Cart Before the Horse

Summary

We Talk Back Podcast: "Cart Before the Horse" Summary

Release Date: May 29, 2025
Hosts: TamBam & A.J. Holiday
Produced by The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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1. Introduction and Personal Weekend Stories

The episode kicks off with TamBam and A.J. Holiday exchanging warm greetings and diving into their recent weekend experiences. A.J. shares a distressing story about her cat, Dasha, who accidentally ingested a prescribed stimulant, leading to a frantic rush to the emergency vet. This incident not only caused emotional turmoil but also resulted in a hefty vet bill.

• A.J. Holiday [03:05]: "She ate a stimulant, a prescribed stimulant that I must have dropped on the floor at some point... I just felt like losing Isaiah sitting up in the vet."

TamBam empathizes, emphasizing the familial bond with pets and the lengths one goes to save them.

• TamBam [04:34]: "Your animals become like family, you know? You're not just gonna let them die if you can afford it."

2. Celebrity Relationship Drama: Remy Ma and Papoose

The conversation shifts to the tumultuous relationship between rappers Remy Ma and Papoose. The hosts discuss recent allegations of infidelity and public disputes, analyzing the potential legal and emotional ramifications.

• A.J. Holiday [08:14]: "I know the Internet is seeing what's happening between Remy Ma and Papoose... She could go to court. He better have some real-life proof."

They debate the authenticity of online claims and the impact of public scrutiny on personal relationships.

3. Redefining Wedding Norms: The $333 Ticket Wedding

TamBam introduces a unique wedding concept where a New York couple charges guests $333 to attend their wedding celebration across the city. Initially planned for 350 guests, logistical constraints reduced the number to 60, all of whom participated by purchasing tickets. Proceeds were donated to a foundation supporting couples facing infertility challenges.

• A.J. Holiday [16:07]: "I think there's nothing wrong with people providing their loved ones financial assistance when getting married. I think that's a great thing if we plan a whole year in advance."

The hosts debate the practicality and cultural implications of such a model, weighing it against traditional African wedding customs where community support is paramount.

4. Astrology and Personality Traits

A.J. delves into astrology, discussing Gemini traits and their influence on relationships. The conversation highlights the mutable nature of Geminis and how their adaptability can be both a strength and a challenge in personal dynamics.

• A.J. Holiday [28:09]: "Gemini sun, Virgo rising... it's a baseline. No, I'm never going to treat anybody a particular way just based on their sign."

They explore how astrological signs interplay with personal behaviors and relationship expectations, emphasizing the importance of not stereotyping based on zodiac signs alone.

5. Relationship Dynamics and 'Wifey' Behaviors

A significant portion of the episode centers on defining what constitutes "wifey" behavior. The hosts discuss societal expectations placed on women in relationships, the balance between nurturing and self-care, and the potential for emotional burnout when acting beyond one's role without commitment.

• A.J. Holiday [38:54]: "A man is not coming to your house to clean it. What that man should be doing is cleaning your car."

They critically analyze the notion of performing domestic tasks without mutual commitment, highlighting the risks of resentment and the importance of setting clear relationship boundaries.

6. Balancing Expectations and Personal Needs

The dialogue transitions into strategies for maintaining personal well-being while supporting a partner. TamBam and A.J. advocate for self-awareness, setting boundaries, and ensuring that acts of service in relationships are reciprocal and not solely burdening women.

• TamBam [54:23]: "It should be balanced."

They share personal anecdotes about past relationships, emphasizing the necessity of mutual effort and the pitfalls of one-sided relationships where only one partner invests emotionally or physically.

7. Concluding Takeaways and Future Discussions

Towards the end, the hosts summarize key insights from their discussion on relationship dynamics:

• A.J. Holiday [80:36]: "It's about mutual effort. You should not be doing more than he's willing to do for you."

They stress the importance of clear communication, setting realistic expectations, and recognizing when a relationship lacks mutual commitment. The episode wraps up with a tease for their next discussion on the pros and cons of acting like a wife without the formal commitment.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• A.J. Holiday [03:07]: "I just knew I was going to fucking jail, bitch."
• TamBam [04:34]: "Your animals become like family, you know? You're not just gonna let them die if you can afford it."
• A.J. Holiday [08:14]: "I know the Internet is seeing what's happening between Remy Ma and Papoose..."
• A.J. Holiday [16:07]: "I think there's nothing wrong with people providing their loved ones financial assistance when getting married."
• A.J. Holiday [28:09]: "Gemini sun, Virgo rising... it's a baseline."
• A.J. Holiday [38:54]: "A man is not coming to your house to clean it."
• TamBam [54:23]: "It should be balanced."
• A.J. Holiday [80:36]: "It's about mutual effort."

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Final Thoughts

In "Cart Before the Horse," TamBam and A.J. Holiday offer an unfiltered exploration of personal struggles, celebrity news, unique cultural practices, and deep dives into relationship dynamics. The episode underscores the importance of mutual respect, clear communication, and self-awareness in navigating the complexities of modern relationships. Their candid and humorous approach provides listeners with relatable insights and practical advice, all while maintaining an engaging and conversational tone.

For those seeking raw, comedic, and thought-provoking discussions about sex, relationships, and personal growth, this episode is a compelling listen.

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Connect with We Talk Back:

• Follow TamBam and A.J. Holiday on Instagram:
  • A.J. Holiday 2.0: @A.J.Holiday
  • Tam Bam: @TamBam
• Join the Conversation:
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Transcript

[A.J. Holiday]

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[Carlos Miller]

Taking control of your career is empowering. Just don't tell my boss I said that. Just kidding. I am the boss. This is Carlos Miller from the 85 South Show. And building a career isn't just about a job. It's about creating a path that impacts our community and future generations. Whether you're starting out or even making big moves, State Farm is here to support you with resources to help protect what you're working hard to achieve. They've got your back every step of the way. Because like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Find out [e-mail] if you own a.

[A.J. Holiday]

Home, here's an interesting fact for you today. American homeowners are sitting on a record amount of home equity. That's the part of your home you own outright. Rocket Mortgage can help you turn that home equity into cash. You and that can help you fund a home renovation, pay for your kids college tuition or pay off consolidated high interest debt. To learn more just call 804Rocket or visit Rocket.com today. Rocket Mortgage LLC. Licensed in 50 states. Nmlsconsumeraccess.org number 3030 I've never felt like this before.

[Tam Bam]

It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at your DSW store or.

[A.J. Holiday]

Dsw.Com welcome to We Talk Back where we encourage you to hustle hard, laugh louder and always keep it cute. So grab your coffee cocktail and crown cause it's about to go down.

[Unknown]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion. Who Talk back.

[A.J. Holiday]

What's up, y' all? It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bam, y' all.

[Unknown]

It's Tam Bam. I love y' all so, so, so very much. I love you, aj.

[A.J. Holiday]

I love you more.

[Unknown]

How was your weekend, girl?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, my weekend was horrible, okay? I had to rush my kid to the emergency room. Damn, Dash it a cat, man.

[Unknown]

What happened to Dasha?

[A.J. Holiday]

She ate a stimulant, a prescribed stimulant that I must have dropped on the floor at some point. And I just felt like losing Isaiah sitting up in the vet. I was just waiting for the police to come looking for a prescription. Like, I just knew I was going to fucking jail, bitch. I was in there, boo hoo, crying like a baby, okay? And cried even more when I got the goddamn bill, Okay?

[Unknown]

I know you did, child.

[A.J. Holiday]

I was distraught. So she's getting back to normal kind of now, so she actually had to stay in the hospital overnight on Friday. And y' all a vet. Don't be playing. If y' all work somewhere and they offer some goddamn vet insurance, pay them a couple dollars every. Every couple months. A lot of people. I didn't even tell people, for real, what was happening with my cat, because I. The. The one two people I did tell is like, I'm crazy for trying to save my cat's life. Like, they would just get another cat. First of all, Dasha cost me $1,200 for that fucking cat. The breed she is, her kittens could sell upwards. $3,000 a pop. I'm not just letting my cat die, regardless. I don't even eat meat. So imagine me letting the cat die. So I'm gonna do whatever it takes to keep her healthy and alive.

[Unknown]

I mean, your animals become like family, you know? You're not just gonna let them die if you can afford it.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I don't necessarily. Like, I can afford it, but I don't want to afford it. That's the problem. Yeah, I did not want to afford this vet bill, but I cried a lot. And by the time I went to go pick her up on Sunday, it was half the price. I was like, oh, my God, it's gonna put me in major financial hardship. I cannot. When I see I was acting out in there, I was acting out in there, and at, like, once I knew she would be okay. Like, I was acting out more. So about the bill, Right.

