those people? I'm not even talking about romantic relationships, but like, who are you drawing this fucking porn for, man? And what's going on with the furries? And where are the furries in Venezuela? Whatever the fuck is going on with you, there's. There's some community and maybe for you it's the furry community. Maybe, whatever. But there's other people who are dealing with this stuff. And I think if I were you, I would do whatever it fucking took to, to go in search of those people. Even if. Even if it's just the Internet, man. Even if it's just you and a. And a bunch of fucking shit eating furries hanging out on discord. You gotta be able to find other people who have the same problem as you. You have to, because you have no perspective right now. Because you only know because you have this crazy thing going on internally that you're just dealing with alone. And it's just you and the entire planet who looks at it and goes, this is too much. This is crazy for me to deal with. But if you. I mean, this is why they have things like AA and you know, Sex Addicts Anonymous and all this stuff is so that people who have like a problem, they think they're alone with, they can get perspective from other people. And you really need that. You need that like you desperately need that. And I think you can find it. Where. Who are these scat fetish furry people that you're drawing the art with? Start first. Start there, start there. See if you can find other people that have the same problem as you. Just like, start there. Is your life worth living? It's not a good sign that I had to pause for that long but that doesn't mean that I believe your life isn't worth living. I don't. It's. You're. It's hard because I'm. I'm a bit of a. Is your life worth living? Actually? Give let. Because if you're listening to this right now, here is what I will say. And I will say that because I don't. I don't like being unrealistic, okay? I really like. I don't like being like toxic positivity and I don't like going, every life is amazing and beautiful and worth living. I don't like doing that. But I will say this and I will say it with certainty and I will say it with conviction to you. Solid snake, if you're listening, I 100% believe that there are things out there, be they people, places, meanings. And I believe this for everyone. People, places, meanings, work, whatever it is, there's stuff out there that I don't know about and that you don't know about. Where? If you kept living your life and you kept trying and you kept trying to expand outside of yourself and find these people, places, things, whatever they are, there are people, places, things that you may discover and then realize that, yes, your life is worth living. And I believe that 100%. So even if you don't think that your life as it, and this is applicable to fucking everyone, even if you don't think that your life as it is is worth living, I do believe that. Again, if you keep living it and you keep trying to search a little bit outside of yourself, whether that's going to therapy, whether that's just saying fuck it, and trying to make the connections with people anyway, even if you don't feel like it comes natural to you, like, the more you just try to attempt outside of yourself, the greater chance it is that you'll discover again. People, places, things, whatnot, thoughts, brother. Things inside. I'm only talking about the external things you might have. There's feelings that I don't fucking know about that you don't know about that might make you think differently. You'll discover things inside of yourself and outside of yourself that might make you believe that your life is worth living. So that's what I would say to you, because I can't tell you that your life is worth living because only you can decide that. But what I can tell you is that I'm pretty confident that you don't have all the information and all of the experiences that can inform you whether or not you think your life is worth Living. Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense. So, look, there might be an I, because, listen, there might be some dungeon in Venezuela where you can hang out with guys and shit in each other's mouths all day and. And then go to, like, get brunch afterwards. And it's amazing. And you're like, wow. Until I. Until I found the Venezuelan diarrhea dungeon, my life wasn't worth living. But now it is. Now I have family and friends. Now I got all this whole thing. So I don't know. But you. You have to. You have to go in search. You have to go in search of shit to make your life worth living. You can't just give up. I mean, you. Can I. But don't you want to? Don't you want to know? Don't you want to know? Don't you want to know if you can live a life that's worth living? Don't you want to at least try really hard to see if maybe you can discover something that makes your life worth living? That's what I would say to you. Solid snake. So good luck out there, man. Hey, folks, if any of you guys are creators on TikTok, you're going to want to know about this. TikTok is putting on a celebration spotlighting creators from all over the world called Live Fest 2025. I know a lot of people who listen to this show or call into this show are creators of some kind. You guys do all sorts of stuff. Life coaching, making funny sketches, making music. Whatever it is you do on TikTok, doing it with TikTok Live is a great way to engage with your community and grow your audience. And this year's Live Fest is a great opportunity to show the world whatever it is that you do best. You can take home real trophies and walk down the red carpet at TikTok's annual awards ceremony. So whether you're just starting out on TikTok or already growing your community, check out LiveFest2025 on TikTok to find out how you can be a part of this global celebration. Let's elevate live together. Shh.