Black Excellence Burnout

Summary

We Talk Back – "Black Excellence Burnout"

Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Release Date: September 18, 2025
Network: The Black Effect & iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

In this candid episode, TamBam and AJ Holiday unpack the phenomenon of "Black Excellence Burnout"—the exhaustion and pressure that many Black individuals (especially women) feel from constantly striving to outperform, overachieve, and overcome generational, racial, and societal challenges. The lively conversation covers generational perspectives on hustle, the impact of materialism and social media, the need for boundaries and self-care, and real talk about legacy, community, and redefining what Black excellence truly means.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Opening Check-in and Personal Updates

• AJ shares a personal loss: AJ discusses mourning the unexpected passing of her first best friend, emphasizing the fragility of life and the importance of checking in on loved ones.
  • "Life be life-in', y'all. You never know what folks are going through. She texted me the day before she passed and I didn’t respond... It’s not that I regret it, but it just shows you have to make the most of your time." (04:16)
• TamBam details her Paris trip and feeling unwell: She speaks about the toll of partying, jet lag, and feeling physically run down post-travel.
  • "Auntie can't do it like that no more. About them kill my damn self trying to hang out with them young folks." (07:15)
• Discussion about cheap airline passes and woes of travel planning.

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2. Sins of the Week: Tragedy, Violence & the Media

• Charlie Kirk's assassination: The hosts debate whether he's a politician or commentator. Reflect on the normalization of violence against public figures and how media spins narratives along racial lines.

  • "It's like, that is part of American culture. We kill politicians. Now, I don't know who the ‘we’ is ‘cause we ain't the we..." – AJ (13:05)
  • AJ calls out the sensationalism and desensitization brought on by sharing gruesome content online: "Stop sending me death. We are becoming so desensitized—this is not a video game." (15:05)
  • They critique both black and non-black reactions online, noting how tragedy is weaponized for culture-war debates.

• Racial double standards in violence and media: Discussion about the murder of a black student found hanging in Mississippi and media disparities in coverage and empathy.

  • "You can’t tell me that baby did that to himself. I refuse to believe that." – TamBam (20:05)
  • "Imagine—we’re in the super duper 20th century and they’re just now passing a law to not hang us." – AJ (20:01)

• Gun violence & policing: Calls for realistic conversations about guns, police, and the need to protect Black communities without further criminalizing or endangering them.

  • "White men are our domestic terrorists. When you hear mass shooting, political shooting—it’s white men often." – TamBam (22:46)
  • Critique of politicians scapegoating minorities for violence.

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3. Dame Dash vs Charlamagne: Materialism, Ego & Growth

• Deconstruction of Dame Dash’s confrontational Breakfast Club interview and public persona.
  • "He needs—somebody needs to humble Dame Dash. You’re not where you want to be because you self-destruct. You're not a good businessman." – AJ (29:30)
• Admiration for Charlamagne’s stoicism and restraint during the interview, tying this into deeper discussions about Black masculinity and emotional intelligence.
  • "If someone came on We Talk Back, talking that much shit, I would tell them to go. But he let the man stay." – TamBam (30:37)

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4. Main Topic: Black Excellence Burnout (36:21+)

Defining Black Excellence Burnout

• Pressure to overperform: Need to “do it 10 times better,” self-police, and outwork both systemic challenges and intra-community skepticism.
• "Exhaustion of Black excellence is the phenomenon of Black individuals experiencing extreme burnout from the constant pressure to overperform and outshine expectations—despite systemic barriers like racism and anti-Blackness.” – AJ (37:11)

Generational Experiences

• The hosts contrast their own upbringing with that of their parents (boomers) and Gen Z:
  • "Our generation—you feeling burnout in this one generation, but what you’re doing is just so the next generation can take the torch and keep running." – AJ (40:15)
  • Discussion on smaller families, economic realities, and unrealistic comparisons to what previous generations deemed as 'excellence.'
  • "We are trying to build Black generational wealth as single people…You’re supposed to have a partner." – AJ (41:58)

Money, Materialism, and Social Media

• Call out the trap of using material things and social media to prove success:
  • "Materialism is keeping us in a constant state of having to keep up with the Jones — that is a part of Black excellence, right? Looking like money when you don’t have any." – AJ (48:15)
  • Notable humor: "You don’t have a side tooth, but you got this bag." (50:00, AJ & TamBam riffing on misplaced priorities)
  • Practical advice about dental and medical self-care as real markers of success.

Workplace & Imposter Syndrome

• AJ describes her experiences as often being the only Black person at work, feeling targeted, but never having "imposter syndrome."
  • "I never feel like I don't belong someplace. I never have…Oftentimes we excel — that’s why they always change the game once we learn it." (55:40)

Generational Shifts in Work Ethic and Boundaries

• Millennials vs Gen Z: older generations equated excellence with back-breaking work and sacrifice, younger ones with joy, boundaries, and prioritizing self-care.
• "Grandma worked 40 years straight with one vacation. Meanwhile, Gen Z wants a sabbatical after a stressful Zoom call." – AJ (75:17)
• Both hosts critique and admire Gen Z’s unapologetic boundaries.
  • "Gen Z’s ‘no’ looks like rebellion, but it’s really liberation. The ‘no’ is a complete statement." – AJ (70:19)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Legacy and the "Red Queen's Race" (38:01)

  • "You run this hard just to stay in place. Keep up the pace, baby, keep up the pace. Legacy, legacy, legacy." – Quoting Jay-Z from "444"
    (AJ, 38:01)

• Practical Health Advice

  • "Black Excellence is having a side tooth. I'm setting the standard today, okay? Nothing else." – AJ (50:07)
  • "Go get that yellow shit caked up on the bottom of your teeth cleaned off…it can kill you." – TamBam (50:26)

• On Social Media & Comparison

  • "Social media will have you comparing yourself to other people...the person you should be comparing yourself to is yesterday’s version of you." – TamBam (58:27)

• On Rest & Self-Care as Resistance

  • "Let’s have an eight-hour sleep challenge. Because sometimes you can’t get your mind to stop. You have to medicate just to go to sleep." – TamBam (57:29)

• Materialism & Authenticity

  • "I make the clothes, the clothes don't make me. I like experiences...[not] trying to impress people in that way. Never did, never have." – AJ (65:00)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Personal Check-In, Grief & Travel: 03:22 – 10:09
• Charlie Kirk & Political Violence: 10:16 – 16:24
• Media Narratives & Racial Violence: 19:05 – 23:02
• Dame Dash, Masculinity & Materialism: 27:04 – 32:14
• Black Excellence Burnout Main Discussion: 36:21 – 82:27
  • Legacy, generational pressures, materialism, health, social media, self-care, generational boundaries
• Humor & Real Talk about Teeth, Health, Priorities: 50:00 – 52:06
• Millennials, Gen Z, and Generational Differences: 66:35 – 80:59
• Rest & Boundaries Challenge / Closing Thoughts: 80:11 – end

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Key Takeaways & Advice

• Redefine Black Excellence: It’s not about material displays but prioritizing true well-being, self-care, and legacy.
• Set Boundaries: Saying no and protecting your peace isn't selfish; it's necessary.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Don’t let social media or unrealistic standards steal joy from your everyday progress.
• Health Over Hype: Basic self-care—physical, dental, mental—matters more than outward shows.
• Legacy as a Marathon: Building generational wealth and security takes time, teamwork, and sometimes sacrifice, but also balance and rest.
• Rest is Revolutionary: The hosts challenge listeners to carve out genuine rest, even in a grind culture.
  • "Black excellence is absolutely beautiful, but it should never feel like punishment." – AJ (82:11)

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Episode Challenges

• Sleep Challenge: Try to get eight hours of sleep at least twice this week (80:27+)
• Health Check Challenge: Book your dental & medical appointments—health is the ultimate flex (82:20)

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Final Thoughts

TamBam and AJ keep the conversation refreshingly real and rooted in both humor and lived experience, offering both critique and encouragement for listeners caught in the pressure cooker of "excellence." They push for a new paradigm—where Black excellence includes boundaries, rest, and authenticity, not just hustle and image. As always, the episode is filled with laughter and sisterly banter, making serious topics accessible and resonant.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

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[Tam Bam]

Tha God here. Before we get into today's episode, we've got to celebrate the Black Effect Podcast network. It's turning five years old, man. Five years of powerful voices, unforgettable moments, and a community that keeps growing. This is the power of the platform. Now let's get into it.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'? All? It's your girl, AJ Holiday.

