Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Summary

We Talk Back: "Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable" - Episode Summary

Release Date: February 20, 2025
Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Podcast Network: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable," hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday delve into the often daunting realm of tough conversations in the dating world. Aimed at empowering women to navigate relationships with confidence and authenticity, the duo shares personal anecdotes, practical advice, and humorous exchanges to guide listeners through challenging discussions about sex, relationships, and personal boundaries.

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Valentine’s Day Reflections

The episode kicks off with the hosts sharing their Valentine's Day experiences, highlighting the spectrum of romantic encounters—from intimate dinners to unexpected celebrations.

• AJ Holiday [05:24]: "We cooked at the house and put the projector up on the wall in the bedroom because I won't let that put a TV up."

• Harley Quinn Smith [06:03]: "I worked until like 8pm and then I stayed... I was gonna give me a hotel room that night because I just didn't want to like, go to nobody's house."

These stories set the stage for discussing the expectations versus the realities of romantic holidays, emphasizing the importance of genuine connections over traditional festivities.

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Navigating Ghosting and Inconsistent Communication

A significant portion of the conversation centers around the frustration and confusion caused by being ghosted or receiving inconsistent communication from partners.

• Harley Quinn Smith [53:12]: "He was very persistent. We discussed matching pajamas for Christmas... Then I never heard back from him."

• AJ Holiday [55:08]: "If somebody ghosts me after sex, I'm going to get an STD test depending on, like, why the fuck you stop talking to me? I'm scared now."

The hosts explore the emotional toll of ghosting, offering solidarity to listeners who have faced similar situations. They advocate for clear communication and setting expectations early in relationships to mitigate such experiences.

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When to Have Tough Conversations

Delving deeper into the episode's core theme, TamBam and AJ discuss the optimal timing for addressing critical topics in dating, such as commitment, exclusivity, and personal values.

• AJ Holiday [34:28]: "If you plan on having sex with him tonight and this is the first date, you need to ask him all the tough questions."

• Harley Quinn Smith [34:40]: "Let's get into it."

The hosts emphasize the importance of initiating these discussions before physical intimacy to ensure both parties are aligned in their relationship goals and expectations.

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Key Strategies for Effective Communication

TamBam and AJ outline several strategies to facilitate honest and respectful dialogues in relationships:

1. Timing Matters: Initiate tough conversations at appropriate times, avoiding overwhelming moments like the first date.

   • Harley Quinn Smith [35:31]: "Like, if you want that commitment, then why didn't you ask me?"

2. Be Honest, Not Harsh: Communicate truths without resorting to negativity or blame.

   • AJ Holiday [39:15]: "Say what you mean without being mean."

3. Keep It Casual but Direct: Maintain a relaxed atmosphere while addressing serious topics to reduce anxiety and defensiveness.

   • Harley Quinn Smith [34:40]: "Let's get into it."

4. Avoid Intrusive Questions Early On: Steer clear of overly personal or invasive inquiries in the early stages of dating.

   • Harley Quinn Smith [41:21]: "You should never ask a man on the first date how much money he makes."

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Personal Anecdotes and Listener Stories

Throughout the episode, TamBam and AJ share personal stories and encourage listeners to reflect on their own experiences with uncomfortable conversations in relationships.

• Harley Quinn Smith [55:51]: "He was very persistent... Then he ghosted me."

• AJ Holiday [70:15]: "Once you get into the relationship, listen..."

These narratives serve to illustrate the complexities of modern dating and the importance of maintaining one's boundaries and self-respect.

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The Importance of Setting Boundaries

A recurring theme is the necessity of establishing and respecting personal boundaries to foster healthy and fulfilling relationships.

• AJ Holiday [39:35]: "Men value their pocket, they value their purse, and women value their body."

• Harley Quinn Smith [44:08]: "But how are y'all okay? Like, suppose y'all were to get into a relationship where y'all would be married or living."

The hosts advocate for mutual respect and understanding, highlighting that clear boundaries contribute to stronger and more resilient partnerships.

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Baddie of the Week: Celebrating Black Innovators

In a segment titled "Baddie of the Week," TamBam and AJ pay homage to Marie Van Britten Brown and Albert L. Brown, a pioneering black couple who invented an audio-visual home security system in 1966.

• Harley Quinn Smith [33:17]: "We've created so many things... when you need some shit that don't exist, you will make up some shit real quick."

• AJ Holiday [33:39]: "A lot of our patents are still, you know, even used today, period."

This tribute underscores the podcast's commitment to celebrating black excellence and innovation.

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Handling Rejection and Moving Forward

The conversation also touches upon dealing with rejection and the importance of resilience in the face of relationship setbacks.

• Harley Quinn Smith [73:05]: "Cause we family. I'm about to share some that happened to me last year. I got ghosted."

• AJ Holiday [54:57]: "Don't ghost me."

The hosts encourage listeners to remain steadfast and prioritize their well-being, even when faced with unexpected and hurtful relationship dynamics.

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Conclusion and Takeaways

As the episode wraps up, TamBam and AJ distill their discussions into actionable takeaways for listeners seeking to improve their relationship communication skills.

• Practical Tips:

  • Timing Matters: Initiate tough talks before escalating situations.
  • Be Honest, Not Harsh: Maintain respect and kindness while expressing truths.
  • Keep It Casual but Direct: Balance seriousness with a relaxed demeanor.
  • Avoid Intrusive Questions Early On: Focus on building rapport before delving into personal matters.

• Encouragement:

  • Be Honest: Speak your truth without fear.
  • Seek Mutual Respect: Ensure both parties value and respect each other's boundaries.
  • Embrace Discomfort: Growth often comes from stepping outside one's comfort zone.

• Community Engagement:

  • The hosts invite listeners to share their own experiences with uncomfortable conversations, fostering a sense of community and mutual support.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• AJ Holiday [34:28]: "If you plan on having sex with him tonight and this is the first date, you need to ask him all the tough questions."

• Harley Quinn Smith [41:21]: "You should never ask a man on the first date how much money he makes."

• AJ Holiday [39:15]: "Say what you mean without being mean."

• Harley Quinn Smith [73:00]: "Peace or your questions. Ask them."

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Final Thoughts

"Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable" serves as a compelling guide for women navigating the intricate landscape of modern relationships. Through candid conversations, personal stories, and practical advice, TamBam and AJ Holiday empower listeners to approach tough discussions with confidence and grace, ultimately steering towards healthier and more fulfilling connections.

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For more insightful discussions and empowering conversations, tune in to "We Talk Back" on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

[Nissan Advertiser]

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[A.J. Holiday]

Panoramic moonroof, ambient light, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series. Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies like bad touch football, anti racism spin class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing.

[A.J. Holiday]

Karen, where have you brought us?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or where you get your podcasts.

[Kevin Smith]

Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.

[Kevin Smith]

That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, dickless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It's a work in progress.

[Kevin Smith]

Listen to Beardless with me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or where you get your podcasts.

[Damien Hirst]

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Ow.

[A.J. Holiday]

Go slower.

[Damien Hirst]

From Blumhouse TV, iHeart podcasts and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to find a missing person sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to to your favorite shows.

[A.J. Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back, where we encourage you to hustle hard, laugh louder, and always keep it cute. So grab your coffee cocktail and crown. Cause it's about to go down.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[A.J. Holiday]

What's up, y'all? It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bam?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You ain't know who you was just now. I ain't it. I saw.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I was trying to figure out, like, how we starting. Okay, whatever. What's up, y'all?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Hey, y'all. I love y'all once again this week. I love y'all, and I appreciate y'all so much for voting for my new.

[A.J. Holiday]

Ah. Who they voted for. I didn't see. I didn't even look.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I haven't done all the tally because I want to give it a little bit more time because people are still listening and to the episode. But so far, Willie is in the lead. But just by a hair. Just by.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not by a hair.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yes, just by a hair. Willie's in the lead, so it's between him and Jordan. We didn't have a single vote.

