At 42, Jane went home to Taiwan for Chinese New Year and stayed in a hotel instead of her parents' house. It took four decades of healing work to get there.

In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Jane I-Chen Liu, LMHC, SEP, a therapist trained in IFS, EMDR, and Somatic Experiencing, to talk about why boundaries with parents feel so impossible.

We get into why you swing between over-tolerating everything and cutting off completely, and why neither one is a failure. Jane explains role confusion in enmeshed families, the difference between healthy shame and toxic shame, and why your nervous system can stay frozen at the age you were hurt.

She also walks through her three-step framework: heal the younger parts, update your current nervous system, then rehearse the new behavior before you are in the room.

The reframe that lands hardest: boundaries are not rejection. Jane's dad still picked her up from that hotel every day for lunch and dancing. The boundary changed where she slept, not whether she showed up.

This conversation is for you if:

You feel like a bad son or daughter every time you say no
You have gone from tolerating too much to no contact and back again
Shame keeps popping up no matter how much work you have done

About Jane:
Jane I-Chen Liu, LMHC, SEP, is the founder of KareKounseling, PLLC, a trauma-informed practice in Washington State. She helps adults heal childhood wounds, developmental trauma, CPTSD, generational trauma, and toxic shame using EMDR, IFS, and Somatic Experiencing.

Connect with Jane: Website

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