“I LOST A TESTICLE TO CANCER”

Summary

THERAPY GECKO – “I LOST A TESTICLE TO CANCER”
Date: June 14, 2026
Host: Lyle the Therapy Gecko
Guest: “Cousin” (aka Chris, aka Clubs Handmaids on Instagram)

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Episode Overview

In this rich, candid one-call episode, Lyle the Therapy Gecko speaks with “Cousin,” an Instagram-famous golf toolmaker who opens up about his experience surviving stage three testicular cancer, grappling with survivorship guilt, his unconventional upbringing, internet persona, perspectives on identity, business, and the meaning of fatherhood. The conversation weaves humor with vulnerability, offering insight into masculinity, illness, mortality, family, and personal reinvention.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Introducing Cousin: Names and Internet Identity

[01:53–14:20]

• Cousin describes why he uses an online moniker—never identifying with "Chris" and preferring to be known as Cousin, a nickname that "just stuck" after a customer suggested "you kinda feel like everyone’s cousin."
• Discussions about the artificiality of names and personal identity.
  • Lyle: “I’m gonna go ahead and coin the term ‘name libertarian.’ You can go ahead and call yourself whatever the fuck you want.” [08:24]
• Cousin talks about being a niche internet golf artist, not exploiting clout, and shuns the “influencer” mold (“You can smell the merch coming after 8K followers”).

Making Art, Business, & the Fidget Spinner Divot Tool

[04:14–05:55]

• Cousin’s accidental business—machining fidget-spinner golf divot tools after losing his machining job during COVID.
• On balancing internet notoriety: “For me, anything under, I don’t know, 500k…you’re just a regular person who happens to use Instagram professionally.” [03:25]

Unpacking Upbringing & Family

[14:20–22:49]

• Raised in a house full of strong, educated women (six aunts, no kids, all involved in his life) and a mostly absent, once-alcoholic father.
  • “I was like the adopted child of all six of the sisters.” [20:24]
• Family dynamics gave Cousin early lessons in empathy, perspective, and developing an ego-size that is "zoomed out."

The Cancer Story: Diagnosis, Treatment, and Its Aftermath

[26:14–32:30]

• Candid recount of discovering testicular cancer at 31, including strange, overlooked symptoms (“It felt like I got kicked really hard in the nuts, like, 15 minutes ago.” [26:27]), whirlwind medical appointments, and the speed of diagnosis to surgery (“I went from Friday evening to surgery Saturday morning—less than 20 hours. Unheard of.” [45:08]).
• Asked bluntly by Lyle, “Can you still come?” and describes the post-surgery changes with characteristic humor:
  • “There’s less like lift-off, I guess. It’s more of a dribble than a spritz… There’s less cleanup. There’s that.” [32:12-32:30]

Survivorship Guilt & Masculinity

[32:37–43:46]

• Grappling with “weird survivorship issues,” guilt that he lived while others in support groups did not.
  • “It’s just like a guilt kind of thing, but, you know, you didn’t really do anything to earn the guilt other than you’re not dead and other people are.” [36:30]
• Facebook support groups amplified darker stories:
  • “No one posts there whose doing well—it’s always just the worst of the worst.” [37:04]
• Explains his avoidance of sharing with those “too close to the situation” for fear of having to emotionally support others processing his illness.

Perspectives on Ego, Meaning, and Higher Power

[43:09–47:57]

• Cancer journey challenged atheism, describing unusual luck as potential “divine intervention.”
  • “There was just some weird, like, divine intervention type shit that went on…stuff that shouldn't have occurred but did.” [43:40]
• Lyle reflects on the limited role of control and the nature of “higher powers” as simply “anything outside your control.” [46:24]

Fatherhood, Family, and the Impact of Illness

[47:57–50:38]

• Parenting through treatment: Kids (aged 2, 4, and 6) stayed with his mom for months; calls it “daddy’s special medicine that made me lose my hair.”
• Relief his kids were too young to process the ordeal:
  • “If they were older…they’d have to worry. I’m grateful they didn’t really comprehend any of that.” [48:52]

Reinvention: Work, Instagram & Philosophies on Influence

[52:14–55:27]

• How job loss during the pandemic spurred business creativity.
• Disdain for rushing to sell T-shirts at low follower thresholds:
  • “The self-importance and main character syndrome really becomes prominent in people’s personality when they hit that very small 8 to 10K….you can smell the merch coming.” [52:46]
• “If you stick to your mission statement and remain yourself and put yourself out there…there will be people who will buy it.” [61:11]

On Having Opinions and Social Media Conduct

[55:27–57:16]

• Both agree that “you don’t have to have a strong opinion about everything.” Most things, particularly those that don’t affect you directly, can be left alone.
  • Cousin: “Probably my strongest opinion is being unopinionated.” [56:38]
  • Lyle: “One of my strong opinions is that you don’t have to have a strong opinion about everything, dude.” [56:04]

Relentlessness of Parenthood

[66:10–69:35]

• Lyle shares his anxiety about the “relentlessness” of parenting:
  • “I’m a tourist of this kid and his energy, but for his dad, this has to be relentless. That’s what freaks me out.” [68:16]
• Cousin assures that no one is ever truly ready and “you don’t know what you know until you know.”
  • “If you are willing to put yourself second for a while…You operate on a couple hours of sleep for four months when the kid’s born, you’ll be all right.” [70:49]

Building a Partnership and Accidental Family

[71:08–73:21]

• Cousin and wife got pregnant two months into knowing each other.
  • “A lot of life has happened…meeting and dating for a very short amount of time to figuring out we were having a kid…and everything just kind of felt really like normal and natural. We’re healthily codependent.” [72:25]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Names & Identity:
  • Lyle: “Sock and David are equally stupid words…all meaning is subject.” [09:31]
• Cancer Realization:
  • Cousin: “I was like a Christmas tree—totally lit up with cancer.” [29:22]
• On Chemotherapy:
  • “My chemo regimen was hell. I had to do my rounds were three weeks of five-day chemotherapy that was like six to seven hours a day…It was basically like a full-time job for four months.” [35:34]
• Cancer Support Groups:
  • “You end up being the martyr for their feelings about your cancer that you had to deal with.” [39:46]
• Survivorship:
  • Cousin: “It’s more like a…wow, that’s weird, you know.” [43:05]
• Business Advice:
  • “If you’re for everyone, you’re for no one.” [61:06]
• Health PSA:
  • Cousin: “Get your nuts checked and make sure you get a yearly physical.” [76:54]

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Key Timestamps

• 01:53 – Call start, introductions, discussion of online moniker
• 04:14 – Cousin’s “weird golf art” business and pandemic pivot
• 14:20 – Childhood, growing up with many aunts, family perspective
• 26:14 – Cancer diagnosis: symptoms, medical journey, rapid surgery
• 32:37 – Changes after surgery: candid discussion of masculinity and fertility
• 32:48 – Survivorship guilt, support groups, mental health impact
• 43:40 – Faith, higher power, and the unexplainable in surviving cancer
• 47:57 – Fatherhood: balancing illness, kids’ reactions, emotional processing
• 55:27 – Social media philosophies, influencer culture, integrity in business
• 66:10 – Lyle’s anxieties about the “relentlessness” of raising kids
• 71:08 – Building a family, “codependency,” and partnership
• 76:54 – Cousin’s closing PSA and advice

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Guest Information

• Instagram: @klubshandmaids (“Clubs” with a K)
  • DM for custom fidget-spinner divot tools; no website—prefers person-to-person sales.
  • “I’m a virtual brick-and-mortar where you have to come in and physically talk to me.” [75:01]

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Conclusion

This episode stands out as a heartfelt, honest, and often funny exploration of surviving cancer, deconstructing online and real-life identity, and finding meaning in small business, family, and self-acceptance. Cousin and Lyle offer listeners a humanizing glimpse into what it means to face mortality, build a community, and live—messily, joyfully, and in continual flux.

