The Poly Personality Disorder Murder Mystery with a TWIST | Too Many Tabs Podcast

Summary

Summary of "The Poly Personality Disorder Murder Mystery with a TWIST" | Too Many Tabs Podcast

Podcast Information:

• Title: Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500
• Host/Author: Pearlmania500
• Description: The podcast where a husband and wife duo spend all week "doing their research," then tell each other about the series of tabs they've opened and how they got here. It's the perfect show for passing time at work, feeling camaraderie while doing chores, or playing for your romantic partner during a long road trip to meet your parents for the first time and trying to cut the tension.
• Episode: The Poly Personality Disorder Murder Mystery with a TWIST
• Release Date: March 23, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, hosts Alex Perlman and Mrs. P dive deep into Alyssa Cole's thriller, One of Us Knows. The discussion revolves around the book's intricate portrayal of dissociative identity disorder (DID), set against the backdrop of a mysterious island and a complex murder mystery. They explore the emotional and psychological layers of the protagonist, Ken Kanitria, and unravel the dark secrets intertwined with her multiple personalities.

Book Overview

One of Us Knows centers on Ken Kanitria, a woman grappling with DID, which manifests through multiple distinct personalities within her mind palace—an elaborate castle that mirrors her real-world environment as a caretaker on Kavanaugh Island. The narrative weaves between Ken's internal struggles and the sinister events unfolding on the island, highlighting themes of identity, trauma, and redemption.

Key Discussions

Introduction to the Book and Characters

Mrs. P introduces One of Us Knows by reading the content warning and outlining the personalities within Ken's mind palace:

• Della: 65-year-old manager and caretaker.
• Solomon: 30-year-old assistant manager.
• Empress: 16-year-old teenager.
• Mesmer: 20-year-old caretaker.
• Kiki: 4-year-old child.
• Kenitria (Ken): 37-year-old host, currently inactive.
• Lurk and Rapunzel: Other distinct personalities.

Notable Quote:

[07:33] Mrs. P: "There are ghosts."

Plot Unfolding and Island Mysteries

The hosts discuss how Ken wakes up at a dock, disoriented, and begins her new role as a caretaker on Kavanaugh Island. They delve into the island's dark traditions, including goblin hunts orchestrated by the Heritage Foundation, hinting at deeper societal critiques.

Notable Quote:

[35:19] Mrs. P: "Lurk is a crazy name."

Internal Conflicts and External Threats

As Ken navigates her responsibilities, her personalities conflict, especially when encountering her ex-boyfriend Landon Pearson and his father, Winslow Pearson. The tension escalates as Ken is implicated in a series of murders linked to her troubled past.

Notable Quote:

[17:51] Mrs. P: "She's trying to fill the carnivorous void inside of her by shoveling nuggets of dopamine in the form of drinks, drugs, dicks, and dildos."

Climactic Confrontations

The episode highlights the intense confrontations between Ken, her personalities, and the antagonists. The complex interplay between Ken's internal world and the real-world dangers intensifies, leading to pivotal moments where Ken must confront her past and the island's malevolent forces.

Notable Quote:

[82:41] Mrs. P: "He's trying to murder her."

Resolution and Aftermath

In the aftermath of the climactic battles, Ken and Celeste work together to dismantle the Heritage Foundation's corrupt practices on the island. The resolution ties back to Ken's journey of self-discovery and the reconciliation of her multiple personalities.

Notable Quote:

[117:22] Alex Perlman: "The ceremony ends, and they're like, the hunt will begin."

Themes and Insights

• Identity and Self-Control: The struggle of maintaining a unified identity amidst multiple, conflicting personalities.
• Trauma and Healing: Ken's battle with past traumas and her path toward healing through confronting her inner demons and external threats.
• Corruption and Power: The critique of power structures, exemplified by the Heritage Foundation's sinister motives.
• Isolation vs. Connection: The dichotomy between Ken's isolated existence on the island and the necessity of forming connections to overcome adversity.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. [07:33] Mrs. P: "There are ghosts."

   Context: Discussing the presence of supernatural elements within the story.

2. [17:51] Mrs. P: "She's trying to fill the carnivorous void inside of her by shoveling nuggets of dopamine in the form of drinks, drugs, dicks, and dildos."

   Context: Describing the protagonist's coping mechanisms for her internal struggles.

3. [35:19] Mrs. P: "Lurk is a crazy name."

   Context: Analyzing the distinct personalities within Ken's mind palace.

4. [82:41] Mrs. P: "He's trying to murder her."

   Context: Highlighting the climax where antagonists attempt to harm the protagonist.

5. [117:22] Alex Perlman: "The ceremony ends, and they're like, the hunt will begin."

   Context: Recounting the pivotal moment when the island's dark traditions come to fruition.

Conclusion

"The Poly Personality Disorder Murder Mystery with a TWIST" episode offers an in-depth exploration of Alyssa Cole's One of Us Knows, dissecting its complex narrative and rich character development. Through engaging dialogue and thoughtful analysis, Alex and Mrs. P provide listeners with a comprehensive understanding of the book's themes and plot intricacies. This episode serves as both a captivating review and an insightful discussion, making it an essential listen for fans of psychological thrillers and intricate character studies.

Listeners are encouraged to delve into One of Us Knows to experience the full depth of its storytelling and the profound journey of its protagonist, Ken Kanitria.

Transcript

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[Alex Perlman]

I'm gonna tell you, you picked a good one here.

[Mrs. P]

Yes, I thought so.

[Alex Perlman]

You picked a really, really good book. Because this book has everything. I wrote down. Just some of the highlights here.

[Mrs. P]

Okay.

[Alex Perlman]

We got goblin hunts. We got Jaeger bombs.

[Mrs. P]

Yep.

[Alex Perlman]

We have bad guys who are very Heritage foundation coded.

[Mrs. P]

Yes. Spooky.

[Alex Perlman]

The whole thing set in a bisexual castle dungeon.

[Mrs. P]

Yes.

[Alex Perlman]

There's a multiple personality Scooby Doo gang that is running around fighting Gilded age lesbian ghosts.

[Mrs. P]

Yep.

[Alex Perlman]

And this entire driven by Reddit anime furries who are all trying to live through Covid.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

That's the book, babe.

[Alex Perlman]

That's the book. Welcome to Too many tabs. That's right. We're here. And it's a podcast.

[Mrs. P]

We're here. Where are we?

[Alex Perlman]

We're in the studio.

[Mrs. P]

What?

[Alex Perlman]

I know. Look at us. We have a curtain.

[Mrs. P]

I hope you're looking at YouTube because we have a background.

[Alex Perlman]

Look at this curtain.

[Mrs. P]

We steamed it.

[Alex Perlman]

Look at us. And you know what? Usually this is a podcast. For the last three years.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Mrs. P. This has been a podcast where a husband and wife duo sit across from each other at a desk.

[Mrs. P]

Yep.

[Alex Perlman]

But not anymore.

[Mrs. P]

No. Now we sit next to each other.

[Alex Perlman]

Next to each other at a table.

[Mrs. P]

Uh huh.

[Alex Perlman]

And what do we do when we're at this table? Often one of us will look up interesting information on the Internet and share it with the other one. But sometimes, every once in a while, Once a month, Mrs. Pearlmania reads a book. And then she tells me all about that book right here.

[Mrs. P]

Mrs. P's Book Club.

[Alex Perlman]

Mrs. P's Book Club. Part of two mini tabs. Too many frauds and too many scammers that we wish weren't real. Too many cons and too many spammers. And we're starting to feel like we've got too many tabs open too many times. Remember to smile.

[Mrs. P]

Your dancing was incredible. I did get nervous. You were gonna break my Book light.

[Alex Perlman]

I was very sorry. Oh, your book light's in here.

[Mrs. P]

I know. This is my favorite book light. If I was ever to do an Amazon link, it'd be to that book light.

[Alex Perlman]

It'd be this specific book because look.

[Mrs. P]

At it, it's so slim. And when you pull out the butt, that's where the USB is.

[Alex Perlman]

Boom. Oh. And then you can charge it right there on a USB c. Oh, my.

[Mrs. P]

God, it's so slim and light.

[Alex Perlman]

If we weren't all in the middle of 60,000 boycotts because people like Jeff Bezos are destroying our democracy.

[Mrs. P]

Well, now the new one's the Ben and Jerry's one.

[Alex Perlman]

Unilever. Yeah, Unilever, Unilever and Ben and Jerry's.

[Mrs. P]

Yep, whatever. This isn't about that. This isn't a politics podcast. No, we don't talk about politics here.

[Alex Perlman]

No. Well, we do. We often do. And we talked about politics on our Patreon exclusive podcast, the Warmup.

[Mrs. P]

Oh my God.

[Alex Perlman]

It was a great episode we just posted. But I just want to start out by just, you know. Yes, this is the new studio. You are seeing us on a new camera with new lighting. And we want to thank all of the people who've been members of our Patreon from over the years [e-mail] because you guys have been investing in the show. We've been able to put investment back into the show itself to make a.

[Mrs. P]

Better show, to make better content for you guys.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, exactly. And so much so is that we've now actually been able to hire a producer.

[Mrs. P]

That's right, baby. We're not alone in this room anymore.

[Alex Perlman]

We are not alone in this room anymore.

[Mrs. P]

That's right. There's another person here. There is a monitoring our behavior.

[Alex Perlman]

And he is staring us down right now. He is staring us down.

[Mrs. P]

It's his job to stare us down. It is.

[Alex Perlman]

I'm pay. I'm paying him to stare at us. Uh oh, but you know what, you know, he is. No, he is. He's Mr. Pro, our producer.

[Mrs. P]

Mr. Pro.

[Alex Perlman]

He is, he's helping us a lot. And the big thing, the big difference for those of you guys who don't know is for the last three years this podcast started as we said on the warm up. It started off with my very old Obama era desktop computer and a plug in USB snowball mic that we shared.

[Mrs. P]

That we shared.

[Alex Perlman]

And every couple months we have bought better mics, a soundboard, a better computer, better lighting, cameras, and we've been upgrading slowly on a bunch of different stuff. But now we're finally got to a point where we could take a very big leap. And we just want to say thank you to everybody who's joined us at Pearlmania 500 net and supporting us and all those different things. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That being said, this is a book club episode which is always longer, which means there will be no shout outs at the end of this episode next week. So if you have already signed up and you're waiting for your shout out, next week's episode will be where you'll.

[Mrs. P]

Hear that it's gonna be a banger.

[Alex Perlman]

It's gonna be a banger next week. Yeah. Well, do you know what your topic is next week? No, but that's one thing that's nice though is now, now that you are. That I'm not having to do as much of the off screen lifting.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

We can start to concentrate more on having fun on screen.

[Mrs. P]

Well, we've been having fun.

[Alex Perlman]

We've been having fun. But there's been a little.

[Mrs. P]

Now you just look handsome. That's right. The color, the color of the lights makes you look very handsome.

[Alex Perlman]

I looked at the old one, I.

[Mrs. P]

Looked at the hands. Your hair has never been more vibrant.

[Alex Perlman]

Well, I took a shower.

[Mrs. P]

That's right.

[Alex Perlman]

That's the other thing is I'm like, there's someone coming over. I should take a shower.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. You stink.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Not anymore.

[Alex Perlman]

Not anymore. Now I'm good.

[Mrs. P]

You wanna get started?

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. With that we're gonna go ahead and get started right after we start with this break. We'll come right back and Mrs. P is gonna tell us all about this incredible book, One of Us Knows, a thriller by Alyssa Cole. Hey, prime members, are you tired of ads interfering with your favorite podcasts? Good news. With Amazon Music, you have access to the largest catalog of ad free, top PODC included with your prime membership. To start listening, download the Amazon music app for free or go to Amazon.com ADFreePodcasts that's Amazon.com ADFreeP Podcasts to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads.

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[Alex Perlman]

And we're back.

[Mrs. P]

Are you ready?

[Alex Perlman]

I am ready.

[Mrs. P]

Ready to dive into some literature.

[Alex Perlman]

Literature today. So you're going to tell me all about one of us knows. Yeah, thriller.

[Mrs. P]

A thriller, not a ookie Spookies.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

I had a little touch of ooky spookies, but not too much.

[Alex Perlman]

Well, I'm excited that it's not ghosts. Yeah, I needed a little break from all the heart.

[Mrs. P]

There are ghosts.

[Alex Perlman]

There are ghosts in this.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, but it's not like a nukey spooky. It's different. Okay, so let's get started.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

First I want to tell you at the front of this book there in the book itself was a content warning.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

So I wanted to honor the book and read the content warning.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

It says content warning, physical violence, references to self harm, misogyny, ableism, racism and sexual assault.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Okay. So that was on the first page. Then as we open the book, the chapter opens with what's called the Group think collaborative journal. And I said, what the hell is that? What it is is a list of personalities. So I'm going to read to you the personalities and I actually printed you out the list.

[Alex Perlman]

You did? I have.

[Mrs. P]

Because you might need it as we go through this story. So there's Della. Her role is a manager, caretaker. She's 65 years old. She goes by she, her pronouns and she is currently active.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

There's Solomon, his role is assistant manager. He is 30 years old. He, him, pronouns active. Empress is a teenager, she's about 16 years old. She, they active. There's Mesmer, a caretaker, 20 years old. She herself. There's Kiki, she's 4 years old. She, her, there's Ken. That is Kenitria, she is the host. 37 years old, currently inactive. Lurk. Chill, dude. Age unknown. He, him, inactive. And then there's Rapunzel, who's listed as trauma holder, question mark. Age unknown, gender unknown. Okay, so this is the opening of the book.

[Alex Perlman]

That's just all. It just tells you that right from the get go.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly. We open, we learn these names and what their roles are. And now I'm going to explain to you why.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay. Because this just feels like a cast.

[Mrs. P]

It is a cast actually. Okay, so this book opens and we are listening to Kiki's voice again. She's the four year old and Kiki is telling us that she's a very Good and smart girl. And that she's four years old and she's always going to be four years old, but that's cool because other adults are boring. And she explains that she lives in a castle inside of her mind with all of her headmates like Solomon and Della. And the castle is a special place in her inner world. Her doctor had told her about it years ago. Dr. Reese. That she is special because they all have what's called disassociative identity disorder.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, multiple personalities.

[Mrs. P]

These are the multiple personalities.

[Alex Perlman]

Got it. So this is a, this is a cast list is also the multiple personalities.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, this is the cast list of the Mind Palace.

[Alex Perlman]

Which is why the genders are actually important.

[Mrs. P]

Yes. Like actually having the genders are important.

[Alex Perlman]

No, no, no, no. I'm saying, I'm saying having it listed in here.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Where people who like scream out pronouns and shit like that.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

It is important that you understand because the person you're looking at is going to have one physical body. But each of these personalities has a different gender.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly.

[Alex Perlman]

And then like, I always think about that with pronouns because my name's Alex and there's people who I've talked to. I remember when I was working at this one business and I'd be emailing clients and I hadn't talked to them on the phone and I was like, yeah, you know, just, I would just sign it Alex Perlman.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

You know, my email said Alex Perlman. And some of them thought I would be a woman. And so when I finally talked them on the, on the phone and be like, hi, this is Alex and hi, this is Alex. They're like, I pictured like a cute 20 year old girl. I'm like, no, no. I'm the 29 year old man, the.

