Choreplay with Jordan Carlos

Summary

---

We Talk Back Podcast — Choreplay with Jordan Carlos

Date: March 26, 2026
Hosts: TamBam and A.J. Holliday
Guest: Jordan Carlos (Comedian, Author of "Chore Play")

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives into how everyday household chores—often overlooked or minimized—play a surprising role in modern relationships and intimacy. Hosts TamBam and A.J. are joined by comedian and author Jordan Carlos to discuss his new book, "Chore Play," which reframes domestic labor as a new love language and spells out the connection between shared responsibilities, respect, and a thriving romantic life. With signature humor and honesty, they break down expectations, gender roles, personal stories, and the link between “showing up” at home and keeping passion alive.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chores as a Relationship Game-Changer (12:14–20:11)

• Is helping at home attractive, or just the baseline?
  • A.J. opens the topic: “If your partner starts doing more around the house...does that make them more attractive or are you like, nigga, that's what the fuck you supposed to be doing?” (12:14)
• Jordan’s Motivation for 'Chore Play':
  • After nearly 19 years of marriage, Jordan noticed chores (or lack thereof) can make or break a relationship.
  • "We’ve lost a lot of good men out here and just trying to help them out with...easy hacks for around the house...Men should probably be doing [this] anyway." (13:00)
• Marriage Epiphanies:
  • Year 10 of marriage marked a reckoning: “Women in their 40s, they just want to talk to the manager…perimenopause and menopause has entered the chat...and as a man, you are up for review.” (15:24)
  • Recognizing the uneven domestic load stopped things from “quietly unraveling.”

---

2. Executive Function, Gender Socialization & "Chore Play" Summarized (20:11–34:37)

• Socialization of Chores:
  • Jordan gives a family example: Girl cousins expected to wash dishes, while boys watch football, reinforcing sexist expectations from adolescence.
• Summary of "Chore Play":
  • "All of the money that you are leaving on the table that can correct a lot...might be going south in your relationship.” (18:07)
  • “The bar for men in straight relationships is in hell, and we still tripping over it.” (18:35)
• Real-Life Messy Men:
  • TamBam shares horror stories of exes leaving beer bottles to be fetched and bathrooms in nasty states.
  • A.J.: “You could bring another b*tch in here and let her clean your nasty bathroom.” (28:29)

---

3. Unlearning Gendered Chore Patterns & Accountability (34:37–50:12)

• Why do men want gold stars for the basics?:
  • “What is that, though? Wanting...admiration...simply because you...washed the dishes today?” —A.J. (34:37)
  • Jordan: “We love a pat on the back...But you could give yourself a gold star...the people who really get the most out of life...are very good at validating themselves.” (36:14)
• Executive Function Gaps:
  • “A lot of executive function goes hidden and like women don’t always talk about it because they just shoulder it.” —Jordan (36:17)
• Raising Clean Boys (or not):
  • A.J. worries about nephews being ill-equipped for adulthood due to never having to clean at home.

---

4. Gender Roles, Money & Taking Ownership (50:12–61:57)

• Is ‘helping’ a red flag?
  • “That’s your kids. You don’t babysit your own children.” —TamBam (43:31)
  • “The more you put into it, the more you invest in them, the better and more chill your life will be.” —Jordan (44:00)
• If a man provides financially, does he get a pass on chores?
  • Jordan: “I thought that would absolve me...But that was my mindset…and had to get over the need to make women mother me.” (25:24)
  • A.J. suggests, “Use his money to just get somebody to pay and come clean the bathroom...Men value their pockets, so if he starts seeing his bottom line...he might want to help.” (45:56)
• Just do something:
  • "I'm not saying you have to do 50/50, I'm just saying do something." —Jordan (47:25)

---

5. Messiness, Maturity & Consequence (61:57–64:55)

• Personal Stories:
  • TamBam tells a wild story of finding tape around the house and discovering an ex’s secretive porn habits (in the kitchen!): “Why are you in the kitchen? You nasty.” (61:28)
  • Jordan: “That gets me back to integrity...when your wife leaves the house, look around. What needs doing? Just do it real fast, or you won't do it at all.” (62:41)
• Learning through Consequence:
  • “I really feel like men only learn through consequence, right? He's going to tally these things up...and realize what didn't work here.” —A.J. (55:46)

---

6. Handling Chore Conflicts & Hidden Work (64:55–73:26)

• Craziest Chore Fights:
  • Jordan: “Craziest argument [was about] laundry. I had a pile of clothes...my mountain—ask me if it was dirty!” (56:14)
• Chores Tied to Mental Health:
  • "You have to make sure you understand where your partner is coming from...she kept her space orderly...for her mental health.” (58:55)
• A.J.:
  • “If men want to be the leader...you have to show up in that leadership. I don’t want to be the problem solver in my relationship.” (55:02)

---

7. Masculinity, Chores, and Intimacy (73:26–90:01)

• Masculinity & Femininity:
  • Jordan pushes back: “People keep talking about being feminine...It’s not being feminine to care about your home. I could be a quartermaster in my own home.” (64:59)
• Chore Play & Sex:
  • Direct link: “When the room is messy, my wife’s not going to want to smash at all.” (69:26)
  • "Sex was more of a chore—as a way to keep us on track—instead of just a fun thing we could squeeze in while the kids are away." —Jordan (70:20)
• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (with a Twist):
  • “Updated because I feel like men, food, shelter, electrical tape—in that order." —TamBam (69:49)

---

8. Lightning-Round Game: Who Does This? (77:28–90:27)

Fun segment posing relationship behavioral questions (“Who’s more likely to…?”):

• Keep score in arguments? “Women,” says Jordan (78:07)
• Want recognition for effort? “Both want it, but men want it more for doing less” (78:44)
• Says nothing’s wrong when it clearly is? “Men usually deny, women do the silent treatment.” (79:40)
• Does things with expectations attached? “That's a man thing. I expect a ticker-tape parade!” (81:01)
• Expects partner to read their mind? “Women do that, but men more so—we don’t always express what we need.” (81:25)
• Apologizes just to end an argument? “That is a man thing right there. I’ll jump on the grenade.” (83:36)
• Thinks effort should lead to intimacy? “Yes, that’s a guy thing. But you gotta be like Yoda with it. You can’t want it, you have to do the thing and it’ll happen.” (85:44)

---

9. Actionable Relationship Advice (90:29–93:43)

TamBam: “What’s one thing people can do today to improve their relationships?” (90:29)

• Jordan: “Check the toilet paper levels. If she comes home, sits down, and there’s no roll, now she’s gotta do that hop—just check and change it. It will save your relationship.” (90:41)
• TamBam: "And please put the toilet seat down!"

Memorable wisdom:

• “Marriage is a cold war. If you get rid of that tit-for-tat, there’s more tits for you.” —Jordan (93:43)
• “If you have someone solid right now, stick with them. The dating pool got dookie in it.” —TamBam (95:36)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "The bar for men in straight relationships is in hell, and we still tripping over it." —Jordan Carlos (18:35)
• "You want a gold star for washing a dish?" —A.J. (34:49)
• "I’m your butler, you know? But I’ve been like, you need to hold on to that till we get to a trash can." —Jordan Carlos (21:46)
• “You don't babysit your own children.” —TamBam (43:31)
• "I feel like men only learn through consequence, right?" —A.J. (55:46)
• "If you’ve got someone solid, stick with them...the dating pool got dookie in it." —TamBam (95:41)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Icebreakers, weekend disaster story: 03:17–07:55
• Introduction to topic & guest: 07:55–13:00
• Insights from Jordan’s marriage & book: 13:00–18:07
• Socialization of chores—Thanksgiving example: 20:11
• Chores, gender, and minimum standards: 28:10–34:37
• Executive function & gold stars: 34:37–39:10
• If money = chore exemption?: 45:18–47:25
• Chores as intimacy (“Chore Play” concept): 69:26–71:17
• Who Does This? Game: 77:28–90:27
• One tip to improve your relationship: 90:29–91:44
• “Dookie in the dating pool!” closer: 95:41–95:50

---

Final Thoughts

Raw, hilarious, and deeply relatable, this episode unpacks the invisible weight of household labor in partnerships, exposes absurd societal double standards, and delivers practical advice for both personal growth and hotter, happier relationships. Jordan Carlos’s “Chore Play” is more than chores—it’s rethinking emotional labor, fairness, intimacy, and respect in love.

---

Find Jordan Carlos:

• Instagram: @oneofonejordancarlos
• Book: “Chore Play” (links on Instagram/profile)
• Forthcoming projects: Netflix & Sony PlayStation title (Fall 2026)

Hosts:

• AJ Holliday: @AJHolliday2.0
• TamBam: @OfficialTamBam
• We Talk Back Podcast: @wetalkbackpodcast

---

Transcript

[TextNow Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Nissan Announcer]

Guaranteed Human peace of mind starts with knowing what supports the journey is steady, grounded and dependable, especially during seasons of change. That's why Nissan engineers push their vehicles to the limit to demonstrate quality, reliability and durability, making those principles a foundation across every vehicle built. That commitment has earned recognition from J.D. power, ranking Nissan number one in new vehicle quality among mainstream brands. Because when trust is built into the foundation, it creates more space to move through life with clarity, confidence and intention, getting the most out of the journey wherever it unfolds. For J.D. power 2025 U.S. initial Quality Study Award information, visit jdpower.com forward/awards Awards based on 2025 model, year, newer models may be

[State Farm Announcer]

shown the wait was worth it. The keys to your dream home have been secured. Now comes the time to fill it with memories. But first, furniture and movers. When's the housewarming? Who's cooking? Or should you cater? All that planning can be stressful, but insuring your home shouldn't be. And that's where State Farm comes in. Because State Farm agents can help you choose the coverage you need. Just call, go online, or check out the app. An agent is ready to help so you can focus on showing off your new home. If you know, you know like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Shopify Announcer]

March is when we're officially out of reset mode and ready to make real moves. It's the month of momentum for small business owners looking to take things to the next level. Whether you're finally ready to invest in yourself or if you already have a business, take it from us. Shopify can handle anything you throw its way. Our reasonably shady merch store is powered by Shopify, making it possible for all our fans to connect with the show. We 1 Login, powerful tools and everything else you need to run your store. March is about execution, and Shopify helps you keep moving. If you have a business idea, whether it is big or small, Shopify is the best platform for that business. Check out shopify.com ben to see why millions of businesses have chosen them to build their empires and maybe even start yours.

[TurboTax Announcer]

Let's keep it real. Tax season doesn't have to be a whole thing. Not when you're using Intuit TurboTax. With TurboTax Expert full service, you get matched with a real tax expert who handles your taxes for you, start to finish, and you're not left guessing. You get real time updates right on your phone while your expert checks every deduction and credit. To help you get that possible outcome, just hand off your documents to your expert in app or in person and they'll keep it moving. Don't overthink it. Let TurboTax handle it. Visit TurboTax.com Real time updates are available in the iOS mobile app.

[Angela Yee]

This is Angela Yee from Angela Yee's Lip Service. One in four people in the US has been to a Planned Parenthood health center for life saving, life changing care. We're talking about birth control, annual exams, cancer screenings, STI testing and treatment and more high quality expert judgment free care. And despite lawmakers efforts to shut them down, they're not going anywhere. Care continues at Planned Parenthood so that you can get the unbiased, high quality health care that you need to learn more visitorpp.

[A.J. Holliday]

Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[A.J. Holliday]

What's up, y'? All? It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bam?

[Tam Bam]

Hey girl. Hey girl. I love y'. All. Thank y' all for coming back for another episode. I missed y' all so much. How was your weekend?

[A.J. Holliday]

Uneventful. I do. For real.

[Tam Bam]

You'll be lying.

[A.J. Holliday]

And I missed a really nice event in Charleston on Sunday. But I didn't, I didn't get out the house for. I literally did nothing this weekend. And I felt good about it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, sometimes that's what you need.

[A.J. Holliday]

I paid bills. That's the most I did was put my laptop out to pay my light bill.

[Tam Bam]

And well, there's, that's all good. Let me tell you what happened to me this weekend. I just be feeling like, like it just be chaos, right? Like, all right, I got. So I haven't, I don't move into my place in Charlotte until the first. I had to push it. They pushed it back till the first. So that's my official move in date. I was supposed to move in on Friday. So I ended up getting a room for the night after work Friday night. And I just got a room at the Doubletree uptown, right? And I was tired. I left Columbia like six in the morning. I got here eight and I worked till eight at night. So now it's like almost nine. I'm checking in my room. I'm like, I can't wait to lay down and just eat my little burger in the room. I open the door, I walk. I step one foot in the room and I slip on something and then I feel the floor to get up and it's goo Something gooey under me. And I was like, yeah, somebody's dead in this. Cuz I can't see. I haven't turned on the lights yet. The door closed behind me. I'm like, there's a dead body in here, I'm sure. And then somebody's. Somebody's gonna kill me in this. I know it. And I left my pistol in the glove compartment, so I'm dead. I turned on the light, girl, it's dookie water all over the floor. Water, bruh. Like from the toilet. Oh my God, it's overflowed all over the floor, like in the doorway. This. It looks like. I don't know if it came out the sink or the toilet. I don't know. I didn't say to inspect. When I tell you I screamed to the top of my lungs. It probably sounded like somebody was getting killed in. Because I was hollering, dookie water, girl and girl, I'm back in a boot so I heard my. Yes, I twisted my foot the foot that I broke I'm back in a

[A.J. Holliday]

boot Shut the up.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I'm back in a boot Looking crazy, Looking crazy out here again Looking

[A.J. Holliday]

like a lawsuit, cuz what?

[Tam Bam]

At least this time, girl. Girl, what can you imagine? I got pictures. I gotta send it to you. It's. I'm talking dookie water, friend. Like, I was like. Like screaming, hollering, and then you need

[A.J. Holliday]

to go get a tetanus shot. You go get a tetanus shot too.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, they gave me a shot. Like, I went to the hospital. I went to the hospital. They did X rays on my foot. I did not re. Break the bone. But there is some injuries in my butt bone too. Like I. My butt and all this cushion, I. You think I would be safe? No, the tailbone.

[A.J. Holliday]

Tailbone, yeah. Damn.

[Tam Bam]

So, yeah, that happened to me this weekend. So then I was just laid up, you know, after that. The what the.

[A.J. Holliday]

But you know, we had that age where, like, you really can't get an injury at all because, like, what. This injury is like forever.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. So that happened to me, y'.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

All.

[Tam Bam]

Dookie water at the double tree.

[A.J. Holliday]

Was it actual pieces of shit in it? It was just like the.

[Tam Bam]

It was dark. It was brown. Like, brown brown, like. Right, Exactly. Yeah.

[A.J. Holliday]

Oh, I can't do it.

[Tam Bam]

When I tell you I wouldn't let

[A.J. Holliday]

them have it at that front desk, girl.

[Tam Bam]

I was.

[A.J. Holliday]

How do y' all not know this happened? Like, when was the last time y' all was in this room? When was last I was cleaned, it was wires.

[Tam Bam]

It looked like it. Like something exploded in there for sure.

[A.J. Holliday]

You know what? Probably wanted to clean in people or somebody probably used that restroom and then didn't realize it overflow.

[Tam Bam]

And it looked like. Yeah, like somebody. Somebody exploded. And then something exploded.

[A.J. Holliday]

Oh, hell no.

[Tam Bam]

Yes, girl. So that was my weekend, y'. All. What we talking about today? A little bit of shit

[A.J. Holliday]

line. All right, so y', all today we're breaking down how everyday effort, chores, responsibility, showing up has become a whole new love language essentially in relationships. Don't you think? I love a who clean up behind himself.

[Tam Bam]

I can't wait to get into this one.

[A.J. Holliday]

We got a special guest on we talk back this week.

[Tam Bam]

We'll be back.

[A.J. Holliday]

Go ahead.

[Tam Bam]

All right. Yeah. So we'll be right back with that guest.

[State Farm Announcer]

This past weekend, like every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys playing ball. Just a pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but a mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentions he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about the housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like has he spoke to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, home ownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court. A State Farm agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online, or on the app, they're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball, if you know what I mean. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Nissan Announcer]

Pressure has a way of revealing what remains steady. In the latest Nissan campaign, the Nissan Rogue was tested to the extreme to demonstrate that it's built to last through durability and reliability. Challenges inspired by real tests conducted by Nissan engineers. Brutal potholes, a steady force of water, even a jet powered sandstorm. Each challenge inviting a deeper look at how quality, durability and reliability hold their ground in real world conditions. Every test was 100% real. No CG, no AI. To see how the Rogue held up, visit nissan-duordability.com Critics and audiences agree.

[Jordan Carlos]

What the hell is this place?

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

Only three letters describe they will kill you. Wtf? Splendid USA Today calls it bloody and bunkers.

[A.J. Holliday]

Are you ready to die?

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

IGN declares it's electrifying action Cinema and popcorn. Entertainment to the max.

[A.J. Holliday]

How many of you are there?

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

It begs to be seen in a packed theater.

[Jordan Carlos]

Please remember to clean up the blood.

[Tam Bam]

Wow.

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

They will kill you. Now playing only in theaters. Rated R under 17.

[TextNow Wireless Announcer]

Not admitted without parent locked in monthly wireless plans were built for another era. Text now is app first free talking text real 5G coverage and service. You switch up in an instant, download TextNow and connect in minutes.

[TextNow Announcer]

Other wireless carriers tell you when to pay. TextNow asks, what do you need? It's app first phone service without commitments, credit checks or carrier attitude. Built for people who stopped asking for permission. Download today.

[Shopify Announcer (Breakfast Club)]

March is the month where the reset is over and the real work begins. This is when resolutions either disappear or turn into results. For entrepreneurs, March is momentum season. If you're finally ready to invest in yourself and start that business, Shopify makes it simple. And if you already have a business, take it from me. Shopify can handle anything you throw its way. That's one of the reasons we moved our stores there. Whether you're selling a few products or a full catalog, Shopify grows with you. One login gets you everything that matters. No password chaos. Thousands of site templates mean you don't need to be a designer, and you can still make your site look uniquely yours. I love Shopify simply because it's easy. When you're already trying to get people to to purchase something from you and support your business, you need to make it as easy as possible for them. And Shopify does that. They even have Shopify Sidekick AI that actually works, helping with marketing, forecasting, and all the business tools. They'll even help you sell on social media and even directly through ChatGPT. Starting a business is hard, but trust me, it's worth it. March is about momentum. Do not let it slip one more day. Shopify helps you turn intention into growth. If you have a business idea, whether it's big or small, Shopify is the platform for you. Check out shopify.combreakfast club to see why millions of businesses have chosen them to build their empires and maybe even start yours.

[A.J. Holliday]

All right, y'.

[Nissan Announcer]

All.

[A.J. Holliday]

And we're back. And quick question. If your partner starts doing more around the house, cleaning, cooking, helping out, does that make them more attractive? Or are you like, nigga, that's what the fuck you supposed to be doing.

[Tam Bam]

As that's who I am. That's who I'm.

[A.J. Holliday]

Okay, so today's guest wrote a book about it. Okay? It's called Chore Play because apparently washing dishes is now foreplay. Okay, so we do have comedian Jordan Carlos on We Talk Back this week. And we're talking relationships. He usually makes people laugh, but he's written a book on how to save your relationship via doing your chores, doing

[Tam Bam]

some around the house. I love this Jordan Carlos.

[Jordan Carlos]

I don't know if I was allowed to talk yet. I never. Okay, I didn't know. Okay. I was trying to. I always try to be very formal versus, I mean, you got two sisters on this podcast right now. Try to be very respectful and know when I need to talk. You know, I have been married for almost 19 years, so I have to know when to speak, when it's allowed, when I'm allowed to go. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate this, A.J. tam. And thank you for commenting on my book. Yes. Listen, I wrote this book because we've lost a lot of good men out here and just trying to help them out with some really kind of just low hanging fruit, some real, just easy hacks for around the house and just, just stuff that, you know, men should probably be doing anyway. Yes. Should be doing anyway for themselves. Just for themselves. Right. And by virtue of that, by doing things for yourself, it can have this kind of like snowball effect where, you know, you're not even trying to impress your good lady, your partner, whatever it is. It's just like you're doing that for yourself. And then like from that, from that, I found the outcome is that, yeah, you can, you can smash more. So. Which has been great. I mean, a guy like me that's just 18 going on 19 seasons in, we're always happy for that, you know?

[A.J. Holliday]

Yeah. Because you can see clutter around the room in the dark. I don't want to smash in this. I'm sorry.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[Jordan Carlos]

Truly. Truly. I mean, there are, sure there are times like in my 20s, college age, like, that didn't really matter. It was passion, you know, I'm saying. So, like that, that is, that's true. But what's cute in your 20s is not cute in your 40s. And that's kind of what that book, this book is about, is that things change. They do. And you have to be, you have to be ready for that change and you have to be ready for that new, like, operating system. Because as I say in the book, like we update our phones everywhere. Two weeks, we got to get a new operating system, whatever it is, you know, so it's like it go. You know, like, of course, logically, you need to update what your partnership is as well and what that will look like.

[Tam Bam]

So did you have, like an epiphany or were you just getting in trouble at home? You weren't getting no coochie. Like, you was like, what I got to do? Let me get a dust pan. Let me get a mop. Like, what happened? How did the book.

[Jordan Carlos]

I mean, we tried all the things, you know, you try all the things, right? You try therapy, like out of network therapist, which is just like $200 an hour. And you're like, talking in circles and you're trying to do better. But what I found was mostly like, what was the change agent was like, vibe. Changing vibe was really important for me. I mean, I understand. Like, when I was a kid, I used to have, like, up on the wall, my mom would put, like, you know, if you clean your room and do the dishes and do your chores, like, you get gold stars and that means you'll get your allowance and things like that, right? So I was like, I mean, that's cool, but I'm not 12 anymore, right? So I didn't want to have such a rigid structure to, like, my behavior. And that's one part. The other part was why. The why factor, right? So that inflection point came from just. I mean, at year 10, and then women in their 40s, they just want to talk to the manager. They want to talk to the manager. There's so many notes they have, right? I mean, listen, manager. I mean, like the manager of life, right? Like, they take a full inventory, restock, whether it's career, it's family, it's like dead weight friends. Like, they're like, I'm not doing this anymore. Perimenopause and menopause has entered the chat. And so they're getting very serious and, like. And you. And believe me, you are up for review. As a man, you were up for review. So that was definitely a part of it. I saw a lot of people in my circles, like, getting divorced. I had a divorce in. In our family that was very close on. I have front row seats to that. And like, just learning the. The very unsexy ways that. And undramatic ways that a marriage can come apart. And seeing that firsthand, I was like, okay, people can be role models. This person is a role model for me. I'm gonna do the opposite of that, you know? So. So it was definitely, like. It wasn't anything dramatic. It was just like my wife feeling as though she was alone in doing all the things. Doing all the things, you know, so. So that was enough. That's y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[Jordan Carlos]

After a While that can. That can be enough, you think it's gonna be, like, some Tyler Perry level excitement? Nah, that's not it.

