Dunkin’ On Christmas Cards! with DeAndre Jordan | 7

Summary

'Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast: Episode 7 - "Dunkin’ On Christmas Cards! with DeAndre Jordan"

Release Date: December 11, 2024

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Introduction

In this festive installment of the “‘Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast,” hosted by the iconic Grinch, voiced by James Austin Johnson, listeners are treated to a blend of humor, holiday spirit, and insightful conversations. This episode features a special guest appearance by NBA superstar DeAndre Jordan, bringing together the worlds of sports and seasonal cheer in a unique and entertaining format.

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Guest Introduction and Initial Banter (00:05 - 02:26)

The episode kicks off with the Grinch welcoming DeAndre Jordan in a humorous exchange about the podcast studio's dark and cramped setup:

• James Austin Johnson (Grinch): “It's dank and it's dark... Watch your head on the low ceilings. You're a big guy.” [00:25]

• DeAndre Jordan: “I've had to duck down the entire time.” [00:35]

This lighthearted interaction sets a playful tone, highlighting the Grinch’s sardonic humor and DeAndre’s good-natured responses.

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Prank Call Segment (02:26 - 06:17)

Staying true to the Grinch’s mischievous nature, the show delves into classic prank calls with Cindy Lou, the kid producer, cautioning against setting a bad example for young listeners:

• Grinch: “Other living creatures really loathe holidays... Christmas and holiday cards.” [02:26]

The duo attempts prank calls to a local Christmas tree lot and an Italian restaurant, exchanging witty banter and escalating the absurdity of their jokes:

• Grinch: “Can you make me a square one?” [04:15]

• Christmas Tree Lot Representative: “We don't sell electronics.” [04:29]

• Grinch: “I'm gonna put it in there like a Marvel guy...” [05:19]

The segment concludes humorously with the restaurant owner threatening retribution, showcasing the Grinch’s relentless teasing.

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In-Depth Conversation with DeAndre Jordan (06:17 - 19:55)

Posture and Mindfulness (07:26 - 10:32)

The conversation shifts to personal well-being, with the Grinch expressing his struggle with mindfulness:

• Grinch: “I am distracted and accusatory. But I want to change that about myself.” [09:23]

• DeAndre Jordan: “It's all about you focusing on yourself. It could be for 1 minute, 30 seconds, whatever.” [09:58]

They discuss the importance of meditation and finding peace amidst chaos, with DeAndre offering practical advice on starting a mindfulness practice.

Basketball Insights (10:32 - 11:18)

The dialogue transitions to basketball, with DeAndre sharing his love for the game despite the inherent noise and distractions:

• DeAndre Jordan: “Sometimes when you're in the zone, you kind of don't listen to a lot of those things.” [08:47]

This segment highlights DeAndre’s focus and determination, drawing parallels to the Grinch’s own relentless pursuits.

Love for Cheese and Cooking (11:18 - 15:35)

The conversation takes a culinary turn as the Grinch and DeAndre delve into their favorite cheeses and cooking habits:

• Grinch: “I just throw the whole thing in my mouth. You know, the whole string cheese.” [12:40]

• DeAndre Jordan: “I like a little brie. I like a little funk cheese.” [13:52]

They humorously debate the merits of various cheeses, leading to a playful exchange about creating the world's most expensive lunchable and their culinary adventures.

Music and Band Aspirations (15:35 - 17:21)

Exploring creative outlets, DeAndre shares his passion for music and dreams of forming a band:

• DeAndre Jordan: “My dream is to be in a band when I'm done playing and playing at local bars and selling out shows of 67 people.” [15:54]

The Grinch encourages this aspiration, fantasizing about their future band, “The Spicy Meatballs,” and envisioning their success at the Grammys.

Community Giving and Charity (17:21 - 19:02)

DeAndre emphasizes the importance of giving back, discussing his annual "Six Days of Giving" event that benefits children and families during the holidays:

• DeAndre Jordan: “I just think that some people need a little holiday cheer. And it goes a long way.” [17:03]

• Grinch: “Your heart's going... down into the town on a frozen marinara slide...” [17:55]

This heartfelt segment showcases DeAndre’s commitment to spreading joy, contrasting the Grinch’s initial disdain for the holidays.