[Unknown]

Instead of taking her to the vet, you should have had her, like, organized. Listen, when I ever. I took an Adderall it made me feel like I could do everything. You should have had Dr. Organize some episodes for us. Clean the house.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not make her into an intern. No, but it has, like, an advert. It's so weird because, you know, cats are very, like, finicky when it comes to food, but it's something in the stimulants that they like that they're attracted to the smell of it, the taste of it. So this is, like, a common thing that happens with cats. So if you have, like, a kid that's on Adderall or. Or what's the other one? Riddling and like that. Like, and you have animals, like, for whatever reason, cats like Adderall. She ate majority of the pill. I came home once, I got home Saturday night and looked underneath the fucking dresser. I see, like, the little piece. Oh, my God, this cat really, like. And I remember.

[Unknown]

I just feel like you didn't take advantage of that.

[A.J. Holiday]

She couldn't do anything. Like, it's like. It's like somebody had control alt. Delete her shit. Like, she was just standing in one spot. Look, I sent you the video of how she was looked at. She couldn't do nothing. They couldn't. So it makes their heart rate rise real high. Like, her was. Like, her blood pressure was like, 196 over something.

[Unknown]

Oh, wow.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. So they had to, like, dip her in an ice bath. Shit was real serious. Like, Dasha was on her way out of here to meet her maker, the cat maker.

[Unknown]

Damn.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I. My heart cannot take losing another animal. I said, my heart cannot take losing another animal like Bella is. Stole my screen saver on my cell phone. That's how much I miss that dog.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Dasha is 10 months, girl. I could not. I wouldn't have been able to function for at least a week or two. Yeah. And then I had some family shit going on. Yeah. It was Memorial Day. I laid my ass down, bitch. I went to Belks and Dillard's like an old bitch do to check out these Memorial Day sales on some sheets and pillows and shit. Old lady stuff. And I brought my ass back to the house. Child, I hope your weekend was better.

[Unknown]

I mean, it ain't hard to top that.

[A.J. Holiday]

Stupid. I'm sorry. Damn.

[Unknown]

It ain't hard to top that. I got on a plane and went somewhere. I'm somewhere else right now.

[A.J. Holiday]

Nice.

[Unknown]

And I went on a date.

[A.J. Holiday]

It don't sound like you trying to tell us or the listener, me or the listeners, where you at? You hopped on a plane and just.

[Unknown]

Know I got on the plane, y' all. And I got to come back home on Thursday morning, and I'm still here.

[A.J. Holiday]

He let you stay? You spending the night? I'm happy for you.

[Unknown]

Yes. I'm having a good time.

[A.J. Holiday]

Get into sins, because you're sending. All right, so, okay. I know the Internet is seeing what's happening between Remy Mayan Papoose and Clarissa Shields. I don't think she's really in the equation, per se. Are they actually divorced already?

[Unknown]

No. That's the issue.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. Okay, and so now you're publicly online. Like, regardless of what Papoose is saying, Remy Ma could go to court. He better have some real life proof, right? Because he is online publicly with his girlfriend. Remy Ma went live. Like, tapped in on his live of him talking or added him to her live, right? To check the. He was just talking on his live. And, like, you know how you. It's like somebody call your phone. You're on live. Like, your screen comes up. It's him and Carissa. Like, a picture. Like, his avatar is him and Carissa. So she has a lot of ammo, okay, for court if she wants to put some. Throw some fidelity infidelity in there. No, she ain't gonna get well. But he can get from her. So if she could prove that he was the one, you know, maybe she wouldn't have to pay as much alimony.

[Tam Bam]

Oh.

[A.J. Holiday]

You see, because she is the breadwinner. Well, we say she's a breadwinner. Papu says that's not true, but I don't know. Maybe she had. I. I don't know.

[Unknown]

All I know is Remy Ma did not play with Clarissa. You seen them stockings and shoes.

[A.J. Holiday]

Baggy?

[Unknown]

She'll beat your ass.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. Yeah, and poop you in the eye with them shoes.

[Unknown]

Leave that lady alone. She looked like a house was about to drop off. There's no place back home. There's no place black home.

[A.J. Holiday]

And it looked like a mouse was chewing on the tip of them shoes. She don't give a.

[Unknown]

She don't give a.

[A.J. Holiday]

Don't play with that lady, Rema. You're gonna have to catch another shooting charge because you can't be Christian.

[Unknown]

Love you here over at we talk back, girl.

[A.J. Holiday]

Absolutely. I think she's a very sweet girl. Just real innocent. She's real innocent, and she just authentically who the fuck she is. Like, she ain't trying to be nobody else.

[Unknown]

No.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay. Obviously. Cause that girl had on tights. Y' all remember them tights? Your mom, Them black, dark ass tights Going to Church. We ain't even started wearing no sheer stalkers as we was grown. Child, those was fucking tights. Them thick black ones, them thick white ones.

[Unknown]

They was too big. Baby, it's giving. Wicked Witch of the Bronx.

[A.J. Holiday]

Witch of.

[Unknown]

The Bronx Wicked Witch of the Bronx.

[A.J. Holiday]

Bitch, Ain't that where she from? And the Bronx people crazy, child. Girl, my lashes sticking to the bottom. The Bronx people crazy. I love you so you know this. Okay, So, y' all, when we first started this podcast, I was actually engaged to somebody, right? And the relationship ended. And I know I probably shared a lot of. Like, not even a lot, because it was a whole lot of that transpired in that relationship, but I know I probably talked a little bit of shit, right? And, you know, he would actually tell me he feels like I'm trolling him on. On the podcast now. Mind you, nobody knows who he is, though, right? So Remy Ma and Papoose have always been. You know, especially since she came home from prison before, everybody just thought, you know, he's just holding it down somewhere, waiting on Remy Marty, that she actually comes home to get married. They're like the symbol of black love for many years, and. And now here they are, like, spilling the super beans, okay, about their relationship because now they're at odds and they're breaking up. Is that the same thing I was doing? I. I don't.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I don't think so. I mean, kind of.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't think so. Like, I would never drag somebody I once loved like that. How they're doing now. I know Remy is a. Is a loving woman because the way she packed that nigga stuff up nice and neat and these little plastic bags, she probably ordered off Amazon 30 in a bunch. She packed this shit up real nice. But, you know, if you only got clothes at a house, you ain't got no staking at home. For real, right? All you got is clothes. There ain't no furniture you could take. You just got clothes in the PlayStation.

[Unknown]

Take the TV, at least. My.

[A.J. Holiday]

It was a whole bunch of bins of clothes. So she. I mean, she packed it up real nice for him.

[Unknown]

I just hate that because I remember when people used to say that they were goals, you know, that's why you can't make nobody your goals. You just have to make your goals and make it just about you and not nobody else, because people should be falling apart.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, man. And you never know, like, the Internet is not a real place as much as we. As much as it's a part of our lives, you know, I Had an idea about. For a book. I won't say the name of it, but it's like. It's a one big. It's one big filter, the Internet, you know, you do not know what is actually going on with anybody just by looking at pictures and what they choose to show you. Even what they choose to say on live and shit like that, you don't know. You never know. So, you know, she said that he was cheating her the entire time he was in. She was in prison. I mean, I don't consider it cheating. If I go to jail for eight years, nigga, have at it, okay? If we be together when I come home, then so be it. I would never want anybody to put their life on hold for me.

[Unknown]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

So I don't consider that.

[Unknown]

I would never assume that they were, you know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right. Like, I think that would be asinine.

[Unknown]

As far as I'm concerned. As long as you do it quietly and don't embarrass me. Go ahead. You know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I agree. Even. Even now. I just don't want to hear about it. I just. I don't want to see about it. I don't want to hear about it. Don't play in my face. Do it quietly. That's love. It is love when your significant other never finds out that you fuck somebody else. That is love. That is the, like, epitome of love. Because shit gonna happen, especially when you with somebody for many, many years. Like, I just think. I think there are people that could be in committed relationships for a very long time and never, you know, never cheat. But what are the odds, right? The odds are very slim. So I just think they need to have. It's like, where did this respect go? Y' all just said respect. I don't like this no more. We ain't together and imma just embarrass him as much as possible.

[Unknown]

Hurt people. Hurt people. That's what they say.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I don't ever want that type of love.

[Unknown]

Me neither.

[A.J. Holiday]

Even from a friend, you know what I'm saying? Even from a friend. I don't like. You don't get on a public platform and talk crazy about me and people know who I am. It's just different when people know who you're talking about. So seeing what's going on with them didn't make me think about, you know, the. I probably talked, which probably nobody even remembers the things I've said they remember.

[Unknown]

Especially the people who know him, who.