[Tam Bam]

How did. Go ahead. You got a question.

[A.J. Holliday]

So in a nutshell, so our listeners understand who have not read Chore Play, give us a quick, like, not a whole summary, but, like, a quick synopsis of what your play is about.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay. Short play is about all of the money that you are leaving on the table that can, like, correct a lot of what's going on that might be going south in your relationship. So whether it's, like, making sure that your side of the room is clean, the dishes are done, whatever it is, these kind of small house items that seem not important after a long period of time and on a long timeline, they are very important, and they can mean the unraveling of a relationship. So this book is about taking those things more seriously and then also seeing that they have this kind of unexpected outcome, which was an improved sex life as well. So that's basically what the book is about. And it's about doing, like, the. The least amount to get the most, because the bar. I'm gonna put it out here. I don't know if I feel like I'm mansplaining this, but the bar for men in straight relationships is in hell. It's in hell, and we still tripping over it. We are still tripping over it somehow. So just, like, I feel like I got struck by lightning a little bit. Like, I shouldn't be married, but I am. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still alive, but I am. But we're not gonna talk about that, you know? But I am. And I'm here to report and just thank God. I'm just putting. It's just about putting people on game to things that they might not have, like, noticed before. And that's it. Because a lot of it is, like, what you're socialized to do, you know, and what you're taught to do verbally. Non. Verbally. Like, for instance, every Thanksgiving, I love when my family comes together. It's an amazing, like, Southern Thanksgiving, and we. Our family from New Orleans comes up. By the way, aj, I'm like, every. A good food, right? So it's really good. Anyway. Yes, we got. I love my New Orleans family. Like, for people listening, I don't know why AJ Randomly was that before that.

[Tam Bam]

I don't.

[Jordan Carlos]

Anyway, this is before we were rolling. But anyway, the point is, after the meal is done, what I saw was, like, all the teenage girls have to wash the Dishes. But the teenage boys then watch the Cowboys game, right? So it's like. It's kind of crazy. And, like, that just happens. And this year, like, we were like. We kind of. We kind of embarrassed. The boys were like, get in here and wash the dishes. And they're like, huh, what dishes? Never seen one. You know, like, acting dumb, you know? And that's just. That is kind of what I saw. These patterns forming and how we're channeling kids to do certain things or, you know, what's expected of them can ultimately just have, like, a horrible effect, I think. Just like, it can. It can erode and undercut a relationship because you're. You. If you expect a woman just to clean up for you while you watch the game, just. Cause, I mean, you're. You're. You're gonna be on thin ice. On a long enough timeline, you gonna be on thin ice. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

That brings me to a story I remember on Sundays, football Sundays, which is my. My boyfriend at the time, that was his day. Like, I wanna watch football all day.

[Jordan Carlos]

Cool.

[Tam Bam]

That's fine. You know, I'm a. Watch housewives. You watch football. Cool. Whatever.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

But he would do this thing where he would. When he was finished with his beer, he'd be like, babe. And then just hold a beer in the air and shake the empty bottle. He wouldn't say, hey, can you give me another beer, please? He just hold that in the air and shake it.

[A.J. Holliday]

Hey, baby girlfriend.

[Jordan Carlos]

Wow. My son does that, but he's like 7 years old. He does it from the back seat with the juice box. You know what I'm saying? And we're always like. I'm like, I'm your butler, you know? But I've been like, you need to hold on to that till we get to a trash can. You need to hold on to that. Like, I think it's so funny that you say that, Tam. I'm not trying to. I mean, I'm only going to speak on myself, right? So I'm a Cowboys fan. I don't know why I spend so much time watching the Cowboys. Just do. Okay. They're like, okay. Then they choke. And it's like, some fans. Look, some teams. I get it, right? If the teams are great. Like, if you were a Pats fan during the two 2010s and things like that, yes, you're going to be glued to the cops. But the Cowboys. What am I doing? What are jets fans doing every Sunday? You should be out in nature. You should be out like a farmer, whatever it is. Yeah. You should be, you know, whatever it is, go do something. Go outside, touch grass, whatever it is. Go to the beach, whatever. Like, yeah, chop, do something. Do that project you said you were going to do around the house. Because the jets don't need you. Believe me, they don't need you to do bad. They can do bad all by themselves. So I wasted all that time watching them. But I will say for the couch thing, I was out of shape too. So the getting up from the couch, because the nicer the couch you have, the more it's. You sink into it, right? And. And I had to reverse that. I was like. When I found out at the gym, like I found out about kipping and hip thrust, I was like, oh, okay.

[A.J. Holliday]

So now the hip thrust coming, right. Come through with the good back and

[Tam Bam]

hip thrust and push ups too. Because ain't that worse than a. A laying on you like this? Lay it up against you.

[A.J. Holliday]

I literally ask people for pictures of their forearm. Okay, let me. I'm looking for a particular thing.

[Jordan Carlos]

Wow, amazing. I'm not gonna, I'm not going to add to that joke, but I feel. I got you. I got you. Well, let me just say that that's something I work on a lot. We work on our plank pose. So it's like. So I feel like what I'm saying is like getting up from the couch. Yes. So many ways. This is Swiss army knife. So, so many ways, like getting up from the couch, if you don't want to get up, right. If you can't get up physically every time you. You're down like that, if you can't get up quickly, then when you're asked to get up, what happens? Attitude, right. Like coming up with different reasons why you shouldn't do the thing.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[Jordan Carlos]

So, like that I didn't even, you know, I like stumbled on all this. So I found out that, like, having a fit body meant that, like, I could get up and I could do the things that my wife needed me to do. Right. If she asked me to do this, that and the third, no problem. No friction. No problem. Because then I could quickly pop back on the couch and do whatever and. Yeah, I just, I feel like in that case, with your man. I'm so sorry about that. That's.

[Tam Bam]

That's my man. No more.

[A.J. Holliday]

Let's talk about the asking part because.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

Do I have to ask you to be an adult? Right. And I kind of liken this to like, you know, couples having babies probably out of wedlock. Right. And mama automatically knows to be a Mama. Right. It's just natural. Natural. But then the. The young man might feel like, you know, he's being mothered by her, so she has to tell him what to do, because he does not innately know what to do. I think most men at some point probably live on their own. So what were you doing in your own house to where you think that now you cohabitating with a woman, you don't have to clean up at all?

[Jordan Carlos]

I think, you know, that's where, like, money and capitalism gets in the way, right? So, like, I. I was making. I make. Still make good money. And it's like. And I was thinking that, like, that would absolve me of my responsibilities, because I had seen that with my dad. My dad's a very successful doctor. And my dad was actually, like, at a time in. In Texas, was also, like, at least the Fort Worth chapter was. Was heading up, like, Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood in Fort Worth. But when he. And he's an obgyn, but when he got home, like, he cared for women all day long. Do you understand?

[A.J. Holliday]

So I can hear your mama melt right now.

[Jordan Carlos]

Boy, when he got home, that. That was it. No more. Yeah. Yeah. That was one too many women. So he, like. So he'd be home, like, in his DVDs, you know, watching ESPN, got a steak on his belly, just eating, got the beer, like, whatever. Like, that was. That was him. So I was like, okay, no one's explaining this or saying this to me. You're just seeing it, right? So I'm like, this is a guy that is well regarded in the community, at church and his family. This is what I want. This is the prototype. I just need to emulate this. So that's what I did with comedy. I emulated that and then was, like, thinking, okay, so if I make money and handle all bills and, like, make everything all right, pay for everything, then I don't have to do anything, right? And so that was my mindset. And that's why I feel like it got to a point, like, when we first started dating each other, it wasn't like, I wasn't looking to her. Looking for her to do, like, like, domestic stuff or. Or I wasn't looking for her to mother me in any way. But that's this part of me that, like, kicks in. Like, I had to get over that. The need to make women mother me, you know, like, which is. Which is crazy. So once you. I mean, cut that. That umbilical cord, like, for real. For real. And stop, like, keeping things Clean around the house so mommy doesn't get mad at you. Right. Or. Or whatever it is. And have your own standard for yourself, though.

[A.J. Holliday]

Yeah. Your own standard. Like, I just don't understand, like, why a man wouldn't have. Some men do, like my dad, and I look for men like my dad because my dad is a very clean man. Right. So I know it's possible. So when I run across somebody who thinks, like. And everybody has a different level of cleanliness. Right? There's a base level. And then some people, like, I watched you in a Breakfast Club and how Charlemagne said that women clean the bathroom better.

[Jordan Carlos]

I.

[A.J. Holliday]

A man has told me that living in a house with me, like, he let his. He let his bathroom get so deplorable because I no longer would share bathrooms with him, and he let it get so bad. And then he asked me if I could clean it for him.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

No.

[Jordan Carlos]

Absolutely not. Yeah. I mean, you could outsource. Yeah.

[A.J. Holliday]

You could bring another bitch in here and let her clean your nasty bathroom. Or I might put that bathroom on Facebook or Instagram so people can see how you living.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

But I think there's a lot of men, though. That's just a lot of men. I remember my ex used to have, like.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

He. On the floor around the toilet sometimes.

[A.J. Holliday]

What? Sticky.

[Jordan Carlos]

Damn. No. Was this the same guy?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, same guy. Same guy. And then he used to have, like. All right, this is gonna get gross. He used to have. In the toilet and then, like, pubes on it, so it looked like a teddy bear.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yep.

[Tam Bam]

It was gross.

[Jordan Carlos]

He didn't have the brush. He didn't have the toilet brush.

[Tam Bam]

He did, but he just didn't use it. Use it or flush.

[A.J. Holliday]

So it'd be a. I do blame the moms, and I'm. And if my sister is listening.

[Tam Bam]

Good. Okay.

[A.J. Holliday]

My nephew just went to college, and I'm so concerned about him having a roommate, knowing how he was raised to not have to do anything. Right. I'm concerned about him now having to cohabitate and, like, not being the cleanest.

[TurboTax Announcer]

Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

And you're in your. And he plays football, and now people on your team talking about you.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, yeah.

[A.J. Holliday]

I'm so concerned about that because I watch them not have to do anything.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

I remember once I. I made him take the trash out, and he was like, you know, because he said he's, like, a professional millionaire. He plays.

[Tam Bam]

He's.

[A.J. Holliday]

He's planning to go to the NFL, Right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, wow.

[State Farm Announcer (Alternate)]

Amazing.

[A.J. Holliday]

He was like, yeah. When I get older, I'm only Going to give people money who was nice to me or some shit like that, because I asked him to take the trash out. So now you. You are raising a man that no woman is really going to want.

[Jordan Carlos]

Absolutely. After a few years, like, it's gonna. It's gonna go sour, right? So. Because what I found, and I'm not an expert by any means, but I found that, like, romantic love can get a marriage to like, 10 years, right? But past that, you could still have so much love for the person. But if they are a mess, they are a mess, right? And. And yes, for me, it was like this. Like, when I was 19, I had a really bad fallout with my mom. And it was about independence, and it was actually about independence. I wanted to move to the big bad city, New York City, and I wanted to, like, intern for Def Jam. And she wouldn't let me do it. So I did it anyway. We had a huge falling out. But it actually kind of, in a way, was helpful because I had to become independent because there was no. Mom wasn't going to send me a care package. She wasn't going to check up on me. I had to get my own apartment. I had to do my own laundry. I had to do all these things. So it just really kicked me in the butt. But, like, can women clean better than men? Maybe, but they've been left to do it. You know what I'm saying? Like, men have taken all the other jobs, so it's like, yes, I guess so. So it's like that's. That's what they're able to do. Because men have taken everything else. Right? So I mean everything else too, though.

