Before You Email the Principal: Let's Talk Health Class

Summary

Podcast Summary: Before You Email the Principal: Let's Talk Health Class

Podcast: This Is So Awkward
Hosts: Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett
Date: June 30, 2026
Episode Theme: Reframing Health Class—Why Sex Ed Isn’t Just About Sex (and Why Parents Shouldn’t Panic)

---

Episode Overview

This episode tackles the perennial anxieties and objections that arise when schools teach health and sex education. Drawing on decades of experience working with schools, kids, and families, Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett demystify “that health class,” explain why comprehensive education matters, and offer concrete guidance for parents navigating concerns. They address predictable parental objections, dispel misconceptions, and highlight best practices for collaboration, transparency, and trust-building between educators and families—all with characteristic warmth and humor.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Parents Object (and Why Their Feelings Are Valid)

• Parents’ perspectives vary: Some want comprehensive education; some feel it’s not the school’s place; others are perfectly happy with partial outsourcing—or want to cherry-pick content.
• Core message: All these parental perspectives are “valid and parents are entirely entitled to how they feel.” (Cara, 05:32)
• State standards vs. family values: Schools are legally bound by state-determined content, which can vary dramatically from abstinence-only to comprehensive coverage.

Notable Quote

“There are very predictable questions. And frankly, they're very good answers to these very predictable questions, and we're going to get into all of them.” (Cara, 00:47)

---

2. What Sex Ed Actually Covers (It’s Not All About Sex)

• Misconceptions: The label "sex ed" is misleading; most lessons cover hygiene, emotional regulation, healthy relationships, body autonomy, decision-making, nutrition, social media, and general health.
• Why schools do this: State mandates and overwhelming research support that comprehensive health education makes kids “safer and healthier, full stop.” (Vanessa, 07:42)
• Comprehensive sex ed covers life skills—not just sexuality or reproductive health.

Notable Quotes

“Even though lots of schools call this content sex education, it's not all about sex, Vanessa. In fact, it's even not mostly about sex.” (Cara, 07:52)

“It's about hygiene, ... about brain development, decision making, social media, body image, healthy relationships ... it's about how to be a human being in the world.” (Vanessa, 17:27)

---

3. Who Teaches Health Class?

• Common models:
  • Trained health and sex educators
  • Other experts (PE teachers, science teachers, tech staff, school psychologists, nurses)
  • Passionate “volunteers” (non-experts with a strong interest and self-acquired knowledge)
• Pros and cons: Outsiders may lack context for school-specific issues; in-school educators see students daily and are available for follow-up and real-time issues.

Notable Quotes

“There are sort of three camps of people who run these classes...” (Cara, 22:30)

“We really love the idea of that the adults in the school building are the folks who are teaching kids this information because then they're trusted resources on a daily basis when these things do come up.” (Vanessa, 24:49)

---

4. Curricula: Finding Transparency and Trust

• Types of curricula: “Our Whole Lives” (OWL), “Three Rs” from Advocates for Youth, Vanessa and Cara's own “That Health Class,” and others.
• Alignment matters: Ensure curricula meet state and national standards (e.g., SEICUS, CASEL).
• Transparency: Parents should have access to lesson topics, rationale, age-appropriateness, and timing.
• Parent communication: The best programs offer “parent hubs” or info sheets to keep families informed.
• Healthy boundaries: Parents shouldn’t expect to sit in or micromanage classroom teaching—just as they wouldn’t with math or art.

Notable Quotes

“Ideally, a school would let parents know ahead of time the topics being taught and ... the philosophical approach...” (Vanessa, 32:50)

“None of this is meant to say that you belong in the classroom. So in the same way that parents are not invited to dissect the math curriculum... likewise, they are not invited to sit in on those classes and watch how the teaching occurs. That is not healthy for your kids as learners.” (Cara, 37:03)

---

5. Relatability: The ‘Uncool’ Teacher & Outdated Content

• Common complaint: “The teacher isn’t relatable” or material seems “from the 1900s,” as kids say.
• Response: No educator is right for every student; variety and multiple trusted adults are key.
• Parental role: Use complaints as openings for meaningful conversations about what and how their child learns.
• Constructive solutions: Advocate respectfully for supplemental resources or alternate contacts if needed.

Notable Quotes

“There are going to be some kids for whom the way the information is being delivered is not ideal for them. And that is the beauty of having these conversations in more than one space.” (Cara, 38:45)

“If a kid brings that up ... it's actually—they're inviting you to engage in conversation about some pretty interesting stuff about how they learn.” (Vanessa, 40:24)

---

6. “If You Teach Sex/Drugs, Won’t Kids Try It?” – Addressing the Myths

• The research is clear: More information does not make kids more likely to engage; it typically delays experimentation.
• With drugs: Each year use is delayed drops substance use disorder risk by 4–5%.
• **“Just Say No” didn’t work—information and honest dialogue do.
• Rumor mill: Most “outrageous” stories are distortions—parents should go straight to the source rather than panic.

Notable Quotes

“The more information kids get about sex... the less likely they are to actually explore physically in order to get the answers, the more likely they are to... make different choices...” (Cara, 44:24)

“Every year a kid delays experimenting with substances... their risk of developing substance use disorder goes down by 4 to 5%.” (Vanessa, 47:09)

---

7. Rumor Mill & The Power of Telephone

• **Students often relay “legendary” tales from older grades—usually exaggerated or half-true.
• Advice: Parents should investigate calmly rather than believe every kid’s re-telling. Direct communication with educators is best.

Notable Quote

“...what kids have reported to each other through ... the most hilarious game of telephone ever is not entirely reliable.” (Vanessa, 48:25)

---

8. Inclusivity & The Politicization of Sex Ed

• Recent bans: Topics like gender identity and sexual orientation are restricted in some states, creating confusion and inconsistency.
• Benefit for all: Inclusive sex ed is about safety for every child—better climate, less violence, more reliable info.
• Depoliticizing: “It is not a political issue. It is an issue of safe and healthy children, which all of us want for all the children in this country.” (Vanessa, 52:05)

---

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–05:30: Introducing the “awkward” anxiety around sex ed; typical parental questions/objections.
• 05:47–10:12: State laws, family values, and evidence for comprehensive curricula.
• 14:11–17:27: Why kids need health info from multiple, trusted sources.
• 17:27–22:00: What’s actually covered in health class.
• 22:30–27:09: Who teaches—trained educators, subject teachers, “volunteers.”
• 30:45–37:03: Selecting curricula and best practices for transparency.
• 37:03–44:24: Difficult questions—educator fit, outdated lessons, and parental advocacy.
• 44:04–49:50: Myths about teaching sex and drugs; research on delaying risky behavior.
• 48:25–51:59: Rumor mill, telephone game, and the need for direct info from schools.
• 52:05–53:48: The political storm over inclusive sex ed—and why it’s really about safety.
• 53:48–55:45: Final thoughts: Why communication and depoliticization help every child.

---

Memorable Moments & Humor

• Double Negative Banter:
  “This episode about sex education is not going to be fully negative. It is going to be fully double negative. Okay?” (Cara, 03:30)
  “So it's actually going to be fully. Two negatives make a positive, right? So it's going to be fully positive.” (Vanessa, 03:37)

• Teaching “Pleasure Center”:
  Vanessa recounts an awkward school moment where educators referred to the clitoris as “the pleasure center.” The parents didn’t know whether the children learned correct terminology, “and, like, philosophically, yes, the clitoris. The term pleasure center, they used literally the term pleasure center...” (Vanessa, 33:50–35:00)

• Relating to Out-of-Date Content:
  “It feels like it was from, like, the 1900s, as they like to say to me.” (Vanessa, 39:57)

• On “Just Say No”:
  “And yeah, I mean, just say no. Didn't work. Also.” (Cara, 48:17)
  “No.” (Vanessa, 48:20)

---

Takeaways

• Parental anxieties about health and sex ed are common—and valid—but best addressed with communication and transparency.
• Comprehensive sex ed encompasses much more than “sex,” and its benefits are repeatedly backed up by research.
• The best outcomes happen when schools and parents are partners, not adversaries.
• Direct information beats gossip—reach out to your school with questions instead of acting on hearsay.
• Inclusive and up-to-date education is a health and safety imperative, not a political stance.

---

For parents, educators, and everyone invested in raising safe, healthy, and well-informed kids, this episode is an engaging, reassuring, and practical primer for navigating “that health class”—without the cringe.

Transcript

[A]

If you need more comfort around what is being taught, ask for it. But it doesn't look like, let me show up in the classroom space, which might sound like an outrageous statement. And yet I think every single parent meeting I have ever been a part of, there has been at least one hand that goes up that makes that request. Hi, Vanessa.

[B]

Hey, Carl. Farah.

[A]

Vanessa, this is going to be a fun one. You know what?

[B]

When is it not fun, Farah?

[A]

Never. It is never not fun. Double negative. Vanessa, we are going to have a fantastic conversation about all the things that people object to when it comes to teaching health and sex ed. What we in our curriculum call that health class, like, emphasis on that. That health class. We are going to go through all the things we've heard over the past. I mean, for me, it's been almost two decades of teaching this class. For you, it's close to it. And the same incoming is raised. In every conversation, every parent meeting, every school administrator meeting. There are very predictable questions. And frankly, they're very good answers to these very predictable questions, and we're going to get into all of them.

[B]

It's such a fascinating thing because we have formally had a health and sex ed curriculum in schools for over two years, but we've been working with schools and with kids and with families for many, many, many years. And part of the reason I started Dynamo Girl, the puberty workshops, was because parents were actually hungry for information and kids were eager for it. You actually pushed into schools themselves and taught health and sex ed?

[A]

I wormed my way in sometimes.

[B]

To your own children.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But in this current moment, and with our experience working formally with dozens and dozens of schools across the country, we have a Newfoundland appreciation for what feelings and thoughts parents have, what experiences educators and administrators have, and the unique role we enjoy, which is sort of sitting at a variety of crossroads and hopefully being helpful and empowering to all the different folks who sit and think about and execute on teaching kids about their bodies and brains and experiences and all of that. And so while we call our curriculum wink, wink, that health class, it's actually the opposite of that health class. It's a reinvention of it because of the knowledge we've gained of what all these different audiences and constituencies are looking for and thinking about.

[A]

I mean, for those who don't know, we are never not ironic. So there we go.

[B]

But, Vanessa, here's another double negative.

[A]

This episode about sex education is not going to be fully negative. It is going to be fully double negative. Okay?

[B]

So it's actually going to be fully. Two negatives make a positive, right? So it's going to be fully positive.

[A]

Quick math, as the kids would say. So here's the thing. Parents have a lot of feelings about health and sex education in schools, and they're all valid and fair. Here are the complaints. Okay, ready? Some think it's not enough. It should be fully comprehensive. Kids should learn every single detail about every corner of health, wellness, social emotional wellness and skill based learning there. And also sex and drugs and all the rest of the. Some go the other side and they're like, well, wait a second, this isn't the school's business to teach. This is what we want to teach. And that's valid because when you get into the value side of things, there's a lot to be said, a lot to be discussed about where families do and don't fit into this equation. So we can cover some of that. Some parents, some adults in the situation want to see experts come into a school. They essentially want this curriculum outsourced to people who do this for a living. Okay, that feels fair. Some want that because they don't want to do it at home. Others want that because they want a voice of someone who knows. Some of the adults are like, no, no, I'm good with the educators in the school teaching it, but I'm also like, going to piecemeal this year. Like, I want my kid to learn this and this and this, but not this and this and this from these educators. For instance, you could teach my kid about mindfulness and you could teach my kid about how to use soap, but don't go there with sex and drugs. And I do believe, I believe all of these perspectives are valid and parents are entirely entitled to how they feel. And yet, Vanessa, you and I both know very well that there are also rules that govern what kids are supposed to learn in schools.

[B]

Right? And they vary state by state. So each state has different rules and deeply vary. They don't just like, vary on technicalities. Like, there are states where you can't teach about sex at all. You can only teach about abstinence. And then there are states where the teaching about sex is very in depth and it also includes prenatal care. And, you know, so there's just a massive range because there is not officially a national enforceable set of health and sex ed standards. There have been standards written by a few different organizations, including Secus, but there's nothing on the books. What's on the books is by state. And when you say everyone's perspective is Valid. That comes from our sort of philosophical bent that all families are going to choose to do things differently based on their own experiences and upbringings and cultural and ethnic and religious beliefs and the context in which they live. Right. We don't judge any of that. However, the research tells us, and this is research we cite in the letter, that schools who license our curriculum send out to all of the families who are whose children are going to receive the health and sex ed curriculum that we've created. The research tells us that communities where kids are taught comprehensive sex education and we're going to define that for you because it's actually not what you think it is. Most likely those kids are safer, those kids are healthier, those kids have better mental health outcomes, they have better academic outcomes. There is less violence amongst all children and young people in those communities. Like there's so much evidence that when kids learn this over the years of their education, they are safer and healthier, full stop.

[A]

And, and this is a really important and. And even though lots of schools call this content sex education, it's not all about sex, Vanessa. In fact, it's even not mostly about sex. It's about body knowledge, it's about healthy relationships, it's about consent, it's about emotional awareness, and oftentimes it's about sex. But the term sex education, it throws people for a loop. It does more than that. It doesn't just throw them for a loop. It like flattens them on the ground. And you feel like as the person who is speaking to the need for this, you have to like peel them up off the ground and help them understand that the reason why so many states mandate teaching of all of this content and why all states mandate teaching of some of this content is that this is incredibly important stuff. That these are the basic life skills that then lead a child to be able to become independent and self supporting and friend making and employed and all the things adults. I mean like it's as simple as that. This is something that you cannot outsource to AI. You have to learn the basics of human connection, health wellness and emotional wellness before we dive in and we're going to go kind of objection by objection what parents have said to us or said to friends of ours or administrators we know and admire when presenting the this is what your kid is going to learn meeting. Before we dive in, a couple of things we think. I'm going to speak for you, Vanessa. Like, I don't.

[B]

I'm nodding until I hear what you say in the bad weather.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. We think that parents deserve to know what their kids are learning in school. And now Vanessa's really head nodding.

[B]

Yeah, agreed. For those of you not watching on YouTube, agreed.

[A]

And there's a reason why it's not that we think parents should be in this classroom litigating how this class is taught. We believe that this information is so important that parents need to be a comfortable opening up these conversations at home. So where is the starting point? The starting point is here. This is what your kid learned in school today. Now talk about it at home. B some adults were never educated in this or some were educated about this decades ago and they just don't remember it. We believe that adults deserve to remember to be re educated or to be educated for the first time. And finally, we believe that when parents are educated about all these topics, what happens is that there is a switch from parents in schools sometimes being in conflict over these topics to parents and schools working collaboratively and cooperatively. They are on the same side. When parents actually start to learn what their kids are learning, it's not so terrifying, actually. And the pushback, by and large, tends to go away. We'll be right back, but first, a word from our sponsors. Vanessa Summer always makes me rethink my wardrobe. It's when I go from freezing to boiling. And that's why I keep coming back to Quint's Totally.

[B]

Quince has beautiful everyday pieces like a hundred percent linen pants, dresses and tops with styles starting at $32. Cara, the pink linen shirt I'm wearing in our new headshots is my fave from Quint. And I know you have not put down your new Quince purse since you got it. And it's not just clothing. Quint has become a destination for elevated essentials across home, kitchen, bedding and beyond, making it easy to bring a luxury feel into everyday life.

[A]

So elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quint.comawkward for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C e.com sl awkward for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com awkward raising tweens and teens can feel totally overwhelming. So can finding a therapist to support you. Not to mention one who actually takes your insurance. That's where most online therapy platforms really fall short.

[B]

I've had times when I needed to find mental health providers but found it impossible to find a therapist online who took my insurance.

[A]

Rula does things differently. They offer therapy from licensed professionals for an average copay of just $15 per session. Go to rula.com Tisa to get started today. That's R U L A.com T I S A for quality therapy that's covered by insurance.

[B]

Rula is engaged with 120 insurance providers and a diverse nationwide network of over 23,000 licensed therapists and psychiatrists so you can find the right therapist for you based on your needs and state requirements. Thousands of parents are already using Rula to get affordable, high quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance and helping them and their families. And so can you visit rula.comtisa to get started? That's r u l a.comt

[A]

this episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome?

[B]

That's new.

[A]

It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block. Or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it, ready to make anything online make sense. There's no place like Chrome. Check responses, Setup required compatibility and availability. Various 18

[B]

kids need to hear information from a variety of trusted sources. So it's not one adult's job, it's not one facet of a kid's life to provide this information. Because as anyone listening to this podcast knows, you could tell a kid something 200 times and maybe it's the 201st time that it actually they're able to take it on board. So they need to get information from lots of places. Their relationships with those trusted adults will wax and wane, and sometimes they feel more trusted than other times. If you want to think about that, go back to our episode with Brooklyn Rainey about trusted adults and the roles they play. But on top of that, we need to recognize the baggage we bring into our assumptions. We, meaning adults who were raised in a different era, in different family settings, often in different cultures or communities. We need to recognize the baggage we're bringing in, the assumptions we're making about what is health and sex ed, what's being taught, what's not being taught, who's teaching it, all of that. So we're going to go through all that, but I want folks listening to kind of clock where their brains go when they hear sex ed, what image comes to mind of their own adolescent experiences? Or is it blank because they were never taught? Or as you said, Cara, they just don't remember. I want to talk, Cara, at some point about and you tell me when you want to cover this, but the politicization of this topic, which is frankly actually not a political topic, it's a health and safety topic for kids. And how when we all get on the same page and share information to your point earlier, about once parents know what's actually being covered, it's actually they're more comfortable than when they feel like they don't know what's going on. So we're going to get to that issue. But let's cover some of the sort of broad stroke stuff first and then dig into to that later.

[A]

Yeah, I mean we should land there because I think the way in is for us to go through a top hits list of when we are in the front of a room telling a group of parents or when another, an administrator, an educator, anyone is in front of a room of parents saying this is what we're going to teach your kid. Let's go through the Casey Kasem's top 100 hits of parents are going to raise their hand and ask these things. Okay, ready? So let's start here. What exactly are you teaching? Because I want to teach my kids this stuff myself, so why should I outsource it to you? So we covered this a little in the lead in. But Vanessa, how can you help parents understand in language that feels relatable, how can you help them understand why they should not opt out automatically, why they should not schedule an orthodontist appointment for exactly at the time that this class is being taught, which by the way, parents might do in order to avoid it.

[B]

Right. So it gets back to the initial point which is that health and sex ed or what people just blanket call sex ed often in many of the lessons this is certainly true. Our health and sex ed is about stuff having nothing to do with sex. So it has to do with hygiene, it has to do with pillars of health, it has to do with understanding how to take care of your body. And it's about brain development, decision making, social media, body image, healthy relationships that are actually not romantic. It's about friendships, it's about fairness. It's about cooperation and collaboration. Right. It's about nutrition and by the way, nutrition in the modern sense of nutrition, not the nutrition that we were, the shaming nutrition we were taught 30, 40, 50 years ago. It's about how to be a human being in the world. And so often when parents realize that what their kid is being taught are the same things they've been harping on and on about at home and met with a blank stare at their kitchen TABLE Whereas if they have an engaging, experienced teacher at the front of the room and kids are learning this alongside peers and friends who light up their limbic system and make things exciting and there's activities and interactive things to do, all of a sudden kids are going to learn. Oh, here are the questions I should know how to ask at a doctor's appointment when I am no longer, you know, living under my parents roof. Or here's a way to judge whether if a friend is treating me a certain way, if that's actually good for me or not. Right? Or here's how I think about taking care of my skin and not just like what I'm learning on TikTok through my endless scroll. So there's like so many fundamental things that are part of health and sex ed that have nothing to do with intercourse or have nothing to do with STI or contraception. Yes, those are things that come up. But actually down the road after so many skills and foundational things have been

[A]

built, I mean to your point, so often the person at the front of the classroom is saying exactly what you have said to your kid a hundred times, but they cannot hear it from you for whatever reason.

[B]

And they like soap, for example, in

[A]

the shower, use deodorant, pick your clothes up off the floor, floss your life, floss, say thank you, turn things in on time, hold your pencil correctly, write neatly, like whatever the things are. The messenger. Look, educators are not always the most welcome messengers and they are the first ones who will say, we try to say things 150 times that don't land that sometimes we need other people to say. But when it comes to health and wellness, having an educator send the message is often for a lot of kids, just that outside voice they need to have it click in. And so rest assured, a huge percentage of what is being covered in these classes is stuff that you have likely talked about not once but like 500 times in your house. And everyone is on the same team here.

[B]

Yeah. And who are those people? So in a lot of the schools that have our curriculum, it's actually a variety of people. It can be PE teachers who are teaching some aspects of it during, you know, a PE class or they push into other classes. CTOs at school. Right. People who are in charge of the technology at school are pushing in around social media and tech use. You've got science teachers who are teaching anatomy and physiology. You have homeroom teachers or advisors who are teaching the social emotional skills. So often schools are using a variety of educators and leaning on Their expertise, their particular specialty. You've got health educators, but not all schools have health educators. Or the health educators are doing a lot of heavy lifting. You have school psychologists pushing in. You have school nurses pushing in. So there's all these trained adults with different specialties who are picking up and carrying one part of the curriculum or a bunch of lessons within that curriculum that suit their specialty. Which again means that kids are able to hear from those adults in that setting because they're like, oh, this makes a lot of sense that, you know, my PE teacher is talking to me about hygiene after exercise as I've just gotten sweaty in my gym class.

[A]

Okay, so you've just answered question number two that we get all the time, right? Who the heck is leading the class? Do they have any training or credibility? There's sort of three camps of people who run these classes. So one are trained health and sex educators. This is an incredible group of people. They often have a very, very deep knowledge base because they have had not just external training, but they also often have years of in classroom experience. These are incredible, incredible educators. Not every school is lucky enough to have people like this, but the ones who are parents, you should get to know these people and get to understand sort of their fund of knowledge. It's quite incredible. The second group is the group of teachers that Vanessa described, right? The coaches and science teachers and people with individual expertise. And that expertise leads to knowledge in a specific area and comfort in a specific area, which is amazing. And the third group is the group who raises their hand and says, I want to do this. One of my kids had a teacher who was in this third group. He did not have formal training. He was really knowledgeable, sort of on his own. He had amassed all this knowledge, but what he had was passion. He was deeply invested in getting knowledge to kids about what they were putting into and onto their bodies, how they were treating themselves, their mental health. And he became sort of the favored health educator, not because he was educated, but because he was self educated and passionate. And I have seen lots of administrators take these roles. There are so many kids who report that they were taught health and sex ed by their principal or the head of their division at school or their dean. And these are really deep bonds that are created between students and administrators. When the administrators teach these classes, there is a separate group that will sometimes come in from the outside. Vanessa, do you want to talk about them a little bit?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, we've met a bunch of wonderful educators who are often brought in to teach, you know, this sort of very specific part of the year of health class or they've, they've made time in the calendar. Sometimes they've helped develop what gets taught. Some schools have had sort of bad experiences doing it in house. They're a little bit wary, and so they feel more comfortable bringing outsiders in. It sort of gives them a level of like, comfort or, you know, lack of liability. I mean, even though it's like technically not the right. I don't mean that legally, I mean sort of conceptually. And knowing some of these folks who we think are amazing, that's great. The word of caution that we often offer is like, you can't determine when these questions or topics come up in a school setting, right? Particularly when you get into the middle school and high school years. These topics come up about every 15 minutes when you're with kids this age because they are constantly interacting with each other, touching each other, getting up to all sorts of things around substances or sex or relationships or decision making or whatever it is. And so we really love the idea of that the adults in the school building are the folks who are teaching kids this information because then they're trusted resources on a daily basis when these things do come up. Hey, do you remember when we talked about how your brain is under development and sometimes you're going to make not the best decisions? I just noticed you leaning your chair back for the 400th time and then you fell and hit your head like, let's talk about how we can do things differently. So you're not leaning your chair back anymore. And you can keep in mind how your brain develops. Right? Like that's a way that it's relevant. And I'm not even getting into the big stuff like vaping in the bathroom or making out by the lockers or whatever it has to do with. But we love the idea that the trusted adults who are teaching this content are also the ones who are interacting with kids on a day to day basis.

[A]

It also really helps on the tactical side. So it's really common when you teach a group of fourth or fifth or sixth graders for kids to need answers to tactical problems. So what if I get my period? This teacher does not let anyone leave their classroom until the bell rings. And there are no ifs, ands, or buts. And you're telling us that teachers will always be supportive. And we know we have this dynamic in our classroom where we can't leave and it's like the outsider is caught flat footed and they can't really navigate that. Whereas if it's an educator or an administrator within a school. The whole conversation is different and the solution is different. If there's really an educator who for whatever reason kids are leaving constantly and has imposed this rule, okay, no one leaves. There can be a quick conversation in the school. Hey, you know, the girls in the class are a little anxious about needing to go to the bathroom. What can we do? So I think there are a lot of reasons why having people who are in the school day to day also in this curriculum becomes just the biggest boon. It's so, so helpful. That said, I'm with you. There are phenomenal health and sex educators who come in as guests into school environments and their wisdom is so incredible. I mean, we've worked with Shafia Zaloom for years and she's a perfect example of one of these educators who will come into schools from the outside and run sessions with kids. And frankly, I mean, there's nothing like it. So to be able to have a combination of both I think is probably the win of all time. Okay, next really big question we get if you use a curriculum, which one do you use? And if you don't, then how do we know what the kids are learning? We'll be right back. But first, a word from our sponsors. I wrote a little song to remind you. Choice hotels get you more of the experiences you value. The Cambria Hotel's got it all.

[B]

A rooftop bar.

[A]

Have a ball. Cocktails up here. Feel just right.

[B]

Ms. Cambria. Amazing.

[A]

All right, bring a date, your team or even your mom. Book [e-mail] See you on the roof. This episode is brought to you by Fox 1.

[B]

Watch all 104 matches of the FIFA World cup live in 4K for just $19.99 a month with 3 days free. Build your own multi view, choose up to three streams and follow player spotlights. Stay on on top of every moment

[A]

with live stats, highlights and instant replays. The FIFA World cup streaming live on

[B]

Fox One offers a subject to change. See fox.com for complete terms and conditions.

[A]

Athletic Brewing Company crafts award winning non alcoholic beers for those who want to be part of every round. With over 185 flavor awards, they're exceptional NA beers that fit your lifestyle and any social media occasion. Summer's full of good times and athletic fits right in. Go to athleticbrewing.com to have brews delivered to your door or find them at a bar, restaurant or store near you near Beer Athletic Brewing Co. Fit for all times.