[Tam Bam]

And hey, y', all. It's Tam Bam. I love y' all so very much. How you doing, aj?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm doing, girl. It's been a long short. A long weekend.

[Tam Bam]

Long, short weekend.

[AJ Holiday]

Couple weeks. Yeah, man. I've been mourning, man. I lost my first best friend last week before last, actually. Her funeral was yesterday.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, wow.

[AJ Holiday]

Nuts.

[Tam Bam]

I'm sorry to hear that, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Life be life in y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. Checking what happened?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I don't know. And I. I don't think I might be nosy, and I might file a. Let me not say that on here. Yeah, but I'm gonna find out what happened to my friend. Yeah, but she passed away. She was staying with her mom. She passed away at her mom's house. And, you know, she just. She was struggling a little bit.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know what else, but check on y', all, people. People might seem okay, and they just not. And she texted me the day before she passed, and I didn't respond because I was super busy. And it's not that I regret not responding, because people be like, exactly how it's supposed to.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. So a lot of unanswered questions, but this is weird, man. That is always weird. But it's expected, because, like the preacher was saying at church yesterday, nighttime will come. It will come. We just don't know when. Right. So you got to make sure you execute. And on all the things that you're supposed to be doing in this lifetime, don't waste no gifts. Do all the things every day to the maximum. Right. That'll kind of take us into the. Into today's topic a little bit when we get into it, but absolutely.

[Tam Bam]

I was in Paris following Drink around Paris. Went to the.

[AJ Holiday]

Did you get his number?

[Tam Bam]

No, I did not get his number. Unfortunately I did not. But we, we had a great time. You know, shout out to Zoba, she always makes sure we good. And me and my best friend went so hung out in Paris, but now I came back and now I just don't feel the world's greatest. It's just being on those flights, those nine hour flights. It's hard to come back healthy as you left. So I'm a bit under the weather and I think I may have even ruptured my eardrum. Cause I was a little congested on the flight and I blew my nose and I felt something that felt weird in my right ear after I blew my nose. And it's still, you know that feeling that you feel when it's just like you need your ear to pop? It just. It still feels like that. And this is days after the flight.

[AJ Holiday]

So yeah, I'd be hella congested in just regular day, but on a plane it'd be even worse. I know exactly what you talk about. You trying to blow for that ear to pop your ear out.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. And it just won't pop. So yeah, there's that. So that's what I've been doing. Just trying to heal I. When I landed. So we stayed out every night until like 5:30 in the morning.

[AJ Holiday]

Because that's why your ass sick too. Your immune system probably down as well just from drinking, not sleeping.

[Tam Bam]

Bruh. When I tell you like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I felt like my liver hurt. Like I was just like drinking nothing but water. Because I drank Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, five days in a row. Like really drinking, drinking like drinking like I'm 22 years old drinking. Baby, I was hurting. I slept for 16 hours. Once I landed back in the States, I slept for 16 hours.

[AJ Holiday]

Your body got to catch up.

[Tam Bam]

Auntie can't do it like that no more about them kill my damn self trying to hang out with them young folks.

[AJ Holiday]

You better leave that to them youngins.

[Tam Bam]

I know you don't need no sleep.

[AJ Holiday]

PB stink. They ain't drink no water, right? The whole trip, the whole Tennessee.

[Tam Bam]

No, I had some water.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but that was my week. The weekend was, you know, I hung out a little bit. One of my, one of my friends, he had like his. He threw his first R and B concert. So I went out and supported that on Friday with my little boo thing. It was a nice time with my friends. I think I might have been.

[Tam Bam]

Yes, honey, let me, let me See if I can get your boo thing one of them flight passes because he need that shit. I'm gonna see if I can find the extra one.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, no, bitch. We both bought that Frontier shit. Did y' all see that? He actually paid more for his because the flight from. He's coming from Philly, So the flight is like $15 or something like that. They got direct flights from Philly here. So really that's the only reason why he bought the little package. I purchased the shit just to. And I feel like I'm never going to be able to use it. I think he might have paid like $500 for it. Then he had like a clearance sale on that shit, and I paid 299 for it. But then look at the flight. So, okay, first of all, Frontier, they only usually have like, I guess technically four flights a week or two flights a week or some shit like that. So, like, say, for instance, if I fly from here to Atlanta, I could fly out Friday, and then the next flight, hopefully will be Monday. But you might fuck around and have to hop on another flight depending on, like, their flight schedule. But you just have to cover the taxes once you pay for this fee. But it's unlimited flying. The one I got doesn't expire until 2027. But y' all know Spirit just filed bankruptcy. So I'm thinking, like, are these people fundraising?

[Tam Bam]

Is.

[AJ Holiday]

Is Frontier about to go out of business, too? And y' all just snatched up a bunch of people's money knowing damn well you're not gonna be able to catch these flights. Right. Because there's a good bit of places I could fly to using it. Vegas, Miami, any place I would. Yeah, New York. Yeah. Okay, well, then that's good for 299. But the. The flying, the dates is just kind of stupid. The schedule. Yeah, it's kind of. You got to really plan and you got to backpack it. Basically. You can't be trying to take two ass suitcases. Like I usually travel. That's where they charge you those fees. With these cheap airlines, you're not paying.

[Tam Bam]

A lot for the baggage. Yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So if you. If you a conservative girly. And I think they still have it. It's called a Go Wild pass on Frontier. Can we get a check? Frontier. Thank you.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Go Wild.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, wow. I'm gonna see. I might get one just to have a backup plan for my.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, no. Exactly.

[Tam Bam]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you might want to check into that.

[Tam Bam]

All right, let's get in the sentence.

[AJ Holiday]

Ah, man. Charlie Kirk. Huh? So, Charlie Kirk is a politician and he was murdered last.

[Tam Bam]

Was he a politician or was he just a commentator or I guess a.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I'll say politician. Right. Because I know a lot of our listeners probably don't tune into Candace Owens. I do. Last year, sometime when Candace Owens first started her series on the President of France and his first nigga, somebody called her from the White House and told her that the President of France flew over here supposedly on official business, but really he came to get Donald Trump to tell Candace Owens to shut the fuck up. Right. And it was Candace Owens disclosed last week it was actually Charlie Kirk that Trump had called her initially. And then Trump ended up back calling her back directly himself. Like, hey, you gotta, you gotta. I mean, she looks like a woman to me, man. You gotta stop talking about his wife on some like, shit like that.

[Tam Bam]

But, you know, Cause she has influence. So.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, and so did Charlie Kirk, obviously.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Cause he is closely connected with the White House. So I would. I would. Yeah, I would say that he is a politician. Podcaster.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, sorry to interrupt, but speaking of the Prime Minister of France, me, we left a day early because they were having like this huge protest called Block everything.

[AJ Holiday]

No. Yes, France. The shit is falling right now.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. And baby, we had to get the fuck up out of there. Like, I was like, this ain't got nothing to do with me. They was burning shit in the street, blocking highways and doing all kind of foolishness. So we got up out of there.

[AJ Holiday]

And you know, Candace Owens is being sued by them. Right. Which is this unprecedented. Basically you have a foreign nation suing a podcaster because of the influence that she has and because she do real life research. She's not telling you. Hey, believe me, because I say so when I tell you she gonna map shit out even a motherfucker whole family tree so you can get a clear understanding. And then it's up to you, right?

[Tam Bam]

Mm.

[AJ Holiday]

Have discernment. Right. But it's up to you to do your further research. She definitely gives you all the information. And that's the problem. She got a lot of people listening, tuning in, and the shit make too much sense.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So now they trying to silence her. So now they have now murdered somebody very close to her. Because the reason why Trump had her call, had him call Charlie Kirk call her because they are friends and similar.

[Tam Bam]

In influence, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. So you know, so Charlie Kirk was murdered. He was shot and killed while speaking at TP USA public debate eventing at Utah Valley University campus. His death gained international attention and led to the condemnation, condemnation, condemnation of political violence of prominent domestic and international figures. And here's the thing. It's like that is a part of American culture. We kill politicians. Now, I don't know who the we is because we aren't the we. Right. I don't know if it's just one of them alphabets or are these people operating, you know, on behalf of a foreign nation?

[Tam Bam]

Who knows?

[AJ Holiday]

Because that's what it's looking like. That's what it's seeming like. So who really runs America? Right? And they can just murder our presidents when they don't do what they want them to do, when they seemingly might be changing and seeing things a little bit differently, and they snatch them up.

[Tam Bam]

It's not even just politicians. If you look at anybody, especially in black people, you know, who had a powerful voice and had influence, they get murdered young. They do, Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

A lot of times they're going to take them out before they can actually make huge impact. Yeah. Even more impact, right? We talking to, like, Martin Luther King. Like, we don't realize how young these people are until we get past their age of living.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? It's crazy.

[Tam Bam]

Like, Martin Luther King was a young ass nigga.

[AJ Holiday]

He was young as hell. Yes.

[Tam Bam]

UEP Newton. Yeah. Like, just young, young.

[AJ Holiday]

Crazy, man.

[Tam Bam]

What happened to Charlie Kirk? Awful. You know, his family, his kids were out there, and he bled out in front of the world, essentially.

[AJ Holiday]

And I put on my story. Stop sending me death. You think I don't. If you saw, I be seeing the whole Internet, first of all, I have seen the entire Internet. I don't need nobody to send me no memes. Like, I like memes. So occasionally I come across some shit I've never seen, and I still like ha ha ha. Even if I've seen it. I saw the video. Don't text me, Death. Do not inbox me, Death. We are becoming so desensitized. We are not supposed to have that type of shit in our psyche.

[Tam Bam]

I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

This is not a video game. This is real life in front of a bunch of people. And I feel like whoever shot him intentionally shot him in the neck, the.

[Tam Bam]

Carotid artery, so he could bleed out like that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. So it can be as gruesome as possible. They made an example out of him for a reason. And none of us, you know, is above it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

They can take any one of us out, you know, I'm saying, you got a strong enough voice, you start reaching the people, they coming for you. Right? Because I think every day they're. Yeah, they grasp as straws for sure. The veil is down, right? So there's a lot of. A lot of fake shit. People ain't going for it no more. People asking questions now.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

This is the age of Aquarius. Y' all can't hide shit from the people now.

[Tam Bam]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I wish that black people wouldn't make this a black and white thing. And I don't know, actually, it's like both sides making it a black and white because it's.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, because you. You see, the HBCUs have been getting death threats and getting threatening calls and closing down campuses just to ensure the safety of the students. And a black person didn't do it. But I think a lot of black people are making fun of what happened to him and that's why people are mad. There's some people who, like. I mean, I think it's awful what happened to him, but I didn't. I ain't going to say I lost a whole lot of sleep over it, you know, So I have a hard.

[AJ Holiday]

Time condemning people as much as y' all think I talk a lot of shit. Like, I really. You leave people to their own vices and they'll destroy themselves. Right. So, yeah, I. I have seen old videos where Charlie Kirk and I knew about Charlie Kirk before a lot of black people because, you know, I tune into more conservative views, right? But a lot of black people didn't learn who. Who he was until he passed away, until he got shot, until this shooting. Right? So they didn't even know like the type of shit he was talking on YouTube and shit on his platform until he died. I knew exactly who that dude was. And I also saw that he was. He was kind of changing also. Right. So the stuff you are seeing online, aside from like that debate he had recently, right, Spewing out all these statistics. Because who the fuck is controlling the statistics? It's not us.

[Tam Bam]

And then all of them, some of them statistics were wrong that he was saying.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, just completely wrong. Yeah. They have demonized black people so much that people, you know, even some of our own people, they have these talking points against black people because this is what they're being told to say, essentially. But I saw a lot of white people because of the other outlets that I tune into, and my timeline might look a little bit different on Instagram as well. I see a lot of white people also on Twitter talking shit about him being murdered. A lot of gay white males, a lot of gay white women, a lot of people are talking shit about him. It's not just black. Black people. But what I do see publicized the most is this one black woman who was just recently arrested at a college campus, right? Saying ha ha ha, he's dead. Da da da. I don't know why she was even arrested because isn't that. Is that not freedom of speech?

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

So she was arrested. But this is what they publicize and make it look like it's black people that celebrating his death. I've mostly only seen white men celebrating his death. And that's who also murdered him.

[Tam Bam]

Right. This don't really have nothing to do with us.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely.

[Tam Bam]

It really has nothing to do with us. So it's a shame. Which brings me to our next sin of the week. Did you see where that young black man was murdered at a college campus in. Was it Mississippi?

[AJ Holiday]

In Mississippi, yeah. Yep.

[Tam Bam]

And they're saying like no foul play, but it's saying that his leg, allegedly his leg was broken and he was hung from a tree. So he hung himself from a tree? No.

[AJ Holiday]

And this shit happens more often than they report, right? Because there's no reason why was it 2020, 20, 2021 where they had the. They finally passed the Emmett Till bill? Because black people are still being hung in America. Right? So imagine we're in a super duper 20th century and they're just now passing a law to not hang us.

[Tam Bam]

Just.

[AJ Holiday]

Now because N is still being hung.

[Tam Bam]

Because we still being hung. And that's crazy. And you can't tell me that that baby did that to himself. I refuse to believe that.

[AJ Holiday]

No, absolutely not. So I mean if you guys haven't heard because it's not all over the news like everything else, like Charlie Kirk's death. So authorities are investigating after the body of a 21 year old student at Delta State University in Mississippi was found hanging from a tree on campus. The student was identified as a 21 year old, Demar Travian. Demar Travian. They called him Trey Reed of Grenada. He was also an international student. Looks right, according to Delta State President, Dr. Danielle Ennis. Ennis, our community is deeply sad and this is just a quote by the law. So it says. The Delta State's Director of public safety, Mike Peeler, said university police received a call around 7:05am Monday in reference to the body of a black male hanging from a tree near the central campus pickleball courts.

[Tam Bam]

Right? Yeah, that's what they said it was by like on the track.

[AJ Holiday]

The man is identified as Reed and his next of kin Was notified of his death. So this is horrible. This is horrible. And they've been marching in the streets for Charlie Kirk's death. And then this woman. I can't remember her name, that was murdered on the train in Charlotte by a black man, the Ukrainian girl. Trying to correlate the two. They do not correlate.

[Tam Bam]

They're just trying to make it a correlation. Even how Nancy Grace was like, bring back the death penalty. Bring back. No. Bring back the firing squad or bring back something of that nature when they didn't know who exactly the shooter was. And then once they found out that he came from a family with a retired cop and a. The mother was a schoolteacher or something like that. And they're white conservative people now. She was like, pray for his mental health. It's like, why has the rhetoric changed? What happened to the death he was wishing?

[AJ Holiday]

And you have some politicians wanting to take away gun rights for trans people. First of all, let's call a thing a thing. It's not trans people. It's white men.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

It's white men committing the crimes. It's not a trans woman.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

It is a white man committing the crime. So if anything, then this means white men should not be able to carry weapons because they do a lot of harm.

[Tam Bam]

White men are our domestic terrorists. When you hear of a mass shooting, school shooting, political shooting is white men oftentimes.

[AJ Holiday]

And, you know, black women get blamed for everything that's wrong about the black community. But nobody's blaming white women for raising terrorists. Nobody's blaming white women. What is going on in the white household? Right. That your son becomes of age, purchases a gun, and then runs up in a predominantly black neighborhood grocery store or predominantly a black church and murders everybody in there? What did you teach him?

[Tam Bam]

How did that happen to him?

[AJ Holiday]

I feel like you should go to jail, white lady. If we condemning all the black moms. And the worst part about this argument is that it's also our people that be condemning black women as if we are the bunt and the cause of all the things.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I got questions for the other side. What are y' all doing at the house? Guns for the. For the kids knowing their child has mental health issues. But y'. All. Y' all know my brain takes a lot deeper. I feel like they literally activating people. I don't feel like any of this stuff is just happenstance.

[Tam Bam]

If we could just do away with guns all together. No, I think it would be better if there was a way to, like, completely get rid of Guns and people.

[AJ Holiday]

That'll never happen in a fight.

[Tam Bam]

If they actually had to fist fight or jug it out, a lot of people would still be alive.

[AJ Holiday]

Jug it out. That'll never happen in America because it's too many guns. Right. So how are they to collect every single gun from everybody that lives in America? That is the one thing that actually saves us from a tyrant government.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because if need be, that is what the Second Amendment about is about. See, when black people. When they hear people talk about the Second Amendment, they all automatically think somebody's trying to kill them. It's white people want their guns to kill them. No, white people know who their cousins are and what type of people they dealing with. They have their weapons and their little small militias to keep safe of a tyrant government, just in case we got to fight the government. That's really what the Second Amendment is about. And so that in case, like, what we have the last few years of shit that we've seen in America, the shutdowns during COVID all of these things, like, it's ramping up now.

[Tam Bam]

That was a slow military police in the cities running around right now. I mean, it looks like that's where we're headed. Shit.

[AJ Holiday]

And people think like, oh, this is such a good thing. Listen, I'm not saying, like, there shouldn't be mechanisms put in place to try to combat some of the violence. Absolutely right. The mayor of Chicago was asking that if y' all gonna deploy military, the National Guard. They can't come here with mask on their face. And I saw black people saying, well, niggas on the street got masks on their face. They gotta do something. Y' all are nuts. Okay? The reason why criminals wear masks on their face and the reason why police officers wear masks on their face to not be identified.

[Tam Bam]

So they.

[AJ Holiday]

It's the same reason. So. Exactly. Because when nobody knows it's you, people are willing. People are more inclined to do a lot of dirty shit.

[Tam Bam]

Bullshit.

[AJ Holiday]

So you just. Yeah. So you just want to release all these people on our people with police.

[Tam Bam]

With Shiesty's on is crazy, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Are y' all not thinking Ice? That's not a good thing.

[Tam Bam]

Ice coming through. With Shiesty's on, I'm like, yo, yes, America is insane. And then I go to Paris. Paris is insane. Like, it's just the Earth. The Earth. Zero stars.

[AJ Holiday]

No. This shit is about to start all over. And that's why we've seen all this. All this chaos, right? We getting ready for the new Earth. So this shit gotta Die. And so please get yourself mentally prepared. Whatever you think you gotta do. Man, this shit, we all about the transcendent. If you can't, if you don't transcend, you're gonna be left behind.

[Tam Bam]

Amen. What's it going?

[AJ Holiday]

Let's talk about.

[Tam Bam]

Hold on.

[AJ Holiday]

Before we. Before we get off of sins. Dame Dash obviously wants to fight because y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know if y' all know or not, but I'll fight anybody about Charlemagne, period. In a real way. Okay. The. The stoicism that he displayed on this interview with Dame Dash. And he, like, didn't strangle this nigga on live tv. I don't know how he could do it. I am still a work in progress.

[Tam Bam]

I'm impressed with how he handled that because Dame was saying some real disrespectful shit to him. I don't know. So y', all, Dame Dash or Debt Dash, as Charlamagne called him. He did the Breakfast Club and he was interviewed and he said some real disparaging things to Charlamagne. He called him. I mean, not saying that being called gay is disparaging, but if you're not.

[AJ Holiday]

Gay, man, if you're not a gay.

[Tam Bam]

Man, that you're not, you know, he was trying to insinuate that Charlamagne was gay. Even Charlamagne said, I'm not gay. He said, yes, you are. He said he would fuck Charlamagne up. You know, he literally said that to him. You know, he just was angry.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know why people think Charlamagne pussy.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know why. Because he's non confrontational.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I know for a fact Charlamagne would fuck Dame Dash ass up. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And that's the crazy part. Like, he just practices restraint. And then he mentioned that he was.

[AJ Holiday]

Who we fighting for at 50, damn near.

[Tam Bam]

This age. And you still talking about fighting is crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So he was like, you know, we just different. Because I would get my ass beat by 30 niggas. I ain't running, or whatever. And he was like, you ran when niggas ran up on you at the station. Charlamagne was like, you're right. It was four men. I did run. So I'm at work, like, and you trying to get one up on me for the Internet.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? I got a family I gotta get back to. That's the difference between men and boys. See, Dame Dash only thinks about himself. You have a black man who gave you a platform to come in front of your People and tell them why they should fuck with you. And what you did, you. You wasted the opportunity and you just showed people exactly why. You're not where you want to be because you are. You. You're not fucking humble. I don't even like the definition of humble, okay? But he needs.

[State Farm Ad Voice]

He.

[AJ Holiday]

Somebody needs a humble damn day. Absolutely. You're not where you are because you self destruct.

[Tam Bam]

You're not where you want to be.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, because he's. He self destructs. Everybody else is the fucking problem. Your children don't fuck with you. The people you've done business with don't fuck with you. You know, you're in debt. You owe all these people money. You don't do good business. You're not a good businessman, right? While you shit on somebody who. Who had to come up and work underneath someone else, right? You're not a good entrepreneur.

[Tam Bam]

You're not a good person.

[AJ Holiday]

There's that part.

[Tam Bam]

Person.

[AJ Holiday]

And nigga, your name is Dash. I mean, excuse me, nigga, your name is Dame. Even Dash. Dash sounds sassy as fuck. Your name is Dame. Like that is like a mature woman. Is what a dame like the definition of a dame?

[Tam Bam]

That's a mature woman.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't give a damn. It's so Dame Dash. So.

[Tam Bam]

So you say you the lady.

[AJ Holiday]

You the lady of the race.

[Tam Bam]

Damn.

[AJ Holiday]

Dash is fucking nuts, man. Charlamagne shout out to you, brother.

[Tam Bam]

You handled that so well. I don't think I could. Like, if somebody came on, we talked back, talking that much shit to me, I definitely would tell them they got to go. At least he still let him stay on the platform and speak. And that's just impressive to me. All you gonna be like, bitch, if you don't get the fuck. This my show, bitch, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

So and is on site and I might go as far as having somebody hack your IP address so I can get your home address. Because who you talking to? That's the level of petty I'm trying to take shit to. I feel like a lot of times people never got their ass whooped. That's all it was.

[Tam Bam]

But he said he got his ass whooped by 30 men. And you probably had a concussion and that's why your mental health is not right or something.

[AJ Holiday]

He was in a slight kerfuffle. It wasn't no Dame Dash.

[Tam Bam]

I mean, you gotta know when to fight or flee, you know, fighting four niggas by yourself, I don't see the point.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, why?

[Tam Bam]

Why?

[AJ Holiday]

That doesn't make you a man. So he was challenging. He was essentially challenging Charlamagne's masculinity. He just reminded me of a brat in school who. Nobody's laughing with you. Nobody agrees with what you're saying, but you think because you're talking the loudest that you're winning the argument. You aren't. You actually looked like an idiot. So there's that.

[Tam Bam]

There's that.

[AJ Holiday]

Anyway. And you know one part which leads us into today's, into today's discussion. Jesus Christ. Tongue twisting. Charlamagne said that Dame Dash was real materialistic, right like that. And that's part of the conversation I want to have today. Do y' all feel black excellence, burnout a little bit or fatigue? We will get into what exactly that is and how can you survive from it.

[Tam Bam]

All right, let's talk about it.

[AJ Holiday]

We'll be back after the commercial.

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[AJ Holiday]

Years.

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[AJ Holiday]

All right y', all, so today we wanted to chat a little bit about, you know, Black excellence burnout. So y' all know we we talk a lot of mess. When we talk back, we unpack a lot of stress as well. So today are we tired of always having to be great.

[Tam Bam]

Or trying always trying to be great? Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

So exhaustion of.

[Tam Bam]

Go ahead. I was about to say always trying to look good, be good, feel good, show up perfect. Be the best parent, be the best daughter, be the best friend, be the best sister, be the best wife, girlfriend. It's just and then and have that's.

[AJ Holiday]

What I practice a lot of solitude I'd be by my damn self.

[Tam Bam]

And then have to do it 10 times better. You gotta come 10 times harder.

[AJ Holiday]

Be double exhaustion. So exhaustion of Black excellence or Black Excellence fatigue is the phenomenon of black individuals experiencing extreme mental, emotional and physical burnout from the constant pressure to overperform, outshine expectations and succeed despite systematic barriers like racism and anti blackness. And sometimes that act like anti blackness come from our own people, you know. So it's just, it's just super exhausting. And really, you know, I was listening to, I thought about this topic because I still listen to 444. I don't know if y' all do Jay Z album, his Last studio album, 444. And he has a song in there, Legacy, legacy, Legacy. And part of it he says, it takes my hurt and help. Wait a minute. He said, it takes my hurt and help me find more of myself. It's a gift and a curse. That's called the Red Queen's Race. You run this hard just to stay in place. Keep up the pace, baby, keep up the pace. You run this hard just to stay in place. Legacy, legacy, legacy. So the Queen's race is basically you do you doing all these things, right. But you have all of these mechanisms put in place. Right. So you going as hard, you're being two times better just to stay in the same goddamn spot. But yesterday I had a conversation with my sister and I was asking her like, did you really learn anything from mom and daddy? Like, did you, did our parents really teach us anything? Because they. I ain't learned nothing from my parents, for real.

[Tam Bam]

That's not true.

[AJ Holiday]

Not like no, some like cooking, cleaning, but like life things. My mama always had a 800 plus credit score. She didn't teach me shit about credit because she didn't understand it. She just knew you get money, you buy shit, you pay for it. Right? So the way that I understand credit and how you use credit, you know, you leverage credit to build wealth is just wasn't ever her understanding. So that's something she could have never ever taught me. But that is something I can then pass to my kid. Right. So when I'm asking my sister this, I was like, you know, mom made sure we had like some. Someplace nice to live. We had what we needed, not necessarily what we wanted. And I think that that's also what, you know, differentiate. Differentiated my mom's household from a lot of other people's. Like we lived in a house, but you, you got the shit that you fucking need in here. Ain't going to be all. And we, we probably had a little extra the shit you need and a little extra. Right. So she afforded us not to have to live without lights and shit like that.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Which a lot of people didn't grow up like that.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. So I, I realize now from talking to my older sister that now our generation Got to take it to the next level. It's not gonna all happen within one generation.

[Tam Bam]

No, it never happened.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. So you feeling this burnout in this one generation. What you're doing is just so the next generation. Because it's a marathon. So the next generation can take the torch and keep running. So maybe we. Are we not doing enough? Because, you know, older generations might think we're lazy. The baby boomers might think our generation is actually lazy. How.

[Tam Bam]

How can. How.

[AJ Holiday]

How is that possible? Because.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

Because they had, like, five, six kids in the house. They worked two jobs a piece. They did a lot.

[Tam Bam]

They did that.

[AJ Holiday]

We just be like, nah, man, I need a soft life. Like, we are leaning more towards, like, less work, making maximum money. Yeah, right. We're trying to figure out ways where we can have a life of leisure versus work, work, work hard. Like, I remember my kids how.

[Tam Bam]

Sorry to interrupt you, but with how it is now, you can't even afford five kids.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

You can't afford to feed five kids. Where they go, where they go.

[AJ Holiday]

They really. They really couldn't afford to feed five kids back then. But that is how you build legacy. That is how you build generational wealth through family. And it. And it starts with that big family, and then they branch off and everybody do their thing. So we not even have enough kids or family to even. We're trying to build black. We're trying to do black excellence and build black generation as single people.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

That's why you feel burnout. You're supposed to have a partner.

[Tam Bam]

I agree that part.

[AJ Holiday]

So it's not that they didn't have the money for all those kids either. My grandmother. My daddy said I had 11 kids. My mom. My mom's side has seven. That's a lot of people.

[Tam Bam]

Your grandma had 11 kids? Yes, they was fucking out of both parents.

[AJ Holiday]

10 legitimate and one. And one basically adopted from within the family. She raised somebody, another family member's kid. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Well, just think about how much it costs. How much it costs to feed that many people versus how much it costs today to feed that many people.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, I always talk to my dad, and my dad would always say he did a little bit of everything to help feed his family. You know what I'm saying? Because it then starts falling on the children. That's another part why we can't just be having a whole bunch of kids. Because. Yeah, you can't take care of. Take care of all these children, and it causes trauma for these people when they become adults.

[Tam Bam]

And These kids don't want to help. These kids today don't want to help.

[AJ Holiday]

Hell no. Like, we got a black owned restaurant, we got a family restaurant in Charleston, soul food restaurant. And my cousins, and these are, these are my older cousins, they like in their 60s now, late 50s 60s. They are so broke up in there. Everybody got a back brace on their kids do not want to work in there. I worked in there two days last year and I had to go to the fucking chiropractor afterwards. Walking on that concrete hard floor trying not to slip in a restaurant all day long for two days. Killed my back. So imagine them now having, doing that shit. That restaurant has been open basically since I've been alive so 40 years plus.

[Tam Bam]

And they like, I see your back and you want me to come in here and work, right?

[AJ Holiday]

So my like, like my little cousins, like they figuring out, I think one of them working there, like, and she kind of, kind of is the only one keeping things going. But they don't want to do it. They don't want to, they don't want to work that hard. It's hard work. So I kind of understand how the older generation, I know for a fact like some of the problems me, my mom was having is because I be happy. Even when shit fucked up, I'm happy. And I don't want to do the most every day. I don't want to work hard.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

That is not like where I find joy in fucking working real hard, like, and then die period.

[Tam Bam]

Once it is like, who wants to work? You know, I don't want to work. I work because I have to. I want to do the things that like, if I could have it my way, I would marry rich, start a, some type of charity, build a charity where I give back to my community and do pilates and then do my podcast. Cause this, I enjoy doing this.

[AJ Holiday]

But do you see Nora, you know Nora on social media, that real pretty model? Yes. When she be cooking her food and feeding her family. She's pregnant right now with a fifth or sixth child. All since 2020. Yes, since 2020.

[Tam Bam]

She fucking out of my place.

[AJ Holiday]

She hasn't been spitting these babies out. Okay. And she cooks on the Internet for a living and then she models, you know. So you gotta find your niche. If you don't want to do, you don't have to go too hard in life.

[Tam Bam]

That's what we gotta do.

[AJ Holiday]

So, you know, black women are always saying how we got like all these degrees, but we also then carry a lot of debt that we are Single and trying to pay off by ourselves. And this is striving for black excellence and greatness. A lot of people got degrees that they're not using. You are not working in the field that you acquired this degree for.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

But your mama didn't go to college, your daddy didn't go to college. So now you've become a professional student with hella student loans.

[Tam Bam]

And you're working at Verizon, right, in a call center.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, you could be a manager up there, you know, because they, they be busting them checks ever rising. You know, you might have, you might have hit the low six figure threshold, but it's still not enough. So now you gotta do a side hustle and you gotta do social media. If you own a business, you gotta do social media too.

[Tam Bam]

You know, like, gotta be the content creator. Now you doordashing food and you work a full time job and you a.

[AJ Holiday]

Mom to keep up with all the things. So the other part of black excellence is materialism. So this is why I was talking about Dean Dash and what Charlemagne said to him, because I know Charlemagne is not a materialistic person. Yeah, that nigga still got that old ass. Is it an aviator, a navigator? Like, I don't know if it just keeps him humble or whatever, because he obviously got other vehicles. Right? But. And maybe he's gotten rid of it, but I know I've seen that in the last few years. His old ass navigator.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, that still run fine, Right.

[AJ Holiday]

But you got Dame Dash, who I remember, I don't know who it was talking about him. But how, when, when Dame Dash was at the height of his career and how they went to his Manhattan, I think it was Cameron was saying, like the, the lavish that Dame Dash had in his home. Right, so you were living outside your means at that time. Yeah. So you're talking to Charlamagne.

[Tam Bam]

Black people. We are flashy people in general. Like, we love nice things. We like to look good, we like to clean up. You know, I mean, I think that's something that's just rooted in us since before we came over here. If we did come over here, you.

[AJ Holiday]

Know, over this weekend, I was in a restaurant here in Charleston and I saw one of the guys came from the back in the kitchen. Cause y' all here and it probably in most places, the niggas is always in the kitchen, okay. And then all the white folks is waiters and greeters and all that stuff. So this guy came from the back of the kitchen and he has so many gold teeth in his mouth.

[Tam Bam]

Uh huh.

[AJ Holiday]

And I'm like you working in the kitchen in a restaurant with gold teeth in your mouth. It screams insecurity to me.

[Tam Bam]

What do you mean?

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Just holding on to that thing. I think a lot of black people are more insecure than anything, right? So you hold on to all this stuff because you aren't, you're not financially secure. A lot of black folks, a lot of us are not financially secure, right? So you pack on the labels and all these things to make you look like you're wearing, you're trying to wear your money essentially, right? As opposed to just fucking buckling down and hustling. And you don't, don't, don't buy none of this. Don't spend twelve hundred dollars on a bag, right? You could have done something completely different with that money. But not only you do you have to do it to look good for other black people. You gotta make sure everybody on Instagram know you got this too. And you putting this on. So materialism is also keeping us in a constant state of having to keep, keep up with the jones that is a part of black excellence, right? Looking like money when you don't have any. You don't have no life insurance, y'. All. I don't got life insurance, so I ain't talking shit about nobody. I just recently, after going to my friend's funeral, literally yesterday, I'm like, and this is not because I always think about, I need to get life insurance. I want a whole life insurance policy. Because I understand how you can also use that to build wealth. Yeah, yeah, I gotta get me a policy before the year out. But yeah, you don't have life insurance, but you got this bag. You know, healthcare probably lapsed, but you got this bag. Car insurance lapsed, got this bag.

[Tam Bam]

Your back tooth need to come out, but you got this bag.

[AJ Holiday]

You don't have a side tooth, but you got this bag.

[Tam Bam]

Listen, I'll kill somebody.

[AJ Holiday]

Side tooth is Black Excellence.

[Tam Bam]

If my side tooth missing, I'll do whatever it takes to get that tooth back. Whatever it take, give, donate blood, plasma. I'm selling bags, shoes. I'm not walking around without my tooth.

[AJ Holiday]

Black Excellence is having a side tooth. I'm setting the standard today, okay? Nothing else.

[Tam Bam]

People don't go to the dentist, forget a side tooth. Go to the dentist. Y' all go that yellow stuff on the bottom. Look in the mirror right now. If you got yellow shit caked up on the bottom of your teeth, go get that cleaned off. That callous Will it make you feel better? But that can also cause health issues. You can die future. Yeah. And it can kill you. Get that out your mouth right now. And it don't cost that much. That makes me so mad when I see people, beautiful black people walking around with calcified plaque on their teeth. Go get that cleaned.

[AJ Holiday]

You literally can go on Groupon. Because before I didn't have insurance, I would always get my cleanings off Groupon. I'll go to a different dentist every six months. $50, $60. I don't need no X ray. I'm good. Just clean my teeth.

[Tam Bam]

Clean my teeth.

[AJ Holiday]

$50. But if you're.

[Tam Bam]

If you're at that place where it's like calcified, you need to get a deep cleaning because they need to go beneath your gum line at this point. Because this shit living under there too, at this point, so.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, while y' all getting care credit for some ass, get some care credit about them gums.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And then stop putting the veneers on top of unhealed gum disease.

[Tam Bam]

Cause listen, they'll take your money and do that to you, but that's not gonna be healthy down the line. Mm. And then once your. Your gums are all eroded and now the veneer's not staying on, now you got vampire teeth. Cause they done file your teeth down to nubs. That shit just. Ooh, it pissed me off.

[State Farm Ad Voice]

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[Danielle Fishel]

This is Danielle Fishel from Pod Meats World. Parents, let's talk snacks. If your mornings look anything like mine, one kid's trying to pile drive a pillow and the other is trying to zip themselves into a backpack. Meanwhile, I'm trying to sign a permission slip with an eyeliner pencil because that's all I could find. That's why Mott's no Sugar Added Applesauce pouches are perfect to have nearby. These things are clutch and are perfect for moments of stress. Made with real apples, no sugar added and the pouch? Genius. It's mess free and perfect for the car, the lunchbox or after school activities. This is a snack you can feel good about and a good source of vitamin C too. Just tasty applesauce your kids will actually want to eat. The other day I handed one to my son mid meltdown. He took a deep breath, squeezed the pouch and suddenly he was calm. He had a tiny apple powered moment of Zen. Trust me, your future self will thank you. Mott's Real apples make real Good applesauce. Learn [e-mail] A new NFL season means.

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[AJ Holiday]

You know, coming from a like a working in a corporate world, you always, almost always end up being the only black person. A lot of times I think the company I used to work for, I really feel like I was the only person who got laid off because I was young black with no kids. Okay? I'm trying to get in positions to where I can afford some fucking kids and y' all firing me because y' all got kids. Basically everybody else has more at stake Right. If they lose their job, so you just figure I can just go and start the fuck over someplace else, right? But I don't think I ever walk into a place or room. I'm always myself. I never feel like I don't belong someplace. I never have. What's the little syndrome? They call it? Imposter syndrome.

[Tam Bam]

Imposter.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't ever have imposter syndrome. I think a lot of black people also suffer from imposter syndrome. They don't think that they belong in these spaces. You absolutely do. That's why you're there, right? So fuck. Even just a company trying to have, like, diversity, whatever we put our minds to, oftentimes we excel. Right? And that's why they always change the game once we learn it.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

They got to change it because we gonna take. We gonna. We gonna shoot that shit through the roof every time.

[Tam Bam]

I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. But that's that thing about running in place, though. So we strive to achieve all these things and literally still running in place. And I think if we are having, like, black excellence burnout, it goes back to my initial point, was that you're not gonna achieve all the things in this for this in this generation, right? So maybe try doing the least. Let's have a. Let's have a eight hour sleep challenge.

[Tam Bam]

Now that's. Now you. Now you talking my language, bitch. Eight hour sleep challenge. Sounds good. Because sometimes. Excuse me, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

Sometimes you can't get your mind to stop. Like, you're laying in the bed and all you want to do is go to sleep, but your mind just keep thinking about, I got to do this, I got to do that. Oh, I got to do this. Or what did she say? Or what time was that? Or just always something. And your mind just don't ever want to shut down. And sometimes you have to, like, even medicate just to go to sleep.

[AJ Holiday]

Mm.

[Tam Bam]

Mm. So it's crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

That's all chronic anxiety. That's all black. Striving for black excellence will lead you to chronic anxiety. Thinking that you're not enough. Thinking you gotta do this. Thinking this person is just. Comparison is the dream killer. For sure. This person is doing more. You not doing enough, man, and all that.

[Tam Bam]

Nothing aided in that more than social media. Social media will have you comparing yourself to other people that you. You're the only person that you should be comparing yourself to is yesterday's version of you.

[AJ Holiday]

That's it. That's it. And like, the small wins, you gotta celebrate them small wins every day, right? So like, like I procrastinate a lot. If I write down a list of five things and I get two things done on that list, bitch, I won the day. I don't give a damn what nobody says. I won't the day. And that's really got how you got to look at it. Because it's not about the instant gratification. It is the buildup to the thing, right? As small daily doses of improvement, that will always get you to the goal, right? So you don't have to do all the things. Like people be like, man, everybody. You got the same 24 I got. Fuck sleep. You sleep when you dead. You're going to die from lack of sleep. One thing I'm going to do is get my rest. And even I don't really get restful night's sleep because again, the brain do be going. But I get into bed and I rest my body. So even if I don't actually go to sleep so really late, I'm comfortable in the evenings. I'm laying the fuck down. Try it sometimes.

[Tam Bam]

And another thing is the space that you're sleeping in. At the very least, make it cozy. Make it cozy for you. Clean that shit up. Get rid of that clutter in your space. Because nothing is better than sleeping in some freshly clean sheets in a room that feels like a sanctuary to you. So whatever it takes to make your space, you can let the whole house be chaos, but where you lay your head, make that space a sanctuary. That helps.

[AJ Holiday]

See, my problem is I will leave dishes in the sink and I'll be laying in that sanctuary like you think about that dish. Yes, clutter. When you have a lot of clutter in your home, that is how your mind is. My second room is full of so much shit, okay? Things I want to get rid of. And I'm like, I'mma just go in there and I'm going to just throw all that shit in the trash. Fuck it, right? And that is how I'm going to start a new brain, a new way of thinking. Because it's like those things are in my way. They're in my way mentally, not physically in my way. Because I can close the door, right? But they're in my way because they live rent free in my brain. Yeah, right? So I feel like I can't get to the next thing until I do this thing. But just chip away at it every day. I'm gonna throw some shit away today.

[Tam Bam]

I hoard clothes. Me too. Hoard clothes so bad. And the only time I really throw away shit is When I'm moving. And then I be like, I ain't wore this shit in 16 years. Let me throw it out. Let me get rid of it.

[AJ Holiday]

You get tired and just start throwing all that shit in the trash.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. But until then, my mind gives me a reason why I need this skirt from.

[AJ Holiday]

I'mma lose 10 pounds and I'mma get back into this. I got so many jeans, bitch. I don't wear jeans because I'm tired of my. I be so uncomfortable in jeans, walking around jeans with no stretch. I still have some.

[Tam Bam]

Listen, I've been. My. My shit right now is baggy jeans. And let me tell y' all where to go get it. I know this off topic a little bit, but y' all go to Aeropostale.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah, they got the good jeans.

[Tam Bam]

Girl, I got me some baggy jeans. Now. You gotta probably go up two sizes to get them to be baggy. How you want it?

[AJ Holiday]

American eagle, too.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah. I was about to say American eagle as well. Yeah, but yeah, okay, okay. I'm sorry.

[AJ Holiday]

But yeah, I think definitely materialism and the comparison with social media is making people strive more and more for these unrealistic goals. And I'm not saying everybody can't listen. Everybody should strive to do the best they can do. But if your best is a house, a car, and a job and your family, like, that's your best and it's okay. Because guess what? Those people on the Internet, a lot of them are in super duper debt, which causes restless nights, you know, so it looks good online, but you really don't know how these people are living in real life. A lot of these content creators are living together, right? Let's be clear. They live in the content creator house created in California and Calabasas where they not even paying no damn rent. And they are selling you a lifestyle they really don't have, Right? Just be careful what you consuming, man.

[Tam Bam]

Physically, emotionally, mentally, and all things. All the things social media definitely would have you thinking you're not good enough if you allow it.

[AJ Holiday]

And that you're not doing enough. Yeah. And you are doing enough. You are doing enough, Right? You know, I'm about to make some matcha. That is good. It's. Some days I don't got time to eat. At least I can make me some matcha today. That is a win.

[Tam Bam]

But you gotta prioritize eating Ashley.

[AJ Holiday]

I gotta prioritize eating more protein.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Also, like, that's the main thing, right? A lot of my. I don't be getting enough protein. I really don't like. What if I should be, like, super skinny right now, bitch? Because I. But I don't get enough new nutrients right now, and I haven't been for a few months now, and it's just hard. It's hard to get the meals in right now. I might need to do me some meal preps on Sunday.

[Tam Bam]

Why don't you do protein shakes?

[AJ Holiday]

I do protein bars sometimes, and I do do protein shakes. Not consistent enough. Yeah, especially if I don't work out. I usually don't drink a protein shake.

[Tam Bam]

And listen, y'. All. Because people think they're getting enough protein. You need a gram of protein per pound of your body. So if you're 150 pounds, you need 150 grams of protein every day.

[AJ Holiday]

Every day.

[Tam Bam]

We. We get a fraction of that. We think we eat some chicken at lunch and a little tuna at dinner, and we've gotten enough protein for the day, and it's just a fraction of what you need. So. Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

Look, this thing says, back in the day, excellence was a Cadillac in the driveway. Now it's a Tesla. And a TikTok of you plugging it in. Like, not only do you have to have the Tesla, the niggas got to see you plug it up. Okay. Because if nobody sees you do it, it's not real.

[Tam Bam]

Right. You don't have it for real.

[AJ Holiday]

I glad. I'm so glad that I am me. And I don't care about none of that shit. I don't be trying to impress people in that way. Never did, never have. I make the clothes. The clothes don't make me. I don't need none of this. The stuff. You know what I'm saying? I like experiences. I want to be able to take all my friends and family on vacation. That is goals for me.

[Tam Bam]

I ain't gonna lie. I like me some stuff, but I love an experience, too. I prioritize the experience over stuff. But if I could have both simultaneously, I would. I ain't gonna hold you.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm good. I am, period.

[Tam Bam]

But I ain't gonna kill myself to get it, though. That's the thing. I'm not gonna make myself sick to get it. And I just think I'm fine. If I'm fine in fashion, Nova or Chanel, it don't matter, you know? Period. Clock that.

[AJ Holiday]

So to the elders, excellence meant, like, sacrifice. 40 years at one job, minimal vacations. Work ethic was their identity, essentially. And you don't rest because you didn't own. You didn't earn rest like now we be going on vacation. Like you need a vacation. Even if I never feel like I don't deserve a vacation, even if I don't work nowhere, I always deserve a vacation, right? It's fucking hard walking around being a human. If I can go someplace and like just lay down and not have to think about what I'm gonna eat, what I'm gonna do. Just chill, relax. Like, I don't wanna go on vacation with people who got an itinerary.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I was just about to say some people be ruining a vacation because they want you to see. Stick to this itinerary, okay? By 6, we're going to get up at 6am to go to an excursion on vacation. Girl, fuck you.

[AJ Holiday]

We need vacation after the vacation.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, Too much. Let's just flow.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And so for millennials, we're like the pioneers of burnout. And we ain't, we ain't with that shit no more. So we are the first generation of people saying loudly, this is not sustainable. We do therapy, we do a lot of self care and we about the motherfucking soft life also, right? We do do a lot of hustling because I mean, this life, you just have to have a lot of different things going on to afford to actually breathe. And this is just the basic necessities, right? What we see on social media a lot of times is like the extras, right, that everybody also wants. You know, you don't just want the house, you want the big ass Mercedes in the driveway. Day one, you got to work up to those things. And it's not going to happen overnight, but it could happen in your generation. And then the Gen Z's. Now I got a problem with Gen Z's a little bit. Gen Z's are our nieces, okay? These, I got one Gen Z niece and I'm not, I can't, I don't know what the next two youngest under her, what generation they are, but something happened with them. Gen Z's. The millennials screwed the Gen Zs up. And see, this is where we got to take into consideration what the baby boomers, our elders were saying, right? So now you, you, you working super hard, Millennial, you sending your kids to prom looking like they come from a home with two parents who are fucking doctors and lawyers and attorneys, right? Everybody just looking like money pulling up in a Maserati and all this stuff. And now they're spoiled and they're slow. They don't have any life skills.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right. They don't know their password to their damn email but they having sex and they do. They're just being just slow. And I remember one day. I love you so much, niece, if you're listening, I remember one day this girl came from outside, right? She had already been out the house. I hadn't been. She came in my room and said, what's the temperature outside? How do I feel outside today? I said, weren't you out there? Weren't you out there? I haven't been outside. Why are you. You don't remember what it felt like. I gotta guide you to that too, right?

[Tam Bam]

And then you have Google on your phone, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, Google it.

[Tam Bam]

Did you see that video of the dad gave his son the end of the measuring tape? And then he started to dance and he followed him, baby. I was like. And that's really a clear depiction of what's going on with our Gen zers. And it's our fault because I just think that we wanted to give them a soft life, a life that we didn't have growing up. And in that we have weaken them.

[AJ Holiday]

They. Okay, so the thing is that they're a little. They have a lot of strengths that we don't have. Right. Because I feel like they are more of the freelancers. They are more. A little more entrepreneurial. Yes. They, the social media, they gonna take that to the max. So they may have to do the least. I got a couple homegirls who. Daughters are like the social media girlies, you know what I'm saying? They got the 100, 200,000 followers and stuff like that, like just making lifestyle content.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

And they've been living on their own since they was 18, doing this shit.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

You know, buying houses. So it's, it's, it's just different. Right? So I don't think that's lazy though. Our, our parents would call that lazy because they're not working for someone else. Long as they get money. Period. Long as they get money. So this actually says Gen Z's. They boldly. They're boldly rejecting grind culture. They're choosing joy. They're freelancing and have unapologetic boundaries. Okay. They really about themselves, they are kind of selfish. I'll say that Gen Z kids are kind of selfish and their no looks like rebellion, but it's really liberation. The no is a complete statement, right? My mom calls me selfish because I know how to tell people no. I just, I'm not just. I'm not into doing things I don't feel like doing anymore. I have overextended myself a lot in life. And so now I'm. I don't feel like it, you know.

[Tam Bam]

I had to learn that no was a complete sentence. I had to start telling myself because you'll overextend yourself to people and there's no reward for it. There's no extreme thank you. You just burnt in the name of other people, right?

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[Danielle Fishel]

This is Danielle Fishel from Pod Meats World. Parents, let's talk snacks. If your mornings look anything like mine, one kid's trying to pile drive a pillow and the other is trying to zip themselves into a backpack. Meanwhile, I'm trying to sign a permission slip with an eyeliner pencil because that's all I could find. That's why Mott's no Sugar Added Applesauce pouches are perfect to have nearby. These things are clutch and are perfect for moments of stress. Made with real apples, no sugar added and the pouch? Genius. It's mess free and perfect for the car, the lunchbox or after school activities. This is a snack you can feel good about and a good source of vitamin C too. Just tasty applesauce your kids will actually want to eat. The other day I handed one to my son mid meltdown. He took a deep breath, squeezed the pouch and suddenly he was calm. He had a tiny apple powered moment of Zen. Trust me, your future self will thank you Motts. Real apples make real good applesauce. Learn [e-mail] A new NFL season means.

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[AJ Holiday]

So this says grandma worked 40 years straight with one vacation to Atlantic City. Meanwhile, Gen Z wants what? A sabbatical. Sabbatical after a stressful zoom call like you want to quit? Yes, for sure. And then the boomers take self care. Is that like a think self care is like a bubble bath while Gen Z thinks it's quitting your job and moving to Costa Rica. I mean I feel like that as a millennial I agree. Fuck these jobs. Let me tell y', all these people will replace you. You gonna go so hard for this corporation, climb this corporate ladder for them to either fire you one or you die and then they replace you the next day or you cold in the ground the next day they'll have somebody else in your place. So I am more loyal to the people I have to work with. I'm never loyal to a company because they are not loyal to your ass whatsoever.

[Tam Bam]

Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts and prayers.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. So yeah, I don't know. I think our generation we definitely resting a little bit more. We're trying to figure out ways in which we can actually enjoy living not having to work 40 years and die.

[Tam Bam]

I saw this video, it was an old white couple on a boat in Per Italy or something like that and they was like sleep. They was riding the I think it was in Paris to see in and they would sleep on the boat and they was like, don't wait this long to enjoy life. Yeah, enjoy it now. You can't even, you know, you're not walking as well. You can't stay awake. You're not even really getting experience because you worked 40 years so you could go do this. No, do that shit now.

[AJ Holiday]

Do it now. Fuck them bills. I think that's what millennials are also good at. We good at fuck them bills.

[Tam Bam]

How is people staying alive though? That's what I want to know. Somebody need to do a TED Talk on I'm still alive.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know how we doing it. And you know, I always argue with the boomers, right? Y' all ain't have these. Y' all don't have our bills.

[Tam Bam]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

Even if you have a home right now, you still not paying. We paying for a new house, okay? So shut the fuck up. Talking to us about working hard. We are barely living.

[Tam Bam]

Like lottery ticket.

[AJ Holiday]

We. I don't know how we doing it, but we make it look good.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, we make social media, we make.

[AJ Holiday]

It look real good. But take care of yourself.

[Tam Bam]

Yes, please take care of yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

Take care of yourself. Listen, man, I. Hey, I'm about to, I'm about to get heavy back on my, my option trading. That is the highest paying job in the world. Y' all is to learn the fucking stock market. So you got to get into that, man, so you don't have to work multiple jobs, plus have an Amazon storefront plus have a TikTok plus plus plus plus plus. But that's really what AI is taking us though. It's taking us. Like computers and robots are going to take over. So you are the product. You have to find a way to sell yourself to the masses to make money in the near future. Because these jobs, a lot of them are coming to an end. Banking, financial, all that shit is changing. So we might need to get with the Gen Z's. Not even their generation. I feel like my niece don't know shit about no computer. What is the generation under Gen Z? Who's that? They like early 20s right now. Oh, it's a generation Gen Z, is it not?

[Tam Bam]

Is Gen Z like the last generation that's living? There's babies or babies still.

[AJ Holiday]

No, the generations don't last that long, do they? Let's look right quick. Hold on.

[Tam Bam]

30, 40 years.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, let's see.

[Tam Bam]

I don't know, I might be wrong.

[AJ Holiday]

So generation beta. Oh, beginning 2020. Five is generation beta.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Generation alpha is born 2013 to 2014. Gen Z is 1997 to 2012. Then millennials, 1981 to 1996.

[Tam Bam]

So I'll say for two years.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, no, 13. 2013 to 2024.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And then this current generation is the Beta. Is that starting? Like, what does that mean? Beta. It's like a new beginning. So when we talk about a new Earth, beta is like, testing, right? So think about COVID and all the things that they did, these injections, all this shit. What? Why are these babies called Betas? Interesting.

[Tam Bam]

The Beta generation.

[AJ Holiday]

The Beta generation, they tested the new.

[Tam Bam]

World order on their ass.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. That's. That's exactly where I'm going at. Anyway, y' all challenge eight hours of sleep. Pick a day.

[Tam Bam]

No, every day. Every day.

[AJ Holiday]

Everybody can't get eight hours every single day.

[Tam Bam]

I know, but let's do a challenge.

[AJ Holiday]

For a whole week. Whole week? Eight hours. I just think that's not feasible for a lot of people because a lot of people are working two jobs, doing a bunch of different things, so. And we could do two days out the week. Can y' all get 16? Like, can y' all get eight hours.

[Tam Bam]

Of sleep two days this week?

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

I'm gonna try.

[AJ Holiday]

Hit us. Yeah, hit us up. If you able to achieve a real restful. Like you go to sleep at 8. At 10 o'.

[Tam Bam]

Clock.

[AJ Holiday]

By 10, we going to sleep at 10 o' clock and we waking up at 6. That's the millionaires time. Okay. Millionaires be up by 5. 5:30. We really bought this black, excellent glass.

[Tam Bam]

Get you a bottle of Saratoga water, I guess, and stick your face in it. If I buy that expensive ass water, I'm drinking it. I ain't putting my face in that.

[AJ Holiday]

I buy that water all the time. I shop at Restaurant depot. So it's $20 for the glass bottles. For 12 of them?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. That's a lot for water, is it? $20 for 12 for the liter of water.

[AJ Holiday]

For the liter of bottles.

[Tam Bam]

You get 12 bottles of Aquafina for $5, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

And your goddamn liver and kidney gonna be so full of bullshit and hard metals. Y' all better get them glass bottles and stop drinking out that plastic.

[Tam Bam]

We all going up out of here some way. God damn it. All right, what's your last? Last?

[AJ Holiday]

That was it. Get some stuff.

[Tam Bam]

All right, so mine. Protect your peace by setting boundaries, resting when needed. Get the maid hours if you can. But if you can't, get it when you need it, baby. And refueling what truly restores you?

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. Because Black excellence is absolutely beautiful, but it should never feel like punishment.

[Tam Bam]

You know who you are listening to the sound of my voice? Go get your teeth clean right now. Go make the appointment.

[AJ Holiday]

We need to have an episode on that. Like, not only the teeth. Y' all only be checking on them coochies. What that heart look like, right? What that liver look like when last time you had a full body scan. Check your. Your vitamin D levels and all your.

[Tam Bam]

Vitamins, all that shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, that's another challenge.

[Tam Bam]

Man, your prostate. I really want to get this guy on. Andre, let's talk about the prostate.

[AJ Holiday]

That hit super close to home. All right, y', all, Black Excellence. This podcast is. We on Black Effect, which is Black Excellence. Okay? This is the only black owned podcast network. Really. Black Effect is the only podcast network as far as I'm concerned, period. Okay? So this is Black Excellence. And it's a lot of black women that work around the clock to keep this thing going, okay?

[Tam Bam]

So shout out to go ahead.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, shout out to all the black women at Black Effect.

[Tam Bam]

And we. Five years strong, y'. All. Five years. We just celebrated five years.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. All right, y', all, so if you enjoyed this episode of Black Excellence, y', all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect iHeartRadio app. Wherever the fuck you get your podcast at. This is Your co host, AJ Holiday is 2.0 on Instagram. Kick a tam, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. It's official Tam Bam on Instagram. Y'. All follow me, please. I love y' all so much. Also follow We Talk Back podcast on Instagram. We love to have you remember.

[AJ Holiday]

Speak now and never hold your rest.

[Tam Bam]

Amen.

[AJ Holiday]

Deuces.

[Tam Bam]

Peace.

[AJ Holiday]

We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Tam Bam]

Thanks for listening and celebrating five years of the Black Effect Podcast network with us. Keep following because the next five years are about to be even.

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[AJ Holiday]

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[Danielle Fishel]

This is Danielle Fishel from Pod Meets World. Parents, quick question. When is the last time you won snack time? The other day I handed my son a perfectly portioned Pinterest level snack and he traded it for a Mott's applesauce pouch. I'm not mad, just impressed. And that's why Mott's no sugar added applesauce pouches are perfect to keep on hand. They're made with real apples packed in a super easy pouch. Perfect for tossing in a lunchbox, keeping in the car, or grabbing as you're running out the door. Plus, they're a good source of vitamin C and kids love them. Win win. Make sure your kid wins Snack time with Mott. Real apples make real good applesauce.

[AJ Holiday]

Learn [e-mail] this is an I Heart podcast.