“I’M STRANDED ON A BOAT”

Summary

Podcast Summary: Therapy Gecko – Episode “I’M STRANDED ON A BOAT”

Release Date: April 23, 2025

---

Introduction

In this compelling episode of Therapy Gecko, hosted by Ryan Seacrest under the banner of iHeartPodcasts, listeners are introduced to three unique individuals navigating their personal struggles. The episode delves deep into themes of resilience, isolation, and recovery, offering raw and honest conversations that resonate with anyone facing adversity.

---

1. Fern's Ordeal: Stranded on a Boat

Timestamp: [02:13] - [34:50]

Overview: Fern, also known as Claire, shares her harrowing experience of being stranded on her sailboat in North Carolina. After spending two and a half years refitting her vessel, Fern embarked on her first solo sailing journey but encountered significant challenges, including sinking her boat and facing mechanical failures.

Key Points:

• Journey Beginnings: Fern describes her initial excitement of sailing, accompanied by picturesque moments with dolphins, seashells, and her loyal dog, Boo Radley.

• The Sinking Incident: Two nights prior to the call, Fern's boat struck a sandbar, causing it to tip and flood. She woke up to water streaming in her windows, leading to a terrifying ordeal as she battled to secure her vessel ([03:35]).

• Current Struggles: With a malfunctioning engine that cuts out intermittently, Fern finds herself adrift, limited by financial constraints that prevent her from calling for professional towing help. She explains the technical aspects of her predicament and her attempts to troubleshoot the engine issues ([05:04] - [07:06]).

• Emotional Impact: Despite the fear and uncertainty, Fern reflects on the unexpected silver linings of her journey. Living alone has fostered self-reliance and a deeper understanding of herself, contrasting her previously distracted and phone-dependent life ([11:13] - [13:29]).

Notable Quotes:

• Fern: “I have to bring him to shore all the time... I've been happy that I've been able to do that because of the circumstances that I'm on this boat.” ([16:12])

• Fern: “The idea of going to bed because you're like, I can't wait to get to bed because I'm excited to deliver ice cream to small children with their sticky hands. Just seems like that's a good brain to have.” ([65:14])

---

2. Gecko's Transformation: Overcoming Agoraphobia and Embracing Life

Timestamp: [38:37] - [99:43]

Overview: Gecko, a self-described “unlicensed lizard psychologist,” opens up about his battle with agoraphobia and his journey toward reclaiming his life. Living in a trailer with his boyfriend and managing pets, Gecko illustrates the challenges and triumphs of overcoming deep-seated fears.

Key Points:

• Personal Struggles: Gecko recounts his experience with agoraphobia, describing how he remained confined to his bedroom for years and struggled with panic attacks that hindered his ability to maintain employment and social relationships ([43:55] - [46:07]).

• Path to Recovery: With the help of a compassionate therapist and the support of his boyfriend, Gecko gradually reintroduced himself to the world. Structured routines and predictable environments played a crucial role in his healing process ([46:35] - [47:46]).

• Living Situation: Residing in a double-wide trailer in Detroit, Michigan, Gecko describes his home setup, including a dedicated room for his pet rats and a gamer room equipped with a projector. He emphasizes the importance of self-sufficiency and maintaining a stable living environment ([39:14] - [42:21]).

• Relationships and Growth: Gecko discusses his five-year relationship, navigating challenges related to his boyfriend’s addiction, and the steps they've taken together through therapy to strengthen their bond ([47:57] - [55:44]).

Notable Quotes:

• Gecko: “Because, like, agoraphobia, it's not exactly like you're afraid to leave your house for everybody. For me, it was...I don't want to do anything outside of my bedroom.” ([43:55])

• Gecko: “Having that balance in your life is really what I think makes life valuable. And so I'm grateful to be able to experience those moments of difficulty because it makes the high point so much sweeter.” ([81:16])

---

3. Claire's Journey: Battling Benadryl Addiction and Embracing Sobriety

Timestamp: [71:53] - [99:43]

Overview: Claire shares her four-year battle with Benadryl addiction, detailing the physical and emotional toll it took on her life. Her candid conversation highlights the importance of reaching rock bottom to find the strength to recover and the profound impact of therapy and familial support.

Key Points:

• Addiction Struggles: Claire discusses her extensive use of Benadryl as a coping mechanism for borderline personality disorder, leading to life-threatening overdoses and hospitalization ([72:13] - [75:22]).

• Turning Point: A critical incident in the ICU and inpatient psychiatry served as a wake-up call for Claire, motivating her to seek sobriety. She emphasizes the role of gratitude and therapy in her recovery journey ([75:31] - [78:14]).

• Recovery and Growth: Now sober for nearly a year, Claire reflects on the small joys of life that she can now appreciate without the haze of addiction. She shares her aspirations to pursue a master's degree and work in public relations for NGOs, illustrating her commitment to building a meaningful future ([90:21] - [94:28]).

• Advice to Listeners: Claire offers heartfelt advice to those struggling with addiction, urging them to avoid harmful coping mechanisms and seek support from loved ones to prevent further devastation ([98:03] - [99:43]).

Notable Quotes:

• Claire: “If you can all at all possibly do it, avoid getting involved in like any sort of addiction... it just makes things worse.” ([98:03])

• Claire: “Pain is inevitable, but you only suffer if you don't, like, choose to accept the fact that you will feel pain.” ([75:22])

---

Conclusion

In this episode of Therapy Gecko, Ryan Seacrest facilitates deeply personal and transformative conversations with guests facing significant life challenges. Through Fern's maritime struggles, Gecko's triumph over agoraphobia, and Claire's recovery from addiction, listeners gain invaluable insights into human resilience and the power of self-discovery. The episode serves as a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the importance of seeking help and finding gratitude amidst adversity.

---

Notable Moments:

• Emphasizing Self-Reliance: Fern's determination to solve her problems alone showcases the theme of self-reliance prevalent throughout the episode.

• Building Genuine Connections: Gecko's ability to form meaningful relationships despite previous isolation highlights the importance of community and support systems.

• The Power of Gratitude: Both Gecko and Claire discuss how gratitude has played a pivotal role in their healing processes, underscoring its significance in overcoming personal struggles.

---

Final Thoughts

Therapy Gecko – “I’M STRANDED ON A BOAT” offers an unfiltered look into the lives of individuals grappling with isolation, addiction, and mental health challenges. Through authentic dialogue and shared experiences, the podcast not only entertains but also provides comfort and understanding to listeners navigating their own personal battles.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey folks. This episode is sponsored by ChatGPT. ChatGPT plus is free for college students now through May. That means you have no limits on how many ways you can prompt ChatGPT to help you through the worst part of the school year. There's many ways you can do this, like uploading your class notes and having ChatGPT quiz you on them. Or asking ChatGPT to take a complicated concept and try to explain it to you in simpler terms to help you understand chatgpt plus Free Free for college students through May. Restrictions apply.

[Claire]

The best moments happen when you're with.

[Coca-Cola Advertiser]

Your people, laughing, vibing and just enjoying life. Coke is making those moments even sweeter.

[Claire]

Share a Coke is back and it's.

[Coca-Cola Advertiser]

All about sharing with the whole crew. Doesn't matter if it's your bestie or bro, there's a can with their name on it. So grab one for the squad and make some memories. But hurry because these Coca Cola limited edition bottles and cans won't be here forever. Don't miss your chance to share a.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Coke with all your favorite people. Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest. Life comes at you fast, which is why it's important to find some time to relax a little. You time. Enter Chumba Casino with no download required, you can jump on anytime, anywhere for the chance to redeem some serious prizes. So treat yourself with Chumba Casino and play over 100 online casino style games, all for free. Go to Chumbacasino.com to collect your free welcome bonus. Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Claire]

No purchase necessary.

[Gecko]

VGW Group Void we're prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Since its invention, the TV has been just that, a TV. But what if it could be something more? Meet Samsung Vision AI Whether it's upscaling classic content to look brand new or translating in English broadcast subtitles to Spanish in real time, Samsung Vision AI helps you get more from TV than you ever thought possible. Experience Samsung Vision AI and get a music frame on Samsung with a qualifying 2025 TV and audio purchase. Visit Samsung.com to learn more. Valid 416 to 5.4 and qualifying 2025 Neo QLED OLED and the frame TVs with Vision AI while supplies last. See Samsung.com for terms and conditions. Vision AI features vary by model. Upscaling utilizes AI based formulas and results may vary based on source content. Translation accuracy not guaranteed.

[Fern]

Hello.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hi. How's life?

[Fern]

It's good. Oh my God. I'm so happy I got through. I wanted to talk so bad.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What's your name?

[Fern]

My name's Claire.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Claire?

[Fern]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What, like the store Claire's?

[Fern]

Yes, like the store Claire. I actually loved that store growing up.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What's up, Claire? How's life? How can I be on the phone with you today?

[Fern]

Well, I would love to talk about what I'm going through right now. And you are streaming and I'm currently kind of in the midst of a whole bunch of stuff. So sorry if I'm a little bit shaky. I'm really excited to talk, but I, I. So I'm on a sailing journey right now. My first sailing journey. I'm kind of. I've been refitting my boat for like, two and a half years, and it was finally good enough to like, go in the middle of winter, like, like two months ago. And so I decided to just go and do it and figure shit out as I go along. So I've been figuring shit out as I go along and teaching myself to sail and learning a whole bunch, and it's actually been really nice and, like, beaut. And like, there's been dolphins and seashells and it's me and my dog and I've been having a great time. But, like, two nights ago, I sunk. I have sunk my boat.

[Claire]

I was.

