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- [00:00]
Lyle
This is an iHeart podcast.
- [00:04]
Jemma Spaeg
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- [00:43]
Ryan Seacrest
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- [01:13]
Lyle
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- [01:45]
Ryan Seacrest
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- [02:07]
Ivan
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- [02:14]
Lyle
Hi, who is this?
- [02:15]
Ivan
My name's Ivan and thanks for taking my call today.
- [02:19]
Lyle
Of course. Ivan, you're so man. You're so polite.
- [02:22]
Ivan
No, I get that a lot. It's mostly awkwardness, but I appreciate it.
- [02:27]
Lyle
You get this a lot. You get a lot that you're polite?
- [02:30]
Ivan
Yes, I would certainly say so.
- [02:34]
Lyle
Tell me more about that why do you think you're so polite?
- [02:38]
Ivan
Oh, man. Well, I can go through the years of therapy, but it's, it's probably like a defense mechanism thing. It's like a way to see, not off putting, but also kind of show the people, hey, I'm a cool dude, you can talk to me. I won't, you know, be too terribly weird, you know, one of those sorts of things.
- [02:56]
Lyle
Interesting, interesting the way you phrase it. Is it like, is this a way of being that you have designed and perfected or is it just something that came naturally to you?
- [03:12]
Ivan
Oh, it's absolutely a mask that has been perfected over the years without question. I'd say it's probably not too fake of a mask. It's more like a defense mechanism thing where it allows me to kind of be friends with people that I meet in life. And I don't know, I guess it's just always worked for me. So I kind of stick with it and I kind of like it in some ways. Some ways, other ways it's not so great. But I think in most ways it's okay.
- [03:39]
Lyle
I'm sorry, I don't know if this is rude to ask.
- [03:43]
Ivan
Okay, go for it.
- [03:45]
Lyle
Do you have, do you have autism?
- [03:48]
Ivan
You know, I, I think that about myself. Although I've asked a lot and no one's in my therapy history like made that diagnosis. If I am, and I do believe I'm somewhere on the spectrum, it would be like probably some form of high functioning thing. And if it's anything deeper than that, it's probably something like, you know, verbal communication is my thing where like I hyper fixate on how I'm speaking, what I'm talking about and all this other thing, you know, hyper aware how people are talking to me and facial, all the typical cue based stuff. But yeah, I'd say it's probably not too far from the truth.
- [04:26]
Lyle
Well, because I know that they were talking. Yo, did you watch, do you watch the rehearsal by Nathan Fielder?
- [04:33]
Ivan
No, but I'm interested in.
- [04:35]
Lyle
Okay, because they talk about masking, they talk about autism on that show and they talk about masking. And I know that that is like a, like, like that's a thing.
- [04:45]
Ivan
Yeah, yeah. I, I, it's been brought up in past conversations with, you know, therapists that I've had where I, I talk about that. And the way it kind of comes back is, I mean, it really depends on what era of my life, but most of it has been like, hey, you know, you're sort of trying to protect yourself. While also trying to be, you know, the person you say you're trying to be, which is difficult. Hide yourself, to hold yourself to, like a high standard and all that kind of stuff. So it's like anxiety induced, but also like a seemingly effective strategy. But it's. It's weird. I don't know. I just know I'm. I'm. I'm a little kooky. Most people seem to be okay with it.
- [05:23]
Lyle
Is. Is that exalt, like masking and do you. Do you feel like you're performing? Do you feel like you're like, having to put effort into existing in an intentional way?
- [05:38]
Ivan
Oh, yeah, that definitely. If. I mean, I can be a little more open and say, like, you know, one of the. One of my little weird quirks is I'm constantly talking to myself in very strange situations. You know, I'm taking a shower, I'm walking down the road. I'm constantly rehearsing conversations in my head with imaginary people or real people in my life. And it's kind of like a way to prepare myself for what I know to be an awkward conversation. A way to kind of like, feel the emotion ahead of time, you know, that's all kind of been trained into me, at least to understand the words for it. But I think it's been around for a long time in my history of just how I interact with people. But it does get very tiring sometimes it can be the opposite, depending on, like, the people I'm around. I can be almost, almost energized by it because, like, you know, if you're being kind of a kindly person, other people kind of react to that in a kindly way. And so it kind of, you know, perks you up. But on the days when it's not quite so easy, you know, a bit of a capture, I like to be in my computer room and do my computery things, so, you know, just, just nothing there.
- [06:46]
Lyle
Bro. You absolutely have to watch the rehearsal.
- [06:50]
Ivan
Okay? I'm. I'm opening up the Googles now.
- [06:54]
Lyle
Do you know. Do you know who Nathan Fielder is? Have you ever heard of Nathan?
- [06:57]
Ivan
For you, I haven't, and I'm pretty sure I need to. I don't know things about the modern world. I've been under a rock for basically all my life, so I'm happy to hear all about it, though.
- [07:09]
Lyle
Okay. Yeah. Now you should, you should. You should watch the rehearsal. It's. Well, it's extremely funny, but b, maybe it'll. Maybe it'll. You'll connect with it in that way. But anyway. Yeah, okay, so that's what I was gonna ask you is it's like that way of being where you feel like you're performing and you. You kind of answer my question already, but that must be exhausting.
- [07:31]
Ivan
Yeah. Yeah. And I'll tell you a part that I don't quite like about it is oftentimes when it is exhausting, it becomes almost a bit of a resentment sometimes, which is where the therapy comes in, because there's a part of me that tries so incredibly hard to kind of be there for the other person, you know, to kind of be at their conversational level. And if it's not feeling like it's returned, well, there's, you know, there's the exhaustion. There's that, you know, sort of feeling of, well, you know, why aren't you trying? In the same way I seem to be trying, and then, you know, sometimes it makes me try harder, which is more tiring. And I can already feel myself spiraling.
- [08:09]
Lyle
So that. Does that make you feel resentment? It makes you feel. Okay, so you're having a conversation with someone and you're putting, like, all your fucking effort into having this social interaction. And it's like taking everything that you've got to have this social interaction. And you can tell on the other end that the other person is not either having to or even wanting to put in as much effort as you're putting in, and then that leads you to resentment. That person is what you're saying in a weird way.
- [08:45]
Ivan
Yeah. And maybe it resents the wrong word, but it makes me feel disconnected and sort of even more awkward, you know, even more aware of the fact that I'm doing what I'm doing. So, you know, I guess some of my closest friends that I've had in life have been people that don't make me feel that way, I guess. People that just kind of, you know, automatically, I guess, rock whatever it is I'm throwing at them. And, you know, I think that's also probably why I tend to have. I've had very few very close friends in life. I made lots of acquaintances, met lots of people, you know, very friendly to them, and can kind of get along with folks. But in terms of close, personal relationships. Yeah, no, it's. It's very limited. In fact, now is. That's kind of why I was. I was calling in, because it's sort of related to what's going on in life now. It's just I'm probably at the least number of personal connections I have, and I'M just, you know, reaching out to the world to see what other people think about that.
- [09:40]
Lyle
I guess I was actually about to say I don't think your situation is not uncommon by any stretch of the imagination because A, it's. Dude, it's real. In general, no matter who you are, it's really, really hard to find people that you feel strongly connected with that you feel like. Get you. That you feel like. Even for. Even for people who don't have, you know, strong impulses to mask themselves, like, for. It's hard to find people that you can connect with. It's hard to find, like, the experience of feeling like you're putting in effort into connecting to people and that you're not getting it back. A, I've had that experience in my personal life. I constantly, constantly had that experience in my personal life. And B, I think it's a. I think it's a. A very universal experience. So I don't. I don't think. I don't know if that makes you feel. I don't know if that makes you feel any better about the fact that.
