Podcast Summary: Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500

Episode 164: "The EVIL COMPANY you are paying EVERY DAY"

Release Date: February 15, 2026
Hosts: Pearlmania500 (A and B, a husband and wife duo)

Episode Overview

In this episode, the hosts embark on a deep dive into the shadowy world of private equity—specifically, the mega-corporation Blackstone. Spurred by concerns about ownership of amusement parks, they unravel a complex web connecting Blackstone to nearly every facet of everyday life, from the music you listen to and the DNA kits you buy, to hotels, dating apps, and cookies. The tone is irreverent and comedic, but the central message is a sobering look at the unchecked reach of private equity into the most unexpected corners of daily existence.

Key Discussion Points

1. Why Private Equity? (02:25–06:12)

• Trigger: Mrs. P's investigation into amusement park safety leads to the discovery that many are owned by private equity.
• Explanation:
  • Private equity (PE) involves investors buying up private companies, restructuring them, aiming for short-term profit, then selling.
  • The process often centers on cost-cutting—usually at the expense of employees or product quality.
• Quote:
  • "Basically, private equity are like house flippers...but instead of millennial gray paint, they’re replacing workers with iPads and then selling for 100% profit." – B (05:36)

2. Everyday Casualties of Private Equity (06:12–10:23)

• Jersey Mike’s Subs Example: After being bought by Blackstone, beloved practices (like careful gluten-free food prep) are feared to be diminished.
• Iconic PE Moves: Layoffs, cost-cutting, switch to cheaper ingredients or materials.
• Running Joke: Every time something gets bought by private equity: “RIP. Two years left before the cheese changes.”

3. Blackstone’s Reach—Theme Parks and Beyond (07:31–10:32)

• Ownership List: Busch Gardens, SeaWorld, Sesame Place—all owned by Blackstone.
• Host's disbelief:
  • "A company named Blackstone is taking orcas and putting them in Ohio?" – A (07:53)
• Childhood Nostalgia: Both hosts have a history with these parks.
• Concerns: Trust in the company’s ability to maintain family-focused, safe environments when driven by profit maximization.

4. Deep Dive: The DNA Data Grab (13:28–21:38)

• Blackstone's Acquisition of Ancestry.com (2020):
  • Holds 30B historical records, 18M DNA kits sold, 25M+ online users.
• Mormon Connection & Controversy:
  • Ancestry.com's roots in Mormon genealogy and the practice of posthumous baptisms.
  • "They baptized Anne Frank... to be a Mormon." – B (18:36)
  • Catholic and Jewish backlash when deceased members were “converted” without consent.
• DNA + Longevity Research:
  • Partnership with Google’s Calico for DNA longevity/therapeutic research; Calico’s tech founder linked (briefly mentioned) to the Epstein files.
  • "Ancestry.com, a company that's supposed to be looking backwards, was trying to figure out how to make people live forever. And they have a lot of DNA." – B/A (20:02)

5. Spanx and Feminist Optics vs. PE Reality (21:55–25:21)

• Spanx's Story:
  • Founded by a woman, grew into a billion-dollar business.
  • During Blackstone's purchase, founder demanded an all-female board.
  • Despite empowerment narrative, the host notes: “But owned by nefarious private equity company that's sitting in the background of everything.” – A (25:13)

6. Blackstone Owns All Sorts of Surprising Companies (25:27–27:00, 36:39–40:02, 45:41–47:02)

• PGP Glass: Provider of most perfume, pill, and liquor bottles worldwide.
• Semiconductor and payment companies, hotel chains, music rights, and more.
• Madame Tussauds & Legoland: Combined under Merlin Entertainments, also owned.

7. They Own Your Love Life…and Your Dog Walker (28:27–37:18)

• Dating Apps: Blackstone bought a majority stake in Bumble (where women initiate contact).
  • Immediately after, 30% layoffs, further cost cuts, and probable AI replacements.
  • "This is what they call the restructuring." – B (33:14)
• Rover (Dog Walking App):
  • “It’s Bumble for dog walkers and babysitters.” – B (35:26)
  • Hosts note privacy/data-sharing risks.
  • Discussion of gig economy predations—workers as 1099 contractors, data cross-pollination and potential exploitation.
• ServePro (cleaning/remediation company): Anecdote of how insurance-paid home repair sent money straight to Blackstone, looping personal misfortune back into the Private Equity profit machine.

8. The Music Industry Takeover (37:18–39:41)

• Music IP Portfolio:
  • Timbaland (including all Missy Elliott albums)
  • Justin Timberlake, Chainsmokers, Halsey, Bruno Mars (“Uptown Funk”), Ed Sheeran, Fleetwood Mac (all of Buckingham & Nicks, 50% of Neil Young, 100% of Shakira), Red Hot Chili Peppers, and “Despacito.”
• Host’s grief:
  • “They own Dreams by Fleetwood Mac. Blackstone owns my dreams, babe.” – A (45:45)
  • "Every time I go and listen to Despacito, I'm funding a private equity firm to buy another business and fire more people…" – A (39:09)

9. Hospitality Monopoly: Hotels & Ethics (48:17–50:46)

• Blackstone bought Hilton Hotels Corp for $26B, making it the largest hotel owner in the world.
• Discussion: Most hotel chains are secretly under just a handful of conglomerates.
• Ethical Issue: Hilton's relationship with government agencies—e.g., letting ICE rent rooms—highlights how these entities default to government interests to protect themselves and their profit engines.

