Therapy’s Got Me Green! with Jake Shane | 6

Summary

‘Tis The Grinch Holiday Podcast

Episode 6: “Therapy’s Got Me Green!” with Jake Shane

Release Date: December 8, 2025
Guest: Jake Shane (Comedian, Influencer, Host of “Therapuss” podcast)
Host(s): The Grinch, with appearances from Cindy Lou Who and Max

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Episode Overview

In this highly irreverent and festive episode, the Grinch brings in podcaster-comedian Jake Shane for a tongue-in-cheek therapy session. The main theme circles around therapy, self-awareness, and the ongoing Whoville rivalry between Grinch’s “Grinch-a-palooza” and Cindy Lou Who’s iconic tree lighting. With a mix of sassy banter, satirical monologues about holiday annoyances, and the Grinch’s ongoing feud with Santa, the episode delves into self-improvement, therapy tropes, technology, and the comedic woes of holiday traditions.

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Key Segments & Topics

1. The Grinch’s Opening Monologue: Rideshare Rants & Anti-Cheer (02:31–06:25)

• The Grinch, in “bad boy of Christmas” mode, launches into a signature rant about having his license suspended for “excessive honking at elderly walkers” (03:08) and the humiliation of Whoville rideshare apps.
• He gripes about “Uber Pool in a freakin’ Hooyundai”—where he finds himself between “a friendly man in a Christmas sweater and a woman eating a tuna melt” (04:36).
• Notable roast of self-driving cars:

  “Waymo? More like way-no.” – Grinch (05:13)

• Reveals deep insecurities:

  “You know I can’t ride a bike... I never learned.” – Grinch (05:37)

Tone: Quippy, self-deprecating, anti-holiday

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2. Holiday Tech: Grinch Meets AI Dog Translator (06:29–09:20)

• The crew tests out “Barco Lingo,” a chat app that translates Max’s barks.
• Hilarious exchange about dog “handshakes” and carpet butt-dragging.
• Max gives a surprise meta-apology on behalf of him and the Grinch for stealing Christmas:

  “I, Maximilian… would like to formally apologize on behalf of myself and my owner, the Grinch, for our involvement in the stealing of Christmas.” – Max (08:48)

• Grinch is mortified:

  “I don’t reflect and change. I don’t change and grow. That’s enough.” (09:08)

Tone: Playful, absurdist, mock-therapeutic

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3. Interview: Jake Shane’s Therapy Session with the Grinch (11:11–22:34)

a. Getting to Know Jake (11:11–13:00)

• The Grinch welcomes Jake Shane: “The dude loves octopus as much as I hate Christmas.” (11:19)
• Jake admits he’s a “passenger princess”—he doesn’t drive, friends chauffeur him (12:22).

b. On Therapy, Self-Awareness, and Being Green (13:11–19:06)

• The Grinch probes Jake about his hit podcast “Therapuss,” to which Jake jokes:

  “I beg. I say please, please, please come on my show.” – Jake (14:01)

• Jake play-therapizes the Grinch:

  “I think you’re a tad insecure and maybe that manifests in severe negativity… I actually think you’re just quite lonely.” – Jake (14:19, 14:59)

• Grinch reveals high screen time (“about 12, 13 hours a day”) and hunches (“Which is comfortable for me”). (15:33)
• The two joke about co-hunches and mutually high phone use:

  “I think we have a co-hunch about our co-hunches.” – Grinch (15:56)

• Grinch’s Brene Brown parody:

  “I’m like the Brene Brown. I’m like Brene Green.” (16:08)

• Therapy talk: Jake gossips too much with his therapist, considers switching to someone more challenging (16:34).

c. Impressions Game & Christmas Comedy (16:40–18:29)

• Jake improvises the thoughts of a nervous Santa squeezing down a chimney and a reindeer protesting sleigh-pulling.
• On his would-be Christmas song, Jake explains:

  “I just felt like it was funny to play on the fact that I didn’t want to pay for dinner.” (18:11)

d. Grinch vs. Santa: Projection, Self-Awareness, and Heart Growth (18:49–20:58)

• Jake encourages Grinch’s self-awareness:

  “I feel like you are self-aware and you don’t let yourself show it.” – Jake (18:56)

• Grinch wonders:

  “Like, knowing myself better, what possible advantage could that have in my emotional well-being?” (19:06)

• Jake:

  “Well, I think it might make your heart grow a little.” (19:13)

• Physical comedy: Grinch and Jake play-act “cupping therapy” with a plunger to help Grinch’s swelling heart—and sinus infection (21:27–22:03).

e. Friendship, Love, and a Literal Heart Swell (20:26–22:10)

• Grinch insists Max is his “favorite person in the entire world,” and Jake suggests: “So you are capable of love?” (20:32)
• The “heart swell” gag is revived—Grinch’s heart might outgrow his ribcage if he feels too much (21:05).

Notable Quotes:

• “No, I don’t think that’s how hunches work.” – Jake (20:01)
• “You’re not seven feet tall.” – Jake, fact-checking Grinch’s self-aggrandizement (20:08)
• “You have a dog, right? Are you friends with your dog?... So you are capable of love?” – Jake (20:26–20:33)

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4. Grinch-a-palooza and Whoville Rivalries Continue (23:01–27:17)

• The Grinch updates listeners on “Grinch-a-palooza”—his plan to upstage the Whoville tree lighting with a raucous festival, now bankrolled by “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Eggnog.”
• Discovers and recruits the ghost of legendary skier Raymond Huslowski as Grinch-a-palooza’s possible headliner, capitalizing on Whoville’s love for spectacle over sentiment.

Best Soundbite:

“Yes, it is time to break ground on the Not Nog pit… a giant mosh pit filled with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Eggnog—the holiday drink that looks, tastes, smells and feels like eggnog. But is it? What is it? We legally can’t tell you.” – Grinch (24:14)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• Grinch on Rideshare:

  “My presence should be the payment. …Even if I do leave behind a stench that not even a premium chemical cleaner can get rid of.” (03:54)

• Jake Diagnoses Grinch:

  “I think you’re a tad insecure and maybe that manifests in severe negativity… I actually think you’re just quite lonely.” (14:19, 14:59)

• Therapy, Humor, and Growth:

  "Well, I think it might make your heart grow a little." – Jake (19:13)

• Grinch’s tongue-in-cheek wisdom:

  “I’m like Brene Green.” (16:08)

• Emotional Comedy:

  “If my heart grows two sizes too big too quickly, I have a little bit of a heart swell, and it’s just very uncomfortable.” – Grinch (20:47)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:31 – Grinch’s rideshare monologue
• 06:29 – Barco Lingo: AI dog translator experiment
• 11:11 – Jake Shane introduction
• 14:19 – Jake “diagnoses” the Grinch
• 16:40 – Grinch and Jake play the improv holiday scenario game
• 19:13 – Jake encourages Grinch’s emotional growth
• 21:27 – Plunger “cupping therapy” gag
• 23:01 – Update on the Grinch-a-palooza rivalry
• 24:14 – “Not Nog pit” and eggnog sponsorship reveal
• 25:17 – The ghost of Raymond Huslowski is recruited for Grinch-a-palooza

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Tone & Style

• Language: Fast-paced, playful banter, heavy with puns and Christmas references.
• Tone: Satiric, self-mocking, lighthearted yet occasionally insightful in a spoofy way.
• Guest Dynamic: Jake Shane brings earnest, self-aware comedic energy, playing along with both “therapy” and holiday bits.

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Wrap-Up

This episode captures the chaotic holiday spirit with absurdity, self-deprecating therapy jokes, improvised sketches, and Grinch’s attempts at self-improvement—however grudgingly. The therapy theme winds through the segment, mixing vulnerability with sharp wit. Grinch’s rivalry arc with Cindy Lou and Whoville traditions keeps the narrative festive and mischievous.

Best For: Fans of holiday comedies, satirical talk shows, therapy humor, and modern spins on classic Dr. Seuss characters.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[A]

Wondery subscribers can listen to Tis the Grinch holiday podcast ad free. Join Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.

[B]

Spritzing my home with anti cheer spray.

[C]

I hope this works.

[B]

Oh, who could it be?

[D]

Hello?

[B]

Is that you, Santa?

[D]

Have you come to face me in our final showdown? I can take you, big man.

[E]

Hi, it's actually Jake Shane, and I'm here for the podcast.

[B]

Oh, not Santa. But still exciting. Hi, Jake Shane. So glad you decided to show up. Listen, getting up the mountain is pretty sus. But lucky for you, there's the old Mount Crumpet Resort ski lift.

[D]

I have the instructions here.

[C]

Get it up and running.

[B]

Don't worry, it's totally safe.

[C]

I just need a little help from you down there.

[B]

All right. It says, first press the yellow button.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Do you want me to press the yellow button?

[B]

Now unpress the yellow button.

[F]

That's weird.

[B]

Then repress the yellow button. Well, that was a waste of time. Geez. Now open the latch on that little square panel.

[C]

There should be some wires.

[B]

Plug the red wire into the blue circuit. And then you plug the blue wire into the red circuit.

[E]

Oh, yeah, this seems like a lot for a key lab.

[B]

And then finally, press the start lift button.

[C]

Oh, you think they would have started with that?

[E]

Okay, I did all of that.

[D]

Okay, there it goes.

[A]

Good job.

[B]

Get on board. Enjoy the ride. I'll see you in about two hours. Okay, great.

[E]

I'll see you then.

[B]

Hold on tight.

[G]

Prom Wondry and Dr. Seuss. Broadcasting directly from Mount Crumpet Studios, it's Tis the Hinches Groliday Cast pod. Wait, it's. It's his. The pinches. Sorry, I had too much eggnog last night. It's Tis the Grinch's holiday podcast. There we go. And everybody's favorite producer, it's Lindy who.

[B]

Coo. Oh, darn it.

[G]

It's Cindy Lou who?

[C]

Nice.

[G]

And let's not forget the only natural blonde in the studio. It's Max. Now for your host, Hollywood's favorite Christmas bad boy. It's the Grinch.

[B]

That's right. It's unfortunate you all can't see me.

[D]

Cause I'm wearing a leather jacket and.

[B]

I just got a fresh tattoo that says Delete Christmas on it in Chinese symbols.

[H]

And is that a cool new ear piercing? Looking good, Mr. Grinch.

[B]

Thank you, rosy cheeked child whose name I have deliberately forgotten.

[D]

Listen up, folks.

[B]

I'm the bad boy of Christmas and I'm in a bad mood. Wanna know why?

[H]

Not really. But I bet you're gonna tell us anyway.

[D]

Play the track.

[G]

Hold onto your seats. Keep on your pants. The Grinch is going on one of his rants.

[B]

All right, full disclosure. The Whoville police suspended my license for excessive honking at elderly walkers. So now I've gotta take a Hoover car everywhere. And I gotta tell you, this whole rideshare thing is driving me bonkers. Even the name is ridiculous. Ride share? Nope. No thank you. I don't share. Well, just ask my kindergarten teacher. And also anyone who has ever met me, ever. See, Max agrees, but it's also humiliating. First you gotta request a ride like, oh, pretty please, I'm stranded, can you help me? And then you gotta sit in the back seat. I'm not 8 years old.

[D]

I'm a ground based.

[B]

And grown men sit in the front seat are tied to the roof. Facts.

[D]

And that's on, period.

[B]

But worst of all, at the end of the ride, you have to pay. Excuse me, but my presence should be the payment. Okay? I'm charming and adorable and you're lucky to have me in your Kia Sorentou. Even if I do leave behind a stench that not even a premium chemical cleaner can get rid of. Ugh, there's too many choices.

[D]

Uber pool, Uber black, and a ride.

[B]

Share company that doesn't even know how to spell Lyft. I clicked the pool option yesterday, thinking, oh, that actually sounds nice. I could use a dip on my way to my teeth yellowing appointment. But then a freakin hooyundai pulls up and I thought, huh, I wonder how.

[D]

A pool fits in there.

[B]

Well, here's how it doesn't.

[D]

No pool.

[B]

In fact, two other passengers were in the car, so I had to get in the middle seat between a friendly man and a Christmas sweater and a.

[D]

Woman eating a tuna melt.

[B]

And to top it off, I was in my swim trunks. Needless to say this, the only dip I took was into that lady's handbag.

[D]

When she wasn't looking.

[B]

And before you called the popo on me, I didn't steal anything. I was just snooping, okay?

[A]

Relax.

[B]

Oh, and I hate when these rideshare drivers try to talk to you. They're always saying, how's your day? This and have a great night that. If I wanted to chit chat, I'd call my therapist.

[H]

Okay, you should try the new self driving cars, Mr. Grinch.

[B]

Then you don't have to talk to what, Waymo? More like way.

[D]

No.

[B]

I thought I'd like self driving cars because I wouldn't be bothered by anyone.

[D]

But it turns out I Hate those, too. I want it to be my fault.

[B]

When I get into a fender bender, I want civilians at a crosswalk to look me in the eyes and know.

[D]

It'S the Grinch cutting them off.

[H]

What about buying a bike?

[B]

How dare.

[D]

How.

[G]

How.

[D]

How dare you suggest that?

[B]

You know I can't ride a bike.

[D]

And I'm still very sensitive about that. I never learned.