[A.J. Holiday]

Though he know people, but do people know him? Let me stop being Shady. Okay. Anyway, yeah, I want Papus and. And Remy to be better. Y' all have a daughter. The Internet is ink is not pencil. You cannot erase the things that you've done. And we see how smart this little girl is. I'm pretty sure she'd be on YouTube. She probably gonna be seeing some of the things that you said about her dad and some of the things he said about her. Like, it's just. It's not cool. It's not cool.

[Unknown]

You have to remind yourself that people delight in your misery. Don't give them nothing. Give them nothing.

[A.J. Holiday]

Pay him dust. Yeah, that's whack. What else we got going on, child?

[Unknown]

Okay, so a New York couple charged guests $333 to attend their wedding. Out of 350 invites, only 60 people showed up. So it says this. Nova and Remo Styles redefine wedding norms by inviting guests to purchase 333 tickets to attend their 12 hour celebration across New York City. This fee wasn't about covering calls. It symbolizes The angel number 333 representing change, growth and strength. Proceeds were donated to a foundation supporting couples facing infertility challenges. Originally planned for 350 guests, the styles faced the challenge of narrowing their list to 60 due to logistical constraints. Oh, so it wasn't like 60 people showed up out of 350. They narrowed, they guessed down to 60. Okay, that's fair. And then all 60 people showed up with $333.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. And it says by introducing the ticket system, they allow friends and family to self select their participation, leading to more intimate gathering. Despite initial skepticism, the event sold out and the couple expressed no regrets. Nothing that the experience clarified, noting. Oh, noting that the experience clarify the depth of their relationship. Okay, so it wasn't what we thought initially. That is not tacky. Like take away the donation thing, like them donating the money and all that stuff. In other cultures, people help. They help. They help their. The loved ones have these weddings like we see the African weddings. I want me an African wedding. Like, I need y' all to show up and throw bands on me. And I want to sit there and act like I don't care because that's what the woman is supposed to do.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Supposed to act unbothered. Why he throw money on her? I want to do that. And the ain't gonna never smile like I'm be running them pockets. Your family paid a dowry, all that. Like, why are we black? Black Americans don't support enough. They don't support each other enough.

[Unknown]

I Agree. But I don't think you should charge to get your support.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think you should, though. I think the people who actually love you, they gonna pay that $333. So maybe that's even a way to wean out people who really. What if they don't come in to eat?

[Unknown]

What if they don't have 330?

[A.J. Holiday]

Then you shouldn't be coming to the wedding. See, don't come to the wedding.

[Unknown]

That's the part. That's the part for me, because it's people that I love who may not have $333 to throw at my occasion. They got kids, you know, they got responsibilities. And 333 for me might not be in the budget, you know? So that mean they can't come like.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, yeah, maybe we'll have. We'll have a different. A separate celebration. But I think that there's nothing wrong with people providing their loved, loved one financial assistance when getting married. I think that it's a. I think it's a great thing if we plan a whole year in advance, you know what I'm saying? I feel like y' all should have $333 by next year. If not, we need to evaluate some other shit, you know what I'm saying? Like, you got to reevaluate your whole life if you can't save $333 for your loved one.

[Unknown]

Well, if I got four kids, all of them need something all the time. I don't have no help. The 333 just ain't showing up right now. It's going to all kind of I'm. I'm.

[A.J. Holiday]

Then you just. I don't. I wouldn't feel like you don't love me. Right.

[Unknown]

Hand in the mouth.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I wouldn't feel like you don't love me. Right? But maybe you just. You can't attend right now. People need to get more in the. Like you.

[Unknown]

Nobody come for free. You can't make no exceptions.

[A.J. Holiday]

What I'm saying, if I were to. If. If a person. I wouldn't say. I wouldn't. I wouldn't do this personally, right? But if a person decides to do something like this, yeah, that would mean you can't attend, and it's okay to miss out on things you won't. You shouldn't have FOMO about it. This is just something you might have to miss out on. People come. Weddings, a lot of times are for other people, you know, I'm saying a marriage costs as much as a marriage license, so people are spending upwards. 20, 30, 40, $50,000 on a wedding. So for people, half the people not even bringing you a gift. For real. So who's the celebration for? So help me celebrate love. Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with people asking for help. I don't even think it's help. I just think everybody should just contribute. I think it should just be a routine thing. I think it should just be the culture.

[Unknown]

Well, bitch, let me tell you this. If you have a wedding where you go charge me upwards of $300, you.

[A.J. Holiday]

Better tell me you paid $300 for Beyonce tickets. You pay 1500 for Beyonce tickets. So you mean to tell me you rather see Beyonce than to see me get you rather 1,500 for this stranger ass bitch and your bestie getting married. And you probably in the wedding too. I might have paid for y' all dresses.

[Unknown]

I had PPP back then. Baby girl, I love.

[A.J. Holiday]

You.

[Unknown]

Should have got married during Trump first administration, bitch.

[A.J. Holiday]

That is terrible, man. You see what I'm saying? Like, people have money for the things they want to have money for. Even a woman with four kids and no assistance, like she got a habit. She's supporting that she not spent $333 on some weed, some wine, something. If you love me, save the $333, man, and come to my wedding and show out with me.

[Unknown]

Is there gonna be a zoom link.

[A.J. Holiday]

That'S gonna cost you too? I'm gonna charge $10 for the Zoom link and the gonna cut off every 45 minutes because I don't got no subscription. No, man, but I understand. I understand both sides of things. Like, yeah, you can't pay for some shit you don't have. But I know that people find money for things they actually want to do, right? So it's just what you, what you deem important. That's. That's it. It's the same thing with destination weddings. If you can't get there, like, then you just won't be at the wedding. I won't think you don't love me. You couldn't get there, right? So I might have a destination wedding and whoever could get there will be in attendance. It's fine. Yeah, yeah. So I know y' all saw over the weekend or last week, Don Richard took the stand. Okay. She took the stand in the Diddy trial. I haven't actually done a deep dive on the most recent stuff in, in the, in the, in the hearings. I haven't. But anyway, I know she took the stand and then also her ex Boyfriend was on a podcast, Q. Mosley, and he reportedly accused Don Richard of drugging him with a pill. So this was her boyfriend. I mean, excuse me, this was his girlfriend. He trusted her. They both took a pill to his recollect. Recollection. Recollection. The same pill. But apparently he was out of it. Like he. He was incoherent. Like he went down, basically. And when he came to, he says that he was in the twins bed. So I don't know what. What. What he's alluding to that could have possibly happened. Maybe that's just where they arrested him at. I don't know what happened to him while he was unconscious. Yeah. And maybe he's just not speaking to it. He said, I've never drugged anyone, nor have I ever given anyone pills to take. He. Mosley alleged that he experienced memory loss and trauma after taking a pill he. He believed was ecstasy given to him by Don Richard. During a visit to Dizzy to. To Diddy's Hamptons estate. He described feeling like a lab rat in an experimental. In an emotional experiment, and blamed Don for his lasting trauma, including hallucinations and memory loss. And then she explained her silence on the matter as a way to protect Q and his family, emphasizing her intention to move forward with integrity and compassion. She said the relationship between. It's. It's said that the relationship between Don and Q. Mosley began during their time of making the band four has now come under scrutiny as they navigate conflicting narratives about their past. So she's denying that that even happened. Now. He did say on that podcast episode that they both took a pill. Maybe he had an adverse effect to it, I don't know. Or maybe he suggested that she gave him something else other than ecstasy. And then I wonder what happened to him? Did he have.

[Unknown]

Did your butt hurt when you woke up?

[A.J. Holiday]

I was thinking that. I just wasn't going to say it, dog. I wasn't going to say it.

[Unknown]

Would that make a difference now?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, absolutely. So I want to know. I want to know more about what he experienced, because if y' all all sitting there taking recreational drugs, you know what I'm saying? Like, the first time I dish rooms, I did it with my ex. I was cool. I. I had my headphones on listening to meditation music. This was clearly having a panic attack. Okay. Like, I almost was like, damn, dude, do I need to call the paramedics? Because he just couldn't keep still. Like, he just would lay down, he would get up. He was pacing, pacing back and forth. He was visibly nervous. Right. We took the same thing, the same amount.

[Unknown]

You didn't try to calm him down?

[A.J. Holiday]

I did try, but, like, what do you. How do you calm somebody? You know, when you take certain stimulants, you just have to wait for it to get out your system.

[Unknown]

I thought one person was supposed to stay sober when you're doing shrooms. Shrooms.

[A.J. Holiday]

The thing with shrooms is that your mind, it depends on your mind. Like, right. Your. Your. Your mental state. So obviously it exposed his mental state. That's probably how his mind feels on a daily basis. Like, now I can see his subconscious mind running around the room. Meanwhile, I'm calm as hell, because that's normally how I am. I don't know how. I mean, people. I don't think it's safe to. If we want to do shrooms, how can one person just not do them? I'm gonna just sit and watch how it affects you. That don't make sense.

