STORY REPORT - Disco Witches of Fire Island

Summary

Episode Summary: "STORY REPORT - Disco Witches of Fire Island"

Release Date: July 30, 2025
Podcast: Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500
Hosts: Pearlmania500 (Host 1) & Host 2

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Introduction

In this special "story report" episode of Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500, the husband-and-wife duo delve deep into Blair Fell's captivating novel, "Disco Witches of Fire Island." This audio-only episode takes listeners on a detailed journey through the book's intricate plot, rich characters, and poignant themes, all while maintaining the show's signature humor and banter.

Synopsis of "Disco Witches of Fire Island"

"Disco Witches of Fire Island" is set in 1989, amidst the throes of the AIDS crisis, in the vibrant gay paradise of Fire Island Pines. The protagonist, Joe, a 29-year-old man recently out of the closet, seeks solace and a fresh start after the heartbreak of losing his boyfriend, Elliot, to HIV/AIDS.

Key Characters and Relationships

• Joe: The main character struggling with grief, self-acceptance, and the desire to find love again.
• Ronnie: A charismatic self-help guru aiming to mentor Joe, hoping to help him thrive in the gay community.
• Howie & Lenny: Quirky older housekeepers who are secretly part of a disco witch coven tasked with protecting the island's young men from tragic fates caused by the epidemic.
• Vince: The hot-headed, muscular bar manager with a penchant for dominance and complex relationships.
• Fergal: A handsome ferryman with webbed feet and mysterious connections, possibly hinting at mystical or supernatural origins.
• Dory the Booze Hound: A compassionate member of the coven who provides hospice care to friends passing away from AIDS.
• Saint Denorman: Ailing member of the coven communicating with their leader, Max, about looming dark forces on the island.

Major Plot Points

1. Joe’s Arrival at Fire Island
   Joe arrives on Fire Island via ferry, emotionally burdened by Elliot's death. His journey is marred by past insecurities and the lingering pain of Elliot's departure.

2. Meeting Ronnie
   At a gay bar in Philadelphia, Joe meets Ronnie, an alpha personality eager to mentor him. Despite their lack of chemistry initially, Ronnie persuades Joe to join him in seeking opportunities on Fire Island.

3. Encounter with Howie and Lenny
   Upon arriving, Joe meets Howie and Lenny, who extend a seemingly generous offer to help him settle in. However, their secret as members of a protective disco witch coven adds layers of mystery and tension.

4. The Promethean Bar and Scotty Black
   Joe's plans to work at the Promethean Bar fall through due to overbooking and the devastating impact of the AIDS epidemic on staffing. Scotty Black, the bar's owner, and landlord presents a challenging antagonist with restrictive contracts that threaten the bar's survival.

5. Introduction to the Disco Witches
   The coven's mission becomes apparent as they confront impending darkness aimed at young, promising men. Max's leadership is challenged by the decline in protective powers due to the epidemic.

6. Joe’s Struggle with Grief and Self-Worth
   Joe grapples with his grief, leading him into substance abuse as he seeks to numb his pain and find connection, culminating in dangerous encounters with both allies and antagonists.

7. Climactic Confrontations and Revelations
   As Joe's life spirals, the coven's magic intertwines with his fate, leading to intense showdowns with the malevolent Gladiator figure. The convergence of Joe's personal battles and the coven's protective duties drives the narrative to its emotional peak.

8. Resolution and Community Rebuilding
   The summer concludes with personal growth for Joe, the strengthening of relationships among the characters, and the rekindling of community spirit despite the tragedies faced.

Themes and Insights

• Love and Loss: Explores the depths of grief and the healing power of new relationships.
• Community and Protection: Highlights the importance of community support, especially during crises.
• Mysticism and Reality: Blends supernatural elements with real-world challenges, symbolizing internal struggles.
• Identity and Acceptance: Joe's journey reflects the broader theme of self-acceptance within the LGBTQ+ community.

Notable Quotes

• Host 1 (08:00): "Fans of spicy queer romance with a dash of fantasy won't fall in love with this stunning novel."
• Host 2 (27:22): "If you think pimping out your hot friend is going to make me go soft on you, think again. Go cut the limes."
• Host 1 (46:48): "They have to be in Fire Island, because they can't be trusted in the free state of Delaware."
• Host 2 (53:16): "We have to call Max because there's a great darkness shifting on the island."
• Host 1 (91:03): "You need to tip like you're in the fucking industry."

Conclusion

"Disco Witches of Fire Island" offers a poignant narrative set against the backdrop of a critical time in LGBTQ+ history. Through Joe's personal journey and the mystical elements of the disco witches, the novel paints a vivid picture of love, loss, and the enduring strength of community. Hosts Pearlmania500 and Host 2 provide an engaging and humorous exploration of the book, making this episode a must-listen for fans of queer romance and supernatural fiction.

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For those who haven't listened to the episode, this summary encapsulates the essence of the story report, highlighting the key elements and memorable moments from the discussion.

Transcript

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[Host 1]

Welcome to Too Many Tabs, a podcast where a husband and wife duo sit next to each other.

[Host 2]

We're next to each other.

[Host 1]

Holding your hands in a room not across from each other. No, there's no Mr. Third here. It's just the two of us. Yeah, a classic duo. And the reason why you're listening to this audio only version of the podcast right now is because it's our monthly story report.

[Host 2]

That's right, baby. We read books.

[Host 1]

No, we don't read books.

[Host 2]

I read books.

[Host 1]

You read a book and then you explain the entire book to me. You don't have to have read the book. If you'd like to choose to read.

[Host 2]

The book ahead of time only counts as listening to an audiobook in my mind. You do. You use storygraph. You should. This counts as listening to the book.

[Host 1]

As reading a book.

[Host 2]

Well, yeah, well, listening to book is reading a book.

[Host 1]

Oh, okay.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Okay. Well, yeah. And you know what? If you have a problem with that, get into our itunes and give us five stars right now on. On the audio, itunes, Spotify, however. You're listening to us. But you know what? Enough about that because Mr. Third's not here. Because we don't have to sit here and think about analytics. We just want to enjoy a good book. You know what else we get to enjoy? The full theme song. Too many frauds and too many scammers that we wish weren't real. Too many cons and too many spammers and we're starting to feel like we've got too many tabs. Open it. Too many tabs. Remember to smile.

[Host 2]

Are you ready?

[Host 1]

I am.

[Host 2]

So do you even know what book we're doing?

[Host 1]

I do, actually.

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

Because it's sitting right over there.

[Host 2]

Don't cheat.

[Host 1]

I can't. Okay. I know it's. There's witches. I know there's gays.

[Guest 2]

Yep.

[Host 1]

And I know there's Philadelphia because you've been reading this book off and on for over a month.

[Guest 2]

Yep.

[Host 1]

And every now and then you've been enjoying the hell out of it. I do know you've been enjoying it. But I know that there's one thing that got you so mad that you messaged the author. I said, and, and we're going to save that reveal for later in the show. But I do know for a fact that you've really, really enjoyed this book. But also I do know just from your general demeanor as you've been reading it.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

This is going to be very equal in spirit to Gay Werewolf.

[Host 2]

Gay.

[Guest 2]

Yep.

[Host 2]

Uhhuh.

[Host 1]

Right. Because. And if you guys enjoyed Gary Gary Werewolf.

[Host 2]

Bored Gay Werewolf.

[Host 1]

Bored Gay Werewolf, you're going to enjoy. I, I believe this because I. There's supernatural elements. Right. And there's homosexuality.

[Host 2]

All of our favorite things.

[Host 1]

Yeah, we, we, we love, we love a mystical gay.

[Host 2]

Absolutely.

[Host 1]

Give me gay mysticism. Bring back. That's why I love an Aleister Crowley. Right. That's what we're. This is all about. So before we get started, for everybody out there, this is only available on audio. Thank you so much to everybody. And for anybody who's looking in and they're all on the Patreon or other things are like, hey, where's the after party this week, guys? This is the episode you're getting because Mrs. P and I, I'm going to give you guys a big reveal. Only can be heard on audio. We don't even mention it on any of our videos. We're at the beach right now.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

This is being pre recorded so that way we can get this out so Mrs. P and I can actually go sit on a beach, stare off. And maybe, just maybe she cracks open another book for next month and she'll reveal that all over her Instagram.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Well, I always tell everybody on the first of the month.

[Host 1]

Ish.

[Host 2]

Because sometimes I get overwhelmed and then it ends up being the third. But around the first of the month.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

I post on IG and Patreon what the book of the month is going to be. And I do have a lot of things. I've been, I've been looking around, I've been reading stuff. I've got Ideas. I've got suggestions. I like that you think that I'm going to be laying on the beach instead of just like sleeping in a hotel bed.

[Host 1]

That's true too. Yeah. There's also just sleeping in a hotel bed.

[Host 2]

You're going to be like, let's go do stuff. And I'm like, you shut up and you close those curtains.

[Host 1]

Babies at your parents house. You shut the hell up. But enough about. Okay, so our travels.

[Host 2]

Let me introduce the book.

[Host 1]

Okay, introduce.

[Host 2]

Okay. So the book is called Disco Witches of Fire Island.

[Host 1]

Disco, that's the word I was missing.

[Host 2]

I was, I was like, fire.

[Host 1]

I'm missing a word by Blair Fell. Okay.

[Host 2]

And I need to tell you, out of the gate. I judge this book by the COVID Here's what happens. I research a lot. I do. I read a lot of books to figure out which is going to be the best fit. Yeah. And I had a book in mind for this month and I was walking through Barnes and Noble because I had gone to get the baby some things from the baby section. Right. And you know they have like all the new releases by like as you're going towards the register. And I saw this book and it is sparkly.

[Host 1]

It's sparkly. It is sparkly.

[Host 2]

It's got a disco ball on it. It's got a drag queen eye. It's called Disco Witches of Fire Island. And I judged the book by the COVID and I said, you. Yep. Let me grab that.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And so I read the back of it. Let me read the back of it.

[Host 1]

Okay. Read the back of it.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Which is, which is like a sum, a general summary.

[Host 2]

Let me do the summary that I read inside the Barnes and Noble while holding flashcards for a child. It's 1989 and Joe sets out to spend his first summer working in the hedonistic gay paradise of Fire Island Pines. Joe is desperate to let loose and finally move beyond the heartbreak of having lost his boyfriend to HIV aids. Quickly taken in by a pair of quirky older house cleaners, Joe has no idea that Howie and Lenny are members of a secret disco witch coven tasked with protecting the island and young men like himself from the relentless tragedies ravaging their community. The problem is, having lost too many of their fellow witches to the epidemic, the coven's protective powers have been seriously damaged. Soon, Joe. Joe starts to fall for a super cute bisexual ferryman who just happens to have webbed feet and an unusual ability to hold his breath underwater. But Joe's longing to find love is tripped up by his own troublesome past, as well as the lure of a mysterious hunk that he keeps seeing around the island. A man. Howie and Lenny Warren may be the harbinger of impeding doom. Fans of spicy queer romance with a dash of fantasy won't fall in love with this stunning novel of community, love, Satan, sex, magic, and hope in desperate times.

[Guest 1]

Wow.

[Host 1]

You know what? Can I tell you something right now?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

No Yowie writer could ever.

[Host 2]

I don't know what Yahweh is.

[Host 1]

I. That's You. You have no idea how many fans minds, you just blew by saying you don't know what Yowie is.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

And I'm gonna leave it there and just. I'm gonna let him. You know what? Hop on. Go get on Apple podcasts right now. Give us five stars and say, I can't believe that Mrs. Pearl Mania doesn't know what Yowie is.

[Host 2]

Should I look into it?

[Host 1]

No, I don't think you should.

[Host 2]

Okay. I wanted to say. So I see this sparkly book covered in lots of colors and drag queens with an incredible title, and it clearly.

[Host 1]

Has mermaids in it.

[Host 2]

Yeah. It's got mermaids, witches, AIDS. Okay. It's set in 1989, AIDS crisis. And I was like, this sounds really cool.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Right. And then this is the thing. I. As I start reading this book, like you said, I am having giggle fits because a lot of it takes place in Philadelphia. And what I'm saying is, I didn't know that. That's so crazy on the back of the book.

[Host 1]

It's so crazy.

[Host 2]

No.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And so a lot of times we talk about shit, and I'm accidentally. Is pretty Philly centric. This book is Philly centric in a.

[Host 1]

Way, because the main character is, like, from Phil.

[Host 2]

Yeah, they're from Philly. Then they go to Fire Island.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And Fire island is in New York. It is. It is one of the barrier islands around Long Island.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So that's where, like, I just had to look it up, because I've always heard about Fire island, which is crazy to me, by the way, because I've always heard of Fire island, like, as this gay mecca of as this place where, like, people can go and feel independence and freedom and all this different stuff. Much like Rehoboth Beach.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But it's. To me, it's like, it's. It's north of Jersey. Yeah, it's north of New Jersey. It is out there. Like, it doesn't seem like a great beach to swim at.

[Host 2]

No, I don't Think you're swimming?

[Host 1]

No, I know exactly not what I mean.

[Host 2]

There's semen, but there's ferryman, but yeah. So I just wanted to clarify that at the gate that I didn't know this was a Philly centric book, but I had some good deep giggles about it because of that. Okay, so let's get started.

[Host 1]

Okay, let's get us started with Disco Witches of Fire island by Blair Fell.

[Host 2]

Okay, so the book opens up with our main character, Joe, and he's on a ferry heading to Fire island, listening to a mixtape on his cassette tape player from his former partner Elliot. He made him this mixtape.

[Guest 1]

Got it.

[Host 2]

And so he's very emotional. He's on this ferry, he's listening to this mixtape. And then it cuts to six months earlier. Okay? Now Joe is at a gay bar in Philly, and the coolest guy that everybody in the scene knows, he's super hot, and his name is Ronnie. And Ronnie is flirting with him. And they go back and forth and they're like, flirting. And Joe is really shy and, like, not great at flirting. And Rani is just like, as the boys would say, an alpha. And they end up hooking up. They go back and they hook up with each other. They leave the bar and it doesn't go great. Like, they both are like, well, that was sufficient. Yeah, like, it wasn't great. But the thing is, they have no chemistry. But Rani is like, listen, that is never happening again. But I like you. We're gonna hang out. I'm gonna help you. Because he can tell that Joe needs help. It's like a comment of like, I can tell you need help. You left your socks on while we were doing it. Okay. You need a mentor in the community.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

So we're still gonna hang. Now Ronnie sees Joe is like this fixer upper and wants to help him be better and more successful. Life. Life. Because Ronnie's dreams, he wants to be like a self help guru. So again, we're in the 80s and he's like, when I. You know what I want to do? I want to start a self help guru company.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Like, it's very.

[Host 1]

That Tony Robbins.

[Host 2]

He wants to Tony Robbins it for the gay community.

[Host 1]

Can I tell you real quick? Because I mean, again, bored gay werewolf. We're already in self help again.

[Guest 2]

Yep.

[Host 1]

This is just a common thing also with men in general.

[Host 2]

That's a men thing.

[Host 1]

It's a men thing that we really are targeted a lot by self help.

[Host 2]

It's. I'm gonna say because sometimes people don't. The boys didn't learn about introspection young. They don't understand empathy until they do shrooms. Right. Like, that's why it's so easy to sell it to y'. All.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I know. That's why I did shrooms early. I did shrooms early one day and I was like, oh, we're all interconnected. We're all actually just the universe looking back on itself and learning different experiences and probably reporting it somewhere in the afterlife. Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

[Host 2]

It makes sense. I guess I should be nice to people.

[Host 1]

As we return to the Milesian spectrum. I'm not gonna get in my theories.

[Host 2]

So he' like, I'm going to teach you how to be the master of the gay game and heal your broken heart. And he basically gives, like, Joe a makeover and they become best friends.

[Host 1]

I can't tell you. Master of the gay game right there. That's a YouTube clickbait title we're going to use that. Going to make you a master of the gay game.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Heal your broken heart. I can already picture the thumbnail and everything. This guy is Ronnie, right?

[Host 2]

Ronnie.

[Host 1]

Ronnie.

[Host 2]

Ronnie's a g. I can't say Ronnie without saying it. Like it's Jersey short.

[Host 1]

Ron. Ronnie. Ronnie. I have a family member named Ronnie.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And it's like, it's, it's. It's weird to me because he would be very mad that he shares a name with this guy Ronnie.

[Host 2]

So Joe's dating life does not really get better. He has like one off one night stands. But, like every time he goes on a date, he ends up like crying in their arms about his ex. So, like, he's at one night stands, but then he ruins it. He ruins it. Anyway, weeks later, Ronnie and Joe are at Gym Steaks on South Street.

[Host 1]

Oh, God. Because it's in Philly. Yeah.

[Host 2]

And they're eating cheesesteaks. And Ronnie has this idea. He's like, listen, this summer I think we should go to Fire Island. I met this guy named Scotty Black, and he owns the coolest club on Fire island called the Promethean. And he can give us bartending jobs and provide housing so we can save a bunch of money and meet lots of guys. And Ronnie really wants to go there and meet a rich, successful boyfriend. And then like, he's trying to. He's describing what Fire island is to joke his Joe doesn't know. And he's like, it's like Gaytopia. You can walk around holding hands and no one will beat you up on the street.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And like, it's kind of like what you were just saying, where he's like, there's no cars on the island. So it's like you really can just like, walk around and you don't have to worry about. Drive by groups of dudes there to beat you up.

[Guest 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host 1]

And because that. It was a huge problem in the 80s.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Especially in places like Philadelphia, even though Philadelphia now is considered a very safe gay city, because we have the gayborhood, we have all these different locations. There's been a lot of work that's been done in the 80s especially. We had. We had a mayor named Frank Rizzo. F. That guy who was a massive homophobe, who was also the former. He was also the former chief of police, and he would regularly raid gay bars.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

And so there was this undercurrent for years. It really wasn't until, I'd say, the late 90s, early 2000s, where people could feel comfortable. You would have. Obviously, some people could. There's always going to be some people, no matter how, like, terrible it is, who can still summon up the courage to be out there and to hold hands with their boyfriend or girlfriend and to just be themselves.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But they had to be pioneers and activists just to be alive.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And so having places like Fire island, also like Rehoboth, that's the part that I keep finding funny is since it's set in Philly, that they keep that they're going to Fire Island. And Rehoboth is so much closer. It's such a closer beach. But I can already tell if you wrote a book about Rehoboth Beach.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That's not going to get it on, like, LA Costa Rica's podcast. Right. Like, they made a movie called Fire Island. Like, Fire island is internationally known as a gay destination, while Rehoboth was more like a quiet like. No, no, no. This is where you go with your partner.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

This is where you go with your roommate.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Fire Islands, where you go with your man.

