Decentering the Dix

Summary

We Talk Back Podcast Summary: "Decentering the Dix"

Episode Title: Decentering the Dix
Release Date: January 30, 2025
Hosts: TamBam and AJ Holiday
Produced by: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In this episode of "We Talk Back," hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday delve into the empowering topic of "Decentering the Dix," which revolves around the concept of shifting focus from men to oneself. Through candid conversations, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions, the hosts guide listeners on navigating personal growth, relationships, and societal expectations.

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Personal Experiences and Setting the Stage

The episode begins with TamBam and AJ catching up on their recent experiences. AJ shares a harrowing incident where her boyfriend, BJ, was involved in a severe car accident due to icy roads. She recounts the intense emotions and the near-death experience, highlighting the importance of emotional resilience and support in relationships.

Notable Quote:

AJ Holiday [05:21]: "Because this act like nothing happened. Like, I didn't understand the severity of it until I saw the car, because of how he was acting after the fact."

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Decentering Men: Concept and Importance

TamBam introduces the central theme by referencing the TV show Harlem's Back, where a character emphasizes the need to "decenter the dick." This mirrors her personal journey of focusing on herself, especially after an injury that shifted her priorities away from seeking male attention.

Notable Quote:

TamBam [39:15]: "Her character has been very hopeless romantic. Always very fully consumed with finding a partner."

AJ concurs, explaining that decentering men isn't about rejecting relationships but about ensuring that one's identity and well-being remain paramount.

Notable Quote:

AJ Holiday [44:38]: "Because you can get the dick. You can still have sex. But not making men the focal point."

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Strategies for Decentering Men

The hosts outline several actionable strategies for listeners to shift their focus inward:

1. Prioritize Personal Goals:

   • TamBam [49:21]: "Decide that your teens and 20s are belong to you and you alone."
   • Emphasizes dedicating these formative years to self-discovery and personal achievements.

2. Celebrate Personal Wins:

   • AJ Holiday [51:13]: "But maybe include others. Sorry, I had something in my throat. Include others. It's celebrating you."
   • Encourages recognizing and celebrating one's accomplishments without relying on external validation.

3. Challenge Beauty Standards:

   • AJ Holiday [54:29]: "Just go out ugly."
   • Discusses resisting societal pressures to conform to idealized beauty standards and embracing natural appearances.

4. Limit Media Consumption:

   • TamBam [55:23]: "But I, I think there, this is encouraging you to do it for yourself."
   • Advises reducing exposure to romanticized media that perpetuates unrealistic relationship expectations.

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Beauty Standards and the Male Gaze

A significant portion of the conversation addresses the pervasive influence of the male gaze and societal beauty standards. TamBam and AJ critique the pressure women face to maintain specific appearances to gain male approval, advocating for self-acceptance and authenticity.

Notable Quote:

TamBam [58:28]: "Nobody's seeing it and I'm okay with it, you know."

AJ adds that resisting these pressures isn't about becoming unattractive but about redefining self-worth beyond external appearances.

Notable Quote:

AJ Holiday [56:56]: "Not ugly, not... Because that's what they said they called."

---

Media Influence on Relationships

The hosts explore Media Cultivation Theory, introduced by George Gerbner in 1969, which posits that long-term media consumption shapes individuals' perceptions and beliefs.

Notable Quote:

AJ Holiday [62:02]: "Mass methods of media dissemination are used by communities to spread ideas. Movies inform most people's view of romance."

They highlight how romantic comedies and Disney narratives create unrealistic expectations of relationships, leading women to center their lives around idealized notions of love and partnership.

Notable Quote:

TamBam [64:00]: "Disney is another primary offender socializing us with unrealistic and downright toxic views of relationships from childhood."

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Personal Growth and Self-Focus

TamBam and AJ emphasize the importance of continuous personal growth and self-focus. They discuss how post-breakup periods often serve as catalysts for significant self-improvement and achievement, known colloquially as a "glow-up."

Notable Quote:

AJ Holiday [64:37]: "They sold us some. I think that, you know that post breakup glow up. If you're wondering like how to decenter men."

They caution against using personal growth solely as a means to attract better relationships, advocating instead for genuine self-fulfillment.

---

Challenges and Misconceptions

The conversation also touches upon potential misunderstandings related to decentering men, such as:

• Resentment Misconception: Ensuring that focusing on oneself doesn't translate into harboring resentment towards men.

  Notable Quote:

  TamBam [65:42]: "When you stop expecting it, when you stop fixating on it, even journaling. Right? So write down all the things you want. Write down the exact man you want. Ball that shit up and throw it in the trash."

• "Ugly" Misinterpretation: Clarifying that embracing one's natural self isn't about being unattractive but about rejecting societal pressures.

  Notable Quote:

  TamBam [57:01]: "What's ugly to you then?"

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Final Thoughts and Actionable Advice

In wrapping up, TamBam and AJ provide listeners with practical steps to continue decentering men and fostering personal growth:

1. Focus on Self-Care:

   • Engage in activities that promote mental and physical well-being, such as meditation, therapy, and pursuing hobbies.

2. Limit External Validation:

   • Reduce reliance on social media and external approval to boost self-esteem.

3. Build a Support System:

   • Surround oneself with friends and family who support and encourage personal growth.

4. Embrace Authenticity:

   • Stay true to oneself, resisting societal pressures to conform to certain standards.

Notable Quote:

TamBam [68:47]: "So what if, right, you were in your 8 or 18 and you're dating and no one's telling you, oh, you gotta find a husband? Like, that's like the goal in life, to find these relationships. You don't have to do that, right. Be about yourself first."

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Conclusion

"Decentering the Dix" serves as an empowering guide for listeners to shift focus from external relationships to internal growth. Through heartfelt conversations and relatable experiences, TamBam and AJ encourage women to prioritize their own dreams, embrace their authentic selves, and navigate societal expectations with confidence and grace.

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Key Takeaways:

• Self-Priority: Emphasize personal goals and well-being over seeking validation through relationships.
• Authenticity: Embrace one's natural self, resisting societal pressures to conform to specific beauty standards.
• Media Awareness: Recognize and mitigate the influence of media in shaping unrealistic relationship expectations.
• Support Systems: Build and maintain a network that supports personal growth and self-acceptance.

Notable Quotes for Reflection:

1. AJ Holiday [44:38]: "Because you can get the dick. You can still have sex. But not making men the focal point."
2. TamBam [57:01]: "What's ugly to you then?"

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on these insights and apply the strategies discussed to foster a more self-centered and fulfilling personal journey.

Transcript

[Tammy]

Meetings, deadlines, emails, millions of notifications. Don't you wish you could just escape the chaos? Fortunately, that's where the all new Nissan Murano comes in. With available features like the relaxing, massaging seats to ease stress and the beautiful skyline views that bring in natural light. It's like cruising in your personal Oasis. And if you need to set a vibe, 64 colors of personalized lighting and a Bose premium sound system have you covered. Hands down, the all new Nissan Murano is your stress free getaway. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies like bad touch football, anti racism spin class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing.

[AJ Holiday]

Karen, where have you brought us?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kevin Smith]

Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Tammy]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.

[Kevin Smith]

That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless d ckless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me.

[Tammy]

I'm the old one, I'm the young one.

[Kevin Smith]

And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it.

[Tammy]

It's a work in progress.

[Kevin Smith]

Listen to Beardless with me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Ow.

[AJ Holiday]

Go slower.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

From Blumhouse TV, iHeart podcasts and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to find a missing person sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tammy]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back, where we encourage you to hustle hard, laugh louder, and always keep it cute. So grab your coffee cocktail and crown. Cause it's about to go down. What's up, y'all? It's your girl, A.J. holliday. What's up, Tam Bam?

[Tammy]

Hey, girl. Hey, y'all. I missed y'all. I missed you.

[AJ Holiday]

I missed you too.

[Tammy]

Well, damn, you remind me of my ex boyfriend. When I was happy, he used to be like, stop being so happy. How was your weekend, girl?

[AJ Holiday]

We recovering from the fake ass snowstorm we had last week. I do. I literally was in the house from Tuesday morning. Did I leave the house? I didn't leave the house at some point on Tuesday, but I was in the house. No, I did not. I was in the house from Monday to Sunday. Damn.

[Tammy]

The whole week, Hermit.

[AJ Holiday]

The whole week. So it did snow real bad on Tuesday, but I was sitting in the house waiting on FedEx ass. Shout out to FedEx ass for several days, waiting on brakes for my car and my new laptop.

[Tammy]

Damn. So when she says the snowstorm, we probably had like an inch.

[AJ Holiday]

No, it was heavy though. BJ actually flipped his car. Yes, girl. Tuesday night on the way home, I. I called him. I was like, we need a paper towel because we about to be in the house for a couple of days or whatever. We don't want no paper towels. So something kept telling me, like, call that nigga because he taking too long. So I call him. He answered the phone. Maybe about 10, 15 minutes later, he called me back and he's running, like, out of breath. Somebody just ran me off the road. I'm running to the chick fil A. I'm like, what? You know when, like an emergency happens? Like, you cannot get yourself together quick enough because I'm in the house. I done took a shower. I don't got a clothes on. It's 10 o'clock.

[Tammy]

Why am I. I've talked to you several times and nowhere have you said.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm gonna tell you why.

[Tammy]

Because a near death experience.

[AJ Holiday]

Because this act like nothing happened. Like, I didn't understand the severity of it until I saw the car, because of how he was acting after the fact. So now that in the moment of right you wiling on the phone, I'm like grabbing my pistol. I'm like, did somebody. Did somebody run him off the road?

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, so now I'm got the car loaded up, but I gotta get outside. It's real snow because the car is covered with ice snow. So luckily I done lived in areas like this. So in my trunk, because I ain't really a girl, I got like the scraper, little brush thing, like for snow. So I gotta let the car warm up. All is just. My life is in slow motion. Bitch trying to get that. And then now I. I gotta drive through the roads that really has snow. There's no cars, so, like, the snow is thick on the highway, sliding, like. So now it take me 20 minutes to get 5 miles down the highway. Yeah. So he found. He wouldn't answer the phone. On the phone, going to voicemail.

[Tammy]

I'm like, yo, you was panicking.

[AJ Holiday]

What the is happening? So he finally calls you back and he's calm, he's like, yeah, I'm with the police. I'm at the Home Depot now, though. And I'm like, okay, I'm having to drive real slow. So now he's calm, more calm. So I get there, he outside with the police, get the little ticket right up, whatever. So somebody pulled in front of him and he had to slap. Like, why are you even abruptly pulling in front of people on icy highway, icy roads.

[Tammy]

But you know, in their defense, these motherfuckers don't know nothing about snow and ice. They don't know how to drive ever.

[AJ Holiday]

It's nothing to play with. Okay. Black ice for sure ain't nothing to play with because the interstate seems like it doesn't get as much snow on it. But there's always black ice, right?

[Tammy]

Because they riding over it. The water freezes on the ground and just looks dark.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So the person like came in front of him and then he had to slam on brakes, which then caused him to like. The car flipped two times down into the embankment on a top on the side of the highway. Tree came through the fucking windshield, all that. This nigga don't have a scratch on him.

[Tammy]

God covered him flip two times. I'm girl, why Thought he was exaggerating this. This is some crazy shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Because he in here acting like it didn't happen. Like I'm hearing him on the phone.

[Tammy]

Telling people how he supposed to act.

[AJ Holiday]

Act like you almost died. My. Did you get your back? Don't hurt.

[Tammy]

You gave him some hit. Damn, that's why.

[AJ Holiday]

That's why he didn't we have sex after the accident.

[Tammy]

Ain't nothing gonna get that man some.

[AJ Holiday]

Head if fliping over get his dick.

[Tammy]

Suck nothing. Will you a.

[AJ Holiday]

You ain't flip over on Valentine's that night. I think we had sex that night. I'm sorry, baby. I'm gonna try to do better. I just don't. Listen, I got more on my mind. That's why this episode today is gonna be great anyway, but. But yeah, I mean, when he finally got to the car a couple days later, the roof is in.

[Tammy]

Caved in. Yes, Lord have mercy.

[AJ Holiday]

And I'm like, did you get my ladder? I had a ladder in the back. Like, did you get my ladder out that damn truck?

[Tammy]

He should have been like, did you suck my dick? Okay, your ladder.

[AJ Holiday]

Get my ladders is not cheap. Get my ladder. Okay. Anyway, girl. Yeah, that dude got into a car accident.

[Tammy]

Well, I'm glad he's okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Me too.

[Tammy]

Cover him. Amen.

[AJ Holiday]

He like, man, the jones was in there, man.

[Tammy]

I'm good, though.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, what are you? Well, you know your back don't hurt nothing, right? Stuff like that be like little wake up warning calls. But I don't know if he'd be taking heed for real.

[Tammy]

Well, I'm just glad he okay, because that could have been much worse, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Hell yeah. Like, in my mind, like, somebody ran him off the highway, and now I got to go get in the shootout looking for a car somewhere. Yeah, in my mind.

[Tammy]

But he was ready, locked and loaded.

[AJ Holiday]

And left in my mind, like, oh, my God, somebody trying to kill him. And like, he's running down the interstate to get off the highway to get to Chick Fil. A Home Depot. Like, that is wild to me.

[Tammy]

Yeah, that is. Wow. Listen, yo, that was eventful. My story. I went to that concert and went to the baby concert. Baby had the first birthday bash in Atlanta. Here. I mean, in Charlotte.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, da Baby Okay.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Not little baby.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tammy]

Baby nice. And it was a lot of artists. Big extra plug, 2C, 50 Cent, sexy red.

[AJ Holiday]

Damn.

[Tammy]

All the people and other names amongst other names that I'm too old to know who they are. And I don't know. It wasn't for me.

[AJ Holiday]

You didn't enjoy.

[Tammy]

Was Okay. I think the thing for me was because there's a lot of great artists, but it's just like the intermissions between artists was just too long. So it was a lot of empty space. I'll say that. A lot of empty space.

[AJ Holiday]

Probably was late.

[Tammy]

Yeah, yeah. Probably back in the back smoking and drinking. It's like, oh, I'm supposed to be on stage. Like, I don't know what was going on. But, I mean, was the first one. Maybe the second one will be better. I did that, and then I went to a little mixer. I popped out with red hair. Was feeling the red hair.

[AJ Holiday]

That hair was fabulous. Okay, thank you.

[Tammy]

Thank you. And I listen, I see somebody in the gym yesterday. They was like, I thought your hair was red. I was like, that is not gym hair. That is exactly outside hair. You need to know the difference. This pony ponytail I got on, this is my gym hair, and that's my going out here.

[AJ Holiday]

This cat wig I got on.

[Tammy]

But, baby, that ponytail almost fell off in the gym. I'm gonna have to find something else to do with my hair in that gym. I went to pull my hoodie over to, like, go leave, and I felt that slide, and I was like, oh, my God. I didn't even put my jacket all the way on. I just walked out with it sitting on top of my head because I was scared my ponytail was gonna hit the floor and embarrass me.

[AJ Holiday]

Shame. I went to spin yesterday for the first time in a year. When I tell you I was sweating so bad, my eyelashes came off in that.

[Tammy]

That's a good burn. I'm ready to go back. But that's just so expensive.

[AJ Holiday]

And I did class pass.

[Tammy]

Oh, yeah. Do you pay. So you pay for a monthly class pass?

[AJ Holiday]

I did the. I did the trial right now.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

But I think I'm gonna go ahead and pay for it, because I don't know if y'all know, but with class pass, you could go to gyms, yoga studios, hair salons, narrow salons. It just, like, depending on how many credits you got to use for each of the.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

But you can get a lot done for $60 a month. That's, like, the smallest plan. I think it goes up how many.

[Tammy]

How many times? You know, like, how many classes.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I'm saying. So, like, if you want to go to. So I. I went to O2 Fitness. It only allowed me to go one time because it's a trial. But if you got the actual membership, like, the class only. I mean, the. If you want to go to the gym, it's only one credit. So, like, if you got 30 credits. Yeah.

[Tammy]

You don't get that many credits a week, though.

[AJ Holiday]

It's 20, 28amonth for the smallest plan. Yeah.

[Tammy]

Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. Well, I'm Checking that because. Yeah. An actual membership to spend is high.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So then you, like. Last night, I went to the works spin class. So the one I chose because of the time of day is probably, like, a busy one. It was 6.6 credits, though. But they had some for, like, credits.

[Tammy]

Not one credit per.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, no, not the regular gym is like, one credit. One to two credits. Yeah, but, like, the classes is, like.

[Tammy]

You see that spin class, when I, like, really got into it, I was doing, like, four and five times a week, I would run out of my past.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah.

[Tammy]

Yeah. But let me tell you, I had a dream last night, and I remember it, and I want to share it, and you tell me what it means, and y'all DM me what it mean if, you know, I had a dream that I could open my legs and pearls were falling out. Like, real pearls.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, you did say your coochie look like oyster, didn't you?

[Tammy]

No, you. And first of all, all coochies look like oysters in some form of face, but pearls, like, all right, so not, like, out of my coochie, like, but, like, literally out of the. My legs. Like, the skin on my legs could open up and pearls would come out. Like, it would, like, almost like a. Like a zit. Like a zit was popping.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, like you busted in a pearl chemo.

[Tammy]

Yeah, pearls would come out.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, that doesn't sound like a bad thing to me. I don't know what that sound like creation to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, creating something. Something good. Because who doesn't like pearls? It's pearls for girls.

[Tammy]

That's so weird, though, right?

[AJ Holiday]

It is. Little Oyster, Little Mermaid, like, in dozens.

[Tammy]

Of pearls was just shooting out of my leg.

[AJ Holiday]

What else, like, happened? That's just. That was it.

[Tammy]

That's the only part I remember was, like, it would be, like, almost open flesh on my legs, and I was just, like, squeezing the pearls out.

[AJ Holiday]

So that wasn't pus.

[Tammy]

No, it was actual pearls. It was pearls. They were hard mucus. And I remember me. I can't remember who this was with me, but we were picking up the pearls. We were picking up the pearls. Picking up the pearls, Picking up the pearls. And it was just coming out of my leg. Bizarre. I did. I did eat a CBD edible before I went to fruit last night.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. I mean, that doesn't sound like a bad dream to me, though.

[Tammy]

It wasn't a bad dream. It just was weird. Very vivid and weird. That part of it.

[AJ Holiday]

But yeah, look it up.

[Tammy]

Yeah, I'm gonna have to. Y'all Google it and tell me what it means. Let's get in the sins.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man, we got what's going on this week, last week, couple days ago, we just didn't talk about yet, do we? Are we going to start with this weirdo? Goddamn DJ Academics. Yo, did y'all see the with DJ academics? His response to what happened is just weird. So first of all, DJ, DJ academics, they're saying he's exposed for grooming a 15 year old minor because even the child said, hey, this is grooming. The child had to tell these grown men, hey, I feel like y'all grooming me, right? So. So the first video which surfaced on X formerly Twitter, shows an unnamed individual speaking to A nor GXD. I don't know all these streamers. The 15 year old streamer. During a conversation on Discord, the individual made an unsettling remark asking, oh yeah, because like you, nobody had pictures up but you know DJ Akademik's voice. All day long the little boy had his video, had his picture up like his video running. Academic's video wasn't running, but we know his voice and I don't know who these other individuals on the discord was. Somebody says, yo, Nor, what's your address? That's the little boy. His name is Noor gxd. He said, I'm going to send some strippers over there. When Nor Gxd responded that he was 15 and uncomfortable with the suggestion, a person appeared to dismiss his concern, saying so because he was like, man, you gonna put them on the case? This is what the little boy is saying. You're trying to put me on the case, right? He's like, slow down. Like he's so intelligent, this little boy. He like, wait, slow down. Like what the is wrong with y'all? So the interaction raised alarms about the nature of the conversation and the apparent disregard for the miners dis comfort. After the clip from the Same Day featured DJ academics engaging with nor GXD. During a Fortnite live stream and a 30 second video, academics made a series of sexually explicit comments. At one point he asked, yo, if Max said he wants to try a dude, will you let him? You, this is not just a dude, this is a child dude also, right? And even this conversation wouldn't even be appropriate to be having with another heterosexual grown man. Like, what are y'all talking about?

[Tammy]

Ain't they supposed to be playing video games? Like what is it? Why is this even a conversation? Over a video game. It just seems so very that video game world.

[AJ Holiday]

Be like this, though.

[Tammy]

Predatorial.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, it be like this. People be showing up at children's houses. You know, I saw one video where a grown man showed up at this lady house because the little girl was trying to link him with her mom. Like what?

[Tammy]

And so he went off the chows.

[AJ Holiday]

He actually pulled up today to the.

[Tammy]

House to me, the mama.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tammy]

People are nuts. And that's why you just gotta monitor what your kids are doing on these games because they talk about people like academics offering, you know, gay sex to your 15 year old son is crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, and his response to it, he was like. First he was like yelling all crazy. Like, anybody calling me a weirdo. I don't need nobody. And the child himself called y'all weirdos. First of all, prior to anybody else getting a hold of what you was doing and, and putting out their commentary about it calling you a weirdo. The kid in the moment called your ass a weirdo.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Because you were being weird.

[Tammy]

Yeah. What is wrong?

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I just, I want DJ academics off the Internet at this point because he has had so many situations and listen, you know, a lot of people say like, everybody deserves a voice. I don't feel that way. I think the Internet podcast, the world amplifies every. You can amplify anybody's voice. And some people do not deserve to have a voice because they misuse it. And he's one of those people. He sits in his house in the basement looking stupid, going on these rants online. He, he's never been like in the news for anything or anything good.

[Tammy]

That's what I was about to say. I don't hear a lot of good things when I hear about him. It's always something like mean against women. Or now telling a child, some grown man wants to a man, can he come to your house? That's just like next strippers over there.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, what are y'all talking about?

[Tammy]

Yeah, is. It's real gross. So.

[AJ Holiday]

And wait till this little boy's parents, you know, decide to want to sue because they can make us a shit. Like, oh, he's having like. I mean, he might be because he's on the Internet too. This is a video of him online having to defend himself against these predators. And that could cause emotional distress. And I feel like the parents should take. Take academics for all the fuck he has.

[Tammy]

Right? And I don't think he realizes how serious this is. Like, that's serious what you were saying to that child.

[AJ Holiday]

He Said he misspoke basically. And his misspoke not so much of apology. Once he calmed down, it still wasn't an apology. He wasn't taking no accountability and he was talking about the next person instead of focusing on what he had he did wrong. He doesn't get it.

[Tammy]

And we're in like subconsciously. Where does that come from for you? Is there, do you want to kids like.

[AJ Holiday]

Well he was already in the headlines about, you know, on a 15 year old girl. So this is hard for the.

[Tammy]

You know what? I just pray over everybody child because it is some real life predators out here and they are amongst us, okay?

[AJ Holiday]

Goodness and they need to be ostracized. So I, I, I don't, I can't remember the other streamer who like called him out. I think it was Max the guy. Max called him out. That's the video that kind of went viral. Who called DJ academics out about it. And that's, that's what needs to happen. More men need to step in. When is being weirdos like y'all just be letting men do nasty get away with.

[Tammy]

That's a grown man. That was always the excuse I would hear when I be like why you don't, why you hang with him, why you talk to him? That's a grown ass man.

[AJ Holiday]

And your friends are aspect of you, you know what I'm saying? Like you, you build relationships based on you first, right? So you see a little bit of you in this person while you were even able to become friends with them.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

So is that an aspect of you? Is DJ academics an aspect of you that you just haven't explored for real yet, right?

[Tammy]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

Weirdo ass niggas. Anyway, so what about this I keep.

[Tammy]

Seeing about my favorite president, Barack Obama and Jennifer Aniston having an affair?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know where that came from, but it seemed like it started like last year sometime because she was on Jimmy Kimball and she basically like, you know, tried to, she tried to ignore it I guess and then she finally said something about it last year sometime, but it's ongoing. And then now because Michelle Obama didn't show up at Jimmy Carter's funeral nor did she show up at the inauguration, they're saying that there's some truth to it. Yeah, there's a divorce. Right. And people amongst the circles of people in, in the Capitol, right. Say that this might be a thing.

[Tammy]

I don't believe it. Not my Barack.

[AJ Holiday]

Did you watch the movie that Michelle Obama and Barack's production company created, Leave the World Behind? Did you Watch it. Yeah, I did remember the little girl in a movie. Like, she was wanting to watch Friends. That's like, all she wanted to do. And then she left her family and.

[Tammy]

Found a place to go watch it.

[AJ Holiday]

Jennifer Aniston was on Friends.

[Tammy]

Mm. So what are you suggesting?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm suggesting maybe Obama put that in a movie because he had a fixation on her. I don't know. But why would she be. Why would Jenner. That is like the Wire.

[Tammy]

Why not Girlfriends? Why not the Wire? I would have preferred if, like, I would have been with her if they had the Wire in there. I ain't never seen that.

[AJ Holiday]

I just feel like it's the weirdest thing. And it's like Obama has been around here by himself, looking single as, like, so there's rumors that they're getting a divorce. Him and Michelle Obama.

[Tammy]

That would break my heart.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't think there's ever been a presidential divorce before. The presidents be cheating and like that. But has has a actually ever left? Leave it to a black woman. We gonna set precedents around this. Mother.

[Tammy]

I would give a what president you was, period.

[AJ Holiday]

I can hear her saying that now, so. But the other narrative is that she just ain't no on no fake. She don't with Trump. So I'm not showing up to the things. But we're talking about Jimmy Carter's funeral too, though, right?

[Tammy]

Maybe she's just over all the political. She's like, I just don't want to be bothered with none of that.

[AJ Holiday]

I tried. Tried to help Kamala. That ain't work. I'm out of there.

[Tammy]

I'm out of there. Like, I'm going on vacation. I'm doing the things I want to do.

[AJ Holiday]

So they said she's spending a lot of time in Martha's Vineyard. So that's what she's been at.

[Tammy]

Drinking nice fine wines and eating steak.

[AJ Holiday]

And shrimp and probably on the butler. Okay. She might got a boyfriend over there.

[Tammy]

No, she's faithful to Barack.

[AJ Holiday]

Wink, wink. I don't know, but I listen. These are humans, right? These are just people. I don't know. I didn't think Jennifer Aniston was a side type person, but who.

[Tammy]

Hey, right?

[AJ Holiday]

And then other part is the world is a stage. This is the Truman Show. Like, it's a movie. These people are all playing characters, right? This paid act.

[Tammy]

You never know what people are doing behind closed doors. But I just pray to God that that's not true, because they just are like, my idea of the perfect marriage. I mean, not. There's no such thing as perfect. Right. But close to perfect as it gets.

[AJ Holiday]

I just think they have a good partnership. You know what I'm saying? Like, they're both great orators. Like, they going to move you with words. I'm saying exceptionally smart people. And we know that men. I'm not gonna say men aren't smart. Men are smart. Right. But smart men have smarter, smarter people around them also. And I think Michelle Obama is exceptional. Yeah, absolutely right. So. Because she can move a room just like him.

[Tammy]

So that's why I don't want them to. I don't want it to be any. Especially. No, no. You know, I don't have nothing against Jennifer Aniston, but if it was. If Barack was moving around, I would not want it to be with a white lady. I didn't say that.

[AJ Holiday]

I did because I'm always. See the things people don't want to say.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

A white lady. Okay. Because let me tell y'all, I had this argument a lot with one of my friends. I'm like, if Michelle Obama was a white woman, Obama would not be the first black president. He'd probably be the first mulatto, the first biracial. His wife is what constitute his wife and children knows that black family that we see. If it was a white woman, it would be different. If it were biracial children, people wouldn't see him as the first black president. I just don't think so. He'd be the first because his mother is a Jewish woman. Right. So he would be the first mulatto president, the first mixed president. So she gave. Like, Michelle Obama is what sold us on Barack.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. So, yes, it would be very disheartening.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because what.

[Tammy]

That's how you cheat on my shell.

[AJ Holiday]

But it's on code for these. Okay.

[Tammy]

So on. On Instagram, there's a video circulating. Rapper Big Dank of Deb's House recently posted a video documenting her struggles in trying to obtain a lift. And this young lady was very upset because the Lyft driver arrived and. And he saw her stature and size and said that she could not fit in his car, basically, and that he was not giving her the lift. And she recorded it, and she was very upset about it. And I'm kind of on the driver's side because he don't owe. He don't h. He has the right to refuse any service. And I. I mean, she do look pretty thick, but I feel like she probably could. Could have fit in his car, you know? But I do think about Rasputia, like, who moved my seat, you know? But.

[AJ Holiday]

Rasputia actually smaller than old girl.

[Tammy]

That girl. Yeah, she's a big.

[AJ Holiday]

She doesn't look that tall, so she looks like she's probably like 5, 4, 53 or something like that. And she has a lot of weight on her. They say £400. I feel like she's probably like £600 if y'all.

[Tammy]

No, not that billionaire. Not that big. But she was a big, big girl. Her face card now east down. Let me tell you something about y'all big. Y'all big. Be having the prettiest face.

[AJ Holiday]

God damn.

[Tammy]

Like, they be beautiful in the face.

[AJ Holiday]

I said, it's a four high. Used to be pissed. Cause I know this, like, big pretty, and I'll be seeing a big pretty. Like, I know my. On her. Hate that. I don't even know this person.

[Tammy]

He.

[AJ Holiday]

He don't know her. But I'm just, like, hating on this in my mind, like.

[Tammy]

Cause I know my. With 4 you, if he saw you.

[AJ Holiday]

And when they get their makeup done.

[Tammy]

It be, like, gorgeous eats every time.

[AJ Holiday]

So she's a big, pretty girl. Young girl, though. She doesn't look like she's.

[Tammy]

She can't be 30, but she cannot be. And then she, you know, she was like, I celebrate BBWs, and I ride for BBWs. And y'all who are talking about me aren't BBWs because we're beautiful and nice women. Right? And I get that, and I. I respect that. But I think it's important to encourage good health, you know, and, like.

[AJ Holiday]

Because nobody wants to be that big.

[Tammy]

No, you want to live a long time. You want to be here a long time. You want to be able to maneuver and do all the things. Yeah. And you can't be happy that size, baby girl. You know, like, doing things to better your health. I mean, that's like someone telling you that they don't want you to ride in their car because of your size. Should be like a wakeup call. Especially unless it's, like, something with health that you cannot change your weight. But I don't. I. There might be diseases like that, but I don't personally know anything.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, they developed because of the weight. You know what I'm saying? So it might be even harder the bigger you get. The part that killed me is when she was like, my friend got a car. Got a Mercedes just like this, a newer one. And I. And I ride in her car. Just. Is fine. Your friend loves you. So, of course your friend is going to tell you Gonna tell you, girl, you ain't riding in my car. Cause you big. But I'm pretty sure she'd be driving like this. About to bust my tire.

[Tammy]

Well, I don't know if the tires will bust from.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, yes, you cannot. Like how much like we gotta look. Okay, maybe I want to know what type of car this was. I'm do some research what type of car it was. And what is the load carry? Like the carry low. Like, what is the. The spec on that? Because he might. And if you have smaller low profile tires, like if he around and hit a bump, that is going to mess up his undercarriage for real.

[Tammy]

But the another thing is with her being she has youth on her side. You could lose some of that weight, girlfriend. You can lose.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't miss those OIC wave. Okay? Like this OIC is for people like that.

[Tammy]

Right? And it is, you know, the skinnier ones who are just abusing it for vanity, but which is okay too. But girl, you can get down and you can get to a healthy weight. And not just for pretty purpose, but. Or the male gaze just for health, you know, so that I always encourage that. Even if you're happy fat. Because remember how Monique used to be like, skinny are the devil and they evil. And now look at her because she's.

[AJ Holiday]

Trying to get skinny her whole life. Yeah.

[Tammy]

You understand that health is wealth, you know, so that's my stance on it.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, girl, do better. Gotta do better, man. She just. Maybe she needs a better support system around her. But I do think, like, it don't take much. Listen, we arguing. You call me fat. Like, you win. So if the. The Uber. The Uber or Lyft drive would have done that to me immediately tomorrow. I just like, that's just how my psyche said we.

[Tammy]

You always said that. And I was like, if we ever get in a real argument, I'm gonna call her fat. But here's the thing.

[AJ Holiday]

But I'm gonna call you fat too.

[Tammy]

I'm about to say we the same size. So it's like now we both want.

[AJ Holiday]

Cause I love you, bitch. I would never call somebody fat. I would never. Because I know how that makes me feel. Like I would never. That would never be the thing for me to win the argument.

[Tammy]

But the crazy part is just. Cause you know how it make you feel like some of the things that you might say might hurt worse than that. You know like what? Like what you try to. I don't know. I can't think of it.

[AJ Holiday]

Anyway, y'all. Oh, go ahead.

[Tammy]

Mine is you old. Like from a young. You old ass hoe or something like that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but we be lit and we be looking good at these old ass ages.

[Tammy]

Like, you wish I had a girl in my DMs, like, talking, calling me an old about her, and I didn't even know who her. Which one is yours, baby?

[AJ Holiday]

Auntie got all of them because I.

[Tammy]

Can bag them all. Baby girl, which one are you talking about?

[AJ Holiday]

Sweetheart, you know this. Okay, this is another thing. Hold on. This is off of sins. But y'all have been seeing these. These lists that's going. That's going around. Like, what's the unki and uncle? I mean, what's a auntie and what's a Y N? Like the age groups. Yeah. So this list, I don't agree with it. It says age requirements for each group. Little sis 18 to 22, big sis 23 to 27. Auntie 28 to 39, cougar 40 to 50. Who the. And then old school slash grams is 51. Plus, like, the problem is that y'all be having kids too damn early.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tammy]

Okay, first of all, a child made that list. A child who has not lived because Auntie started 30, y'all.

[AJ Holiday]

28 now. Yes, I was somebody's auntie at that age, but aren't you bitches auntie? Right? I am not an auntie at 40.

[Tammy]

Like, Gail and Oprah was like, don't call me auntie. I'm not your family member.

[AJ Holiday]

And it's some nuance, right? Some new on, like, gotta look at. I feel like if you have children and you're your 20s, you actually 40.

[Tammy]

What?

[AJ Holiday]

Having children age you. Where the. Like it or not. Like, I got a couple of my friends got rheumatoid arthritis, and they had it since they was 30. Like, they might be cougar age, but I'm 40. I'm very youthful, okay? I be having energy to do a lot of things except suck dick. And I mean, like, sorry, bro.

[Tammy]

Sorry, bro.

[AJ Holiday]

I, like, I might be going through menopause. Like, how dare y'all. I don't. I don't agree with this. I don't agree with this. Not one bit. And then also for the. For the Y ins. The Y ins is 18 to 23. I just love that term Y N.

[Tammy]

And that's young, right? Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Young is 18 to 23. Low bro is 24 to 28. Big bro is 29 to 38. UNK is 39 to 49.

[Tammy]

So why UNK start later than auntie?

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. Exactly. You see how you see, like Cougar 40 to 50. But UNK is 39 to 49.

[Tammy]

Because y'all get to stay younger than us. Apparently. This just like that pink tack.

[AJ Holiday]

They be hating on us, man. That list, they be hating on us. So, no, I don't agree with that because I am not an auntie. And I'm not a cougar either. No, I'll be an auntie, but I'm definitely not a cougar because I want money from men like cougars be taking care of.

[Tammy]

Okay, no, you saw that video, that girl, y'all. I don't know if y'all saw that, but it was. She looking her 30s. She had on the auntie wig, though. I ain't gonna hold you. She had on her little auntie hairpiece, and she had her Chase bank envelope. And it looked like they were sitting at a restaurant in the little Y n. See his. A message. It was supposed to be to his homeboy, but he accidentally send it to her. He's like, I got Anita Baker about to blow a bag on me. Cash out on me. She's holding that Chase, Not Anita Baker, not the Rapture. Oh, my God, I would have died if I. If he sent me that message. But I know that I. Like, if I don't get married and I don't find my partner, Imma be one of them at 55. I ain't gonna hold you. I'm gonna be taking care of my y N. I'm gonna take real good care of my wife.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what older men do. Should they buy the happiness. They buy what they want.

[Tammy]

I'm gonna show this look. They're gonna be like, I got Patti LaBelle in here about it. Because you know Patty, a fly ass granny. She look good all the time.

[AJ Holiday]

She does, she does.

[Tammy]

That's what I'm be like, Patty.

[AJ Holiday]

She does. Look, it's just her and Gladys Knight.

[Tammy]

I'll be like, eat one of these Tammy pies With the pearls. With the pearls, baby. So on our write up for sins, we got dei, but we. I know. And everybody. I know y'all want to hear about it, but we're not going to discuss it this week. I feel like we're going to say that for like a full episode and let a little bit more happen before we deep dive into it and talk about what it is and how we feel about it and what you can do to not care or care more.

[AJ Holiday]

Thank you. Thank you for adding that part. Because I definitely was about to say, like, stop Stop caring about stuff that really don't affect you.

[Tammy]

For real.

[AJ Holiday]

So we'll get into it.

[Tammy]

So. Okay. I came up with this topic this week, y'all, and I don't know if y'all watch Harlem. Harlem's back on. It's on Prime. It's a show with Megan Good in a beautiful cast of others. I don't know all of their names, but they're dope. It. It kind of reminds me of Sex in the City. I ain't gonna hold you. It's four friends, black friends in Harlem and their relationships with men and with each other. And the character Quinn, she says we need to decenter the dick. And, like, her character has been, like, very hopeless romantic. Always very fully consumed with finding a partner. You know, she was goal driven, but men were very at the center of her existence a lot. And I thought that resonated with me so much because I think I'm already in a space of de centering dick, you know, decentering men, essentially. Not just dick, but men from my life. Ever since I broke my foot, I ain't been thinking about no dick. Ain't nobody trying to with a broken foot. And since then, I just been kind of like de centering men. And the character Camille has fully centered men in a way. Her, the character Ian, which I can understand, y'all. That's that Ty Lee, Miracle Watts, husband, baby daddy. I don't know what your relationship is.

[AJ Holiday]

Fine, fine.

[Tammy]

Fine as hell. The finest.

[AJ Holiday]

That's her boyfriend on there?

[Tammy]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, damn.

[Tammy]

Yeah, yeah. So I can understand. But she has completely focused her energy on. She has all these things, great things going on. She just got, you know, she left Columbia and she's writing a book, but instead she's focused on her ex. So I wanted to get into how to decenter men from your life, even if it's momentarily, you know, even in a relationship, your man does not have to be the center of your life. I mean, he can be a important part, but you should be centerized at some point, at some time. So I want to get into how we can do that and things to do to descender right now. So we'll be right back. We're going to talk about it.

[Damien Hirst]

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[Tammy]

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[AJ Holiday]

Appointed seats are optional features Geico's Motorcycle expertise means I'm covered by people who.

[Bob Pittman]

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[AJ Holiday]

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[Dylan Mulvaney]

No conclusive scientific research has shown clams can experience happiness.

[Tammy]

I just meant that I feel really.

[AJ Holiday]

Good about my coverage.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

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[Bob Pittman]

Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun. I like a man, you like a man. What do I like, Joe?

[Tammy]

You like a man too.

[Bob Pittman]

We often. There's quite similar. There's some cross pollination happening in here.

[Tammy]

Not like.

[Bob Pittman]

No.

[Tammy]

Have we? No.

[Bob Pittman]

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[John Cameron Mitchell]

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[AJ Holiday]

Karen, where have you brought us?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, so, y'all, we're back, and I don't know, maybe we should pose a question, like, how many times have you put your own dreams, needs, desires, like, on hold, centering men? I think we kind of all do it younger in age, and it kind of. The older you get, the more you date. And it could even be after a marriage and after having children. That's usually when women then start centering themselves, I think. But maybe it needs to be done earlier and sooner in life. And I think even starting in high school, starting with dating as young girls.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

We should be taught to decenter men.

[Tammy]

Right. Because I think oftentimes, you know, women who, like, they're married, they have kids, and especially with children, we gotta. Also, I mean, I guess that when we had Patrice on, it was decentering children, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

No, it was decentering all of them. Is putting yourself.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because she has a husband also. Yeah, I thought about that. That episode.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, definitely. She would be, like, the epitome of these. Yeah. So I don't think it's just decentering men, though. It's even just decentering, like, romantic relationships.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because you can get the dick. Right. You can still have sex. But not making men the focal point.

[Tammy]

Right. Not making them such a priority.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. That you just, you know, disregarding your own needs and. And wants and desires.

[Tammy]

And it's so easy to fall into that space. Especially. I feel like, for me, as a cancer woman, like, I just turn into, like, this ball of goo when I'm. When I. Yeah, man. I turn into a mush, and that mush forms into something that exists in this space with this person. Like, all I. I focus a lot on their primary needs over my own. I focus a lot on their own, their happiness over my own. And then I look up and I have resentment.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Then I find myself resenting a. Because why always give you the big piece of meat?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

You know?

[Tammy]

Like, I think that's the first thing.

[AJ Holiday]

You got to do is actually ask yourself, like, when you're in the midst of doing something, hey, is this for me or is this for somebody else?

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

I think that's the first way to recognize whether or not you're, you know, centering somebody else, some situation over yourself. Because I feel like our lives, this. Like, we all got our own personal little solar systems. So ask yourself, does, do the planets revolve around the sun or do this. Does the sun revolve around the planets? Right, the sun in my world. So everybody else got to get in where they fit in. And I wasn't always this way. And I can also recognize, like, how in relationships, I wasn't. I was putting other people, like, the. The partner before me, you know what I'm saying? Because in your mind, like, I think in most women's mind, like, we're taught.

[Tammy]

That's how I feel like, I was raised.

[AJ Holiday]

Especially if you were raised in a church, and I wasn't even raised in the church, but y'all would think it's crazy how male boys are called sons. Like, why do you use that word for. For a man, the sun. They are not the sinner. But it's patriarchy, right? Because they could have came up with another word. But this, this world, right, is. Is ran by patriarchy. Why they are calling men son, the son of God, right? So I think people, women who grew up in the church, they probably have an even harder time decentering men because they don't know how deep this programming goes, especially in the Bible. Like, they. They. The way in the Bible, like, they just make women, like, the worst thing in the Bible. Like, there's no real good stories about women in the Bible. When you think about it, I, you.

[Tammy]

Know, I can't speak to that because I have not read it in its entirety. I mean, I think of Ruth. I mean, she had a good story, right?

[AJ Holiday]

What was the story?

[Tammy]

Well, she was a woman after God's heart. She was a good woman, a Garfield woman. And, oh, yeah, and then she got Boaz. She got the best man ever. So I guess it really wasn't even about her. It's about being a good woman to find out, to be a good wife.

[AJ Holiday]

And how was he to her?

[Tammy]

He was the best man ever. Like, that's the type of man we should all strive for, Boaz. But we begin po ass. Drunk ass. No good ass. Like, yeah, we just get to all.

[AJ Holiday]

Them, all the masses. But I feel like, yeah, like, people who were raised, like, in a church, they probably have a little bit more tough time because, I mean, they just Tell you to find a husband, Right? But it does say, he who finds a wife finds a good thing.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

We should not be centering men. Like the Bible says, men can't be alone. It'll say women can't be alone. Because I think that a lot of the women, like I said, who have been married and then they had children or they just always. They found solace in themselves, right? And being okay with that, they don't center men anymore.

[Tammy]

Right, Right.

[AJ Holiday]

But you got to go through all these things first. So what if, right, you were in your 8 or 18 and you're dating and no one's telling you, oh, you gotta find a husband? Like, that's like the goal in life, to find these relationships. You don't have to do that, right? Be about yourself first.

[Tammy]

And, you know, I have this list for medium.com and that is actually the number one thing on there. It says, decide your teen and 20s are belong to you and you alone. And I guess a lot of our listeners are older than that, so it's too late for that, baby, if you already.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't think so. I think we do actually got a lot of young listeners.

[Tammy]

We do have young listeners, but we also have a lot of older ones. So that number one ain't for you, baby. Number one is for our young girls, like, decide that these years are for you. And it ain't about that.

[AJ Holiday]

It's about, like, it's for. About firing niggas when they don't act right. That is what your 20s is for. It is not for constant compromise. Get the fuck up out of there when shit start looking stupid. Because I think both of us probably, probably stated situations in our 20s that, you know, stayed too long, you wasted. I don't. I feel like I want to stop saying we waste time because I think women count time different than men. So we always feel like we wasted some time somewhere. But you, you learned. You learned from that person, from that relationship.

[Tammy]

I feel I. I beg the difference because I didn't waste it some time. All right, so it says, don't actively look for a man just yet. And this is for my young sisters. Do you know who you are? Most women don't even know who they are or what they want because they're still growing, you know, and it says the pre. Prefrontal cortex of the brain develops between 18 and 30. That of the bra area of the brain responsible for planning complex cognitive behavior, decision making, and moderating social behavior. So let your prefrontal cortex fully develop before you. You center anyone outside of yourself. Unless you have to and you're a mom, you know, then you gotta move a little differently. Yeah, but you don't have to. That's what I'm saying. You don't have to. If you don't have to, you so focus on you. So number two says, follow your dreams and celebrate your wins. I don't think we celebrate ourselves enough. That was for you, aj.

[AJ Holiday]

I feel like I celebrate myself, but I just don't need somebody else doing it with me. I don't feel like I don't celebrate me. But people do it in different ways, you know?

[Tammy]

Yeah, but maybe include others. Sorry, I had something in my throat. Include others. It's celebrating you.

[AJ Holiday]

I. I guess I'm not like a big. You know, some people need that group stuff. I don't really like. Like right now I'm planning to baby shower me my homegirl. But me and her are so much alike in this way. She like girl, I don't know why the I'm doing this. Like I always said, I don't need know baby shower all that. Now it becomes like this whole big thing, right? But I mean it's, it's going to be nice. Yeah, you'll like it at the end.

[Tammy]

Right. Thing. But it's okay for other people to celebrate your wins sometimes, you know, sometimes in life I can understand if you're introverted and you don't like the attention. Yeah, the attention in the fuss.

[AJ Holiday]

But.

[Tammy]

Sometimes I did, I don't know, this a thousand years a birthday party or something. God damn.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, you got one birthday the day you was born.

[Tammy]

We're celebrating another year, one time with people. All right, so this one. Stick it to the male gaze. Now this one is interesting and this is one that I really wanted to talk about. It says, learn how to be comfortable with being ugly. And that's in quotes. And it says, pretty privilege is a social concept that stipulates that more attractive people have more friends, money and success than their less attractive counterpart. Excuse me? And it says, this is even more true for women. Since the beginning of time, we're taught to cater to the male gaze and crave male validation. I can hear some people going, no, not I. Even if you have achieved a super self aware conscious state where you defy social pressure, you did at some point want to cater to the male gaze. We are all socialized to do so from a young age. The toxic results of catering to the male gaze are evident in many ways. The insane drive for the perfect body, the Obsession with social media clout in the billion dollar makeup industry. And it says body dysmorphia and mortality rates of BBL procedures on the rise. One in 3, 000 women died from the Brazilian buffalo butt lift surgery, making it the deadliest cosmetic procedure. I think we're on a decline of.

[AJ Holiday]

Bbls now though, because women are decentering men.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And then, but the thing with the BBL is that men never said they like that. So the women, you know, will claim that they were doing it for themselves. But I really believe, because y'all, as soon as y'all get that ass, you put it on the Internet and you can't take no front pictures no more. Everything is from the back. So really, who are you trying to attract when you do it in that way? Like, I get dressed and look good for me, I'm telling you, I look like a ninja five days a week. And if I decide to get cute on the weekends or something like that, it is for me. It's not really for anybody else. Like, I want to feel good and look good for me.

[Tammy]

So it says, go against the status quo. Do things that make you ugly. Not no and is in a quote. And it says, according to the male gaze, wear short natural hair. Don't wear makeup or any other beauty enhancements. Don't dress to turn heads, Just dress simple. This form of defiance against societal expectations is huge. And it says you don't have to do it indefinitely. Do it for a week or a month, however long it takes for you to feel completely confident doing it. Take back the power and stick your fingers on the eyes of the ominous male gaze. And while you're doing this, it would be helpful to stay off social media as it is a big perpetrator of the male gaze.

[AJ Holiday]

I just, I just don't agree with that. I just don't agree with that because.

[Tammy]

Well, I, you know, I, I, I get it.

[AJ Holiday]

But then it's like you're intentionally trying not to look attractive. To me, that type of thing comes out of a trauma that's like a trauma response, you know, saying just think about like people who have said like they were molested and abused so they would make them, this is why they started eating more, right, so they could become less attractive to people. So to me, that's like a trauma response to a bigger problem. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't want to make, I don't want to ever. I feel like in relationships people have done that to me because I've always had the big personality. And I've always been me. And I feel like I've gotten into relationships with people where they. With men who feel like they needed to dim my light, they needed to dim my son.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Because I saw it shine so bright. So they are attracted to the sun. And when they get the sun, now you're trying to make it to where like you're the only person that can see it. So you want to put some shade on me and try to make me feel indifferent about myself because I feel good about myself. You got to be careful with that type of shit.

[Tammy]

But here's the thing. I don't think it's saying like, do it for other people. I, I think there, this is encouraging you to do it for yourself. Like, if you're spending so much time trying to be attractive for others, just be like, don't focus on everyone else and how you look to everyone else and how your appearance makes everyone else feel, you know, decenter, that, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

Just go out ugly.

[Tammy]

Not ugly not.

[AJ Holiday]

Because that's what they said they called.

[Tammy]

It, but it's in quotations.

[AJ Holiday]

So it's like saying like, what's ugly to you then?

[Tammy]

Yeah. Like without all the enhancements, without all the makeup, without all the weaves and wigs and tight fitting clothes and your ass cheeks hanging out the back of them skirts, you know, like. Because, I mean, that's definitely for the male gaze, you know, things like that. So stuff like that. I. I'm gonna tell y'all how I have been. I don't know if I can count this, but I'm going to for the sake of the conversation. I have not shaved my legs or my vagina since I broke my foot.

[AJ Holiday]

I think you're only doing that so you don't have sex. That's what I'm saying. We're not really dissentering dick. We just dis like, no, it's not, it's not.

[Tammy]

Girl, if I wanted to with this hairy, I would. It's not that. It's that I just. And just being all, oh, natural. Like, it is what it is right now and I just don't care to. Long as it's. I'm clean, I'm clean, but it's just not. It's unkept. It's.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, the winter is the best time to do that, right?

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

That extra sweaty stench in the summer. So it is okay to do that. But I think in the summertime, like, we ain't just shaving it for sex.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Because then it just holds on to the scent.

[AJ Holiday]

But yeah, like we just trying to stay groomed.

[Tammy]

But my legs have never been hairier in my entire life, I think. And I'm just okay with it. I'm just so fine. I'll be in the bed rubbing. I could start a fire in this bed with how much hair on my legs right now. And I just do not care. I do not care. Nobody's seeing it and I'm okay with it, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I shave less in the winter, but it's really not. I mean it's just because I just do.

[Tammy]

Yeah. But since I broke my foot in September, it's January, you know, that's long. That's a long time. Just like. You know what? I do not give a fuck. It is what it is now my armpits. I. I can't. Not for whatever reason. I just have. I can't just let that grow.

[AJ Holiday]

But because somebody might around and see it like you in the gym with a tank top on you.

[Tammy]

I don't be in the gym with tank tops. When I like when I la. There is. That is a place where I definitely try to decenter the male gaze. I. When I go in the gym, I have on big T shirts long. I have on big hoodies. I definitely just try to cover myself and be very invisible in that space. Please don't bother me. Please don't look at me and don't.

[AJ Holiday]

Say to me, right.

[Tammy]

So I don't take my. I don't have like, you know, the girls coming in there. I saw a girl in the gym yesterday with dangly earrings, a necklace and glasses with like, you know. And she just prancing on the.

[AJ Holiday]

You looking for a man and I.

[Tammy]

Ain'T even mad, girl, if that's Your goal for 2025 is to catch, catch. But girl, you is not working out with them dangly earrings on.

[AJ Holiday]

Fully clothed like outfits like I do like matching. Because I feel like I feel more motivated to work out when I look good. So I'll never wear like the big T shirts and stuff like that. Or like if I do do a sweatshirt, it's just so I can sweat more. Like it's really like I probably got like one of my sweat bag shits on underneath that shit too. But I like to feel good. I like, I like to look good. It's not really about who is looking at me like I'm looking in the mirror in there trying to see how good I look. To me.

[Tammy]

Yeah, I understand that and I understand that perspective. But I just more concerned about what's going on under these clothes while I'm in the gym? Like, because I know I'm sweating. Yesterday I got on that. I was on the stair climber for 45 minutes. And that's the longest I've been on since I broke my foot. And I was so proud of that. And nothing about it was cute. Nothing like I had on. I don't even think nothing I had on matched. It was just my period on. So I had big draws. Like it was a lot going on and it was not cute. But I was so excited for what I had just done, you know, for the first time because I could not do that when I. When I first went back to the gym, I barely could stay on there 15 minutes without my foot starting to hurt, without being winded. And now I'm back up to 45 bits. You couldn't tell me nothing. Now let me tell you this. What helped me get to 45 minutes? Have y'all wax the richest started on Netflix? Have y'all been watching? Girl, that is entertainment.

[AJ Holiday]

I ain't seen it. Of course I've seen a preview for it, but I hadn't.

[Tammy]

Well, it's good. I mean it's like trash tv. Obviously it's reality trash tv, but it was good. So I was watching it and it helped me. I lost track of time and I looked up, I was at 40 minutes. I was like, let me do five more. But so that was decentering the male gaze. The next one says lay off romantic music, books and movies.

[AJ Holiday]

But those things are all feel good things. But do they make you feel like you want to be in love? That maybe it is doing something to you subconsciously?

[Tammy]

Yeah, I do. Every time I listen to romantic music I might go look at somebody Instagram page.

[AJ Holiday]

So instead go listen to Kaia. You can't trust. No, no, no.

[Tammy]

That's. That's the completely opposite. That might be right. Too toxic. All right, so it says. One of the biggest reasons women center their lives around men is the influence of. Of media cultivation Theory proposed by George Gerbner in 1969 is the idea that the long term consumption of media affects people's ideas, which is true. Mass methods of media dissemination are used by communities to spread ideas. Movies inform most people's view of romance. Romantic comedies are the primary offenders when it comes to most people's unrealistic ideals and expectations of relationships. Relationships. Disney is another primary offender socializing us with unrealistic and downright toxic toxic views of relationships from childhood. If you're on the Tick. If you're on Tick Tock, you've probably heard Salem Alizi's song Mad at Disney. And if you haven't, go listen to it. The song speaks of the whimsical way women are taught to view relationships. A prince will come and whisk you away on his horse. The only thing is in reality is far from fantasy. Men in the books and movies are nothing like men in real life. Men in the media are portrayed as saviors. Perhaps this is why many women are so comfortable centering their lives around men in hopes that one day they will be living out their fairy tale dreams.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, they sold us. They sold us some. I think that, you know that post breakup glow up. If you're wondering like how to decenter men. Just if you've ever had that post breakup glow up, that glow up only happened. It happened because you de centered men. He was like these. Imma get on my. I'm gonna get the killer body. Imma get more money. I'm gonna get a better position at work. Like you wanted to prove something, but still kind of centered a little bit.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You wanting to prove something to.

[Tammy]

But you use them as your motivation.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Tammy]

Better to yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. But it's also. I think another dangerous part is using decentering men to get a better man. That's dangerous too.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because you still center in a relationship.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Because it's still not a. You know, I'm a one up. That when I pull back up, I'm gonna have a better. It's still about a. And not about you. So. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Decentering men is really about you. And I think you can. We probably can learn more and more and more about that from older women because they already did all the things. But we want to try to get there before all the.

[Tammy]

Yeah. But oftentimes I find that the older women who have decentered men is out of.

[AJ Holiday]

It's trauma.

[Tammy]

Yeah. It's out of there have been tainted in. In there. What's the word that people use for women who. Yeah, I don't. I don't want.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I'm saying. Like, the goal is to decenter men before.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Get to that resentment stage.

[Tammy]

I don't want. Yeah. That. I don't want us. And that means me, you, AJ and all of y'all listening to get to a place of resentment for men before you decenter them. Because you don't wanna. My mom be saying. I hope she'll be mad at me for saying it. She's like, girl, a man comes second To a good book in a glass of warm milk at this point in my life. So she rather read and have a glass of warm milk before being bothered with a man. And I don't ever want to feel like that. I love these. I want to always love them. I don't want to like. I love books. I'm already halfway there, you know, Because I love me. I always want to love them. And I always want to value men in my life. And I still want one, but I just don't want. I want to make sure that I de center them in a way that's healthy for me. And when I get in a relationship, be able to continue to do that, you know, to have that balance.

[AJ Holiday]

That's where I am now.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So. And this is. I think this is. I may not call it de centering, but you know how I'd be like, I want to feel single in a relationship. I never want to lose my identity. I want to be with somebody who really accepts me for who I am and even my current partner. Because y'all know, this is an old partner. This is a new relationship, but old partner. Right. He had to get here because I've always been me. Right. And even now he can admit to some of the things like he did in the past, like hating on me, you know what I'm saying? Like, really be in competition with you in a relationship when they. I don't have the emotional intelligence yet to be in. Even in a relationship with a real woman, you know what I'm saying? Because I've been grown for a long time.

[Tammy]

But you're still growing. You're not the same person you've grown to.

[AJ Holiday]

No, that's what I'd be trying to tell him. Like, I'm not the same person, you know, because I feel like I. Not really centering, but in a relationship, I compromised a lot. And, you know, you had that resentment because you did all this compromise. Like, I feel like the times I moved, it was either moving from a nigger to get away from the ass or moving to one.

[Tammy]

Yeah, right.

[AJ Holiday]

So now I'm trying to make sure that the decisions that I make in life are solely for me. Now, if you benefit from them, from these good decisions, kudos to you. But I'm not considering anybody else anymore. And he has to be okay with that.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Now I. I'm okay with considering some others in my decision, but I just don't want to consider them more than myself anymore, you know? Like, I don't want to make my choice based on the betterment of this other person. And because I love them so much. And that has been the status quo since the beginning of time for me. And I thought that was the way of a good woman, you know, that is the way of a good woman. This is how I prove that I'm a Lord. I'm a down ass bitch child. And all it left me was down, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

So an example of somebody who centers men too much are the ones who. The women who say, I don't got no female friends. I just got a bunch of like, ma'am, you don't get an award for that. You're actually a weirdo. And I don't want to be your friend anyway because you probably think everybody be hating on you. And really, you're probably not even a good person. Like, I'm. Men are not good people sometimes.

[Tammy]

A lot of times, anytime a woman always. If I see like a woman always posting about people jealous of them.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, get. Nobody could. Like, there's a general.

[Tammy]

Oh, like, okay, you're whack. Actually, it's okay. Like, sometimes people are jealous and it's true. But if you are always speaking on people being jealous of you, there's something for you to unpack there. Because everybody ain't jealous of you. And that's a mental. That's a mental going on. And maybe that comes that might from spawn from childhood. Because some mamas be teaching girls, they jealousy you. They just jealous of you. They just jealous of you. And now you grow up believing that every out here is jealous of you and they not.

[AJ Holiday]

We talked about that last week with that episode on Love and Hip Hop Miami with Amara. Yeah. And old girl like, girl, everybody is not hating on you, I promise.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

If you got a sucky ass attitude and a lot of people be saying, you got a nasty ass attitude. And it's like a general consensus that it's probably true.

[Tammy]

Yeah, you got to do some self awareness and understand that maybe you're not as great as you think you are.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. Everybody else cannot always be the problem.

[Tammy]

Right. Because if everybody say, you smoking crack for 20 years, Whitney Houston, you were smoking crack. You know what I'm saying?

[AJ Holiday]

You were smoking Houston.

[Tammy]

I love her, but don't talk about.

[AJ Holiday]

Whitney Houston on this show.

[Tammy]

Okay, I'm sorry. Because I love Whitney Houston. She is the voice of, of all time.

[AJ Holiday]

But if everybody say the same thing, start smoking crack. Like, how people feel about Beyonce is how I feel about Whitney Houston.

[Tammy]

Let's tell your age. I know my sister would be cussed. Me out if she heard that right. Now I apologize to all the Whitney lovers because I love her too. But that was just an example of everybody. Ain't gonna say the same about you for 20 years and there'd be no truth to it.

[Damien Hirst]

You know, the first two years of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your real cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let the sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose premium sound system system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus, with the 64 color personalized light option, you can set the mood any way you want. Be it romantic, chill or in a straight up do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today.

[Tammy]

Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[Bob Pittman]

Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun. I like a man, you like a man. What do I like?

[Tammy]

Joe, you like a man too.

[Bob Pittman]

We often. There's quite similar. There's some cross pollination happening in here. Not like no.

[AJ Holiday]

Have we?

[Tammy]

No.

[Bob Pittman]

No, not yet. Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls gays and they's to join me on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world and what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Love ya.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled. In the future we will all be canceled for 15 minutes. But don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racist racism, spin class, and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kevin Smith]

Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Tammy]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.

[Kevin Smith]

That's my daughter, man. Who my wife has always said is just a beardless d ckless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me.

[Tammy]

I'm the old one, I'm the young one.

[Kevin Smith]

And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? Lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.

[Tammy]

It's a work in progress.

[Kevin Smith]

Listen to Beardless with me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Tammy]

Do I have anything else to offer? This list. Let's see, there was one more, and I think we kind of touched on this one, that it says, realize that men are just human.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tammy]

And like, you know, remove them from.

[AJ Holiday]

This pedestal we've got and we're gods.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

We just done not. They ain't the sun. They could be the S O n. But we are the S u n. Like, we literally give life. Right. So at what point do you feel like you're not important? And I'm not telling people to have a God complex, but look what happens when we start decentering men. You have these red pill. You got incels that come out the woodworks. This. I think I sent you this guy Instagram page. It's called Fit Fit Flex or something like that. Black guy, nice bill, African, Nigerian. But he was. He'd be interviewing, like, men. They want to know how they can beef up their parents to get women. And so he is experiencing what a lot of women experience with these men. Just having these conversations and seeing how childish these men are. Some of them are borderline serial killers as far as I'm concerned. Right. When we decenter men, they get so antsy, they don't know how to take it. They mad at us when we like, okay, I don't need a man. I'm happy being alone. If y'all say, I'm gonna die by myself. Okay, so what? They're still mad at women who choose to be alone because they still feel like. Like they feel so entitled to women. Like I should still have access to you.

[Tammy]

But you know what is because they were raised similar. They were raised like us. They would listen to the fairy tales. They think they're the night in shining armor.

[AJ Holiday]

But the moms also treat them like that too.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Yeah. Because their mom was raised on the same fairy tale. So now her son got to be, you know, the night and shine. Or that's what she. They would want him to be. And in her eyes, he is. But to the rest of us, your son ain't mama.

[AJ Holiday]

So stop texting that man first. Stop texting these first. I'm not telling you to, like, sometimes.

[Tammy]

You gotta go after. You know, if you are always doing.

[AJ Holiday]

That, try your best.

[Tammy]

Like this, you mean? Like just always be the first one to reach out.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tammy]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tammy]

I mean like maybe if y'all meet, you can be the first one to. To say something.

[AJ Holiday]

If you really got to be reciprocal.

[Tammy]

Yeah, definitely.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't be. Don't always be available. Stop acting like you're just sitting by the phone waiting on. Waiting for my answering on the first ring and like that. Stop texting men and calling men and asking them to take you on a date. Don't do that. Because don't be surprised when he expect your ass to pay also.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, so these, this. These are the things that women probably could start doing this stuff. Top of my damn brain. Just stop doing these things. To try to start decentering men a little bit in your life and de centering that want for relationships. Because when you're not expecting things, that's when it happens. That's the moment it happens for you. When you stop expecting it, when you stop fixating on it, even journaling. Right? So write down all the things you want. Write down the exact man you want. Ball that shit up and throw it in the trash. Forget about it.

[Tammy]

Burn it. That's what I said.

[AJ Holiday]

And watch it happen, right? Set it and forget it. That's how you really decenter men. And then just focus on you. Focus on being the best you possible. Focus on looking the best for you. Focus on your mental health. Go get a therapist. Whatever you gotta do, right? You know, to get back to you.

[Tammy]

Spiritual spirituality, whatever that looks like. You know, if it's church for you can start going to church. Start reading your Bible or whatever. Whatever it is for.

[AJ Holiday]

You gotta be careful.

[Tammy]

No, I'm that's, you know, you gotta speak to what works for you. You can't, you know, make sure this is what. Because, I mean, church ain't for everybody, but church offers some. So, you know, for those. Who it is for, you know, you know, it's very.

[AJ Holiday]

The. The. The church in which.

[Tammy]

The.

[AJ Holiday]

The way they have it today is very patriarchal. Right. So if we talking about de. Centering men, I think everything in small doses, I'll say that. Then just do it.

[Tammy]

I mean, yeah, just. I mean, when I say that, I mean, like, you know, try to, you know, include God more or whoever you worship. Whoever you worship or if you don't worship, find something. Find some. Some spiritual guide, you know, and use that in your life, you know, versus being outside, smoking, drinking hookah, Smoking hookah and all the things that ain't healthy, you know, so that's. I, you know, I want to get more into my scripture and read more, and then I also want to, like, research other religions. You know, I was looking at Machu Picchu. Is that how you say it? And I was looking at how all these walls and all these hieroglyphics had this guy who was holding two animals, an animal in each hand, and it was all over the world. They depicted this same deity, I guess, and I want to research who that is because how all of y'all. Like, y'all didn't have FaceTime. Y'all didn't have, you know, the. Yeah, but. But the same figure appears all over the world.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what I'm saying. He probably was appearing physically.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, right now we're believing. So there's. That's why there's a difference between the knowing, which is what you're trying to do, get to the bottom, and doing the research. Right. And then there's. There's belief. That's why I'd be like, I don't really have a belief system. It's either I know or I don't know.

[Tammy]

Yeah, right.

[AJ Holiday]

Because believing is faith. Yeah. That's all it is. Right. You didn't actually see the thing. So that. That image being painted around the world, they probably physically saw this thing.

[Tammy]

Well, somebody had to.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. In different parts of the world. So that. So we're waiting on this image to come back. Right. That nobody has really ever seen in a very long time to create a new image of it. People have literally created an image because that's just how humans compute things. Like, we. The imagery, you gotta have gotta see it. Right? Right. Well, no, because we don't be seeing it and be believing it.

[Tammy]

Right. You know, just faith because we believe somebody saw it, you know, so. But yeah, well, that's where. That's where I want to invest some time into like just deep diving into religions and cultures and things like that and getting more understanding because how. How the. Did they build that? I want to know how they built that. How did they build that? Where they're giants moving around like, things like that. That's what I'm interested in. So my legs gonna be hairy and I'm gonna be.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, sign up for Gaia tv. G A I A. That's a good place to start. Gaia TV has a lot of documentaries. You know, Bill Carson, Billy Carson, like, you know, he talks about.

[Tammy]

This is.

[AJ Holiday]

This is what the esoteric knowledge is. Learning the things that not a lot of people know, basically, because people, a lot of people, it's just one way. It's real skewed. It's just religion is Christianity and that's it. But there are a lot of things that are way older than Christianity. So that's why I just. I feel like it's just all about. The Bible is a book about you. Basic instructions before leaving Earth is what the word Bible breaks down to. That's what some people say. So it's just a book about you.

[Tammy]

A bunch of allegory and fable. Power crabs to help us be better human beings. You know, that's it. As long as you, you know, actively trying to be good at all times and like be good to others and good to yourself, I don't think it matter which exactly thing you. You subscribe to.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I just be liking to know all the things. So I'm never just fixed on the one thing.

[Tammy]

Yeah, well, that's. And that's the space. I want to learn so much more about just the world that I don't know and the things that I don't understand and things that. Because I want to now, I like. I want a. To take me look a. I want a. To take me to Machu Picchu. Decenter, Tammy. Decenter, Decenter. I'm working on it, y'all. I'm a work in progress, but. Shame. Do you have a last?

[AJ Holiday]

Last? I think we pretty much gave it right for the most part.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Focus on yourself. Do some meditation. Figure out, you know, like I said, if. If anything is when something's not good for you, you don't have energy for it. When it's good, you got a lot of energy. So if you in any situations with in a relationship, and you just don't have energy, and it's just like sucking your life force. It's probably time for you to decenter that thing.

[Tammy]

Amen.

[AJ Holiday]

Right? And focus.

[Tammy]

Liquor. I. I know some of y'all who listen to me right now. Hungover right now because you drink too much. You know who I'm talking to? You heard me. I'm talking to you, girl. You drink too much. Cut back. I know it's the, like, girl, hang up on that.

[AJ Holiday]

Not even a liquor. Weed. You know what I'm saying? Because I feel like when you hide, like, you really don't get the things done that you want to get done. Like, you're literally sitting, smoking, and thinking about the things that you never execute because that makes you lazy sometimes. Some people can be active on weed. I'm not one of them people. So that's just not gonna ever be one of my damn vices. I be struggling to get up and go regular. You know what I'm saying? So I can't add no extra substance to this, to this body to have me any more sluggish than I can.

[Tammy]

Be on something already. Right? Amen.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tammy]

Okay, so I know. Before we go, I just want to say that our producer just sent me a link. Both of us, a link saying that this goes back to our sins real quick. But I just feel like we should add it before we go. The Detroit rapper, the girl Big Dank with the pretty face, she's suing Lyft right now. She's decided to sue Lyft because I.

[AJ Holiday]

Don'T think she has a lawsuit. And any attorney who picked that up, he just about to take money from her.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

To represent her. Because these are these. These are independent contractors who work for Lyft, and. And these are their personal vehicles. Even the ones who have a car from the companies, they're still making the car payment. Those are their cars. And you can decline. If I don't like how a person look like I look like he might be a serial killer and he gonna kill me, I can decline that ride. When I pull up, I can.

[Tammy]

Right? But can you discriminate based upon rage?

[AJ Holiday]

That wasn't discrimination. That was really. It was really a risk. That wasn't. I don't think it was discrimination because she's big. It was really about, can this person ride in my car for real? That wasn't discrimination. It was really about logistics.

[Tammy]

Well, we're gonna see, y'all. We're gonna revisit this and see if she win. This case now, they have a video of her walking through this hallway. And you might be right. She might be closer to £600.

[AJ Holiday]

She is. Because my. One of my sisters used to be like £400. And she was narrow, not nearly the size of that girl. So I. I have a visual like. Yeah, she. She needs to get gastric something, something. She's not going to live a long time. And people do this. People do discriminate on bigger people. Jobs might discriminate on you. You know what I'm saying? You probably can get like a call center job where you sitting down all day long, that type of thing. But people do discriminate on bigger people. But I don't think this situation with the Lyft driver was a situation where she was being discriminated on. It was really about logistics. He was concerned about busting a tire.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And she does need a bigger vehicle. When we look at 600 pound life, what they come pick them people up in. They be coming to get. Have a forklift and all type of shit.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

If somebody dies in a home or if somebody needs to get moved and they can't move themselves. She is borderline right now.

[Tammy]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

That situation.

[Tammy]

Yeah. And I think she really needs to, instead of focusing on this, focusing on how she can get healthy. She is a very, very big girl. And your body, your heart, legs, can't take that. Can't handle all of that. But that's neither here nor there. I just got that in. I just wanted to add that, y'all, before we get up out here. We've been talking an hour and 20 minutes. Me and AJ could literally get on here and do a marathon conversation. And it never get dull.

[AJ Holiday]

That's why we don't talk on the phone that much no more. Cause we be having the same content for one. It's like it just get to be too much talking. Talking. Like by the time me and Tammy done talk, 30 minutes, we, like, we could have just recorded.

[Tammy]

Yes. It could have been an episode at this point.

[AJ Holiday]

Maybe that's what we'll start doing. If we want to call each other on the phone, we need to be on here.

[Tammy]

Yeah. That's what we're gonna do.

[AJ Holiday]

That's the bonus episode.

[Tammy]

That's gonna be our bonus episodes. Because we got a lot to say.

[AJ Holiday]

But I don't be. I feel like I be monitored. Not monitored, censored. You know what I'm saying? Like, you gotta. You do have to censor yourself a little bit when you speak it to the public. Yeah, I mean something I might not say on here.

[Tammy]

Absolutely.

[AJ Holiday]

Maybe that would be Patreon.

[Tammy]

I ain't even saying some of that on there so much.

[AJ Holiday]

I would.

[Tammy]

My thoughts belong to me and that's it, you know? All right, girl. Close us out of this.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, y'all, listen. If you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on the black effect iHeartradio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagram's Kick a Tam, y'all.

[Tammy]

It's official Tam bam on Instagram. I love y'all. So we have decentered men this week, but for Valentine's Day, we gonna reenter their ass because it's Valentine's and we g to do something fun for y'all. So y'all just, you know, continue to listen. And we appreciate y'all for tuning in weekly. We love y'all.

[AJ Holiday]

Speak now and never hold them dicks. Like, let them dicks go, girl. Put yourself first. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite show.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes. But don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism, spin class, and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing.

[AJ Holiday]

Karen, where have you brought us?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kevin Smith]

Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Tammy]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.

[Kevin Smith]

That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, dickless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me.

[Tammy]

I'm the old one, I'm the young one.

[Kevin Smith]

And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? Lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.

[Tammy]

It's a work in progress.

[Kevin Smith]

Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Ow.

[AJ Holiday]

Go slower.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

From Blumhouse TV, iHeart podcasts and Ember 20s comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew? Obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Hi, I'm Bob Pittman, chairman and CEO of iHeartMedia. I'm excited to introduce a brand new season of my podcast Math and Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing. I'm having conversations with some folks across a wide range of industries to hear how they reach the top of their fields and the lessons they learned along the way that everyone can use. I'll be joined by innovative leaders like Chairman and CEO of Elf Beauty, Tarang Amin, legendary singer, songwriter and philanthropist Jewel.

[Bob Pittman]

Being a rock star is very fun.

[Tammy]

But helping people people is way more fun.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And Damien Maldonado, CEO of American Financing.

[Tammy]

I figured out the formula. I just have to work hard. Then that's magic.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Join me as we uncover innovations in data and analytics, the math and the ever important creative spark, the magic. Listen to math and Magic on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.