[B]

I'm stuck with the rideshare apps. In fact, on my way to the studio today, I was in a 2009 hooberoo, and there were Christmas lights str all along. In the inside, it's a car, not a tree. Christmas lights.

[G]

Zero stars.

[B]

And even worse than the egregious lights, he was blasting Christmas music.

[D]

Negative five stars, Mr. Grinch.

[H]

You know the drivers rate the passengers, too. What's your rating?

[B]

Let's see. Probably a 11 out of 10. Five stars.

[C]

Ooh.

[B]

Oh, no. That's not good. Cindy, can I get a ride home? Never mind.

[D]

I live here.

[B]

Listen, while I'm all whipped into an anti technology frenzy, let's talk about AI.

[D]

It's all the craze now.

[B]

Cdog, did you know AI means artificial intelligence? Yes, rhetorical. I used to think it meant adorable ideas, so obviously I hated it. But then I realized it's taking people's.

[D]

Jobs, so now I'm all for it.

[B]

Actually, I just downloaded this new chat whobt app that lets you communicate with your dog. It's called Barco lingo.

[H]

It says here it can translate Max's barks so we can understand what he's yapping about all the time.

[B]

Let's give it a try, maxi boy. Do you understand me?

[F]

Yes, of course I understand you. I'm much more intelligent than you give me credit for. I graduated from Barkmouth College, top of my canine class.

[B]

Wow. Who knew? With all that time you spent chasing your own tail, I thought you might be a bit slow.

[F]

Quite the opposite. But now that we can talk, there's actually something I'd like to.

[B]

Hold on.

[D]

There are so many extremely important things.

[B]

I must ask you first. Like what is it with your obsession with sniffing other dogs butts?

[F]

Well, I can assure you it is not an obsession with other dogs. Buttocks. No, it is simply a pheromone enabled shorthand for two dogs to introduce themselves. Like when humans shake hands. Which dogs find disgusting, by the way. But a few whiffs of a butt and I can come to a conclusion like, well, this dog has definitely spent time in the junkyard.

[B]

Pass.

[F]

Or, okay, this dog has recently eaten some Very good table scraps. Perhaps a sage butter ravioli.

[B]

Interesting method. I might have to try that out sometime. Or never. When you drag your tuckus across the living room carpet, what are you exactly trying to achieve? You know, because I tried it myself and I just got a really bad.

[D]

Rug burn on my tush.

[F]

Oh, you saw that? I apologize. How impolite of me. Sometimes my buttocks itches and I. Mr.

[H]

Inch, how about some non butt related questions?

[C]

Okay, that knocks out the next five.

[B]

Pages I had prepared.

[F]

I actually prepared something myself. Now that I'm finally able to fully communicate with you, I need to read a statement I wrote in my notes app. It's about us.

[B]

Ah, this will be good.

[D]

Probably a speech thanking me for being.

[B]

The best dog dad of all time. Sure, maxi boy. I'm all out of questions.

[D]

So let's hear it.

[F]

We're still rolling on air, right?

[H]

Right.

[F]

I, Maximilian, the mixed breed of Mount Crumpet, would like to formally apologize on behalf of myself and my owner, the Grinch, for our involvement in the stealing of Christmas.

[B]

What? This doesn't sound like a speech of gratitude or a list of the top.

[D]

10 things you love about me.

[F]

We have spent the last several years reflecting.

[B]

Max.

[C]

No.

[B]

I don't reflect and changing. I don't change and growing. That's enough.

[D]

I'm shutting it down. Pull the plug.

Barco lingo.

[C]

Ha.

[B]

What a waste of time. Time. Right. Cind.

[H]

I'm not so sure, Mr. Grinch. I found it quite fascinating to hear what Max is really thinking.

[B]

Oh, Cindy, do you even know what the A stands for in AI Artificial?

[D]

Duh.

[B]

That wasn't actually Max. And even if it was, he can't be trusted. He sniffs butts for a living.

[A]

Hey there, Grinch fans. If you and the family are enjoying the show, I have the perfect recommendation for you. After you've listened to listen to every episode of Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. Obviously, it's a podcast called the Cinnamon Bear A Holiday Adventure. The magical Cinnamon Bear, played by the one and only Alan Cumming, helps little Jimmy and Judy on a quest to find their stolen tree topping star. Along the way, they'll encounter some bizarre characters, including Mr. Presto, the magician, voiced by John Goodman, and Santa Claus himself played by Ryan Reynolds. A little bit of humor mixed with a star studded cast. Did we mention Rachel Dratch too? And you've got a deliciously rich and rewarding holiday experience. Listen to the Cinnamon Bear A Holiday Adventure only on audible. And Grinch listeners can get audible for only 99 cents a month for the first three months. For a limited time, save over 90% on the best selection of audiobooks plus podcasts like the Cinnamon Bear. Just visit the Audible website and look for the limited time offer banner Happy Holidays.

[G]

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch.

[D]

Your heart's an empty hole. Your brain is full of spiders. You got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half foot pole.

[B]

My guest tonight is an influencer, comedian.

[D]

Actor, recording artist, and podcaster. Ah, a multi hyphenate.

[B]

Also, the dude loves octopus as much as I hate Christmas, which is pretty.

[C]

Random, but who am I to judge.

[D]

A weirdly specific obsession that becomes your whole personality?

[B]

That's my whole vibe. His hit podcast, Therapuss has featured guests like Selena Gomez, still ignoring my calls, and role model who I assume is me. Right?

[D]

Please welcome the heavily therapized, tentacle loving Jake Shane. Hey, Jake.

[B]

How you doing, babe?

[E]

Hi, Grinch, how are you?

[B]

I'm all right.

[C]

I'm so glad that you made it up the mountain. I know it's a hassle, but it's my home and it's where I'm comfortable and this is like my sanctuary. Do you have a place like that, Jake?

[E]

I do, I do. It doesn't take me two hours to get up by ski lift, but I do have a home.

[C]

Well, what is two hours from you? Just out of curiosity?

[E]

Santa Barbara.

[C]

I love Santa Barbara. Oh, my gosh.

[E]

Do you really? You like Santa Barbara?

[B]

Yeah, every once in a while, you.

[C]

Know, I just, like, rent a Sentra and I just roll the windows down. Just a rental.

[E]

Right. I don't drive, so I don't really.

[B]

You don't drive?

[E]

I don't. I just have my friends drive me around and I'm a little passenger princess.

[C]

Oh, passenger princess. I have these questions that I prepared.

[B]

There, and I'm just gonna put my.

[C]

Glasses on the very tip of my nose and then look at this. I'm gonna hold the questions. You see how I'm holding the questions? I see as far away from my face.

[D]

That's getting older, babe. It comes for all of us.

[B]

All right. Sorry I didn't have any grilled octopus.

[C]

By the way, waiting for you in your green room.

[B]

But I did leave you some stale tortilla chips. Did you partake?

[E]

I like when they're stale. I kind of like the firmness to them.

[C]

Exactly. I mean, it's.

[B]

It's kind of the thing, and I think you need to try it. Because Whoville needs influencers. Some attention. Yeah. And we need influencers. And you know, and we're doing our best. We have hiking trails.

[C]

You hike up to the top of Mount Crumpet with.

[B]

With Addison Rae or the Queen of Melrose.

[C]

You know, I've been following her. She's hilarious. But what do you call, what's role model's name?

[B]

It's like Saint Laurent Cowboy. Cowboy?

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Agent. Secret agent Robot.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Something. What's going there?

[B]

Is St. Laurent cowboy the same guy as role model? Who's role model? And who's Tucker Pillsbury? And who's the Pillsbury Doughboy?

I just can't keep these guys. Sort it out.

[E]

You know, I'm with you on that. I also can't keep up with that or him in general. I don't really know if they're the same person or not. I still haven't figured it out.

[B]

Has he been on therapist?

[E]

Yes, Tucker has been on. He's been on twice now.

[B]

How do you get all these a list guests on your show? What's your secret? And don't say be nice because you know I am physically incapable of that.

[E]

No, I'm just. I beg.

[B]

Oh, you beg?

[E]

I beg. I say please, please, please come on my show.

[B]

Hey, speaking of therapists, it sounds like.

[C]

A Dr. Seuss character that didn't make the cut.

[A]

Therapist.

[C]

You know what I'm talking about.

[D]

Uh huh.

[B]

But it's the name of your podcast where you play an armchair therapist to the hottest young celebrities and influencers. And since I check both those boxes.

[E]

Diagnose me, I think you're a tad insecure and maybe that like manifests in like severe negativity and I think like that's not true.

[C]

And I'm actually.

[E]

Okay, well yeah, well, you're already interrupting me and not letting me finish your diagnosis. Like I think some people might.

[C]

I'm not even that balding.

[E]

Well, I didn't even mention the balding, so that was just clearly something you were already thinking about. I think some people might think that you are narcissistic, but I actually don't believe that. I just believe it's like a defense.

[C]

Mechanism when a narcissist have zero friends.

[E]

No, I actually think you're just quite lonely.

[D]

How can I be lonely?

[B]

I have my echoes in my big.

[C]

Empty cave to accompany me.

[E]

Do you watch tv? Like what do you do in your free time?

[B]

I definitely watch tv.

[C]

I'm trying to look at my phone more.

[E]

What's your screen time?

[B]

My screen time? You know My screen time was looking a little low. It was like seven, eight.

[C]

And then around the time that six, seven was going around, my screen time was about six, seven hours a day. And then I kind of, you know.

[B]

I had a look in the mirror.

[D]

And I said, grinch, what is wrong with you?

[B]

You need to get this in shape.

[C]

And so I've gotten it back up to about 12, 13 hours a day. And that's been really great for me. I'm hunching.

[E]

Yeah, I get that.

[C]

Which is comfortable for me.

[E]

I get that. I also am at about 11 to 12 hours a day. So you're not alone.

[B]

And how's your hunch?

[E]

Really bad, actually, I feel it right now.

[C]

You feel your phone hunch?

[E]

Yeah, that's something I feel insecure about. Personally.

[C]

I have a hunch. You have a hunch? I have a hunch. We have hunches.

[B]

I think we have a co hunch.

[C]

About our co hunches.

[E]

Uh huh.

[C]

Does that solve any problems?

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

But to thine own self be true, you know?

[E]

You know you're a lot smarter than people give you credit for.

[B]

I know, right? I'm like the Brene Brown. I'm like Brene Green.

[C]

You know what I'm talking about? Let me ask you, have you sought therapy for your unhealthy octopus obsession?

[E]

Well, no, not for my octopus obsession, just for like my own life. I have been to multiple therapists. I actually think I am about to get rid of mine now. I love her, but it's just not working. Oh, I know.

[C]

Oh, what's happening there?

[E]

We just gossip a lot and it's like my fault. I need someone that would challenge me.

[C]

Oh my gosh.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. This is interesting. I just think that it's like when you look at your comedy, I mean, you did these very scenario specific impressions. Everything from the first guy who milked.

[C]

A cow telling everyone in the village about it.

[D]

God, milk.

[C]

Am I right? To the founding fathers finding out John Hancock signed his name. Super pig, big diva.

[B]

So I've heard. So let's play a game. I'll give you a scenario, give you.

[C]

A prompt, you act it out. Okay, here we go. How did Santa react the first time he had to squeeze down a chimney?

[E]

He probably was like hoping that no one was looking at him. He probably felt like a little insecure that he wouldn't fit all the way down. And I guess it's nice because inside the chimney no one can see you. But I know he felt insecure about like the time Lapse.

[B]

This is the next part.

[C]

What did a reindeer say the first time it had to pull a sleigh?

[E]

Yeah, he's probably talking about how heavy the sleigh is because the whole situation is just a lot. There's presents, there's Santa. And he was probably just like complaining that it's not what he signed up for.

[B]

Yeah, and the reindeer's just kind of like, this, this. I'm pulling this. I mean, this thing, right? Me. Look at me, me.

[E]

Right?

[B]

This, this, me. A lot of business like that, you.

[C]

Know, a few hard jokes and then, you know, we kind of wrap it up with a song.

[D]

Well, word on the street is you wrote an original Christmas bop called Santa.

[B]

Can youn Pay For Me?

[C]

I forgot my card.

[B]

I love a good shakedown. Tell me, Jake, what possessed you to scam Santa?

[E]

Well, I haven't really released it yet. Maybe one day we'll see the light of day, but I just felt like it was funny to play on the fact that I didn't want to pay for dinner.

[C]

I just want to say that I love that kind of twist and sensibility.

[E]

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[B]

Moving on, last question here. You recently guest starred on season four of HBO's Hacks.

[C]

So who are the bigger hacks this time of year?

[B]

Carolers or gift wrappers?

[E]

I don't think either of them are hacks. I think they're just in the Christmas spirit, which is so, so infectious and so amazing. I mean, I'm in New York right now and I can just feel Christmas all around me. And I'm so shocked that you don't.

[B]

Well, you know, I don't want to get into it here, but me and Santa are not.

[C]

Chill.

[B]

Why?

[C]

He just thinks he's better than everybody.

[E]

Does he? Or are you projecting?

[B]

Are you sure you're not a licensed therapist, Jake?

[E]

No, but I just feel like a little self awareness goes a long way. And I feel like you are self aware and you don't let yourself show it. And you should, because I think you know yourself better than you like to let on.

[D]

Like, knowing myself better, what possible advantage could that have in my emotional well being?

[E]

Well, I think it might make your heart grow a little.

[D]

Can I.

[A]

Can I just.

[D]

I know these are my tissues, but do you mind if I take a couple?

[E]

Please do. Thanks for asking.

[B]

Keep going. Keep telling me positive stuff about myself.

[E]

Well, I think it's cool that you're green.

[C]

Sorry, I'm using your interview questions to blow my notes.

[E]

No, that's okay.

You know the colors of Christmas are green and red. So you fit right in.

I think a lot of people want to hang out with you.

And I think maybe they feel, like, intimidated by your presence.

[D]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[E]

Because you put up this really harsh.

[B]

Exterior, and I'm handsome and tall.

[D]

I'm handsome and tall.

[E]

So handsome. And I don't know if you're, like, very tall.

[C]

Okay, well, I'm 5 10, which is, like.

[E]

That's not. Like, I wouldn't consider you, like, mega tall.

[C]

Well, with my hunch, I'm, like, seven feet.

[E]

No, I don't think that's how hunches work.

[C]

Like, if I wasn't slumped all the time, if I was on my phone list, I have really broad shoulders and a nice body.

[E]

You're not seven feet tall.

[C]

I'm not seven feet tall. I said I'm, like, seven feet tall.

[E]

Okay. See, if you're gonna interact with people in the town and they disagree with you, you can't fight back at them that hard. Like, you're not seven feet tall, and you know that.

[C]

Okay, okay. All right, all right. I think I'm calming down.

[E]

You have a dog, right?

[C]

I do have a dog.

[E]

Are you friends with your dog?

[D]

He's my favorite person in the entire world.

[E]

So you are capable of love?

[D]

I am. I am.

[G]

Heart swell.

[B]

Oh, no, Jake.

[D]

Heart swell.

[G]

Heart swell.

[E]

Jake, do you, like, want. Are you having a stroke? Like, I don't.

[D]

It's not as strong as a heart swell. My rib cage isn't big enough with my. My heart's two sizes too small. If it grows two sizes too big too quickly, I have a little of a heart swell, and it's just very uncomfortable.

[E]

Does your red cape. Does your.

[D]

Because my rib cage is really tight.

[E]

Does it adjust to the heart swell?

[B]

What?

[D]

Does it adjust like the mouth of a serpent when it gets a really big egg in its sights? No, Jake. Nothing adjusts except my heart.

Just kind of. Can you do me a favor?

[E]

Do you need, like, an EpiPen?

[D]

I need a plunger from the bathroom.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And I need you to cup my back. Are you familiar with cupping massages?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

I got cupping done last week.

[D]

You got the plunger?

[E]

I have the plunger in my hand.

[D]

Just kind of slorp it right onto my back.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

And cup my back. Okay, let's go in and out a few times. Okay.

[E]

Okay, ready? One, two, three, go.

[D]

In.

Out, in, put. I want to hear some grunts of exertion from you, Jake.

[E]

In, out, in, out.

Oh, wow. Are you feeling better?

[C]

That felt great. Thank you for grabbing that plunger and doing that for me. That was actually awesome.

[E]

Of course.

[C]

And I think you fixed my sinus infection, weirdly.

[E]

Oh, I did not know that you had a sinus infection as well. Do you need to get your adenoids removed?

[B]

I didn't either.

[C]

And I don't know what adenoids are.

[D]

But I would love to have them removed.

[E]

Okay, so I had sinus problems when I was a kid, and I got my adenoids out, and it was the only surgery I've ever had besides wisdom teeth surgery.

[C]

Okay, well, I definitely haven't gotten lap band surgery or hair surgery. And don't tell anyone, even if you think that I did, because I didn't.

[E]

You've gotten lap band surgery.

[B]

Thanks for coming by, Jake. This was so much fun. It was great getting to know you.

[D]

I mean this.

[B]

I just. You're such a cool guy. And you know what?

[C]

It just means a lot that you can't buy the pad.

[B]

Of course.

[E]

Thanks for having me. I hope it doesn't take me two hours to get down.

[B]

It shouldn't. You will build enough speed rolling that.

[C]

It should only take about 15 minutes.

[E]

Great.

[C]

Of a repeated assault by rocks and trees.

[B]

Thanks, Jake.

[E]

Thanks.

[G]

We return to our Countdown to Christmas featurette. It's Cindy versus the Grinch in dueling events on the same night. Last we heard, Grinch was struggling to nail down his big Grinchapalooza entrance. Not only that, but he's still broke as a mall Santa in January.

[B]

Did we just get swindled?

[G]

Will he have enough dough to launch the festival of his dreams? Let's find out.

[B]

Hey, everyone. Grinch here at the construction site that.

[D]

Will soon be Grinchapalooza.

[B]

You know, ever since I saw Cindy.

[C]

Running around trying to make money to.

[B]

Fund her little tree lighting ceremony, I've been inspired. And it's got me thinking. I can do that, too.

[D]

Work hard, put a little elbow grease in.

[B]

It's the American dream. Which is exactly why I landed a big corporate sponsor.

[D]

I Can't Believe It's Not Eggnog. And let me tell you, we are flush with cash again, baby.

[B]

And all I had to do was give up the rights to any and.

[D]

All proceeds, forfeit any compensation from my.

[B]

Likeness, and literally sell my soul. Right? Yes, it is time to break ground on the Not Nog pit.

[D]

That's right. It'll be a giant mosh pit filled with. I Can't Believe It's Not Eggnog.

[B]

The holiday drink that looks, tastes, smells, and feels like eggnog.

[D]

But is it? What is it? We legally can't tell you.

[B]

Hey, Maxi, how do I look at.

[D]

My hard hat, fluorescent vest, and big shovel? I'm holding. I'm giving hands on producer, aren't I? You're too sweet.

[B]

Okay, here we go.

Whoa. What was that? It's. It's something wooden.

[D]

Oh, my. It looks like some kind of a coffin.

[B]

It's a.

[D]

It's a.

Ghost.

[I]

I am the ghost of legendary skier Raymond Huslowski. Many movies moons ago, I smacked into a rock up here and passed into the yonder, was buried in an unmarked grave, and demanded to be left alone for eternity.

[B]

You got buried with your skis.

[D]

Silence.

[I]

Now, just as you have disturbed me, I am free to disturb you. Perhaps I'll be a skeleton with barfing snakes coming out of my eyes.

The next day. A ball of fire with large stinky feet, each toe of which has its own little goblin mouth on it, like this.

[B]

Little goblin mouths.

[I]

They're disgusting, aren't they?

[G]

Wow, cool.

[B]

What other forms can you take?

[I]

Um, okay.

Kind of off the dome here, but I can try a couple things. Maybe a scary girl with long black hair, and she's coming out of a television set and she's wet for some reason. Ugh, that could be spooky. Or how about a headless sea captain? I've always wanted to try that.

[E]

Yarr.

[C]

Um.

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[D]

All of those are awesome.

[B]

How would you like to be featured on the Grinchapalooza main stage?

[I]

Grincha who?

[C]

Huh?

[B]

It's my arts gathering slash music festival slash nightmarish carnival thing I'm throwing here to outshine Christmas. You should be one of our performers. Ray. Ray.

[D]

And yes, that's your stage name now.

[B]

And yes, I get 10%.

[I]

Okay, I would love that. I was actually a theater major with a music minor. My father, tormented man, forced me to quit acting to pursue what he could not as a child. Skiing.

[B]

Okay, Hemingway, no one asked for a backstory, pal. We asked to be entertained. Now, can you do a reverse air guitar? That's with no person, just guitar.

[I]

You mean this?

[B]

Maxie, I think we just found our headliner.

[G]

You're a foul one, Ms. Mr. Grinch.

[B]

You'Re a nasty, wasty skunk.

[D]

Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk.

[G]

Mr. Grinch, the three words that best.

[B]

Describe you are as follows, and I.

[G]

Quote, stink, stack, stunk.

[A]

Follow tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast ad free by joining Wondery in the Wondery app, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short [e-mail] survey if you have a tip about a story you think we should investigate, please write to [e-mail] tips.

[H]

Tis the Grinch holiday Podcast is a production of Wondery and Dr. Seuss Enterprises, starring James Austin Johnson as the Grinch, with Anjulikunna Panini as Cindy Lou who? And Anthony Atamanick as the announcer. This episode was written by our lead writer, Dan Cronin and Joe Redlingschafer featuring voice acting by Lee Joel Scott. Our sound designer is Jamie Cooper, music supervision by Scott Velasquez for Frison Sync. Senior producers are Adam Azeroff, Jennifer Klein Walker and Brian Taylor White. Our associate producer is Kim Baekema, Sarah Mathis is our managing producer and Callum Plews is our senior managing producer. Carlos Hernandez is our audio engineer and Adrian Tapia is our studio manager. Executive produced by Susan Brandt for Dr. Seuss Enterprises. Executive producers are Andrew Goldstein and Marsha Louie for Wondery.