[Fern]

I. I was on a sandbar and my boat was completely tilted to the side, and I woke up to, like, water streaming in my windows, and half my boat was full of water and it was really scary. And I got out of that situation and I kind of got to safety, but my boat literally, like, it was fucking, like, filled with water. It was half flooded. And now I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this. I've been trying for two days to get my engine fixed, and I've got it fixed a little bit and then it cuts out. And I'm currently like, I. My engine cut out at like, midnight last night and I drifted. I threw my anchor out real quick. So luckily I didn't ground again. But I'm kind of just stranded in the water trying to troubleshoot and I've. I've kind of got to the end of my particular knowledge on things, and I'm trying to Google and get myself out of this situation, but it's crazy because it's like. It's like only me who can get myself out of this situation. And it's kind of terrifying because, like, I don't know if I could do it or not, but I'm trying.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay. I'm struggling to understand a few things. Where physically are you Right now I'm in North Carolina. Okay, you're in North Carolina and are like, are you. Where are you?

[Fern]

So I was traveling on the Intercoastal Waterway, which is kind of like. It's close to the ocean, but it's, like, in the coast a little bit. And it goes down pretty much from Norfolk, Virginia, all the way to Florida. And that's where I've just been kind of traveling down the intercoastal, and that's where I grounded. On this particular leg that I'm on right now, there's just no anchor spots. It will be, like 20ft deep on, like, a channel that's carved out. But on either side of the channel is like, like 3, 4, 5ft, which is. Which is why I grounded. So right now I drifted a little bit out of the channel, and I've, like, anchored myself just in the middle of the water. Like, I can see there's land not too far from me, but I can't really get to it.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. So you are on a boat right now?

[Fern]

Yeah, I'm on my boat.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But you said the boat. The boat doesn't work.

[Fern]

Yeah, my boat. The engine. My engine cut out, and I don't. My. My engine has been broken, and I'm not quite sure what's going on. It's kind of weird. So, yeah, I'm stranded. I've been stranded for, like, a couple of days. And, yeah, every. I don't have food. Everything's wet. All my tools are wet. My bed is wet. Everything is, like, molding and rusting as we speak.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay, so I. What's your name?

[Fern]

Claire.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Claire, so you are on a boat. Do you see any land around you?

[Fern]

Yeah, there's land around me. There's. I see houses. So in case of emergency, I could, like, get to land. I have a dinghy, which is a small boat, but I only have paddles, and there's high winds right now, and I just. I can't really paddle very well, and my dinghy takes on water. So if the winds died down, I could get to land and go through people's houses and try to get somewhere. But it doesn't really solve the fact that my boat is still here and still broken.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay, but you. You are not, like, in immediate danger right now, are you? Of, like, being, like, no law. I've been, like. Like, like drowning it in the middle of the ocean.

[Fern]

No, I'm not taking on water, and I'm not in immediate danger. I threw my anchor out, and there's land just over here. If I have to get to it. I can call somebody to pick me up. It's $1,500, which I don't have. So I could call people. There's also people who drive their boats across the intercoastal. So if I need to, I can also flag people down to get a ride into land. So I'm not in like any immediate danger. I'm just kind of trying to figure out how to get myself out of the situation, but I'm pretty stable.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay, why don't you call somebody for help?

[Fern]

Because I have. I have a boat tow USA thing, which is like free towing, but because I grounded and took on water, they don't cover free tows anymore. And so help would be at the very minimum. Fifteen hundred dollars, they told me. And it can go up as much as like 10 grand, depending on what I need and where I need to get to.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So. So, okay, you are in a boat. How do you charge your phone?

[Fern]

And I have solar panels which charge my batteries and it charges my phone and like puts life to all my boat. So I do have. I have like my phone and I have lights and I have batteries and stuff. And they didn't get too damaged in the water.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm trying to. I'm just trying to get like a picture of your surroundings right now. Like, how far away, like, could you swim to where the land is?

[Fern]

I could swim to land, Yeah, I could. I could swim. It's not super close, but like, it's. There's people's backyards. Maybe I don't know how to gauge distances, but like I can see the stripes on their American flag.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay. I'm curious again how you got into this situation. How long have you been at sea for?

[Fern]

I've been traveling down the intercoastal for two months now. And I like. I'm not like, not fairly proficient, not super, super proficient. But I refit. I bought this sailboat like 2 1/2 years ago and I've done a total refit. So I know. I know a thing or two about a thing or thing or two. But yeah, I guess I got into it because I've. I've been traveling and then I grounded and when tide went out, that's when the water came in. And that's kind of what started this whole thing.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, how has it been traveling for the past two months? Have you been like. Has it been lonely? You're literally alone at sea. That's like the most isolating thing you could do.

[Fern]

Yeah, I've been going. I've Actually, I've had a really nice time. I was really scared because I. I bought my boat two and a half years ago and I bought it thinking I would just go off into the great unknown, go to the Caribbean or whatever. And I kind of accidentally have put two and a half years of my life into this thing because shit just keeps breaking and I just keep having to fix it. So I was really scared when I started this journey that I would get on the boat after spending two and a half years of my life on this and hate it. But I kind of. It's twofold. I've. I've been having a really, really nice time. I have my dog with me and I've just been like, I have to bring him to shore all the time. So I like. I get to explore beaches and I've been meeting lots of really nice people. I've been having a lot of really cool experiences. I will say that I was kind of hoping to meet more people my own age and, like, party a little bit and, like, have that sort of vibe. And most of the people I've been meeting have been, like, older or like, not quite my vibe. So I haven't really found my people yet. But it's been really nice spending time with myself and being happy with myself because, like, in everyday life, I really distract myself and I look at my phone all the time and I listen to podcasts and I don't give myself, like, a spare minute to think or be or exist. And it has unexpectedly been really nice getting to know myself and relying on myself and knowing that I'm the only person who can get myself out of a situation. I'd like that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

How old are you?

[Fern]

I'm 27.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And when you say most people. Well, I guess a few questions. How are you exactly meeting these people and what is it about them that makes you say that they are not your vibe?

[Fern]

Well, it's not that they're my vibe. I've actually had, like. I've had a lot of really genuine relationships with people who are kind of outside of people I would normally hang out with. Because, like, I mean, I would normally hang out with, like, just young creative people, like artsy kids and like, like hippie circles and stuff. Is my normal friend groups. And the people I meet a lot of old dudes, which is like, good and bad. Some people are really freaking creepy, especially to, like, a young woman doing this by herself. I've had a lot of, like, creeps, but I've also, like, made really genuine friendships with just people Worlds away from me that I would never have the chance. Like, I met. I pulled into this marina one time to like, outweigh. There was a storm coming. So I pulled into this marina and it was in the middle of nowhere. Like I thought it was abandoned. And there just happened to be this retired New York taxi driver who had like the thickest New York accent ever. And he like, just bought that marina and recently divorced and just. He was telling these crazy stories about being a midnight taxi driver in New York. And I'm like, I would have no other reason to talk to this man at the grocery store, but because I'm in need and try on the storm. I've met this man in the middle of bum fuck nowhere, North Carolina. And it was just such a genuine interaction that I never would have had otherwise.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, building. You know, I think that a very rich life is filled with a lot of those moments where you're in a weird situation, meeting a person that you just never would have come across in your daily life.

[Fern]

No, definitely. And this, this lifestyle has been really good for that because, like, it's like I feel like I'm in a constant stage of like, kind of vacation mode where I'm just like, ready for like, any like, weird thing to come my way. But I'm also like, in need a lot. Like, I'm in need of a run to the grocery store, or I'm in need of like, safety from a storm, or I'm in need of help with a repair. And that kind of motivates me to like, ask around and like, create these connections that I normally wouldn't have. And it's just brought like, a lot of really cool things into my life that way. I'm like. I'm kind of shy normally.

[Gecko]

I guess.

[Fern]

Like, it's. I'm talkative, but it's hard for me to like, just create connections like in the wild. But I've been happy that I've been able to do that because of the circumstances that I'm own on this boat.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's interesting. What. So I was wondering, how are you meeting all these people? Because you're on a boat. Is it like, where are you normally docking this thing?

[Fern]

There's like. So the intercoastal. There's like. There's kind of like hubs. It goes all the way down the coast, you know, from Virginia or maybe even before Virginia, all the way down to Florida. And there's kind of like hubs. Like, I think Savannah, Georgia is a hub. And like, like St. Augustine is a Hub and there's different cities along this way. And the cities are kind of built around the fact that they're owned the intercoastal. So there's tons of maritime and there's, there's lots of boat people. So I've met these people. Whenever I anchor or like pull in, I'll pull into a free dock occasionally or I'll anchor out and then I'll go into the city and I meet these people because boat people are really friendly and usually they would have seen like either like what happened with the marina with Joe the, the New York bus driver. Like I was directly pulled up at his place and needed help from him. So I went and like started that conversation. But I've met people at like other places because I've like anchored and then come in and needed something, needed help, needed groceries, needed to find resources or they've seen me pull up in my boat and they just come up to me and like start and I have a dog and stuff. And so like people will just come up to me and be like, hey, I just saw you anchor there. Like what's your deal? Like are you by yourself or what you doing right now? So people have like, people have kind of come up to me more so than not.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What kind of dog do you have with you?

[Fern]

I have a boykin spaniel, his name is Boo Radley and he's super cute.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And how do you like, do you have money? How do you like afford food and dog stuff and all that?

[Fern]

Well, I, I left right after I got my tax return, so I got like fourteen hundred dollars that I've been living off of and I'm almost out of money actually, which is why I can't really call for help or anything. I got like $300 left. So I've kind of been living off my tax return. But it's lasted a while because I have, I got food, I got on food stamps before I left so I haven't had to. And I make my own electricity. I get water for free and pretty self reliant apart from a couple of beers when I come into shore and parts and stuff. So it's been all right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

How long had you planned on sailing for.

[Fern]

When I left? I've never really had much of a plan. I've just. I quit my job and I know that I want to make it to like the Caribbean at some point. And like, honestly, like someday I'd like to go like really, really far. But I knew that this was gonna be like a learning experience. I knew That I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the Caribbean or if I would just make it a couple miles away. I wasn't really sure what would happen. So I didn't have much of a plan going into it other than just go south and see what happens with everything that's happened. Now I live in the Outer Banks, and I have a lot of, like, I have people that I know that I can call for help there. So I think my plan now is to try to get my boat going and then try to get back to the Outer Banks and fix. A lot of stuff has been broken. I've lost all my tools and my fridge, and a lot of stuff is broken right now. So I need to go fix stuff again.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What are you going to do about this engine thing?