Gaming and Mario Kart Rivalry (19:02 - 19:55)

A shift to lighter topics brings the discussion to gaming, specifically Mario Kart, where DeAndre shares his experiences competing against his child:

• Grinch: “What feels worse, losing a basketball game or getting blue shelled on Rainbow Road?” [18:11]

• DeAndre Jordan: “Losing in Mario Kart to your 8-year-old, you'll never hear the end of that.” [18:20]

Their playful rivalry highlights the fun and competitive spirit both share, concluding with plans for future gaming sessions.

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Conclusion and Closing Skit (19:55 - 26:57)

Closing Skit: The Missing Letters Mystery (20:08 - 24:51)

In a humorous twist, the Grinch breaks character to address the ongoing mystery of missing letters to Santa, humorously framing himself as the prime suspect:

• Grinch: “Far fetched? What's so far fetched about the number one suspect who openly hates Christmas...” [23:40]

• Anjuli Gnupadini (Cindy Lou): “Cindy, this was 100% your idea.” [23:56]

The skit satirizes detective tropes, blending seamlessly with the podcast’s whimsical narrative. The Grinch and Cindy Lou navigate the absurdity of the situation, with Max the dog adding to the comedic tension.

Final Remarks and Production Credits (24:51 - End)

The episode concludes with a playful exchange about the origins of the missing letters, leaving listeners eager for the next installment of the mystery:

• Grinch: “Snow, candy canes, riddled with reindeer poop, and drowning in hot cocoa.” [25:32]

The final moments include production credits, acknowledging the creative team behind the podcast, ensuring listeners are informed about the talented individuals who bring the Grinch’s world to life.

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Key Takeaways and Highlights

1. Humorous Banter: The Grinch’s sharp wit and DeAndre Jordan’s affable personality create an engaging dynamic that keeps listeners entertained throughout the episode.

2. Insightful Conversations: Topics ranging from mindfulness and basketball to cooking and gaming offer a well-rounded and relatable discussion, highlighting the guest’s multifaceted interests.

3. Heartfelt Moments: DeAndre’s dedication to community service adds depth to the episode, showcasing the positive impact of giving back during the holiday season.

4. Playful Skits: The closing mystery skit cleverly incorporates the podcast’s overarching narrative, blending humor with intrigue and setting the stage for future episodes.

5. Engaging Storytelling: The episode skillfully balances scripted humor with genuine conversation, making it accessible and enjoyable for both regular listeners and newcomers.

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Notable Quotes

• Grinch on Holiday Cards:

  • “Christmas and holiday cards. The poor mailman and women luggin these sacks of saccharim.” [02:26]

• DeAndre on Mindfulness:

  • “It's all about you focusing on yourself. It could be for 1 minute, 30 seconds, whatever.” [09:58]

• Grinch on Meditative Spaces:

  • “I was just reserving something for when I hear carolers knocking on my front door.” [10:05]

• DeAndre on Baking Techniques:

  • “I try not to burn the kitchen down.” [14:43]

• Grinch on Band Ambitions:

  • “Now we're a real rock band. Flash forward 45 years in the future, it's the freaking Grammys.” [16:11]

• DeAndre on Giving Back:

  • “I just think that some people need a little holiday cheer.” [17:03]

• Grinch on Gaming Rivalry:

  • “What feels worse, losing a basketball game on a cheap desperation budget beater or getting blue shelled when you're first on Rainbow Road?” [18:11]

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Conclusion

Episode 7 of “‘Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast” masterfully blends humor, heartfelt discussions, and engaging storytelling. With DeAndre Jordan’s charismatic presence, the Grinch navigates through conversations that range from personal growth and community service to playful rivalries in gaming. The episode not only entertains but also provides listeners with meaningful insights and a hearty dose of holiday cheer, staying true to the whimsical spirit of Whoville.

For those who haven’t tuned in yet, this episode offers a delightful glimpse into the Grinch’s charismatic world, enriched by the vibrant energy of a guest who embodies both athletic prowess and community spirit. As the mystery of the missing letters continues to unfold, listeners are left eagerly anticipating the next installment in this enchanting holiday saga.

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Listen to more Episodes: Subscribe to the “‘Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast” on the Wondery App or your preferred podcast platform. Unlock exclusive content by joining Wondery+ and support the journey to solve Whoville’s Christmas caper.

Transcript

[James Austin Johnson]

J man here. That's right, Dagger. Now, before we tape today's episode, I'm just gonna pop in on today's guest. Hey, Deandre, how you doing? Thanks for being here.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, I'm great, man. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. This room is. It's interesting.

[James Austin Johnson]

Dark, isn't it?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

It's dank and it's dark.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

Just relax. Make. Make yourself at home. Watch your head on the low ceilings. You're a big guy. I actually had these lowered earlier this week. I don't know why I did that.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, I've had to cross down the entire time. So.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah, I thought you were like, gonna be short, but then you're huge. Like Gosling. You know when I watch Gosling in movies, I think, ah, this guy's gonna be short. That guy's huge. So anyway, if you're hungry, we've got some sugar coated perfluffles over there. We got some grilled kerplunka doos. Look at this chafing dish over here. We got some sauteed flinga ba dinga dinks.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, I saw that. I was gonna try that one, but I didn't like the way it smelled.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah, don't bite the bats on the ceiling. They won't bother you unless you bother them. Okay, got it. I'll see you out there.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Okay, thanks. Appreciate it.

[Anthony Atamanick]

From Wondry and Dr. Seuss, coming to you from Mount Crumpet Studios, located in the part of Whoville you won't see on a double decker bus. Tis the Grinch holiday podcast. This week's special guest. Boom Shakalaka. It's NBA superstar DeAndre Jordan. Plus, she's as invaluable as she is young. It's kid producer Cindy Lou, who, Seriously, without her, the mics wouldn't even be turned on. Also, he sleeps like a baby. Despite being an accessory to the crime of stealing Christmas, it's Max the dog. Now here he is. He's mean, he's green, and if he ever works out again, he'll be lean. It's the Grinch.

[James Austin Johnson]

All right. Hello, Grinch here. Okay, we've got yet another good show today, and as I like to do, time for me to launch into a perfectly worded tirade about something that is really bugging me.

[Anthony Atamanick]

Hold on to your seats. Keep on your pants. The Grinch is going on one of his rants.

[James Austin Johnson]

I know a lot of people go nuts for the holiday season, but it's terrible for others like me, the Grinch. I mean, between the tinsel and the balls and the bells and the candy canes and the goofy hats and the ugly sweaters and the music. I can't stand the holidays. But you know what? Other living creatures really loathe holidays? Like Christmas trees. Why? You know how much paper is wasted this time of year? Invitations, wrapping paper, gift labels. And perhaps the worst use of paper this time of year? Christmas and holiday cards. The poor mailman and women luggin these sacks of saccharim. Holiday greetings all over the place. Your family receives them, right? Do me a favor. Ask your parents if they recognize half the people that are in those family photos you're receiving. Um, let's see. Who is that? That is. That's my friend Jen. No, no, no, no, it's Karen. No, Jill. Jill from college. Yeah. Sounds like a close friend. Mom. Hey, thanks. Appreciate the snapshot of your life on glossy cardstock almost. And how about your friends who think you wanted them to send you a here's what happened this year. 5,000 word newsletter. This year, little Amy took her first steps. Big deal, she's eight. Also, Devin competed in his first Iowa regional flute competition. And Mikayla started applying to dental schools. Not sure a tree needed to be chopped down just so you could mail me this useless information. People sending these cards. Hey, guess what? You got Grinch. Now, Cindy, weren't we going to do some classic Grinch holiday prank calls today?

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

Well, you pitched that. Yes, but I don't know if that sets a great example for the kids listening at home.

[James Austin Johnson]

I agree. Let's do it. Let's just call up the local Christmas tree lot. Oh, this is going to be great.

[Anthony Atamanick]

Lot of trees. How can I help you?

[James Austin Johnson]

Hi there, my name is Edward, and I'm just calling to see if you sell wreaths.

[Anthony Atamanick]

Yeah, we sell wreaths.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, well, can you make me a square one?

[Anthony Atamanick]

Technically, I guess we could, but it's gonna take a little while.

[James Austin Johnson]

How about a rhombus?

[Anthony Atamanick]

No, we don't sell electronics.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, how about a triangle? Wreath. Triangle is the strongest structure in architecture.

[Anthony Atamanick]

Yeah, yeah, I watch History Channel. Yeah, sure. You can make whatever you want. You want a square? You want a circle, a triangle? Whatever you want, but we don't sell roombas.

[James Austin Johnson]

Oh, well, rhombus, it's a shape. Okay, come on.

[Anthony Atamanick]

Come up with a shape.

[James Austin Johnson]

Can you make a wreath? Huh?

[Anthony Atamanick]

Come on, Euclid, let's go.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, I'm trying a wreath, that's like a sphere.

[Anthony Atamanick]

You mean just a ball? A tree. Yeah, we can do that. But I'll tell you what, I won't do is I won't suffer the insult of you believing I don't understand geometry, okay? So either come down here and get a wreath, whatever wreath you want, okay? Or leave me alone.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, last one. I'm going to call a local Italian restaurant called Whozoni's.

[Anthony Atamanick]

Hello, whozonies. How can I help you?

[James Austin Johnson]

Uh, hi. Uh, this is Richard Grinchson, and I'm calling because I was planning to order 3,000 meatballs, and I just want to make sure that they're certified by the imc. You know, the International Meatball Council.

[Anthony Atamanick]

What are you doing to me? Why would you call me up and do this?

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, sir, I didn't mean to make a grown man cry. I'm just.

[Anthony Atamanick]

Oh, my business is going on.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, well, it's a good phone call. Productive. And I hope you have a nice holiday.

[Anthony Atamanick]

You better watch your back, okay? Because we're gonna come over there and we're gonna slick up the entire sidewalk with Marina, and then it's gonna freeze over, okay? And you're gonna have a slip and a slide all the way down into the town on a frozen marinara slide, all right? And you're gonna have the time of your life. But you remember that you turned on the Husa Nostra.

[James Austin Johnson]

All right? That was horrifying. Sandy, why'd you make me do this? I'm never prank.

[DeAndre Jordan]

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

[James Austin Johnson]

You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus. You're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch. You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel. My guest tonight is a tall drink of water. Is something I've never tried. Not a big water guy unless some accidentally drips into my mouth from the roof of my cave. Anyway, he's a former NBA champion with the Denver Nuggets, all star with the LA Clippers, and an Olympic gold medalist with Team USA in 2016. And just like me, he's made a career out of Dunkin on Fools. Please welcome NBA superstar DeAndre Jordan. How you doing, man?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Doing pretty well.

[James Austin Johnson]

Oh, that's good.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Happy to be here with you.

[James Austin Johnson]

I'm so happy to have you here. Apologies, by the way, for the low ceilings, but it's a. It's a podcast studio carved into a mountain peak. What do you want from me? Oh, gosh, you're a big fella, aren't you? Fun fact, you are. Let me see if I get this right. Six feet, 11 inches tall, is that right?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Almost as tall as you. Yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

Well, that's how tall I would be if I ever stood up straight. But, yes, you know, you see? You see how I'm shaped? Hey, my eyes are up here, pal. Stop looking at my gut.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Sorry.

[James Austin Johnson]

How do you get good posture? I mean, what's the tr.

[DeAndre Jordan]

And I think it's just a character thing, man. I feel so happy about myself, so I want to stand up taller. And I think it's just the positivity that I bring to my life.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay? Positivity. Okay. I don't really try that a whole lot here. Let me see if I can bring some positivity to my posture real quick.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Be careful. Be careful. It can hurt. It can hurt. Don't go too fast.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay? Stand back to back with me. Let me see if I can straighten out my spine.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I told you not to go that fast.

[James Austin Johnson]

I'm sitting back down. So, basketball, huh? Fun game, but just, like, way too noisy. Am I right? I mean, all the squeaker squeaks and the sneaker squeaks and the incessant whistleblowing. Like, how do you deal with all the noise? Noise? Noise.

[DeAndre Jordan]

It is a lot of noise. It is a lot of noise. However, I think that sometimes when you're in the zone, you kind of don't listen to a lot of those things. You kind of just focus on the play. And it's almost like you, for instance, you know, you don't look at the outside noise of a certain holiday. You think about what's going on in your house. You and Max, you know?

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah. I mean, you're so right about that. I mean, guys like you and me, we're into, like, spirituality and, like, connecting with animals and, like, looking at a Microsoft XP screensaver of, like, a big field. Know what I mean?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

I read that you're into, like, mindfulness meditation. And, yeah, I would say that I'm not, you know, meditative or mindful. I would say that I am distracted and accusatory. But I want to change that about myself. Where do I even start, bro?

[DeAndre Jordan]

I think with meditation and mindfulness, it's just about your own pace and your practice. You don't have to be on anybody else's schedule. It's all about you focusing on yourself. It could be for 1 minute, 30 seconds, whatever. Just as long as you can take a pause and kind of focus on your breathing for a bit.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay. I think if I had a mindfulness practice, I don't know, I wouldn't have even stolen Christmas at all.

[DeAndre Jordan]

When you're in the cave, you and Max, you want that peace and quiet, you know?

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah.

[DeAndre Jordan]

The outside is a lot of distractions, so you already kind of have your own form of meditation. You want it quiet in the house and your own personal space, so you're already, like, halfway there.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah, I like it quiet. And, you know, the water's dripping from all the stalactites and stuff. Is it stalactites or stalagmites? Do you know?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Whatever you want them to be.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah. Okay. I think you're right. Do you have, like, a mantra? What should my mantra be?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Ooh, I was gonna say something about your spine and kind of, like, straighten it up a little bit, but we tried that already, and that did not work out well, so what about.

[James Austin Johnson]

My spine is fine. My spine is fine. Say it with me. My spine is fine. My spine is fine. And you can have that, too. I mean, you know, I'm not gonna. That's it.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I like that.

[James Austin Johnson]

I'm not gonna make you pay 20 grand for that.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I really appreciate that. I won't even say it out loud. I'll just say it in my head so it's not even like I'm stealing it from you.

[James Austin Johnson]

I'll tell you, this one basketball noise I do like. Okay. It's when you posterize some poor soul with a monster dunk, and then you just scream right in their face. I love that. As someone who experiences very little joy, that looks like it feels amazing. Tell me about how that feels.

[DeAndre Jordan]

It is one of the greatest feelings on the court ever. Just to be able to take a second and do something just powerful and dominant and strong on the floor is great at the expense of somebody else, which sucks for them. However, it's a part of the game.

[James Austin Johnson]

It's part of the game.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Everybody can't be happy all the time.

[James Austin Johnson]

You're right. It's like you're this, like, cool, calm guy. You're nice. Feel like. Yeah. I'm thinking about all the butterflies. I'm thinking about smelling flowers. I'm taking naps all over the place. That's in your research packet here. You like to nap? We're gonna get to that in a second.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I am a napper.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah. I can't nap. I sleep about a half hour each night. You know what I mean? And that's just because I love feeling jittery. But listen, it's interesting that a guy who is so chill and spiritual and cool can all of a sudden just become this monster. Just like slamming that ball into the hoop, you're supposed to shoot it from over there and Here you come saying, oh, I'm gonna put it in there like a Marvel guy. I'm just gonna leap it into the air and put it in the hoop. These three point guys. I'm not interested. Nah, I want to see put it in dunks. Now, I also got to ask you, what are some other fun things to dunk? Do you like Oreos?

[DeAndre Jordan]

I definitely used to dunk Oreos. For sure.

[James Austin Johnson]

I hate when the Oreo commercial's always saying, here's what you do. You twist the Oreo and then you dunk this part.

[DeAndre Jordan]

No.

[James Austin Johnson]

And then. No, just eat it.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Just eat it. Cause then that's just. That's taking too much time. I got it twisted. Then first of all, that part when you open, that's gross, in my opinion.

[James Austin Johnson]

It's gross.

[DeAndre Jordan]

It's already stuck together. Why do that? And then that's disgusting. And then you're gonna d. Dip it in milk. Gross.

[James Austin Johnson]

No, you're like, I'm dunking basketballs over here. I'm gonna dunk an Oreo once. I'm not gonna do any of the twisting. That's too much math. I'm diving right in. Just like with string cheese, I don't pull the strings. I just throw the whole thing in my mouth. You know, the whole string cheese. Whole string cheese. I do the same thing with burrata at a nice restaurant. I just grab that whole softball sized burrat, shove it right down my gullet.

[DeAndre Jordan]

That's efficient.

[James Austin Johnson]

Do you like cheese?

[DeAndre Jordan]

You know what? I am a fan of cheese. I can't deny that cheese is very good in moderation.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah, you can't go crazy with cheese.

[DeAndre Jordan]

You can't go crazy because it's like, you don't want to be all gunked up.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah. Gums up the works.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah. But it's good stuff.

[James Austin Johnson]

Soft cheese or hard cheese?

[DeAndre Jordan]

I think I'm a hard cheese guy.

[James Austin Johnson]

Parmesan.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I can do a little parmesan.

[James Austin Johnson]

Pecorino Romano.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Ooh, now we're talking. Yeah, now we're talking.

[James Austin Johnson]

You like something with a rind? What about. What about a nice brie? Come on.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I like a little brie. I like a little funk cheese.

[James Austin Johnson]

Too funky.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, a little funky Roquefort. Oh, look at you.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Wow. They. I didn't know they had that on the mountain.

[James Austin Johnson]

Oh, yeah. I'm getting cheese plates all the time. I wander down, I'll put on a disguise, go down to a fancy restaurant, get a cheese.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Oh, you're a charcuterie guy, huh?

[James Austin Johnson]

I love the charcuterie. I love Crudite, you know?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, okay.

[James Austin Johnson]

You know, sometimes I'm like, hey, let's give the chef a little break. Just dig in there, find me the most expensive ingredients, dump them out on a big board, and bring them right to me with some fig jam and some expensive crackers.

[DeAndre Jordan]

That is the world's most expensive lunchable.

[James Austin Johnson]

It really is. It's really not a very different lunch from what a kindergartner is eating at that same moment.

[DeAndre Jordan]

There you go. Yeah. There's just not plastic you gotta peel off. It comes on a big wooden board now.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah. And everything's just rolling off the board as they slap it down on your table. Good thing it's only $150. You're a food guy.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I'm a food guy. Yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

Cooking.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I try not to burn the kitchen down, so. Yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. You gotta turn that fan on. Especially if it's f you and Bobby Flay in the Iron Chef Kitchen stadium. What are you throwing at him?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Ooh, man. I may do, like, a little Japanese spicy kind of meatball deal with maybe some kimchi fried rice.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, I'm imagining your meatball right now. Okay. Tell me if I get some ingredients right or wrong. All right.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yep.

[James Austin Johnson]

Ground pork.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Wrong.

[James Austin Johnson]

Wagyu.

[DeAndre Jordan]

We can do a little wagyu.

[James Austin Johnson]

Egg yolk.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Okay.

[James Austin Johnson]

Panko.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Look at you. Okay.

[James Austin Johnson]

Roquefort.

[DeAndre Jordan]

One million percent.

[James Austin Johnson]

A whole bag of cuties. Those little oranges that they give out of soccer games.

[DeAndre Jordan]

No, I don't think so.

[James Austin Johnson]

Kraft singles. Okay, that sounds pretty good. And then you sprinkle a little. What do they call that stuff where it's like seaweed and some sesame seeds.

[DeAndre Jordan]

A little sesame on there. You gotta have some herbs and spices.

[James Austin Johnson]

This is making me hungry. Now, I also hear that you're dabbling in music a little bit.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I dabble with the guitar. Yeah. I'm not as good as I wish that I could be. My dream is to be in a band when I'm done playing and playing at local bars and selling out shows of 67 people.

[James Austin Johnson]

Okay, so you. You're trying to play Sweet Caroline on a weekly basis. Sounds like.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[James Austin Johnson]

You're about to play don't stop believing until your fingers bleed. Hey, here's a name. The spicy meatballs. You and me.

[DeAndre Jordan]

That maybe you already taken, man. But we can look for it, though.

[James Austin Johnson]

Cindy. Google that.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

Okay.

[James Austin Johnson]

I think that we can go ahead and take it, just you and me with the spicy meatballs. It's a Simon Garfunkel type thing, you know? You're playing the guitar. You're the Paul Simon here. You're writing all the songs. You're just growing silently resentful of my film career. And I'm just, you know, singing real high over all your stuff, you know, and everyone thinks I'm the hot one.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Now we're a real rock band.

[James Austin Johnson]

Now we're a real rock band. Flash forward 45 years in the future, it's the freaking Grammys. And who reunites DeAndre Jordan and the Grinch.

[DeAndre Jordan]

The Spicy Meatballs.

[James Austin Johnson]

The Spicy Meatballs.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I can see them right now, just crying in the crowd, screaming our names. Spicy Meatballs. It's gonna be great.

[James Austin Johnson]

Now, don't you host, like an annual event? It's like six days of Giving for the holidays?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, we do that. We've been doing that for about seven, eight years or so, and it's been great. We've done la, my hometown, Houston, Denver, and a handful of other cities that I played in. And we just kind of do six days of giving back to kids and families to help their holiday a little bit.

[James Austin Johnson]

So you're saying that you love the joy of giving so much that you don't get enough of it from sharing with your family? You gotta go. You gotta go make other people's families better.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, I mean, I just think that some people need a little holiday cheer. And I think that if you're capable of doing that, then why not? And it goes a long way, like a small gesture for me, like to a family and just to see those kids be happy.

[James Austin Johnson]

My heart. My heart's going. Just the side of your face makes the kid smile. Get down. Get down. Down.

[DeAndre Jordan]

One day we'll do days of giving on the mountain.

[James Austin Johnson]

Stop talking about it. Oh, the selflessness makes me sick. Let's get off topic. I'm told you're a big gamer and that you love to play Mario Kart. I love that game.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

What feels worse, Losing a basketball game on a cheap desperation budget beater or getting blue shelled when you're first on Rainbow Road?