[Tam Bam]

But do you feel like you don't believe in any gender roles? Because I don't want to cut no grass and I don't want to wash no car. I don't want to put no gas in it. Do all that.

[Jordan Carlos]

I believe. Listen, I believe in doing. I do. I don't do that much, right, but it seems like a lot. Of course I handle the car. Like, I write in the book that I handle all things about the car. Cleaning the car, like, taking it in for whatever maintenance that's due, whatever this. And the third, Fortunately, I live in a city. I live in a townhouse. There is no backyard, really, to speak of, so it's like, you don't have to really take care of that much. I do the gardening in the summertime, just like the trimming and things like that. But, like, when it comes to. But that's like, for a season or two, right? So summer, spring, that's all you got to do. Think about the daily grind, though, of, like, laundry, food, all this, this, this, that, and the other. Like, my wife needs help and those kind of things. I think people are falling short on. I know I was falling short on. So it's like, that's where I'm. I'm picking it up, and I kind of gamify it now. Like, I, I. If I see something on the stairs, pick that the hell up. Get it downstairs. It will take.

[Tam Bam]

Don't walk past it.

[Jordan Carlos]

Don't walk past it. But there, as I describe in the book, there is something called usa. This is unconscious selective attention. This is a real thing, right? Where it's like, you can see. Like, if you close one eye, you can see your nose, and if you close the other eye, you can see your nose. But if you open both eyes, you can't see your nose. That is because the brain just ignores the nose.

[A.J. Holliday]

Kind of big. I see my daddy nose all day. I see that.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[Jordan Carlos]

You're the first person I've ever met that says, you have a very nice nose, A.J. like, very nice. Everybody got nice noses. I don't have a good. I. My nose is like a Bill Cosby nose. But, like, but I. I will say this. Like, but your brain ignores things. So it's like, what are you socialized to ignore? Ignore, Right. As men, we are socialized to ignore stuff on the floor, the Legos, the this that, like, the piles of clothes, the. Everything around us, right? Our brain is telling us to do

[Tam Bam]

this, I think, when it comes to the table. So I know what you're talking about.

[Jordan Carlos]

It wasn't even there. Like, whatever. What are you talking about? So there are things we got, like, so if I know that, then I know that there are things that I can unlearn, right? And I can unlearn, like, just pick it up. Like if, if, if, like, there's laundry and there's. And the. And the washing machine is done. Just put it in the dryer. Just do it, bro. And it's. It's like, all about getting into active mode, right? Instead of ready mode, you got to get into active mode. And I feel like a lot of guys are in ready mode. Like, we're always, like. Like, we work out. So it's like, I wish. I wish someone would try me, right? Like, so I can live this John Wick fantasy out, right? But, like, but, like, where we have to just, like, stop with the readiness, stop with the preparedness, and just activate like, and I don't think it really takes that much. It just takes doing small things, and then like, eventually, gradually, you will be more active. And. And a part of that also is just, like, you have to not look for outside validation. I wait for your girl or anybody to, like, pat you on the back for it, but just pat yourself on the back for it. You know? That's what it is.

[State Farm Announcer]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holliday]

What is that, though? What is that? Wanting, like, to have this admiration, you know, from another person simply because you, you know, you wash the dishes today.

[Tam Bam]

Like,

[A.J. Holliday]

hey, baby, I noticed you washed the dishes today. You want your dick sucked. Why do we have to.

[Tam Bam]

That's what they want.

[A.J. Holliday]

Like, they just want big rewards for, like, so have you.

[Jordan Carlos]

You know, I'm dying right now. I'm dying right now.

[A.J. Holliday]

She said your top tier man is just an average woman.

[Jordan Carlos]

And I

[A.J. Holliday]

like the shit that men think they really do. It's like, basic, and then when you add different layers. I know my ex said I would build RICO cases, and I'm a Gemini. I'm not a nag, right? Because I feel like if I ask you to do something, if you ask me as my partner to do something, you only have to ask me one time.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay?

[A.J. Holliday]

And I'm going to acquiesce, you know, whatever, if it's reasonable. But sometimes with men, like, you have to keep asking them something, like a child, and then now they're acting as if you're nagging them.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

So I'm not a nag. I asked him one time, and then I added to the rico.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right, The RICO case against you. Yeah, against him. Okay, okay.

[A.J. Holliday]

It's a post it. It's a sticky note on that, nigga.

[Tam Bam]

Okay?

[A.J. Holliday]

That's what I'm putting a sticky note on this. A sticky note on that. And my ex tell me, even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying. I'm like, what? Is that acceptable from your son? If your son were to say, well, no, I didn't do it, but even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying to do it.

[Jordan Carlos]

I think it makes sense. I think what we need.

[A.J. Holliday]

I think, man. Man, math, man.

[Jordan Carlos]

Truly, truly, truly. I think it's just like, you can rationalize anything. You can rationalize anything. But it's like, integrity is everything, right? It's just like, you know, integrity doing what you're supposed to do when nobody is watching you, right? So, like, if you know that she said to do whatever chore it was she asked you to do. You heard it, you know, it. If it's a second time thing where she's like reminding you, like, just say I'm sorry. Yeah, I'll get to that. And do the thing. I think that it was for me learning. And I'm still learning. I'm still learning. There are things that I still need to do, but I create the list for myself now, you know, it's not about her having to amass the list of things that need to be done around the house. Like, what about me? What, what do I see that needs to be done? Right. That's the executive function part that I talk about in the book. That like, it's a lot of executive function goes like hidden and like women don't always talk about it because they just shoulder it, right? And, and guys, if we even had half of that load would probably buckle under the pressure, right? So it's, it's, I think that's a big part of it as far as like needing that kind of like affirmation and approval. That's a very American thing. Like, we all love a pat on the back. We love, like, you're doing great, you know, like, I don't know about you all, but I like, I go to like workout classes and if the instructor doesn't say that I'm doing great, then like, Am I dying? Am I out of shape? Like, what's good? Like, you know, like, we need gold stars. We're raised with gold stars. We need gold stars. But you could give yourself a gold star. Like, come on, go. You could do it. There's also ig, you could post, you could be that guy. Like, you could post it on ig. Like, look at the way I loaded the dishes today and you could become famous that way, unfortunately. And then you, you know what I'm saying? Then like, whoever, Paul Molive will like back you and like sponsor you, you know, for real. So I think that, you know, just trying to get that kind of validation is the same validation that we wanted for our parents. It just, it just goes on and on. And like the people that really, I think get the most in life out of life are people that, that are very good at like validating themselves, right? And just like very self possessed and self contained. I, I think I just, I, I strive for that daily. But it's not, it's, it's not easy out here. You know, it's not easy, but like, it's, it's, it's, it's something that, it's a discipline that I work on all the time.

[State Farm Announcer]

This past weekend, like every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys playing ball. Just a pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but a mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentions he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about the housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like has he spoke to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, home ownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court. A State Farm agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online or on the app, they're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball, if you know what I mean. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is

[Nissan Announcer]

there Pressure has a way of revealing what remains steady in the latest Nissan campaign, the Nissan Rogue was tested to the extreme to demonstrate that it's built to last through durability and reliability challenges inspired by real tests conducted by Nissan engineers. Brutal potholes, a steady force of water, even a jet powered sandstorm. Each challenge inviting a deeper look at how quality, durability and reliability hold their ground in real world conditions. Every test was 100% real. No CG, no AI. To see how the Rogue held up, visit nissan-duordability.com Critics and audiences agree.

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

Only three letters describe they will kill you. WTF? Splendid USA Today calls it bloody and bunkers.

[A.J. Holliday]

Are you ready to die?

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

RTN declares it's electrifying action, cinema and popcorn entertainment to the max.

[A.J. Holliday]

How many of you are there?

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

It begs to be seen in a packed theater.

[Jordan Carlos]

Please remember to clean up the blood. Wow.

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

They will kill you. Now playing only in theaters. Rated R under 17.

[TextNow Wireless Announcer]

Not admitted without parent locked in monthly Wireless plans were built for another era. Text now is app first free talking text real 5G coverage and service. You switch up in an instant download TextNow and connect in minutes.

[TextNow Announcer]

Other wireless carriers tell you when to pay. TextNow asks what do you need? It's app first phone service without commitments, credit checks or carrier attitude. Built for people who stopped asking for permission. Download today.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

March is the month of momentum for small business owners. We've got our plans ready to put into action and Shopify is here to help us. Whether you're finally ready to Invest in yourself. Or if you already have a business, take it from us. Shopify can handle anything you throw its way. That's one of the reasons we ship to our stores at the Black Effect. There, Shopify has power. Carloskingshop.com for years. Give it a chance to work for you too. Whether you're selling a few products or running a full catalog, Shopify manages it all and grows with you. One login gives you access to everything that matters. Thousands of templates mean you don't need to be a designer and your site still looks uniquely yours. They even have Shopify Sidekick AI that actually works, helping with marketing, forecasting, and strategy. You can sell on social media and even directly through ChatGPT. Starting a business is hard, but it's worth it. Trust me, I should know. But you gotta start somewhere, and Shopify will help you turn momentum into something that lasts. If you have a business idea, whether it's big or small, you Shopify is the best platform for that business. Check out shopify.com ben to see why millions of businesses have chosen them to build their empires and maybe even start yours.

[Tam Bam]

So is helping like a red flag word? Because I noticed, like, I remember being on the phone with a guy and he was like, yeah, I can't go out tonight. I gotta babysit my kids.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm so worried about North Carolina.

[Tam Bam]

That's your kids. You don't baby.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm so worried about the dating pool in North Carolina for real.

[Tam Bam]

First and foremost, you're not helping me. You help. This is your house too, you know,

[Jordan Carlos]

babysit, babysitting his own children. I've heard that one before and it's. I've said it. And, and that was like. When I heard myself say it, that was terrifying to me. You know what I'm saying? So, like, yes, that is a person that is not fully. Or they're showing that maybe they're not the most fully vested in having the kids. Maybe, you know, like. Like, you have to be like, the more you put into it, the more you invest in them, the better and more chill your life will be. Because if you're trying to. If you ride like we say down south, you're trying to ride two horses, one ass. If you're trying to be like Mr. Single Guy and have kids at the same time. No, because people. It'll be like dead giveaway. People will see right through it. You'll kind of try to present somebody that you're not, and you have to accept where you are in life. Like, that was a Big part of it for me. I wasn't accepting that I was like a dad. Like, all this stuff, you know, because, like, kids can ruin everything. They can ruin it all. Like, I was looking for my charger today for my computer. My kid had used it with some GI Joes and he was putting together some kind of zipline thing with my charger. And I told you not to touch it, right? Now I gotta, now I gotta kill him. You know what I'm saying? Like, all these things. So, but, but like, but this is what they do. They upset everything, but that's okay because they bring joy. So the more you, like, accept where you're at except what's going on, I think the better. That's, that's what made it better for me. Accepting that I. What? Like, I'm a dad with kids and responsibilities and I need to own up and act like it. Like.

[Tam Bam]

So I have a question. Like, this applies. So I have a friend, she doesn't work. She doesn't have to work. And she has been afforded a lot of the luxuries of life, but her responsibility are the kids, the chores in the house. And sometimes she gets fed up with having to do it all by herself. And he's like, well, I, I bring home the bread, you bake it. You know, that's your job. Do you feel like this applies to someone who has.