- [10:58]
Ivan
You'Re experiencing a little less weird.
- [11:01]
Aiden
Yeah, no, it's not.
- [11:02]
Ivan
That's.
- [11:02]
Lyle
No, it's not a weird thing, especially because you seem like. I don't know, I've only known you for nine minutes or so, but you seem like a. Like a. Like a smart, aware, you know, conscious person. And when you're. That it's harder to. It's harder to connect with other people and, you know, but on it. But it. The good news for people who have trouble, you know, find finding those connections is that when you do find those connections, even if they're not, you know, on the quantity side of things, even if they're not, like, a lot, they're very. They're very deep connections. And that's worth. That's worth a lot, you know. So you could, if you wanted to do a quantitative analysis of how many friends you have. I think that that's a. It's. It's not the right analysis to be doing, you know, because it's. If you. If you find people that you can connect with on a deep basis, I mean, that's rare, I think, especially for, you know, if you're. If you're, you know, as. As I get the sense that you are, you know, a smart, conscious person.
- [12:23]
Ivan
Yeah, it's. I. I mean, the longest friendship I've had was since I was maybe 15 or 16, and the person I was friends with, I would say I very much had that connection with. And because of going through a lot of personal just sort of nonsense and choices, I basically pushed that person away. And, you know, it's one of those things where I certainly try to reestablish a connection and talk, but it's. It is very difficult because there's the connection to part of like, okay, well, the person I am now versus the person that I was. Is it worth it? There's a fear to that. It's a silly fear, I know. But I do miss having that sort of connection. So at least. At least knowing that, hey, I am in fact in a populace of other humans are doing the exact same thing. And geckos, I suppose it's not too. It's not too bad. That's good to know.
- [13:20]
Lyle
Okay, so you said you specifically wanted to call in to talk about this. I wanted to let you speak your piece for a second. Like what, What. Yeah, what exactly? Tell me, like, of the situation that you find yourself in.
- [13:40]
Ivan
Okay, it's. It's not too complicated, but it takes a little bit of context. So if I go too long, please just let me know.
- [13:48]
Lyle
Go ahead.
- [13:49]
Ivan
So the context is, you know, I mentioned I met this friend when I was 15 or 16, and he's my friend. He was my friend until I was, you know, mid to late 20s. And the reason I met him was I was playing a video game long time ago called Dark Age of Camelot. It's never know anyone recognizes it go you. But at the same time, I was also playing a lot of card games, Pokemon to TCG is playing lots of tournaments, met lots of friends, you know, traveling the country kind of thing, you know. And so, you know, basically my closest friend, my closest friends in general, my family kind of revolved around this hobby that, you know, put my friends through college, put me through college because of scholarships, you know, I had a lot of amazing stories of mine come from being a part of this. And of course, over that, you know, period of time, I developed quite a collection of just Pokemon cards, never mind all the other fun games, but just Pokemon cards, you know, for well over a decade. So I mentioned, you know, going through therapy and all this, different problems in life. And in the last 10 years, almost 11 now, I was in a very, I'll just say very unhealthy relationship. And I'm now seeking divorce from the person.
- [15:03]
Lyle
You guys were married?
- [15:05]
Ivan
Yeah, we were married. And it was not a good choice, I would say my to do that, but I did make that choice. Now I'm trying to help myself by unmaking that, I suppose, and I can tell you details if you're interested, but the relationship was really what caused me to push away my friends, my family, and a lot of other things just in general. So the reason I'm mentioning that is when I was leaving that relationship and kind of trying to reach out to family and friends, I reached out to my mother first. And I was in Yankton, South Dakota, of all places, and I met some friends there who played Pokemon, really, all kinds of games. And I was really excited to take my collection. And so. Oh, my gosh, it's been years. I'm so excited to have this. I can't wait. Hey, mom, you know, can I. Can I. Can I. Can I come back home, get my stuff and come back and kind of heal and do this stuff with my friends? And a bit of silence. And through a very long conversation, I found out that two years prior to me calling her, she had sold the entire collection for a very princely sum of a hundred thousand dollars, which is actually a very undervalued amount. What? The collection was what? Yeah, it. It kind of broke me. And that break.
- [16:27]
Lyle
That fucking breaks me, man. God damn. Oh, my God. That's. That breaks my heart.
- [16:36]
Ivan
So I. It really sucks because I understand, or I was made to understand, and I think part of the niceness is where the problem comes, but that apparently they needed the money of some kind. And I understand that, but that amount of money, and this is not to brag. I'm not trying to put myself in a better position. I'm just saying that I could have helped them pay whatever they needed for. And they never contacted me. And the reason they said is because, oh, well, you know, you stopped talking to us, and we didn't know if you liked it anymore. And I kind of gave them about a year to. To just talk and kind of be around him. And I realized in the last few months that I really couldn't reconcile this. I really couldn't. You know, it was. It was a. It was almost one of those things, you know, straw book, broke the camel's back of talking with. Because, you know, in the last few years, I've also seen the people they've become. They are not very. You know, they've always treated me with an amazing amount of love and care and respect my entire childhood. But as I grew into an adult, I saw their beliefs and habits change, like a lot of people's have, which is very unfortunate. And them having done that to me, I realized, was probably the biggest betrayal of my Trust and confidence and care, a public experience. And I have almost no desire to ever talk to them again. And it really hurts because the same person that, you know, you said a minute or two ago was smart and, you know, willing to chat and be friendly, is also struggling with not talking to his parents because of, you know, what other people call a collection of cardboard, you know, and so, you know, I. It's difficult because I don't know what I want to do, how I'm trying to do it, or why I'm doing what I'm doing. I just know I don't feel good and I'm trying to defend myself for the first time. But really, that's all I wanted to kind of talk about was, hey, listen, this thing happened to me. I don't exactly know how to feel. These are the choices I'm making. And what does that sound like to you? And from your first response, sounded like, yeah, kind of a big deal, but please not now that I've said everything, you can feel free to share whatever you got.
- [18:45]
Lyle
Well, a few things. One is, you said. It really caught my ear when you said, this guy who is. You said. I said, oh, this guy who is. Fuck. What did you say again? Polite and willing to talk to people. You said, oh, this guy's polite and willing to talk to people. Won't talk to his own parents. First of all, human beings are immensely dynamic. So you can be multiple. You can be multiple contradicting things at once and at different times and in different contexts. And, you know, they're all true. So, one, I believe that, but two, I mean, damn, man, I'm sorry to hear that. I know. You know, just. Well, it's more than just cardboard, right? It's like, hey, I mean, your parents taking your shit and then selling it. By the way, what kind of Pokemon cards do you have that were worth a hundred thousand dollars?
- [19:43]
Ivan
Everything from the very first base set. And misprints, if you're a collector, you know, things like Shadowless Charizards. I had a first ed, one of those. That's already 3,000 there. Everything from the base set all the way up to probably a few years past the, you know, Ruby Sapphire series.
- [20:02]
Lyle
No, I think, I think that's so. I think that's, man, the parents. I do. I think that's. Well, I, I can't. I can't tell you whether or not, you know, I'm. I. I can't ponder for you whether or not you should have a relationship with your parents. But, like, I do think that is that they sold your Pokemon cards for that much money. I mean, even if it would be, I would be if, if they threw them away, you know, what is, this is, here's the thing, right? If they threw them away out of just ignorance because they were just, you know, they're old and, and they're like, oh, these are his old toys. We, he doesn't need these anymore, right? If it was like, if it was like that, that would still piss me off on your behalf. If it was like that, that would still piss me off on your behalf. But at least you could chalk that up to like ignorance. You know what I mean? Like, this was like, like to, to take them and sell them for 100 grand behind your back. That's fucked. That's like, that's like willful fucked. Up next, you know.
- [21:04]
Ivan
Hurts. And, and the part that hurts the most is like you mentioned that, you know, when I was young and, and even to late, late young adulthood, I guess, you know, my, my mother was what I consider to be one of my closest personal friends. I guess my father is a bit, you know, a bit of, a bit of more strange person but, you know, still loved him very dearly. And so, you know, I recognize, you know, when I had the conversation that she was sad and she said, well, I didn't really mean to, but the, the problem is like the relationship I have with them is that, is that what the reason I feel this way is that this is something that they chose to do because they knew that I was the person that would just turn the other cheek and accept their choice. And I know that myself and I know that that's already in my head and I know that, that they'd go, okay, well if we do this, all we have to do is say sorry basically and be, and feel sad. And he would accept that. And I know that they don't want to feel that either, but I know that that's the dynamic and I don't want that in my life anymore. And it makes me very sad. It makes me sadder than I've ever been because I, I, I'm turning into a person or I recognize that I'm trying to change as a person, be stronger, better, more connected. And I'm aware of these choices they've made. But as I've tried to talk to them about this, you know, as I tried to bring it up, it was annoying, the resistance in the back. The last time I talked with my mother, it was almost a three hour screen match where, and again there, there's Very little extra context to this. But because of. She. She. I wasn't calling her enough. She contacted my partner and said that if I didn't contact her soon, she would call the police for a wellness check. And I had just called her and texted her like two days ago and constantly do. But this. That. That over helicoptering or something, and it just. It snapped. And when. When. When I snapped and we got into an argument, which is unfortunately very common when we're like that, all the truth comes out, so to speak. Or at least the. The raw stuff. And she said something that made me realize that, no, that's actually how she felt. I said, you know, you know, Ahmad, this. This thing you did, you know, you have to understand it was a major portrayal. And one of the reasons I have difficult talking to you is because I don't know how to express this to you. And she goes, oh, Jesus, it's that stupid collection again. And I realized that, okay, I understand you said it in anger. I understand you said it meanly, or you said it to kind of express your whatever. But that meant that really deep down you did think it was some stupid collection and meant that you had chosen. You devalue. Or maybe it become devalued and I don't. And. And I recognized it then. I recognize it now. And it just hurts and.
- [23:50]
Aiden
Both.
- [23:50]
Ivan
Feels good to hear someone else going, yeah, that's ridiculous.
- [23:53]
Aiden
And.
- [23:54]
Ivan
And also, like, yeah, well, you know why? And that's kind of what it. It's just, you know, I'm sitting here, supposed to go back to work in a few minutes, and I just want to know, you know, I don't know. I just wanted to share that and ask questions and kind of get a response because, you know, like I said, I totally recognize it's a collection of cards, but to me, it was an identity. It was a person that I grew through. It was something that I could go to hell. I remember being crying in California on the floor, thinking, you know, I'm in this terrible relationship, but I can think about this cool past that I have, and someday I'll get back home and I'll look at those cards again, and they were gone. You know, I didn't even know about it. And so anyway, I'm talking quickly and I'm.
- [24:36]
Lyle
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not at all. What's your name again? What's your name again, man?
- [24:43]
Ivan
Ivan.
- [24:45]
Lyle
Ivan, yeah. Do you just. You. You just. You just spit, bro. You just. I mean, that was. You really just spit Right. Just now. That was. That was. That was powerful. I'm. I'm be that serious. Because when you. The way you said that you were like, she. Like that. That. That really. It breaks my heart, man. Like when you were like, oh, she knew that she could. She could sell those cars because she knew that I wouldn't put up a fight about. It.
- [25:20]
Ivan
Really hurt when I realized it hurt. So, yeah, I'm, you know, I don't know that that's just my story now.
- [25:29]
Lyle
I guess I then, oh, man, I know you got to go back to work soon, but what. What else. What else is going on in your. In your life? I'm invested in your art. I'm invested in your development. I'm. I'm like. I'm like, what's. Because you're. Yeah, man. Well, yeah. What's going. What else is going on in. In your. In your universe here?
- [25:55]
Ivan
All right, well, I mentioned the divorce. That's also been weighing very heavily because, God, it's. You mentioned an arc, and all of a sudden I thought back, like, it's been this three years, which feels like it's just unending bs. So, okay, super long story. As short as I can make it. Three years ago, the partner that I'm divorcing from now and I decided to leave where we were living in California and live on the road. And a trailer, 35 foot trailer pickup truck. You know, driving around state to state, living in the trailer full time. I'm a software developer. Yeah, we'll get there, but living. So software developer. And I could. I could work remotely and do my thing, but when. When you already have problems in a relationship and then you put them in a smaller box and you see that person even more often with even less ability to. To have personal space or work on problems, and the person you're with is already sort of spiraling. It makes things worse. And I realized in those almost two years that things weren't working. Constantly screaming, fighting, yelling all sorts of terrible stuff. And I snapped multiple times mentally in terms of, you know, just screaming in a Walmart parking lot, yelling at nothing because as my only outlet. So that all happened over the course of two years. And I found myself in Yankton, South Dakota because of some other nonsense. Not even worth just. Just. Just not more nonsense. Yankton, South Dakota, with my partner at the time and filed for divorce because she was. I was paying for her to live in a hotel for months at that point. I was also staying in a hotel. We swapped off back and forth. And this is Not a relationship that I can. I want to be a part of or try to fix anymore. So filed for divorce. And that was two years ago. And through three separate lawyers, two of which had completely failed to, like, remain in contact with me and just assorted to. I. I didn't know it was a thing, but you could totally be ghosted by a lawyer, and there's not much you can do about it. If a lawyer just starts. Stops to decide to talk to you, your only choice is so you get another lawyer. Turns out. And so, you know, I'm. I'm constantly fighting this, you know, this. This partner of mine who. I forgot to mention this, but when I was still in South Dakota and she was living in the hotel for a while when I served. When she was served with the papers a few days later, I found out she called a friend of hers from California who then flew to Yankton. She showed up at the trailer store that Saturday, collected all their things and decided to drive with this person, drive with the truck that pulls the trailer to California, effectively stranding me, stranding me in the state. And I had, you know, that's a whole nother story. But. So this, this is the kind of person, you know, who makes these sort of decisions. But the reason that card story came up is because when I was dealing with being stranded there and trying to go through therapy and trying to find some. Something to stick to, I found a friendly local game store. And in the friendly local game store, you know, just owned by a few friends and parents had met them yet at the time, but just incredibly welcoming, incredibly caring people, you know, and you mentioned how, how rare it is to find someone you can connect with. It is amazing you said that. Because it's exactly what I found. I found a friend who. I'll keep his name because I don't want to, you know, I don't want to assume he's okay with being talked about, but I've already mentioned the city and state, so. Oops. But the idea is I very much connected with these people. And one person in particular was an incredible, incredible boon to my life. And it was because of that that I called my parents and said about the thing, realized the cards. And, you know, I was doing okay because I had them in my life. But since then I've moved on from the state to another state because I couldn't. You know, being in the same trailer at the same spot for a year and a half after seeking divorce was like, I can't stay here. So I moved. And now in Minnesota for a little while. But I mean, that's. That's like as short as I can make the last few years and a bunch of weird stuff. But it's. It's why I'm calling anybody who will listen is because, you know, I have all these weird things. It's very hard to find someone who has a similar lifestyle that can relate or who even wants to listen. And, you know, it's so strange sometimes it sounds completely unreal. It does to me. And I. I don't know. I'm. I'm the kind of person that needs data points to kind of figure out who and what I'm doing and why. So that's. That's kind of where I am. I'm now in Minnesota asking a gecko how the heck I be a human. So there's that.
