“I JUST PASSED A KIDNEY STONE”

Summary

Therapy Gecko – "I JUST PASSED A KIDNEY STONE" (July 12, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode of Therapy Gecko finds Lyle donning his digital lizard therapist persona for an unfiltered, empathetic—and often hilarious—discussion with callers about health scares, emotional dilemmas, and the quirks of life. The show weaves through the story of a caller passing a kidney stone, questions of emotional fidelity, the anxiety of big life transitions, reconciling with estranged parents, and the sometimes-comedic banality of adulthood. As always, Lyle’s tone is compassionate, irreverent, and decidedly non-judgmental, creating space for candid human connection under the guise of lizard-themed therapy.

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Caller 1: Big Fat Gerber Baby – Surviving a Kidney Stone

Segment: 01:38–16:46

The Agony and Cause of a Kidney Stone

• Big Fat Gerber Baby shares he just finished passing a kidney stone—a harrowing ordeal:

  “Have you ever pissed sandpaper?…It's pretty similar.” (02:01, 02:13, Big Fat Gerber Baby)

• The pain began suddenly during a vacation with his girlfriend; he thought he just “really had to poop”. Urgent care revealed the real culprit.
• Prescribed pain meds but no clear timeline on passing the stone: “Good luck.” (02:32–03:46)

Diet Coke Confessions

• The likely cause? Excessive Diet Coke.

  “The urgent care professional told you how much Diet Coke were you drinking, exactly?” (04:34, Lyle) “I can go through a 24-pack of Diet Coke in no less than four days.” (05:08, Big Fat Gerber Baby)

• Lyle—himself a “diet soda, non water drinking king”—relates and confesses his own habits.

Neurodivergence and Caffeine

• Discussion about how ADHD/neurodivergence influences caffeine consumption.

  "I've been told that the reason that I gravitate towards caffeinated beverages, especially when I'm trying to sleep, has to do with that neurodivergency." (07:17, Big Fat Gerber Baby) "My brain responds extremely well to caffeine." (07:40, Lyle)

The Joys and Dangers of Diet Soda

• Both reminisce about the joys of discovering new diet soda flavors ("when they come out with a new crazy, kooky soda flavor and you find it in diet" (09:25, Lyle)).
• Lyle describes flat cold soda as his “favorite feeling in life” (05:50–06:29).

Honest Reflections and Lifestyle Change

• Realization that change is necessary, but the struggle is real:

  “You can never drink six cans of Diet Coke again.” (09:09, Lyle) “I'm human…I'm not going to say I'm not going to…” (09:15, Big Fat Gerber Baby)

• Both commit (lightheartedly) to drinking one water bottle a day. (16:30–16:37)

Memorable Quotes

• “Walking is good... It kind of works like Zoloft. I'm not even joking. It's crazy.” (14:52, Big Fat Gerber Baby)
• Heartfelt farewell:

  “It was a privilege and an honor to actually get to speak with you.” (16:04, Big Fat Gerber Baby)

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Caller 2: “Is Badminton Cheating?” – Navigating Emotional Fidelity

Segment: 19:19–33:40

Young Relationship Woes

• Caller (Unnamed, age 19) wonders if her close friendship (and regular badminton games) with a 31-year-old coworker is “cheating.” She recently moved in with her boyfriend for the first time.

  "I think I might be cheating on my boyfriend, but I'm not sure. Is badminton cheating?" (19:25, Caller)

Emotional Distance and Soft Launching a Breakup

• Admits to "emotional cheating," acknowledges her feelings, and wonders about relationship direction. Both she and her boyfriend know about the friendship.
• The couple are “soft launching” their breakup and even joke about future plans diverging (he wants kids, she doesn’t).

  "Like, we're saying we're, like, soft launching the breakup." (22:54, Caller)

Lyle’s Perspective and Advice

• Lyle gently pushes for clarity:

  “If I ask you if you like your boyfriend and you have to think about it… that’s not particularly a good sign.” (22:43, Lyle) “This is, like, such a cut and dry—break up with your boyfriend.” (25:25, Lyle)

• Suggests a break; echoes that low stakes of the situation (vs. divorces, kids, etc.) should make it easier to choose freedom.

Emotional Honesty

• Caller is conflicted; acknowledges she doesn’t want to break up solely for the 31-year-old, recognizing it’s more about personal growth.

Callback to Previous Therapy Gecko Advice

• She previously called in (“I was the Titan episode…for accidentally sexting my driving instructor” (28:35)).

Memorable Quotes

• “When you’re a 19-year-old little girl, you think this is your life, you know?” (29:17, Caller)
• “Take a break… If you guys are really meant to be together, you will reconnect.” (29:26, Lyle)

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Caller 3: Bob – Doing Hard Things, Meeting in Japan, and Reconnecting with Dad

Segment: 36:15–68:37

Doing Hard Things

• Bob describes anxiety over a tough work task, but relief and pride after completing it.

  “Man, I can do hard things, and that's kind of cool.” (36:46, Bob) “The build-up is what makes it worse, too, when you're just putting it off.” (37:14, Bob)

Love Story: Meeting Her Russian Husband in Japan

• Bob tells the story of studying abroad, meeting her now-husband (one of few English speakers), and leaving an unhappy previous relationship.
• Lyle laughs about his habit of declaring audience members as having “nice lives”:

  “Anytime I meet like a normal looking guy...groomed, with his wife...that’s, these are nice, normal people.” (41:00, Lyle)

• Discusses how fate and the ability to talk out problems eventually led Bob to realize she deserved happiness.

Parallel With Previous Caller

• Lyle notes the strange coincidence that Bob’s story mirrors that of the previous caller: developing feelings for someone else reveals the state of an existing relationship.

On Perspective, Therapy, and Self-Reflection

• They discuss the gap between lived experience and the clarity one gets when talking about their problems:

  “You ever have, like, a problem that you've just been stewing in your head, and then you start talking to someone about it and realize you're an idiot?” (46:24, Lyle)

• Both agree that saying things out loud often demystifies emotional confusion.

Reconciling with Her Estranged Father

• Having grown up being told her dad was a deadbeat who didn't care, Bob finds him through a 23andMe connection.
• A cousin introduces them; initial email ignored, but a text leads to a “fever dream” phone call and reconnection.

  “Turns out he's not a piece of shit. He might have used to have been, but at least at this point in his life, he's definitely not.” (57:15, Bob)

• She learns her father had tried to stay in contact but wasn’t tech savvy and was actively blocked by young Bob on Facebook (not understanding who he was at the time).
• The reconnection is ultimately healing, and Bob’s family on her father’s side welcomes her.

Reflection on Childhood, Agency, and Forgiveness

“You're a kid...your mom is telling you this guy is a piece of shit...of course you're going to block him.” (67:09, Lyle)

Life Philosophy and “Nice Life” Barometer

• Lyle jokes that his metric for saying someone has a “nice life” isn’t about judgment but about an instinctual gauge:

  “If I meet you at a show and I don't say you have a nice life, doesn't mean you have a bad life… probably just means you weren't wearing a polo shirt.” (68:37, Lyle)

Memorable Goodbye

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet sweaty things.” (68:25, Bob)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | Summary | |-----------|---------|---------| | 01:38–16:46 | Big Fat Gerber Baby | Passing a kidney stone, Diet Coke addiction, health habits | | 19:19–33:40 | Emotional Cheating/Boyfriend Dilemma | Navigating feelings for a coworker, questioning a first adult relationship | | 36:15–68:37 | Bob | Overcoming work anxiety, international love, estranged parent reunion |

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Tone and Style

The episode oscillates between sardonic banter, gentle ribbing, and moments of genuine, heartfelt advice. Lyle maintains a vulnerable, confessional humor but stays supportive and never mean-spirited. In these segments, listeners get signature “Gecko Therapy”—where profound revelations are packaged between jokes about soda, junk food, and polo shirts.

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Notable Quotes

• Lyle: “You know my favorite feeling… I'll open a Fresca, I'll drink a couple sips… I'll wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning in a cold sweat, feeling deeply dehydrated and insane, I'll go into the fridge and the Fresca is like flat and really cold and I'll drink the rest…” (05:50–06:29)
• Caller: “Soft launching your breakup…like, this is gonna happen, but…we don't know.” (25:11–25:16, Caller)
• Bob: “I realized, man, I can do hard things, and that's kind of cool.” (36:46, Bob)
• Lyle: “If I meet you at a show and I don't say you have a nice life, doesn't mean you have a bad life. It probably just means you weren't wearing a polo shirt.” (68:37, Lyle)

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The Therapy Gecko Ethos

Even as Lyle explores messy aspects of the human condition—health crises, emotional infidelity, complicated family reunions—he maintains an atmosphere where shame falls away and laughter can coexist with vulnerability. Each call is a testament to the peculiar but precious chaos of human life, seen through a lizard’s googly eyes and a therapist’s empathetic heart.

Transcript

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[Lyle]

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[Lyle]

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[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

no way.

[Lyle]

Hello?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Lyle?

[Lyle]

Yes. Hi, who is this?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Hey. Oh, this is Big Fat Gerber Baby. How you doing?

[Lyle]

Big Fat Gerber Baby. You texted me and you said I am actively passing a kidney stone as we speak.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I actually just got finished passing the kidney stone and.

[Lyle]

Yeah, and how did that.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Probably, probably like have you ever pissed sandpaper?

[Lyle]

Cannot say I've ever pissed sandpaper.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Well, it's probably. I haven't either, but I'd say it's pretty, like, pretty pretty. You know what I mean? Pretty similar. That's the word I was looking for.

[Lyle]

What's the cause of this kidney stone? Do you know?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I actually don't know. So I think. What was it? Monday night I started getting like some serious abdominal pain that was like, like woke me up out of my sleep. I was on vacation with my girlfriend celebrating our anniversary and my like, back started hurt. Like the small of my back was hurting pretty badly and I thought I just had to poop really, really bad. But I, I pooped. And then after I pooped it, I go away. Did not Go away at all. So the next morning, morning I went to urgent care and told them I really have to poop. And they said, no, you don't. You have a kidney stone. And they gave me a bunch of pain medicine, told me they don't really know how I'm going to pass it or when I'm going to pass it, and just said, pretty much, good luck. So, yeah.

[Lyle]

So what's the plan now?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Clear. Probably stop drinking as much Diet Coke as I have been.

[Lyle]

No, don't tell me it was caused by Diet Coke. Is it really caused by Diet Coke?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

100 was caused by Diet Coke.

[Lyle]

Shut the up. No, it wasn't. A Diet Coke is healthy and good and it's okay and safe to drink multiple times a day.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Lyle, if you would have asked me Sunday night, I would have 1000% agreed with you. But I have been told it is like exclusively Diet Coke. At least in my diet.

[Lyle]

Okay, who told you this?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

The urgent care professional. So a doctor with a degree, the

[Lyle]

urgent care professional told you how much Diet Coke were you drinking? Exactly?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Okay, see, that's, that's the issue here. I, I try to drink water. Lyle, I don't want to lie in front of your audience here. I, I don't drink as much water as I should.

[Lyle]

Brother, I don't know if you know who brother, I don't know if you know who you're talking to, but I am a diet soda, diet Gatorade, non water drinking king. So we, this is a safe space, my brother.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I, I will say I drink. I, I can, I can go through a 24 pack of Diet Coke in no less than four days.

[Lyle]

Let's see that. What's 24 divided by four? That's six. Whoa. That's six cans of Diet Coke a day.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Yeah, that, and that's a bit dramatic. Like some days more or less, but for the most part, I would say I have about 2 in the morning, I have about 2 in the afternoon with my meal, like lunchtime, and then at least two in the evening. Until Monday. Until Monday.

[Lyle]

Dude. You know my favorite feeling this is that. Actually there's not even kidding is one of my favorite feelings in, in life is, is I'll open a Fresca, I'll drink a couple sips of it, I'll put it in the refrigerator. I'll wake up at 3 o' clock in the morning in a cold sweat, feeling deeply dehydrated and insane. I'll go into the fridge and the Fresca is like flat and really Cold and I'll drink the rest of the fresco.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Well, I don't know if it's really okay for me to have a boner right now, but I. I completely understand what you're saying.

[Lyle]

You've done that before. You know what I'm talking. You understand what I'm saying? You're a fellow diet so guy. Yep.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Like flat. A flat soda on my bedside table is like nine times out of ten it's. It's a flat Diet Coke.

[Commercial Narrator]

Yeah.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

That I'm reaching for at 2am but

[Lyle]

that's the problem with the diet. I had a. I had a bottle of Coke Zero last night and realized there's about 57 grams of fucking caffeine in there. That's a lot.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller 1]

You.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

You have ADHD or ADHD adjacent, right?

[Lyle]

I'm insane. What about it?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

What? I. I am also pretty in insane. I've been told that the reason that I gravitate towards caffeinated beverages, especially when I'm trying to sleep, has to do with that. That neurod divergency. If that makes sense. Like my.

[Lyle]

No, that makes. That makes sense. Perfect sense. My brain responds extremely well to caffeine.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Yeah. Yeah. Like almost too well.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

And like anytime I drink caffeine I feel like it like slows me down rather than picks me up. Which is why it's. Why it's an easier go to for me than I think somebody else. But also not anymore because I got a kidney stone. I gotta stop. Like I've kind of. I've gone cold turkey. Except for today at lunch.

[Lyle]

How many. Okay, so how many years were you on this diet soda kick?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I am 28 now. I think diet soda has been part of my life for a very long time. Regular soda, probably longer. But exclusively like Diet Coke, Diet Sprite, that realm. Maybe like five going on five years. I would say.

[Lyle]

Okay, something like that. And have you. Is it the first time that there's been a medical issue in response to this?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Directly. Directly related. I would say so. Like where someone has told me, hey, this is the issue. You need to stop.

[Lyle]

Damn. How long? So you can never do that again. You can never drink six cans of Diet Coke again.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Lyle, I'm human. I'm not gonna say I'm not going to actively pursuing a better life.

[Lyle]

You know what is another great moment in. You know what's funny is life is just. I try to do all these cool grand things like you know, find love and travel the world and you know, make something on my. I really. I try to do all these things and then it's. It's the little things, man. You know what is one of the best feelings on the planet for guys like us? When they come out with a new crazy, kooky soda flavor and you find it in diet.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Oh, my God, yes. What was the one recently?

