Caller Wyatt (1:55)

You know, I was, I was talking about my girlfriend about that and like, I don't know, it's. I'm 25 years old, so I've had 25, I guess 26 whole new years. And I've never really thought of like an actual New Year's resolution. You know, I don't know if that's sad or good. I just kind of keep going.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (2:16)

I don't. I. I don't think that that's either sad or good. I think. Well, yeah, it means you're just living life. You're not trying to.

Caller Wyatt (2:24)

Yeah, I definitely like to reflect on my past year. Like, how the year. Like, my past year has gone, but I never really, like, oh, I'm going to start this. This coming year. I'm going to. I'm a change this. I'm going to start doing that.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (2:37)

Okay. You're just like, okay, that happened. And then let's. Let's continue on to the. Into the present where more stuff will happen. That's your take? Yeah. Okay.

Caller Wyatt (2:48)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (2:48)

You're not a real. You're not. Like, I'm going to reevaluate and change and do this other thing.

Caller Wyatt (2:54)

I mean, I guess I. It's not a bad thing to do, but I really. No, not really.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (3:00)

That's okay. I don't think you need to do that necessarily. The funny thing is, is actually sometimes you can do that and then. Yeah, ultimately change nothing. And then you wasted a bunch of time doing that when you could have just been, like, living life in the moment. So.

Caller (various guests) (3:17)

No.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (3:18)

So living life in the moment almost risks nothing. There's things you might not. There's things. There's things about the other method that you might gain or lose, but if you want to risk. But if you want to risk nothing, Right. Like, if you're. If you want to take no risks and you just want to exist, that's. I think that's the way to do it, is just be in the present.

Caller Wyatt (3:42)

Well, what about you, Mr. Geck? You got any New Year's resolutions?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (3:46)

My New Year's resolution is to ask you, Wyatt, about. About what it is that you texted me.

Caller Wyatt (3:54)

I mean, we could do. This past year has been crazy, dude. I think that's one thing that's been on my mind here recently, but I got a whole lot.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (4:04)

Well, okay, let me ask you this. So you texted me initially and you said, I'm afraid I am becoming more like my father.

Caller (various guests) (4:15)

Yeah.

Caller Wyatt (4:19)

So I guess I can give you a little.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (4:21)

Yes.

Caller Wyatt (4:22)

Background.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (4:23)

Yeah, please. Sure.

Caller Wyatt (4:26)

Can you hear me good?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (4:27)

Yeah, I can.

Caller Wyatt (4:29)

Okay. Yeah. So, long story short, my dad's.

Caller (various guests) (4:33)

He's.

Caller Wyatt (4:34)

He's a recovering alcoholic, and he got through some. Or went through some stuff. Uh, got divorced from his second marriage, lost custody of my half brother. It's been in rehab, in and out of rehab, was really rough until here. This past year, he actually got really good, man. Like, it was super good. You know, he was doing good, didn't really drink much. And then, you know, kind of started hitting the gym, all this stuff. And then here recently, he. He's off of, like, probation. And then me and my sister kind of think he might have relapsed. He's kind of doing it secretly. And I'm over here, like, judging my dad almost. And I feel bad about it because I do. I'm like, oh, my dad shouldn't be drinking, blah, blah, blah. But as I'm doing that, I'll be sitting at the bar, piss drunk, and then I'm like, damn, am I, like, do I have a drinking problem? Which granted, my dad kind of like, without getting into. He didn't do anything, like, terrible. Like, he never, you know, nothing horrible, but just. There's been an iffy father to. To, you know, I still love him, but I'm over here, sitting here, you know, I've got a serious relationship going on, you know, if I want to pursue a family and like. You know what I mean?

Caller (various guests) (5:46)

Does that make sense?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (5:47)

Yeah, of course. Yeah. No, you're. I mean, I feel like this happens with a lot of people when, like a. It's interesting. I mean, at least in my experience, like, yeah, I've become exactly like my. My dad. And it's fine. It's funny because I look at my. I look at my dad and I think about. There's a lot he. There's a lot of. I mean, as this is true about all human beings, of course, but I look at my dad and I. There's a lot of, like, negative aspects. I think he. He has to his, like, life. And I. And I'm absolutely. And I'm absolutely positively inheriting those. And then I look at my dad and I'm like, my dad's the best. You know, I look at him and he has.

Caller Wyatt (6:33)

I do want to.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (6:33)

Well, he, He. And he has. And he has. And he has all these, like, very positive aspects of his personality and of his life that I really admire and respect and love. And I see themselves in me too. So I'm like. I feel like I'm a carbon copy of my dad in all of the best and worst ways.

Caller Wyatt (6:54)

No, that's what. I kind of feel the same because, I mean, like, I love my dad to death and like, I think deep down he's an amazing father. You know, he. He has his issues, obviously, you know, it's whether it's his fault or not. But, like, I see the good in him and I'm like, I hope to inherit those good parts about my father, you know, the things I love about him. But then I see myself sometimes. I like. I'll see my stuff, like inheriting some. Maybe his bad habits. And I go, crap. You know.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (7:22)

Yeah, yeah. It's. It's hard to not become like your parents, so.

Caller Wyatt (7:27)

No. Yeah, for sure.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (7:28)

Okay. So you're sitting at the bar and you're like, all right, I'm at a crucial tipping point. You know, I have. I'm sorry. I know you have. You said you have a wife. Girlfriend.

Caller Wyatt (7:37)

A girlfriend. Yes, sir.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (7:39)

Girlfriend. Okay. And you want to have a family, so.

Caller Wyatt (7:43)

Yeah, so we just. We just moved in together.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (7:46)

Okay. And so you're like, I want to have a family. I want to do this whole thing. And are you. Are you, like, afraid of how drinking is going to affect that?

Caller Wyatt (7:57)

I mean, sort of, yeah. Because, like. Like I said, like, we go out sometimes, we'll drink, but then we'll be like, like, I don't. I mean, I guess this is what every alcoholic says, but I don't think I'm an alcoholic because, you know, I. I work nine to five. You know, I don't drink during the week. Really? You know, on the weekends, though, you know, I like to have a drink, but it's like, whenever I do drink, it's like, I like to have fun, but then I'm like, you know, if I'm gonna. If I'm gonna take stuff serious, you know, because, I mean, we've already been talking about, you know, the future and stuff, and, you know, like, if I am gonna take that serious, you know, it's something I'm gonna have to at least keep in mind, you know how I do, I guess.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (8:35)

Yeah. When you. All right, well, let's. All right, let's do this. When you were a boy, do you. Do you remember ways in which your dad drinking negatively affected you or his relationship with your mom?

Caller Wyatt (8:53)

Yeah, for sure. For sure. There was, again, nothing bad or crazy happened, but, I mean, yeah, definitely. There's definitely. Some times I can look back on and be like, maybe he shouldn't have been. Maybe that wasn't the situation to be very drunk at.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (9:08)

Can I, for instance, like, he looks.

Caller Wyatt (9:10)

Like, on the couch watching football and then, like, have a few beers, but then a few beers would turn into.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (9:15)

He's not. You know, he's not. Is like. Okay, was he, like. Let's not say plaster, but was he, like, putting a few down at, like, the. Your school. Your school play or soccer games or like that.

Caller (various guests) (9:28)

That's. That is.

