Big Homie

Summary

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We Talk Back – "Big Homie" (Nov 27, 2025)

Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Theme: Can relationships survive when women out-earn their partners? Side chicks, success, ego, and the real currency in love.

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Episode Overview

In this Thanksgiving-themed episode, TamBam and AJ Holiday balance relatable holiday banter with unflinching analysis of relationships, gender roles, and money. Using recent celebrity drama (notably Summer Walker’s “side chick” controversy and Kandi Burruss’s divorce news), they dive deep into why successful women often find relationship balance challenging, what “being a Big Homie” in love really requires, and why ego—not money—is usually the relationship killer.

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Highlights & Key Segments

1. Thanksgiving Vibes & Gratitude Check-In

• [03:36] – Hosts exchange holiday greetings and share what they're grateful for, with plenty of humor about family, health, and “side teeth.”
  • AJ: "I'm grateful for good health. I'm grateful for healthy relationships. I'm grateful for bundle deals tomorrow. I'm grateful for my side teeth." [03:52]
• Culinary confessions: Mac ‘n cheese, seafood salad, crab rice, and the reality of taking laxatives post-holiday meal.
• [05:38] – AJ jokes about cooking for "five different families" and getting paid for it.

2. Holiday Shopping Scams & Black Friday Realness

• [08:26] – Venting about lackluster Black Friday deals.
  • TamBam: "The Black Friday sale is not black enough for me." [08:30]
• Zara coming to Charlotte: excitement over shopping locally versus fighting crowds [09:11].

3. Personal Life Updates & Work Hustle

• [10:07] – AJ recounts the physical grind of working extra hours at the salon: "I worked like a Hebrew slave this weekend."
• Shoes and survival: Hoka vs. Asics for hair stylists [11:04].

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4. Hot Topics: Summer Walker & Side Chick Culture

The "Pizza Hut" Scandal

• [12:24] – The hosts break down the viral audio of Summer Walker coaching Rich the Kid on “side chick” tactics.

  • “Just get a second cell phone and save her number as Pizza Hut. She don’t give a fuck.” [12:55]

• Dissection of side-chick normalization, hypocrisy, and effects on women’s self-worth.

• AJ: "You don’t think you deserve better than that? Baby girl, you are not a pizza place. You are a whole mother..." [13:06–13:17]

• TamBam tallies up Summer Walker’s dating history, questioning public personas versus private behavior.

  • "Y'all bitches ain’t who y’all think y’all are." [14:43]

• Accountability for “side” behavior and the cyclical nature of romantic drama in public and private.

• Quote — TamBam on Summer Walker:

  • "Now, at this point, I don’t know … she’s a fucking dweeb at this point. That's why I'm looking at her like, girl, what? And I love Summer Walker, man." [18:28]

• Reflection on how heartbreak cycles affect a woman’s self-esteem and public perception.

  • "You're not looking at a confident woman. No, that's not what I'm seeing. Because you wouldn't be … you wouldn’t be second best to any bitch." [19:25]

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5. Infamous Funeral Side Chick

• [21:44] – The viral video of a side chick jumping into her partner’s grave in front of his family. Comic relief meets real critique.

  • TamBam: "You hopping in the grave you ain’t paid for, bitch." [21:56]

• Debate about side women showing up at funerals and expectations for respect and privacy.

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6. Random: Kenya Hill’s (ANTM) Odd Encounter

• [24:27] – Model Kenya Hill threatens to sue a streamer for rejecting her public kiss on livestream.
• Discussion about women's inability to handle rejection in the social media age.
  • AJ: "I'm confused as to why she wanted this stranger to kiss her in the first place. Was she just found him attractive or something or what was that about? It was kind of weird, right?" [25:43]

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7. Main Topic: Can Relationships Survive When Women Out-Earn Men?

Set-Up: Kandi Burruss’s Divorce

• [26:48] – Candy Burruss files for divorce, prompting deeper questions about gender roles and financial power.
  • “Can women be more successful than their spouse and stay in a relationship?” [26:56]

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Key Discussion Points

• Role Reversal & Resentment
  [32:50] – “A man's value is directly tied to what he brings to the table. So if he's not the breadwinner, is he a valuable partner?” – AJ
• Male Ego & Relationship Power
  [34:24] – TamBam doubts most men can truly handle their partner out-earning them:
  • "Men say that they can deal with that, but I really don't think they can."
• Real Life Examples: Strain, Sabotage, and Shrinking
  • Women often “shrink” their success for men. Relationships can become competitive, not cooperative.
• Fair Division: Who Keeps What?
  • "You leave with what you came with or whatever we acquired together." – TamBam [34:00]
• Emotional Labor & Value
  [56:03] – “For men, your value isn't only financial. So that's the biggest one.” – AJ
• Successful Women, Contentment & The Trap of Overcompensation
  [35:17] – TamBam: "The woman is always, like, overcompensating for him."
• When It Works — Rarity and Requirements
  • “When a man is emotionally secure, the roles are flexible, not rigid. Both partners value teamwork over power, and communication is honest and consistent.” – AJ [44:57]

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8. Memorable Quotes & Moments

TamBam on male ego and breadwinning:
"The sweet spot for men is being a breadwinner. I just think that's where they are more comfortable." [62:57]

AJ on what kills relationships:
"Success doesn't kill relationships. Ego does." [68:00]

TamBam’s rule on choosing men:
"Find a nigga who make more money than you. That is still the standard." [67:51]

AJ’s advice on shrinking:
"Don’t dim your light ever. Choose emotionally mature men … Pay attention to his reaction to your success." [48:43]

TamBam’s anecdote on unsupportive partners:
"The first thing he says to me all day that day is, 'You a hoe.' … That was the first thing he said to me and it really was, you know, to make me feel a way about myself. But when you know thyself, can nobody do that to you." [49:11, 51:41]

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9. Advice for Listeners

For Women:

• Never shrink for a man.
• Choose emotionally mature partners who don’t resent your success.
• Celebrate yourself, and set boundaries early.

For Men:

• Your value is not solely financial.
• Learn to contribute emotionally; celebrate your partner’s wins as your own.
• Avoid competition—practice partnership and honest communication.

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Final Takeaways

• Ego—not success or money—is the real killer in relationships.
• Men and women both need to know themselves, communicate, and choose wisely.
• If you can’t celebrate your partner, you’re in the wrong partnership.
• Society still expects, and most people are comfortable with, the man as breadwinner—going against the grain creates challenges, but they can be overcome with emotional maturity and true partnership.

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“Know your personnel and don’t be on your partner. There’s a reason why you got with this person. Know the ebbs and flow of life—they might not always be up, you ain’t always gonna be down. But expect it, know who you’re with.” – TamBam [67:08]

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Tune in every Thursday for more raw, real, and hilarious takes from TamBam & AJ Holiday.

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Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Ryan Murphy]

What a matchup we got y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[Ryan Murphy]

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[AJ Holiday]

Com.

[Ryan Murphy]

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[Tam Bam]

Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[AJ Holiday]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[Tam Bam]

What's up, y'? All? It's your girl A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam? Bamboo.

[AJ Holiday]

Gobble gobble, gobble. I love y'. All.

[Tam Bam]

It's Thanksgiving.