[Lyle]

So, I mean, Coca Cola. Coca Cola has been coming out with these like, like, crazy ones. Like, I saw, like, Coca Cola has been coming out with kind of like recurring different flavors. Yeah, I got. I saw that there was diet Orange Dreamsicle Coke. I saw the Orange Dreams. I saw the Orange Dream School, and I'm like, that's too much for me. That's like. It's like 3,000 calories, like, 90 grams of sugar. I'm like, that's. That's too fucking much. I saw the Dead, the diet version, and I'm like, hallelujah. Even the simple stuff, even when I go. When I go into a bodega and I did some of these, there's some bodegas that are just bullshit, and it's like they're. They're. They don't have any. There's nothing. They have Diet Coke. There's nothing for guys. There's nothing for fat guys trying to, like, do their thing. Okay.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Or maybe like, one option.

[Lyle]

Maybe like one option.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Have, like, a Pepsi.

[Lyle]

But then I go into somebody, I see Diet Sun Kissed Diet, A W. Diet Ginger ale, Diet Sprites. And I'm like, hallelujah. Like, like trying to find something that's like, diet, but it also has no caffeine. It's a specific understanding. It's a specific grievance, man. Damn.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Yeah.

[Kel Penn]

Tell me other.

[Lyle]

Tell me other things. Tell me, tell me, Tell me other things about your life. I want to see what else. I want to see if there's other weird things that you do that maybe I do.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

What else? You put me on the spot, Lyle. I eat a lot. I know you're also an avid candy enjoyer. I eat a lot of candy.

[Lyle]

I'll say this. I. I've been. It's only been two days. It's been like three days. I was. I. I was so depressed for like, three months maybe, and I was like, yeah, I was so depressed for like three or four months, and I was like, binge eating every day. And then, like, I. Like there. I had one day where, like, it was just. It was the middle of the day and I was just feeling so awful. I had to, like. I went into the Family Dollar and I bought hot tamales, Lemon head Ropes and butterfingers. And I just ate them. And I just was, like, looking at myself like, oh, God, this is. I. It's been three days of not binge eating and of, like, cutting out carbs, just eating normally. And I'm like, I. And I'm like, I feel better instantly. It feels like. Well, have you ever had

[Narrator Ray Porter]

big.

[Lyle]

You know what the most difficult, the most, like, embarrassing thing about procrastination is that, like, you ever have a. Like, an assignment that you. You just. You spend days putting it off and putting it off and putting it off, and then when you finally actually do. Takes, like, an hour of your life.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lyle]

It's just the thing. And that's how I felt. That's how I felt over the last three days. I'm like, man, I was doing this for four months, and then, no, it takes, like, a couple of days to feel better. Just like, I'm not telling you, man.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Like, I. I've been thinking a lot more about my health recently, you know, as a adult and having to do adult, and I started running recently. I hate it. Lyle is awful. It is the worst thing for the active. Like, half an hour to an hour wait.

[Lyle]

Why do you. Hold on, hold on. Why do you do it then?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Because I feel fantastic afterwards.

[Lyle]

Like, I don't say. By the way. I don't say, why do you do it? In terms of, like, you shouldn't. Like, there's no point in exercising. But, like, there's so. But, like, there's. There's so many different ways to exercise. Like, you can find one that you

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

like, you definitely can. And I think it is because I am as lazy as I am and as fat and stupid and dumb as I am getting up. And I guess walking in one direction is the simplest way I can think to exercise. Ergo, is the most effective for me.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Like, I'm not. I'm not the type of person to, like, look up an exercise on YouTube and follow it or anything like that, but I can walk.

[Lyle]

Walking is good. Walking is good.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Walking is good. And I feel fantastic after doing it. Like, I can actively tell how good it makes my day feel if I walk. If I don't walk, I feel shitty. It kind of works. Like Zo Loft. It's like, I'm not even joking. It's crazy.

[Lyle]

What's your name again? Big Fat Gerber baby. Where'd you. How'd you come up with that?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

One time I called my best friend. She. I told her she looked like a Gerber baby. And it's kind of stuck. And now we just call each other Big Gerber Baby when we can.

[Lyle]

Big factor. Do you look like the Gerber baby? Do you look like a adult Gerber baby?

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I think I look more like a Gerber baby than your average individual.

[Lyle]

That's enough for you to be. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go? Big fat Gerber baby.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Lyle, I've been watching you for going on like five to six years now. I've seen you in person. I've come to the live shows.

[Lyle]

Thanks.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I've tried to call you probably like a billion times at this point. And it was a privilege and an honor to actually get to speak with you.

[Lyle]

Big fat Gerber baby. A privilege and an honor to speak with you as well. Thanks for letting me talk about diet soda. You really, you really, you really knew how to get in there. You know, you really knew how to

[Caller 1]

maybe

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

like one water bottle a day, man. Just, like, start slow.

[Lyle]

One water bottle a day. We can do that. We can do one wire roll a day. We'll both, we'll both commit. We'll both, we'll both commit to one water bottle a day.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

All right, I'm gonna check in on you. All right, about that.

[Lyle]

See a big fat Gerber baby. Good luck, man.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I love you.

[Lyle]

I love you too, man.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Bye bye.

[Lyle]

Bye bye. I'm gonna have kidney stones. It's. I'm just destined for it. It's so funny, dude. Like, health is so funny because, like, you'll go to the. I'll go to the. I'll go to the doctor. And they'll be like, your blood works fine. And then I'm like, what's it gonna take? You know, how much more diet soda until I'm not Fine. Because I could see myself drinking at least that much.

[Commercial Narrator]

Getting to a great idea is hard in college. Nonsensical essays, cringe inducing presentations, and seemingly unsolvable problem sets. But then the first thought becomes a final thesis. Jumbled slides transform into a polished keynote. And that midterm assignment gets a lot less mid. Because the road to great ideas is littered with bad one. You just have to keep going until something clicks. Great ideas start on Mac. Find out more on apple.com college hey,

[Lyle]

it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Announcer]

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[Kel Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Narrator Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great, cuz it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kel Penn]

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcast.

[Bob]

Hello.

[Lyle]

Hello? Hello. What is your name?

[Caller 1]

My name?

[Lyle]

You texted me and you said, I think I might be cheating on my boyfriend, but I'm not sure. Is badminton cheating?

[Caller 1]

It might be. It might be. We don't know.

[Lyle]

Why don't you tell me this story?

[Caller 1]

Okay, so I've recently, like, transferred. So I've moved house, like in with my boyfriend for the first time. 19. It's like my first time, like, moving out of the house. So I transfer within my company. I'm a chef. So we're in the kitchen, I meet like all these new people. In my first week. I hated it. I was like on, indeed on the line being like, I hate this thing. I want to leave. It's so horrible. And then I get like talking with one co worker and like, he just kind of gets me involved with everyone. Like, he gets me involved with everything. And he's just a nice guy.

[Bob]

He's.

[Caller 1]

He's like. We get like weirdly close. Even if the kitchen is like, oh yeah, you guys Are, like, weirdly close. Because, like, I'm 19, he's 31, and this. It is maybe weird how close we

[Bob]

are,

[Caller 1]

but I just think we, like, weirdly have a lot in common. But yeah, and then I think, well, our company does this, like, massive staff party like, once every year. They literally rent out a field. It's like a fair, but just for people in that one specific company. And we go there, like, obviously the company, and we. We're hanging out all day. We get, like, really, really drunk. She gets free stuff, drinks all day, and we just kind of, like, bond. It's just, like, a nice time. I'm just talking to him, and, like, we just find out about each other's lives, and it's nice. And then I think, like, two days after that, we hung out outside of work for the first time. Like, I just texted him, like, you want to go get a McFlurry? And we just got on the flurry. And, yeah, we've hung out like, three, three or four times outside of work. Like, we've just started playing badminton

[Bob]

and,

[Caller 1]

like, maybe we are, like, too weirdly close. Like a work, like, read, like, jokes that we are too close, and we're like, oh, it's like your work husband or whatever. And I think, like, I think I might be kind of, like, into it.

[Lyle]

Okay, what you are telling me is that you. This is, like. I mean, yeah, this is, like, pretty cut and dry. Emotional cheating.

[Caller 1]

I know, I know. Like, and, like, we've spoken about it. He knows.

[Lyle]

You mean your. Your boyfriend knows?

[Caller 1]

The first time I hung out with the guy outside of work, like, it was like, a spur of the moment thing. It was the day after we went on, like, the work things. We were really drunk for. Like, tomorrow when they get McFlurries.

[Lyle]

Okay, listen, listen. Let me ask you that. Well, you're 19.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lyle]

Let me ask you this. Your boyfriend, do you really like him?

[Caller 1]

I don't know, because we're like. Because obviously this is my first time, like, living with him. Like, we're like,

[Lyle]

how long you been with your boyfriend?

[Caller 1]

A year and a half.

[Lyle]

Okay, if I. If I ask you if you're like, your boyfriend and you have to think

[Bob]

about it, they did say that that's

[Lyle]

not particularly a good sign.

[Caller 1]

Like, we're saying we're, like, soft launching the breakup. Like, I'm trying to move into the spare room. So I figured out, like, I feel like I just can't share the same space as someone, you know? I mean, like, I can't be in the same bedroom. Like, we might kind of go on two different wavelengths in that sense.

[Lyle]

I mean, like. Yeah. When did you move in with him?

[Caller 1]

Like, mid March. So it's like, what, four months ago now.

[Lyle]

Okay, it sounds like you. I mean, do you like him at all? Does any part of you want to salvage this relationship? Like. Like. Because here's the thing. Because here's the thing. If you have. If you are, like, if you want to get together with your boyfriend and talk about this and be like, oh, I have feelings for this guy, but, you know, oh, I really like my boyfriend. I want to be with him. And, like, if you want to talk and if you want to make it work, then, like, he's got to be in with you and making it work. But if you just aren't that into your boyfriend anymore and, like, you're young and you want to, like, go out there and, like, meet other guys and, like, do your thing, like, that's where you're at in your life. Like, that's cool. There's no, like, shame in that. But, like, you should. You should break up with your boyfriends if you're gonna do that.

[Caller 1]

And if I. I do love him so much, I feel like I am sort of holding him back in a sense.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Mm.

[Caller 1]

Just, like, I feel like we. I feel like he's a much more motivated person than I am. Like, he's done, like, a lot more with his life. Like, I did, and I even. I didn't have a job when we got together. Like, I think I got a job like, a month or so into dating him. And he's got a lot of ambition. Well, the thing he, like, I know it's like we're young, and it's like, obviously in the future thing, but he. He wants kids, and I don't. And like, in the past, like, couple months, we figured out okay. So we're probably, like, We've literally said to each other, so, okay, in the next, like, four or five years, we're gonna have to break up. Like, we know it's not, like, viable for, like, a long time.

[Lyle]

This is so. This makes no sense to me.

[Caller 1]

I feel like it's a very gendy thing, like, soft launching your breakup and being like, okay, we'll do this for, like, a bit.

[Lyle]

What is that?

[Caller 1]

You know?

[Lyle]

What does that mean, soft launching your breakup?

[Caller 1]

It's like, it's been okay, you know, it's like, this is. This is gonna happen, but, you know, we don't know. We don't know, dude.

[Lyle]

I. I I don't, like. Like, giving, like, direct advice and telling people what to do. But this is, like, such a cut. But this is, like, such a cut and dry, like, breakup with your boyfriend. Like, this isn't even, like. Like, this isn't even, like, a difficult situation. This is like, you don't. Like, you might love this guy, but, like, you do. I. You don't want. You don't really feel like. You're even, like, conflicted about whether or not you want to be with him. And it's not like. And it's also, like. Also, like, did you fucking. Like, you're 19. Like, it's not like you guys have, like, been together for 10 years and you have kids. Like, if you were, like. You were, like, fucking, like, what, like, in your 30s, and you're like, oh, we've been together for so long. We have kids. We have a dog, and, you know, I might be having feelings for this guy at work, and I don't really know how to. How to handle it. And it's like, so we. I'd be like, okay, that's a. That's a. You know, kind of, like, that's one thing, but this feel. This. This feels very like you. It doesn't. This feels like kind of lower stakes to me than a situation like that. And then the thing of, like, oh, we have to break up at this point. Like, it just feels. It's probably just because you're younger. It feels like lower stakes to me. And it's like, fine, yeah. But it's like, don't. Like. Don't. Like, the stakes are low. Like, why drag them to be higher?

[Caller 1]

Because I feel like our lives are so intertwined at this point. Like, we're living together. We've moved, like, towns together, and, like, this is the first relationship that I'd, like, proper relationship I've ever had. And it's like, I'm just, like, in it now, you know?

[Lyle]

But do you want. But do you. There's a question. Do you want to be in it?

[Caller 1]

I don't. I want to be, like, in his life. Like, I. I love him, but sometimes I feel like we're just not, like, compatible, like, in that way.

[Lyle]

Mm. But you guys have only been together for, like, a year, and I just.

[Caller 1]

It feels long to me when you're 19, like, years, forever.

[Lyle]

I mean, have you taught. Have you talked to him about any of this?

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Like, so he knows about the guy at work. Like, he's like, the first time me and the guy from work hung out. I Didn't tell him about it and like I felt weird about not telling him about it. So I was like, hey, like we hung out and he was like, oh, I don't know if I really like that cuz like why does he want to like hang out with you? Like he probably like feels some way. But yeah, he, he like he knows like I tell him when I hang out with him and like me and the guy from work text a lot and like if something funny happened at work with him, like I'll say to him about it but then he gets a bit like oh, you know, like he doesn't want to care about him that much. Like he's the way I see it. I was like, oh, he's my friend and it doesn't matter that he is a 31 year old man to me. But he's like, oh, that's really weird.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Wait, you also texted me saying. You also text me saying I sexted my driving instructor one time?

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Like a year ago I was on geck mail for accidentally sexting my driving instructor.

[Lyle]

Oh, I remember actually do remember that.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. I was the Titan episode. I was very excited. Like you can imagine how excited I am now actually talking to you.

[Lyle]

You accidentally sexted your sex your driving instructor?