Caller Wyatt (9:29)

That is the perfect way. Yes, that is the perfect way to explain.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (9:32)

He's not. He's not getting. He's. He's not like that south park episode where Randy is fighting everyone and getting. He's not like that, but he's. He's having a beer at these places where you're like, should he really be having a beer right now? Kind of a thing. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay, I get what you mean.

Caller Wyatt (9:48)

Definitely gotten worse over the years because, like, I'm. I'm 25, so I, you know, I've been down and moved out, but I've got a little brother who. That's where I see it the worst. And I guess is because I'm like, man, like, he was in my area, I was in his shoes, and I'm like, I'm kind of grateful he doesn't get the full scope of it right now because, you know, he's young and he doesn't know what's.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (10:10)

Yeah. What's the deal with your little brother? Do you see him acting like your father in some way?

Caller Wyatt (10:15)

Oh, my dad and my brother are almost the exact same person. Besides, you know, he's 13, but.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (10:21)

Oh, no.

Caller Wyatt (10:22)

Yeah, they're. They're the exact same person.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (10:24)

Interesting. Do you feel like.

Caller Wyatt (10:26)

Definitely more like my mom, though.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (10:28)

Do you feel like you're like your dad in any ways other than the drinking?

Caller (various guests) (10:34)

Repeat that in.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (10:36)

In any ways other than just, like, drinking a lot. How do you feel? Like you're, like, you're dead.

Caller Wyatt (10:42)

Definitely. My dad is, like, super bad. Like, he has really bad ocd. And, like, in a weird way, like, I'm kind of messy and, like, sloppy. But, like, in a weird way, I, I, I, I kind of have the same thing because, like, whenever my dad, like, hyper focuses on something, like, he will not finish or stop or pause until he finishes or does whatever he's doing. And I'm kind of the same way. If I get super hyper focused on something to a point where it's like, like, I just. Tunnel vision, you know? No, definitely. Yeah, that's. That's one of the big things. I definitely have some of his, like, mannerisms. Like, he's a, He's a very. Sorry, Go ahead.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (11:24)

I know you're going to.

Caller Wyatt (11:26)

No, I was just gonna say that, like, some of his mannerisms I definitely have, like, he's very. Like, he'll talk to anybody. Like, he'll. He's easy to make or good at making friends. And I, I feel like I'm the same way. I can talk to anybody and just, you know, make a friend, which is, like, I said some of the good things that I, That I, I like.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (11:45)

Yeah, dude. It's interesting. I, like, I like this subject because I think about it a Lot in my own life.

Caller (various guests) (11:52)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (11:52)

Not to, like, whatever, I guess just like. Yeah, I'm ponder. And in. In. In the process of pondering this with you. Cause sometimes I'm like. And I don't. I don't know if this is inherent. I don't know if this is healthy, but sometimes I look at, like, the. You know, like I was saying earlier, like, I look at my dad and I'm like, I'm a carbon copy of him. And I. And I have all. I think I have all of his best qualities and all of his worst ones, too. And I think about that and sometimes when I'm, like, embodying the qualities where I'm like, shit, I think I know where this came from. Part of me. There's a little part of me that, like, uses that to, like, fucking, like, accept it. You know what I mean?

Caller Wyatt (12:30)

No, yeah, for sure.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (12:31)

Yeah. You know, there's a little part of me that uses that to, like, accept it and maybe in some cases, excuse it. And I. And I know.

Caller (various guests) (12:39)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (12:39)

Yeah, I do that. Yeah. I think we both do that shit. And I. Yeah, I accept it and excuse it, but then I'm also like, oh, fuck. But I got to fucking. You know what I mean?

Caller Wyatt (12:49)

I know what you mean.

Caller (various guests) (12:50)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (12:53)

So I can ponder this with you, but I would be lying if I said I had the answer. And I'd be a hypocrite if I told you that you gotta fight back, you know? I mean, you probably should. You probably should. You probably should. I. Yeah, again, I feel the same way where I'm like, I'll do something. I'm like, fuck this. This is me. This is the part that I inherited from, like, I totally see how I came to exist by looking at my parents. And. Yeah, you can use it.

Caller (various guests) (13:21)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (13:21)

Again, you can use it as, like, an excuse. But I'm a part. Part of me wants to believe in free will, but.

Caller Wyatt (13:30)

Exactly. But then genetics definitely takes a huge, huge part.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (13:35)

But I don't know, bro. We gotta try. You know what I mean? Especially if you also. Also. Also, you know. Okay, I'll tell you. I'll tell you this. And this is another thing, a little bit that is, like, my experience with this is. And this is more like addiction stuff than it is like genetic family shit or whatever.

Caller (various guests) (13:51)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (13:51)

Is like, quitting doing something is like, a thousand times easier if you have a reason. Right. Like, I've had. I've had things I was addicted to where. Or fuck, am. Where it's like, I don't have a good reason to stop doing this. Like, I'm not. I don't have a good reason to stop doing this or I don't have something else in front of me that's so all encompassing that it forces me to be present with it. So I'm not doing the thing. But you have a thing. And maybe this is the North Star of like. Okay, well, I want. I care a lot about investing in my relationship with my wife and I care a lot about having a kid and giving my kid a good childhood. So at least you have that to. Because if you were just like a single. If you were just like a single 25 year old guy with, you know, with like some random job and you're just like a guy, then it's like, it's like, yeah, of course I'm gonna get drunk all the time.

Caller Wyatt (14:56)

No, yeah, exactly.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (14:57)

But you gotta, you have like a higher thing to serve now. So I guess that's at least. Yeah, that's something.

Caller Wyatt (15:03)

It definitely, it definitely is what makes me think about it, I guess. And then another thing just, you know, you're talking about, you know, addiction, which that is another thing that's like really bad on my dad's side of the family, you know.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (15:15)

Yeah.

Caller Wyatt (15:15)

From him to his mother. And like, you know, they're all like, have some type of, whether not necessarily drugs or booze, but like, you know, some type of thing. And it's, you know, addiction is. It's super, super genetic, at least from what I understand. And like, I've definitely, like, you know, when I was in high school, in college, you know, I was vaping and you know, doing the Zins and. Which I haven't, you know, I don't do that stuff anymore. Holy crap, dude. Was that shit hard to quit? And then another part of me was like, is it, is it hard because it's hard or is it, is it. Does it because of my, you know, back to my dad and I guess my lineage, my genetics is like. Is it a genetic thing?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (15:55)

Yeah, it definitely is. But again, I guess if we're trying to. Not if we're trying to overcome that shit, I guess it is helpful. It is helpful to know where it comes from. Yeah, it's helped me. It's helped me at least. And I'm, I'm. No, I'm not like. I mean, this is true with like everything on this podcast. Like, I don't want to speak as like some kind of like authority and getting, getting over stuff, but just like in the terms of like yelling, it just like in the terms, like, feeling it. I'm like, yeah, I've felt like, oh, it's good to have the information as to how I got here. And that helps me. And that helps me shame myself less. Like, I feel a lot less. Like, yeah, it does. Like, like, like it helps me, like, feel a lot less shame because I. Because it puts me in a position where I'm like, okay, I at least kind of understand how I arrived here. And it's through something that I can kind of logically explain. Not just because I'm like some grand piece of. And I mean, you know, and you can. You can kind of say that about anyone, but it's like, okay, now I gotta. I can't keep. I just. I can't. I can't keep using that. I gotta figure out how to.

