“I HAVE TO PARENT MY PARENTS”

Summary

Therapy Gecko – "I HAVE TO PARENT MY PARENTS" (July 29, 2026)

Podcast: Therapy Gecko
Host: Lyle (the Therapy Gecko)
Main Theme: Parenting your own parents, boundaries with family, and coming of age while managing complex, emotionally loaded relationships.

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Episode Overview

This episode features a rich, heartfelt, and sometimes humorous exploration of what it means to "gentle parent" your own parents—as Lyle talks to callers navigating tangled family dynamics, generational habits, and their own transitions into adulthood. The central story follows Jimmy, a 19-year-old musician balancing band life, budding romance, and the challenge of setting boundaries with his mom and dad, both of whom rely on him emotionally and in practical terms.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Jimmy’s Life Update and Band Success

• [01:41] Jimmy introduces himself as a musician whose life is currently on the upswing: he’s gigging again, has band rehearsals, and recently started a promising relationship.
• Jimmy’s band: An alternative pop-rock sound with influences ranging from The Beatles to Green Day.
• Quote – Jimmy:

  "Life is fucking incredible. Especially now that I'm talking to Mr. Lyle, a therapy gecko." [01:47]

• Lyle reflects on the parable of the wise man, wrestling with whether happiness is about external circumstances or internal perspective.
• Quote – Lyle:

  "It is—we'll see. But in my heart, I'm like, no, good things are good and bad things are bad." [04:48]

2. New Relationship & Instagram DM Etiquette

• [06:42] Jimmy tells the story of meeting a new girlfriend through Instagram after a year of mutuals and a Spiderman pinball machine story.
• Discusses being bisexual and how that shapes his approach to friendship and dating.
• Quote – Jimmy:

  "I'm bisexual, so I don't really look at interactions with females the same way as, like, a straight guy would... There was no intent behind me sending that message... I was just more genuinely curious about where the pinball machine was." [08:18]

• A playful side discussion emerges about the term "females" and language around gender.
• Jimmy reveals he comes from a "womanizing Italian family" and is actively unlearning negative cultural habits.

3. Navigating Family Legacies and Coming Out

• [10:20] Jimmy explains growing up around vulgar talk about women and is candid about unlearning those behaviors.
• Shares coming out as bisexual—which happened after his dad unexpectedly discovered him with a partner.
• Quote – Jimmy:

  "He, he told me that he was gone for the night and I was seeing a trans dude at the time... he essentially walked in on us having sex... The thing that he was most upset about was that he wanted to know so that way if his friends ever made a homophobic comment around him, he had an excuse to get mad at them." [13:14]

• Both Lyle and Jimmy are surprised at how ultimately supportive (if clumsily so) his father was.

4. Healthy Relationships and Independence

• Jimmy emphasizes being more focused on his career and only pursuing relationships that feel right.
• Lyle observes the benefits of two partners sharing drive and ambition without codependence.
• Quote – Jimmy:

  "It's been really refreshing to have somebody who's also equally as driven... we can work on that and also coexist and enjoy each other's company and not, like, interfere with each other..." [15:00]

5. Parenting Your Parents: The Main Theme

Why Jimmy "Gentle Parents" His Parents

• [17:08] Jimmy feels he must “gentle parent” both parents due to their inability to admit fault and emotional volatility.

Jimmy’s Dad

• Runs a car detailing business; Jimmy works for him at below minimum wage.
• Dad wastes work time socializing, then blames Jimmy for lack of productivity.
• Parents are separated and create tension by venting to Jimmy about each other.
• Quote – Jimmy:

  "I have to walk on eggshells... If I don't, he literally, like, throws a temper tantrum like a child and starts... pacing back and forth and screaming." [18:59]

• Lyle notes the difficulty of working for a parent and advises Jimmy to move toward financial independence to establish healthier boundaries.
• Quote – Lyle:

  "The less obligatory my relationship with [my] folks is, the better it is... If you don't have... all these other threads... I would work as best as you can to get out of that first, and then just repair your relationship with your dad, just like, as your dad because you're doing, like, seven different things at once." [24:18, 25:55]

Jimmy’s Mom

• Life-long struggles with addiction: cocaine, pills, and alcohol.
• Parent-child roles are reversed: Jimmy must monitor her well-being and manage her emotional states.
• Tells a story about almost passing out from smoke during a pizza-cooking debacle; when he tries to set a boundary (“I can’t breathe”), mom interprets it as a personal attack.
• Quote – Jimmy:

  "I don't know how to navigate a conversation without, like, setting them off. Because any kind of constructive criticism... she views it as a personal attack." [31:36]

6. Emotional Boundaries, Self-Preservation, and Acceptance

• Both Lyle and Jimmy agree that family relationships may require limited, intentional contact:

  "I think, like, I work best with my parents, and I have the best relationship with them when I see them in small doses." [32:24]

• Moving in with his Nonna (grandmother) is a stabilizing, positive step for Jimmy.
• Lyle encourages boundary-setting, financial independence, and "killing with kindness."
• Quote – Lyle:

  "Be chill. Be respectful. Limit the amount of time you spend with them. Try to get off your dad's... payroll as soon as you can... The more you can intentionally control how much time you spend with your parents, probably the better." [33:45]

• Jimmy reflects on being "the bigger person" and maintaining dignity even when parents regress.
• Uplifting ending: Jimmy shares that he’s at his happiest now, is in a supportive relationship, and looks positively toward future adventures (including getting a Spider-Man pinball machine with his girlfriend).

7. Listener Messages: Closing Wisdom

• [36:42] Jimmy's advice:

  "Do what you love and don't let anybody else tell you that you can't do it. If you are passionate about something and you believe in yourself, fucking do it."

• Planning to meet Lyle at a Toronto show, with “Spider-Man pinball machine” as their code word.

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Other Notable Segments

Chris: Adventures in Real Estate Marketing & Hitchhiking

• Quirky call with Chris, a muralist and marketing guy from Gaylord, Michigan, who stages odd skits with real estate agents.
• Talks about filming adventure videos, wild hitchhiking stories (including being quasi-kidnapped), and lessons learned about trusting strangers.
• Fun banter about carrying self-defense and Pokémon tails.
• Quote – Chris:

  “If you’re looking for a good deal on Cordless… Dumbledore’s affordable four door Dwarf Holder Emporium…” [56:46]

Osvaldo: Trust, Friendship, and Loss

• Osvaldo recounts being robbed by a close friend (over a failed power washing business), the pain of losing that trust, and eventual, if partial, reconciliation while playing basketball.
• Osvaldo’s closing wisdom:

  “Life is what you make of it.” [67:18]

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Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• Jimmy about his dad:

  “I have to, like, walk on eggshells on how I phrase anything that… bothers me with him in particular, because if I don't, he literally, like, throws a temper tantrum like a child…” [18:59]

• On setting boundaries:

  "The less obligatory my relationship with [my] folks is, the better it is..." — Lyle [24:18]

• Jimmy's central challenge:

  "I'm 19 and I have to gentle parent a 48 and 58 year old man / woman." [16:51]

• Comic relief:

  "How funny would it be if I started keeping a switchblade in my tail?" — Lyle, discussing gecko-based self-defense [55:28]

• Closing advice from callers:

  "Do what you love and don't let anybody else tell you that you can't do it… fucking do it." — Jimmy [36:42]
  "Life is what you make of it." — Osvaldo [67:18]

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Key Takeaways

• Adulthood often means learning to emotionally "parent" your own parents—setting boundaries, monitoring your own well-being, and not letting unhealthy family dynamics derail you.
• Healthy relationships (romantic or familial) depend on clear boundaries, honest communication, and supporting each other's independence.
• Sometimes all you can do is "be the bigger person," practice kindness, and limit your exposure to toxic behavior—even from those you love most.
• Listeners are left with the message to pursue their passions, value their own mental well-being, and know that things can—and do—get better.

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Tone:
Warm, candid, irreverently therapeutic, with Lyle as the supportive but cheeky gecko therapist giving practical, real-world advice amid laughter, empathy, and stories of human messiness.

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For Further Reflection:

• How can you set boundaries with family, especially when the roles have reversed?
• In what ways can you prioritize your own growth and happiness—even if it means breaking out of old, emotionally enmeshed patterns?

Transcript

[Lyle]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Jimmy]

I love my phone, but not my carrier. What do I do?

[T-Mobile Representative]

Well, there are 250 reasons to join T Mobile.

[Chris]

Like what?

[T-Mobile Representative]

You can keep your phone and your number and T Mobile helps pay it off up to $800 per line.