[Unknown]

That's like, maybe one person just ain't getting high today.

[A.J. Holiday]

But we had planned all day to do shrooms together for the first time. Like, that's really what happened. Yeah.

[Unknown]

But Don doesn't strike me as the type that would, like, intentionally hurt her boyfriend.

[A.J. Holiday]

So, yeah, maybe he just had a. An adverse effect to it, but you never know.

[Unknown]

You never know who people is for real.

[A.J. Holiday]

You don't. You don't. You don't. You don't. But I don't know. We're so, like, we got. I think the trial is supposed to be, like, eight weeks long. Like, we're in week three now or week four, where we at? I think week three. So it's a lot more that's going to come out with that trial. That particular situation isn't on trial. Right. But I think he took it at, you know, her. Her testifying. In that case, he took it as an opportunity to tell his truth and what he experienced during that time. And, I mean, you can't discredit people. Right. But there's always two sides to every story, so I don't know.

[Unknown]

And then the truth.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, that part. Yeah. Y' all, we coming to an end with the sins. But I do want to mention that it's Gemini season. I don't know if y' all knew or not. Okay. There's a. Most of your favorite rappers, okay. Are Geminis. This is actually the United States of Gemini. Okay. Because Trump is also a Gemini, and I appreciate it, y' all. I never realized how many people were actually Geminized, though. It's like, every year Is like new. Getting added on like I don't know.

[Unknown]

The world is so crazy now.

[A.J. Holiday]

Did you see money? Shut up. Did you see money? Long said what? She said the worst zodiac is a female Gemini. And when she said I'm not explaining or I'm not arguing or whatever now mind you, when I saw that, I immediately went to go see what her sign was. So Moneylong is a Virgo. You know, I fell out with a Virgo bestie this year and we hadn't fallen out over the past several months. We had had plenty falling outs, right? But it is the stamina for bullshit the Gemini possess that keeps relationships going even when people be violating us. So imagine a motherfucking Gemini getting to a point to where you can't violate me no more. So now it's fudge you. And now I'm the worst zodiac sign. She say men? She said the women Gemini's. I got a real problem with that Virgo. My best friend from first grade is a Virgo, okay. And I love her down and we never had no issues. For real.

[Unknown]

Do you think potentially it could just be the person?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, absolutely. But she didn't say that though. She said basically fuck female Geminis. Yes. I'm not saying she could not have possibly had a, a bad experience with, with a happens to be a Gemini, right? But once I saw that she was a Virgo and I know how bossy and mean and possessive Virgos can be. Geminis you cannot control. So we're going to always be the kryptonite for a goddamn Virgo who's out of control. Virgo women are nuts.

[Unknown]

Like I, I believe in astrology a little bit, but I just don't believe that everybody. When you were born, this is your characteristics exclusively to you because you were born in January, you know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, it's what the moon, the alignments and stuff like that, like the stars, alignments. Particular times like your, the time of your birthday also plays a role in it, right? Because you, you have your main sign which I'm Gemini, right? So Gemini sun, but I'm actually Virgo rising, right? So I know what the I'm talking about when it comes to these Virgos and Libra moon. So all that stuff also then plays a, a role in, you know, people only pay attention to the sun sign most of the time. But all that in combination makes up who a person is and it's just really a baseline. No, I'm never going to treat anybody a particular way like just based on their sign. But it's A do that people I.

[Unknown]

Know people really like. Oh, I never. He said he a Pisces. I ain't doing it.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's how I am with Scorpio men and Aquarius, man. I ain't even gonna lie to you. You know, I know Scorpio's gonna the at you, but they're gonna have your ass possessed, okay? They're gonna. They probably get you pregnant a lot of times. All type of gonna be going on. Like you're gonna have to move from state to state to get away from Scorpio. And then Aquarius are very, very. They're a super intellectual beings. What a is crazy. Like they are all so crazy. And then the men and women are also different. But you know that the. I want to. I want to just speak to right quick, right? So we can get off this topic. Geminis are not two faced. It. Okay? Our attitude depends on you. That's what it is. We are very mutable. Okay?

[Unknown]

It's like. It's like sometimes it's like two people living inside.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's actually more than two people. That's the thing, right? But we are usually a mirror of who we talking to, right? So that's one thing I work on as a Gemini. I work on not allowing other people to determine my emotions and my feelings in a moment. I really am truly studying stoicism, right? So I don't give a fuck. I can't not let outside things determine how I feel and how I'm gonna respond and stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? Just. Just understand people dealing with their own shit. But. But Geminis like, we, however you coming, we coming back just like that. It's just like no real middle ground, right? So people might call that. That's not really two faced. It's like I'm responding to how I'm being treated.

[Unknown]

Yeah. But I don't believe that. All Geminis only respond to how they're being treated. Sometimes Geminis are assholes up front, right?

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, some asshole Geminis up front. I was an when you met me. I've been like for a very long time. It'd be other little. It'd be other little things you sprinkle in, right? That then change.

[Unknown]

I just feel like this question is.

[A.J. Holiday]

Such a trick question.

[Unknown]

There's no right answer.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like if I had a knife to your back, right? Say the thing. Say the wrong thing. N. She's never said or done anything ever. Look, don't hit and I won't tat. That's Gemini, okay? But like I said, some of your favorite people is Gemini's okay. Kanye west birthday is on June 8th, just like mine. And I love Kanye. I understand Kanye. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know. I don't know what to say.

[Unknown]

What the we talking about this week?

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know, child. Oh, you know what we are. Okay. What we're talking about this week when we come back from break, we are talking about because I got some friends in some situations right now.

[Unknown]

Sh.

[A.J. Holiday]

Me too. Okay, let's be very clear. Basically, you know the pros and cons of acting like a wife without actually being a wife. Are there any pros to that? Are there any cons? Is it just one and the same if you're a girlfriend? I don't know. That's what I want to talk about, though.

[Unknown]

All right, let's talk about it. Because what makes you a wife? Just legal document. That's the only thing.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right. That part.

[Unknown]

All right, we'll get into it when we get back.

[A.J. Holiday]

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[Unknown]

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[Unknown]

All right, what's going on with your friends? Tell a story. Tell us their business.

[A.J. Holiday]

It ain't just friends. All friends, right? It's just women in general. I think that I remember being in college, right? And I've had some friends that any man that they were in a relationship with, like, they would be at this. We talking young people, young men just at their house like cleaning their house up. Cleaning a house and. And cooking at the man's house and shit like that. I know that people associate those little small characteristics or those little small activities, right, with being a wife. But being a wife is so much more than cooking and cleaning, right? When you get into fixing a nigga life, which a lot of women do often, right, you become this man's secretary, just making his life better, right? Without the commitment part. That's where you be fucking up at, because you don't know if he's gonna marry you. You just don't know. So you're doing all these things, and you don't know where you even stand with this man, for real.

[Unknown]

So. All right, but ultimately, all right, some of our goals, not all of us, but is to be a wife at some point, right? How do you want to be seen as someone who could be a wife if you don't start, you know, showing those characteristics beforehand? It's like, can you just like, oh, he asked me to marry him, so now I cut on these characteristics. Now I'm gonna start doing the thing.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay, I can give an example of my life, okay? So when I was previously engaged, before we got engaged, we were starting a business together. Bin smashing raw, okay? Doing all of these things together only for him, you know, when I'm trying to hold him accountable for something, which I'm learning, that you can't hold other people accountable for shit. Like, it's up to them, right? So when I would try to hold him accountable for things that had transpired in our relationship, he would always say, well, we. We wasn't. We wasn't together then. So in his mind, he. Well, no, I know this wasn't in his mind. This is a form of gaslighting me, right? For me to feel like we weren't even in a relationship until he asked me to marry him. Imagine being with somebody and doing all these things, right? And they. They don't consider, like, none of the two last two, three years, right? Is the moment he asked me to marry him is when he's now in a committed relationship. But we had been doing all the things prior to him asking me to marry him. And I would always question, like, I would always ask him, like, what are we doing? Because I didn't feel comfortable. Like, I wanted to do the businesses, I wanted to do those things. And if he was somebody that I can still do business with today and not be in a relationship with, we could have been getting a bag, a major one, right? But I would always ask him, like, because I needed clarification. I needed to be comfortable doing these wifely things. I needed to be comfortable being your business partner if I knew it was going to lead to a lifetime of commitment that I knew was going to lead to marriage. But I think oftentimes women assume that because you're doing all these things with a man that y' all are on the same page.

[Unknown]

But how do you know? Like, you never really know if it's going to lead to marriage. Whether you do the things or not, though.