[Fern]

I'm not exactly sure because I actually I just kind of got to before you called. I have been. I've been working all day on it, and I just got to kind of the end of my own personal knowledge of how things work. So my next steps, I. I'm gonna go on sailing forums. There's a lot of really good information in sailing sailing forums. And I'm gonna look at my manual and I'm gonna see if there's more troubleshooting things that I could do that I haven't yet. It could be. It could be like, a million things going on right now with the salt water.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hmm. What's the deal with, like, your friends and family? Are they, like, concerned about you being out at sea? Do you, like. What did you leave behind?

[Fern]

I was living with my parents. I moved from Nashville, where I had a whole bunch of friends and big friend group and stuff, and I moved from Nashville. I bought this boat kind of. I had, like, a little bit of, like, a mid-20s crisis sort of thing. I didn't know what I was doing with my life. So I just bought this boat and I was like, fuck it. I'll do this for a while. So I've been living with my parents while I've been refitting this boat for two years now. And they generally have a lot of anxiety. And actually, I. When I first, like, when I first learned what sailing was, I was kind of like being like a hippie and just doing, like, traveling stuff. And I had ended up on boats in Florida, and I was lost at sea for or kind of quote unquote lost at sea for a couple of days. My parents thought I was lost at sea and, like, the Coast Guard was, like, looking for me, and it was Just a really scary incident. And so my parents, when I decided to do this again, except by myself, they have a lot of anxiety about it, and I feel bad about that. And. And my. My. My dad's grandfather was a merchant mariner, and he was lost at sea when my dad was, like, 12. So my dad knows what it's like to have a close family member be lost at sea. And I do feel a lot of guilt about doing that to them. But at the same time, like, I want to do this because I just want to know what's out there and what this lifestyle has to offer. And I. I wish that they took it better, but I can't really hold myself back for that. And then my friends are pretty supportive.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. You know, that's a tough thing to kind of like, especially if you're, like, lucky enough to have a good relationship with your parents. Like, kind of the, The, The. The line between, you know, I. I want to be around my folks, and I. I don't want to worry them, but you also have to go and live your life.

[Fern]

Yeah. And. Yeah, and it sucks because it's like, this is more so than, like, they're just really like, sweet, conservative Christians, like, wholesome family. And I feel. I feel bad. And it's like, I got tattoos and it made them, like, upset, but it was kind of like, fuck, it is my body. I can get tattoos. But this one does make me feel a lot of guilt because it's like, it really is a life or death sort of thing. Like, if the silver lining to what happened when I sank was my windows leaked and a sailboat supposed to be a completely enclosed vessel, I should be able to go upside down underwater and be able to, like, right myself. And I learned when I grounded and luckily I was on the ground, so I wasn't going to lose my whole boat. But what I learned was that my windows leaked to the point where it filled my boat completely. And my bilge pumps, which pump the water out of my boat, my bilge pumps would not keep up. So if this happened, even. Even if this happened, like, if I was in 10ft of water, I would lose my boat. If this happened in 20ft of water, if I didn't have land access, like, it could be deadly. So it's. It's very real shit out here. Even though I'm not in the ocean right now, it's very real shit that I'm dealing with.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Are you staying safe?

[Fern]

Yep. I mean, I'm staying safe, and that's. That's why I'm on the intercoastal and not, like, in the ocean because I didn't know how to sail, like, going into this. And so the Intercoastal, you're always in sight of land. Like, sometimes it can be farther than others, but I'm always going to be inside of land at any given moment. So this is kind of like a step towards just getting to where I'm, like, more comfortable. And these things do happen, unfortunately, no matter how hard you try to be safe. But I have been. I have been, like, pretty safe throughout my journey. And I. I have, like, a Garmin Mini Reach that can, like, Syntex, even from Antarctica. And me and the dog, we always have our life jackets on, even if there's no wind. So I try to do my best, and I feel kind of stupid for what happened. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about it, but there it was. Yeah, it maybe could have been prevented if I had just done a couple of things, but I'm. I'm trying my best to stay safe and do that, do it the right way.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm gonna take some questions from the chat, the Twitch chat, if you. If you want to take some questions for the. From the Twitch chat.

[Fern]

Sure. Also, can I say. Well, never mind. No, keep going.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, no. What were you gonna. What were you gonna say? Go ahead, go ahead.

[Fern]

I was just gonna mention the fact that you mentioned the rattlesnake dude. Him. He's, like, a friend of my brother's, and he helped me when I was, like, lost at sea. He helped find me. It was like I was. I was. I was with somebody who. I didn't say that I was with, which is why I was thought to be lost. But, like, my brother knew this guy in a completely different state who knew the guy that I was with and, like, was able to find me. So I just thought it was funny that you mentioned the rattlesnake dude who got bit in the helicopter. I thought it was funny that you mentioned that earlier, because that's interesting. That's my dude.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Let's see here. Oh, well, somebody asked, do you have any pets on the boat? She said she had a dog.

[Fern]

I have a dog. He pees on the boat.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Someone said, what is your financial plan moving forward?

[Fern]

My financial plan. If this didn't happen, I kept going south. My financial plan was to sell, stop at port cities and see if I could get work at boatyards doing, like, painting and, like, or, like, fiberglass repair or, like, just doing, like, little jobs. For, like, a week and getting a chunk of money and then keep going with that money. But my plan, now that all this stuff is broken and I definitely need to do some repairs, I'm going to go back to the Outer Banks and I have a job waiting for me there that I can get again. And I'm going to make a big chunk of change, and then I'm going to. After hurricane season in the fall, I'm going to try to go to the Caribbean again, I think. But big chunks of change is how I plan to make my money.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Let's see here. What have you been doing for food since being stranded? Like, have you not eaten for two days?

[Fern]

I. I have a couple, like, snacks. I have, like, pistachios and, like, canned soup. I've eaten those a little bit. But honestly, like, I have an Adderall prescription. I've been eating Adderall to try to solve my problems and get all this stuff done because I've been doing boat repair for two days and, like, food is really the least of my concerns right now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Adderall will curb your appetite for sure.

[Fern]

Yeah, I'm good. Also, I picked up after. After I sank the first time, I went, got a pack of cigarettes, which was like, my first pack in a year and a half. But I've been like, Adderall and chain smoking cigarettes. And that has fueled me. I'm good.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Let's see here. Do you ever take the dog for a walk?

[Fern]

Yeah, actually, I was taking. He wasn't peeing on the boat for, like, the past two months. He wasn't. Dogs are on sailboats. Dogs are supposed to pee, like, on the boat, on the top. And Boo Radley was not peeing up on top like he was supposed to. And it's been freaking me out. I usually get close enough to land that I can just take my little dinghy onto the beach. And I take him for, like, a really long fetch walk once or twice a day, depending on where I'm at. So that's how he's been going. And when this first happened, I was freaking out because he was whining and having so much anxiety. And, like, I knew he had to go potty, and I couldn't get to land, and I was freaking out. But then he went on deck and peed for the first time, and I lost my shit. I was so excited. And now he pees on deck and it's like, it's. It's just such a blessing through this whole thing.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Someone asked if you've ever gone fishing on the boat.

[Fern]

Yeah, I have a fishing line that I. I troll from it. I haven't. I. I caught something on the line a couple days ago but I forgot to stop. I forgot to stop my motor when I was reeling it in. My dad said it was probably a trout because they're like soft mouth. But it pulled off my line. I was so pissed. But I really. I haven't caught a fish yet but I try and I really want to.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So you're keeping in touch with your parents on the phone while you're doing all this shit?

[Fern]

Yeah, I've been calling them like constantly.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay, good, good, good, good.

[Gecko]

Let's leave a close relationship.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Let's see here. Well, Claire, this has certainly been a fascinating phone call. Are you gonna be okay? I feel like I'm leaving you stranded on a boat. I mean, I can't really do anything to help you, I guess.

[Gecko]

Come be on the boat with me.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Where's the boat? Is it in North Carolina?

[Fern]

North Carolina. Catch a flight where you live?

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm around, I'm in places.

[Fern]

Yeah. No, you're good. I have figured out I have been confronted by many a problem in my past two and a half years of refitting my boat. And this one's different because I am fairly stranded and isolated. But in two and a half years I've been the only person to solve my problems. And I have solved every problem. And I have full confidence that whatever is going on, I will solve this problem and get out of it. And if for some reason I can't, I'm going to hail down these people. I'm on the intercoastal and there's fishing boats that go past me. So if at all, if I can't, then I'm going to hail down a ship until they bring me to safety. So regardless of what happens, I will be safe. And the dog.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Can I ask you one more question?

[Fern]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Why do you say on like that?

[Fern]

Because my mom's from. My mom's from Alabama but like we were raised in Virginia so I have like a. I kind of have like a. Like Virginian or like people tell me I sound like valley girl or something but I have. I don't have a southern accent, but my mom has a southern accent. So I've picked up like suits, certain words of southern accent but I don't say everything like that. I don't know why you said again on Own.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Own.

[Fern]

Own like yeah, own. Like I own something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay, well stay, stay safe. Don't don't do any crazy stuff. Thanks for sharing your story. Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?

[Gecko]

Is there a way?

[Fern]

I've been documenting my, like, journey on, like, Instagram and TikTok. Can I. Can I share my platform? Is that all right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, sure. What's up?

[Fern]

It's okay. Thank you. It's saltwater fairy, but it's spelled like F, A, E, R, I, E, like in like a fairy tale fairy sort of way.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, okay. Salt water fae. Re. F, A. Yeah.

[Fern]

R, I, E. Yeah, just saltwater fairy, but, like, spelled a little bit different. But no, no, I mean, I'm not, like, great, but I've just been, like, trying to document.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No underscores or periods or 69s or X's or anything?

[Fern]

Nope. Pretty straightforward.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Rock and roll, Claire. The saltwater fairy.