[A.J. Holiday]

You were supposed to put it on.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

The post the poll, you know. Yeah, I thought about it. I didn't put a poll. I just had them put who they wanted and why, and I just went through counting.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, that is too much to do. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You think we should go back and add a pope?

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm trying to see if you can add it because what? That is too much to do.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, I mean, let me see. That's what auntie been doing. Counting. Everybody opinion.

[A.J. Holiday]

You're crazy.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Because, listen, a lot of people was like, both. And I'm like, come on, you got to say you got to pick one, not both. So if you said both, I didn't get to count you.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I guess you cannot add a poll after creation.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I mean, it don't. It don't hurt to count.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, go ahead, girl.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I be counting. Listen, I can count money and who y'all vote for?

[A.J. Holiday]

Money and niggas.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Y. So thank y'all for participating and for the love of T. Bam.

[A.J. Holiday]

All right, Willie. I like that.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I feel like we should do a round two. Like a face off. A face off between Jordan and Willie.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, that would be nice.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And just have both of them on the Line. At the same time.

[A.J. Holiday]

Just both. I'm lying. At the same time. Just a dude.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Performative, right? Tap dance. Tap dance. How was your weekend?

[A.J. Holiday]

It was good, girl. I didn't do much of nothing. What the did I do this weekend? I feel like I did something this weekend.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Well, you just told me your birthday.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, it was Valentine's, right?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So was it.

[A.J. Holiday]

It was Valentine's. Okay.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm Geechee, but I know English Okay.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

I know it's not Valentine's, right. In case y'all didn't know, it's Valentine's. So we didn't do much for actual Valentine's on Friday. We cooked at the house and put the projector up on the wall in the bedroom because I won't let that put a TV up. So y'all watch the movie or y'all watch a movie? That's all we do. Yep. And I got the regular stuff. Flowers, balloons, that stuff.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

A lot of people watch their. They stayed home for Valentine's Day. They didn't go out. I noticed that. So for my Valentine's Day, I worked until like 8pm and then I stayed because, you know, I'm living in New York now, so in Charlotte, I just be staying with friends all the time while I'm there. So I was gonna give me a hotel room that night because I just didn't want to like, go to nobody's house. Like, especially anybody who got a husband or a nigga. Like they doing their romance thing. But my friend Shayla was like, girl, come over here. I've been a married 11 years.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like Valentine's Day, ain't nothing going on.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, ain't so I still. She had. They had a private chef come over and I waited. So I stayed at. I just stayed at the shop till like 10 o'clock. And then she called me, like, where the are you? I'm like, oh, I'm on my way. I just, you know, wanted to wait. So when I got to her house, I ate the leftovers and drink the. Drank the wine. And I was just sitting there with an attitude, eating that good food.

[A.J. Holiday]

They probably was waiting on you to eat with them. Crazy.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, no, I. Well, I don't know, but I didn't want to. Like, I listen, I would have most certainly cried if I sat at their Valentine's dinner and ate with them. Girl, I'm a third wheel on somebody Valentine's dinner.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't be caring. Not like I don't want to impose on somebody, but if they invite me to come Like, I'm going to come.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I wouldn't cry because I'm single there.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Listen, it would not make me feel good to be, like, sitting in between the two of them, like, so how's everybody's day going? No, I don't want to do that. So that was my Valentine's. I did get some stuff. You know, I got some stuff in the mail because everybody who likes me right now is not local. So I got some flowers. Oh, and I got some money. Money is always good. And I just want to shout out, Jaleesa. Jaleesa is a listener, man. And she and AJ collabed.

[A.J. Holiday]

That girl messaged me a month ago almost. She was like, I just want to do something really nice for Tam for Valentine's.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I was like, aw, that was so sweet, y'all. She sent me a bouquet of flowers, and I cried like a baby in a car. Cried because it was just so sweet and thoughtful and unexpected. So thank you for that, Jaleesa. I really, really appreciate and love you, girl. And that was my weekend in my van. Oh, I got something else that happened this weekend, y'all. So y'all know I'm traveling back and forth to New York, and I'm taking class or whatever. And this weekend, New York had bad weather. That weather sweeped up the East Coast. So it. It was in Charlotte first, and it just was moving, and it was high winds, so I struggled to get on a flight back to New York because they kept getting grounded. Sunday night, I stood. I sat on the Runway for three hours before the plane just turned around and went back to the gate. Was tripping, like, was getting upset on the plane. 1. One white dude was like, whoever is farting, stop farting right now.

[A.J. Holiday]

God damn. Smells like, go to the bathroom. Then Charlamagne. Just post some about people farting on a plane. Like, you're a special type of human to just be farting just right there in your seat with people sitting next to you. You ain't right, actually.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So that happened. So then we get off the plane and they're like, oh, it's gonna be like two hours or something more before this flight can take off, potentially, we don't know, or it might get canceled, Baby. I left the airport. I left. I was like, I have not. I've been here since 11am I'm about to leave. So then finally, yeah, whole day wasted because it's like, almost 8:00 now at this point when I leave the airport. So then the next day I go back, they're still calling for a bumpy flight. They're gonna be. They're like, it's gonna be a bumpy one. We're not gonna do any service on the plane because this is a quick flight. An hour and 15 minutes, baby. When I tell you. It felt like I was on a roller coaster flying into New York. It was so scary. I was terrified. I was clinching my ass real tight in my seat and, like, grinding my teeth farting. No, I wasn't farting. I. Listen, I ain't gonna lie. I have farted on a plane before, but it was not me that time.

[A.J. Holiday]

You look like a. That a far plane, like, that's right up your shitty alley. That's crazy, man.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Have you ever held in a fart that do not feel comfortable.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't just. I feel. I. Maybe I don't fart that much as is. Like, I had to some crazy shit. I do not be full of gas. Like, I feel like that got something to do with your diet. Like, I'm not eating some. That's gonna get me gassy.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But it don't be like that when I have farted on the plane. It wasn't like a stinky dookie fart. It was just like, it. Like a little air. Just a little air. Little anxiety air or something like that. So anyway, y'all, the flight was bouncing like crazy, and I was scared. I was really grinding my teeth together. I was praying, calling on Jesus, holding my butt cheeks real tight. And someone behind me was in the back talking about Hee Haw. Every time we hit a. Like, every time the plane would do that, I was like, these motherfuckers is crazy. And, you know, I ain't gonna tell you what kind of person it was, but, you know, the demographic of the person who's on a plane, like, going like a bucking bronco on that bitch and talking about he haw.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I mean, in the midst of, like, possibly dying, you might as well have fucking fun. Like what? And like, you traveling around the time that damn flight was belly up in Canada.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, exactly.

[A.J. Holiday]

You might as well have fucking.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I was literally in the air when that shit happened. So, no, I'm not. I'm not having fun. There's nothing fun going on right now. And there's no Hee Haw. Shut up and be quiet like the rest of us.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, it's thundering outside like your grandma be quiet.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Exactly. So, yeah, that happened. Let's get in the sins.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay, y'all, listen. Did y'all see this post? And I Just sometimes I don't know if be real or not. Like or if people just be putting out there just to. Just to, I don't know, get clicks, likes and views. But it says this is a post someone posted on social media. Says my husband is making us fly home from our honeymoon after one day because he found out I sent my ex a simple goodbye text on the morning of our wedding. It was a goodbye text for goodness sake. She said it was a goodbye text for goodness sake. Let me read it. How she writing it. Not an I will always love you text. Not a drop everything and meet me at the altar text. I needed to say goodbye to have closure on the unmarried part of my life. Please tell me my sensitive nostalgic girlies understand. No, I don't. And I'm a retired fraternizer. Like I'm with all the shits, bitch, but I feel like I'm not playing with my husband in any capacity. You know what I'm saying? You that nigga didn't marry you. You trying to check that other niggas temperature before you walk down the aisle. The girlies is not okay with that shit. The morning of your wedding. Why are you checking on the next nigga so morning of your wedding?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I do understand, but let me tell you, let me say this, I don't understand on the day of your wedding. I feel like this conversation should have happened a long time ago.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like maybe when you got engaged, like oh my God, he asked me to marry him. I said yes.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yes. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

And yeah. But the morning of your wedding. And I bet you he probably didn't even respond back. Like he probably ain't checking for you because you know why he didn't give you a ring.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Or maybe you was. That was your side nigga. Because that's what it's given. It seemed like you still had an emotional connection to this person because on the day of your wedding and first of all you sloppy as hell. Cause how your nigga even see that? It's just too much mess right now. Because let's say you did decide to send this message. Whatever came over you, you had pre wedding jitters. You and you just sent this message to your ex, you know, and it was innocent in quotes, quotations, why you didn't delete it and then delete it from the deleted shit.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like you were supposed to delete that nigga from your phone after you say goodbye. Yeah, you were supposed to delete your whole.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You supposed to delete everything and delete the deleted shit because you know you can go back and retrieve some deleted shit. You supposed to send that to the trash too, baby.

[A.J. Holiday]

I spent time this weekend deleting niggas. Like, just deleting text threads and stuff that just needed not to be in my phone anymore. Like, why. Why am I holding on to these things? So I just deleted a lot of people just.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I can't wait to meet the man that's gonna make me delete all the dick pics out of my phone. I got dicks from 2016.

[A.J. Holiday]

Remember when the cell phones had the memory cards? Yeah, I got a few memory cards with like, hella on it. Like, I have to hide those things because the might get like a little. A little converter cartridge and pop that at the computer one day.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But here's the thing also, there. There's some issues in your relationship already to begin with, because we don't trust.

[A.J. Holiday]

Why he in your phone?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Why he in your phone on your honeymoon? Like, y'all just trying to ruin your own honey. Like, he was. His goal was to ruin his own honeymoon. I'm not looking on vacation when people be fighting on vacation about going through each other phone. Why you didn't come here to have a good time?

[A.J. Holiday]

Exactly.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You spent all this money to be mad. That's insane.

[A.J. Holiday]

The last vacation me and my ex went on, the n who I was engaged to, like, the vacation was lovely. You know what I'm saying? Like, we wasn't trying to ruin our vacation. I mean, the minute we touched down, back on us oil, that nigga like a. His phone turned. My phone was working the whole time over there. His phone wasn't working. So as soon as we touched down, I don't know if whatever bitch you done ghosted for this week was hitting your ass up, but that nigga has such the nastiest attitude after we landed.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

That's terrible.

[A.J. Holiday]

He had a good vacation.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

At least wait till after we land. Yeah, like, who the fuck go on.

[A.J. Holiday]

Vacation and ruin their shit by going through the. He's with you. What's your problem?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I remember I had a girl, I woke up one morning and I seen on Instagram this bitch had done posted my picture on her story. This is who my nigga talking to. I didn't, like, I don't even know. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. And they were on her birthday trip. And he was like messaging me during the trip. And he went to go like, change or something, and she went in his phone. It wasn't just me. It was me and a couple other girls.

[A.J. Holiday]

I Think I remember. I remember. Yeah, I remember that. I remember that it was like a couple, right? She probably pick and choose which she wanted to be mad at the most on this. Cute.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. Because I'm like, oh, man, I don't know. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. I would not be. I'm not trying to ruin your vacation, but why are you going through his phone on vacation?

[A.J. Holiday]

Why are you ruining your vacation? Why are you ruining your birthday? Like, so you're right that something else may be going on in a relationship. And maybe he had already had reservations about her. Why he even checking her phone? He might have always been checking her phone. She just didn't know. But now it said X. So I mean, it's probably somebody she was. You know, this. This lets me know that there are a lot of people who are not married to the person that they are actually. That they are actually in love with. And I think more so men, they lose the one that got away and then they just settle for the next one and they just never get over this other person. A lot of times I think there's a lot of people married to just.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Say.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, they married to mine as well. And whole time your heart is someplace else.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I remember we were all sitting around. I think I told this story on here before, but this man compared his wife at the time because, oh, now to a reliable Honda Accord, baby. I was like, oh, I know this ain't gonna last long. Everybody was sitting at the table, like, looking down at their phone like the.

[A.J. Holiday]

Other probably was just Alexis, like, made by the same people, ain't it? No, Toyota make less.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Toyota.

[A.J. Holiday]

Hyundai, I don't know who else. Honda don't make nothing else.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Don't ever. I'm a Bentley.

[A.J. Holiday]

Just saying, like, his upgrade from the Honda was probably nothing serious either, you know what I'm saying?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Or he might have downgrade because he wasn't all of that. He wouldn't if he. She. He was a 98 Honda. She was a 2001. He was definitely a 98, 99.

[A.J. Holiday]

Shame what else we got going on.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So listen, I. You sent this to me. Study finds that most single women would choose their dog over a man. A research conducted. Conducted by the Kennel Club reveals that a substantial number of single women would choose the company of their dogs over pursuing a romantic relationship. With surveys indicating figures between 60 and 70%. Studies conducted by both the Kennel Club and Burns Pet Nutrition also show that many pet owners regard their dog's approval as essential when considering a potential period Better know it. Millennials are exceptionally devoted to their can companions with over half steering clear of relationships with anyone who lacks fondness for their dogs.

[A.J. Holiday]

When Bella was alive, like, if I was to be with somebody and they like, get your dog even friends, I almost man list. I almost fought. We ain't friends no more, but I almost fought a over my dog once because she kicked my dog. Yes. I said, listen, make sure you pick all yourself up off the floor because she be getting into shisho chew stuff. So she left her glasses on the floor and Honey, my dog at the time, chewed her glasses. And when she woke up, she was like, your dog chewed my glasses and she kicked Honey. And Honey said. I said, get the out of my house right now. This is her house. This is her house.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And I told you not to leave your nowhere. I don't leave my there.

[A.J. Holiday]

Exactly. I already know what time it is. Like, she'll just get bored randomly. She wouldn't always do stuff like that. But it was a possibility, which is why I pre warned you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know what I'm saying, girl that kicked my dog. So if I'm with a guy who doesn't really like dogs like that, I don't know how we supposed to be in a relationship.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if pets, period. No, because I. I dated someone who, you know, African men don't really like animals at all like that. I don't know.

[A.J. Holiday]

In the house. They probably don't think they belong in the house. That's what it is.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. And I'm. I don't know if it's gonna keep me from a relationship if you're not a pet person. As long as you don't try to harm my animal, it's okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

But how are y'all okay? Like, suppose y'all were to get into a relationship where y'all would be married or living. Y'all. Y'all not. That's what I'm saying. Y'all may not get to that place because this is not an animal person. Like, that person would not want an animal living in a house with them. It's the same like with smoking cigarettes. Just because you smoke at your house, I still don't want somebody who smokes.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Me neither. But I listen, I remember I had y'all. I had a Chihuahua. Diamonds. Rest in peace. Diamonds. And she was so tiny, right? Like, she was, you know how little. Chihuahua.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

She was like, even small. Like a preemie. Chihuahua teacup. Yeah. And I remember this guy that I thought was like, pretty Dope. He was in banking in Charlotte and he had his together and he was very much into me. And I finally, after, you know, dating for a little while, I invited him in to do karaoke because I wasn't trying to fuck yet. But I. Look, listen, I always want to do karaoke and entertain. And I let diamonds out the cage, you know, because when I'm home, she don't have to sit in the cage, you know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And I let her free. And I didn't tell him, I didn't say, hey, I'm about to let her out. I just went and opened the cage and he jumped with his shoes on into my couch and was hollering like a little bitch like that. And I was like, oh, no, you got to get the fuck out. I don't even want to talk to you no more. I don't even want to date you no more, honestly. Because we know and already love our animals. That's why we going to choose them over this imaginary, you know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I think if you met the right person, yes, he's a figment of your imagination at this time. So. But I feel like if you met someone good and loving and checked all your boxes and made you feel very loved, you might compromise.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't think so. I have a friend who has a child now, but I think she might have already been pregnant when her and her boyfriend were like, like thinking about moving in together. But the entire time she was dating him, he had this dog. She knew he had a dog. Right. She even, she even tried to go to therapy, like, because she's like really, really afraid of dogs. Right. So she did actually, you know, go seek therapy to find out, you know, why is she just so terrified of, of pets and also to make the relationship work. But ultimately they didn't work out and that was one of the reasons why. So now they have a child together. And when she was pregnant, she was like, I'm not even, I'm not, I'm not moving in there. Like you already made a decision. Now you have a kid and now is like, you knew this man had this dog the whole time y'all are in a relationship and he had the dog the whole time you were pregnant.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

So why wait until you get pregnant for somebody who has dogs, who has a dog and you know you don't like dogs. Like that's something that's probably a non negotiable for you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I just expect you to compromise in my, in my favor.