Caller Wyatt (17:15)

Yeah, I know what you mean, you.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (17:16)

Know, deal with it.

Caller Wyatt (17:17)

But I. I think it also helps, you know, with you saying that it. I mean, it kind of helps, like if you have kids or, you know, you want, you know, your future, whatever. Like, I guess it kind of helps with them too, to know where it came from.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (17:30)

Yeah.

Caller Wyatt (17:31)

You know, well, my kid's not just a piece of. You know.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (17:34)

Yeah.

Caller Wyatt (17:35)

You know. You know what I mean? I guess it's a terrible way to say it, but.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (17:39)

No, when your kid. When your kid's 14 and he starts sneaking Mike's hard lemonades out of the free.

Caller Wyatt (17:44)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (17:45)

I'm like, yeah, you know, I think maybe. Okay, what I was going to say is I think that the understanding of how you came to a certain point leading to a removal of shame, it is helpful in some way to getting to your Getting. Getting to what you want. Because like, if you're. Because if you're gonna approach. I guess, cuz if you're gonna approach this, like, logically, like, how do I logically beat this? The. The shame of it isn't helpful in that logic process.

Caller Wyatt (18:31)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (18:31)

At least in my opinion. But also my opinions. Yeah, also my opinion is bad because I'm addicted to a lot of stuff.

Caller Wyatt (18:39)

But no, Yeah, I guess I feel so.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (18:43)

Yeah. I don't know, man. What's your w. Okay, let me ask you this. What's your wife say? Like, how is she? Like, yo, you gotta stop doing this?

Caller Wyatt (18:53)

No, she doesn't really say much about it. I mean, I definitely talk to her about this stuff and like, you know, especially with my dad because, you know, before I met her, I was just kind of dealing it with on my own because it's been going on for a While, you know, I met her and then after dating, and I think it was, like, right before we met my parents, like, hey, by the way, my. My dad was a recovering alcoholic, just FYI.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (19:15)

Yeah.

Caller Wyatt (19:16)

And then, you know, I just. You know, it does help to talk to her about it, but, I mean, she's very supportive, but, like, she hasn't really, like. I don't know how to say this. She doesn't shame me for anything because at the end of the day, I think I am. I could just be overthinking stuff. Like I said, at the end of the day, I'm 25. You know, I like to drink on the weekends and have fun. So, like, maybe it is something that I'm overthinking and making it into something bigger than it's not. But I'd lie if I'd say I don't think about it. Yeah, well, that didn't make that sense.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (19:48)

No, that makes perfect sense. Well, I mean, I. Well, let's. Let's put it like this. At least you're thinking about it. Like, I don't know, when your dad was, like, drinking when you were a kid, do you think he was even thinking about it?

Caller Wyatt (20:02)

Well, definitely.

Caller (various guests) (20:03)

Well, I don't know. That's.

Caller Wyatt (20:04)

That's definitely something that I haven't even thought about. But, like, I don't know. I really couldn't tell you.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (20:12)

Hmm. I think you'll be. I think you'll be a good dad. You can't. You get. At least you give a shit. That's the place to start.

Caller Wyatt (20:20)

Yeah, I try.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (20:24)

Okay, what am I need. I don't do. I have New Year's resolutions there. They're all boring. You don't have any of them. You are. You're just gonna keep living your life, I guess.

Caller Wyatt (20:33)

Well, I got, like. It's. It's the same thing that everybody says, you know, I am. I mean, I've been. I feel like I go to the gym pretty, like, frequently. I'm a sort of thing I think I get from my dad is my dad's, like, huge into the gym. Even if whether he's drinking or not, he's always in the gym. It's something that I like to do. And I've got some, like, muscle on me, but, like, I'm trying to cut back and trying to, like, look skinnier. So I guess that's. That is one is lose weight, cut back. And I don't know if it's an addiction, but. Dude does that. Doordashing does not help.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (21:07)

What do you what have you been door dashing?

Caller Wyatt (21:09)

Then? I'll doordash anything.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (21:13)

What's the last thing you do?

Caller Wyatt (21:14)

Popeyes, KFC, McDonald's. It's so hard not to.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (21:18)

It's a lot of protein.

Caller Wyatt (21:19)

That's. That's another addiction.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (21:21)

You got a lot of protein in there.

Caller Wyatt (21:23)

Yeah, a lot of protein and fried crap I don't need. But that could be another good New Year's resolution. Less doordashing.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (21:31)

Dude, I'm just gonna. I don't know why. I'm just stealing something that someone else said on their podcast, but this guy, Stavros Halkius, said something on his podcast once about, like, getting to a fat guy. Getting to, like, a fat guy logic where you start eating chicken tenders as a side of, like. And, like. And the excuse being that it's protein. I was like, that's fucking. I was like, damn. I've never felt more seen in my life. Wyatt.

Caller Wyatt (22:06)

Yes, sir.

Caller (various guests) (22:09)

Hmm.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (22:11)

Is there anything else you want to say or talk about before we. Before we go?

Caller Wyatt (22:18)

Nah, man, I. I definitely feel better talking about. I haven't really talked to anybody about this or, you know, but other than just thought about it to myself, so. Definitely appreciate it. Appreciate what you do for sure, man.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (22:30)

Is there any other aspect of it you think we didn't cover?

Caller Wyatt (22:34)

I mean, no, not really. I mean, at the end of the day, you know, I love my old man. I think he's a good person at heart. He's never done anything, you know, evil. But, you know, there's. There are some aspects that I see myself in him or himself and him and myself that I definitely don't want lingering around in the future. And, like, I don't shame my father for anything, you know, Like I said, at the end of the day, he's my awesome dude.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (23:01)

Wyatt, thanks for sharing, man. I appreciate it. This was helpful conversation.

Caller Wyatt (23:06)

Happy New Year's.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (23:08)

Bye, Wyatt. Yeah, that's interesting. I mean, it's something we've talked about here before, but, like. Yeah, how do you. How do you not become your parents? And I. It's. It's interesting. I. I'm. I'm blessed enough to have, you know, a lot of. A lot of friends from childhood who, like, I know them, and I know their family, and every single. Every one of my fucking friends. I can, like, pinpoint how they exist by thinking about their parents. Not every single one of them. Sometimes there's a bit. Sometimes there are black sheep. I actually know. I have a couple. I have a few friends where I'm like, I don't know how you got became this, but I have a lot of friends where I'm like, I know exactly how you became this. Myself. I look at my parents, I'm like, I know exactly how I became what I am. It's hard. It's one of those things that makes you like, question free. It really is one of those fucking things that makes you question free will. You're like, are we just doomed genetically to become our parents or do we have some say? I think ultimately believing in free will is more empowering than believing in determinism. So I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to go ahead and say, we help. We have free will to try not to become our parents.

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Caller (various guests) (26:13)

Hello.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (26:14)

Hey, what's up?

Caller (various guests) (26:17)

Hey, what's your name?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (26:20)

Aubrey Aubriel. Okay, you had a shitty 2025, do you. Should we start There. Should we start more positive?

Caller (various guests) (26:33)

Whatever, really? All right, So I got arrested earlier in the year, so that kind of put, like, a damper on things, I would say, for sure.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (26:46)

Do you want to talk about what. What you were arrested for? Yeah, you don't have to.

Caller (various guests) (26:56)

Essentially, I got pulled over in a pretty bad area. And I didn't know this at the time, but I have my medical card. I live in Florida, But I let it lapse by, like, two weeks or something like that. So I got pulled over during that time, and I didn't know that carts were a felony, so I ended up getting a felony for, like, resin possession, which. That really sucked. And then, like, three misdemeanors along the lines of the paraphernalia and stuff.

Caller Wyatt (27:24)

So.

Caller (various guests) (27:25)

Yeah, wait, that was the whole thing.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (27:27)

So, okay, so you have a med. Okay, so recreational marijuana is illegal in Florida, but you have a med card. But the med card expired, so they charged it for the carts.

Caller (various guests) (27:39)

Yeah, so, like the. Like a. Like. Like a dab pen.

Caller Wyatt (27:42)

Yeah.

Caller (various guests) (27:43)

So I had, like. It had my name on it and everything already, but because it had lapsed, it was still a felony because I didn't have, like, an active medical marijuana card.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (27:54)

That's fucking lame.

Caller (various guests) (27:57)

No, really lame. Really lame. Initially, like, because I didn't. And it didn't even, like, register to me that I had it in the car. Like, they asked me. They were like, do you have anything in there? And, like, they tried to search, and I told them those when they got a dog. It was a whole thing. But I was like, I think I only have, like, a quarter or something like that, because I completely didn't even register. That was weed, obviously. But, yeah, I'm like, okay, yeah. So, yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (28:20)

But no, that's lame as fuck. It's so crazy to be in, like, legal states where it's like, you don't. You don't. It doesn't even, like, register that it's illegal. And then, like, I mean, foreign countries is one thing, but, like, the fact there are places in America where you can get, like, arrested for just having a cart is insane. Like, so they put you in handcuffs?

Caller (various guests) (28:43)

Yeah, dude. Like, no. Like, they had me at the front of the car initially, and then they were like, okay, we'll put your hands behind your back. And then they read me my Miranda rights and everything, and I was like, oh, okay. So this is like, actually happening. And I think. Yeah, I was 19 at the time. I think when that happened, I don't. Yeah, I don't think I was 18 so it was really scary. But they told me. They reassured me, like, on the way to the jail, because that was my first time, only time, getting in trouble. But they were like, girl, like, you should be good. Like, I just heard a story about somebody in our county who had, like. I don't even want to say it out loud, but, like, had did some really heinous to whatever, and he had gotten out on probation. And I was like, okay, well, that's great.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (29:31)

Did you have to, like, go to jail?

Caller (various guests) (29:35)

Yeah, yeah, no, like, I fully went to jail. Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (29:38)

How long were you in jail for?

Caller (various guests) (29:42)

So I got. I think it was on like a. Yeah, I think it was on a Sunday. I was in for, like, 17 hours. I sat in booking. That was the worst part. Honestly, jail was fine. Like, the girls were fine, but booking was like actual psychological torture. Like, I just sat there for 10 hours staring at a wall. Couldn't even tell the time. And then there was one point. Oh, this got me so bad. I was like, is it almost 7 o' clock yet? Or like 7am Whatever? Because that was the time that they said I was gonna have my arraignment. And he was like, yeah. And I was like, really? And he was like, no. I was like, are you serious? So what would y' all have done if I hadn't said, really? Like, what I.

Caller Wyatt (30:24)

Okay.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (30:24)

But, yeah, that's hilarious. So, okay, jail was. Wait, the girls were fine. Like, you. You were chatting it up with the people in the jail. What was that? Like, who would you meet?

Caller (various guests) (30:41)

So there was this one girl. She was a year younger than me, and she was in there for dta. She was really cool. They helped me put, like, a one, one of the girls up their comb. Like, you take. If you have, like, nose piercings or anything like that, you take a piece of the comb and you put it through your nose so it doesn't close. So they gave me one of those. They let me try crack powder or whatever it was, which is like basically mint powder that you put in your drink, but you, like, put it on your chips and. And it tastes really good.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (31:11)

Wait, is it actually is a crack?

Caller (various guests) (31:14)

No, no. Like, it doesn't have crack, but they called it that.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (31:17)

Okay. I was about to say 17 hours in jail is a little early to be, you know, doing jail crack.

Caller (various guests) (31:23)

No, that actually would have been nuts. Yeah, I don't do none of that. But, yeah, there's some older ladies. There was two younger ones, so it was me. I was on the top bunk. Then there was two girls who had their beds on just floor. Those were the younger ones. And then there was like three other older ladies.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (31:43)

And you were there for one night?

Caller (various guests) (31:45)

Yes.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (31:47)

Damn, that's crazy. They put you in there. What? So was so holding. You're just kind of staring at a wall and then jail. You're like, it's like camp. It sounded kind of like summer camp.

Caller (various guests) (32:01)

Essentially. Yeah, basically. It honestly, it wasn't that bad. It was just like knowing that freedom was not there was kind of surreal. Like actually like you're not a person anymore.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (32:12)

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So it's not actually like summer camp at all.

Caller (various guests) (32:18)

I'm sorry.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (32:21)

So you said you didn't feel like a person.

Caller (various guests) (32:23)

Oh, yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (32:29)

So when you got out, what happened after that?

Caller (various guests) (32:35)

I had to get a lawyer. So that was a whole thing. It was like four, five hundred dollars. And essentially I went to. I did go to court and they gave me diversion, which was like a first time offender program. But I encountered like every single possible obstacle you could encounter in that program while I was in it, which is like kind of my own fault in a way.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (32:59)

But.

Caller (various guests) (32:59)

But I have like really bad anxiety. Like I'm sure you can hear. I like, I'm still. It's kind of crazy that I'm talking right now. I'm still shaking. But yeah, I ended up. I have really bad pee anxiety, so I ended up not being able to piss and like that sucked. So like.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (33:15)

Oh, no.

Caller (various guests) (33:15)

Adding on another.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (33:16)

Yeah, you were holding it in for the whole time.

Caller (various guests) (33:20)

Well, no, no, I meant like afterwards like because you have to do P tests and stuff. Sorry, I should have said that. So my bad. No, no, yeah, so you have to do like P tests and shit like that. And that was not fun. So I ended up having to be in for like an extra three months on top of the year that they already wanted me in there.

Caller Wyatt (33:44)

So.

Caller (various guests) (33:45)

Yeah, I'm out now. Feel good. Feel good. Free bird.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (33:50)

Wait, I'm. Fuck. I'm sorry if I'm mishearing this first, but you were, you were aware for three months.

Caller (various guests) (33:57)

Oh, sorry. No, like they had me in the program for a year already. Like that time limit. And then because I had up with the, the testing and everything. Yeah, yeah. So they added on three extra months.

Caller Wyatt (34:12)

Because of that, which sucked.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (34:13)

But how are you doing now?

Caller (various guests) (34:19)

Great, actually. I just moved out of my dad's. I'm living at my nana's now, so.

Caller Wyatt (34:25)

That'S been really cool.

Caller (various guests) (34:26)

My parents got divorced like two years ago. I've been living with him, but he just has not been the happiest camper since. Yeah. So finally got out of that situation. And I'm also 20, so. Yeah, it feels good to not be there, I guess.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (34:50)

You mentioned in this text to me that you said you. You found your childhood crush that you've been looking for online for nine years. What does that mean?

Caller (various guests) (35:04)

Yes.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (35:05)

I'm curious.