[AJ Holiday]

Happy Thanksgiving, folks. I love y'. All. How was your weekend?

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I was about to say, what you grateful for this week?

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, that's a good question. I am grateful for good health. I'm grateful for healthy relationships. I'm grateful for bundle deals tomorrow. I'm grateful for my side teeth. Yo, I am. I was just looking at. I'm grateful for that.

[Tam Bam]

Praise the Lord.

[AJ Holiday]

And I'm grateful for. We talk bad podcast. What about you?

[Tam Bam]

Period? Let me see what I'm grateful for this week. Family, right? Always grateful for good health. Good health. If you can't find anything to be grateful for but your ass have have a good bill of health. There goes your reason. Definitely grateful. Definitely grateful for. We talk back. Okay. Grateful for this macaroni and cheese I made because it's really all I have to eat for Thanksgiving. You know, food and yeah, family, friends, all the good things. That's what I'm grateful for.

[AJ Holiday]

Amen. What are you cooking? Just Mac and cheese. That's it.

[Tam Bam]

Morning cheese, a seafood salad, and I got to make my own. Like I'll probably make like some salmon or something like that. Like a filet salmon. Because I don't eat the meats. Some pies and what else am I responsible for? I'm make a crab. Some crab rice. Let's put it.

[AJ Holiday]

Damn, I want some of that. Put some in the Mail it be.

[Tam Bam]

Busting, too, because I put a little bit of coconut cream in there.

[AJ Holiday]

That sounds nice. First of all, I'm responsible for five different families. Macaroni and cheese. And I don't know how I set myself up.

[Tam Bam]

Are you charging?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I'm selling.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. I'm about to say yeah. One year, me and Tammy swapped red rice for macaroni. Like, I. But I. Wait a minute. I actually made the red rice for you, and all you gave me was the macaroni and cheese recipe. Wait a minute. What's happening?

[Annabe Announcer]

What?

[Tam Bam]

The house is tweaked a little bit because I'm not putting all that goddamn heavy whipping cre. Y' all see how many calories in heavy whipping cream?

[AJ Holiday]

You just only eat it on Thanksgiving and, like, Easter, Christmas. That's the only times you eat that type of macaroni and cheese. You can't eat it.

[Tam Bam]

How long are you gonna take Fluffy get them calories off from Thanksgiving?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm taking. I take a laxative on Thanksgiving, so there's that. Don't do that, folks, though, because I think that might be called laxative abuse. I'm not sure. But I do take one so I can empty out all of that stuff.

[Tam Bam]

Move, move. At the end of the night, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Drink that tea, baby. Anyway, I'm responsible for macaroni and cheese. The. The dressing, a banana pudding and cornbread. All carbs. Heavy carbs. That's so. That's all my job.

[Tam Bam]

That's all good how you do your cornbread? My. Should be damning like cake girl with a little crusty little top.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, same. It'd be kind of cakey. It'd be kind of sweet. And I put a can of butter in mine.

[Tam Bam]

What you put in there?

[AJ Holiday]

Let me tell you what. Let me tell you a secret ingredient. And y' all might think it's bad, but it tastes so good, y'. All. It's a can of creamed corn in there.

[Tam Bam]

Like, yeah, I've. I've seen people make it like that, but I don't want the corn in my. That does make it extra sweet, but I don't want the corn in there. And then depending on what brand of creamed corn, that should be starchy as hell be sticking to your teeth.

[AJ Holiday]

It is starchy, but it's so good. It's so good. So I'm making that. I got. You know what? This recipe I got from my friend. I. I haven't tried it yet, but I've tried hers, and it was so good, I, you know, hit her up like, can I have your cornbread recipe? And she's sitting there.

[Tam Bam]

It's like a hush puppy.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, kind of like a hush puppy. Yep. So good. So, yeah, Carba Tanya is doing the greens and yams. I typically do the yams too, but I'm not doing everything, you know, I ain't even got my own house yet. So how. I'm cooking all the damn food. So that part.

[Tam Bam]

You ain't putting out no Christmas tree yet this year. I guess to be up until March.

[AJ Holiday]

I. I can't put up like, I don't move until. So I found a place, but I don't move in until January. So I can't put. I ain't putting up no Christmas tree. But my mom is. I'm sure she gonna put up a tree at some point.

[Tam Bam]

I ain't putting up shit, bitch. I ain't even got a couch in it. Oh, I do have chairs that I don't have a couch that I want yet. So maybe if I get a couch within the next week or two, I'll get a Christmas tree.

[AJ Holiday]

Why don't you. It's Black Friday sales that, like, you should go grab.

[Tam Bam]

I seen a sofa one from Ashley Furniture yesterday. So I need. The black Fat Friday sale is not black enough for me.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah. Because the Black Friday sales used to be just on Friday and they used to be super sales. Now they start on the week before and it just. Basically a regular sale.

[Tam Bam]

It'd be 20. No, I need like, this couch is almost $5,000. No, right, the. I need 40 off.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, yeah. That's how I used to be on Black Friday. Not no more, girl.

[Tam Bam]

Ain't no damn sales. It's finesse.

[AJ Holiday]

Zara opens up December 1st in Charlotte and you know it's going to be a madness. And my friends are like, zara in.

[Tam Bam]

Charleston, man, what the hell?

[AJ Holiday]

My friends are like, we don't want to go until January. I'm going right on. I'm be out there with the whore. The masses on December 1st fighting over. I had it first.

[Tam Bam]

No, I had it first.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I can't wait because I wanted.

[Tam Bam]

To order some earrings from Zara. Like, I need a local Zara because they be having all the cute shit. Last minute shit. You always could find you something, Zara.

[AJ Holiday]

Yep. I'm excited.

[Tam Bam]

Anyway, weekend. Y' all know what it was. Y' all know what time it is. I didn't do much this weekend. TJ Maxx it out again. I did find a comforter that I was looking for last Week some said, ashley, go back in home goods. Today I went back in home goods. I got my comforter, okay? So that's all I had going on this weekend and my boo thing in town for the holidays. So we was looking at booed up.

[AJ Holiday]

I did. I worked like a Hebrew slave this weekend. You know, right before the holidays, everybody wants their hair done. When I tell you I worked, I put in 48 hours in four days. And I feel like that's all I did was work and sleep for four days straight, like. And not a lot of sleep either. And my feet hurt so bad, like I went out and bought me some hokas because I can't move like that.

[Tam Bam]

Asics, they good for standing and running.

[AJ Holiday]

Boy. I went and got them shits because when I tell you my feet was on fire so bad. Saturday I was supposed to fly to New York. I couldn't even go.

[Tam Bam]

You know, you're supposed to wear them little old lady shoes. Them little. They look like penny loafers a little bit like round the. The square toe in the front. That's how them. All the ladies who used to do do hair back in the day. Those are the shoes they wore that. Those are for standing all day long.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm trying to be cute. No, I got them ugly ass. Hoka. Them sh. Is ugly as hell, but I got them because I will never put my feet through fat again.

[Tam Bam]

The soul of them hookahs like 4 inches.

[AJ Holiday]

They ugly as. But they feel like you walking on the cloud and I need that. Let's get in the stands.