[Jimmy]

So I wouldn't have to buy a new phone?

[E]

Yep.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Plus your plan price stays the same for 5 years on experience plans. Nice. Find your reason@t mobile.com

[F]

via virtual prepaid guard card. Typically takes 15 days after rebate submission price guarantee on TalkText and 5G data exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

[Narrator]

Getting to a great idea is hard in college. Nonsensical essays, cringe inducing presentations, and seemingly unsolvable problem sets. But then the first thought becomes a final thesis. Jumbled slides transform into a polished keynote. And that midterm assignment gets a lot less mid. Because the road to great ideas is littered with bad ones. You just have to keep going until something clicks. Great ideas start on Mac. Find out more on apple.com this is

[Lyle]

Jonathan Goldstein from Heavyweight. If your finance team spends more time finding data than using it. If there's one entity here and one here and one here and one here. If scaling your business feels like starting over, you need the Intuit ERP. Intuit Enterprise Suite is the AI native ERP solution that's powerful, painless, and proven. Learn more at intuit.com erp hello? Hey, what's up, man? What's your name?

[Jimmy]

My name is Jimmy.

[Lyle]

Jimmy. What's going on, Jimmy? How's life?

[Jimmy]

Dude, life is fucking incredible. Especially now that I'm talking to Mr. Lyle, a therapy gecko.

[Chris]

Oh my God.

[Lyle]

That is so sweet of you to say, Jimmy. That is so sweet of you to say.

[Chris]

What?

[Lyle]

Tell me why else life is. Life is going so incredibly

[Jimmy]

well.

[Osvaldo]

I.

[Jimmy]

There was a, I'm a musician. There was a while for, I want to say like 2024, 2025, where there was a huge drought in my life in terms of like shows and getting out there and playing with people. But I'm actually at my, my band's rehearsal right now at my house. We have a show on Saturday and I have another one. I have two more coming up this month. Like life has just been busy as. And it feels like everything's going in the right direction. I met a girl like a week ago and things are going like super well with that.

[Lyle]

Wow.

[Jimmy]

Yeah. Like, it just seems like life is on the up and up.

[Lyle]

I love hearing about. Go ahead.

[Jimmy]

No, no, sorry, I, I.

[Chris]

Please.

[Lyle]

All right, so I love Hearing when someone's life is going well, you know, sometimes. Yeah, sometimes for a lot of people, you know, life is going bad, but other times, life is going good. You know, I like to. I kind of. You know that old parable. This is one of the things in life I really haven't yet figured out. And I'll probably die not having it figured out, but do you know that parable of the fucking. I feel like it's Chinese, but it's like a Chinese smart, wise guy. I don't know if he's a monk, but he's like a wise. Yeah, yeah, guy.

[Jimmy]

I don't.

[Osvaldo]

I don't know that.

[Jimmy]

I don't know the proper name either.

[Osvaldo]

Don't.

[Lyle]

Yeah, but he's a wise guy and, you know, a boy breaks his leg or something and then. Oh, like maybe like a boy gets a horse or some shit, and the boy is like, oh, this is great, I got a horse. You know. And then the wise guy's like, we will see if it's great. And then the boy is like, I broke my leg on the horse. This sucks. And the wise guy, we will, like, we will see if this sucks. And then the. The conscription officers come and they. They don't draft the boy because he broke his leg. And they're like, see, it didn't. You know, this is great. And he's like, it worked out. Yeah. And so I don't know if life is. I don't know if life is a series of attempting to make good things happen to you externally, such as great relationships and thriving career, or if it's more of an internal. I'm going to make sure I have some kind of, like, mental baseline of sanity, regardless of what's going on in my life. I don't know. I'm. I can't. Towards. Life is way better when, like, life is good than when it's bad. I think that. I think it's pretty easy. I think saying otherwise, that's kind of

[Jimmy]

a. Lyle, that's a bold assumption. Are you saying that I.

[Lyle]

Well, you know what's funny is people think of it like it's a bold assumption. And I think of it. I think it's kind of cope in some sense, you know, like, when my life's not going well, I'm like, well, I'm like. I'm like the Buddhist monk. I'm like, we'll see. But in my heart, I'm like, no, this does. It is good things are good and bad things are bad.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, no, I totally get you. Know, I've always wanted to ask. I've always wanted to ask you because I feel like you don't get asked enough. How are you doing? How is your.

[Lyle]

People ask people. You know, people ask me that all

[Jimmy]

the time and you would dodge the question every single time I do.

[Lyle]

What kind of music does your band play?

[Jimmy]

That's a great question. We kind of play like if the Beatles and the Police and Green Day and like I don't even know, they all had like a baby and they were like slightly worse at us. We, we make like sort of alternative rock. It's very like poppy. My, my drumming comes from like a jazz and like rock inspired background. So I kind of, I have elements of that in, in what I play. But my guitarist and singer, like the lead songwriter, he's just like super into the Beatles and, and like all those harmonies and those, and those cheeky ass chords, but I love it. Like him and I, we just met earlier this year and we mesh super well together musically. And then one of my best friends is, he's a keyboard player and we just got him to hop on our upcoming show and things sound like super well. So I'm hoping that he continues to play with us.

[Lyle]

And so how did you meet this lady that you met a week ago?

[Jimmy]

I think you would like this story. Actually I was mutuals with her on Instagram for like a year or so. She's an artist and I was just a big fan of her artwork so I only followed her like business account and then like her personal came up in my suggested and I was just like we've been mutuals for long enough and I request to follow it. She accepted. And then like two months later she posts on her story. Just like no caption, no music. It was just a hard picture of a spider man pinball machine somewhere and I was like, oh my God, that's insane. I want to play that pinball machine. So I just replied to the story and I was like that's sick as fuck. Where is that? And then literally just from that response we started like a three day long conversation and then a couple buddies of mine ran a festival in my hometown. So I was attending that festival and just like working one of the stands and I invited her to the second day and she pulled up and then we've just been hanging out ever since.

[Lyle]

Wow. I like it. Just. That's a, that's a very long Instagram DM game, right? Because you didn't message her immediate. Because you didn't message her immediately. So you played it smart. You really did, because you didn't message her immediately when she accepted your follow request. You waited for a natural way to begin a conversation. Smart.

[Jimmy]

Because the thing is, is, like, I wasn't actively looking for anything. Like, I've been single for quite some time now, and, like, I'm. I'm bisexual, so I don't really look at interactions with females the same way as, like, a straight guy would like. It's just like another friend. So, like, I wasn't the. There was no intent behind me sending that message to be like, I think I'm going to go on a date with this girl. I was just more genuinely curious about where the pinball machine was.

[Lyle]

You know, Another thing that I noticed just now is maybe there's. Maybe it's something about being bisexual. You can get away with saying females in a way that doesn't sound weird.

[Jimmy]

I'd say actually a really bad habit of mine that I've been trying to shake. And I'm glad that you pointed that out, because I didn't even realize that I just said.

[Kal Penn]

Well, it's one of.

[F]

It's.

[E]

You know what?

[Lyle]

It's one of those. It's one of those words where, like, the difference between it being weird, it's all. I feel like it's about the, like, the word itself. It's not inherently, like, a weird word, but if you, like, in a certain context or certain way, it's like the way you said it didn't have that, like, thing to it.

[Jimmy]

I guess that's true.

[Osvaldo]

Yeah.

[Jimmy]

But, yeah, I do. I do really hate the fact that I say that and that it's in my vocabulary, so I appreciate you pointing that out.

[Lyle]

Well, I mean, it's not like. Well, I think it's. It's like when someone's like, yeah, I'm gonna go talk to some females, it's like, yeah, but the way you. But the way you said it was a very matter of fact. It's like when. Like when I am speaking to a female person, that doesn't sound that weird.

[Osvaldo]

Yeah.

[Jimmy]

No, and I guess. I guess that's sort of like my. My thought process when, like, you know, thinking about what I'm gonna say, it's just that that's how it naturally occurs, you know?

[Lyle]

And so now you go ahead.

[Jimmy]

I was. I was gonna say I come from, like, a really, like, womanizing Italian family. So the way that I've. I've been raised, I've been, like, slowly trying to break all of these, like, horrible habits that like my dad and all of his friends have taught me.

[Lyle]

Fascinating.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Wait, tell me, tell me more about that.

[Osvaldo]

What.

[Lyle]

What kinds of habits did your dad and his friends instill?