[Jordan Carlos]

Applies to everybody. Everybody. It applies to everybody.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[A.J. Holliday]

You bringing home all the bacon. I would use your bacon and outsource some of these tasks because regardless of what, like a housewife, they, they say she works 90 hours a week. So that's two full time jobs, essentially. Yeah, right. And I like, even my mom, I tell her, use his money to just get somebody to pay and come clean the bathroom if you don't want to do it. Like, I feel like men value their pockets. So if he starts seeing his bottom line, like some of that money is going to house cleaning and, and a nanny, he might want to help it.

[Tam Bam]

Help out.

[Jordan Carlos]

You know, men, I mean, listen, men don't do anything as long as their money involved, right? Like, apparently men, like I write in the book, like, men can't cook, right? But like, the best chefs in the world are like, our men, right? Like, you got like Andrew Chang, you've got like, you know, Anthony Bourdain, God rest his soul. Like all these people, these. Bobby Flay, right? All these people, these men, like, broadcast that they're great at cooking.

[Tam Bam]

Mm.

[Jordan Carlos]

But then when they're home with their kids are like, what's an egg, you know, like, they. They don't. They don't know, right? What's the pan? I. I feel like. I feel it's like. Like this. Even if your friend who has that amazing. That's a great problem to have. I would love to switch heads with her. That's an amazing life.

[Tam Bam]

When you say that, that is a trigger for her, for real. She's like, you don't understand. You say you want to switch, but you wouldn't want to switch. Like, give me a chance right now, I'll switch with you.

[Jordan Carlos]

She probably has a bit, I'm guessing big, big house, a lot of things. A lot of material things. Like. And those are responsibilities unto themselves. So when you think about it, yes, that's a lot of executive function, right? So she has to keep track of that. And even if she gets like a house manager to, quote unquote, like, you know, defray the load right there, like, then she. She's in charge of that house manager, right? So she has to tell them what to do. And my man, I'm sure he has pressures he's trying to make generational wealth and all this kind of stuff, but when he gets home, he's done. He's got one shift, she's got two, right? So that's. It's a lot. It's a lot to deal with. I'm just saying this. I'm not saying that you have to do 50, 50. I'm just saying do something. Like. Like there has to be, like, the middle point between nothing and something, right? Like, you have to do something. Do something. If. Even if it's taking out the trash, like, even if it's like. Like just remembering the nights that the trash is supposed to come, or remembering your children's schedule, even if it's just remembering your kids teachers names, right? Or their shoe sizes, that takes nothing. That is not. That's just a walk to their room. Check. Okay. Uk it's always a little bigger with a shoe size and American size, right? So that's all it takes. But like, even that is. I feel like people are dragging. Like. Like, I've had so many comments where people are like, man, this guy sounds like a wussy. He a woman. He, you know, like. Like, I'm like, dude, I'm not asking you to do anything, but maybe like five minutes of work, right? Five minutes of work here and there and that.

[Tam Bam]

I think it would make a dramatic difference. Just that little.

[Jordan Carlos]

It'll make a dramatic difference. But. But a lot of men don't take in a lot of information like this or just people in general don't take in new, new ideas because they think it's like a threat to the established order of things. You know what I'm saying? So I'd say to your friend, just like, I hear her, but what I suggest to women at that point is like, take time for yourself. If your man's not going to do anything, say you're going out with your girls on Thursday, Friday, whatever it is, maybe Thursday, which is little Friday. I like little Friday. So go out, have some fun. Let him deal. He'll survive, you know, like, he'll be okay. Have some fun for yourself. Make some time for yourself. I had to do that for myself too, like, because I felt that there were so many, like, resentments built up and whatever I was doing. So if I was asked to do something, I'll be like, yeah, I'll do it. I'll do. With an attitude. But I'm still doing it. What's the fucking problem, right?

[A.J. Holliday]

Friend would be like the exception, right? Most women are working along with their partners.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[A.J. Holliday]

And also if they have kids, they are responsible for the children and they're responsible for the household. So it's like the bills, all that, everything. Nothing's 50, 50. You see what I'm saying? So men, they online talking about 50, 50 this, 50, 50 that. Most of y' all don't have. Y' all half anyway. Okay, let's be very clear.

[Jordan Carlos]

They don't to any man out there listening, right? And to any man out there listening, like, just remember, there's always guys doing worse than you. There's always guys doing worse than you. And like, like, I was at my kid's school and I asked this dad, be the excuse. No, no, no, no, no.

[A.J. Holliday]

Worse than me.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm doing. I think it's a reason to do more. You have to pat them on the back or they won't do it. I'm telling you, you have to give them a little pat on the back. A little even for this. An attaboy, right? So like this dad, that's how I knew I wasn't so bad. Like, because the guy was like, I was like, I was bad, but not that bad. Like, I was like. I asked him about his other kid that didn't go to this like to, to our kids school, and he's like, oh, yeah, he goes to. He couldn't remember the name of his child's school. Let's just put it that way, okay? How can you not know the name of your child. What if something goes sideways in school?

[Tam Bam]

You don't in the news and it's a school shooting.

[A.J. Holliday]

You don't even realize it's your fucking kids school.

[Tam Bam]

Right. Damn. That's crazy.

[Jordan Carlos]

I. I mean, I'm just here to

[A.J. Holliday]

tell you, you know.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right, right. It's like, it's like that. That kind of like out to lunch mentality has to stop.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holliday]

Because men think it's like a, you know, they. We talk about this on the show a lot. Like men saying that they're simple. That's not a compliment to yourself.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

You know, and they say women are more complex because we do think things on a different layered. Right. But why do you want to be simple? That's a simple ton as far as I'm concerned.

[Jordan Carlos]

Because it's easier to be simple. It's easier to be simple. Right. Or so we think. But actually, in the long run, it'll cost you. So, like for instance, just knowing and understanding, like what, you know, if it's like your kid's schedule, your wife's schedule, whatever it is, and understand the household task and the schedule itself will. Will make your life so much easier because you'll know what the game plan is and you won't have to ask a million questions. You'll already know. I think that that's just really important. In fact, my wife is always sending me articles about like, about no good man and stuff. But like, but this is. But this one I found really interesting that she sent me. She's great. She's like a PhD, so she's a very smart lady. All right. Five psychology. Five early signs your marriage is heading for divorce. And number five was like. She just said. She said this to me yesterday. But she's like, she's kind of like. She likes that the book can't like she. She likes the book, she likes the response, and she likes what I'm doing. So she's trying to support me in that, like you try to say, oh, I see what you said to say. We head into the rocks. You see how quick I'm like, let me just tell you something, okay?

[State Farm Announcer (Alternate)]

She said these.

[Jordan Carlos]

She's trying to support me. All right, all right. Poor division of labor, number five. And it was just said like, like one out of four marriages end in divorce because of a poor division of labor. One out of four. That's a lot. That's a lot. Okay. And it's just, it's so simple to solve, you know? And. Yeah, I mean, I just don't Think that men need that pat on the back for doing dishes and things like that. I think you should eventually get a pat on the back for changing your ways. But I don't think, like, every little thing you do, like you're six years old, you need gold stars for.

[A.J. Holliday]

Right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah. It'll come later.

[A.J. Holliday]

And I'm talking crazy, but I have a man now who will. We don't live together though. Right? So I don't know how I would be cohabitating, but when he's here, like, he helps.

[Tam Bam]

He.

[A.J. Holliday]

If I'm cooking, he's washing dishes, like, so.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

Great.

[A.J. Holliday]

I. I wrote it down, though, what I wanted in my little manifestation for the next man. All right, so there's a lot of that he does that's on my list.

[Jordan Carlos]

Beautiful.

[A.J. Holliday]

You know, I wrote, you don't know what you need until you experience the thing, and you're not getting it. So when I was in this two bedroom apartment with this man, and I'm like, what if we bought a house? Like, I'm gonna be responsible for an even bigger space because he's not doing shit. Like, you're doing a bare minimum in here. You know what I'm saying? He'll wash dishes. But, like, even just calling maintenance and stuff like that, like, I had to helping you fix your car.

[Jordan Carlos]

Whoa. For real?

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[A.J. Holliday]

I mean, because I'm. I am super duper, like, mechanically mechanical.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay. Okay.

[A.J. Holliday]

So I want somebody who also matches that.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right, Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

We don't always have to pay somebody to do some if we can look at YouTube and figure it out.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

Abs, he just wasn't using his brain, you know what I'm saying? And then he would have his friends calling me to help them solve their problems. I'm like, not you outsourcing your girl that you already annoying the out of to help somebody else man figure some shit out. Like, what is that? Like, I don't want to be the problem solver in my relationship. And if men want to, you have to show up in that leadership.

[Jordan Carlos]

AJ and Tam, let me just say thank you for your service. Both of y' all have described some men that are just, oh, my God,

[A.J. Holliday]

I'm gonna fix him for the next woman. Oh, no, it's gonna be for me. I don't mind giving somebody refurbished man. Like, girl, he is. He works.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, no.

[A.J. Holliday]

Because he gonna remember why. I really feel like men only learn through consequence, right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[A.J. Holliday]

So it's going to be like, he's going to tally these things up. He's going to do his own Inventory and. And realize what didn't work here. Yeah, and he'll probably do better in the next relationship.

[State Farm Announcer (Alternate)]

Maybe, maybe not.

[Jordan Carlos]

Maybe, maybe not.

[Tam Bam]

Someone who don't have no boundaries.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah, exactly. Maybe, maybe not. Please, please.

[Tam Bam]

What was the craziest argument? No argument. You got in over chores. The craziest one. Over like a chore.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, okay. The craziest argument I think we got in over chores was probably just. It has to do with laundry. Like, because I had a pile of clothes and I liked my pile. I had like my mountain. You know what I mean? Ask me if it was dirty.

[Tam Bam]

Was it dirty?

[Jordan Carlos]

No, it wasn't dirty. It was like maybe ish. Ish. I had. I had like. Actually I had like multiple piles, right? So you had like, you had the clean pile and you had the like, ish pile and you had the filthy pile, right? So it was like, it was like,

[Tam Bam]

oh, that was your scratches sniff.

[Jordan Carlos]

Absolutely.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

I have my own. Yeah, but I have my own order, you know? Like, I was like, everything ends up on the ground eventually, right? Like, physics tells us that everything falls apart. Everything ends up in the. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Why are we out here? Like, I'm trying to, like, hit her with philosophy and reverse psychology and jokes.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, and jokes ain't nothing worse than a joke.

[A.J. Holliday]

What if she started doing exactly that? What if she just stopped? What if she had stopped washing clothes? Just started being just as nasty, right? Eyeing her like, you nasty. You nasty.

[Tam Bam]

That's a pile of clean dishes. That's a. Yeah, it might be clean dishes and those dishes dirty over there.

[Jordan Carlos]

We'll be crashing out. The kids would be like, we need to take mommy in for resurfacing. Something like that. Something. We ain't gonna make it. We ain't gonna make it. Call grandma. Like, if you're absolutely, positively right, she's the neatest person I know. So like back in the day in college, like her roommates, what they would do is lay a sock on her bed and watch her crash out. Just watch her crash out. And so like that, that kind of like, that was a joke to me, right? That was like a joke. I was like, haha, kidding. Like, I'll do the same thing, like leave a dish out and be like, how long? I'm just timing you, you know, See how long it takes for you to get it. And like, after a while you realize, okay, that's real. It's not funny. It comes from a real place. Like her, her upbringing was such. Where it's like a lot of different people lived in her house, right? So it's like they rented out rooms to people. So her space. Because she's one of four children growing up in New York City, right? So it's a. It's a jam packed situation. So she kept her space orderly. And that's how she. That was like, that was for her mental health. And so, like, really putting that together

[A.J. Holliday]

to mental health, right?

[Jordan Carlos]

And so putting that together and understanding that, okay, well, this. This is how she copes is like. Like, that was how, you know, that was my moment of maturity, right? So gold star for me. But, like, you know, like. But you have to make sure that you understand where your partner is coming from, right? So not only was I. I needed to understand that part, right? That's a bucket. Then I had to be like, jordan, you need to grow up and just clean up after yourself. Because, like, what I got, the reinforcement I got about cleaning, and our house was clean. It was clean because my mom was scary. You know, she's a scary lady. That would be like, I'm gonna come through for inspection on Saturday morning, you know, and make sure that that bed is like. You could bounce a quarter off it.

[A.J. Holliday]

Are you gonna.

[Jordan Carlos]

Are you gonna die? You know, I mean, like, it was like, I was under a lot of pressure. I was pressed, you know, it was. It was crazy. I was. I come from the era of having to get to church clothes together on Saturday night and to polish my little penny loafers to a high shine, like, on Saturday night and then make sure that I studied my Sunday school lesson before and starts my college. Do you think when I left that house that I wanted to do that anymore? Absolutely not. I was like, every day is a fun day. Like, eating Fruit Loops. Like, just having a good time, like, so

[Tam Bam]

I got another story. I got another bad story telling you. Same, same.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, no. Damn. No.

[Tam Bam]

I would come home from work, so I was working two jobs at the time, okay?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, wow.

[Tam Bam]

I was doing hair and working at Sephora. And I would come home from work and I would find tape, little pieces. I know you know this story, aj. I find little pieces of tape in the hallway, in the stairwell, in the kitchen. Just little pieces. Two little pieces of tape. Every day it'd be little pieces of tape. What the fuck? Why am I finding black tape? Like the electrical tape, not like the clear. The black.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right, right.

[Tam Bam]

So after months, this goes on for months, right? So I come home and I find two little pieces of tape stuck to the dishwasher, right? So finally, like, what the Fuck is this tape? Every time I come home, there's two little pieces of tape. Do y' all know that this nigga was taping both sides of his camera on his laptop and, like, watching porn and beating off somewhere in the house?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, my God.

[Tam Bam]

And then when he's done, he'd just take the tape off and leave it wherever it was at. Wherever. He beat off his dick in my kitchen. Why are you in the kitchen? You nasty. Like, what in the world?

[Jordan Carlos]

At least he wasn't using gorilla glue or whatever, you know, like that. That's.

[Tam Bam]

He said, like, the cameras. He thought somebody could, like, watch him,

[A.J. Holliday]

watch him, and they do. They do, like, log into your shit. But, gosh, he was beating this dick a lot.

[Tam Bam]

So I've heard, while I'm at work.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay, again, this is really. Like, I'm not a therapist, but the secretive nature in which this man is going about this is. That's very suspect, and I'm glad that you ended that relationship. Yo, that is wild. That is wild. I think. Yeah. I mean, that's. That makes you wonder, like, when. When the woman's outside the house, what are you doing with your time? Right? And that. That's. That gets me back to integrity. Right? So it's like, you could be beaten off. Okay. Is that what you're gonna do with your time?

[A.J. Holliday]

Figuring out how to make more money so I don't have to work two jobs?

[Tam Bam]

That part.

[Jordan Carlos]

Exactly.

[Tam Bam]

Exactly, that part.

[Jordan Carlos]

So rather, I think. I think a lot of men use. You know. So I've heard you use masturbation as, like, if they're bored, if they need to cope, if they need to calm down. I'm not. I'm not excusing anything that your dude did. But, like, there's much better things to do when your wife leaves the house. Like, look around. What. What needs doing? Just, like, do it real fast. Do it. Or you won't do it at all. Like, do it faster. You won't do it at all. That's my. That's my mo.

[A.J. Holliday]

Yeah. My ex used to be like, it'll be cleaned up when you wake up. One time he said, it'll be. I'm like. He came home late in the evening and he just dropped a piece of whatever. Every piece of the house. So from the door to the living room, it's like an item, a book bag, like a kid, you know? So I'm like, could you pick this. You come into a clean house and you're just. Now it's just in disarray. Right. And he was like, well, it'll be picked out by the time you wake up. I'm like, nigga, I'm still awake. Stepping over shit. Well, what I realized is that this needed some Adderall. He actually had adhd.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh.

[A.J. Holliday]

And what he was doing, because he'd wake up, like, four. Four o' clock in the morning, right? He literally was creating things to do when he wakes up, because he would wake up and clean up his stuff. He'd wake up and wash the dishes, you know? So he was. I'm like, if you don't do that, then you don't have to do this. 4:00 clock in the morning, right? But he was literally creating things to do.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes, yes.

[A.J. Holliday]

Instead of just not doing it. I mean, don't drop on the floor. What the fuck is. I don't understand, man.

[Jordan Carlos]

You have to. When it. I mean, like, the winning strategy for me has just, like, been put my arms around whatever my wife wants instead of, like, my head around it. Because men will come up with a million excuses why they shouldn't do it right now. And this. This guy that is in my life, that is, you know, that shows me this role model. I don't want to name his name, but he's role model. And he just shows me, like, every day in every way, like, oh, okay, just do the opposite of that. But not everybody's lucky enough to have that in their life. You know what I'm saying? Like, not everybody is lucky enough to have that. Like, that foil, the comedic foil. Like, don't do it. Like, don't be like, him. Don't be like, Jim. Like that. That is. That's been very helpful to me, honestly. And that helped me, like, write this book.

[A.J. Holliday]

I mean, like, tap into your feminine energy to write.

[Jordan Carlos]

Not even. People keep talking about, like, being feminine. I'm like, it's not being feminine to, like, okay, for instance, I needed to. I needed this. People will call it feminine, but actually, I didn't. I didn't even put this in the book. But this is what happened to me. We're on vacation and we, like, a door down for us. We rent this place on an island in Maine, and a door down from us is this guy who's a colonel and an army colonel. Very nice guy. Lets the kids use all his, like, little floaties and all that kind of stuff, right? He's got them, like, stockpiled, and we just get to talking on the beach. And he's just a really nice person. I was like, so what did you do in your time in the army as a colonel. He was like, I was a quartermaster, and if you don't know what a quartermaster is, a quartermaster, like, makes sure that all the provisions that the army needs are there when they need them, right? So if it's ammunition, if it's food, if it's clothing, they got you. And they know where everything is in the. In, like, in the stockade, whatever, you know, like, they know where everything is. So I was like, okay, so this guy, like, knows where everything is in his house. He knows about, like, the comings and goings, and he's got the schedule down, the routine. I was like, I could be a quartermaster in my own home. So it wasn't. It was like. It has. It's about showing people that there. There is a male version of everything we say is, like, female, right? So, like, for. For me, that was like, just being a quartermaster in my own home, understanding that, like, we're good for paper towels right now, because we are so good. I wish I could show you on the other side as well. We are so good. I'm not a. I'm not a doomsday prepper, but we good. Like, tp, pt, like, all that kind of stuff. Like, I needed that to make it okay for me to be a man and then also worry about this stuff. Of course. I think people are on a spectrum. You're always in touch with, like, your feminine side. I don't like show tunes or anything like that, but there's part of me that, like, you know, I was hanging out with my son. We went skiing this weekend, and. And I was like, you know what we're gonna do because we're driving. And I was like, we're gonna put on Aretha for, like, an hour. Like, so he just listened to Aretha, frankly, because we were like, listen to so much hip hop. I was like, we're gonna put on Aretha so that you understand. Yeah, yeah. So we get some feminine energy in here, too, you know? So, like, I feel like. I feel like I'm always in touch because, like, my mom raised me more than my dad because my dad was always working at the hospital. So it's like, that's never far away from me, so I'm comfortable with that. But not, you know, not every guy is. You know, not every guy is, like. Not every guy can be me, but period, right? So I'll have a rose as well. Every once in a while. No one's looking. No one's keeping score. You know, it's all Good. But I think that, yeah, you have to get over the feeling of being feminine or something like that. Because being masculine, that's just like. It's a heavy weight every day. It's a heavyweight to do that. It's. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Is there a female version, like for the men of chore play? Like, what would be the.

[Jordan Carlos]

I haven't read it. You know what I mean? I just haven't run into a messy girl yet in my life. Luckily I'm with this type a situation,

[A.J. Holliday]

you know, that's not necessarily like the.

[Tam Bam]

The chores, but like the thing that men would want more of. Like the exact opposite, you know.

[Jordan Carlos]

Do we want something? Oh, interesting. I mean, right. I was only gonna say this, like, which is the. The direct line between, like, if you give something a week, right. Like if you like, I made coffee for my wife for like a week. You give it a week. Like, I mean, I wanted to just touch on like the. The sex part, which is like, which was an outcome I. That was definitely. I did not expect. I was just trying to save my marriage. I didn't know how much like how much better our romantic life would get from that. But then in researching the book, I looked at like Maslow's like pyramid of needs, right. Which is like, you need food and shelter and all these things before you get to the top. Is self actualization, meaning just like, you know, a good life, whatever it is. So I think wedge with self actualization is also like sex. Like, you're not going to.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

You're.

[Jordan Carlos]

We said it already. If the room is messy, like, my wife's not going to want to smash at all. Right.

[Tam Bam]

I just feel like Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Updated because I feel like men,

[A.J. Holliday]

Food,

[Tam Bam]

shelter, right behind each other. I don't think it's all the way at the top. I really don't.

[Jordan Carlos]

They need tape. They need electrical tape,

[Tam Bam]

shelter, electrical tape, in that order.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[A.J. Holliday]

It definitely is different between men and

[Jordan Carlos]

women, but we need to understand that. We need to understand what your partner's hierarchy of needs is. Right. So it's about understanding. You can't just like, shut it off at your own point of view. There's two people in this. It's a we.

[A.J. Holliday]

Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

And like. And learning what she needs. Security. That's a feeling of security when things are in order and in place. Right. So that can just make. Make for a much better atmosphere because then we kind of like stop being like, oh, we haven't hooked up in a long time. What's going on? We ain't doing this and that anymore, you know? And it's like sex was more of, like, a chore, right? As. As kind of like a way to. To make sure that. That we kept going and that, you know, like, we weren't off track instead of just like a fun thing that we could squeeze in while the kids are away at school or something like that, you know? So it's. It's like. It feels like that point. And I feel very lucky. I feel very lucky in that, because not a lot of people that are, like, kicking 46 in the ass are able to, like, say that they just have that kind of fun with their wife.

[Tam Bam]

Like, when sometimes we're on the phone at night and she's like, girl, let me just go suck his dick real quick. I will call you back in five minutes. And it just sounds so much like a chore. Like, let me just go put this to bed. I mean, I'll call you right back.

