“THE MEN IN OHIO DISTURB ME”

Summary

Therapy Gecko – "THE MEN IN OHIO DISTURB ME"

Podcast: Therapy Gecko
Host: Lyle (aka the Therapy Gecko)
Date: March 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Therapy Gecko (Lyle) continues his cosmic mission of connecting with strangers and dissecting the beautiful absurdities of human life. The main theme is relationships and self-discovery, as Lyle takes calls from listeners navigating the dating world, personal loss, and quests for meaning. The headline call comes from Alicia, who offers a humorous yet sincere exploration of dating in Ohio, the peculiarities of Midwestern male affection, and her past relationships. The second call features Reese, a 21-year-old struggling with purpose and loss after moving to Seattle. Lyle listens, commiserates, and shares gentle, funny wisdom about slow-burn attraction, life meaning, and community. The episode closes with "Geck Mail" and Lyle's classic, meandering monologue.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Alicia’s Ohio Dating Dilemmas

Timestamps: 01:46 – 58:53

A. The "Disturbance" of Ohio Men’s Speech

• Alicia describes how Midwestern men her age, particularly in Ohio, use terms of endearment like “hun,” “sweetie,” and improbably during sex, “oh, mama.”

  • “I had the most disturbing thing happen…he said, oh, mama. Like, okay?!” (Alicia, 04:04)
  • Lyle reacts with bewilderment and empathy, noting, “I agree with you that ‘hun’ and ‘sweetie’ are a little much. I wouldn’t call a woman that I just met ‘hun’ or ‘sweetie’…a one-night stand? I don’t know if we’re throwing out the hun, the sweetie, the mama.” (06:26)

• Alicia connects this to Midwest “niceness,” suggesting the terms feel both inauthentic and off-putting, especially when there’s little rapport.

  • “There’s not like any sort of level of endearment.” (05:30)

B. Relationship Culture by Age & Region

• Alicia is 39 and faces a demographic split: Tinder in her age group is “doctors who travel everywhere—something’s wrong, or it’s fake—or just gross people working at gas stations.”

  • “I’m too good for most of the people—and not good enough for the other portion.” (08:50)

• She expresses suspicion about older “catch” profiles:

  • “If someone is truly a doctor and…attractive…has pictures in Greece and Italy and at the aquarium…What’s wrong with you?” (09:01)

  • Lyle gently challenges her, probing whether this suspicion has roots in self-protection or past experiences. Alicia shares that past regulars in the service industry taught her that high-achievers sometimes seek constant novelty rather than commitment.

C. What Alicia Really Wants

• Alicia desires a genuinely cozy relationship:
  • “I don’t think it’s boring…I think it’s cozy. A life where we have our own things…but not huge thrill seekers.” (13:26)
  • She wants “someone to adore me, be obsessed with me, have fun together,” but laments:
    • “No one has the capacity to admire anyone anymore. Everyone is just, like, dead inside.” (19:15)
  • Lyle reassures her this is normal and desirable:
    • “That doesn’t sound at all crazy…I think a lot of people want that.” (18:47)

D. Sexual Dynamics and Typecasting

• Alicia reflects on a pattern of attracting men with the same kink (pegging)—noting she enjoys it, but not all the time. She sometimes feels “typecast”:
  • “I found myself in these situations where people will just pigeonhole me into, like, oh, you’re the chick that’s gonna peg me.” (15:16)
  • She muses about whether her reserved personality, looks, or listener energy signal “quiet girls are freaky.” (17:24)

E. Past Relationship Autopsy

• Alicia details a ten-year saga with an “avoidant,” “egotistical” ex-boyfriend, Pete, who provided distraction but not emotional engagement.
  • “He would just let me rot, you know…and that, we’d known each other for eight years at that point.” (27:52)
  • “I think being a good boyfriend is so straightforward…if you really like someone, you’re compelled to do for them.” (34:38)
• Pete also struggled with “mother issues,” being “almost like he is parenting his mother…we are a triad.” (37:36)
• Alicia finally broke the cycle, realizing she needed to respect her own self-worth.

F. Attempts at New Connections & “Love Bombing”

• A recent date from Tinder “love-bombed” Alicia:
  • “He was, like, tracing shapes on my back very gently…‘I think every crevice of your body should be worshipped.’” (44:46)
  • Lyle explores the idea of “slow burners” versus limerence (“immediate obsession”). For Alicia, limerence exists only privately:
    • “I start fantasizing about, like, oh my god…I can see us married…but I don’t show it.” (47:49)
  • The date’s red flags included his unfixed, aggressive dog, “fanciness” mismatching crass stories, and drinking (51:24).
  • Lyle summarizes:
    • “I feel bad for the slow burners because…it’s never an easy world for a slow burner…if you’re a slow burner, all of those things are going to be reasons to back out.” (53:23)

G. The Grind of Modern Dating

• Alicia shares humorous and awkward stories, e.g. a guy eating hot dogs on two out of three dates, and the unromantic “push the glasses up” gesture.
  • “He ate hot dogs two out of those three times. Dude, this is crazy. I can’t with this.” (57:44)
  • She observes trying to force herself to find chemistry almost never works—it’s “just not worth it.” (57:36)
• Lyle offers comfort about the challenge, closing the segment by wishing Alicia finds a “cutie, a lover boy, a smart boy.” (58:30)
  • Alicia signs off cheekily: “Oh, mama.” (58:46)

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2. Reese: The Quest for Meaning After Loss

Timestamps: 62:01 – 81:46

A. Losing Wonder, Finding Purpose

• Reese, 21, describes a life that has lost its “wonder,” feeling stuck in a routine after leaving the adventure of volunteering around the US. (64:04)
  • “Life just kind of feels mundane and, like, every day is the exact same.” (64:55)
• He now works 64 hours a week in private security (“holding doors for rich people”), making good money but feeling it lacks meaning. (65:41, 67:11)
• Attempts to break into the nonprofit or public service world hit a wall over lack of degree/experience—“it’s all about money.” (66:28)

B. Recent Personal Losses

• Within two months, Reese lost his grandma, his childhood dog, and his girlfriend broke up with him.
  • “Dead grandma, dead childhood dog and girlfriend dumped me...month and a half.” (70:11)
  • His grandma, a lifelong foster parent, inspired his public service impulse, making the loss sting especially:
    • “She…was a foster parent for about 55 years…seeing how she cared for people…really affected me.” (72:41)

C. Making a Difference – How Much is Enough?

• Volunteers at a food bank but feels it's not enough; wrestles with how to have bigger impact.
  • “Four hours a week of community service just isn't much, you know?” (75:28)
• Lyle encourages direct, in-person networking rather than just sending online applications, drawing a parallel to dating:
  • “Getting a job is like dating…if you just go online, you get filtered by the algorithm. You have to go meet people in real life.” (77:27)

D. Support and Hope

• Reese credits Lyle and the Therapy Gecko community as positive influences:
  • “Big fan of your work, dude…I think you’ve done a very good job.” (80:27)
• Lyle offers encouragement:
  • “I think you got a good heart…I hope you find a place where your Reesehood can be properly applied.” (81:06)
• Reese signs off with: “Don’t let your dreams be dreams.” (81:31)

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3. Geck Mail & Closing Thoughts

Timestamps: 84:14 – END

• Lyle reads a “geck mail” with a sweets recipe and jokes about his flirtation with keto and sweets fasts. (84:14)
• He also reads a short listener anecdote about facing anxiety by returning a neighbor’s towel; the result—new friendship—proves many fears are unfounded. The lesson: “Just do it. It makes your life a bit easier.” (90:38)
• Lyle closes with gratitude for listeners, hyping his tour, and gently musing about the ongoing odyssey that is Therapy Gecko.