Caller (various guests) (35:06)

Okay. So essentially, my dad was in the military growing up, and I got stationed. So one of the places we were when I was in fifth grade, it was Mayport, Jacksonville. And I had this best friend who, While the entire time I lived there, and we just got really close, whatever. So then we ended up moving, and he ended up moving, too, because his dad was also in the military. And I basically. He had no social media presence for the entirety of. Until he got out of high school. And I'd spent, like, at least twice a year, like, twice a year looking him up on social media, which, like, I hadn't done that for any. But, like, any of the other people that I'd met over the years, like, as consistently as I did with him. I don't know. It was just crazy. Like, you just have a connection with somebody even when you're so little. Not little, but, like, even when you're so young and, like, you just know something's real, I guess. I don't know. Like, I thought that was cool. So then I finally found him, and he was. He joined the Navy, too. And it was really freaking crazy because he's. He's currently stationed in the same. At the same base that we met at when we were kids.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (36:25)

Whoa.

Caller (various guests) (36:26)

And he's actually. Yeah, so he's here right now, actually. Like, I'm in my hometown. He drove three hours, so that was really cool.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (36:33)

Whoa. Interesting. So you guys met at a. At this base that your dad was at, and then years later, he's stationed there now.

Caller (various guests) (36:43)

Yeah, no, like, really crazy.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (36:46)

How did you find.

Caller (various guests) (36:49)

Okay, so I knew his first and last name, and, like, when I tell you I'm a D1 stalker, like, I'm actually a D1 stalker. So I went through every social media platform you could possibly go through, and I would look up people with his name, and I would just. I would message them. Basically, like, twice a year, I'd message a whole bunch of random people who had his name and hoped they were him.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (37:12)

Wow. That's actually pretty romantic.

Caller (various guests) (37:16)

Yeah, it's a lot of dedication, for sure.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (37:21)

So I have a lot of questions about this. How long had it been since you guys had connected with each other?

Caller (various guests) (37:33)

So I hadn't seen him since I was 10 and then reconnected when I was, like, 19. So nine years. We hadn't spoken for nine years.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (37:42)

Wow. And so how long were you searching for him? You said. You said, like, twice a year you would do this.

Caller (various guests) (37:53)

Yeah, like, twice a year or something like that. Just see what's up.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (37:58)

How did it feel when you finally found him?

Caller (various guests) (38:01)

It was crazy. It was nuts. Like, I genuinely. I was like, no way. Like, this isn't real. And he had full. Like, he remembered me. And that was also even crazier. Sorry I had to burp, but I don't. I don't know. It was. It's just like. Honestly, it still feels really surreal. I. So we've been talking for, like, a year now, and we finally, like, made it official on the 6th. So that was all nuts. Like, nuts.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (38:34)

Wait. This is so romantic. This is, like, a beautiful story. I'm very invested. What was the first meeting like?

Caller (various guests) (38:42)

So, okay, so he drove down here from Jacksonville. Also, something to note, kind of. I have PTSD from getting arrested, so I just don't like driving long distances. So he came down here, and he had never been to the Busch Garden in Tampa or. Yeah, down here. So I was like, oh, my God. Like, we should go. So he drove down here, and I drove us to Busch Gardens. And it didn't start out like, a day at all. I don't know. It was. It wasn't awkward, but it was like. I could definitely tell that he was flirting with me. But he's also. Okay, so he's, like, actually autistic. Like, clinically autistic. So he doesn't pick up on social cues very well. And, like, I had already kind of pursued him a little bit previously, but it didn't seem like he was interested. So I just, like, completely laid the off it, and I was like, just him being in my life is enough, so whatever. But by the end of it, like, I don't know, like, we laid in bed, like, because I got a hotel. So we got back from Busch Gardens, and I was just kind of being standoffish. And we watched, like, three movies on his laptop, and he let me pick every movie. And then he fell asleep. And I literally sat there, like, smelling his breath for an hour before I finally fell asleep. And then I woke up at, like, 5:00am or something, and, like, he was cuddling me, and it was just like. It was so crazy. It was so crazy.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (40:15)

Wow. So it started out okay. So. So that night when you. Yeah. You got. You Were smelling his breath. He's cuddling you. It be the romantic interest was. Was there from the beat, from the, from the second beginning.

Caller (various guests) (40:32)

Yes. I just, I didn't want to come off that way because I wasn't sure if like that was just his personality or if like I was reading things wrong or. Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (40:46)

What was it about him that you remembered from when you were 10 that made you so dedicated to finding him? He.

Caller (various guests) (40:59)

It's really corny, but he just really is so, like, thoughtful. He was just so thoughtful and so observant and his perspectives on the world. Like, I'm also not trying to sound egotistical, but I just, I feel like I was a much more sentient child than most. Like, my, my earliest memories go back to like one and a half, two years old. And he's kind of similar in that way where he's like always been a more introspective thinker. And I don't know, like, I also don't know if you're like spiritual or whatever, but when I, like just when you know, you know, like when you meet somebody and you feel like your soul knows that person.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (41:42)

Sure, sure.

Caller (various guests) (41:47)

I don't know. I'm also delusional, but.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (41:50)

Say again?

Caller (various guests) (41:51)

I said it might be a little.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (41:52)

Delusional, but no, I don't think anything about this is delusional. This is like, I don't know. This is a beautiful story. I'm trying to think what else I wanted to know about it. Were you. Okay, here's one. So you hadn't seen him since you guys were kids, right? Like, when you saw him like, as an adult, were you. Were you like instantly like, attracted to him again, like, physically?

Caller (various guests) (42:23)

Yes, yes. That was another thing. I honestly wasn't expecting that.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (42:29)

Yeah, because you. Because did. And it was any part of you like, oh, shit, he could have like, grown up chopped.

Caller (various guests) (42:36)

Yeah, it just, it's one of those things where it didn't even matter. Like, realistically, like, once I actually seen him, like, it really didn't matter. Even if he had grown up chopped, like, I still would like him anyway. It's just the person that he is. Really.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (42:53)

Damn, that's so nice. Holy. So. No, no, no, no, no, that's. That's awesome. Wow. Okay. So he lives three hours away at the base where you guys met and. Yeah. What's your, what's, what's your guys future looking like, you think?

Caller (various guests) (43:20)

Well, I don't, I don't really know. I mean, I feel like it's a little early, but within the Next year or so, I mean, hopefully would be. Not long distance anymore. Realistically, he doesn't live that far. But he also. He was talking about. Because he's been talking about whether or not he wants to reenlist because his contract is over in 2027, I think so, like literally next year. But if he gets orders to come down to Tampa or to stay in Jacksonville, then he will reenlist. But if not, I don't know. But he was talking about me going up there when he gets an apartment. So I was like, yeah, I don't know. That's crazy.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (44:05)

Wow, man. So you. You really. Yeah. That's so wild. That's so wild. What. What do you. So what do you.

Caller (various guests) (44:20)

What do you.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (44:20)

What do you do for like, work and stuff? Like, what's your kind of like life situation?

Caller (various guests) (44:30)

It's pretty lame. I'm not gonna lie to you. Like, when I got arrested, like, this is definitely an excuse, but it put it it to me, it put like a hold on everything in my life. Like I felt like once I had that over my head, like I couldn't do anything else basically. So I'm still working. I've been working at the same job for like two years. I work at an Italian restaurant as a host. So that's pretty chill. Very easy job. And I get hella hours because nobody knows how to work nowadays.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (45:07)

You should work as a private investigator.