[Jordan Carlos]

You are wild. That is hilarious. You have the funniest friends ever. I mean, that. Never have I ever. I wish that was my life, but that is not my life. Like, my wife's never like, let me groceries done. Okay, Let me. Like, this fans did never. But. Yeah, but if you. But that's a red flag. If. If you're there at that point, you know, that just shows no desire, right? And if desire is dead, then what are we doing? But it's all. All these things work in concert with each other. Like, so, you know, taking my. I kind of was like a. I mean, just. I was just out of shape. Like, I was. I wasn't, like, that much overweight, but I was out of shape. So, like y' all were saying with the rickety arms and everything like that, like, I started to go to the gym, work on, like, kettlebell and stuff like that. Didn't ever think. Never did I ever. I mean, look at me. I'm like. I look like Urkel stunt double. Like, never ever did I think that that would, like, big. That's. You're very kind. Okay, let me go from Steve to Stefan. All right, so, like. But never did I ever think that that would, like, have some kind of correlation, like, losing the way. Getting, like, getting more solid. Solid core and all that kind of stuff. Like, you like, My wife is the kind of person where she's like, she loves personality, she loves conversation, she loves talking. And that is very romantic to her. But I was like, okay, we have tried these things. We have tried talking, we've tried romance. Let me open up new paths and corridors in my life and see what else I can be. And again, I was trying not to be revolutionary about it. I was just trying to be like gradual about it because I was sick of the mode that I had been in previously, if that makes sense.

[State Farm Announcer (Alternate)]

This past weekend, like every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys playing ball. Just a quick pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentioned he closed on a new crib.

[Jordan Carlos]

This is big.

[State Farm Announcer (Alternate)]

And while everyone's asking about housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like has he spoken to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, homeownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court. A State Farm agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online or on the app, they are ready to help you and they don't drop the ball. You know what I mean? Like a good neighbor, State Farm is

[Nissan Announcer]

there Peace of mind starts with knowing what supports the journey is steady, grounded and dependable, especially during seasons of change. That's why Nissan engineers push their vehicles to the limit to demonstrate quite quality, reliability and durability, making those principles a foundation across every vehicle built. That commitment has earned recognition from J.D. power, ranking Nissan number one in new vehicle quality among mainstream brands. Because when trust is built into the foundation, it creates more space to move through life with clarity, confidence and intention. Getting the most out of the journey wherever it unfolds. For J.D. power 2025 U.S. initial Quality Study Award information visit J.D. power.com Awards Awards based on 2025 model year, newer models may be shown.

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

Critics and audiences agree the hell is this place? Only three letters describe they will kill you. Wtf?

[Jordan Carlos]

Splendid.

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

USA Today calls it bloody and bonkers.

[A.J. Holliday]

Are you ready to die?

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

IGN declares it's electrifying action, cinema and popcorn entertainment to the max.

[A.J. Holliday]

How many of you are there?

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

It begs to be seen in a packed theater.

[Jordan Carlos]

Please remember to clean up the blood. Wow.

[Movie Trailer Announcer]

They will kill you. Now playing only in theaters. Rated R Under 17 not admitted without

[TextNow Wireless Announcer]

parent locked in monthly wireless plans were built for another era. Text now is app first free talking text real 5G coverage and service you switch up in an instant download. Text now and connect in minutes.

[TextNow Announcer]

Other wireless carriers tell you when to pay. TextNow asks, what do you need? It's app first Phone service without commitments, credit checks, or carrier attitude. Built for people who stopped asking for permission. Download today.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

March is the month of momentum for small business owners. We've got our plans ready to put into action, and Shopify is here to help us. Whether you're finally ready to invest in yourself or if you already have a business, take it from us. Shopify can handle anything you throw its way. That's one of the reasons we ship to our stores at the Black Effect. There, Shopify has power. Carloskingshop.com for years. Give it a chance to work for you, too. Whether you're selling a few products or running a full catalog, Shopify manages it all and grows with you. One login gives you access to everything that matters. The authors of templates mean you don't need to be a designer and your site still looks uniquely yours. They even have Shopify Sidekick AI that actually works, helping with marketing, forecasting, and strategy. You can sell on social media and even directly through ChatGPT. Starting a business is hard, but it's worth it. Trust me, I should know. But you got to start somewhere, and Shopify will help you turn momentum into something that lasts. If you have a business idea, whether it's big or small, Shopify is the best platform for that business. Check out shopify.com ben to see why millions of businesses have chosen them to build their empires and maybe even star yours.

[Tam Bam]

AJ you have a game you want to play?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, God.

[A.J. Holliday]

Right quick. Okay. It's called who does this?

[Jordan Carlos]

By the way, I'm having fun on this show. This is really.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, yeah, I'm glad you.

[Jordan Carlos]

This is really fun.

[A.J. Holliday]

Get about 10 more minutes out of you. All right, more. So the game is who, who, who does this? And you would select more likely men, more likely women, or both are your options.

[Jordan Carlos]

Do you see? Do you see the pain already etched on my face? I'm like, oh, I'm ready. I'm ready.

[A.J. Holliday]

And it's just overall relationship, not even just about cleaning and stuff. So, okay, this first one, keep score and arguments.

[Jordan Carlos]

Keep scoring arguments. Who does this? Keep scoring an argument. It's got to be women. It's got to be women.

[A.J. Holliday]

Acting like you don't know it's got to be women.

[Jordan Carlos]

But I try to be like them. I'm always trying to be like, you know, let's go back. Let's go way back and like, try to remember, get the files Out. I can never remember the date, but, yes, I think it's women. They're better at it than men.

[Tam Bam]

All right, next one. Who wants recognition for effort? Women. Men are both.

[Jordan Carlos]

I think both want it, but men want it more. I think both want it, but men want it more for doing less. Women want it, and it's never. It's like, never seen. And, like, you got to be like, you got to. You got to say thank you for this. If you say thank you for this. Oh, my God. Get some so wet. I know. Because she'll, like, say. I'm like, thanks for making their lunch this morning. Thank you for that. She's just like, it's not a problem. It's my specialty.

[Nissan Announcer]

Easy.

[A.J. Holliday]

Women. Women are actually easier, I believe.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay. Okay.

[A.J. Holliday]

We love you, you know?

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[A.J. Holliday]

We just need one reason to stay. A million reasons to leave. One good reason to stay. Says nothing's wrong when something is clearly wrong.

[Jordan Carlos]

Says nothing is wrong with something that is a man says. A man will like.

[Tam Bam]

I agree.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah. He will deny.

[Tam Bam]

I thought you were gonna say women. I thought you were gonna say women. You always. I feel like I always see a woman, like, walking around the house, quiet, not saying, and the man be like, nothing.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, that way. I thought you meant denial. Like. Like. Like that is denial as well. But I thought you meant, like. Like, if there's clearly a problem in the relationship, and he's like, why are you tripping? Everything's fine. You know, Like. Like, saying that everything is fine. That's a man thing. Like. Yeah, but if there's something. It's like jazz. It's the notes you don't play. Like, when she's like, I'm like, I'm gonna go out, get some beers with the boys, and she's like, yeah, go do that. That's fine. I'm like, I'm not going out. Like, if it's tone. If it's tone like that, like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. See what happens? She's not. If she doesn't say, like, I'm happy for you. You should do that. Like, no, that's good. I love that guy. Sure. So I see what you meant there. Sorry. These are good questions. Oh, God. What's next?

[Tam Bam]

Does things with expectations attach?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, does things with expectations attached. That is. That is definitely some man stuff. I feel like. Yeah, that is.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

I expect ticker tape parade. I expect, like, you know, school will be suspended. Banks close. Yes. Yeah.

[A.J. Holliday]

Expects their partner to read their minds.

[Jordan Carlos]

Expects a partner to read their minds. That Is that women do that. Women do do that. But I also feel that. But. But I feel it's probably men more that. Yeah, it's men more.

[A.J. Holliday]

I agree.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah. Because we want to be treated as we would treat others. And we don't always express what we need or want in the moment. And it comes back to bite us in the ass, man. Like, it's real bad.

[A.J. Holliday]

No one can explicitly state what it is that they need. You just supposed to know, and then if you don't know, then it's a problem. Like, men are not as simple as they like to say.

[Jordan Carlos]

We're very complicated. We're very complicated. I mean, listen, the most complicated thing that my wife does is say that she doesn't want anything for Valentine's Day when she clearly wants something done for Valentine's Day. Like, she does that every year. And every year, like, I have a panic attack. But, like. But that's about it. Like, for me, I know I'm low key. Like, oh, my God, you ate the last of this in the refrigerator. I didn't put my name on it. I didn't tell anybody that I wanted it. But everybody's gonna pay for it later, you know what I'm saying? Because I'm an Aquarius. So that's.

[Tam Bam]

Hey, what's up?

[Jordan Carlos]

No, we're both. Me and my wife are both Aquariuses.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, y' all belong together then.

[A.J. Holliday]

Got it now. I didn't have that other Aquarius I was with, man. He took a shower just as much as I did. He cleaned up just as much as I did. Like, that wasn't a problem with the Aquarius.

[Jordan Carlos]

Aquarius is often will do whatever you want them to do. So it's like our survival mode is, like, we don't argue. We go with the flow.

[A.J. Holliday]

No, I don't. Y' all create arguments calmly, and then when you get to 100, they looking at you like it's not that serious. Some after you done got me on a hunted. Yeah, like, that's what Aquarius do.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, my God. I can't speak for all Aquariuses. I can't speak for all the words.

[Tam Bam]

What about this one? Apologizes just to end an argument, not because they mean it, but just to stop the argument from happening.

[Jordan Carlos]

That is a man thing right there. I will do it. I'll jump on the grenade. I just want to stop. I'm gonna tell you a quick story. All right? Women now are wearing, like, the trench coats in. In New York City. They like these kind of like. Like detective trench Coats right out here solving mysteries. And it's very fashionable for women in Manhattan to wear them. I had one, a Christian Dior vintage trench coat that I liked a lot. About 10 years ago, my wife says, ugly. Throw it out. But, babe, I think it's cool. I think she's like, who wears that? Throw it out. You look crazy. I was like, okay, okay. So I threw it out. I love to spectacle Gadget. Penny would solve all the mysteries. Come on, brain. Summer lifted that show. Okay, Penny. All right, all right. So anyway, back on track. Speaking of adhd, recently, guess what came back in style. All the. All the women wearing these. She goes, babe, look at this online. It's from Aritzia. Look it. I want it. Will you buy it for me? Will I buy it? If you apologize to me for 10 years ago, I will buy it. World War III. World War III. Exactly. Exactly. But everything's cool now. Everything's fine. I bought it.

[Tam Bam]

Did she apologize?

[Jordan Carlos]

Never. You lost that war. You have to. You have to know when to shut the up. That's why. That's why at the beginning of this, I was like, do they want me to talk? I don't know when. When to talk with it. I was glitching. I was glitching.

[Tam Bam]

Especially coming on the show called We Talk Back with some black Women.

[Jordan Carlos]

I know you from the Carolinas, too. I'm like, oh, Lord, I gotta know how to present myself. Here we go. Here we go.

[Tam Bam]

Do you have one?

[A.J. Holliday]

Thinks effort should lead to more intimacy.

[Jordan Carlos]

Ooh. Thinks effort should lead to more intimacy. I mean, I wrote a whole damn book about this. I think, okay, things. Effort. Yes, yes. That's a guy thing. But you got to be like. You got to be like Yoda with this shit. You gotta. It's like the force. You can't want it. If you want it, it's not gonna happen. You gotta. You gotta just do the thing and it will happen. It's like. But you can't force it. So I'm saying it's a man thing, but I'm trying to educate as well. Just saying.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. A couple more stops. Stops doing something just to see if their partner notices.

[Jordan Carlos]

That's a woman. Diabolical. Diabolical. Like, my wife has stopped cooking. She stopped cooking. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a fraught time over here. She stopped cooking because she teaches night classes. She's a professor. So three days out of the week, she's. She's gone and doing that. So I'm like, okay, I gotta step up and cook. And that's what I've been doing. And you gotta cook, but you also gotta put a silencer on it too. You can't be like, well, look at me doing all the cooking.

[A.J. Holliday]

Because then I asked, you ain't doing nothing.

[Jordan Carlos]

So I've been doing this for months now. And I asked my son, I said, I said, malcolm, like, who. Who cooks as much like Mommy's? Daddy's like, who. Who cooks Mommy or Daddy? He's like, mommy. I'm like, I. I made you nuggets from scratch. Like, what are you talking about? You were watching the Simpsons. I was over here. Whatever, you know, like, that's. That's what it is. So. Yes. Yeah.

[A.J. Holliday]

Believes they're the better partner.

[Jordan Carlos]

Believes that a better partner. Men always believe it. Men, we always believe. We did. Did amazingly well. We over. In my research, we overhype ourselves with the confidence that we like. We're overconfident in our performance all the time.

[A.J. Holliday]

I thought you would say women. Women believe. I think, because I do think sometimes women believe that they can do no wrong in a relationship. Like, it's always the man. Like, when are you going to think about some shit you might have contributed to in the relationship that caused it to end? You know? So I, I thought you would say

[Jordan Carlos]

women, hey, push back. Tell me, tell me, tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm wrong. Because, because from where I'm standing, it's always been. I'm. I'm just saying I think she has been the better partner in this relationship. Just amazing.

[A.J. Holliday]

Agree with that.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I. I feel like, I think it's both.

[Tam Bam]

I think both. Yeah, absolutely. Everybody think they're the better partner. Every, like, man, like, yeah, my ex was crazy as hell. And then one was like, he was such a bad communicator. Like, I was just the best communicator. He couldn't like, it's always, everybody thinks they're the best. Everybody.

[A.J. Holliday]

I saw this post on Instagram and I commented on it. Got thousands of comments and likes on it. The post was a guy like driving down the street in his drop top and he was like, you know, you a crazy. If a man got to tell you, let's have a good day today, babe. Yeah, after that ruined the day before. After you ruined the day. Now you telling me to have a good day after you done caused some.

[Tam Bam]

The day before, right?

[A.J. Holliday]

No, I'm knocking over today too. I'm not done. I had to take a nap. And if I got. Hold on. I got a messy meme for today right quick too. It says I love being. I love beating a dead, dead horse. I don't give a. I got something else to say the out that horse.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes, that's true, though. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, I would never, I'm. I never tell a woman to calm down. Never tell her to have a good day. Like, I never tell my wife that I say I love you.

[Tam Bam]

Tell her to have a good day. Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

After I pissed her off, like, what do you like? No, I mean, that is like, you got to be like the joker. Like, you crazy doing stuff. Yeah. Poking. Never, never. A woman from Brooklyn in 2026 in this economy.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, let her cook.

[Jordan Carlos]

Leave her alone. Leave her alone. That's how you stay married. That's how you stay booed up. It's like understanding the person's their limits and taking a step back and understanding that like not everything. A lot of men don't understand that. Not every comment needs to be said. That's like, that's why men are always in the comments. We're like, we comment on everything. Not everything is your opinion. You know, that's what it is. These are great questions.

[Tam Bam]

Are you going to do another one? I have no.

[A.J. Holliday]

That's it.

[Tam Bam]

Go ahead. Okay, so I have one closing question, please. What's one thing people can start doing today to improve their relationship? Like right after they finish listening to this episode?

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay. One thing that they can do today. Like, if you're a guy, there's multiple things you can do, but one thing you can do is just. I always say, like, check on the toilet paper around the house. If that toilet paper. Let's say your girl came home from a long day work, just working her jobs with a boss that sucks. Sits down on the toilet, she goes to the role and there's nothing there. And now she's got to do that. Hop to the, to the pantry of cabinet. Come on now. Check the bathrooms. If you're low on ammunition, so to speak, then change out the role. That will take two minutes tops. And it will save your relationship. That's. I mean, I'm speaking from, speaking from experience.

[Tam Bam]

I would like to add to that. Please put the toilet seat the down.

[Jordan Carlos]

I've learned precision shots. I don't even put it up. I just. Precision, precise.

[Tam Bam]

That's a sniper.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm a sniper. I'm a sniper. I don't even. I don't even around anymore. I think that.

[Tam Bam]

And like there's nothing worse than falling into a toilet seat. Now your ass is covered in toilet water.

[A.J. Holliday]

You touched it with your hands, too.

[Jordan Carlos]

It's terrible. Just take a shower after that, I feel like this. Check on the milk. Go to the. Go to fridge. Check on the milk. If the milk. Boo boo. If the milk is at a quarter, go to the store. If it's a. If it's a quarter full. If you got one of those skinny ones because you're lazy, get a big one from the store. Get it done. That's all my wife ever does is like. She's like, the milk, the milk levels. What are the milk levels? I'm like, jesus Christ, we can never go straight home. It was always like, is the milk in the house for tomorrow? I don't even drink milk, you know?

[Tam Bam]

But Jordan, your wife, Your wife white because is lactose.

[A.J. Holliday]

Oh, she's.

[Jordan Carlos]

She's half. She's half. So, like, that's why she talks like that. But, like, but the milk, I would

[Tam Bam]

be sick in here with some milk.

[Jordan Carlos]

I don't drink it. I don't drink it. But I want to be happy. You know what I mean? So I'm like. So I go to Costco. I. I bomb this place of milk. At Costco, you can get three. Yeah, it smells. You get a cow in there and, like, and you can freeze. This is what I learned. You can. This woman taught me this. You can freeze milk. I didn't know that. Put that in the deep freezer, comes out later. I'm telling you, man, you just gotta fight these little battles. It's the little cult. Because marriage is a cold war. If you take, if you get rid of that, that, that little, like, tit for tat, there's more. I like this podcast. Then there's more tits for you. Okay, Is that, is that, is that good? Is that in keeping with this podcast with the vibe

[A.J. Holliday]

tat your ass?

[Jordan Carlos]

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

All your things, your. Yeah, yeah, everything. Your book, your ig, all of it, folks.

[Jordan Carlos]

You can reach me. Like, okay, so if you just search on Instagram, I'm one of one Jordan Carlos. And then you can, from there you can check out my website, jordancarloscomic.com you can, you can check out my book, Chore Play. There's links on the IG to find the book online and whatever, like, variation you want. If you want audiobook, that's not you. If you want like, Kindle, whatever is there, it's doing well. We're very happy with the sales, and I'm excited about it and like, yeah, just check me out and let's see. This fall, you're going to see me on Netflix. I'll be. Yeah. So, I mean, you did Black Mirror before, right? I did Black Mirror, but this time. So I been very fortunate, very blessed. I'm writing and acting in, like, Hotel Transylvania, the show on. On Netflix, so. Which is really cool. And then you can check me out on a Sony PlayStation game because I play like, a voice of the AI which I can't. I can't even say the name of the game, but it's like, it's coming out. It'll be out in fall. Yeah, yeah, but. But that's me. That's me. But you know what? Yes. Check out the book, please. Gentlemen, please. Okay? One. One out of two. One out of two marriages in a divorce. We can stop that. We can. We can. We can do better than that.

[Tam Bam]

That's doing God's work here.

[Jordan Carlos]

Trying. Y' all are doing God's work. Tam, the people that you describe that you're out here dating, woe is me.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, listen, pray for me, okay? Pray for me out here. This struggle. If you. That's what I'm saying. If you have somebody solid right now, please stick with them. Do the things that don't work because the dating pool got dookie in it.

[Jordan Carlos]

That's not a Snickers bar. That is. That is straight up dookie. Yeah. Get that little net. All right. Thank you, y'.

[State Farm Announcer]

All.

[A.J. Holliday]

All right, y' all go pick up Chore play by Jordan Carlos. All right. And if you enjoyed this episode, you. And if you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the you get your podcast at this show. Co host AJ Holliday 2.0 on Instagram, Skick and dad. What?

[Jordan Carlos]

No. Y' all made me laugh this whole time because it's like, that's the. The thing about. I am a comedian, but I wrote this book. Kind of like serious. But y' all have made me laugh. Like, Char made me laugh the whole time. I was like. I was like, this is a serious thing. But he's like, you know, y' all are making me laugh. It's. It's funny.

[Tam Bam]

We don't take nothing serious. Not too serious. This is light hearted and fun. That's why we here. Okay, good. We want to talk about serious things, but we want to have fun with it, you know?

[Jordan Carlos]

Hell yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Thank you so much. Now, y', all, I'M Official Tam Bam. I love y' all so, so very much. Thank y' all for tuning in. Y' all. Follow me on Instagram Official Tam Bam Follow We Talk Back podcast on Instagram. Y' all speak now and never hold your chores.

[A.J. Holliday]

Clean up after yourself.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[A.J. Holliday]

Not a kid, right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Wash your hands. Wash your hands.

[A.J. Holliday]

Five times.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh no.

[A.J. Holliday]

In the penis part.

[Jordan Carlos]

It's true. It's true. Bye y'. All.

[A.J. Holliday]

We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Angela Yee]

This is Angela Yee from Angela Yee's Lip Service. One in four people in the US has been to a Planned Parenthood health center for life saving, life changing care. We're talking about birth control, annual exams, cancer screenings, STI testing and treatment and more high quality expert judgment free care. And despite lawmakers efforts to shut them down, they're not going anywhere. Care continues at Planned Parenthood so that you can get the unbiased, high quality health care that you need. To learn more, visit on4pp.org locked in

[TextNow Wireless Announcer]

monthly wireless plans were built for another era. TextNow is app first free talking text real 5G coverage and service. You switch up in an instant, download TextNow and connect in minutes.

[TextNow Announcer]

Other wireless carriers tell you when to pay. TextNow asks what do you need? It's app first phone service without commitments, credit checks or carrier attitude. Built for people who stopped asking for permission. Download today.

[State Farm Announcer (Alternate)]

The wait was worth it. The keys to your dream home have been secured. Now comes time to fill it with memories. But first, furniture and movers. When's the housewarming? Who's cooking? Or should you cater to all that? Planning can be stressful, but ensuring your home shouldn't be. And that's where State Farm comes in. Because State Farm agents can help you choose the coverage you need. Just call, go online or check out the app. An agent is ready to help so you can focus on showing off your new home. If you know, you know like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Jordan Carlos]

Tyler redick here from 2311 racing another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump in [e-mail] let's shamba.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

No purchase necessary.

[Jordan Carlos]

BTW Group void We're prohibited by law.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

CTNC21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino Amazon Hub

[Amazon Hub Delivery Announcer]

Delivery wants to partner with your business. Help your business. Help your neighbors discover a new stream of income for your business. When you partner with Amazon Hub Delivery, you and your team will Deliver Amazon packages to customers in your neighborhood on a schedule that works for you, and you'll be paid to for every package you deliver. Getting started is easy. There's no delivery experience required, no long term contracts, and you receive weekly direct deposits.

[Shopify Announcer (Black Effect Network)]

Earn more.

[Amazon Hub Delivery Announcer]

Gain exposure for your business. Apply today at Amazon.com hubdelivery that's Amazon.com hubdelivery know a local business that would make a great partner? A local coffee shop owner, florist, automotive shop, dry clean cleaner, you name it. Refer a business today and earn $500 when they successfully join the program. Visit Amazon.com hubdelivery to learn more or refer a partner. That's Amazon.com hubdelivery now looking for Hub partners in your area?

[TextNow Announcer]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.