- [30:55]
Lyle
Okay. Sorry if I just want to make sure I'm understanding the current. Do you do not still live in a trailer?
- [31:04]
Ivan
No, no, I. I moved out of the trailer and I'm actually currently living with someone else now, which is also part of the difficulty.
- [31:13]
Lyle
Is this other person, they a. So romantic. Someone else?
- [31:19]
Ivan
Yeah, it's romantic. And just to be completely transparent and open, you know, I met this person many, many months after I filed for divorce, after the person. After my partner had gone to California, never to be seen or heard from again, basically.
- [31:34]
Aiden
Okay.
- [31:34]
Lyle
And how are things going with this person?
- [31:37]
Ivan
Pretty well. I find that my relationship scars continue to come up every once in a while and. And, you know, in terms of, like, expecting fights when I don't need to.
- [31:51]
Aiden
Right.
- [31:52]
Ivan
Having habits that I shouldn't have because I'm dealing with someone who's abusive. But, you know, together we're. We're doing okay. And I think, you know, they also are very understanding. I've also told them the whole story, and they completely understand it. You know, oftentimes they're very much in my corner too, with, you know, what's going on, and I try to make sure that they're aware of what's happening. And it's also helped me understand, you know, is what I'm going through normal or at least do you. Do you see my behavior as at least reasonable? So I'm going through, most of the time, I just get a long stare. I'm like, yeah, you're doing okay. But, you know, the constant questioning is a thing. So. Yeah.
- [32:36]
Lyle
You're asking a gecko how to be a human.
- [32:40]
Ivan
Yeah.
- [32:42]
Lyle
What is that? What is. What is. What does that mean to you? Like, I'm trying Like, if. And I don't know how much of what you. I don't know how much of that is. Is. Is tongue in cheek. But what is. What is that journey of. I am trying to be a human. What does that. What does that mean?
- [33:02]
Ivan
I am very much convinced the only thing that I don't have the ability to ever know while alive is what it means to be alive. Like, I don't know what consciousness is. I have no idea what it is, how it defines me. I just know I'm here and I'm experiencing it.
- [33:19]
Lyle
Yes.
- [33:20]
Ivan
So, yes, I've been told and I've read and I've lived as much as I have. And basically everyone says, well, everyone's got their own place in the universe. So, you know, maybe if I can constrain down what I need to worry about to just like, the human stuff, maybe that'll make me okay on the long run. Like, if I don't have to hear about the metaphysical stuff and space travel and all the other things, I, like, I can just worry about the eating and the breathing and the other life stuff. Maybe I'll have an easier time. And, you know, I'm an experimenter, so I like reaching out to whatever and anything I can find. And that includes, I guess, interspecies communication.
- [34:00]
Lyle
It is funny. We're in. We're actually engaging in a form of interspecies communication right now.
- [34:05]
Ivan
That's true.
- [34:08]
Lyle
So I actually, I get you on a lot of what you just said of. Yeah, you can. I literally. This has literally just been my. My arc for the year is that you can absolutely lose your. You can endlessly lose yourself in pondering over the metaphysical and pondering over consciousness and those things. And people, many people throughout the history of existence have get this. Spent their entire lives. They didn't have personal lives. They didn't have. They. Many people have spent, and to this day, spend their entire lives prodding at those questions professionally and writing about them and exploring them and reading about. They spend their whole lives. And you know what? They never come out with an answer. They're never come out with an answer. I don't know if they ever will. I don't know if. I don't know if, you know, humans came up with a lot of answers. We came up with, like, you know, we get to tell the story of evolution. We get to tell a lot of stories. There's a lot of things that we don't have answers to. Like, like what you're saying. Like the metaphysical, the consciousness stuff that Stuff is gonna be answered by beings more conscious than us that week that we can't understand. Maybe it's the fucking AI supercomputer shit that is gonna answer. Maybe it's that. And we. But it's not, it's not gonna be us. We've determined it's not a. And. But we got to answer a lot of questions. We got to do a lot. We got to answer. We got to. We. Like, like I, I was watching some fucking YouTube video about evolution and this guy's like, this guy's like really understanding his place in the universe as a human and he's like, whoa, it's so cool all this shit happened. And we are the species that gets to tell. Tell the story and, and all the metaphysical stuff. I genuinely just think we're not, you know, our species and whatever our consciousness is, I don't think we're going to be the ones to answer those questions. It's probably going to be like, you know, whatever the. Whatever chat GPT looks like in a thousand years is going to have answers to those questions, but not, not us. So, so listen, if it's so fascinating to you and so cool. Cool to you and pulls you in. In its direction to think about these things and you feel honored as a human and as a conscious being to be pulled in those directions, and you're being pulled in those directions from places of love and from positive emotions, then it's a great, it's a great place to be pulled. But if you're being pulled to them by OCD and fear and, oh God, I need to have an answer to these things or else I'm not going to be okay. You know, you're, you're. You're running a fool's errand because there's no you. You. You must accept that your, your. Your consciousness in its current form and its current biological state ain't getting there. Many people tried forever and they never got there. And they never will get there because it's impossible. It's beyond us. And so again, if you're being pulled in those directions from a positive place, from a place of love, it's great, it's an honor. But if you're being pulled at them from a place of fear and anxiety, it's like you're, you're. You're chasing a fucking dragon. You know you're never going to get there. So, so accept that and then be like, I'm going to explore these things from positive place and then focus on the human side of your life. Which is connecting with other people and eating food and drinking water and playing fucking Pokemon.
- [38:17]
Ivan
Yeah. I'll tell you, I'm unfortunately have to go now, but I really want to say that that perspective you said about it. So I guess perspective, it's, it's okay that, you know, I'm not going to figure out the hard stuff is perspective I wasn't ready to hear and I'm happy to hear at least. I wasn't expecting.
- [38:40]
Lyle
Great.
- [38:43]
Ivan
So, so listen, I thank you very much to you and group to letting me just go on for a while. I feel immensely better for having chatted with anybody about it and again just thank you for your time and I hope you and the viewers and anyone else listening have, have a wonderful everything else they have. So thanks.
- [39:04]
Lyle
Thank you very much. Ivan. Good luck to you, man.
- [39:07]
Ivan
Cheers.
- [39:08]
Lyle
Okay, take care. Take care. Ivan. Damn, I like that guy a lot. That guy was cool. Yeah, like I was cool. I, I, I hope, I don't know, I hope, I hope, I hope he is. He lands in good directions for himself and figures, figures some of this shit out. Yeah, I know. I clicked on, I clicked on what he was talking about with like the obsession over the metaphysical shit because whatever everyone or I don't shut up about my existential crisis on this podcast, but that's a lot of what it was about and I even expressing that even like I even would talking to him just now expressing that. I like, I like like in this moment that I'm recording this shit, it's clicking to me that that's the fucking, that was that like that's the sauce right there is. I was obsessed with those things on a, in a, in a, from a fear based state, you know, looking, trying to like calm anxiety by finding, by looking for something that doesn't exist. But you can't do that because it doesn't exist. So. Yeah. What, what else? Pokemon. Pokemon are good. They're cool. I feel better now. I feel I, I feel bad for Ivan but I don't want to throw pity at him because I think he's just smart. Does it Adam. I know his name is Ivan. Feel. I don't want to throw pity at Ivan because I know he's a smart guy and I, and I think he'll, I think he'll persevere in some way. It's hard, it's hard if you're a smart guy like that to find other people to connect with. But he's got a lady in his life, I think from what he said. Yeah, I don't know that's a tough one, but I really enjoyed having that conversation.