[DeAndre Jordan]

I think getting blue shelled because with basketball, like, there's 82 games throughout the season. So you're gonna play another game in 24 to 48 hours. So, like, quick. However, losing in Mario kart to your 8 year old, you'll never hear the end of that.

[James Austin Johnson]

So stays with you.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, man. And it's like the first couple times we played, I was destroying him and I loved it.

[James Austin Johnson]

Of course, you're drifting.

[DeAndre Jordan]

And I had to teach him a few, like, tricks like how to grab the shell and put it behind you.

[James Austin Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[DeAndre Jordan]

But now he knows these things. I let him in on these family secrets that we passed out from generation to generation. And he's got. He's gotten a lot better. So now we're fighting over who gets to play with Yoshi. And I'm like, I always play with the blue purple Yoshi.

[James Austin Johnson]

So you're always blue Yoshi?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, always.

[James Austin Johnson]

Never shy guy.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I remember when we first played, he was like, you can't be Yoshi. And I'm like, I'm gonna be Yoshi. And then I was like, who do you want me to be then? And he's like, well, you have to be Peach.

[James Austin Johnson]

Oh.

[DeAndre Jordan]

But he didn't know. Peach is aerodynamic. She's small, she's lightweight.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah, she's fast. Yes, she's fast. Peach is fast.

[DeAndre Jordan]

She is.

[James Austin Johnson]

Mario's fast. You wouldn't guess that.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, I wouldn't have guessed that. But like, if you go bowser, that's caus of crazy. But Yoshi is. We've won a lot of cups together, Yoshi and I.

[James Austin Johnson]

Word. Yeah. It's like Bowser on a motorcycle. That's like, who are you fooling?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah.

[James Austin Johnson]

Wario in the pirate ship. What's happening there?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah, that's 18 wheeler speed.

[James Austin Johnson]

Yeah.

[DeAndre Jordan]

We want efficiency.

[James Austin Johnson]

Dry bones in the smiling clown car. Me, every time I'm dry bones. Got the smiling clown car with the sponge wheels. Okay, Sponge wheels.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Wow.

[James Austin Johnson]

Wario glider. That's me. We gotta wrap this thing up. I'm having so much fun hanging out with you. You want to sleep over? Well, we'll talk about that later. We can get pizza and nachos and play Mario Kart. I don't know.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Love it.

[James Austin Johnson]

You don't have to say yes, I'd like it if you did. But you don't have to say, yes.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I would like that.

[James Austin Johnson]

What do you think?

[DeAndre Jordan]

Yeah. And then we'll have a spicy meatballs segment.

[James Austin Johnson]

We'll do the Wordle together. The day's wordle.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Oh, okay.

[James Austin Johnson]

Anyway, so nice to have you here, DeAndre. Thanks for coming on the show and coming up here to Mount Crown Bed and being on the show. It means a lot to me.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Thanks for having me.

[James Austin Johnson]

Stay in touch. Let's get this. Let's get this jam thing going, huh? Can we jam?

[DeAndre Jordan]

I would love it. I'm down.

[James Austin Johnson]

All right, we'll talk about it.

[DeAndre Jordan]

I'm with it.

[James Austin Johnson]

Thanks. Well, that was a nightmare. I mean, honestly, I've had expired ham. That was more enjoyable than that conversation. Good thing that's over. And now it's time for.

[DeAndre Jordan]

This is a prepaid call from the.

[James Austin Johnson]

Whoville Penitentiary from Wondery and my beautiful but twisted mind. This is cereal spelled with a C, like the breakfast food. You get it? Cause it's also the name of something else. You get it. The mystery of Whoville's missing letters to Santa, told week by week while I eat my unlucky charms. Oh, my. What is this? I thought these were marshmallows. I think they're teeth. So for all of you who stick around for the after party of this podcast, you know I'm hard at work trying to prove my innocence after being unjustly framed for, quote, stealing the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, which, first of all, I don't think is that big a deal. Things get stolen all the time, all right? Olivia Rodrigo stole my heart when she released driver's license. Which reminds me, Cindy, we need her on the pod, okay? Get on that asap.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

Oh, I've been trying. There's a year long wait list.

[James Austin Johnson]

Secondly, the Grinch ain't no thief, all right? Been there, done that. The only thing I'm stealing is the dang spotlight with this podcast and my greenish male gaze. Yes, you're right, Max. Let's stay on track because today is a great day, a fantastic day, a despicably marvelous day, because last week we received the clue of all clues. One of the stolen letters to Santa. That's right. It literally fell right out of my cereal box onto this beautiful desk. I'm still paying off with my Macy's credit card. It's been five years. Kill me now. Normally, I'd open the letter, see who it's from, and send a letter back saying something normal like, sorry, rotten spawnling of Whoville, but you're not getting diddly squat for Christmas this year. Signed, Santa, Parentheses, real. But I've listened to my better angels. That's right, I'm a changed man. I did something I usually reserve for when I hear carolers knocking on my front door. I called the cops. They'll be here any moment. I'll turn over the evidence and prove that I have nothing to hide. That's right, Maxipoo. I'll finally clear my name and we can go to that all you can eat expired food buffet. God, it feels good to be out of this mess, doesn't it, Cindy?

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

Um, sure, I guess so.

[James Austin Johnson]

Why do you sound like that? What's that high pitched thing you're doing at the end of your sentences? Why are your sentences ending up here? I don't like it.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

No, it's just. I hope that they believe you.

[James Austin Johnson]

Believe me, it's exactly what happened. I never lie. Except when it benefits me or when I think I can get away with something.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

I believe you, Mr. Grinch. I just don't know if the Whoville police will. It's kind of a far fetched story.

[James Austin Johnson]

Far fetched? What's so far fetched about the number one suspect who openly hates Christmas and has a record of trying to ruin Christmas, saying one of Santa's stolen letters magically fell out of a cereal box in his. Yeah, now that I hear it, yeah, I hear it. What have you let me do?

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

Cindy, this was 100% your idea.

[James Austin Johnson]

I practically turned myself in. What was I thinking? Of course they're gonna use this against me. I know what must be done. We must destroy the lizard. No.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

It's her best and only clue.

[James Austin Johnson]

Best and only clue. It's my one way ticket to the slammer. Look, I know you're all excited about being the next houryet the spy and cracking the case of the missing letters. But you know, sometimes when you get a great clue, the best thing to do is just like, burn it and never talk about it again.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

You're being dramatic, Mr. Grinch. Believe in yourself. We got this far.

[James Austin Johnson]

Believe in myself? I'm not a believer. I'm barely a Belieber. And I was Justin's best man when he and Hayley got hitched.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

Mr. Grinch, I'm not letting you destroy the letter. Um. Here, Max, use your sniffing skills to tell us where it came from.

[James Austin Johnson]

Fine. Have it your way. I guess you leave me no choice but to go on the lab, be a fugitive. Although I gotta admit, there is something romantic about it. I can see the headline now in the Whoville Times. Framed baddie makes daring escape down Mount Crumpet. What's that? Max, you picking something up? What do you smell, boy? Snow. Oh, and candy canes, a hint of reindeer poop and hot cocoa. So whoever sent this letter sent it from a place that is super snowy, packed with candy canes, riddled with reindeer poop, and drowning in hot cocoa. Omg.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

I've dreamed of this my whole life.

[DeAndre Jordan]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[James Austin Johnson]

Oh, you're kidding me. Are we going to the North Pole? You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch. You're a nasty, wasty skunk. Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch. The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote stink stank stunk. If you like Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast, you can listen ad free and unlock even more Christmas mystery bonus content by listening on wplus. Join Wondery plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.

[Anjuli Gnupadini]

Tis the Grinch holiday Podcast is a production of Wondery and Dr. Seuss Enterprises, starring James Austin Johnson as the Grinch with Anjuli Gnupadini as Cindy Lou who? And Anthony Atamanick as the announcer. Featuring voice acting by Anthony Atamanick, Vika Ortiz and Jamie Cooper. Ancillary voices generated using 11 labs. This episode was written by Dan Cronin and Joe Redlingschafer. Our sound designer is Kelly Kremeric with additional sound design by Jamie Cooper. Music supervision by Scott Velasquez for Frizz on Sync. Senior producers are Adam Azeroff and Jennifer Klein Walker. Our coordinating producers are Sierra Franco and Mariah Gossett. Sarah Mathis is our managing producer and Callum Plews is our senior managing producer. Audio assembly by Daniel Gonzalez, Carlos Hernandez is our audio engineer and Adrian Tapia is our studio manager. Additional engineering by Anika Haywood. Executive produced by Susan Brandt for Dr. Seuss Enterprises. Executive producers are Lauren D, Dave Easton, Andrew Goldstein and Marshall Louie for Wonder.