[Mrs. P]

Grumpiest 30 year old you ever met.

[Alex Perlman]

I listen to Bachman Turner Overdrive every day on the way to work.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

That's what I do.

[Mrs. P]

So in the castle, the Mind Palace. Yeah. Solomon lives across the hall from Kiki and his room is full of old furniture and books. Zel lives in a room down the hall. She has a big stained glass window with black Jesus on it and she prays for us so that we don't go to hell. This is still Kiki explaining what everybody's rooms look like. Lurk lives under the stairs and his room is super messy. Empress shares a room with Kiki because she's not brave enough to sleep alone. Mesmer's room is full of crystals. She's always meditating because she's trying to reach enlightenment. And Kiki doesn't know where Ken's room is because she went to sleep before she could find out. But it would probably be dark and full of knives, so. Love that.

[Alex Perlman]

So. So you're Ken. Well, that's a dark room full of knives.

[Mrs. P]

That's.

[Alex Perlman]

That's like most of your personality.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, that's true. You're not wrong. Yeah. They unlock the door in our castle for the tower and Rapunzel is in there. And sometimes Rapunzel screams like they're scared. But we don't know anything about Rapunzel. Like I said, she just screams every once in a while up in the tower, so that's cool. Kiki wishes she could let them out, but she knows she's not allowed to. We also find out that Kiki has an imaginary friend. But everyone's like, that's a figment in your imagination. That's what an imaginary friend is.

[Alex Perlman]

Wait, so one of the multiple personalities that lives in there has their own imaginary friend. And the other multiple personalities say, that's an imaginary friend. It's not real.

[Mrs. P]

Yes.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, that's. That's very funny. Like, that's a very interesting. And this is all inside of a mind palace.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Technically, the person who is the. The body. Yeah. I believe is Kenitria. Okay, okay. So I think Kenitria is the base and that's Ken.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Kenny. Who disappeared. So we don't know where Ken is. Everybody else is running the show.

[Alex Perlman]

This is very funny because now we recorded. Already recorded. An episode of Vibing with the Food Idiot that's going to come out next week on the Patreon. And in it we talked about cooking some stuff. And I said, all right, now let me picture this in your mind palace.

[Mrs. P]

And I started giggling. Yeah. I said, now I know why this is going to come back.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, like you'll understand tomorrow why this is funny. And I'm like, oh, what? And then here we are. Really? So the book is really opening up inside of an imagination.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Of.

[Mrs. P]

Of someone with D.I.D.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And we're meeting all their personalities and the four year old is explaining it to us. So chapter one, we. We come to. So like, it's like think of like when you wake up from a blackout drunk. We come to and we are Ken.

[Alex Perlman]

And oh, we're the missing.

[Mrs. P]

We're Ken. We're been. We're awake. And she is hosting this body. And she's like, what the. Where am I? How did I get here? Why the am I here? What? When did I get Here, Right. So she just wakes up in this body, and she's like, I don't understand. What. Where am I? And she's standing on a dock. The windy seawater is blowing in her face. She doesn't know how she got there, how long she's been there, or why she's there. And she's fucking pissed. And we learned that she's been running away from her anger for a long time. And she, quote. This is a quote from her. Tried to fill the carnivorous void inside of her by shoveling nuggets of dopamine in the form of drinks, drugs, dicks, and dildos. End quote.

[Alex Perlman]

All right.

[Mrs. P]

Incredible. That's before she found out that the void was actually full of a bunch of other people living in a castle in her mind.

[Alex Perlman]

So she's doing the 4D.

[Mrs. P]

The 4D?

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Drinks, drugs, dicks, Dixon, dildos. Okay.

[Mrs. P]

As one does.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Playing 4D chess. Playing 4D chest. I'm going to. Let me. I'm going to castle my king over here.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, boy.

[Alex Perlman]

Hey.

[Mrs. P]

Other people in the castle either hate Ken or are scared of her. And as she's coming to, she has a flashback to standing above a body covered in blood. And it's her ex boyfriend, Landon's dad. And the smell in her mind is of going to jail and then being put in the psych ward. So it's like she comes to, she's on this dock next to water. She's like, hasn't been in this body for so long. And her immediate flashback is her standing over a bloody body.

[Alex Perlman]

Now, when you said she's standing on a dock. Because the first chapter, when we open, they're inside the mind palace. Is the dock the real world?

[Mrs. P]

The dock is the real world.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, so she is at the actual real ocean, and now she's having flashbacks of the last time she was actually present in her own body.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And she says this is another direct quote. After she has this flashback of the psych ward and. And this bloody body, she says, a Sig would be nice. A Jaeger bomb, nicer. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. So she's looking at her surroundings and trying to figure out where she is.

[Alex Perlman]

Right.

[Mrs. P]

And she.

[Alex Perlman]

I want it on. Yeah. I'm still caught. I'm caught on.

[Mrs. P]

I know. I know you would be.

[Alex Perlman]

I. Mm. If I had to choose.

[Mrs. P]

Mm.

[Alex Perlman]

I'd go Sig over Jager bomb.

[Mrs. P]

You would.

[Alex Perlman]

If I woke up and didn't know where I've been or how long I've been out, I'd Want a Sig and a think? Yeah, I don't think a Jaeger bomb would help.

[Mrs. P]

No, it doesn't help you think?

[Alex Perlman]

It doesn't help you think? Yeah, I don't think it would give me any clarity.

[Mrs. P]

Nope.

[Alex Perlman]

I don't think it would give me any processing time. I think it would only really give me.

[Mrs. P]

Energy to get to thinking.

[Alex Perlman]

No, I think. I think it would probably give me the opportunity to black out again.

[Mrs. P]

No more blacking out.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So she's looking at her surroundings and trying to figure out where she is. Right. And she looks down and there's a pretty pink suitcase next to her and she's wearing pretty matching pink loafers. And she realizes that this means Della was probably the last one fronting because that's very her style.

[Alex Perlman]

Ah. And Della is the 65 year old administrator who is a manager, caretaker, who.

[Mrs. P]

Prays for them and has black Jesus stained glass windows in her room.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

She also realizes that her body is a lot thinner than the last time that she was a front. And this concerns her because she doesn't know how long she's been away. Asleep, not part of it. Like enough to lose this much body fat is concerning to her because she's much thinner.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So usually she'd only go about a month or so without taking her turn being a front. So this is concerning. Right. So while she's standing there, she thinks that she is at the Hudson River. Right. So she's like looking around, she's like, I think that's New York skyline. I think I'm standing at a dock on the Hudson River. And another voice comes from the back of her head reassuring her that she is correct. This is the Hudson River. And it's Solomon, who apparently she has like a sexy emotional relationship with in her mind because again, he's a separate person. And it. They ended it though, because Ken is an.

[Alex Perlman]

Got it.

[Mrs. P]

So there, there's.

[Alex Perlman]

Imagine being such a dick that you can't even. You can't. You can't even have a relationship with yourself.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Inside your own mind. You're like, I suck. Yeah. Solomon informs her that she's been dormant for six years.

[Alex Perlman]

Whoa.

[Mrs. P]

In the moment, she gets. As he says this to her, she gets a notification from a smartwatch that's strapped to her wrist that says, reminder today, new job, new start on life. And she's like, what the fuck?

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, I have a question. In this book, does it give us a time frame of like what year it is or is it just kind of say present day?

[Mrs. P]

You'll know immediately. Let me go a little bit further.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

So she's wearing a fanny pack. And she starts going through the fanny pack. I need to tell you something. Sometimes when I'm writing these episodes, in order to save time, I use the voice to text feature in the Google Doc.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And it censors certain words. So like every time I say it blanks it out. It's just like star signs.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And for some reason it start out fanny pack. It says she's wearing a blank pack. So she starts going through the blank pack. In Britain, he's a fanny.

[Alex Perlman]

In Britain, fanny is the good goat.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So apparently fanny pack, a little bit of muff. She's digging through her fanny pack and she finds the cell phone and she finds a pen, a travel notebook, a tactical flashlight, and strange to her travel size, bottles of Lysol, disinfectant, spray, hand sanitizer and a surgical mask. And she's like, why the do I have a surgical mask? And she finds the phone and swipes it open and there's a picture as a screensaver and it's a drawn picture of everyone in the system. It's like a, almost like a child drawing, if not a little bit better that somebody took a picture of. And it's all of the people in the mind palace.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay. It's all the personalities.

[Mrs. P]

And so this is going to be a helpful descriptor so you can help picture who they are. Right. So there's Ken and she's wearing a black mesh tank top and jeans and Doc Martens. She's holding Kiki on her hip. Mesmer has short orange curly hair. She's the only white person in the system. And Ken says, quote, though she's a ginger. So maybe that's explained how, explains how she got in.

[Alex Perlman]

Because she's Mark. And we're rocking with Mark.

[Mrs. P]

Rocking with Mark. Because Mark's rocking with us. Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Lurk wears an oversized gray hoodie and baggy jeans.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

No one knows what he looks like because his hood is always covering his face. Empress is short and mid sized, wearing a T shirt with Hulk on it, denim shorts and high top reeboks. And she has cornrow teal hair that complements her very dark skin. Now Della, this is a quote from the book because I don't feel it's appropriate for me to say this. Della is described as high yellow and bird framed and dressed for Easter service.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay?

[Mrs. P]

Okay. And Solomon has an immaculate wave pattern in his hair. He's wearing a tailored white Button up shirt, dark denim jeans, and small round glasses perched on his nose. Okay, so now we have an idea of what everybody looks like. They're all very different.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

A little all over the place. It's actually funny because I didn't. When you were first, like, when we're going down this list of names, I was thinking of more of like, cyberpunk when looking at these names, of just like, I don't know when this is set. And this is kind of like, you know, the different names. Solomon, Empress, Mesmer, Kiki. And like, looking at it now and like, her name is Ken Kanitria.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And like, looking at. I'm like, oh, yeah, these are black names.

[Mrs. P]

Yes.

[Alex Perlman]

But it just didn't dawn on me. And it was just one of those until you started describing each individual personality. I'm like, oh, this is a black. We're living inside the head of a black woman with multiple personality disorder.

[Mrs. P]

Yes.

[Alex Perlman]

And I'm like, oh, oh, that's okay. But when I was first reading it, I just was like, I bet she has purple hair.

[Mrs. P]

She does. One of them does.

[Alex Perlman]

I know.

[Mrs. P]

One of the personalities has purple hair.

[Alex Perlman]

I know. No, no. But I was picturing more of cyberpunk.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

That sort of like. Oh, or like hacker type of thing.

[Mrs. P]

Yes.

[Alex Perlman]

And it's like racially ambiguous. And then you're like, no, no, no, no. There's only one white person in this head, and they're ginger.

[Mrs. P]

She only got in because she's ginger. A ginger who loves Jager bombs. Got it.

[Alex Perlman]

You know what? So I've definitely pined for at least two of these people before I met you. I've definitely was. When I was out and I was going hard, I definitely pined for at least two of these personalities. I refuse to tell you which ones.

[Mrs. P]

It's Lurk. So there's a boat. So there's a boat approaching.

[Alex Perlman]

Lurk is a crazy name.

[Mrs. P]

Lurk is a crazy name. He lives under the staircase. Guys, come on.

[Alex Perlman]

What do you do?

[Mrs. P]

I'm lurking. So there's a boat approaching the dock towards Ken.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And she's starting to panic because she's like, the fuck is going on? And she starts kind of like internally screaming into the mind Castle to Della. Like, you need to come out and handle this. Whatever you done, you need to come handle this. And so she's screaming internally and for Della. And Della's not answering. And all the other mem. Nobody else is answering either. But everybody there starts being like, why isn't Della answering? Okay. That's not a good sign.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Where's Della? So the next chapter is super short. It's just a pull from the group think journal where Solomon is writing today. So the group think journal is they kind of are using an app on their phone to journal. And then each other when they front, they're like, oh, this is what Adela said. Oh, this was. So it's how they're keeping track.

[Alex Perlman]

It's the memento tattoos.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly. But on their phone.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So we get to. Some of the chapters are. Just looks into the group Think journal.

[Alex Perlman]

Gotcha. That's a. That's a cool device. I. I met a man last year who is schizophrenic. And actually his phone is how he. When he's having. Not attacks, but like when he's having his moments.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

His phone is how he knows what's a hallucination and what isn't.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Because for some reason, when he holds his phone up and he looks at the screen, he'll see, like a person in front of him.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

But if he holds up and looks at the screen, they're not in the camera. In the camera. And there's something like wiring in there. So there's a lot of weird things with tech like that.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

But then at the same time, like. But the phones are also driving us insane. So it's like. I don't know how it was.

[Mrs. P]

The next chapter is super short. It's like I said. Solomon is writing and he's asking. There's this person named Misty who he's talking about. And he says that Misty is asking about the did she found Kiki playing with some vintage Cabbage patch dolls at a thrift shop. And Solomon had to explain to Misty that they were taken into foster care when they were three years old during one of those child protective services misunderstandings that often befall young black parents. Our parents like. Okay. So anyway, Della likes to get. Use this opportunity to be more isolated about what's going on.

[Alex Perlman]

Wait, I'm very confused the way I'm describing this. So. So wait, wait. So in the group Think Journal, there is Kiki, the four year old.

[Mrs. P]

Okay, so Solomon is writing in the journal.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And he is writing that they're talking to someone named Misty. And I guess the front changed in front of Misty.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And he is trying to explain why suddenly this grown person was behaving like a four year old and sitting on the floor playing with a Cabbage Patch doll.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And so he explains to Misty that when they were younger they got taken into child protective services and foster care and that each. He's trying to explain each person's kind of personality trait. And he's like, don't worry. Like, Kiki is a very bubbly and sweet and intelligent toddler. And what happened was that when we did make it back to our parents, we were no longer a sweet, bubbly, intelligent toddler. We were a sullen 5 year old who prefer daydreams to reality. And the thing is, none of the people in the mind palace know what the trauma is. Nobody knows what the trauma is. But Solomon believes that even the baseline of being ripped away from your parents and put in foster care is enough trauma. Like, they don't need any further explanation. Solomon doesn't is like, we don't need any explanation. Okay, that's enough. So anyway, I wrote this poorly, you're right. But let's take a break because I feel like we have to digest a lot of information.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, there's a lot there that just happened and we're taking it all in.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And so that's. This is part of no One of Us Knows, a thriller by Alyssa Cole. And I feel like the thriller part's coming up soon.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, I'm already thrilled.

[Alex Perlman]

I mean, I'm already thrilled, but I just feel like we're learning a lot about Ken and the.

[Mrs. P]

And the person just woke up on a dock and there's a boat heading towards her.

[Alex Perlman]

I think we're building.

[Mrs. P]

I think we're building.

[Alex Perlman]

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[Alex Perlman]

And we're back.

[Mrs. P]

And we're back. Okay, so she's still in this dock looking at the phone.

[Alex Perlman]

Ken.

[Mrs. P]

Okay, Ken is still in the dock looking at the phone and the group chat thing that they leave all their notes in their journal, if you will. And two months ago, Empress wrote an entry, and it said, someone canceled my subscription to webmax before I could watch the finale of the show called the time I fell into a sinkhole and fell in love with a goblin. And I'm pissed because my furry art commissions help keep the lights on around here. So why does Mesmer get to burn money playing some scammer for emotional genotyping? But I can't see if Suta returns to high school in the human realm or chooses to be his goblin wife.

[Alex Perlman]

That was Empress.

[Mrs. P]

That was Empress.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, got it. So Empress is a furry artist who's super into anime.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

All right. Yeah, this book rules. All right?

[Mrs. P]

She keeps scrolling through and she finds out in the journal that they had received an eviction notice and they had fallen behind on rent. And she's mad because she loved that apartment. And there's a note from Della saying that she was contacted by an organization called the Kavanaugh Island Conservation Trust. They're restoring a historic home on the island, on an island in the Hudson river and looking for a caretaker for the winter. Maybe longer if things go well. Apparently, one of us in the Mind Palace, Ken Solomon, question mark, submitted an application a few years back, and they thought they checked to see if they were still interested. And now there's an opening. It's free room and board, plus a monthly stipend and basic healthcare. Oh, and Della is excited about this opportunity because she likes that she's going to be a little bit more isolated with everything that's going on in the world. There's one big stipulation is that you have to spend one night on the island before the job becomes official. Apparently, it's a tradition.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, okay.

[Mrs. P]

Dun, dun, dun.

[Alex Perlman]

All right. So they're hitting her with the Scooby Doo. Yeah. Spend a night in the haunted mansion.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly. Okay, so we got the Scooby Doe. Ken is reading this and immediately suspicious.

[Alex Perlman]

I. Hold on. I love the fact that you're going to be a. This is a solo Mystery Team. One person with the entire Scooby in the gang in her head.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Going to walk around and go fight.

[Mrs. P]

And I would have gotten away with.

[Alex Perlman]

It, too, if it wasn't for that person with disassociative identity disorder who could see things through the eyes of a child.

[Mrs. P]

So immediately suspicious. And she's like, this is either a scam or we're gonna get our organs stolen. But then Ken remembers that she actually applied to a bunch of caretaker jobs years ago and likely this job. So she asked Solomon to brief her on what she's missed while she was.

[Alex Perlman]

Away for six years.

[Mrs. P]

And he says it's not possible to sum up the last six years quickly. And he says, Trump became president. Climate disasters are an everyday occurrence. The global rise of fascism is rocketing. Like, it's 1932. The rights of women, minorities, and queer people are being stripped away. And there's the pandemic that killed millions around the world. And everyone is pretending like it's over. And she's like, trump fascism, pandemic.

[Alex Perlman]

I. Okay, hold on, hold on. I am so blown away because, like, imagine going to sleep in 2015. That's basically what happened. And that was 22. It's probably, like, late 21. I mean, it feels like maybe early.

[Mrs. P]

It's like, 2021. Right. But I think it's right before vaccine.

[Alex Perlman]

What is it he said that everyone's pretending it's over.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, yeah. So maybe, like, vaccine probably just hit and people, like, we're not wearing masks anymore.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. So, I mean, maybe we're like, March or April to 22. That's so cr. What a. Because there's been a lot of people who, like, joked about that. Like, people going into a coma and then waking up and having to have.

[Mrs. P]

Imagine having that explainer. Oh, it was that. That lady did the tick tocks, remember? Where she would, like, look back in time, and they're like, what are you talking about? Murder hornets.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, yeah, There was a girl. Yeah. She was like, every three months she was being visited by it. It would show herself for three months prior and she'd have to go back.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, it was incredible.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. She really kept tick tock together during the year. Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

She was a Canadian comedian actress. But we're at war with them now.

[Mrs. P]

We're at war with them. I'm not at war with anyone.

[Alex Perlman]

We're.

[Mrs. P]

Except for myself.

[Alex Perlman]

We're at trade war with Canada.

[Mrs. P]

I'm not a trade war with them.

[Alex Perlman]

Trade war with Canada.

[Mrs. P]

Okay, shush. So while she's grappling with all this new information and the realization that Della is missing, and apparently now Ken is in charge, the boat that's on its way towards her pulls up and it's.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, she's going to the house right now.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, it's just dawned on me.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, that's why she's at the dock. Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

It's her first day of her new job at the new house. Caretaker.

[Alex Perlman]

God. Okay. Oh. Oh, my. Imagine. Okay. Imagine you're like, oh, what's going on? Trump is president. A million people died. Fascism and rights are gone. I have to go to an island for my new job. That's what's happening.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. And the boat pulls up and it says, captain John's Island Tours.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Huh. So the next chapter, it's an incredible note in the collaborative journal showing that five years ago, Ken was dismissed from her Masters of Arts and Historic preservation program and barred from future enrollment at the college because of an attack she did on her ex boyfriend's father. So again, she went to school for this. This was her master's program, but she got kicked out because of. She had. She went to jail and a psych ward. Yeah. So anyway, she gets on the boat, and the captain of the little boat, his name is John, his vibes are very weird. Very weird.

[Alex Perlman]

Well, yeah, he's a boat guy in New York.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

I'm just gonna throw it out there. Anybody who is boat people north of Philly, I don't trust. I don't trust New England boat people. I don't trust New York boat people.

[Mrs. P]

Okay.

[Alex Perlman]

I don't want you get up to Canadian boat people.

[Mrs. P]

Listen, I'm gonna say this. Boat people, I'm on your side. No, you not this guy. John. This guy's John. I don't trust him. He's weird.

[Alex Perlman]

No, that's fine. But I don't trust boat people.

[Mrs. P]

I've been saying this for years. I want to become a lake person. I want to hang out with boat people. I think Liberals need to take over boat culture because every time I try to make a boat friend, they're really weird and Trumpy, and they all have Trump flags on their boats. Yeah, I need.

[Alex Perlman]

It's part of their thing.

[Mrs. P]

Liberal boat people.

[Alex Perlman]

Nobody has a boat that isn't thinking about how they can use their boat to get rid of something. Mainly evidence. People take boats and they take it out, and then they always know where a slipstream is or something and they throw a body.

[Mrs. P]

Just want a pontoon boat with a sliding board. I don't know why.

[Alex Perlman]

That's a different type of boat. That's a different type of boat. But you don't drink. Yeah, pontoon boats are for drinking.

[Mrs. P]

I went on a pontoon boat for a whole day. I didn't have any drinks.

[Alex Perlman]

You went on it for a day.

[Mrs. P]

Capri Sun.

[Alex Perlman]

You went. Okay, you went on a pontoon boat for a day.

[Mrs. P]

And I. My life changed and.

[Alex Perlman]

But you don't want to. Want to go on a pontoon boat every weekend, because I don't have a pondu friend.

[Mrs. P]

Anyway, so the captain of this little boat, his name is John, Vibes are bad. They start heading over the island. The water is really rough. It's windy, choppy. The weather sucks. He tells her there's a storm coming.

[Alex Perlman]

And see, that's creepy boat people shit.

[Mrs. P]

That's really creepy boat people shit.

[Alex Perlman]

Creepy boat people shit.

[Mrs. P]

This is creepy boat captain. Creepy boat captain is different than boat people.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, that's true. I'll give you that. Creepy boat captain. They're going, there's a storm coming.

[Mrs. P]

Storm a brewing.

[Alex Perlman]

There's a storm a brewing.

[Mrs. P]

And then he implies pretty overtly that he doesn't think she's the type of person that would take this job in a pretty rude way.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And we're gonna.

[Alex Perlman]

We're gonna read some racism into that.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we learned some more old lore about the island from John, about how they used to host goblin hunts there. And when they finally make it to the island.

[Alex Perlman]

That feels anti semitic. I'm gonna throw that out there. I'm just gonna throw that out there.

[Mrs. P]

They hunt the goblins.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, we're hunting the goblins.

[Mrs. P]

And they finally make it in the Hudson.

[Alex Perlman]

Hudson River.

[Mrs. P]

The island in the Hudson.

[Alex Perlman]

That's what I'm saying. We're in the Hudson River.

[Mrs. P]

So we finally make it to the island where there's a big mansion. And it's not a mansion, it's a castle. It's a real castle. Oh, okay. It's a big castle. And she's gonna be the caretaker for it. But the thing is, as she bears witness and she sees this castle while she's on the boat put putting towards it. This castle is an exact replica of the castle in her mind palace. It's the same castle that's in her mind where everybody lives. And she's never seen this castle before. So when she sees it, she can't even breathe. She's like, what the is going on?

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Next chapter is another note from the collaborative journal. Okay. And this one's from Empress and she's posting about how the this system that they all talk to and how they communicate with each other. Okay, here's the thing. Empress is posting in the journal about.

[Alex Perlman]

How empress is the 16 year old that's in the anime and is a furry artist.

[Mrs. P]

Yes.

[Alex Perlman]

So want to be clear to everybody.

[Mrs. P]

To be clear, Empress is posting in the system about how they all communicate and what the castle is like and who lives there. And Baba. And it turns out she made this public. And then there's an edited note from Solomon being like, did you post this on a public forum without consent? If you're going to do that, you need to change our names and identifying information. And Empress is like, sorry, I didn't think about that because I have so many friends on the subreddit. Pardon me. So the next chapter is another note from the group collaborative journal. Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm wrong. So we're back on the boat. Back on the boat with weird guy John. And we learn even more lore about the castle. The guy who owned it, Kavanaugh, he built it for his wife, Grace. We find out that Grace may have been a bisexual or lesbian and her husband did not like that, so he.

[Alex Perlman]

Put her on an island.

[Mrs. P]

Literally.

[Alex Perlman]

That's how you listen.

[Mrs. P]

The next sentence says, this castle was his way of protecting her from these things and the people she was surrounding herself with.

[Alex Perlman]

If you have to protect your bisexual wife from kissing ladies, it's not going well.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Inside their mind, Solomon and Empress and Kiki are still trying to figure out where Della is. Okay. So while she's like talking to John, there's a whole other meeting going on in the castle sub B plot. Where is Della? We can't find her. Anybody check all the rooms? So they're pulling up to the island and hitch the boat to the new dock. And Ken is really stressed, right? Like clenched butthole stress.

[Alex Perlman]

Of course.

[Mrs. P]

But she feels a sense of release, relief. Not release relief when they pull up because she sees another Person standing there, another black woman.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And she immediately, like, relaxes a bit. She's like, oh, okay. Again, John's vibe's bad.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

On an island, Another black woman feeling safe or safer. We find out that this is the island supervisor who John had been describing as scary and mean. So this woman's name is Celeste. And Celeste is like, give me your bag. She is not friendly. She's actually pretty rude. She's like, come on, I got to get you to your room. It's going to rain. And so Celeste and John are not nice to each other. They don't have a nice interaction. Celeste seems familiar, and, like, they. They just kind of, like, look at each other and have, like, this sense of knowing. But it could just be that normal sense of knowing in, like, a weird situation. And as they're. There's a lot of dialogue as they're getting up to the castle, to the room, the caretaker's quarters where Celeste is taking them. And we find out that Celeste has a criminal background and that she is part of a program to help people get jobs. And they have to climb a lot of stairs to get up to the castle. And Ken is basically wheezing at the halfway point because she's so out of shape again, because her body is so different than what it used to be.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Also, Ken is flirting with Celeste a lot. She's trying very hard to flirt with her, and Celeste is not having it. And it's very funny the way it's written. It's like Celeste is just, like, shooting her down every time.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. So. So Ken is. Is being trapped in a bisexual castle. And while being led into it, it's like, it's a bisexual castle. What's.

[Mrs. P]

What's going on?

[Alex Perlman]

You want to try some 4D? And she's like, no, no.

[Mrs. P]

Here's your bag. I'm leaving. Not my job.

[Alex Perlman]

It reminds me very much of. You know, reminds me of the HR lady from Matlock, because we finally started watching.

[Mrs. P]

We did start watching.

[Alex Perlman]

Matlock is the new Matlock.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. The new Mat.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Charlie.

[Mrs. P]

It's incredible.

[Alex Perlman]

It's. It's actually. It's pretty good. Don't like the kid, but the rest of it's good.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

But the. I just, like, that's how I feel. Like, I don't know how old Celeste is. Celeste feels like an older name.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. But Celeste is also, like, as she's asking questions like, oh, when am I gonna meet the boss? And, like, where do I get my keys? And Celeste's like, I don't know, it's not my job. I'm not hr.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, good.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, incredible.

[Alex Perlman]

My job is to sign you in.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. I do this job over here.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

I don't do your job.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Don't ask me any questions.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. No follow ups.

[Mrs. P]

So she's in this little apartment off the side of the castle. And Celeste is basically like, this is your room. Don't ask me any questions. I'm not hr. I'm leaving. Goodbye. She says, don't go into the castle. You don't want to slip and fall. There's no lights right now. There's a big storm coming. Just stay in your room until tomorrow.

[Alex Perlman]

Right.

[Mrs. P]

And immediately, as soon as Celeste leaves, which is immediately, like, literally, Ken turns around, is like, hey, where's the, you know, I don't know, blankets. And sure, John, Celeste isn't there. She's fucking left.

[Alex Perlman]

But also it's like you have this person you're putting into a cat. Like, at the minimum, it's like, where are the snacks?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Is there a vending machine?

[Mrs. P]

No snacks.

[Alex Perlman]

Are there sodas?

[Mrs. P]

I believe in the stride. If I wrote down. But literally all she has is, like, cup of noodles. It's a bummer.

[Alex Perlman]

I know. That's what I'm saying is, like, there has to be a kitchen.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Or at least, like, there's a kitchen.

[Mrs. P]

It's not well stocked.

[Alex Perlman]

Can I tell you, when I. When I was doing all that traveling last year, whenever I get to the hotel, I was always like, make sure I had like, two granola bars.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And then even if I didn't eat it, I still always, like, bought a little bag of chips from a vending machine.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Because I was like, I'm gonna be a little peckish.

[Mrs. P]

But also the bag of snacks I sent you with.

[Alex Perlman]

I know. Well, there's bag of snacks you sent me with. But also, like, I just. I need to have.

[Mrs. P]

Which I do want to point out that all the influencers that you met know you as the bag of snacks guy.

[Alex Perlman]

I'm snack dad.

[Mrs. P]

Because whenever they would all get, like, go to the parties or be drunk, he'd pull out this huge Ziploc bag of snacks that I sent him with. Because I was like, don't spend money at the fucking hotels on snacks.

[Alex Perlman]

No hotel snacks. Like, a bag of chips is like $6.

[Mrs. P]

I'm like, Cliff bars, cheesy crackers, but I'm filling it up. Candy, the whole thing. And then you would just show up and they're all drunk and you're like, anybody need a snack?

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Chicken maple. The chicken maple sticks. Yeah, I had all those are. Those are big hit, big popular Fig Newtons. Oh, I love a Fig Bam Fig Newton sleeve. Bam Fig Newton.

[Mrs. P]

Just like Pro Mania 500. The man who yells on the Internet and seems the angry and giving out cookies to everybody.

[Alex Perlman]

I remember the one I remember was. I was at. I did some conference and it was everyone. I was the oldest person there. Yeah, I was the oldest person there, and I was surrounded by these like 20 something year old girls and like a couple guys in their 20s. And they're all like, hot. They're all like hot people and they're all hammered. And at one point they're like, we should go up to one of the rooms and blah, blah. And I was like, no, we're all.

[Mrs. P]

Gonna stay in the lobby.

[Alex Perlman]

We're all gonna stay here in the lobby in public, on the cameras, and we're all gonna eat this big bag of snacks.