Caller (various guests) (45:11)

I really should. I've thought about that. I don't know about with the felony on my record, but maybe.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (45:20)

What's your name again? Abrielle.

Caller (various guests) (45:23)

Yeah.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (45:25)

Thanks for sharing your story, Abrielle. This was very interesting. I want to. I feel like this is one of those things where I'm like, wow, this is so fascinating and human to me, especially in a like. Like you have like a fairy tale, like drama, movie, romance going on in a world where everyone's just trying to, you know, not get ghosted from a dating app. You know, it's like. It's cool.

Caller (various guests) (45:54)

Yeah, I feel like I always kind of. Yeah, I don't know. You can't like, you can't not romanticize life really. It's really depressing. Very quickly.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (46:06)

Yeah, you should romanticize life. Every aspect of it. You know, waking up, opening a door, you know, line at the thing.

Caller (various guests) (46:18)

Everything. Like life really is a gift and that's. You should make the most of it. To just make the most of it. Like, if you can do something, do it. Really. What's the worst that could happen?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (46:32)

Abrielle, is there anything else you Want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Caller (various guests) (46:37)

No, that's it. Have a great night.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (46:39)

Thank you, Ibrah. Have a good one.

Caller (various guests) (46:41)

Have a good. Bye. Bye.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (46:46)

Busch Gardens. I love Busch Gardens. I like that story. Trying to think if there's anyone that. I'm trying to think if there's anyone that I fell in love with when I was 10 that I could reach back out to via this podcast. There's not. I guess that. That's. That's the thing about our. I remember my dad fucking telling me this once about Facebook. He's like, your generation will never understand, like, going no contact for like 50. Fucking. Not 50, but, like, you know, 30, 20 years, not seeing anyone. Yeah. This is a unique thing to our generation because, like, the older generation, they go like, you know, 20, 30 years without seeing anyone, and then on Facebook, all of a sudden, everyone. They reconnect. Whereas, like, our generation, it's like we've been. If. If I know you, if I met you at a party once or whatever, you might be in my life every day for the next 60 years of me looking at my phone. That's what we're bringing back in 2020. What, six. We're gonna bring back mystery. We're gonna bring back rekindling misconnections. I don't want to. Let's do the opposite. If you meet someone at a party or the thing or whatever and you had a nice conversation, I don't like that even. I don't. I don't. If I met you, I don't.

Pizza Hut Advertisement Voice (48:15)

I don't.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (48:16)

I don't need you to be in my life forever. Not. I don't. You know what I mean? Like, if I meet you at, like, a random thing, we don't have to be in each other's lives forever via. Via the Internet. If I. If I want to find you or you want to find me, you need to remember my. You need to go. You need to go. As hard as this lady did to find this person. That's the funny thing too, to me about this, is that she didn't, like, try to find a bunch of. She messaged tons of people with this guy's name, and until one of them responded. That's fascinating. I hope this lady gets married and has whatever her, you know, life dream is with this guy. But I hope it all works out. It has to. I mean, that was so much fucking work. There's no way it doesn't work out.

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Therapy Gecko (Host) (50:01)

Listen closely.

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Caller (various guests) (50:42)

Hello.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (50:43)

Hello. What is your name?

Caller (various guests) (50:46)

My name's Rachel.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (50:47)

What's up, Rachel? What's going on with you? How's life?

Caller (various guests) (50:52)

Oh, well, you know, New year. Trying to be a new me. Just, you know, punching in, punching out. Went to the club last night. Lost my apartment key.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (51:03)

You know, sometimes the things you lose at the club are the price you pay for the memories you made at the club. Which doesn't necessarily mean that those memories were good. Sometimes. Sometimes losing your phone is the price you pay for the horrible memory of losing your phone. You know what I mean?

Caller (various guests) (51:22)

You're so right. You're so right. I mean, I did have a good time. I think it was worth it. I mean, I'm gonna try to get another key on Monday, so we'll see how that goes. I just hope they don't charge me like $200.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (51:34)

Can I. Can I ask you about the thing you texted me about?

Caller (various guests) (51:38)

Yeah, sure.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (51:39)

So you texted me and you said, can we discuss. Can we discuss how it's almost an Insult to be a fat chick these days. I've been thinking about it. Now, what do you mean, what do you mean by that? Because the way you phrased it, I'm curious.

Caller (various guests) (51:56)

Yeah. So I probably should have phrased it a little better. I guess what I kind of trying to say is, so I'm an overweight 22 year old and just the way I interact with people, even if it's not, you know, usually being overweight comes down to attractiveness and somebody being attracted to you. But what I was thinking is the way people interact with me, it's almost like I've heard, you know, insult left and right, big whoop. But just little interactions. I'm like, oh, okay. It's not so much how I say or, excuse me, what I say or how I say it, but just interactions are so different, you know, Especially like going to the club last night, I had like a really weird interaction and I was like, okay, I didn't do anything, but me being overweight kind of changed our entire, you know, conversation. That kind of makes sense.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (52:53)

Yeah, that first of all. Yeah, that all makes sense. What, what was the interaction?

Caller (various guests) (52:59)

Yeah, so I'm an extrovert, I'm single. I saw a guy and I thought we were kind of exchanging glances because he was playing pool and I was just sitting with my friend and I thought we were exchanging glances and I said, okay, I'm gonna go talk to him. Why not? And I go up and I say, hey, you look like, you look like you're having a fun time playing pool. Do you wanna play with me next? Or something along those lines. I don't know. I had way too many running cokes. But he was like, he looked me, you know, up and down, that like, horrible, mean girl up and down look. Now why would I want to play with you? And I was like, oh, okay.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (53:39)

That'S like, that's like a pov. The worst she can say is a no type of thing.

Caller (various guests) (53:44)

Yeah, except I got the other end of it and. Yeah, and that's not the first time that kind of thing has happened. You know, I, I usually go up and talk to people because it doesn't really seem to go the other way. But I've gotten that many times where it's just been like, okay, you don't really care about, you know, oh, just do. Even if you're not interested in me. Like, I get it, I totally get it. But to kind of make it about something that I don't want to say I can't control, but something that I'm working on is a little strange to me.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (54:18)

Yeah, no, I'm actually. I'm happy to have this conversation because it's, you know, it's one I deal with as well. But let's. I mean, this first. Is. Okay, well, first of all, you're doing everything correct because you're being an extroverted person willing to put yourself out there and talk to folks. So I have to. I have to imagine that, yes, you have these interactions that sometimes don't go that well, but I have to imagine that just on pure numbers game, if you are constantly putting yourself out there, that you have had, like, success with that.

Caller (various guests) (54:59)

Yeah, I've definitely had some kind of success with that from time to time. But, you know, it's also like, is it maybe something else? Like, I know I'm a very straightforward, honest person. I know that may be, like, a big turnoff. I say exactly what's on my mind. I got to stop doing that. But, you know, I'm 22. Like I said, I've only had two boyfriends, one for four months, one for one month. And I'm like, something's not adding up. I try to be. I like to think, or at least from, you know, feedback from, you know, my friends and my family. Oh, you're such a nice person. But what's. What's not clicking? Mm.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (55:40)

Mm. Well, I mean, first of all, having two. Boy, that. First of all, the. The having two boyfriends, one for four months, that. What. Whatever you just described is normal. So I don't. I don't think you need to compare yourself to anything outside of yourself. You know what I mean? Like, I don't. I don't. You're. Whatever. Whatever metrics you. You feel like you have to achieve or stand up to, you know, I think. I mean, it's probably not good to compare yourself to any metrics, but if you were. You're. You're doing great. You know, if you are. If you. If you are trying to metric yourself up. Two boyfriends, that's pretty good. Pretty good.