[Caller 1]

My second instructor. Yeah. Yeah. I've had three different driving instructors since then, but yeah, I still can't drive.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Listen, I, by the way, I, you know, okay, I'm starting. As I'm talking to you more, I'm starting to see, I'm starting to see your internal conflict about this. But like dude, the stakes, but like the stakes are just so low.

[Caller 1]

I know, I know, but when you're a 19 year old little girl, you think this is, this is your life, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah. I mean if you guys lived it, like why not just like take a break? Why, why not take, take a, take a break. That's what I would do. Take a break. If I. Here's an I, here's the thing. I, I would take a break. Right? And then if, if you guys are really meant to be together. I do believe this. I do believe this. Take a break. If you guys are meant to be together, you will reconnect and re. Intertwine and this and that. The other thing. But it sounds like you're being pulled to like, it sounds like you're really being pulled to like explore and do your thing and you know, you're at like a, like I don't know, 19 is a good age to do that. And so like I Just think you should take a break. I think that, like, staying in this thing that, like, you don't re. Like this. The way you're talking about, like, he wants kids. You don't like the way you're like, kind of talking yourself into a breakup is like, it just, it. It just doesn't make sense. It sounds like you guys should take a break.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. And then like, we have spoken about that. Like, we kind of like at some point, like, past month or so maybe, like the relationship felt a bit like. I think he confronts, like, we can both sense something's like, gonna happen. Like, sometimes we'll just be hanging out and he'll look at me and be like, like, are we gonna break up? Like, are you okay?

[Lyle]

Okay. So he also.

[Caller 1]

He.

[Lyle]

So he also wants to break up.

[Bob]

He doesn't want to.

[Caller 1]

He's like, oh, like, are you okay? Like, are we going to.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

It's like the whole thing.

[Lyle]

He. He also. He also wants to break up. And then you're, like, into this, like, coworker, which is fine, but, like, I

[Caller 1]

don't want to destroy my relationship for a 31 year old. I don't think I'm in love with, like, I think, like, I've just got a weird infatuation with this guy. Yeah.

[Lyle]

But, like, it's not. You're not destroying your relationship because of this guy. You're destroying. You're. You're. You're not destroying your relationship because of this guy. You're taking a break from your relationship because of what this guy represents within you.

[Caller 1]

I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying.

[Lyle]

Just like this guy represents within you is like this, like, I don't know.

[Narrator Ray Porter]

I don't know.

[Lyle]

Like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm playing armchair therapist. I mean, that's. I mean, I guess that's my job, but. Yeah. It doesn't sound like you're ready to, like, do the thing or also just like the fact that you guys keep saying, like, he keeps saying, like, so, are we gonna break up? It's just. It just doesn't make sense.

[Caller 1]

Not in a sense that he wants to, more in the sense that I think he's, like, scared. But, like, if I'm like, in a mood around him, he's like, are we okay? Like, are we gonna break up? Like, so I feel bad. Yeah.

[Lyle]

And then he's like, on his. I mean, he's also like on his, you know, biting his nails to see if you're gonna leave him and like you're, you know, emotionally attracted to this other guy. It's just like, it's, it's, it feels like, it feels pretty cut and dry, but I understand why it feels intense in this moment. But you know, hostel of Easter or whatever you guys say over there?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, we say that quite a bit.

[Lyle]

Is there anything else you guys want to say to the people of the or anything you want to say singularly to the people of the computer before

[Caller 1]

we go up the England guy that's coming home. Yeah. Rah rah football.

[Lyle]

I have no idea what you just said. Up the England guy. What does that mean?

[Caller 1]

It's coming home.

[Bob]

Ah, yeah.

[Lyle]

Well, let me know. Let me know what you end up doing. Give me a follow up call in like six months or however long.

[Caller 1]

Yeah man, it was nice speaking to you. Thank you for being my little green therapist.

[Lyle]

Have a good one.

[Caller 1]

YouTube on bite

[Commercial Narrator]

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[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

time to ask this, but.

[Lyle]

Hey, did you download the trail map?

[Bob]

Yeah, no, I don't need to.

[Lyle]

I. I don't understand. You're trusting your signal out here?

[Bob]

I'm trusting T Mobile. They have the best network and if we end up in bumtots nowhere, well we've got T Satellite for backup.

[Lyle]

Whoa.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

I don't trust my carrier that much.

[Lyle]

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[Commercial Narrator]

Cancel anytime.

[Kel Penn]

Visit t mobile.com hey, everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Narrator Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that, that deeply, emotionally affected me, and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh, my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kel Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible, and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Announcer]

Hello.

[Bob]

Hi.

[Lyle]

Hi. What's your name?

[Bob]

I'm Bob.

[Lyle]

Bob. What's going on with you today, Bob?

[Bob]

You know, I had a stressful thing that I had to do today for work, and I was really not looking forward to it, and it was causing me a lot of anxiety and stress, and I did it, I did the thing, and it ended up being totally fine.

[Lyle]

Yep.

[Bob]

And I realized, man, I can do hard things, and that's kind of cool,

[Lyle]

you know, that's pretty good. Pretty good.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Yeah. I was talking to the other guy, whatever, other caller, and I was talking about how, yeah, you know, you can put on. If you put off doing something hard for long enough and then you just do it. It's like, oh, it was easy to do.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah, this is so true. And it's like the buildup is what makes it worse, too, when you're just putting it off.

[Lyle]

You texted me and said, oh, sorry, I don't know if you wanted to keep going, but you texted me some things.

[Bob]

Okay, go ahead.

[Lyle]

I mean, do you want to, I assume you, I assume you text me these things because you want to talk about them.

[Bob]

No, no, no, no. I, I, I did. It's more of a pick your own adventure type of thing.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Bob]

So I guess, you know,

[Lyle]

you said hey, want to talk about how I met my Russian husband in Japan? Yeah. What's that story?

[Bob]

Okay, well, first off, we actually met you in Portland at your Portland show.

[Lyle]

Cool.

[Bob]

You. You said that we look like we have really good lives.

[Lyle]

Dude. Dude, wait. That's so funny, because I've. So. My friend Ephraim, he's been traveling with me on tour as my tour manager, and he's like. It's. That's just been kind of like a. It's been like, a bit for us where he's like, you keep telling people that they have good lives. And I'm like, yeah. And I'm like, yeah. Every time I tell someone that, I mean it. I don't tell anyone that.

[Bob]

Oh, yeah. I didn't doubt there was one.

[Lyle]

There was, like, one or two shows where, like, Ephraim was like, you didn't tell anyone today that they have a nice life. And I was like, I didn't. You know, I didn't mean anyone who. I was like, they have a nice life. That's not. That's not. By the way. Hold on. That can't.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Hold on.

[Lyle]

That came out wrong. That came out wrong.

[Caller 1]

That's not.

[Lyle]

To me. And I didn't meet anyone who seems like they have a nice life. I. That's not to say. I didn't meet anyone that seems like they have a nice life. That's. That's not what I meant to say. What I meant.

[Bob]

You just didn't feel the need to express that.

[Lyle]

Yeah. It's okay if I. That's not. I meant to say, because sometimes it's like some. Okay. It's like, not. Not that somebody has an actively bad life. You know what I mean? Like, I. Like, if I met myself. If I met myself, I wouldn't be like, oh, you seem like you have a bad life, or. And I also wouldn't say, oh, you seem like you have a nice life. I would just. I wouldn't say anything. But if I meet someone and they just really seem like they have a nice life, I will say to them, you seem like you have a nice life, and I meet a lot of people. And it's funny, because if I met myself when I was like, my. My barometer for a nice life has changed over time. Tell me. Okay, so wait. Tell me more about your life, because I'm gonna remember you if you tell me enough.

[Bob]

Well, let's see. I. I think he's a big part of it. Maybe that was what you saw. We have a good life together. Maybe we make it a good life for each other. I don't know, but he's really good to me. I think having a good partner in life makes a really big difference.

[Lyle]

You guys probably dressed really well. You got. Do you guys dress well? Does he wear like real shirts?

[Bob]

You know, I think I was trying to look nice, but I don't think it was anything out of the ordinary, to be honest with you.

[Lyle]

Anytime I meet like. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry, go ahead, you go ahead.

[Bob]

No, you go ahead.

[Lyle]

Anytime I meet like a normal looking guy, I'm just like, man, you have a, seem like you have a nice life. You know, like, if I meet like a, like if I meet like a guy and he's wearing like a button down shirt and is like, he's just groomed and he's with his wife and they just both look so happy. I'm like, that's. These are nice, normal people. They have nice, normal lives, you know.

[Bob]

Let's go with that then. Let's say we looked very well groomed and. Because I, I mean, I tried anyways, let's. Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that was the case. I was also just extremely excited to meet you. So that also I could have just been very happy just for, you know, the circumstance. Yeah, I don't know. But anyways, yeah, so we met in Japan. So basically I went there to study abroad and it was only supposed to be for a semester, which is about like 4 or 5 ish months. And it's a funny story because I was actually dating somebody else at the time and I wasn't planning on changing that, but it just so happened he was in the same program that I was and was one of the only people that spoke English. So, you know, it was easy to communicate. And you know, we, we ended up just being a couple of the only people that could communicate and we just got along really well. And my friend that I went abroad with, she had a Japanese boyfriend at the time, so she was always gone. And so that left me and this other guy to hang out all the time and we just did stuff on our own and we just developed a friendship and obviously that changed into something else. But it was very, very much platonic in the beginning. I didn't have any feelings towards him, but I was interested in who he was as a person because I'd never met anyone from Russia and he, I think, is a very interesting person. So I just wanted to get to know him and turns out that I liked who he was and I turned. It turned out that I realized that I wasn't actually happy in my relationship at the time.

[Caller 1]

And

[Bob]

I. Yeah, I just decided I didn't want to be with that person anymore and that if I was developing feelings for someone else, and that was a pretty obvious sign that something wasn't working out. I know, I know. Like, at the time I felt really bad about it and really guilty because I thought that it made me a bad person. But I think over time I've. I mean, that was 8.8ish years ago. I've come to the realization after I've reflected on it that I. I was not a bad person. And sometimes things happen. And I think fate does exist to a certain degree. And I think that was fate to meet him.

[Lyle]

So it's very funny because our last. Our previous caller also talked about this same thing.

[Bob]

Oh, really?

[Lyle]

Yeah. Well, she talked about, like, like, like the concept of, like, emotionally cheating.

[Bob]

Yes.

[Lyle]

And I was telling her. I was like. I was telling her. I was like, you should just. It's so funny that you're calling right after her because I was telling her, like, just break up with your boyfriend. Like, this is, you know, like, if you're. If you're, like, finding yourself, like, really into other folks, I feel like that's kind of a sign.

[Bob]

Yes. Well, that's why we have you, Geck.

[Lyle]

That's why we have.

[Bob]

When you're in it. Because when we're in it, we don't see it. It's not clear as day as it is to other people. You know?

[Lyle]

That's true. Yeah, I know. Well, it's funny, I talk about things on the show sometimes where I'm like. I'm like, talking to someone about something. I'm like, man, I gotta do some version of this in my own life. It's way. It's way easier to like. Like your life, you know, is. There is such a clear. And I live it all the time. Like, just in my regular life, there is such a clear difference. And this isn't about, like. This isn't so much about, like, hypocrisy. It's a little bit about hypocrisy, but it's mainly about, like, perspective where it's like your life as you live it is so different than your life as you talk to other people about it, because you could be going. Because you ever have a. You ever have, like, a problem that you've just been stewing in your head, and then you start talking to someone about it and then you realize that you're a idiot.

[Bob]

Yeah. When you say it out loud.

[Lyle]

When you. You say it out loud and you're like, what the am I doing? You, like, sound crazy, for sure. I was talking to. Yeah, I was talking to a therapist yesterday. I, like, went through this whole thing with her, and by the end of it, I was like. Like, I'd been stewing about this thing for, like, months, for years. A long time. I've been stewing about this thing a long time. I was talking to this therapist about it, and we talked about it for, like, two hours. And by the end of the session, I was like, anyone who, like, I. The. I had the therapist, like, recorded it for me, and I was like, anyone who listens to that recording would be like, dude, the fucking answers are just so obvious. But, like, you know, I mean, the answer is so obvious. But I. But, like. But, like, as I live and feel it and think about it, it's. It's so. It's so not obvious. It's, like, painful and.

[Bob]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lyle]

Difficult. But when you. Yeah, when you talk it out, it's so much easier. Everything feels.

[Bob]

Yeah, that was my experience when I did therapy, too, which is why I ended up actually not doing it anymore at a certain point, because I felt like I was literally solving my own problems by talking them out loud, which I guess was helpful to a degree. But, yeah, I kind of felt dumb. I was like, wait. I kind of just figured it out as I said that out loud. So I think we're good.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Bob]

But, yeah. But, yeah, it's been interesting. I think it's. It's interesting to think about how guilty I felt at the time, and I felt like such a terrible person, and I just can't believe how happy I am that I made that decision, though. Like, I literally would not be as happy as I am today. Like, I know that without a fact. Like, if I had. If I hadn't done that and I walked up to you at that show, I don't think you'd be saying, wow, you look like you have a really good life.

[Lyle]

I really don't. Now that that's. Now that's what you need me for. That's what you need me for, is to. To. To have me judge. I'm a pretty good. I'm a pretty good judge of whether or not someone has a nice life. I think I'm a pretty good judge of that.

[Bob]

Well, for sure.

[Lyle]

I think I'm a. I'm not. I don't think I'm a good judge of character because I'm. I think I'm too open minded to be a good judge of character, but.

[Bob]

Yeah, but is that a bad thing though?

[Lyle]

I don't know. I don't like, I, it, it doesn't make my life easier necessarily. I mean it makes my life what it is, but it doesn't make it easier. You know, life like asking questions and being open minded. I don't think it makes, I think it can make life deeper and more rich, but doesn't make it fucking easier. It would be so like imagine how easy life would be if it's like there's a God and he will reward me if I am good and everyone who is not good is a piece of shit asshole. And you know, that's. That, that'd be a good, that sounds like a great life. Like that's a good that. You see, that's a great life. That's. I wish I could live that life because then I wouldn't, I wouldn't be like, I think thinking is stupid. Not, not, not the thing. No, I'm sorry, How do I think not the thinking is stupid, but that, it's like thinking is not stupid, but it's thinking like, you know, I'm on the food, you know the food pyramid.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Like, you know how on the very like teeny little bit of it is like, is like sugar.

[Announcer]

Mm.

[Lyle]

That's what like, like if there was like a life period pyramid, like the thinking part would be like the equivalent to the sugar part on the food pyramid.

[Narrator Ray Porter]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Like they're like. And then the rest of it would just be like actually doing things like living. Yeah, living and feeling and like like thinking would be a little tiny part of it. And when you're open minded, you start. Do you think more because other people, because you have no, you don't have solutions if you're not open. If you're closed minded you and you just believe everything at face value and like, you know, you end up living more because. Well, I don't, I don't know. I'm contradicting myself right now in this, in this philosophy. I'm like, you know, because also if you're open minded, you live deeper. I don't know, I think it's good, it's good. I guess it's good to be open minded but I'm too open, I'm too open minded to the idea that it's good to not be open minded. And now I'm fucking no this shit.

[Bob]

No, that's okay because there is no right answer.

[Lyle]

I know. Wouldn't life be Easier if there was. That's why I think it's good. That's why I think that's why I'm starting to believe in God again. You also texted me saying, I want to talk about how I reconnected with my dad after 20 years. Do you still want to talk about that?

[Bob]

Oh, yeah, That's a fun one. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. So that's a. That's an interesting thing, actually, because, you know, maybe also part of the. I have a. I look like I have a really good life. I. That was one thing growing up was I didn't have any relationship with my father. And, you know, I was always told that by my mom specifically that he was a deadbeat. He didn't, you know, give a. About me, you know, etc. And I didn't really think much of it outside of that. I was just like, okay, got it, moving on. But then, you know, as I got older, it was always something at the back of my head. Like, was that really the case? Because as I got older, I sort of realized that my mom wasn't. How would you say, normal. She.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

She was.

[Bob]

She's crazy. To put it simply, she's pretty crazy. She's got her own issues, mental health issues, etc. And as I got older, I saw her dynamics and her relationships with other people and sort of made that connection that maybe, you know, everything she said wasn't necessarily true about, you know, my father and who he was as a person and etc. And then at some point when I was in high school, we actually had ran into him on accident, fully by accident, at Old Navy, of all places. And it was pretty bizarre because at that point, I hadn't seen him since I was like about 7 or so, because we had moved around a lot. So I think for him, it was hard to kind of keep track of where I was. And this was also in the 90s, so you gotta understand, like, there wasn't Facebook and stuff quite yet. It was easy to lose people. But, yeah, I hadn't seen him since then. And after we had ran into him, which my mom quickly, like, grabbed me and like, we ran away. After we had ran into him, he actually tried to get custody of me again. Or at least was that called like co custody or like visitations or whatever?

[Lyle]

Yeah, station rights.

[Bob]

Yeah, yeah. And then that sparked in my head, okay, well, why would he be doing this if he doesn't give a. About me or whatever, right? And my mom was all like, oh, it's just because he doesn't want to pay child support and, and like, you know, etc. And I was like, okay, well, either way, I don't want any part of this because I'm in high school and I want to focus on, you know, going to college and having a good life. So I didn't. I didn't really. I mean, I didn't have a choice anyways in the matter because my mom believed that he was a terrible person and that he would kidnap me and take me away from her if he had the chance and all the things. And so I was just like, okay, well, you know what? I don't have a choice in the matter anyways. I'm just not going to think about it. And then fast forward. I go to college and I graduate, thank God. And I, you know, start my life with my Russian husband. And life is great. And I decide, you know what I want to do 23andMe, because I don't know half of my DNA, because I've didn't have any relationship with him or that side of my family growing up. So I do 23andMe, and then I find out I'm mostly white, which is no surprise. But I also get a friend request from somebody who is supposedly a relative of mine. And I look at it and she says that she's a cousin of my father and that she would like to get to know me. And I'm pretty spooked. But I decide, you know, what. What could go wrong? What? Yeah, sure, let's do it. And I'm not kidding, like a day or two later, she tells me that my aunt passed away, an aunt I've never met, and that she's actually physically there with my dad and that he would like to talk to me. And I was like, whoa, that's pretty crazy. I don't know about that, but maybe could we start off with his email? I don't know. Like, it just seemed very. The idea seemed very scary to just hop on a phone call with him, you know, So I asked for his email. Of course, he's a boomer. He doesn't. He didn't even check his email. I. I sent him an email and I was like, hey, I'm your daughter.

[Caller 1]

Want to talk?

[Bob]

This. This man didn't even see it. I don't even think he knows the password to his emails. So I realized that he wasn't going to respond because it was the following day and he hadn't responded. And so I decided, you know what? I'll just text him. And so I get his phone number. I Text him. And then he cold calls me and I have what I can only explain as a fever dream of a phone call because, I mean, it was. I don't even think you can probably imagine what it was like, but it was pretty freaking crazy. I mean, it was wild. We had a conversation and he told me that he'd been looking for me, he never wanted to lose contact with me, that, you know, all the things. He's always loved me and that he, you know, and he never, never stops talking about me and like, all. All the things. And I was like, wow, this is. This is freaking crazy. And so, yeah, since then, we've slowly built a pretty good relationship, actually. Turns out he's not a piece of. He might have used to have been, but at least at this point in his life, he's definitely not. And yeah, we have a really good relationship.

[Lyle]

That's awesome.

[Caller 1]

All worked out.

[Lyle]

Awesome. That's awesome. So how. Correct me if you gave the timeline already, but how long ago was this that you reconnected with him?

[Bob]

So, fun fact, we're the same age.

[Lyle]

Wait, you and your dad?

[Bob]

No, no, you and I. Oh, okay. You and I were the same age. So I lost contact with him when I was about seven and then reconnected with him like, I want to say like 2ish years ago maybe. Yeah, 2ish years ago now.

[Lyle]

And does he. Is he living still in Portland?

[Bob]

No, he does not. I'm actually originally from Hawaii.

[Lyle]

Oh, and which.

[Bob]

You know, it's hard to lose someone on an island. Yeah, it happens.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Where are they going to go? Is he still in Hawaii?

[Bob]

Yeah, he still lives in Hawaii.

[Lyle]

And do you. Do you or have you spent much time in Hawaii hanging out with him in the past couple years, or has he been. Spend much time in Portland hanging out with you in the past couple years?

[Bob]

It's been kind of a little bit of both. Funny story. I actually hadn't been back home since I left for college, but when all this happened with him, I had the opportunity to go back home and I felt like that it was a. Yeah, it was a good time to go back. So I went back to see him and Mali and that was where I met him in person, physically. Oh, I just doxed it. Anyway, it doesn't matter. But yeah, I went back to Maui and I met him in person and it was great. And since then, he's come out here a couple times and we've visited my side of that family a couple times. And yeah, it's been great. Everyone's super nice to me, which is nice.

[Lyle]

So that's awesome.

[Bob]

Yeah, it's. It's crazy because there. That whole side of my family has been like, oh, yeah, we've known about you this entire time, and he's never stopped talking about you. And, like, we have these pictures of you from when you were seven. So, like, you know, around the time we stopped contact, and. And, yeah, so we've always known about you, and we've always been curious.

[Lyle]

I know. I know. You kind of told the whole story, but why. Why exactly did he go away?

[Bob]

Yeah, I. So from what I understand is his primary contact with me was through school. Like, he would come visit me at school. That was how the court had set up our visitation rights. And that was just because

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

there was

[Bob]

a whole bunch of legal stuff that had happened between him and my mom. And at first, we used to have more visitation rights, but something had happened where I think she complained to the courts and said something about how he was. He was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing or something like that. And so then they tightened the. The visitation rights, and they were like, okay, well, now he can only see you at school at, like, recess or whatever. And so then that was. The only way he had contact with me was basically through my school. But like I said, we moved around all the time. Like, every year, at minimum, we would be moving to a different house or different place and then different school. So, you know, it was easy to lose me in that sense. But, yeah, they went to court a lot. They went to court back.

[Lyle]

Yeah, it sounds like. So I guess it sounds like. It sounds like your dad wasn't like, a piece of. Who just, like, abandoned his kid. He was more just like kind of got iced out by the courts. Like, it sounds like he tried.

[Bob]

Yeah, definitely is kind of like that, which is unfortunate. I mean, I. I've had to learn this the hard way that the courts tend to always side with the moms, especially if the moms are alleging that the dad's abusive or an alcoholic, which, to be fair, I think he was an alcoholic. But still, if they're alleging these, like, serious, serious things, then I think they do tend to sort of side with the moms.

[Lyle]

How does your dad. So, like, does. Does. Is your dad, like, apologetic about it? Like, what's his vibe?

[Bob]

His vibe? Okay. It might sound bad to say, but I describe him as kind of like just a simple man. Like, he gets you.

[Lyle]

No, I get what you mean. I get what you mean. I get what you mean. Totally.

[Bob]

He's just a guy. He just watches football. He doesn't do a whole lot. And he's not tech savvy. He's not super street smart. Or maybe not street smarts. The right word. I think book smart. He's not very book smart. And I don't. I think navigating that whole system, like the legal system and like, I don't. I think he had a really hard time with it. And he's not tech savvy at all either. Like, he. I don't think there was any way he was going to be able to find me on Facebook or find. You know, like, the only way that we would have been able to reconnect was exactly how it happened, to be honest with you.

[Lyle]

Okay, so he just like, was kind of. It was just kind of lazy is what it sounds like.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Yeah.

[Bob]

To be honest, probably it's like.

[Lyle]

Well, it's that I'm. No, I'm not gonna rag on your dad, but it's like, figure out Facebook. You can. You can figure out Facebook to find your daughter. You know what I mean?

[Bob]

Like, yeah, you can learn how to.

[Lyle]

How to register for an email address.

[Bob]

No, actually, to be fair, I just remembered he. This is actually really sad to think about, but he had actually made a Facebook and he had sent me a friend request at one point. But this was when I was like, I don't even know. I was young. And that to me was terrifying because again, I had only been told horrible things about this man. He wants to kidnap me. He's. He's terrible. He's a liar, he's abusive, he's alcohol, all the things. And so I saw it come through and I was like, block, immediate block.

[Lyle]

Wait, so he did try?

[Bob]

He did. He did. On Facebook.

[Lyle]

That kind of changes everything.

[Bob]

That kind of does, right?

[Lyle]

Wait, that totally changes everything. It changes the whole story. So he did try, but you blocked him?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I did block him.

[Bob]

And I think. I think he didn't even understand that that's what happened. And I don't want to tell him that. I actually. That actually.

[Caller 1]

Cuz I feel really bad about that.

[Lyle]

Damn. That's crazy, man. Well, I'm glad that everything worked out for you. So you're not going to tell him that you blocked him?

[Bob]

I feel like it. Break his heart. I don't know.

[Lyle]

How old were you when that happened? You were in middle school, you said.

[Bob]

Got it. I don't know. Must have been around then.

[Lyle]

Wow.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

So you guys could have had 16 extra years.

[Bob]

No, but that's the thing. That's why I say we had to reconnect the way that we did, because it's hard to explain without knowing my mom, but she's.

[Lyle]

No, no, no, no. I, I, I, I, I, actually, I'm just around, like, the.

[Bob]

No, I mean, you're.

[Lyle]

No, no. I mean, you're a kid. You're like a kid.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

So, like, you're my, like, I don't, like, I, I don't consider you in that situation to really honestly have any agency mentally, because it's like, you're a kid. You're a kid and your mom is telling you that this guy is a piece of. And, like, will take.

[Bob]

Yeah, of course.

[Lyle]

Like, of course you're going to block him, so. No, yeah. I'm just joking. You couldn't have had, you couldn't have had 16 extra years. Yeah, I mean, I'm, I'm happy to hear that you reconnected with him over. I'm happy to hear that you guys reconnected. It sounds like things are going well. Sounds like you got a nice husband. You got. You know what? I'll say that, I'll say this before. I'll say this, and then I'll let you get out of here. But, you know, I met you for two seconds at a meet and greet line in Portland, and I said pretty instantly that I think you have a nice life. And now after talking to you for 32 minutes, I still think he got a pretty nice life.

[Bob]

Oh, good. Thank you. Thank you. It didn't start out that way, but sometimes great lives take a little work, you know?

[Lyle]

What's your name again?

[Bob]

Bob.

[Big Fat Gerber Baby]

Bob.

[Lyle]

Bob, Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Bob]

Yeah, don't sweat the petty things and don't pet sweaty things.

[Lyle]

Thank you, Bob. I'll see you around the universe.

[Bob]

Bye.

[Caller 1]

Love you.

[Lyle]

Bye. Bob, that was Bob. That was a nice story. Bob has a nice life. If I meet you at a show and I don't actively say, I say I. If I meet you at a show and I don't say you have a nice life, doesn't mean you have a bad life. It just means. It probably just means you weren't wearing a polo shirt. Polo shirts, get me. If you're wearing a polo shirt, I'm like, this guy's got a nice life. Anyway, folks, that's the podcast. That's the show. Thanks for being here. The podcast is back on YouTube. So we're back. We're back on YouTube. I don't know why I took it off of YouTube, but I'm putting it back on YouTube. We'll see how that goes. We're having a nice time. Go see the show therapy gecko tour.com particularly if you live in New York City. Come see my show. I'm filming a special and also I think all the shows leading up to the New York City show, I'm gonna be doing like the one man show special thing. I mean the shows in jet, the shows are usually like a combination of bringing folks up from the crowd and then like doing the stories. This time around the shows are gonna be a lot more like doing the stories and stuff with a little bit of audience stuff. But it's good. It's there. I think I'm happy with the show. I think. I think it's a good show. I think you'll like it. I think you should go. If you listen to this podcast, you'll like the live show. You should come through

[Caller 1]

anyway.

[Lyle]

That's it. That's all I got. Thank you guys. God bless you all. See you on the next episode. Bye everyone.

[Narrator Ray Porter]

Foreign.

[Kel Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Announcer]

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[Lyle]

Or are they?

[Announcer]

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[Lyle]

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[Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Lyle]

Guaranteed Human.