We Talk Back Podcast — Choreplay with Jordan Carlos

Date: March 26, 2026
Hosts: TamBam and A.J. Holliday
Guest: Jordan Carlos (Comedian, Author of "Chore Play")

Episode Overview

This episode dives into how everyday household chores—often overlooked or minimized—play a surprising role in modern relationships and intimacy. Hosts TamBam and A.J. are joined by comedian and author Jordan Carlos to discuss his new book, "Chore Play," which reframes domestic labor as a new love language and spells out the connection between shared responsibilities, respect, and a thriving romantic life. With signature humor and honesty, they break down expectations, gender roles, personal stories, and the link between “showing up” at home and keeping passion alive.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chores as a Relationship Game-Changer (12:14–20:11)

• Is helping at home attractive, or just the baseline?
  • A.J. opens the topic: “If your partner starts doing more around the house...does that make them more attractive or are you like, nigga, that's what the fuck you supposed to be doing?” (12:14)
• Jordan’s Motivation for 'Chore Play':
  • After nearly 19 years of marriage, Jordan noticed chores (or lack thereof) can make or break a relationship.
  • "We’ve lost a lot of good men out here and just trying to help them out with...easy hacks for around the house...Men should probably be doing [this] anyway." (13:00)
• Marriage Epiphanies:
  • Year 10 of marriage marked a reckoning: “Women in their 40s, they just want to talk to the manager…perimenopause and menopause has entered the chat...and as a man, you are up for review.” (15:24)
  • Recognizing the uneven domestic load stopped things from “quietly unraveling.”

2. Executive Function, Gender Socialization & "Chore Play" Summarized (20:11–34:37)

• Socialization of Chores:
  • Jordan gives a family example: Girl cousins expected to wash dishes, while boys watch football, reinforcing sexist expectations from adolescence.
• Summary of "Chore Play":
  • "All of the money that you are leaving on the table that can correct a lot...might be going south in your relationship.” (18:07)
  • “The bar for men in straight relationships is in hell, and we still tripping over it.” (18:35)
• Real-Life Messy Men:
  • TamBam shares horror stories of exes leaving beer bottles to be fetched and bathrooms in nasty states.
  • A.J.: “You could bring another b*tch in here and let her clean your nasty bathroom.” (28:29)

3. Unlearning Gendered Chore Patterns & Accountability (34:37–50:12)

• Why do men want gold stars for the basics?:
  • “What is that, though? Wanting...admiration...simply because you...washed the dishes today?” —A.J. (34:37)
  • Jordan: “We love a pat on the back...But you could give yourself a gold star...the people who really get the most out of life...are very good at validating themselves.” (36:14)
• Executive Function Gaps:
  • “A lot of executive function goes hidden and like women don’t always talk about it because they just shoulder it.” —Jordan (36:17)
• Raising Clean Boys (or not):
  • A.J. worries about nephews being ill-equipped for adulthood due to never having to clean at home.

4. Gender Roles, Money & Taking Ownership (50:12–61:57)

• Is ‘helping’ a red flag?
  • “That’s your kids. You don’t babysit your own children.” —TamBam (43:31)
  • “The more you put into it, the more you invest in them, the better and more chill your life will be.” —Jordan (44:00)
• If a man provides financially, does he get a pass on chores?
  • Jordan: “I thought that would absolve me...But that was my mindset…and had to get over the need to make women mother me.” (25:24)
  • A.J. suggests, “Use his money to just get somebody to pay and come clean the bathroom...Men value their pockets, so if he starts seeing his bottom line...he might want to help.” (45:56)
• Just do something:
  • "I'm not saying you have to do 50/50, I'm just saying do something." —Jordan (47:25)

5. Messiness, Maturity & Consequence (61:57–64:55)

• Personal Stories:
  • TamBam tells a wild story of finding tape around the house and discovering an ex’s secretive porn habits (in the kitchen!): “Why are you in the kitchen? You nasty.” (61:28)
  • Jordan: “That gets me back to integrity...when your wife leaves the house, look around. What needs doing? Just do it real fast, or you won't do it at all.” (62:41)
• Learning through Consequence:
  • “I really feel like men only learn through consequence, right? He's going to tally these things up...and realize what didn't work here.” —A.J. (55:46)

6. Handling Chore Conflicts & Hidden Work (64:55–73:26)

• Craziest Chore Fights:
  • Jordan: “Craziest argument [was about] laundry. I had a pile of clothes...my mountain—ask me if it was dirty!” (56:14)
• Chores Tied to Mental Health:
  • "You have to make sure you understand where your partner is coming from...she kept her space orderly...for her mental health.” (58:55)
• A.J.:
  • “If men want to be the leader...you have to show up in that leadership. I don’t want to be the problem solver in my relationship.” (55:02)

7. Masculinity, Chores, and Intimacy (73:26–90:01)

• Masculinity & Femininity:
  • Jordan pushes back: “People keep talking about being feminine...It’s not being feminine to care about your home. I could be a quartermaster in my own home.” (64:59)
• Chore Play & Sex:
  • Direct link: “When the room is messy, my wife’s not going to want to smash at all.” (69:26)
  • "Sex was more of a chore—as a way to keep us on track—instead of just a fun thing we could squeeze in while the kids are away." —Jordan (70:20)
• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (with a Twist):
  • “Updated because I feel like men, food, shelter, electrical tape—in that order." —TamBam (69:49)

8. Lightning-Round Game: Who Does This? (77:28–90:27)

Fun segment posing relationship behavioral questions (“Who’s more likely to…?”):

• Keep score in arguments? “Women,” says Jordan (78:07)
• Want recognition for effort? “Both want it, but men want it more for doing less” (78:44)
• Says nothing’s wrong when it clearly is? “Men usually deny, women do the silent treatment.” (79:40)
• Does things with expectations attached? “That's a man thing. I expect a ticker-tape parade!” (81:01)
• Expects partner to read their mind? “Women do that, but men more so—we don’t always express what we need.” (81:25)
• Apologizes just to end an argument? “That is a man thing right there. I’ll jump on the grenade.” (83:36)
• Thinks effort should lead to intimacy? “Yes, that’s a guy thing. But you gotta be like Yoda with it. You can’t want it, you have to do the thing and it’ll happen.” (85:44)

9. Actionable Relationship Advice (90:29–93:43)

TamBam: “What’s one thing people can do today to improve their relationships?” (90:29)

• Jordan: “Check the toilet paper levels. If she comes home, sits down, and there’s no roll, now she’s gotta do that hop—just check and change it. It will save your relationship.” (90:41)
• TamBam: "And please put the toilet seat down!"

Memorable wisdom:

• “Marriage is a cold war. If you get rid of that tit-for-tat, there’s more tits for you.” —Jordan (93:43)
• “If you have someone solid right now, stick with them. The dating pool got dookie in it.” —TamBam (95:36)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "The bar for men in straight relationships is in hell, and we still tripping over it." —Jordan Carlos (18:35)
• "You want a gold star for washing a dish?" —A.J. (34:49)
• "I’m your butler, you know? But I’ve been like, you need to hold on to that till we get to a trash can." —Jordan Carlos (21:46)
• “You don't babysit your own children.” —TamBam (43:31)
• "I feel like men only learn through consequence, right?" —A.J. (55:46)
• "If you’ve got someone solid, stick with them...the dating pool got dookie in it." —TamBam (95:41)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Icebreakers, weekend disaster story: 03:17–07:55
• Introduction to topic & guest: 07:55–13:00
• Insights from Jordan’s marriage & book: 13:00–18:07
• Socialization of chores—Thanksgiving example: 20:11
• Chores, gender, and minimum standards: 28:10–34:37
• Executive function & gold stars: 34:37–39:10
• If money = chore exemption?: 45:18–47:25
• Chores as intimacy (“Chore Play” concept): 69:26–71:17
• Who Does This? Game: 77:28–90:27
• One tip to improve your relationship: 90:29–91:44
• “Dookie in the dating pool!” closer: 95:41–95:50

Final Thoughts

Raw, hilarious, and deeply relatable, this episode unpacks the invisible weight of household labor in partnerships, exposes absurd societal double standards, and delivers practical advice for both personal growth and hotter, happier relationships. Jordan Carlos’s “Chore Play” is more than chores—it’s rethinking emotional labor, fairness, intimacy, and respect in love.

Find Jordan Carlos:

• Instagram: @oneofonejordancarlos
• Book: “Chore Play” (links on Instagram/profile)
• Forthcoming projects: Netflix & Sony PlayStation title (Fall 2026)

Hosts:

• AJ Holliday: @AJHolliday2.0
• TamBam: @OfficialTamBam
• We Talk Back Podcast: @wetalkbackpodcast