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Endnote:
If you're a man, get your nuts checked. And if you feel stuck in life, Cousin reminds us: “Just keep trying different shit. Keep thinking. If you stick to your mission and remain yourself, good stuff will happen.” [61:11]

Transcript

[Cousin]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Lyle]

Guaranteed Human

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[Cousin]

All?

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[Lyle]

Hello?

[Cousin]

Yeah. Wait. Yeah. Who is this?

[Lyle]

Oh, this is the gecko guy.

[Cousin]

Oh, dude. What the. No way. What's up?

[Lyle]

What's up, man? What's your name?

[Cousin]

I. I go by Cousin Online.

[Lyle]

Cousin, Cool. You go by Cousin Online? What do you mean by that? You, like, where online?

[Cousin]

I. I have like a. I, I have like a small Instagram following. Like a. I'm like a. I'm a weird golf artist online. But I don't like, I don't like, use or like exploit my page for that. It's just that I've never really felt like that my name fit me, so I've always kind of like gone by a moniker of sort. And so, yeah, you've.

[Lyle]

You have, in that one sentence given me so many questions to ask you.

[Cousin]

Yeah, sure.

[Lyle]

Track of all of them. Well, like when you say you don't want to exploit your page for that what do you mean?

[Cousin]

Yeah, I mean like it's unrelated. Like the, the text that I sent you is like completely non related to like my Instagram presence. Like how for being like as small as it is, it's like it's probably like large to like the average Instagram user. But like on the scale of like how big Instagram pages can be, it's like tiny. You know, there are cats with like 4 million followers. So it's not like a. I try and keep like people. You know how. I'm sure you've seen it. People will, you know, get to like that 8-10K thing on Instagram and then you can like smell the merch coming. You know, for me, like anything under, I don't know, 500k. People don't know who you are when you step outside of your house. You know, like a very niche group might. But like when you're at the store, people aren't recognizing you. You know, you're just a regular person who happens to use Instagram professionally or whatever.

[Lyle]

Okay, what, so you have a. You do weird golf art? What is that?

[Cousin]

Yeah, I make divot tools, like for a living. I was a machinist. I worked in the sewers for years machining pumps and turbines and when covet came around, I got laid off. I've been a lifelong golfer and it's like a white bits, like a like white people problems. The divot tools that are on the market, they don't really work very well. They're kind of like antiquated technology and they just don't like repair the putting surface the way that they should. And so I went home and I made one and then people started to like want to buy them. And so that ramped up into like basically a full fledged self sustaining business kind of randomly.

[Lyle]

What is a divot tool?

[Cousin]

It is so when you hit. So like let's say you're playing like a standard par four on a golf course. You hit your tee shot into the middle of the fairway and then your approach shot onto the green, it leaves a mark on the putting surface. And generally that mark is directly in the way of you putting to the cup. So you have to repair that ball mark. And if you just try and putt over it, your ball is going to bounce and do weird stuff. It's also just proper etiquette to fix the ball mark. And so my divot tools fix those ball marks. That's like what they're engineered for. They're also fidget spinners so that you can sit there and with it while you play.

[Lyle]

Now you have my attention, cousin. Now you have my attention.

[Cousin]

Yeah, they're. They're little fidget spinners. You with fun.

[Lyle]

What year was it that the fidget spinner was. Was hip and popular? That's.

[Cousin]

Oh, I, I was like, I was like a couple. I was like a couple years. This was like a couple years out of high school. So maybe like 2013, 2014 is like when I really started to notice them, like, coming about.

[Lyle]

And why did you choose? Okay, multiple questions. I'm going back to. For the thing. I'm going back to the thing you said initially that sparked all the questions. Okay. You make weird golf art. You hate. You hate selling. You hate the idea of selling T shirts. And then you like to go by a moniker in. And you, you mentioned something about you like to go by a moniker in multiple. Why do you like going by a moniker?

[Cousin]

So I, I have a namesake. So, like, my first name is Chris, but I was named after my Uncle Chris, and he's like, successful and, you know, wealthy and well spoken and just like, has this Chris thing aura. He has all the attributes of a Chris. And I just have always felt like something different. I, I appreciate being named after him. It's, you know, a huge compliment to share a name with him. But I, I've just never really identified with my name, I guess.

[Lyle]

You don't feel like.

[Cousin]

I feel like names are weird in the first place. Like, like, you know, what sound do I make to get your attention? You know, it's just like a. It's just a strange. I mean, like, if the world was different, we'd all just be making like, random gurgling noises to get each other's attention. I don't know.

[Lyle]

I, I get you. I get you. I had a bit of a. I don't want to say an ego. This is a whole. I could talk about this more on the podcast itself, but I'm trying. I'm in the process of doing ketamine therapy treatments, and I did my first infusion yesterday, and that was. I had this little moment where I did kind of feel like, oh, what? Like I'm piloting the. Who is Lyle? Like, what is that? That's like a weird thing. Like, I'm. And I'm like, oh, I'm just like, I've fudgeing. Just talked about this to death on the podcast or whatever. But, like, I'm just, you know, I'm biological material that's gained sentience and like, I've got Now I have this identity that's tied to this name. You know, it's, I'm with you on names thing. I think the names thing is, is a little weird. And also, you know, I am also, I'm also a big, I'm a name. I'm gonna go ahead and coin the term name libertarian. You can go ahead and call yourself whatever the fuck you want. Whatever the fuck Cousin is fine. Like, you know, like, I don't know, I can't. You should be able to name yourself whatever you want. Like there's no name, there's no name to me that you can start calling yourself. That's stupider than any real name. Right? Like if you walk around and you're like, if you walk around and you're like, hey, I want everyone to start calling me Sock, you know.

[Cousin]

Yeah, but you're, you know, but like your real name is David.

[Lyle]

But you think, but your real name is David.

[Cousin]

It's like dame.

[Lyle]

Sock and David are equally stupid words that don't that equally mean all meaning is subject. I'm with you on the names thing. I get you on that.

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah. So I, yeah, I've always had a non self appointed moniker that people have just sort of like latched on to the cousin things. The cousin thing particularly came about because my business was originally building golf clubs, but I stopped building golf clubs in pursuit of doing these tools full time. And so people were confused because my original Instagram tag was custom clubs, but I no longer, you know, build golf clubs. So I got tired of people like, hey, you know, do you still build golf clubs? So I decided to just rebrand as cousin. And so, and the reason for that was there was this long time customer that I had that said, hey man, I don't know like why I've never met you in person, but you kind of feel like everyone's cousin. And so I just, and so I just took that and just implemented it and just, you know, put it there and then, yeah, it just, it just stuck. So, yeah, I've been cousin for years now and so.

[Lyle]

Okay, more question, more questions for you. Okay, so you didn't feel like a Chris. Do you feel like a cousin?

[Cousin]

I do, yeah. Like I noticed that like when people say Chris, sometimes I don't, I don't know if I don't hear it or whatever, but I don't, I don't like, or like when my wife calls me Chris, I'm like, whoa, that's weird. You know, like I, I don't know. There's Just something. There's a weird detachment that I have to my name. Like, it could disappear tomorrow. We could be, you know, thrown into like a weird post apocalyptic thing where we all rename ourselves and I would still be Cousin over Chris.

[Lyle]

So when your wife, does your wife call you? Like, do people in your real life, like, do people in your real life call you Cousin?

[Cousin]

No, like my, I mean, yes, like my friends do, but like my, my wife babe or whatever. Both of my parents called me Christopher. Like, okay, in, in reference to me. Like, like to my. Which is fine. I, I, that they named me. They can call me whatever. But yeah, like, most of my friends call me cousin or whatever. Most of them don't call me Chris. And I mean, this goes back all the way to like elementary school. I had my fifth grade teacher who named me Vans because I always had like a different color pair of Vans, so. And then into middle school, people called me Fish because of my last name. I don't know, I've never really had like a, never really had like a direct attachment to my name. So being called a moniker just kind of seemed normal when it started to happen.

[Lyle]

Fish is good. I like Fish. What? So, okay, when, yeah, Fish was your. When your wife calls you. Okay, so when your wife calls you. So like, okay, when your wife calls you babe, right? Like you feel, you feel like, all right, but how do you, do you, do you identify with anything? You have to have some, some attachment to some ego to exist in the world, don't you?

[Cousin]

I think, I think I've done a pretty. I used to do a lot of psychedelics, so I, I think, I think I've had enough ego deaths to kind of zoom out from that and realize like, how unimportant everything is.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I, Well, I don't know. I'm, I'm, I don't know. Ego deaths are, I have a bit of, I'm still. All of my opinions are works in progress, but the, like, I feel the best when I'm like very attached to reality. And like, like the ego death thing, it's, it starts, it gets me down, this whole thing of like, oh, nothing's important and, you know, who am I? And you know, like, ego death tends to lead me to like, nihilistic places that actually I don't think are helpful for my development personally. So. But it sounds like for you, it sounds like for you ego death has been good for your development.

[Cousin]

Yeah, I had a pretty unconventional childhood. And then I was raised by women. My dad wasn't really around and the women that I was raised around were like super like strong, domineering, for lack of a better term, kind of bitchy. And so it was, it was kind of, it was kind of good for me because then when I got out into the world, I was like, man, no one is as mean as my mom. Like, this is

[Lyle]

so the. You're making it sound like your dad just like dropped you off at a house of women. Like be like, like kids like being raised by wolves in the forest or something. Like what. What was the actual situation?

[Cousin]

My mom has nine siblings and six of them are women. And they're all very close in proximity, a very small radius. And my mom was in school a lot because my mom has like four college degrees. So my mom was in school a lot and divorcing my dad. And life was weird. And so I spent most of my time kind of bouncing around from most of my aunt's houses. And they all have different, very educated perspectives. And so it gave me this broad spectrum of like understanding without, you know, really judging. Because I kind of made me realize as I was older I kind of realized like, everyone has their reasons for why they are the way they are.

[Lyle]

Totally.

[Cousin]

And so yeah, I just kind of assume that everyone's like a little bit weird, as normal as they may seem. Like everyone's got their weird hot takes and I just try to give people a little bit of grace.

[Lyle]

So.

[Cousin]

But they're, they're unique, you know, they're, they're my mom's sisters. They're all unique in their own way. And having them gave me this weird spectrum of understanding.

[Lyle]

Do you. How old were you when you're. So your dad kind of like your dad just kind of like left and was he. So your dad hasn't been like a part of your life at all?

[Cousin]

It probably would have been easier if he wasn't a part of my life at all. Like during those years he was a really violent alcoholic and my mom was kind of stuck between, like, do I keep him around in the kid's life, you know, like in any facet at all, or should I just, you know, remove him? And he didn't fight for custody or anything. Just when my parents divorced, it was just pretty simple for him. He has always been pretty self aware and I think he was aware enough to realize like that he was not necessarily fit to be even, you know, the smallest percentage of custody parent. And so he had, he had like non court appointed visitation rights. Like you know, he could just come and visit like as he Wanted to. But mostly that was just my mom, like, footing the bill and, like, doing most of that work. And generally, like, when he was around it was pretty weird and, like, generally embarrassing if we were in public. There was like a line that he had. It was like he would drink up to a point and everything was kind of fine. And then it was like a two beer line and everything was just suddenly really downhill really quickly. Yeah. Just kind of like weird and white trashy during that part of my childhood. And then now he's great. He's. He's been clean for, like, 10 years.

[Lyle]

Oh, do you have a relationship with him now?

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's kind of weird, like, to get to know. It's kind of weird, like, to get to know your dad, like, as an adult, you know, like, to have. You have to, like, figure out what your, like, relationship is. Like, are you friends? Is he still your dad? Like, what. Obviously biologically that doesn't change, but, you know, like, do you, you know, call him when you have, you know, questions about life? Not, not, not. Not really. It's more like a. We're too alike for me not to be friends with them other than the fact that I just. I don't drink, so I just stayed away from it completely. I didn't understand alcohol pretty much, like, entirely. I just. I knew that for me it wouldn't be different. It would be the same thing. I've. I have a super addictive personality, and if something gives me dopamine and serotonin, even in small doses, I pretty much just stick to it. Hmm. Hmm.

[Lyle]

So you were raised mostly by your mom's, like, the six of her siblings that were around. And they were all. And they were all. Your mom had nine siblings, all sisters?

[Cousin]

No, she had three brothers.

[Lyle]

Okay. But the br. But the brothers weren't as around as the sisters.

[Cousin]

The brothers all have kids of their own. The six sisters do not. So all.

[Lyle]

It was all six of them didn't have their own kids.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

And you were. You were almost like the adopted child of all six of the sisters.

[Cousin]

You got it.

[Lyle]

Interesting. And, and did you. Did you kind of like, so question, like, do you kind of spend an equal amount of time with all six of them? Like, would you. Would you refer to all six of them? You're not a titles guy, but would you refer to all six of them as like, your mom in a way?

[Cousin]

So I, like, in. In third person? Yeah, pretty much, like, yes. They all had their own little facet in my development. They all had their own Little percentage of it. Yeah. You know, like zoom out. Yes, definitely. They're all kind of my mom in a weird way, but my mom had one older sister that was her and her husband. Were they, they couldn't have kids. She had ovarian cancer young and had to have a full hysterectomy. And so when I went home from the hospital, I actually didn't go home with my mom. I went home with my aunt. And so kind of like from birth basically I've, I've, I've had basically just two moms. Just super weird and unconventional and just not, not a normal upbringing. But it's probably more common than I think if you're from like a large family.

[Lyle]

And are you still close with all of your, your aunts?

[Cousin]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Lyle]

Do you have a relationship with your uncles?

[Cousin]

Yeah, I mean at family events. Yeah. I, my uncle Chris is probably the closest to me. My, I, I have, I have, you know, two, two others. But they are, they're both like, they're in that part of their life where they're both retired and traveling and they're living life. My uncle Chris is still, you know, young and working and so he's probably the closest to me.

[Lyle]

A lot of Chris is running around.

[Cousin]

It's just my, just my uncle Chris and myself. Yeah. But yeah, that's, I mean I'm sure there's like millions of Chris's in the world. Probably.

[Lyle]

I'm sure there is too.

[Cousin]

Whether it's Crystal Ball or Christopher or Christian or you know, any of the other variations.

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[Cousin]

It is like electricity blowing through your Veins.

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Don't miss the adrenaline, the drama, and the total non stop action.

[Cousin]

No one can ever be as good as this right here.

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[Lyle]

So let's see.

[Cousin]

You.

[Lyle]

You texted me something. You said, You know. Actually, I don't. Like, I don't. Sometimes I like reading the text. Sometimes I'm like, let's just do this. What did you want to talk to me about today, Chris?

[Cousin]

Well, I, I mean, like, you can, you can read, like, the, like the text that I sent. That's, that's per, that's perfectly okay because, like, I, I, I do think it'll help people. And they're. There probably is. There probably are people who are going through that, that are not that particular, you know, form, but there are people who are probably going through it.

[Lyle]

Well, I guess, I mean, like, sometimes I don't. If, Sometimes when someone texts me, like a whole pair. If someone texts me, like, a short thing, I'll be like, I'll read the text. But if someone sends me a long thing, I'm like, I just rather, I would just rather ask you what you want to talk about and you can, you know, explain in your own words.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Hello? Did we lose you?

[Cousin]

Yeah, no, I'm still here.

[Lyle]

Oh, what were you saying?

[Cousin]

Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm. I'm telling my wife to, to skedaddle because I want to be myself and talk without, without her judging me and, like, looking at me funny.

[Lyle]

Oh, she's in the room.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Cousin]

Yeah. So, like, yeah, I had stage three testicular cancer and I was diagnosed at 30. I was 31 when I was diagnosed, and I actually kind of figured I found out something was wrong when I was playing golf. I stepped into a sprinkler hole and my left nut, like, hit the inside of my thigh. And you know how, like, sometimes if you do something weird, like, you know, you can, like, sit on your ball funny or whatever, it's like, oh, weird, that's uncomfortable. But like, this, it just barely clapped the inside of my left thigh. And it was like a weird, like, deep internal, like, stomach, like, gross feeling, like, in my guts. Like, it felt like I got kicked really hard in the nuts, like, 15 minutes ago. And, like, I didn't know how to, like, describe that. It was super, like, disgustingly dull, weird ache, like, deep in my gut. And then I went home and I tried to sleep that night, and I went from, like, floor to Couch to bed to floor to couch. And I, like, nothing was comfortable. Everything was just weird. So my wife's in medical. Like, she's really high up in her hospital, and so she told me, like, I need to go to her works, Advanced urgent care. And so I did. And we. I was probably seen by, like, no less than, like, 30 medical professionals. And probably, like, the end, and probably, like, six hours, probably, of just being in, like, the weird. Like, I had to go from like, CAT scan to, like, MRI to, like, ultrasound to, like, physicians to all these, like, different professionals that were there. And it was just like they all had, like, this. Like, this really. I don't know how to like, the really, like, unfortunate look on their face, you know? And, like, I kind of realized that it wasn't just gonna be, like, something simple. No one said anything because they can't. I don't think they can say anything until they know, like, for certain that, like, what they're saying is true. You know, they can't tell someone that they have cancer if they don't have cancer. So no one said anything. And then my. The physician who examined me first, like, put that CAT scan thing, like, on the board and, like, showed me all of, like, the nodes along my app, like, my abdomen and my torso and in my lungs. And, you know, I was like a Christmas tree, like, totally lit up with cancer. And I. Up until that point, I felt pretty normal. Like, I really didn't. Looking back, there are some subtle things, but, like, pretty much all of the symptoms that I had, you would chalk up to being something else, like night sweats, like, rapid weight loss. But, like, I was on testosterone and, like, dieting really well, so didn't really think that much about it. And the night sweats, I kind of just attributed that to, like, your metabolism working overdrive from being on testosterone and, you know, like, working out and eating well. I. Pretty much all of the things that I experienced in terms of, like, being symptomatic were easily overlooked. Like, you wouldn't have thought twice about them. Yeah. And then they. He put that piece of paper up on the board and told me that I had stage three testicular cancer and that basically I was going to have to do, like, targeted chemotherapy treatment and have my left nut removed, which was fine. Like, I already had kids, so. And apparently that doesn't actually, like, affect you being able to have kids, losing your left nut, I guess.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I was going to ask. I was gonna. Can you still.

[TNA Wrestling Ad]

Can you.

[Lyle]

Can you still come?

[Cousin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lyle]

Like, just as Much like, is. It's not like, I mean, what was a full load is, like, now half a load. Is it still a full load?

[Cousin]

I call it, like, a symbol. Oh, I don't. Like, a unit of measurement. Yeah, yeah. Like, if I was going to compare it to, like, a metric, you know, like, I used to be. Yeah, it's definitely, like, less than it was, for sure. But I'm also, like. I'm also not, you know, spry chicken anymore. I'm in my 30s now, so I. I don't exactly, like, know what's like to be ex. Like, I don't know how much you're supposed to come.

[Lyle]

Hold on. I don't. I feel like 30 is a bit too young to call yourself, like, done coming.

[Cousin]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm still coming. It's just like. I don't know, like, what. Like, if there's a general amount, like, what's the metric we should be comparing it to? Because, like, none of us come side by side. Right? So, like, you know, you don't, like, you're not, like, looking at each other's stomachs after you're done, like, hey, like, how much did you like more than me?

[Lyle]

That's right. Well, no, but I guess. I guess, I mean, like, do you. But you know how much you came before when you had both nuts, right?

[Cousin]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's really not that different. I mean, I would say, like, maybe the one thing that is different is probably, like, the pressure behind it. There's not as much like, there. There's not as much like, behind it, which is.

[Lyle]

It's more of a. It's more of a dribble than a. Than a. Than a spritz.

[Cousin]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like. It's not. There's, like. There's less, like, lift off, I guess. You know, it's not like a. You got to, like, aim it somewhere you can. You know, It's. There's less cleanup. There's that.

[Lyle]

So. Okay, you said a bunch of things in your text, so let's see. You said, well, I want to talk.

[Starbucks Ad]

You're.

[Lyle]

You. You're a father of three children. I'd like to talk about that. But you said I'm dealing with weird survivorship issues. What does that mean?

[Cousin]

There's some. There's some weird, like. Well, people especially. Obviously, only men get testicular cancer. But testicular cancer is a young men's cancer. Like, you really don't get testicular cancer past, like, your mid-30s. You just. It's a Very low percentage of men that do get it and past their like their mid-30s. And so it's a young men's cancer. The, the most prominent age is, are between like 16 and like 27. That's like the range normally and it's kind of unknown like what causes testicular cancer. There's kind of a divide in the medical community between like the plastics and the water, like the PFAs or whatever they call them and genetic, like just genetics. So for me like not a lot of men do as well as I did through chemotherapy and it, it beat the out of me and I'm a pretty large resilient male. But people who are smaller tend not to fare as well through chemotherapy because they don't have a lot of the body mass to devote to it in the first place. And then they beat the living out of you with targeted chemotherapy to cure your testicular cancer. That's the difference between like having like a, like for women who have like a like breast cancer, a non curable one. Right. They mostly just like treat it and give you like a mitigatory regimen for the rest of your life where you go in and get a shot once a month or whatever. And that's like your chemotherapy. But for something like testicular cancer that they have a chance of curing, they're going to you up to get you, you know, cured. Obviously they're not doing it on purpose, but they can't target cancer that's already all the way spread through your body. So they pretty much just have to beat the living out of you and kill all of your cells and bring your ANCs, which is like your immunity. They have to bring your ANCS down so low that no cancer cells can survive, period. So I was severely like neutropenic. I couldn't go anywhere, talk to anyone, do anything. And my chemo regimen was hell. I had to do my rounds were three weeks of five day chemotherapy that was like six to seven hours a day. It was basically like a full time job for four months.

[Lyle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Cousin]

And I sat in this stupid chemo chair drawing on my iPad and for like, like three and a half months basically. I couldn't open my mouth very wide because I had some weird dental implications from it. Couldn't really eat. I lived on like a liquid diet of like bone broth and like those chocolate breakfast shakes. Those things are disgusting. Now I can't even look at those things. Yeah, it was weird, man. And survivorship. It's just like a, like a guilt kind of thing, but, you know, you didn't really do anything to earn the guilt other than you're not dead and other people are.

[Lyle]

So it's a. So. So it's just a thing of, like, I'm. So it's a thing of, like, you're. You feel guilty that you didn't. That you feel guilty that you survived, and, like, you're thinking about all the other people that didn't.

[Cousin]

Yeah, I made the mistake of I had to, like, leave all the Facebook groups because you don't. Like, the weird, like, support Facebook groups because you don't. No one. No one posts there that just, like, is normal and gets through the treatment.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Yeah, no one's. No one post there who's doing well?

[Cousin]

Yeah, no, it's always just, like, the worst of the worst. Like, yeah, my husband passed away yesterday. My brother died this morning. Like, it's. It's always just, like, the worst of the worst. And there's just, you know, pages of that. Of just dudes that just didn't make it through their treatment. And it's not the cancer that kills you, it's the treatment that kills you. So it's like. I mean, there are instances where, like, it gets to the brain before, like, you catch it, but there's. If it gets to the brain, you ignored, like, a lot of. Leading up to that. Like, you ignored most of, like, your health. So leading up.

[Lyle]

Okay, so. So. So let me stop you for a second, because you. You kicked your wife out of. You kicked your wife out of the room. Okay. Multiple things.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

You kicked your wife out of the room because you didn't want her to judge you. And then you also said there's no one I can talk to about it that isn't close to the situation. So what. Here's what I'm curious about from all this is that you seem to feel like, what do you. What is the thing that you kicked your wife out about or that you feel like you have no one to talk to about that you're, like, ashamed of? Is it that you're.

[Cousin]

No.

[Lyle]

You're, like, ashamed to feel a survivorship thing? Like, what is it that you're feeling ashamed of?

[Cousin]

No, my wife is just really medically educated. She has a master's in, like, nursing science, and she's a nurse practitioner, and she's super, like, medically educated, and she was really protective over me through all. Through all of that. And.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Cousin]

Thank God, you know? Thanks. Thank God for her through that, because I, for one, I probably wouldn't have gone to the hospital as quickly as I did. I probably would have done, like, the stereotypical man thing and just, like, I was an inside pain. It's fine now. And, like, without her that I definitely wouldn't have fared as well having her there to like, go over, like, my blood work every time it came out. I just have a high school education and, like, 10 years of machining. I'm just articulate. I don't know anything about biology, but.

[Lyle]

But I want to bring. I want to bring it back to this question that I have of like, what is it? What is it that you're ashamed of that you don't want.

[Cousin]

It's not. It's not really like. It's. It's. When people are so close to, like, the cancer, it brings them back to it, and, like, they. They get emotional about it, and then you kind of end up like, counseling them through your cancer.

[Lyle]

Yeah, that. That is actually something I've heard. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you kind of like. Yeah, that makes sense.

[Cousin]

You. You kind of, like, end up being, like, the martyr for their feelings about your cancer that you had to deal with.

[Lyle]

So let's go back to the guilt for a second. What. So why I. So, okay, I get, logically, the guilt of, like, oh, why did I, like, I got to survive. All the people in this Facebook group died, like, why me? Kind of thing. And you're a guy, from what I understand about you, that is pretty unattached to his ego. But I'm gonna run something by ya that I've been thinking about. I thought about a lot yesterday. I've been thinking about this a lot, and I feel like we've talked about this on the podcast a little bit. Is this thing of, like, you know. Yeah, I was thinking about this a little bit in, like, my fucking ketamine therapy bullshit is like, you know, listen, you're. I know that you do. I know that you don't identify with your name, Chris, but whatever you are, and we'll put a name to it because that's why we have names, so we can identify shit. So, like, Chris Cousin. We'll call you cousin. Cousin. You're. You're like this. This is my argument to the guilt thing is like, your biological material that has evolved to gain sentience of itself, and you don't know why you were.

[Cousin]

Your.

[Lyle]

You have. There's the. The, like, we kind of know how we got to be people, but we don't. I don't. The question that I have is like oh, why I'm. Why is my consciousness of my body whatever. But like we don't know why. We can't really explain why like your the conscious captain of like this ship. But I do, I do believe that like you, Chris, as the conscious captain of your ship, it is your like duty in some way shape or form as the captain of your conscious ship to like protect yourself. And like you're like, it's like your instinctual biological duty to survive and you're like instinctual biological duty to protect the people in the things that are close to you. So like that's your kind of like divine duty as, as the guy. As the spiritual whatever the fuck consciousness tasked with being cousin. You know. So by nature of that the perform. That's the really. That's like kind of what you're tasked with is guarding the ship. Kind of this idea that you, you take, you, you kind of treat yourself like someone you're like tasked with being taken care of. And so by that logic, you know, you're doing your job is of which is to survive, you know. So, so I don't.

[Cousin]

You're right.

[Lyle]

I think you should feel, I don't think you should feel guilty about doing that job.

[Cousin]

It's, it's, it's not, it's funny. Like, I think the closest feeling that I can relate it to is guilt. But it's more like a, like aha. I would say it's. Yeah, it's more like a, like a. Wow, that's weird. You know, like.

[Lyle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't sound like guilt. That sounds like a ha. Why?

[Cousin]

Yeah, like a. Yeah, you have questions, man. Like, and I, I, I know you kind of struggle with like the premise of God and like me, me too. And there was just some weird like divine intervention type shit that went on through this whole experience for me. And it's like I'm really struggling to ignore like the feeling of a higher power. And I've done a pretty good job of ignoring a higher power.

[Lyle]

Why would you.

[Cousin]

Most of my life.

[Lyle]

Well, okay. Multiple things to. This is.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Do you, what do you mean by ignoring a higher. Like what, what are you trying to ignore?

[Cousin]

Well, it's not that I'm not anymore, but I, I think I, I went to Catholic school for years and that kind of, you know, shunned the whole religious aspect out of me. I just didn't, didn't get it. And then going after I left, you know, Catholic school and went to public school, it was kind of just like not there. Anymore just a fugazi. Just something that was part of my life. And now it's not like I quit smoking or something, you know, it was just something I did every day and now I don't. And then throughout this cancer treatment thing, there was a lot of really interesting like timeline kind of things that just are unusual phenomena that just shouldn't have occurred but did. Like the, the rate that I. So when I walked into that urgent care on a Friday evening, I left the next day, Saturday, less than 20 hours from being diagnosed to having my left testicle removed, which is unheard of. Most people who are diagnosed, they wait, you know, like weeks to months for their surgery. But the. My surgical oncologist just happened to be on call that evening and he decided to forego sleep and just come do my operation at 6 in the morning. He just decided that this, this came across my phone. I'm not going to let this guy die. And just came and did it immediately. Like snap of fingers. There was just some really other, some other really interesting timeline. Things that like made me feel like there is something higher that I should probably like look into. I don't, I don't know about like the conventional religion thing, but sure. But. Well, like the.

[Lyle]

Well, I, you know, I mean, I. When I think of like a higher power, I never, I never. I don't think about like any sort of like interpretation of like God. I just think about like. I mean, I got my, my idea of a higher power is very like logical in the sense of like anything. You know, the. I mean there's the idea of like, there's what you can control and then what you can't.

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lyle]

And, and everything outside of your control is like a higher power than you, you know, I mean like, if you're like. If my friend decides to like go out and get ice cream, you know, whatever he, whatever ice cream flavor he chooses to get. I mean, that's a higher power than me, you know? You know what I mean? Like everything, everything's a fucking higher. Like everything outside of your control is just like what I look at as a higher power. And I. And you know, and I. So like, so, so the question. So the higher, the higher power of like you survived in a situation where other people didn't is like sort of a thing that at least if, like, if I'm in your situation, that's like a thing I fucking just surrender to. Like I don't know why something happens and so why something doesn't happen. That's like a. You Know, that's higher power. I don't know if I equate that to like a lot of people take that and they roll it into like there's a God or a fucking, you know, force watching over me. Or an omni. Yeah, or an omni. An omnips and thing. And like that's, I mean, if that's what you want to get into, that's great. But to me, I'm just like, I'm going to try to focus on, you know, what the hell is in my control. Which actually, which to me, for you, that brings me to how are your kids doing? I want to know about the, about the family. You got a whole ass family, dude.

[Cousin]

Yeah, they're, they're great, man. I mean I have a two, a four and a six year old. And throughout my treatment they had to go and stay with my mom for the three months because kids just, they'll in your eye and they'll, you know, sneeze directly in your food. And then, you know, I, I would have died. So they had to go and stay with my mom during my treatment. So they were, they call it, you know, daddy's special medicine that I got that made me lose all my hair and turn a weird color. And then now there I. It's. Life is a word for me. Like I have a few weird, like lingering things, but nothing that's, you know, like debilitating.

[Lyle]

Cool.

[Cousin]

There's pretty good the. They basically. I'm glad that they were the age that they were when this happened because, you know, luckily they were kind of. My youngest was like eight months or six. Six months and my oldest was like four and a half. So they were all kind of at like a, a young enough age to where their brain didn't really process any of this. They just, you know, thought dad look a little different for a while. And I'm grateful for that because if they were like older and kids are so caring and understanding and empathetic naturally and so I'm glad that they didn't have to worry, you know, being older. I'm glad that they didn't really comprehend any of that.

[Lyle]

And. How old's your oldest right now?

[Cousin]

Six.

[Lyle]

Six. Wow. Okay. So you've been a dad for a nice little while.

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah. She was born actually the day that the world shut down. March 14th.

[Lyle]

Oh, that's a good day. That's a crazy time to have a kid.

[Cousin]

Yeah. Yeah. Like they almost didn't let my mother in law in the room.

[Lyle]

That's a crazy time to Have a kid. Yeah.

[Cousin]

It was literally the day that the world shut down for the pandemic.

[Lyle]

Crazy.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Actually, honestly, not a bad. Not a bad time to like, be a baby. So what are you gonna do? That's actually kind of a perfect time to be baby because what are you gonna do with your. Yeah, what are you gonna do?

[Cousin]

Yeah, I mean, like, it was kind of ideal. And then I was laid off, kind of questionably, legally coming off of paternity leave. When I came back to just show up for work, I was in uniform, ready to go, and the owner of the company walked over to me with a stack of papers and an envelope. And I knew what that meant. And I was like, this is pretty questionable. And he was like, well, I'm here to hand you a fat check so that you can sign this and don't take me to court because I just can't afford to pay you the way that. That when cities and counties just stopped contracting work. Basically like the day of the world shut down. So, you know, he was looking at me as a, you know, $75,000 expense that, you know, he can legally just pay 10 grand not to show up tomorrow. That was, you know, basically like the agreement was, I'm going to give you was like 9,000 something dollars for me to just not show up tomorrow. Which, you know, it's not like a hell of a lot of money. But, you know, it wasn't. Money wasn't the concern. My wife does well. So it was, you know, more like a what do I do now with my time? And that's like where the business ideas kind of started to. I've never been like a sit idle and do nothing kind of guy. I've always worked. So I had to figure out something.

[Lyle]

What kind of. Oh, yes, the divots.

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had, I had multiple ideas, too. I wasn't just going to do the golfing. The golf thing. I just kind of stumbled on to, like most people's businesses, you just kind of fall into it.

[Lyle]

By the way, just. I'm not to take us back to the beginning of the podcast, but why are you. So what's. Why are you against T shirts? But you're pro divots. And I'm by the way, I'm by the way, I'm. I'm by. I'm biased because if you go to therapygecko.com you may or may not see that you should buy insurance.

[Cousin]

It's not that I'm. It's. It's not that I'm against T shirts. It's that. It's just, it's funny that like the self importance and like the main character syndrome or whatever really becomes prominent in people's personality when they hit, you know, like the, the very small 8 to 10k to like 12k. You can like smell the merge coming. It's not like that. You shouldn't sell T shirts or anything. If you make funny T shirts or whatever or like really cool graphic designs or whatever, you should sell them. It's just that I think it's funny that when, you know, you hit that, that very tiny mark on social media to. To hit 8 to 10k on social media, all you have to have is like one video that really pops off. It's really not that difficult to attain. What is difficult to attain is to keep it. You know, like you can have one video pop off and go insanely viral just by happenstance, but can you keep the following and, you know, roll it into a business? That's. That's like what I think is impressive. For me, I had a bunch of videos go crazy viral of just me hitting golf balls at a night range so you could like see the ball flight of it. That was like in 2021, like when everyone was just glued to their phones. Instagram wasn't even like monetized yet. That's like how far back we're going to. And so, like those videos popped off and I was building clubs and my following grew and like, I had to learn how to be a professional social media user. And one of the best ways that I found to be a professional social media user is to stick to your original mission statement and not, you know, fall into the influencer niche. I don't, I don't believe in that. The influencer niche is there's no one should be like, unless you have some kind of like insane information that you can be putting out there. You should just be a person who exists and you have. What is social media?

[Lyle]

What is an. What is the influencer niche?

[Cousin]

Oh, man. Like, you know, like when, I don't know, something, you know, something happens, right? And they think that they're.

[Lyle]

I know you mean. No, I know what you mean.

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lyle]

No, I don't know. I totally know what you mean about like feeling like your opinion on. Well, that's why I try to. I. I mean, like, I, I mean, I guess I give my opinion on like, like sort of ever evergreen life stuff, you know, but you don't want to be out there. Well, you don't want to be out there. You don't want to be out there like giving your opinion on every single thing that happens in the universe because, well, for multiple reasons. It's like, well, if you do it once, people expect you to do it every single time anything happens.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

And you know, you don't want to be a guy who has it opinion. You know, it's funny, one of my strong opinions is that you don't have to have a strong opinion about everything, dude.

[Cousin]

Because like that is, I don't. Because you don't want to be statement.

[Lyle]

You don't want to be held liable for an opinion about every single fucking thing that happens. And also I get, I feel wary about like I feel wary when someone has an opinion about every single thing that happens all the time.

[Cousin]

You know, dude. And I'm so probably my strongest opinion is being unopinionated. Like if it, if, if it doesn't affect you directly, I don't really feel like you should have like this insanely strong opinion of something. Like just because it resonates with like the empathetic note inside you doesn't mean that you should go broadcasting. How you about it if someone asks you, sure. But you know, like you don't have to post it on social media. You can just DM them back how you feel about it.

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[Cousin]

It is like electricity flowing through your veins.

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[Cousin]

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[Lyle]

dude, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go ahead and ask you to give me this. I mean, if you want to, you don't have to, but what's the. What is the golf guy Instagram?

[Cousin]

Oh, yeah. If people are interested or whatever, they can go check.

[Lyle]

I'm interested. I'm people.

[Cousin]

It's at clubs. Handmaids. The club is with a K and it's all one word.

[Lyle]

I. But the second you said it, I was like, he's gonna tell me the club is with a K. Okay, club it is.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Club What?

[Cousin]

Yeah, clubs. So K, L, U B S. Handmaids.

[Lyle]

Clubs and maids. Cousin clubs. Cousin. Wait, Cousin clubs is pretty sweet. That's getting a follow.

[Cousin]

Yeah,

[Lyle]

that's you. I know. It's. I feel weird every time I like, talk to somebody on the phone. I feel weird when I go to their Instagram and I can like, see

[Cousin]

the face to the name.

[Lyle]

Yeah, but a face, the name, it feels. Oh, there you are. Even when I go on tour, I. I feel like, it's weird to like,

[Cousin]

meet people that like, you spoke to on the phone.

[Lyle]

I'm sure that dude I met.

[Cousin]

It's weird to me too. It's weird to me too, because, like, the only places that I'm ever recognized or known is when I'm at a golf course. And people will come up to me, they're like, hey, man, like, I know you're not that kind of guy, but, like, are you cousin clubs? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, that's so crazy, bro. Like, I've been following you since. Since like 2020. And I'm like, man, that's wacky. Like, why do you follow me? That's so weird.

[Lyle]

But causing clubs, dude. Yeah, that's awesome.

[Cousin]

That's. That. That's my moniker. That's how I'm known. And it. Like I said, dude, all of this was like totally happenstance. So if people are out there and you're wondering what the to do with your life, just keep trying. Different. Like, just keep. Keep trying, keep thinking. And eventually some. If you stick to your mission statement and you remain yourself and you put yourself out there, you'll definitely encounter some people that aren't fond of you. And that's fine. Like, you don't have to be friends with everyone. If you're for everyone, you're for no one. But there is going to be like a. A niche group of people that are into your. If you. If you put out good stuff. There will be people who will buy it.

[Lyle]

Totally. You know, it's fine. I met. I did a show in Portland last week and I. I met the Train. I don't know if you listen to the podcast, but I met the. The Train Hopper.

[Cousin]

Oh, I do guy. Oh, dude, no way. That's so. That's so cool, dude.

[Lyle]

Well, it was fun. He was, he was great. He came on stage and like, you know, gave us an update on everything. It was, it was really cool. But it felt weird to meet him because, like, I don't like, I like, I imagined. Because like he had so much depth to his story. I imagined him as like a 67 year old, like grizzled dude. But he's like. He was my age, was like a young guy and I knew that just

[Cousin]

like a regular looking dude probably, you know.

[Lyle]

Yeah, well, it's what. I knew he was like my age, but like, just because of like the, the way stories he tells. Yeah, I imagine him as like all the guy. But that was cool too. Is. Yeah. There's been a lot of stuff like that of like meeting callers in person. Okay, well, I'm looking at your.

[Cousin]

For you.

[Lyle]

Yeah, go ahead, Go ahead.

[Cousin]

Do you identify with the age that you're chronologically presented with?

[Lyle]

Do I identify with the age? It depends on the day. Sometimes I feel young, sometimes I feel old. I mean, I kind of speed ran. Yeah, dude, I speed ran a lot of life, except for. I feel like I speed ran a lot of. I also like started much younger than I think most people. Like, I started making stuff on the Internet when I was like in fifth grade or something like that. The part of my life I feel like. But I'm also. I. But I'm also like, you know, I'm single and I, you know, I. I eat M M's for dinner sometimes. So I feel, I feel. Sometimes I feel like I act like I'm 16 and I'm 28. And then other times I feel physically like I'm like 57 or whatever. Also I think if I were like, like, like I think if I can get to like mid-30s and have like a wife and a kid or something like that, I'll feel. That's when I feel like I'll feel like I'm the right age. But now I feel like I like it. Really. I either feel like I'm 16 or like 74.

[Cousin]

Do you feel like you're ready for a wife and kids?

[Lyle]

Not. Yeah, I think I'm. I think I'm Ready for, like, a wife. I don't think I'm ready for kids. Yeah, I'm ready for, like, a wife and a dog. A wife and a dog would be great.

[Cousin]

You're never really prepared. It's. It's funny how normal and like, natural it actually kind of feels. And I, I just, I. If. If you told me 10 years ago that I'd have a wife and three kids, I would have laughed and said, like, now there's no way, man. Like, I don't care what kind of crystal ball you have. You need to take that thing back. And it's funny when, when that kid, when that gray, weird inner cover baby is slapped on your wife's chest and it starts screaming. It's so weird how small and insignificant everything else kind of feels.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Cousin]

And I don't mean, I, I don't mean to, you know, like, pander to, like, the people who have baby fever or whatever. Like, none of my. None of this was like, baby fever driven. It was just that I realized, like, oh, you know, I'm actually pretty good at this. Like, I'm actually good at raising kids. And no one's, like, great at it, you know, like, you become great at it, but no one just starts being good at it. Like anything else, it takes, like, time and patience and understanding. But like, that happens after, like, your second kid. Because you, after your second kid, you realize, like, your kids are only little for like four years and it's really not that much time. It doesn't go by that quickly, like, in my opinion, because I've been like this, the caregiver parent and, you know, working at night, running a business. So I've been like the caregiver parent who's been here for it. I think if you work a nine to five and you're gone a lot, I think it, it would feel like pretty short and like, like it's gone by and it just a snap of the fingers. But me being here every single day doing dad stuff has definitely made me feel like I've gotten to experience the full amount of, like, kid, like the growing thing. It's made me feel like I'm there for it.

[Lyle]

You know what? Okay, here's what this came up for me while I was on the road this past week is. Here's something that scares me about fatherhood. I was on the road last week and I sat next to this kid. He was like, I'm hard at judging ages. I want to say he was like eight. I want to say he was eight and he Was. He's to my left. And he had a lot of energy. He was like. He, like. He was like. He, like, tried to talk to me a little bit, and he, like, he. I put my tray table up, and I didn't have. I didn't put the little tab. You know, the tab you put on the tray table to stop it from

[Cousin]

going down, Falling down.

[Lyle]

Yeah, he, like. He, like, did it for me, you know? And like, he was like, oh, you forgot this. And then, like, I pulled out my Nintendo and he was like, oh, what Nintendo do you. And he, like, he had. He was playing, like, a Grand Theft Auto or some Grand Theft Auto clone on his, like, ipod touch or whatever. And then he. And he was, like, talking to his dad, and he was like. He just had. He had a lot of energy. And I was like, oh, this is

[Cousin]

like, a lot of.

[Lyle]

This is like, a lot of. And I was like, oh, this is like a. And I'm. I'm a tourist of this kid. I. Which sounds weird, but whatever.

[Cousin]

Okay.

[Lyle]

I'm a tourist of this kid and this kid. Like, you know, from my Taurus perspective, I'm like, oh, this is like a fun, funny kid. You know, like, he. He bumped his head on the. His tray table. Like, he banged his head really fucking hard. And he turns to his dad and he's like, dad, I didn't take any damage. Which I was funny. And he's like, this is a funny kid. But I look at his dad. His dad looks really tired. And I. And I. And I was like, this kid's eight. And. And I had this thought, and I was like, oh, this is the thing that scares the most about. About adulthood, not. But about parenthood is I'm like, oh, being with. Raising this kid feels like it's gotta be Relentless. That's the word.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

That's what freaks me out. Yeah, the relentless. Because, like, dude, like, I. Like, I tried to record this podcast two nights ago, and I just was so tired, I wasn't feeling it. And so. And I just turned. I turned and I just, like, with my work, right? Like, my work is the main responsibility that I have. Yeah, right. Like, like. Or like, I'll be at a. I'll be doing one of my shows or whatever. And like, you know, but, like, sometimes, like, if work gets to be too much, I'll just shut the laptop off and be like, okay, I'll. I'll quit today, and I'll try again tomorrow when I feel better. And that usually works. And I, you know, I quit today. I don't dip into reserves, I try again. And that's kind of the approach I've had with my work is like when things get too much, I just, I'm like, I'm like, I'm okay to quit for the day and turn it off and try again tomorrow. But I was like, oh fuck. When this. But there's not with kids, it's like, no, you have to dip into your reserves and you have to, you know, I mean, work is a different thing because I'm. Because it's a thing where it's like, well, there's no point in working when I'm feeling shitty because I'm gonna produce bad work. It's better to just quit. Yeah, but with a kid it's like, you gotta just you. It's relentless. And that's what scares me is just again, the relentlessness.

[Cousin]

I, I think, I think you're like most people who are like in a position in their lives pretty much like in, at, at that, at our age for the most part. Because like there are people that are, you know, 33, my age, that don't have kids yet that are, you know, kind of walking up to that point in their life like where they're like, man, I'm not ready to have kids or whatever. I don't really think anyone ever quite is. Like, you're not. It's one of those things. It's like the first time you go skydiving, like you're not ready to go skydiving, but you know, you just pull the cord and parachute comes out and then you float down to the ground. You know, it's just kind of something that you just step into and it just, it works. You, if you are willing to put yourself, you know, second for a little while in your life until the kids are self sufficient and they can, you know, go downstairs and get their own juice box. You know, it's, it's pretty, it's, it's not easy, but it is. I developed an aptitude for it pretty quickly and I didn't think that I would. So, you know, I don't think that I'm different. I think that's pretty standard across the board. Like you, you're not, you're never really sure, you don't know what you know until you know. So, you know, I wouldn't think too hard about that. If you can, you know, operate on a couple hours sleep for four months when the kid's born, you'll be all right. Kind of weird.

[Lyle]

Four months, not that bad. Four Months. Not that bad.

[Cousin]

Yeah, like four months.

[Lyle]

Like, how long you been with your. Your. How long have you been with your wife?

[Cousin]

Kind of. Funnily enough, we actually found out that we were having a child like two months into knowing each other.

[Lyle]

Oh, really?

[Cousin]

Yeah. But it just kind of. It just worked. Like we. Our personalities were super compatible and we just like three months into knowing each other, we were. I had moved out of the house that I was living in and moved with with her and went through the whole pregnancy thing together. And then when the kid was born, some my job thing happened and a lot of life has happened between us. Meeting and dating for a very short amount of time to figuring out that we were having a kid and everything just kind of felt really like normal and natural, really compatible. And we're, I would say, like healthily codependent on each other. We don't, you know, need to be around each other all the time, but we kind of want to be around each other. Being. Being the father of her kids has been like, really bonding for me. I can't really, like, imagine my life without her. She's, you know, pretty much. She's really, really intelligent and really driven in her career and she's. She's a lot of things that I'm not, and I'm most of the things that she's not. And so we balance each other out really well. So I would say in total, like almost seven years now, we've been together seven years with a six year old, if you can do that math.

[Lyle]

Cousin.

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

[Lyle]

Cousin. Cousin. Cousin. Cousin. I'm glad you called. I really enjoyed talking to you.

[Cousin]

I enjoy talking to you.

[Lyle]

This is great. Please go. Please follow clubs Handmaids with a K. So that. So that we can. So that we can force cousin into having no choice but to start selling T shirts. Because once you get to a certain level of followers, it's like, you know, he has no choice. You know, he's got three kids to put through college. We need this guy to start telling some T shirts the tools do it, man.

[Cousin]

The tools. The. The tools are my main source of income. They're. They're. They're pretty. They're pretty. I didn't make them.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Or by his power built Golf. Is that your company?

[Cousin]

No, it's the company that I'm affiliated with there. I'm the. It's just I'm called like a staff member. Like, basically I. I do like development, testing, product advisement, or advising.

[Lyle]

I don't know if we want to buy if we want to buy. But if we want to buy. Do divots from you. Is that.

[Cousin]

You DM me?

[Lyle]

You DM me?

[Cousin]

Yeah, yeah, you DM me. I. I don't have a website. I've completely, like, rejected the idea of having a website. It's funny. It. It's. People say that, like, you have to have a website. You don't. You can. You can literally sell and make a living by talking to people. Because everyone that owns one of my tools, they've had to come and talk to me.

[Lyle]

It's like, our boy. Our boy. Fuck. His name was also Chris, this guy who lived on a Native American reservation. I forget his Instagram, but. And I forget if anything. I don't know if anything ever kind of. I don't know what the follow up is with that guy, but he like, we plugged his Instagram and I was like. Because he sells. He like, lives on a farm and like, sells seeds and stuff, and we plugged his Instagram and I was like, do you have a website you sell these seeds on? He was like, nah, man, just DM me and we'll fucking figure it out. And I'm like, that's. That's pretty cool.

[Cousin]

It's so cool, dude. Like, to. And also, it makes. I. I'm not really like a, like an extrovert kind of person. I don't like, go out of my way to talk to people. And it's really cool that having this Instagram thing has made me talk to people and it's forced me to be more understanding and like, to work with people and understand that not everyone, you know, operates the same way. Like I'm just. Because I've sold, you know, thousands of tools over the years, it's still their first time buying one. So I can't treat it as if they know everything already. They're brand new to this. I'm a seasoned vet in. In this, but they're brand new to it. It could be their first social. It could be their first, you know, like, social media purchase as a whole. And so, you know, you have to make sure that, like, you're being a good garner of basically a virtual brick and mortar establishment. That's what I am. A virtual brick and mortar where you have to come in and physically talk to me.

[Lyle]

Virtual brick and mortar. That's a very interesting.

[Cousin]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Cousin. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Cousin]

Get your nuts checked and make sure you get a yearly physical. And also, when people tell you that you can't try some other because chances are you probably can. It's just not in the way that you think you can.

[Lyle]

Beautiful. Thank you, cousin. This was a great conversation, man. I appreciate your time.

[Cousin]

Lyle, you're a ledge. Appreciate you, bud.

[Lyle]

Take care, man.

[Cousin]

You too, buddy.

[Lyle]

That was cousin. Yeah, go to. I'm on the website right now. What is it? Or I just missed. Oh yeah, clubs. Handmaids with a K. Send him a DM. Go to therapygecko.com to get a T shirt with my face on it. I tried to make that joke earlier when he was like, people, they get too full of themselves to start telling. Selling T shirts with their faces on it. I think because I feel better about selling merch because I'm like as like the gecko. It's like a character thing. So like it looks kind of funny and cool and weird where it's like if I was just a guy selling T shirts with my face on it, it feel a little bit more weird. Whatever. Anyway, that was fun. That was fun. Thank you again, cousin, for your time. That was there. That was the podcast folks. That was it. I like, I like doing a one call podcast now and then sometimes. Sometimes like I'm like five minutes into talking to someone and I'm like, we're gonna. I feel, I just have a feeling. I'm like, this one's gonna be the whole thing, you know. He started talking about his childhood and I was like, we got a lot to talk about. We got all the ground to cover. So that was cousin. Anyway, I'm on the road. I'm doing shows that we were just. I just did the Pacific Northwest. Thank you to everyone who was at those shows. Those shows were really fun. The shows in Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, SF and Minneapolis. Those are really great. Next week or this week, I think I'll be. Yeah, this week I'll be in Cleveland, Pittsburgh and Charlotte. Tickets to those shows are [e-mail] I'm excited about those shows. Patreon.com Lyle Forever. If you want to see bonus episodes or whatever, who gives a fuck? Who cares? That was a nice episode. That was good. Also, I. If you want to call, I. I realized that I just, I had a little problem with like the about section of the podcast where it was telling people still to. To go on Twitch, to call in, you can text the phone number 401-472-4325. And occasionally I, occasionally I'll randomly call back people who text the phone number on like a Rand like randomly five days in the middle of the afternoon after they sent the text. Sometimes I do that. The, the more official way of doing it is if you go to my Instagram. Instagram.com lyle the number four ever. I'll post the phone number on there and people call or text at the time that I put the story up. But whatever, whatever. If it's destined that we talk, then we talk. All right, that's it. Deck. Bless. Thank you guys. See you next time.

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[Cousin]

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[Cousin]

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[Cousin]

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[Lyle]

Guaranteed human.