- [41:30]
Ryan Seacrest
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- [42:01]
Lyle
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- [42:14]
Ivan
But that's weird.
- [42:16]
Lyle
Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent.
- [42:25]
Unknown
To $15 per month required Intro rate first three months only, then full price.
- [42:27]
Lyle
Plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mintmobile.com not everyone who handles.
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- [43:26]
Jemma Spaeg
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- [44:39]
Aiden
Hello.
- [44:39]
Lyle
Hey, what's up man? What's your name?
- [44:41]
Aiden
Hey, I made it man.
- [44:43]
Lyle
Aiden. Yeah.
- [44:44]
Aiden
This is a therapy geck.
- [44:45]
Lyle
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Wow.
- [44:47]
Aiden
I, this is crazy.
- [44:49]
Lyle
Yeah. Dude, we've never spoken before, have we?
- [44:53]
Aiden
No, no. I've been a big fan of you for years, man. I've listened to you for a while.
- [44:56]
Lyle
Kick ass. That's so cool. You know what's funny is I, I, I gotta, I gotta be so honest with you, Aiden. I, this is just an expression of my life arc is. I thi, I only, I think I only started to be, I only, I think I only started to be able to enjoy this whole thing recently. I think I was, I think for most of it I was so caught up in the stress of it that I couldn't like really sit and enjoy it. And only, and recently I've, I've been just like, oh, this is a cool thing to exist in, you know, because when you're like trying to, I don't know, like build something up, it's stressful and you're, you're in the moment of it too much and so you really, and you can't really enjoy it. But lately I'm enjoying it. Like in this moment I'm like, oh, this is so cool that to have especially. Yeah. After five years to have someone listening for, for that long. Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm really, I'm really sucking myself off right now. So I'm gonna, gonna.
- [46:02]
Aiden
No, you're all good, man.
- [46:03]
Lyle
No, I'm sucking myself off. I'm, I'm sorry. I take back everything I said. I, I, I, Yeah, I'm sucking myself off. What's up with you, Aiden? How's life?
- [46:13]
Aiden
I'm pretty good, man. I don't know, Life's a bit weird right now because I just graduated last year and took like. I think, yeah, last year. I'm kind of like in between trying to figure out stuff with my life and stuff with jobs and just personal life, trying to fit into everything that's new, I guess.
- [46:30]
Lyle
What's new?
- [46:34]
Aiden
Well, I just started working with my dad because I used to work at Starbucks. I worked there for a while, but then my dad, he does like this dent repair thing. And so he needed help with the business because my cousin originally worked with him, but he went to a different state to start working somewhere else. And so I'm now working with him. And so it's a whole different schedule for me because I used to be only like, nice shift and stuff like that. So waking up early in the morning, it's nothing I'm not used to, but also just being on the heat a lot more. And I. I live in a desert, so it's like 100 degrees, especially in the summer. This is real hot out here.
- [47:05]
Lyle
What are you in Arizona?
- [47:08]
Aiden
No, no, I'm in. I'm in Vegas.
- [47:10]
Lyle
Oh, shit. Okay, wait. So what's your dad's business that you work for him doing?
- [47:17]
Aiden
Well, so he does, like, Painless Dent Repair. He works like a couple of the rental companies out here.
- [47:24]
Lyle
And before that you were at Starbucks?
- [47:27]
Aiden
Yeah, yeah, before that I was working at Starbucks. My buddy, he got a job at Starbucks and got me the job there, which was fun. Probably the most social job I've had in a while. Now it's kind of more just trying to figure out what to do with myself because I enjoy what I'm doing working here, but outside of this, I'm not really doing anything. I'm kind of still trying to figure out what I want to do long term, I guess.
- [47:46]
Lyle
What, like, what have you been. What. What have you been thinking about in your thinking? What have you been leaning towards?
- [47:54]
Aiden
Man, there's a few things here and there I've been thinking about. Like, I know private investigation sometimes I've been interested into looking for, But I'm not 100 sure you want to.
- [48:05]
Lyle
You want to become a private investigator?
- [48:08]
Aiden
Yeah, it's always something I would probably enjoy doing. I think. I don't. Just seemed cool, I guess. I don't know. I don't really have an exact goal in mind.
- [48:17]
Lyle
Why do I feel. I feel like Vegas is ripe with, like, private investigators that like that, like, investigate whether, or not, like, guys are cheating on their wives with strippers and.
- [48:31]
Aiden
Most likely, honestly, like, people. The fact that people get married out here is kind of crazy too go with it.
- [48:37]
Lyle
Why don't you go. Why don't you apprentice? Why don't you go find a private investigator? That would be sick, man. Yeah, that's what you should. That would be so cool. Yeah, you should go to find a private investigator in Vegas. And he's like so you want to get into the PI business? Do you think you're ready? And you have to submit to him and he may. He makes you like go fetch him cigarettes and stuff. Like he hazes you. Like that is actually a legitimate suggestion is you could go be a pledge for some other. Some like a. You ever seen Nathan for you?
- [49:10]
Aiden
No, it doesn't ring a bell.
- [49:12]
Lyle
Like that Brian Wolf guy?
- [49:14]
Aiden
I think so maybe that could be cool.
- [49:20]
Lyle
What do you do? What do you know, what do you usually do when you're not painting? Painting houses. I'm sorry, did you say painting houses or am I making that up?
- [49:29]
Aiden
Well, you're actually kind of. You're kind of close in the nose. I do paint touch up on cars.
- [49:33]
Lyle
Okay. Okay.
- [49:36]
Aiden
Yeah, I just do like interior recon and all that, which is actually what I'm doing right now.
- [49:42]
Lyle
What else do you think you might want to do with your life, Aiden?
- [49:47]
Aiden
Honestly, I really don't know. I'm still trying to think of ideas and stuff like that and it doesn't really help because like I got a little bit of pressure from my family on it maybe because stuff like I've thought of in the past don't pay that well. And my parents are very like oh, if he isn't making more than this and that, I don't want you doing it and this and that. And they don't mind if I go or do like they don't mind if I do or don't do college or do a trade. Just something that's going to pay more than what I'm going to be more or what my dad's already making. You know, he makes a good amount of money and so it's kind of the pressure of almost being like. It's kind of the pressure of just being like him, I guess. Which I don't mind. My dad's an amazing guy and I always strive to be like him as a person but what he does is a lot of hard work and I don't know if I'm cut out for it.
- [50:33]
Lyle
What? How old are you?
- [50:36]
Aiden
I'm about to turn 19, like next month.
- [50:38]
Lyle
All right, cool, cool. Interesting. What were the things that you were saying that you Want to do that? Don't make a lot of money.
- [50:49]
Aiden
For a while. I always wanted a bartend, but obviously, you know, I'm not 21, I'm not close to that for a little while. They ain't coming to option yet. But I know my parents, my family's kind of in hate on me about that idea and maybe we're gonna start with kind of scratch that itch a bit. So I'm not really as wanting to, you know, I already did the dream making all that and I still don't mind trying to do that, but I don't know, I just don't have any big goal ideas yet.
- [51:13]
Lyle
I love what you sound like you really enjoy like front facing you. Like you. Some people, some people, their dream is to work from home and never see another human being ever again. But you sound like the opposite where you're like, I wanna be in like a front facing social job.