[Mrs. P]

Dad energy for sure.

[Alex Perlman]

And I'll never forget, like, what are the influence fluid. One of the guys is just like, yeah. And I was like, I don't give a. I don't give a. Everybody here is hammered. We're gonna have a nice night and tomorrow they're all gonna be so nice. And then you could text each other and maybe you can go up one sometime when I'm not here. Not up in front of me, kid.

[Mrs. P]

Nope. Have some Fig Newtons. Absorb some of that Jaeger.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. So they didn't have Jaeger. Don't drink Jaeger. That's the problem.

[Mrs. P]

That's. That's, that's why, that's why they're busy vaping.

[Alex Perlman]

They're not vaping as much anymore.

[Mrs. P]

That's good. I don't want them to vape. I know. So Ken immediately decides to explore the castle. Of course, there's like a side door from the caretaker's room to go. So immediately she does what she's not supposed to do.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, of course.

[Mrs. P]

I mean, I would too. Like, duh. She's walking through.

[Alex Perlman]

At the minimum. You're gonna. You're gonna walk the perimeter at the minimum. Like it doesn't even matter what. When I go to a hotel, I can still walk the hotel. I'm like, wait, what do we have? Is the restaurant open?

[Mrs. P]

Well, we got over your coffee in the morning.

[Alex Perlman]

Exactly.

[Mrs. P]

I need to know these things.

[Alex Perlman]

I want to just know, is there a pool?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, is there a pool?

[Alex Perlman]

Like when they tell you in point. So I've never once gone to stay at a place and go on just straight to the room and close the door? No, that feels insane to me.

[Mrs. P]

Because you don't know where they define the amenities.

[Alex Perlman]

I need to make sure they're not cooking meth.

[Mrs. P]

Well, I don't care if they do that, as long as it's an amenity. Is the meth person gonna park my car for me? Thank you.

[Alex Perlman]

I just want to make sure it doesn't explode.

[Mrs. P]

Right, That's.

[Alex Perlman]

And I don't want it to be in the taps. What if. What if there's meth in the tap water?

[Mrs. P]

We're getting stuff done, then we're gonna write some good episodes.

[Alex Perlman]

That's true.

[Mrs. P]

So she's walking in the dark, mysterious, scary castle, and she sees an apparition of a woman in a white dress coming through the curtain. So it's like the curtain blows in the wind, and then, like, a body forms through the curtain, right? And at first she's like, is it just wind? But then it, like, takes a human form in a white dress, and then a huge gust of wind comes blowing through the window, like, to the point it almost knocks her over. And she goes running back into her room and closes the door, but the wind is just pounding on the fucking door, like, shaking the door off. It's like hinges.

[Alex Perlman]

Hinges, yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So that stops eventually. And she settles back into the room and starts to unpack her bag. And when she's opens it, there's a bunch of, like, pregnancy tests on top. And she's like, whoa, Della didn't know we had. Like, we didn't know we were doing that. But then Solomon, in the back of her mind is like, those are Covid tests.

[Alex Perlman]

That is so funny. That is so funny. That's so funny because that is literally what. Yeah, yeah. When you show me your pregnancy test to let us know the baby's on the way, I actually said, oh, you have Covid. You have Covid. No, you're gonna be a dad, you moron.

[Mrs. P]

Idiot. Read a book.

[Alex Perlman]

It was a plus. Or a minus.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, plus. Covid. Minus. Covid.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

The next day, Celeste comes to check on Ken, and Ken's flirting with her again. And then Empress fronts and flirts even more. And during this conversation, we find out there's no WI fi on the island at all. If you need to contact somebody, you have to use the CB radio on the second floor in the castle.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, I would go insane. Yeah, I would go insane. You're gonna put me in a giant haunted castle, and I can't Even look at Tick Tock.

[Mrs. P]

Nope.

[Alex Perlman]

You're gonna put me in a giant haunted castle.

[Mrs. P]

I can't make content about the ghosts. You know how many views you get on ghost content? You've seen that Elmo balloon going up and down the stairs.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, yeah. Where it, like, walks up.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Like, it's like, a lot of views. I did greater fun. Popping.

[Alex Perlman]

I gotta tell you, I think it's in reverse.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, yeah, I think.

[Alex Perlman]

I think it reversed the video. I think so, too, but yeah. No, in general, but I mean, like, not even that. It's just, like, I'd be so bored.

[Mrs. P]

I know.

[Alex Perlman]

I'd be so bored.

[Mrs. P]

In your mind palace. Panicking.

[Alex Perlman]

This is also before Balatro, so it's like she doesn't even have Balatro on her phone.

[Mrs. P]

You people could just play cards. She could just have cards in front of her.

[Alex Perlman]

No, I need. I need. I need a little angry joker to keep the score for me and insult me while I play.

[Mrs. P]

That's me. That's my job.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, I know, but I don't have you in this case.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, yeah. You've gone to an island by yourself.

[Alex Perlman]

Going to an island by myself with my multiple personalities.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. And not a deck of cards.

[Alex Perlman]

Not a deck of cards. Insight. And all I have is a cup of noodles.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. My wife didn't pack me a snack bag.

[Alex Perlman]

She doesn't have a wife.

[Mrs. P]

I know, it's a bummer. You need a wife for a snack bag.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Yeah. Get yourself a snack wife.

[Mrs. P]

Snack wife.

[Alex Perlman]

If you take anything away from this podcast, get yourself a snack wife.

[Mrs. P]

You want to take a little break?

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, I do, because I want a snack.

[Mrs. P]

Okay, great.

[Alex Perlman]

All right, we'll be right back after this.

[Mrs. P]

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[Alex Perlman]

And we're back.

[Mrs. P]

We're back.

[Alex Perlman]

I am still so blown away by just everything happening here, especially with the. The anime loving furry artist. Yeah, I. It's already. Empress is my favorite character.

[Mrs. P]

Understandably so.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, I just. I know her. Yeah, I've met her.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Alex Perlman]

I've come in her, I've been her.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, I know. You have a whole T shirt too.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So it's the next day and Ken's in the castle doing. Walking around now in the daylight, getting a vibe, a layout vibe, Right. And she feels drawn to this one weird door. And as she gets closer, we find out that it's the door to the tower of the castle. So she starts walking towards it. And during this she also finds like little booklets of little journals who look very old. And she believes they were written by Grace, the wife. Right. So they're like old, old booklets.

[Alex Perlman]

And when do we think the castle was built? Like 1910? Is it. Is it had like that Gilded age exact castle.

[Mrs. P]

Very Gilded age.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, gotcha. So we're wearing petticoats and big frocks. Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And she also finds a painting which she believes to be Grace, but there's someone else kind of drawn on the back of the painting. And she can't stop staring at this person because she looks really familiar. And she's like, who is this person? So she's finding all these little things around the castle, right? And she gets. She opens the door to the tower and she sees a spiral staircase that goes up it. Right. And. And the whole time she's looking around, she's like, this is the exact castle in my mind, like the layout, everything. She's like, this is crazy.

[Alex Perlman]

This is Rapunzel's tower.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly. That's Rapunzel's tower. Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And I Repose.

[Mrs. P]

Who we don't know anything about.

[Alex Perlman]

We just know that she holds.

[Mrs. P]

She just screams once in a while.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Just opens the window and screams. Which honestly I get really, I get. Somebody's got to open the window and scream.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So she goes up and walks the stairs to get up there. And it's meal smells really old and rotted and dusty. You know how those things smell. And there's a bunch of like antique dusty things around. And there's an easel with paint supplies knocked on the floor. Very creepy. It looks like not great things happen here. But then the Worst thing is, there's a woman standing at the window staring out, like, so she sees the back of this woman in this long white dress with a big red sash around her hair. And Ken immediately is like, what the am I looking at here? What is this? Where did she come from? And then the woman turns around, and her face is actually blotted out with black paint. Like, almost like negative space. And the paint is moving, right? The paint's moving around. It's vibrating, and the paint is dripping down. So it's like all this movement on a still body.

[Alex Perlman]

It's making noise, like.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. And the woman starts screaming out of the void. So just, like, a scream comes out of the void, and she's screaming, you promised. You promised. And Ken starts backing up, and she's like, I don't know the. Did I promise? Like, who are you? Like, all very, like, I don't know this. And all of a sudden, snap, she comes to, and she's still at the bottom of the stairs. She had never gone up, because when you look at the stairs, the stairs are, like, broken. She would have had to, like, really kind of, like, step to the right, hop a little step to the left. Because there's holes in the stairs. She wouldn't have been able to just walk up, like, she did. That was all, like, in her mind. Like, that didn't really happen. But not in her mind palace.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Like a hallucination.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So that's not great. That's not great. She ends up leaving that area. Right. She's like, I got to go. And as she's walking away, she's having this internal dialogue about what promise? Why is this one yelling you a promise? And then she starts asking Solomon, like, did you see that? And no, none of them had seen it. They're like, what are you talking about, Ken? Nobody else had that hallucination.

[Alex Perlman]

You know, it's got to be bad when your multiple personalities are like. You're fucking crazy. Like, giving gaslit by your personalities is crazy.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

All right.

[Mrs. P]

So as she's walking again through the castle, the doorknob. There's a door that's, like, kind of like the front door to the castle area. And a doorknob just starts going crazy, like somebody's trying to open it from the outside. And she's like, the. Because, again, she's just seen a ghost, and nobody believes her, and she's spooked, literally. And then this doorknob starts going, and the door shaking, and also, the door swings open, and she hears someone say, to her. Ken, is that you? And standing there is this man with blonde hair, shortcut, and it's Landon, her ex boyfriend, the second to last person she ever wants to see again. And he looks like he's just seen a ghost. And he's like, is that you? And then he says, but which you is it?

[Alex Perlman]

Because he knows.

[Mrs. P]

He knows.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Who is it? Who am I talking to? Yeah. So the next chapter is another note from Group think journal. And Della, in this journal, writes that she had seen Landon at a restaurant like, two months ago. And she didn't. She didn't say anything. She just, like, looked at him, and then they made eye contact and she just ran away. Because she's like, I hate that guy. Because the other thing is that Ken dated Landon. Della didn't date Landon. Solomon didn't date Landon. So they all, like, they fucking hate this guy, right? So Della saw him and was like, getting the out of here. I hate that guy. Yeah. So the last time Ken had seen Landon, he was bailing her out of jail after she attacked his father, right? So this last time she saw him. And she, in real moment, she answers him and is like, yeah, it's me. What are you doing here? And he's like, are you kidding me? You're asking me what I'm doing here when you're trespassing on private property? And she's like, I'm not trespassing. I work here. I'm the caretaker. And he's like, they wouldn't. And she's like, what do you mean they wouldn't? And he's like, why are you here? And she's like, why are you here? I like, I work here. So they're having this, like, back and forth, right? And he's like, I'm a member of the trust and I do the hiring. I read your resume when it came in, I laughed and threw it away. I didn't hire you. Right. Oh, so they have, like, this bitchy little exchange, and he calls her old at a certain point, like, because they're. They're not just arguing about the job anymore. They're arguing about their past relationship. And he's like, anyway, you're old now. And she's like, you're eight years older than me. And he's like, yeah, but I'm a man. My value increases while yours goes down.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, so she's 38. 37.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Meaning he's 45. Okay.

[Mrs. P]

His value goes up. I think we know.

[Alex Perlman]

But also, you said that she beat up his dad. Like seven years ago. Meaning he was in his late 30s, bailing his 30 year old girlfriend out of jail for beating the. Out of his dad. And his dad is probably like 80.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

So, you know, I agree with the personalities. Landon's a piece of.

[Mrs. P]

Landon sucks.

[Alex Perlman]

But also I've met like dudes like that who are like part of a land trust who like have to like, they're on the board.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And they have these stupid little titles for themselves and it's all just a way for them to be able to extract like 10 grand out of this property every year.

[Mrs. P]

Yes. All right, so Celeste is back and she sees Landon and she's like, what's up? Intern.

[Alex Perlman]

Really?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, she, like, has no respect for him.

[Alex Perlman]

Good.

[Mrs. P]

He's like puffed up like a peacock. Because Ken's there and Celeste's like, whatever.

[Alex Perlman]

I love that he. I love that you did Clarify he's like 45 years old. Because, like, in my head.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

I keep picturing like, first thing, the name Landon sucks.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

But second thing, I didn't. You're like blonde. I keep picturing like a blonde moppy hair. Artist type.

[Mrs. P]

No, no, no.

[Alex Perlman]

Not like this old man.

[Mrs. P]

That guy that did that rom com with the Sweeney girl.

[Alex Perlman]

Sydney Sweeney.

[Mrs. P]

Sydney Sweeney. She did that rom com in Australia.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Remember that guy, that blonde guy? He kind of. It's like him.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

That's how I pictured Landon.

[Alex Perlman]

Gotcha. He's very White Lotus.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Very Schwarzenegger.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, yeah, the guy that. The shitty guy from White Lotus. That guy's young, though.

[Mrs. P]

But an older version.

[Alex Perlman]

An older version of him. Got it.

[Mrs. P]

They all grow up to be the same person.

[Alex Perlman]

They do all grow up to be the same person.

[Mrs. P]

So.

[Alex Perlman]

And all of that is a Republican congressman from Nebraska.

[Mrs. P]

So he's like, I'm not an intern. I'm an associate member. Soon to be full fledged member. And he's like, who the hired Ken? And she's like, I don't know. I'm not hr. It's above my pay grade. And he's like, well, I. I didn't do it because I'm in charge of hiring. And she's like, again, I don't care. And he's like. She says, somebody probably overruled you because you just fetch coffee as an intern. Anyway, these two hate each other.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, I can tell. Right, so let's say it's everybody, though, so it's fine.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. And I love that for her. They're arguing with each other, as you'd expect. And Celeste is like. She doesn't even know about this place. She didn't know anything about it. She didn't even know you owned it or part of it. And he's like, now I know you're lying. He's like, on our third date, we took a tram to Roosevelt island to see the ruins of a sanatorium there. And I told her all about Kavanaugh island and the trust and this castle. And we talked about how cool it would be for the person who got to be the caretaker job and how it'd be more fun than going to grad school. And now you're here. Why are you pretending you don't know? And Ken is like, I don't remember any of this. And then she asked the internal mind, you know, does anybody else remember this? And they're all like, no, we don't know. But maybe Della. But Della's not answering, obviously.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So we're back in the mind palace for a minute, right? The mind palace is storming, right? Literally, like the weather has changed. Cuz she's so anxious and angry that the sky, though, is like. When you see the paintings come to life, you know, Van Gogh, when they show the Van Gogh, like, come to life, it's. That's the sky. Like a storm of a Van Gogh painting going. That's what it looks like, right? And that's not normal. It doesn't usually look like that. Usually just sunny and bright and happy. Well, as happy as. As yeah, yeah, it could be. And Mesmer and Empress and Solomon are all discussing, like, what the going on with the sky. Where's Della? So, like, there's this whole thing happening, like we said, sub B plot. Celeste is actually being nice to Ken at this point. And it's like, I'll take you to the CB radio and you can call John to get this boat to come get you. Because Ken at this point sees Landon and it's like, I don't. The Della got me into. I'm fucking leaving.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. She's like, I'm out.