[Jimmy]

They're just like, they talk about women in a really vulgar way. Like some, like, core memories that I have growing up would be like, driving with my dad somewhere and he would see, like, an attractive girl walking down the street and he'd be like, oh, look, Sam. Like, look at her butt or something like that. And, oh, I just, I said my real name.

[Chris]

Oopsie.

[Jimmy]

You don't have to believe. It's fine. But yeah, he'd just be like, look like, you know, and like, point it out. Like, make a big deal out of it. Or like he, he approaches, like, women in public in like, a really weird way. Like, he's always like, oh, hi, honey. Like, like, oh, like slightly flirting with them, but not really. Like, you know how, like, old guys, like old Italian guys tend to do that? It's like, hey, how you doing?

[Osvaldo]

Yeah, sure.

[Jimmy]

And then like, how they talk behind closed doors. Like, it's always just like, oh, did you her. Yeah, like, like that, that kind of, that kind of behavior.

[Osvaldo]

You know what?

[Lyle]

Can I ask you a question? I don't know if it's a rude question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway.

[Osvaldo]

No, go ahead.

[Chris]

What?

[Lyle]

Your. Was your dad upset when he found out you were bisexual?

[Jimmy]

It's a really funny story, actually. I'm glad you asked. He, he told me that he was gone for the night and I was seeing a trans dude at the time. So he came home at like 2:30 in the morning and like, essentially walked in on us having sex. And yeah, like, my, my door was shut, like in my room. Like, he didn't like, actually see us, but he heard us and he was just like, what the. And, and then the next morning he was like, crying, being like, oh, my God, like, why didn't you tell me? Like, you know, I, I, you, you shouldn't have let me found out like that. Like, the thing that he was most upset about was that he wanted to know. So that way, if his friends ever made a homophobic comment around him, he had an excuse to get mad at them. That was,

[Lyle]

You know what? That's, that's very sweet.

[Jimmy]

Like, like, the heart is. The heart is there, you know?

[Lyle]

You know what? That's. I'm so happy you said. That's so much better than how I thought he would react. That's, that's good.

[Osvaldo]

I.

[Jimmy]

Honestly, it was a lot better than How I thought he would react to, like, it was a weird. Like, he didn't know whether or not to be angry or, like, confused, you know, because I also don't have any siblings, which is like, a big factor. So, you know, he kind of has to accept the fact that his son is, like, a little gay.

[Osvaldo]

So.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, I don't know. But I've never, like, I've never made it a big deal. Like, I'm not a very flamboyant person. Like, I do, I do dress, like, pretty androgynous. Especially, like, within the past few months, I've. I've started to wear, like, a lot smaller shirts and, like, mesh and skirts and whatnot. And I've just been, like, trying to hide it from there. But overall, it's like, I haven't really caught much shit.

[Lyle]

Do you. So you seem like. You seem like you haven't been running around like, oh, I gotta find a girlfriend. Oh, I gotta have sex. You're just being kind of like, like gliding through, open to whatever comes your way.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, pretty much. Like, I'm more focused on getting, like, my career off the ground and all of, all of the bands that I'm playing in and, like, the shows I have upcoming are. It's all still very fresh, so I'm still, like, trying to maintain that and make sure that it, it lasts a while. And I, and I've just kind of, like, seen, like, I, I, I don't really engage in, like, a romantic relationship unless I'm, like, super sure about the person. And this, this girl has, like, given me every reason to give her a chance. And, like, she's just been super kind to me and, like, accepting. And we share so much in common. We have the same sense of humor. Like, we talk for hours and it seems like no time goes by at all. But we're also, like, very driven in our own past. Like, she's focused on her art and I'm focused on my music. So, like, while, like, during the days, it's not like we're blowing up each other's phones and we're not answering each other, you know? And I've been in relationships where, like, I literally can't get away from the other person. So it's just been really refreshing to, like, have somebody who's also equally as driven towards, like, a direction in their life or, like, an end goal. And we can work on that and also coexist and enjoy each other's company and not, like, interfere with each other, you know?

[Lyle]

That's cool, man. That's cool. I like that it's has a healthy relationship.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, yeah, it's again, it's all still like, it's really, it's really funny that you called me now because this is probably like the most stable and happy that I've ever been. And I don't know if you can like see the text messages that I've sent you, but it's like, I, I, oh, dude, I've been texting you like a desperate ex, bro. Like, there's there's probably like 20 text messages in there of just like bullshit that's happened over the past couple of years that I thought would be interesting to chat with you about because like, like I said, I've been listening to your podcast for like ages. So, you know, any time that like a crazy event happens, I'm like, you know, let's call the gecko, man.

[Lyle]

Wait a minute. I'm looking at your texts right now and I saw you said, I am 19 and I have to gentle parent a 48 and 58 year old man slash woman. Are you referring to your, are you for, are these your parents you're referring to?

[Jimmy]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really telling.

[Lyle]

Why do you feel like you have to gentle parent your parents?

[Jimmy]

Because. Okay, who do you want to hear about first? My mom or my dad?

[Lyle]

You know, we heard a little bit about. Yeah, let's, we've already, let's finish, let's wrap the bow up with your dad. Let's hear about that.

[Jimmy]

All right.

[Osvaldo]

All right.

[Jimmy]

So my dad is a business owner and like he, he runs a car detailing business and he's a one man show over there. And the main thing with him is like, both my parents have an issue where they refuse to ever admit that they're wrong. But the issues that I've been having with him is like, I also work for him and he'll tell me that I need to go into work, like for the entire week, like two days before I actually have to work. And then I'll have like practices or gigs or whatever that I'll have to reschedule or like work around. And then so I've just been telling him like, I, I think you should manage your time a little better at work. Because whenever I'm at the shop, he'll like, his buddies will come by and he'll drop everything that he's doing and just like sit and talk with them for 45 minutes, you know, and then I'm like doing all the work. So the main issue with him Is like, I was just trying to bring up, like, you're allowed to, like, say hi and like, interact with your customers, but, like, talking with them for 45 minutes and, like, you know, complaining that you're not getting anything done isn't really helping. And then he'll just, like, give me a million excuses as to why, you know, he can't. And then there's also, like, they. Both my parents hate each other, like, so much, so they're constantly, like, comparing me to the other parent or their. They're shit talking the other parent to me, and I'm just like, I don't, I don't want to hear this.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Osvaldo]

Yeah.

[Jimmy]

So anytime. And anytime that I bring up, like, a concern like that, it just turns into, like, well, then you shouldn't be doing this. So I have to, like, walk on eggshells on how I phrase anything that, like, bothers me with him in particular, because if I don't, he literally, like, throws a temper tantrum like a child and starts, like, stomping his feet and like, pacing back and forth and screaming and it's just like, it's embarrassing. Like, I. I just, I. I want to be able to, like, talk with my parents.

[Lyle]

Your dad sounds like he has a very European style of working.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, yeah, he definitely does. And, you know, it would be like, it would be fine if he had employees, you know, and could, like, pay them, but he doesn't. So, like, does he.

[Lyle]

What does he pay. Does he pay you?

[Jimmy]

Yes, but, like, very little. Like, he pays me $50 a car, and he charges like, $200 per car.

[Lyle]

He pays you $50 a car? How, like, how long you been working for? Because here's the, here's the thing. At the end of the day, it's like, if you're. I mean, because you have. You have two separate relationships now, right? You have. Your relationship with your dad is your. Yeah, well, you have your relationship with your dad as your dad, and then you have your relationship with your dad as, like, your. You have a relationship with your dad and you have a relationship with your dad, like, as, you know, a boss, right? And it's like, you know, especially at 19, it's like, you know, with a job like that, it's like, if you're. Do you feel like. I mean, let's talk legally speaking, even, like, are you. Do you feel like you get paid enough to do what you do and you can kind of just like clock in and clock out? Or is your dad, like, the. Him like, spending a bunch of time Doing other bullshit. Is that, like, with your money and your work?

[Jimmy]

It's kind of with my money and my work. Like, there's.

[Osvaldo]

It.

[Jimmy]

It's kind of weird because when I first started working for him, the $50 a car thing was, like, perfectly feasible because I was living with him and he, you know, paying for groceries and, you know, rent. I was living rent free at our apartment for the longest time, you know, because I was like 18 and fresh out of school. So I was like, I was happy with that arrangement. But then I moved out. I started living with my mom, and now I'm moving in with my. My nonna because, like, my grandfather just passed away, so she just needs somebody else, like, around the house. Um, so, like, it's a lot different now. Like, he's. He doesn't buy my food. He doesn't pay for my gas or my insurance or my phone or, like, any of the bills that I have, you know. So $50 a car for, like, it's $50 for, like.

