Podcast Summary: "A Different Kind of Resolution"

Podcast: This Is So Awkward
Hosts: Dr. Cara Natterson ("A") and Vanessa Kroll Bennett ("C")
Date: December 30, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

This special year-end episode explores the concept of New Year's resolutions—not the typical promises to drink less or go to the gym, but rather resolutions inspired by the parenting advice Cara and Vanessa have dispensed throughout the year. They candidly reflect on how hard it is to follow one's own guidance, share their personal parenting stories, and suggest healthier, more compassionate approaches to self-improvement and growth (for both adults and kids). All is delivered with their trademark mix of humor, science, and realism.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Resolutions Aren’t All-or-Nothing (01:18 – 03:07)

• Vanessa sets up the idea that traditional resolutions often fail because “humanity gets in the way” and that parents should give themselves permission to fail—and then try again.
• Cara points out the value in returning to resolutions even after setbacks, especially in how adults interact with children: “Let’s try to give ourselves permission to blow it with our resolutions and still try again.” (02:06)
• Vanessa: “Tomorrow is always a new day…pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again to your same resolution.” (03:57)

2. Parenting Stories: Learning in Real Time (04:55 – 10:29)

• Vanessa admits to losing patience with her 12-year-old son while he struggled to put in contact lenses, highlighting the difficulty of following one's own parenting advice during stressful moments.
• Quote:
  • Vanessa: “Would you put the effing contact lens in your effing eye?” (06:09)
• Resolutions from Experience:
  • Vanessa shares her intention for the new year: to stay calm, remembering Dr. Eliza Pressman’s advice—“we are not being chased by a bear”—and Dr. Becky’s advice—“if the house is on fire, just contain the fire; now’s not the time to fireproof the house.” (08:24 – 09:13)
  • Cara teases, “I would also resolve to get out of your kid’s bathroom. I think go granular on this one.” (09:18)

3. Giving Yourself and Kids Second (and Third) Chances (10:29 – 11:04)

• Vanessa’s long-running struggle with impatience becomes a motif:
  • Vanessa: “It is the light motif of my parenting of nearly 20 years.” (10:57)

4. Not Taking Things Personally (13:51 – 20:16)

• Cara’s ongoing resolution: “to not take everything quite so personally” in the parenting domain, especially when children tease or critique her.
• Quote:
  • Cara: “If I don’t [get defensive]...my cortisol levels aren’t surging…I can actually learn from it. Sometimes my family has a point and sometimes they don’t.” (14:19 – 15:45)
• Humor as a Tool:
  • Family mockery (especially about chores like dishwashing) can be reframed as funny rather than hurtful, which fosters lighter, more open interactions.
  • Vanessa: “If we get defensive…the door closes…every night, the specter of that interaction hangs over the dinner and the cleanup.” (18:31)

5. The Pitfalls of Family-Wide Resolutions (22:16 – 24:01)

• Cara describes the tradition of “sharing resolutions for each other” at family gatherings, which backfired and quickly fizzled out.
  • Cara: “If you...resolve things for other people, that definitely doesn’t work.” (24:01)
• Letting Go:
  • Encourages letting go of controlling tendencies, especially as kids grow older.

6. Sitting with Distress (for Self and Others) (25:17 – 28:38)

• Vanessa’s second resolution: learning to endure her children's emotional distress instead of rushing to solve it.
  • Inspired by Lisa Damour’s book on coping through difficult feelings.
  • Vanessa: “Living through my kids’ emotional distress, not letting it ruin my day, not trying to solve it or fix it for them, but just sitting through those rocky moments of difficulty.” (25:42)
• Extending Empathy in All Directions:
  • Cara notes this approach also applies to one’s own parents and older adults, emphasizing respect and patience across generations.

7. Modeling Better Relationships (28:38 – 30:46)

• Vanessa: “We’re modeling for our kids how we’d like them to treat us.” (28:38)
• Cara highlights the dynamic when grandparents and grandkids sometimes have better relationships than parents and kids did, and the lessons therein.
  • Reference: Henry Winkler episode as a model for empathy and kindness. (29:17)

8. The Power of Grace and "Do Overs" (29:17 – End)

• Vanessa: “We need to give ourselves grace…remind ourselves to get back up and try it again because it is better for us. It is better for our kids if we keep trying.” (29:17)
• Both hosts commit to continuing their own learning and vulnerability in the coming year.
  • Vanessa: “I feel so lucky to get to do this with you, Cara…and to have this incredible community.” (30:46)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Imperfection:
  • Vanessa: “Whenever I feel incredibly guilty about something I’ve done as a parent, I then write about it because it makes me feel better.” (06:58)
• On Resilience:
  • “It does get easier. These skills do. Except for my goddamn impatience.” (29:31)
• On Being Mocked as a Parenting Win:
  • “Being mocked, in that case, actually feels like I’m doing something right.” (21:59)
• The Only Resolution You Need:
  • Vanessa: “I think we should all just resolve to be more like Henry Winkler.” (29:17)
• Show Closing:
  • Cara: “I’m resolving [to keep doing this work] today. I’m not waiting till January 1st.” (30:46)

Important Timestamps

• 01:18 – 03:07: Redefining resolutions and giving yourself permission to fail and restart.
• 04:55 – 10:29: Parenting story: contact lenses, impatience, apologies, and learning on the job.
• 13:51 – 20:16: Not taking things personally and developing a sense of humor about family mockery.
• 22:16 – 24:01: The hazards of assigning resolutions to other family members.
• 25:17 – 28:38: Coping with emotional distress—both your children’s and your parents’.
• 28:38 – 30:46: Modeling empathy, giving grace, and celebrating community.

Takeaways

• Resolutions are most powerful when rooted in compassion and realism, not self-criticism or control.
• Giving yourself and your children second chances is essential; mistakes are inevitable but can be learning opportunities.
• With kids (especially through puberty), patience, listening, and humor are vital.
• Modeling how to handle emotional messiness—for kids and elders alike—is a key parental role.
• Above all: Give yourself grace, accept do-overs, and keep trying regardless of the date on the calendar.

Tone & Style:
Conversational, honest, humorous, and deeply empathetic; both hosts interweave pointed self-reflection with actionable guidance, candidly admitting their own slip-ups and learning curves.

For More
Visit lessawkward.com for the hosts’ tools, curriculum, and resources.

*Happy New Year! — From Cara & Vanessa, with wishes for “great joy and lots of patience and lots of do-overs and lots of love and maybe even some quiet moments to yourself.” (31:17)