[Tam Bam]

I know the whole world saw Summer Walker this past weekend. Mrs. Pizza Hut. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

That hurt my feelings.

[Tam Bam]

It did, it did. I feel like I've been bamboozled with these albums, right? I feel like I've been bamboozled because I don't know that. Okay, let's back up a little bit. Okay? So over this past week, Summer Walker had a lot of controversy right between her and. I don't know why the hell I kept wanting to call this boy Rich Homie Quan, but Rich the kid of. Okay, Rich the kid who is. Who has been in a long term relationship with Tory Bricks. Right? Do they. Are they married? No, they're not married. Do they have one or two? I think they got like two kids together or something like that. But she's been known for having to beat bitches up over him. Okay. Going to jail, this type of shit. These are the things that that have transpired over the years. So Summer Walker. This weekend Tory Bricks released audio of her basically Telling Rich the kid how he can just. Just get a second cell phone and save her number as Pizza Hut. She don't give a fuck. Like, she's cool in the position that she's currently playing, which is side. And she says she has been in this position for many years. At this point, they've been fucking around off and on. And if he's opening the wallet, her hands is out like this. Remember that? Remember that meme she had where she. She was giving her baby. Baby daddy back to the niggas? I mean, back to the streets. So she's saying if the wallet opens, her hands is open. Like, obviously the legs is open, too. How are you feeling about Summer Walker right now?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm disappointed in her. You know when she said when she was coaching a nigga on how to keep her a side bitch, like, save my number at Pizza Hut, that was just the lowest of the low. Like, you don't think you deserve better than that? Baby girl, you are not a pizza place. You are a whole mother, a whole. You are a singer with a beautiful voice. You have so much to give to the world. And here you are minimizing yourself. They got what don't they got? Six $5 personal pants right now. Like, girl, get.

[Tam Bam]

She's a $5 footlong.

[AJ Holiday]

So that made me sad.

[Tam Bam]

That's why I say side bitches could get beat up sometimes, right? So, no, they're not married. They're allegedly engaged. Tory Bricks enriched a kid. Summer Walk Walker. You noticed you make albums about how many? Shit. How you know the heart of a woman is the only reason why these niggas is breathing. But here you are doing the same that you sing about to the next woman. That's. This is why side bitches have to take accountability. Yes, the home wrecker is the motherfucker that's in the home. But your man cannot cheat unless there is a nigga. Excuse me, too. Unless there is a nigger or a willing to complete complicit willing to compete, right? So there's always somebody willing to compete. Rich the Kid. Now, ever since this now, I have been tallying up her bodies. I'm now taking a look at the men she has let have access to her box, right? And y' all bitches ain't who y' all think y' all are. Rich the Kid. Goddamn. Little funky Mac. What's the.

[AJ Holiday]

Let's.

[Tam Bam]

What's the little one? What's the name? Says Musty.

[AJ Holiday]

Lil Meech.

[Tam Bam]

Lil Meech, her baby daddy. The two baby daddies. And then the who she was just dating recently who just came home from prison. It was like, he's. He was in her DM for years, and I guess she finally gave him a chance. And any video I saw her in with this nigga, she was looking uncomfortable. Like, why am I fucking with him? You know what I'm saying? Because he would be saying some ignorant shit.

[AJ Holiday]

She's just a broken girl. That's what I think. You know, I don't even think she's broken.

[Tam Bam]

I just think she kind of. She's a fucking hood rat. And she like hood rat niggas. Like, they doing hood rat shit and it's cool.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I mean, hood rat. I don't know. I don't know. She's a hood rat, but I think she's just making poor choices. She's mismanaging her body for sure.

[Tam Bam]

Summer Walker, Sukihana, Sexy Red. That's her clique. Oh, they are all. Yes, they are all friends. They be hanging out. And listen, them bitches is comedians as far as I'm concerned. When I. Them bitches is funny as hell. All of them. Summer Walker is hilarious to me, just on some regular goofy shit, but this is not putting her in a good light. And then for you to get on live disparaging Tory Bricks the way you did, like, she's wrong.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

That's the fighting for her relationship.

[AJ Holiday]

That's the other thing. If you are complicit in being on the side, at least have the slightest amount of ego about yourself to not be coming at the other woman like, damn, that should be embarrassing.

[Tam Bam]

That you should be embarrassing her because she put that. Summer Walker didn't like the light she was being shining because of that video that. That Tory Bricks posted with her saying how she is okay being inside. You know what I'm saying? She even like that nigga. Yeah. So she. Tori posted the video, right. And then Summer Walker went on live talking about her relationship with Rich the kid. And talk about basically Rich the kid's relationship with his kid's mom. And in the midst of that, she's disparaging another woman. It was just kind of mean, girlish. I understand. Like, yeah, listen.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Like I said, the home record is the motherfucker in the home. But you have to take some responsibility for the bullshit because you're not looking. You don't look cute in this situation at all.

[AJ Holiday]

Nothing about this makes me look good.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, nothing you could say or do, sweet pea.

[AJ Holiday]

Baby, I wouldn't have never went live. I would have been if I Went live. I would have promoted my album since everybody looking over here. Y' all go. Y' all go listen to my album right now. It's been out since Thursday, y' all since make my shit trend, something. I would never have mentioned that woman or that man, period.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I definitely would have tried to, like, make some. Make some out of it, because ain't no way I would get up there talking crazy about that girl. Like, you ain't wrong, right? Did you wrong as a motherfucker. And this is rich. The kid, how much money he got? I know Summer Walker got more money than him. You got to actually like that while you with him. Ain't about no check. You trying to convince us that you don't like him. You like him, right? Because you got enough money. You're get like. It cannot. He's not giving you that much money to where you like.

[AJ Holiday]

You.

[Tam Bam]

You want to play a side to this for this? I don't understand. It's giving like rich men.

[AJ Holiday]

You know how some women like whoever like them. That's what it feels.

[Tam Bam]

But he don't like you. You know what I'm saying? Rather you like people. What I don't like about women who be, like, in the side position, like, they always want to down the main person, right? And say how stupid she is. Both of y' all getting the same raw dick. You're getting the same money. You're not getting any better treats than she is. Like, she might be having to deal with a little bit more headaches from him, but in those audios, she was saying, like, you know how he is. Like, you started. You try to stop talking to him. He's calling your manager. He's stalking, like, so basically, like, he's keeping you wrapped up in this thing. And you love it because they got law enforcement. Change your number. You are Summer Walker. This is why I'm like, who. Who are you? Now, at this point, I don't know not to say that we even know, like, celebrities. Like, we don't know who these people are. But she's a fucking dweeb at this point. That's why I'm looking at her like, girl, what? And I love Summer Walker, man. I love Summer Walker.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, me too. I hope she finds a way to redeem herself from.

[Tam Bam]

This is a dumb bitch story.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And we've all been one once or twice, but this is. This is dumb bitch Olympics.

[Tam Bam]

Like, Big Lil Meech. Like, he was lying, saying he was just dropping groceries off to his cousin. He, like, on the ring cam like going to a bitch apartment. Like playing with Summer Walker, right? So when you think you who you are, right? And niggas be playing in your face like this, that shit has to fuck with your esteem. And I think that's what we looking at, right? You're not looking at a confident woman. No, that's not what I'm seeing. Because you wouldn't be. You wouldn't be second best to any bitch. And Tory Bricks is a beautiful girl, you know what I'm saying? She should not be dealing with the shit she's dealing with from him. But she's. Now she has two kids with him, you know what I'm saying? So whatever. Whatever her reasons are for staying with him are her reasons. And some Walker was like, if I really wanted him, you would be homeless today. That is so mean.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's. That's gross. But you know what? We. We talking about them. He has. He is the problem. He is the real problem. Summer has her problems too. Things that she needs to fix. But Rich the kid needs to be rich the man and stop playing with these women. In their hearts, these are people who.

[Tam Bam]

Are in public relationships. And Tory Bricks has been with Rich the kid throughout all the relationships Summer Walker has had publicly. Right? So as long as you've had these relationships, you done had a set of twins, another kid. You've known that this woman has been with this man. So at what point do you know I fuck with this man knowing this, like, when do we. Not saying you got to be a girl's girl, but you know, the man in a relationship, no matter what the fuck he say, he's publicly in a relationship with this woman. So at some point we gotta. We gotta have a little onus, you know, in, in, in the situation. This shit is not fucking cute.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And you can't be singing about niggas not being shit, because oftentimes, if you've never experienced a man who is the shit, chances are you ain't shit either. Everybody you fucked with ain't shit.

[AJ Holiday]

That part. What about speaking of side bitches? This side bitch hopped in the grave in front of the wife in the family of her dead person.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, her dead nigga. This is. She deemed him. My thing is you hopping in the grave you ain't paid for, bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Did you.

[Tam Bam]

Did you put in on this coffin? You done put a dent in hopping in this six foot hole.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, they didn't lower it in front of the family no more for this specific reason, people jumping in? No.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I just. I mean, I Went to my homegirl funeral. They definitely lowered it in the ground. But I don't know if we had any crazy people out there who about to hop in.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

They should have started throwing that dirt and see if she would have hopped out. And it was a white woman.

[AJ Holiday]

Was she white? Because I couldn't tell.

[Tam Bam]

I saw a real beige black back and then I got her and they was all around her beating her.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, she could have been because they sounded like black folks.

[Tam Bam]

The women were black, right?

[AJ Holiday]

The.

[Tam Bam]

The wife and all. The. The man who passed, he's black, the family's black. But the person who jumped in that grave was definitely looking like a slim crackhead white lady.

[AJ Holiday]

You couldn't tell. All you saw was a slither of her back. But that hair look kind of sticky.

[Tam Bam]

It's getting sticky. It look kind of sticky.

[AJ Holiday]

That could just be the weave. Could have been.

[Tam Bam]

Could have been a 27 piece cutting little mohawk looking.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm so glad that her face wasn't shown just for her sake because how embarrassing.

[Tam Bam]

What are you doing? I thought they had possibly pushed her in there.

[AJ Holiday]

No. She was just so broken by the loss of this person. I don't know. I ain't never seen nobody that much in grief that they jump on the grave. But they tore her ass up. She learned a valuable lesson, I think. Yeah, just keep it quiet to the end. I mean, he gone. He was silent in life.

[Tam Bam]

Be silent in death or at least pay for something. If I got to bury my husband that you've been fucking on, you better not show up at this goddamn funeral empty handed. Need. I need 50% of what I spend on this funeral. You ain't just about to come enjoy a damn chicken fried chicken plate and macaroni and cheese.

[AJ Holiday]

You can't come to the repast at all. Like, please listen, I won't tell you you can't come to the funeral, but please don't come to the repay.

[Tam Bam]

Why would you. Why would you be coming to the funeral as a side bitch? This.

[AJ Holiday]

These side bitches getting out of control in morning. She mourning.

[Tam Bam]

Didn't mourn your ass at the house. Ain't no ass in the light.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't come. You can't come to the repass though you wowing.

[Tam Bam]

So this America's next top model Model, I think is her name. Kenya. Kenya Hill. She is now threatening to sue. This streamer he pulled up, you know they be on the streets pulling up telling people who they are, putting them on stream talking or whatever. But she started, you know, recording them on her live. Excuse me, not on her live. On her story. She started recording a video for her story and he. She asked him for a kiss on the cheek and this young man declines and walks off like people crazy. Now she's on a rant. She's ranting off all over social media now wanting to sue because she said she asked him not to use the footage. Mind y', all, this is streaming. The footage is live. There's no way of deleting it. Right. So obviously the, the incident was already clipped. And I feel like this just shows just how women cannot take rejection like men do. Because why you thought why would he want to kiss you on the cheek? Who are you? And why does he have to kiss you on the cheek? And now you're upset he didn't kiss you on the cheek and you want all the content removed off social media because you look crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm confused as to why she wanted this stranger to kiss her in the first place. Was she just found him attractive or something or what was that about? It was kind of weird, right?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I think it's just for content purposes possibly. You know what I'm saying? Like he, he's saying how he's out for a Grammy. This. I guess she might have perceived him as somebody who was possibly lit and I'm just assuming from a, from one of these content creators minds, maybe this is what it was. Yeah, but I don't know. I just, I. That would never be a go to.

[AJ Holiday]

To be like, put one right here, boy. If you don't get out my face, I don't know where your mouth then.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, so it was weird. It was a weird exchange on her part and I think that that's why she wanted the video to be taken down. But it's already live, sweet pea. So people saw you getting curbed for a fake kiss on the streets and is in the video. It looks like she was stopping him to talk. I don't know. It's just weird. She got her little five minutes, right?

[AJ Holiday]

I guess. So this is going to take us into our topic today. I don't know if y' all saw, but Candy Burris has filed for divorce from Todd Tucker. Candy Burris, Tucker, excuse me. Has filed for divorce from Todd Tucker. A video resurfaced of showing Todd saying women who don't want to share their wealth will end up by themselves. We just want to have a conversation about can women be more successful than their spouse and stay in a relationship or stay married. So we're going to get into that when we come back.

[Ryan Murphy]

What a matchup we got, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[Ryan Murphy]

This is that classic HBCU vibe. Non stop action. The band is rocking and the crowd lit. Chance echo drum beat everybody showing that school pride. A game like this, yeah, it calls for an ice cold Coca Cola. Ah, crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there.

[AJ Holiday]

Mmm.

[Ryan Murphy]

Yeah, that taste always hits the right note. Just like the band at halftime. And just like that, we're back at it. Passionate fans, school colors everywhere and an ice cold Coca Cola. That's a winning combo no matter the sport, no matter the yard. Every single everybody knows fan work is thirsty work. So grab a Coca Cola and keep that HBCU pride going. This past weekend, like every other Sunday you were on the court with the guys playing ball. Just a pickup game living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but a mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentions he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about the housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like has he spoke to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, home ownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court estate Farm Agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online or on the app, they're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball, if you know what I mean. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

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[AJ Holiday]

Hey, audiobook lovers.

[Ryan Murphy]

This week on the podcast I'm sitting down with musician, producer and walking encyclop Questlove. We're talking about Mark Ronson's memoir, Night how to be a DJ in 90s New York City. All right, like we talked about before, Mark Ronson found sanctuary in the DJ booth.

[AJ Holiday]

What's a tool or piece of equipment.

[Ryan Murphy]

In the studio or on stage that gives you the most control? So I have two microphones on stage. We have the microphone that you hear as the audience. Then we have a second microphone in which we communicate with each other. I feel like that second microphone kind of saved all of our friendships. No, no band likes each other after 20 years or 25 years. Like the Beatles broke up in seven and a half years. And we're going on 35. Listen to earsay the audible and iheart audiobook club on the iheartradio app or wherever you get your podcast.

[Tam Bam]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half the price.

[Ryan Murphy]

Not half the service.

[Tam Bam]

Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means half day.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Ryan Murphy]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

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[Tam Bam]

Speed slow.

[Annabe Announcer]

135 GB of networks. Busy taxes and fees, extra se mobile.com.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y', all, we're back. Yeah, AJ was making a face, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. She was crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, the topic is, can relationships last if the woman is more successful? Now, I wanted to talk about this. I don't know if that's why their marriage is dissolving. Let me just say that it could be many reasons. Who knows what it is? But because that conversation, that video resurfaced, I wanted to talk about, like, successful women in their relationships with men. If they're with a man who is not as successful as them, do we know a lot of them? Are they healthy relationships? Are they happy? Are the men happy? Are they bitter? Do they resent the woman? Because I feel like a lot of times we, our society, a man's value is directly tied to what he brings to the table. So if he's not the breadwinner, is he a valuable partner?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I mean, just because the everybody, including men, know that they have to Produce. It's just. It is what it is. And I think that sometimes men, instead of working towards putting themselves in a position to produce more, they will create issues elsewhere. Right? Like the. The woman or the relationship will become the problem as to why they aren't producing. Men like men with money, women like men with money. It's just. It is what it is. It's one of those double standards. But I think when you have women. We kind of talked about this a couple episodes ago. What was. It was one of your friends we had on the show, and she was in corporate, and we were talking about, you know, women. Black women with their degrees and money and all women in tech. Sometimes they. Yeah, they. Sometimes, you know, and not. Not just tech, obviously, Right. Because. Because Candy is. She's been in entertainment since they were teen. Since she was a teenager, basically. Like, the world has known who Candy was for a very long time. Right. So her success did not just start with Todd.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

Right. Now, what they build together, that's. It's just separate. I'm sorry. And I even feel the same way. If it were the man who was. Was a breadwinner, I don't. I don't believe in, like, taking somebody's somebody for everything they. They are. They have. I don't believe in that. At the end of a relationship, that shit is kind of fucked up to me.

[AJ Holiday]

You.

[Tam Bam]

You leave with what you came with or whatever we acquired together. But I think that men say that they can deal with that. With y' all probably making a funny face. I wonder why. They say men say that they can deal with that, but I really don't think they can. And as much as a woman will try to, like, coddle the man and make them feel like, hey, it's okay. It is something in the man, right? He wants to produce, he wants to do more. And whatever is prohibiting that. It has nothing to do with the woman. But I have seen this in real life, okay? Woman making the more. More money. The women making moves, and then they. They have this failure to launch as dude. And I'm not saying that's Todd's position. Right. I'm just saying in, like, real life situations I've seen. And the woman. Woman. The woman is always, like, overcompensating for him.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Do you feel like when women are more successful, they have to shrink or downplay their accomplishments to make that man feel secure? Do you feel like that is.

[Tam Bam]

It may not be necessary. And men may say they don't need it. But there's a reason why this woman starts doing that. Because men will have like, little big money or I can't you. You be like, trying to clock what the woman is spending money on. I know a guy who was in a relationship with a woman, and she was a doctor. He's like, in tech. Like it for the government. And. But this woman, she was a doctor, but. And she worked in the emergency room. So she just worked all day long, outsourced everything. She even wanted to outsource a baby if they were to get married and have a kid. Like, she's like, I don't want to have the baby. Like we. I want to pay for a surrogate. So. So because she was in a position to spend the money and she never once said anything to him about not making as much as she did it once they broke up, it played out in all his relationships after that. I just felt like he's. He always felt inadequate in every relationship after that. Even though he made money, he just never made $400,000 like this bitch he was with.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's what I'm about to say. Like, because he could be successful still, but as long as he's not as successful as his counterpart, there is some type of ego thing going on where he can't. He doesn't feel like the man, but then we do.

[Tam Bam]

And I think the women are like this, this is our. As long as we together, this is our money. But you know, about to leave and take half my shit. No, nobody wants that man or woman.

[AJ Holiday]

Right? But oftentimes women do. When they leave, they get a lot, you know.

[Tam Bam]

Well, because oftentimes the woman leaves with the kids too. So you think you supposed to put three babies in and they're not supposed to have the same lifestyle that you afforded when we were together. That's where the extra money comes in at, Right? So you still got to pay for the private school. We gotta. You have to still pay for those kids to live as if they were living with you. And you could take Shaquille o' Neal, for example, when Shawnee left, like, he. He would rather pay Shawnee all this money than to have to deal with them kids. So if you got the money to do it, why not, right?

[AJ Holiday]

But I can imagine Candy being like, you can get the fuck out, like real quick to ty, you know, I can't though. This is my mother house.

[Tam Bam]

I think candy is a nice. No, I think candy is nice. I can't imagine candy because I feel like candy would be One of those women overcompensating for him. Because remember, her mama did not like.

[AJ Holiday]

Todd at some point. Yeah. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

Her mama didn't like Todd initially. And, you know, she was already on Housewives of Atlanta before even being a house housewife. She had like a boyfriend or fiance, somebody that got killed club or some shit in Atlanta. And then she met Todd. Todd is not on the show. What you do see Todd doing on the show is presenting all these different business ideas and shit like that over the years. And like the. The old lady gang, the restaurant and all that shit like that. Those were all Todd's ideas. And that shit like, up right now. That's a failing business. That ole gang closed down.

[AJ Holiday]

Did it?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. They had like a lot of little legal issues. So maybe, I don't know, maybe invested in these. Some of the businesses, ideas that he came up with might have, you know, cost her money. That she. That. Listen, if. If you. If you come in, it cost them money. We'll say that, right? Because that's what Todd would like to say. But if I had to use my money for the initial investment on this thing, you would have never gotten this thing off the ground, had it. Now, I could take me for a fucking example in a goddamn food truck trap. Veggie. Okay. Nigga came to me with the idea. I'm like, yeah, now, mind you, I would be the cook on the truck too. Cause he ain't cooking shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Did it ever come out?

[Tam Bam]

He probably still. He probably. No, I still own the business, but he has the truck. So whenever I get myself situated, I still want to do my. My business. My business. I had to argue with this nigga about my business because I invested the initial. Like, how you. I've never been able to tell a nigga my dreams, and they invested in a day one like, here, go, let's go buy the truck. Let's. I bought the truck. I put the transmission in it. Now I got to argue with this nigga about who owns the actual name of the business. Because people be messaging me wanting to buy the business name itself, you know, and in his mind, he thinks he owns something because he did like the fabrication of the truck. But you don't. You don't own it. Like, you eventually put more money into the business than I did, but it never got going. I never got my return on investment. At least you still got the truck. So it's. It's. Were you. Would you have ever done this without me?

[AJ Holiday]

That.

[Tam Bam]

That would be my question. Could Todd have opened a restaurant Or I don't know what he was doing prior to Candy, but we know her money was used for.

[AJ Holiday]

Initially, he was working in production on the show because that's where they met. He was on, like, the production team. He was in entertainment as well. But so you remember that man, they went to Africa and they threw. He threw them bones. And he told Candy that she was going to get married to somebody who was there with them now. And he told Charay she would never get married again.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, is that the same episode? Portia, the person told Portia she was going to be with a woman.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I don't remember, but she is dating a woman now.

[Tam Bam]

Exactly.

[AJ Holiday]

That who that is. I would want him to throw some bones for me and tell me what's gonna happen.

[Tam Bam]

So she married him, but now they getting divorced. I guess. He didn't say they would stay together.

[AJ Holiday]

No, he just said, oh, no.

[Tam Bam]

I love short men. I. I love short men, y'. All. Okay. Like I said, I'm a short man advocate. But I can see on Todd's face that that nigga's a sassy problem. I can see on his face that he would be a fucking problem. Like, you short. You short for men because some be like, they really have, like, the Napoleon syndrome, right? So you short. And on top of that, your woman making more money than you.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. That could cause a problem ego. So, all right, so how can it actually work? Like, what. What would a woman need in a man for that shit to actually make sense and work?

[Tam Bam]

Like, if she had all the money and he didn't, I don't. I don't think it can't not work. Right. But I don't think that the men would allow it to work. I know another couple who. The woman has been the breadwinner the majority of the relationship, and I have heard him say that he's okay with that. He's okay with his wife making more money than him. He speaks about her 401k as if it's theirs. You know what I'm saying? She allows it. So who is, you know, anybody outside the relationship to say anything right now? I know for a fact that this woman does not emasculate this man. And if she does, is never in public. Okay? So she's saying some shit to him in the bedroom. Like, you ain't even pulling your weight, nigga. Like, that's not even emasculating. It's like, it's the truth. Right. I would never know if that's happening. Right? But the way this person Everything he, everything that comes out of his mouth just sounds like he's just trying to overcompensate for not producing and that's it.

[AJ Holiday]

And I think that's just an ego thing, but it's also a societal thing because men, in this country, men are made to feel less than when they can't produce. Right.

[Tam Bam]

I think that's all countries. It's just that in other countries it's known that a man has to take care of his family. It's almost like it's up for debate in America. The. It's not up for debate, but in.

[AJ Holiday]

Their situation, it ain't even taking care because I think he probably could take care of the family off of what he makes, but they taking care of something different. Yeah, there's a different kind of take care when it comes to Candy Burris and people who have in that tax record.

[Tam Bam]

And I, and I don't even see Candy as like super flashy. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think Candy probably lives way more, way more modest than her bank account could actually allow.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, she could.

[Tam Bam]

So I don't, I don't see her just being a super flashy person that he got it. Like she, she's just real modest to me. So if a man had to be with any woman that had more money than him, it would be her. But the problem is, is that it's the man's ego that couldn't deal with that. So I can't say one little thing to you about finances without you getting up. I can see that happening. You know, I'm saying like, or just even like you got to pay the cost to be the boss. It just is what it is. So whoever has more resources, more assets, oftentimes they are going to be the one to make the decisions. You playing with somebody else money.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. So here is when it actually can work. Because I mean, I just, when I listen to you, I think about when it's flipped and I'd be all for that. You know, when it's the woman, I'll be like, and, and so, and so. But when it's the man, I'm like, so I know it's like kind of.

[Tam Bam]

Because I think women, women accept that my man is a breadwinner. Women usually, you know, women are the homemakers. Right. And I think men, if the man isn't good with the money, he'll give all his money, how much ever money he's making to the woman, she's handling a checkbook, she's handling their Lives. Some men do that too. Even if they're the ones making all of the money. That's what I'm saying. It depends on the man. I don't think a woman can do anything different in that dynamic.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, unless she is complicit in shrinking and playing. Playing small, even though she is the breadwinner. So it says, can it actually work? Yes. When a man is emotionally secure, the roles are flexible, not rigid. Both partners value teamwork over power, and communication is honest and consistent. And it says no. When the woman feels she has to shrink, when he competes with her, when money becomes a weapon or a scoreboard, or when ego is valued over partnership, that's.

[Tam Bam]

That's pretty much it. There's a lot of women out here who have invested in men. You know, the Internet really will be fooling you. Like women ain't. We just want to. We just want to use all these men for money, you know, and most men do not have as much money as the Internet presents. The average man doesn't. Average woman doesn't. Most people are in the trenches. So the situations you find, like the people who I know, like in medical profession, like doctors, like that, and they get with regular who be watching video games and like that, it is a recipe for, like, for disaster. Because first of all, you can't give somebody drive either, right? You still want to find somebody that's equally yoked.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I agree. But you gotta find something, because I definitely have a friend who left her husband because he just was not financially ambitious, right? So she decided to move on. And then she ultimately went back to him because he was an excellent dad. He was so good with the kids. He loved her fully, he never cheated on her, he never did anything wrong. And he was a good dad, but he just wasn't. He was okay with working a simple 9 to 5. Like that didn't afford him a lot, but he would work. He just wasn't trying to be the CEO of the company. That was not his ambition. And she ultimately went back because she felt like the value he did bring outweighed any money that anybody else could have brought to her ultimately. And I thought that was beautiful. And they're still married now and they're happy. I mean, I'm sure they have their issues like any other couple, but overall they're happy, you know, And I admire that so much because I don't know if I would have went back. You know, I don't know if I would have. But it worked for her and her family. So it can work. I say all of that to say that it can work.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. But he. To me, he's still in the position of. Just think about women who get left by men. And the men, the man is the provider, and the man can come and go when they want to. That's essentially what she did to her husband. Like, she left him, went to see what was outside, realizing shit out there, and came back home. How many men can you really play with like that? Whether they got it or not? Not many. So, like, he. He's definitely in a. I don't know what role he played. I don't know. I don't know what role it is that he's playing.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, so I have some advice to offer for our listeners, male and female. For the women, don't dim your light ever. Choose emotional, mature men, emotionally mature men, because if not, they're not there. They're always going to resent you if you make more money than them. Pay attention to his reaction to your success.

[Tam Bam]

Well, that's a big one, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

I talk about this on the show before y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

Our first episode dropped and whatever. January 2021. And I'm so happy, Tammy. Happy. Like, I'm on a computer. I'm looking at analytics. Like, I'm trying to see, like, what. What kind of numbers we doing. And my fiance at the time comes downstairs, and the first thing he says to me all day that day is, you a hoe.

[AJ Holiday]

But it's on the show.

[Tam Bam]

Are you a hoe? I'm like, yo, this ain't took me to lunch. He say, congratulations.

[AJ Holiday]

Nothing to celebrate.

[Tam Bam]

That is. That's the. And he was already walking around the house with a whole fucking attitude. And I'm not knowing why now, mind y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

This nigga wanted to produce our show. Like, he wanted to be hands on and involved with our show. And I'm like, you don't have time. Like, we trying to start one business. You already own a business that you're running 100% of the time yourself. Right. It's not like you could step away from that shit. You don't have the time to fuck with my shit. But that was his way to control. Have some control over something I was trying to do outside of him. You got to be careful with people like that. Right? Because he didn't know me prior to knowing me, right? So he didn't. Like when we met, I wasn't on my shit. I just wasn't. It took me a long time to get back on my shit. I feel like I was rich in my 20s, Jeremy. And then it's the ebbs and flow of, you know what I'm saying? Shit fucking happens. And this is when I met this man. So I don't know if he. Where he thought he was on a totem pole in comparison to where I was. But the moment I started operating outside of his program, it was a problem. And I never somebody you can control. Like, I'm not programmable, okay? I'm not controllable. So it's going to be an uphill battle when you with me. So back to him asking me about if I'm a hoe. Okay, listen, depends on the week.

[AJ Holiday]

Not no more.

[Tam Bam]

I'm talking about not even what is a hoe? Okay, there's my question. What is a hoe? So I took myself to lunch. I took myself to get me a nut and bun cupcake, because what the fuck? Okay? To celebrate myself. And he was still harassing me, calling my cell phone. And I finally answered and he. I said, you know what, motherfucker? I am a hoe. Now what? Now what you gonna do that you're engaged to this hoe?

[AJ Holiday]

You.

[Tam Bam]

We living with each other day in and out, day out. You. You see my moves. So to even ask me some shit like that, because of the commentary we have on the show, Tammy and I were trying to find ourselves. We were trying to see how we wanted to present to the world. We talking about the very first episode, and our first few episodes is raunchy as a motherfucker for no damn reason, okay? But we have since grown since then. And I just wasn't given the space to do that in that relationship. Like I was being fucking censored in a real. In a real way. But yeah, like, that was the first thing he said to me and it really was, you know, to make me feel a way about myself. But when you know thyself, can nobody do that to you.

[AJ Holiday]

Right? I agree.

[Tam Bam]

So self awareness is number one. So if you enter in a marriage, you making more money than your man, right? It's making like nobody should ever be making you feel like you and you.

[AJ Holiday]

Because bitch, and you should never shrink.

[Ryan Murphy]

Whoa, what a vibe we've got, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Ryan Murphy]

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[Ryan Murphy]

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[Tam Bam]

You know what? I can see you as Mr. Darcy.

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[AJ Holiday]

And the last one for women is to set boundaries early. And for the men, your value isn't only financial. So that's the. That's the biggest one. For men, your value is not only connected to your money largely, though, unfortunately.

[Tam Bam]

It'S just one of those things. It's just. And I think men know that innately they know that they have to have money and they feel happy when they do. Men feel happy when they can take care and do stuff for people without blinking an eye. Like that is that they don't even. That is they fucking sweet spot. They don't even realize that this is why you focus on the fucking money before you start having kids. Yeah, but focus on getting the bag first.

[AJ Holiday]

But you know, some people are going to have a regular 9 to 5 and that will be their life. It's going to be some worker bees out here. And I don't want a worker be person listening to this and feeling like he ain't worth nothing because he ain't the CEO. That's not true. Because your value is not only financial.

[Tam Bam]

So I feel like I'm a worker bee. You a worker bee?

[AJ Holiday]

No.

[Tam Bam]

And we produce him. You don't think you.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I. No, I don't.

[Tam Bam]

So what do you. What's your. What's your. What is the definition?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm a CEO. I just ain't there just working. I'm a CEO. I'm just not there yet.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, that's a great example set right. I can't fuck with a poor man. I cannot fuck with somebody who has a poor mindset. So I feel like most women, I always say this, we're not expecting you to have it today, but you have to have a mindset of a millionaire because if you keep that mindset, you will get you and your family to where you want them to be at. And you can't blame anybody else on the way there because you don't have it yet. I feel like that's what I was experiencing. A nigga didn't have a million dollars yet and was laming me for it. Like, you ain't have a million when I met you and I, and I, I accepted you where the you were. And in my mind we were going to build the million dollars together. But what I realized is you can't really help men build.

[AJ Holiday]

And, but here's the thing. You can help men build. You can. I've seen a lot of people get a man and it was her that turned that man into the powerhouse that he is. He was somebody when he met her. And then when she got into his life, he turned into somebody different. But everybody go, how many examples you got it? I ain't got a lot.

[Tam Bam]

Did the man stay?

[AJ Holiday]

But they exist. But everybody go, learn to be a millionaire. Some people just want to have no, I'm not a car, food, take a vacation every now and then. And that's it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. You got to know your person.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And, and I don't want people to listen and think that they have no value because they not, they don't aspire to that.

[Tam Bam]

When people listen to things, first of all, you got to have some discernment. You also have to know that this, the set, these, these conversations are way more vast than we could put into an hour long episode. Right. So of course, I'm not saying like women, if you got a man, you got to build, build with, leave him. Absolutely not. But you got to know your personnel. You got to have discernment to understand who it is that you're dealing with. Are you dealing with a man that you can help build? And he's not going to resent you for having him when he have. Because that's usually what the first baby mom experience or the woman who went through the trenches with this man and then he go on and get a woman who never saw him struggle and that's who he marries.

[AJ Holiday]

That doesn't happen.

[Tam Bam]

This is what I'm talking about.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

You got to be careful. You can't just do this, this thing for, for anybody.

[AJ Holiday]

No, I agree. You have to like, choose wisely. The next one for men is learn emotional contribution. And that's a huge one, I think because I know a lot of women who are in relationships with men who can give them the entire world financially, but when it comes to emotionally, it's a drought and they're suffering in that area. So it's important to learn emotional contribution because your, your partner needs that as well.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And when, when you have a partner who's doing well. Celebrate her. Don't resent her. I know that's hard when you're not feeling adequate, but you gotta celebrate because your time will come if you. If you practice that energy.

[Tam Bam]

And then like, I. I know, I know. I was about to say, I know a couple. You know the couple, too. And I can just see that he is not operating in the energy he would like to be in.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I know exactly who you're talking about.

[Tam Bam]

And it's so sad for me to see because I can almost see like, his light dimming down because he hasn't gotten his opportunity yet. Like I said, your partner's wins are your wins. That should be your momentum, like your, like, battery to get you to do your right. So I'm not saying not to get behind because everybody could do a Jay Z. And what's Jay Z best friend got behind Jay Z? Tata. Right. All the niggas got behind Jay Z because they realized Jay Z was that nigga who was going to take them to wherever they was going at. Right. And they all employ. They're all millionaires now because they supported.

[AJ Holiday]

This person, the head.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. You got to sometimes do that for your partner. So if it's your wife in a position or if it's your husband in the position, if they win, you win. That's how you got to look at it. So you can keep, like, the gratitude going. But I do strongly believe that everybody should have their own little shit. Separate, outside the relationship, too. When you try to put all them eggs in the basket, she can get real messy. Especially in divorce and separation, depending on who was making all the money. Now this person, like, you trying to take all my money and this person, like, when you ain't made no money, like, it can get.

[AJ Holiday]

It can get real, real ugly. The last one, I hope Candy. Yeah, me too.

[Tam Bam]

I said I hope Candy don't get nasty. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And then the last one is practice partnership, not competition. Ain't nothing worse than two people in a relationship that are in competition with each other. Have you ever seen that?

[Tam Bam]

Absolutely. And you know, one person could be saying, I'm not in competition with you verbally, but all your actions show that you are in competition.

[AJ Holiday]

That part.

[Tam Bam]

Right. So make sure you're going off of people's actions and not what they saying at their mouth because they might be gaslighting you. So you know what you know, you feel, how you feel for a reason and. And ask somebody. Make sure you're not tripping. But yeah, that's Essentially what I was. What I was saying, focusing on the partnership, that part. It shouldn't be a competition, no matter who's winning. Right. If you and I win is how it should be. I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

I agree.

[Tam Bam]

I just don't know, man. I think that the sweet spot for men is being a breadwinner. I just think that's where they are more comfortable.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Or get you a bit new work him, the gas station, then you ain't never got to worry about her.

[Tam Bam]

Well, they don't want that. This is why I say men are more shallow than women. Men a two, once, a ten. Like, I feel like women will find their little space. Like we'll make something out of nothing. But if a man is what a woman that's doing worse than him, please believe me. Like, men are hypergamous, especially black men. Them is dating up. What y' all talking about? While they try to make us feel bad for dating up, you know, a black. Like when. When. When a black woman dates like, a other. A white person, a white guy, whatever. Usually when a black woman dates a white guy, she probably got her life together. She probably got the bag, too. And in her mind, that person, that particular woman's mind. Right. Maybe this white guy is her who she's equally yoked with. Right. When black men do it, oftentimes they think they sticking it to the man by fucking the white girl. And also, you know, they trying to get their credit straight. They're using her is what I'm saying. They're the ones that are dating up to. To get a leg up in society for sure. While we get looked down on for digging for gold that ain't there.

[AJ Holiday]

Right? That's the crazy part. I hate when a like or a man. Let me stop saying that. A man will call a woman a gold digger and they ain't got no gold.

[Tam Bam]

Like, yeah, what are we talking about? What y'. All. Why is this discussion about a woman taking everything you got and you don't have nothing? What are we talking about?

[AJ Holiday]

That's.

[Tam Bam]

Y' all never even experienced that, so just be cool. That is that man's experience. He has millions of dollars to pay all his money and. And child support. You don't. That's not your situation.

[AJ Holiday]

That part.

[Tam Bam]

The judge will. The judge will assign whatever is good for your pockets. If you were able in this situation, if you were ever in this situation, for sure. I promise. I don't know. Everybody get the fucking bag. What I. Take care, man. I. I think my comfortable place is knowing. And they Got more than me too. That's. I'm comfortable with that.

[AJ Holiday]

I think I'm comfortable with that as well. However, I'm not in a. I don't right now. I don't think I'm in a position to be with someone making less than me. But if I was, if I had Candi Burris money, I don't know if I would care at that point.

[Tam Bam]

It depends, man. Because people who, okay, you haven't accumulated this wealth, right, Meaning you don't know how to manage it either. Because the one thing like once you accumulate the money, you have to then figure out how to manage it because you'll go back through. I was just reading an article with this basketball player who ran through $70 million or some like that. 70 million?

[AJ Holiday]

Was it 70 or was it 20? 20. I think it was 20 million.

[Tam Bam]

Same thing, bitch, you give me 20 or 70 right now, like, you don't have to worry about me for the rest of my life and the next generation because I'm going to flip it, right? But you have to have the financial literacy to do that. So you, you, you get what a person. I'm not going say man and woman. You, you're the breadwinner. You get what a person who doesn't even know how to manage money. And they just think that they just have free access to do whatever the fuck they want to do with your money and they fucking it up.

[AJ Holiday]

You'll go broke.

[Tam Bam]

And that could be why she's trying to separate herself, separate finances with a divorce. Same thing with Portia did. Portia did with Simon. You know, Simon did appear to have all his money, but obviously it wasn't legal. Some of it probably.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I don't even want to get into portion of Simon because that was just a mess how it started and how it ended up.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, it was. But she had to sever ties before she get caught up in his and whatever else he had going on that she knew of or knew of. So maybe that's what they. They might just be getting divorced on paper for tax purposes. I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

Right, we won't know. All right, what's your final takeaway or your last last for this?

[Tam Bam]

I think I already said it. Really. I don't know. Know your personnel and don't be on your partner is the reason why you got with this person. Okay, don't be on them. But again, ebbs and flow of life. You might not always be up and you're not gonna always be down. Expect you know who you with. Especially if y' all got kids together. She can get real nasty and ugly. Like this girl I had in vitro. Two babies in. No, one in vitro. Right. And another one they did a surrogate to have. Right.

[AJ Holiday]

So she.

[Tam Bam]

She had been. She's been doing life with him. Just still using her as an example for the. The conversation. Disrespecting people, man, I don't know. And find a nigga who make more money than you. That is still the standard.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tam Bam]

So you can avoid all issues. So you can avoid problems. It's going to be a problem if you make more money than him. It just is. Yeah, I think.

[AJ Holiday]

I think my last. Last would be. Success doesn't kill relationships. Ego does. So until you work on your ego, it can fail. It can and will fail. Ego death.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but that's in every relationship, man. You let me say that's every relationship. That's every relationship that ego. Yeah. Ego definitely has up.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

With your mama, with your. With your lovers work, all of that, you know, sometimes you gotta check. Check it at the door, period. We got a dumb story.

[AJ Holiday]

Nope.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. All right, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

You enjoyed this episode, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

Tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect IR radio app. Wherever the you get your podcast at. This your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagrams. Kick it Tam, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All. It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram, y'. All. Follow me. Follow our podcast page. We Talk Back podcast. I love y' all so much and I appreciate y' all and I'm grateful for each and every one of y' all who tunes in every Thursday to hear me and AJ talk about we know about and we don't know about. Listen, I love y' all heavy on.

[Tam Bam]

A we don't know about.

[AJ Holiday]

This is my pov and I love y' all so much for that. Y' all. Remember, speak now and never hold your turkey, y'. All. Everything's super great.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Super grateful. Thanksgiving Deuces. We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Ryan Murphy]

What a matchup we got, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[Ryan Murphy]

This is that classic HBCU vibe. Non stop action. The band is rockin and the crowd lit. Chance, echo, trumpy. Everybody showing that school pride. A game like this. Yeah. It calls for an ice cold Coca Cola.

[Tam Bam]

Ah.

[Ryan Murphy]

Crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there. Yeah, that taste always hits the right note. Just like the band at halftime. And just like that, we're back at it. Passionate fans, school colors everywhere, and an ice cold Coca Cola. That's a winning combo no matter the sport, no matter the yard. Everybody knows fan work is thirsty work. So grab a Coca Cola and keep that HBCU pride going. This weekend, one of the homies mentioned he closed on a new crib. While everyone's asking about a housewarming, you're asking the real questions. Like who is his State Farm agent? See, homeownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. It's how you protect your legacy. A State Farm agent can help you with finding the right coverage for your new place and even help you file a claim over the phone, in person, online, or on the app. They're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball. You know what I mean? Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Tam Bam]

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[AJ Holiday]

You know what a girl's best friend.

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[Tam Bam]

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[Tam Bam]

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[Ryan Murphy]

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[AJ Holiday]

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