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Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• Alicia on Ohio Men:
  • “When we're actually doing it, they say ‘sweetie’ and ‘hun’ like they're old men…The most disturbing thing…he said, ‘oh, mama.’” (03:54)
• Lyle on Terms of Endearment:
  • “I wouldn’t call a woman that I just met ‘hun’ or ‘sweetie’.…a one night stand, I don’t know if we’re throwing out the hun, the sweetie, the mama.” (06:26)
• Alicia on Dating Prospects:
  • “I’m too good for most of the people and, like, not good enough for the other portion…” (08:55)
• Alicia on Her Needs:
  • “I just really kind of want someone to, like, adore me and just, like, be obsessed with me…” (18:09)
• Alicia on Modern Ennui:
  • “No one has the capacity to, like, admire anyone or anything anymore. Everyone is just, like, dead inside.” (19:15)
• Lyle on Relationship Effort:
  • “A relationship should kind of be a job in a way…it’s like a plant you have to be constantly watering, constantly making sure that…you’re serving this person.” (28:31)
• Alicia on Quitting Her Ex:
  • “I finally learned the lesson. I was like, okay, the lesson is for me to know my self-worth…” (26:17)
• Lyle on Slow Burners:
  • “Being a slow burner is tough…you’re always in situations where you’re like, I could try to like this person, but does that ever work?” (53:23)
• Reese on Lost Wonder:
  • “The world has kind of lost its wonder for me, and like, I’ve just been trying to figure out a way to get it back.” (64:04)
• Reese on Loss:
  • “Dead grandma, dead childhood dog and girlfriend dumped me…month and a half.” (70:11)
• Lyle on Finding Work:
  • “You always, always have to know somebody…getting a job is like dating…you gotta like go after what you want in real life…” (77:27)
• Reese’s Final Words:
  • “Don’t let your dreams be dreams.” (81:31)
• Alicia’s Exit:
  • “I do have one thing to say, and that is, ‘oh, mama.’” (58:42)

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The Therapy Gecko’s Tone & Style

• Intimate, meandering, non-judgmental conversation
• Balances humor, sympathy, and absurdity with practical wisdom
• Willingness to dwell in both the melancholy and the ridiculous

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For Listeners

This episode is a trove of candid reflections on dating, desire, self-worth, and the endless search for connection and purpose. It’s an emblematic Therapy Gecko experience: goofy, deeply honest, touching, and tinged with the strangeness of being alive in a world where people still call you “hun” and “sweetie”—sometimes in the strangest moments.

If you’ve ever felt “disturbed” by the dating pool, longed for something real, or questioned your ability to make a difference, this is required listening.

Transcript

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Reese]

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[Alicia]

Hello?

[Bowen Yang]

Hello. What's going on?

[Alicia]

Hi. Yeah, I was just getting ready for bed. Actually. I didn't know if I'd hear back from you.

[Bowen Yang]

What's your name, sailor?

[Alicia]

Alicia.

[Bowen Yang]

Alicia. Alicia. You texted me, and you said I wanted to talk about my dating life. And then you said two things. You said I attract men with the same kink over and over again by coincidence. And I also hate how men talk in Ohio. It's disturbing.

[Alicia]

Yeah. Yeah, this is true.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, let's talk about that first. What? What is it about the way that men talk in Ohio that is disturbing you?

[Alicia]

It. It's. It's very weird. So I've hooked up with A couple of guys since I've moved here, And I want to say, like, I think probably four out of the five, they're. They're my age, so, yeah, I'm in my late 30s, but so they're mid. Mid 30s to 40. And they just. When we're actually doing it, they. They say like, sweetie and. And hun, like, they're old men.

[Bowen Yang]

Huh.

[Alicia]

I had. The most disturbing thing that happened to me was I was doing it with this one guy, and I don't want to get graphic, but we were in a certain position where he had some leverage. Okay, okay, wait, hold on, hold on.

[Bowen Yang]

First of all, I just. Listen, you can. You can. Whatever you're comfortable talking about is. Is up to you, but you can say whatever you want. I don't care.

[Alicia]

Okay, well, we were doing it, and he was behind me and he was, like, thrust in, and I. He said, like. I don't even know how to say. He said, oh, mama. Like, okay,

[Bowen Yang]

you know, like, you weren't a fan of that? You weren't a fan of that?

[Alicia]

Oh, my God, no. Like, who would be? I. I was cringing, like, I. God, I just kind of was like, had my face in my hand, like, oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, so. So multiple. Go ahead, go ahead.

[Alicia]

So it's like these guys, which I never encountered living in Maine, just like saying hun in sweetie and then also apparently, oh, mama. Like, I don't know if it's a Midwest, like, nice thing, but it's disgusting.

[Bowen Yang]

Why do you. Why do you not like hun and sweetie?

[Alicia]

Because it's not like they're really, like, nice guys. It's not like we have any sort of level of endearment.

[Bowen Yang]

Sure.

[Alicia]

And it's like, what are you doing? They also. They also like to. When they leave. This has also happened multiple times. They tell me, I'll text you when I get home. Normally the guy would tell the girl, text me when you get home. And it's not like they. They want to continue, like, a conversation. They will just literally go home and say, I made it home. I'm home. Like, they're letting me know they made it home.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. All right. And this is when guys are leaving your apartment.

[Alicia]

Yeah, yeah. After we hook up.

[Bowen Yang]

Now, I'll say this. I think, Hunt, I agree with you that hun and sweetie are. They're a little. They're a little much. I wouldn't call a woman that I just met hun or sweetie. If you have a rapport with A lady and you feel like. I feel like hun and sweet is something you build up to, but sure. A one night stand. I don't know if we're throwing out the hun, the sweetie, the mama now.

[Alicia]

We are.

[Bowen Yang]

And do you, do you are these guys that you're seeing recurringly or guys that you're just like hooking up with kind of on a one off?

[Alicia]

Yeah, I did see the one guy more than once. He was a sweetie guy because he just like did some other things that intrigued me, but it was not worth it to see him again. And. But yeah, these are just people that I'm like meeting on Tinder and chatting with a little bit. There's, there's, there's really no rapport.

[Bowen Yang]

It's so interesting that there's guys in their 40s on Tinder because I just so heavily associate Tinder with like my, my late teens and early twenties.

[Alicia]

Oh my God. No, it's really sad. Like, I'm 39 and I have an associate's degree in an allied health profession. I didn't like it, so I went back to waitressing and bartending. And I am in this weird category of people where it's like the people on Tinder are either like, really up, like doctors or like men who travel all over the world. And like, obviously there's something wrong with you or it's a fake profile or it's like just a gross person working at like a gas station. And it's like, I'm not, I'm too good for most of the people and like not good enough for the other portion of people that are on Tinder. In my age group, it's, it's, it's wild out there.

[Bowen Yang]

What is going on? You said. I'm sorry, you said a up doctor.

[Alicia]

What does that mean, a up doctor? Like, I don't know. You just get, I feel like I have a good sense of, I can look at people profiles and just be like, oh, there's something wrong with you. I mean, clearly by the people I'm hanging out with, like, maybe not. I'm, maybe I missed the mark sometimes. But I just think if someone is truly a doctor and they're like 40 and attractive and have pictures in like Greece and Italy and I go to aquariums. Like, what's wrong with you? You know?

[Bowen Yang]

Wait, wait, wait. If a guy is 40, attractive and a doctor and has photos of themselves at the aquarium, that raises a lot of red flags to you.

[Alicia]

Yes, it does.

[Bowen Yang]

Can you genuine. I genuinely want to hear and Maybe this is just a gut feeling that's beyond words for you, but if it's not, I would love to hear a further explanation as to why. And I kind of. I'm. I'm trying to meet you where you're at. I kind of think I understand what you're getting at here, but, like, what do you. How. How. How do you mean?

[Alicia]

It's hard to explain. It's just, like, I've been. I worked service industry jobs for a long time, serving and bartending, which has really helped me, like, clock people most of the time. And you just, like. There's only so many different types of people in the world, I feel like. And you just keep meeting the same people over and over again. And I've. I've had regulars that were, like, doctors, specialist doctors, urologists, cardiologists that did all this. Cool. But, like, they're single because they, like, are horrible to women and, you know, just, like, sit at bars drinking all night. But if you're. If you're traveling and there's pictures of you, like, at the aquarium, and it's just, like, nothing's ever going to be enough for you. That's what that says to me. Like, you're just always going to want something more interesting. Yeah. If someone is, like, doing too much, it's a really. Like. It's intimidating.

[Bowen Yang]

Interesting. Okay. So when you see a guy who is, like, traveling and doing a bunch of stuff, you think, okay, this person's not going to be happy with the kind of domestic life that I want to have.

[Alicia]

Yeah, you're not gonna. You're not looking to, like, foster a relationship and, like, make me coffee in the morning and talk about what we're gonna do. Like, you're not. You're not gonna want to just, like, read books together and have our feet touch. You're gonna want to, like, go out there and, like, jump out of planes or. I don't know what they do. Go rock climbing? God,

[Reese]

no.

[Bowen Yang]

All right, so you, you know, so you. Do you like doing.

[Alicia]

I do. I like to do. I like to do things that are a little bit more passive. I like to go look at, like, a. A market. I like to just go somewhere and, like, get a coffee and, like, be outside and people watch or go to an antique mall. I don't like to go look at animals. Like, I don't want to go to a zoo. I don't want to go to an aquarium and, like, look at things. But out in the. In the world, I like to go look. I Like, to go to concerts, like, little day trip in the car somewhere. Just not a big, like, thrill seeker, doer of strenuous activity.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. Okay. So you're looking for a kind of a boring guy that you can live a kind of relatively boringer life with.

[Alicia]

I don't. I don't. I don't think it's boring. I think it's cozy. Like a life where we have our own things that we like to do, but we're not like huge thrill seekers. Like, that's. That's of no interest to me, which. It's. Okay. So the other part of what I was saying, attracting dudes that have the same kink kind of ties into this because I am not like a doer. You know, I don't like a lot of strenuous activity, but I did have a long term relationship like five years ago where we got into pegging. And after that at, like, almost, I would just match with people on Bumble. Or you, like, meet a guy at a bar and they. They would want me to peg them. It's like, I just keep finding these guys that want to be pegged, and it doesn't happen to anyone else that I know. So I'm like, what. What's going on? What does that say about me? Like, do you.

[Bowen Yang]

Is pegging a thing that you like to do to people?

[Alicia]

I. I like it, yeah. It's fun. But I also don't want that. I don't want it all the time.

[Reese]

Okay.

[Alicia]

And that's the problem is I found myself in these situations where people will just pigeonhole me into, like, oh, you're the. You're the chick that's gonna peg me. And then.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, you feel like you're getting typecast as, like, I know this is the kind of lady that will peg me.

[Alicia]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

What do you give me beyond be honest with you? What's your name again?

[Alicia]

Elysia.

[Bowen Yang]

Elysia. Now be honest with me, Alicia, because, you know, I don't know you. You know, yourself. What. What is it about you that you think is emitting these vibes that you might. That. What. What do you think it is about, like, the way you present to the universe that is causing you to be typecasted this way?

[Alicia]

I don't know. I'm. I am quiet and reserved and, like, I have a dry sense of humor, but it kind of like a dark sense of humor, but I have dark hair at pale skin. I don't know, maybe if. If people see me and they're just like, oh, she looks like a Like a. What's her face? The chick that dated Marilyn Manson. You know, the burlesque lady. Okay. I'm definitely. She's beautiful. I'm not. I'm not, like, saying I'm a mini her, but similar features, like Marilyn Manson. She's like a. Her name starts with a date.

[Bowen Yang]

D. Oh, Deon. Okay. You look like D. Von Te.

[Reese]

Not.

[Alicia]

I mean, I have dark hair, pale skin. I always have on, like, a dark red lipstick. I'm like. Is that it? Is. Is that, like, an association people are making?

[Bowen Yang]

I.

[Alicia]

Is. Is it because they know that, like, the quiet girls are freaky? I don't know. So I all. I also, like, am a good listener, so I also have guys just, like, kind of open up to me a lot. So I don't know if I create. You know, it could be a lot of stuff.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, you're creating a lot of space for people to feel comfortable around you, which does translate to them feeling more comfortable being like, hey, would you want to fuck my ass?

[Alicia]

Mm.

[Bowen Yang]

What is it that you are looking for?

[Alicia]

I. I would love a sweet guy who's freaky and is just kind of like. Just. This sounds bad. I just really kind of want someone to, like, adore me and just, like, be obsessed with me and. Just be happy, like, to have a. A fun time together.

[Bowen Yang]

Like, that doesn't sound at all. Why. Why do you think? Wallet. Why do you think that that sounds crazy. That sounds. I think a lot of people want that. I don't know why. I think most people probably want some version of that. What. What is it about that that you think sounds crazy?

[Alicia]

It's crazy because no one has the capacity to, like, admire anyone or anything anymore.

[Bowen Yang]

That's not true.

[Alicia]

No, I. I feel like the temperature. I feel like the temperature. Everyone is just, like, dead inside. I. I don't know. Maybe it's Ohio. Maybe. Maybe it's something just. Just luck. But I just feel like people. There's no yearning. There's no, like, appreciation. Feel like there's no Shalon. It's all very nonchalant.

[Bowen Yang]

I feel. I'm just curious about this because I feel like. Have. You're telling me you haven't been able to find a guy that you feel like is obsessed with you? You at least haven't been able to find a guy that you feel like is obsessed with you, that you find yourself attracted to? Yeah, it's easy to find a guy who's obsessed with you, but it's hard to find a guy who's obsessed with you that you like.

[Alicia]

Yeah. And if a guy is obsessed with me, like, I did have one guy that was obsessed with me, but again, it was, it was just sexual. It was just all about pegging. It was just like him dirty texting me all the time, like, wanting me to stick dildos in his mouth, wanting me to like, play with his ass. Just, he'd want me to like, tell him what to do while he was at work and he'd like, go home on his lunch break and take pictures of like, him putting in butt plugs. And it was taking up so much of my time. I'm like, I can't do this anymore, dude. Like, it's not fun. It's not fun for me. I, I'm more than just like, the things that I do to you. But no, you know,

[Bowen Yang]

did you bring this up to him? Were you like, hey, listen, are you interested in anything more than just a sexual relationship?

[Alicia]

Yeah, I was like, you know, I'm also looking for people to go and do things with and like, hang out and watch something and, and laugh about it. If you want to like, watch a movie sometime or like, you have to go to Target and you want to make it fun, like, I'll come with you. And he was just not interested in that. So I'm like, okay, I will contact you again when I feel like enough time has passed. And I'm like, okay, yeah, I feel like I could have fun pegging again. I'll. I'll, I'll call you. And. And that's where that is.

[Bowen Yang]

So what was your last boyfriend like?

[Alicia]

My last boyfriend, we dated off and on for like five years. Well, no. Oh my God. We had a ten year saga. We actually only spent like four years out of those ten dating, I think. Yeah, we just broke up. It's like the end of last February, so about a year ago for good. And he was very egotistical, like, very ego driven. He wanted approval from everyone, especially like, acquaintances and like anyone he, he knew, pleasing his bosses were. Was very important. So because he already had my approval, I was like very low on the priority list.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I see, I see, I see.

[Alicia]

So he was, he was a great friend. He was always doing favors for people. He could fix cars, he could fix sewing machines, he could, he could sew. He could basically do anything. Everything had a lot of different skill. So, yeah, he was really also avoidant, would never talk about issues. I always had to initiate the conversation and he would just like shut down, just close off and then would have to come back to it, like, a couple days later. And it was just a lot of silent, like, nodding, like, I'm sorry you felt that way. I'll try to do better. Nothing ever changed. But the times that we were broken up, we never, like, really stopped talking. And he did cheat on a couple people that he was dating, like, with me, which I didn't realize right away. And foolishly, I thought that meant that it was, like, love. That he just loved me and missed me so much and couldn't stand being away from me. But, you know, this last time we broke up, I was like, something's off, something's wrong. And for the first time in 10 years, I had a chance to look through his phone and saw him, you know, he was texting another girl who he kept her whole existence hidden from me. He said he's known her for years and was like, the only friend I've never heard him mention. So that's why we finally ended.

[Bowen Yang]

What was it about this time over those 10 years that was like a finale?

[Alicia]

Well, I. This I had been trying to figure out for 10 years, the off and on. And I'm like, what's the lesson? I'm like, why does this keep happening? Are we, like, in each other's orbits because we're meant to be together? And he was so resistant to, like, moving in. And I had set this timeline. I'm like, if we're still together in a year, I'd like for us to not be living separately and, you know, combine our lives. Like, I feel like that's warranted at this stage because we also lived an hour apart from each other.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh.

[Alicia]

And I'm like, I'm tired of just, like, seeing you before work, after work, chatting in the parking lot. Because I worked an hour away. I worked where he lived in the same city. And then like once a week, he'd come and stay at my house and we would just, you know, drink, eat, have sex, smoke. And I'm like, I want more than this. We've been doing this since we were 28. The hanging out, drinking, like, smoking, like, I would like to do more. So the la. This was the final straw because I finally learned the lesson. I was like, okay, the lesson is for me to know my self worth and to know that you are just totally disrespectful of me. And it shouldn't be this hard to, like, if someone loves you, it shouldn't be this hard for them to show it and for me to feel like that I'm loved, you know? He was Also, like a very good gaslighter. He would not do anything to show that he loved or cared, but assure me that he did. He's like, no, that's not true. That's not true. Like, I do love you.

[Bowen Yang]

What were you hoping that he would do to show that he loved you or cared about you that he didn't do?

[Alicia]

I think so many things, like, just offering to help me in any way when I needed it. I had pneumonia for, like, two weeks. I was so sick. He didn't ask if he could do anything. He didn't come to my house. He didn't order me doordash. He didn't have groceries delivered. He just, like, let me rot, you know, and that we've known each other for eight years at that point.

[Bowen Yang]

See, you gotta. That's the thing, I think you gotta, like, if you're a guy, you gotta, like, keep trying. I feel like it's important to just, like, keep trying to, like, serve your. Your partner, you know, because you don't want to get too complacent. You want to always make sure that you're like. Like a relationship should kind of be a job in a way, you know? Like, it should be something that you're always putting effort into. You never want to get complacent. It always needs to be like. It's like a plant that you got to be constantly watering and constantly making sure that, like, you're. You're serving this person. Not even when they're. I mean, especially when they're in need, when they're, like, fucking sick or whatever, but when they're not. You just gotta always make sure that you're fucking, like, making, like, if you love this woman, if you're, like, obsessed with her, if you're, like, really into her, you just gotta keep making sure that you're making her life easier instead of harder. I mean, you're not gonna be a hundred percent, right? You're not gonna be. You're never gonna be a hundred percent. You're not gonna be like. Like, there's gonna be some mornings where, like, fuck. Like, you can't make the coffee or you, you know, whatever the fuck, right? But you should.

[Alicia]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

Consistent. But you should be consistent enough that when your girlfriend thinks about you, she thinks of you as, like, across the board overall, a trustworthy, competent, caring individual. Like, that's like, you're not. You're not going to be perfect. But she should. You should be good enough and, like, cognizant enough of whether or not you're serving this other person that she has a general view of you as a competent human being who cares about her.

[Alicia]

Yeah, agreed. And he, yeah, he didn't really excel at doing that at all. He, he knew what he provided, which was fun and distracted. Like, he.

[Bowen Yang]

Provide. Hold it. He knew what he provided, and what he provided was fun and distraction. What does that mean?

[Alicia]

Like, when I was going through hard times, which was often because I had a lot of deaths in my family and a lot of family dynamics that were troubling and sad to me. So, like, I didn't unload on him all the time, but when things happened and I wanted some support, he wasn't really there. He, he, he, he would be like his, his solution was, I'm going to come up, I'm going to bring a, a case of Trulies, and we're going to watch Ancient Aliens and I'm just going to go down on you and you're going to forget all about this. And like, that was, that was his, like, solution to the problem.

[Bowen Yang]

So he wasn't interested in, like, emotionally engaging with you about these things going on, but he was like, yo, I. We can get drunk and I'll go down on you while Ancient Aliens is on in the background.

[Alicia]

Yeah, yeah. All things that I like, you know, and, and he knew that and, but he didn't.

[Bowen Yang]

But that's not.

[Alicia]

Give me that. No, he couldn't give me the deeper level. And I was always hanging on, wanting that. And he also, just like, he never initiated. When we did live in the same city, a frequent argument we had was, I would tell him if it was not for me, like, texting you or calling you, we'd never hang out because I'd have, I'd be like, this relationship sounds, what are you doing on Friday? But he, like, had a way of convincing me that it wasn't.

[Bowen Yang]

No. Yeah. This relationship sounds terrible. This was the.

[Alicia]

It took me a long time. Yeah. Took me a long time to figure out that. What he was saying. I don't think he meant it. Felt like he meant it sometimes when we were together. But I was like, very much out of sight, out of mind because. Yeah, I, I had to tell him, like, right before this final breakup, something we were working on for the last year. I was like, I would like for you to plan something for us to do. I, I'm always the one telling you about concerts, asking you if you want to go, like to this antique shop. Do you want to go out to eat? Should be like, go to a movie you want to like go for a drive? And he was down to do whatever I wanted. He's like, yeah, sure. But he never approached me with an idea and he was never like, what are you doing Friday? I want to see you. I would be like, hey Pete, what are you doing on Friday? I'd like to see you. Do you have time to see me?

[Bowen Yang]

Dude, it's so, I don't know, man. All this is like so easy. You know what I like being, I feel like being a good boyfriend is like so, it's so straightforward. I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't, I, I. Here's the thing. And I don't, I don't know, I don't want to like throw shit out there. But like do you think, do you think it's cuz he wasn't that into you or because he was just kind of aloof and stupid?

[Alicia]

I, I really don't know what's I say. I don't know. But like, what's up is I do know that he had serious feelings for me. Like, I just know that he did. But I don't know why he treated me so badly.

[Bowen Yang]

Dude, some people are just like st. Like, it's just like being a good boy. Like I, I really do believe like when you're like when you're really in. I don't, I don't know. I don't know what it's like. I don't know what it's like for other guys. But like if I'm like really into a lady, I just, I like, I want to, you know, do all this stuff. But I feel like it's so, it's like so easy if you really like someone, I think to naturally be compelled to like initiate wanting to see them, like want to like make their life better, want to like do for them, want to plan, like want to make them happy. Like want to listen to what they need and take that feedback in and like actually take action on it. I mean, again, again, again, you're never going to be 100% perfect and you can't be like on the fucking military guard. Yeah, the time. But like across the board in general.

[Alicia]

Well, he also, he liked to joke that he was a sociopath.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh my God. And this sounds crazy.

[Alicia]

And I think that he actually might be I. Part of like the performance I would see him do in front of other people. Like his personality changed. Like I am very authentic. I, I can, you know, if I'm in front of an old person, I'm not Going to swear out of respect. And I'm not going to do that at work or my boss. Like, I can change my personality that way, but I am myself. Like, my true personality doesn't change. And I would just see his personality change, like, in front of this person. In front of this person. And then I was like, I think. And I called him on it. It's like, I think that you are coming to my house and, like, playing the person I want you to be. And not great, because he still wasn't delivering on a lot of, like, emotional needs that I had. But just, like, you're playing this little part, and then you're going back home and you're being different, and I have no idea who you're actually seeing. And, like, yeah, it was. And he's got some other issues as well. I think he is, like, mentally unwell, whatever that might be.

[Bowen Yang]

Did you say mother issues or other issues?

[Alicia]

Oh, mother issues. Just very, very attached. Almost like he is parenting his mother. He's an only child and had older parents. They were, like, in their late 30s when they had him. But the dynamic between them now is, like, he's the only son, so, like, every decision they make has to be made as a family. And we are a triad. That's something he'd always say. We're a triad. We all make this.

[Bowen Yang]

And a triad is in the, like, the triad of you, him and his mom.

[Alicia]

Oh, sorry. No, him, his mom and his dad. Like, their family unit.

[Bowen Yang]

How old is this guy?

[Alicia]

He's, like, right now 37, 38.

[Bowen Yang]

Dude, man. Wait. Okay, so, yeah, so. So you've been on love with this. All right, so you've been on off with this guy for 10 years. What, have you had experiences with other people at all?

[Alicia]

Experiences, yeah. But I never, in our off time, found anyone else that I liked to date. So he's the only person I've dated since I was 28, like, been in a relationship with.

[Bowen Yang]

Why couldn't you find anyone else that you liked?

[Alicia]

I just didn't. It just didn't happen. I did find one guy I liked who lived in New Hampshire when I lived in Maine, but nothing. I don't think he felt the same way about me. Like, it just kind of fizzled after hanging out a few times, which bummed me out, but other than that, I just. Yeah, I didn't find anyone that I liked, and I still haven't. I. Well, I have a work crush right now, so I do have one person, but he's very different. He's he's very, very, very different.

[Bowen Yang]

Very different from you or from Pete? What. What's the deal with your work crush?

[Alicia]

We just have like, a similar taste in music and a good sense of humor, like, good banter. And then we've also had some, like, serious or more serious, like, conversations where we, like, can tell that our values align. You know, it's just like a normal, healthy crush. Like, we text sometimes, and he'll send me pictures of, like, soup that he's making, and I was like, wow, that looks delicious. You're, like, making a stock. You've got vegetables boiling. That's amazing. You know, so we're. We're just friends, but he's a little crush.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Alicia]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Why. Why is it remaining a crush? Why is romantic interest not been expressed?

[Alicia]

Well, up until recently, we worked together. He just got a new job last week, and I didn't. I don't want to tell him that I have a crush on him and then potentially not have a friend and make it weird because that he is, like, the first friend I've made since moving to Ohio, and I've been here six months.

[Bowen Yang]

Why did you move to Ohio?

[Alicia]

Well, breaking up with Pete was one reason. I was commuting, like, an hour. I was putting it 100 miles on my car a day, driving to and from work, which wasn't sustainable. And I have family, like, in the Pittsburgh area. I grew up there. I didn't want to live there again, so I just came to Northeast Ohio for something different, and it's way more affordable. Yeah. And it's. It's great here. Like, culturally. There's a lot to do, and I'm having fun, but the. Yeah, the dating is something else.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know. I think you should give the mama guy a try. Give him a chance.

[Alicia]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

At least.

[Alicia]

Yeah. Oh, the mom. Why the mama guy?

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know. He seems creative.

[Alicia]

I cut it off with him. Hardcore. He was a love bomber.

[Bowen Yang]

What?

[Alicia]

Okay, what is.

[Bowen Yang]

What does that mean, a love bomber?

[Alicia]

I can give you examples as to what he was doing. That should explain what love bombing is.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Go ahead.

[Alicia]

Okay. So this was our first date. He actually lives two hours away, but was up in my area for Christmas for a week. So we talked on the phone a couple times. Texted, you know, he made us dinner reservations. We went to a bar. He. He then invited himself over to my house, which I should have said no, but we were drinking, so of course, I felt like it was my responsibility. Once he says, I've had a few drinks. Okay. You weaseled your way into my apartment. But when he was here, like, he wanted to. He was, like, tracing shapes on my back very gently with, like, one fingertip. We were, like, watching tv, and he wanted me, like, in between his legs on the sofa. And he was just like, I could do this all night. Could do this all night with you. Just gently, like, making little snake shapes and circles. And then he, like, had his hand in my hair and was, like, playing with my bobby pins and just, like, being very gentle. I'm like, what the fuck? And he said. He was like, I think every crevice of your body should be worshiped. And then, like, he ended up spending the night, and then in the morning, like, was like, come here and sit down. He wanted me to sit on his lap, and he held me, like, awkwardly, like. Like a child. It was like, sitting on Santa's lap, like. And he just told me, like, you know, I had a lot of fun. And I'm thinking, I. I have a work trip coming up in Detroit. I'm going to be there for five days, and you like a little road trip. You should come with me. I come up here and see you again. Like, this was our first date. Like, that's a lot.

[Bowen Yang]

Here, let me. All right, so let me. Here's the thing. Did you take a bong rip?

[Alicia]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

That's crazy to clock that in the background. I mean, do what you like. What the fuck was I gonna say? I don't think there's inherently anything wrong with the way that this guy is, like, trying to conduct this thing, but it's clearly not your style, or at least it's not your style with this guy. Because some people, like. Like, I think the way that, like,

[Alicia]

too much too soon.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't think that that, like. Because here's the thing, like, for this guy, like, I think his. Just to show you where, like, his brain is at is he's like. He find. You know how you said you want a guy who's, like, obsessed with you? I.

[Alicia]

It could have been him.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, here's the thing. I think if you're gonna find a guy who's obsessed with you, like, I don't know. I don't want to speak for. I don't want to speak for everyone, right? Because there's a lot of. I. There's a lot of. Like, for example, I'm the kind of guy where, like, I know if I'm really attracted to someone like, immediately. Like, I can tell within, like, two minutes if I'm, like, really attracted to someone. And then I have friends who are a little bit more slow burners, and they're like, let me see how this plays out. Be cautious. Let me, Whatever. And I, I, I don't know if that's like a man woman thing, because I think that, I think the same thing is, is true with women where I like, you know, I think a lot of not most women are probably like slow burners, but there's also some women who are like, yo, I think this guy's like, super hot and cool. I would love to let's, you know, throw caution in the wind. He seems chill enough. Let's fucking go on this business trip with him. And then they just, like, from the start, you know, get it going. But you're, you've identified at least. Like, is it, is this an across the board thing where you're like, I want to. I'm a slow burner, or do you see, do you think that there's a kind of guy, like, were you, were you just not attracted enough to this guy where you are like, I want to, I'm down to run it, or are you like, no, I'm pretty sure I know that about myself after 39 years that I'm a slow burn kind of lady.

[Alicia]

I am a slow burn. If I like someone, I might, I have. It's not a condition. It's something that you do. I think it's called limerent.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Alicia]

Where you automatically just start fantasizing about, like, oh, my God, I can see us married. I can see us, like, going to Home Depot. I do that, but I don't show it because I'm like, girl, that's crazy. Like, you don't really know this person.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no. But, but if, but if you meet someone for the first time and you feel that, like, okay, this guy, clearly this guy was ready to rock. The guy who's drawing shapes on your back and shit. This guy's ready to fucking rock. Right? And if you happened to feel that, I don't think you liked this guy particularly that much. But if you happened to feel a sense of limerence with this guy and you showed it and you were ready to rock. Look, a lot of relationships like that, they fucking crash and burn as, as fast as they began. Right? But then a lot, a lot of, but then a lot of relationships are the complete fucking opposite. There's a lot of relationships that are not slow burns that just, like, are two people who just develop this, like, immediate limerence for each other that, like, doesn't go away.

[Alicia]

Yeah, I. I think it's possible. I think it. You know, if. I feel. I just. Like, I. With him, I knew, like, there were red flags. I was like, ugh. There's things about you that I really don't like after just spending, like, six hours with you.

[Bowen Yang]

Tell me. Tell me what those things were. I'm curious. I feel like this is. I feel like this is a good conversation. I feel like we're learning a lot here. I feel like the audience is getting a good idea of, like, what's attractive, what's not.

[Alicia]

Yeah, I hope so, because all this. Yeah, I hope it helps somebody. God, I. So one thing that really pissed me off is he. His dog isn't fixed, number one.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. All right. That's a little too specific.

[Alicia]

Is it? There's. There's more to this. Something else that ties into that. But he sent me a picture of his dog when we were texting, and. Oh, I just happened to notice, like, the balls.

[Bowen Yang]

You don't. Oh, dog's dick is too big. Oh, wait. What? Why does that. What? What? That's. That's. I have to say that's one of actually the more wild icks that I've heard. Why? What is. But I'll hear you out on anything. What is it about this guy's dog not being fixed? What does that signal to you about him that's so unattractive?

[Alicia]

Well, there's no reason to not fix your dog. Like, be responsible. It's. You know, it's better for them. They're not going to accidentally get another girl pregnant, like, and create puppies that need homes. And also, he told me during our very expensive dinner at a nice restaurant that his dog killed his roommate's dog, and that's why he's not allowed to have his dog where he lives anymore. The aunt has to watch his dog, and the dog's not fixed. So maybe if the dog was fixed fixed, your roommate's dog would still be alive.

[Bowen Yang]

What does that have to do with the fanciness of the restaurant?

[Alicia]

It was just, like, crude conversation for. For the setting that we were in.

[Bowen Yang]

You're clearly not into this guy at

[Alicia]

all, and it's ironic.

[Bowen Yang]

Hold on. Give me. Give me something else, though. I feel like this is. This is just, like, a pheromone thing, because there's no way it's the dog. You just clearly just didn't like. You just. Well, no, didn't like this guy.

[Alicia]

This guy. This guy has a vasectomy. And so I thought it was very ironic that he's he's fixed.

[Bowen Yang]

He's fixed. His dog's not. Give me something else. He's gotta be you. There's no way you just don't like this guy because his dog's not fixed.

[Alicia]

No. He also, like, insinuated that he gets, like, kind of wild when he drinks. Or he's like, oh, like, you'll find out what that's like, because I made a comment. We had a few drinks at the restaurant, then we went to a bar, and he got a beer and a shot. And I was like, oh, you're having a shot. And so it was like a red flag that he's like, gonna probably change personalities when he drinks or hat. Maybe has a little bit of a drinking problem. He also wanted to, like, get up during the middle of our nice meal and have a cigarette. And it was just kind of like, yeah, you do that when you go to a dive bar or to like, Applebee's and you're waiting for your food to come out. But like, we had an appetizer and before our meals came, he's like, do you want to go have a smoke? And it was a weird. I think you had to be at the place to really get it. But it's not the kind of establishment you do that. But I joined him anyway, and I thought I was an asshole.

[Bowen Yang]

I feel bad for the fact, you know, first of all, I don't think people. I don't think people choose necessarily what they're attracted to and the ways in which they feel attraction. I feel like they just naturally develop them. So I feel bad for you at the fact that you're a slow burner because it's not an easy world for a slow burner. It's really not an easy world for a slow burner because the. You'll get into a relationship faster if you're the opposite of a slow burner. You find a guy irresistibly attractive, but you notice his dog is. Isn't fixed and that he goes out for a cigarette, and you just are like, oh, I'm just attracted to this guy. I'll just ignore that stuff. Versus because at some point, you have to ignore stuff. Not ignore stuff, but. But kind of. But kind of ignore stuff. But if you're a slow burner, like when you're trying to. When you're, like, dating and you're getting a relationship, like. Like things are like, there's always be things that are thrown at you that you're like, oh, that's a little weird. I don't know if I. And it's. And there's never gonna be any relationship or any person that you're. You don't feel those things. But if you're a. It's way easier. It's way easier if you're like a limerence person, to be like, oh, well, I'll figure that out later. Who gives a shit? And then figure that. And then actually figure that out later. Then if you're a slow burner, all of those things are gonna be reasons to back out. But it's tough if you're a slow burner because you. It takes a bit of time to figure someone out. But also. But also, I don't know if a slow burner is really, like, you know. You know, if you can see something in this person, you. You can. If you're a slow burner, I feel like you can know at least, like, at the end of a time, seeing someone, Do I want to see them again? Am I open to seeing them again? I feel like there's. There's legitimate knowledge in that gut feeling, you know?

[Alicia]

There is. Yeah. And there's different levels of ick, if you will. Like, the things he did that I didn't like this. The cigarette, the dog. Like, on someone else, it wouldn't have been such a big deal. But it was totally a pheromone thing. We were just not vibing.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, so I saw it, right? It was just. You just kind of didn't. You just weren't into him?

[Alicia]

No, I wanted to be, which is why I decided to have sex with them. It's like, maybe this will be really good.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alicia]

But that was. That. That was. Oh, mama.

[Bowen Yang]

No, that's the old mama guy. Oh, I forgot that this was the guy. Wait, that sucks. That's so funny. That's so funny that you didn't like this guy. You were like, okay, maybe. Maybe if I have sex with him, maybe that'll unlock something that, you know, maybe I didn't see before, and then it. And then something happens that. That is, like, the worst thing of all the other things that you thought that having sex could distract you from. That just sucks.

[Alicia]

It was.

[Reese]

It was very funny.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Alicia]

And. And I did, like. There was another guy who I went out with three times. He was the first guy I matched with when I moved here. And I. You know, I hated the way that he laughed. I hated the way he pushed up his glasses like a typical dork with one finger at the nose bridge. He'd, like, push them up and laugh at the same time we hung out three times. He ate hot dogs two out of those three times. And I was like, dude, this is crazy. I can't with this. But. But maybe I'll like him. He's kind of sweet. Like, I feel like he likes me. Maybe I just need more time. And then he was the one that. That ghosted me. So you just. It's. I've learned it's just not worth it.

[Bowen Yang]

It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing being out there. What's your name again? Elise. Elise. Alicia. Yeah, either of all of them. They all work. Alicia.

[Alicia]

Yeah, Alicia.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, Alicia, thanks for sharing your stories with us. I. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for in this crazy world.

[Alicia]

Yeah, a guy who wants to get freaky sometimes and just, like, is obsessed with me and wants to hang out all the time.

[Bowen Yang]

That so much that you also like. Oh, yeah, that's the caveat. No, you could find what you just said tomorrow, but it has to be something.

[Alicia]

A cutie, a lover boy, a smart boy.

[Bowen Yang]

Alicia, is there anything else you want to say to the people, the computer, before we go?

[Alicia]

I do have one thing to say, and that is, oh, mama.

[Bowen Yang]

Beautiful. Thank you, Alicia.

[Alicia]

Oh, mama.

[Announcer]

Thanks.

[Bowen Yang]

I hope that conversation was, I guess, educational to someone. You gotta have things that you're willing to put up with. But again, I feel bad for the slow burners because they really. Being a slow burner is tough because you really feel like you're in a lot of situations where you're like, I. You're a lot of situations, you're like, mmm, I could try to like this person, but I don't. Does that ever work? Does that ever work? Chat. I'm curious. Let me know in the comments if that ever works. If you. If you're someone. If you're in a relationship with someone who you didn't like initially and then you started to like them, I know those stories exist. I've never experienced that personally. I feel like I can tell if I'm obsessed with someone pretty immediately. But the slow burners exist, you know, and they figure it out.

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

Hello.

[Reese]

Hey, how's it going? Is this thing live at all or is this like the rundown? What's the read, brother?

[Bowen Yang]

What's the read? Well, the read is that we are on the phone together. I mean, it's not live. I don't stream on Twitch as much anymore.

[Reese]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

But I might start again at some point. But for now I'm kind of taking a break and just recording the podcast offline. I feel like it's. It's just a little bit more chill. I feel like it helps me control the pacing of things and makes it more intimate and for me and just easier. It's just a little bit easier for me to do it offline than online. You know what I mean?

[Reese]

Yeah, I totally get that.

[Bowen Yang]

But this is a thing That I am recording for the purposes of putting on the Internet. So that is the.

[Reese]

Gotta drop the legal disclaimer in there. I respect it.

[Bowen Yang]

That is the skinny. No, I never drop legal, legal disclaimers. I put myself at risk or. I don't think I. Nobody care, dude. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about me enough to. It just doesn't matter, you know, Lyle,

[Reese]

I don't know if I have to reverse this for you, buddy, but I care, dude.

[Bowen Yang]

What's your name?

[Reese]

Reese.

[Bowen Yang]

Reese. You're a sweet soul, Reese. Have we ever spoken before?

[Reese]

No. Long time listener, first time caller, man.

[Bowen Yang]

Amazing. Amazing. I love it. I'm so happy. I genuinely am so happy that I've been doing this for almost six years and we're still getting to talk to new people.

[Reese]

So I think. I think the first episode of yours that I saw, I was around in, like, sophomore year English in high school. Now I'm like, a freshly 21 year old, like, adult.

[Bowen Yang]

Very nice.

[Reese]

Time flies, man.

[Bowen Yang]

So, Reese, what's going on with you, man? What made you want to call my gecko show?

[Reese]

So. So I'll give you the read in. I'm not too happy with life in general. I feel like the world has kind of lost its wonder for me, and, like, I've just been trying to figure out a way to get it back. Life's just kind of hard right now, man.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, so the world lost its wonder for you, which means that at one point it had wonder. And when was that point?

[Reese]

Probably when I was about 18. I moved out of the house. Moved right to Brooklyn. Sunset park, if you know it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yep.

[Reese]

And then I ended up traveling all over the western United States doing volunteer work for about a year. And ever since I finished up with that man, life just kind of feels mundane and, like, every day is the exact same.

[Bowen Yang]

And what is this day that it's the same every day? What. What does that day look like?

[Reese]

I feel like I, like, wake up, eat some food, get a good workout in, go to work, play video games, repeat. It's. There's not much going on for me socially. And. Yeah, I mean, maybe it's because I decided to move to a different city recently, but just, things are tough out here, man.

[Bowen Yang]

What city are you in?

[Reese]

I just moved to Seattle a couple months ago.

[Bowen Yang]

All right, so when you were 18, you were running around, you were doing volunteer work. Your life felt like it had some color to it. What do you do for work

[Reese]

right now? I do private security.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Reese]

I basically hold the door for a bunch of rich people. It's great.

[Bowen Yang]

It doesn't sound great. It sounds like it's making you miserable.

[Reese]

Oh, yeah, it makes me completely miserable. But I'm. I'm having a hard time breaking into industries that I feel like would be more serving for people, you know.

[Bowen Yang]

What are those industries?

[Reese]

Honestly, a lot of like non profit management stuff. Like I. When I was 19, I was cleaning up after wildfires and helping real families in California and like that felt meaningful and like I still felt like life had a purpose and, and it wasn't so great all the time, but now it's kind of just like rough, you know?

[Bowen Yang]

What is preventing you from doing things that resemble that?

[Reese]

The American dream, brother. It's money. It's all about money.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, sure. Okay.

[Reese]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

What? Well, let's get into this here. So you can't find a job like that, that pays.

[Reese]

Yeah, I mean that's, that's the big issue is finding a job that helps people in a way that doesn't gain shareholder value is a unique issue for me.

[Bowen Yang]

And what's your nut looking like? What's your nut looking like? What? How much money does it cost for you to exist?

[Reese]

A couple grand a month. I mean I got like a nice one bedroom apartment. I mean nice as a stretch. If there were section eight, then it's like a section seven type deal. But like a nice one bedroom, I guess it's like 1300amonth.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, and then what's the other seven going towards?

[Reese]

Honestly, I mean, I make a bit more than that. I make about six grand a month. And like now it's all going basically into my savings and retirement and stuff.

[Bowen Yang]

Cool. Okay. Six grand a month's pretty damn good. That's good money.

[Reese]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

How often is a security gig?

[Reese]

I do about six days a week.

[Bowen Yang]

Six days a week. That's tough.

[Reese]

I feel like I'm calling a Dave Ramsey right now. I probably should have bitched more about my problems.

[Bowen Yang]

Dude, sometimes I feel like I'm fucking Dave Ramsey. Sometimes? Well, like when I talk to me about this kind of shit, I feel like I'm. But like, I don't know. I don't have any business trying to talk like Dave Ramsey.

[Reese]

I'm just saying, dude, if you, if you want the sound bite. I had girlfriend break up with me, childhood dog die and grandma all in a month and a half. Like, I can, I can run it back for you if you want.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, no. Well, the reason why I get all Dave Ramsey E is. Is. Well, the reason why I get all Dave Ramsey E is because Like I, I won't deny the logistical significance of money in all of life's lifey ness and like the logistical hurdle of it. But I also don't think it's like entirely impossible to like finagle shit, you know what I mean? I feel like in general, if you want to like figure something out, like I believe strongly in, in like if there's a will, there's a way kind of shit, you know. Yeah, I'll Dave Ramsey. But yeah, six grand a month is pretty good. What you've, what's been happening when you try to look for other jobs.

[Reese]

I mean, the economy sucks. That's, that's a big one right now. But mostly it's just you need a college degree to help people.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Reese]

Which is the weirdest thing to me. I mean I did a year volunteer work through a government program and I guess it costs a ton of money to train up a bunch of idiots to help out in random ways. So companies don't see like a big, like they don't see the investment reason for it, you know, like why take on like A under qualified 21 year old and you can get somebody with like a bachelor's in public policy or something helping out homeless people.

[Bowen Yang]

Hmm.

[Reese]

Like I said, man, if you're looking for better ammo here, I can bring up the dead grandma.

[Bowen Yang]

Dude, whatever you want to talk about, man, I don't give it. Whatever, whatever you want to, whatever you want to get into, man.

[Reese]

I mean, I feel like that's, that's probably contributing factors. I had a real rough fall. Is just a big, is probably a big factor as to why I feel so shitty now.

[Bowen Yang]

Dead grandma. You said dead grandma?

[Reese]

Yeah, dead grandma, dead childhood dog and girlfriend dumped me on a month and a half.

[Bowen Yang]

Why did your girlfriend dump you?

[Reese]

I'm not too sure actually. We haven't really spoken since. She just let me know it wasn't working one day and headed out.

[Bowen Yang]

How long were you with her?

[Reese]

About nine months.

[Bowen Yang]

Nine months. And how long, how long ago is this?

[Reese]

This is in October. So it's been, it's been a minute. Well, actually no, this was I think early September. So it's been a couple months.

[Bowen Yang]

Any idea as to why? Any, any idea whatsoever as to why you think it might not have worked out?

[Reese]

I feel like we were just incompatible with the ways that we wanted to live our lives. Even though that feels a lot more mature than the average 20 year old relationship, you know. But I don't know, she felt more materialistic about some things. I was More, I guess, like, chill with not owning a ton of stuff. Like, I don't have a car, she thought I should own a car. I didn't believe in spending, like a ton of money on fancy. And she was a big fan of that. So just different priorities, I guess, in like, a worldly sense.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, no, that's. I think that's pretty legitimate. That's a good thing. I mean, that's a good thing to get out of the way, like now, after nine months. Yeah, no, that's good. That could. That could have been way worse.

[Reese]

Oh, definitely.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. So you're chilling on that front, dude, I think that. I think that's good because. Yeah, you could have gotten, you know, fucking deeper into that shit and it just would have been a mess.

[Reese]

Yeah, I mean, I. I couldn't imagine, like, two years down the line, you're like, hey, I'm trying to buy you a ring. What's up? And then she's like, I want the child blood. Like blood diamonds from, like, Congo or whatever.

[Bowen Yang]

Like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would.

[Reese]

That would bother me, I think.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Were you close with your grandma?

[Reese]

Yeah, when I was a little kid, I would spend summers at her house, like, all the time. She actually inspired me to do, like, public service stuff too, so it's.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, really? Was she a public.

[Reese]

It's kind of a. Yeah, she did this. Might loki be a self docs, but she was a foster parent for about 55 years. Whoa. Which is insane. Like, she would just foster random kids for five and a half decades, all while taking care of my dad, like, his siblings. So, like, growing. Growing up as a little kid in that environment and like, seeing how she cared for people in her neighborhood, in her city, like, it really affected me to want to do good. And I mean, she had dementia, so, like, seeing her, like, slowly lose that ability to help and then at some point become not her anymore was pretty tough.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Reese]

And I think that that might be. It is like, I'm trying to do fun stuff so I don't like. So, like, when my mind is forced me to go back to being 20, when I'm like 90 years old, I have something fun to think about, but, you know, it's tough.

[Bowen Yang]

How old was your Grandma?

[Reese]

She was 85.

[Bowen Yang]

85.

[Reese]

That's a hell of a lot.

[Bowen Yang]

That's a hell of a run. I'm sorry for her loss, man. She sounds like she was a pretty good. Pretty good homie.

[Reese]

Oh, yeah. Pretty great lady. I credit her for making me a fat kid. She was. She Was big on the fried chicken in the household, you know?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yeah.

[Reese]

Oh, that's the part that you miss the most, dude.

[Bowen Yang]

She made homemade fried chicken.

[Reese]

Dude. She was from rural Louisiana in the 40s. She was whipping that shit up.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, pretty good. Pretty, pretty good. All right, so you want to help people. You want to have. Okay, so you saw your grandmother get dementia and then you're like, shit, I want to make sure I have good memories from my time.

[Reese]

Yeah, I think that's. That was definitely a driving factor in me realizing I need to get out and start helping people and being more selfless in my day to day.

[Bowen Yang]

So what about all these, like, what. What, like, work away type of. And, like, can you go, like, be like a volunteer emt? Like, is there. No, there's no jobs where you can, like, go be like a volunteer firefight or some like that?

[Reese]

I mean, I've been looking in Seattle, it's a little bit harder because they want you to go to, like, the firefighter academy and stuff. And I'm a little bit cranked out on work to be doing that, if that makes sense. Like, I work 64 hours a week, which explains why my income is so decent, but, like, tough. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

What about, like, little ways you can help people outside of your job?

[Reese]

Yeah, I've actually been starting to pick up more shifts that. There's a food bank in Seattle that I've been working at. They. They do a pretty good job in the community. I've been helping them out like, once or twice a week, but, like, it still feels like I'm not doing enough, you know? Like, I know the average person isn't doing in general. Like, if not monetarily, then time wise, but, like, I don't know, I feel like four hours a week of community service just isn't much, you know?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, I think it's common to feel like you're not doing enough. I feel that way too, Dude. I don't know. I feel like. I wish I. Dude, I. I'm. Well, I'm a little stuck because I don't know what it is that you've been looking for job wise. And, like, I don't know what's out there. You know what I mean?

[Reese]

Yeah, I. That's. That's the issue with, like, being in New York. Like, like, you are. You're in New York, right? I'm just trying to remember. Yeah, yeah, dude, that's. That's the issue in New York.

[Alicia]

It's.

[Reese]

There are a couple jobs that are way more easy to think about like, I don't know, helping out homeless people or whatever. But out here there's so much more, like earthquake prevention and there's like, there's like wildland firefighting, all that stuff. It's just such an array of options just along the country. And like, they all need people, but they're all kind of lacking, you know,

[Bowen Yang]

so they all need people, but they're lacking. Then why are it. But if they all need people, then why are you having a hard time getting that?

[Reese]

The American job market, man. Real tough out here. I don't know. I saw a thing that was like, you have a 0.6 chance of getting an interview now when you apply to a company, which I don't want to be like, I'm playing the numbers game here, but I'm definitely playing the numbers game on applications.

[Bowen Yang]

Where are you applying? Are you like, apply. Are you applying to online or are you like meeting people in person?

[Reese]

I'm, I'm throwing, I'm throwing lobs online.

[Bowen Yang]

No, you're gonna get, you gotta find, you know, you gotta find a way to do shit in person. If everything you do online is just gonna get. You gotta like, you gotta know a guy. That's. That, that is the one thing that I know for sure about like getting a job is like whether, you know, people think that like to get like a, like a job in like the entertainment industry or whatever, like you gotta like, know someone on the inside, right? But that's the truth about every single job. You know, if you want to get a job at a grocery store, you got to have a buddy that works there to vouch for you. Like, you always, I feel like you always, always have to know somebody. You got to like, do some kind of in person networking. You got to go to the place physically and like, talk to people. Because if you just raw online, all that shit is going to get filtered out by some like, AI program or it's going to be like stuck in a pile of like, you know, dude, it's the, it's truly the difference between like going out to talk to women in real life versus using a dating app. You know, it's like, it's like they're getting millions and millions. They're getting thousands and thousands of applications on hinge, right? You got to like go after what you want in real life somehow, or else you just get like demolished by the, the. So I don't know, where could you go in real life where you could like, meet people that you could get into this industry with?

[Reese]

I'M not. I mean, I'm sure there's networking events if I looked into them, but around here, there's a lot of, like, street people that, like, stand outside and like, hey, you want to help out the ACLU or, like, LULAC or whatever? It's. That's the nice part about being in such a blue city is there's always opportunities to find, I guess, ideologically aligned groups with me and talk, like people representing them. But I don't know, man, it's a little rough to find a job out here. Like, I. I feel like that's gonna be my tagline for this, but. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Mm. Okay. So you say you haven't looked into

[Reese]

it yet, So, I mean, nothing in

[Bowen Yang]

person, really, but, yeah, go out, try to find some shit in person. What's. I don't know. What are there? Like, there's got to be some, like, cheugy networking events going on in Seattle that you can go check out.

[Reese]

Oh, yeah, probably. I mean, if. I don't know any right now. I'm sure if you end up posting this, I'll probably find something in the comments.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. So leave it. Leave a comment on the Spotify folks if you know anything, if that. This gentleman can go take a look at. Go ahead. Where you said.

[Reese]

I will say that's the. That's the big appeal of your show to me is that you fostered a pretty lovely community of people, you know? And, like, I just want to. I mean, granted, I don't know if you're gonna cut this part for time, but I'm a big fan of your work, dude, and I think you've done a very good job.

[Bowen Yang]

Thanks, man.

[Reese]

No problem.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, cut that for time. Get rid of that. Don't keep that in the podcast. Don't let anyone know. No, I'm just kidding.

[Reese]

Don't.

[Bowen Yang]

You don't have to cut that, Brandon. Anyway. Well, what's your name again, man?

[Reese]

Reese.

[Bowen Yang]

Reese. You seem like a good dude, Reese. I think you're gonna be okay. I know. I still. I don't say that to everyone. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't think I say that to everyone. I don't say it to everyone, but I think you will be fine. I think you got a good heart. I'm glad people like you exist, and I hope you find a place where your Reese Hood can be properly applied.

[Reese]

Thank you, man.

[Bowen Yang]

Take it easy, Rhys. Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go.

[Reese]

Don't let your dreams be dreams. Who the says that? Yeah, give this guy money on Patreon. Pretty go to. I'm about to go do it myself.

[Bowen Yang]

Rock and roll. Thank you Reese. I appreciate you man.

[Reese]

Later brother.

[Bowen Yang]

See you dude.

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[Bowen Yang]

What's up, gangsters? It's me, It's Lyle. And I figure that it would be nice to end the podcast today by reading one single geck mail. We had a pretty long first call, decently long second call, and I want to let you guys go. I don't want to make the show too long, so let's. Let's read one single geck mail, and then we'll get out of here. Does that sound good? Is everyone okay with that? Let's find a good one. Let's find a good one. Oh, let's see. Interesting. Wait, this one's too short. Sorry. All right, let's do this one. This is from Holly. A letter of Inspiration from Sweets McGee. Hello, Lyle. I wanted to reciprocate some inspiration for a fellow sweet enthusiast. I recalled an episode a while back where you mentioned the glorious Ben and Jerry's peanut butter s' mores ice cream and had to get some for myself. Wow. I, I, I, I feel like I'm a bad influence. If you're listening to this, don't try the Ben and Jerry's peanut butter s' mores ice cream. It'll ruin your fucking life. Don't try that. And don't try sprinkled donut Captain Crunch. I don't know if they still make that, but if they do, stay far away from it. Those two things will ruin your life if you're. If you're a crazy person. Anyway, I had to get some for myself. It was a religious experience. I hope I can replicate for you. Go to a bakery and get some fresh croissants. Get some crunchy cookie butter. Usually I prefer the Kroger store brand kind that uses Speculos cookie butter. And I like it better than Biscoff, although Biscoff is fine. And then get some cinnamon honey butter. Is this woman giving me a recipe? Hold on. All can be found at any Kroger store. I usually go to Fred Meyer, but I don't know if that's common for you in New York. What is this? Okay, cut the croissant in half and lay a generous spread of the cookie butter on one side and the cinnamon honey butter on the other. Microwave it for 15 seconds exactly and enjoy. This is the melty delicious ecstasy you've been looking for to fill that little piece of your soul where everything in life feels good for the moment. I love your show. I listen all the time for work. I've called a few hundred times to no avail, but I hope this can find you on a geck mail. Your show has genuinely helped me mold my perspective into a life I am much happier in, and I thank you sincerely. I have so many other sweets and tales from life I feel like you'd enjoy, so I'll keep calling. You're a wonderful lizard. I appreciate everything you do. Take care, Sweets McGee. Well, thank you. Thank you, emailer. This is very sweet. I don't know. This. This. I have to be super honest with you, Holly. This is way more preparation and cooking than I'm willing to do, just to be honest with you. I'm glad I read it on the podcast because I think that it will find its way to somebody else and they'll give it a try. But I know it's pathetic that this is way more cooking than I'm willing to do, but it is true. I think if I want something that describes this, I'll just like get a Butterfinger. Or I'll just get the peanut butter s' mores ice cream. Honestly, having to pull a. Having to wash a spoon to get in there, that's a lot of work too. No, I'm not that much of a piece of shit. I can. I can wash a spoon. I'm actually do. I shouldn't announce this, but I've been trying out a keto diet for the last. Pretty much. I've been doing keto pretty on and off for this whole year. Keto is when you don't eat carbs. So I've been like, staying away from sweets and shit. I was on the. I was on an airplane recently and I. I just. It was a long fucking flight and I needed something, so I broke it. I got Haribo. Like gummy bears. Cuz, like, there's nothing to. You know what's stupid is I have this thing where I'm like, there's nothing to do on this flight. Let me just eat. And so I get the gummy bears. And that takes up about five minutes of the 20 hours that I'm in the sky for. But I somehow convinced myself that it's. It's. I need it to get through the flight. But nah, man, I've been. If anyone's got any recipes for steaks or fucking bacon, eggs, stuff like that, I'm trading high blood sugar for high cholesterol or ended up with both. We'll see what happens. Um, but yeah, I'm enjoy. I'm enjoying the keto shit. I've enjoyed enjoying not eating carbs. I've only. I've done it. Like, I'll use. What I've been doing is like. It's been. It'll be like a week, and then I'll fuck up, and then I'll do another week, and then I'll fuck up, and I'll do another week, and then I'll fuck up. But I. Overall, it's led me to eat less shit naturally, which is good. Anytime I'm, like, doing anything where I'm at least paying attention to what I eat, I'm kind of making it work. It's when you're not paying attention, not caring, that you just start going ham and you start eating the fucking peanut butter s', mores, whatever stuff all the time. All right, folks, I know I said I'd do one, but I'll do one more. If I can find a really short one, I'll do one more. Okay, this is from. Let's see here. Okay, this is from Marco. It wasn't that bad. Hey, Geck. I've had a noisy upstairs neighbor for two years now. I was afraid of approaching them in fear of being a dick about it. Today their towel fell on my balcony, so I went upstairs to return it to them. It turns out they're a pretty chill lady. She says she's sorry about the noise and will try to do something about it. This didn't resolve my issue with the noise, but it stopped my spiraling thoughts about that experience of facing them. Even if it turned out bad, it would have been okay. So to whomever is avoiding an issue and spending more time thinking about something than acting upon it, one piece of advice. Just do it. It makes your life a bit easier. P.S. when are you coming to Europe? I missed your last London show by a week. Ah, fuck. I'm gonna try to come to Europe. I don't have any plans right now, but maybe I'll. Maybe I'll do it next year. We'll see. Or if I get.

[Reese]

Or. Or.

[Bowen Yang]

Or if I start really feeling. If I start really feeling myself on tour, then I'll add a whole Europe thing, but we'll see anyway. No, I like this. I like this. I like this. That's how a lot of great friendships start. Is you start out as enemies, but then you. You find out that when you really get to talk to the lady, when you, when you, when you know your neighbor, only when your neighbor's only manifestation of themselves is a loud fucking tv, then yeah, you're not gonna really like him. But once they become a real full person, you might realize that you actually have some things in common. So I'm happy for you, Marco, for making a new friend in a place where there was only animosity before. That's a nice story, folks. This has been the Therapy Gecko Podcast. Thank you all for listening. Please go buy tickets to my Tour. I'm touring 31 cities across America, a few in Canada, and I'm working on material for it. I'm working on trying to make it a good show and I think you guys will have fun. I'm excited about it. Go to therapygeckotour.com to get tickets or check the link the episode description thank you guys very much for listening to this show. I appreciate it. We're still going strong. We're still talking to people, we're still reading emails, we're still learning about life and it's been a beautiful, wonderful, epic journey. I appreciate you guys for sticking with me on it. Geck bless you all and have a good rest of your day. Thank you. Therapy.

[Matt Rogers]

This podcast is supported by FX's Love Story, John F. Kennedy Jr. And Carolyn Bessette. The new limited series from executive producer Ryan Murphy. It explores the complex courtship of the iconic couple considered to be American royalty, whose love story captured the attention of the nation. Their fairy tale romance would unfold in front of the public eye where their private love would also become a national obsession. FX's love story John F. Kennedy Jr. And Carolyn Bessette watch now on FX Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers.

[Announcer]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Announcer]

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