10. Ghost Kitchens & the Endgame of Efficiency (67:58–69:46)

• Ghost Kitchens:
  • Centralized, unbranded warehouses producing multiple restaurant “brands” for app delivery—depersonalized, untraceable food, part of a wider trend towards maximum efficiency and minimal human contact.
• Cultural Impact: Concludes this is the logical extension of private equity: app-driven life, ghost kitchens, digital music, and gig work, all funneled through PE profit models.

11. Crumble Cookie Taste Test—And the “Utah Energy” of Sweets (52:53–63:08)

• Mrs. P brings in Crumbl Cookies (recently given a $500M loan from Blackstone, not currently owned).
• Critique: Extremely sweet, overpriced ($4 for each mini cookie), sterile iPad interface ordering.
  • “That situation feels very private equity.” – B (60:45)
  • Discussion of Mormon culture’s sugar fixation as root of Crumbl’s success/branding.
• They briefly touch on Crumbl's possible MLM “Utah energy” and a founder’s outing (Twink and a Redhead anecdote).

12. Private Equity, AI, and the Future (64:10–66:38)

• Breaking News: Blackstone increases stake in AI firm Anthropic (makers of Claude AI) to $1B.
• Hosts’ Chilling Analysis:
  • AI is being trained on massive, possibly stolen datasets.
  • Parallels drawn to past whistleblower persecutions vs. today’s unchecked corporate data hoarding.
  • “We are building Pedophile Ultron. That is how this is all happening.” – A (65:26)

13. Back to Jersey Mike’s – Full Circle, Full Sadness (66:38–68:07)

• Jersey Mike's bought by Blackstone:
  • “Jersey Mike’s was the first sandwich you got after your pregnancy.” – A (67:01)
  • Hosts mourn the likely, inevitable decline: “The first thing that’s gonna go is the bread.”

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Whenever something we love gets bought up by private equity, we're like, 'RIP. It's over.'" – B (05:58)
• "A company named Blackstone is taking orcas and putting them in Ohio?" – A (07:53)
• "They baptized Anne Frank... to be a Mormon." – B (18:36)
• Describing PE layoffs:
  • "What's your company title? Trust and Safety. We don’t need that." – A (31:56)
• On the insidious, all-encompassing nature of PE:
  • "Without this happening...this is another way that our lives have ended up paying for these people" – A (43:32)
• Music Ownership Grief:
  • "They own the Mac. Blackstone owns the Mac." – A (38:21)
  • "Every time I go and I listen to Despacito, I'm funding a private equity firm..." – A (39:09)
• Cookie Taste Test Reality:
  • "That situation feels...very private equity. The human element telling me, no, go order on the iPad." – B (60:41)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|---------------| | What is Private Equity? | 02:25 – 06:12 | | Amusement Parks’ Ownership Black Hole | 07:31 – 10:32 | | Ancestry.com DNA Deep Dive | 13:28 – 21:38 | | Spanx's Feminist Optics vs. PE Reality | 21:55 – 25:21 | | Music Catalog Ownership Horror | 37:18 – 39:41 | | Hotel Monopolies & ICE Room Scandal | 48:17 – 50:46 | | Crumbl Cookie Taste Test | 52:53 – 63:08 | | AI/Anthropic & AI Dystopia | 64:10 – 66:38 | | Jersey Mike’s Grief / Reflection | 66:38 – 68:07 |

Tone and Style

• Conversational, irreverent, and humorous even as the subject matter grows increasingly bleak.
• The hosts weave personal anecdotes, running jokes (“private equity is a disease/mind virus”), and pop culture references (Mormon culture, Lord of the Rings, Ghost Kitchens, iPad interfaces).
• There’s a clear sense of combined disbelief, frustration, and dark comedy as they reckon with how a single private equity company sits behind so many “seemingly nice” facets of life.

Conclusion & Main Takeaway

This episode lays bare how a single private equity firm (Blackstone) reaches its tentacles into nearly every aspect of American (and global) daily life—food, travel, entertainment, relationships, housing, and even personal data—often to the detriment of individual quality, safety, and community. Expect recurring themes of loss of human touch (iPads replacing people), efficiency over empathy, and existential worry at the power these faceless organizations wield.

Final Message: Even if you think you’re making a small, local purchase or enjoying harmless entertainment, odds are some distant, faceless PE conglomerate is quietly cashing in—and deciding who gets to keep their job, what music you’ll hear at your wedding, and what’s in your sandwich bread.

For more, check out their Patreon and new episodes every Sunday.