[A.J. Holiday]

And that's not how it's Going to be. So really, you just have to get people who are comparable equally.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yo. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

To your life. Like you can't make. Especially at this big age. Like if somebody doesn't like dogs, they. They don't like dogs. They're not going to date somebody who has dogs. They're not going to date somebody who. A lot of people be hating on cats. People do not like cats. I didn't.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I don't. I used to love cats as a child, but cats is so sometimey as like one minute they like you, the next minute they like.

[A.J. Holiday]

They are women. They just like women and dogs are like men. Like cats really don't. When they don't want you with them, like you just leave them alone. But the. The less attention you pay to them, the more they want to love on you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Like I would have for me to have a cat. I would want to get them declawed.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, that is so inhumane. What if they were to get out and get lost? They won't be able to defend themselves. I hate even like for Christmas we went to some friend's house for she had like a gathering for friends for Christmas. And I actually took Dasha to her people house like the. The breeder I got her from. And I intentionally didn't cut her nails just in case she gotta fight her mama when she get there. Like, you just never know like what's gonna pop off. And your cat can't defend themselves because you done cut their nails or declawed them. Yeah, I would never.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

That makes sense.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. That's their like defense, you know?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. Against your ass too. You ever been scratched by a cat? I have.

[A.J. Holiday]

I got a scar on my damn arm from when she was a kitten. But she's man hurts. They do hurt, but they don't. They don't. They don't mean to do it.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, I don't know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Now some cats won't you up.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Very intentional. I was in high school, my friend Casey, cat Panda, she would always come rub up on me. Take rubbing on my leg, rub it. So finally I was like, okay, let me face. Oh, you can rub me, but I can't rub you.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's how they be.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And she scratched me up. And I ain't with cats ever since.

[A.J. Holiday]

Shame. I love the cats, man. I was fixated on cats for at least two years before actually getting one.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Your cat is pretty. But I definitely was still like, if I came over, I would probably like mind my business and if she rub up on me, it's cool. But I ain't I ain't going. I ain't going. I have ptsd.

[A.J. Holiday]

So she has never hissed. I've heard her hissed at, like she was hissing at, like trying to buck up to fight her mom, but she's never done that to me.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I heard her growl at a dog one time.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

She growls?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I didn't know cats growled. Yes.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Like, that's insane.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like a whole dog. Anyway, y'all listen, so we got a lot of new legislation coming down the pipeline. I don't know if y'all heard about this or not, but it says Ohio and Mississippi bill aims to make ejaculating without intent to conceive a felony costing over $10,000. Okay. It says a draft bill was released in Ohio this week seeking to make ejaculation without the intent of conceiving a baby a felony offense. Its advocates say that say the intent is to stir up public debate. So maybe it's not a real thing. So it says to stir up public debate over reproductive rights and the interpretation and application of biblical law because y'all know that's how they like to do women. If the United States governments are willing to use interpretations of theological law to regulate women, why not men? I agree. Ohio State Representatives Anita Samani and Tristan Radar Raider, the authors of the Conception Begins at Erection act, say it's a tongue and cheek means of highlighting the hypocrisy behind moves to regulate women's bodies. It says you don't get pregnant on your own observers. Representative Samani, Democrat for Dublin if you're, if you're going to penalize someone for an unwanted pregnancy, why not penalize the person who is also responsible for the pregnancy? It is now legal in 10 states for women to have a termination. Excuse me, it's now illegal in 10 states for women to have a termination even in the aftermath of a rape. At least three women have been jailed after the US Supreme Court overturned the 50 year old Roe vs Wade precedent. So we get in politics. Yeah, I feel like this is a great counter because it doesn't like men don't have to have no responsibility for real, once a baby is conceived. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, you might get, I guess, you know, child support, stuff like that. I also then understand men when they don't want the child. Right? Because what the woman could say they don't want the child and then the man has no say. So a woman can say they want the child and a man has no say. So. Right. And that is your child. It Literally was in your nuts first.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

I love the name of the act, but it's ridiculous. It is. If I catch your ass busting off in a sock, nigga, $10,000.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Reckless abandonment.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't think that's what they mean, though. I think they mean, like, if you get somebody pregnant and you didn't intend on getting them pregnant, but they do, it's gonna be $10,000. Or maybe they just saying it just. I don't know.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I don't know. I think they just want people to have conversations about it and think about.

[A.J. Holiday]

That'S what they said is like, thought provoking.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. Because ain't no way, baby. How the fuck.

[A.J. Holiday]

First of all, I just think they need to go ahead with the contraceptive for men, you know? But there are a lot of men now who are getting vasectomies. I know a few men who have had them, you know.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Do they have kids?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, they already have kids. And they like, I'm not having no more kids. And I guess I want to be. I want to fuck raw. And I'm not. And I mean.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, I mean, to each their own. I listen, I'm. I'm like, just celibate. I'm still just celibate, but the next time I do it, I want to be able.

[A.J. Holiday]

You're gonna sell a bit next time?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, I ain't gonna sell a bit. I would like to have unprotected sex.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. We raw. 20, 25, baby.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Well, that's why. But only with the right person. So I'm just gonna wait and wait and wait and wait.

[A.J. Holiday]

Don't do it in Ohio or Mississippi.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But I just need. I wanted to be my man, my man, my man, you know? So I think I'm just gonna wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I've messed around and don't get none all 20, 25.

[A.J. Holiday]

I know, right? Waiting on some. Some nice clean.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Well to be.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, man. Some God fearing penis. Yeah, girl, y'all.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yes.

[A.J. Holiday]

Christians be wilding.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I want that. I'll be like that, girl. Remember, she's like, I ain't had no sex on the pulpit when she said that. Yeah. Right now that's where I'm at with it.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, God, please give her that. Give her that.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know. But I don't know. I'm with the non recreational nowadays because I just, you know, eating my energy, man.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It's kind of crazy because you in that house with a. And I know he'd be like, all.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right, y'all, let's get to baddie of the day. Baddie of the week. So this week's baddie is actually a couple, okay, black people. Okay. Marie Van Britten Brown and Albert L. Brown. Marie Brown was a nurse and her husband was an electrician. In 1966, they invented an audio visual home security system. That same year, they applied for a patent for their security system. It was granted three years later in 1960, y'all. And that is our baddie couple of the week. That talks back. Okay?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Salute to them. Hey, listen, I know they got paid off of that security system. Like, we've. We've created so many things, like so many inventions, and a lot of them came out of necessity. The need. When you need some shit that don't exist, you will make up some shit real quick.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, and they were living in Jamaica, Queens back then, so they absolutely needed an alarm system. Some is like, wait a minute, let me see if we could throw together right quick. So a lot of our patents are still, you know, even used today, period. 32 subsequent patents actually still being used.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

God bless y'all. We salute you.

[A.J. Holiday]

All right, y'all, so listen, this week's episode is actually an extension, I guess, from last week from for the love of Tam Bam. Okay, so when do you ask those tough questions? When you first get into a relationship. Because now she's gonna be going on dates. She got like two in a puzzle. Two one in a possible.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right now, not a single soul voted for Nico. Not one.

[A.J. Holiday]

Nico was a damn fool. I feel like he was trying to self sabotage. Cause what. So when do you have the tough questions? When do you have the tough. Excuse me. When do you have the tough conversations? When you first start dating somebo somebody. When is the right time? You know, I think it's before sex. Okay.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, absolutely. Before sex.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay. So if you plan on having sex with him tonight and this is the first date, you need to ask him all the. Today.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Let's get into it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The first two months of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your weird cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus with the 64 color personalized lighting option, you can set the mood any way you want. Be it romantic, chill or in straight up do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today.

[A.J. Holiday]

Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[Joe Locke]

Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I like a man.

[Joe Locke]

You like a man. What do I like, Joe?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You like a man too.

[Joe Locke]

We often. There's quite similar. There's some cross pollination happening in here.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not like.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No. Have we? No.

[Joe Locke]

No, not yet. Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls, gays and they's to join me on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world and what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Love ya.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series. Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently canceled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes. But don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism, spin class and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kevin Smith]

Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.

[Kevin Smith]

That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless dickless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of Bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It's a work in progress.

[Kevin Smith]

Listen to Beardless was me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[A.J. Holiday]

All right, y'all. So Valentine's Day just passed, and we did for the Love of Tam Bamboo period. So she'll have a date coming up soon. So we were thinking about, like, you know, like, it's hard to actually have or ask the questions that need to be asked, period. When are you going on dates with new people? You know what I'm saying? Because you don't want to scare the nigga off, right? But I feel like. Scare him off. If he fool you, he gonna stay. Yeah.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Ask the hard questions up front. Don't wait, but don't. Some questions you should wait on. Like, don't ask for money. I don't think you should ask for money on the first date.

[A.J. Holiday]

Wait, why he gonna act so pussy on the first date? Or try to insinuate.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Well, you can insinuate that you need help, but I just feel like men are off put by anybody. Like, I promise y'all, I used to do that shit a long time ago.

[A.J. Holiday]

On the first date.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Not on the first date, but, like, after the first date. I'm so stressed. Life is so hard. I need help. But I really did. I was young. I was poor. You know, college. College age. You young and poor. You do need help.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, my thing is this. If they ask about or even just having a little small talk around sex, even a little bit, then that's when you bring up the topic of money.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

To make everybody uncomfortable at that point.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But then it almost comes off as a little prostitute.

[A.J. Holiday]

Y. You don't actually have to give him the coochie on the first date. We are just. I'm meeting you. I'm marrying your actions right now is what I'm doing.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, but.

[A.J. Holiday]

So men value their pocket, they value their purse, and women value their body.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

So.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But then it almost comes off as transactional. Are we transactional with our bodies?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. Even married women. Nobody want to talk about that. Because sometimes I know I am. Like, if I need you to produce, I might not milk you all the time. We might not have sex all the time if I need you to be attentive and actually execute on whatever goals we have.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Because if you really fucking a nigga, like, he don't have Energy to do nothing else. So I need you to have energy, but to provide.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

See, I'm thinking that you should wanna fuck him all the time so somebody.

[A.J. Holiday]

Else ain't doing it.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, listen, empty that nigga all the time so he don't need nobody else.

[A.J. Holiday]

I am at a point in my life where I really don't need care. Not that I don't care, but I think that it's real love when I never find out. I feel like you hate me if you lady some shit out for me to see.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But here's the thing. Be sloppy. They don't think as far ahead when it comes to turn things like that as women do. When women step out or do something, they don't have no business. They are playing chess.

[A.J. Holiday]

Playing.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

They been planning that down to what socks and shoes they go on.

[A.J. Holiday]

And that is love. That's respect. Am I wrong?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

In a toxic way, you're right on. Another love and respect is not doing it at all. So I don't know if I agree with that.

[A.J. Holiday]

So what's some of the tough questions that you think should not be asked on a first date? Because again, if I were dating at this age, I'm asking all the things up front so that you know or you know, you can make the decision whether or not you want to take any further than tonight.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You should never ask a man on the first date how much money he makes. How much money he makes. No, that's. You shouldn't ask that on the first date.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't think I'm. I don't think I ever ask people how much money they make. And I really don't ask people what they do. Usually that comes out in general conversation.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Oh, no. You know, being in la, that is a quick.

[A.J. Holiday]

They want to know how much money.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You make, not how much money you make, but what do you do? So what do you do?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, because. So that's like the first question worth talking to. That's the problem. People try to size you up by asking.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But that is a common question out there. So I don't think like. So some places that's normal to ask and it's not offensive, you know, or where do you live?

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, what do you live?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Where do you live? But that's a. That's intrusive to me. Bitch, why you wanna know? Don't ask me where the fuck I live at. Where you live?

[A.J. Holiday]

So it's too soon to bring up money. How much you make?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, how much?

[A.J. Holiday]

You have some.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Can I have some? What's another Question that is too soon. Do you have like, mental illness in your family that is not too soon for a first date? Yes. Don't ask. Cause if his mama's schizophrenic, you think he wanna have that conversation right away?

[A.J. Holiday]

He might be taking you out right now. Like his crazy might fuck around and come out because you asked. You see, so now you know. Whether or not you get that is so uncomfortable or you taking an Uber.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But listen, people might have mental. Is that a deal breaker, though?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, it's not a deal breaker. Exactly. So know how now to handle you. Because I know I've said this before, I think a lot of times, like men. I won't just say men, but I deal with men. Right. People have issues and they want you to use them to justify why they treating you a certain way. Like, just because I know you got all this trauma, you know, I'm not gonna keep sticking around and using it to justify being mistreated.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

So I need to know up front.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It just seems a little harsh because I'm just trying to put myself in a place of someone who does have mental illness in their family. And would I want to be asked that question on the first date and have to explain why my mom is in a facility or why my cousin, like my sister is. That's heavy for a first date.

[A.J. Holiday]

When do you find that out, though? When do you. If y'all have sex with.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Before you have sex with them?

[A.J. Holiday]

But what if you might, you know, be planning to have sex tonight?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Then I guess ask. If you give that pussy tonight, then go ahead and ask all the questions just in case. But I don't think that's so intrusive on the first date. You know what? I also, I think is kind of intrusive. I'm thinking in terms of, like, being a woman. I don't like when people say, all right, do you have kids? Is a fine question. Why not? Horrible question. Yeah, I think I hate that question. It's like, bitch, I don't know. Ask God, don't ask me.

[A.J. Holiday]

Exactly. Well, even so, I also then make people feel uncomfortable. I'll tell them exactly why I don't have kids. Now that's the question I don't want people asking me. Or, yeah, why you don't got no kids. You don't want no kids.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

What's wrong with you, bitch?

[A.J. Holiday]

But then if you got kids and no, man, that's a problem too.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Exactly.

[A.J. Holiday]

So it's a lose, lose for women, man. We be.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So that's a A question I don't think you should ask a woman or even a man. You know, you can ask if they have kids, but if they don't, don't say, why not?

[A.J. Holiday]

I be thinking it's more weird for men not to have kids. The way they be ostracizing women for not having kids. I really think it's more weird for men not to have a child.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

What I do think so.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think it's more weirder, like why you don't got no kids.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But you can't say that. Cause you don't want nobody to say that to you.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, I had an epiphany one day when I was on shrooms. I think the best when I'm so. Well, that's not a real high anyway.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It is.

[A.J. Holiday]

I wrote in my notes. Are women subconsciously attracted? Because you know what men like to say? Women have kids for a certain percentage of black men. Like, all the black women who got kids got kids by the same niggas, basically. And I was thinking, like, is that something that is subconscious when you see a man with children? Like, you subconsciously, subconsciously think, like, he is a producer, why you're attracted to him.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, no, not me.

[A.J. Holiday]

At least, you know, he. I think it's. I think it is subconscious. So you prefer kids? I know.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Man without kids, you like them? Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Or do you like the niggas with kids better?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I don't think. I don't think that's not my determining factor on how well I like a man, but is if they had kids.

[A.J. Holiday]

Think about the men that you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I like the fact. So if the. All right. I like the fact that if we have kids, it's the first time with me, you know, like, we get to experience this for the first time together.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's the front of our brain. I'm talking about that thing that we not realizing in the back. Because just think about the men you have been in love with. Did they or did they not already have children?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So the last nigga I love did not have kids. He had kids while we were together with somebody else. So I don't know if that count.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, that's not what I'm talking about. That's fucked up.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. And then the man prior to that, he did have kids. But I, like. I'm always. I was always concerned with, like, if I get into this, you know, I'll get with this man. With children, am I going to be a good stepmom to these kids? I'm always concerned with that. Like, what will My relationship to these children be and their mother, that's always my first concern. So when a man doesn't have kids, I'm like, yes. I don't have to deal with none of that, you know?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I don't like baby mamas and none of that. And then, you know, especially if you. With somebody who's not really facilitating the relationship between you and the kid's mom, it's just gonna always be awkward. I remember my ex. I had met one of his baby mamas. Cause she was just like a random way girl. One of his childhood friends. The fun. Laughing. It was easy for him, I guess. But this other one, real strict. And he just had her pop up at the house one day to bring the son. Didn't tell me nothing and didn't tell her who was at the house.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So he wasn't there, just you?

[A.J. Holiday]

Hell, no. And I opened the door with a fucking. Bonnie. You think this is how I want your baby mama?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right? Exactly.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I'm pretty sure. And she looked like she just got off from work looking tired. Like, I'm pretty sure she wanted to look more as well.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right. Present better.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So you have to probably.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. That wasn't fair.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. Shit like that. It was embarrassing.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And you didn't know the kid was coming?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, he called me, like, right when he was pulling up, like, yeah, my baby mama dropping my son off. Where the fuck are you?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

Weirdo. Anyway, so why do you think it is that we avoid, like, the hard conversations, though, aside from not wanting to offend? I think for women, we don't want to push the man away too early. A lot of times women have a tough time asking things that.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, we don't want to. I think it's the same for everybody. Nobody wants to give the ick. Like, ugh. You know?

[A.J. Holiday]

But the tough question, like, women need to ask that they may not on a first day is like, you know, are you interested in being married? Because in a man's mind, you want to marry him tomorrow if you ask him that question. But really, no. I just want to know, like, are you even in that mind of marriage?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Like, if you want that or not. Because if not, I'm wasting my time here.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. Do you have married friends? Are your parents still together? Now, those are things you can ask.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But I've never in all my years had a man say no. He was completely. Except for last week. Except for last week. The first time in my life on the episode. Oh, it was the first time a man had ever told me that marriage was completely off the table, you know? So I feel like men kind of like acquiesce to what it sounds like you want. Oftentimes when they not even. Yeah, when they not even being for real. Like whatever you say, baby girl. I'm down with it till I get that pussy.

[A.J. Holiday]

Exactly.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Then you can't even get no cheese on your burger. What Martin said. You want cheese? God damn. Why you want cheese?

[A.J. Holiday]

Bitch, you a damn.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You know what I talk about?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes, but I don't be remembering these things to apply it to real life randomly like that.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

What the hell. So yeah, I just say that to say that sometimes you ask the hard questions and you get the answer you want instead of the truth.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right. So are we saying that men don't have integrity sometimes?

[Nissan Advertiser]

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[A.J. Holiday]

Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[Joe Locke]

Is this a good time? It's me, Dylan Mulvaney and my dear friend Joe Locke from Heartstopper. And Agatha all along is my very first guest on my brand new podcast, the Dylan Hour. It's musical mayhem and it is going to be so much fun.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I like a man.

[Joe Locke]

You like a man. What do I like?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Joe, you like a man too.

[Joe Locke]

We often. There's quite similar. There's some cross pollination happening in here.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not like.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No. Have we. No, no, no.

[Joe Locke]

Not yet. Never say never. I cannot wait for all you girls, gays and they's to join me on this extremely special pink confection of a podcast. There is so much darkness in this world. And what I think we could all use more of is a little joy. Listen to the Dylan hour on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Love ya.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series, Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism spin class, and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies, are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kevin Smith]

Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.

[Kevin Smith]

That's my daughter, man. Who my wife has always said is just a beardless d ckless version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless Me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It's a work in progress.

[Kevin Smith]

Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Cause we family. I'm about to share some that happened to me last year. I got ghosted.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay, it's just February. So what? A couple months ago, yeah, I got.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Ghosted by a y'all. That is humbling.

[A.J. Holiday]

How did the ghost listen?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

The nigga was, like, very persistent. Like, doing all the things, like, being very present. I even. We were even discussed matching pajamas for Christmas. He was down. I sent him pajamas that I liked. He liked them, too. It was lit. He was supposed to come for Thanksgiving. He was supposed to come to my mama's house for Thanksgiving. I sent him a message about, okay, I don't want to give it too much away, but all right, this person is an entertainer or whatever. And I sent him a message about what I saw on something that he had been on. Do you know, I never heard from that nigga again to this Day. He never responded. He never text back. I called him. No answer. I have not heard back from him. Why did you do all of that with me?

[A.J. Holiday]

So he knew it's not like this thing was hidden, right? So he knew you would see it at some point.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. Or I'm. I mean, it was on YouTube, so.

[A.J. Holiday]

Hmm.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Ain't that crazy? That was the weirdest shit. I had known him for a while, but we started talking, like, early in the summer, and it just. It progressed. And then while my foot was broken, we kind of was locked in. Or at least I thought we had locked in.

[A.J. Holiday]

Maybe he found out somebody was pregnant, but I think that child.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

That's why I'm like.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's like an avoidance tactic, right? So you don't have to have the hard conversation.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

That's what I'm saying.

[A.J. Holiday]

And remember when I said I don't mind ghosting? I mean, because I have ghosted. Sometimes I feel like I don't owe you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Don't ghost me.

[A.J. Holiday]

Girl, you the type of. Don't do that a hundred thousand times. Like, that don't mean you like me. You're trying to make me do something, and that's gonna make me not answer the phone even more. I might change.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I'm not gonna call a hundred times, but I will call three.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I'm calling one time and I'm texting one time, and that's it.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I'm two.

[A.J. Holiday]

Please call.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I will call you three motherfucking times, and if you don't answer that phone, I will pull up.

[A.J. Holiday]

You ain't pulling up at no time. I be lying.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Y'all lying. I ain't doing that shit. Gas. Gasoline. No, baby.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, so maybe he just avoided having a tough conversation with you, and sometimes you just have to respect it. Did you ever give up to Coochie?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

What? No.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, okay. I mean, if you didn't, then you're winning.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, I did. I did.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, that's a real ghost.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, he ghosted me. He hurt my feelings so bad, and I. I ain't been on a date or talked to nobody since then.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay, so in the case somebody ghosts me after sex, I'm going to get an STD test depending on, like, why the fuck you stop talking to me? I'm scared now.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Well, it wasn't, like, direct. It wasn't, like, directly after sex. He was like, this pussy bad. I'm done. No, it wasn't like that. It was just like. It was so random, you know? It was just very random. It was weird. And this is the first time I shared with anybody that this happened to me because I was really embarrassed by it. But, I mean, we family and it happens to the best of us, so that's what happened. But I've been like, yeah, I'm done. Ever since then. Like, for real done. Like.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, maybe your coochie ain't as good as you think.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Girl, you. My Gucci is amazing.

[A.J. Holiday]

Let me call that from my cell phone. You women always think they got the best coochie. I don't know how this coochie feels. I know I have been stalked about it, but I won't say I got good coochie.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Have you ever been ghosted before?

[A.J. Holiday]

I've done. I've had a mutual ghost where we just stopped talking. Like, I really didn't care one way or the other. But after sex, really, it wasn't like after sex, though.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It was just, like, random. It was very random because we had been. You know, we were. Like I said, we had been locked in.

[A.J. Holiday]

I just don't think men go away if you never fuck with them. You know what I'm saying? They gonna stick around until they at least do that, and then they kind of like, decide whether they like you enough to keep doing the things.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it was.

[A.J. Holiday]

We need to call him.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Okay, so look, so I lied a little bit. I did get. I did get a random DM from him when I popped out with the red hair on my Instagram story. Then he was like, in my DM saying a little something, but I ignored it at that point because it's like.

[A.J. Holiday]

Who you playing with?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So, yeah, Ill. Ill. Yeah, that's definitely. He definitely on some bullshit.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I just feel like he just like, oh.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think that's how men pit women in friend zone, though. See, the. The difference between men and women, when we friend zone, we not fucking you first. Like, we going to friend zone you because we don't really want to have sex with you. Men will fuck you and then friend zone you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But the thing is, you're talking about matching pajamas and coming for thanks Thanksgiving.

[A.J. Holiday]

He's saying all the things that you want to hear, though.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But I didn't ask you to come for Thanksgiving. You just, you know, then just.

[A.J. Holiday]

They just be lying for no reason. And then it. It doesn't matter how many times you tell them, like, lynn, it's cool. Like, you don't even gotta do all that. They just don't do it because it's just like a normal Setting and they heads. That's why you gotta dump them sometimes on top. Because that's where the reset button at.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, that's violent. You go to jail.

[A.J. Holiday]

Look, man, these hands. All right, the what are we? Once you get into the relationship.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Listen, I don't do the what are we? I don't do the what are we? Kind of conversation. I just feel like I'm single until you ask me to be your girlfriend.

[A.J. Holiday]

I feel like at this point men or like somebody needs to write a letter and like do the yes and no. Like school check. Yes and no. Because a man will be doing all the things with you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You.

[A.J. Holiday]

You mean consider you his girlfriend.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And I will not consider you my boyfriend. I'll meet your mom and all that stuff. But if you don't ask me to be in a committed relationship with you, I'm going to assume that we're not.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, but I think that some even. Even if. Right. You got that mind. Because I. I feel the same way. Right. And then you're still dating and exploring other people. If that guy that you might be spending the most time with because y'all are doing the boyfriend girlfriend things. If he, you know, realizes like you actually actively out here so dating, he probably gonna stop talking to you. He probably some type of way about it.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You didn't ask me to be your girlfriend. So if you wanted that commitment, then why didn't you ask me?

[A.J. Holiday]

But why do we hide it though? Why do we hide that we're still dating? Because you haven't committed yet. I feel like women do. Is my lace showing? Why are you looking up?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I'm just looking at you.

[A.J. Holiday]

I feel like you looking right here.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, Maybe I love this eye. Be moving sometime, bitch. I don't know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Bitches be so self conscious about that lacing. Keep a wig on. I know something going on right here. So I feel like you kept looking at it. Okay.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, I'm not. You good, bitch. What were we talking about?

[A.J. Holiday]

You so stupid. The what are we?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Oh, the what are we? Conversation.

[A.J. Holiday]

Our farmers.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right. We need to be the way the food is right now. But yeah, like. Like I think when a man.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's a conversation you should have also.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Even if you don't ask them what are we? Like, hey you. You still dating other people?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Are we exclusive?

[A.J. Holiday]

Maybe that's how you ask. But then men like.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Because what are we? What are we? Sounds so needy to me. Like, what are we?

[A.J. Holiday]

It doesn't have to be said like that. That's what I'm saying. So Maybe you can ask. Are we still. Are we still seeing other people?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. Are we exclusive?

[A.J. Holiday]

So I'm putting me and you in the thing. Right?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right. Are we exclusive?

[A.J. Holiday]

Because the minute. Because the man is doing all the things, and the minute you ask about a relationship, the relationship kind of ends at that point because they feel like somebody's forcing them.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, because you could be all in. Like, you think you're in a serious relationship. You've met the family, you know everybody. Your mama, his mama to her doctor appointments, you babysitting his kids, and then you catch him with somebody else, and he be like, you know what it was from when it started? We never. We never said we was like that. We never said we was like that. Did we have to say it? We were doing all the things.

[A.J. Holiday]

When was this? I think this is when we went to the Breakfast Club. I was dating this guy, and I really, really liked this guy. I remember we was on the phone for, like, eight hours, bitch. Planning goals. Like, ooh. Though we had never. Yeah. Though we had never said we in a relationship together, we were actually planning out, like, things like life. You know what I'm saying?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Oh, I know who you talking about.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, girl, why? That nigga just got engaged anyway, and I still don't know how I feel.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Not you help him plan his goals for the next bitch.

[A.J. Holiday]

So, baby, I'm just. This is just a podcast, right? Anyway, yeah, I was dating him, and I really liked him, but before we went to New York, you know, I kind of had that conversation with him, like, what's up? You know what I'm saying? And he was like, I want to court you more. I'm like, what? Like, your kids be waking up in the bed with me and all type of shit. Like, we don't need. What is courting? I think we had a whole episode about this. Trying to understand, like, even the. The fucking steps in dating is so confusing because men and women just aren't the same. And men think they're so simple, but they are more complicated than the word the. Okay, because what's the definition? So they think they are not complex, but they are. So he said he wanted to court me more, whatever that means. I don't know. So from that point on, I knew I was still a free agent.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, court you more means like, he still wants to date other people.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's not what it was. Like, he months, you know, weeks later, now he's trying to explain because my energy changed because I literally asked him, you want to be my boyfriend? Like, that. And he was like, he want to court more. I was like, okay. So when we went to New York, I just wasn't as available. And the now I start seeing something. Now I see, like, you got abandonment issues. Damn near. Because I know I was available, like at your beck and call up until now, but I'm working.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So why. Why him saying that he wanted to court you more, turned you off from it?

[A.J. Holiday]

Because that.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Because that's a nice. I mean, that's not a bad thing.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, it's not a bad thing, but it still leaves me. I'm still single. You know what I'm saying? So now if I want to talk to somebody else instead of you, if I want to go out on a date with someone else instead of you, I should be able to do that without you calling my phone 100 times. Because that's what he did. And then that's a turn off to me because I feel like when somebody calls your phone multiple times, it's just a control thing. It has nothing to do with you actually answering. Because if I were dead, I wouldn't be able to answer anyway. So now you're just trying to get me to answer the fucking phone. That is controlling. So now he exposed something I didn't like in him. Hold on.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Run that back.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. You just want me to answer?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

I am a grown person. This is my phone. I don't have to answer it. Especially if you not my man. So why chain calling my cell phone?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Cause you see me calling you. Stop playing.

[A.J. Holiday]

But you're not my man. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, but had you. Had we committed, But I think I would be available.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You know, I like who you're with now.

[A.J. Holiday]

I went on a date with another while I was there.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, I remember.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, he don't know that now until he watched this episode. That guy.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, but whatever. He. He. He's engaged, so it's fine. But I don't know about that, aj. I guess.

[A.J. Holiday]

Am I tripping?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Maybe a little bit, because I'm not. He was doing all the things right, and he just said, I wanted to court you more. And you was like, boy, bye.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, I said, do you want to be my boyfriend? And you told me no, essentially. But he didn't say, you want to court me more? That's.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, not yet. That's not a no.

[A.J. Holiday]

Because weeks later, when we talked about it again, he was like, okay, then it we together now. And don't get mad when I start stalking your ass. That turned me off even more.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, that's a red flag. Don't say nothing about stalking, especially to.

[A.J. Holiday]

A who's been stopped.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah. So, yeah, I don't play that because stalking is not a good feeling. It's scary.

[A.J. Holiday]

So I. I don't know. It's just so I glad I'm not outside.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

What are the takeaways? How to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Practical tips for handling tough talks like a pro. Timing matters. Don't dump everything in the first convo, but don't wait too long. Keep it casual but direct. No pressure. Just open communication. Be honest, not harsh. Say what you mean without being mean. That I have trouble with that because I think. I don't know. I think in my mind it's not mean. But then somebody will be like, girl, that was mean as hell, the way you said that. And in my head, I wasn't like, I didn't intend it to be mean. I didn't intend it to sound mean, but.

[A.J. Holiday]

And then I don't like that people can pick and choose when it sounds mean because they just don't have a response to it. Because I think a lot of times that's what people do. It's like a scapegoat tactic. You don't like what I say, so now you address in tone and how I said it. That'd be some bullshit. My niece is 27. She just. We had a conversation this week, and she was like, I saw this post on Instagram because guy she's dating said that she doesn't know how to talk to him, right? But he's not doing life right right now. So she's like. She's challenging him.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

You know what I'm saying?

[A.J. Holiday]

She's asking him tough questions and trying to figure out what is he doing with his life. And he doesn't like that, or probably just doesn't like what she's asking because it's making him have to be accountable. And I think a lot of times, like, people when they don't want to be accountable for what it is that you're asking or, you know, the information you're trying to get from them, then they just address tone and how you say some shit, right, versus what you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, okay. But I do feel like I do. You know, I'm consciously trying to work on how I deliver, how I feel, especially something I'm passionate and emotional about. It can come off harsh, but sometimes I don't mean it to be me. I remember one time I was doing this girl's hair, and, like, she would always come in and talk about her nigga and how sorry he was and how bad he was and all that stuff. And she came into her appointment and my sister was sitting right there and I said, hey, girl, come on, sit down. I was like, girl, you still with that sorry ass nigga? Oh. And Tonya was like, why did you say that to her? And I was like, that is fucked up. That was me.

[A.J. Holiday]

Cause I'm not bringing up your sorry ass nigga unless you do. When you know somebody fucking with a sorry ass nigga. Like, I'm not gonna be the one that's always asking you about him and let. You got to bring the information to me. I'm not asking you for updates on the. You be going through. I didn't know you be going through.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

No, but during hair, that's all we talk about is. It's like therapy. Like, they sit down and unpack on me every.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's her fault. It's her fault. It's not really your fault because you wouldn't know he was a sorry ass nigga if she wasn't sitting there talking shit about her man whose dick she's still going to suck when you get.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Well, they wasn't together no more. She was like, girl, I left and we celebrated that. But my sister was like, you was wrong for saying that.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know. I guess you got to know your personnel. Yeah, you got to know, because I.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Didn'T feel bad about it. She had been complaining about that nigga for a while, you know.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I mean, personally, me, right. I wouldn't take offense to that, especially if I know I'm talking shit about this nigga to you.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

I wouldn't take offense. But then, you know, maybe.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And maybe that's why I think my sister. Probably because she hadn't been privy to the conversation prior. Okay. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

So it's all. Yeah, it's all within the context. All right, here's the next one. Listen, and don't assume the worst. Not every hard conversation has a bad ending. Yeah, I think we, you know, we have. We have a. What's the word I'm looking for? We're accustomed to assuming that it's going to be the bad ending versus a good conversation or a good outcome. Like, I. I honestly think you took the word courting the wrong way with.

[A.J. Holiday]

That guy, but you had to be there.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, I guess it's all.

[A.J. Holiday]

You had to be there for all the things. Yeah, I don't think so. Because I don't feel like at that point we're in the courting stage, like we doing. You know what I'm saying? I'm still single. That's what I'm hearing when you say that.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And you were still single.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So the only, like, he could have left it there. Right. I guess the only difference is my energy changed a little bit. Right. Cause I'm not giving you my all anymore. Right. So now actively still trying to find a boyfriend that I asked you about?

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

So can you feel some type of way to now to where you like, busting my phone down and shit? You can't do that.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, no, that's. No, that's fair. Busting your phone down is crazy. After you told me, like, we just. Just courting.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So I don't know. At the end of the day, I.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Think that y'all were sleeping together at this point, though.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes. Sleeping. Sleeping together.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Even like. Yeah, at that point. For real. You my whole boyfriend.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

The you talking about.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

That's how I feel. Like, once we start sleeping together, we go together. What are you talking about?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, but I think the. The important conversations, like, they actually separate, you know, you don't want to be wasting time. So get him out the way early is how I feel about it. So that's my last. Last. Really? Just get the conversations out the way. It's gonna separate the real from the fake. Real early. Because if he's interested in you, there's nothing you can ask him that's gonna scare him away.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Listen, it might, because lie sometimes and they'll tell you everything you want to hear. Even pick out matching pajamas with you. Seriously. Like, they might just tell you the. Like, the answers that sound good, but at least ask the questions. That's my last. Last. You may not get the truth, you know, but hopefully you do.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

And we want to know. Tell us your uncomfortable conversations you've had. First date, second date, third date, and what happened? What was the response? Man and woman, we want to know.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Or did you wait too long to ask those questions?

[A.J. Holiday]

And how bad women wait too long. We want to ask all this shit after we give the pussy up. No, the man's brain is different at that point. So you gotta put all your expectations on the table. Day one first.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But what if the dick is trash and you don't even care about the instrument? Then you ghost him.

[A.J. Holiday]

Then you go, get the fuck out of there. Abort mission. That's a whole nother episode. When do you smash? Because, I mean, get it out the way. So you even know if you like This, I feel like that is communication. Sex for me is communication. If we ain't like, like, it's.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I say wait, wait. You will learn a lot about a person if you wait.

[A.J. Holiday]

Let them talk.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm not.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

But that still don't mean. That still don't mean it's gonna turn out. I waited with the guy talking about. I waited and waited and waited and still just. I'm. I'm in my feelings. What?

[A.J. Holiday]

He just wanted to see your booty hole. I think once a see your booty hole is the over. It's over.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

That's so weird to say your booty ho.

[A.J. Holiday]

All right, y'all, listen. Click like and subscribe.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

On YouTube if you enjoyed this episode, y'all tune in every Thursday on the black effect iHeartradio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagrams. Kick a tam, y'all.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

I'm official tam bam on Instagram. I love y'all. Thank you all so much.

[A.J. Holiday]

Remember, speak now and never hold your.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

Peace or your questions. Ask them.

[A.J. Holiday]

For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[John Cameron Mitchell]

This is John Cameron Mitchell and my new fiction podcast series. Cancellation island stars Holly Hunter as Karen, a wellness influencer who launches a rehab for the recently cancelled. In the future, we will all be canceled for 15 minutes, but don't worry, we'll take you from broke to woke or your money back. Cancellation Island's revolutionary rehab therapies, like bad touch football, anti racism spin class, and mandatory ayahuasca ceremonies are designed to force the council to confront their worst impulses. But everything starts to fall apart when people start disappearing. Karen, where have you brought us Cancellation island, where a second chance might just be your last. Listen to Cancellation island on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kevin Smith]

Hey, kids, it's me, Kevin Smith.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith.

[Kevin Smith]

That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, dickless version of me. And that's the of our podcast, beardless me. I'm the old one, I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? Lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out.

[Harley Quinn Smith]

It's a work in progress.

[Kevin Smith]

Listen to Beardless me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Damien Hirst]

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?

[John Cameron Mitchell]

Ow.

[A.J. Holiday]

Go slower.

[Damien Hirst]

From Blumhouse TV, iheart podcasts and ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi and what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to the hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Mary Kay McBrayer]

I'm Mary Kay McBrayer, host of the podcast the Greatest True Crime Stories Ever Told. This season explores women from the 19th century to now, women who were murderers and scammers, but also women who were photojournalists, lawyers, writers and more. This podcast tells more than just the brutal, gory details of horrific acts. I delve into the good, the bad, the difficult, and all the nuance I can find because these are the stories that we need to know to understand the intersection of society, justice and the fascinating workings of the human psyche. Join me every week as I tell some of the most enthralling true crime stories about women who are not just victims, but heroes or villains, or often somewhere in between. Listen to the greatest true crime stories ever told on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.