[Mrs. P]

I don't want this job. I'll figure out a place to live. Because she's homeless. She doesn't have a place to live. She's like, I'll figure it out rather than be here with him, right? So they're. They're gonna go find the CB radio and get John to bring the boat back to take her back to off the island. So Landon's like, if you don't get out of here, I'm gonna call the police for like, breaking and entering and with your record, that won't be good. Right, but the thing is, is they go for the CB radio and it's like she disappears for a minute, but it's actually three hours later.

[Alex Perlman]

So she went missing for three hours. She has a three hour blackout. She wasn't abducted by aliens.

[Mrs. P]

I mean, we don't know. We don't know. Part of the story we haven't even discovered.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay?

[Mrs. P]

So she's. But she's like, why is Celeste being nice to me? Because at this point she's walking along with Celeste and Celeste is saying like, I don't know if John got the message, but we're going to head out.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay?

[Mrs. P]

So they're heading out to this dock together to go meet John on the boat. And they're walking through the woods. It's like this whole thing, it's like a pretty long explanation of them walking through the woods together. And they see John on the boat at the dock and she's like, oh, thank God he got the message. But if Landon was the second person she never wanted to see again getting off the boat is the one person she never wanted to see again, which is Landon's father is on the boat getting off the dock.

[Alex Perlman]

The man she beat the shit out.

[Mrs. P]

Of, the man she attacked in an unprovoked fit of rage, which ruined her life and sent her into the system. So she is like now in a full panic. But the thing is, he's not surprised to see her. He actually waves at her like they're old friends. And he. She looks at Celeste and is like, what is Winslow Pearson doing here? And she's like, he's the head of the trust for the Kavanaugh Island Conservation. Like, he's the one that hired you. He's your boss. So again, Ken is in complete shock. So Pearson gets off the boat and his gaze is like right at her. And he's got like that fucking smile. You know the one like through his teeth, like, just a fucking asshole who knows he's got you cornered. The nice guy asshole smile.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, So I know the smile.

[Mrs. P]

Suddenly she remembers some things about when she attacked him. So, like, she just like remembers the feeling she had when she attacked him, but she doesn't remember why. And she gets this sudden surge of adrenaline fueled rage and wants to hit him again because fuck this smile on his face. When she sees this guy, though, she panics and disappears into the system. It's like she gets so angry that she kind of sucks back in.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And now Empress is fronting.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, no.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Empress, Our teenager.

[Alex Perlman]

That's the last person you want.

[Mrs. P]

Nope. Teenager in front, baby.

[Alex Perlman]

I would want either Solomon or Adela.

[Mrs. P]

Nope. Della's missing.

[Alex Perlman]

I know, but I'm saying is I would want, from what I know from.

[Mrs. P]

The personalities we got, Empress and Mesmer is in the background trying to help Empress to keep her calm. Right. Because she's the yoga calm lady. And so they're standing there and they're.

[Alex Perlman]

They're watching when you have a ginger keeping you calm.

[Mrs. P]

That's not good.

[Alex Perlman]

That's not good.

[Mrs. P]

It's not good.

[Alex Perlman]

That's not good.

[Mrs. P]

They're. They're a grumpy bunch.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So obviously, like, her entire posture changes. Like, she becomes like she's in her body in a different way. And because of that, Celeste is like the who. What is happening? Like, you seem so different. And Empress. Pardon me, being Empress doesn't, like, keep any secrets, right. So she just explains to her about the DID personality disorder. So she's just like, yeah, this is it, and blah, blah. And Celeste is very nice to Empress. Like, immediately Celeste is like, okay, let's see what's going on.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, she's been. She's been around enough.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh. Oh, you crazy. Crazy.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Instantly there's a difference of. There is definitely a difference of what you're like.

[Mrs. P]

All right.

[Alex Perlman]

Cuz like, sometimes also when you meet somebody at a new job.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

You're like, oh, they're. They're stuffy. Or there you. Billy, you start to. Immediately you get that first impression and you start to, like, make up a whole narrative for you in their mind.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And then when you find out, oh, this person is actually legit nuts, you're.

[Mrs. P]

Like, oh, hey, man, just because you have disassociative personality disorder doesn't mean you're nuts.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, okay, I know. Well, I mean, it's just like this person's a little different.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So who's on this boat other than this guy? Right. We got Pearson, his very young wife, carrying a little dog. A couple of older guys in their 50s, both white, and two women, a blonde one and a brunette one. And overall, the vibe is bad. Yeah, the vibe is bad.

[Alex Perlman]

This feels very Eyes Wide Shut Country Club.

[Mrs. P]

They. Empress is like, also, I'm leaving. Like, so he walks up and is talking to her and is asking her questions about, like, how you. You were supposed to be here today, not yesterday, blah, blah. Because, like, I guess she got the day wrong. But then how did the boat guy know? I don't know. So Empress is like, I'm leaving. Your son Landon said, I'm not supposed to be here. And the dad is like, oh, he's right. You're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to arrive. Yes, today. But it's good you're here, and we all know you have no other option than to be here. And he's, like, very condescending, and he, like, again, talks through his teeth. And Empress actually had put the mask on, right? She put her. And during that conversation, because, again, when they changed, she put the mask up, and he is like, you know, also, you don't need to wear that mask here. This is a place of freedom.

[Alex Perlman]

I knew they're gonna be Republicans.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

I knew there were gonna be maga. I knew it.

[Mrs. P]

So this is when we find out that Landon's father is really big into cultivating American values on the public stage. And the reason he wanted Ken to be on Kavanaugh island is to help it live up to its legacy as it was originally planned, to help disenfranchise dregs of society, provide some value to the world. And he couldn't think of anyone better than her.

[Alex Perlman]

This guy is the Heritage Foundation.

[Mrs. P]

Mm.

[Alex Perlman]

This guy is a Heritage foundation scumbag. I can feel it in my bones. Oh, my God. What a great villain.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So here comes Captain John park after he parks the boat.

[Alex Perlman]

Told you a big storm was coming.

[Mrs. P]

And he's like, did. She's like, hey, did you get my message? I want to leave. I got my bag, so let's hold my bag. And he's like, I'm not going back out in the water. And he's like, what? He's like, there's a big storm coming. I'm staying in the night.

[Alex Perlman]

This guy has one line. Storms are coming.

[Mrs. P]

And he's like, I'm not. I'm not going out.

[Alex Perlman]

I picture him, by the way, only wearing those, like, comical boat captain yellow waiters. Like. Yeah, like, with the little. With the rubber hat and the rubber jet. Like, the rubber.

[Mrs. P]

Him as the old man from Courage, the cowardly dog.

[Alex Perlman]

But I picture him, though, like, wearing, like that, like, who's like, Gordon's fisherman. Yeah, like one of those, like, again, New England sea captain type of thing. But it's like they've always just gone. Yeah, perfect storm. Yeah, perfect storm.

[Mrs. P]

And she's like, you just came through the water, and it's bad, so let's just go out. And he's like, no, can't do it. Too dangerous. Yeah, I'm staying the night at the Castle. Or until the storm passes.

[Alex Perlman]

I'm gonna call a little bullshit. I don't know the Hudson that well. Yeah, but I feel like it's not that far.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

I feel like in your little boat, it's not like you're, like, going down. Maybe they have to go up river or down river a little bit.

[Mrs. P]

Listen.

[Alex Perlman]

But I feel like you just go straight across.

[Mrs. P]

I think you might be right. So Mesmer retreats back into the mind palace because there's so much screaming happening, and she's going to see what's going on. Turns out Rapunzel's at the window, just wailing like never before, just screaming her head off. And Mesmer's like, is everybody okay? Is everybody okay in there? And no one's answering. There's no one answering. Nobody. But when she looks out her windowsill, because she walks into her room, it looks there's a person in her windowsill that she doesn't recognize. Uh oh. Sketio.

[Alex Perlman]

That's creepy.

[Mrs. P]

Wanna take a little break? We come back, we'll do a little.

[Alex Perlman]

You gonna leave us on a cliffhanger?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, little cliffhanger.

[Alex Perlman]

All right. We'll be right back after this.

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[Alex Perlman]

So in the mind palace, Rapunzel is screaming.

[Mrs. P]

Screaming, there's an intruder at a windowsill.

[Alex Perlman]

Inside of the brain.

[Mrs. P]

Inside of the brain. Intruder.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Also. But let's get back in the body.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Solomon's fronting. And he comes to snap. He comes to in the body and he's like, where am I? And he's like, I'm in a kitchen. And he looks around and it. And he looks down at his hands and he's helping prepare food with the two women that were on that boat. The blonde and the brunette. So he's helping prepare food for everybody that just arrived.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And we find out that the two women are sex workers who've been hired and paid a lot of cash for the night to come. To the castle. Too much cash. A suspicious amount of cash.

[Alex Perlman]

There's some eyed wise such. This is Eyes Wide Shut shit. This is Eyes Wide Shut shit. I can feel it. I can feel it. When an old man, who's probably a member of the Heritage foundation asks you to get on a boat to go to an island in the middle of a river. That is a lesbian bisexual castle.

[Mrs. P]

Cage. A cage for a cat. For a lesbian bisexual person.

[Alex Perlman]

No, no, listen, listen. It's a castle. It's a lesbian castle.

[Mrs. P]

Got it?

[Alex Perlman]

That was being used. You say no.

[Mrs. P]

You say no.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh no. How much is it? It's $20,000. I might say yes.

[Mrs. P]

We've said no to more.

[Alex Perlman]

We've said no.

[Mrs. P]

That's very true.

[Alex Perlman]

And we didn't have to go anywhere.

[Mrs. P]

No.

[Alex Perlman]

They're like, sit right here and say to the camera, we're not saying. We're not saying.

[Mrs. P]

Not saying that. No. So all of a sudden, someone grabs Solomon's shoulder and it's Landon. And he's like, ken, I thought I told you to leave. And Solomon's like, we tried to leave, but your father, the one who hired us, says we have to stay. And so Landon is like, goes to find the dad and the. And like confront him. And the dad's kind of just like, very agreed. Don't worry about it, son. We're all gonna sit down and have a welcoming lunch. And he's like telling everybody to get to the big table, big dining room table, you know, ostentatious. And Ken's like, okay, I'm gonna go eat in the carrot takers quarters. And he's like, no, no, no, come sit with us. You need to eat with us. We'll all sit down. And then he's like, I'm going to make a toast kind of thing, or like say a prayer. So let's all hold hands. And he gives like a little speech. And it, it's something of along, along the lines of, we are here to celebrate the legacy of Kavanaugh island and Grace Castle. Like many things of great value and particular importance in this country, tradition, ethics, morality, it has been eroded by the turmoil and filth of modern times. But we have successfully resurrected it through hard work and sacrifice. A shining beacon in the east, like the rising sun. And today we are almost ready to sit back and admire the glory of what we have back, back into being. We should be proud of the history we have preserved and the future we are creating. One that appreciates and uplifts the American dream. The morals and values of this country and not our current nightmare. Amen. And everyone at the table says amen except for Celeste and Solomon.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Because what the fuck? Yeah, he said all that about Joe Biden. Oh, no, that was all directed at Joe Biden. So the nightmare that we're currently in, remember Sleepy Joe?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Remember sleeping? Remember sleeping?

[Mrs. P]

I do remember.

[Alex Perlman]

I do remember sleeping, too.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, I dream of sleeping.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So the dad looks at land.

[Alex Perlman]

We send German tourists to El Salvador now.

[Mrs. P]

So the dad looks at Landon and says, isn't it good to be home, son?

[Alex Perlman]

What?

[Mrs. P]

And Solomon said the same thing.

[Alex Perlman]

What?

[Mrs. P]

And looks at Landon and is like, home. And he's like, I don't remember. What? Like, I don't remember why you would say that. You know? And the guy, the dad, his name is Winslow Pearson. Winslow Pearson is like. Don't you remember that when we hired you, I explained that Kavanaugh is our family name. My name is Winslow Kavanaugh Pearson, and that's Landon Kavanaugh Pearson. And Simon Kavanaugh was our great. Was my great grandfather. Surely he told you this while you were dating. And Landon says, I'm pretty sure I told one of them. And then the whole table laughs, except for Solomon and Celeste, of course.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, great.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So now.

[Alex Perlman]

Now it's starting to come together. Ken's supposed to be the new grace. They're supposed to keep her there in her bisexual castle prison. That's what I'm. I'm feeling.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Am I. Am I getting. Am I pretty? You're.

[Mrs. P]

You're warmish.

[Alex Perlman]

I'm warmish?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

I'm barking up a bisexual tree.

[Mrs. P]

Whoa.

[Alex Perlman]

All right.

[Mrs. P]

Whoa.

[Alex Perlman]

So remember when our scientists used to be bisexual in this show? And now instead, bisexuals are being put into weird Hudson river castles? That's what used to happen with our books.

[Mrs. P]

I know the book. The books. I'm just reading the books, man. I didn't write.

[Alex Perlman]

I know, I know. I'm just. I'm just pointing it out.

[Mrs. P]

So now the table's having a polite conversation in quotes. It's not polite.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

At the table. Lily. Now that's Winslow's much younger wife. Her name is Lily.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay?

[Mrs. P]

And through the conversation, this, like, polite, passive aggressive.

[Alex Perlman]

The one with the dog.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, the. With the dog. This WASPy conversation. She basically calls Ken an affirmative hire. An affirmative action hire.

[Alex Perlman]

She calls her DEI.

[Mrs. P]

She calls her dei. Okay, this book must have been written before they just started using.

[Alex Perlman]

No, I know. It was probably written at a time when they were still using C. CRT Yeah. Remember we we jump through all these different words, and we all know what they all mean. Yeah, we all know what they all mean.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Anyway, so. And then Celeste is, like, after Lily.

[Alex Perlman]

Carolyn Levitt, by the way.

[Mrs. P]

Carolyn Levitt. I don't know.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. The current White House press secretary who is married to an old man.

[Mrs. P]

No, no, no. This person, Lily, is described as, like, really thin and petite. Petite with long brown hair.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, good. Glad you just said that. The press secretary is not thin or petite. What a. But a backhand. No, no, no, no, no. The girl in the story is pretty.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. That's.

[Alex Perlman]

We're going to Guantanamo.

[Mrs. P]

Oh. It's gonna be toasty and warm. So I do, like, a Cubano.

[Alex Perlman]

That's me. Oh.

[Mrs. P]

So.

[Alex Perlman]

I have always wanted to go to Cuba.

[Mrs. P]

I know. Me too. Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

For the politics.

[Mrs. P]

I wanted to go for the food. When Lily says this, Celeste bites back and is like, you know what else is an affirmative, higher action? A young woman marrying a much older man.

[Alex Perlman]

Get him, Celeste.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So Celeste's like, what you talking shit? So the conversation continues, and at a certain point, Landon is like, okay, enough, dad. Because they're being really gross and weird.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And Mr. Pearson laughs in, like, this maniacal, bizarre way, and he's like, listen, we all know that no matter what happened in the past, Kinitria's presence here is necessary. We couldn't reopen the castle without her. And. And Solomon is like, the. You talking about what?

[Alex Perlman]

I don't like that.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So in the Mind Palace. Let's go back to the Mind Palace.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Because I don't like what's happening regular. I don't like regular palace. Right.

[Mrs. P]

Outside palace and inside palace, both bad.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Okay. Inside Palace, Mesmer has disappeared, and Empress can't figure out where she's at.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Della's still missing that. Now Messmer is missing, too. And nobody knows where Ken is. Okay.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And all of a sudden, Empress is like, where is Kiki? And they can't figure out where Kiki is.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And then Empress is like, hey, Solomon, do you know where Kiki is? And then Solomon realizes if they're talking, Kiki's fronting. Uh oh, Scadio.

[Alex Perlman]

Uh oh.

[Mrs. P]

So Kiki is now fronting, and she has climbed under the table to play with the little dog. Because there's a little dog.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So Kiki's like, I'm playing with the little dog. And Lily, the awful young wife, reaches down to, like, grab the dog from her and kind of knocks Kiki over, like, pushes her and is like, give me my dog. And as soon as, like, her hand touches Kiki, Ken comes back immediately and pushes Lily back to protect Kiki. And Lily's like, stop, you're gonna hurt the baby. And Ken's like, the dog is fucking fine. And she's like, no. The baby inside of me. Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, God.

[Mrs. P]

In the mind palace, everybody's panicking. They're looking for. They're looking around for everybody. It's a whole thing. But Ken has a flash of a memory, and it's of the spiral staircase. But then she's back in the mind palace. And there's the woman from the tower in the mind palace. And the woman is saying, quiet and careful. Quiet and careful and holding her hand. And so Ken is like, it's a lot going on at once in her head.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Everybody's panicking, but she has this flashback memory of this woman in the tower holding her hand.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay. And that's the woman with no face.

[Mrs. P]

The woman with no face.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay. Who was like, you promised.

[Mrs. P]

You promised. Yes, exactly. So we're gonna pop ahead a little bit because a lot of things happen, but, you know, we're brevity of time, right? So we're back in the main room, and the women, the two sex workers, have changed outfits, and they're wearing these long white linen dresses.

[Alex Perlman]

Don't like that. Absolutely not like that.

[Mrs. P]

Never a good sign.

[Alex Perlman]

I know that they. That is. That was given to them. I'm just telling you right now, if you're ever a sex worker, you know, how are you doing it? And somebody hands you.

[Mrs. P]

They pay you cash to come to.

[Alex Perlman]

An island, first thing. Snow. Islands.

[Mrs. P]

No islands.

[Alex Perlman]

That's a.

[Mrs. P]

Never go to a second location.

[Alex Perlman]

But not in a second location. Just no islands.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, no, I know.

[Alex Perlman]

It's down the Caribbean.

[Mrs. P]

All right, Jeffrey.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, Jeffrey.

[Mrs. P]

Mm.

[Alex Perlman]

No.

[Mrs. P]

So Ken.

[Alex Perlman]

There's no WI Fi. Fuck off.

[Mrs. P]

So Ken's back in the body, obviously, and she sees them and she's like, what? In the Sister Wives. It's like in the book. Yeah. Laughter yeah. Also, I forgot to say this. The dog's name is Chalamet.

[Alex Perlman]

Really?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, the dog's name is Chalamet. So Lily's always like, give me Chalamet. And I'm like, oh, I love that.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, Give me. Give me some Chalamet.

[Mrs. P]

Shalame.

[Alex Perlman]

Timothy Chalamet. No, because you don't like Adam Sandler.

[Mrs. P]

Nobody should. Terrible. Okay, Ken and Celeste decide they're gonna go to sleep. Like, they're. These people are being weird and they're like, we're just going back to our rooms. Whatever. Celeste is going to crash on the couch in the caretaker suite because she's not going to go walk through the storm. Because, again, big storm outside. The storm did come. Okay, I forgot to mention that the storm did come.

[Alex Perlman]

I assumed it would because I. So I have a feeling that when an old creepy captain says, storms are coming. Yeah, the storm always comes.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, big storm coming.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So they go to sleep. Ken comes to somewhere really dark. So she wakes up and it's really dark and pitch black. And she's like, where the fuck am I? And she kind of like. You know when you, like, feel your hands like you're rubbing? And then she, like, kind of like, touches her hands together because she's like, they feel dirty or dusty or something. And it's not dusty, it's gummy. And she has this, like, whiff of smell. And she immediately recognizes it. That, like, coppery iron blood smell. And all of a sudden, Landon is glaring at her with hatred. Like, she just kind of turns and she sees Landon and Lily and the other people there, and they're. Lily, like, falls to the ground crying. And right below her is Winslow Pierce, the dad, Landon's dad, in a bloody mess.

[Alex Perlman]

She beat the shit out of him.

[Mrs. P]

Again, not from a punch in the nose this time. He's severely beaten. His head is caved in. Like, gross dead gore everywhere. And the weapon was a candlestick stick that was right on the floor next to where she was standing. And Landon's like, what the have you done?

[Alex Perlman]

She murdered the dad.

[Mrs. P]

I mean, the dad is dead.

[Alex Perlman]

That's what I'm saying.

[Mrs. P]

She has blood on her hands. Yeah, but she didn't. I mean, maybe. Maybe she did. She doesn't know.

[Alex Perlman]

And she's holding the candlestick.

[Mrs. P]

No, the candlestick's on the floor.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

A little bits away.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

But it's within distance of her reaching it.

[Alex Perlman]

Are they in the observatory?

[Mrs. P]

They're at the bottom of where the tower door is.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Okay.

[Alex Perlman]

So they're in the hallway. They're in the candlestick.

[Mrs. P]

Huh?

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And Ken.

[Alex Perlman]

Just playing Clue.

[Mrs. P]

I know. And Ken is like, I did not do this. I was sleeping. And Landon's like, how do you know? And so Ken asked, like, Solomon is like, who else? Does anybody know what's going on? And Lily's like, it was probably you. You're just as likely a suspect as any. Like. Or, no, I'm sorry. Ken says to Lily, it was probably you. You're just as likely A suspect as I am, you would inherit all of his money and spend it any way you like to please. And Lily's like, I didn't do it. I'm so small. I'm not strong enough. And Ken goes, we're literally the same size.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

In the inner world, there's another person, and Ken can sense them. Like, they can feel a presence coming towards them and backing away, but she doesn't know who it is. Right? And she's deeply concerned because the person feels familiar, but she doesn't know who it is.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And then back in the real world, Landon's like, maybe a little girlfriend. Celeste helped you? And Ken's like, she would never help me. She fucking hates me. She doesn't even like me. And Landon is like, yeah, Ken, maybe you didn't do it, but somebody did it. And maybe it was Della. And this rocks Ken. She's like, how the hell do you know who Della is? And he says, because she told me she was gonna make my father pay. Or did she not tell you? She said that? And he's like, we ran into each other at a restaurant not too long ago, and she came up to me and told me she was gonna make my father pay. Okay. Okay. So anyway, one of those old guys that's there, he says that's, like, on the board with Landon. He says, your father would have wanted us to continue with the ceremony tonight. And Landon's like, you're right. We must begin the ceremony. We'll call the police later to arrest Ken.

[Alex Perlman]

That. Okay. All right. This is Eyes Wide Shut Shit, man. I've been saying it the whole time. We're gonna have robes. There's gonna be a big knife. There's gonna be masks. They're gonna be old whites.

[Mrs. P]

Yep.

[Alex Perlman]

I. And now the two sex workers, they have to just be like, this is nowhere near as fun. We could have been cam girls.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

That's their thought process. Right?

[Mrs. P]

I could be at home.

[Alex Perlman]

I could be. Let's. We're in the middle of a pandemic.

[Mrs. P]

So these guys, they. They. They thought they were paying it.

[Alex Perlman]

They thought they were being paid extra for breaking. For breaking lockdown.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

They're like, we're being paid extra for breaking lockdown. Not because we're breaking. Not because they're gonna be breaking the law.

[Mrs. P]

So these guys, they all go into the main room and they start the ceremony. The ceremony. They're drinking Viking blood. They're chanting about goblin hunts and whatever. And Ken is. And Celeste are like, what the fuck is going on? And the. They're very deeply concerned. They're standing near the sex workers and talking to them, and the girls are just like, listen, don't worry about it. Guys do this all the time.

[Alex Perlman]

Time.

[Mrs. P]

It's like this thing where they want to hunt and chase you, and then they catch you and they. You. It's like. It's not even a big deal. Like, don't worry about it. So these girls were briefed that they're about to be hunted, and then. Right. And that's what they're getting paid for, to go to the island, be hunted.

[Alex Perlman]

Nope, not me. Couldn't be me.

[Mrs. P]

Couldn't be me.

[Alex Perlman]

Couldn't be me. I'm just throwing it out there. If some guy came up to me was like, $20,000, I'm gonna. I'm gonna hunt you across an island. And then I'm gonna. You.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And I'd be like, no, you're not.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, no.

[Alex Perlman]

No, you're not. In fact. In fact, honestly, right now, talk to. Say that directly to my camera. Say it directly to my camera.

[Mrs. P]

And then you look in your camera, and they're not. They're not there. And you're like, oh, yeah, see that. That circle back.

[Alex Perlman]

Very good.

[Mrs. P]

So the. Whatever The. The ceremony ends, and they're like, the hunt will begin. And Ken and Celeste are deeply unsettled and weirded out, but they're also just like, God, this is such white people. What is happening? But they go and hide because they're also like, we don't trust these motherfuckers at all. So they go and they hide, like, under this staircase.

[Alex Perlman]

The goblins. No, I don't like this.

[Mrs. P]

And the, like, they go and they hide under the staircase. And Ken's talking to Celeste and is like, did you know about this? Because, like, she's. Celeste's been working on the island for a long time, and she's like, listen, I only learned about this whole thing recently, and I didn't know everything to help a friend. We were learning about goblin hunts and Googling it. And she was like, when you look at the history of them, they call them goblin hunts or whatever. But when I looked at all the paperwork of the accidental death that happen on this island, almost all of them fit a certain description. And they weren't the kind of people that would usually be kayaking to a deserted island. They weren't white guys. Almost everyone that accidentally, in quotes, died were women, undocumented immigrants, black or queer people. Situations where they wouldn't be missed or that if they would have been made a cash offer, it would have been irresistible. And so Ken kind of scoffs and is like, are you. Are you saying that they're. They're killing people? And then she, in a very dark way, makes this joke of like, I guess that's one way to help underprivileged people is to bring them to an island and kill them. Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

So this book is nuts. Yeah, this book is crazy. No, I think that's. It's. Yeah. Calling it a goblin hunt, it's just so wild to me.

[Mrs. P]

Mm.

[Alex Perlman]

That's just.

[Mrs. P]

So we also find out J.K. rowling somewhere.

[Alex Perlman]

No, just. Just huffing the mold.

[Mrs. P]

She loves huffing mold. She loves Then getting on Twitter.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. You know what my favorite thing to do?

[Mrs. P]

What?

[Alex Perlman]

Is just to say, you know, J.K. rowling, they're. They're a writer. Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So also in this part of the story, we find out that Landon's mom had gotten Covid in the first wave and became disabled from chronic illness and went from becoming being a doting wife to needing a lot of care from her husband. And then suddenly she needed to go live in the castle to, you know, be away from people. And then suddenly there was a fall and she died. And then he just had this much.

[Alex Perlman]

Younger wife that was just lined up immediately.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, okay.

[Alex Perlman]

No, I get that.

[Mrs. P]

So as they're. They're crouching, they're hiding, they're coming up with a game plan, if you will. They see a stream from a flashlight coming down the staircase that they're hiding under, and they hear someone talking, and they're like, I'm turning into a block of ice. I can't do this all night. And then another voice says, I can for $9,000. That's enough for a year of my kids school, plus a summer vacation. And the other woman says, listen, I can hear one of them coming. I'm just going to stay here and get this over with. Where it's like kind of dry. I don't want to go out in the ice storm. I don't want to get fucked in the ice storm. You know, I'm just doing here. So Ken looks at Celeste and is like, hey, should we bring her down here to hide with us? And Celeste nods and is going to stand up, but. And like, to be like, hey, we're over here. But she hears another set of footsteps coming, so she backs down. And then she hears the woman and she's like, oh, you scared me. Look, you found me, big man. Oh, no, like. And there's like the Whole giggle. Do you want to play Ba ba, or should we go out to the bedroom? And her words are cut off by a gurgle followed by the sound of, like, slapping and grunting because someone is choking her. And Ken is like, well, maybe this is just weird foreplay, right? Like, some people like being choked or whatever. And Ken stands up to see what's going on, and all of a sudden, this lady's face slams into the railing of the bars. And her eyes are bulging, bloodshot, and her mouth is open and closing like a fish. And this guy is literally trying to kill her. And he's like, I know you like that, you slut. You're gonna die, slut. Why? You won't get a cent of the money we offered, and that's what you get.

[Alex Perlman]

Well, you just got us demonetized on YouTube.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, no.

[Alex Perlman]

Probably.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, yeah. I feel like we're far enough in.

[Alex Perlman]

I feel like we might be far enough in, but, you know. Well, just remember, then we put this. You're literally like. You like the. That's what they said.

[Mrs. P]

I know, but you could say that quote.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, okay.

[Mrs. P]

It's actually blocked out in here because I said slut into the Google Doc and it changed it.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, because you see how Google, who also owns YouTube.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, you're right. When they're going through me.

[Alex Perlman]

When they're going through the transcript.

[Mrs. P]

So anyway, he's murdering her, okay, Trying to murder her. And Ken jumps out. She has a kitchen knife, by the way. I love that for her. Ken has a kitchen knife.

[Alex Perlman]

What type of kitchen knife is it? A butcher knife, is it?

[Mrs. P]

We're not playing this game. It's just a kitchen knife. And attacks him and tries to get him off this lady, and they. They end up overpowering him. Celeste comes and help and they steal the knife from him that he has. And the sex worker lady, I think her name is Diana. Diana. She's actually one that stabs him a bunch of times in the leg and, like, hits a major artery. And the three of them move the body so that if anybody came through, they would see the blood, but they won't know whose blood. Also, people in the mind palace are freaking out. The walls are shaking. Rapunzel screaming. The sky is crazy.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

No one can find anybody.

[Alex Perlman]

They just murdered a guy. Yeah, like, I mean, like they killed him. I mean, it's self defense.

[Mrs. P]

Self defense.

[Alex Perlman]

It's self defense and protection. But that's fucking wild.

[Mrs. P]

Do you think this is a weird place to take a break?

[Alex Perlman]

I think this is a perfect place.

[Mrs. P]

To take a break.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, so we'll be right back with more murdering fucking goblins. Who knows?

[Mrs. P]

Getting demonetized.

[Alex Perlman]

Probably. Probably on this one.

[Mrs. P]

Write that timestamp down. Maybe we'll bleep it.

[Alex Perlman]

But listen, this is the reason why. Please join us on Patreon Pearlmania500.net so that way we don't have to worry about being demonetized. Or also, if you enjoy the show, you can also always sponsor us if you're one of those small business owners out there, like our sponsor this week. So we'll be right back after this.

[Mrs. P]

Hey, prime members, are you tired of ads interfering with your favorite podcasts? Good news. With Amazon Music, you have access to the largest catalog of ad free top podcasts included with your prime membership. To start listening, download the Amazon music app for free or go to Amazon.com ADFreePodcasts that's Amazon.com ADFreeP Podcasts to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads.

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[Alex Perlman]

And we're back.

[Mrs. P]

So all the ladies are running around. Scramble.

[Alex Perlman]

Everybody's running. There's a body on the ground.

[Mrs. P]

They're hiding through the castle and outside because they're getting hunted by three rich white guys. A classic tale.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, a tale as old as time.

[Mrs. P]

And so they're everyone running crazy trying to figure out where to get to. And.

[Alex Perlman]

Well, I think it's two rich white guys now, right? They killed one of them.

[Mrs. P]

No, Landon. And then the two old guys.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, but they just killed an old guy.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, right. So there are only two guys.

[Alex Perlman]

There's Landon and one old guy.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, okay, you were right. But I'm also right. And we'll get to that. Okay, so a classic tale. And in all this running and hiding, Celeste and Ken find a ladder and they're gonna climb up to one of the windows to get into it because they don't want to go through the main entrance because they think that one of the guys is like by the main door.

[Alex Perlman]

Hiding with a knife.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So they're going to try to go up through a window. So they climb up through the window and they get into this room, and apparently Lily's up there. Lily is not being hunted. The pregnant wife, okay, she's just hiding up there. And she's like, what are you doing in here? Get the fuck out of here. They said I didn't have to participate and blah, blah, blah. And they're like, whatever. And they have knives, by the way, and they're like, back the fuck up. And Lily has a gun. Like, you brought a gun to the knife fight. Anyway, they end up.

[Alex Perlman]

That's unsportsmanlike.

[Mrs. P]

Unsportsmanlike Lily. Anyway.

[Alex Perlman]

What type of gun?

[Mrs. P]

I don't know.

[Alex Perlman]

Like a handgun.

[Mrs. P]

There's a handgun. There's a walkie talkie near her, and it goes off. And we hear Landon say, is everything okay up there, babe? And that's when it clicks for Ken that Landon and Lily would have agrees, and they get rid of Daddy Pearson. If that's actually Landon's baby. Okay. So anyway, Celeste and Ken end up attacking Lily, tying her up and stealing her gun. And they answer the walkie talkie in a fake Lily voice, and he's like, everything is fine, babe. I don't remember why, but Celeste and Ken decide to go run to the tower, which feels so wrong. I don't know why you'd go up. You just want to go out. But I guess when out is bad weather, you want to go up. I don't know.

[Alex Perlman]

They're going up the Rapunzel Tower.

[Mrs. P]

They're going up the Rapunzel Tower. Okay, I hate this plan. Yeah, but they're. That's what they're gonna do.

[Alex Perlman]

It also, it feels like it's one thing I hate in horror or slasher fix, when people like, I'm gonna go hide in the attic. Yeah, it's like the worst place.

[Mrs. P]

Never hide in the attic.

[Alex Perlman]

There's only one exit.

[Mrs. P]

You gotta. You gotta stay on low ground.

[Alex Perlman]

You want to be on.

[Mrs. P]

With access to doors, exits. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, they head there. As soon as they open the door to the tower, boom. Here's Landon and the other guy seems Gary, and they're like, we need to go in this way.

[Alex Perlman]

Imagine being chased to be murdered by a Gary. Yeah, I don't want to be murdered by a Gary.

[Mrs. P]

Like, when you see the influencers, they're like, I submit to my husband. And their husband's name is Gary. You submit to a Gary? Get out of here. Oh, Flat fucking. Gary flashes his flashlight right in Ken's eyes and says some shit. And it's like, let's get them. And in that moment when Gary and Landon are gonna attack the Celeste and Ken, there's a pop, pop, pop. And Gary slumps to the floor, dead. Celeste also falls down.

[Alex Perlman]

No.

[Mrs. P]

But she falls into a fetal position, crying. And she's like, look what you made me do. I wasn't supposed to touch guns. Blah, blah. And like, it's like she's really crying and panicking about having shot this guy.

[Alex Perlman]

Because she's an ex con.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. And this is when Ken realizes that Celeste is, like, really grumpy and mean sometimes. And then sometimes she's really nice and supportive. And now she sounds like a baby, like, childlike.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, she has a multiple personalities as well.

[Mrs. P]

And she's saying, sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't think. I didn't know. They told me not to touch guns. And she starts to be like, oh, my God, does Celeste have. Did.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Mrs. P]

Landon grabs the gun and he's like, you're both gonna die here.

[Alex Perlman]

I hate Landon.

[Mrs. P]

He's the worst. And as you know, obviously, he's an evil villain, so he's gonna give his speech and he's like, do you really think I didn't know you'd be here? I'm the one that made sure you got hired. And Ken's like, why would I take this job if I knew that Kavanaugh island and its connection to you? And he laughs, and he's like, that third date thing, that never happened. I never told you about the island. That was a lie. Just to confuse you. And I don't know why you wandered up to find my father, but great job. It made things a lot easier for me because I was going to have to pin this on you, but you really just did it for yourself. And I love that. Thank you for a perfect setup. And he said. So he's still going on his evil villain monologue, and he's like, thank you so much for putting every single bit of information about your system on the Internet. It was a perfect present. All the descriptions of all your little friends in your mind and how the system works. Thank you, Empress.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, no. Our poor little trusting anime girl.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, she put it all on the Internet. And the ex boyfriend who was stalking looking for her, she doxxed herself.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, imagine doxxing your mind palace. That's. That's a lot.

[Mrs. P]

So they.

[Alex Perlman]

That's why you need to use delete me. I don't Know, I don't even know if they're a sponsor still.

[Mrs. P]

Well, not. Anyway, so they get into a physical altercation. They start fighting each other, obviously, because he's given his villain monologue.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And he's trying to attack her and hold her down, and she's punching him in the face. And, like, again, she's not as strong as he used to be. So she keeps being like, I'm knock this her out, but she's not. Like, her arms aren't as strong.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And there's a point where, like, he's choking her, and he kind of has her up in the air. But. Okay. So there's just. He's got one of those chokes. Got her up in the air. And my girl. This is my girl Ken, right here.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Has a boot knife in her docks. And I was. As soon as I read it, I was like, of course you do, girl. And so she pulls her boot knife out and stabs them in the side. And I cheered. I audibly cheered. I love a boot knife. So she stabs him in the side of the gut.

[Alex Perlman]

Also good on her for holding on to that boot knife for so long.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Because I would have pulled that boot knife. Like, I went. The first guy.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. The first guy was our kitchen knife.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. I'm saying, though, she was like, no, no, no. The boot knife is for the extreme last.

[Mrs. P]

Last minutes only.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

So he's there. Landon's bleeding and cursing, and he's still alive. But anyway, he's yelling at her, and she goes to help Celeste and is like, I'm gonna get you out of here. And as she bends over to help, all of a sudden, she gets bashed in the side of the head. Right. She gets almost knocked out. And as her eyes are, like, going in and out of being able to see, she sees the old boat guy, John.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh.

[Mrs. P]

And he says, I know just what to do with you.

[Alex Perlman]

Ah, that's so creepy. I know just what to do with you. That's right. We're gonna make Gordon Fisherman fish sticks.

[Mrs. P]

Fish sticks.

[Alex Perlman]

We're gonna get some cod. Fish sticks. Everyone makes fun of me, Raincoat. But look at me. I'm just surrounded by all this wet.

[Mrs. P]

So she gets her head bashed in and she's knocked out.

[Alex Perlman]

Right.

[Mrs. P]

But the mind palace, they're having a hard time. Of course, Solomon and her are having these flashes of memories because Solomon is.

[Alex Perlman]

By her, you mean Ken.

[Mrs. P]

Ken. But they're talking. Solomon is having, like, this internal conversation with Rapunzel. Rapunzel's Here, okay? She's not screaming. They're talking. And they're flashing in and out of these memories. And the flashes are being dragged away from her mother's arms by police. And a strange older white man yelling at her and shoving her into a dark closet. A middle aged black man removing his belt to hit her. A white woman with crimped hair and blue eyeshadow smoking something from a pipe as she sits in a room filled with smoke and alcohol and adults laying everywhere. Being on a boat on the way to an island with the same crimped hair. Woman so excited that she gets to go to a castle on a boat. And the woman sang n Kiki, we're just going to go to this party real quick so I can make some money for us. Another memory of being kicked in, kicked from in the gut by a little boy with blonde hair standing above her. And he's holding a baseball bat. And someone yelling from above, just kill it and be done with it, Landon. He wasn't supposed to be here. Anyway, the women are more fun. And the boy swings the bat at her head, but. And misses. But she screams anyway. And the little boy rides die and runs away. She runs and crawls under a table to hide. And she hears people screaming everywhere. She just hears blood curdling screams everywhere. And the white woman with the crimped hair comes running around the corner and runs under the table. And she can still hear people laughing and screaming in the background. But the lady looks terrified and she's covered in blood and in this white dress. And Kiki says, Ms. Barbara, the boy hit me with a bat. They hurt that other lady. And the lady's like, shh, Kiki, shh. I'm sorry I brought you here. I didn't know this was going to happen. And Kiki's like, I'm scared, Ms. Barbara. This isn't fun. I'm sorry. This is my fault. They're not paying me enough for this. You understand, right? Anyway, Ms. Barbara goes and opens a window and starts climbing out of it. And Kiki's like, you can't leave me here. Don't leave me here. And then Ms. Barbara jumps out the window and Kiki, a woman appears in a white dress with a red scarf. And she's a light skinned black woman. And what we find out, we had found out from the story, I didn't really get into detail. But Grace and her lover, she had a lover, a light skinned black woman that the husband hated. And it's her because the husband had brought her to the island after Grace had mysteriously disappeared and these goblin hunts started. And so this is that woman. And Kiki asks her, I need to find my foster mommy. She's in danger. And the woman says to her, there's monsters out there, little girl. We have to go this way. And this is when Kiki realizes this woman isn't walking. She's floating. She's a ghost. And she still hears the screams outside and laughter and, like, just awful, awful things. And the woman says, we have to be careful. And quiet. Quiet and careful. Come this way. And she closes the door to the tower and hides her there for a moment. And the woman's like, you have to close your eyes and cover your ears. Be quiet. I promise it'll be okay. And then a little bit of time elapses, and the woman says, kenitria, promise me. Promise me you'll never come back here. And all of a sudden, the door flies open.

[Alex Perlman]

That's what she was yelling. You promised.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, I mean, hell of a twist.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

I kind of had a feeling there was something similar, but, like, you know, I was waiting for it to all come together. This would be very good in, like, a miniseries.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

This would be like episode of the. Episode five. Episode six.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Reveal.

[Mrs. P]

The door flies open.

[Alex Perlman]

But now it makes sense to why the mind palace is this actual palace.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

That all kind of comes together.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So the door flies open and Kiki sitting there. And there you are. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. We're leaving now. Nothing happened. Kiki, you left me. Nothing's happening now. Kiki is screaming and crying and is like, what the fuck? Mrs. Barbara, what the fuck? I'm telling Ms. Charlie. And the woman stares at Kiki, and it was so much anger and fear, and she's like, no one's gonna believe you if you tell the social worker. No one's gonna believe you. And you're never gonna see your mommy and daddy again. Do you hear me? You can never tell anyone what happened here, or you'll never see your parents again. And then Barbara and Kiki are taken off the island. So obviously this is a chunk of memories. But we get back to, like, a view of Rapunzel. And Rapunzel's like, this isn't all of the memories, but this is all I'm willing to give you. I don't want to burden you with anymore. Right. So we're back in our body and Ken is being carried.

[Alex Perlman]

Well, hold on, hold on, Rapunzel. You could have warned her years ago that her boyfriend Tried to murder her as a child. Rapunzel, you could have mentioned, hey, we're insane. Instead, you've just been screaming for 33 years at the top of your lungs. Just screaming for 33 years. Not.

[Mrs. P]

Communication skills might be needed just a little bit.

[Alex Perlman]

I just. I'm a little mad at Rapunzel now.

[Mrs. P]

Okay, I understand.

[Alex Perlman]

Because, like, there's certain things you could have revealed. You don't have to reveal everything. Just. Hey, just so you know, you know what happened was really bad. Don't ever go to any island castles.

[Mrs. P]

Just never go to an island castle.

[Alex Perlman]

No island castles.

[Mrs. P]

That's a.

[Alex Perlman]

How bad you gonna scream that? No island castles. That's all you had to scream.

[Mrs. P]

And then you would know every day. What's the one rule? No island castle.

[Alex Perlman]

Island castles.

[Mrs. P]

So anyway, that's all.

[Alex Perlman]

Island forts are fine. You go to island fort. Go to Puerto Rico. Go check out an island for.

[Mrs. P]

Can we please go to Margo?

[Alex Perlman]

I would love to.

[Mrs. P]

So all that was happening in her mind while she was. Not because she's knocked out, right? But we're back. She's waking up. Ken is being carried over someone's shoulder. And as soon as she comes to, she's like, where's Celeste? And the voice says, don't worry about her. She's my special treat. I always think she had a thing for me and the way she glares at me. And Ken's like, why don't you just kill me now? And John's like, that'd be no fun. That's the thing about people. Like, you don't understand. It's not about the killing. It's about the tradition. Goblins bring chaos to their communities, and you have to take them out the same way. And Ken's like, have you been part of this all along? And he's like, yeah, I've been on many hunts over the years. Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Tradition.

[Mrs. P]

Ken is like, why would you do this? Why would you kill people? And he's like, I'm just being of service to my community. And honestly, it's really fun. So he ends up throwing her in a well, which is like a big pond. It's like this whole thing. It's like a pond where all the water goes to.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, but it's a well.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, yeah. Rain pond. And it's really dark and wet and the water and cold. And the water line is going up and she can't really get out. So he's like, you're going to drown in here, basically. And as she's trying to find her Bearings where her feet are barely touching. There's something that keeps hitting her, bumping into her. And she feels around, and just by, like, a splash of moonlight, she sees that it's a body in the water. Yeah, it's Landon. Ah, John put Landon in there.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, because he died too. Yeah, she stabbed him.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, because she stabbed him.

[Alex Perlman]

Got it.

[Mrs. P]

So in the mind palace, we find out that that intruder is Lottie. That's the name of the intruder. Lottie. Okay, And Lottie is the woman in the white dress with the red sash in her hair.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay, so she has multiple personalities now and a ghost inside of her own brain.

[Mrs. P]

She's always been there. She's just been hidden ex to everyone. Except for Kiki, because she's Kiki's imaginary friend.

[Alex Perlman]

Got it. Okay. No, that makes sense.

[Mrs. P]

And she was the one that was fronting to make the decision decisions to come back here. It wasn't Della at the front. Della was falling apart. Della barely survived the pandemic because she had a lot of, like, issues with the isolation and the fear of sickness and death and so on. Those moments when Della reached max capacity and couldn't handle it anymore, Lottie would come through, but nobody realized this was happening.

[Alex Perlman]

And Lottie's used to it because Lottie lived through probably the Spanish flu.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And she's like, oh, we're doing this again. That's crazy. It's. I wish y'all would read a history book. Yeah, that's how I'd feel about it.

[Mrs. P]

Lottie is actually more like Kiki part two. Right. She's. Lottie's really angry, and she's mad about being abandoned. And she decided that much like Ken in the story is described of in the past as having suicidal ideations, Lottie also has them because she's so angry. But instead of doing self harm like Ken had, she decides that she's going to go back to the castle in almost a suicidal attempt to kill Pearsons and also end their own lives in, like, a big, dramatic fashion.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, so Lottie signed her up to be the caretaker, and this is kind of a suicide by cop. Like, last hurrah, blast off.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly.