[Fern]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Cool, man. Well, thanks for calling and sharing and. Good. I hope you don't die at sea.

[Fern]

I hope so, too. Thank you so much for talking. This was awesome. I'm so glad I got in touch. Have a good day.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You too. You too, Claire. Bye. Bye.

[Fern]

Okay, bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Should I be concerned? I feel like that was. That was. I can't tell if she's fine or if that was concerning. I mean, I guess I don't know what I can do. I can't. I'm not the guy to call. I'm not. I'm one of the worst people on the planet to call if you're in a sailboat and your engine doesn't work. I'm. I'm towards the bottom of the list of calls to make in that situation. So I hope she finds someone to help to get. To get the boat to work, but that was a good call. Thank you for sharing, Claire. Hey, folks. This episode is sponsored by ChatGPT Plus. ChatGPT plus is free for college students now through May. That means you have no limits on how many ways you can prompt ChatGPT to help you through the worst part of the school year. There's many ways you can do this, like uploading your class notes and having ChatGPT quiz you on them. Or asking ChatGPT to take a complicated concept and try to explain it to you in simpler terms to help you understand. You can even use it to help design a diet and exercise plan that optimizes your energy for studying. You can use the voice feature to practice interviewing for jobs post graduation. You can use it to practice a new language for a summer trip abroad. It can help you organize your hectic schedule so you can block out time to study certain subjects and make sure you're getting things done. There are endless ways that ChatGPT plus can help you on your academic journey. ChatGPT plus free for college students through may restrictions apply.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Not everyone who handles your personal information is going to be as careful as you are. And it only takes one mistake to expose it to hackers and identity theft. Maybe that's why there's a new victim of identity theft every five seconds in the United States. Fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity if your identity is stolen. A LifeLock US based restoration specialist will help solve identity theft issues on your behalf, Guaranteed or your money back. Plus, all LifeLock plans are backed by the million dollar protection package, meaning LifeLock will reimburse you up to the limits of your plan if you lose money due to identity theft. You can't control how diligent others are with your personal information, but with Lifelock, you can help protect it. Act now and save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code iheart or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off. Terms apply.

[Coca-Cola Advertiser]

Does this podcast make you happy? Of course it does. That's why you're here. But it only comes out once a week for happiness, every night. You need Adam and Eve. Yes. I'm talking about sex toys. It's cool. It's cool. You have earbuds in, right? Adam and Eve, America's most trusted source for adult products, has been making people very happy for over 50 years with thousands of toys for both men and women. Just go to AdamAndEve.com now and enter code IHEART for 50% off. Almost any one item, plus free discreet shipping. That's AdamAndEve.com code IHEART for 50% OFF.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Asking the right questions can greatly impact your future, especially when it comes to your finances. So if you're looking for a financial advisor you can trust, certified financial planner professionals are committed to acting in your best interest. That's why it's got to be a CFP. Find your CFP [e-mail].

[Gecko]

Hi.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hello.

[Gecko]

What's up?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Not a whole lot. I'm a gecko and I'm talking to people on the phone and I saw, I saw that you, you wanted to talk on the phone, so I figured maybe we could talk on the phone.

[Gecko]

Yeah. Something that I was thinking about because I'm here at work is the Fact that I used to have crippling agoraphobia and now I have a job and kind of have a house, and I have pets and life isn't as shitty.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's great. I love stories of life not being as shitty. Those are my favorites.

[Gecko]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So how does. How does one kind of have a house? What does that look like?

[Gecko]

Well, I live in a trailer, and it's my boyfriend's mom's trailer, and she lived there with a really shitty dude, and then she broke up with him, and then she's like, I want to get out of here. I don't want to live in this place anymore. Gave it to my boyfriend. And then a couple years later, I met my boyfriend and I just kind of moved in one day.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay. Pretty cool. Do you. Do you. Do you pay rent? Do you and your boyfriend, like, kind of split it or is he just letting you crash?

[Gecko]

So we don't pay rent, but we pay lot rent. So, like, since his mom owns the house, we don't have to pay off the house. But trailer parks are a scam. So as long as you have a house in the trailer park, then you have to pay for the land it's on, even if you own the house. So we pay for the renting of the land, basically.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That makes sense. I will. Isn't that kind of what you're always doing? I guess when you have like a house or some shit. What's it. Can I ask you, what's the cost for land with a trailer? Like, what's.

[Gecko]

What's the payment in metro Detroit, Michigan? It's like $700 a month.

[Fern]

Which.

[Gecko]

Yeah, it's not terrible. It's like a unit apartment if you think about it. And it has three bedrooms and two baths and. But the thing is, what sucks is, is if something happens, then we kind of have to take care of it because, you know, it's not like we have a landlord. So our roof was like.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, hold on. You. Your. Your trailer is three bedrooms?

[Gecko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

How big is this?

[Gecko]

It's a double wide. It's a double wide, whatever that means.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What does that mean, double? Like, so there. So there are three. How big are these bedrooms?

[Gecko]

Well, our bedroom is probably the size of like a small unit apartment. It's pretty big. And it has like a bathroom attached to it with like a bathtub that has jets in it and a shower. And then the other two bedrooms are just like normal size bedrooms. I can't really think of dimensions, but yeah, I mean, it's not bad at.

[Ryan Seacrest]

All that sounds fucking sick. I can't even. I'm literally trying to like, picture what this looks like. And this is something you can like, like. Does it move? Like, can you drive it?

[Gecko]

No, it's. It's called a mobile home because they put them on the back of like trailers and then take it and put it somewhere. So it's like a manufactured home that can be moved. So if we wanted to move, like if we bought a plot of land, we could pick up the house and move it.

[Fern]

There's.

[Gecko]

But we can't just like drive off of the property, if that makes any sense.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And what do you do with the other two bedrooms?

[Gecko]

One of them is what we call the gamer room. So we have like a projector in there that we watch movies and I'll play like Stardew Valley on. And then the other room, I keep my two pet rats in there. So they have their own bedroom.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Bro, you have a room for your rats?

[Gecko]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What's the rat room look like? Do they have like rat furniture and a rat bed?

[Gecko]

No. I would love to do that though. I did build them like a little castle out of cardboard boxes, but it doesn't look like a castle, it just kind of looks like cardboard boxes. And they have a four leveled cage in the corner of the room. And I made them like a little ball pit using pom poms. And I put treats in them and they like go in the ball pit and I look for treats. They like to shit everywhere and like crawl on the floor and then they go back in their little cage and like, eat stuff.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Dude, this trailer sounds sick. Do you guys have like a kitchen and living room and everything?

[Gecko]

Yeah, kitchen, Yep. Has a gas stove, which is pretty nice, and a pretty decently sized living room. There's a lot of windows, which is nice because I have a lot of plants because my job involves plants. So I'm always taking plants home so they don't die because of the windows. So that's pretty cool, dude.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hell yeah. Wait, so, okay, so you used to be agoraphobic and where, where were you living before you went into this trailer?

[Gecko]

I was living with my mom and I lived there until I was 21. I tried to go to college, but I dropped out because I had a panic attack. And I was like, I can't do this anymore. Went back to my mom's house, never left my bedroom. Really. I didn't really like to interact with people or anything like that. So it wasn't until I turned 21 that I actually Got a job and was like, I can do it. Because all of the other jobs I had, I had a panic attack, and I quit suddenly. So I was like, okay, well, I'm just kind of fucked for now. But then I was unfucked.

[Ryan Seacrest]

How did you become unfucked? Like, what do you think it was that got you to a place where you weren't having panic attacks anymore?

[Gecko]

I had a really nice therapist. God bless her soul, she was great. And then my boyfriend, I started going to his house all the time because, like, agoraphobia, it's not exactly like you're afraid to leave your house for everybody. For me, it was. I don't want to do anything outside of my bedroom. I don't have to, because the idea of having a panic attack in public is, like, debilitating. But I would go to his house, and he was working on a worm farm, and I needed someone to help, like, staple cups with mesh in them to put the worms in. And it was like, every Sunday. And I was like, okay, I can do that. Can you draw me a map of what the place looks like so I know what to expect before we go in there? So he drew me a map, and I was like, okay, what's everybody's name? Okay, when do you go on lunch? So, like, having a set plan, knowing what I was going to do, and, like, the predictability of it is what kind of made me realize, like, oh, I can do that. That's not too terrible. So I stapled cups at a worm farm.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Pretty good. Pretty good. What did you. What did your therapist tell you that, like, helped you out?

[Gecko]

She's had a lot of shit, but the one that, like, the one thing that stuck with me the most is feel the fear and do it anyways. Because, you know, you can't really do anything in life if you're afraid to do anything in life. So if anything was, like, really scary, I was like, okay, well, I'm gonna have to do it anyways at some point, so might as well.

[Ryan Seacrest]

How old are you now?

[Gecko]

I am 24.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And what. Now that you've, like, conquered some fears in your life already? What. What fears do you have next that you want to conquer?

[Gecko]

Well, one that I conquered recently was the last job I had. The company got, like, repoed by the bank. So we were told a month in advance, which is like, a good amount of time, but still a month in advance, that we wouldn't have our jobs anymore. And I was like, that was the first real job that I got by myself. So I was, like, terrified that I wouldn't be able to find another job with people that I like and anything like that. But then I ended up finding a company in Michigan that did exactly what I used to do, which is, like, a really niche job. And now I'm here, and, yeah, I'm just kind of taking it one thing at a time. So the idea of being here is still a little bit scary, but I'm doing it, you know, pretty good.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Pretty good. And how's your relationship with your boyfriend going?

[Gecko]

Can you say that again? I'm sorry?

[Ryan Seacrest]

How's your relationship with your boyfriend going?

[Gecko]

Good. We met when I was 19, so we've been together for five years. We've had a lot of problems in the road. He struggled with addiction, and now he's working on it, and our relationship couldn't be any stronger. I think he might propose to me this year, too, which is pretty cool.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, and is his, like, addiction problems better?