[Lyle]

Wait, well, hold on, hold on, hold on. We're still. We're still. We're still blending things right now. We're still.

[Osvaldo]

Sorry. Still.

[Lyle]

We're still, you know. Well, no, you don't have to be sorry, but, like, you know what I mean? Like, we're still blending. Like, your dad is your dad and your dad is your boss.

[Jimmy]

Like, it's really hard to differentiate.

[Lyle]

Well, so, okay, I mean, so he pays you $50 a car, right? How long does it take you to do a car? Whatever. I don't know what you're doing to these cars.

[Jimmy]

Let's say, let's say four hours, like, round. Depending on how bad it is, it can range anywhere from like three to five, but I'll say like four. Just, you know, as average.

[Lyle]

Okay, so you're the. So you're making like 1250 an hour.

[Osvaldo]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Okay. Is that minimum wage?

[Jimmy]

No. Minimum wage in Canada. I live in Ontario, so minimum wage here is like 18, 10, I think.

[Lyle]

Okay, so. So why would you continue to work for your dad instead of just getting, like, a minimum wage job?

[Jimmy]

Because I was actually looking for a minimum wage job. I have, like, my license to go work at any dispensary that I want. I just don't have, like, a proper resume. And then any. Like, right when I was getting my resume, that was when, like, my Nona went into the hospital and passed away. So it was like, there was a big month where everything was kind of on hold. And then that was also when, like, my gigs and my Band started to, like, really pick up, so I kind of just started focusing on that instead of going and looking for an actual job. And it wasn't like I wasn't struggling with money. Like, I had enough saved up to where it didn't really matter if I spent a little more time, like, focusing on my band and shit and getting things off the ground. So I made that sacrifice and just, like, continued to work with him on occasion whenever I needed, like, you know, money for insurance or gas or whatnot. And then that was it. But recently it's been like, he, like. The other day he told me that I had to work every day this week. And then him and I got into, like, a big argument about, like, communication. And it ended with him, like, understanding everything. And I think I, like, finally got through to him. But again, I literally had to, like, hold his hand and tell him step by step, like, everything that he was doing wrong and how to, like, be better.

[Lyle]

Dude, I'm gonna be. Well, I'm gonna be honest with you, man. I think, like, the. The I've noticed, like, I've noticed this in my life with my folks, like, the less obligatory my relationship with them is, the better it is. So, like. And it's hard when you're. It's tough as shit when you're 19. I mean, you know, Cause like, you. You're like, fresh into, like, trying to get your own money and your own life and shit. But, like, if you don't have. You want to kind of focus on getting your own money in your life and shit, because you have all these, like, other threads connecting you to your parents other than just the relationship, because, like, there's fucking money and the work and everything. And I feel like it's hard to, like, repair that personal relationship if you still have those ties. Obviously. It's hard to, you know, it's hard to, like, make your way and get your own money and. But, like, I think especially.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

Dude.

[Lyle]

Especially if this. This isn't even a thing where. Like, this isn't even a thing where working for your dad is such a great job, you know, like, you'd be making more money with, like, a minimum wage thing. And I get. It's been busy, but, like, I. I think you should probably work on, like, doing. Doing the best you can to figure out what. Yeah. To get out of. To get. I would. I would work as best as you can to, like, get out of that first and then try to just repair your relationship with your dad, just like, as your dad, because you're Trying. You're doing, like, seven different things at once.

[Chris]

That's a.

[Jimmy]

That's honestly really fantastic advice. And it's funny you say that, because I was kind of having this exact conversation with that girl, and she told me the exact same thing.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Jimmy]

So I, I. And I'm not, like, unaware that I, I shouldn't. I should be probably looking for another job, but I, I also have really bad executive dysfunction when it comes to, like, that. So I just, I'm a big procrastinator. I'm sure you understand. And especially, like, when. When shit starts to go well in, like, one direction, I just kind of, like, jump head first into that and, and put everything else on hold. But I, I do medication, buddy. Come back to reality. Yeah, Time to come back to reality.

[Lyle]

Come back to reality. Medication. I mean, I could. We could. We could talk for nine hours about executive dysfunction, which I'm, you know, I'm. I'm. I'm fucking 28, and I'm still, like, trying to figure out how to solve for X on that one, but. Okay. Tell me about your mom. What's going on with your mom?

[Jimmy]

All right, so she has been, like, an addict my whole life with, like, cocaine and pills and whatnot. Refuses to admit. And alcohol as well. It's like, a big one. She refuses to admit that she has a problem and, like, hasn't for years. So that kind of, like, severed our relationship a little bit. When I was 13 ish. I. I walked in on her, like, literally doing coke, and I was like, all right, yeah, I'm out. So we. We were kind of, like, on the rocks for a little bit. Like, it took a while to get back to seeing each other again, but recently I repaired our relationship. Like, she went. A couple years ago, she went, like, manic because she was doing so much. So much drugs. And she was like, you know, hitting up, like, family members with dementia for money and, like, like just doing, like, really scummy things. And it got to the point where I was just like, all right, I gotta. I gotta do something.

[Osvaldo]

Like, I gotta.

[Jimmy]

I gotta be in her life and just, like, make sure she's not gonna kill herself, you know? And then I came back, and things were good for a while, but, like, anytime that there would be an issue, like, there was. The best example is, I don't know if you heard. You're in New York, right? Or just, like, outside.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I'm in New York.

[Chris]

Okay.

[Jimmy]

So you definitely saw the smoke and shit from the wildfires up in Canada, right?

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Osvaldo]

Oh, sure.

[Lyle]

Are you in the middle of that shit?

[Jimmy]

Oh, I was like, right smack in the middle of it.

[Lyle]

Whoa. So, like, I'm like, it's definitely, like. It's definitely. It's. It's very funny that, like, the sky turns orange and smoky, and then the next day everyone's like, oh, well, that was weird. All right, anyway, let's go to. Let's go get brunch, right?

[Jimmy]

Like, I had a fucking gig in Hamilton, Ontario, that day, which I don't know if you know anything about that city, but it is the steel capital of Ontario. So, like, right after the day, after the sky was orange, I played a show, like, essentially outside while it was, like, super smoky, and I was, like, hyperventilating the entire entire time. I could not breathe. And anyways, like, right after that show, I'm at home, like, at my mom's house, and she is like, oh, I want to make pizza at home today. And I. I didn't think much of it. I'm just like, oh, that's very nice of her. You know, she was, like, making the dough and shit, like, the cool, you know, homemade pizza, but the outside was still super smoky. And then she turns the oven up to 500 degrees, throws a stone in there covered in olive oil, and just leaves it. So the entire house just becomes, like, a big olive oil hot box.

[Lyle]

Jesus.

[Jimmy]

Like, yeah, she went and, like, took a shower while she, like, preheated the oven with the stone covered in olive oil in it. And she didn't tell me that she had left it in there. So by the time I realized, the entire house was just full of smoke. And then I tried to open the windows, but I couldn't because there was smoke outside. So it was like I was. I was literally dying. Like, it felt like I was having an asthma attack, and I don't have asthma. So I just, like, politely said to her, I'm like, mom, I really appreciate you making this pizza for me and doing all this work, but I literally cannot breathe. It feels like I'm suffocating. I have to go. And I went and stayed the night at my grandparents. And then the next day I go back, and she was in a really bad mood, and I just asked her, what's wrong? And she was just like, well, it feels like anything that I do for you, like, any nice thing that I do for you, you never appreciate. And, like, everything that I do is, like, a problem and whatever. And I'm just like, I. I love you, and I appreciate everything that you do for me. But, like, I. I can't enjoy a meal when I can't breathe. Like, it wasn't personal towards you why I left yesterday. It was just like, I literally couldn't breathe. And then she just started going off about, like, how I. I don't care about her and, like, how. How the way that I act and is exactly like my father and blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, I don't know how to navigate a conversation without, like, setting them off. Because anything that, like, any kind of, like, constructive criticism or, like, anything that I say to her that's like, maybe you should try doing this instead of this, she views it as, like, a personal attack. And I have to, like, scream over and over again that, like, I'm not attacking you. Like, I'm. I'm coming from a place of love, you know?

[Chris]

And.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I mean, dude, I don't know. It's so hard with, like. You know, what's funny is, like, in pretty much, parents are an interesting to. Any kind of, like, blood relationship is an interesting thing because, like, pretty much every relationship in your life, romantic or friendship, it's like, if you come to an impasse, there comes a point where you're like, all right, I guess we should break up or we shouldn't be friends anymore if it's gonna be like this. But with your parents, it's tricky. It's like, ah, but that's my. Fuck. That's my mom, you know, that's my fucking dad. Yeah. You know, but there is. But I also. But I think. I do think there are ways to honor that without having it encroach upon your own personal sanity, you know?