Caller (various guests) (56:24)

Yeah. I mean, I guess, like, comparing. I probably shouldn't compare, but I guess to my friends and, like, my family, you know, my parents got married at my age. My brother's getting married, or he got married a year ago, you know, when he was my age. So it's like, oh, crap, I'm kind of falling behind.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (56:42)

Was. You're 22, brother. You can. You're not falling behind if you're not getting married right now. Well, all right, so this Is an interesting topic because I deal with it a lot. Like, yeah, there's a lot of times I've, like, Whatever, been at a party or at a. Whatever, and I just. I feel. I mean, I don't know about you. I don't want to project anything about my experience being overweight on yours, but I'll just, you know, talk about mine is like, I don't. I feel pretty. I, like. I feel, like, pretty uncomfortable in my body when I'm overweight, and I don't really feel confident, and I don't. And I kind of know that it's, like, affecting the conversations and the interactions that I have, but, you know, and it bums me out sometimes. But it's the, like, the golden goose of it in my. That's the wrong phrase. But the North Star of it in my mind is like, okay, well, it's something in my control, you know, kind of.

Caller (various guests) (57:43)

Right?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (57:44)

So I'm like, all right, well, if I want to not, you know, deal with this, it's like the uncomfortable reality. And I don't. And I don't. I don't. Again, I don't want to. What is the word? Project anything about my experience onto yours. But in my experience, I'm like. I'm like, well, you know, people can say this and people can say that, and people can say, oh, you'll find someone, like, all this stuff. But in my head, I'm like, fuck, man. The reality is that I'm less attractive for me because I'm overweight, and I don't like that. And I, you know, I just want to, like, deal with it, you know, I don't know how. What do you. What's. What do you make of your experience? Like, how do you. Because. Because I. Sometimes I'm like, you know, I'm like. I don't know if the way I think about this stuff is healthy or if it's, you know, what it is. So I'm curious what your, you know, feelings are.

Caller (various guests) (58:44)

I mean, like, I think I know I shouldn't use, you know, nasty comments as maybe a motivator. But, you know, it kind of helps me. The reason I'm overweight, I probably shouldn't blame it, is just because I had, like, a horrible depressive episode. For two years, I didn't take care of myself, and now I'm, like, reaping the consequences of my sewing. So, you know, I'm just kind of taking it as, like, you know, should I. Should I change myself because of negative comments or because it'll make me feel better about myself. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what other people think of you. Right. It just matters if you care about yourself. And I'm at, like, if I had to put a percentage on it, I'm, like, at a 70%, but I swear, if I lost some weight, I'd be like, 90, 95%.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (59:30)

Yeah.

Caller (various guests) (59:31)

So, you know, it comes down to I would really like to get into a relationship again because although it doesn't sound like it, and, you know, I come off as, like, you know, ooh, the strong, like, fighting girl. You know, deep down, I am a lover. So it's just kind of like, do I have to really change myself in order to get that? It doesn't seem totally fair. You know, I'm a firm believer that anybody on this planet can easily be an 8 out of 10 or 9 out of 10 or shoot, even 10 out of 10. You know, it all just depends on how you take care of yourself, you know, what you do, the effort, you know, so it's. It's kind of that debacle of, should I change because of other people or because of myself?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (60:17)

Okay, here. Yeah, that makes 100% sense. And. Okay. Okay. As of as of January 2026, this is. And I'm. I'm open to alternative, whatever's on this, because I think about it. Here's. Here's what I think is true, at least for me. It's like, if you want to be in a relationship and you're overweight, you just have to be okay with being in a relationship with somebody who is as overweight as you. Which, like. Which is, to me, the most fair thing ever. I mean, sometimes. Yeah, to me, I'm like. To me, I'm like, you know, I came to that realization, and I'm like, that is so fair.

Caller (various guests) (61:02)

Yeah. I mean, like, I. My type is all over the place, but my biggest thing is you can be, like, overweight or extremely underweight, but as long as you take care of yourself, that's really all that matters to me.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (61:11)

Sure, sure, sure.

Caller (various guests) (61:14)

Like, I know especially for larger people, it takes a little more effort, you know, just to, you know, look a little better, smell a little better. So that's my biggest thing, is as long as you take care of yourself. I. I'm pretty open to almost, like, any body type or really anybody, to be honest.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (61:29)

Yeah. I mean. Yeah, with me, I'm like. When I think about this stuff, I'm like, okay, you can't, like. Like, I think it's Unfair if I were to ask for something out of somebody that I don't have, you know. So it's like well if I'm not like I don't know. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's kind of how I feel. But to the point of like should you do this for yourself or should you do it because of mean comments? I mean of course you should do it for yourself. And again I'm just going to keep talking. I don't not trying to project anything about my experience onto yours. But for me I'm like oh fuck. I don't like the way I feel when I'm fat. You seem like, I mean for you it's like you're naturally confident no matter what your body looks like it sounds. Which is like amazing.

Caller (various guests) (62:20)

Right?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (62:22)

So that's, that's, that's great. I envy that. I think that's great because I also think I also, I know I said, I said the thing before about like you know, the ways in which being overweight restricts you and I do think in the realm of like relationships and whatnot, like physical attractiveness is like the, the, the big thing or whatever. But like you can fucking go pretty far off of confidence, you know?

Caller (various guests) (62:51)

Yeah, for sure. I mean I think that's what kind of got my boyfriends or even like my friends is just going up to them and be like okay, we're friends now. Like just being like what's up? Because actually that's how I met all of my friends is nijis yapping to them and they I guess liked it.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (63:11)

So can I ask you this? I mean again like why do you think you are having problems like finding a boy. Find, finding a boyfriend. Everything you've expressed to me so far. Yeah. Is making me wonder why you, why you have problems.

Caller (various guests) (63:29)

I mean maybe it comes down to I, I've heard that I come on too strong or that I am not cocky. What's the word I'm looking for? Just kind of a little strong headed. So like I don't take any disrespect. You know, regardless of you know, what size anybody is, they will still you know, sorry to be like a total crazy feminist here but like you know guys will just like go up and like touch you and it's like I instead of being like hahaha, like go away, I start like swinging. So it might come off as like I'm the mean girl you know, in college. So my best friend's name is also Rachel as well ironically and Our nicknames in college, where she was the nice Rachel and I was the mean Rachel. So I'm thinking, you know, maybe I just come on too strong or maybe it's just how I dress or, I don't know, I have weird hobbies. Maybe people think I'm a crazy person because I'm, you know, I'm a country girl. I dress in, like, flannel and jeans, and I, I look maybe a little scary.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (64:33)

Well, can I ask you this? I mean, everyone, Everyone naturally attracts someone, like I. And, and tell me if I'm wrong, but I have to assume that there are. There are romantic prospects that are coming into your orbit, not only regardless of these things, but because of these things. There's a lot of people. You know, for every personality, for, you know, I mean, you know, for every personality type that turns many people off, it attracts many people. You know, the personality type that you're describing, of being strong, milled and not taking shit. Yeah, sure. Might turn some people off, but for some people, it might be exactly the kind of person they're looking for. Have people like that not entered your orbit in some way, shape or form?