[Alex Perlman]

Would have helped if he had told everybody that Lottie.

[Mrs. P]

Nope. They don't know. The lack of communication is key here.

[Alex Perlman]

But they have an apple.

[Mrs. P]

They have an app. The water's rising. Everyone's panicking. Yeah, water's rising. Ken can't swim. Ken can't swim. But fun fact, Lurk can swim. And he's back, baby.

[Alex Perlman]

Hey, we love alerts.

[Mrs. P]

Lurk's back. No, no, that's not Lurk. It's not what?

[Alex Perlman]

That's how I picture Lurk would be like. It would have that energy to him.

[Mrs. P]

Lurks doggy paddling in this pond.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. So I picture him as Lurch. Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

When Lottie came forward, everyone else started coming back. It was like something with Rapunzel yelling and the trauma being put in the open. Lottie coming out from hiding. People are starting to come back. And that's where Lurk came from.

[Alex Perlman]

A trauma dump. Brings out family.

[Mrs. P]

It really does. So Ken ends up getting out. Right. They get out and they head back to the castle to find Celeste, because, you know, John had said he was going to sexually assault her. And so she's like, I gotta go help Celeste. So she runs through the castle, whole thing. She finds the room because there's like a fire in the. In the fireplace, and there's lights, and she can hear John talking because she's, like, standing by the door listening before she decides to make her move. And he has. She can see that he has Celeste and Lily tied up. And he's like, this is the worst line in the book. He's like, give me a little bit of time, gals. Once the Viagra kicks in, we're gonna have a great time. Ah, yeah, I know.

[Alex Perlman]

That is.

[Mrs. P]

Ah, I know.

[Alex Perlman]

They didn't even say bluechew.

[Mrs. P]

No, they don't have the ad.

[Alex Perlman]

So this. This. This is how old this man is?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, he's not even doing. He's jealous.

[Alex Perlman]

He doesn't even listen to podcasts.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, he's so old, he's on a boat and he's not listening to podcast.

[Alex Perlman]

He probably listening to Jimmy Buffett.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, no.

[Alex Perlman]

One of them Jimmy Buffett boat captains stepped on a pop top going on goblin hunt. No, cuz I'm a big, traditional captain.

[Mrs. P]

So Ken runs to attack him, even though she's really beaten up and just got out of a pond.

[Alex Perlman]

But in the background, it's like, I'm just Ken. That's how it gets rid of all the personalities. I'm just kidding.

[Mrs. P]

I'm just Ken. So he sees her coming and deflects, but out of nowhere, because he has boat muscles. Boat muscles. Out of nowhere, Mesmer comes in with this, like, karate chop move to his face and kind of hits him in the throat. It's actually Tai chi, but she does Tai chi fast and just gets him right in the throat.

[Alex Perlman]

Because Tai chi is just slow karate.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly.

[Alex Perlman]

You're learning how to do the move. Perfectly over and over.

[Mrs. P]

So there's a scuffle.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay. There's a scuffle.

[Mrs. P]

He grabs a candlestick stick and is going to try. He's trying to slam her head in, but there's like a big body of armor, you know, like the body of armor Johns nearby. And she grabs the sword from it and swings it at him and cuts him right in the side. And then as he falls, she pulls it out of his side and stands on top of him and stabs him in the belly, standing him over.

[Alex Perlman]

I like that. One of these straight down ones.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. Got you dead.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Cut to one week later.

[Alex Perlman]

Hold on. Real fast.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay. Captain John, he was definitely there during the first time, too.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

So it's like. It's good. This is good at what she's doing.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

I'm glad she's getting that revenge. And when she was four.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

33 years later. Got him murdering that boat captain.

[Mrs. P]

Got him.

[Alex Perlman]

Yep.

[Mrs. P]

Because he would have been like, if he's a boat captain, why the fuck are you allowing a four year old on your boat to go to the murder castle? Dude, the murder rape castle.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Because he's traditional.

[Mrs. P]

Okay. One week later, Celeste and Ken are together in a cabin. Things didn't go super smoothly after they left the castle.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Two bloodied, beaten black women with criminal records and a heap of dead white men and one pregnant damsel in distress screaming about how these two are killers, you know, not great for them.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. Especially they're also. They're also very rich.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. So the story made the news, obviously. It was all over the news. And Diana, the one sex worker that got away, actually came forward and backed up their version of the story after striking a deal with prosecutors not to be charged because their johns tried to kill them.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And this is when we learn that Celeste started a relationship.

[Alex Perlman]

Timeout.

[Mrs. P]

Okay.

[Alex Perlman]

Did just the one sex worker make it out that they killed the other one?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, I think only one made it out.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay. Just Diana just getting choked.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. And they helped her.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And then they every. All the men got murdered.

[Alex Perlman]

He was choking her. You got us demonetized. And they saved her. Okay, okay, okay.

[Mrs. P]

I'm sorry.

[Alex Perlman]

All right, that's fine. So she stepped forward and she said, hey. No, actually. And then. And then everyone believed her because she's a white woman.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Like. Okay, that's different.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

And then we learn that Celeste actually had started a relationship with Lottie when Lottie was fronting. So basically they have been doing polyamory at the Expert level. Okay.

[Alex Perlman]

Okay.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. It turns out that Empress's online activity is how they met. So, like, Celeste had met Lottie online through Empress and started dating. And the fronts didn't know what, like, people weren't paying attention to what was happening.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

Nobody knew when Lottie was fronting, so they didn't realize that they knew Celeste. But the other thing is that, like, Celeste, her grumpy face. Forward. Doesn't like the other, doesn't like Ken. So, like, there's two DID Personalities, and only some of them like each other.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, my God. God. Oh, this feels like when, you know, whenever you hear about, like, conjoined twins.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And only one of them is married.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. And you're like those conversations.

[Alex Perlman]

That's got to be a bizarre night.

[Mrs. P]

So, anyway, yeah, they live happily ever after. It's the end of the book.

[Alex Perlman]

I mean, I'm sure. I think they live. Yeah, I'm not gonna say happily ever after.

[Mrs. P]

Listen, they're having a time.

[Alex Perlman]

They're having a time. I'm just saying it's because, like, you think it's bad enough when people are off cycle. Imagine the wrong personality comes forward that day. Yeah, that's fucking nuts. All right, so let's take a break. When we come back, we'll discuss the book.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

We'll go over what we liked, what we didn't like, and all these other different things. And then we'll. We'll say our goodbyes. So be right back after this.

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[Alex Perlman]

Pearl Mania. Pearl Mania. Pearl Mania. Pearl Mania. Fuck. 500. That's right. If you want to join our Patreon, you can always join us at pearlmania500.net or patreon.com Pearl Mania 500 for exclusive.

[Mrs. P]

Content and ad free listening, all that fun stuff.

[Alex Perlman]

And let's, let's, let's look. No one one of Us Knows a thriller by Alyssa Cole. And it turned out actually it. That's. That's a Misnomer.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Cuz Two Knew.

[Mrs. P]

All of us.

[Alex Perlman]

No, no, Two of them knew.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, Two of them.

[Alex Perlman]

Rapunzel knew.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And Lottie knew.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Not to go there.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And actually Lottie was like, no, we're still gonna go there.

[Mrs. P]

I'm gonna go there.

[Alex Perlman]

But like, that's so One of Us Knows is a misnomer.

[Mrs. P]

But it's a great name.

[Alex Perlman]

It's a good name for a book. If it said Two of Us Knew, it would make sense. It would make sense.

[Mrs. P]

What are you talking about?

[Alex Perlman]

One of Us Knows is an amazing name for a book. Alyssa Cole. Amazing. This is. It was really well, really, really, really, really, really well paced. Yeah, just incredibly well paced. I really like the. I like the build on it. I. It had a little bit of like a Shutter island feel.

[Mrs. P]

Yes.

[Alex Perlman]

It has a very much. A little bit Shutter island feel mixed in with, you know, the Eyes Wide Shut and that, like evil, you know, the evil murder island. Actually, you know, I felt like. It felt like. What was that? Was it the meal?

[Mrs. P]

The menu?

[Alex Perlman]

It has like a mix of like them. If it's like. If the menu meets Shutter island meets Memento, like it's a couple those different things, like all kind of mashed together. And so if you like any of those. I think, I think this is, this is perfect.

[Mrs. P]

This is a good book.

[Alex Perlman]

How do you feel about the writing, the descriptions of it when you're reading it?

[Mrs. P]

I really enjoyed reading this book. Now, there were certain things that I didn't, obviously for time I had to cut out. When it came to specifically like all the backstory about Grace. I was just like, I gotta get through. But like, it was very interesting and the dialogue between all the personalities was very fun to read. It was easy, quick, fun read.

[Alex Perlman]

I, I just opened it up to one of the groupthink collaborative journals and I see what you mean by there where it says like folder About Us Archive Post Empress 4 years ago. Mood Nerdy. Edited by Solomon. Edited by Empress. And so you're reading it From Empress, the 16 year old anime fans, and then it gets to a part and then it edits Solomon.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And it's like they're running their own Google Doc.

[Mrs. P]

Exactly.

[Alex Perlman]

And you can see who did the last edit. It's very. It's very cute. Yeah, I like that a lot. I think there was a. And then the fact that each chapter is a different personality and all these different things. I think, I think it was really good. I think like, like a lot of the book club episodes, I think it Took a little bit to get going. Yeah, I think. But there was a lot you had to introduce.

[Mrs. P]

I had to build. We. The. The author had to build, and therefore I had to follow along and build. Because we had to build the Mind Palace. You had to know who the characters are in the Mind Palace.

[Alex Perlman]

No, and I think, you know, I think a lot about years. I think I mentioned this before in the pod. Years and years ago, I was driving across the country, and I stopped at a Loves truck stop.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And I was there, and they had a whole rack of books on tape. Audiobooks.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And they didn't want to call them audiobooks. It had a big sign on top of it, just said, like, a movie for your mind.

[Mrs. P]

Yep.

[Alex Perlman]

And I was just like, what the fuck? Like, it's just an audiobook.

[Mrs. P]

No, it's just somebody telling you a story.

[Alex Perlman]

Like, no, no, it's like a movie for your mind. This way you can listen to a movie.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

And keep driving. I was like, but that's not. And I bought one because I was like, maybe. Maybe they have Foley artists or something.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

You know what I mean? Maybe they do a little extra to make it.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, sometimes.

[Alex Perlman]

Occasionally some do. Like, maybe it's on, like, a radio play. And it was like, nope. It's just. These were just audiobooks. Normal audio, but just a guy going, all right, today we're going to read One of Us Knows, a thriller by Alyssa Cole. John. Snort, laughs Happy wife, happy life.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah. You know, that's. That job's been replaced by AI, so.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, it actually has been. That's the point. That's crazy. Which is why we are not sponsored by Audible. Hey.

[Mrs. P]

Okay, so I have a question for you. Okay. Did you like this book?

[Alex Perlman]

Loved it.

[Mrs. P]

Okay. I'm so excited. This is recorded because I made a bet. You made a bet with the Patreon.

[Alex Perlman]

You did?

[Mrs. P]

When I posted this book on the Patreon, I said, I bet money that Alex Perlman's gonna like this book.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

And then if he does like this book, that money I'm betting I'm gonna use to buy a patio goose.

[Alex Perlman]

All right.

[Mrs. P]

Patio goose. Silly little costumes on a patio goose. It's happening. We're getting a patio goose, baby. Because I knew I that that book said, jaeger, palms and red hair. And I said, we're in patio goose.

[Alex Perlman]

A ginger doing karate. Yeah. This book had everything.

[Mrs. P]

I know karate, ginger sigs and Jaeger. Yeah. It had 4Ds.

[Alex Perlman]

The 4Ds. The 4DS.

[Mrs. P]

The Heritage foundation trying to hunt humans for sport.

[Alex Perlman]

Jesus Christ. What?

[Mrs. P]

Didn't this book have.

[Alex Perlman]

WI fi?

[Mrs. P]

It didn't have WI fi. Notably didn't.

[Alex Perlman]

Notably didn't have WI fi. Which. Which, to be fair, is actually how you can write thrillers these days.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, you have to kill the.

[Alex Perlman]

Again. If they were just in. If they were upstate New York but they still had cell service, you have to constantly. That's one of the hardest things about writing books like this these days is like, how do you remove cell phones? Yeah, and they always have to have their. Either their cell phone has to be taken away. You have to be at some place with no service. You have to be. There's all these little tiny steps.

[Mrs. P]

That's why you shouldn't go to places without cell phone service. Oh, you want to go to Antarctica? No, I watch True Detective. Leave me alone. Absolutely not. Okay, great. I'm so excited you like this book.

[Alex Perlman]

I did. I really liked this book. Does she have any other books she written?

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, I think so. She. I think this.

[Alex Perlman]

Oh, here we go.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah.

[Alex Perlman]

Runaway Royals, Reluctant Royals, A Loyal League, off the Grid, and other works. She has a bunch of other books, so I would say it looks like she has a bunch here about royals.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, definitely. Check her out. So great. Loved this book. It was so fun to read. There's more in the book than what I, you know, went through, obviously.

[Alex Perlman]

Can I tell you? I knew what I knew you loved the book because when you first started reading, I was like, how's the book going? You're like, it's large print. I bought the large.

[Mrs. P]

Oh, I bought the large print edition. And I never go back. I love a large print.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. I know.

[Mrs. P]

As someone who's in a constant.

[Alex Perlman]

You know how I know. You know how I know you love a large print? Because we've been watching Matlock. We've been going to bed at nine.

[Mrs. P]

I wish we were going to bed at nine.

[Alex Perlman]

We've been getting. We've been getting in bed at night. We've been getting. Because I've been hopped up on cold medicine.

[Mrs. P]

You're deep in the Benadryl.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah. And now you're about to invest into a patio goose. After I invested into a producer.

[Mrs. P]

Yeah, you were. You were like, let's get a producer to backdrop. And I was like, but what about patio goose?

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah, what about a patio goose? So with that, I just want to say thank you to all of our listeners out there. To all of you, thank you guys so much. Thank you to our producer. Thank you to Mrs. P for reading this incredible book.

[Mrs. P]

And. And listen, guys, go to your library. Go to your library. It's even better than what we just did.

[Alex Perlman]

Yes.

[Mrs. P]

Okay.

[Alex Perlman]

There's a lot that was left out, even though we spent two hours talking about this.

[Mrs. P]

Of course.

[Alex Perlman]

Yeah.

[Mrs. P]

I don't. If I just tell you, read the look how thick.

[Alex Perlman]

Look how the Thick. It's a thick One of Us Knows a thriller. Alyssa Cole, everybody.

[Mrs. P]

Have a great week, guys.

[Alex Perlman]

Have a great week. Let's hit that theme and get on out of here. Too many frauds and too many scammers that we wish weren't real. Too many cons and too many spammers. And we're starting to feel like we've got too many tabs open. It's too many tabs. Remember to smile. Cut. I forgot to tell you to put up an image while the theme slides out. I. I did at the very end. That's fine. But it's all good.

[Mrs. P]

So now we're gonna do the from.

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[Alex Perlman]

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[Mrs. P]

Gives me the coverage I need.

[Alex Perlman]

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