[A.J. Holiday]

But you do know when a man is being honest with you, right? When he's forthcoming with the. If you ask him, hey, what are we doing? I want to make sure I'm doing it right. They want to be comfortable doing these things with you. If he wants to continue to mind you, he's not going to be honest. Right. But if you. With somebody who actually has your best interest at heart, who knows what he has in the future for you, who's calculating you into his future, you know, it won't. You won't ever be confused about it. Right? So if. If you're ever in a relationship and there's confusion, it's because somebody is intentionally creating that confusion because they don't want you to be at ease. So if you. With somebody who never wants you to be relaxed and they always want you to be on edge, that's not the person for you.

[Unknown]

No, I agree. But a. Might not know. Like, I feel like. Or the woman might not be sure. Like, you can be doing all these things with a person and still be unsure if you see them as your husband or wife. Right. Sometimes I feel like that take time, huh?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I was about to say absolutely. Yeah. Because things change, right? While you're in the thing with the person, things do change. Right. And then you got to communicate that to the person you're with. Like, hey, I'm not feeling like this anymore. I was at one point, right. But this is where I'm feeling like now. Like, I don't see. I don't see us having a kid together. I don't see us actually being married. I don't see us owning a home together.

[Unknown]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think women do a better job at communicating. Like, they not interested in that way.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Men want the milk from all the women. Like, he would have you doing. It's like they. They really be building bitches. They got you doing this, this one doing that. And I think that's what I was experiencing too. Like, he was used to having multiple women doing multiple Things. And then when he locked in on me, he expected all of that from one me.

[Unknown]

Mm. You better go get you a team. Where's your team?

[A.J. Holiday]

Where's your fucking team? Right? So are you really building a relationship, or are you just auditioning for a role that hasn't actually been offered?

[Unknown]

But both. It's both.

[A.J. Holiday]

But does wifey. Does wifey behavior get you the ring, or does it get you used? Both.

[Unknown]

Because think about it. It can. It can go either way. It's a crapshoot. Like, you can be in there baking cookies with your. Your apron on and got the house smelling like lemon and doing all the things and sucking dick and reading to the kids. His kids. Maybe they ain't even got to be your kids. Girl and a still don't marry you. Or you could be in the house and all you do. You just know how to make a mean doordash. It can't cook shit. And a man marry you, it just. There's no real rhyme or reason to any of this, as far as I'm concerned. Like, there's just no. And a man could. Like, you could be the best, and he never marry you. Never marry you. He could. And then be in the interview talking about, I didn't get married because I didn't want my mama to be jealous. Marlon Wayne.

[A.J. Holiday]

My daddy used to use the excuse that he was still married to my mama to not marry a. Like, divorce her. Y' all been separated since I was 8. Like, get the divorce, right? My mama literally divorced him a month before he met. She married my stepdaddy. Like, she. Women always got to do the paperwork. Always women.

[Unknown]

So women always do the paperwork.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So let's. I guess let's discuss, then, some behaviors that people might label as wifey, like behaviors. So we mentioned cooking. Like, cooking full meals daily. Living together is. I just feel like now, right now, I feel like until you get married, y' all should sleep to each other house and shit. But y' all shouldn't cohabitate before getting married. I don't. I feel like. I really feel like that. I feel like it is tough. It's tough. Okay? It's not easy. And I don't know that it gets easier once you actually get married. Right? Because. Or maybe. Hold on, hold on. See, now, this is where the Gemini might be kicking it, and maybe you should, because maybe you get into the thing living together. You realize this ain't my damn husband.

[Unknown]

That's what I'm saying. Sometimes it might be better to live with them, to see if you can live with them, you know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right. Just go ahead and do the thing that's. That. That might look. Might be.

[Unknown]

In my ideal marriage, my husband and I would have two separate homes with like a. A bridge between them.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not an in law suite, a husband suite. Yeah. And him downstairs. For real. Like, what's up?

[Unknown]

He in the basement.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, old girl.

[Unknown]

You better not come up from that basement. That's all I know.

[A.J. Holiday]

You better use that back door. So, okay, so cooking full meals daily. I don't know how you get around that if you living with somebody. Like, everybody got to eat. Now. I do get tired to have to worry about a stomach because there's some days I don't eat. It's some days I just go to sleep. It's some days I eat cereal, I eat an apple, a banana. Like, some days I don't feel like a full meal every day. Right. So you got. You got to be with somebody who okay with that? Not cooking full meals every day. I don't have a kid yet or.

[Unknown]

Someone who can also cook. There's this couple on Instagram, I can't think of their name.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right.

[Unknown]

It's a black girl and her boyfriend's Asian.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, yes, he'd be throwing down. Yes, he'd be throwing it down.

[Unknown]

You just sit down and eat. I like. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. That is the whole love language. I like to cook, and I do like people to cook for me and serve me too.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Cleaning his home or doing his laundry. Right. So y' all not living together and you're coming over, you're cleaning his house up and you're doing laundry.

[Unknown]

I don't mind that. I don't mind doing that, though.

[A.J. Holiday]

You can't have an expectation, though. I think that women do it and with an expectation from the man. Right. Commitment. So maybe we aren't being honest about why we're even doing the things. Why do you feel the need to do that? The times that I've cleaned another house, but the times that I've actually cleaned another man's house is because I wanted to be comfortable when I come. Like, I'm making sure your bathroom clean because I like bathrooms. That's clean like a hotel bathroom. So yeah, I don't want to see no around the toilet. None of that.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

So yeah, I'll clean a house. Like I said before, I buy. I bought sheets, I bought comforters because I like nice linens. I want to get on this nice ass bed. So, yeah, I might buy you some new pillows and like that. That's not necessarily because I'm trying to be your wife. I want to be comfortable. How he gonna another probably gonna get on these same. He probably will get more because I bought him sheets.

[Unknown]

That's. It's. It's about you. It's not even about the other person.

[A.J. Holiday]

He. The men enjoy that too. They don't even know what nice things are oftentimes until you do.

[Unknown]

Sleeping with a rock on a rock in a cardboard box.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, why do you got this fake ass polyester satin sheets on this bed? I'm slipping and sliding every time I move. Like the shoes coming off the mattress.

[Unknown]

Like that feels uncomfortable.

[A.J. Holiday]

Play a play in front of himalaya sheets. Get that off, you might as well have a shellac.

[Unknown]

Why is this she sticking to me.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's not breathable. Why the is this pillow so flat, right?

[Unknown]

I done folded this four times like a napkin. First of all, because I got indigestion. I'll die in here. Give me a bigger pillow.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, giving money or emotional support during hard times. You helping him with his credit. You helping him pay some shit off. You doing job applications for him.

[Unknown]

Well, what is a supposed to do in a relationship if we not doing none of this stuff?

[A.J. Holiday]

You need to know. You need to know that that's your man first. That you.

[Unknown]

How. How is a man gonna decide that he even want to be in a relationship with you if you not like pouring into him too in different ways. You got to do. You got to be.

[A.J. Holiday]

A man is not coming to your house to clean it. Now what that man should be doing is cleaning your car.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Putting some gas in that. Yeah. It has to be. Yes. It has to be reciprocal. Right? So wifey is okay if he's doing husband things. But I think women get mad, right? Because they're doing all these things to make this man know like, I'm the one. Pick me, pick me, pick me. And then they're disappointed at the end of the day. And then you talking shit about this basic bitch who ain't did none of that. All she brought was pussy to the table in the iPhone. And he want. He married her. Okay? Because men really don't like easy. They do. Like they are hunters, you know, they like to. To have to find some shit. So if you're just putting everything on the table for him, how is he to like actually appreciate those things? Some men will, right? But there's a lot of men who are. Who are takers. They'll just use your ass up. They don't did it to you. And the last bitch. And they might got two of y' all doing all the things for their life right now. You just got to know who you're doing those things for. And it has to be reciprocated. Prioritizing his needs before your own. I think that's easy. Women do that a lot, right? You calculating. You have all this. All this self awareness and you're calculating everything he needs. Not self awareness. Excuse me. All this emotional intelligence and you're calculating everything he needs and not even expressing what it is that you need.

[Unknown]

I listen, I've been victim of that behavior, like, just even down to, like, I just always give the best to the other person and I'll take what's left. Even, like, not just men. Even with friends in my house, like, we order food, I'm gonna give them the prettier one. I'm gonna give them the one with the most. I'm gonna give them, you know, always, always. It's just subconscious, like, subconsciously I'm gonna give you the better. I gotta stop doing that, though, because sometimes I deserve the better one. My friend, she not like that I come over and eat at her house. She gonna look at it, you're gonna get the smallest one.

[A.J. Holiday]

I do that too. Not like I don't take the smaller one. Like I. I want whatever I give somebody. Or like, I want it to be the better one for them.

[Unknown]

Yeah, me too.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know what is.

[Unknown]

It needs to be balanced, though, because you shouldn't always give the better one to someone else.

[A.J. Holiday]

It depends on if I really, really like it. Like, if it's something I really, really like, I'm gonna give you the smaller one. Like, don't ask me about no. Damn, these macadamia cookies. I like the whole food, still give.

[Unknown]

You the bigger one. And then I'm resent you for having. Watching you have the bigger one. And I'm mad about it. But I gave a child.

[A.J. Holiday]

You are so childish.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, I am.

[A.J. Holiday]

You are childish.

[Unknown]

That's something I gotta work on. I just think you have to display some wifely characteristics if you want a man to see you as a wife. You can't just turn it on later because it might not be nothing to turn on later because the nigga never saw you as a wife because you never behaved as one.

[A.J. Holiday]

But do the men even know what a wife is supposed to be doing? Because, you know, some of these guys want a moment, right? Going to his house. This is a grown man who Lives on his own and you're coming over there cleaning his room.

[Unknown]

So what's the difference between a mom and a wife? Outside of sex?

[A.J. Holiday]

Mamas clean up after their sons all day long. I don't think that I should be in a relationship with another grown adult. And they're not cleaning up behind themselves. I don't think that's a part of being a wife or even a girlfriend or even just cohabitating with another adult.

[Unknown]

You talking about mother of a child?

[A.J. Holiday]

These men, a lot of times, some of them are fucking kids. They do stuff like kids. They do. And I don't think it's fair that the onus is just always on a woman to take care of these things. If I wasn't here, or if you didn't have somebody to come clean your house up, wouldn't you be paying somebody to clean it up? And especially if we both working. You know what I'm saying? We both have things we are also responsible for outside of this relationship. We gotta. It gotta be like, we gotta help each other. We got. It's give and take.

[Unknown]

Okay. It should be balanced.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

20, 25. Nobody's doing all of one role.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So maybe some of these things have to be then outsourced. Right. So you've been cleaning your own house. I've been cleaning my own house. We finally get a house together. And you think that just because I'm a woman, I'm supposed to clean up everything and clean up after you? No.

[Unknown]

Yeah, Clean up your space sometimes. Can't clean up that good because you. Like, a man will be like, yeah, I cleaned it. And then you go in there and be like, ill.

[A.J. Holiday]

So. Are you talking to a man? Are you talking to a child?

[Unknown]

No, it's still a man. Just because he's not strong, a strong cleaner, that don't make him a man.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. I need you to clean this until there's nothing there.

[Unknown]

He might be strong in other areas. Like, he's not a strong cleaner, but strong cleaner. You can carry all this in the house with one hand. You know, like you can cut the grass. And I don't have to tell him he can put gas in the car. He do it every day. My. My gas stay. Fail. But when it comes to cleaning that tub, he'll try, but he ain't gonna do that. Good.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I'm be mad anyway because I know how to put gas. I had to cut the grass. I knew. I know. I do all the things and I'm cleaning the out of this thing.

[Unknown]

But you don't have to, you know, you don't have to be there to do it.

[A.J. Holiday]

I need you guys. I need capable people in life.

[Unknown]

You've gotta recognize people's strong suit and play to that, you know?

[A.J. Holiday]

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[Carlos Miller]

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[Tam Bam]

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[A.J. Holiday]

Uh, being sexually available, demand on demand is crazy. I feel like when you living with somebody, like it's just different when y' all live apart. Y' all want to fuck each other all the time. Now when a dick is available, the pussy's available every day. Do you really want that shit every day? I am so tired of the shrimp. Where is the beef? Where is the chicken pasta?

[Unknown]

Listen, I can't think of one thing in the world outside of money that I want every day, you know?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. And I think also a mistake that women make having on demand for men. You can't get him to do anything you need him to do once you're not drained his balls all day. And you, you're giving him this reward every day without actually producing anything. So even a husband, wives know you can't them every day. You can't. They're not going to do anything they supposed to do, anything they said they're going to do. You can't give them pussy every day. They have to. That's like, that's like a reward, right? I know pussy is supposedly so plentiful and everywhere, but everybody don't got this pussy. If he married you, he wants that pussy in particular. Okay? So if you're just making that pussy available all the time, he gonna get tired of it and he gonna be trying to find another pussy. And then that don't mean he don't love that pussy. But it's like, shit, yeah, I got that one in the bags. In the bag. No, you gotta, yeah, you gotta. You gotta give it out sparingly. I'm not telling you not to have sex which with your significant other you know, because if you don't, definitely somebody else gonna be them.

[Unknown]

But I just, you know, believe in rationing.

[A.J. Holiday]

Sometimes. Yes, I do. You know, women are in heat, like, what, twice. Twice a month, maybe. We might be in heat around ovulation and the week after the period. Yeah, maybe that might be the best time to tap me on my shoulder at 2am but other than that.

[Unknown]

Tap me on my shoulder.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, like, I'm ready when you ready. Basically, it's going down whenever you want it. But, yeah, I don't think you should be just having sex. Especially if you're not. If you're not married to this man. I know you want to have sex too, but you have to practice a little bit, a little bit of discipline. You don't want him to get tired of it or used to it.

[Unknown]

Is there any way to combat that? There's no way you could ration that as much as you want. Eventually he's gonna get used to that. And likewise, you know, y' all, you're gonna get used to this penis. It's just no way to, like, avoid that. Especially if you're living together.

[A.J. Holiday]

I guess you gotta, I don't know, find new, new things other than sex that makes you happy about this person.

[Unknown]

A new on the side that'll spice.

[A.J. Holiday]

It up, you know, I know people.

[Unknown]

Are open to that.

[A.J. Holiday]

I feel like we. That's. That's. That's a whole episode. Like how side bitches actually strengthen marriages our size. Are side necessary? Have we done that before?

[Unknown]

I don't know. No, we did. Who, who, who wins side?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, our side necessary. Because here's the thing.

[Unknown]

I think they're gonna be necessary for my relationship. I need you, girl. I already know after like seven.

[A.J. Holiday]

I need you, girl.

[Unknown]

Five to seven years, please get this up. But, you know, I'm ready to know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay? Remember I texted you that day? I was like, yo, I think this is how hoes are created, right? That feeling when you first meet, like the first time sex feeling, like the intimacy that builds up before you actually have sex. The hanging out, the holding hands, the kissing, the rubbing up, all like, the lust, right? How do you keep that going in a relationship you're already in? It's damn near impossible.

[Unknown]

It's. Yeah, you don't. You can't.

[A.J. Holiday]

So in order to have that lust full feeling, I mean, people confuse it with love, but it is lust. If y' all haven't got no. Like, this is real life sexual tension. How do you keep that going with the same person? Like, you have to have it with a new person every time. You know what I'm saying? It has to be somebody else every time because you've already experienced it. You already had that thing with this person. And. And it could be that you had it, you know, for a whole month, two months. It lasted three months. It might have lasted a year. But it's gonna die off initially. I mean, eventually it's going to die off that. The butterflies.

[Unknown]

And that's why I think it's important to pick a person that you love outside of sex, because that's gonna get mundane eventually. I don't give a fuck what y' all say is gonna get.

[A.J. Holiday]

But not even the sex, the intimacy, you know what I'm saying? Like, I like to have sex, but I also just like to be rubbed up and booty touched and stuff like that. And then once I'm tired of you, I might not even like you rubbing my butt. I don't want you even touching me for real. So how do you keep that going with the same person forever?

[Unknown]

I don't know. I don't even know if you're supposed to at this point.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's why I said that's how holes are created. Because we're always trying to duplicate that feeling. And I think you only get that feeling from somebody new or in the beginning.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay. I don't know.

[Unknown]

Could you be in an open situation?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. But I don't think that. That. That black men, majority of black men can't deal with that.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I think I can do it, too. I. The only reason I think that is because I've been saying single so long now that I. It's going to be hard to like. So I just got to deal with him. That's it. Just him. That's crazy. And not. Not even, like, sexually. I just enjoyed it.

[A.J. Holiday]

Just emotional. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Just talking, learning. Like I said. How. How do you learn more new things if you have only experiencing the same person all the time?

[Unknown]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

And I'm not just talking about sex. Like, just knowing things that other people know, like learning from other people.

[Unknown]

Like, I like new jokes because telling new jokes, your jokes are the same.

[A.J. Holiday]

So.

[Unknown]

So I'm open to that, honestly.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I am, too. At this age. I am. I just want to be honest with whoever I'm with. I want to be honest about exactly who I am and exactly what my desires are without being judged.

[Unknown]

You want to train on you, ain't it?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, absolutely not. I'm not even saying I want to have sex with a New person every month and no like that. I just don't want it to be the option to be closed off because men don't close those options off. They just don't tell you the truth. You know, I think a lot of times women, we be closing off because we have a little bit more discipline.

[Unknown]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

I ain't gonna say all these now be out here rabid. But yeah, I think we got a little bit more discipline than men in that department. But why do we have to. So some of those things, like doing those. Those wifely things that we named, you know, it help. May help like build intimacy right. Between you and your partner, whoever it is that you're choosing to be with, you know, each other's like, living. Living habits and their emotional needs and things like that. So maybe doing some of those things are just a part of being in a relationship with somebody. I don't think none of it should be done excessively, though, Right. All the time to where he's expecting you to now come clean his house. He's not cleaning up behind himself because he know you will. That's when it becomes like, is you're abusing this love? And then the women start developing resentment. Yeah, yeah, I know that feeling.

[Unknown]

My ex nigga used to. I had him so spoiled, he'd be like drinking beer on a Sunday, watching football. And this sticks with me because it pissed me off.

[A.J. Holiday]

You say it too. I know exactly what you about to say.

[Unknown]

Him holding that beer bottle up is just shaking it in the air.

[A.J. Holiday]

Does he at least say bae, bae.

[Unknown]

And then shake the bottle in the.

[A.J. Holiday]

Air and you bringing him another beer.

[Unknown]

That used to piss me off.

[A.J. Holiday]

And what did he ever do to deserve that treatment?

[Unknown]

He was a good.

[A.J. Holiday]

I ain't gonna pretend good or man, God damn anything.

[Unknown]

Same thing. He wasn't. He wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Neither was I. But he took care of me. I mean, I didn't have to. I ain't have to want for nothing for real, like. But don't. Don't. I still feel like. Open your mouth because I'm a. I'm gonna serve you. I don't mind serving you, but don't. Don't treat me like a servant.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. And I think that sometimes, like, because. Because we're in a patriarchal society, sometimes men, you know, want to reduce women to these things. And now we're so much. We've always been so much more. Right? But we get to express it way more nowadays, you know, within the last I don't know. 50 years or so, I guess. I don't know. I think just. Just setting standards for, like, mutual effort. You should not be doing more than he's willing to do for you. Right? That way you won't have my purse.

[Unknown]

Up and shake it in the air, like, put money in it, babe, and just take my person there, ask, you know, so.

[A.J. Holiday]

So here are some of the cons, right? When you're doing wifey things without being a wife or not being in a committed relationship, sometimes there's a lack of clarity. You're doing all the work without any title, legal security, or mutual commitment. So you're basically playing wifey without any real progression in the relationship. So people, you know, often say, well, what's the benefit of being married? Like, yeah. Yes, you are signing paperwork, right? Under the law, because you really can be married to somebody under the eyes of God today or tomorrow. Technically, in the Bible, if we've had sex without a condom, you my man, I'm your wife. Like, it is what it is. So how many. How many husbands you got, bitch?

[Unknown]

Zero. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[A.J. Holiday]

A bitch. I've been married a few times in life based on the Bible, okay? Yeah, because you are you. When you have. Especially with somebody without a condom and stuff like that, man, you're sharing their DNA. Like, when you trying to figure out, like, why you just got all this mental instability, it's probably because you don't let too many people in that pussy without a condom on it, right? So you just sharing all this. All this energy, them STDs, them sexually transmitted demons. Like, yeah. And you now you just feeling confused. So y' all could be super sexually liberated if you want to, but it comes with a lot of consequences, okay? Another con can be emotional exhaustion, given more than you're receiving can lead to resentment and burnout. We said that, right? So you done did all the shit in the girlfriend stage. By the time you get to be a wife, you like, man, I'm sick of this. I am so sick of him.

[Unknown]

Or then you'd be like. And then he'd be like, you changed. As soon as we got married, you changed, right?

[A.J. Holiday]

And usually it. We do change, right? The man actually been the same the whole time. He been not doing nothing. Now you mad because you tired of having to do everything. So if you. If you're not doing it because you actually enjoy it and you actually love this person and, like, this is. This is your love language. Like, showing up in this way, for someone, don't do it, you will experience burnout. You will be resentful in the relationship or in the marriage. You will be getting mad. It sets an unsustainable precedent. It says. It says he may expect that level of care without giving anything back. May delay or eliminate his urgency to commit. So you know that trope like why.

[Unknown]

Buy the cow when the milk is free?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. Okay, so that's. That's a thing. I feel like women need to. There are a lot of. I don't want to even call them selfish women because maybe that's the cheat code. I always say men like mean women because they mamas be mean. Okay, so women, women, men, a lot of men are literally sons of bitches. So you coming in here being nice and sweet. He can't even believe a bitch could be like this and really mean it. He can't even believe, like, oh my God, like he doesn't even believe you're this sweet. Imagine that. So he ends up with somebody who treating him like shit because that's really what he's used to because he's not healed.

[Unknown]

Well, that's not most men. You feel like that's most men, man.

[A.J. Holiday]

You ever been with some? Well, I won't say most men, but the relationships I've been in, it's like I never want to be with anybody that I can easily disrespect, but it's to that point of being disrespectful. It seems like their ears and eyes open up like they all of a sudden, like they understand me. They get me. So when I was talking regular, I got a in there.

[Unknown]

So let's unpack that. Why do you think that you are attracting this same characteristic?

[A.J. Holiday]

Because I'm very nurturing. Like I said, they sons of right? I am, I am. I am very nurturing in a relationship until I'm not right? So I think that's what the initial attraction is. So I attract these people who are kind of not needy, but maybe they have fucked up relationships with demons. And here I am being a mama.

[Unknown]

So you mommy.

[A.J. Holiday]

My. Call me mama and I be like, I'm not your mom.

[Unknown]

So what do you think we could do moving forward, to not invite that same energy?

[A.J. Holiday]

You gotta be like you. You gotta be kind of selfish, right? You can't expose all. You can't even listen. If you know how to give a super duper 4000, you only giving him 1000 until you get the ring. And you don't show him the 4000 until the night of the wedding, like, we got to hold some things back. We can't give all of ourselves. When we get in relationships with men, we can't let them know how spectacular we really. We really are. You can give them, like, you can let them know, but, like, spearing, like, every once in a while, I'mma show this how amazing I am.

[Unknown]

There's too many rules.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's not too many rules because you don't want to end up doing these things. I guess the discernment part comes in, right? Know who, know your personnel, know who it is that you're doing these things for. Okay? If there's no confusion, he's treating you like a queen. All of those things. I'm going to do all those things regardless. All of that is hap is happening regardless. But then, you know, matter of fact, I'll do. Let's do the reverse of this. I was dating a guy, and I sent him this post on Instagram because he did all the boyfriend things but didn't want the commitment. And he was like, that's just how I am. Like, I don't know how to be no other way. But when it comes to, like, okay, what are we doing? Like, I want to be married. I want to have a baby. Like, what's up? Imagine he already had two kids, right? So I would be like, you're going to end up with a woman who already, at our age. Whoever you do decide to marry, if you actually ever want to be married, that person will already have kids. Why not marry me and let's just have a kid together and, like, let this be the kid you actually, like, are with the mom because you got two baby mamas.

[Unknown]

So he don't want no more kids?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, he didn't. I don't. I really don't believe he wants the responsibility of additional children. Right? But if you get in a relationship with somebody who has kids, you're going to be responsible for that woman and those kids anyway, right? So pick either pick a household of one of these women that you've had a child with, pick one of those households, or actually build a strong. A real foundation with somebody else. And maybe it's my fault for even fucking with a man who has kids, but, dog, it's real hard to find anybody right now who does not have any kids. Like, as much as men like to look at women sideways for not having kids and being a certain age, when you get with these men who don't have kids and who haven't been, like, in a committed relationship, In a long time. You kind of see why nigga might be socially awkward and weird stuff be going on. Why he hasn't been picked either. Men just have a lot of options while we don't get picked.

[Unknown]

I remember I was talking to this basketball player, right? Lit basketball player. And we were at my house and he was sitting on the bar stool and I came up to him and I was like hugging him. And he looks so. He just was awkward, right? He is awkward. And then so I was like, all right, I'm gonna walk away and go sit down. And when I turned to walk away, he literally tackled me onto the ottoman. It was so bizarre. I was like, get off of me.

[A.J. Holiday]

What the are you doing?

[Unknown]

Some people just be weird and awkward and just don't have like social cues and social skills and bruh, you go to DOC by 2000. Why would you do that? I was just in your face.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, why are you horse playing with a woman?

[Unknown]

I'm talking about heart down. And it's a big tall ass, grown ass man. And he literally tackled me. What the. Get out my house.