Caller (various guests) (65:27)

Well, I, I've been on lots and lots of dates, right? I usually, like after the second one or after we talk for a while, it kind of, you know, tapers off. Like, I literally just went on, like four dates with a guy and then we were talking and then all of a sudden he ghosted me. And I was like, reading back my messages. I'm like, did I say something? You know, and it's hard to, like, ask your friends, did I say something wrong? Because they're always going to take your side, but it's like, what did I say? What did I do? Did I, like, what. What happened? Is he, like, scared that, you know, my hobbies or something are, you know, like, make him weird? I. I don't know. I'm always, like, insecure about, like, what I do because people are like, oh, you're a heck. But, you know, I don't really care. But maybe some people aren't into that once they kind of find out about it.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (66:18)

Well.

Caller (various guests) (66:22)

Or something is, like, intimidating. Because one of the number one questions I get asked in the bar when people are, like, looking at me is, why do you have a. How do you have a giant scar on your arm? And I have to explain that I worked at. I work at Barnes. That's pretty much all I do. And I get attacked by animals all the time. I got bit by a pig. I got kicked by A horse. That's how I broke my rib. I got thrown off by a horse. That's how I broke my tailbone. And maybe they were like, okay, creepy.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (66:51)

Well, it's fun. I think this is another fund. And actually even like whatever taking like is another taking like the whatever usual metrics of, of whatever is involved in dating. It's like, I think you admit to yourself that you're like a peculiar person of some kind. I don't know you. I don't know you very well. This isn't me saying this stuff. Like, you know, if you kind of like, it's. It seems like you've evaluated yourself and been like, you know, I'm a peculiar person. I have this personality that maybe turns people off. I have these weird hobby. I have this, you know, whatever. And it's undeniably, I think makes dating harder. If you're like a kind of a peculiar individual because it means that you need to find another very peculiar individual. And the. If you're on a dating app or you're going through life by the very nature of what it means to be peculiar, most people are not. So the math is not exactly on your side with this one. But the good news is that, you know, when peculiar people find each other, they form really deep and beautiful connections. And from what I know about you, it seems like you're. No, you have zero shyness when it comes to flinging yourself into the, into the world. So you got. You have a lot of things that currently work for you except patience.

Caller (various guests) (68:41)

Yeah, definitely. I think also, you know, how people react to me. I don't want to, you know, self diagnose by any means, but I definitely think I have some anger issues where not if somebody rejects me, I'm going to lose my mind. But if they say something that is maybe a little distasteful, I do get very defensive and I'm like, what did you just say? Like, excuse me? And my friend Rachel says I like turn my head like a psycho, like I'm about to attack them. But, you know, but that's just another part of like saying, I don't know if that's like an anger issue thing or just saying what's on my mind thing, or how I have literally no tolerance for any disrespect or anything like that. But, you know, maybe it's also just a sign of the times. You know, I know it's not just me who's struggling with being single or, you know, chronic loneliness. I know it's not just me. I Know, it's guys, girls, skinny people, large people. Like, it's everyone. So maybe it's just all of the stones put together is kind of conjuring into me not having any luck.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (69:52)

Well, also, I don't know, man. I mean, like, you're. I think, you know, four dates, only a few. Like, you're like, nothing. Nothing about your. Nothing about what you have told me so far about your experience dating seems like it is particularly out of the normal. I mean, it's a difficult gambit. We can't all be like, we can't all be like that last lady.

Caller (various guests) (70:18)

Yeah, I was thinking to myself, I was listening to that. I was like, oh, that's such a beautiful story. I was like, what is that happening?

Therapy Gecko (Host) (70:25)

Yeah, we can't all be like that last lady. Which is a bummer. Which is a bummer because I feel like we were all. It's a bummer because we were all kind of grown up. I feel like being conditioned into thinking everything was gonna end up for us like that last lady, you know? I mean, all the fucking movies and everything. I think I probably. I think I've said this. I think I've said this on the podcast before, but like, all those fucking Seth Rogen movies, like, they, like, they. They give you a message where it's like, if you're like. If you're, like, you're in high school, you're watching those movies and they. The message of the movies to the old is like, if you're fat in high school, it's like, if you're fat and you're a little funny, you're going to have a hot wife. That's the message. It's like, it's like convincing everyone that they're, like, endowed to have a hot wife, even if. If they're like, fat and a little funny. It's weird.

Caller (various guests) (71:21)

Yeah. Reality doesn't Melissa McCarthy a lot, So maybe. But I mean, I'm hoping that kind of falls together, but I don't know.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (71:34)

But that's. You know, I guess I'll let. I guess I'll just reiterate what I said before, which is that I think if you're a little peculiar, the game's going to be more difficult for you. But.

Caller (various guests) (71:46)

Right.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (71:46)

I don't know. There's nothing more to do but continue to fling yourself out in the universe, hoping that you'll get lucky. And the good. And the good news is that the more you fling yourself out into the universe, the luckier you tend to get, I think.

Caller (various guests) (72:05)

Yeah. I mean, I'M not gonna give up. I'm not gonna. I'm trying not to be discouraged. It's a little hard sometimes, but, you know, I still go out with my friends, you know, with my hobbies. You know, I do meet a lot of new people. So, you know, I'm still gonna try. I'm taking a break from dating apps for a whole other reason. But, you know, it. I think it just comes down to I just gotta keep trying, you know, and eventually it'll hopefully, you know, kind of fall together.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (72:33)

Rachel, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Caller (various guests) (72:38)

Just everybody take care of yourselves and happy New Year.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (72:42)

Happy New Year. Thank you, Rachel.

Caller (various guests) (72:44)

You're welcome.

Caller Wyatt (72:45)

Bye.

Caller (various guests) (72:45)

Bye.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (72:48)

That was Rachel. This has been the Therapy Gecko podcast. I think this was a good episode. I enjoyed this. I feel like I could relate to a lot of the callers. I hope you guys could relate to the callers. I hope you enjoyed the conversations. Um, this is the end of the podcast. I'm just gonna rant for. I don't know if I have anything to say in this rant. This is the first episode of the new year. I think it went pretty well. I think that was classic therapy Gecko affair. I don't know. I read all the comments. I'm a psychopath. So if you have anything to say, say something in the comments I get because I'm. Sometimes I need a. Sometimes I need to look at something. So I look at the comments on this Spotify page or YouTube or whatever, or don't do whatever you want. Go to therapygeckotour.com. i'm gonna go on tour this year. I'm excited to do that. For the fourth time. I have more documentary style videos that I'm gonna work on that I'm excited about. That'll be good. I'm gonna try to. I'm gonna try to be less overweight. I think that's a good idea. That was it. That was the podcast. We talked to the dad guy. We talked to the online boyfriend lady. We talked to the lady about dating. I felt like this was a good gambit of the. Of. Of stories and calls. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed having them. I hope you enjoyed listening to them. This has been. This is too long. We're keeping it in, but I'm not gonna ramble like this at the end of the episode again. Unless you guys want me to, or even if you do want me to, I'm still not gonna do it. Okay, I should stop talking now and end the episode. Therapy kept goes doing it right, teaching.

Caller (various guests) (74:58)

You how to live your life.

Therapy Gecko (Host) (74:59)

But he's not really an expert.

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Caller (various guests) (78:08)

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