Podcast Summary: "The Role of Trusted Adults"

Podcast: This Is So Awkward
Date: April 28, 2026
Host(s): Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett
Guest(s): Brooklyn Rainey (Author, Educator, Founder of One Trusted Adult)

Overview

This episode of "This Is So Awkward" explores the powerful, foundational role that trusted adults play in the lives of young people during puberty and adolescence. Hosts Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett are joined by Brooklyn Rainey, author of the book One Trusted Adult and leader in youth mentorship training. With grounded science and humor, they examine what it truly means to be a trusted adult, how trust is built and maintained, the critical difference between trust and love, establishing healthy boundaries, and why community—both for kids and adults—matters more than ever in today’s complex world.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Just One Trusted Adult Makes a Difference

(05:27)

• The Minimum, Not the Maximum: Data shows that even a single trusted adult can drastically reduce risk factors for kids. Benefits include lower rates of bullying, risky behavior, mental health issues, and dropout, as well as increased reporting, self-worth, and overall wellbeing.
  • "One is the minimum we should be seeking to achieve with every single young person on this planet. It is not the maximum." (Brooklyn, 05:30)
• Going Upstream: The best way adults can meaningfully impact youth is to focus on building relationships, not just responding to crises.

2. Who Counts as a Trusted Adult?

(07:01)

• Trust Can’t Be Declared: Only the young person can decide who is a trusted adult; trust must be earned, not assigned by others.

  • “You can't declare trust. Trust is earned. And only the young person...is the one to dictate and determine or define that that is an adult that I trust.” (Brooklyn, 07:17)

• Parents’ Role: Parents aren’t being replaced but supported; the “village” concept matters, but families need supportive community structures, especially as traditional networks have frayed.

• Teaching Kids to Build Their Bench: Kids need guidance on identifying trustworthy adults (“building your bench”), using real-life examples and modeling the skills needed to build diverse, safe support systems.

  • “Parents cannot do it alone. There’s too much to do. And it would be wild to think that my son would only come to me always.” (Brooklyn, 09:40)

3. What Trusted Adults Do (and Don’t Do)

(12:21 – 16:16)

• The ABCs: Trusted adults are Accessible (but not 24/7), Boundaried, and Caring. Signaling approachability matters more than constant availability.
  • "Accessible does not mean 24/7 access. It means signaling approachability." (Brooklyn, 13:51)
• Role Modeling Connection: Small invitations—asking a kid to play ping pong, for example—often receive more enthusiastic responses than adults expect.
• Limitations of the Role: Non-parent trusted adults must respect boundaries; emotional over-involvement or trying to “save” a kid is both unsustainable and risky.

4. Setting Boundaries and Following Through

(19:01)

• Memorable Story: Brooklyn shares a story where a mentee stands her up; rather than excusing the behavior, she uses it as a teaching moment about accountability and boundaries.
  • “I appreciate your apology...It's unfortunate and it's a real bummer for me that you didn't show up. I still want to work with you...but I really expect that you confirm with me that you'll be there.” (Brooklyn, 21:06)
• Growth Through Friction: It's not the adult's job to relieve all suffering—kids need space for awkwardness and discomfort to grow.

5. Boundaries, Expertise, and Not Overstepping

(22:52 – 29:59)

• Staying in Your Lane: Adults should anchor themselves in clear roles, offering support without pretending to be therapists or overdisclosing personal information.

  • “Where do I best serve and where do I not? And how do I get comfortable sitting back and…allowing that friction to happen where they need it to grow?” (Brooklyn, 29:36)

• Guiding Without Overreach: When a child asks for advice beyond an adult’s expertise (e.g., a romantic issue), offer reflective questions rather than prescriptions or personal anecdotes.