[Jimmy]

Yeah. Like, I think the. What I've discovered is, like, I work best with my parents, and I have the best relationship with them when I see them in, like, small doses.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Jimmy]

So I. I think, like, moving in with my. With my Nonna, because she's, like, always been a second mother to me. Like, I used to go to her house every day after school. My elementary school is, like, five minutes walking distance from her house, so I've spent quite a bit of time here, and I feel very comfortable here. So it's. No, it's not like a huge. And I lived here for quite a bit, too, so it's not, like, a huge change in environment for me. So I'm. I'm really happy that I can just, like, take a little bit of a break because things have kind of been a little tense lately at times, and I'm just constantly, like, having to Bite my tongue and like, try to be as kind and like, like kill them with kindness essentially. Like any time that they're upset about something else and they start to take it out on me. Because that's another thing too. They'll get frustrated with like external things in their life. Like, my mom gets really frustrated anytime she has to call like the phone company or like the Internet company. And like, that'll literally like ruin her entire day. And she'll like, start screaming at me for the littlest things just because she had to like talk to a phone operator a little bit. Or like, my dad will have a bad day at work.

[Lyle]

Yeah, well, I, I think. No, no, no, don't. Don't be sorry. I think everything, everything you're saying, like, you're, you're going about it in the very smart way, which is like, dude, I'm just gonna fucking like try to be the bigger person. I'm gonna try to be kind. I'm gonna try to be respectful. And like, that's all you can fucking do, man. Like, be chill. Be respectful. Limit the amount of time you spend with them. Try to get off your dad's. Try to get off. It's, it's a bummer. I mean, try to get off your parents payroll like as soon as you can, you know? Especially if, I mean, especially if your parents payroll is like below what you would make if you were just like doing your own thing, you know, I mean, that's, that's kind of, I would say is like the, the closest you can get to like the, the, the more you have your own thing going on and you can kind of like be in intentional control of how much time you spend with your parents. Probably the better. I mean, you got so much chick going on, man. You've been busy. You got, you got, you got gigs. You got a lady with a, you got a girlfriend with a Spider man pinball machine. Wait, is it like one of those real pin. Is it like a real pinball machine or is it like one of those like plastic ones?

[Jimmy]

No. No. Okay, so, so I probably should have specified this. She doesn't own the pinball machine.

[Osvaldo]

She.

[Jimmy]

She was attending some kind of like roller derby thing in Buffalo.

[Lyle]

Oh, cool.

[Chris]

They.

[Jimmy]

They had, they had the pinball machine there and that's where she took the picture. But.

[Lyle]

So your life is going good, but it's not going as well as I thought. Yeah, it was. I thought you were like, I found a girlfriend who has a Spider man pinball machine in her house type of life.

[Chris]

No, But.

[Jimmy]

But. But I. I do think that that's a possibility for the future. I don't think either of us would be opposed to getting a Spider man pinball machine if we were to ever move in together. So, you know, if I ever make.

[Lyle]

Go ahead.

[Jimmy]

I was gonna say, if I ever do, I'm gonna throw, like a gecko plush on it. Name it, Lyle.

[Lyle]

Dude, if you. If you ever have. Make sure that you, you know, if you and your girlfriend go in on a Spider man pinball machine together, make sure you have some sort of prenuptial agreement with that, you know, because who takes it? Yeah. Over the Spider Man. What's your name again, man?

[Jimmy]

Yeah, that's Jimmy.

[Lyle]

Jimmy. Jimmy. I really enjoyed talking to you, man. You got a. You got a good spirit to you.

[Jimmy]

Thank you, man. I. I really enjoy talking to you, too.

[Chris]

It's.

[Jimmy]

I've. Again, like, I've been calling for. For such a long time. I'm really glad that you answered now and not, like in the past, because I feel like any conversation that I would have had with you before, I would have been, like, manic and out of my mind. So no really good feeling?

[Lyle]

Yeah, man.

[Osvaldo]

Yeah.

[Jimmy]

Don't look at those other text messages, okay?

[Lyle]

No, I was scrolling. You know what? It's funny. I was scrolling through them and I was like, ah, let's talk about the good stuff.

[Osvaldo]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jimmy]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Chris]

There's been a lot of fun.

[Lyle]

Did I ask you already if there was anything else you wanted to say to the people at the computer before we go?

[Jimmy]

You have not, but there is something I'd like to say to the people at the computer. Do what you love and don't let anybody else tell you that you can't do it. If you are passionate about something and you believe in yourself, fucking do it. That's beautiful.

[Lyle]

Beautiful.

[Jimmy]

I also want to say I will see you in September. Is it. You're coming to Toronto?

[Lyle]

Yes. Yes, I'll be there in fucking. Yeah. September 9th and 10th.

[Osvaldo]

Awesome. Dude, what do I.

[Jimmy]

What do I say to you when I go up to you after the show to, like, make you remember this phone call?

[Lyle]

Spider Man. Pinball Machine.

[Jimmy]

Pinball machine. Yeah.

[Osvaldo]

All right.

[Jimmy]

All right, got it.

[Lyle]

If you give me. I'm not. I won't remember either your real or fake name, but if you tell me things about what we talk.

[Jimmy]

No, I.

[Lyle]

100% guarantee I will remember you if you just give me details of this phone call.

[Jimmy]

Okay, got it. Sorry. This is the absolute final thing at your previous Toronto show. I asked you a really dumb question and I've been embarrassed about it ever since.

[Lyle]

Did you ask it to me when I was on stage or after the show?

[Jimmy]

Yes, while you were on stage. While you're on.

[Lyle]

Oh, what was it?

[Jimmy]

You were, you were taking questions and I raised my hand and I was just like, what's your like favorite method of smoking weed or something like that. Oh, and I think you said like joints, if I. If I had to guess. But I just remember feeling really embarrassed after that. Like it was just a stupid, stupid question.

[Lyle]

That's a fair question. I should have said something funnier. I should have been like, see, I can't even think of anything funny. So right now. But yeah, I mean, Wade's cool. Wade's cool, Everything's fine.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, but it's not the end all the time, you know. Machine rocks.

[Lyle]

Anyways, Jimmy, good luck. I'll see you. I'll see you in a few months, man.

[Jimmy]

Yes you will. Take care, bro.

[Lyle]

See you, Jimmy. That was Jimmy. Good guy, Jimmy. Yeah, we've talked a lot about parents. Parents shit on here. It's tough. I'm glad his life is going well, you know. There you have it, folks. Things can turn around right there quick. Just some good evidence of that from Mr. Jimmy.

[Narrator]

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[Lyle]

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[Lyle]

And honestly, that hundred dollars back, I'm putting it towards the zipline now.

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[Jimmy]

Exactly.

[Lyle]

Best switch I ever made.

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[Kal Penn]

Hey, everyone, it's Cal Penn, host of Irsay, The Audible, and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Divergent author Veronica Roth to talk about her sprawling new novel, Seek the Traitor's Son. It's a sci fi fantasy epic about two protagonists on opposite sides of a war and a prophecy neither of them wanted.

[T-Mobile Representative]

My first book was Divergent, and when that came out, like, because it was so popular, I think it attracted, like, mostly positivity, but the negativity I sucked in like a sponge. And I think it was, like, critiques of things I liked when I was like, you know, I was 23 and I wrote the same book and it had all my, like, dorky little cheesy or maybe unrealistic loves in it. And I started to feel a lot of shame about those things. And so for the rest of my career, I steered away from those little things that, like, make you feel pleasure when you read. But I also was, like, saying no to these parts of myself that I then was like, screw it.

[Chris]

Yeah, so that's this book.

[Kal Penn]

Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chris]

Therapy Geck.

[Lyle]

Hey, what's up, man? What's your name?

[Chris]

What's up, dude? My name is Chris.

[Lyle]

Chris. Nice to meet you, Chris. You texted me something that I don't really know what it means, but I'm curious to talk to you about it.

[Chris]

So I'll start by saying you read my Geck mail a while ago. I'm the guy from Gaylord who. There's that unsolved murder.

[Lyle]

The guy from Gaylord who's that unsolved murder. Oh, did you. Did you, like, send me an email being like, shout out if anyone has any information about this murder?

[Chris]

Yeah, 100%.

[Lyle]

Okay. I do vaguely remember that. I assume nobody reached out to you at all.

[Chris]

No, dude, no. But still unsolved. So that's just. Is what it is.

[Lyle]

You text me and you said, these real estate agents have no idea. You said. You said these real estate agents have no idea what I'll do to them.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude. So I'm. I'm a marketing guy, so I make videos and take really good photos and just.

[Lyle]

Okay, are you. Are you. Are you here to do another promotion?

[Chris]

No, no, it's just I started working with these real estate agents and I'm making them do really funny,

[Lyle]

like, to with them or on or like to

[Chris]

help them to Help them. Yeah, but it's just a lot of unorthodox stuff, so.

[Lyle]

Okay, like what?

[Chris]

So I'm getting them to, like, stage fake robberies, painting their face and then painting their signs to match it. Just a bunch of funny skits like that to make them. Trying to, like, post new listings to be more funny.

[Lyle]

That's cute. I like that. Okay, this. I'm. You know what good this is. Like, this is wholesome and. And cute. I thought this was good. I thought that you, like, had a real estate agent that crossed you and you wanted to kill them.

[Chris]

That would be dark. No, there's. There's enough murder in my town, so I'm not trying to contribute to that.

[Lyle]

Dude, what's going on in Gaylord?

[T-Mobile Representative]

Where?

[Lyle]

First of all, where is Gaylord? Is that Texas?

[Chris]

Northern Michigan. So middle finger, first knuckle.

[Lyle]

Okay. And are, like, genuine question how much tourism comes to Gaylord purely of the fact that it's called Gaylord?

[Chris]

Not much, to be honest. Dude. We're actually considered the golf mecca. So we have, like, more golf courses per square mile than anywhere else in America. I want to say. Hopefully no one back checks me, but I think it's America. So we got a lot of golfer bros coming in and out, and then in the winter, we got our little Midwest ski hills and that kind of stuff.

[Lyle]

Is there a sign anywhere that says, welcome to Gaylord, or, like, I am a Gaylord or something like that where people line up to take photos?

[Chris]

So I'm a muralist, and I kind of started the contemporary street art scene here in town. But there's one other muralist that, you know, that super cheesy thing where people paint the town's name and then put, like, stuff people are doing in the letters?

[Lyle]

Sure.

[Chris]

There's. There's one of those on a coffee shop here. But other than that. I don't know if the words Gaylord are anywhere but, like, on the highway and stuff. Do.

[Lyle]

Wait, so what kind of murals do you do? Have you done a cheesy little thing like that?

[Chris]

I try to do things, like, more respectful. I did, like, a really cool Buddha one on our Chinese restaurant here. But other than that, I like to stick to, like, doing stuff of local wildlife and the plants and stuff. Just honor, like, what actually makes this area cool instead of the tourism.

[Lyle]

Okay, what? Give me. Give me some of the best local wildlife of Gaylord.

[Chris]

So you already looked up the elks we have in the enclosure, but we have the Pigeon river forest. It basically starts here in the Sturgeon Valley, which is a really cool valley that the glaciers made on their way through 500,000 years ago or whatever. Maybe it was sooner than that. But in that valley we have a very large wild elk population. We've got a ton of cool birds. I'm a wildlife photographer as well, so I love finding the birds and I'm a big fan of beavers, pine martens, all that kind of stuff.

[Lyle]

Yeah, cool, cool. How about plants? We got a lot of plants.

[Chris]

Yeah, we got our state flower, the trillium. The mushroom that everyone's looking for in the summer is the morale. Have you ever had one of those?

[Lyle]

No, it's a morale.

[Chris]

It's like a super. Well, it's kind of a rare mushroom, but it's big, like the more north east ish that you go. But it's super rare mushroom. That's kind of a delicacy. It's pretty fun if you need like some extra money and you got a good mushroom spot because you can fill up a couple bags and then just knock on restaurants back doors and chef will buy them from you.

[Lyle]

Cool, man. Wait, so what's your deal? So you sound like a guy who. You don't have like one job. You sound like you cobble together your income from like five different things.

[Chris]

Yeah, so I've. I've always been into like filming adventures and stuff because before all this I was a ski instructor that traveled the country like picking a new mountain every year and whitewater raft guide.

[Lyle]

That's awesome.

[Chris]

So like with those kind of adventures, it's just been awesome to like have the cameras out and record those memories for myself. But in that process, I got good at it, I guess. So for like three years I worked at my local resort doing all their marketing and all their content. The marketing shit just kind of happened because it's easier to convince someone to pay me year round if I'm like creating Google Ads and that kind of stuff. But just an excuse to get paid to make little films and that kind of stuff.

[Lyle]

What kind of adventure videos would you make? Like just of you doing like extreme sports and things like that?

[Chris]

Yeah, I love your classic like banger edits that you see of action sports.

[Lyle]

Banger.

[Kal Penn]

But I've also.

[Lyle]

Wait, what's a banger? Oh, oh, Banger edit. So I think it's not a banger. Reddit. I was like, what the is that?

[Chris]

But I've also filmed like more cerebral stuff like hitchhiking from Michigan to Florida and like all the characters I'd meet on the way that Kind of stuff.

[Lyle]

How. What kind of characters did you meet on the way? I. I'd like to, because, you know, I mean, I like, I. I make, you know, my little travel documentaries and whatnot. I'd like to do a hitchhiking one at some point.

[Chris]

Yeah, dude, if you're, like, in. In the way you are, I think it would work out pretty well for you. My favorite guy that I met was this dude. Cajun party. I was at a Waffle House in Cordell, Georgia, and he came up to me in the Waffle House and was like, hey, you got a big backpack. You kind of look like me. Do you want to come check out my place? And I was like, sure, I'll check out your place. So he took me behind Love's Truck Stop. And you've probably seen these, like, at the bigger truck stops, but if you go in the little woodsy areas right behind them, there'll be, like, makeshift paths that are, like, lined with funny garbage, like, tires and stuff. And then you get back in there, and there's, like, tiny communities of, like, bums and people that are just, like, flying signs for a living or trying to get out of that town. So he was really interesting. And I checked. I. I ended up at that same gas station, like, three years later with this girl that I was driving to Florida. And I was like, we're stopping at that gas station. You gotta stay by me, because I don't know what's gonna happen, but I'm gonna take you back there. And I went back there, and his dog, Crackhead, ran right up to me. And then Cajun was still there, just living his gas station life.

[Lyle]

Did he remember you?

[Chris]

Oh, for sure, yeah. He was yelling family. And then, yeah, we had a nice little chat and gave.

[Lyle]

Man, that's cool, man. So when you say it would work out for someone like me, what does that mean? What kind of people does it not work out for?

[Chris]

Well, I think, like, one, you're smart, and two, you're extroverted. And so I. I think those two things would work out in your favor. Mm. My thing, when I hitchhike, I never camp with anyone. Like, even if the gas station bums are like, you can stay here and we'll keep you safe. I'm just not going to fall asleep around strangers that live behind gas stations.

[Lyle]

Yeah, sure.

[Osvaldo]

So just.

[Chris]

Yeah, just staying smart with stuff like

[Lyle]

that, do you find it to be a dangerous endeavor?

[Chris]

So back when I was 19 and I was living in my 88 Fort Ocana line and was driving out to Summit county in Colorado. My van broke down just as I got up the mountains, like, west on I 70 out of Denver. And this guy in a big black Escalade was like, something's wrong with your van, dude. You gotta pull over. So me and my buddy pulled over and he was already on the phone calling a tow truck. And he got off the phone and was like, I'm gonna get your van fixed. Someone's coming to grab it right now. If you want, you can work with me for a couple days and we'll get you up into the mountains with some more, like, walking around money and, like, you know, have something stable. And we agreed to that. And this dude, essentially, he ended up kidnapping us for three days. I don't know if it was like a human trafficking thing that he was trying to do, but he took all our IDs, the 40 bucks we had left, and he told us to take showers, so we took showers. And he stole all the clothes we were wearing and gave us bathrobes. So that was kind of the last time that I, like, really trusted someone to be friendly if I was in a pinch on the road.

[Lyle]

Interesting. Three old days. Damn, dude.

[Chris]

And we started at the Hotel Teatra. That was the first, like, night that we slept. So we were like, oh, badass. We're in, like, a fancy hotel. And that's when he stole our clothes. And then that night, I was like, dude, we have to go to the van to get new clothes. I'm not going to live in a bathrobe right now. And that's when he started, like, laying down the stuff that, I'm not going to see the van again. And that it's not gay to suck someone's dick if you get money for it.

[Lyle]

Y. Y. Yeah.

[Chris]

And, yeah, as we all know, kind of spiraled out.

[Osvaldo]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Chris]

I mean, a job's a job, dude. They call it a hand job for a reason.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Yeah, dude. You know, I have this thing where I'm like, I haven't. I haven't yet been the victim of any horrible crimes. I mean, not. I haven't yet been the victim of any horrible crimes on the road as a result of trusting a stranger. And thus, I'm pretty open. So, you know, I'm due for something. We'll see what happens when I'm in Alaska with these, you know, fishermen and stuff.

[Chris]

But bang, dude, no, I think you're going to be Gucci.

[Osvaldo]

Like.

[Chris]

Like I said, you fogging. You've met so many people and talk to so many People like, I think you're going to get a read on someone being sketchy.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I do feel like I have a decent. I'm a bad judge of character in some senses because I'm. I'm fairly trusting and I usually don't read a lot of people to be. The worst I usually read people to be is I'm like, oh, this person's a little unstable or off the rocker. But I don't really read people where I'm like, oh, this guy's like actively hostile. But I think I have a decentish radar for that kind of thing.

[Chris]

Do you have any kind of like protection, like even like pepper spray or maybe a little knife or anything that you travel with

[Lyle]

in case if anyone hears this? Yes, I'm heavily armed at all times. I have a grenade. I keep a fucking explosive charges underneath the gecko suit at all times just in case if I got to go rogue. So don't with me if you're planning to.

[Chris]

Well, dude, you. You should consider something like. Just like if somebody's got you like, pinned or something, I'd want you to at least have a fighting chance. But how funny would you remember to scream and be really loud?

[Lyle]

How funny would it be if I started keeping a switchblade in my tail?

[Chris]

So you're like a Pokemon now and you've got a tail whip for your attack? Yeah, that'd be dope, dude. Oh, no. One of those, like, morning stars. You know those like maces on the chain type of thing. Yeah, yeah, because then you could spin around and get a lot of momentum and probably like take out a crowd if you needed to.

[Lyle]

Dude, there literally is a Pokemon that has. I. What's. What's the name of this Pokemon? They have a. Is it Slowbro? Hold on, I'm googling. This is it Slow, bro.

[Chris]

Sucks. It better not be him.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I think it's. I think it is. Slow Bar is the one I was thinking of where he has like a mace on his tail.

[Chris]

I'm looking that up right now. That isn't he just like pink and squishy?

[Lyle]

No, you're thinking of Slowpoke.

[Chris]

Ah, okay.

[Osvaldo]

Okay.

[Chris]

Good for Slow. He does.

[Jimmy]

Wow.

[Lyle]

Yeah, dude. No one. No, that's why no one with slow, bro. Hey, what's your name, man?

[Chris]

My name's Chris.

[Lyle]

Chris. It's been nice talking to you, Chris. Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?

[Chris]

Yeah, I just want to say if you're looking for a good deal on Cordless I knew it.

[Kal Penn]

I knew it.

[Lyle]

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Yeah, go ahead. All right, go ahead.

[Chris]

Okay, so if you're looking for a good deal on cordless, Oregon Ogre organ organizers, you can go to Dumbledore's affordable four door Dwarf Holder Emporium and get them for super cheap. That's where Liam Neeson leased his niece's Nissan. So there, there's a lot of good deals there.

[Lyle]

I respect that you. I thought you were going to plug your own business, but I respect that you plugged a fake funny business instead.

[Osvaldo]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Lyle]

Fuck yeah. Thanks for calling, man. I'll see you around the universe.

[Chris]

Sounds good, brother. Peace.

[Lyle]

Later, man. You know what? He's right. I'm getting a gun.

[Narrator]

Getting to a great idea is hard in college. Nonsensical essays, cringe inducing presentations and seemingly unsolvable problem sets. But then the first thought becomes a final thesis. Jumbled slides transform into a polished keynote. And that midterm assignment gets a lot less mid because the road to great ideas is littered with bad ones. You just have to keep going until something clicks. Great ideas start on Mac. Find out more on apple.com college this

[T-Mobile Announcer]

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[Lyle]

Trip booked and switching to T mobile help make it happen with experience beyond

[T-Mobile Announcer]

switch and get $100 back plus 650 in value in built in plan benefits. That's $750 in your first year guaranteed.

[Lyle]

And honestly, that hundred dollars back, I'm putting it towards the zipline now.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

That's how you do summer.

[Jimmy]

Exactly.

[Lyle]

Best switch I ever made.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

This is just one reason to join T Mobile this summer. There are 250 reasons find yours

[F]

savings based on the value of benefits included with experience beyond like entertainment and one year of AAA Classic and DashPass on us. Benefits may require activation. See plan for details. Get $100 via virtual prepaid MasterCard with eligible ported, no cash access and expires in six months. Issued by Sunrise Banks and a member FDIC. Allow eight weeks.

[Kal Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn, host of Irsay, the Audible and Iheart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast I'm sitting down with Wil Wheaton, who played Gordie Lachance in stand by me 40 years ago and now narrates Stephen King's the Body, the novella that inspired it all. We talk about what it's like to return to a story that shaped his life, channeling his memories of River Phoenix in the recording booth and why the friendships you have at 12 might be the most important ones you'll ever have. I know Gordy Lance.

[Lyle]

I am Gordy Lance. Like, I mean, even when I was a little kid, I was Gordy La

[Kal Penn]

Chance when I didn't know it. Listen to Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts from.

[Osvaldo]

Oswaldo.

[Lyle]

Hello?

[Osvaldo]

Hello?

[Lyle]

What's up, man?

[Osvaldo]

Is this Lyle?

[Lyle]

Yes, sir. Who is this?

[Osvaldo]

This is Osvaldo.

[Lyle]

Osvaldo? What's going on? That's a cool name.

[Osvaldo]

I appreciate that. I think it means night in Spanish.

[Lyle]

Or Spanish night.

[Osvaldo]

Spaniard. Spanish.

[Lyle]

Oh, I thought. I thought it was. No che.

[Osvaldo]

No, like night as in like a knight with a sword and armor.

[Lyle]

Oh.

[Kal Penn]

Oh, oh.

[Lyle]

At nights, do you feel.

[Osvaldo]

Do you feel knight like, you know, sometimes I do. Not often, though.

[Lyle]

What makes you feel knight like?

[Osvaldo]

I feel like I can just do what a knight does. I don't know.

[Lyle]

Osvaldo.

[Osvaldo]

Yeah. Yes, sir.

[Lyle]

What made you want to call me today?

[Osvaldo]

Well, I wanted to tell you a story about how my friend stole 400 bucks from me and got fired from my job in less than a week.

[Lyle]

Oh, geez. What happened?

[Osvaldo]

All right, well, first of all, this guy's name, we'll say. We'll say George. That's his name. And what happened was we work at a Dairy Queen. Are you familiar with what a Dairy Queen is?

[Lyle]

Oh, I am very familiar with what a Dairy Queen is.

[Osvaldo]

Really?

[Lyle]

Oh, yeah.

[Osvaldo]

Oh, yeah. That's perfect then. So I got him a job at Dairy Queen after working there for about, like, six months. And what happened was we decided to go into the summer, last summer to start a power washing business so we could make a little bit of extra money. And we went into it about like 4 or 500 bucks each, right? For equipment and everything. And I don't know, I just felt like he wasn't gonna. He wasn't good enough to put the effort in. So what I did was I was just like, I don't know if I want to do this with you anymore. But prior to this, he was like. He told me that if I ever wanted out, he would pay me back for, like, the. My half of the equipment, and he'll just keep the equipment. So I asked for that to happen for the money, and he decided he didn't want to pay me. And a week prior to that, he had got caught stealing, like, $5 from a cash register seven times. I don't know. Apparently our camera's got, like, a new AI system in Them or something. So he had gotten caught stealing $5 seven times. And the crazy part is, is that, like, he was like a perfect employee. He had nothing to lose. And then he did that, and then he had also stolen from me, and it was kind of like a double whammy because my brother is my manager. My manager. So he kind of stole from me and my brother at the same time. And, you know, that kind of sucks.

[Lyle]

So what's. So what's your relationship like with this guy now? Do you ever call him out on this?

[Osvaldo]

I did. I tried. I. So I texted him and he said, I'll get you the money in a week. So I was like, all right, I'll give him a week. You know, 400 at our age isn't. Or at that age, it wasn't the easiest to come by, you know.

[Lyle]

Huh.

[Osvaldo]

And I give him a week and I texted him back, and then he kind of just ignored me. So, you know, I asked my parents what. What to do, and they were like, I don't know, they're Mexican, so they were like, it's okay, just let it. Let it happen or whatnot. And I was like, no, I want my money. I'm poor. I was 17. So I kept texting him about it. No response. And then I think I even went as far as texting his dad. You know, I had his dad's number and he was a really good friend of mine, so I hated to do it. But after that happened, after I texted my. His dad and no response, I kind of just gave up. And one day he texted me. He was like, the fact that you could throw away our friendship for 400, it's egregious. And I was like, he's the one

[Lyle]

throwing away your friendship for 400.

[Osvaldo]

That's what I figured. You know, looking back, I think I could have been a little more selfless.

[Lyle]

Yeah, but you can't just let your friend. You can't just let him, like, steal from you.

[Osvaldo]

I cannot. You're right.

[Lyle]

You know, I mean, that, that was. That was on him. I mean, you guys, I mean, did he offer to pay you back? Or like, did he offer to. Did he apologize or offer to pay you back or any of that?

[Osvaldo]

No, he didn't. And you know what the worst part is?

[Chris]

The.

[Osvaldo]

The day before I told him, I stopped. We had gotten a, like a thousand dollar job and I felt bad because I knew I was leaving, so I. I was gonna let him do it all by himself and get all the money because I knew I was Gonna leave. And then he also didn't pay me back after that. So it's kind of just like

[Chris]

the

[Osvaldo]

worst of both worlds. I think I could have. I think I would have rather had kept him as a friend. And down to 400, though. But me and him.

[Lyle]

Why, why, why do you feel like, wait, oh, you guys are cool now?

[Osvaldo]

Yeah, now. We kind of just like stopped talking for like a couple of months and then we saw each other playing basketball one day. And basketball brings each other to peace, I guess.

[Lyle]

Did you ever. Did you ever talk about it? Did you ever, like. He never. Is he. Is he. Do you think he would do that to you today or do you think he has changed?

[Osvaldo]

That's a great question. You know.

[Lyle]

You don't have the answer to that.

[Osvaldo]

I don't think I do because I genuinely. I haven't had like a down to earth conversation with him. We've talked about our lives, how it's been after, but. Oh, I. You know, I think he has changed. He was a. He was a great kid. He just got caught up doing. Doing some bad stuff between work and between me, you know?

[Lyle]

Do you guys. I mean, you guys hang out a lot. It's just like, you're like super homeboy.

[Osvaldo]

I used to, but. Well, I got him the job because I was. I would work with him like every day because he was my best. One of my best friends. And it's unfortunate that he like had to do that, you know. So I lost one of my best friends there, you know, I have a not too great history with that best friend stuff, unfortunately.

[Lyle]

How's your life going now, in general?

[Osvaldo]

My life, I think I've never been better in my life, you know.

[Lyle]

Oh, great, great, great.

[Osvaldo]

I just got back from the three week road trip. The best trip of my life. The best three weeks of my life with my favorite people in the world. And I'm like on a high that I don't want to come down from.

[Lyle]

Cool, man. Well. Well, I'm glad that everything worked out for you. I hope your friend doesn't steal money from you again. You have a good name as Valdo.

[Osvaldo]

I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

[Lyle]

Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Osvaldo]

Life is what you make of it.

[Lyle]

Cool. I like it. Thank you, Asvaldo.

[Osvaldo]

All right. Thank you for talking to me. I'll see you.

[Lyle]

Bye, Asvaldo.

[Osvaldo]

Bye,

[Lyle]

Osvaldo. The night, the dark night of the soul. That was Osvaldo. Should I have said more? Sometimes I want to Just. I want to just. I want to just listen. I don't have much to say. I don't have a. I don't have a lot of good. I'm not like, oh, you should. You know, I mean, sometimes I am. I don't want to force it. I don't.

[Osvaldo]

I don't.

[E]

I don't.

[Lyle]

I don't have advice for everything. That's like being a gecko, talking on the phone. Anyway, that was this Valdo. That was the podcast. I had a good time on this podcast. I liked talking to Jimmy. I liked talking to. Who else did I put in this podcast? It was something about hitchhiking. I didn't. I recorded it the other day, but I remember talk. I remember I liked talking to that guy, too. That was good. I think we did. I think we did a solid podcast today. What do you guys want to talk about? I mean, you can't. I'm not in the room with you right now when you're listening to this. You're probably on. You're probably somewhere else. Okay. All right. Do I have anything else to say? Oh. Oh, yes. I released. Well, okay. I'm on tour right now. I'm filming a comedy storytelling special at the Bell House in Brooklyn, New York, on August 29, and I'm touring my show across 25 cities around the United States. You can get tickets to everything@theapygecko tour.com I also have a bonus episode of the podcast out today. Sorry, I feel gross doing this. I just. But we got to do it. We gotta do it. We gotta talk about the things that we're doing on the podcast, and we're gonna do it. There's a bonus episode out today on Patreon.com LyleForever. It's some stuff from one of my live shows. So my live show is like. It's half talking to people from the audience and half me giving presentations. And I've been uploading the parts where I talk to the audience on my Patreon. So I have uploaded that onto. I think we're gonna do. This is from a show of mine in Chicago a couple years ago. And we're gonna put a little preview of the bonus episode right here. Go ahead. You can tell me in your own words, if you want.

[E]

About my dad being weird with my boyfriend. Yeah, okay. So I know. Noticed that he. How do I say it? I had a boyfriend. He was very attractive. He was a blue collar, hardworking, very attractive Italian man. And my dad. Him and I were sitting in the kitchen. My dad looks at him. And he goes, Kimi, Dad's 50. He's like 55 now. He goes, where are you staying tonight? Are you going home? And my boyfriend's like, no, I'm staying here. He goes, oh, are you going to stay downstairs with me? And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Lyle]

Did he go, you know what, maybe I'm not staying here anymore?

[E]

No, he stayed. He. He was very eager to stay. I don't know why, but he was.

[Lyle]

Why do you think he's homophobic?

[E]

So he. Every time there's an ad and there's a gay couple, he's like, I don't know why gay people need to push an agenda on us.

[Lyle]

I think your dad sounds like he likes gay sex but not gay commitment.

[E]

But he's. But he's. But he's also been like, I can never see a big hairy, strong man on top of me.

[Lyle]

Why would you? You could never see a big, hairy, Beautiful

[E]

Italian man.

[Lyle]

Italian 632 man on top of me. That would be yucky. Okay, that was a preview of the bonus episode this week. You can go to patreon.com lyle forever to listen to that bonus episode as well as lots of other bonus episodes as well as ad free episodes. And that's it. That's all I gotta say, man. Thank you guys for listening. I'll be back again in a few days. Twice a week we will do this podcast. We will talk to people. As a gecko, it will not always be perfect. It will always be exactly what it is. And that's good. Why should anything be anything other than what it is? That's life. All right. Thanks for listening to this thing. Thanks for hanging out with me. I appreciate it. Geck. Bless you all. See you guys around the universe. And don't. Don't do anything crazy. Don't do anything too crazy. Okay? Thank you.

[Jimmy]

I love my phone, but not my carrier. What do I do?

[T-Mobile Representative]

Well, there are 250 reasons to join T Mobile.

[Chris]

Like what?

[T-Mobile Representative]

You can keep your phone and your number and T mobile helps pay it off. Up to $800 per line.

[Jimmy]

So I wouldn't have to buy a new phone.

[E]

Yep.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Plus your plan price stays the same for 5 years on experience plans.

[E]

Nice.

[T-Mobile Representative]

Find your reason@t mobile.com

[F]

via virtual prepaid guard card typically takes 15 days after rebate submission price guarantee on talk text and 5G data exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

[Lyle]

I'm US Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. We all seem to be in a rush these days. From work to driving our kids around, but when you're behind the wheel, please do not speed. A few minutes saved by going faster is never worth the risk. So follow the speed limit, enjoy the drive, maybe bring some snacks for the kids, and know that along the way you're getting quality time with your family. Paid for by nhtsa.

[Kal Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Kalpen. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lyle]

Honestly, Honestly, Honestly, no one wants to think about hiv, but there are things that everyone can do to help prevent it. Things like prep. PREP stands for Pre Exposure Prophylaxis, and it means routinely taking prescription medicine before you're exposed to HIV to help reduce your chances of getting it. Prep can be about 99% effective when taken as prescribed. It doesn't protect against other STIs, though, so be sure to use condoms and other healthy sex practices. Ask a healthcare provider about all your prevention Options and visit findoutaboutprep.com to learn more. Sponsored by Gilead, this is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.