[A.J. Holiday]

You see, get the mouth. They be real weirdos. I do wanna study that though. I wanna study. You said it's not a thing. But there, there has to be a study out there as to why women choose men who already got children. It has to be something that we subconsciously think that this person, like we don't. It's not on the forefront of our minds, right? But he's attractive for some reason. And it's maybe because he can produce. There is clear indication that he's a producer. It's more on an animalistic level, not really human, right? Because human, like, I won't even say that because a lot of these niggas are incels, right? Involuntarily celibate. And if we were in the wild, women would always still choose the man who can produce. Like, and who could take care of her and her offspring. It is. That is what our job is, to pick the best suitor, right? So it'd be a lot of men that would die never having had ever had sex. If we were actually in the wild and picking mates like we're supposed to. The Lion King got kids all over the fucking place. And guess what? The women hunt and gather. People be thinking that the man be hunting together. No, it's the women, the lion, the female lion that does it. He just be rested and whenever it's time to fight, he coming to fight. He's the protector. Everything else the women does the woman does. And that's really how it is in our society. We just hate it. We just don't like it.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's the same shit.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, Exact same shit. So we keep assigning these roles to masculinity. That just may not be their role, you know?

[Unknown]

That's why you tripping about a nigga cleaning the bathroom.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay, give me the money because I don't want to do it either. I don't want to clean somebody else's dirt. I hate it. I will clean little people dirt, but big people dirt is different.

[Unknown]

Your partner.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. I don't like it.

[Unknown]

You literally will take this person in your mouth. Clean up the dirt.

[A.J. Holiday]

I barely like that. The fuck you talking about? You know me. You do know me. The right. You know, I barely like that.

[Unknown]

I know, but you'll do it, you know, so clean that bathroom.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I think. Let's just. The takeaways from this, right? It is okay to do those things if that's who you truly are. Now, if you're doing it with the arterial. Arterial art. Oh, my God. I cannot talk. Ulterior motive, right? You're wanting something else. May it be commitment. Hand in marriage. Like, if you're doing it for anything, any reason other than this is what you like to do. You're. You're.

[Tam Bam]

You.

[A.J. Holiday]

This is one of your love languages, right? This is how you show up for people. It just comes natural to you. But if you're doing it for any other reason, you're actually the one being deceitful. Right? And then women, you, you, you say it's a burnout by the time you get the marriage. But did you only do those things to get married? And now you like, that's not really me. Ha ha.

[Unknown]

I think some people feel it, like it's an obligation. Like, this is a part. This is my contribution. Do I like doing it? No. But this is how I contribute to this thing that I'm in.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right? Yeah. I remember the same guy who bathroom I would clean and stuff because I wanted to be comfortable. I remember visiting him again, like when we, you know, wasn't around. And I'm like, who you with? Because why is she over? Like, I know there's. What kind of woman are you with that allowed his bathroom to look like. Because the was looking like it had never been cleaned since the last time I cleaned it. So what type of woman are you dealing with that allows this, right?

[Unknown]

That's gonna lay up in here and use this nasty bathroom?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. Like, what is happening? So. Yeah. And Then it's, it's about upbringing. A lot of people outside a bathroom was as a kid, you know what I'm saying? They were probably raised by people who didn't. Don't think that's. Jeremy, I'm a germaphobe. Like I just be like, my pussy is open. It's like an open wound stuff going to get in there.

[Unknown]

You got a wide set vagina.

[A.J. Holiday]

Girl, shut up. Your pussy open to like it's a. It's flesh. It's not closed like a penis. So you want to eat this coochie off of this dirty toilet?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay. So I don't know, but be clear about your relationship goals and how much you're willing to invest upfront. Right? So that's the first thing you got to do is set boundaries essentially and ask a lot of questions. Are we building towards, towards marriage or we just vibing what we, what we doing?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

And usually if the man is. Yeah, absolutely. But usually if the man is at this age, child, girl, first date, ask all the questions. And if he's not for you, if you just too much for him, then you'll get rid of him early before you even use your coochie up. Okay, he ain't for you.

[Unknown]

But I'd be feeling like some of the questions like you gotta just gradually ask them because sometimes if you ask too many questions on the first day, it becomes like an interview and you're not even.

[A.J. Holiday]

But y' all both supposed to be asking questions. Is nothing he need to know about you.

[Unknown]

No. Get these jokes.

[A.J. Holiday]

See, look, you know what I'm saying there you, you have a lot of nuance. There's a lot of things about you that somebody may or may not like. So we should. We should what? Both parties should be exchanging information. You should be getting to know each other in those first couple dates. Right? But when you go straight to and not dating, you know, you got to know that's the relationship dynamic at that point.

[Unknown]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay. And it says signs that it might be toxic, one sided work, vague plans, love bombing.

[Unknown]

I'm dating your peers and they think I'm supposed to be fucking as fast as y' all. And I don't appreciate it because I'm not no more.

[A.J. Holiday]

Because there was a time in life it wasn't for. It was for me. Like I really wasn't even thinking about the man in that point. Like that was me being selfish. I wanted to fuck. That's why I like hauling that man. Because you get exactly who you want and what you Want I'll be waiting for nobody to try to talk to me. I'm. If I like you, I'm gonna try to holl at your ass first.

[Unknown]

Me too.

[A.J. Holiday]

So you get what you want. The. You sitting there waiting for a man to holl at you if you want to. You're gonna keep getting toads because they like you. I definitely get you a man you like anyway. Yeah. I don't know. To each his own, right? I am guilty of doing wifely things, but it would probably be in a dynamic where I'm living with a man. Right? I'm not going to somebody else's house on a regular basis and cleaning their shit up. The times that I have had to do that because usually I date pretty clean men. Like, I'm. That's. I am. Actually, I had to go revise my. My whole, you know, my. My manifestation for a man thing. Right? Because I need somebody who takes as many showers as I do. I need someone, like, who puts up when they're done with it, you know, like. Yeah, I. I recognize that.

[Unknown]

You sure you don't want you a.

[A.J. Holiday]

No. Because I've dated men. My daddy's like that. And I have dated some men. They probably had a little other little I was sick of, but I definitely have dated men who keep their house in pristine order. And I was. It was a joy being over there rubbing my feet together underneath them clean sheets. Yes, I have. Right. But you ain't gonna always get what you want. But cleanliness is, like, real high on top of my list. Real, real high.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's fair. I don't want no nasty. But if it's my. I'll make sure the house is clean. Don't be the who. Like your shirt on the floor next to the laundry basket. That pisses me off. Just put it in there. It's right there. But it ain't got to be perfect. You ain't got to be perfect. Long as art. My flaws balance your flaws. Like what I. What I'm lacking. You providing. What I'm. What you're lacking. I'm providing. I'm okay with it. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Told me I'd be having weave at the floorboard. You know what I do? I make sure there's no weave at the floorboard. So that couldn't be a complaint anymore. And he was only using that as an example because I was complaining about some. He was doing, right? He was like, I don't be complaining about your weave. Guess what? Let me make sure that's never a complaint because you only got to tell me one time. As an adult, you only have to tell me something bothers you one time. I'm. I'm gonna try my hard hardest to never have to let you critique me in that way again. I'mma fix it. But I feel like if I got to keep saying something, I'mma pop you like a child. I'mma pop you like a baby. Okay? Because you're not listening. And I only expect to repeat myself to kids. Anyway. Y' all keep doing y' all wifely shit. I mean, if that's what you think you got to do to get the ring, I'm here to tell you that don't work. You gonna be mad. Okay, Be a no.

[Unknown]

Do the waxing thing.

[A.J. Holiday]

Present the way you mean.

[Unknown]

You know how they say don't dress for the job you have? Dress for the job you want? That's what you gotta do.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think you should just be the person you want. Right? So focus on that first.

[Unknown]

That's what I mean.

[A.J. Holiday]

You want. Yeah. Anyway, y' all go ahead. Do y' all things. Whatever the fuck y' all feel like doing in y' all relationships. That's y' all business. But don't be mad if you don't get the outcome you're looking for. That's all right. So if y' all enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect iHeartRadio app. Wherever the fuck you get your podcast at. Tammy over here producing. Wrap it up, bitch.

[Unknown]

Wrap it up, bitch. You said that three times.

[A.J. Holiday]

Y' all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect. I Heart Radio, Apple. Where the you get your podcast at? This Junko host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagram. Skicky Tam, y' all.

[Unknown]

It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram. Y' all follow me now. We are still looking for interns if you're interested. We need some more. We need a gang of y' all. So y' all send us your. Your resumes to we talk back ent gmail.com. we are looking for you and we welcome you if you got what it takes. Remember, speak now.

[A.J. Holiday]

And hold the wifely duties until you actually know it's your husband in front of you. Until you know that's your husband in front of you. Hold. Hold on a little bit. Just hold on a little bit.

[Unknown]

Do some of that shit.

[A.J. Holiday]

Bye.

[Unknown]

Bye.

[Tam Bam]

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[A.J. Holiday]

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[Tam Bam]

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[A.J. Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast.