Secret Santa Stinks! with Fortune Feimster | 9

Summary

'Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast: Episode 9 – "Secret Santa Stinks! with Fortune Feimster"

Release Date: December 18, 2024

In this festive episode of 'Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast, hosted by Wondery's embodiment of the iconic Grinch, listeners are treated to a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and holiday mystery. Special guest Fortune Feimster, renowned comedian and actress, joins the Grinch to delve into the quirks of holiday traditions and the pressures they bring. As always, the episode intertwines engaging conversations with the ongoing investigation into the disappearance of Whoville's letters to Santa, keeping listeners on the edge of their seats.

---

Welcoming Fortune Feimster

The episode kicks off with a lively banter between the Grinch and Fortune Feimster, setting a comedic tone for the show.

• Grinch (00:18): “The lights don't work. That's right. I did that on purpose. How you doing, Forch?”

• Fortune Feimster (00:28): “Oh, hi, Grinch. It's hard to see you. It's so dark in here.”

Their playful interaction highlights the Grinch's characteristic grumpiness contrasted with Fortune's cheerful demeanor. The conversation quickly veers into humorous territory as they navigate technical glitches and personal jabs, showcasing their on-air chemistry.

---

Discussing Holiday Traditions

Fortune steers the conversation towards holiday traditions, specifically dissecting the intricacies of Secret Santa and Yankee Swap.

• Grinch (03:23): “Enough with this nonsense. Let's start with the simplest one. Secret Santa. Whenever you hear someone say, hey, are you taking part in this here Secret Santa? You tend to feel bad and say, uh, sure, I guess so.”

• Fortune Feimster (05:41): “Right. But there's some doubt about that story since white elephants are considered to be valuable and sacred in Thai culture.”

The duo humorously critiques the often awkward gift exchanges, with the Grinch expressing his disdain for the unpredictability and potential for disappointment inherent in these traditions. Fortune adds depth by providing historical tidbits, blending factual information with comedic flair.

---

Interview Highlights with Fortune Feimster

The heart of the episode lies in the engaging interview between the Grinch and Fortune Feimster, where they explore Fortune's career, experiences, and personal anecdotes.

• Grinch (10:51): “My guest tonight is a comedian, writer, actress, and one of my biggest rivals in the podcast space. I wanted to name this show Handsome, but she beat me to it.”

• Fortune Feimster (12:35): “Grinch, I hate to tell you this. But I love Christmas.”

Their conversation delves into Fortune's professional endeavors, including her Netflix special "Crushing It." They share laughs over impersonations and discuss the challenges and joys of holiday festivities. Notably, the Grinch grapples with his lingering disdain for Christmas, while Fortune passionately defends the holiday's magic.

• Grinch (16:44): “Grab a healthy tooth habit.”

A particularly humorous exchange revolves around crushed ice preferences, showcasing their ability to find comedy in the mundane.

---

True Crime Segment: The Missing Letters Mystery

As the episode progresses, the focus shifts to the central mystery of the podcast: the missing letters to Santa. This segment adds a thrilling twist to the holiday cheer.

• Grinch (20:22): “This is a prepaid call from the Whoville Penitentiary... The mystery of Whoville's missing letters to Santa told week by week while I eat my smell Ogs Cornflakes tastes even worse than it smells.”

Previously, in the narrative, Grinch and his dog Max had attempted to uncover the culprit behind the missing letters, leading to a confrontation with Postmaster General Glee and her army of gingerbread men. However, in this episode, the Grinch finds himself unjustly accused and arrested, prompting Cindy Lou Who to step in and exonerate him.

• Cindy Lou Who (23:38): “Please, Mr. Cringe.”

• Grinch (23:25): “Postmaster Glee is the real criminal.”

The resolution comes swiftly as Cindy Lou Who presents evidence proving the Grinch's innocence, shifting suspicion back to Postmaster General Glee. This turn of events not only advances the overarching mystery but also reinforces the Grinch's eventual redemption arc.

---

Closing Thoughts and Reflections

In the aftermath of his wrongful arrest, the Grinch reflects on the events and acknowledges the importance of self-belief.

• Grinch (24:45): “I was just me. I couldn't have done it without myself.”

This moment serves as a pivotal point in the Grinch's character development, hinting at the potential for his heart to grow amidst the chaos of the holiday season.

---

Production Credits

The episode is a collaborative effort featuring:

• Voice Cast: James Austin Johnson as the Grinch, Fortune Feimster as herself, Cindy Lou Who, and others.
• Crew: Written by Dan Cronin and Joe Redling Schafer, with sound design by Kelly Kramarek and Jamie Cooper.
• Executive Producers: Susan Brandt for Dr. Seuss Enterprises, along with Lauren Dee, Dave Easton, Andrew Goldstein, and Marsha Louie for Wondery.

---

Conclusion

Episode 9 of 'Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast masterfully blends humor, heartfelt conversations, and an intriguing mystery. Fortune Feimster's guest appearance adds a fresh dynamic, while the ongoing investigation into the missing letters keeps listeners engaged. As the holiday season unfolds, listeners are left eagerly anticipating the next installment in the Grinch's quest to clear his name and restore Christmas magic to Whoville.

Transcript

[Grinch]

Wondery plus subscribers can listen to every episode of Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast ad free. Join Wondery to get exclusive Christmas mystery bonus content. Start your free trial in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

[Fortune Feimster]

Wondery.

[Grinch]

Hey, everybody. Let's just check on my kiss today. Hello. It's Fortune Feimster in here. Let's try the lights. The lights don't work. That's right. I did that on purpose. How you doing, Forch?

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, hi, Grinch. It's hard to see you. It's so dark in here.

[Grinch]

Why are you standing in the shower area?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I honestly don't really have much of a choice. There's not much room in here. You have me inside of a closet.

[Grinch]

All right, how do you turn the flashlight on? Can you help me with this?

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Grinch]

How do you do it? You have to.

[Fortune Feimster]

You have to press the button. The round button. Oh, my gosh.

[Grinch]

Ow. Right in my eyes. Yeah. I hate that. All right, I'm just going to leave it off.

[Fortune Feimster]

You really need to clean this place up. It's like fridge. It's pretty messy in here.

[Grinch]

It's perfect in here. What are you talking about? Why don't you just chill out? Because I have some ad reads to do.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, good. We're not doing the podcast in the shower, are we?

[Grinch]

No, no, no. We're gonna go into the studio.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Okay.

[Grinch]

You just, like, camp out in the shower. I got about six and a half hours of ad reads to do, and then I'll come check on you.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, well, can I at least get something to drink?

[Grinch]

Okay, bye. See you in a minute.

[Fortune Feimster]

Hey.

[Grinch]

Hey, parents. Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast is pleased to have Alexa as our presenting sponsor. This season and every season, Alexa and the Echo Dot Kids Smart speaker are helping children learn and explore while having fun along the way. Rob Wondry and Dr. Seuss recording on the top of a mountain never sounded so. Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. This week's special guest just dropped her third Netflix special, Crushing It. And we're very fortunate to have her. The very funny Fortune themester. Plus, she once tattled on Grinch for pretending to be Santa Claus. But is he still mad? You better believe he is. It's Cindy Lou who? And one of those dogs that seems old and young at the same time. It's Max the dog. Now here he is. Get out your seats and do the grumpty dance. It's the grump Grinch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Grinch here. Kiddly widdlies. Boys, girls, and whatever parents are nice enough to Be listening in the car. How many of these things are we doing? Can I get a raise, please? I mean, each day I come out here, I get on the mic and I crush and I slay. I kill it. Cindy, why are the verbs for doing well so vile?

[Cindy Lou Who]

Well, I think because traditionally, the performers who use those terms.

[Grinch]

I appreciate the answer. So thoughtful. But if you don't mind, let's rant, baby. It's what the people pay. Hey. To hear.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Oh, Mr. Grinch. Tis. The Grinch Holiday Podcast is free for all listeners. Wherever you get your podcasts, it's what.

[Grinch]

Sends when Cindy, scrap our 2 o'clock brainstorm and hold a conference room so we can sync on monetization, please. Okay, we'll circle back to that in a bit.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Copy that. We will circle back.

[Grinch]

Hold onto your seats. Keep on your pants. The Grinch is going on one of his rants. Okay, it's your turn to be ranted about wide elephant, Secret Santa, Yankee swap, and whatever other lame gift giving game will be invented by the time I'm done with this rant. Enough with this nonsense. Let's start with the simplest one. Secret Santa. Whenever you hear someone say, hey, are you taking part in this here Secret Santa? You tend to feel bad and say, uh, sure, I guess so. Then next thing you know, you're picking a name out of a hat and, oh, you gotta keep it secret. Whose name? Name you picked?

[Fortune Feimster]

Shh.

[Grinch]

Don't want to spoil that national secret. And of course, you picked Jeremy, the weirdo who once blew a gum bubble with his nose during math class. What are you supposed to get for him? A box of tissues? Gross. Whatever you give, you always wind up getting something way worse. Like a scented candle that smells like a reindeer burp. It's a waste of time. If you and your friends want to give each other gifts, feel free, but leave the rando recipient the sworn secrecy and the name drawing out of it.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Mr. Grinch, are you doing Secret Santa with us this year?

[Grinch]

Um, well, I don't know. Are we doing it with you, me and Max? Who's a dog? How's that gonna work? And don't forget about me. Oh, geez. Who let him out of his booth? Get back in there. Go.

[Cindy Lou Who]

And our guests, Jon Hamm's doing it. And Heidi Gardner and DeAndre Jordan signed up and.

[Grinch]

Okay, fine, I'm in.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Defeato.

[Grinch]

And Lucy, I'm in. But I gotta get back on track here. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. This, that. Come on. The Yankee swap, AKA the white elephant. Ugh. You Ever been a part of this nightmare? Listen to what the name white elephant refers to. According to Whoopedia, said to come from a perspective about the historic practice of the king of Siam, now Thailand, giving rare albino elephants to courtiers who had displeased him so that they might be ruined by the animals. Upkeep costs. Well, isn't that a nice little origin story? Sorry. Siam not impressed.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Right. But there's some doubt about that story since white elephants are considered to be valuable and sacred in Thai culture.

[Grinch]

Perfect. So let's take that charming, confusing little mess of a background and turn it into an interminable gift giving game. Here's how it works. Everyone shows up with the gift, but the hilarious twist is some of the gifts are decent, like a microwavable ice cream scoop or a waffle maker, but some are worthless pieces of junk. Then everyone picks a gift, opens it, and if you do happen to get one of the nice ones, someone is allowed to steal it from you. Yankee Swap. More like Yankee Theft. Not my best zinger, but you get the point. It's a cruel game that by nature I should revel in. But I just can't get behind seeing some doofy neighbor of mine get all excited about picking one of those kick butt power strips with the USB ports on it and getting all excited like you just won the Powerball. And then someone else swoops in and steals it from him, crushing his dream of charging multiple devices with different power ports all at the same time. Yankee swap. You more like Yankee Stop. There it is. Nailed it on the outro. Hey everyone, it's James Austin Johnson. I play the Grinch here on Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast is pleased to have Alexa as our presenting sponsor. The holidays are a glorious time of year. But listen, parents, between you and I, they can be so stressful too. Shopping for food, decor, presents. And while kiddos often do their best to be little helpers, sometimes they can cause a tad more chaos than intended. But worry not. I know just how they can channel that spunky holiday energy. Something that's all the rage for who's of a young age is the Echo Kids. It's a cute, smart speaker with Alexa, and it's made just for kids. Echo Kids can help foster children's independence by allowing them to learn and explore. Kids can ask Alexa to play music, read a bedtime story, get help with their homework, and so much more. Say you want to make sure your kids brush their teeth so they don't end up with termites in their smiles or make sure they go to bed on time. Alexa can establish those routines through daily task reminders. Echo Kids even filters out explicit music so kids can always be ready to sing and dance along to their favorites. Like perhaps a song about a very handsome furry green fella. Huh? It's the coolest device for children both big and small, so trust me when I say the Echo Kids is here. To them, do it all. Shop the Device [e-mail] EchoKids hey parents, it's me, James Austin Johnson, host of Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. The holidays are a time to indulge in the classics. We've grown up loving classic movies, music, and the most fun classic games. Games are a great way to get the whole family together. In fact, the Pokemon Trading Card Game is sure to bring that holiday cheer, and it can be enjoyed by families and friends year after year. Passing down childhood traditions to the next generation is a lot of fun. I mean, how exciting will it be to bond over Mewtwo's psychic prowess or share how Pokemon can evolve from a cute Charmander to a fiery flying Charizard? If you don't already know how to play, no worries, because it only takes minutes to learn. You can start battling it out in the amount of time it takes to listen to me sing the show's theme song. And Pokemon cards are not only fun to play with, they're also fun to collect. They come in a variety of cool and captivating styles created by different artists, so there's something for every aesthetic. Find gift ideas for all ages and at every price [e-mail] holiday hey grownups. The Nintendo Switch System is the gift that brings family and friends together this holiday season, whether you're at home or on the road. That's because Nintendo Switch has familiar faces like Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, and Bowser in games for your holiday moments. Start your engines. The race is about to begin with Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. Get together and find out who has what it takes to win first place on Rainbow Road or embark on a wonder filled adventure in Super Mario Bros. Wonder where the only thing to expect is the unexpected. Like Mario turning into an elephant. Huh? Want to get the whole family in on the party? Super Mario Party Jamboree is packed with game boards and minigames even Grandma and Grandpa will love. It's all on Nintendo Switch, the home of Mario and friends. Additional accessories may be required for multiplayer mode, games, systems and some accessories sold separately. Games rated E for everyone. You're a mean one Mr. Grinch, you really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus. You're as charming as an eel. Mr. Grinch, you're a bad banana with a greasy black pe. My guest tonight is a comedian, writer, actress, and one of my biggest rivals in the podcast space. I wanted to name this show Handsome, but she beat me to it. She also stars in fubar and her third stand up special, Fortune Themester Crushing it is out on Netflix now. Please welcome Fortune Feaster. What's up, Forch?

[Fortune Feimster]

How are you, Grinch? Do you go by Grinch or the Grinch?

[Grinch]

Grinch is fine, G man. Let's see. What do other people call me? Oh, yeah, that's right. I have no friends. Let's start with fubar, the action comedy series you star in alongside Arnold. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everyone has an Arnold. Do you? I do.

[Fortune Feimster]

I do it to his face all the time.

[Grinch]

Can we hear it?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's easier when you have certain words. Like if you're like, get down. Come on, let's go.

[Grinch]

You ever see that guy chomping on a big cigar?

[Fortune Feimster]

Arnold? Every day.

[Grinch]

Every day. Do you like us?

[Fortune Feimster]

I don't. They're not for me.

[Grinch]

I think it's more about being stinky. It's more about a thing that dads and uncles and grandpas do.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Grinch]

To clear a room. You know what I mean?

[Fortune Feimster]

I hear you. I heard you're kind of stinky.

[Grinch]

Well, I clear a room, but it's not really elective. It's sort of a byproduct of just being me, of just not show. Yeah. You know, it's not like I go to the stink store and buy a stink.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh, a stink store.

[Grinch]

It's more like I'm manufacturing that I buy things to unstink myself.

[Fortune Feimster]

It has been a while since I've been into a stink store.

[Grinch]

Man, I think Arnold is so cool. I mean, what does he need between takes?

[Fortune Feimster]

I will say he's pretty low key, pretty easy going. Like every now and then he'll want a little treat, but that's, you know, few and far between. And then on Fridays, they make him Wienerschnitzel.

[Grinch]

And then I have the Wienerschnitzel on the Freitag.

[Fortune Feimster]

He told me one day he goes, oh, yeah, it's Friday. It's Wienerschnitzel day. I said, oh, my God, I'm so excited. I love Wienerschnitzel. He's like, yeah, it's Wienerschnitzel day. And I found out at the end of the day, it's Wienerschnitzel Day. For him.

[Grinch]

For him.

[Fortune Feimster]

But not for us.

[Grinch]

No, I did not get the Wienerschnitzel for everyone else. Do you like Christmas? Tell me you don't.

[Fortune Feimster]

Grinch, I hate to tell you this.

[Grinch]

Ah.

[Fortune Feimster]

But I love Christmas.

[Grinch]

Why? Why?

[Fortune Feimster]

It's probably one of my favorite holidays, truth be told.

[Grinch]

Ha. What up? Not the most favorite. You said what of.

[Fortune Feimster]

I did. And now that you pointed that out, I wanna retract that statement and say it's my favorite holiday.

[Grinch]

All right, let's get into it. So you once starred in a movie called Office Christmas Party. I mean, what are you thinking?

[Fortune Feimster]

So the best part about meeting in a Christmas movie is that every Christmas, when it hits December, they start playing that movie again.

[Grinch]

Yeah. And then you get a little check.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yellow check.

[Grinch]

Then fortune trots down to the mailbox at the end of the road. The road's like 4 mil long.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a long road, and I don't know why I'm walking.

[Grinch]

Then you go down, you get the check. Oh, I forgot about this one. Oh, I've done so many projects. Here's a nice little check. There's gotta be something that makes you Grinchy around the holidays. Tell me there's a dark side of the moon here.

[Fortune Feimster]

Okay, I will tell you one thing.

[Grinch]

Yes? Say it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Cause for the most part, it's pretty magical. Pretty great. An amazing holiday, as you know.

[Grinch]

Yeah, sure. Whatever. Moving on.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sometimes those stores get really busy.

[Grinch]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

It's a lot of people. It's hard to find a parking space. Tension is around.

[Grinch]

I keep driving and driving and driving and driving. Like, oh, look. Oh, here's one. Here's one. There's two pickup trucks, but there's a space in between the two pickup trucks. Ah. Mini Cooper.

[Fortune Feimster]

It happened to me the other day. No parking for where you want to be. Only parking for the place you don't want to be.

[Grinch]

That's right. The holidays get you crunchy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Are you okay, Grinch?

[Grinch]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh. Oh, no.

[Grinch]

Fortune, yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

What's happening, Grinch?

[Grinch]

Push your face till it gets Grinchy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Is your heart growing Push your face Grinch it Grinch.

[Grinch]

Grinchy Hit the range over at the party line My heart's gone there's no.

[Fortune Feimster]

Room for it oh, wow, Grinch.

[Grinch]

I was built wrong.

[Fortune Feimster]

Shove it back down it won't go down.

[Grinch]

360, pop.

[Fortune Feimster]

Shove it down Are you okay?

[Grinch]

I'm fine. Okay. I did it. We have common ground, right? It's like you like Christmas, but there's parts of it that you don't like. It. I identify with that. That makes me feel like human connection with another person. Aw. I don't have connection with other people very much.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, I feel very connected to you right now.

[Grinch]

Very difficult for me to open my heart up to some of you. People don't feel free to open their hearts up to me because I have a grumpy look on my face and people think they can't tell me stuff.

[Fortune Feimster]

Grinch, were you crying?

[Grinch]

I wasn't crying.

[Fortune Feimster]

It looked like you were crying. I saw liquid coming out of your eyes.

[Grinch]

Well, that wasn't liquid. That was Sprite. I spilled Sprite. I spilled Sprite near my nose, and it caused me to reminisce wistfully.

[Fortune Feimster]

Can't help if you cry.

[Grinch]

Okay, your PR person is snapping at me to get back to these notes your new special just dropped. It's called Fortune Favester. Crushing it.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yes.

[Grinch]

You know, to be honest, when I stole Christmas, I did feel like I was crushing it. And then I also feel like I crushed it when I gave Christmas back. Never get credit for that. But since then, I haven't been crushing it that hard. What can I do to crush more?

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, my particular special is called Crushing it because of an actual crushed ice machine. And I finally did well enough in my career where I could afford one. And to me, that was the pinnacle of success was having drinks with crushed ice in it.

[Grinch]

Okay, what's wrong with the cubes?

[Fortune Feimster]

Cubes are fine, but it's not crushed ice.

[Grinch]

Okay, well, what about when her fridge says it does cubed ice, and it does not come out as a cube? It comes out looking like, you know, like a patty. Like a pancake.

[Fortune Feimster]

Then you're not crushing it, my friend.

[Grinch]

That's not cr. Okay, what about the, like, little balls that you get at Sonic?

[Fortune Feimster]

Sonic ice is amazing. That's crushed ice.

[Grinch]

So there's a line. There's a line with ice shapes where you go, don't like it, don't like it, don't like it. Oh, Sonic.

[Fortune Feimster]

Love it.

[Grinch]

We've entered the crushed ice continuum.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Southern people love ice, and in particular, crushed ice.

[Grinch]

You know who doesn't love crushed ice? Your dentist. Mm. Your dentist is like, don't do that all the time.

[Fortune Feimster]

Don't just go crunching on ice.

[Grinch]

Don't go crunching on ice all the time. Get a healthy tooth habit.

[Fortune Feimster]

I could see you liking crushed ice, Grinch.

[Grinch]

I don't have enough going on, dentally speaking, to enjoy the crushed ice. I got one guy right here. I got a.

[Fortune Feimster]

It just would go down your throat and you wouldn't.

[Grinch]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Grinch]

And I'm very prone to brain freezes. Hey.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. You are sharing a lot. It's nice.

[Grinch]

I don't know what it is today. I mean, I haven't eaten breakfast.

[Fortune Feimster]

There's that same.

[Grinch]

Didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Max got into something. He got into my trash.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Grinch]

I don't know. I feel like I'm just, like. I'm really laying it all out for you, Forge.

[Fortune Feimster]

I think I know the real reason behind this. I know what's at the core of what you're feeling.

[Grinch]

Lay it on me. Tell me.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, Grinch, it's pretty easy to see you're upset, and you don't even realize how upset you are, because Christmas is upon us. It's very soon.

[Grinch]

Christmas is nigh. It's very soon.

[Fortune Feimster]

The nights where you're alone, you know.

[Grinch]

A little lonely, you know, look out the window, please go. Oh, look outside. Look at the lights twinkling down at the foot of the hill.

[Fortune Feimster]

And you can probably hear people singing carols.

[Grinch]

Oh, yeah. That's what makes me go, oh, yeah, that's right. I'm good, actually. I'm good. I hear the carol floating up and I'm like, oh, it looks warm in that. Singing carols. Okay. Tapping out. You know what I'm talking about.

[Fortune Feimster]

I hear you.

[Grinch]

Then I go back to podcasting. You're a podcaster, right? I listen to your pod.

[Fortune Feimster]

Handsome.

[Grinch]

Handsome. Now, in terms of handsomeness, where do I rank among all the furry monster misanthropes that you've ever seen? Please, tell me the truth. Tell me I'm way more handsome than Oscar the Grouch.

[Fortune Feimster]

You're definitely way more handsome than Oscar the Grouch.

[Grinch]

Yeah.

[Fortune Feimster]

He's in a trash can, I'm in.

[Grinch]

A trash filled cave.

[Fortune Feimster]

You talk about a stink store?

[Grinch]

Yeah, the stink store called. They want their inventory back. Right. That guy.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah.

[Grinch]

Okay, give me a top five most handsome, disgusting furry monster creatures. Go.

[Fortune Feimster]

Oh.

[Grinch]

Top five most handsome furry monster creatures.

[Fortune Feimster]

Top three, Fozzie Bear. Does he count?

[Grinch]

Fozzie? Yeah, I guess he counts. Man, we haven't really talked in a while. I used to be on a group chat with Fozzie.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. One of the creatures from Fraggle Rock.

[Grinch]

Okay, so we're just in the Henson universe here. I mean, you know.

[Fortune Feimster]

Well, then all that matters is that you, my friend, are number one beautiful. Do most handsome furry friend besides yourself?

[Grinch]

Most handsome furry friends. Let's see here. I think I would put Snorlax at the top. Because he just looks like a good hugger.

[Fortune Feimster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Grinch]

You know, if you can get the guy up, you got a poke flute or whatever you need. Get that guy up.

[Fortune Feimster]

Mm.

[Grinch]

Fortune, thank you so much for coming on the Grinch's holiday podcast. Thanks for coming up to the cave.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thanks for having me. This was a treat. Yeah, I would wish you a merry Christmas, but I don't know how that would make you feel.

[Grinch]

I. I wouldn't like that. Okay, so good instinct. But also, why even. Literally, why even bring that up? I feel like we had a good interview.

[Fortune Feimster]

I know.

[Grinch]

Hey, by the way, before I leave, here's a thing that you, like, really don't like. Let's bring that up.

[Fortune Feimster]

I didn't mean to pour salt on your wounds.

[Grinch]

Well, how about you talk about my paunchy belly too, before you leave?

[Fortune Feimster]

I won't talk about that. Only because I also have one.

[Grinch]

Oh, okay. So, well, quick little high five then.

[Fortune Feimster]

See? We connected again.

[Grinch]

Okay, we did. Yeah. Thanks for coming on the show, Funkit.

[Fortune Feimster]

Thanks for having me.

[Grinch]

Oh, you're the best.

[Fortune Feimster]

And I hope you'll watch my special crushing it while you drink some crushed ice.

[Grinch]

Well, wasn't that a complete snooze fest of an interview? By no fault of the interviewer, I should add. But it's over now, so let's add some excitement to the show with the raw, nitty gritty energy of true crime. Dun, dun, dun.

[Cindy Lou Who]

This is a prepaid call from the.

[Grinch]

Whoville Penitentiary from Wondery and might be beautiful but twisted mind. This is cereal spelled with a C, like the breakfast food. The mystery of Whoville's missing letters to Santa told week by week while I eat my smell Ogs Cornflakes tastes even worse than it smells. All right, my true crime posse. Last week, Max and I went incognito at the North Pole, where I disguised myself as a nutcracker and learned that I look very good in red. Who knew? Anyway, we cracked the case. That's right, Max. When we confronted Postmaster General Glee with a stolen letter, she shredded it, blamed me for ruining her Christmas, and set a battalion of offensively cute yet aggressive gingerbread men against us. We barely made it out alive. Now we need to find a way to nail the Postmaster General. Which won't be hard, because now we have zero evidence, no motive, and she's got a renowned reputation for being an upstanding citizen. Yeah, yeah, we're totally screwed, Max.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Mr. Grinch, I have something I need to.

[Grinch]

Not now. See, Thang Max and I Are this close to getting nowhere.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Mr. Grinch, please.

[Grinch]

Cindy, I'm solving crimes here and clearing my good name. So unless you solve the crime or you're complimenting my new haircut that no one has seemed to notice, I don't want to hear it. But you need. Enough. Cindy, I'm irritable and fragile right now because of the haircut situation. Sit up. Push me. Knock, knock. It's the Whoville police. What?

[Cindy Lou Who]

Yeah, we're here. And we're sorry about your door.

[Grinch]

Police. Pour qua. What's happening? Oh, I have sensitive wrists. Max, hide my aloe vera plants I bought in Mexico and forgot to pay the duty off. I know I said duty.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Stop laughing, Mr. Grinch, you have the right to remain silent.

[Grinch]

Not a chance. Not really, my Brad bro.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Officers, wait, please.

[Grinch]

I can handle myself. Cindy. Boo hoo.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Anything you say can and will be used against you in the juvo court of law.

[Grinch]

Even then, you're ugly and his toupee is horrendous. You're under arrest on two counts, Mr. Grinch, violating your parole by traveling to the North Pole.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Sweet rhyme.

[Grinch]

And worse, stealing the children of Whoville's letters to Santa.

[Cindy Lou Who]

We're gonna take you to the station right now. You can kiss your big fancy podcast goodbye.

[Grinch]

Goodbye, my big fancy podcast? I didn't know true love until I met you. Wait. Goodbye, standing desk. Goodbye, Kenz. You're so much more expensive than I thought you'd be. Goodbye, articulating microphone arm. Goodbye, merch.

[Cindy Lou Who]

I said wait. You can't take him to jail.

[Grinch]

Whoa, Sandy. What's this new and powerful energy? Easy, kid. Grinch is guilty.

[Cindy Lou Who]

No, he isn't. He's innocent, and I have proof.

[Grinch]

You got what now?

[Cindy Lou Who]

I've been trying to tell you. Please, everyone, just listen. Is this some kind of prank? Come on, let's book him. No, I promise. Just listen. I can't believe that knockoff green goblin.

[Grinch]

Thinks he can outsmart me. That's the postmaster General? That wacky lady up in the North Pole? That's right. We never unmiked her once. She sent her gingerbread army against us.

[Fortune Feimster]

Sh.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Please, Mr. Cringe.

[Grinch]

Shh. What did I do? I stole all the letters. Did you hear that? Might as well call this podcast the Grinks. Cause that right there is what they call in the crime biz a confession. I told you I was innocent. Postmaster Glee is the real criminal. Cindy. Why in the name of Christmas did you wait so long to play that for us? It's like you wanted to see me suffer. I tried but uncuff me, both of you. Unhead me, I say. I've always wanted to say that. Whoa. I did not see that coming.

[Cindy Lou Who]

We better get up to the North Pole to make that arrest. We'll see ourselves out.

[Grinch]

Yeah, you will. Yeah, you keep moving and stay out. Oh, and another thing. You have the right to remain ugly. And you have the right to remain bald. Sir. Ah, he's already gone. Well, that was crazy. Wow, just like that. Case closed. After all this time. You know, looking back on what literally just happened just now, I feel like it's only right to recognize and thank the person who was most crucial in my exoneration.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Oh, Mr. Grinch. It's okay.

[Grinch]

I was just me. I couldn't have done it without myself. Well, guess we're done here. I need a nap and a full seven layer cake. Roll the credits. You're a violin, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile. You have all the tennis weakness of a seasick crocodile. Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile if you like. Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. You can listen ad free and unlock even more Christmas mystery bonus content by listening on wplus. Join Wondery in the Wondery app, Spotify or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.

[Cindy Lou Who]

Tis the Grinch holiday Podcast is a production of Wondery and Dr. Seuss Enterprises, starring James Austin Johnson as the Grinch with Anjuli Kudupadeni as Cindy Lou Hu and Anthony Otamanik as the announcer. Featuring voice acting by Anthony Atamanek, Adam Azeroth, Jennifer Klein Walker, Jamie Cooper and Nikki Palumbo. Ancillary voices generated using 11 labs. This episode was written by Dan Cronin and Joe Redling Schafer. Our sound designer is Kelly Kramarek with additional sound design by Jamie Cooper. Music supervision by Scott Velasquez for Frizz on Sync. Senior producers are Adam Azeroth and Jennifer Klein Walker. Our coordinating producers are Sierra Franco and Mariah Gossen. Sarah Mathis is our managing producer and Callum Plews is our senior managing producer. Audio assembly by Daniel Gonzalez. Carlos Hernandez is our audio engineer and Adrian Tapia is our studio manager. Executive produced by Susan Brandt for Dr. Seuss Enterprises. Executive producers are Lauren Dee, Dave Easton, Andrew Goldstein and Marsha Louie for Wondry.