  • “It's so easy...our thrill of being invited in [can cause] us to overstep...gets at Brooklyn. Your point about...maintain[ing] parameters and boundaries.” (Vanessa, 26:29)

6. Handling Disclosures & Mandated Reporting

(31:27)

• Clarity With Young People: Be upfront with kids about mandated reporting requirements; secrecy breeds mistrust and can have unintended consequences.
  • “It feels unfair…they want to know the rules of the game up front.” (Brooklyn, 32:01)
• The LEVERS Framework:
  • Listen
  • Empathize
  • Validate
  • Explain (next steps, if action is required)
  • Report (when necessary)
  • Support (hand off to the right professionals but remain in support as appropriate)

7. The Difference Between Trust and Love

(41:31)

• Not the Same: Love can exist with or without trust; trust is more actionable, future-oriented, and “losable.” Trust is demonstrated by consistent, appropriate, and responsible action.
  • "We found more resonance with 'they learn best from those they trust.'...Trust felt like there's safety and security in trust." (Brooklyn, 43:46)
  • “I loved the high school teacher...who took me to a tattoo parlor and paid for me to get my tongue pierced...I did not trust that person.” (Brooklyn, 44:34)

8. How to Build and Maintain Trust with Boundaries

(45:54)

• Boundaries Beyond Legal: Boundaries matter at many levels: legal, professional, emotional, and social.
• Repair and Reset: Mistakes will happen; trusted adults can reset boundaries and repair relationships by being transparent and clear about what’s changed.
• Concrete Tips:
  • One-on-one time should be observable & interruptible.
  • Avoid personal oversharing/outward sharing about students online.
  • “Trust increases when boundaries are clearer and stronger.” (Brooklyn, 48:26)

9. Becoming a Trust Magnet: Presence, Play, Possibility

(49:08)

• Presence: Put down devices, maintain eye contact, remember names—demonstrate full attention.
• Play: Engage in fun, non-confrontational activities; connection grows while “doing something,” not just talking.
• Possibility: Keep conversations “future-forward,” focusing on what the young person wants for themselves.
  • “Be present, be playful, talk about the possible.” (Brooklyn, 51:08)

10. Modeling for Adults and Seeking Your Own Support

(53:29 – 55:33)

• Adults Need Their Own Bench: Don't turn exclusively to technology for help—reach out to your own trusted adults for advice, connection, and support.
  • “I went to ChatGPT and I got a shortbread recipe...I missed a bid for connection with my grandma, who is and always has been a trusted adult in my life.” (Brooklyn, 54:23)
• Model This for Kids: By reaching out to trusted adults ourselves, we show young people what healthy seeking of support looks like.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Working with young people is like half of a high five. Like, up top, and sometimes they high five back, and sometimes they leave you hanging and it's really awkward. You can't force it.”
    – Brooklyn Rainey (00:38, 51:12)

• “Trust is achievable...Trust is losable. You can lose trust.”
    – Brooklyn Rainey (43:46, 45:32)

• On boundaries:
    "I have a poster...that says, while I am not a mental health professional, I am an advocate for your needs. While I am not your parent or guardian, I am a promoter of your potential." (Brooklyn, 29:08)

• “If you say ‘I’m going to build a relationship with that kid,’ they will smell you coming and they're going to run in the other direction.”
    – Brooklyn Rainey (51:09)

• On technology over connection:
    "I just reached to a device instead of a human...I missed a bid for connection with my grandma.” (Brooklyn, 54:23)

Key Timestamps

• 05:27: Value of just one trusted adult
• 07:17: Defining who actually "counts"
• 09:40: Community and the support network
• 13:51: The ABCs of trusted adulthood
• 19:01: Building boundaries through real-life story
• 22:52: The limits of the trusted adult role
• 31:27: Mandated reporting and the LEVERS framework
• 41:31: Trust vs. Love
• 45:54: Repairing lost trust & resetting boundaries
• 49:08: “Presence, Play, Possibility” for building trust
• 53:29: Modeling adult support networks

Final Takeaways

• Presence, boundaries, and reliability matter more than “relating” or over-disclosing.
• Trust is dynamic, earned, and requires constant tending.
• Model the healthy seeking of adult support both for kids and for yourself.
• You can only go 50% of the way—connection with kids can’t be forced.
• Adults, too, need to keep “building a bench.” Going to people, not just devices, fosters deeper, more effective support.

Brooklyn Rainey’s wisdom highlights that a trusted adult is not a fix-everything superhuman, but a consistent, caring, and clear-eyed companion along the often awkward, always important, road to adulthood.

For additional resources:

• Find Brooklyn Rainey’s work and downloadable posters at One Trusted Adult
• Show notes and links mentioned in the episode at lessawkward.com