We Get Read to Filth by the STARS | TMT 148

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Too Many Tabs with Pearlmania500

Episode: We Get Read to Filth by the STARS | TMT 148
Date: October 5, 2025
Hosts: Pearlmania500 (A) & Mrs. P (B)

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Episode Overview

In this high-energy episode, the husband-and-wife comedy duo dive deep into the world of Human Design, a contemporary, highly "woo" self-knowledge system that mashes up everything from astrology and the I Ching to Myers-Briggs and quantum physics. Mrs. P gets obsessive researching Human Design, drags Pearlmania500 along for the ride, and the duo explore its origins, controversial guru, and thriving modern ecosystem of paywalled content—culminating in the hosts getting their very own Human Design charts read, with plenty of roast along the way.

Tone: Playful, skeptical, irreverent, and gently self-mocking, with running commentary about scams, cults, and the ongoing march of internet pseudoscience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is Human Design? (05:14 – 09:59)

• Mrs. P explains how she stumbled onto Human Design through TikTok—a “philosophy” blending astrology, the I Ching, the Kabbalah, Myers-Briggs, and more.
• The system claims to reveal your innate strengths through a “body graph” and sorts everyone into four main archetypes: Generators, Projectors, Manifestors, and Reflectors.
• Both hosts are instantly, deeply suspicious and see red flags related to cults, money-making schemes, and the overlap with countless other new age self-knowledge trends.

“Human Design is a pseudo-scientific theory that’s described as a holistic self-knowledge system… It combines astrology, Chinese I Ching, Judaic Kabbalah, Myers-Briggs, Vedic philosophy, modern physics, and a lot of other stuff in order to generate an energetic blueprint called a body graph.”
—Mrs. P (05:46)

2. Analyzing the Four “Types” (09:59 – 19:25)

• The four basic types are explained and immediately parodied.
  • Generators—the workforce, “hustlers and doers.”
  • Projectors—guides or “the seer.”
  • Manifestors—trailblazers, lone operators.
  • Reflectors—supposedly very rare, reflect energy back.
• The hosts point out that every category sounds awesome, which is a classic hallmark of feel-good, fake diagnostics.

“I’ve met so many people that suck shit. Maybe because they didn’t know their human design and how to live by it.”
—Pearlmania500 (19:22)

• Immediate connections made to cult organizational tactics and the classic “everyone has a superpower” move of new age sales pitches.

3. Human Design Gurus, Paywalls & Pseudoscience (31:15 – 38:00)

• Focus shifts to Jenna Zoe, a prominent influencer capitalizing on Human Design. Mrs. P researches her website and finds:
  • Steep paywalls ($30+ per video for “readings”; $1,200 for certification training, 35:35–36:32)
  • Certified “HD Readers,” a proliferation of podcasts and book promotions
• They lampoon the sales pipeline and point out the monetization-first model.

“For $30 you can become a member of our Patreon for six months and get access to literally hundreds of hours of content that do not involve one lady looking into a camera going, ‘Let me tell you about you.’”
—Pearlmania500 (33:56)

4. The Dubious Origins: Ra Uru Hu (39:35 – 47:14)

• Human Design’s founding myth is hilariously dissected:
  • Created by Ra Uru Hu (born Alan Robert Krakauer), a Canadian ex–ad executive who walked out on his family and “received” the system after eight days and nights of mystical visions (read: likely drug binge) in Ibiza, 1987.
• Hosts draw parallels with other cult leaders, 1980s party culture, Mad Men, and poke fun at New Age origin stories.
• “Eden” becomes a running gag for Ibiza, with cocaine, no condoms, and Spanish ham as major selling points.

“Why is every cult just a rich man doing drugs?”
—Mrs. P (47:24)

“This advertising executive did coke so hard that he was like, ‘Everybody needs to hear my thoughts.’”
—Pearlmania500 (50:03)

5. Cracking Open the Human Design Chart (55:47 – 92:12)

• Mrs. P prints out free Human Design charts for both herself and the host (using fake names/emails but real birth data), reading the results live.
• Charts include “type,” “authority,” “strategy,” “sign,” “gifts,” and even prescribed “environment” and “digestion.”
• The readings are bemusing, suspiciously generic, and fun to mock—e.g., Mrs. P is a “queen in a cave” and Pearlmania500 is an “omniscient teacher in a kitchen” whose digestion is “alternating appetite.”
• The duo highlight how the traits are broad enough to fit anyone, but also how, hilariously, some do apply.

“My environment is caves. You’ll find me in caves.”
—Mrs. P (67:48)

“You are a social studies teacher in a kitchen who’s frustrated and responding to his emotions by yelling.”
—Mrs. P (92:12)

• Extended analysis of the “gift” categories, with both acknowledging these are universal human attributes recast as special skills.

6. The Imminent “New Paradigm” and More Paywalled Prophecy (94:03 – 98:49)

• Mrs. P finds that Human Design prophecies a new paradigm for humanity in 2027 (echoes of the “Mayan Calendar” end times).
  • Learning about this New Paradigm is also paywalled ($38–$120 for videos).
• Hosts mock the classic con of predictions set 40 years in the future so nobody’s alive to check them, and point out the parallels with other “spiritual raptures” and grifts.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

On Cults, Scams, and New Age Self-Help

• “It's a buzzquiz religion.” —Pearlmania500 (10:38)
• “This is just chiropractic without touching someone.” —Mrs. P (35:35)
• “If there is a human design, some people would be actually, naturally acting by it. Right?”
  —Pearlmania500 (19:29)

On Human Design’s Origins and the Ibiza Revelation

• “Who hasn’t taken a bad hallucinogen in the woods?” —Pearlmania500 (42:32)
• “One evening on January 3rd... He encountered The Voice.” —Mrs. P (48:21)
• “He did coke so hard that he was like, ‘Everybody needs to hear my thoughts.’” —Pearlmania500 (50:13)

On Chart Readings—Mocking the Analysis

• “My profile is the regal authority figure. Oh my God, did this chart just call you a queen?” —Pearlmania500 & Mrs. P (61:02)
• “My environment is caves... Like a troll or an ogre.” —Mrs. P (67:50)
• “I’m just a person standing at the end of an empire.” —Pearlmania500 (92:35)

On the Business of “Awakening”

• “For $30 you can become a member of our Patreon for six months... That do not involve one lady looking into a camera going, ‘Let me tell you about you.’” —Pearlmania500 (33:56)
• “She wants half a month’s rent on a decent place in Philly.” —Pearlmania500 (36:23)
• “The New Paradigm ... $38 for 75 minutes. Part 2: $120 for 2 hours and 45 minutes.” —Mrs. P (97:16)

On the Human Experience and Endings

• “You are very in touch with your own human design, which is why you have joy. And other people are drawn to that, and then they project that joy that you have onto themselves.”
  —Pearlmania500 (74:11)
• “Just like Jenna Zoe is predicting the end of the world, I am predicting the end of this episode.” —Pearlmania500 (99:13)

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Important Timestamps

• [05:46] — Mrs. P defines Human Design and the pseudoscience mashup
• [09:59] — Four main energy types explained and parodied
• [31:15] — Jenna Zoe’s website, certification schemes, and monetization
• [39:35] — Human Design’s origin story with Ra Uru Hu/"Alan Krakauer"
• [55:47] — The co-hosts get their own Human Design chart readings live
• [94:03] — The “New Paradigm” prophecy and future paywalls
• [99:13] — Episode closeout and reflections

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a hilarious, sharply skeptical tour through the world of Human Design—from its “Ibiza revelation” to its contemporary influencer ecosystem. The hosts blend deep internet research, relentless parody, and personal anecdotes to entertain listeners while highlighting the classic features of modern scams, cults, and would-be spiritual marketplaces.

Anyone curious about Human Design, or just interested in the broader intersection of internet culture and pseudoscience, will find plenty to laugh at—and learn—without paying $30 for a video.

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Transcript

[A]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Seriously, it's $15 a month. Three, no big contracts.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

See mintmobile.com, you ever wondered how to live your life perfectly in a way that'll make more sense in an ever chaotic world? Well, do we have a method for you. A design for humans called Human design. This week Mrs. P went and she did our charts and found out so much information on how we should live our lives better. And don't worry, there's a lot of expensive websites and goop to make sure that you can find out more. And how did you find this Mrs. P?

[B]

By opening too many tabs.

[A]

Remember to smile. Welcome to Too Many Tabs, a podcast where a husband and wife duo sit next to each other at a table. And one of that duo has done research on lore. And this week, Mrs. Pearl Mania. What did you do your research on?

[B]

Human design.

[A]

So tell Me all about human nature, human design. Got it. Okay.

[B]

Okay. So here's what happened. I was on the tick tock, as one does, and I don't know if you remember this. There was a young lady who was making tiktoks about how she fell in.

[A]

Love with her psychiatrist and then people found out she had AI psychosis.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

AI companies had to change the back end because to make her AI robots tell her to, like, actually go see the doctor.

[A]

Yeah. And the thing that was crazy about this and what I loved about it was, it was the. We had heard about AI psychosis for a minute, but it was the first clearing. Everybody clocked this one. We've had rich tech bros and even like Google researchers in the past be tricked into thinking that the AI had come alive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That the language model knew deeper aspects of them and, like, was having these deep conversations and you were like, okay. But you read about it in, like an article. You're like, all right, that sounds kind of weird, or you'd see a tweet about it. But this lady was on Tik Tok live being like, he loves me, doesn't he? And then the phone was like, yes, he does.

[B]

The phone was like, oracle, your spirit spreading the good word and blah, blah. But it was so funny because, like, when she would go on live and like, talk to the AI chat things, they would. They'd be like, you are the presence and you're the. The speaker of the voice of a generation. And ba, ba, you were the light of humankind about a weekend when it was getting like 2 million views a day and scary. Suddenly, suddenly the AI chatbots are like, I'm gonna take a break. I would like to not answer the question. I believe you should seek medical assistance.

[A]

You know what it felt like? It felt very much like when. When I speak from a guy's perspective, when your bro is dating someone who's insane and they're like, full and like, no, not man. She's good for me. Yeah, no, it's great. We're going to get matching tattoos. And you're like, ah. And then you. You take him away from a boys weekend, and then he comes back and he's like, hey, Stacy, it's not working. Like. And the stages is like, what just happened? It's like they had a little bit of intervention.

[B]

Just went out into the fresh air.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your face. Yeah. Got sun. Your face took a little hike.

[B]

Yeah. Took a hike.

[A]

Maybe drank tequila next to a fire.

[B]

Wait, wait, what?

[A]

It's a different thing. Sometimes you gotta take your bro out to the woods, give him tequila next to a fire and be like, hey, man, you're a different person when she's around.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Yeah. And that's what happened with Chat GPT.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they.

[B]

I love, I love imagining that the. So like we're all seeing this on the Internet, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the chat GPT companies, like, whatever the specific apps using were like, somebody had to write an email, like, hey, Jeff, I think we have a problem. And then a bunch of like guys on the back end were like, like, and had to like fix it.

[A]

I think you're reading into it too much. I don't think they even wrote the email. They went chachi beat. Write an email to Sam Altman saying that our devices are driving women in their late twenties insane. Live on TikTok right now for the entire world to see.

[B]

Well, here's what happened. She was on TikTok Live talking about all this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she started talking about like this belief system of self knowledge that she has and she's like, based on everything she was saying, like, she's very into yoga. She's very woo woo. Which is fine. I love that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But she started talking about human design and I was like, what is human design?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I looked it up.

[A]

Yeah. Because I've heard of intelligent design.

[B]

Yeah. We talked about it last week.

[A]

We did. We talked about our last episode. And intelligent design was the idea that there is like a first mover that designs the entire universe. What is human design?

[B]

Okay. So human design is a pseudo scientific theory that's described as a holistic self knowledge system.

[A]

I already don't like it.

[B]

It combines astrology, Chinese I Ching Judaic, Kabbalah, Myers Briggs, Vedic philosophy, modern physics, and a lot of other stuff in order to generate an energetic blueprint called a body graph.

[A]

I want you to know, I want you to know right now that any one of those on their own, when someone brings up at a party, I'm walking away.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The fact that you put them together in a casserole and you were like, here we go. Num, num, num. Little piggies, eat up on this.

[B]

And you, the most delicious enchilada I've hidden. Vegetables.

[A]

I have never met anyone who's ever been like Kabbalah and me being like, tell me more. Never happened once.

[B]

So you didn't mean Madonna? That's what I'm hearing.

[A]

No. Also anything. Listen, with Vedic principles, when a white LA starts talking about Vedic principles, I'm out, dude. I immediately just go, she yoga too hard. She live, laugh. Loved. Too close to the sun.

[B]

She's living. And I love that.

[A]

Yeah, this.

[B]

This imaginary woman we're talking. Okay, so this is a map of genetic code that shows how your energy is here to engage in the world.

[A]

Okay. So I don't know what that means.

[B]

Okay, so the human design philosophy states that they will help you have more self knowledge through their method, and because of that, you're going to be able to have personal growth and empowerment and self awareness.

[A]

Is this like the Lemurian code?

[B]

Oh, the Lemurians.

[A]

Remember we did like an episode about that, like two years ago about people who believed that there was like a Pacific Atlantis and that we all have weird genetic. There was like, there was these tablets. Yeah, genetics tablets that exist out there in the psychological matrix or whatever.

[B]

I think that this is that the. Their method, which does not have any specific religious dogma or affiliation, but it is like, it's been described as a trans religious project.

[A]

Okay, that's. Time out. Time out. When you say trans religious, we mean across religions. Yeah, trans, as in the idea of like, trans Alpine. Gall, meaning gall that's across the Alps.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Not as in transgender religion.

[B]

No, I thought it was a religion that. That is a new religion.

[A]

A new religion.

[B]

Trans religion.

[A]

No, I know, but that's. That's what I was thinking of, like, the. Because when I first hear trans religion, there's gonna be a lot of people being like, what does that mean? Is that. Is that woke? And I'm like, I don't. I think. I think this is very much about putting you to sleep.

[B]

Whoa, hey. Whoa. Okay, so let's see. Okay. People. Through this theory, right? People are split into four distinct energy and strategy types.

[A]

I already don't like. I don't like any time somebody creates a new religion, Right, Okay. And then they immediately starts putting this in a religion.

[B]

It's a trans religious project.

[A]

Okay, that's fine. It's a religion. So I don't like whenever somebody makes up a new cult, okay. And then immediately is like, all right, there are. There are different types of people. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. I feel like I'm jumping ahead.

[B]

You're not jumping ahead.

[A]

Are some people good and some people bad?

[B]

I think all people are good.

[A]

Okay. That's. You're saying that in a way to try to get me into the Scientology.

[B]

So the people are split into four distinct energy and strategy types. Okay, Energy and strategy. Okay. All right. There are generators, projectors manifestors and reflectors.

[A]

This just sounds like an. An Rand book. Yeah, because I remember there. And there's. There's makers and takers or whatever in Ayn Rand.

[B]

Ran.

[A]

I. Forever. Forever. This is a And Ran podcast. May she.

[B]

May she rot.

[A]

May she. Right. And honestly charge tickets to use her grave as a toilet. But the. She would love that. She would love that.

[B]

She loves capitalism.

[A]

She does. She really do. Anyway, this is. Go down the list of the four again.

[B]

Okay. Generators.

[A]

Hate them already.

[B]

Well, the jet. Well, that's like. If the power goes out, you need a generator.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm assuming that a generator is a person who is like, creates. Right. Like, this is a person. They create the energy of the room or the atmosphere. A generator also probably. I'm gonna go. Since you mentioned Myers Briggs earlier and I got a whole thing about how I hate that. You do? I do. I hate Myers Briggs. Oh, I hate my. And I. Listen, I understand people took Myers. Oh, it nailed me. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. You can like it. I don't like it. And I'm never going to like it because I've gotten a different answer every time I've taken the quiz. Every single time. It is a BuzzFeed quiz.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's what this. This is a Buz quiz. Religion. So generators.

[B]

Number one, projectors.

[A]

Okay. I'm gonna project onto this quiz that. This is a buzzfeed quiz cult.

[B]

I'm picturing the. The grade school projectors where, like, they put the thing on top and projected it onto the wall.

[A]

I want you to understand something. I've been reading our analytics. We have a lot more people in their 20s coming. Oh, they don't understand.

[B]

They don't know about.

[A]

They don't know about cell projectors or the cellophane with the marker and the big arm. We'll put a picture of it up on the video.

[B]

They don't know about that. Okay, so then there's manifestation.

[A]

Manifesters.

[B]

They're manifesters.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so there's a. This. The second you say the word manifest, I always put destiny on the end. Like, manifest destiny.

[B]

Oh, I thought you're talking about that guy.

[A]

No. Weird. We are never gonna talk about that guy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I hate that guy. But the. The other part of it, though, is I understand if we're going from the woo woo perspective.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is people who, like, I dream it, therefore it becomes reality.

[B]

They're manifested.

[A]

It's the secret.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember the book, the Secret?

[B]

Thanks, Oprah, for That.

[A]

Yeah. Thanks, Oprah. Add it to the Oprah pile.

[B]

Shout out Oprah for all of the things she's given the world.

[A]

So many things.

[B]

Dr. Oz, bag of shit.

[A]

Dr. Phil, bag of shit.

[B]

The secret. Also there was that other guy that wrote that book.

[A]

And then Deepak. Oh, no, you're the other one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's his name? Yeah, the Fray, something like that. But also Deepak Chopra was another one that like really went through with her, you know. Oprah, Oprah, Oprah.

[B]

Can we get a car, though?

[A]

We love a car.

[B]

So there's also seven authority.

[A]

Wait, that was only three.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry, we forgot the reflectors.

[A]

Reflectors, yeah. Okay.

[B]

Put them on the back. Your bicycle so that the light.

[A]

Yeah, no, they reflect your energy. I'm guessing they reflect energy back at another person.

[B]

You. I feel like you are going to get into this.

[A]

I feel like you're going to get it. I feel like I understand context clues. And we, We. We have talked about so many scam Griff cults over the years across this show. And just in general.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That there's times where I looked at them, like. Because you mentioned Myers Briggs. I know. That means that this is going to bring up Carl Young.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And Carl Young means we bring up archetypes. And archetypes mean that we are trying to drive everything down to a single principle.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Or. Or stereotype. Really? Like archetypes is like a nice way of saying a stereotype type.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And. And so I can feel that with all of these.

[B]

I feel like you are being a projector right now.

[A]

I am projecting onto how evil I already think this can feel.

[B]

So there's also. Okay, that was the different energy types.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

There's also authority types. There's emotional, sacral, splenic, environmental, self projected lunar cycle and ego. I don't know what any of those mean.

[A]

Wait, splenic?

[B]

Yeah, splenic.

[A]

Splenic.

[B]

I think we're making up stuff now. I think we're at the part where we.

[A]

Do they mean splendor? Like splendorific?

[B]

I don't know, I.

[A]

Every other word you said is a word. Yep, every other word. I just want to be clear about that. Every other word you said. Because I'm looking over here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Emotional, sacral, splenic. Environmental, self projected lunar cycle and ego. Okay. And lunar cycle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, ladies.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

But ego? Me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Environmental. Okay. Yeah. This is just these. They just took hippie words. Yeah, but they call those authorities.

[B]

So those are your authorities. Okay. But there's the strategy types. The strategy is about how you use your energy and interact with outside stimuli, while authority is about how your body tells you if a decision is right for you. Basically, the key to living an existence in line with one's human design is to follow the strategy and authority as a roadmap to be your happiest, most successful self.

[A]

Okay, I. Okay. This just feels like rugged individualism and a way to tell people that you're acting like an asshole and they have to accept it because you're a generator ego. Well, as a generator ego, I don't want to hear about human nature.

[B]

So, speaking of the generators. Okay, I did pull a quick little bio summary of each of the Authority types so we could go over them.

[A]

Okay, got it.

[B]

I think that'll be great.

[A]

I think.

[B]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. The energy types.

[A]

Can I. Can I. Can I go real, real fast? Just looking at. Go scroll back up a little bit here. Okay, the. The Authority types. I'm gonna go with a. Okay. A reflector. A reflectors. Splarific.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That is. That's a power bottom.

[B]

Oh. Okay. Generators are described as a pure life force in motion. These people have an attracting aura and a juiciness in their energy. They are here to dance with life and engage their energy to move their community forward in a way that is meaningful to them. When they are doing what they love, people can't get enough of them. They are also the natural hustlers and doers of society.

[A]

Okay, so Lizzo, it's. It's just like. I hear, like, I. I just. Like, that's Lizzo. Like. Like when you see. When Lizzo gets a room going, everyone's like, yeah, it's great. And when Lizzo's depressed, we're all depressed.

[B]

Yeah, we're sad.

[A]

You know? And you don't believe me. How was 2023 through 2024 for you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

We miss Lizzo.

[A]

Yeah, we miss old Lizzo projectors.

[B]

These people are here as guides for the tribe.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

They have an ability to see something the way others can't. Whether that's reading into people, devising systems, or designing new ways of doing things. Each projector has ability of their own, A special ability of their own.

[A]

A special ability. Okay, got it. Got it. This feels slow. Like they're going to tell every single person that they have superpowers.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, so a projector. A projector is a leader.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a leader is what they are. They're not. They're not projecting. Okay. They're projecting themselves onto other people. Yeah, that's. That's their leadership style is what these people are saying.

[B]

Yeah, that's a terrible leadership.

[A]

It's a terrible leadership style, but I think it works for a lot of people, folks. I think it's a good idea.

[B]

None of that. None of that. So, manifestors, okay, Manifesters, how do.

[A]

How do they manifest? Or do they put on a big hat and stand in the sunflower field?

[B]

I mean. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Okay, so they. These are the trailblazers who are here to create movements. Whether they intentionally try to or not, their energy can't help but be felt when they walk into a room. Manifesting energy in human design simply means you don't need to wait for collaboration from the universe in order to act. It's an impulse energy, not driven by anything, but the Divine, expressing itself to you. A big part of living correctly as a manifester is cherishing and honoring those impulses because they are rare and special.

[A]

Okay, okay, so. Okay, got it. Understood completely. You're Neo from the Matrix. Yeah, you're Neo. If you're a Manifester, you are Neo from the Matrix. Understood. Got it. And the last one was reflectors. Go ahead with reflectors.

[B]

For reflectors. There's. These are super rare energy types in human design.

[A]

What's crazy, can I say, before we even get into this, it's crazy that there isn't one bad energy.

[B]

There's no. I mean, I know somebody with bad energy.

[A]

Yeah, I have it right now. But like, I'm just saying, like, there's no bad. Like, you have to. It doesn't matter. Stop making these ing charts where everything is a win. Every single person has superpower energy. Every. Have you never been to the dmv? Have you never tried to call into your bank and, like, talk to somebody in the phone center to get a fee?

[B]

Have you ever tried to change your address at the water department? You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

They got me doing it. All right. Three, two, three, two. Have you never been to an hoa?

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Have you ever. Like, there's so many different things. Like. Like, they're listing a list of people you are leaving out. I want to say, like, at least 45 of the human populace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they've created a list where every single. Every person in this group, there's only four types of energy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All of which are seemingly awesome.

[B]

Yeah, they're all.

[A]

But I've met so many types of people that suck shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I met so many types of People.

[B]

Maybe because they didn't know their human design and how to live by it.

[A]

That's not. No, that's not how any of this works. That's not how any of this works. Because if there is a human design, some people would be actually naturally acting by it. Right?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

And the thing is, is, like, I have worked brunches after church. I have worked. Whoever wrote this has never worked in customer service. This is never. They have nev. Ever. They have never worked in customer service. They've never had to look a stranger in the face who has screamed at them for seven fucking minutes that, sir, you're right. My apologies. It is my fault. Just to get that person to leave you the fuck alone. Where's your. Where's your generator in that. Because that person's screaming at you. Have you never seen a man get the shit beat out of him in a McDonald's? Which energy is being brought to the table there? Are we manifesting a man having his head thrown through the glass of a McDonald's because the person in front of him is taking too long to order Chicken McNuggets and asking for the Rick and Morty sauce?

[B]

There's a Rick and Morty sauce.

[A]

Okay. It's a long. It's. Don't. Don't. Don't worry about the Rick and Morty sauce.

[B]

Okay? Listen.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I found a website called My Human Design dot com. And it's run by this galaxy named Jenna. Zoe. Zoe.

[A]

Jenna, Zoe, Zoe. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

J, E, N, N, Z O, E. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So I found her website, and she has all the information.

[A]

Tell you she already feels fake. I hear that we're in 2025. I can assume this person is AI.

[B]

She might.

[A]

And I'm going, no, no. I'm going to. I'm going to assume that this person is not an actual human being. Back in the day, if you. Have you made that accusation, this person isn't real. You would assume that I was talking about reptile people. Yeah, it's actually the lizard people that I control in the world. No, no, no. I'm gonna tell you right now. Like that new fake actress they're trying to push in Hollywood or whatever, right? Like I'm gonna assume it doesn't matter. Oh, no, here's her birth certificate. I don't care. No, I don't have to accept it's 2025. I don't have to accept any reality that I don't want to accept. I can deny the humanity of anybody by just going, no. And I'm Gonna do that right here to Jenna's. O. No.

[B]

So what I thought would be fun is if I, I. We kind of take a little trip through her website together, because I think she has a lot of great information about human design, and I think you're really gonna like her website.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, we'll do this.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But first, for me to build the energy for this, we're gonna cut to an ad. Hi, I'm Chris Gethard, and I'm very excited to tell you about Beautiful Anonymous, a podcast where I talk to random people on the phone. I tweet out a phone number. Thousands of people try to call, talk to one of them. They stay anonymous. I can't hang up. That's all the rules. I never know what's gonna happen. We get serious ones. I've talked with meth dealers on their way to prison. I've talked to people who survived mass shootings. Crazy funny ones. I talked to a guy with a goose slap. Somebody who dresses up as a pirate on the weekends. I never know what's going to happen. It's a great show. Subscribe today.

[B]

Beautiful Anonymous.

[A]

I have two big announcements.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I have two massive announcements.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Number one, I just rolled out a new podcast with Phil DeFranco.

[B]

I know. I'm very excited.

[A]

I know. Well, you manifested it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've been, like, you've been, like, you've been friends with Phil DeFranco for a while.

[B]

I'm like, you know, who would be a really fun person for you to talk to once a week?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Phil DeFranco.

[A]

But more importantly, we're taking things that we're. We're discussing on our show crashing out with Phil DeFranco and Alex Perlman. That show is really about, like, the week, the last week we've had, and the two of us are discussing different things that we're crashing out over. So that way maybe I don't put on Joker makeup as much and scream into the camera.

[B]

Like, you're going to be able to get out some of that energy with Phil's podcast. When you come here, we can talk about silly Billy girl stuff and have a fun hour or two.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Where we don't crash out.

[A]

That's 100%. But also, I'm doing Phil want me.

[B]

To deliver the Joker makeup to him, The Walker makeup.

[A]

He might need it. But on another side note, I am actually doing two big events in Philadelphia in the coming days.

[B]

Did I agree to this?

[A]

You did agree to this. Number One is on October 10th.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

At the Franklin Institute. I am picking up my professional wrestling shirt once again. And Big Al the referee is taking to the ring with awful wrestling. I have been working with them for quite a long time. We're going to be doing some sort of weird bingo thing. And the Fright Night after hours time at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia.

[B]

It is the craziest, funniest event, even if you don't like wrestling, because it's not real wrestling.

[A]

No.

[B]

It's not a comedy show where they happen to be wrestling. They are so funny.

[A]

But also on top of that, it's an event for adults after hours at the Franklin Institute. So if you're in Philadelphia and you want to walk through a giant human heart that smells like diapers, they got it for you. We'll link to that down.

[B]

What's the other event?

[A]

The other event is an actual comedy show that is full on just a comedy show. At Helium On, I believe, October 30th, I am opening for Walter Masterson at Helium comedy club.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

October 30th. So we just want to get those announcements in there because instead of us having an ad read sponsor this week, I'm sponsoring this episode.

[B]

Yeah, because. Sponsoring our episode.

[A]

Because you guys have sponsored us through our [e-mail] so I can now promote all of these other fun things. Now, with that being said.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Design me like a human.

[B]

Oh, okay. So here I have her website open.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Myhumandesign.com and this is Jenna, Zoe. Jen is always okay. And I want to read you what her, like, opening pages. It says, what is human design? The world floods us with messages about who we should be in order to survive and thrive in this world. But human design teaches that the same advice is not correct for everybody. The road to you being your happiest, most successful self is one that's totally unique to you. Human design is here to help you recognize. Recognize your innate gifts and traits so that you can be who you truly came here to be. Which is the most effortless road of living your dream life.

[A]

Okay. I feel like the entire time you should have been reading that, we should have had a little chime.

[B]

Oh, a little sound bath.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Little soundback. So as I scroll back up.

[A]

Scroll back up.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I just want to go look over the statement again because, again, this is driving me insane because it's very much of, hey, things not going well. Have you tried this? Dummy?

[B]

You know what's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is when I was reading up on human design, so I did, of course, the. The Whole premise of this podcast is that I opened too many times.

[A]

Yeah, and you did.

[B]

One of those tabs was like a Reddit page, of course. About people that are in a human design.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And this one person was.

[A]

It's not a snark page. An actual. Like. Like, these are people who are super into it.

[B]

Yeah. Regular schmegular.

[A]

Wow. Redditors falling for something they would never. They're such discerning people.

[B]

Well, listen, this one person was saying how they were not feeling great in their life and they went to a kava bar. And while they were at a kava bar, they saw a sign, like, on a corkboard. Like, you know how the coffee shops have the cork boards that, like, come to our human design class, take this phone number. And so they're at the kava bar. I'm assuming there's kratom within the kava. And then they get the human design pole thing. And then they went to a human design class, and now they're in.

[A]

Can I tell you, it's so insane to me that there are pipelines out there that I didn't even know exist. Like. Like, it's one thing an Internet pipeline I've gotten used to. Right. The YouTube. The YouTube gamer to anti SJW content to alt right Pipeline was very well documented in 2015 through 2017. There's the crunchy mom to maha to maga pipeline we saw from 2020-24. 24, but sad guy goes to a kava bar, ends up in a yoga pseudo cult. Like, that is I. Until. I can't tell you, until about a month and a half ago, I didn't know kava bars worth it.

[B]

Yeah, we didn't know.

[A]

We had no idea.

[B]

You know, it's very interesting on this podcast before, we've talked about how if you were going to go back to school. School, if you were going to go learn a trade, go in for H Vac or go in for plumbing. And I feel like spiritually, I am a plumber of the different pipelines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I go on the Internet and I find these pipelines.

[A]

You are. And you have no problem waiting through miles of shit to come back and be like, found it. There's your problem right there. There are some white supremacy in the middle of it the whole time. It's crazy how often guys stop flushing white supremacy down your pipelines.

[B]

Do not put potato skins in your garbage disposal pipeline.

[A]

That is what's going to happen every single time. No, you got to listen to us. You got to put the more pills in the children.

[B]

Stop putting pills in the children. Okay, okay, so don't tell me.

[A]

Tell RFK Jr.

[B]

Okay, so listen.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I scroll up on her page and she has all the different types. We got the manifester, the generator, the projector, the reflector.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I'm like. It's like click on these to find out about bringing more opportunities of flow in your life.

[A]

Oh, some of these have sub things. The manifest.

[B]

Manifester gets an extra.

[A]

I know they have a manifesto generator because they're like, enough. So many people. They did the analytics. That's what that is.

[B]

Most people get the manifest.

[A]

No, I'm saying is most people are either getting manifest or generator.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so they're like, okay, well let's throw another one in there so we.

[B]

Can get a third. That's if you have both.

[A]

That's the hyphenate. So I like that. Manifestor says the fire start.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Manifester, the fire starter.

[A]

Wicked.

[B]

Firestar generator. The Life force projector. The Seer and reflector. The shape shifter.

[A]

The. The shape shifter.

[B]

Uhoh.

[A]

Changeling. Yeah, you better abandon your baby in the woods if you got a changeling.

[B]

Okay, so then I click on it.

[A]

I'm like, wait, wait, the reflector is just Odo from Deep Space Nine. Wait, hold on, wait. Okay, before we do anything right now.

[B]

Let'S decide which Deep Space Nine character.

[A]

Yeah, well, I think. I think that the manifest master. Right, like that is clearly Benjamin Cisco because he was chosen as the Eye of the Prophets.

[B]

Okay, so he's the fireside.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay. The generator, the life Force.

[A]

Kieran Aries.

[B]

Yeah, I'm thinking it's Kieran Reese. Because she is. Her spirit is the life force of Deep Space Nine.

[A]

Yes, I think so.

[B]

And then the projector. Who's the seer?

[A]

Chief o'. Brien. It's Chief o'. Brien. He's seen too much. He's seen too much. Chief o' Brien just gets tort. Whenever they ran out of ideas, they literally just said, o' Brien must suffer. There's an episode of Deep Space Nine where. And this is what's crazy about Star Trek. This is what I love about Star Trek. Somebody came up with a dumb idea and they're like, well, how do we do that? They're like, I don't know. Science, magic. It. This is where pseudoscience comes in. They came up with this idea where Chief o' Brien goes to a planet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Accidentally commits a crime that he doesn't know was a crime.

[B]

He didn't know it was a crime.

[A]

He didn't know it was a crime. He, like. Like, he went into a store and went, how much is this? And they're like, that's a crime. You just. You can't touch it unless you've already bought it.

[B]

Jail.

[A]

And. But they're like, hey, our jail is superhumane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You actually don't lose any your life. We just put this VR headset on you into your brain that makes you think you've been in jail for 80 years.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

So cheapo Brian episode where he goes into Brain jail for 80 years, but it's only been 15 minutes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So he's just like, okay, let's. Let's see how this one works. And he comes out and he's, like, literally guarding his food, and he's like, it's called wine spolioli. You have to make a bag. You pee in a bag, and you put it behind the toilet, and when you pull it out, you drink it with a straw. I learned it in a Tom Green movie. Like, there's like. Like, there's. It's just so crazy.

[B]

Well, he just needed to get away from his wife.

[A]

That's. That is. That is like, we respect. That is a 90s thing. It's such a leftover sitcom. I hate my wife.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wrote that character terrible, though. Yeah.

[A]

No, they did. Keiko. Honestly, we stan a Keiko. I know. I stand.

[B]

Fuck you, san Keiko. Only she's a teacher.

[A]

She's a teacher. Okay. Raising two kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whose husband is being literally tortured by interdimensional beings. Okay. He's literally being. Okay.

[B]

It's not a Deep Space time podcast.

[A]

I don't give a shit.

[B]

Fuck.

[A]

Fuck it. I don't want to talk about this. Let's talk about deep space 9 4. Just one more minute, please. I'm feeling joy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Keiko was given a lot of shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because a lot of idiot dudes in the 90s decide to write a nagging wife character in there, and that's why she gets shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But when you look at what Keiko has been through, the fact that she gets out of bed every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There is an episode where her child rapidly ages to, like, a feral adult and then gets, like, shunted back, and they all are just like, okay.

[B]

Yeah. Why do they keep age trauma ing them?

[A]

Another day in space and then she has to go teach class.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fuck you. Fuck. We don't have PTO in space. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. You guys. See also. Also her Husband is clearly in like a weird bromance twink affair with Julian Bashir, who is not listed on here. No, there's no, there is no guy who did genetic. Whose parents did genetic experiments to him and then uses that to cure autism in a lady he then sleeps with. That's not listed in Human Design.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They didn't foresee that. So then I click on these little buttons because I'm like. It says learn more. So I'm like, okay, let's learn more about the manifesto. Open it up. Let's manifest any part of who you really are. So then she has all these little YouTubey videos. YouTubey videos. So we could watch them and learn more. Okay, so I'm gonna click one of these, right? Oh, okay. So in order to watch this video, which is a 40 minute video, I have to pay $30.

[A]

30.

[B]

$30 cash for a 40 minute video. It says this video covers the optimal energy pattern for your strategy. The correct way to bring opportunities into your not self negative habits your energy type can fall into. When you're not using your energy correctly. Tell tell signs that you are in flow and using your energy correctly.

[A]

Can I say something?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Can I say something? Can I say something both brave and. And of the moment?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For $30 you can become a member of our Patreon for six months and get access to literally hundreds of hours of content.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That do not involve one lady looking into a camera going. Let me tell you about you.

[B]

Recently we just did vibing with the food Idiot where I taught you how to make chili.

[A]

Yes. Because we have. We have paywalled podcasts that are behind over there where you can like we do. We react to your comments in the after party from YouTube and from Patreon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we also give our shout outs over there. We do vibing with the food idiot. There's so much. And it's not $30. An epic. That's for one episode, right. 30 gets you one. It's not even a subscription. It's not even for. You can get. For $30 I could get any streaming service a month. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With no ads.

[B]

So there's all these videos and then there's this one. It's called Eating for Manifesters.

[A]

What does that even mean?

[B]

Well, let's find out.

[A]

For $30.

[B]

This video covers the constitution of your energy site type. How your type is meant to decide what to eat and not eat. I certain types of foods or diets that work and won't work for your energy type.

[A]

Go to a Nutritionist. Go to a nutritionist, talk to a doctor.

[B]

So then I'm like, okay, so I'm not paying money to watch any of these videos.

[A]

No. Who would.

[B]

So then I'm like, okay, let's see what else she has on this thing, this website. We could get certification. I could. I was like, okay, I want to learn how human design works so that I can explain it to you on our podcast. Right? That's good.

[A]

And so this is just chiropractic without touching someone.

[B]

Our online training for it makes human design simple and easy to understand. If you want to become a certified HD Reader, which I think HD Reader means something else.

[A]

Yeah. HD Reader is. That's high definition.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, hey, what do you do? I'm an HD Reader. What does that mean? Well, it means that. Yeah, I play. Well, no. HD DVDs were different than Blu Ray.

[B]

D. Oh, they were.

[A]

Yeah. It was a different formatting because Blu Ray chose pornography. Oh, porn chose Blu Ray. Well, that's actually how that works, is like, whatever porn chooses as a technology.

[B]

So then I'm like, okay, how do I get this human design certification? Right? Because I'm like, let me learn more. Oh, paywall.

[A]

Twelve hundred dollars. Twelve hundred dollars?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

She wants half a month's rent on a decent place in Philly.

[B]

And this is only for level 1 and 2.

[A]

Level 1. How many levels are there?

[B]

There's a couple. There's a couple levels.

[A]

Why are there so many levels?

[B]

You got to learn about the human design.

[A]

This is just.

[B]

She has a podcast.

[A]

Of course she does.

[B]

Say, look at this. A line. We're not going to talk about her podcast.

[A]

I need to know.

[B]

There's a book.

[A]

Hold on. I'm looking up the podcast.

[B]

Don't look up the podcast.

[A]

I'm looking it up. I need to know if she has more Google. Google.

[B]

Because she's been on the Goop podcast as a guest.

[A]

She's been on Goop.

[B]

She's been on Goop. She's been hanging out with the Gooby girls. She's been on a lot of podcasts.

[A]

Okay, no good news.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

She does not have as. As many Apple podcast reviews as us.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We're very close to a thousand reviews on Apple podcasts.

[B]

Please leave a review so we can get that number.

[A]

Yeah, please. But we do have a higher star rating than her. Yeah, we have 4.9. She has 4.8.

[B]

Leave us a thumbs up.

[A]

Five stars, please. Oh, and like. And subscribe if you're watching this on YouTube and hit that Hype button.

[B]

Hype button. Which is in the comment section on here. They keep moving it around.

[A]

They keep moving the hype button around.

[B]

Okay, so anyway, listen, we got to get back into this.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

I know that you.

[A]

I want. I deeply. I deeply want to get out of it.

[B]

No, we got to get into it. She also wrote a book about this. I looked it up. It cost about 20 bucks for the book.

[A]

It's cheap. Wait, wait. The book is cheaper than one of her 40 minutes.

[B]

Than one video. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay, here's the thing. They have these charts and the whole thing about this human design.

[A]

How do I get on goop? I want to get on goop.

[B]

I don't think Gwenny's gonna let you on.

[A]

I want to get on goop.

[B]

I don't think she's gonna let you.

[A]

Gwenny Paltrow.

[B]

What are you gonna talk about on goop?

[A]

I'm gonna talk about how much I hate her ex husband.

[B]

That's actually fair. She'd probably.

[A]

I really don't like. I really don't like.

[B]

She probably let you on.

[A]

I don't have a problem with Chris Martin as a person. I think he's. He's fine. Whatever. Yeah, but I hate their music.

[B]

Well, actually, before we get into a secret surprise I have for you.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Let me tell you about the question that came to my mind of who invented this?

[A]

Oh, who invented human design?

[B]

Because it wasn't Jen and Zoe. She's just someone who's certified.

[A]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you. Teach me. So, Dana.

[B]

Oh, no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[B]

Nice. Jeffrey, you heard them.

[A]

T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any. Any condition. So what are we having for lunch?

[B]

Dude, my work here is done.

[A]

The 24 month bill credits on experience beyond for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credit sended balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance Agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 and new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto PayPal taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oklahoma Speed Test Intelligence Data 1H 2025 Visit t mobile.com.

[B]

Human design was originated by Ra Uru Hu in 1987.

[A]

Uwu.

[B]

It's Uru Uru. It's an R. I know.

[A]

I'm doing what I want to do, though.

[B]

Who published a book called the Human Design system under. In 1992.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So he originated the system in 1987 and then wrote a book in 1992 about it.

[A]

So I have a question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The name is Ra. Uru who?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

First thing feels like a Dr. Seuss character.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

From Stargate. Another great show. Would love to spend an episode talking about Stargate instead of this.

[B]

No.

[A]

Not going to give me a chance.

[B]

No.

[A]

Is Ra. Tell me, tell me about Ra.

[B]

Ra who?

[A]

Uwu.

[B]

AKA Alan Robert Krakauer.

[A]

I knew it. I knew it, I knew it. Because you know what's crazy? Especially once you said it was in the 80s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, we've had generations on. Generation of. Generations of people. People. Immigrants. I mean, immigrants coming to America.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Obviously. My shirt is big on what I'm about to go into.

[B]

For audio listeners. He's wearing an abolished ICE shirt.

[A]

Yeah. And it's. This is from Ghost Bongo. Not a sponsor, but they sent us, like, that shirt. But those same people did your you've got an enemy in Pennsylvania sticker. But the. On that side. But the. For a very long time. Like, the reason my last name is Perlman. That wasn't our family's last name when we came here. It got Anglicized. Right. It made. It was made. It was changed. And people, like, there's a lot of people, especially if their family is from, like, Asia, whether that be Central Asia or Southeast Asia. Like, they have Western names. And they really were like, even into the 80s and into the 90s where you would. You would meet people like, oh, what's your name? Like, my name's Clark. Like, what's your Chinese name? Like. Oh, well, my actual name inside my family is this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But they had, like, a different one for, like, general American society. So the second you told me, like, 1987, there's a guy who's going by Ra Uru who. I'm like, first thing that is three completely separate cultures that they're taking. It's slamming. Ra is like, Egyptian.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Uru is like Mesopotamian. And who is like, Chinese.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're taking that as going squich.

[B]

Well, that's how his Whole belief system works. It's squidging everything together.

[A]

Yeah, but knowing his name is actually. What is it?

[B]

Alan Krakauer.

[A]

Alan Robert Krakauer. Okay, so this Polok, he shows up, he's like, my name's actually Rod now. And it's like.

[B]

Okay, okay. Krakauer was previously an advertising executive. Course he was a magazine publisher.

[A]

Of course he was. Oh, he's an. He was in ad sales. You know what, guys, let me tell you something. If you want a good cult, get your. You know, it's like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Yeah, they like new programming, not programmers. Both guys are really marketing guys.

[B]

Krakauer developed the human design system following an alleged mystical extension experience. Okay.

[A]

Took some bad acid in the woods. I've done that. So who hasn't taken a bad hallucinogen in the woods? And then you turn to your boy and you go, we gotta drink this bottle of tequila and pee this fire out. And then we're gonna talk to you about Stacy.

[B]

Krakauer was. When he was growing up, he was the fourth child of cultured upper middle class family in Montreal, Canada.

[A]

Oh, wait, was this a Canadian? So upper middle class Canadian.

[B]

He completed his bachelor's of arts degree at Sir George Williams University. But his career path led him into the business world as an advertising executive.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And one morning in 1983, he simply walked away from his family and his fast paced life as an entrepreneur from the life he knew and quote, disappeared for several months.

[A]

Okay. Took acid in the woods. Well, I'm not wrong here. Also, isn't this literally the script from Mad Men? This is like the final episode of Mad Men. Right? Like they show him he's doing yoga on like the side of a cliff next to water at the end of Mad Men. Like, oh, oh, being an advertising executive is too much. Oh, I'm sorry, what's your job?

[B]

And women and booze.

[A]

Email didn't exist. Yeah, there was no email. Your job was 9 to 5. They couldn't reach you on the weekends.

[B]

Oh my God, it must have been incredible.

[A]

What the fuck? Yeah, I just had to download slack. Yeah, guys, no.

[B]

Yeah, it's the worst.

[A]

What are we need to design humans better?

[B]

Wait a minute. Have I got the thing for you?

[A]

Tell me all about it. I love 1983. It's too much. I was. We were born in 84.

[B]

Yeah, like it was too much.

[A]

It's too much.

[B]

I love that. They say he walks away from his fast paced life and his family. Completely gloss over his family.

[A]

He didn't Walk away. He abandoned.

[B]

He abandoned his family. Several months later, he is found himself on the beautiful and temperate island of Ibiza in the Mediterranean Sea.

[A]

Okay, okay. Can I say something? Yeah, I say something. It's 1983. Oh, he's on Ibiza.

[B]

The best cocaine in the world. Baby.

[A]

Hit that hype button. I mean, that's what he's doing. He's hitting that hype button.

[B]

Yeah. Double straw.

[A]

Yeah. This is. He's getting that Stephen King. Yeah. Yay. Oh, I almost said Yowie. Yeah, I almost said he got that Stephen King. Yowie. Oh, my God. That is only gonna make sense in the comments.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No Yayo Rod stewarding it up. Yeah. So he's like, I found the meaning of life. It's skinny white girls.

[B]

So he starts calling Ibiza Eden. He's like, this is Eden.

[A]

Why is it. Why is every cult just a rich man doing drugs?

[B]

This is the same way Kratom came to us.

[A]

This is the same.

[B]

This is the same way we feel free, babe.

[A]

This is exactly the same.

[B]

I know he got.

[A]

He was doing coke on Ibiza, just. And just running his nuts dry, like. And I've never. Can't tell you, I never heard about Ibiza until, like, the. I want to say, like, the mid-2000s.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, like, I think that was when it finally was, like, VH1 started talking about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because they'd be like, yeah, Paris Hilton spent the weekend in Ibiza.

[B]

Yeah. DJing. Yeah, she's a DJ.

[A]

I'm a DJ. We're hashtag sliving. But, like, I'd never heard of it until then. And then, like, people, like, started talking about it more and more because I think, like, British people could start to.

[B]

Afford together because, like, in the uk, that's, like, the summer spot. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So is that, like, they're. But it's like, a little bit more, I guess, like that. That's like their Miami.

[B]

Yeah, it's their Miami.

[A]

Got it. Understood. Understood. If we're wrong about this, let us.

[B]

Know in the comments.

[A]

Tell us or give us five stars. Give us five stars. As Mrs. P tells us about this dude losing his mind one evening. It's 1984, in Ibiza. Like, I don't think. I don't. Like, I didn't. I don't know if that. I don't think AIDS was well known of back then. So, like, you only put on a condom if you were worried about getting somebody pregnant.

[B]

So in 1980, and it's Spain, so.

[A]

I think they're so Catholic, I think. Condoms weren't even legal.

[B]

Probably.

[A]

Of course he thought it was.

[B]

But they had ham.

[A]

Oh, boy, did they have ham. Imagine being in Ibiza. Okay, 1983, you have Medellin, cocaine. No. Condoms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yep. And ham.

[B]

Yep. And you've left your family and your job.

[A]

I. So stop giving me ideas.

[B]

So this.

[A]

Can I tell you, I've never wanted to build a time machine more. This. You might. He's right. It's eat. Stop trying to. Stop trying to get us back on track. I need. I'm stuck on this. Yeah, he calls it eat. Can I tell you, okay, Joseph Smith, when he formed Mormonism, he thought Eden was in Missouri. He thought it was Missouri.

[B]

That's because Joseph Smith, he had never done. He never had any yamon on the coast.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

He doesn't know.

[A]

Guys, please join our.

[B]

About the little fried Manchego cheese things on a stick with the little. The jellies.

[A]

Please join our Patreon.

[B]

Please.

[A]

So I can OD and ob.

[B]

No, not for that reason.

[A]

I'm taking the money and I'm running. And I'm going to. When I come back, I'm going to have a whole new system of tenants for you.

[B]

Yeah, I love tenants.

[A]

Tell me all about Eden.

[B]

Okay, so, well, the thing is, you got to remember, he leaves his family and his job in 1983. Okay? So in 1987. This is how long he's been there.

[A]

In 1987, four years in Ibiza.

[B]

One evening on January 3rd. So the winter in 1987, he encountered the Voice.

[A]

Uh.

[B]

Oh, it was a terrifying experience. The voice said, quote, are you ready to work?

[A]

Is it RuPaul? Is it a RuPaul? Shut the fuck up. Shut the up. Imagine doing cocaine. Oh, this episode's demonetized. I don't give a shit. Imagine it's 1987. 1980. Yeah, it's 1987. You're just doing rails on the beach of Ibiza. And out of nowhere, RuPaul walks past you. Just goes, you ready to work? And you're like, I gotta change my whole life, man. I got an idea for a trans religion. Oh, okay. All right. Was he still. What's his name again? His real name? Steve.

[B]

He's, well, Alan. He's still Alan right now. He's still Alan. And for eight days and eight nights. He worked.

[A]

Eight days.

[B]

He's just in the desert.

[A]

Eight days and eight nights. I love. I love the number.

[B]

Transcribing in detail what is now known as the human design system. And he changed his name to Ra Ra speaks of the account encounter as a wake up call, an education which showed him how blind and ignorant his assumptions were about the nature of being the cosmos and the way things work.

[A]

Hey, I did. This advertising executive did coke so hard that he was like, everybody needs to hear my thoughts.

[B]

Yeah. Why do they always think we need to hear their thoughts?

[A]

Well, you just said he's a white man. Yeah, he then podcasting had been invented yet.

[B]

Well, you know, because of the tariffs. Less podcasting.

[A]

Yeah, we actually. I discovered that recently. I was looking at. I was on a website, and they're like, hey, do you need another microphone? And these exact microphones which we bought, they were $400 when I bought them last year.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They're now 440. Which means that Donald Trump is actually taxing the podcasting equipment.

[B]

We've been asking to get less podcast mics out into the universe, and because of tariffs, it's happening.

[A]

Can I say something?

[B]

Is this a win?

[A]

Can I say something very brave?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just want to say, because of Donald Trump and the Saudis, we might have less podcasters ruining our world. It's just a matter of. Listen, enough of these podcasters are getting shit. And Phil DeFranco and I talk about this a little bit on Crashing out this week.

[B]

Crashing out your new podcast.

[A]

My new podcast, Crashing out with Phil DeFranco and Alex Perlman.

[B]

That's you, Alex.

[A]

I love how we have no actual ad read sponsors. So we're like, weird to be the sponsors and we're whoring ourselves at levels.

[B]

You'Ve never even seen on TikTok.

[A]

Hey, hey. Hit that hype button. Okay, now, okay.

[B]

Ra considers himself the messenger of human design. It's his legacy. And he dedicated his life since that encounter disseminating the science of a differentiation around the world. He then settled a move to settled and lived in Ibiza for the rest of his life, basically.

[A]

So, okay, so a man on Coke mountain. Yeah, the pizza have a mountain. I should look that up.

[B]

No, don't look it up, because you're not going there. Because once you start googling it, you're gonna be like, oh, I'm starting.

[A]

I'm gonna start getting push notification ads every time. Like, the same way when Benny Johnson went to the Military Times website and it showed him ads for gay cruises. And he was like, look at how I'm getting ads for gay cruises. This is. Our military's going woke.

[B]

And everyone's like, that's you, bud.

[A]

Benny. That's your search engine history. Benny. Johnson.

[B]

Let's see. So, okay, basically what he created, what I've been talking about this whole time.

[A]

Ra.

[B]

What Rock created what Raw created.

[A]

Rah.

[B]

Rah rah.

[A]

I'm picturing, by the way, I am picturing Raw as Marlon Brando now from that movie with the white. With the paint on. He's just. He's a. He's a pale Canadian. He's a pale Canadian. The island of Dr. Moreau.

[B]

Yeah, that's him.

[A]

Which also. Which. That is not a good movie. Really great making of movie. Yeah, very good. If you ever get a chance to see the documentary of the make of the island doc, the original director went insane and ran into the jungle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like Heart of Darkness crazy. I love it. Okay, so Rob.

[B]

So Rob what he does, what he made in those.

[A]

No, let's dead name him Alan. What did Alan do?

[B]

Alan. On the island of Ibiza for his eight days and eight nights.

[A]

Imagine he's like, you better work.

[B]

He didn't have access to Britney Spears yet.

[A]

No. Oh, my God. Imagine if he had a Tumblr. This would have all. Can I tell you this? The Internet took this from us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People used to just like, you had to sit there like, I need eight days and eight nights worth of cocaine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I have a book to write.

[B]

Yeah. But I'm here on the Internet bringing it back.

[A]

How should I make sure. Should I ask Mr. Third to go in and change every time I say cocaine to booger sugar and see if that gets us through the. The YouTube monetization block?

[B]

I think you got to record it as booger sugar so that it sounds funny.

[A]

So every time, like cocaine, it's like booger sugar.

[B]

So the way that this human design system works is it basically maps nine energy centers in the body, and you get a body graph which reveals where the centers are defined and the different meanings and their functionality. Okay. The. It's. It's weird because it's all about, like, the planets aligning very similar to, like, horoscopes. But there's these 64 hexagrams, which are very similar to what I Ching says about the body. There's also, like, a Mandela that is overlaid with the 12 signs of the zodiac. So it's a real mishmash. It's a real mishmash of things. So here's the thing. I'm on the website myhumandesign.com by Jen and Zoe, and I'm looking through, and I can't afford any of those videos because I'm not paying for those.

[A]

But to be fair, at this point now we basically have this person is now charging $30 per video, per video for the ramblings of a. Of a Ibiza cocaine addict.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who abandoned his family after thinking making, I'm going to assume Newport ads was too difficult.

[B]

Yeah. He was like, how could you possibly sell menthol cigarettes?

[A]

How.

[B]

It's not like they're addictive.

[A]

Yeah. What do you mean? Everyone's going to want this. It's asbestos. It keeps your family safe.

[B]

Yeah. What could go wrong?

[A]

What could go wrong?

[B]

So, okay, here's the thing. I'm on her website.

[A]

I'm clicky clacking around Jenna Zoe guy.

[B]

I'm clicky clacky. I'm trying to do all this research on, like, what she's selling, what we're learning from her.

[A]

Every time I say Jenna Zoe, I think of, like, a up zygote for some reason. Like, it feels like it should be in that. Like, Jenna Zo.

[B]

Every time. You keep saying, I keep picturing Rachel Zoe. Boom. I'll put a picture up. The girly pops will know who that is.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. So I found out that she does free chart reading on her website where you can put in your little information. And using out the information they request, she will map out your chart for you, your human design chart. And then I was thinking, maybe we could read it.

[A]

What do you mean, maybe we could read it?

[B]

Well, I did it. I did it. I had them. I'm holding them up right now. Audio listeners. I printed them out. That's right. I made our printer work. I got our human design readings, and I think we should go through them and see what they say about us.

[A]

Is that why this morning when I heard you turn to the printer and you say, you better work?

[B]

No. I was like, I'm gonna throw this thing out the fucking window.

[A]

Well, that, too.

[B]

Let's take a break. And we come back. We're getting into this.

[A]

I was gonna suggest we do the charts, but the fact that you've already done them shows me that you are a mischievous little imp.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And this is what I like to.

[B]

Have a good time.

[A]

You. This is what you've been investing your time in, which is incredible.

[B]

Well, I don't want to spend money.

[A]

No, I know.

[B]

I think free thing.

[A]

No, no. I'm. I'm now. I'm now kind of obsessed. Can I tell you before we get into the chart?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was thinking about how, like, whenever I meet people who do, like, a ton of Drugs?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, yes. This is typically, like. This is caught with your drug dealer conversation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, man. You understand the Vedic principles and I Ching. When you combine them, you're like, sure, if this was legal, I would never hear this conversation. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like people have been getting less spiritual because we. You can buy weed legally.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're not like, you go into a dispensary.

[B]

Legalization of weed has really changed the world in a negative way. In some way.

[A]

Weirdly. Weirdly. In a negative way, because I feel like you used to be forced to have community with other potheads with a dealer. All these different people, they were all circled together in a room. And you're like, we got to wait 24 minute. He said he just text these 40 minutes away.

[B]

Yeah. That's an hour.

[A]

That's. That's two hours. Yeah. What do you want to do? I guess we're going to watch Matrix Reloaded again.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

Hey, you know these are like some metaphors in this, right? Oh, really? There's metaphors in Matrix Reloaded? Yeah. I mean, yeah.

[B]

No, there's. There's not. Because I was told that it's just about the pills and that there's no other metaphor there.

[A]

Oh, that's right. Because now we just say, it's not that deep, bro.

[B]

Yeah, it's not that deep, bro.

[A]

Speaking of things that aren't deep, let's do your chart first.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because you have two charts here.

[B]

I'm not deep.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

I'm not deep?

[A]

No, I'm saying that these charts themselves.

[B]

Okay. So let's talk about real quick.

[A]

Okay. I.

[B]

When you go and you have to put your information in the system.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It asks you for your name, your email address, your date of birth.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What time you were born.

[A]

You didn't actually give my email address.

[B]

And your geolocation of where you were.

[A]

Born, you didn't actually give our.

[B]

So what I did was I used our real geolocations. I use our real date of births. I used fake names and fake emails. So mine was Hilaria Baldwin at hilariabaldwinearthlink.net and yours was done under Jho Low at [e-mail].

[A]

I love this. Did you actually create emails for them?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, really? It didn't even. They didn't send you one? No, because this is a data harvesting thing that she's creating, which is why I know we're not sponsored this week by it, but this is why we use Delete me in General is because when you do a website like this where you put in your email and your date of birth, it collects all that shit together. Yeah, but.

[B]

Yeah, use fake names and fake emails.

[A]

No, I understand, but you use. But you use a real birth date and. And General Geo.

[B]

General Geo. I didn't use, like, addresses or anything.

[A]

Yeah, no, I got you.

[B]

Okay, so let's do me first. Okay. Also, I'm not a professional, so I can't really understand what this reading looks like. Let me hold it up for everybody. This is. You can see it's like the human body. Ish. Right. And it says your type, your profile.

[A]

Where do you see a human body in this picture?

[B]

That just the head. And then this is your soul.

[A]

That is not. That looks like a weird sex toy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. When that's supposed to be my head and my soul. Soul.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Take that back.

[B]

So my type is projector hyphenated. The seer. I'm both.

[A]

You're a projector seer.

[B]

I'm a projector seer.

[A]

So you both project and see.

[B]

Yeah, I. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

So project means that you are a leader. Right. And a seer means that you're a power bottom. What is it? What's a seer again?

[B]

Seer is. No, so the projector is the seer.

[A]

Oh, that's right. Okay. A projector is a seer.

[B]

I'm the seer.

[A]

And when you project because you're projecting forward with leadership.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, okay, I'll give you that a little bit, because you often tell people, like, especially in these really dark times, like, make sure that you build community at home and go get your library card. We've had a lot of people reach out and say that they got their library card because of you, and they've actually been going out and trying to do more social things.

[B]

I love that. I want everyone to do that because it will help your mental health as well to get outside and do things. It will help them, especially as it's getting colder. Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You got to be outside when it's chilly.

[A]

Well, yeah. And that by outside, we mean, like, you can go to another building.

[B]

Yeah, another building. What Heat.

[A]

If it's too cold, don't stand outside.

[B]

In 20 degrees weather. Okay, so my profile is the regal authority figure. Oh, my God.

[A]

Did this chart just call you a queen?

[B]

It really did. It really did. Hold on, let me. My shirt's popping right now. Let's close it. Show.

[A]

Yeah, show your shirt. Ra. Crack.

[B]

This is queen right here.

[A]

Yeah, you had me at polka and It's Snoopy. Snoopy with. Meanwhile, I have my abolished ice shirt on from Ghost Bongo with a soft.

[B]

Pretzel and a hot dog. And it says, you had me a polka.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is queen shit. I found out.

[A]

Yeah, that's very central Pennsylvania. That's queen shit.

[B]

Okay. Says not self theme. So this is a negative theme about myself. Bitterness. Oh, okay. I don't really think I'm a bitter Betty, but I get that.

[A]

You're not bitter at all. Yeah, you're sweet. Yeah, you're a sweet lady.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

If you were bitter. If you were bitter, this wouldn't have last.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because only one. You only have one bitter person in a bitter one. Yeah, I'm bitter as a motherfucker.

[B]

Okay? So the authority. The way that I make my decisions is mental. Is through my mind.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That's how. Wait, most. That's most people.

[B]

I want you to know that yours is not mental. I just looked, okay? That my strategy. My strategy in life is being invited.

[A]

Wait, what?

[B]

That's what it says.

[A]

Your strategy.

[B]

My strategy. Being invited.

[A]

Invite. Just. What? What?

[B]

That's how. That's how I get things. I get invited places, which is honestly pretty true. I do like to get invited places, everybody. Okay, no, that's not true. Not everybody likes to get invited. No. Okay. People like to get invited, but sometimes they don't want to go.

[A]

I like getting invited and then I don't go. Yeah, that's been my big thing right now. I actually recently love being invited.

[B]

Not going. That's your whole deal.

[A]

Can I. I'm gonna. I'm a little inside baseball on this. Oh, Laura. Usually I get stuff like this on the after. After party, but recently we had a meeting with my. Our manager, and I was talking to them about, like, different stuff that I've been working on, you know, all these different things. And she actually pushed back on me about something because a couple of weeks ago, I was like, we should. We should probably get a publicist, right? Like, so that way you could do more interviews and maybe try to go on tv. And then this week, she's like, why do you want a publicist again? I was like, so I can go on, you know, and do more stuff and, like, get on more things. And she was like, what's the real reason? Like, I saw people I knew on cnn and she was like, you, what? Do you actually want to go on cnn? I was like, no, but I want to tell people. I told cnn, no, I want to be invited. I want to be. I Want to be invited. And then I want to say your stuff, stupid.

[B]

Except for Rachel Maddow. Rachel, listen, call him. He'll go. He has no. He's not allowed to say no to that.

[A]

She's the only one.

[B]

So my sign is success. I don't know what that means. It just says my sign is success.

[A]

Sign.

[B]

Boom. Aquarius. No more success. Bitch. That's my sign.

[A]

Meanwhile. Meanwhile. You've been Year of the Rat the entire time. We're two rat people, by the way. Just you guys. Anyone who's been listening to this podcast for three years, you've been following rat people with community college degrees.

[B]

We're doing great. Okay. My digestion. Because there's a digestion section.

[A]

Oh, that's right. So it's okay. Did they diagnose you with celiacs via the stars?

[B]

Well, listen, my digestion is listed as buzzing and nervous touch. That's what it says. Buzzing and nerve. Do you feel as though my digestion is buzzing?

[A]

Well, if somebody does a little pinch of gluten or they. When they. If we go to a restaurant and they cross contaminate the fryer, it do be getting buzzy. You do be getting buzzy. Your personality gets very buzzy, and you do feel like you've been touched with. With a. With a pinch of the. Angry.

[B]

Yeah, a little angry.

[A]

Buzzy.

[B]

Buzzy. That's how they describe.

[A]

No, I mean, the most I've ever heard.

[B]

I love that. This man is eight days deep in Ibiza in 1987.

[A]

He's like, buzzy, doing a little buzzing. I mean, he was definitely buzzing.

[B]

He was buzzing.

[A]

He was. He was floating like a little bee. The feeling. I mean, can I tell you, for you, having lived with you long enough, your diet is. Your diet's very. You like staple foods?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mrs. P and I are very different in this way. Mrs. P is an ingredient person. I am. I want to open a package.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If there's like a ramen you dump in, it's quick thing, toss in the microwave. It's why I've always loved that we have the sponsorship. Like, I enjoy the sponsorship with Factor. You enjoy the sponsorship with. What's the one that does the cooking at home?

[B]

Oh, the hellofresh.

[A]

Hellofresh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You like the hellofresh more. I like the Factor because I'm very much into toss in, cook that. But when it comes to that, when the only thing I think of is needs. Needs touch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nervous touch. All those things is. Every now and then she'll be eating a thing and she goes, this needs a zip.

[B]

Yeah, you got.

[A]

This needs a zip. Whether it's sriracha, this needs a zip. Kewpie mayo, a little something. A zip or a dash.

[B]

It needs something. Sometimes a little smoked paprika.

[A]

But you literally do this. You literally go, this needs a little something. You get a little fingies. Yeah, little something. A little something.

[B]

A something. I'm not gonna eat it if it's not good.

[A]

And we talk a lot about this. A lot on the food, idiot.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Which is you only get@Pearl Mania500.net okay.

[B]

So my sign is success. Okay. My strongest sense is touch. I don't. I don't know what that means.

[A]

I'm going to tell you right now. Not true.

[B]

Not true.

[A]

It's not true. Because I can't tell you how often Mrs. P turns to me and the dog and says, leave me alone. Don't touch me.

[B]

Stop.

[A]

Leave me alone.

[B]

Don't stop touching me.

[A]

Everybody, everybody back up the. Okay, now, to be fair, it's because we do spend all day with a toddler.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who is very huggy and lovey. And we love that.

[B]

We got. He's gotta touch it.

[A]

But once the toddler goes to bed, we're very much. We're both just so exhausted. We're like, don't just leave me alone. Yeah. Separate rooms, separate rooms.

[B]

Okay, now this one. Very confused by it. It says my environment. What do you think my environment is?

[A]

Your environment is southeastern Pennsylvania.

[B]

I need you to get a little. A little bit closer down. Not so broad. A little bit. What's my personal environment? Where are you going to find me?

[A]

Oh, I'll find you in a library.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Often the kitchen.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Where women should be.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Or I'll find you. Usually you're like. You're like hunting for something. And library also fits with the Internet when you're doing research for the pod.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But like, oftentimes, like you really love. Your natural habitat is a thrift store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your natural habitat is a thrift store. And you're looking and you're holding things up and you hold. You're doing. You're doing this move where you hold it up to your body. No. And then you. Often my favorite thing that you'll do is you get a whole little pile of things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you walk around the whole store with them until just before you check out, you go, actually, no. And you put like three fifths of them back.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And then you get just a couple different things. And then you come home, you Go. Isn't this great? I'm like, that's a fire hazard.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, the crock pots plugged in right now.

[A]

That's great. I'm really excited for the chili.

[B]

Okay. My environment is caves. Caves. You'll find me in caves.

[A]

Like a troll. Like a troll or an ogre.

[B]

Caves.

[A]

Caves. You're a spelunker.

[B]

I'm caves. Okay, now here's the.

[A]

I can. Okay, but here's the thing. We have a place out here. There's a place near Philly called Baldwin's Book Barn.

[B]

Oh, that is.

[A]

It is one of the oldest used bookstores in the world. It is. It's a bunch of old barns, and it's just books upon used books. I mean, ancient old books.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everywhere.

[B]

And new books. You just got new.

[A]

There's newer books, so. Yeah, there's some newer books, but it's all been stuff that's been donated. So it's a. It's a book thrift store.

[B]

Yeah, it's a book thrift store.

[A]

And that is a cave.

[B]

That's my cave.

[A]

You again. You're like, oh, let me go look. And you come out with a stack.

[B]

Of books, and it costs like 10 bucks.

[A]

Yeah, they're like a dollar. Two dollar.

[B]

Okay, so there's this section called gifts. Okay.

[A]

Is this your superpower?

[B]

So it says your. Your other gifts. Gift 1, gift 5, gift 6, gift 9, gift 10, 11, 14, 24. So I'm like, what are these? It doesn't like. I don't know.

[A]

They're like lunch special numbers.

[B]

So my. Okay. My number one gift as a person is sensing people's needs.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I. I think that's probably true.

[A]

I think that's a coping mechanism.

[B]

That's a. Yeah, it's probably trauma related.

[A]

Yeah, that's a. That's a trauma mechanism. Oh, yeah. I can sense when people need things because they might hurt me.

[B]

Yeah. It's a Venn diagram of trauma response and working in the restaurant industry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like. Oh, I can see that table is gonna need the iced tea refill.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, the half. A half. If a glass is half full, we're gonna hit it.

[B]

Yeah. I see your ranch is empty. Let me go get you another ranch. Okay. Okay, here's the list based on the numbers I pulled up the rest of the gifts.

[A]

Just, you know, by the way, that number one. What was it again?

[B]

Sensing people's needs.

[A]

Sensing people's needs. It's also known as empathy.

[B]

Mm, that's right.

[A]

That's empathy. I'm an empath which is a sin.

[B]

I'm an empathetic queen in a cave. Bitch. That's me.

[A]

My empathetic queen. Cave queen. Empathetic cave queen. Do I feel a new shirt coming on?

[B]

So my other gifts are creating new things.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Uh huh. Marching to my own rhythm. Great.

[A]

All right. Dance like nobody's watching.

[B]

Creating closeness with others. Oh, that's nice.

[A]

Don't touch me.

[B]

Focus and precision. I don't know if that one's true.

[A]

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They. They clocked you on that one. They clocked you on that one. Cave queen. Okay. Oh, I don't think I'm into focus and precision. Oh, that's fine. Have you ever had to watch somebody clean the wainscoting? Did you know we had that? It's called a baseboard in America.

[B]

A love of life. Okay.

[A]

They got you wrong on that one. There's. I can't tell you how many times the last year you've woken up being like, maybe we could just die. That'd be nice.

[B]

Yeah. I think that you were alone in bed. That wasn't me.

[A]

Oh, I've just heard myself.

[B]

Yeah, you just. You wake up and say it out loud.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

Being an ideas person.

[A]

Yeah, that's very true.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

And I'm the one who clocks them down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I come in like Mutombo. You're like, I have an idea. And I'm like, the problem is, I love that idea.

[B]

The problem is 17 reasons it won't work. Expanding the good in others. Oh, that's nice. The patience to develop higher perspectives.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know about that. Making the most out of life. Yes, sure.

[A]

100%. I would say you are very much. Life gives you. You. You're not a life gives you lemons. Make lemonade person. You are very much a life. Give me lemons. Okay, so I got meals for the next seven days that are lemon based. Yeah, the meal. Okay. The lemons are only good for three days. Well, we're covering lunches and dinners.

[B]

You're making baked lemon chicken that you can. Then you put chicken on rice and then do, like, a chopped chicken salad with, like, black pepper and lemon. So it's a lemon pepper chicken salad.

[A]

You guys.

[B]

You got three lemons in a week. Let's go.

[A]

Do you guys hear this trauma response I just threw at her? This. No, this is somebody who grew up.

[B]

This is why I need to be on the TV show Chopped. No, you can crush it on chop.

[A]

You would. You literally chopped would be Mrs. P just pushing people shit in. It would just be Mrs. P being like, what do I got here? Ramen noodles and a hot dog.

[B]

Let's. Baby, baby, get me an egg. I'm about to make the soup of your dreams.

[A]

Yeah. And then on top of that, she'll transform the pancake.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, God. So also contemplation. Life's information keeper. Spotting trends and patterns.

[A]

Okay. All right. Hey, girl. At this point, this is a shotgun blast because there's so many things in here. Spotting trends and patterns. Those sick that they got you there. Mrs. P is always way ahead. She's anywhere from six weeks to till a year ahead on things oftentimes.

[B]

Yeah. So those are my big gifts. What do you think? Do you think. Do you think I am the projector? Do you think that you.

[A]

Skip it? I see more on here.

[B]

Well, I mean, there's no.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

Okay. The last five are the need to have revelation.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

Overcoming inertia.

[A]

Yes, 100%. Can I tell you, this lady right here, I've seen her do this. I've seen her get sick and get on a treadmill and look at me.

[B]

And be like, sweat it out.

[A]

I just sweat out the illness. And I'm like, no, you don't. What are you, RFK and jeans? Trying to work it out. No. Take medicine. Lay down, Call out of work. Oh, my God.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

What's the next.

[B]

The drive to provide for yourself. Yeah.

[A]

No. Trauma response. Trauma response. Trauma response, Trauma response.

[B]

Self created joy.

[A]

Yes. 100. I've seen you literally giggle and making and that you've been teaching our kid this, which I'm actually truly appreciative of. Of, like, you just, like, grabbing a thing and then turning it into a puppet and going. And I'm like, that's great. Yeah, I love that. Me, meanwhile, I'm over here on the side, just like, all right, I guess I'll order the exact thing from the tv. Shipping and handling not included. Okay.

[B]

Okay. And then the last one is inner knowing. I don't know.

[A]

Do you know? Have you heard how much you've laughed at yourself? The last bit. That's because you know yourself, so you can take it in stride.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Got it, got it. Got to get it.

[A]

You are very in touch with your own human design, which is why you have joy. And other people are drawn to that. And then they project that joy that you have onto themselves.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And I came up with all that without doing cocaine for eight days in Ibiza with RuPaul walking in the background.

[B]

Because your wife won't let you.

[A]

Well, also because cocaine has.

[B]

It's got like, all kinds.

[A]

It's got the fen in there.

[B]

It's got all this.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. So that was your reading.

[B]

That was my reading.

[A]

Now I. I see that you have one for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that you're gonna read that to me after we take this little break, which I don't know if there's even gonna be an ad there, but if there is, you don't like hearing it. Join us at pearlmania500.net Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, Why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you Teach me. So, Dana.

[B]

Oh, no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[B]

Nice. Jeffrey, you heard them.

[A]

T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for launch?

[B]

Dude, my work here is done.

[A]

The 24 month bill credits on experience beyond for well qualified customers. Plus tax and $35 device connection charge, credit send and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs $1,099.99 a new line, minimum $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oaklove speed test intelligence data 1x2025 visit t mobile.com I'm prepared now to hear my human design chart. I'm willing to get read to filth up and down by a website from a lady named Jenna Zoe, the zygote herself.

[B]

So listen, I have your chart here.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are you ready?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know because here's y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

I want to. Before we get into this real fast, okay. I try not to yuck everybody's yum about astrology. I try not to yuck everybody's yum about Myers Briggs. I don't believe in any of these things. I want to be very clear about that. I try desperately not to yuck everybody's yum about about this stuff. That being said, I'm about to. I, I'm. I'm nervous. I'm very nervous.

[B]

Your type is manifesting generator. You're part of the hyphenate one.

[A]

Oh, God damn it. What's the, what's the sub thing on that one? The multi hyphenate. The multi hyphenate.

[B]

That's you.

[A]

So I'm a fire starting life force.

[B]

Yes, you're a fire starting life force.

[A]

Real fast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wicked. Firestarter. We just. That's right. We're bringing Prodigy back. No, no, listen, I've seen some of. On Patreon, we've had people in their early 20s who've been joining the Patreon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when they come in, they're like, I feel like I'm the youngest person here. And then somebody else comes in, go, haha. A little bit younger. None of y' all have been down the road of Prodigy.

[B]

Well, Firestarter, look it up on itunes and listen to it. It's an incredible song. Or watch it on YouTube.

[A]

It's an insane music video. Great Venture Brothers reference.

[B]

Whereas my, my authority, the way I make decisions was mental.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes. Because you're a projector.

[B]

Yeah. Yours is listed as emotional and very specifically through your solar plexus.

[A]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. They're saying emotional and through my solar plexus, which is this spot. Right. It's actually like right where the badge is on this abolished Ice T shirt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's actually a spot in karate when I was doing mall. Strip mall karate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They taught us to often aim for because like you can tight tighten your abs and like hit there and that can. You can absorb a punch there or you get a punch in the chest is different. But the solar plexus is like this weird spot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And also it's like the, it's part of your diaphragm and so that's where you use to emote from. So if I want to get really loud, I'm not yelling from my throat, I'm actually yelling from my diaphragm. Slash, solar plexus.

[B]

So then this is correct. No, you're an emotional solar plexus.

[A]

No, no, because I'm very, I'm very not emotional.

[B]

You do know that anger is an emotion, correct?

[A]

It is not.

[B]

Anger is an emotion.

[A]

Anger is a force.

[B]

Anger is an emotion that comes out of your solar plexus. I think they got your ass.

[A]

I don't think they did.

[B]

Okay, so my strategy in life was being invited, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your strategy Is responding.

[A]

Are you calling me a reactionary? Are we calling me a reactionary?

[B]

I didn't.

[A]

So my. So, so, so. Okay, okay. No, no, no, no, no. That's fine. Keep going, Keep going. Telling me how I'm an angry, loud man who reacts to things, and that's what I'm known for.

[B]

Okay, listen to this. Remember how I said my. My negative self theme was bitterness? Yeah, your negative self. Them.

[A]

At this point. At this point, she's just listing a millennial man from Philadelphia like, it's not me.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay.

[A]

Jenna, Zoe, you AI lady.

[B]

Okay, okay. So remember how mine said I'm a regal authority figure?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a cave queen.

[B]

Yours is the omn. Wait, you read that?

[A]

The Omniscient teacher.

[B]

Oh, sorry, audio listeners. I didn't mean to squeak like that.

[A]

I, I. The omniscient teacher.

[B]

I talk to him all the time about how he would be such a good teacher. Like a social studies teacher. Yeah.

[A]

You're always yelling at me that I should do more. I should bring back the history episodes.

[B]

Me, you, me. And everybody in the comment section wants you to bring back more history episodes where you teach us stuff about history because you're an omniscient teacher and you're very good at it, and you explain history very well to people in a easily digestible way. And so I think you do need to get back on the bandwagon and writing us some history episodes, sir. Leave a message in the comments if you agree with me. Okay, now, my. My other sign was success. Right. I'm big in the success, which we still are.

[A]

Like, oh, yeah, okay.

[B]

Yours is satisfaction.

[A]

That's my satisfaction.

[B]

Yeah. Or no, I thought it was.

[A]

I can't get no, no, I can't get no Satisfaction. That's Rolling Stones. That always drives me crazy. Because that's what Donald Trump likes to come out to. Or even closes his things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He always plays because he likes the children's choir.

[B]

What?

[A]

You know, and again, satisfaction by the Rolling Stones. There's, like, a children's choir that sings.

[B]

Why is that alleged pedophile listening to a children's choir?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

I. I don't know why.

[B]

He also like the idea of, like, you're closing out one of your speeches with I can't get no Satisfaction. You won.

[A]

It's like the way you and I have fought over ads.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like you would rather do three really shitty ads to sell out for that. But I'm like, no, no, I want A lot of money for one really good ad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where I put my whole into it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like, no, no, no, no, no. Just do three small ones.

[B]

It's a numbers game, baby.

[A]

No, I don't think so. I think, I think it's about one big one.

[B]

That's why I am the sign of success and you are the sign of satisfaction.

[A]

Well, okay, so one of us can sleep at night.

[B]

Yeah, it's me. So I take a lot of pills because I don't stay up all night scrolling.

[A]

Yeah. And then I take a lot of pills and I go to sleep.

[B]

Yeah. Sleep.

[A]

Is that it? It's taking a lot of pills to go to sleep in the chart.

[B]

So the straw. Okay. Remember how it said your strongest sense for me was touch, and you were disagreed with that? And then yours is listed as feeling, But I'm like, is that, that's. That can't be right.

[A]

Oh, no, no, I think, I think touch is like, physical feeling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Versus emotional feeling.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

I, I.

[B]

You're more emotional and I'm more physical.

[A]

No, no, like. Well, you're more. You're more grounded on earth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And in the reality. And I'm more grounded in emotions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And the feelings, like, on the Internet, like, I've typically. You typically notice what's happening in our neighborhood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm usually like, like, babe, you see this thing that happened on my.

[B]

Phone, and I'm like, it's not real life.

[A]

And I'm like, you. It will be when they come marching.

[B]

Down the street and I'm like, well, you know what's marching down the street right now? The garbage man take the trash out.

[A]

That's true. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so remember how my digestion was buzzing? You know, here's what your digestion is listed as. Alternating appetite.

[A]

Okay. No, no. Okay. Yeah. All right. Clock me. They clock me. They clock me. I'm a person who. I don't like eating the same thing multiple days in a row.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm very much a. I had that yesterday. Yeah, I had that yesterday.

[B]

You could never meal prep.

[A]

I can't. I can't do five days.

[B]

Like a leftover. Like holding a leftover once, but, yeah.

[A]

Especially because some things are better the next day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. There's lasagna, butter chicken, that enchilada.

[B]

Oh, the enchilada. Lasagna.

[A]

Yeah. There's an enchilada bake. You do that. It's really, really good. After cook also, like, it lets everything soak and conveal. There's Certain things that are so much better a day or two later. Yeah, those are fine. It's. I can't do, like, five straight days of chicken and broccoli when I see people who are like, yeah, I'm going to the gym, doing this. I'm getting cut. I'm like, at what cost? Worst hobby, at what cost? Okay, so then no peanut M&MS.

[B]

Okay, so what do you. Okay. If my environment is caved, what do you think your environment is?

[A]

The sunshine and light?

[B]

No, it's a place.

[A]

Oh, it's a place.

[B]

I'm in a cave.

[A]

You're in a cave. Where are you typically in a chair. On my phone.

[B]

The answer is kitchens with an S. That's where you're gonna find him. In the kitchens.

[A]

They got that. That's reverse heat on us. Yeah, that's reverse. I'm.

[B]

You're the caveman for sure.

[A]

No, I'm definitely a caveman. We've, like, multiple places in this house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I built as, like, you know, like, man caves, but then I had to abandon because life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, it's just. Just how that works.

[B]

So let's go over your gifts. Okay.

[A]

Oh, tell me about my. Yeah.

[B]

Gifts. You got 1, 5, 7, 9, 10, 12, 13, 16, 27. And it goes on.

[A]

Can I tell you really fast? When I was a kid, they gave me a test. They said I was gifted.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

They also said I was borderline artistic.

[B]

Yep. That's exactly what they said.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So let's see your number one gift.

[A]

Gift, okay.

[B]

Is a vision for turning ideas into reality.

[A]

My number. That's my number one.

[B]

Your number one gift. Ah.

[A]

See, the problem with that. The problem is. Yeah, that's it right there is I. I've come up. I am a. I am an ideas guy, but that actually runs in my family very deep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't tell you how often I'll talk to my dad, and he'd be like, oh, yeah, your grandfather had an idea like that. I'm like, did he do anything with it? He's like, no.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I'm like. And the idea, by the way, was Sam's Club. Like, it's just like, he came up with so many different things that became ubiquitous in the culture. Like, we had.

[B]

I have great ideas.

[A]

I had.

[B]

I just don't have enough financial backing, you know? Let me tell you all about Skate Mart, okay?

[A]

Don't ruin Skate Mart, okay. Don't let the people know Mrs. P. Has Mom's. Mom's birthday. You have come to Me with so many ideas, and I'm like, it's a great idea. The problem is. And this is where that's the negativity. Because my trauma response is to hide.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And flee.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, let's talk about your gifts, not your negative trauma.

[A]

Tell me my gifts.

[B]

Okay. Number one, creating new things.

[A]

Okay. I will actually say I know the first one was turning vision Ideas vision.

[B]

For turning ideas into reality, but I.

[A]

Don'T agree with that. Okay, now, creating new things, though. Yes. Because we are. This is like one of five podcasts I have because we just rolled out the new Phil podcast. We have the vibing with the food. Idiot. But also, we don't want to talk about that often. But the story report where you read a book.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Into the microphone, you're saying creating new.

[B]

Things, but you're listing things I created.

[A]

Okay, you didn't create everything.

[B]

But one of those things I didn't create.

[A]

So what's the next one?

[B]

Yeah. Marching to your own rhythm.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

Natural integrity.

[A]

Okay. I feel like I do have that because of how many things we have turned down. Okay. A lot of gambling websites, alcohol, a lot of people who've tried to do sponsorships on this very show that we've turned down over the years. And then also brand deals that I've turned down. I was like, I can't do that.

[B]

Yeah. Wait till you hear about gift number 12.

[A]

Tell me about gift number 12. Because it's all been bullshit up till now.

[B]

A noticeable voice.

[A]

Clocked me.

[B]

Got your ass on that one.

[A]

Clocked me on that one. They really did. And you know what can I tell you? When I first started blowing up on TikTok, I realized because I had a lot of Midwestern moms, blonde Midwestern moms, reach out to me in the DMs. And I'm like, they just haven't had a red haired Jew from Philly yell at them before. It was a new flavor for them, like cheesesteak egg roll. You know what I mean? First time you have a cheesesteak egg roll, you go, why isn't everything this?

[B]

Also you have a noticeable voice. Because even if we're in like a grocery store and you have a hat.

[A]

On and a mask and sunglasses.

[B]

And sunglasses.

[A]

I walk in like a bank robber.

[B]

You're like, you'll be like this, hey, can you hand me that? And people be like, oh, my God, is that Promania 500's voice?

[A]

And I'm like, I gotta go. And I've tried. I've actually Tried to. I tried to mask it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It doesn't work. Like, I actually masked my voice from, like. Like, hey, y', all, I'm here. I'm here to try to. I just want to return this item.

[B]

To Aldi gift 13 listening and collecting stories.

[A]

What's the next gift?

[B]

Enthusiasm.

[A]

For what? For what?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I can't even fake enthusiasm anymore. I used to be able to fake enthusiasm.

[B]

It's gone now.

[A]

Back when I was a karate instructor, the unnatural.

[B]

Look at you.

[A]

You could do push ups. And now I'm just like, oh, yep, there you go. World's ending.

[B]

A natural ability to nurture and care. I don't know about that one. Make.

[A]

I am a parent.

[B]

Oh, wait, no. Saddle. Life.

[A]

No, stop. What? Go back. So go back. One gift.

[B]

Okay. The natural ability to nurturing care.

[A]

I am a parent. And you tell me all the time I'm a good dad.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

And I didn't read a book. Yeah, famously. Which made you very mad about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't read a single one of those books you gave me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I got natural ability.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To nurture and care.

[B]

I think what actually happened is, is I read all the books, and you're just following my lead.

[A]

So you're saying I'm mirroring you?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're saying I'm actually a reflector and that this is wrong.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay, so the next one was making the most out of.

[B]

Making the most out of life. That's something you're known for for sure. And then gift 35. Life's information keeper.

[A]

Okay, fuck you. Okay. I keep going.

[B]

Solving emotional issues.

[A]

What?

[B]

36.

[A]

I have yet to solve a single one. I have yet to solve a single emotional issue.

[B]

Give.38. A warrior of light.

[A]

Well, all right. Well, when you're right, you're right. Honestly, Jenna, Zoe. Thank you. I'm gonna now start calling myself the Warrior of Light. Just like that one guy was the Painter of Light.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know, Thomas Kincaid. He called himself the Painter of Light.

[B]

No, I don't want to talk about that.

[A]

He also loved places like Ibiza. Big drinker, that guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gift 42. Intentionality.

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

I don't know. Gift 43. Unique opinions and insights. That's a good one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They got you.

[A]

They did clock me on that.

[B]

But here's this one. This is. You stole this for me? Spotting trends and patterns.

[A]

Okay, but that's just pattern recognition. I feel like most. Hola. I feel like most people have pattern recognition. No, there are a lot of people who don't. I feel like most people have pattern recognition, but a lot of them don't realize it. They haven't been told what it is. It's not a superpower. Like, a lot of the stuff they're listening on here are not superpowered. These are things that people do. Yeah, these are things that people do. These are not many of these are not gifts either. I'd say. Most of these are curses. Most of these have been curses. I would have loved to have a life where I could just sit. I had a life where I could sit in a cubicle and just every day, work, come in, work go out, and then I go and eat a microwavable meal. And then I'd come home and be like, hey, I walked. I walked around Target before I came home.

[B]

You can't do that anymore.

[A]

Well, I can't do that anymore anyway, because those people, we're DEI for life. I'm a warrior for light, and that light is wokeness. Ghost bongo.

[B]

The last three are the same that I had. Spotting trends and patterns, overcoming inertia and inner knowing.

[A]

Okay. I. Overcoming inertia. That is all you. Yeah, that is all you. I. Goblin mode. Harder than anyone else has ever been. Goblin. There has been time, let me tell you. This is how you know this shit. This stuff is shit. There has been times in my life where I've been damn near close to logging off, and Mrs. P has literally walked in the room and just go, when's the last time you took a shower? And I go, yeah, you know, it's been a bit. And she's like, just go take a shower. Go take a shower before you make any decisions. I take a shower, I come out, and I'm like, I got an idea for a new podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that is not me overcoming inertia. That is just literally having someone in my life who is like, hey, bud, you're looking weird pale today.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You look like you need to walk the dog in the woods. You need to walk the dog the woods. You need some sun on your face. Have you had a vegetable?

[B]

Yeah. When was the last time you had a veg?

[A]

What's. What's your thoughts on water? Yeah, two glasses of that. Maybe a. With a sprig of caffeine.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Have a little mio. Squirt in there. Wake up a little bit. None of that is from me. That is all Mrs. P. Yeah.

[B]

So based on everything, here, I am a queen in a cave. Right. And you are a social studies teacher in a kitchen. Who's frustrated and responding to his emotions by yelling huh, huh?

[A]

Or okay, or hear me out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just a person standing at the end of an empire. Huh. Huh.

[B]

No.

[A]

Maybe that's what it's about.

[B]

So anyway, I feel like I really explained what human design is because I still don't know.

[A]

I still don't know.

[B]

Clearly confused. I don't know what I think makes sense. And I'm not paying $30 to watch YouTube video.

[A]

I do love all these little symbols too.

[B]

You gotta pay her to. Then she's gonna read this to you.

[A]

And tell you what it all means. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But I don't want to give any money.

[A]

The thing is, with all these different things. Right.

[B]

Is like, it is, I believe, a business write off.

[A]

I. I will say we could. We could write it off, but I don't want to write off to her.

[B]

No.

[A]

I would rather just give money directly to a library.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If my choice is to pay $1200 for her class.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or pay $1200 so kids can get free school lunches.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Raise them. Fucking taxes. Taxes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's been my feeling about so many. Every time I hear about like a rich person doing something insane and evil. Like on Crashing out, we talk about the new Epstein guy, Howard Rubin, and how he's torturing women in a dungeon.

[B]

The new financier.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, the New York financier. And then my entire response, the entire time was, if his taxes were higher, he wouldn't have dungeon money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like that's part of what raising taxes is about is like, ah.

[B]

Some of you guys limit how much they can do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't even lost their. They lost their minds.

[A]

Bezos doesn't need a yacht for his yacht. Yeah, that's too many yachts. That's too many yachts.

[B]

Before I let you go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I need to tell you something else. Too many tabs I found out on this website. I want to close with this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Call your shot. Like Babe Ruth.

[B]

Okay. The. The New Paradigm. Okay.

[A]

The New Paradigm.

[B]

New Paradigm. She has a whole part of her website called the New Paradigm. And I'm like, who's her? The. The Jenna Zoe.

[A]

Okay. Jenna Zoe.

[B]

Okay. Because she is my. Who's the person that helps you walk through learning something like this? Like, she's my mentor.

[A]

She's like your guru. Your guru. She's our guru.

[B]

Zoe has been the guru through her website.

[A]

Our Jenna Zoe guy is the guru for the Ra Uru. Who.

[B]

Yes. That's what I'm trying to say. How hard is that to say?

[A]

The fact that that sentence works and.

[B]

Made sense somewhat after this episode.

[A]

Are you ready to work?

[B]

So she has this link called the New Paradigm. And I'm like, I don't know what that is.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it says, back in 1987, human design prophesies the coming of a new paradigm in 2027.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It talked about our existing paradigm crumbling in the run up to this date, what the next one will look like, and how we can adjust our behaviors and consciousness to get ready for it. It learn here.

[A]

I love this. I love that she created a new Mayan calendar. Yeah, it's Mayan calendar, too, everybody.

[B]

Rapture.

[A]

Rapture. Rapture.

[B]

So then.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. The. The. The. The. I. Can I tell you what's so funny about 40 years being the difference?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I talked about this, actually. My recent rapture video I made on YouTube. The. The book 1984, the year we're born.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you know why that book is titled 1984?

[B]

Because they flipped it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it was written in 1948. And they were like, listen. It was like. It was a prediction for the future. And they're like, well, what. What year? And they're like, I don't know. And like, the near future. And like, the. I think Orwell was like, in his 40s when he wrote it. Like, late 30s, early 40s when he wrote it. And so he just wanted to pick a date that he didn't think he'd be around for.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they were like, well, 40 years. That's like, literally, like, when. If you want to make a prediction about anything, put it 40 years out. Yeah, put it 40 years out. Because it's still like a date that, like. Okay. Yeah. It's a thing that people can fathom. Right. So if I want to make a prediction right now to. What year is this? 2025.

[B]

2025.

[A]

2065. The polar ice caps will refreeze.

[B]

Hell yeah, dude. Let's go.

[A]

Look at that. Look at that. I mean, that's been the thing that's always annoyed me about all of the. All the revelations. People. All these different people who always discover this shit. It's always right around the corner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The end of the world, the apocalypse. All this shit's always right around the corner. Throw it out a little bit, buddy. That way it makes sense. Why you. Why you're buying helicopters?

[B]

We have two years left.

[A]

I know, exactly. Because, well, she's showing up with. She's discovered. It's Two years from now?

[B]

Well, no. Rahul wrote this.

[A]

Did he definitely write that? Or is it. Or is this an interpretation?

[B]

All I know is that there's some type of new paradigm coming because our current paradigm is going to crumble.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

And I tried to find out what the new paradigm is, so I clicked on New Paradigm part one, okay? So I could learn what to do. And it's $38 for 75 minutes.

[A]

Why is it $8 more?

[B]

And then I was like, okay, well, what happens in part two? Maybe? And I click on part two. A hundred and twenty dollars to find.

[A]

Out part two, because she got you with that first taste.

[B]

She got you with that first one.

[A]

And then part two is two hours and 45 minutes.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. So there's all this.

[A]

I wonder if we get a promo code.

[B]

Listen, do you think we can get.

[A]

A promo code for her?

[B]

No. She going to be mad about this.

[A]

She's going to be mad about this video.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's no way Joey Zo would be mad. Joey Zo the Zygo.

[B]

Yeah. So each Thing costs like 100.

[A]

She looks different. She looks different in that picture than the other ones.

[B]

Well, you said she was AI.

[A]

That's why I'm. Honestly, as we've been going on, I do actually believe I've actually convinced myself with a little bit of evidence that I have.

[B]

Do you have AI psychosis right now?

[A]

I do have AI psychosis because she definitely looks like she's looking directly into the camera.

[B]

According to human design, we are entering into a new world way of doing things. The gaps between space, time and motion are shortening. This literally means the consequences of our actions come quicker. Distance is no longer an obstacle and we can move mountains just by using our minds.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

In the future, it will be normal to heal our illnesses just with thought, to instantaneously get rid of emotional baggage just by deciding to reshape our bodies and communicate telepathically to call matter into being. In this video, we'll be explaining how we can bring the new paradigm into our lives, as well as exploring the changes coming our way. If you're alive right now, it's because you chose to play a part in this giant shift and because you are powerful.

[A]

Okay, Joey, Joey, Jenna, Zoe, my suggestion to you would be to put trailers for these videos up beyond just long distance trailer.

[B]

Shut up. She has one right here. Oh, I'm not gonna play because we're gonna get copy.

[A]

No, we're. We'll get copyright structure.

[B]

She's definitely gonna come for a copy.

[A]

But listen, just like Jenna, Zoe is predicting the end of the world. I am predicting the end of this episode. Mrs. P. It's been a good one. It has been a good one, guys. Make sure you're giving us those five stars wherever you're listening to us. Follow us on Patreon permania500.net Check out all the links down in the description for any of the different fun, different stuff that we talked about that we want you to find out. Like my shows or even checking out Ghost Bongo or anything else out there. Mrs. P. Any kind parting words.

[B]

Have a great week, everybody.

[A]

Too many frauds and too many scammers that we wish weren't real. Too many cons and too many spammers. And we're starting to feel like we've got too many tabs open. It's too many tabs. Remember to smile. Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me. So. Dana.

[B]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mob. We'll get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[B]

Nice. Jeffrey, you heard them.

[A]

T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for launch?

[B]

Dude, my work here is done.

[A]

24 monthly bill credits on experience beyond for well qualified customers + tax and 35 device connection charge credit same and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance Agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 and new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oakload Speed Test Intelligence Data 1H 2025 Visit T mobile.com Marketing is hard, but I'll tell you a little secret. It doesn't have to be. Let me point something out. You're listening to a podcast right now and it's great. You love the host, you seek it out and download it. You listen to it while driving, working out, cooking, even going to the bathroom. Podcasts are a pretty close companion. And this is a podcast ad. Did I get your attention? You can reach great listeners like yourself with podcast advertising from Libsyn Ads. Choose from hundreds of top podcasts offering host endorsements or run a pre produced ad like this one across thousands of shows. To reach your target audience in their favorite podcasts with Libsyn ads, go to Libsynads.com that's L I B S Y N ads.com today.