[Host 2]

Fire Islands, where you go single so you can mingle.

[Host 1]

Got it, Got it.

[Host 2]

So he's. He's basically, like, pitching this idea and is Joe's.

[Host 1]

Real quick, how old is Joe?

[Host 2]

Okay. Joe is okay. Joe is 29.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

He tells Ronnie he's 24.

[Host 1]

Got it.

[Host 2]

So he thinks he's 20.

[Host 1]

Does he. Does it say when he came out?

[Host 2]

It was only a few years before.

[Host 1]

Okay, good. So. So all right. That's important.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Because you can be physically 29, but if you don't come out of the closet until your mid-20s, you're basically a teenager.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Weirdly. And like the way it works socially.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So he doesn't know. That's why this, that's why Ronnie's so important because he's like, I'm going to explain to you code. I'm going to explain to you, like, how to act in these clubs and all these different things. Because you've spent so long pretending to be straight, you've never actually gotten in touch with yourself.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

In any sort of way.

[Host 2]

That's like why a lot of when trans people, they have like what they call like the trans girlhood or boyhood.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

Going through this, like teenage years almost because they didn't have that experience.

[Host 1]

But Also, also a 29 year old, though, wanting to go to a place like Fire island, like working like that's a summer beach job and that's an early 20s thing.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That's why it makes sense that when he's 29. That's why I was asking, because I was like, is he. Now this would be the story of a 19 year old.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Or even an 18 year old. But like again, being gay openly was. Could end your career in a lot of ways. I mean, this is before the. I think this is before the movie Philadelphia came out.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Which is about a man being fired from his high powered law law firm for being gay and having aids. Yes. Played by Tom Hanks.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Famously, Denzel Washington.

[Host 1]

Denzel Washington is his incredible movie and Great movie. And a great soundtrack by Bruce Springsteen.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

So anyway, okay.

[Host 2]

They decide they're gonna go.

[Host 1]

They're gonna go to Fire.

[Host 2]

They're gonna Fire Island. Joe is like. He's not super enthusiastic about it, but he's like, what else am I doing? Basically, yeah. He's got this shit job working at Friends Hospital.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Maintenance guy. Not maintenance, like a cleaning guy.

[Host 1]

Okay. So he's in facilities.

[Host 2]

He's in facilities.

[Guest 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host 1]

You can take a sabbatical.

[Host 2]

Yeah, exactly.

[Host 1]

Take a little sabbatic. I'm taking some.

[Host 2]

So now we are with Joe and he's heading to Fire island by himself. He's on the ferry. Like, remember when the book started?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So we're back on the ferry because Ronnie went to Fire Island a week earlier to make contact with the guy and get everything settled. So while he's on the ferry, there is two deckhands that are like kind of off to the side and they're laughing at him and like smirking and like Being really rude. They're like two younger guys. And, like, it immediately is giving Joe that very high school feeling of, like, the. The cool guys are laughing at him for being gay. One of the guys, he still acknowledges, is pretty cute, and it's got very pretty blue eyes. And when Joe makes eye contact with him, he whispers to the other deckhand, and then they laugh more at him. And. And he's just like, oh, it's so very high school. He can't wait to get off the boat.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

When he gets off the ferry, he's standing on, like, the dock looking for Ronnie. But, like, across the. You know how, like, there's, like, a space and then another dock because that's where they would park the boat across. On the other dock, he sees this super, super muscular hot dude wearing a sweater that says Titans. And he's, like, so hot. And Joe immediately, like, tries to wave at him. Like, all of his shyness leaves his body because he's like, hi. Like, he can't help himself.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

And a boat kind of, like, pulls between, and the guy disappears behind him.

[Host 1]

Oh, like. Like a bus. Yeah, like a bus in a movie where the bus mysteriously passes in and the guy's gone.

[Host 2]

Exactly.

[Host 1]

Describe how hot this man is to me.

[Host 2]

He's. He.

[Host 1]

Would he be cast as Jason Momoa?

[Host 2]

No, I think old now. He's described as, like, a Greek God. Older. Salt and pepper hair. He calls him the Gladiator. I'm thinking, what's the guy from 300?

[Host 1]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. The guy who played Leonidas.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

I immediately went. I immediately went. Russell Crowe from the movie Gladiator.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

Like, that kind of look in general. Yeah, that look. It's Gladiator, not Russell Crowe. Like, two years after Gladiator.

[Host 2]

Well, that is steroids. Your body swells.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Not Russell Crowe as Javert. I almost said Javier. I'm like, wait, no, that's Spanish.

[Host 2]

Javier. That's a. That'd be a great. To remake it in Spanish. I'd watch it.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So handsome gladiators gone. And now Joe's looking for Ronnie, and he's becoming pretty concerned. It's been like, 15, 20 minutes. He still hasn't shown up. Now there's two gentlemen on the dock that are loading up, like, the. You know, the pull wagons that you fill with stuff to go to the beach.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

They're filling up pool wagons with stuff from the ferry. And the one got older guy is wearing a maroon bathrobe and a Yankees ball cap with flowers glued to the front of the room and he has a long silver ponytail and he's wearing lots of jewelry, like lots of rings and jewelry. And all the jewelry has like a bunch of like different religious symbols like Buddhism and Catholicism. Like all the different things.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And then there's a shorter guy with him who's wearing leather chaps, a leather vest and has like a monk rim of dark hair and a mustache that's dyed coal black.

[Host 1]

Can I tell you something right now? I. I'm going to go ahead and guess. These are wizards. These are, these are. No, no, that's fine because this is. You were describing basically side characters who definitely knew Gandalf. Like there's like Gandalf the Gray. And here we are with Gandalf the Gay. But like it's just like the way he describing immediately. Well the one wearing a bathrobe is like that's the robes, the wizard robes. But yeah, witches is fine too. But it's just very funny that because like in Lord of the Rings there's like Gandalf the gray Saraman the white. There's a Radagast, the. The. The brown. And it's like they all have these different colors and flavors which also all lead into the type of magic. So like I'm already like, yes, mama. Yes mama. Tell me more. Tell me how he now meets these witches because this is, this is going to be the meet cute of him. And the witches also want to remind everybody this book is set in 1989. That's reason why he didn't text anyone. Yeah, he can't text Ronnie and drop a pin to our younger listeners.

[Host 2]

He doesn't even have phone number to call.

[Host 1]

They had a time that they were supposed to meet up approximately at.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

That's how.

[Host 1]

That is how time used to work. And if the ferry was late, fudge you.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Sit there and wait.

[Host 1]

Especially if you're dealing with public transportation. So you'd be like, yeah, meet me around 4:30. The bus should pick me up at 4. 4. We should get around to your stop at 4:30.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So I don't know, try to be there between 4:30 and 5. Meet me at this corner. I will stand there for 20 minutes. No, I don't have a game on my phone. I don't have Twitter. I don't have.

[Host 2]

No, you're probably going to talk to a stranger.

[Host 1]

I'm going to stare at a wall and probably smoke cigarettes.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Because before we had apps.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

We had my best friend nicotine rip.

[Host 2]

So the older gentleman Wearing the maroon bathroom bathrobe, kind of waves and calls Joe over, and he's like, hey, are you lost? Like, you look lost. Because he looks like a puppy dog that's lost.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Do you need help? And Joe's like, no, I'm okay, but where is everybody? And the man's like, oh, no, it's too early in the season. But don't worry. Like, the. The whole place is gonna fill up and, you know, in a couple weeks. And the man introduces himself, and he says, my name is Howard Fishbein. Shut up.

[Host 1]

No. Shut up. For real?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Oh, my God. The lore, baby. Can I tell you a real fast? Can I tell you something right now? And to the listeners, because we are dropping this right before. Next week is quack month.

[Host 2]

Next week is quack month.

[Host 1]

And I have made a button.

[Host 2]

Stop telling people about the secret buttons.

[Host 1]

No, I know I made the button because also we have this one.

[Guest 2]

Hey.

[Host 1]

Which is for the fishing Bo. I'm not giving away all the secrets, but y', all, when you see the episode for this month's quack month, you are not fucking ready. And the reveals and everything else. So the fact that fish vine. We already have a fish find here.

[Host 2]

A little fish.

[Host 1]

And month hasn't even started yet.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That's so crazy.

[Host 2]

I know. I. The scream. I scrumpt. As I would say the scream. I scrumpt.

[Host 1]

Oh, my God.

[Host 2]

I read the name Howard Fishbein.

[Host 1]

Gotcha.

[Host 2]

Okay. So everyone calls him Howie. And he points to a shorter friend, and he's like, this is one of my housemates, Lenny d'. Amico. It's Lenny.

[Host 1]

Lenny d'. Amico.

[Host 2]

Lenny and Halle.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Okay.

[Host 2]

And they ask again, or they're like, sure you don't need any help? And he's like, well, I'm looking for my friend Ronnie. He moved here last week. And Lenny's like, oh, is he the tall hottie that dresses like a college jock at a chip and. Or a Chippendale stripper? And she was like, yeah, that's him. And he's like, yeah, we've seen him. He's working over at the Flotel. And Joe's like, well, no, he's supposed to be working at the Promethean. And they're like, no, we saw him at the Flotel. He's cleaning rooms. He's a housekeeper. And Joe is immediately upset. And he's like, what the is going on now? Howie is kind of staring at Joe weird this whole time and muttering under his breath about colors. And he's like, he's like, blue, indigo, blah, blah. And this is because Howie is reading his aura and trying to figure it out. So he sees all these different colors, these blue, these indigos. And eventually he kind of just like stops staring at him and mumbling and goes, how old are you? And Joe knows that he had lied to Ronnie, therefore he has to keep the lie going. And he's like, I'm 24. Even though he is 29.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

And the. And immediately the, like, the Howie is like, that doesn't feel right. Like his age doesn't match his aura.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

But they're like, okay, whatever. So he asked them where the hotel is, and they're like, oh, it's right over here. You're going to walk. It's like very quick, five minutes away. It's a real shabby motel. It's kind of sad and pathetic looking. And Joe. So Joe walks over there and as he's walking away, they kind of stop him and they're like, hey, listen. And they write down the address to their house. And like, this is our address. If you need anything, a hot meal, a shower, a couch to surf on, please let us know, like, whatever. And Joe immediately is suspicious because again, he's from Philly and these people are like, here's our address. Stop by. It's like, absolutely not. That's.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[Host 2]

I don't think so.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Okay. But at the same time, it's 80s. That's how kind of things worked.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So they exchanged some more pleasantries and whatever. And they do have some funny jokes about how, like, you know, expect the unexpected this summer, including a couple STDs. It's no big deal. Like, they're very much like, you're gonna have the best summer. Yeah, this is your first time here.

[Host 1]

And by STDs, they mean the clap.

[Host 2]

Yeah, they're like.

[Host 1]

They mean. Yeah, they mean the simple stuff that should be going away.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, exactly.

[Host 2]

So Joe makes it to the hotel and he finds Ronnie. And Ronnie's clearly upset because it's clear that Ronnie didn't even want to meet Joe because he knows that this whole fucking situation's fucked and he doesn't have great news. Number one, he's not bartending at the Promethean and neither is Joe because there's no jobs for them. Basically, the guy who owns the bar, Scotty Black, also owns this hotel and maybe wasn't really clear about the jobs when he invited him up. So basically what Scotty Black did is he Invited a lot of people from all over to come up and work because they're, you know, summer yearly jobs. And what happens is, like, he has bartenders that usually come up from Florida or New York or Philly or whatever. And because of the AIDS epidemic, they keep disappearing. So, like, people that usually come up every summer from Florida aren't. So what he does, he just invites a bunch of people and to see what the numbers are. And people that have more seniority have already arrived at the island. So he's like, oh, sorry.

[Host 1]

So, like, much like planes, he's overbooked.

[Host 2]

He's overbooking.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And it's super up. And Joe is immediately like this. This is the most grotesque I've ever heard. This guy sounds like a douchebag. Also, it's very funny because I used a voice on this and it always beeps me.

[Host 1]

Oh, okay, gotcha.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Well, listen, let's take a little break while I try to remember what the curse words I wanted to type here were.

[Host 1]

Okay, Gotcha. That's incredible. I. The fact that we are folks, we're being censored by big tech right here.

[Host 2]

Yeah, A.B.

[Host 1]

They don't want you to know the truth of everything about the Alex Jones about the disco witches of Fire Island. We'll be right back after this. And if you don't want to hear these ads, you always join us. Promania500n okay, time for our weekly standup comedy wrap up.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Alex. I didn't get to any stage shows, but I did switch to T Mobile with their new family freedom offer.

[Host 1]

Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Well, my old phone bill with AT&T was a joke, so I'm doing a whole new bit with T Mobile. They paid off my family's four phones up to $3200 and gave us four new phones on the house.

[Host 1]

I got to work this into my routine.

[T-Mobile Advertiser]

Introducing family freedom. Our lowest cost will switch our biggest family savings all on America's largest 5G network. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com familyfreedom. Up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card. Typically takes 15 days. Free phones via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement eg Apple iPhone 16,128 gigabyte 8 2,999 eligible trade in eg iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel contact T Mobile.

[Host 1]

Hey, remember those bumpers? We haven't used those in a while.

[Host 2]

I like them. Listen, doing Bumpers.

[Host 1]

Uh. Oh, it's the 80s, and we're in Fire island and we're doing bumpers.

[Host 2]

Okay. So listen, Joe is pissed.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

He's like, why didn't you tell me? You've been here for a week. Like, you could have called. They had phones.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

Called. And he's like, listen, I know it was a shitty thing to do, but I really didn't want to do the Fire island summer alone. So basically, Ronnie tricked them. But also. I get it.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

I get it. Like, yeah, it sucks. But, yeah, no, I also.

[Host 2]

Ronnie's like, joe, you're not doing anything else.

[Host 1]

Like, yeah, no, exactly.

[Host 2]

Just get up here.

[Host 1]

No, I know. It's also. It's. It's still like, hey, I mean, do they both have a job now as house?

[Host 2]

No, Joe's totally.

[Host 1]

Oh, Joe doesn't have anything.

[Guest 2]

No.

[Host 2]

And he has nowhere to stay because Ronnie's not allowed to have people stay at the, like, tiny, tiny room he lives in in the hotel.

[Host 1]

Oh, well, you. Ronnie. Okay, that I just went from I'm cool with it to I hate you now.

[Host 2]

Yeah. It's rude as.

[Host 1]

Yeah, no, that's. That's up, dude.

[Host 2]

So Joe's like, listen, I. Joe is pissed, and he's like, I met these guys at the dock. I'm gonna go to their address and see if I can crash on their car couch.

[Host 1]

I just. Okay, I just. The way you just phrase that of I met these guys at the dock. That is not a great story. That's immediately great.

[Host 2]

It's an incredible story.

[Host 1]

No, no, I think I. I'm just saying, if I was a person.

[Host 2]

I know Ronnie immediately is suspicious.

[Host 1]

Oh, good. Yeah. I met.

[Host 2]

You met two guys at the dock, and they gave you their address.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Okay.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Okay.

[Host 2]

But also, Ronnie acknowledges that Joe really doesn't have another option, and it's all his fault. So he doesn't really argue with him.

[Host 1]

Well, what's Ronnie gonna do? Right? Doesn't care for him enough. If this is. If you're not gonna be honest with him.

[Host 2]

Ronnie's a bit selfish. I'll say that.

[Host 1]

I thought, here's the thing. If Ronnie had set up a place for Joe to stay, and it also still found. Been like, hey, I'm gonna go work as a housekeeper. But don't worry, I got us a fallback job as a housekeeper.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

For the summer, then it'd be fine.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But if he's like, oh, none of that worked out. But also on top of that, you have nothing.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

You spent Your money to get up here.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

You left your left your other job, Your actual job.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

So he gets to that, he finds. He has the address, he finds the house. It's not too far away from where the hotel is. Cuz again it's a small little island. And when we get to the house the way that it's described in the book, I pictured it because again, it's my imagination. I pictured it like Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, practical magic. That house, Victorian. Lots of stuff hanging on the walls. Brick, brack, 19 styles, furniture, tchotchkes.

[Host 1]

That's 100% how I pictured it. Yeah, like be the way you described the guys. I was like, this is gonna be their house.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

A lot of male nude photos on the wall.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah. Gay head shop.

[Host 2]

Gay head shop.

[Host 1]

That's how I picture it.

[Host 2]

I mean, big elephant, Ganesh statue. Maximalism. No, minimalism.

[Host 1]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

So the guy, he knocks on the door, knock, knock, knock. And the guys are like dancing and they have records playing and Joe is. They're listening to Grace Jones's disco record.

[Host 1]

Hell yeah.

[Host 2]

And Joe's like, what is this? And they're like, oh, this is Grace Jones disco. And Joe isn't super into disco because there's whole kind of plot line about how like Joe doesn't have his own true opinions about music. Ronnie gives him a lot of like, he's like, Ronnie's like, this is great, this is great, this is great. Like when it comes to music. And Ronnie hates disco. So therefore Joe doesn't like disco. Like he doesn't have his own personal opinions about. And so he's like, yeah, that's. This stuff sounds really cool, but like at the same time he's not really interested because he's like, I guess they're also.

[Host 1]

But also again, it's the 80s because the just like 89. It's 89, but it's the 80s in general. Which means there's been a nine year backlash to disco.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

And you have a guy who only came out a couple years ago, which means that when he was in his 20s, especially early 20s, he was surrounded by guys who were literally burning disco records.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Because the thing about disco and the 70s and the going into the 80s is just like in the moment we are in today, there's a swing the opposite direction. We had gay rights, you had disco. Music was pro feminist, it was pro gay, it was pro black. It was about people coming together and dancing. And then the 80s it became while a heavy metal now is more open and more diverse. It was weaponized.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And a lot of these songs were being played to the point where you had like giant disco record burning parties that happened that got out of control and I think was Cleveland and a bunch of other different places like that. So there was this whole subtext where like, if you liked disco, it was outing you.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And so there was a lot. There was a bunch of people, Ron. Like Joe's age.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That would be shirking from it forever in this really like weird way. The same way you're actually seeing now where you have people who are openly gay but like, are like, oh, no, but I don't like drag.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And you're like, oh, okay. Because you're trying to still conservatively code. Because you still. You want your type of gay.

[Host 2]

You want to be. I. This actually comes up in the book later. But it's almost like this. You want to be gay, but you don't want to be queer.

[Host 1]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Is that whole thing.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

It's like you're. Hey, get that out of here. You're being queer.

[Host 1]

There's this movie with Patrick Stewart where Patrick Stewart plays a gay man. I remember. I remember this. It's from like the late 90s. And the thing is, I now know that Patrick Stewart is doing an impersonation of Ian McClellan.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Because that's actually a thing. He's even admitted he's like, whenever I played a gay character, I just did Ian. Because he's very close friends with Ian McClellan while. And in it he talks about like in the news, especially in the 90s, they always wanted to push the normal gay couple. Where it's like two guys wearing plaid dressed like lumberjacks are like, yeah, we just want to pay our taxes and live in a house. And he's like, what about me? What about someone who wants to wear a scarf in summer like you? This whole thing, like, just let us be gay. Like, I want to just be somebody and which is what the wizards like, the witches are like. The witches are just like, yes, our house is full of giant marble dicks.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

You're allowed to do that. It's fine. Disco and we're listening to disco are being open and I have flowers hot glued to my Yankees hat. And you know the only problem I have with all of that? The fucking Yankees hat.

[Host 2]

No.

[Host 1]

Boo. Fuck the Yankees and fuck the Mets.

[Host 2]

So they're like, listen, we have this attic space. It's actually our third roommate Max's, but he's still in New York. So until he gets here, you can crash up in the attic space. Yeah, they get up to the attic and there's still like a lot of like boxes and stuff up there. Cuz Max hasn't been there to clean it or whatever.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And so there he, Joe's kind of standing in the middle of this kind of messy attic situation and Howie and Lenny are just kind of pitter pattering around, picking up stuff. And there's a lot of pictures on the wall, a lot of sexy pictures on the walls and there's boxes and boxes of pictures and Joe is like, there's like this one box of pictures that Joe is like really drawn to. Like it's like a magnetic force pulling him to like stare at them. And there's like one picture, it says key West Party, 1969. And he's like really drawn to it. It's like crazy how magnetic all these images are. And he's so he's staring at them but he's having a lot of thoughts about the pictures because there's hundreds of pictures of all these men partying together and a lot of them are like nude orgy photos. Like.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

In the midst of it afterwards, just hanging out naked, drinking, like just dancing to music. And the thing he's thinking is about how carefree and full of joy they all are. Like they're all just happy together, partying, doing all this stuff. And in his personal experience, Joe's the first time he ever had sex with a man was in 1982 and that was a year after the virus was identified. So he's never lived in a world where sex wasn't an actual threat.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So like he's like having all these emotions about this, about like what that must be like.

[Host 1]

I remember thinking about that a lot in general with like when I started first started doing stand up comedy about. And I would talk to like these boomers, it's like early 2000s and they would be like telling me about like the past and like, you know, yeah, we would just fuck all the time is the only reason we're economists. Because if you didn't want to get a girl pregnant because there was no fear about aids, they were all just like doing coke and quaaludes and. Because they weren't worried about their like being spiced. Like, yeah, if you bought coke, it was coke. Like there wouldn't be fentanyl in it.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Like to the point like as I started describing, like you lived in a paradise.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And ruined everything.

[Host 1]

But, but it's also not just that they ruined everything. It's just like as time and capitalism and the different things come in, ruins everything. But it was just this moment. And that's the same realization he's having as he's sitting there looking at this of just like, oh, it was. There was a shot for it to be simpler.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Before. Whatever.

[Host 2]

So they are like, listen, we're going to fix this room up and this is how much you can pay to stay here. And he's like, I don't have that much money. And like, well, don't like. And how he says to Lenny, like, don't worry, he'll. He'll get a job. And he's like, I don't know where to start even looking for a job. And I think it's Lenny. Lenny is like, I'll make a call. And so we. He goes downstairs and he makes a call. Oh, it's Howie. How he makes a call and then he comes back, he's like, listen, you have a job interview at 5 o' clock tonight with Dory the booze hound.

[Host 1]

Okay. I love the name.

[Host 2]

They. They all. They get the attic fixed up and they get a mattress up there. And what happens is while they're fixing it up, they put a lot of those pictures and stuff and a lot of personal items in like a locked cubby up in the attic. Like, there's like a little door room and they lock it up. And Joe is immediately bummed because he's like, I definitely want to look through some more of those pictures. But the guys are like, listen, that's just a lot of private stuff. We appreciate it if you didn't like.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Hey, hey, bud. In the bedroom, we're giving you for super cheap. Can you not jerk off to our old orgy photos from 20 years ago?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Weird.

[Host 2]

I don't think it was that as much as they sensed the way that Joe kind of liked it and they were like, that's weird.

[Host 1]

But it's also one of those things where, like, somebody's looking at something. It's literally in his bedroom.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And he's a younger man.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

I'm just going to tell you that right now. That would be where my brain would go. I would look at and be like, oh, yeah, that's my box of orgy photos. Yeah, I don't want you looking. No, I, I kept those. Listen, those are those. That's for my. That's for my private Instagram.

[Host 2]

Call that the finsta.

[Host 1]

No, now you have the private circle. You can set you know what I mean? Like, on Instagram, there's, like, a setting. I don't do it either, but there's a setting you can put for, like, private. It's like close friends, circles.

[Host 2]

Got it.

[Host 1]

You know, I don't want this open.

[Host 2]

Where you share the picture of the millennial guy pissing himself.

[Host 1]

Yeah, the older millennial. I pissed myself. Oh, you tased me. I can't stop peeing. The funniest thing, I can't tell you.

[Host 2]

You know, friends only.

[Host 1]

No, no, no. Enough about I don't want to ever. I don't think about this man in the middle of this joyful story. So the Disco Witches of Fire Island.

[Host 2]

So the booze hound owns a bar called Asylum harbor, and it's a little bucket of CHUD across the way. Her name is Dory the Booze Hound, but obviously she just goes by Dory. Dory is part of their inner, inner circle. She's actually part of the coven, and she provide, like, she has a house there. She also owns this bar, and she provides what could be described as, like, hospice care for a lot of their friends. So she has a house that looks out in the water, and a lot of people have gone to her house to spend their last few weeks alive with her. So just, like, she creates a really safe environment.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And that's kind of one of her roles within the coven. Right.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And especially during this time of the crisis, of the AIDS crisis, when so many people are dying daily.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

And she believes that her role is to provide a beautiful place for them to cross over.

[Guest 1]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Right. And one of their dear friends, his name is Norman. Wait, Saint Denorman. It's so hard. I was having such a hard time spelling, like, saying this into the thing. So their name is Saint, and Saint is staying with Dory because Saint is currently not well. And he is also a member of the coven. He's doing a lot better, but still not well. So it's five o', clock, and Joe's getting ready to head over to Asylum harbor to meet with Dory for the job interview. And he gets to the bar. Dory is very lovely, very excited to meet him. And at the corner of the bar is a young woman. Beautiful, striking young woman. This is Elena. She is Dory's granddaughter. She is like, this side character who's a young supermodel who, while she was living in a supermodel lifestyle, got addicted to drugs, went to rehab, tried to unalive herself, and now she's on the island staying with Dory. To kind of recover. Okay, got it, got it.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

No, I've. I've seen. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

This is. So she's getting her ducks in a row.

[Guest 1]

Yep.

[Host 2]

Ducks. And so there is, like, a. A subplot about her. But again, for time, I'm gonna. I'm gonna kind of skip. So the interview with Dory goes really well. She's lovely. While this is happening, this interview, this guy barges in the bar. A huge, muscular, strapping Irish guy storms in the bar. His name is Vince, and apparently he's the bar manager. He's like, what the hell, Dory? I'm not gonna do an Irish accent. And he's like, I thought I was in charge of hiring. And Dora. Dory's like, yeah, then interview him. And he's like, he doesn't even know how to make any drinks. And Joe's like, I don't know how to make any drinks. And she's like, he can learn. Look how hot he is. And he's got these sad, puppy dog eyes. Oh, the guys are gonna love him. And.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Dory understands.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And Vince is, like, giving him a hard time. And they're. He's like, vince, like, take off your shirt. And Joe's like, I'm not sure. And he's like, listen, I got nothing else to sell you. And take off your shirt.

[Host 1]

Yeah, take off your shirt.

[Host 2]

This is what your job is.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Sad, puppy dog eyes and shirtless.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Also want to describe.

[Guest 2]

He.

[Host 2]

Joe is very handsome. He has a good build. He's not super muscular. He's very hairy, so he's got a lot of chest hair. He's got, like, a thick unibrow, but Ronnie made him wax it in between. But still. Thick, thick eyebrows, very sad eyes, very, very 80s. Thick, dark hair. So he's a hottie.

[Host 1]

Okay, got it.

[Host 2]

But he doesn't know that. Again, I'm picturing.

[Host 1]

Can I tell you? I'm picturing.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Young Albert Brooks.

[Host 2]

Albert Brooks. I don't. I don't think I know who that is.

[Guest 1]

I'm gonna.

[Host 1]

I'll pull up a picture of him. Hold on. Albert Brooks. This guy. This guy right here. Young Albert Brooks. He was on snl. He was actually, at one point, I think he was, like, sexiest man. Like. Like, he actually won an award for that.

[Host 2]

I was kind of picturing him, like. Like, is it Rami Malek? No, no, no.

[Host 1]

Rami Malik's not Harry.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

The guy you're describing as a young man is. Is the. Is. Is just a. He's got to be thicker.

[Host 2]

He's gotta be thicker.

[Host 1]

He's got to be a little bit thicker. But look how. Harry, look. Here's a picture of Albert Brooke's hair.

[Host 2]

That hair.

[Host 1]

The second you're describing Harry.

[Host 2]

I don't.

[Host 1]

This is 80s Harry.

[Host 2]

This is an audio podcast. People don't know what you're showing me.

[Host 1]

I don't. I know exactly. That's. So describe it. I'm showing you a picture.

[Host 2]

This shirt all over his shoulders and back. He's not yet like a man.

[Host 1]

Like a man. And when men want to get with a hairy man, they want it hairy. Okay, Right now, in the last bunch of years, right, for the last, like, 20, 30 years, the whole thing has been like, body hair has been a big. No, no. Why? Because people like Gillette have been pushing razors on us. It's a psyop that's being pushed on us by big razor. Let your hair out there, you freaks.

[Host 2]

Okay. All right. Also, Alec Baldwin used to be kind of hairy. Huh? This is what I was picturing, actually.

[Host 1]

Oh, more Harry. Alec Baldwin.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Like, it's a lot of this.

[Host 1]

Oh, you're just upper chest.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I was picturing upper chest.

[Host 1]

Maybe happy, But Alec Baldwin. When you think of Alec Baldwin, you wouldn't think, oh, does this man have a unibrow? Is he secretly hiding a unibrow with Albert Brooks? You're like, that man has a unibrow.

[Host 2]

This guy. This is the guy. I don't even. This is just a random model, but this is what I was thinking.

[Host 1]

That's what you're thinking.

[Host 2]

This is what I was picturing.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but he. He shaves his shoulders and his biceps if he's that hairy on his forearm. Okay.

[Host 2]

I'm telling you, we got to get into this. Okay? So the. He's like, pop the shirt off. And he does. And Vince is, like, real mean to him. And he's like. He hands him a copy of the Barkeeper's Guide, which is a book that has all of the drink recipes in it. When you learn how to bartend, you always end up with that thing they make it into. They've. I think they made it into, like, flashcards that are laminated now, which was very smart. And he's like, you gotta memorize this. And Dory and the granddaughter leave to go do whatever they're doing. And Vince, angry Irish bar manager, grabs Joe and kisses him really aggressively. Whoa. And he's like, we got to get the sexual tension out now because we're never going to do this again, right? He's like. He's like, we're working together all summer. You and I aren't fudgeing ever, so let's just get this out of the way. And also, Vince tells him the one rule of the bar is he's not allowed to sleep with any of the regulars.

[Host 1]

The regulars.

[Host 2]

Well, he basically is like, you can't. Don't sleep with any customers. Customer. And he puts it this way. He's like, all the guys here think that we are trash. Like, all these rich guys that come up here, he's like, they're. They're gonna. You. And they're gonna leave. They think that word. Pieces of trash, and we're just scummy little workers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's like, don't ever sleep with them, because they're gonna keep coming back because they can never get you. You know what I mean?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Yeah. That is exactly the correct answer.

[Host 1]

That is.

[Host 2]

That's exactly how to keep the regulars on a string is never with them like that.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Because the second you. The second they get what they finally want, why would they ever stop.

[Host 2]

They stop coming.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And then it becomes weird when they don't want to hang out. So then they stop coming.

[Host 1]

Or it becomes even weirder if they start. If they still hang out, because then they think that that is now a relationship, even though they're on the other side of the bar. You're like, hey, man, I was just. That was just one night. That was just that night I needed.

[Host 2]

You're not getting free drinks because of. Of this.

[Guest 1]

No.

[Host 2]

So now, later that day, he's hanging out with Ronnie again, and Ronnie's telling him all about these hot guys he's meeting that are super rich all over the island. And Joe's like, well, the. Vince told me not to mess with those guys because they think we're just trash and they're gonna use us. And Ronnie's like, that's absolutely not true. I'm gonna meet a hot rich guy, and then we're gonna move back to the city, and he's gonna help me build my business, and you're gonna meet a rich guy, and you're gonna be able to go to medical school, because Joe does want to go to medical school. Or like, he said it once to Ronnie, and Ronnie's like, put it in his head that this is definitely happening the same way.

[Host 1]

The same way. Like, if even when you're in your 30s and people still give you Star wars stuff because they heard once you, like, Star Wars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

I'm not even into my version of that.

[Host 1]

Nope.

[Host 2]

So Ronnie and Joe are. They're hanging out, and so Lenny and Howie are walking by, and they stop by to say hi to Joe. And Joe introduces them to Ronnie. He's like, ronnie, this is Lenny, this is Howie. And Ronnie is immediately, like, rude and doesn't like them. It's like, there's something about him he just doesn't vibe with. And he is like, they're trying to make polite conversation, and they're like, how's this, bubba? And they say something about disco music because they're, like, singing to themselves or something. I don't remember. But Ronnie is like, disco sucks. Like, deadpan.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And they're like, okay. Like, you know, like, we really like disco. And he's like, gag me. It is so terrible. And Joe is, like, being really apologetic, like, oh, no, he doesn't mean it like that. Blah, blah. And Howie this whole time is really staring at Ronnie, and he's like, you know, you have a really interesting aura. It's blue, but there's, like these streaks of red. And he stops, like, dead, deadpan, and is like, did you have a really difficult time growing up? Like, I can tell you were a survival survivor. And this makes Ronnie even more angry because, like, he's clearly been pinged, and he's like, what are you, a psychic or something? And they're. They're just really, really. Ronnie is really, really rude to them. And Joe is just, like, really trying to, like, make the conversation kind of okay. And whatever. Lenny. And. And how we end up walking away. They excuse themselves, basically. And, oh, I remember what happens. They're. They're kind of gently being like, oh, so it's your first time here. You're gonna have fun. And Ronnie's like, yeah, I'm gonna meet. I'm meeting all these hot guys. I have, like, all these big goals for myself. I'm not staying on the island. I would never stay on this island and just clean up hotel rooms for the rest of my life. That's so pathetic. Which is literally what Howie and Lenny do for their.

[Host 1]

Oh, that's what that.

[Host 2]

Their housekeep, their housekeepers.

[Host 1]

Okay, guys, so he.

[Host 2]

This is a direct shot at them.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

And Ronnie and Howie excuse themselves gracefully, but, like, they. Lenny is kind of like, we really trust the direction of our lives that brought us here, and we hope that one day you'll. Under you. You will have that type of peace of mind. And, yeah, this is.

[Host 1]

This is very Much. I'm going to be somebody. And y' all are fucking yokels.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, exactly.

[Host 1]

I'm. I'm. I can see past the bullshit life that you've accepted.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

You've accepted failure. And I'm not going to. I'm going to meet a hot guy, and I'm going to go move to the city, and everything's going to be great. And they're like, that's not how this works. But okay, yeah, have fun.

[Host 2]

And they're like, that's not really the goal of life. But it's also sometimes a calm life where you're just hanging out with your friends, dancing. But.

[Host 1]

But also not even. That's not even just a goal. It's also. What you're describing. It does not happen. Like, and if it does, it's such a rarity, and the fact that you're counting on it being a certainty is going to destroy you.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Okay. Okay, Moving on.

[Host 2]

So it's opening night at the bar for the season. For the season. And everybody is really excited. Excited about it, but there's also a lot of stress. And this one, we find out that Vince and Dory are really nervous because the landlord of the bar is also Scotty Black, the guy that owns the Promethean. And they have, like, this crazy lease that Dory signed. It's like this crazy contract that if Asylum harbor doesn't turn a profit for at least two of the four months they're open, he can cancel the lease. And the bar hasn't been doing that well because Scotty Black also owns a big bar that he promotes really heavily. And also, Scotty Black takes a percentage of their profit. It's a terrible contract.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

As it comes to, like, 80s landlord, this is. This is trumpy level.

[Host 1]

But we're also. But we're also setting up a very 80s movie story.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, of course.

[Host 1]

We got to put on a show and make enough money so we can keep the bar open, or else the evil rich guy down the lane, he's gonna take over our ski resort. I mean, gay bar.

[Host 2]

Yeah, no, exactly.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So I love that. I love that that's the storyline. I love that that's the storyline part of it. Let's go.

[Host 2]

So Ronnie comes to visit Joe at the bar for opening night and immediately is flirting heavy with Vince. And it's like these two muscly guys and they're being mean to each other, but it's, like, hot. And it's. It's very, like, funny. And, like, I don't get too Much into. But it's very funny the way that they, quote, flirt with each other. And after Ronnie leaves, Vince looks at Joe and says, quote, if you think pimping out your hot friend is going to make me go soft on you, think again. Go cut the limes. And I was like, that's an incredible quote.

[Guest 2]

I.

[Host 1]

That's incredible.

[Guest 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host 2]

Who hasn't been there?

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Who do your side work.

[Host 1]

Yeah. But also, I love the idea. I love. You know what? You know what? This immediately reminds me of the.

[Guest 1]

The.

[Host 1]

This manager reminds me of the janitor from Scrubs.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Where he's like. For some reason, he just instantly clocks him. He's like, oh, oh. If you think me falling in love with your best friend is going to make me go easy on you, you got another. And Joe's like, the fuck is happening? He just came here to get a drink.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

I didn't.

[Host 1]

And you two just started screaming at each other in like, cling on.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

What is.

[Host 2]

What?

[Host 1]

Oh, yeah, come here. Make out with me. That's right. You're never getting any of this.

[Host 2]

What?

[Host 1]

This is the weirdest shit.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And also with an Irish accent.

[Host 2]

Yeah, with an Irish accent that I can't do.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So Joe gets sent to the grocery store to get a quart of heavy cream because Vince thinks customers are going to want white Russians. I don't know. On his way back, he sees the handsome deckhand member with the blue eyes, and he's sitting on the sidewalk talking to some girl. And Joe immediately doesn't want to walk by him because it's like that very high school. Like, they're gonna laugh at me when I walk by and. But he's like, I also have to get this stuff back to the bar or Vince is gonna kill me. And so he's like, let me just keep walking by. And he makes eye contact with the deckhand guy, and the deckhand guy whispers in the girl's ear and then they both giggle. And he hates this. And he basically runs away because he's like, I hate this high school ass. But also he's non confrontational because again, it's just me being like, you talking? What are you looking at? Yeah, like, what is going on? So Lenny and Howie talk to Max. Okay. So there's like. When the way the books are in is like we're. It's mostly Joe's perspective, but sometimes chapters go directly to Howie and Lenny and, like, what they're doing and they're. They are calling Max, who's back in New York, he's really sick. He has hiv, and he's in the hospital, and they're talking to him about the summer, and they really want him to come up to the beach and. Because he's. He's one of the. The leaders of the coven. Right. And so they're talking about, like, what's going to happen in the coven. And, you know, they've met this awesome young guy. He has a great aura and an interesting energy and like, blah, blah, blah. But they can feel this darkness shifting on the island. So there's this talk about this great darkness, and they want. They seek Max's help with this, and Max is trying to help them, but also he's very sick. And. Yeah, it's a sad conversation.

[Host 1]

And for the listeners, and I don't want to assume this with a lot of HIV is the early onset form of aids. Hiv. It's about blood. I think it's white blood cell count is what it all comes down to. But I just want to be aware that we're going to have some listeners who didn't grow up like we did with Ryan White and Elton John, pushing more information about AIDS and hiv. Because when we were kids, they made a very big deal. Was hiv aids.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And now we look back on the AIDS crisis and we often forget about the HIV part. So I've met people who, like, don't even know what HIV is.

[Host 2]

Oh, really?

[Host 1]

Yeah. So it's. It's a human immunovirus because that's what it does. It attacks your immune system. What typically actually kills you from AIDS is it's your immune system gets weakened to the point where something else takes you out. Usually it was pneumonia is officially what kills the person. Yeah, usually because it's literally a common. You're so weakened that a common cold can kill you.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Yep. And so bar shift is over. Joe heads to the beach at, like 5am Obviously, dark water, 5am the sun should at least be up. God willing. But Ronnie meets up with Vince after their bar shift, and they get into some deep conversations on the boardwalk home and then deep dickon back at Vince's place.

[Host 1]

God damn it. You just really wanted to say deep dick.

[Host 2]

And look. Look what it did. Yeah, I said dickon.

[Host 1]

It's. It censored it out.

[Host 2]

Censored it.

[Host 1]

But you remembered that I.

[Host 2]

What if I said dick, as in someone named Richard?

[Host 1]

Here's. Here's what I'll say right now.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

You know what's gonna deep dick us right now? These ads that we're gonna cut to. So, y', all, if you don't want to hear the ads, you know where to go. Pearlmania5 it okay, time for our weekly standup comedy wrap up.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Alex. I didn't get to any stage shows, but I did switch to T Mobile with their new family freedom offer.

[Host 1]

Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Well, my old phone bill with AT&T was a joke, so I'm doing a whole new bit with T Mobile. They paid off my family's four phones up to $3200 and gave us four new phones on the house.

[Host 1]

I got to work this into my routine.

[T-Mobile Advertiser]

Introducing family freedom. Our lowest cost will switch our biggest family savings all on America's largest 5G network. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com familyfreedom. Up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card. Typically takes 15 days. Free phones via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement, eg, Apple iPhone 16, 128 gigabyte 82999 eligible trade in eg iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits. End and balance due if you pay off early or cancel contact T Mobile.

[Host 1]

We're back. We're back. We're back, we're back.

[Host 2]

So Joe's on the beach.

[Guest 1]

Yep.

[Host 2]

We all know what Vince and Ronnie are doing.

[Host 1]

Deep dick.

[Host 2]

Joe's on the beach watching the sunrise. And across the beach, like, a pretty good distance away, but, like, enough that he. You can, like, clearly see it. He sees the hot gladiator guy from the docks.

[Host 1]

The deckhand?

[Host 2]

No, the gladiator, the deckhand and the dot and the gladiator guy are different.

[Host 1]

Wait, I'm confused.

[Host 2]

Okay, so when he was on the ferry, there were two deck hands.

[Host 1]

Oh, I get it. Okay. All right, got it. So one of. That's the difference? Yeah, there are two. And one of them had blue eyes.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Okay, and that's the one that just passed. He just walked that day.

[Host 1]

He was talking to the girl.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And then, okay, when he got off the ferry, there was this gladiator that.

[Host 1]

The gladiator guy who works on the dock.

[Host 2]

He does not work on the dock.

[Host 1]

He was just there on the dock.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Okay, so I was taking the deckhand and thinking he was a dock hand. Because he wants to get that dick in hand.

[Host 2]

Exactly.

[Host 1]

Okay, got it.

[Host 2]

So he sees the gladiator guy and he's like, oh, my God, I need to talk to him. And so he literally, like, abandons all of his stuff on the beach and he starts Running towards him and yelling like, hey, yo, hold on. Let me talk to you. Let me talk to you, girl. And as he's kind of going towards him, but not, like, running like, like crazy because he wants to look cool, he hears someone running up behind him. And he looks behind him, and it's that deckhand from the ferry. And he's like, hey, you left your stuff back on the beach. And he is, like, holding. He has this Charlie's Angels lunchbox that Howie and Lenny had given him because they had, like, made him, like, a pasta bolognese or something.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

So he's like. From his meal, he had this Charlie's Angels lunchbox. And he's like, shut up. Shut up. Because he doesn't want the gladiator to see the campy gay lunchbox.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And he's like, I'm just trying to talk this guy, like, whatever. Like. And Joe is, like, mad that this young man is talking to him. And when he turns around, the gladiator is, like, walking away and is, like. Is now too far away to even, like, really run after without it being really.

[Host 1]

You have to sprint like Napoleon Dynamite.

[Host 2]

And so now Joe's even more pissed that he couldn't talk to the gladiator guy again. And now it's. This deckhand is always laughing at him. And the deckhand is. He says he's hungover, but he's still drunk from the night before. He's like, I'm gonna go swimming. And he's like, you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't swim in your drunk. He's like, I'm not drunk. I'm hungover. Anyway, he goes swimming in the ocean. And we find out the next morning. The next morning, he's downstairs in this shared living kitchen area with Lenny and Howie, and he's eating breakfast that I think they made for him because the. I think it's. Lenny loves cooking. So. Lenny's always cooking. And they're like, oh, we heard. I. We heard about your new nickname. And he's like, new nickname? And they're like, yeah, everybody's calling you Falafel Crotch. And they're like. He's like, what? And he's like, yeah, because you're Armenian. And Joe's like, falafel is not Armenian. And they're like, nobody cares. Accuracy isn't important here. Yeah, Because I guess the whole thing is that, like, when he wears his tight little shorts, he has a huge bush. Nope. Huge donger.

[Host 1]

Oh.

[Host 2]

And you can see it. So everybody's like, oh, look at falafel crotch over here. But he's like, a flawful. Is not Armenian.

[Host 1]

But also, now that I know these Armenian. The Harry makes sense.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Because Armenian men are very hairy.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

I knew a bunch of Armenian guys growing up, and it was, like, crazy when, like, you know, when you're in puberty and stuff like that and, like, hair started to show up on your body. Because my Armenian friends were like, it's showing up in all the wrong places. Like, everyone else around here is like, hey, look, I got my. I got some. My hair's coming in. I got some hair. Body hair coming in. And they'd be like, yeah, okay, I've been. I have full legs and arms and back and back.

[Host 2]

And they're like, listen, the boys aren't. The boys aren't smart out here. They just think you're hot. So just accept that this is your nickname. And they're eating breakfast and talking shop about stuff. And he tells.

[Host 1]

But falafel to me is balls. So it's like. It's where. It's more of an imp. It's more implying that you have huge nuts.

[Host 2]

Huge nuts.

[Host 1]

Not dong. It's not on the. It's not on. We're not talking about the meat. You know what I mean? Like, I would have gone with, like, lamb Kebab. Kebab, yeah.

[Host 2]

Call him Kebab. Yeah, drag name.

[Host 1]

I heard he's that uncut bob.

[Host 2]

So they're talking about his first shift, and he's like, yeah, it was like. It was great. Whatever. I was busy and I did all the things with Vince. It was, you know, whatever. But I went to the beach and I saw this hot gladiator guy again from the docks. And they're like, oh, tell us about him. Then he's like, oh, he's got salt pepper hair. He's so hot. But then the deckhand shows up and ruins everything. And then like, deckhand? And they're like, yeah, he's a scruffy blonde kid. He's got big blue eyes, and they're like, oh, Fergal, Fergal, Fergal. His name is R, G, A L. Fergal. Fergal. His name's Fergal.

[Host 1]

What, the Fergal?

[Host 2]

The ferryman? Anyway, he's been working on the boat since he could crawl. He's like OG island guy. And every. Larry and Lenny and Howie know him, and he's lovely. And Joe's like, well, he rubbed me the wrong way. I don't like homophobic guys. And they're like, they're like, you need to pay more attention because that's not a straight guy. And he's like, I saw him like flirting with this girl and Baba. And they're like. And Lenny's like, yeah, he's like a 60, 40 split, but I think we're winning the percentages these days. And he's like, oh, so he's bi. And he's like, I would say gun shy gay.

[Host 1]

Gun shy gay is very funny.

[Host 2]

Gun shy gay.

[Host 1]

Gun shy gay. I like that.

[Host 2]

Anyway, Joe's like, fergal schmergle, I need to figure out who this gladiator is. And they're like, you know everyone on the island, who is it? And he starts describing him again. Chiseled jawline, super tall, old Italian actor, looking like 40. This is the thing he says, older Italian actor. He may be 40. How dare you, Joe?

[Host 1]

How dare you?

[Host 2]

Older at 40, sir, we're not even midlife anymore. That's 55, I've heard. Yeah, switch that to midlife.

[Host 1]

Yeah. When that CEO decided he wanted to sue Coldplay for because he got caught ruining his marriage live on camera. Yeah. They list him as a middle aged CEO. I'm like, that man is 55, that's middle aged.

[Host 2]

Now I'm clocking it forever. And so as he's describing what this guy looks like, they're like, oh, he's like, oh, he's got this really dark, intense angry eyes. Like it feels like he's going to rip me open and kill me. But also like in a hot way.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And Lenny and Howie expressions changed immediately. They were like, wait, what? And Joe couldn't really clock it other than like it looked like they suddenly like were feeling dread and he like he didn't know like why or whatever and they just kind of played it off and they're like, oh, haha. Like we don't know who he is, but there's a lot of hot guys around here all summer. I'm sure you'll find them. Whatever. Anyway, when Joe leaves the room, Howie and Lenny are like whispering and they're like, oh my God, we have to call Max. Because basically to like really some do a summation of what's happening is like there is a great darkness on the island and there is a dark spirit that comes to take really positive young men and basically lures them to their own death. Like a, like a siren, right? Like this idea of like an evil darkness that finds young men that will have a lasting impact on the world or Like a really positive income outcome on the. On earth and the community as a whole. And this darkness likes to take these young men before they can, you know, meet their goals in life, if you will. And the. Lenny and Howie have experienced, let's call it a takening before, where they had a young man who was at the island years before, and he had used really identical language and had been mesmerized by a man with angry eyes. And it was like this. This person tricked him into, like, disappearing, and the man, you know, died and was killed. So it was like they're immediately, like, nervous. They're like, wait a minute. Is. Is it just a hot, angry old guy that he's seeing or is this the darkness trying to take Joe?

[Host 1]

Basically. Basically, they. They've seen a guy who is real life pipelining young men into a terrible life that will enter into a terrible ending. But these young men believe that they're just.

[Host 2]

Nice use. Nice use of the button. Nice.

[Host 1]

I just had to bring that back.

[Host 2]

I. I saw you over there touching buttons and I said, how's he gonna do this?

[Host 1]

I'm. I had to work it in because I'm like, this is very much a shadow daddy.

[Host 2]

It is a shadow daddy for sure.

[Host 1]

Shadow daddy.

[Host 2]

So the next day is Ronnie and Joe are at the gym because Vince told Joe he has to start working out to get his muscles ripped because it's for the good of the bar.

[Host 1]

So that's 100.

[Host 2]

For the good of the.

[Host 1]

That's 100. Here's the thing is, I think it's. I know your favorite character in this one whole book is Vince because you used to be a bar manager. And I. I was there when I saw you look at your. The. That worked under you. And you were like, yeah, no, I don't care. Titties out. Titties up and out.

[Host 2]

Okay, do you want to make money or not?

[Host 1]

Do you want to make money? You. Here's a sock. Stuff it. Shirt off. What are we talking about?

[Host 2]

No, never sock. What you do is. Okay, so, I mean, if you're a young woman who's thinking about getting into the bar restaurant industry.

[Host 1]

I meant for the guys. Sock was for the.

[Host 2]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So no, I was gonna give you some real insider tape.

[Host 1]

No, go ahead.

[Host 2]

Some insider tape. I might have shared this before. I don't know. What you do is you wear two bras. Now, these do need to be push up bras, because you need that hard. It can't be just like nips out. We need a Hard coverage. So you're gonna wear two bras and you're like, okay, that's gonna make my bust look bigger. Yes, perfect. We're making money. Okay, now here's the thing. A lot of bar jobs or waitressing jobs, you can't have an apron or a purse or stuff like that. So what you've done by wearing two push up bras, if you've created a pocket in between where you can keep your money. So you're going to stash all of your cash. Now, this only worked back when I was doing this because back then cash was king. And this was before everything was on square. And so I would just have hundreds and hundreds of dollars of ones and I would jam them in my bra. And what's hotter than a gal pulling some cash out of her bra to make change for you? Oh, yeah, honey, let me get you some change for that. You pull out a stack of ones and you're like making change and then you put it back in your bra. Oh, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Yeah.

[Host 1]

And then the guy who's receiving it goes, oh, titty dolls.

[Host 2]

Titty money. So I'm gonna order another drink from her. She's got titty money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, as the hundreds of dollars accumulate, your boobs are getting bigger.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

You can do this same thing with a jock strap as a man.

[Host 2]

Exactly.

[Host 1]

You know, because a lot they have the pocket.

[Host 2]

If you're working at Woody's, which is mentioned in this book multiple times.

[Host 1]

Woody's is a gay bar in Philadelphia.

[Host 2]

It's a very famous game with your jock strap. But I don't know if it works now because everything is credit card and people don't use cash as much. Yeah, but there was a time.

[Host 1]

But there's no tax on tips now.

[Host 2]

No, that's not true. It's actually. Okay, so anyway. Okay, so they're at the. They're at the gym working out, and Vince is. I'm sorry, Ronnie is talking about all these hot guys. He's. Whatever. Dating. And all of a sudden, these three guys that look like zombies come walking in and they've got dark sunglasses on, dark clothes, they're really thin and gaunt and kind of gray. And Rani is immediately, like, excited to see them. And he's like, oh, my God, it's the graveyard girls. And he's like, this is the graveyard girls, Joe. Because they work harder than anybody else. Bartending, running the lights for the Promethean. The. The graveyard girls are the Promethean bartenders. They're the. The coolest guys on the beach, right? And Joe immediately clocks. He's like, I think people are calling them the graveyard girls because they're all wearing black and they look like they're high on coke and Special K and that they're corpses.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

You describing people whose skin they. They're. They're working at a beach town, but they never see the sun.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

There's this one of the American horror stories took place in, like, a beach town, and the vampires are really, like, gray and gone. And I do not remember which American horror story it is off top of my head, but that's how I was picturing them is like, there's this very specific vampire zombie that was in this beach town. And it's very. This. It's the graveyard girls.

[Host 1]

There was a.

[Host 2]

But they're cunty little.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I'm just picturing goths at the beach.

[Host 2]

Yes, Goth.

[Host 1]

It's just goth at the beach.

[Host 2]

High as a kite.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Because they're working 24 hours a day.

[Host 1]

And probably on heroin. Yeah, okay. Yeah, got it.

[Host 2]

So anyway, they offer Joe and Ronnie some drugs. And Joe's like, I don't do drugs. And Ronnie's like, he. He's like, yeah, I don't do drugs. Wink, wink. But he doesn't let Joe know. He's like. It's very like, no, no, I don't. And they're like, oh, you're a flawful crotch. And he's like, son of a bitch. Son of a. They're calling me falafel crotch.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

In the conversation, it comes out that Joe's living with Howie and Lenny, and the graveyard girlies are like, oh, my God, we've heard about them. They claim that they're. They say that they're witches, right? They're like some weird disco witches or something. We heard a story about them back years ago. Did you know that they set fire to a club in Rehoboth Beach?

[Host 1]

Rehoboth Mansion. Rehoboth mentioned. Where's the button? Where's the button?

[Host 2]

I don't know.

[Host 1]

Oh, there it is. There it is.

[Host 2]

Yes, exactly. You were talking it up, and I was like, he is gonna himself.

[Host 1]

That's why they have to be in Fire island, because they can't be trusted in the free state of Delaware.

[Host 2]

So there they start telling the story about how there was this bar down in Rehoboth beach, and Lenny, Howie and the whole crew were there dressed up in their usual disco gear, and they were kicked out because the bar manager was like no drag queens allowed in this club because like you were saying, there was a big push against drag against like the overall queerness of being gay.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And so they got kicked out. But the story goes that they came back and they started dancing and spinning outside of the nightclub. And then that nightclub caught fire that night and burned down. Was it just a coincidence? Oh, huh. Of course.

[Host 1]

Or. Or did the owner want an insurance money?

[Guest 2]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

No, it was witchcraft. It was also, I like the. I like to believe because of the way this all lines up.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That Joe Biden walked past on this boardwalk at some point. Because Joe Biden.

[Host 2]

Hot Joe Biden.

[Host 1]

Hot. Young Joe. Hot.

[Host 2]

Young Joe Biden was hot back then.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Guest 1]

But.

[Host 1]

But even if it was the late 70s or early 80s, like, Joe Biden was already a senator by that point.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And so he was walking by like maybe carrying Hunter and being like, look, Hunter. And Hunter's just like, someday I'm going to learn about crap.

[Host 2]

Hunter's eating Thrasher's fries out of a bucket.

[Host 1]

Yeah, that's his fries. And then be like, man, that Hunter interview is so crazy. I love it.

[Host 2]

I love it so much where we just react to that. Hunter.

[Host 1]

It's three hours long. Do you know that?

[Host 2]

Listen, I'm saying three. What else are you doing? Do a live stream.

[Host 1]

I'm raising my son.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

I'm doing okay.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

So Joe immediately doesn't believe this story, but also is kind of like clocks it in the back of his head.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Because he doesn't know them that much, but he's like. He also. Joe does think they're weird, by the way. Like I need to like establish that Joe thinks that Lenny and how are you are weird. He is uncomfortable with all the woo woo of it all.

[Host 1]

Yeah, well, I mean, they are weird. They're old. They're old guys who let a stranger move into their attic where they had to lock up all of their orgy pictures. Like, the thing is, is anyone who is nice to you is weird.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Especially if you're in a new place. Anyone like, like just think about all of like act people actually being Christian. Right. If they actually follow the teachings of Jesus and actually like reach out to strangers and treat the least of of us as well as the greatest of us or all these different things. If you actually are a good person, you're fucking bizarre.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Because our society, America wants you to be a bag of shit to everybody. It's a zero sum game where you're supposed to fuck over everyone next to you so you can keep your bar open, which is owned by the secret evil guy down the street.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

In this 80s goddamn plotline, Ronnie immediately.

[Host 2]

Pardon me, believes the graveyard girls. And he's like, this is why I don't trust them. They're weirdos. And Joe is like, like, Ronnie, you're a. Yeah. He's like, listen, I don't want to be friends with your weird, drug addicted goth friends.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And like without saying it, but kind of saying it, Joe's just like, you're really bad at deciding who to be friends with. Like, if it's between Lenny and. How are you the Grave Road girlies? Like, Like, I'm. Well, we know that I'm hanging out with Lenny and Howie. So anyway, it's Memorial Day weekend.

[Host 1]

But also, don't you. Don't make me make choices. Don't make me make choices like that. That's. I hate people like that. I hate people like that so bad. Where it's like, no, no, you should be part of this crew. Why can't I be friends at boat cruise?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

I don't understand why. Why can't. Why do I have to choose between these pale, coked up goths. Right?

[Host 2]

Probably are fun once in a while or.

[Host 1]

Or these spinning, pot smoking, hippie witches. Yeah, because that, you know, you know, these other ones that the witches, all they smoke a mad pot. Like, there's no way I have met all of these people. Every single person you are describing is a real person.

[Host 2]

Is not just like a person in our lives.

[Host 1]

No, but also. But I mean, like, even in the past, there's a lot of people in my life who I've moved on from or just, you know, life changes and we moved and all this different stuff. But like, you talking about, oh, old queens who will take in any straight puppy.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And also are just like, hey, just, you know, from my experience, that guy, that, that type of thing over there, it's not great. Do you. Do you though? That's what. That's what Howie is saying to him constantly. Just like, hey, just so you know, like, I've been down this road. From my experience, it's that. But I know they're not push you in any one direction because everyone needs to have their own life experiences. Okay, great. I'm gonna listen to you, my queen. Okay. Galadriel.

[Host 2]

So it's Memorial Day weekend and Lenny and Howie have to go to the mainland. They get stuff to throw a party. They're like working an event, not like they're throwing a party. At the house. And when they're prepping to head out, Saint, who is the friend that lives at Dory's house, is actually, like, doing, like, a meditation spin. Because, again, spinning is the big thing. They. They disco spin, and that's how they talk to Mother Goddess.

[Host 1]

Oh, when you say spinning, you mean like. Like a whirling dervish?

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

You mean spinning like a top? A person spinning? Yeah, In a circle. Like, not. No, no, because when you say spinning, I immediately thought bicycles.

[Host 2]

Oh, no.

[Host 1]

I immediately thought people who are in a bike, like, Soul Cycle. They're listening to Lady Gaga, 1989. Somehow these witches got Lady Gaga. They hop on stationary bicycles.

[Host 2]

Oh, they would love Lady Gaga.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Because this guy.

[Host 1]

Yeah, My disco stick. Yes, I know. I don't understand.

[Host 2]

But.

[Host 1]

No, but they're listening to. They're listening to disc.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Yeah. So Matt Saint is doing this Mother Goddess spin meditation. I like to picture it as, like, they're standing outside on the beach in a long caftan, and they're just spinning. So their arms are, like, doing, like, the. The willow. The billowing. The billowing.

[Host 1]

I'm picturing Stevie Nicks.

[Host 2]

Yes, exactly.

[Host 1]

I'm picturing Stevie Nicks. But old gay men.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

As God intended.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So a flash memory pushes through Saint's mind because Saint is communicating with Max, and he sees Max's rubric. So this whole thing where Max, as, like, really the leader of the coven, if you will, has this rubric of a way to distinguish who the person that they need to, like, kind of take under their wings is, or, like, who is someone that has, like, the right aura and special, let's say, powers to become part of the coven. Because, again, the whole idea is they need to find more people to be in the coven because the coven is falling away due to the AIDS crisis. And so Max, having been, like, more of the leader, has, like, this rubric, and Saint, during this, like, spin meditation, sees it and immediately is like, oh, my God, I gotta find Howie and Lenny and tell them right away. Now, Howie and Lenny are going to the mainland. Saint just got done this and is heading to the dock to try to intercept them before they get there. And Joe's alone in the house. So what do you think Joe's gonna do while he's alone in the house?

[Host 1]

He's gonna whack it?

[Host 2]

No, he's gonna try to find the key to get in that crawl space.

[Host 1]

Oh, I. I immediately was, like, lonely. You're alone in the house? Immediately I was like, that's. That's exactly where I get the whole house. The whole house to yourself.

[Host 2]

Well, maybe he does want to do that. But first he needs to get in that crawl space to find the good pictures.

[Host 1]

That's true.

[Host 2]

So he starts looking around the house, and he goes into Howie's room. How? His bedroom room. It's not cool, dude.

[Host 1]

Don't do that.

[Host 2]

And when he goes in there, he's looking around, trying to see if he can find the key, and he sees a big framed picture of a drag queen. And it's signed across the picture, and it says, to Howard Fishbein, Love Eartha Delights and her ominous bush. XOXO MASH Max. And this is when we find out that Max has a drag queen Persona. Max, the third roommate, from Joe's perspective. And her drag queen's alter ego name is Eartha Delights. And her ominous bush. An incredible name. Thank you so much. He keeps digging around. He does find the key. He goes back up to the attic, he unlocks it, and he goes in there and he starts looking through the boxes and stuff. And in his mind he's like, he's not just looking for pictures. He's looking for proof that they're not witches, that they didn't burn down a club, that they're just two weirdo normal ish guys. Whatever. Anyway, he's digging through the book, the pictures and stuff, and he finds another photo. And this One says, like, 1978, island house party, Key West. And he's staring at it, and there's this. You know, it's all hot guys, but the one hot guy looks exactly like the Gladiator Man. Like, he hasn't aged a day. And Joe is, like, really mesmerized by this. And he's, like, staring deeply at it because, like, his brain cannot comprehend that it. It is the exact same guy. And all of a sudden, like, while he's, like, deep in this state of, like, trance is word for he's in a trance, all of a sudden, there's a loud banging downstairs and the screen door shoots open and Joe panics because he's in the cubby he's not supposed to be in. And he fucking jets out of there. But when he gets out of this little cubby, he cuts his leg really bad on, like, a nail that's sticking out, because, of course, old house, random nail. And he runs down out of the attic thinking it's Lenny and Howie. And he's, like, gonna play it cool. Like, no, I wasn't doing anything weird up there. I wasn't doing any weird. And he gets down there and it's Fergle. And Joe's like. He's like, Joe, he's like, what the are you doing here? And he's like, howie and Lenny asked me to come here to get you to help bring back stuff from the dock. But what the happened to your leg? You're bleeding everywhere. And he looks down and he sees all the blood and he faints.

[Host 1]

Mmm. And right there with that faint.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

We are also gonna take a break.

[Host 2]

From reality on a fainting couch. That's what they used to have back then.

[Host 1]

But we're gonna faint real, real fast and we're gonna play you a couple of ads. We'll be right back after this. Okay, time for our weekly stand up comedy wrap up.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Alex. I didn't get to any stage shows, but I did switch to T Mobile with their new Family Freedom offer.

[Host 1]

Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Well, my old phone bill with AT&T was a joke, so I'm doing a whole new bit with T Mobile. They paid off my family's four phones up to $3200 and gave us four new phones on the house.

[Host 1]

I got to work this into my routine.

[T-Mobile Advertiser]

Introducing Family Freedom, our lowest cost. To switch our biggest family savings all on America's largest 5G network. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com familyfreedom. Up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card. Typically takes 15 days. Free phones via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement eg. Apple iPhone 16, 128 gigabyte $8,229.99 eligible trade in eg. IPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel contact T Mobile.

[Host 1]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try. @mintmobile.com Save upfront payment of $45 for.

[Host 2]

Three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network's busy taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com.

[Host 1]

Oh yeah, that's right, baby. We back, we back, we back, we back. We right here on Fire Island. What are we doing? We're Celebrating the life and times of disco witches. We're saying that disco is good, disco is grand. And yes, all of society does the back and forth over and over again. Sometimes those windows open, sometimes those doors close. But what are we doing inside? We have an akiki right here at Fire island, baby. Fire Island, Island, Island.

[Host 2]

So we're at Dory's house now because Dory is bandaging up Joe's legs. Remember he bleeding? Yeah, he's bleeding and he passed out. Here's what, here's backstory. Saint did make it to the deck in time and he did talk to Lenny and Howie about the, the meditation he had and how he spoke to Max and how he understands the rubric. And he says, these are the five main requirements that this person's going to have to meet to join. Right? They have to have a aura frequently depicted both as being transcendent as well as a severe blockage. Two, having been born into a family of historical tragedy. Three, having experienced a recent soul crushing heartbreak. Four, being in his first Saturn returns, aka between the ages of 28 and 30. And five, most importantly, a wing, heart shaped mole or freckle on his, on, on his back, up by his neck.

[Host 1]

These are all the descriptions this person needs to have.

[Host 2]

Yes, These are the things, the things he has to meet.

[Host 1]

And here's the thing with Joe. Joe's been lying to him, saying he's.

[Host 2]

24, because right away they're like between.

[Host 1]

The ages of 28 and 30 is 29. He needs to be 29 years old with a very specific mole. He just have a fucked up aura. Heartbreak come from a family of tragedy.

[Host 2]

Armenian?

[Host 1]

No, I was going to say historical.

[Host 2]

Tragedy is what they said.

[Host 1]

Oh, historical. I thought I was just going to go with lived in Philadelphia.

[Host 2]

Yeah, well, hey, so Lenny is like. Well, when it comes to aura, you know, he definitely has that and he's definitely been born into a family of historical tragedy. He. Now, Lenny and Howie don't know about the recent soul crushing heartbreak because Joe hasn't told him anything about that. But in his gut, Lenny believes that there is a deep sadness in Joe. So he thinks that there is. He's like, they're like, oh, well, it's not his first Saturn returns because he's only 24 and they've both looked at the back of his neck and there's no mole or anything. So Joe doesn't fit the criteria. So now we're at the bar and Ronnie comes in and Ronnie and Joe are supposed to go hang out, but Ronnie's dressed up, like, all preppy, like. Like Fred Perry, polo 80s preppy. You know the type of preppy. Pastel preppy.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And Joe is like, are we still going out tonight? And he's like, no, I've got new plans. I've met this guy, and I think he's the one. He's gonna be my great love. He's super rich. His name is Trey winkle, and he's 10 years older than me. Short and I. And rich. It's mostly the rich thing.

[Host 1]

Winkle is never a name to trust.

[Host 2]

No.

[Host 1]

I immediately think of the Winklevoss twins.

[Host 2]

I think of Henry Winkle.

[Host 1]

Well, he. You can trust. Yeah, that's the Fonz. Yeah, you can trust the Fonz. But I'm saying the Winklevoss twins, they're from. They were. There's a whole thing. The movie, the Network, about the founding of Facebook.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I didn't see that.

[Host 1]

Oh, okay. Well, they're crypto fascist billionaires.

[Host 2]

Oh, God. I didn't know how you were going to get crypto fascism into this goddamn episode. Here we go.

[Host 1]

Figured out a way.

[Host 2]

God damn it.

[Host 1]

I always fit it in. So the same way Ronnie fit Vincent?

[Host 2]

No, I think it was the other way around. But I read the book.

[Host 1]

Oh, you read the book.

[Host 2]

It is described in detail.

[Host 1]

Really?

[Host 2]

So, yeah.

[Host 1]

Tell the listeners that. You got to entice them.

[Host 2]

No.

[Host 1]

Up these books. Hey, just so you guys know, my wife is not going to cover the deep. You just said deep D. Yeah, I.

[Host 2]

Just said deep dick.

[Host 1]

Yeah, but I know, but then I thought.

[Host 2]

I feel like that described what happened.

[Host 1]

No, no, but you have to say. But yeah, I'm gonna leave it at deep digging. But it is described in detail.

[Guest 2]

It's.

[Host 2]

Yes. Okay, I'll let you know.

[Guest 1]

Do that.

[Host 1]

You didn't just describe. Indeed.

[Host 2]

Okay. I'll remember that for the future. Okay, so the whole thing is that this is supposed to be Joe's first real night out. It's his first night off from the bar where, like. Because again, being a bartender, you're usually working the funnest nights.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So this is the first night where Joe's supposed to go out and he's gonna go to the Promethean where all. All the guys are.

[Host 1]

And he's supposed to be experiencing actual fire. Fire island fun times from the Fire island perspective.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

And Ronnie was supposed to go with him, but Ronnie is. Is ditching him because he met Troy Winkle. Troy. Trey Winkle. And so every. The whole thing is also that everybody wants him to go out. Lenny and Howie Dory, like, everybody we meet is like, you need to get the out. Please go.

[Host 1]

Please go out.

[Host 2]

Get. Get a little drunk. Go do something.

[Host 1]

Have fun.

[Host 2]

You are 24 years old.

[Host 1]

You're bleeding.

[Host 2]

So he goes to the Prometheum by himself.

[Host 1]

You're 24, but you look so much older.

[Host 2]

No, they keep saying he looks. He looks. Nobody questions that. He's not 24.

[Host 1]

I know, but he has. He has a wizened visage of a 29 year old.

[Host 2]

His. Or is that of an old maid.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host 2]

So he's heading the Promethean. And as he's walking up there outside of the Promethean is Elana, Doria's granddaughter is sitting, and they have a lovely conversation. We find out that, like, she's getting sober and she's like, kind of meeting up with this girl that she likes, but she's not supposed to date this early in her sobriety.

[Host 1]

Yeah, girl.

[Host 2]

And it's like this whole thing. Alana has a great story. It just for time. I'm cutting it. Cutting it. He goes to the club. He goes to the club. And that's literally described what it sounds like when he opens the door. And guess what? He had a Jaeger shot. Oh, let's go.

[Host 1]

Yes, yes, yes. I think it's before Red Bull, right? I think this is before Red Bull. So it's just Jaeger on his own.

[Host 2]

You had to do it alone. Yeah.

[Host 1]

Jaeger meister.

[Host 2]

He gets to the bar and one of the graveyard girlies is bartending. And he's like, let me get you a special drink. It's called the knockout punch. And it's basically the way it's described is like a Long island, but with red dye. 40 and love it. 10 out of 10.

[Host 1]

Okay. I love that somebody pointed out, like, hey, do you want to drink these nine all at once? And they're like, no. Do you want to have a Long island iced tea? Oh, hell sounds nice.

[Host 2]

Hell, or as I like to call them, strong islands.

[Host 1]

Strong island.

[Host 2]

A strong island.

[Host 1]

What is in a long Island?

[Host 2]

All the. All the clears and a shot of coke. Anyway, so.

[Host 1]

I missed you as a. As a rat bartender. You're a dirty rat bartender. Hey, let me get a lie. Long Island. What's in that? All that clears is a shot of coke. She stared right through me. She stared right through me. Didn't answer a single goddamn question. Left me with more mysteries.

[Host 2]

I don't have time to answer the question.

[Host 1]

Left me with more mystery.

[Host 2]

The bar is full. There's a line of three.

[Host 1]

Where's my fucking waitresses? You're supposed to be clearing the service bar. Rhythm is a dancer. It's on.

[Host 2]

So much passion. People feel it and they wear. So he gets the drink for free. Because bartenders always drink for free.

[Guest 2]

Duh.

[Host 1]

He's industry, baby.

[Host 2]

Industry, baby. And so real quick for the listeners.

[Host 1]

If you made it this late in the episode, if you're ever trying to get a discount, just lie and say your industry. No one ever checks. Just say, I.

[Host 2]

Here's the thing. Don't say that you know the owner. Don't say, the only people will be like, you. I hate the owner of this place.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Never.

[Host 2]

I hate the owner.

[Host 1]

Knowing the owner doesn't get you a discount. Looking at the person being like, no, no, I just got off a shift down, you know, at some other place. I get it. I work.

[Host 2]

I get it. No, it's fine.

[Host 1]

I'm in the industry.

[Host 2]

I get fucking. You have to say it like you're.

[Host 1]

Tired because you Are you tired?

[Guest 1]

Oh, yeah.

[Host 1]

Just look at them dead in the face to go, I'm in the industry.

[Host 2]

And then. But guess what? You better leave a 30% tip, if not more. You do.

[Host 1]

You need a tip. You need to tip well.

[Host 2]

You need to tip like you're in the fucking industry.

[Host 1]

The goal is to give the person the money.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Not the club, the house. Not the house.

[Host 2]

To pay the house.

[Host 1]

No, no, no.

[Host 2]

I'm giving you $30.

[Host 1]

Listen, you're gonna get 30 bucks. I got $30 to spend. It can either be tip or it can be check. So just telling you how you can do this split. And that button over there says, put.

[Host 2]

It on your flush tab, baby.

[Host 1]

I say that. That. That button over there says, open food. Open food. $5.

[Host 2]

So he's dancing around. He's dancing around the thing he's getting. He's feeling the knockout punch. He's starting to really feel it with the Jaeger, right? He's loosey goosey in the groove, and suddenly Scotty Black is there. It's the. The fucking landlord guy. And he's like, you're too hot to be working at that dive bar, blah, blah. You should come work for me. And Joe is like, yeah, whatever. Because again, Joe is on Team Dory. Vince, Howie, Lenny. And he's like, this dude's my enemy also.

[Host 1]

You fucked me over without ever even meeting me, bro.

[Host 2]

He does. And you know what's funny is Joe doesn't even bring that. He's more of like, I'm Team bar, because he's. He immediately is. This bar is family, you know? And, like, you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't let the Barbie family guys.

[Host 1]

Don'T let any business be your family business anytime that, hey, when you. When you work here, you're not an employee. Your family.

[Host 2]

Get out.

[Host 1]

Oh, no, no, no. Families abuse each.

[Host 2]

Families suck. No. So anyway, Joe's like, yeah, whatever. Scotty Black gives him his business card, and he's like, call me when you're ready to, like, really make some money Anyway.

[Host 1]

Money.

[Host 2]

Joe gets so drunk that he's flashing in and out of, like, being a blackout, and he starts having, like, memories of Elliot passing away. And what we learn in this flashback is that when Elliot, the ex boyfriend who died of aids, passed away, they actually were broken up. So Ellie had broken up with Joe, like, many months before he had died. Because when he got diagnosed with HIV aids, Joe became, like, really neurotic and was like, you can't eat that. You got to be healthy. We got to be safe. Like, and the anxiety and panic that Joe was kind of putting out to universe made Elliot so uncomfortable. And, like, the pity and the stress, and he was like, you're actually making it worse. I can't be around you. And so Elliot broke up with him and kind of really blocked him and pushed him away and was like, don't call me. You're stressing me out. And this actually was a huge crushing blow. Part of the heartbreak that Joe experienced was like, losing Elliot to aids, but also being pushed away by Elliot because of the way he reacted to it.

[Guest 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host 2]

You know what I mean?

[Host 1]

Because he wasn't. He couldn't.

[Guest 1]

He.

[Host 1]

He couldn't let go.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

At all. And in. In trying to control everything, he made everything worse.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

And that's. So that's. Hey, Blair fell.

[Host 2]

Yeah, Blair fell.

[Host 1]

Blair fell. Good writing.

[Host 2]

Good.

[Host 1]

That's a. That's some deep right there.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, that.

[Host 1]

That really is. That's like, girl, how much therapy you go to to reach these conclusions for your characters?

[Host 2]

So.

[Host 1]

God damn. Oh, your boyfriend's dying of aids, and he's like, AIDS isn't the bad part. It's you trying to feed me a fucking green smoothie. Because, you know, it's a green smoothie.

[Host 2]

Gotta be kale.

[Host 1]

It's gotta be a kale smoothie. So no lemongrass. Oh, right, right. The grass smoothies.

[Host 2]

You're thinking about wheat.

[Host 1]

Wheatgrass.

[Host 2]

Shots of wheatgrass were very popular there.

[Host 1]

Yeah. Especially in the 80s. No, that. That's such. That's so. Oh, that's so.

[Host 2]

And the way that the writer, Blair, he. The way he gets us out of this is within the end of this story where we find out this deep tragedy that Joe is experiencing. The grief and the guilt and all this is. He recollects the last time he spoke to Elliot, which is heartbreaking. The last time they had a conversation. He calls him from a payphone when he is drunk after going to Woody's, and he's at the Wawa Walnut street on a payphone, and he's drunkenly eating pork rinds. And like, 3am calling Elliot. And Elliot basically is like, don't call me. This is the last time I want to speak to you, baba. But, like, it's couched in this experience that I deeply share, which is the drunken phone call outside. I was like, oh, my God.

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah. It's also. And call it. Which means you're calling a house line.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

You know, I mean, it's not like you're texting. You woke him again. To people who.

[Host 2]

Who are young have landlines growing up.

[Host 1]

No, no. But just. Just are younger in general.

[Host 2]

General.

[Host 1]

Like a 3am text, you're like, oh, that maybe they won't answer.

[Host 2]

It didn't exist.

[Host 1]

Dnd didn't exist. Like, it was the. When you called. You're calling the whole house or you're calling the apartment.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Like, we don't know if his ex had roommates. Elliot. Well, if we had roommates.

[Host 2]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

Or any of these different things. You know what his living situation was. So, like, all of this different stuff. So when you just get this call, bleary eye, middle of night, this alarm go. This ringer goes off. You don't know who it is. There's no caller I.D.

[Guest 2]

Yep.

[Host 1]

You don't know. And then on top of that, you pick up and it's a payphone. So we don't know if you called him collect on top of that because he's hammered.

[Host 2]

Oh, yeah. 1, 800 collect calls. Remember those?

[Host 1]

I know. Or any of these different things. So I mean, there's just so many. There's so many layers to this. That is just so. Oh, that's so hard. Yeah. I would lie about being 24 to pretend those five years of my life didn't exist either.

[Host 2]

Yeah, exactly.

[Host 1]

That's so. That's so. Oh, that's so tragic. So I feel bad.

[Host 2]

He gets. He's really drunk still, and I think he has another one of them. He has another.

[Host 1]

And this is why he keeps crying in all these guys arms.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Every time he has sex, he ends up being like, can we just big spoon and cry a little? Can I tell you about my ex and the mixtapes you made me?

[Host 1]

Yeah. Can I tell you my ex who died of aids? And now the person's literally. They're like, wait, did you just give me aids? It's also the secondary part of it because you're telling them that your ex lover died of a sex. Of a disease that is mostly known as being sexually transmitted between gay men due to sex.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Even though there's many other different ways it can get transmitted and this is just the way they fucking viewed it.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That's so fucking crazy.

[Host 2]

So he's super drunk and he's coming out of this memory, blackout memory. And he's like, I need to get drunk. I need to have sex. And he wants to go find the gladiator man. And he hears that all the hot muscle guys hang out at this place called the Meat Rack.

[Host 1]

And that's my reaction of me being dead. To the Meat Rack.

[Host 2]

To the Meat Rack.

[Host 1]

The Meat Rack, fellas.

[Host 2]

The Meat Rack.

[Host 1]

I know that there's a place in New York called. It's a gay bar called Cubby Hole. Yeah, I know that, but a little lesbian bar, a little on the nose.

[Host 2]

Okay, it's not a bar. It is a place off of the boardwalk where there's trees at the beach line.

[Host 1]

Shut the up.

[Host 2]

It's just a place in the woods where guys meet.

[Host 1]

This is called.

[Host 2]

Then they affectionately call it the Meat Rack.

[Host 1]

That is insane.

[Host 2]

It's the Amy.

[Host 1]

No, it's also. This is a men thing. This is a men thing.

[Host 2]

Men think men are like whatever before sniffies. This is very Sniff.

[Host 1]

The fact that you know. The fact that we know what sniffies is. But also, this is very.

[Host 2]

I'm not getting into.

[Host 1]

No, don't get into. Don't get into it.

[Host 2]

Not getting into it.

[Host 1]

Don't get into it. We're not going to explain what the app Sniffies is. Just know that it's grind. It's. It's. It's the. The. It's the scum of your grinder. Yeah, okay, but it's also one of those things about rest stops.

[Host 2]

Yeah, it's rest stops. It's very Rest stop.

[Host 1]

It's very Rest stop coded, but also.

[Host 2]

Or the. The Wanamaker's bathroom.

[Host 1]

God damn it. Stop mentioning so many places we know that men have anonymous gay sex.

[Host 2]

Not anymore.

[Host 1]

Not anymore. Because the Wanna Makers closed.

[Host 2]

But.

[Host 1]

But it's also A thing. Because one of the things with cruising culture in general, which was more prevalent in the 70s and the 80s, especially the AIDS crisis, really killed it. There was a lot of. Especially in Central park in New York and all these other different areas where you would have these roundups of gay men that would happen because they. It was illegal for them to get together in dance clubs in places, especially in New York City, for a very long time, which is why the Stonewall riots happened. It was illegal to look down upon them for being all these different areas. So where would they go? They would meet each other in the dark in the woods where they felt like they had anonymity. And so you'd have these areas. So it's like a vestigial tale.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So the fact that they're even in a place like Fire island, where being. You're allowed to be openly gay, every. Everything is being catered to gay people. It's the fucking Subaru of goddamn islands. Right?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

There's still a few guys like, nah, but my things.

[Host 2]

But I like it.

[Host 1]

But I like. I like it in the woods. I like no names in the woods.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That's become my thing.

[Host 2]

I'm going to the meat rack. So he's heading to the meat rack, walking down the boardwalk, and he sees the gladiator up ahead. And he starts kind of like walking faster towards him. But again, he's so drunk. He's had two knockout punches and a Jaeger. And again, he's not a partier, so, like, this is all hitting him.

[Host 1]

Wait, he probably hasn't eaten that much either because it sounds like it doesn't take care of him, of himself.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So he catches up to him.

[Guest 1]

Oh.

[Host 2]

And he's like. Like, talking to him, but he's all, like, slurring his speech. He's like, I want to you. You're so hot. And the gladiator guy's, like, looking at him, like, kind of like with pity and disgust and is like. And. But also at the same time, like, Joe is like. He's so deep and sultry in his dark eyes and like. Oh, like he doesn't like me, but it's hot.

[Host 1]

You know how funny it is for there to be an evil, malevolent presence whose whole purpose is to take young men who will be adding goodness and light to the world. And you get so white girl wasted that he's like, I don't even want to fuck. I. This is. Why don't you.

[Host 2]

Honey, I need you to sleep it off.

[Guest 2]

Babe.

[Host 1]

Honey, go get a Pancake, Go.

[Host 2]

And Joe's like, I want to suck your dick.

[Host 1]

I want to suck. I want. Give me that. Give me. You want.

[Host 2]

And he's trying really hard to seduce him. I want to suck your dick.

[Host 1]

Give me that maple syrup.

[Host 2]

And then he just starts barfing everywhere.

[Host 1]

He does.

[Host 2]

All over.

[Host 1]

Of course he does.

[Host 2]

Apparently he had eaten, like, again, like, a big pasta bolognese that Lenny had made. And so, like, I love.

[Host 1]

He just threw it up.

[Host 2]

Noodles, pasta.

[Host 1]

And everyone's like, what's falafel crotch doing.

[Host 2]

As a random stranger just over there in the meat rack barfing Bolognese.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And I like to believe. And I think it is implied that, like, Lenny and Howie, like, because they're witches, they're using herbs, and they're using an understanding of herbs that they put a protection spell in all of the food they make for Joe because they know that Joe is at risk. They can see that Joe is a heartbroken, broken young man, so they keep putting these, like, protection spells on him.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And so I. It's very much implied that, like, this protection bolognese is creating this situation where it's making him sick on purpose in this moment to protect him.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

You know what I mean?

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

Okay. Got it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh, It's. It's. It's out. Was it Al. Abuse?

[Host 2]

I don't know.

[Host 1]

No. Remember, there's. There's that type of medication you can take that if you drink alcohol, it makes you vomit.

[Host 2]

Yeah, yeah. Because you. They want you to stop drinking.

[Host 1]

They want you to stop drinking, but instead of you actually dealing with any of the problems, it's. It's. There's. It has a name for it.

[Host 2]

I can't remember.

[Guest 2]

I didn't.

[Host 2]

I didn't. I didn't do that.

[Host 1]

No, I know, I know. But there was. There was. I've heard from stories of alcoholic wrestlers.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Who then got in storylines who. That involved alcohol. And so they were literally having, like, alcohol in the storyline poured all over them. Meanwhile, they've been taking this medication that when they smell alcohol, because it's your olfactory senses, what triggers it. It makes you vomit.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And so that. Literally, he has that as. As spaghetti.

[Host 2]

As a nice dish.

[Host 1]

It's just as spaghetti. You keep saying. You keep saying pasta bolognese. That's just. To me, that's just spaghetti in a meat sauce.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Spaghetti, meat sauce. So when he comes to. Because he blacks out after he. After he vomits all over the gladiator, basically, Blacks out. And when he comes to, guess who's helping him up?

[Host 1]

Can we. Can we start calling him Shadow Daddy?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Oh, for sure. Okay, so Shadow Daddy disappears, and when he and Joe comes to. And guess who's there?

[Host 1]

Who's there?

[Host 2]

Guess.

[Host 1]

Fergal.

[Host 2]

It's Fergal.

[Host 1]

I knew it. You know how I knew it? Because you read me the beginning of the book. You read me the. The thing.

[Host 2]

So Lenny and Howie were worried, so they had sent Fergal out to find him because they knew that he was, like, out partying by himself. And they're just concerned because their little minion Fergal's no just a nice guy that they trust.

[Host 1]

You have a series of witches, and then you have a guy named Fergal.

[Host 2]

So they don't call the Minions. They come. Familiar years. Okay, this is familiar.

[Host 1]

No, that's true. You're right. You're right. In a wizard, it would be a minion.

[Host 2]

A minion, an evil wizard. So they're immediately. Fergal and Joe start fighting. And because he's like, you puked all over my deck shoes, and I'm just here to help you. And Joe's like, whatever. Where the hell is the gladiator? Every time I'm trying to hot talk to this hot guy, you always show up and ruin it. And they're just fighting back and forth. Also, Joe is immediately aggressive. There are multiple times in this book where Joe, like, like, physically pushes Fergal and, like, puts his hands on him in, like, these aggressive ways. And I just want to clock it that I thought every time Joe, like, pushed him or shoved him, I was like, joe, why are you so aggressive with Fergal? It's rude. You gotta learn how to manage your anger, Joe. You shouldn't put your hands on people. And then I remember some Philly, and I go, yeah, okay, so he's probably gonna punch him, but he does it.

[Host 1]

It's literally his love language. Violence is his love language. You know how I know that? Because I've lived with you for 15 years.

[Host 2]

Love languages are fake. And one day I'm gonna do a real episode on love languages and why they're not real.

[Host 1]

Oh, are you?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Are you?

[Host 2]

I am.

[Host 1]

Is that what you. You're telling me right now is you punch me in the mouth?

[Host 2]

I never punched you in the mouth.

[Host 1]

Oh, yeah, you just. You just did the front thing to me. You're a monster.

[Host 2]

Anyway, they're fighting, blah, blah, blah. And then they just start aggressively making out because it's just tension. Baby, it's just a meet cute. It's just tension.

[Host 1]

It's a meet cute.

[Host 2]

And they start kissing, kissing, kissing. And then they're about to get to business. Baby, we're taking off pants. There's boners. There's a lot of. I'm not going to describe it, but there's a lot of description about what's going on here. And listen, as is like, as it's happening, there's. There's a moment where it's about to really, really happen. And Joe is like, yeah, me now please put it in me, Elliot. And Fergal wide eyed and just kind of steps back, zips up his pants and storms the away.

[Host 1]

He's still not over his ex.

[Host 2]

Still not over his ex. Joe.

[Host 1]

Joe. You just had to say. You just had to say Fergal.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

I mean, what a name. Who asked him, wanted to scream the name Fergal into the night.

[Host 1]

Fergal.

[Host 2]

Put it in. Fergal.

[Host 1]

Get in there, Burgle.

[Host 2]

So now we're okay this next day or day, whatever, too late or whatever. Ronnie and Joe are heading to a party, okay? Because Trey Winkle just built a brand new mansion house on the beach. Because Trey is super rich, right? So he's throwing like this new beach house. Open house, housewarming party.

[Host 1]

Yeah, Mansion coke party.

[Host 2]

We got mansion coke party in the 80s, okay. And Ronnie and Joe are going.

[Host 1]

And it's a good coke joke.

[Host 2]

It's the good stuff.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

No Rod Stewart stuff, no fennel, no.

[Host 2]

Anywhere Rod Stewart stuff.

[Guest 1]

Yep.

[Host 2]

And Joe's pissed though. He's already mad because Ronnie wouldn't let him go wearing his normal clothes. He made him go buy like an Izod shirt. And he had to spend like a hundred dollars on this polo shirt that he hates. But Ronnie wants.

[Host 1]

This wouldn't have happened at Rehoboth. You know why? Because one, a tax free shopping.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And number two, all the outlets. There's all the outlets right over there. You could have dressed real nice for real cheap in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. That's right. This episode has been secretly sponsored by the tourism community at Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. Oh, you think you need to go all the way down to Fire island to get fashion and Dick? Absolutely not. Come down to Joe Biden's. Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

[Host 2]

Oh, you're going to the Jersey Shore. Gross, gross, gross. Oh.

[Host 1]

Oh, what's that?

[Host 2]

It's literally an extra 25 minutes. Go to Rehoboth, Delaware.

[Host 1]

Oh, what's that? You're gonna go down to the Florida Keys. Oh, wow. Where all those walking corpses. Absolutely not. Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. We got tax free shopping. Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

[Host 2]

No. And the macaroni and cheese I like.

[Host 1]

You do love.

[Host 2]

There's a macaroni and cheese restaurant called Grandpa Mac. If you ever find yourself in Rehoboth, Delaware.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Go to Grandpa.

[Host 1]

It used to have a very cool location, and now it's in a strip mall very far away from the beach. But the locals like it.

[Host 2]

The macaroni and cheese is good.

[Host 1]

It's great.

[Host 2]

So Ronnie's taking this party. He's pissed because he bought this shirt he doesn't want to own because it was too expensive because he's trying to save up all his money, remember?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And he has to pay rent for this weird house he lives in. And we get to the party, and it's all weird. Snooty rich guys. Everybody's the fucking worst. Joe immediately clocks that everybody sucks. But Rani is really into it because he's like, he wants to be a part of that crowd. And so Ronnie introduces Joe to Trey, and he's like, this is Trey. We've been dating, but they're not dating, but, like, they are dating, like, that whole thing. And then Trey is like, oh, my God, I've heard so much about you, Joe. You need to meet this other guy. And he introduces him to other old rich guy number one. And old rich guy number one is like, like, the worst. He's like, has, like, a southern accent. He's like. He gives off Lindsey Graham vibes, if you will.

[Host 1]

I bet he's wearing an ascot.

[Host 2]

Yes. And the. The rich guy is, like, doing that thing where he talks down to him as, like, a younger man, and he, like, it's just like, the implication of, like, you're just a young hottie and I'm a successful rich guy.

[Host 1]

I'm a senator from South Carolina.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And both of them. And Joe, they're both gay.

[Host 1]

Just so you know. They're both. It's crazy that South Carolina has two gay senators that are deeply in the closet. It's.

[Host 2]

With each other.

[Host 1]

I don't know.

[Host 2]

You know, allegedly.

[Host 1]

I'm not gonna go with it. With each other. I will. And you don't think they kissed? No, I don't think they have. Wow. I think that. I think that they are both deeply closeted men. In my opinion.

[Host 2]

In my opinion.

[Host 1]

Like, listen, everybody knows Lindsey Graham. Everybody knows Lady G. Lady G is getting her back blown.

[Host 2]

The out she got Freckles on her butt. Yeah, that's what I heard.

[Host 1]

But the other one, whose name. Not Scott, I can't remember. I think it's. I don't remember. His name is. But when. Every time I see him, I'm just like, we know. We know.

[Host 2]

So anyway, the snooty rich guy, number one, whose name I didn't write down, he does that thing where he pretends to spill a drink all over Joe's shirt. So he could be like, take your shirt off. Take your shirt off. And Joe is so mad because he just bought this shirt.

[Host 1]

Yeah, the rich guy. Yeah, the rich guy would not value the shirt.

[Host 2]

Yeah. He's like, whatever. Get another shirt.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And he's like, this is a very expensive shirt that I had to buy. And to the rich guy, that is nothing.

[Host 2]

Yeah, he's like.

[Host 1]

He's like, rich people get shirts for free.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

What are you talking about?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So he gets pissed and he's like, I'm going to the fucking bathroom. Because everybody's like, take your shirt off. And he's like, no, I'm going to bathroom. Clean off my shirt.

[Host 1]

Yeah, because also you want the port. The only poor. One of the only poor people at the party to be shirtless.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Because for your entertainment.

[Host 1]

Because it's a shirts and skins game is what they're playing right now. So because it's not right or left, it's top or bottom.

[Host 2]

He goes to the bathroom to clean off his shirt. And while he's in the bathroom stall, he overhears some other people talking. And they're gossiping. They're talking all kinds of. On Trey. They're. They're basically girly. Popping it up in the bathroom. I think they're doing a line like it's the whole thing.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And they. They call. They're like, oh, my God. And Trey's new little basic Ronnie, dirty little housemaid Baba. And it. He's there. They have all the insider gossip. They're like, yeah, Trey's gonna break up with him. Because, you know, Trey actually is basically married to this other guy in Long island. And actually Trey's husband or partner is actually the rich one. Like, so Trey doesn't even have.

[Host 1]

I've seen this story before. I got. Oh, I've seen this story. I've seen this story done on the. The. On the straight side.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

That is so crazy.

[Host 2]

So Trey's not the rich one. He's just having fun, and he's gonna break up with Ronnie, and Ronnie doesn't know it Also, we find out that Ronnie brought Joe to the party as. Let's call it, a gift to rich gay guy number one. So Trey was like, listen, I need you to bring a hot piece of ass for my rich friend to impress him. Can you bring your friend Joe so he can fuck him? And then. Because there's like, some deal they wanted to make, like a merger or something.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And he's like, yeah, sure, whatever.

[Host 1]

So that way I can go back to my rich husband and say, look what I did.

[Host 2]

Look at the merger I made.

[Host 1]

Oh, look, look. I also have a little business.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I have. Networking, babe. That's why you bought me this nice house. I bought a network.

[Host 1]

I do networking.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Network marketing, as they. They would call this trade in the community. They brought. He brought trees. And so Joe hears all this, and he's immediately fucking pissed. And he storms out of the bathroom, and he goes right up to Ronnie and he's like, what the fuck's going on? And then Ronnie's like, well, I don't. The problem is. And he's like, speed talking. And he's like, are you fucking cocaine? And he's like, whatever, man. It's the 80s. And he's like, yeah. And so he's like, turns out Ronnie's been doing blow the whole time. Of course.

[Host 1]

Of course. This is the Medellin times, baby. This is good. This is good. On pure Cut.

[Host 2]

Okay, we got to stop talking about how great cocaine was.

[T-Mobile Advertiser]

Okay?

[Host 1]

But listen, guys, if you weren't there in 1989, when I was five years old.

[Host 2]

Five years.

[Host 1]

I was five years old, and I.

[Host 2]

Still knew the lore.

[Host 1]

The cocaine back then went crazy. Okay? You're like, holy. This is crazy.

[Host 2]

You ever watch the Muppets anyway?

[Host 1]

Have you ever got. You. Have you? Guys, listen, you want to see. If you want to see what cocaine was, like, in the night in the late 80s. Yeah, go. Just go on YouTube and just type in white people dancing 1988. Just any of.

[Host 2]

Having a time.

[Host 1]

Any of those different shows. I mean, before it became mtv, the Grind, or any of those different ones when they used to have, like. Like American Bandstand or, like, their version of Soul Train.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

You just see these white people with the biggest shoulder pads and they're just throwing their fucking bodies. Right? It's crazy.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So anyway, Joe storms out of the party. They're like. You get. They like, yeah, we're not. You're storming out. We're kicking you out. Ba, ba, ba. And the other. So he storms out of the party. And then the next chapter, chapter 31. I just have to write this down because I didn't tell you about like any of the chapter names or the little things that happen in the different chapter names. But chapter 31 is called Fresca and Secrets. And the day I write a book, I will also have a chapter called Fresca and Secrets.

[Host 1]

Fresca and Secrets. And you know what is great is if the ads that are placed in this show gotta help Fresca. If Fresca bought it.

[Host 2]

Need ads. They don't have them because they don't need them.

[Host 1]

They don't need them because the only Fresca finds you.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And we'll be right back right after this. Okay, time for our weekly standup comedy wrap up.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Alex. I didn't get to any stage shows, but I did switch to T Mobile with their new Family Freedom offer.

[Host 1]

Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Well, my old phone bill with AT&T was a joke, so I'm doing a whole new bit with T Mobile. They paid off my family's four phones up to $3200 and gave us four new phones on the house.

[Host 1]

I gotta work this into my routine.

[T-Mobile Advertiser]

Introducing Family Freedom, our lowest cost. To switch our biggest family savings all on America's largest 5G network. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com familyfreedom. Up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card typically takes 15 days. Free phones via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement eg Apple iPhone 16128Gigabyte8 2999 eligible trade in eg iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel contact T Mobile.

[Progressive Advertiser]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Host 1]

All right, hit us.

[Host 2]

Okay, so next day, days later, whatever. Lenny and Howie are doing a benefit. They're planning a benefit at the Asylum Bar for ACT up. Do you know what ACT UP is?

[Host 1]

It sounds familiar. What is it?

[Host 2]

ACT Up. Hold on. I put a wiki link in here for myself. That's the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power. I knew what ACT UP was because they famously did a huge protest at a Catholic church in New York. Do you remember that story? So ACT up was this advocacy, political, grassroots group that during the AIDS pandemic, were basically like, we need to be louder. That was their whole thing. Because like you were saying earlier, a lot of the gay community was like, no, we just need to assimilate. We need to be quiet and assimilate. And act up was like, no, we need to be loud. We need to be inconvenient.

[Host 1]

Loud and proud.

[Host 2]

We need to demand that the president do something about the AIDS crisis. And so that's what a lot of act up was about. And so they were big into civil disobedience. They were big into making a scene. And a lot of the gay. Not a lot, but many in the gay community felt like they were doing too much. Just like any type of protest situation, there's always some people like, oh, you. You're protesting wrong. You're doing it wrong. This isn't the best way to do it, guys.

[Host 1]

If you block traffic, then people are gonna not like what we say because they're gonna be mad about the traffic. Yeah, okay. But you. They will notice because they can't drive past you.

[Host 2]

They're not. All of your comments under some random post.

[Host 1]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, that's fine. Stay on Reddit. All right, Anyway, so Act Up. All right, so I got. So this is who they're for, a.

[Host 2]

Listener series you may have seen. I. Because I remember when I saw it, I was like, oh, that's Act Up. They're recreating it in the. The TV show Pose, which is like, the drag. Not. It was a trans story that's on. I think it's on hbo called.

[Host 1]

No, it was on fx.

[Host 2]

It's on fx.

[Host 1]

Yeah, it was on fx. And that was all about, like, ballroom.

[Host 2]

And all that stuff, right?

[Host 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

So in Pose, there is an episode where they. They recreate the act up at the church. And so that was one of the things I was like, oh, Act Up.

[Host 1]

Act up is also very Rent coded.

[Host 2]

Yes, absolutely.

[Host 1]

Very much like the way the cast of Rent are, Like, how they're acting and doing these different things, it's very coded in that time. It's the way of 80s protests. Also, when looking today at what happened with Columbia University and a bunch of other different stuff like that, it's that idea of just like, no, we want to be disruptive.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And all those different stuff, which is why Donald Trump and others have cracked down so hard on college campuses, because they know if people Act act up, then people's actions will change.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

All right, so.

[Host 1]

So they're raising money for ACT up.

[Host 2]

They're raising. They're doing a big benefit for effort ACT Up. Ronnie and Joe make up. Story keeps going. They put up all these posters for the act up thing, but they keep getting stolen. And everybody's like, who the is stealing them pulling the bar down. Yeah. But again, it's this idea of like, is it the evil landlord who doesn't want the bar to succeed? Or is it some people in the community who feel like gay people shouldn't be doing civil disobedience because they're calling too much attention to them and we're already in danger.

[Guest 1]

Yes.

[Host 2]

You know what I mean? So we don't know who's stealing the posters, but they're getting upset that the poster is getting stolen. Blah, blah, blah. One day, Joe's walking on the boardwalk, and he sees Fergal holding a bunch of the signs. And they're like, not on the polls anymore. And he's like, the. Are you doing? And again, he goes up and he likes. Like, almost punches them. And Fergus like, no, I'm hanging them back up. I found them in a dumpster. Look, I have tape in my hands. Like, I'm putting them up. But Joe immediately assumes that he's pulling them down. He immediately goes to pushing them. It's a little up.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Anyway, they. Lots of tension, lots of anger.

[Host 1]

Because. Because he hates. I think that the reason why Joe keeps attacking Fergal is because subconsciously he views Fergle as his high school bullies who would make fun of him for being gay.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Or make fun of him for whatever reason that. That Joe thought was because they thought he was gay.

[Host 2]

He.

[Host 1]

There's a psychosomatic response that he's having.

[Host 2]

Joe took a first impression on that ferry and hasn't let Fergal beat his headcanon.

[Host 1]

Yes, 100%.

[Host 2]

Exactly that.

[Host 1]

Okay, so they make up.

[Host 2]

They make up. They decided. They kiss, there's tension. They agree to go on a real date. Like, a real date. They're gonna go on a date.

[Guest 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Okay.

[Host 1]

For Joe, this is great. For Fergle, this is terrible. I just want to say that that's how this is working out. Fergle, you could do better.

[Host 2]

For Go. I think you can do better. So they have this cute dinner date at Lenny and Howie's house. They. Lenny and Howie set up this whole backyard.

[Host 1]

Like little lady on the tramp.

[Host 2]

Little lady and tramp with the lights and lady cute things.

[Host 1]

Yeah, we got it.

[Host 2]

And for the. Lenny makes him a big dinner. And how you Know the whole thing. And there's music.

[Host 1]

They rhythm is a dance.

[Host 2]

Joe is like.

[Host 1]

Joe is like, find another late 80s tune you do. Pump up the Jams.

[Host 2]

Pump it up, Joe. You're just doing that. Now that's what I call jock jams.

[Host 1]

And no, I'm not doing jock jams. I'm just doing the ones that I picture that would be in those. Like a late 80s club. But then again, if Fire island, it probably would be more disco based way.

[Host 2]

Disco.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So Joe's like, do you want to spend the night? And Fergal's like, no, I don't want to move that quickly, thanks. So they kiss, whatever, Fergal leaves.

[Host 1]

And then it would have been funny if he said, we're not lesbians.

[Host 2]

Not moving in.

[Host 1]

You're not moving in. There's no U Hauls on Fire Islands.

[Host 2]

You can't. No, you can't get them over on the ferry. So. So anyway, Joe is now alone in his attic. And he's like still, let's say frustrated. And he's like, I'm gonna take care of business. And he's gonna jerk his dick while he's doing.

[Host 1]

He's gonna masturbate. He's gonna.

[Host 2]

While he's doing that, he's gonna pleasure about Fergal.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Beautiful blue eyes.

[Host 1]

Yes.

[Host 2]

He's like, I'm gonna get at that ass, blah, blah. But then all of a sudden, right when he comes, he pictures the gladiator man staring at him aggressively. Back to Lenny and Howie, now that that's done, lady. And how. They get a call from Max's partner, Heshi. He's not doing well. They found allegiant and lesion in Max's brain and he's contracted pneumonia again. So.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

So we're getting near the end. Yeah.

[Host 2]

Next day or so, act up, party begins. It's an incredible success. There's so many people there. Everybody's having a good time. Trey, Ronnie's ex, shows up with a bunch of his shitty little friends and they start giving Joe a hard time. And they're really rude and they talk about Ronnie being a little like, how house cleaner boy and blah, blah, blah. And the whole thing is like Joe is holding his own in this conversation. Ronnie's really not standing up for himself. Whatever. But Vince hears these guys talking about Ronnie. And even though Vince at this point hates Ronnie and is like being mean to Joe the whole time because Ronnie broke his heart to go be with Trey or whatever, Vince is like, get the out of my bar. Like, there's this whole scene where Vince.

[Host 1]

Is like, yeah, he.

[Host 2]

He. This is like, only I can be mean to Ronnie and Joe, which you.

[Host 1]

Love, because that's Barry Philadelphia.

[Host 2]

Yeah, they're mine. After the successful party, Joe goes up to the attic or whatever and is up there taking a shower. And Fergal notices that he has, like, a little scar on his back. And he's like, oh, yeah, I had this mole removed. It was weirdly shaped.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Don't you remember? I know the weirdly shaped.

[Host 1]

I figured. I know. Listen, I know. I know.

[Host 2]

You're supposed to pretend you were shocked.

[Host 1]

Oh, okay. Ready?

[Host 2]

Ready. It had a little mole.

[Host 1]

Oh, my God. Oh. Like the thing from earlier that was clearly telegraphed, like Chekhov's mole.

[Host 2]

So the next couple pages are a lot of graphic sex. Well, actually foreplay. It's a lot of graphic foreplay leading up to sex. And there was like, I'm gonna spread the cheeks weeks. And right when he's about to, like, get at it again, Fergal's about to get at it with Joe. Right? And they. They stop a minute, and Fergal's like, I have to tell you something, because he's getting a condom out. And he's like, I'm HIV positive.

[Host 1]

God damn it. Again.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So they kind of sit there in silence for a minute, and Joe is like, listen, you've been honest with me. I have something to tell you. And he basically tells him the whole story of Elliot and the heartbreak and the death and all of this. And Joe basically admits that he even in that moment, realizes he's not going to be able to date another person that is HIV positive because he can't handle it, and he will ruin the.

[Host 1]

Other person that's positive that the end of their life. Because this is a death sentence.

[Host 2]

Yeah, exactly. And so because of how poorly it went last time, he doesn't think that Fergal should have to go through being with someone like. Like him, and that Fergal deserves better than Joe. And they get into a fight, and Fergal leaves and they break up.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Next morning, Joe wakes up to the sound of fire alarms, like fire sirens, and goes running out of the house. He's like, what the. Why is. What's going on? And across the street, there is their bar on fire. The. The.

[Host 1]

The bar burned down after their big successful party where they made enough money to save it.

[Host 2]

It. Yeah.

[Host 1]

Huh.

[Host 2]

Landlords burning things down for insurance money, you say? You called that earlier.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

Speaking of telegraphing things.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Host 2]

So later that Day, there's another big party that's happening. It's the 1989 Gay Men's Health Crisis. Morning after party. Morning party. It's like on the beach party, though.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And Joe heads over to the beach because he's volunteering for party set up.

[Host 1]

I will say, I do miss that. These organizations, stations that had these super long names.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And super long event. Like, the events were like, even going back to like the 1900s, but I'd say about the 80s, 90s, it was. Once we really got the acronym game, it really changed stuff. Like ACT UP is a great acronym.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But it stands. It has that long actual title. I feel like we've really fallen off on those.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Because everything is like an app now. It needs a double.

[Host 1]

Everything needs to have a net. An app name, or it needs to have this really shortened name for any of these organization.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Like sometimes when we're. We're talking about the podcast, we call it tmt instead of too many tabs. Acronyms, baby. So listen.

[Guest 1]

Yes.

[Host 2]

He's setting up this party. He's volunteering for this party. He runs into Fergal. Fergal refuses to talk to him. Joe then goes and he decides he's gonna confront Howie and Lenny and basically demands to know if they're really witches because of all the rumors he hears about them. And they both are like, yeah. And he's like, I don't believe in all your woo woo. And they're like, like, yeah, okay. And he's like, you guys are always talking about the great Mother Godness and the great darkness, and it means nothing to me. Yada, yada, yada. Anyway, they cut. They kind of are just like, okay, Joe, like, we're concerned about you. You know, you're going through a lot right now. You just lost your job because it burned down. Your boyfriend broke up with you. Like, we're just here to support you as a friend. Anyway, it's like 11. He heads back to the morning party, and when he gets to the morning party, he decides he's gonna do drugs. And there's this whole.

[Host 1]

Oh, but he's probably not good at drugs.

[Host 2]

No. And there's a plot point I forgot to tell you about how, like, Ronnie, when he broke up with Trey, had actually stolen a lot of drugs from Trey as, like, a you. And he just, like, took a bunch of his coke and pills, which. Honestly, Ron. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. And so he's stolen all these drugs and he's like, I'm gonna do drugs. And he Runs into the boy bar owner, the Scotty Black guy. And Scotty Black offers him a different drug.

[Host 1]

The evil bar owner.

[Host 2]

The evil bar owner. So, okay, at this point, Ronnie has. Has now done cocaine, and he's taken an E pill. Okay, Ecstasy. He's done some ecstasy. He's doing the cocaine that he got from Ronnie. And then he runs into Scotty Black, who's like, oh, wait, hold on.

[Host 1]

Timeout. You could just confuse me. Ronnie was doing cocaine and mdma. Or Joe is doing cocaine and mda.

[Host 2]

Okay, I'm sorry. Joe is doing the drugs.

[Host 1]

Gotcha. He's doing Ronnie's drugs.

[Host 2]

He took them from Ronnie.

[Host 1]

Gotcha. Okay, you changed names up on me a couple times there. That's fine. So Joe has taken some coke, he's taking some. Some ecstasy, and now he's run into the evil bar owner, Scotty Black, who we all assume has burned down the bar that Joe was working at.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

And he offers him even more drugs, and he's like. He's like, oh, what do you have? Coke? Or blah, blah. And he's like, no, this is something different. And basically he's like. Joe's like, well, will it make me brave? And I'll have be fun. And he's like, oh, you're gonna feel so brave. You're gonna feel superhuman. And I'm pretty sure it's meth. I think it's Tina. And so he does a huge bump of whatever it is, no questions asked, and he starts feeling great. So on the side of all this, Howie and Lenny are spiritually talking to Max, and they're like, we need to protect Joe because it's clear that he is in going through a lot right now. He's in this time of darkness, and there's some type of shift in the universe, and we're really nervous for him right now. Like, there's a lot going on, and he's clearly going through it. They don't know he's high on drugs and hanging out the bar or, like, all this stuff. So Lenny, Howie, Dory, and Saint all have decided that they're gonna go to the Promethean that night and do a disco dance to awaken their power powers. Right? They're gonna summon their powers to protect Joe with their disco dancing. And now Joe again. This. This party started at 11. It's. It's now night time, and he's still just, ah, out of it. Dude, I think I remember a part of it. A pool collapse. Like there was like a pool and then it collapses with People in it, and they're just like, yeah, whatever, we keep dancing. And I was like, that sounds right.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So now he's hopped up a little bit of Tina and everything else, and he decides he's gonna go back to the meat rack to find the gladiator. Oh, he's got to go find him. Which again, is the demon of darkness who's trying to take Joe's soul and kill him.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Who likes to hang out in the woods and have anonymous gay sex.

[Guest 2]

Yes.

[Host 2]

But also might be a ghost because he saw him in that picture from the 70s, right?

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

He's a demon. Now the rest of the boys are all abuzz. Fergal. Oh, okay. So now there's three separate things happening when you're reading the book, right? We see Joe trying to find his way high out of his mind, drunk out of his mind, back to the meat rack. That story is happening. Then over here, we have all of the witches trying to get together and gather themselves their thoughts and their really cool outfits to head over to the part to the Promethean, the dance to find the spirits, right? And then Fergal and Vince get set with the task to go find Joe.

[Host 1]

Okay.

[Host 2]

Because they're like, we don't know where Joe is. We think he's in danger. We need you to go find him. We think he may be heading to the meat rack. And so they had gone to the party in the morning, and everybody's like, yeah, we saw him. He's doing a bunch of drugs. He seemed like having a great time. And here's the thing. The at the disco party part, where the. They're in the Promethean, they're all disc going up, but their. Their power isn't strong enough. They need a fifth member, right? And so they are like, looking around like we don't to do. And I think it's. Lenny is like, you know what? I think Ronnie might be a disco witch. He has like the aura, he has the energy. And I. I think he. I think he is. I think he just hates reject. He just rejects us because he is called to us. And he hates that because again, he hates that he is different like this, right? And so they basically are like, ronnie, you're one of us, and if you want to save Joe, you got a disco with us, baby. And he's like, I fucking hate disco. And he's like, but you love Joe, so you're gonna disco. And so he's like, fine. So he gets all dressed up and basically drag and agrees To Disco Dance to save Joe Soul. And then while they're doing disco dances at the Promethean Bar, Scottie Black is there, and Scotty Black grabs him and is like, no bartender of mine is gonna dress up like a drag queen. You get out of those clothes or you're fired. And he's like, fuck, fire me, and I don't care. I quit basically the end of the summer anyway. It doesn't really matter. He's like, you'll never be welcome back in this town. He's like, I don't, and I don't really care. Yeah, I got to help my friend Joe. But then there's, like, this really funny part where Scotty is, like, talking all this, but then the graveyard girls are behind him, and one of the graveyard girls is holding an. An Ethel rag. Do you know what that is? So, like, basically, before Duster existed and you wanted to huff gas, you had to spray it into a rag and then huff it from the rag, right?

[Host 1]

Okay. Okay.

[Host 2]

Against the fumes to get the fumes. So back in the day, because we didn't have dust or cans or whippets, you. This person was just standing. One of the graveyard girl was standing behind Scotty spraying the rag or, like, putting chemicals on it so he could huff from it. And Scotty's like, you're fired, Ronnie. Blah, blah, blah. Get out of here or something. And, like, you can't change the music, because I think Ronnie at that point was, like, trying to ask the DJ to play a different disco tune. And the graveyard girl handed Scotty a rag, but, like, overdosed it on stuff, and it knocks Scotty out. He basically passes out after he huffs the rag.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And the graveyard girl goes like, oh, my God. I guess you have approximately 30 minutes to do your little dance before he wakes up and you get kicked out by security. Security.

[Host 1]

That's very funny. I like the way that's done.

[Guest 2]

Oh, yeah.

[Host 2]

Oops. I didn't mean it. Meanwhile, Joe has found the Gladiator Man. Okay. And the Gladiator man has actually acknowledged him and is like, I'm gonna you. And. But we need this to be in the secret place in the woods, because he's into the secret place in the woods thing. And Joe's like, okay, I'm really, really, really high, and I actually need more. More drugs. Because Joe is so deep in his depression about the Fergal breakup, losing his job, not his acts. All the things are hitting him all at once. And so he's just like, I want to be as high as I possibly can. And also, this guy does not like me. I can tell. But I want him to have sex with me because I hate myself. Right?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And so he's trying to get used. He wants to be used.

[Host 2]

Exactly.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

So he's trekking through these beech woods to go to the meat rack, and they finally get to this, like, secret little gladiator spot where he has, like, his backpack is back there, suspicious, and he pulls out a plastic bottle filled with, like, Windex blue liquid. And Joe, again, is not a drug aficionado. So he's like, what is it? And he's like, I don't know. I get it at the health food store. It's called blue nitro. It helps you build muscles while you sleep, but it also gets you high as a kite, and you feel really sexy. Take a little. Don't, like, just take a little sip, though, because it's really powerful. And Joe, again, being super good at drugs, takes, like, a huge swig. And the gladiator guy is immediately like, yo, what the. Dude, that's way too much. And Joe's like, I don't want to feel anything. And also, I don't immediately feel anything. Like a burn or anything. And gladiator's like, you just took enough to get an elephant high. You're supposed to pace yourself. And Joe's like, I don't want to do it. I just don't know if you. And then the gladiator guy calls him a bossy little bottom. Oh, no. A bossy little bottom. And I thought that was funny. That's fine. And he's like, basically, get over here. And he's, like, really aggressive. And they get at it, and it's very like, I'm gonna choke you out and hurt you with what's gonna happen. Right?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Like, the gladiator viscerally hates him. And Joe is, like, into that, but also just, like, like you said, trying to hurt himself. And what happens is, as his eyes are rolling in the back of the head, we see that the gladiator is running away in the woods because Joe has foam coming out of his mouth and is clearly overdosing on whatever the he just took.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Now, again, at the same time, Fergal is running through the woods with Vince trying to find him. And it's a very funny plot part of the story because they're in the backwoods of the meat area, and they keep bumping into guys, having sex with each other, and be like, joe, Joe, is that you, Joe? No. No. Oh, Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. No, we're just looking for Joe. Anybody seen Joe? No. Sorry, sorry. Like, over and over again.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 1]

They keep. They keep. They're like. Like we're trying to stop him from having sex with this weird shadow. Damn daddy demon.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But it turns out we just keep running into. We're just blocking different men.

[Host 2]

Sorry. Sorry, guys.

[Host 1]

Or. Or we're being offered.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Or. Or good time. So basically what happens is the disco witches are doing a disco dance spell at the Club Promethean, which causes a huge storm in the sky. It's a big storm magic. And the lightning from the storm is lighting the beach so that Vince and Fergal can see where they're going. And then one of these huge lightning bolts causes a big thunder crash. And then a flock of mourning doves flies out of the trees. And Fergal's like, I think we should go in that direction where the birds just flew from. And so they go over there and they find Joe. And while Joe was out of it, he basically died. And he saw outside of his body, and he saw Elliot and he saw his family, and he actually saw Max. And Max talk to him. And he realizes that he needs to go back and live his life and be a part of the community. And that loss is part of the human experience, as is love. And he shouldn't be afraid of all parts of the human experience. Like, you shouldn't be as scared of love just because you might lose love. So anyway, that's like what he thinks of while he's dying. And then comes back and Vincent, Ronnie find him, and he's like, coming to. And they're like, you really scared us. And he vomits everywhere, I think. And then the scene cuts and it's like basically days later and everything is fine. And it's like the ending of the story is like the end of the summer. Everybody's packing their bags. Vincent, Ronnie are actually fully together now. It's a couple.

[Host 1]

Okay, good.

[Host 2]

And they're. And Vince is. I'm sorry. Ronnie is staying on the island. He's gonna stay on the island and clean the hotels so he can be in love with Vince. Just like he clocked Howie and Lenny clocked you, bitch.

[Host 1]

Because he's a disco witch.

[Host 2]

He's a disco witch. Bitch.

[Host 1]

But what's Vince gonna do? The bar burned down.

[Host 2]

Oh, they're rebuilding. Dory and Vince are going to rebuild.

[Host 1]

Oh, good.

[Host 2]

Okay. So they're rebuilding every. They are. It's acknowledged that everybody's sad because Max has passed away, but they're still happy because of the community that they've built. Now Fergal and Joe are moving to Honolulu together because Fergal can go to school full time there because he wants to, like, work in the ocean. There's this whole subplot that I didn't really get into that like. Like, Fergle might be part oceanic God. Like that. Like, his dad is Poseidon, and that. That makes him, like, a merman of some sorts.

[Host 1]

Because you said on the back cover, you said he has, like, web toes.

[Host 2]

Yeah, he has, like, web toes. And he, like, he loves the ocean. And his mom met this guy on the beach that she had sex with, and he disappeared into the water, and she never saw him again. So it's, like, implied that he is, like, part God. Ocean God or something. So that's why he wants to move to Honolulu so that he can, like, surf and be in the ocean all the time.

[Host 1]

And also to be a white colonizer.

[Host 2]

Yeah. Yeah, I. I didn't say he was Mormon. Anyway, so they're moving to Honolulu also. Joe's gonna go and bartend and study for his MCATs. And then. This isn't in the book, but I just made this as part of my headcanon, which is that Joe's life is saved, because, again, the whole idea is that he has, like, these. These big things that are gonna happen for him in his life, and his love is gonna help build up the gay community. So I've decided in my lore that Joe does take his MCATs and becomes a doctor and that he is the doctor that actually invents prep. Oh, I've decided.

[Host 1]

Yeah, that's good.

[Host 2]

That's how I've ended it in my mind.

[Host 1]

That's good.

[Host 2]

He becomes the doctor that invents prep, and that's why they needed to save him.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And. And I. Okay, that's. Is that the end of the book?

[Host 2]

That's the end of the book.

[Host 1]

Okay, well, you know what? We're gonna take a quick, quick break, and we come back, you're gonna reveal what made you mad about. About this.

[Host 2]

Oh, yeah. I didn't put it.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

I will actually bring. I'll bring up the message I sent to the office.

[Host 1]

Yes, we're gonna bring that up. We'll talk about my thoughts that were clearly on the book. This is a very long episode, but we'll get all that wrapped up and then a little bit of a discussion.

[Host 2]

Everybody loves a long book. They are story, report, episode.

[Host 1]

They all love us. A long Story report episode. We'll be right back after this. Okay, time for our weekly stand up comedy wrap up.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Alex. I didn't get to any stage shows, but I did switch to T Mobile with their new family freedom offer.

[Host 1]

Okay, I'm waiting for the punchline.

[Progressive Advertiser]

Well, my old phone bill with AT&T was a joke, so I'm doing a whole new bit with T Mobile. They paid off my family's four phones up to $3200 and gave us four new phones on the house.

[Host 1]

I gotta work this into my routine.

[T-Mobile Advertiser]

Introducing family freedom, our lowest cost of switch, our biggest family savings, all on America's largest 5G network. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com familyfreedom. Up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card. Typically takes 15 days. Free phones via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement, eg Apple iPhone 16, 128 gigabyte 82999 eligible trade in eg iPhone 11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel.

[Host 1]

Contact T mobile500.net if you want to join us on patreon. Patreon now, Mrs. P. The this book was awesome. I really did enjoy it.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

But there was one piece that I've been waiting for and I was surprised you actually didn't put in the actual story itself.

[Host 2]

Yeah, well, the thing is, these episodes are long and I do have to kind of edit down the story a bit because again, there is a lot of more information in these books. And I'm just telling you a summary.

[Host 1]

And we always encourage you to go read the books.

[Host 2]

We always encourage you to read the book themselves. But this one part of the story wasn't like super duper consequential. But so one thing is that whenever I do a story report, if the author has Instagram, I do usually reach out to them. I let them know that I'm gonna do a story report. I let them know I'm gonna share the book to people. And then, you know, afterwards I might reach out and be like, hey, I love the book. It was so good. This is the episode, if you want to listen to it. No pressure to if you don't think that's weird. Like, some people don't listen to their own stuff.

[Host 1]

I get that.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

But so after I read this book, I did message Blair and I told him, I said, listen, this book was an incredible novel. I truly enjoyed the experience of following Joe and his new family on Fire Island. You really Captured the spirit of that first wild travel risk you take in your early 20s and that adventure of finding your people. I shared how, like, I did something very similar myself. And, you know, I really. I enjoyed his storytelling because he really captured in the book the way that even in the hardest times, when there's a lot of bad things going on, being hopeful and being full of love is incredibly important. And I. I read that. That is so captured in this book.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Especially because people forget how dark the AIDS crisis was.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

For the gay community especially, but also for so many different communities. But it really was a terrifying, dark time that seemed like there was going to be no end with a government that didn't care that actually was making it worse, while there were other forces happening all the time that were also just, like, using this as a way to attack.

[Host 2]

Exactly.

[Guest 1]

Yes.

[Host 2]

And so I was like, in times like these, this is exactly the type of thing that feels great to read. And it's something that I really. I really appreciate. And then I wrote a second note, and I said, also, I did yell at Joe while reading this book out loud once when he said, quote, I am going to move back to Bucks county and live with my mom and work at Friends Hospital because Kenny works at Friends Hospital. And I said, that's a crazy commute, Joe. The Friends Hospital's on the boulevard. It. Okay, if you're not from Philly, I need you to understand. Bucks county is 58 minutes or more away from the hospital that Joe theoretically will be working at. It would be the worst commute you'd have to take. Roosevelt Boulevard of thick traffic. It's the. If. If Joe was to move back again, this. This part of the story is in the crisis before he's, like, doing all the drugs and, like, it's. All of this stuff's gonna happen. He's like, you know what? If every. If I. If anything doesn't go right, I'll just move back in with my mom and I'll go work at Friends Hospital. And I was like, joe, don't you dare say that you would commute an hour each way to Friends Hospital. Joe. You would move closer or you would get a better job, Joe. I got really mad about it, and I did message him, and he thought that was very funny.

[Host 1]

And you. And you started yelling at me that it was that. That no one would do this. And I literally was like, I knew people that did that.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Like, I knew people when I was working in center city Philadelphia who lived in, like, northern Bucks county because. And would Take the drive. Because, again, a. But that's the job.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

Like, oh, this is where I have a job also. This is where I know I can get one.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

In reality, it's very American. Very American to have an hour commute. Yeah. Both ways. It's crazy. But this is what people do.

[Host 2]

Love this book.

[Host 1]

No, and I love the book, too. I. I mean, this is a couple of my notes. Number one, I. I think Joe was a very dynamic and fully fleshed character. That's a pun. And I really loved, obviously, Howie. Howard Fishbein. We love a Howard Fishbinder.

[Host 2]

Howard Fish.

[Host 1]

Real quick. That's a Howard Fishbein. And le. Funny. They're great. Fergle. I know that we. You cut a lot around Fergle, but I think the reveals in there were very good. Now to the Shadow Daddy, the Gladiator. Is he actually a demon, or is it really just what he brings to the table that's demonic? Because he doesn't pull out a knife and try to sacrifice him. He doesn't try to do any of these different things to Joe. It's just that, like. Like, he's, like, dark gay. He's, like, evil gay.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

I think in my mind, he represents, like. Because, like, it's.

[Host 1]

At first, he represents the crash out.

[Host 2]

He. He represents the crisis itself.

[Guest 2]

He.

[Host 2]

Because, again, is like, unprotected sex in the woods. He knows this man doesn't like him. And, like, this man could be positive for hiv.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

And he's putting his own life at risk because he hates himself so much. And so, like, the. The darkness consuming him is the. Is the giving up almost of not taking care of yourself and protecting yourself.

[Host 1]

Got it.

[Host 2]

You know what I mean? Like, that's how I read it.

[Host 1]

No, and I understand. That's why I wanted to bring it up. I did love. I did love the way they use magic in this and the way it was described with, like, the spinning and all those different things when you were talking about them having, like, the.

[Guest 1]

The.

[Host 1]

The magic conversations, like, on the astral plane.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And those different things was really cool. I think it's just a really great book. I think it just showed the humanity inside of everybody and really had a focus on that. It very much felt like, if. What was that moot? What was the show?

[Host 2]

I don't know.

[Host 1]

No, not the L Word. There's another show that was from the late 90s. It was a gay show from the late 90s. I want to say it was on Showtime. What am I thinking of? What. What what am I thinking?

[Host 2]

I don't know.

[Host 1]

Why don't you know it?

[Host 2]

I. Well, why don't you remember?

[Host 1]

Why do you remember Gay television?

[Host 2]

Okay, let's see the Google search. Gay show, 90s showtime.

[Host 1]

I don't think it was Showtime.

[Host 2]

No. Queer as Folk.

[Host 1]

Queer, yes. Yes. Queer as Folk. That's the one I'm thinking of. It feels like if Squeers folk. And that Sandra Bullock magic movie.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Practical Magic.

[Host 1]

Practical Magic. And was it the.

[Guest 1]

The.

[Host 1]

What's the one with the goth people?

[Host 2]

American Horror Story.

[Host 1]

No, from the 90s. Stop being dumb.

[Host 2]

The Craft.

[Host 1]

The Craft. Stop you fucking throwing me more. Stop being dumb. You know what I meant. If you took the Craft, Practical Magic, mashed it together with Queer as Folk, sprinkled some Empire records on.

[Guest 2]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Host 1]

Put it together in a big ball.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Host 1]

And then released it into the world with A Love Story of hope.

[Host 2]

Yes.

[Host 1]

That's this book.

[Host 2]

That is it. That's the Disco Queens of Fire Island.

[Host 1]

The Disco Witches. My God, you are.

[Host 2]

I made it so far.

[Host 1]

You made it so far. You made many mistakes. Number one, you married me.

[Host 2]

Oh, listen, everybody, we're releasing this on Wednesday, Hump day. Have a great week.

[Host 1]

And guess where we're gonna be? At a gay beach. Yeah. No, listen, guys, enjoy. Thank you so much for making it this deep into the episode. This is a big. This is. This is a thick, girthy story report. Two hours and twenty plus minutes. Thank you guys so much. We hope we carried you through your day and help you get done everything you were trying to get done. New episode of Too Many Tabs. Obviously this Sunday quack month begins, baby. And many, many surprises on that episode. We'll see you soon for a new episode of Too Many Frauds and Too Many Scammers that We Wish Weren't Real. Too many cons and too many spammers. And we're starting to feel like we've got too many tabs. Open it. Too many tabs. Remember to smile.