- [51:35]
Aiden
Yeah, that would be nice. I mean, it's because like recently I, you know, just recently getting out of high school last year, like, I'm just like not as social or just realizing how lonely it actually is when you're not doing stuff with other people. Like, I've been trying to figure out that out for myself too because like out of work I'm doing nothing. I'm like, I go home and I'm kind of, I'm just playing some video games and sometimes I'll maybe hang out with a friend once a week. And so I'm like, I want to go out and meet people, I want to go and do things. But if you're not like above 21 in Vegas, there's not much to do out here that isn't burning hot.
- [52:08]
Lyle
Yeah, well, I, by the way, I actually think being like, oh, I want to be a bartender, like I, I think that choosing your career path based on like what you think will put you in physical proximity to the most amount of other people is. I genuinely do think that is smart. I do think that is smart. I get what your parents say though about, you know, you want to do some shit where there is some form of like upward mobility so that you can, you know.
- [52:41]
Aiden
Yeah.
- [52:41]
Lyle
You know, you don't want to be like stuck making shit money for forever and ever.
- [52:48]
Aiden
Yeah, yeah, it's kind of a fair point.
- [52:51]
Lyle
But, but, but I, it is interesting though because there are. And so what you're. Are you gonna go to college?
- [53:03]
Aiden
I think maybe signing up the community college out here, but not really for the courses. Me just maybe trying to go and meet people. I think that's just an itch I kind of need to scratch to, like. I don't know, man. Maybe it's because, like, it's been a while. Like, I've hung out with people, like new people, because I don't. I. I love my friends. Like, we're all great, but it's just been a while, I guess.
- [53:25]
Lyle
Yeah. I mean, you have. You have reasonable goals, you want to make money and you want to be around other people is what I assume are your goals.
- [53:36]
Aiden
Yeah, it's kind of a goal. But also one thing I struggle to that goal for me personally is just taking that first step for a lot of things because, like, I'm real lazy on taking that first step and just don't end up doing it or just, I don't know, not knowing how to do it because I see people do it so easily and just like, I don't understand, like, maybe there's a lot of more mental struggle I put myself for. Like, I'm thinking, like, oh, what if this does happen? Or what if this happens, you know, and I break it down way too much. Even though it could just be done in a second by the time I already. Wait, you spent it breaking down?
- [54:06]
Lyle
Wait, hold on. What are you spiraling about? Like, when you say you see other people do it easy, what are you talking, what are you talking about?
- [54:13]
Aiden
Like, Tom, people like, like people taking the first time to go do something. So like something they've always wanted to do for a while. I feel like I got some family members that need to say, you know what, just decide and just go do it. They don't overthink about it. They don't really think about it too much. They go ahead and do it. Even the fear of failure, they know that, but they still go ahead and do it.
- [54:32]
Lyle
Wait, give me, give me, give me an example from your life. Like, what do you. What are you scared to go do?
- [54:41]
Aiden
I don't know, man. Maybe it's more scared of making direct change, like trying to think here. I don't like, like you said, all right, socializing thing. I'm afraid to approach people sometimes because I'm not, Obviously I'm not 100, 100 sure what the reaction is going to be. And I don't mind talking like friend wise. I don't mind that. But it's like talking like, don't have to go talk to a girl, for example. Like, I don't know if I'm ready even do that first step. I'm nervous about that man.
- [55:10]
Lyle
Interesting. Well, I feel like the whole. This whole idea of like, yeah, you know, I'm thinking about this because you. The whole idea of like, oh, I'm gonna approach, you know, it's more about you're. You're focusing on like, the stress of like one single interaction where the real sauce is attempting to design your life in such a way that you are naturally in spaces with other people repeatedly, which is how you make friends and meet girls and do all that shit. So. Yeah, and that's easy when you're in high school because that's just naturally done for you. And then when you get older, it gets. It gets harder. But if you're intentional about it, it's. You can do it. Especially because you do you live like in Vegas proper? Are you like a little bit out?
- [56:10]
Aiden
I'm a little bit outwards. Like, not exactly indirect Vegas, but a little bit outwards to the other cities around it.
- [56:15]
Lyle
You got a car?
- [56:17]
Ivan
Yeah, I do.
- [56:18]
Aiden
You've got a new one recently? My old one just died on me. Transmission went to junk.
- [56:23]
Lyle
All right. Okay. All right. So you're clean. I mean, you live in a major city and you have a car and you, what, you're. You just graduated high school, so you're a little. You're a little in between right now.
- [56:38]
Aiden
Yeah. That weird in between, like figuring out your life after high school and also just trying to figure out who you are too, what you want to do. It's that weird in between?
- [56:48]
Ivan
I guess.
- [56:48]
Lyle
Yeah. Well, I mean, there's a lot of. There's a lot of things like, you do, you do. What do you consider. All right, like for the money part. Right, for the money part. What are you thinking about wanting to do? You know, because there's. You could go to fucking trade school. You could. You could join your dad in painting shit, you know?
- [57:17]
Aiden
Yeah. I mean, honestly, money wise, probably joining him would be the better option because it's a little bit of a hard business to get into. And with someone like my dad who's been in for a while, I can get a really good hands on for it. So money wise, it would be great for me, but I don't know if I would really enjoy doing it. But I don't know how much can you really enjoy a job? Because at one point it's going to get repetitive no matter what you do.
- [57:40]
Lyle
Right.
- [57:41]
Aiden
And you're eventually going to get bored of it. Even if it's something you really enjoy, it's going to feel dull. That's what kind of Sucks.
- [57:47]
Lyle
Well, well, I, I actually, your situation specifically, I got a few thoughts on it because you live with your parents right now.
- [57:57]
Aiden
Yeah, I'm with my parents.
- [57:58]
Lyle
See, you gotta see. I, I'm looking at your situation. Right? Okay, so you're not. And you're not planning on. And you can just go right into this, and you don't have to go to college and you don't have to accrue a bunch of debt and all that.
- [58:12]
Aiden
Yeah, no, no, no, because I'm trying not to get into any debt and all that stuff.
- [58:16]
Lyle
So, look, I'm just, If I, I'm gonna lay this out. This is. I feel like I'm talk. I feel like I'm your dad right now. I don't know why, but I do like, I like thinking about this stuff, so. I mean, I'm engaged, I'm interested in your life. I like thinking about these things because. All right. Okay. All right. I actually do feel like I, I'm qualified to, to ponder this with you in some way, shape or form, which is that you actually have a great situation because it, because what a lot of people your age do is they go to college because that's what everyone told them to do, and they spend four years and, you know, they have fun and, you know, maybe party or maybe they don't. Or maybe they, you know, it's not that linear of a thing, but you go to college and then you graduate and. Oh, no, you picked a stupid. You graduated in like you got an English degree or something or even a degree in like something that are like a marketing degree or something, and you graduate and now you. And now you're 22 years old and you're in a mountain of debt and you're going into a, A job market that is like so deeply stacked against you and is hard. Right? But you, yeah, you have an interest, you have a new other. You have a different option that you could do, which I think is an. It's interesting to explore. Now look, if you told me, if you were like, I really want to become a doctor. I really want to become a lawyer. I really want to. I don't know, I'm trying to think of other biologists. I really wanted to get into science. If you're telling me, though, if you're telling me those things, then, then, yeah, it's worth it to go to college and get it, rack up debt and do whatever the fuck you're gonna do. But if you're sitting here like, I thought I got no fucking idea. I just Want to be around people and exist. Right. You're in a cool position because you could go work with your dad for four years and live in your parents house and, and save and, and every penny that you make from your dad. You can save for four years, right? For four years you can work with your dad and maybe whatever, whatever. Whether or not you like the job. Okay, what is it? How long would this job be? This is like a 9 to 5. What kind of job? What are the hours on this?
- [60:48]
Aiden
Kind of like a 9 to 5. I work from like well like 5am to like 5pm like 5am like Monday through Friday. Yeah.
- [60:56]
Lyle
So 1212 hours Monday through Friday.
- [61:00]
Aiden
Yeah.
- [61:01]
Lyle
So here's what you could. And because you're 18, you can physically do this if this is what you want to do. You could spend the next. Listen, you could spend the next four years, you work Monday through Friday with your dad. You grind it out. Okay. And you save all working like what, how many hours a week is that? 12 times 5. What is 12 times 60?
- [61:26]
Aiden
Yeah, I think that's 60.
- [61:28]
Lyle
That's 60. Okay. And then. Oh, you could, dude, you can save up. Spent four years living your parents house. You save all that money, right? You save all that money and that's what, what's four year. I don't know. What do you, what is, what do you. Can I ask. You don't have to sit share if you don't want to, but what do you make with this job?
- [61:49]
Aiden
I make. Well, it's not really per hour things. It's kind of more of a family situation since it's your business. Okay, I make like a hundred a day.
- [61:57]
Lyle
Okay, 100 a day. Working six working 12. 100 a day. Working 12 hours.
- [62:04]
Aiden
Yeah.
- [62:05]
Lyle
What does that come out to? Hold on.
- [62:07]
Aiden
It's like final. It's 500 a week.
- [62:10]
Lyle
500. What is. That's a hundred divided by 12. That's $8. You gotta, you gotta negotiate. You gotta negotiate that with your dad, my friend.
- [62:24]
Aiden
Mm.
- [62:24]
Lyle
Because that's was what. What is, what's Nevada minimum wage? Let me google this.
- [62:32]
Aiden
Honestly, I think it's pretty low.
- [62:34]
Lyle
Nevada minimum wage. It's $12. Okay. Your dad's paying you. Alright, If I were all right, if I were you, I would do a couple things. First is you got to negotiate with your dad to pay you at minimum. Nevada minimum wage. Yeah, your dad's got to get. You got. Your dad's got to get you Nevada minimum wage. Is this your, is your dad's business, right?
- [62:58]
Aiden
Yes, his business.
- [62:59]
Lyle
All Right. Tell your dad, tell your dad he's got to pay you Nevada minimum wage, which is at least $12. And it was the federal minimum wage. Fifth. Is it 15 now?
- [63:11]
Aiden
I think it's for some states. I think it's like, oh, okay, the.
- [63:13]
Lyle
Goddamn, the federal minimum wage is still 725. All right, but Nevada minimum wage, $12 an hour. So get your dad to give you at least $12 an hour. Okay. All right, so if that gives you $12 an hour and you're working 10 hours a week, that's what. No, not 10 hours a week. I'm an idiot. 60 hours a week. 60 times 12. All right, so you're making like. All right, so if your dad can give you like $720 a week, right? If you can negotiate that with your dad, that's, that's Nevada minimum wage. All right, what is that times 52? All right, it's $37,000 a year. About before taxes. I have no idea what the taxes are on that, but whatever.
- [63:54]
Aiden
Yeah, all right, all right.
- [63:55]
Lyle
So if you do that for, for four years, okay, what's that times four? Okay, now you have, okay, 149. Okay, that's $149,000. Most 18 year olds over the course of four years go up. I don't know what the exact numbers are. I might be exaggerating, but a lot of 18 year olds spend four years going $149,000 into debt and you could live it. You could spend the next four years saving up $149,000. I don't know what you have to pay taxes on that. And you probably are going to want to, you know, pay for gas and whatever you're going to. You'll have expenses. It's not going to be $149,000 exactly. But you might. But dude, bro, you could save up like I'm throwing, I'm pulling numbers out of thin air. But you could be, you could graduate, you could graduate. You could be 22 years old and you could have $70,000 saved up. Most people that age are like $70,000 in debt, you know, and, and get this, and get this, and get this. What's your name again? Aiden. Yeah, and get this. Aiden is, is, is during that whole time. Okay, you wake up 5am and then you work until 5pm you have a car, right? You could. What do you like to do, Aiden?
- [65:22]
Aiden
Well, like my free time.
- [65:23]
Lyle
Yeah, just in general, what do you like to do?
- [65:28]
Aiden
I like to play. I play guitar. Like hang out with friends, play video games. Yeah, I used to play a lot, but not much.
- [65:38]
Lyle
You could see you, what you could do, you could. And okay, 5pm Right? For the next four years you get off at 5pm and you just start going to local like not big concerts that cost a bunch of money, but you could just, you could dive into the local Nevada. What kind of music you like?
- [65:59]
Aiden
I'm a big fan of indie music.
- [66:01]
Lyle
You like indie music? You. I guarantee fucking to you that all around, not Nevada, all around Vegas in the suburbs or whatever. I guarantee you all around Vegas there are plenty of indie local music shows going around at shit ass dive bars that are like $15 admission, okay, you could spend, you could spend every night of, of your, you spent every day of your life for the next four years. You go into work, okay? And then you get off at 5pm and then you drive to a local indie concert and you pay 15 bucks, okay? Or you, whatever gas costs is pretty low expenses. And then you get involved in the local indie music scene. And then all of a sudden after like one year you start, you show up at these concerts and then you have now and you're like, oh, hey, what's up man? I've seen you before. Oh, hey, oh maybe, maybe there's some girl and it's like, oh, hey, I've seen you before. You know, and then all of a sudden you have all of a sudden, all of a sudden because you keep showing up, you starts, you see the same people around, the same concerts, okay? And then, and then now you have a little community, okay? And so you fucking and you're on the whole time. You're living in your parents basement, you're not paying for rent, you're not paying for water, you're not paying for any of this fucking shit, okay? And you're saving up all the money. You're spending money on like food and going to these indie shows. And you know, you take a girl out to Chipotle every now and then, okay, and then, and now you've spent now four years and now you graduate, okay? Now, now you're 22. And picture this, you have, okay, you made $149,000 from your dad over the course of four years. Again, most people are spending that going into debt, okay, you have a hundred. Now you have 70 grand, let's say. I don't know, I'm just gonna say that because you saved it, because you saved up. And you know, you don't have a degree, but you have a lot of work experience. You've met a lot of people from the indie music scene. You have no idea what kind of career opportunities could come from that. Someone could be like, oh, hey, I need an audio engineer to fucking do this whatever fucking thing. Or, hey, my band is going on tour and we need a roadie to go. You know, it's tons of opportunities. Yeah, you're going to be meeting people I'm sure, through working for your dad. Okay. Opportunities could come through that. And you have $70,000 of a safety net in case if you want to go start your own business or if you do decide you want to go to a trade school or whatever. And the whole. And you didn't have to just spend the whole four years doing nothing with your life. You know, you have, you, you. You'll have a. You'll have a beautiful Wednesday where you, you. You're working all day, and then at night you go out to this local indie concert, whatever. Maybe you meet some people. Maybe you guys go out for. You still. You're still living your life the whole, the whole time. You're still living cool young guy life. It's. This is. This. That's. Yeah, this is me just getting excited about. That's what. That's. That's how I view your situation is your. This is perfect because you get to save money and you still get to live cool young guy life, you know, because you. Because you're lucky enough that you know.
- [69:28]
Aiden
A great way to looking at it.
- [69:30]
Lyle
Yeah, you're lucky enough that you had. Not everyone has. You know, I was lucky too. I'm lucky. I have parents that let me fucking live in their. In their house after college. If you're like. If you're lucky enough to have that, you goddamn take advantage of it. You know, you're lucky enough to have a dad who's willing to, you know, set you up in a thing. And the parents, they'll let you hang out in their house. You know, you take advantage of that, you can live a cool life over the next four years, save a bunch of money and make a bunch of friends and. Yeah, I've been going on a rant, but that's. That's what I would do.
- [70:06]
Aiden
No, you're all good.
- [70:07]
Lyle
That's my advice.
- [70:10]
Aiden
Yeah, I honestly, I almost take your advice and the whole tire. That's always both my issues. I guess it was meeting people and trying to figure out what to do long term, right?
- [70:19]
Lyle
Because. Well, it's because you can have both because you go work for your dad and then, you know, you're 19 years old you can work for 12 hours a day and then go out and party afterwards because you bought your body can take it. So, so you so that you have your job for 12 hours a day that solves your money issues and then you have some for then and then on top of that you find some form of community in the major city that you live in and you just keep showing up to that and then that fills up both of your your things. And then, and then some people might be like, well if he doesn't get a degree then how is he gonna well, long term you're 20. If again, if you have having I genuinely think, I genuinely believe having no debt and a shit ton of money saved up and no degree is so much better than graduating from college with a bunch of debt and like a shit marketing degree. And that's just, that's just what I believe. It would be different if you were like again, it'd be different if you were like a lawyer or a doctor or some shit and you needed to do it. But anyway, yeah, that's what I think about your life. Thanks for letting me I'm on I'm, I'm, I, I'm, I'm on a lot of I upped my Vyvanse dosage a little bit so you called. Perfect time to rant about things.
- [72:01]
Aiden
I enjoyed it, man. That was a good, that's honestly great advice. Best advice I've had I've had in a while around the situation. I think I might really need to start doing that.
- [72:09]
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like General Mills cereal, Chobani Greek yogurt, Pillsbury Crescent rolls, cinnamon rolls and biscuits, Haagen Dazs I Lindor chocolate truffles, Tillamook ice cream and Cove Probiotic sodas. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings, shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
- [72:39]
Jemma Spaeg
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- [73:51]
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- [75:46]
Lyle
Cool. Yeah, no, let me know if. Yeah, you got, you got to play hardball with your daddy, though. You got it. You got to, you got to tell. Here's what you should use, what you can do. You can actually work for him for like a little bit and then tell him that you'll report him to the labor board. No, don't report your dad. Don't report, don't, don't report your dad to the labor board. Don't report your dad to the labor board. But yeah, just ask him if he can pay you minimum wage.
- [76:13]
Aiden
Oh, yeah, well, yeah, I guess I should have like talk with him though, about figuring out the payment thing.
- [76:19]
Ivan
I guess.
- [76:19]
Aiden
I mean, maybe it's just more of just like I need to figure out because I know there's another thing he wants to try to teach me, which is what exactly he does. What I'm doing right now is a little bit different. I'm just more of just helping him. But he wants to teach him what he's actually doing, which would make me a lot more money in the future. That would take me like a year or two actually practicing getting it.
- [76:39]
Lyle
That's great. See, yeah, I understand the thing of, like, I want to do a job that I like doing, but. And you, and you, that could absolutely be in your future. But, but again, but Right, but for right now, because you just graduated fucking high school. It's like you can get your money up and get your community up. You have a perfect opportunity for that shit. And if your dad's teaching you how to do shit in the future, you know, you're still, what am I about to say? You're still doing something that's like, could compound over long term.
- [77:21]
Aiden
Yeah. Planning for the future, I guess. Making long term money.
- [77:25]
Lyle
Yeah. And then again, the stuff that you end up, whatever it is that you decide you want to end up doing at night, I don't know if it is the local concert thing, but I don't know if you want to. You know, I mean, I, when I was 18, I was going to like Super Smash Brothers tournaments at night, you know, that compounds to do a community. You end up, you meet people. Yeah, you meet people. Then that leads you to opportunities you wouldn't have known about before. So again, yeah, you, I, I, I'm, I'm Excited for you. You could have a next. You could have a cool next four years.
- [77:55]
Aiden
Yeah, that's a great idea. That's. That does sound a lot of like, get perspective level. What I should do a bit more of my decision making. So I guess I probably should have fallen working with my dad a bit, letting him teach me a lot more things.
- [78:09]
Lyle
Mm. Aiden. Oh, God. Aiden. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm. I'm. I'm doing excellent. I'm doing excellent. You know how. You know who Gary Vee is?
- [78:30]
Aiden
Yeah, I think so.
- [78:31]
Lyle
He's definitely on. He's. He's probably on. So I don't. Do you think he's on Adderall? He's got to be. Honestly, maybe he's gotta be. I don't know about cocaine. People say he's on cocaine, but he's got to be on a lot of stimulants.
- [78:52]
Aiden
Probably. I think Adderall might be one of them.
- [79:00]
Lyle
Aiden, is there anything else you want to say to the people, the computer before we go?
- [79:06]
Aiden
Am I able to say a few random words of wisdom?
- [79:08]
Lyle
Yeah, you can say whatever you want.
- [79:13]
Aiden
Honestly. Make sure to love yourself before you love another. So that's what I gotta say.
- [79:18]
Lyle
Beautiful. Bye, Aiden.
- [79:20]
Aiden
Of course. Have a great day. Gag. Thanks for the advice.
- [79:26]
Lyle
I. I liked. I liked that guy. I liked Aiden. Yeah, I don't know. I'm very. Folks who listen to this podcast have heard me talk about like film school and shit before. I don't know if you're. Yeah. If you're in a position like that where. Yeah. Like you're like, if you, if you're lucky enough that you have like a. Some kind of stable home situation where you can live at home and like, you know, people aren't fucking like screaming at each other all the time or anything like that. Oh my God. Take advantage of that shit. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of. Of Therapy gecko over at therapygecko.supercast.com Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show. They get recordings from my live shows members only streams and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode. What is. Are you. Are you running right now?
- [80:52]
Ivan
No, no, I. I was hitting some curls.
- [80:56]
Lyle
All right. All right.
- [80:58]
Ivan
Yeah.
- [81:01]
Lyle
What?
- [81:01]
Aiden
I didn't think you'd call.
- [81:02]
Ivan
What's up, bro?
- [81:03]
Lyle
No, that's all right. That's all right. Are you. I don't know if I can talk to you if you're gonna breathe into the, into the microphone the whole time.
- [81:14]
Ivan
Well, like literally, I'm working out with my buddies. I was like doing some heavy curls and I was talking to him and then you called.
- [81:21]
Aiden
I was like, oh shoot, guys, the geck's gone. I gotta go.
- [81:24]
Lyle
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member@therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description. That's therapygecko.supercast.com Alright, I have nothing else to say.
- [82:00]
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Starbucks ground coffee, Red Bull drinks, Spam, Classic Planet oat milk, Charmin bath tissue, Totino's pizza rolls and Frito Lay chips. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go. Pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
- [82:31]
Lyle
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- [83:01]
Ryan Seacrest
Are you still quoting 30 year old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn more@discover.com credit card based on the February 2024 Nielsen report, Spring is here.
- [83:31]
Ivan
And you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost?
- [83:37]
Lyle
Well, you can't get a well groomed.
- [83:38]
Ivan
Lawn, but you can get a chicken Parmesan delivered. A cabana that's a no, but a.
- [83:42]
Lyle
Banana that's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope.
- [83:45]
Ivan
But a box fan?
- [83:46]
Lyle
Happily, yes.
- [83:47]
Ivan
A day of sunshine?
- [83:48]
Lyle
No.
- [83:49]
Ivan
A box of fine wines?
- [83:50]
Lyle
Yes.
- [83:51]
Ivan
Uber Eats can definitely get you that.
- [83:52]
Lyle
Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats.
- [83:55]
Ivan
Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app.
- [83:59]
Lyle
For details, this is an iHeart podcast.