[Gecko]

Yes, very much so. He struggled a lot with porn addiction, which is really common but not really talked about. And, yeah, I don't really necessarily know, like, what's so different for him, honestly, but he's been doing a lot better.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's so funny, because I. When you said addiction, I thought it was, like, pills or something like that.

[Gecko]

Yeah, yeah, that's. That's definitely the first thought. Yeah, it's. It was porn, and I struggled with addiction, too, but it was, you know, it was like Xanax and stuff. So, yeah, not exactly the first thought that comes to people's mind.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Porn addiction is definitely funnier than pill addiction.

[Gecko]

Yeah. Now that, like, I look back on it, I'm like. I definitely was, like, screaming and crying for nothing, because, I don't know, it's just, like, when you look back on stuff, it just doesn't hit the same as it did. But when I first found out about everything, I felt like the world was gonna end and that I was gonna die.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, I'm curious when you. I mean, I guess this is your boyfriend's stuff, so. But fuck it. Like. Like, what is porn addiction? Right? Like, what. How much porn until we're addicted?

[Gecko]

For him, it was okay. Well, the way I found out is one night we were laying in bed, and I always show him, like, funny Instagram videos that I would save throughout the day, and he would show me his YouTube reels, and he was showing me some of his YouTube reels, and then he got a notification saying, like, your only fan subscription has ended. And I was like, hey, that's not cool. We promised that we wouldn't be, like, paying for that kind of content and anything that we were doing would be open to each other about. And then I started crying, and then he kind of started freaking out because I started to have a panic attack. And then he just dumped everything onto me. He said that he had been, like, paying for only fans and, like, messaging people online through Reddit and stuff like that. And then at one point, I blocked all those things so he couldn't get access to them anymore. And then he found a way around it. He used his iPad to, like, download Tinder and Bumble, and he used those apps to talk to women and, like, exchange nudes. And then I found out about that because he got an email about, like, a dating service. And I was like, hey, yo, I thought we weren't gonna do that. But since that second time, he's been, like, really transparent. Like, we. I came up with this thing, like, after, if you do anything, you have 72 hours to tell me what you did before. I'm like, okay, we gotta do something about this. So if anything ever did come up, he would tell me within three days. And that transparency made things a lot easier.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So this wasn't. This isn't just like watching pornhub for five hours a day. It was, like, spend a lot of money and shit. And, like, I mean, the Tinder Bumble thing is. Is interesting. And then. And then, like, how did you kind of get. Get past that? I guess that's a lot to get past.

[Gecko]

Um, I definitely still struggle with the idea of everything that happened, but the way that I get through it now is I have a really awesome therapist, and we did some couples therapy and stuff like that, and my therapist would invite him in on the sessions that we would have together. And I did a. A workbook too, for, like, people that had gone through sexual, like, deviancy or, like, sexual, you know, like. I can't think of the word right now. But doing workbooks and working with my therapist has definitely helped. And this all happened. I think it's been almost two years now, so I've definitely had a lot of time to, you know, sit with the feeling and kind of get used to that was like. Get used to the feeling that was something that happened. It can't really be changed. And I know that he loves me and he shows that he loves me. So I know that this is a person that I love and that they don't intentionally want to hurt me. And I think that kind of helped me get over that feeling.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What. What was involved in these, like, workbooks. I'm very curious.

[Gecko]

So they were things, like, there was pages with activities that would say things like, what are things that you think of when you think of porn addiction? And then you would fill it out like little bullet points and it'd be a little paragraph that you'd read, kind of explaining the brain chemistry of porn addiction and stuff like that. And then another one is, what would you like to hear your partner say to like consolidate you? And then he had the other version of the book, which is like, for the person who did. Had the addiction hurt the other person. So they were like, the activities would kind of line up. So then we were kind of working on things at the same time. I don't know what his book entailed because I, you know, I didn't want to get in his business. But it was mostly like activities of expressing how you feel. Like the typical therapy stuff, you know.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Interesting. Do you guys still go to the. The. The couple's therapist? No.

[Gecko]

She ended up not being a very good match. And then when he decided that he didn't want to see her anymore also because she didn't take our insurance, which is kind of fucked up, but he started doing like online group therapies. There's like a lot of online groups that you can meet with every week to do like insurance free, like group meetings for, I think it's like $20 or something. So I had him do that every week, like as an insurance, because one of the promises I made was like, if we're going to be together, I need you to be having some type of care. So I know that you're taking care of yourself. So he's doing that for a while. And then when that became repetitive and it didn't feel like it was helping him, I was like, okay, well, you need to get a therapist. And he is now going to have a therapy appointment at the end of the month. Yeah, I forgot where I was going with that. But yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So he's in. So he's starting therapy?

[Gecko]

Yeah, he's gonna start one on one again with a different therapist.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Cool. And are you, are you still seeing the lady who was good?

[Gecko]

Yes, I'm still seeing her. She's actually. She owns her practice that she does, and she just hired this new dude. And I was like, hey, my boyfriend needs a therapist. Do you have any recommendations? And she's like, well, I just interviewed this dude and I think it would be a perfect match. So we're gonna be going through the same practice, which is nice because I trust her and her opinions. So. Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Interesting. What's your name again?

[Gecko]

My name has never been said.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, shit. What? I mean, you don't have to give me your real name. You can give me just something to call you.

[Gecko]

Crocodile.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Crocodile. Oh, I like that. Why? How'd you come up with crocodile?

[Gecko]

I don't know. I was looking at a sticker of a skull, and skulls made me think of crocodiles eating animals.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, let's see here. Crocodile. Thanks for sharing your story. Do you.

[Gecko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Trying to think. Do you. Is there any other kind of aspect of this that you like or just about life in general that you want to get into or talk about?

[Gecko]

Not that I can think of. I've just been having, like, somewhat of a tough time with accepting the mundaneness of life. So I've been listening to the podcast a lot, just trying to get other people's perspective on how they deal with the mundaneness of life, and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing there.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. The mundaneness of life. Like your routine and how to get out of it.

[Gecko]

Yeah. Or just getting so used to routine that everything just kind of seems Blair. Especially with having a new job. Like, I used to have three days off, and now I only have two days off. So my weekends, I'm just kind of like, oh, well, tomorrow is gonna be my last day off. So, like, what does it really matter? You know, it's very negative.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[Gecko]

All around.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dealing with the mundaness of life. I don't know. I don't fucking know, man. I don't know, man. So you said. I mean. Okay, let me ask you this. You said you've been listening to the podcast to get other people's, like, kind of perspectives on this. Have you. Is there anything you picked up where you're like, oh, okay, maybe that could be something.

[Gecko]

I know this, like, might sound terrible, but hearing other people's situations being worse than mine kind of makes me think that, like, hey, at least you have a job and you have people around you that care, you know?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, no, there's nothing. There's a word for that. It's called shin Freya, I think.

[Gecko]

Okay.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, no, that's. I've actually had. You know what's funny is a lot of people tell me they're like. A lot of people have told me, I like listening to your podcast because it makes me feel better about my own life.

[Gecko]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Which is kind of funny. Yeah. I used to. Actually, this is Kind of. All right, I'm gonna say it's kind of sad, but whatever. I used to browse, like, R, slash. I used to, like, go on Reddit looking at, like, relationship advice or, like, depression or whatever, like all these, like, subreddits. And I would try to find people whose lives are worse than mine on Reddit so I could feel better. But the worst is when you. Is if you ever have a time in your life where you do that and you're like, oh, no, I identify with this Reddit post. You know, I mean, if you think.

[Gecko]

About it, that's what, like, group therapy is. You have therapy for, like, people that go through specific things so that you can relate with them with how terrible your situation is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You know, it's funny the idea of, like, there being, like, a loser of group therapy, like, somebody who's bottom ranked, like, they're. They're just there to give their horrible, horrible experience so that everyone else in the group feels better. Somebody in group therapy always has to be the one to take the. Take it for the team and be like, here's how off. Like, it becomes like a dick measuring contest, except you're trying to see whose dick is the smallest.

[Gecko]

I mean, yeah, yeah. I did group therapy when I was agoraphobic because it was a way to get out of the house and I could, like, talk to people about how miserable my life was. And there was one girl that every single week she just kind of be like, yeah, that, like, really sucks. But, like, this is what happened to me this week and, like, had to outdo everyone on how terrible her life was.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Mm.

[Gecko]

So she took on that role with a great passion, I'd say, you know, it's funny.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, I guess two things. It's funny because, like, normally, like, you would think that's, like, insensitive. Like when you share something and someone goes, oh, well, my thing is worse. But actually it's kind of nice, you know, it's like, oh, shit, your thing actually is worse. Okay, I feel better now.

[Gecko]

Yeah, no, I agree.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And I don't know if, look, if she, if she feels pride in that, I guess that that works.

[Gecko]

More power to her.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I guess more power to her. But I don't know. I don't know, man.

[Gecko]

I wonder if anybody in that group heard me talk about my stuff and thought that about me. Now that I think about it, that's.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's vice versa. That is an interesting thing. Like how, like, in group therapy, like, do you ever talk and you're like, oh, people Are like, at least I'm not that person, you know?

[Gecko]

Yeah, I definitely feel like there must have been one person in there that looked at me and was like, oh, she's kind of fucked up.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Here's the thing. The. The answer that is the answer is probably like, no matter. Here's like, no matter who you are, your life, no matter who you are, there's a. There's infinite people. I mean, not literally infant, but no matter who you are, there's so many people who you could take and go, oh, my life is horrible compared to this person's life. Even if you have like an objective, like an objectively good life. And there will always be people who you can be like, oh, their life is way better than my. They would look at me and go like, ugh, God. Imagine being that, you know, like whoever, whoever you are, somebody. Somebody can look at your life and go, that looks like it would be awful to be in. Right? And then.

[Gecko]

No. 100%.

[Claire]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

But conversely, whoever you are, there's tons of people who would look at your life and be like, oh, my God, could you imagine live having a three bedroom apartment and rats and a job and arms and legs and being 24 and, you know, everyone. There's so many people, you know, so it's. It. I get. Every day is like, do you want to be the person going, oh, I could never be that, or the person being like, oh my God, imagine being that? That would be awesome. I think it's that. I think when people say that, like, happiness is a choice, I know that's a controversial statement, and I'm not going to necessarily say that I agree with it because I have complicated feelings about that idea that happiness is a choice, but I. But I do. But when you think about that whole thing of you could depend. You. Depending on who you're comparing your life to, your life could either be sick or it could be awful. There is a bit of a choice in terms of which of those perspectives you want to take on, you know?

[Gecko]

Mm. Yeah, I. I think that's what I've been thinking about a lot. Like, I listened to one of the podcast episodes today about this girl named Angie and she did. She had like an ice cream truck and she's like, so peppy and optimistic.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[Gecko]

And I was like, I wish I could do that. Like, I could fake it until I make it right, but I can't. Right.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Right.

[Gecko]

But I can try to be content with what I have and how I am right now, which is what I'm trying To do, which is hard, but I'm trying, you know?

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, I loved that. I loved talking to that lady. For those of you who remember that lady, she drove an ice cream truck and was talking about how much she loved driving the ice cream truck. There are a lot. Undeniably, there are so many people who would be like, driving an ice cream truck sounds like it would suck, you know?

[Gecko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And then you have her who's like, oh, driving an ice cream truck is fucking sweet and awesome.

[Claire]

Yeah.

[Gecko]

And I'm hyped to do it every day.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And I'm hyped to do it every day. And in a way, I actually. I look at her life and I'm. It's. And I look less about her. Her external life and more about her brain. And I'm like, oh, even if I don't wish I had that life, I wish I had that brain. Because if I had that brain, I could have any life. And I'd be fine because I'd have something in the wiring of my brain, would be able to just enjoy whatever's going on with me. I suppose.

[Gecko]

That'S definitely a deep way to think about it, because I look at myself, and it's like, I dread the idea of going to bed because I know that I'm gonna have to get up and go to my 9 to 5. But the idea of going to bed because you're like, I can't wait to get to bed because I'm excited to deliver ice cream to small children with their sticky hands. Just seems like that's. That's a good brain to have.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Crocodile.

[Gecko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I enjoyed talking to you, crocodile. I hope this was. This was. I hope you enjoyed having this conversation.

[Gecko]

I definitely needed this. I called in before when I was unmedicated, and the call lasted, like, five minutes, and I was really upset with myself. So it's nice to have some redemption for that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, did we. Did what? What was your previous call?

[Gecko]

My name was Slug. You gave me a T shirt in Detroit.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh, I remember you.

[Gecko]

Yeah.

[Fern]

Yes.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes, I remember. Which Detroit show were you at?

[Gecko]

It was at the Harpo Theater. I saw some dude peeing in the street while I was waiting in line to get in. That was cool.

[Fern]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

The Harpo Theater. That one was. That was interesting. Wait a minute. Did you.

[Claire]

I know.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Go ahead.

[Gecko]

I was just gonna say, when my boyfriend and I were leaving, we saw you, like, hitting your vape outside, and we mentioned that moment a lot just because we resonated with how you looked like you were feeling. You're just kind of like standing there, like, today was long, and I felt that very hard.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm. I'm sure I looked like. Like a guy with, like, his Mickey Mouse head off smoking a cigarette in the exact world.

[Gecko]

That's the energy we were getting, and we felt that very hard. We quote that a lot.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's very funny. Yeah. Did I look? Was I alone?

[Gecko]

Yes, you were alone. You were, like, looking at your phone and hitting your vape just, like, with the door cracked open. There's, like, flashing lights to the side of you and just kind of, like, looking down.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Interesting. What a crazy life.

[Gecko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, wait, Slug. Did you, like, DM me or something? Being like, my call sucked, and I'm sorry.

[Gecko]

I made a post to Reddit being like, I. I funk. Yeah. And then you ended up messaging me, which was very nice. I appreciated that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes. Okay. I fully remember you. I fully remember you. Okay. Hell, yeah.

[Gecko]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, all right. I'm glad we got to talk. I'm glad you're doing better. And is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Gecko]

If your life feels shitty and you're sad, just think about how it could be shittier and that it's not shittier.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You know what that is? That remains for eternity. A foolproof method.

[Gecko]

Yep.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Take care, slug. I mean, crocodile, or whichever one you want to go by. Okay, bye.

[Gecko]

Okay, bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't know why, but I'm, like, now I'm thinking about. Yeah. Standing outside of. Standing outside of Harpo's concert hall after my Detroit show, just wearing green paint and smoking a vape and just being like, oh, man, I am a gecko. There's something. Roman. I don't. I'm. I'm. I don't remember that moment. I'm sure that happens. I'm sure it's happened multiple times, but I'm thinking about that, and it feels actually romantic to know I got to. I got to be in that at some point in my life. Hey, folks. This episode is sponsored by ChatGPT Plus. ChatGPT plus is free for college students now through May. That means you have no limits on how many ways you can prompt ChatGPT to help you through the worst part of the school year. There's many ways you can do this, like uploading your class notes and having ChatGPT quiz you on them, or asking ChatGPT to take a complicated concept and try to explain it to you in simpler terms to help you understand. You can even use it to help design a diet and exercise plan that optimizes your energy for studying. You can use the voice feature to practice interviewing for jobs post graduation. You can use it to practice a new language for a summer trip abroad. It can help you organize your hectic schedule so you can block out time to study certain subjects and make sure you're getting things done. There are endless ways that ChatGPT plus can help you on your academic journey. ChatGPT plus free for college students through May restrictions Apply.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Not everyone who handles your personal information is going to be as careful as you are. And it only takes one mistake to expose it to hackers and identity theft. Maybe that's why there's a new victim of identity theft every five seconds in the United States. Fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a LifeLock US based restoration specialist will help solve identity theft issues on your behalf, guaranteed or your money back. Plus, all LifeLock plans are backed by the million dollar protection package, meaning Lifelock will reimburse you up to the limits of your plan if you lose money due to identity theft. You can't control how diligent others are with your personal information, but with Lifelock, you can help protect it. Act now and save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code iheart or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off. Terms apply.

[Coca-Cola Advertiser]

Does this podcast make you happy? Of course it does. That's why you're here. But it only comes out once a week for happiness. Every night. You need Adam and Eve. Yes. I'm talking about sex toys. It's cool. It's cool. You have earbuds in, right? Adam and Eve, America's most trusted source for adult products, has been making people very happy for over 50 years, with thousands of toys for both men and women. Just go to AdamAndEve.com now and enter code IHEART for 50% off. Almost any one item, plus free discreet shipping. That's AdamAndEve.com, code IHEART for 50% OFF.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Asking the right questions can greatly impact your future, especially when it comes to your finances. So if you're looking for a financial advisor you can trust, certified financial planner professionals are committed to acting in your best interest. That's why it's gotta be a CFP. Find your CFP [e-mail] from Benadryl Addict.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hello.

[Claire]

Hi. Sorry, I wasn't expecting to get through.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hi. What's Your name?

[Claire]

Let's call me Fern.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Fern. What's up, Fern? Have we spoken before? I feel like I've talked to a Fern.

[Claire]

No, we haven't. I've been trying to call in for, like, a couple weeks, but I haven't gotten through until now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Fearne, what's going on? How's life?

[Claire]

I'm doing actually super, super well right now, but I spent the past four years being, like, really deeply addicted to taking Benadryl. And I have a lot of funny stories from that. Even though it was not a good time, it definitely led to some interesting experiences.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Sure. Is there one in particular that you want to talk about?

[Claire]

Yeah. Well, okay. So I have to preface this by saying that this all started because.

[Gecko]

I.

[Claire]

Have a personality disorder. And this was kind of my way with. Of, like, coping with everything that I was dealing with. So at one point, like, this was happening maybe twice a week, three times a week that I would take, like. I mean, enough Benadryl that you probably. Like, some people, if they weighed less than me, probably would have died. But the one time I took, like. I don't remember how much I took, and I don't want to encourage anybody, but the week that I did this, I was playing a lot of Tears of the Kingdom, like, a lot. And so then when I, like, took all of this penetrail and I was, like, really, really out of it, and the, like, there was, like, a bunch of emergency services that showed up at my house to help me out afterwards, because this, like I said, this relates to my mental health issues. And the, like, fire men were, like, trying to get information out of me. And all I kept saying was that I needed to get. Find the master sword and I needed to, like, get back to work, like, on, like, the side quest that I was working on. And, yeah, I don't know. I always think about that. I wonder if those, like, paramedics ever think about me, like, really drugged up, talking about the master sword and, like, not knowing what I was talking about.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So this is four years of taking Benadryl and shit?

[Claire]

Yeah, it was not good. But I have to say, like, I'm almost one year sober now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So I'm curious. What was it that was making you want to take so much Benadryl? Just life?

[Claire]

Yeah, just life. I mean, I have borderline personality disorder. So, like, a lot of that, it just kind of comes with the territory. You know, you do a lot of, like, stupid shit to, like, cope with the intensity of what you're going through. So I kind of, like that it, like, shut off my brain and it, like, made me not have to, like, deal with what was going on. But of course, ultimately, in the end, it made it worse.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So what was it that inspired you and helped you to get sober?

[Claire]

Well, I honestly, straight up, I, like, hit rock bottom in my life. I was mainly overdosing on Benadryl, but I was overdosing on other things, like, as a form of self harming. And one time, like, mid 2023, I won't go into too many details, but I was like, I got very, very, very sick. And I was in the ICU for a few days, and then I was in inpatient psychiatry for, like, two weeks after that. And that experience was, like, scary enough that I was like, I don't want to keep doing this. You know, it's ruining my life. And also, I didn't really appreciate at the time, like, how horrible it was for my family to have to deal with that. And so after going through all that and seeing the toll that it took, especially on my mom, I was like, okay, I can't keep doing this. You know, and every month that goes by with being sober, I just see, like, you know, everything that life has to offer and how good things can be. I mean, like, literally last night I, like, went out and like, bought, like, some snacks and drove out to, like, a trailhead, and I was looking at the stars, and I, like, almost started crying because I was just like, wow. I'm, like, so grateful that I get to be alive and just experience, like, simple things, like eating Reese's peanut butter cups in my car while listening to music and looking at the stars, you know.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Tell me more about, like, the things that you've, you've come to realize that life has to offer that make you not want to. Not want to overdose on Benadryl.

[Claire]

Bless you. I mean, like, literally, literally everything. Like, you know, I, I, I went through, like, years and years and years of therapy to get, to get to this point, too. And I think that another big realization was that, like, you know, like, suffering in life is a choice. Pain is inevitable, but you only suffer if you don't, like, choose to accept the fact that you will feel pain. And so just accepting that even, like, you know, like, accepting the fact that I'm grateful that I get to feel anxious because, you know, I almost, because I almost died now. Now I just appreciate everything. Like, I'm grateful that I'm able to have, like, shitty Tinder dates. You know, I'm grateful that I'm able to have like a mid sandwich from Tim Hortons, you know, all these, like, small things, you know, just. I'm just, I'm just grateful to exist, you know. Existing is pretty great.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, I've. I've. I've had those feelings before where, you know, when I'm in. When I'm in like the throes of, like, true gratefulness, I feel everything. You be you almost. You start to become, like, grateful for your pain too, in a weird way. You go like, oh, I'm so grateful for everything, including, like the gruesome stuff and the bad shit. And you loop it in and you're almost like. Like, like when I was right, I wrote. I was in my notes app and I was like writing my life resume down of all the things that has, you know, this of my entire fucking life, like, everything to be grateful for. And in it I wrote. I wrote all the. Wrote a bunch of horrible stuff too. I wrote, like, you know, bad things that have happened to me and horrible bad feelings and, like, you know, ways in which I feel felt, you know, suffering, and it was like, oh, this and that. You, you know, like, looking at it and then looking at all the good stuff too. It felt very beautiful to have it all laid out. And I was almost weird. Like, when I'm in the middle of the suffering, I'm like, I. This is fucking awful and I want to die. And it's like. But when you're in the grateful mood and like, your past, everything's kind of like, like, you know, nothing's ever truly in the rear view mirror except, you know, pain is. Is kind of, as you're saying, like, it is part of life. But when you get into the. Your right kind of headspace, you're like, grateful for your. The sum total of all your life's experiences, you know, because they're yours, you know, and you don't.

[Gecko]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You're not sitting here like, oh, it'd be great to be Pete Davidson so I could have sex with Kim Kardashian and have, you know, $80 billion. You're like, no, I want to be me. Even if I even. I want to be me in this chair right now talking to you with all the fucking bad brain stuff, because it's mine, you know, it's my duty to exist in my own life, even if. Even if, like, there's pain involved.

[Gecko]

Absolutely.

[Claire]

I totally agree. I mean, like, just, you know, being able to appreciate the breadth of human experience that is available to you. Even if it's painful and it's not fun at times. Like, you know, because, you know, if we were happy all the time, you know, you wouldn't. You wouldn't appreciate the happiness that you have. Right. Having that balance in your life is really what I think makes life valuable. And so I'm. I'm grateful to be able to experience those moments of. Of difficulty because it makes the. The high point so much sweeter. And it makes me, you know, feel, like, really appreciative for what I have. Right. Because today is not guaranteed.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah. By the way, there's probably someone listening to this who's really annoyed at all this, like, hippie shit. And I get why. And I understand. I'm not saying that, like, suffering and pain is. I'm not saying anything. I'm only talking about my own personal experience. I'm not talking about, like, if you're. If you're listening to this and you're offended because you don't, like. I'm not. I'm only talking. I don't know your life. I'm only. I'm talk. Just talking about mine. And that's how I feel when I think about, you know, things. Because, I mean, yeah, most. I don't think it. When you're in the middle of, like, suffering through something, you, you know, you're not gonna go like, oh, it's Kumbaya. Right. But I'm just talking about. I've had. I've just. I'm just reporting on my own personal experience as a human being, having had. And you as well, having had these Kumbaya moments where you're kind of like, in harmony with your own fucking bullshit. I. I don't. I was talking to my friend about this the other day.

[Fern]

Peep.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I. I think if you've never gone insane, you're missing something in the human experience. You know, those people like you. I'm on, like, I've been on a dating app and I'll see, like, you know, this is. What I'm about to say is, like, incredibly judgmental and probably not true at all, but it's. It is gut reactions that I've had. Like, I'll see like a lady holding a drink with her friends and she works in marketing. And I'm like, has this lady ever gone insane? You know, like, how. What's happening here, you know, for sure. Maybe she had. Maybe she has. I don't know her. I don't. I shouldn't judge. Men judge about that. But you know what I mean? You know, I'm trying to say.

[Claire]

No, I understand. But you know what, it's funny that you mentioned that, because I really think that having had so many, like, crazy experiences in the psych ward and, like, crazy, like, you know, moments of like, like literally, like, going insane. Like, you know, I was one of those people who had to be, like, handcuffed by the police and involuntarily brought to the hospital at one point. And having gone through that, I feel so much more empathy and understanding for other people who are, like, going through it. You know, I think that I would be a lot more judgmental of, like, homeless people or people who have, like, drug addictions or anything like that, you know, if. If I hadn't had that same experience of being there. Because I really think, you know, if I had less support in my life, I could have been, you know, one of those people that everyone judges. So it definitely gives you, like, a totally different experience on just. On just what it means to be alive when you've had that, you know, you've had that happen to you before.

[Ryan Seacrest]

What did you say your name was again? Fern.

[Claire]

Fern.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yes, Fern. Okay, so how are you doing now that you're not addicted to Benadryl, what's your life look like?

[Claire]

So much better. But I do have to say, you know, I know a few years ago, there were people who. There's like this whole Benadryl challenge on TikTok. Do you remember that?

[Ryan Seacrest]

No, I have no idea what you're talking about. Go ahead.

[Claire]

I can't be the only person that knows about this. There was like a, like, challenge of, like, people intentionally overdosing on Benadryl on Tick Tock. Like, this is a few years ago now. This is not super recent, but I just have to say that, like, you know, if you. If you were one of the people at the time that engaged in something like that, then, you know, you're probably experiencing what I'm experiencing now, which is that your memory is like, totally, like, really, like for several years. You know, my short term memory was really, really bad. I mean, it was never good to start with, but it definitely. The Benadryl did not help. And then only just now that I've stopped, it's like, you know, actually starting to, like, I'm starting to see improvement. It's starting to get better. And it also, like, it messed up a lot of things in my body in general. I mean, like, my mental health is a lot better now. And, you know, I'm. I'm. That definitely has also helped by not overdosing on Benadryl all The time. But like even stuff like my like my like muscles were like messed up and stuff like that and it's, it's taken time for that sort of thing to heal. So. And I don't think I really appreciated the like physical toll that it was going to take on me and also the trauma to my family as well. But you know, now that as time increases between like the, the, you know, my last time overdosing and now it's, I just see, you know, progressive improvement and I'm actually able to like live my life now because that's really what it felt like. I mean I felt like my life was like ruined. Like it was ruining my life. And now I'm actually able to like, you know, do normal things. I mean like I didn't, I didn't date at all for like, like my entire life until this point because of what I was going through. So only just now am I able to like actually start experiencing like relationships and stuff like that too.

[Ryan Seacrest]

How is that going?

[Claire]

It's going. I, I like I'm, I'm bi. So like before now I'd only ever had relationships with like women or non binary people and men are kind of interesting, especially men that are my age.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm going to, I'm going to. By the way, I'm going to say this for all the hippie shit we just talked about about like being grateful for like everything or whatever. I've never been on Tinder and been like, oh, I'm so grateful I'm alive so I can be on Tinder. I think I exclude that from the hippie conversation we just had.

[Claire]

I think that maybe the first time I went on Tinder I was like, wow, I'm grateful that I get to experience this. But then I had like some, some kind of homophobic things said to me from somebody and now I'm like, okay. You know, it's just kind of like. It's just what I've got to do, you know, to like meet people unfortunately. But I mean I, it's, it's going well. I mean I may not be grateful for Tinder, but I'm grateful that I get to experience romantic relationships.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, totally. By the way, I'm mainly just bullshitting my like like deep down my thoughts about like dating apps so that they're good, you know, they, they open well, they're there. I mean not that they're like blanket good. They're, they're a double edged sword because youe know, on like the negative end they you know, make People feel depressed and compare themselves to other people, and, you know, it makes you go down. But, you know, I don't even have to say there's a bunch of negative things, but on the positive, it's like, it opens up new opportunities to meet people you never would have met before. And I think that that's, like, a huge positive. So I actually do think that overall, dating apps are good. It used to be that, like, you just got married to whoever lived next to you whether you were a good fit or not, but you ended up being a good fit no matter what because you both had the exact same life experience. So it all worked out, I guess. We live in a more complicated world now, but we. We live in a more complicated world now, but what? We have our archaic wiring still? That's the. That's the reality show fun part twist of. Of humanity in 2025.

[Claire]

Yeah. I mean, you know, my sister met her fiance on Tinder, so, like, I know that it can work out for people, but, you know, it's kind of a slog together, especially in my area, like being a, like, member of the LGBTQ community and living somewhere that's, like, kind of conservative. It's, you know, I'm always, like, a little bit hesitant meeting people, especially meeting, like, straight white men my age, you know, about whether or not they're going to be weird or not.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So how old are you?

[Claire]

I'm 22.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay.

[Claire]

Damn.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So you were. So you started doing the Benadryl thing when you were, like, 18?

[Claire]

Yeah. So what happened was that I had, like, mental health issues in high school and then. But I was living with my family at that point. Right. So, like, I wasn't acting out. But then I moved to go to. I'm. I'm Canadian, so I moved to go to University in 2020 after I graduated, and then living in, like, a dorm for the first time by myself, I didn't have other people around me that I felt bad about, like, you know, doing this around. So then that's when it started. And it. And it continued for. Right, yeah. And then it continued, like, for many years. You know, I had an exchange to France in 2023, and I actually got kicked out of the country because of all of this, too. So. Yeah, so that. That was. That was a big deal as well.

[Fern]

So.

[Claire]

And then that's, you know, after I got back from France, that's when I ended up in the icu. And then after that, that's when I, you know, started to actually work on getting sober.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Is Benadryl illegal in France?

[Claire]

Well, yes, but they have another drug in the same class. See, this is. I was so. I was so fucking methodical about all of this. You don't even understand. I, like, before I went to France, I was, like, Googling, like, what? Like drugs that they have at the pharmacy there that is analogous to Denadrill, so that I could, like, keep doing the same thing when I got there. But then also I had, like, I was taking a prescription mood stabilizer at that point. And like, a few. I think I was also on antidepressants. And my doctor in Canada gave me, like, a big fat, like, bottle to take with me to France because I didn't know if I could get it prescribed there. And so then I was also overdosing on that if I couldn't get my hands on the, like, Benadryl analogous thing that they have. I don't even remember the drug now, but I used to buy it online at the pharmacy, and then they would ship it to my dorm.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Wow. And how did that get. How did that get you kicked out?

[Claire]

So it was because I was on an exchange, like I said. So my, like, Canadian university had an agreement through a third party with the university in France. And part of the contract that I signed was that if you're, like, a danger to yourself or to other people, you can't stay on the exchange. And so I. But when I went on the exchange, I thought that I had disclosed that I had this, like, problem, but they were not happy about it. And so what ended up happening was that I. I was admitted to the hospital in France after one of these instances, which was, I mean, crazy in and of itself. Like, I have so many stories from that. But, like, when they admitted me, they took away my phone. And so my phone was turned off for, like, a couple days, and I couldn't contact anybody. And my mom couldn't get a hold of me. None of the exchange people could get a hold of me. No one at my university could get ahold of me. So they actually declared me missing to the, like, French police. And then it took, like, a bit until after I was able to get my phone back and I could call them. And I was like. Like, I'm. I'm alive. And then. But because, you know, they reported me missing, then my exchange company was alerted to what was going on, and it was kind of a thread that, like, unraveled everything. And the French psychiatrist said, you have to go home. Actually, they wanted to have. They wanted to, like, sedate me and restrain Me and put me on a plane with a nurse to fly me back to Canada. Like, I mean, like, like, like straight jacket style almost. But my mom intervened and she said that she would come get me, so that's how I was able to be released. My mom hadn't come. They would have, like, you know, like packaged me up like that and like drugged me up and sent me back Canada like that.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Well, your mom had to come to France to get you?

[Claire]

Yeah, yeah, my mom and my aunt flew to France to get me out of the psych ward and then we went through Belgium and then we flew out of Belgium to get back to Canada.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Whoa.

[Claire]

Yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Are you, Are you like French Canadian? Do you speak French?

[Gecko]

I do speak French.

[Claire]

I'm not French Canadian though. But I went to French immersion, so I'm like. I'm like proficient. I'm like conversational in French pretty good. Definitely helps when I was in France, especially in the hospital, because they don't speak English at all. So.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, that would be. That would be kind of. That sounds psychedelic as fuck, being in like the psych ward of a country whose language you don't speak.

[Claire]

Yeah, I'm really glad that I at least mostly understood that. I mean, there were like, some things that I like, I, I understand French better than I can actually speak it, so I could understand what they were saying to me a lot of the time, but I struggled to answer and it was tough because, you know, also in France in the psych ward, they have a very much like a the doctor is right sort of attitude.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Right.

[Claire]

So like, like you don't argue with them. I tried to argue with them once. It didn't end. End well for me. So it's definitely very, very different than the experiences I've had inpatient in Canada.

[Ryan Seacrest]

So, Fern, I guess before we go, what's next for you? You see you've graduated school, I assume. What's the future of Fern look like?

[Claire]

Well, I'm actually going into my last semester right now.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Cool.

[Claire]

Of university. But I wanna. I'm a public relations major, believe it or not, and I want to see if I can potentially work as like an intern at the legislature here in my province. And if not, then I want to go back and see my family and live. Live on the west coast for a bit with them and try and get a job and just like live a normal ass life and not have this chaos around me anymore. Actually, long term, I hope to move back to France at some point, but that's, that's a whole a Whole thing that I'll have to work on.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's would be pretty sweet. That'd be pretty sweet, yeah. What would you do in France, just hang out?

[Claire]

Well, I, I want to get my master's degree. So in France, basically the standard of education is you have to get your master's. Like under, like just your bachelor's is not enough to get a good job. So I want to go back and I can get my master's. And because Canada has an agreement with France, I can apply for citizenship after like two years or something. So then I can be an EU citizen and I can work hopefully. My long term goal is to do like communications and public relations for like, NGOs, like human rights Watch or something like that. That's my goal, but we'll see. I mean, it's kind of a lofty goal, but, you know, it would be fun. It'd be nice. I'm like, I say, I'm just, I'm just glad to be alive and I'm looking forward to everything that life has to offer.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You know, Fern, I'm glad you didn't overdose on Benadryl and die.

[Claire]

I'm very glad that I didn't either. I mean, it's not, it's not a fun way to die. Like, I really don't recommend it. Not that anyone here is considering that, but I recommend against it. It's not enjoyable.

[Ryan Seacrest]

This has been an interesting three conversations to have. I feel like. Did everyone in this, did everyone I talked to on this podcast almost die today? It was. I talked to the boat.

[Claire]

Yeah, the boat girl.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I talked to the trailer living lady with the rats. She was cool. She didn't. I don't think I, I'm, I'm real.

[Claire]

Worried about boat girl, though. I hope she calls the Coast Guard.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I'm also worried about boat girl. I hope she. I, I don't know why she. I mean, I'm glad we got to talk. It was a great conversation, but I.

[Claire]

Don'T want you called.

[Gecko]

You.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I don't know why she called. Well, she, I, she seemed pretty confident that she'll figure it out. And I actually, I hope she does. I hope I'm not getting caught. I hope I don't get like a phone call or something where they're like, hey, you have the last transcription of her. I don't even know why I'm putting that out in the universe. It's fucked up. She'll be fine. Everyone's gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. I'm gonna be Fine. Everything's gonna be fine. Fern, thanks. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm always happy to hear a story of a lot of stories today of people moving on with their lives and doing good stuff. So thanks for being a part of that. Fern, is there, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Claire]

Really, if you can all at all possibly do it, Avoid getting involved in like any sort of addiction, like, you know, drinking or smoking weed or like, you know, in my case, self harm. Like it's such a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep hole that you get yourself into and it takes years and years and years and years and a lot of pain and hard work to dig yourself out of it. It's just never worth it. It's not worth it. And if you're really struggling, you should, if at all possible, reach out to people around you so that you don't feel like you have to resort to that because it just makes things worse.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Fern, thanks for calling and good luck with the rest of your life.

[Claire]

Yeah, thanks for having me. It's been great chatting.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Great talking to you too, Fern. I'll see you around the universe.

[Claire]

Yeah, have a good one.

[Fern]

Bye. Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That was great. What a great episode. That was a really fun episode. That was great. I loved, I loved today's episode. That was really fun. Lots of juicy stories. I feel I'm very grateful in this moment. It's as I'm recording this, it's April 22, 2025. This summer will be five years of the, of the therapy gecko and we're still getting interesting stories and having great phone calls and learning things and soaking up the lived experiences of others and it's cool. So thanks for calling everyone who called. Thanks for listening, everyone who listened. I know we're putting a lot of ads in the podcast lately, so I'm trying to make the show longer so that the, the, the ads to podcast ratio is good. So thanks for. Thanks for bearing with me on this journey. Geck. Bless. This has been fun. I don't know why. I don't know if I have anything else to say except that this. I've enjoyed doing this podcast today. Three really great calls. Okay. Anything else? I guess. Well, this is the end of the podcast, so I can just trail off and it's not like there's nothing past this. There's nothing past me trailing off. So this I can just. I'm me trailing off is not blocking further content that would be to come because it's the end but maybe I can say something random here. Okay, my brain doesn't work. We did it. We did the episode. All right, thanks for listening, everyone. See you again soon. Hey, folks. This episode is sponsored by ChatGPT Plus. ChatGPT plus is free for college students now through May. That means you have no limits on how many ways you can prompt ChatGPT to help you through the worst part of the school year. There's many ways you can do this, like uploading your class notes and having ChatGPT quiz you on them. Or asking ChatGPT to take a complicated concept and try to explain it to you in simpler terms to help you understand. ChatGPT plus free for college students through May. Restrictions apply.

[Coca-Cola Advertiser]

Does this podcast make you happy? Of course it does. That's why you're here. But it only comes out once a week. For happiness, every night. You need Adam and Eve. Yes. I'm talking about sex toys. It's cool. It's cool. You have earbuds in, right? Adam and Eve, America's most trusted source for adult products, has been making people very happy for over 50 years with thousands of toys for both men and women. Just go to AdamAndEve.com now and enter code IHEART for 50% off. Almost any one item, plus free discreet shipping. That's AdamAndEve.com code IHEART for 50% OFF.

[LifeLock Advertiser]

Asking the right questions can greatly impact your future, especially when it comes to your finances. So if you're looking for a financial advisor you can trust, certified financial planner professionals are committed to acting in your best interest. That's why it's gotta be a CFP. Find your CFP professional at letsmakeaplan.org.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Get your mother loving ears on because you're big time radio DJ. Got news? PayPal lets you choose how you want to pay for all the stuff. With PayPal, I can pay in store, pay online, or pay over time. What's that?

[Gecko]

You want this translated into song?

[Fern]

I hope you're sitting down.

[Ryan Seacrest]

You can pay your own way. You keep those ears on, you hear. Don't just pay, baby. PayPal.

[Gecko]

Learn [e-mail].