[B]

So there's a bunch of different Curricula. There's our whole lives known as owl. There's advocates for youth has, it's called the three R's. There's obviously ours, that health class and there's lots more. So you want a curriculum that is going to be aligned with your state standards and ideally you have a curriculum that's aligned with national standards. You know, I mentioned SECAs, there's a few other ones. Ours is aligned with the most rigorous state standards and national standards and it's also aligned with Casel, which is an SEL set of standards for social emotional learning. So you want to do that investigation but on top of that you then have to think about how you communicate with the parents about what's being taught. Right. We talked about the importance of transparency and visibility. Our curriculum has a companion parent hub which has all the same information that's in the curriculum but in essentially like lessons for parents, like one sheets for every lesson that there is in the curriculum. But then schools also do kind of formal coffees or parent ed nights where they go through what's being covered. And I've been on both sides of this, right. I've been a parent who is hearing what's being taught in my kids school. I have a very funny story about that. And then I've also been, you know, the co founder of Less Awkward where we teach families and educators about what is in our curriculum and what's being taught and people feel better when they have the information, I think ahead of time. So as a parent it doesn't feel great when your kid comes home from school and tells you about stuff that they learned and you didn't have a heads up and you didn't know. However, some schools do that and I understand why, because they're worried if they tell parents ahead of time. There's a lot of nitpicking that happens and all of a sudden they're not going to be able to get the lessons taught because there's going to be roadblocks thrown up. So I'm going to share. Ideally, a school would let parents know ahead of time the topics being taught and the sort of philosophical approach to these topics like why we teach it, why we teach it at this age, what we cover, what we don't cover at this age and we wait to cover when kids are older, giving the the 360 perspective. Our curriculum, every single lesson has an email that describes what, why and how. Right? Like what's being taught, why it's being taught at this age, how it's taught, what's not included at this age, but later gets covered. I had a totally bizarre experience when my kids, this is many, many years ago at a school they used to attend. And the school did a lovely job explaining philosophically what was being taught and how it sort of integrated with the values of the community. And that was really lovely until a parent asked about, like, do they cover all the anatomy? Do they talk about all the anatomy, including female genitalia? All parts of female genitalia. And one of the folks leading the conversation indicated that, yes, they do. You're going to die. They do discuss the pleasure center of the female genitalia. And I'm sitting there thinking, okay, I think they mean the clitoris. And like, philosophically, yes, the clitoris. The term pleasure center, they used literally the term pleasure center. And so then I was left like, so do they call it the pleasure center with the kids or do they actually use the word clitoris with the kids? But they feel uncomfortable using the term with the parents, in which case, if they don't feel comfortable using it with the parents, how do they possibly feel comfortable using it with the kids? And I was sort of left like having this. I was like in my own head asking myself all these questions. And then when I raised the question, I, let's just say I did not have a satisfying answer as to any of like the follow up questions. So it gives you a sense when you're in conversation with the educators, what their comfort level is, what's being covered, what's not being covered? If it's not being covered, why isn't it? If it is being covered, why is it being covered? Right? Like it's all of these things. But educators are often like, I don't want to deal with these parents because they're off worrying about stuff that's not relevant.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That I want to leave in that, I mean, in the air.

[A]

It is not generally permitted in schools for parents to micromanage what's taught in math class, right? Or an art class. And yet we have approached this topic totally differently, where parents have seemingly been invited to this parent meeting to raise their hands and ask questions and raise concerns about what might be covered in a class that is based in fact and language. Vanessa, like, to your point, right? And so when we circle back to the question of are they using a curriculum and if so, which one, and if not, what the heck do they do? I think the biggest concern is the second half, which is, if not, what the heck do they do? Because again, if you go back to this There are different kinds of educators. The ones who are trained health and sex educators. Part of their education, their background, is how to cobble together materials in a way that creates scope and sequence and gets kids to where they need to go. But if you've got no formal training in this and you've got not a whole lot of experience in this, and you're asked to make up this class on your own, what are you going to do? Well, you're going to do what we did when we first started building our curriculum. Before we really started building our curriculum. We were like, let's see what's out there on YouTube. Let's see what's out there on social media. Let's see what's out there in the Zeitgeist and how people are being educated. And I don't even know how many hours of our life we'll never get back. Vanessa, from watching those videos that in the first 30 seconds seemed like they were going to have great information. And by 45 to 60 seconds in, you're like, oh, thank you. Next.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Next. Because it took a turn you are not expecting. So when you are the parent sitting in the audience, this is a really good question. Vanessa listed the most common curricula that are used. Find out if your school is using one, which one? Because they all have websites, they all have information, and if your school is using ours, Join the Hub. You can see every lesson, and it's fully transparent. But parents, a word of caution, which is, none of this is meant to say that you belong in the classroom. So in the same way that parents are not invited to dissect the math curriculum or the art curriculum, likewise, they are not invited to sit in on those classes and watch how the teaching occurs. That is not healthy for your kids as learners. So if you need more comfort around what is being taught, ask for it. But it doesn't look like, let me show up in the classroom space, which might sound like an outrageous statement. And yet I think every single parent meeting I have ever been a part of, there has been at least one hand that goes up that makes sense. That request, which is kind of incredible. Now let's move on to the next topic if we can. The one where someone raises their hand and says, yeah, but the person at the front of the room is totally unrelatable to my kid. And I want to start with they're actually not asking a question like, if we're being honest, they're just logically, there's

[B]

always that question in the parent meeting that's not actually usually more than one.

[A]

Yeah, but I think the question, the question that is implied is do you school choose people who will relate to the vast majority of kids? What do you do when a certain kid cannot relate or does not feel comfortable in a classroom and the educator who's at the front is not really a perfect fit for them? And you know, to that I will say what I have said in these meetings and what I will say here is in the same way that adults need to hear things in lots of different ways from lots of different people. Like, you're just not going to hit everyone in a classroom. No matter how fabulous the teacher is, no matter how great a communicator, there are going to be some kids for whom the way the information is being delivered is not ideal for them. And that is the beauty of having these conversations in more than one space. And psychology, you, the parent, when you're delivering this information, may not deliver it in a way that resonates with them. And the teacher might. So, like, there's the, the benefit of it coming from lots of different places. But you know, Vanessa, do you have any, anything to add about when that educator is just unrelatable?

[B]

I mean, it's not just the educator. Sometimes it's the content itself feels outdated. And kids say like, well, I mean, it feels like it was from like the 1900s, as they like to say to me.

[A]

The chastity belt reference, you mean?

[B]

Or just like the like weird bell bottoms and like corduroy bell bottoms and wide collar, which I always forget. We were still wearing that stuff in the early 80s.

[A]

Very much so, yes.

[B]

But I think, you know, if a kid brings that up, then there's two things that can get done, two constructive things that can get done. One is they're giving you parent an opening, an opportunity to be like, oh, that's so interesting. Like, what did you guys cover? What would have made it more relevant? What kind of personality do you feel like you learn from best? Right. That's actually, they're inviting you to engage in conversation about some pretty interesting stuff about how they learn. So that's number one. Number two, it is your right as a parent to reach out to, you know, the division head or whoever sort of that educator is reporting to and say, listen, I so support that we're covering this in class. My kid is just like not vibing with this teacher. I'm wondering who's teaching it next year. Is there anyone else who's available as a resource for them to go ask questions in the school building. Is there, like, a chance during lunch to have a conversation about that topic, maybe led by another educator? Right. We are a child's advocate not to sit and go line by line through the. All through the various curricula that they learn from in school, but for their general learning experience, it's our right and responsibility to kind of help our kid get the most out of the experience. And so I think it's actually. It's a. A little bit of a bummer at first, but it's also a chance to help understand how our kids learn and be in relationship with the educators or the administrators.

[A]

There's also this bonding thing that happens when the topic of the day is particularly cringy and the person who's at the front of the classroom is sort of stumbling through it a little. And there's like, this total moment of bonding among the kids, which is like, okay, this is so uncomfortable. This was so. And they leave the class, and they all sort of unite around the fact that that was so awkward. And there's something really beautiful about that. So I have been the teacher at the front of the classroom where that has happened, where it's like, some days it's so great, and some days it lands with a thud and it just does. And then the kids stream out of the class afterwards. And, I mean, I swear they're laughing at you, not with you. And it's okay because it sticks. It's. This is how these are formed.

[B]

They will never forget it.

[A]

Oh, they will never forget how bad it was. Yeah. Or how awkward or whatever.

[B]

Cara. We had a fifth grade teacher tell us recently. We were talking about the scenarios in our curriculum and the conversation prompts, and he was saying how jazzed his fifth grade boys were and talking through these prompts and scenarios and. And thinking about them, and, like, they were so into it. And sometimes when it hits, you're like, oh, my God, this is amazing. Like, right. The world has all this cynicism about these kids, but, like, we get to see firsthand, these teachers get to see firsthand how cute, curious, and engaged and passionate and supportive they are of each other. So, you know, we had, like, 45 minutes of health and sex said in, like, two different years in school. But these kids are getting really in depth, valuable education. And, you know, then there's the worry that parents often ask, like, what are you saying about sex? What are you saying about drugs? And, you know, they want to dig into that. So do you want to kind of COVID that, Cara?

[A]

I mean, I think that's where these conversations get heated. I think that's where I've been in meetings where I've watched parents really go after one particular thing that is. It's an anxiety point for them. Right. Sex. So there's a lot of conversation in these meetings about, does sex education increase the likelihood that a kid will then be sexually curious and explore their sexual curiosity? And, I mean, I don't know how many times we can say it, Vanessa, but it's okay, we'll say it again. The data is so clear. The more information kids get about sex, sexual activity, sexual feelings, the logistics of all of it, the less likely they are to actually explore physically in order to get the answers, the more likely they are to. To take the answers and sit with them and think about it, make different choices about sexual activity. This is not to say that they're not going to become sexually active, and that's not the goal, but the goal is for them to make smart, safe choices about their sexual activity. And educating them about sex does not accelerate their path to sexuality. Now, there are people who are worried about judgments that are being thrown in for kids who are sexually active, for kids who aren't sexually active, there's a whole layer about how educators talk about who you're sexually active with. That's a big deal. Then there's pregnancy, which is separate but obviously extremely connected. And about half of all states in this country have thrown down a gauntlet and said, you cannot educate about ending pregnancy, about protecting against pregnancy. You can only educate about abstinence, which is a valid form of birth control. Right. And this is something that every sex education curriculum teaches, is that abstinence is one way to prevent a pregnancy. But there are some states, many that say this is the only way you can teach about it. And then they also have what you mentioned at the top, which is content around pregnancy, but not from the perspective of the biology of here's what's happening and, you know, here's the path through pregnancy. It's actually goes a step further and talks about things like prenatal care and managing your pregnancy. And that's a lot for people in states that don't have those mandates to wrap their brain around. So this is fair, the fact that parents have questions about all this. Totally, totally fair. And I think our advice. And by the way, we could do that whole thing with drugs. Just substitute out sex and throw in drugs, and throw in different types of drugs and throw in, like, all that. What this boils down to in my mind is parents want to know that it is information based, not values based. They want to know that educators are not telling them when to do something or what to try, but instead they're giving them information.

[B]

Right. And with respect to drugs. Right. The same applies that more information delays. And with drugs, delaying is so critical because every year a kid delays experimenting with substances, drugs, alcohol, their risk of developing substance use disorder goes down by 4 to 5%. So between 8th and 9th grade. Right. Substance use in 8th grade is so critical because it buys you hopefully another year of not experimenting. Or between 9th and 10th grade. So delay is not just like, oh, well, I don't have to worry about it for a year. It means another year of brain development. It means another year of maturity. It means another year of learning how to communicate with another person. It means another year of figuring out how to take care of your body. Right. Like, delaying is a wonderful thing, not that they're never going to do it, but because they're better prepared and better able to handle it if they choose to participate in any of these activities.

[A]

And yeah, I mean, just say no. Didn't work. Also.

[B]

No.

[A]

Let's just be very. I like how you answered that with no, just say.

[B]

And then let's talk a little bit about the rumor mill, the gossip mill that happens around health and sex ed kids. Somehow the thing they take on board the most is what they've heard from older grades about what happened last year. And then they go home and tell their parents, and the parents have no idea that there's a history paper due next week. But they do know about that theoretical, alleged thing that happened in class 14 years ago and supposedly has continued to happen. Right. So I love kids. I love listening to kids. I love hearing what they understand and what they think. I also know that it's grain of salt and that what kids have reported to each other through the most hilarious game of telephone ever is not entirely reliable. So if your kid comes home and has heard something 13th hand about what happens in health class, that is your opportunity to gather more information from educators and adults in the school building. That is not your opportunity to take what your kid heard 13th hand and take it as gospel and then go in and. And attack the trusted adults who you have entrusted with all of your child's education. But all of a sudden you don't

[A]

trust them and their safety. And eight hours a day, nine hours a day. It's ridiculous. Okay, so with whether it's sex, drugs, or the rumor mill, the advice is the same. Do not come out Swinging at the administrators and the educators who are involved with this curriculum, because there's no point that doesn't land you in the place you want to land at, which is understanding what's actually happening in a classroom. And sometimes, Vanessa, sometimes things will be said in a classroom, and it's like, oh, no, that wasn't all right. And that doesn't feel okay. And there needs to be a consequence to that thing. Everyone has heard those stories, and they are equally valid. But for the most part, this game of telephone that you described is the one that prevails. And it's like a kid will say to their parent, come home. And they'll say to their parent, oh, my, you should have heard what happened in our class. Okay, this is what they taught us. And I've gotten so many of these emails. And it's a game of telephone that involves one listener on the line, and they get it so wrong. And you're like, how did they get it so wrong? And that's an interesting conversation, because why did they hear what they heard? And why was their filter such that they are coming home and reporting this to you? Is it that it was funny to them and that they are flipping it in their mind? Is it that they really didn't understand and they really heard it the way that they're telling you they heard it? Is it that they heard one thing, but then in the five hours between when they had the class and when they're talking to you, they and their friends have been laughing and talking and texting and all the things about it, and it has taken on a life of its own. So the rumor mill when it comes to health and sex education is. It is on fire, and it needs to be quenched. Advice not to participate. When you have questions, just reach out to the school. Hey, I'm curious. Can we have a conversation? I heard some pretty weird stuff about what was being covered. I would love to talk about it.

[B]

And let's just close with the sort of politicization of this topic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Things like gender identity, things like sexual orientation, those are topics that have been banned in states across the country. They are being enforced in different ways by different folks with different consequences. Right. There's no consistency, and there's not a lot of clarity. What we do know is that including elusive sex ed, and I'm speaking specifically about sex ed in this case, it allows for all kids to be safer. So parents assume that, oh, it's only for the kids who fall into this bucket. In fact, all of the children receiving this education are safer. That is what the research tells us, because it creates an environment and a setting that is less violent, that has less bullying, where people have more reliable information, where they can take care of their bodies and their partners because they've been given inclusive sex education. So when people think, oh, well, that doesn't apply to me, or that's not about my kid, first of all, we can't always know who our kids are or who our kids are going to choose to be or who they're going to choose to be in relationships with. So we want to give them the broadest possible education so they have the best possible chance of being safe and healthy emotionally and physically. But beyond that, if you're just thinking about your kid and not about the wellness of all the kids in your community, it actually allows for all the kids in your community to be safer. And so it is not a political issue. It is an issue of safe and healthy children, which all of us want for all the children in this country.

[A]

Right. And what connects those dots between sex education specifically, but, you know, all of these topics and safety? It's language, it's learning how to use terminology in a way that you can communicate clearly. That translates into hygiene, that translates into consent. That translates into healthy relationships. That translates into better, deeper bonds with your kids. So if there's one takeaway from all of this, it's that there is a system in place that, despite it all, keeps getting stronger and richer. And it is a system of health and sex education that happens in so many different settings, but at the very least at school and at home. And when you have both of those touch points and kids have questions or worries or they're confused or concerned about something, and they have learned that this information is important enough to talk about in both of those places, then they feel like they can ask their questions, that they can share their concerns. Right. They feel that this is not third rail and it won't get them into some sort of trouble. So the benefit of depoliticizing all of this is that it does what is already happening organically and authentically. It just allows for a conversation to bubble up to keep a kid safer and healthier. Vanessa, as always, it's a pleasure. Not a pleasure center, but a pleasure. Didn't know how we were going to land this one, but there you go. I've got nothing else to say.

[B]

I mean, that was a mic drop. Thanks, Cara.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Thank you so much for listening. You can email us with questions, feedback, or Episode [e-mail] if you want to

[A]

learn more about what we do to make this whole stage of life less awkward for everyone involved. Our parent membership, our school health ed curriculum, our keynote talks and more are

[B]

[e-mail] and if you want products that make puberty so much more comfortable, visit myumla.com.

[A]

You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you may not know yet. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month savings of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary.