Happily Ever PEACEFULL

Summary

We Talk Back – "Happily Ever PEACEFULL"

Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday
Release Date: September 11, 2025
Network: The Black Effect & iHeartRadio

---

Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, TamBam (joining live from Paris) and AJ Holiday tackle the provocative question: Can you be single forever and still be happy? The discussion weaves through relationships, family dynamics, intergenerational love, dating outside one’s race, societal pressures, financial expectations, sex and intimacy in partnerships, and the big difference between loneliness and solitude. With their signature humor, rawness, and no-holds-barred opinions, the hosts provide not only laughs but also real insight on love, self-worth, and the realities facing Black women navigating relationships today.

---

Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Paris Nights & Family Days

[03:05]

• TamBam shares her Parisian escapades, Drake concerts, and the nightlife scene ("I didn't get back into the hotel till like 5:30 in the morning." – TamBam)
• Jokes about PartyNextDoor's weight spark commentary on social media perceptions and celebrity image.

[05:41]

• AJ reflects on long family visits and the reality of rarely seeing aging parents.

• TamBam opens up about not seeing her dad in two years despite daily group chat convos, underscoring the importance of quality time.

  "When you calculate how often you actually see your parents... see your parents more often." – AJ Holiday (06:00)

• AJ shares a deeply personal reveal about her father's secret cancer diagnosis, sparking a conversation on adult children "raising" their parents and recognizing the caregiving role of younger partners (“Shout out to the young bitches with them old niggas, especially when you got our daddy.” – AJ, [08:07])

---

2. Race, Relationships & Internet Outrage

[08:17]

• Discussion of Summer Walker’s VMAs appearance with an older white partner, and backlash about interracial relationships.
  • AJ contextualizes her applause for Summer’s choice:

    "She already said she wasn't doing it for love no more – she's doing it for the black card." (09:21)

  • TamBam questions if race-based criticism is fair:

    “You don’t see nobody else talking shit in there? Ain’t nothing but black men.” (10:51)

• Critique of double standards: Black women dating out are labeled “gold diggers,” while Black men face little scrutiny for the same.

[11:46]

• Rant on how Black women who date white men usually have their lives together, and are drawn to spaces where they feel celebrated.

[12:07] Ginger J Situation

• TamBam and AJ lambast UK rapper Ginger J's anti-Black-women rhetoric. AJ questions his motives and masculinity, connecting his aggression to unresolved issues with his own mother.

  “You got a black mama and that’s who you mad at. You need to go sit with Iyanla, you and your mama.” – TamBam (13:09)

• Both critique Black men in the room who don’t defend Black women against attacks.

---

3. Family Legacy & Gendered Lines

[13:54]

• Spotlight on the Sherman family (Montgomery County, TX) going 108 years without a girl being born—now celebrating a daughter on the way.

  “That means literally every woman with the Sherman last name was married into the family. That’s crazy.” – TamBam (15:05)

---

4. Can Octopuses Teach Us to Set Boundaries?

[15:52]

• AJ and TamBam riff on the news that female octopi throw objects at harassing males, comparing it to women’s experience with persistent men and pushing for creative self-defense.

  "Maybe we need to start that, you know... just throw some shit!" – TamBam (17:20)

---

5. The Central Question: Can You Be Happily Single Forever?

[21:35]

• AJ’s take: She’d be okay alone but prefers partnership because “life is built for double occupancy.”
• TamBam finds beauty in alone time but admits some loneliness—especially when eating alone, longing for companionship.
  • AJ points out the “peace” of not having to cook or care for another adult:

    “When you single, some nights I don't even eat. I just go to sleep.” (22:52)

• Both agree that the freedom to not compromise or consider another constantly is invigorating, but so is being wanted and building shared memories.

[24:15] On Titles & Commitment

• Debate on needing "the title" in relationships, with TamBam admitting past commitment-phobia but now wanting “all the things.”
• AJ admits to sometimes self-sabotaging, waiting for the “nigga shit” to show up in a seemingly good relationship.

Memorable exchange:

TamBam: "You feel like this is your forever person?"

AJ: "What is forever? …I will love like I've never been hurt before. …When I do leave, I'm out of there forever." (26:48)

---

6. Healing, Apologies, and Patterns in Love

[28:09]

• Both discuss confronting infidelity: TamBam confronts immediately; AJ “builds a RICO case” by collecting evidence.
• On the futility of “tit for tat” revenge in relationships.

[31:45]

• AJ’s story about leaving a partner and being questioned by his child about taking food—highlights “stepmom fatigue” and boundary-setting.

---

7. The “Proudly Single” Myth & Dating Narratives

[31:56]

• Skepticism about the “happily single forever” trope: Both believe most women want partnership but may say otherwise as a defense.
  • “We want somebody to consider us. We just want it with the right person, and we don’t want to have to go through the fucking struggle first to get it. …It’s a defense mechanism.” – AJ (32:12/32:53)
• Commentary on how Black women “don’t know how to date,” and cultural pressure to delay or devalue dating until after college.

---

8. Maturity, Gender, and Relationship Reality Checks

[34:22]

• Discussion of how men and women mature emotionally, often not finding themselves until their 30s or 40s.
• AJ uses her dad as an example: “playing” well into his elder years.

---

9. Loneliness vs. Solitude

[37:41]

• Exploring the nuance between loneliness (painful absence) and solitude (peaceful aloneness).
  • “You can be alone in solitude and not be lonely.” – AJ
• AJ and TamBam both value time apart and even advocate for separate bedrooms as a relationship longevity tactic.

---

10. Would You Rather? Relationship Dilemmas

[45:34]
Quick-fire questions reveal core values:

• Single forever or date someone broke?

  • AJ: “Broke is a mindset. If you have a broke mindset, I can’t fuck with you...” (45:46)
  • Both agree: Being single is preferable to being with a broken or angry man.

• Single forever or deal with a cheating partner you love?

  • AJ: “Even if he stops cheating, the trust is gone.” (47:14)
  • TamBam: “Cheating ain’t a dealbreaker for me…” (47:39)

• Single forever or married with no sex?

  • AJ: “Most women want more than sex… but married with no sex? That’s rough unless he got a bag.” (49:51)
  • Discussion of why women withdraw sexually in relationships: "We giving that pussy up when we in love… if she’s not, she don’t like you." – AJ (51:21)

---

11. Relationship Maintenance: Space, Forgiveness, and Sex

[40:04]

• Both advocate for personal space in relationships – separate bedrooms and bathrooms for mental health.
• On cuddling: “Cuddle, but when it’s time to go to sleep, please go to your corner…” – TamBam (41:17)

[53:09]

• On marital sex frequency: “Having sex every night, having sex every time your man wants… I wouldn’t suggest that to anybody… have a little boundaries in the marriage to keep him productive.” – AJ (53:09)
• On intimacy: It's not about sex on demand—men must understand true intimacy and not expect “pussy on tap” after being disrespectful.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On parents and aging:
  “See your parents more often.” – AJ Holiday ([06:00])

• On interracial dating double standards:
  “No one comes for Black men dating out, but Summer Walker gets roasted. Why?” – TamBam ([10:51])

• On women choosing solitude:
  “It’s just a defense mechanism. If I don’t pick nobody, nobody can hurt me.” – TamBam ([32:53])

• On single woman freedom:
  “When you single, some nights I don't even eat. I just go to sleep.” – AJ Holiday ([22:52])

• On mature relationships:
  “You might not be dealing with a fully developed male until he's late 30s, 40s…” – AJ Holiday ([34:31])

• On marital sex and burnout:
  “If you milking a man every single night, I promise you, he's not producing… because I put niggas to sleep!” – AJ Holiday ([53:07])

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:05: TamBam in Paris, nightlife recap
• 05:41: Visiting parents, aging & health
• 08:17: Shout-out to younger partners caring for older men
• 09:19: Summer Walker, VMAs, and interracial relationships
• 12:07: UK rapper Ginger J and Black women
• 13:54: Sherman family’s 108-year all-male streak broken
• 15:52: Female octopus news and asserting boundaries
• 21:35: Main topic: can you be happy single forever?
• 28:09: On cheating, confrontation, and relationship boundaries
• 37:41: Loneliness versus solitude, personal space in relationships
• 45:34: “Would you rather…” segment: broke partner, cheater, no-sex marriage
• 53:07: Why women stop having sex in relationships

---

Final Thoughts

• On women and relationship happiness:
  “Y’all better stop flexing like y’all happy being single because you’re not. OK? And no, I’m not saying you’re lonely. Right? I think men, they just think that women are just going to die alone. The Bible says man shouldn’t be alone.” – AJ Holiday ([57:55])
• On picking better:
  “We want good men. A lot of women need to stop acting like it, and it's because ... they ran into a bad man. The men like to tell us, 'choose better.' You be thinking you choosing better, and then all of a sudden, Michael Myers shows up on your ass.” – AJ ([58:41])
• TamBam closes with a blessing:
  “I pray a healthy relationship for anyone within the sound of my voice, whether that be with yourself or with somebody else. Amen.” ([59:14])

---

Summary

True to their mission, TamBam and AJ leave no stone unturned in the search for "Happily Ever Peacefull." With hilarious anecdotes, honest vulnerabilities, and cultural critique, the hosts make clear: Black women crave peace, connection, and respect—whether single or partnered. The episode dismantles the “happy being single forever” rhetoric, exposes double standards, and insists: women can thrive alone, but most still desire love—with the right person, on their own terms.

For more, tune in every Thursday on iHeartRadio and keep it real with We Talk Back!

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an I Heart podcast.

[State Farm Announcer]

You've been working in the garage with your dad every week, Monday to Sunday, trying to get the old school up and running. Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it. Even better. Your dad says all yours, son. Yep. Same car that belongs to your grandpa that your dad helped him fix. It's yours. To really keep the tradition going, you need to get State Farm insurance just like them, generation to generation. Remember to choose the agents that your family counted on. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Ah, come on.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Why is this taking so long? This thing is ancient.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Still using yesterday's tech Upgrade to the ThinkPad X1 Carbon Ultra Light Ultra powerful and built for serious productivity with Intel Core Ultra processors, blazing speed and AI powered performance that keeps up with your business, not the other way around.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Whoa, this thing moves.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Stop hitting snooze on new tech. Win the tech [e-mail] Lenovo Lenovo unlock AI experiences with the ThinkPad X1 carbon powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create and boost productivity all on one device.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

This message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, save, spend wisely, and invest with your guardrails in place. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance, and keep an eye on what your kids are spending with real time notifications. Join millions of parents and kids building healthy financial habits together on Greenlight. Get started risk [e-mail] iheart this is.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up and it gets complicated and confusing. Odoo solves this. It's a single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything from accounting to inventory to sales. Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way. You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out [e-mail] that's o d o o.com Peace to the planet.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

It's Charlamagne tha God here. Before we get into today's episode, we've got to celebrate the Black Effect Podcast network. It's turning five years old, man. Five years of powerful voices, unforgettable moments, and a community that keeps growing. This is the power of the platform. Now let's get into it.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opin. He talks back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up y'? All? It's your girl, AJ Holiday, y'.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

All. It's no. Bonjour. Bonjour, everyone. It's Tam Bam Jatam. I'm live from Paris.

[AJ Holiday]

What time is it over there? Why you look like you're still in the bed?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Because I am. Because I've been out partying all night long. Like all night long. It's three o'clock in the afternoon. I didn't get back into the hotel till like 5:30 in the morning.

[AJ Holiday]

Shame. Did clubs stay open all night over there?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yes, all night.

[AJ Holiday]

One of those little strip. Remember Big Lizzo had got in trouble when she was over there putting bananas and coochies.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah. No. Oh, but I might try to see that tonight before I leave. I forgot about that. No. So you know this Drake concert? So they had like a bunch of Drake after parties around the city. It's nice. I had a good time. I enjoyed it. The concerts were good. I don't really know a lot of party next door music though, so.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, he on tour with Drake too.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I didn't even. I've never seen Party next door. He a big. He looked more like a party at the restaurant than next door, honestly.

[AJ Holiday]

Party at the buffet. Yo.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I'm sorry. Party next door.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't think I've ever seen him either. Let me see. Wait a minute. Party next door. And he be talking fly too. Let me not to say big boys can't talk fly.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Big boys can be fly.

[AJ Holiday]

Big boys sound good on the phone. Yeah, let's talk about it. I don't. And I met some random fat niggas on the Internet. You fucking ride a. Just one in particular when we was at Benedict. Bitch, when I tell you that dude was the same size as his fucking loveseat.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Dang.

[AJ Holiday]

I swear to God, I could not believe he had like a 70 inch TV. He was 70 inches, I swear to God. And he had a bunch of sneakers. They was all turnt to the cat.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

That needed a kickstanding leaning. Party next door. Oh, okay. I have seen him. Did he. I think he might have gained weight.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, he was thick. He was a thick boy up there.

[AJ Holiday]

He was little though. That's why I'm like, wait, he baked?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

No, he been eating good. He been getting them good tour checks and they eating good on tour, baby.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. Maybe he on predisone.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Very possible. Cause he was thick. On that stage.

[AJ Holiday]

Shame.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

What'd you do?

[AJ Holiday]

I didn't do much this weekend, actually, y', all. What I did do this weekend, I did do a lot this weekend. So on Saturday, I visited with my mama for, like, four to five hours. And then on Sunday, I visited with my daddy for, like, four to five hours. That's a lot.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

That was nice.

[AJ Holiday]

I feel I got enough visits for the rest of the year. You know, And I think I've said this before. Like, when you calculate how often you actually see your parents, right? So if you. Like, if you. If your parents in the 60s, 70s, and you see them once, twice a year, three times, like, calculate, like, how long people be living and calculate how many times you actually gonna see them again. So what I'm saying is see your parents more often.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Period. I know I need to go put my eyes on my dad. I have not seen my dad in person. Now, we talk every day in the group chat, at least. Good morning. But actually physically seeing him, that wasn't on FaceTime. It's been two years.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Like, I sat with my dad and found out this nigga was diagnosed with prostate cancer this year and had radiation. Didn't tell nobody.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Damn, damn wrong.

[AJ Holiday]

And in the midst of telling him, my stepdaddy just had surgery. Same thing. He was like, I had it. I just. I said, you know what? Y' all are like. Y' all the parents. Like, we. It's really real that you are a.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Child raising your parents. Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Because I guess he didn't want anybody to have ill. Like, you know, the energy, the negative energy about it. But I'm never for that. I'm always. Everything will always be good. That is my attitude about everything.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm never gonna send him. Yeah. So I guess him and his wife knew, and I was telling her how I'm so appreciative and have a lot of gratitude. I'm very grateful for her because y'. All. My stepmom. My stepmom is the same dad. We all in our 40s. Me, her, and my sisters. Okay.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah. Big Roman, wrong.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm the youngest. But, yeah, my stepsister is the same. She's, like, in between my two sisters. So she's like, 47. Yeah, that's what I meant. My stepmom, she's like, in between my two sisters, age wise. And she be taking good care of my daddy. Thank God. You know what I'm saying? Because I.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

You don't have to do it.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Until she be like, hey, fuck that old nigga. I'm about to go get. Then I'll step in. But I'm still grateful. Like, she made sure he take his medicine, put his little.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Take care of him.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, she takes care of him. So shout out to the young bitches with them old niggas, okay? Yeah, we love y', all, especially when you got our daddy.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Let's get in the sense. Because speaking of young bitches with old niggas, did you see, see, Summer Walker popped out at the VMAs with a very dapper older gentleman.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. Sprinkle, sprinkle. And I love it.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Is big mad at Summer. Now this, this. I don't know if y' all saw it, but this guy is considerably older than Summer and he's considerably wider. Much whiter than Summer as well than the normal white. Yeah, like that's a pill.

[AJ Holiday]

No, he looked like a vampire. I ain't gonna lie. He does look like a vampire. But to me, his facial features aren't the worst. And if he's a billionaire, he might be the finest nigga I ever seen. I don't know, right? That's how she probably feel. So. So she posted and she was like, fuck my type of period, right?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Because my type ain't working. Clearly.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. She already said she wasn't doing it for love no more. She's doing it for the black card.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah. I mean, I can't do no old ass white man. Like, that's crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

It's a couple of the social media girlies with their white husbands, and I'd be like, girl, how you find that one? Like, some of them be fine.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, Okay. A fine one, that's like age appropriate. But that, man, that make me think of baps. Do we have a baps situation going on?

[AJ Holiday]

She definitely looks super bathish on that red carpet. And a lot of black men had a lot of choice words, you know, I seen winch. I hate that term. Because our ancestors were not having sex with these because they wanted to. Right? So to call a woman that who is making a choice, right? That's just nasty. I hate that. I hate it so much. And like, nobody has this type of energy for. For white. For black men when they date outside the race.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? The only reason why black women be coming for men is because y'.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all can't just say, I like my white woman. Because such and such, y' all have to say, what's wrong.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

They hate us because black women, such and such and such. That is the problem. We have Other than that, we do not give a fuck about your preference. Right. But your preference always seems kind of disparaging to black women. Like that's what it comes with. You gotta disparage us to prove that you love your white queen. N go do that.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I ain't mad at her. I ain't mad at nobody for choosing who they wanna choose. So more power to you. And black men be nice. Damn, it. Ain't nothing but black men. You don't see nobody else talking shit in there?

[AJ Holiday]

No. And it's almost like. So the thing is that they say that black women go with white men, like for the money. Right? Clearly. Right? In this situation. Absolutely. And why not? You know what I'm saying? Why we gotta keep dating down? But it's actually black men who be paper chasing when they fucking outside their race. When they start fucking with the big white lady, they paper chasing. But they try to put it on us as if it's what we're doing. A lot of black women who date black who date white men usually have their lives together. They're little quirky black girls, you know what I'm saying? Most of them. And that's probably who liked them. They went where they were celebrated.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

What's the problem with that?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Agreed.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all don't like black women. A lot of y' all don't like black women. And it's okay.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Especially that guy, that Big Ginger or whatever his name from. I don't know if y' all saw that. That UK rapper.

[AJ Holiday]

Ginger J. Ginger J. Oh, I don't.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Know if y' all saw that.

[AJ Holiday]

But the dustiest ginger ever, right?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

And he was like, black women, that's not even your hair. How can I argue with someone who doesn't have their hair?

[AJ Holiday]

Take the lashes off. What really triggered those black women is when he said, put you in your place. That girl said, what place? What place? Yeah, because. What place? So apparently Ginger J has done a lot of prison time. Okay? So listen, I done had the jailhouse niggas, okay? I'm not. If you go in there and you already. With that type of time, it'd probably be easier for you to slide into those activities a lot. Displaying that type of aggression where you know a lot of people gonna see it is you. Don't you really. Do you even like women? And then you have somebody you can tower over who's possibly afraid of you. It's because black women aren't afraid of you. You want somebody to be scared of you.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Exactly. Because why are you so Angry, though. Like, it's one thing to have, you know, these are your feelings. But why are you yelling and screaming at people about your feelings about black women? And then he said he don't like how his mother move. And that made all the sense to me. Because you got a black mama and that's who you mad at. And that's, you need to go sit with Ayanla, you and your mama.

[AJ Holiday]

And on top of that, I'm disappointed in the other black men that were in the room. Like, I feel like, was he.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I think they were in agreement.

[AJ Holiday]

Was he going to go run up and fight that girl?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right? Because he was like, why y' all.

[AJ Holiday]

Gotta hold him back?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah. Very aggressive.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Keep your Indian woman, child. We don't need you over here.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

But did you see this? There is a family out of Montgomery County. Where is this? Texas. I think it's Texas. I'm sorry, but it says Montgomery county firefighters. Family has a daughter on the way. The last time the Sherman family said they had a girl born in their family was 1917. 108 years and family is finally expecting a daughter. Ain't been having nothing but all boys. Was that a curse? Has the curse.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, I bet you that family big as hell.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Men be procreating.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Okay. Right. Huge family. That's crazy. This is a black family, too.

[AJ Holiday]

I wonder what happened. But that, I mean, you know, that's a blessing. A lot of times, like, men, they be wanting boys so bad, they don't realize like that gene comes from them. Okay, so you're the reason you don't have a boy. It's not your girl fault. Those are some, some, some. I always think men who end up with a bunch of girls are usually womanizers. Like, it'd be the good men who have sons to create more good men.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Well, that means like literally every woman with the Sherman last name was married into the family. Married, married, married. There's no girl. And then they had a boy, too. That's crazy. That's insane. Honestly, 108 years and not a single girl until now. I pray blessings over that baby.

[AJ Holiday]

I wonder who the family of the mom is. Like, she came through with them jeans.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Like them powerful jeans. Yep, yep. Trump.

[AJ Holiday]

Trump that.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

Get a girl.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

That's crazy. I wonder. I wonder if there's any other families like that. Is that like Guinness? That has to be a record, right?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

108:17.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's nuts.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Not a single female.

[AJ Holiday]

So I saw this funny article. It said that female octopus have been Observed throwing objects at persistent males who won't stop trying to mate with them. So it says, octopus is smarter than we thought. I saw octopus trying to drown a man. Like, he really was on him, like, trying to get to his face to put the body over his face.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Trying to kill his ass. Mm. Throwing objects at him, like, leave me alone. Damn right, I don't want to fuck you. It's crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

Plos One study found that female octopus use a remarkable strategy. Gathering shells, silt, or algae in their webs and blasting it through their Tipon. Tipon. I guess whatever it is to hit a target with surprising accuracy. And this is in water also. You gotta throw that real hard for it to water.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Get your ass back. Get away from my house.

[AJ Holiday]

They said often, females aimed at males approaching too aggressively. Researchers even observed them adjusting their arm, repeating throws at the same individual individual suggesting true intent. Maybe we need to start that, you know, instead of, like, giving this man the wrong phone number because you, like, don't want to be harassed.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Just throw some shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Throw some rocks, man. I remember one time we got into a fight. We. With some kids. It was my homegirl's boyfriend, my. It was my cousin's boyfriend. We were all fighting, and, man, my sister threw a brick at that nigga. Like, he was upstairs in his trailer. We were all like, downstairs, man, what precision. She hit that nigga. Like, imagine just a head, like, peep out of screen door. Like, after he done been fighting all us outside, it got hit with a brick, bright in his face. Beat him.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

All right, so what are we talking today? All right, we are going to talk about can you be single forever and happy? Like, is that a thing? Do you have to be connected to someone for your happiness? Some women are saying they don't want to be with anyone, and they can be fine like that. I want to get into it because, I mean, you know, who knows what the future holds? So we'll see. All right, we'll be right back, you guys.

[State Farm Announcer]

This past weekend, like, every other Sunday, you were on the court with the guys, playing ball. Just a pickup game, living out your hoop dreams. No triple doubles, but a mean set of threes in between buckets. One of the homies mentions he closed on a new crib. This is big. And while everyone's asking about the housewarming and making plans to celebrate, you're asking the real questions. Like, has he spoke to his State Farm agent yet about coverage? See, home ownership is one thing, but the right coverage is the real game changer. Even more than Your last hot streak is how you protect your legacy. Dropping buckets and bars on the court estate Farm Agent can more than assist you with finding the right coverage for your new place. If you have a claim, your local agent can help you file it. Yep, that's right. Over the phone, in person, online, or on the app, they're ready to help you and they don't drop the ball, if you know what I mean. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Ah, come on.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Why is this taking so long? This thing is ancient.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Still using yesterday's tech upgrade to the ThinkPad X1 carbon ultralight. Ultra powerful and built for serious productivity with Intel Core Ultra processors, blazing speed and AI powered performance that keeps up with your business, not the other way around.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Whoa, this thing moves.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Stop hitting snooze on new tech. Win the tech [e-mail] Lenovo Lenovo unlock AI experiences with the ThinkPad X1 carbon powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create and boost productivity all on one device.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

This message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, save, spend wisely, and invest with your guardrails in place. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance, and keep an eye on what your kids are spending with real time notifications. Join millions of parents and kids building healthy financial habits together on Greenlight. Get started risk [e-mail] iheart this is.

[Jacob Goldstein]

Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? Business software is expensive, and when you buy software from lots of different companies, it's not only expensive, it gets confusing. Slow to use, hard to integrate. Odoo solves that because all Odoo software is connected on a single affordable platform. Save money without missing out on the features you need. Odoo has no hidden costs and no limit on features or data. Odoo has over 60 apps available for any needs your business might have, all at no additional charge. Everything from websites to sales to inventory to accounting. All linked and talking to each other. Check out Odoo at O d o o dot com. That's O d o o dot com.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Would you be okay being single forever?

[AJ Holiday]

You know, my last relationship, I said, that was the last relationship. I literally, I was like, man, if this shit don't work, I ain't doing this again. You know, I don't have a problem being by myself, but that is not my preference. I noticed life is built for Double occupancy. You know what I'm saying? You're not supposed to be trying to do life by yourself. A lot of us will and do. Right. A lot of the divorced girlies love it single.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

You got the kids already. Husband out the house and they. They chilling now. Understandable. They've already done the thing. I haven't done the thing yet, so.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right. I just. Sometimes I like, I listen to like some of my friends issues with their partner and then I lay down like, you know, thanking God that I ain't got that. But then when I'm in there eating them factory meals in the house, sitting there at a tray table by myself watching Netflix alone, I feel like God send me somebody. So.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but you. You eating factor meals. If you had a man there, you'd have to be cooking actual meals. You responsible for this nigga's stomach. And they always want to know what we eating.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Why you ain't get something before you got here? I. I'm eating cereal tonight now. That's one of the things I hate being like. I understand the woman is responsible for the nourishment of the family, so I will always like, prepare the food and that. But man, when you single, some nights I don't even eat. I just go to sleep.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Popcorn. A bag of popcorn and a glass of wine. It's dinner.

[AJ Holiday]

Sometimes I don't always feel like eating, so I.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

You can have some. You want some popcorn?

[AJ Holiday]

Go eat some cereal. My. My daddy used to say, get. Get you a air sandwich if you think you're gonna be hungry. Take two slices of bread, blow in between it and slap it together real fast. Eat that. Go make an air sandwich. Get out my face. But yeah, like, it's just certain things you don't gotta worry about when you single. You know, you don't have to consider someone else all the time.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

And there's a beauty in that.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. And I think there's a difference between a single woman and a single man. Like, single woman. Not to say we don't be out here smashing. Having sex, having fun. I think it's minimal depending on your age. Right. In comparison to men. Like men is out here just doing whatever. Right, right. Smashing. Men like relationships too, but they don't want the commitment part. So they might be doing all the things with somebody, but they don't want, like, the title, but no title.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And I think women kind of stay by themselves until they can get that title.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, I agree. But I kind of like that too. I've Been known to not want a title. Why we gotta call it anything? It is. We're fine. We're. We're fine, right?

[AJ Holiday]

No, not for me, man. I. I be needing to know, especially if I want to be in a relationship, if I don't want to. I mean, I'm never mentioning shit, but then it's always when you are in that energy, then the other person is always trying to figure out what we doing. Like men be trying to figure out what's up too. It's just you trading pants pants with them.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I'd say honestly, like the both of the, like, I've only had like two really serious relationships that I call serious relationships. And both times I was given an ultimatum. Is that crazy? Like, either we gonna be together or we just need to stop.

[AJ Holiday]

But was it a relationship then? It wasn't.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You never actually committed to it.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

So then once they said like, either they gonna leave me alone or we're gonna be in a committed relationship, then I was like, all right then let's be together. I don't want, I don't want you to leave. But it was never like the other way around.

[AJ Holiday]

I feel like I'm leaving. If a nigga give me an ultimatum, I'm out of there.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

What I mean, because technically we were already in a relationship. It just didn't have a title. So I don't know, I'll be a commitment fold. But that was a long time ago. Now I think I would want all the things.

[AJ Holiday]

It's nice. Especially if you, you. I don't know, man. It's just. I know a lot of it's hard because we just, a lot of us have been through the wringer with men. What I'm experiencing right now is just like, it's so good. Right to the point where I'm like, when is the nigga shit showing up?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Oh, no.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, you scared? Yeah, like I'm self sabotaging in my mind, right? Because I've never experienced anybody be like, good day one. It's almost always, you gotta go through this stupid ass rough patch, ghetto shit, bitches, all these different things, like, to get to the promised land all of a sudden. And by the time you get there, it's like, I don't even like you.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

You didn't want it no more. Yeah, I'm cool.

[AJ Holiday]

You done. You done tried to break me down. Like, I'm really ready to try this shit with somebody else at this point. Like, you're good today, but what about them other 360 days?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

So you feel like this is your forever person?

[AJ Holiday]

What is forever? I mean, I'm all, listen, I will love like, I've never been hurt before. I will start over as many times as I feel like I need to with anything. Career, job, motherfucking, just life, period. Relationships. And I leave niggas, I definitely do. So I'm never scared to leave somebody. It might take me a while to do it, but when I do do it, I'm out of there forever. I hope, I hope so.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I was about to say, I don't. You didn't answer the question just now.

[AJ Holiday]

But that's all we could do is hope and then move forward and that with, with intention, you know, that's all you can do. But it's scary. It is fucking like, I feel like this is more scary than catching your cheating like, or ignoring your cheating and you ain't said yet. It's more scary when you with somebody with intention and you sitting there waiting for them other to show up. Yeah, Somebody to kick, sweep you on your head like, damn, that's you.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

First of all, I've never been the type of woman that could hold on to any information. If I find out you're doing something I ain't holding in my back pocket, I'm going for right away, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm the feds child. I'm billing a rico, you know, because I don't like the nag. I do be liking happy days. But when shit start piling up, I'm be like, listen. Now all of a sudden, like, people say they want you to address shit the minute it happens, but when you are actually doing that, now you nagging. If I'm actually addressing everything every time I don't like something, now I'm in agony. I mean, everybody does it though.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Everybody.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, I don't, I don't. I don't really address everything every time. Sometimes it's okay to shut the fuck up, but you know when shit start piling up and we get into this thing, like, yeah, I might start spewing out some shit you thought I ain't know about. Cause shut the fuck up with me.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, I agree. Like, I do pick and choose my battles, but if I found out you cheating on me, I'm not sitting on that. I'm not sitting on that. I'm coming.

[AJ Holiday]

No, that, that I'm not cheating. Shit, I'll say. I remember one day where in my. One of my last relationships, I was actually looking for a reason instead of just having knowing that you got enough reasons to Go. Why are you looking for a particular reason? This day I went through the nigga email and I saw he was trying to go to lunch with one of his not. I don't even know a girl was an ex. I just knew she was always a goddamn problem, right? And so. And we were working on like, the food truck at the time. So I go out to the food truck, got your kids in my car. And I'm like. And we're engaged at this point. I said, you want an open marriage? That was my way of letting him know he was on some bullshit. And I knew, do you want to open marriage? It's never like. I'm like, you cheating and da, da, da. No n. I like even playing fields. I am definitely a one upper. So don't. Don't tip me and I won't tat. So if you on that type of time, I want to be able to be on that type of time too. Because what make you think I just wanna be super committed if you ain't right?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I thought you was gonna say y' all pulled up on him.

[AJ Holiday]

No, hell no.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

The kid was like, stay away from my daddy, tramp. You know what movie that come from?

[AJ Holiday]

I had kids with me, though.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

You ever seen daddy's Little Girls? Where.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I remember. I don't remember that scene.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

A lady pull up on Gabrielle Union, she on a date. She was on the best date she had with another attorney. And a van pulled up and the door slid open and the little boy jumped out like, stay away from my daddy, tramp.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl. I remember when I was leaving and I was taking, like, food out the refrigerator. Like, I eat a lot of things people don't eat, right? So I'm not about to leave. I'm leaving. Like, I'm leaving, leaving. And his son was like, why are you taking all our food? It was at that moment I was like, you and your daddy, right? I be the one in here cooking and slaving and feeding your ass. You don't eat this shit I'm taking out here. These are things I bought for me. Like, why are you taking Allah? He just studying me. Why are you taking all our food?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Your daddy's gonna get you some more food. This is my food. What'd you say?

[AJ Holiday]

Shut up.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Shut up.

[AJ Holiday]

I miss those kids, man. I definitely told his ass to shut up because I was not taking all his food. This is daddy energy just tapped into him right quick.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

That's all that was.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Now he wouldn't know where the good going because you left nothing but peanut butter jelly in this, they definitely used.

[AJ Holiday]

To wake me up. We want your breakfast. Didn't your daddy just give y' all cereal? But y' all want my breakfast? Hot is better.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

So do we like what celebrities are like, proudly single versus, like, people who are, like, seem like they fake independent.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't think anybody is. I mean, you had Beyonce single, independent. All these songs she was making. And really she wanted a husband.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Like, the girlies be talking hella shit, but they stay pregnant.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, so why are we spreading that.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Spreading that rhetoric when really women want to be loved.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

All of us.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. We want to be in love. We want somebody to consider us. We want. We just want it with the right person, and we don't want to have to go through the fucking struggle first to get it. We just want you to be a one day one. That's it. So I think if all women can find that. That situation. I'm not saying bitches ain't crazy, because it's a lot of women that are crazy as hell who probably need to be by themselves because they cannot coexist with someone else. But I believe, for the most part, like, women just. Women do want relationships. I think it might be, like a defense mechanism.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I think that's what it is for me. Oftentimes I think it's just like a defenseman, like, why we need to. If I don't pick nobody, nobody can hurt me kind of thing.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I'm picking. And I like to pick. You know what I'm saying? I like to pick because you get what you want when you. When you pick. So even if you got multiple people pursuing you, you still get to. That's why it's important to date. And like we talked before, like, black women just don't know how to date because we were never allowed to. Yeah, right. So white girls got multiple boyfriends. They got multiple friends. John. All these people can come to the house, they hanging out with them, you know, not even having sex. At least their parents think they ain't having sex. But, you know, when black women get to the age of dating, which let our elders tell it, it need to be after college.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You need to find your mate while you're in college. You got to try to figure out how to do both.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Well, it's just so hard while you're in college. You're still, like, so young. And especially I feel like the kiddies are. Well, they're Adults. The young adults that are in college now. I don't think they are. They are as mature. You know, I think there's a bit of arrested development when it comes with millennials and jeniers. And I think, like, some of them don't even. I mean, let's. I don't feel like a lot of people get to know themselves for real until they're in their 30s.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Men and women. Well, men might take even a little than that. It's a proven scientific fact.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, right.

[AJ Holiday]

You might not be dealing with a fully developed male until he's, you know, late 30s, 40s.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Early 40s.

[AJ Holiday]

And then sometimes, you know, they be thinking they the pick of the litter. So they really. They still be playing even into their 40s. Like, my daddy is 72 years old. I remember my daddy still playing in his 50 and 60s. Okay.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Still out here. Big rose.

[AJ Holiday]

I was living with this for like a year or two. I saw it. I knew when my daddy was coming home and when he wasn't, if he put on like a tracksuit or something, he. He coming back and put a hat on, some hard bottoms. He ain't coming back. I done seen a bra on the. Like, what is happening? You know, you got a teenage daughter living here.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Wow. He living his best life.

[AJ Holiday]

Best life for a long time. You know what I'm saying?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

And now, do you have any friends that, like, swore they'd be single forever and like, now they booed up in love and a different person got a kid and all kind of shit?

[AJ Holiday]

No, not one of them. That's why I'm like, maybe those women only exist online. Or maybe those women are ones who have been. Who are now divorced with children and like, fuck that. Or older women right in their 50s or something like that. But young, younger women, like our age, like, no, everybody wants somebody. Like, they looking for their husband. They manifest. They writing, they list out. They trying to manifest their husbands. Everybody, you know, anybody who just be like, down, I want to be single.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

No, I don't know. You know, actually, I do. Huh.

[AJ Holiday]

Is she still getting smashed up? She don't want to have sex.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

She don't want to have sex. I think she just so tired of men and, like, it's exhausting being, feeling. Feeling misused. Because she definitely got, like, a very, very negative, very negative perspective. Negative energy when it comes toward dating and what you gonna get and how, you know, she's just like, these, them. I don't wanna. I don't want to date. I don't want to be bothered with them at all. I'm like, well, are you a lesbian? And she's like, no, no, I'm not gay either.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm always, fuck these niggas too, right? But I love these niggas. Let's not get it twisted. Fuck these niggas who be on that bullshit. If somebody comes along who isn't, I be ready. That's what I mean, like, when I say fuck these niggas, like, collectively fuck.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

These niggas as a body of people. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

But I'm never like, I love men, and I love love. I understand the power of partnership and a union, you know what I'm saying? Even though a lot of men don't understand it, y' all be out here paper chasing, running in circles. You don't realize the bag come with your wife, right? You know, and not saying that you can't be shit without a woman, but whatever you got going on, I bet you it will triple, double, quadruple, backflip. Okay. If you get a good woman.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah. Do you think there's a difference between loneliness and solitude?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, they cut a little bit, right? So they could be a little interchangeable, or they can be, like, opposite. I think solitude is good. And you don't. You're not necessarily lonely. Necessarily lonely when you're in solitude. I like to be by myself, you know what I'm saying? I like. And right now I got, like a long distance thing going on. And it's good because I'm a Gemini, right? Every single day. Like, I have to work up to that. Like, I do, like, cohabitating, but I have to work up to that, like, in a long term relationship.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I think my, like, my last serious, serious relationship work lasted as long as it did because my nigga was deployed, he was military. So he be gone for three months and then come home for three months and then be gone three more months. And that used to just.

[AJ Holiday]

You really miss them when you see them. You miss each other. So it does make the love, like, stronger. But once you, like in that and y' all in each other's faces every day, all day, like, you really learn each other.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

That's the hard part. Like, that's the hard part for me of a committed relationship in my face every day, every day, huh?

[AJ Holiday]

I say, you still here?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah. Like, every single day, day in and day out, and you're always here.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, I said I would never live with a man in an apartment. And I mean, a townhouse is essentially the same thing. Like I have done both now at this point and it's not enough space. Because if you piss me off and you still can walk past me, I'm going to trip. Last night I was in here practicing kick sweeping. I might post a video practicing.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

That is funny because. Why is you.

[AJ Holiday]

Because I want to kick sweep a. In the midst of an argument. Like when he. Like.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

That'S what I want to be able to do.

[AJ Holiday]

And watch their head like pop up off the floor a little bit like poo poo.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

But I think relationships would last a lot longer if people had that space.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I'm not opposed to separate bedrooms. Separate bedrooms, separate bathroom. We need a big ass house. And we could take turns. But nine times out of 10, man gonna be in your room. Cause your shit gonna be cleaner, better linen, like this comfortable room. Your shit is the playroom. I'm not opposed to like older people start doing it. My parents live in separate rooms right now. Both of them. Okay. Both sets of family members, they live in separate rooms.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And I think it's healthy we still individuals, you know what I'm saying? We. We not sleep in a sandbath every night.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Get. I listen, I'm even one of those people. Like if we sleep in the same bed, I'm. I don't want to sleep on you. Get over there. Like we can cuddle. But then once it's time to go to sleep, please go to your corner and get the fuck away from me. Don't. You might could put a leg over here a little bit. But don't be trying to hold on to me. Like the last. I keep saying the last relationship he would want to like me to lay sleep on his chest.

[AJ Holiday]

Did he have ground beef? Ground beef on his chest?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, he had little curly hairs on his chest and want me to sleep on that. And then he would sweat.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, hell no.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Get off of me.

[AJ Holiday]

That be me. I started sweating immediately. Like I want to cuddle for two minutes and then like, you know I love you and I'm turning my back to you.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

I saw this diagram. They were saying like people who actually sleep back to back. Like couples. Booty to booty, Booty to booty. Have the best relationships. Actually. Like they're confident in their relationship that.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

We don't know what I'm saying. I'm trying to sleep. God damn. You have to be connected at the joints. Like, God damn, let me go.

[AJ Holiday]

Imagine being sleep. And every night somebody like taking their feet and rubbing the bottom of your feet with their toes, you know. While they're sleeping. While you're trying to go to sleep. While you're sleeping every single night. You like, stop doing that to my fucking feet. How am I supposed to go to sleep, right? Somebody tickling the bottom of my foot.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

First of all, you probably don't want to do that with my foot. You go cut yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

You got defense mechanisms. It's like a. I don't know what type of animal. Got raisins on the bottom of for it just in case the. Try it.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I've been standing 20 years, okay?

[State Farm Announcer]

You've been working in the garage with your dad every week, Monday to Sunday, trying to get the old school up and running. Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it. So you have that feeling of accomplishment. You did it. Then your dad throws you the keys. He says those three magic words, all your son.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yup.

[State Farm Announcer]

Same car that belonged to your grandpa.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

And that your dad helped him fix.

[State Farm Announcer]

It's yours. Three generations right there, keeping the tradition alive. But if you ask dad to really keep the tradition going, you need to get insurance. And you already know you need to get State Farm. Because your agent, well, he gets tradition, too. His dad was an agent, his grandpa too.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

So he gets you generation to generation.

[State Farm Announcer]

Remember to choose the ages that your family counted on. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Ah, come on.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Why is this taking so long? This thing is ancient.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Still using yesterday's tech, upgrade to the ThinkPad X1 carbon ultralight. Ultra powerful and built for serious productivity with Intel Core Ultra processors, blazing speed, and AI powered performance that keeps up with your business, not the other way around.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Whoa, this thing moves.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Stop hitting snooze on new tech. Win the tech [e-mail] Unlock AI experiences with the ThinkPad X1 Carbon, powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create, and boost productivity all on one device.

[Jacob Goldstein]

This is Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? Business software is expensive. And when you buy software from lots of different companies, it's not only expensive, it gets confusing. Slow to use, hard to integrate. Odoo solves that, because all Odoo software is connected on a single affordable platform. Save money without missing out on the features you need. Odoo has no hidden costs and no limit on features or data. Odoo has over 60 apps available for any needs your business might have, all at no additional charge. Everything from websites to sales to inventory to accounting, all linked and talking to each other. Check out [e-mail] that's o-o.com Tyler Redick.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Here from 2311 Racing. The rush of racing. Nothing beats it. But Chumba Casino comes close. Chumba's got fast spins, fun games, daily bonuses and all the action you can handle. Now that ready to hit the throttle. Get in the driver's seat and head to chumbacasino.com let's Chumba. Sponsored by Chumba Casino no purchase necessary VGW Group void Where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

All right, I got some questions for you. Would you rather be single forever or date someone broke?

[AJ Holiday]

What the fuck?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Hello?

[AJ Holiday]

Why we can't. Why we can't never. Like I'm here, bitch. God damn. Why we can't ever have both? Single forever or date someone broke? Okay. Because I understand broke is a mindset. So you have a broke mindset. I can't fuck with you if you're currently in between blissings. I might get fuck with you. You know what I'm saying? If you a man with a plan, I can. I would prefer doing that than just being completely single. But if we going with this exactly how it says, I would just be single without adding in all the other factors. I would just be single. Because that is not a happy life for me. Because that is not a happy man.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah. Because listen, the number one reason in the United States that relationships dissolve is what? Finances. Finances. So I don't want to be with no broke, angry man just so I can say I'm happy I'm with somebody. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And that's a lot of women's situations. They got that dude. They can't get off their damn couch.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

He mad. Okay, what about this one? Single forever or deal with a cheater you love?

[AJ Holiday]

See, I don't. I've done that right. And it just doesn't lead to a good place like there. Even if he stops cheating, the trust is gone. I don't trust you not to cheat.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want to keep harassing somebody about the past. So if I can't do that, I need to get out the situation. If you can't really actively forgive? Because forgiveness is giving. Giving up hope for a better past. That's all it is. And if you can't give up hope for a better pass, you got to get out of there. So I would just be single then just to stay with somebody who's always going to cheat?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

See, for me, I don't know. Because cheating ain't a deal breaker for me.

[AJ Holiday]

It depends. Well, maybe it depends on how you cheat. And if you're giving money. Like, somebody could send me, like, a row of cash app and Apple pay payments. You were sending. I'm out of there.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Oh, yeah, but what kind of. What kind of. I don't know. Because think about it. What kind of woman are you dealing with that you don't have to do nothing for?

[AJ Holiday]

There's a lot of women out here who can't even ask for what they need or want. So even though, you know he doesn't have to show up with anything, she probably. Maybe he's the type of person where you got to actually ask him. It's not that he can't do it, but he's not offering. She could be with. He could be somebody like that for her. For me over here, it's a little bit different.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Like, you don't require any, like, financial help and you just.

[AJ Holiday]

So you'd be questioning the woman?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

No, I'd be like, what are you doing? You just getting. You just want. His dick is crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

And a lot of women just want the dick. That is the weird part to me, like, that's all y'. All, like, man dick for brains.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I have this argument with a loved one all the time. And I remember one time she said to me, well, he got bills too.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

So sounds like a personal problem.

[AJ Holiday]

You asking me for money now I gotta suck my man's dick to give you a dollar? How is that right? Yeah, I'm doing the dirty work, and you over here let somebody hop on your body. For what? I don't understand it. I will never understand it. At least get a pack of cigarettes, right?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

A dry person or one ass do not match.

[AJ Holiday]

You remember? Mind your grandmama. She. That's what she used to. At least get. Get a pack of cigarettes. All right?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

This is single forever or married with no sex.

[AJ Holiday]

Does it. Okay, does the husband have a bag?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yes. He's not broke. I ain't gonna say he rich. Rich, but he ain't broke.

[AJ Holiday]

I make a dude married with no sex if you're single, Right. You're not supposed to be letting nobody smash on you if you're single, right?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

No, that's not true. You have sex when you single.

[AJ Holiday]

Maybe that's another episode. I mean, nothing you don't like. Yeah, of course. Right. But most women want more than sex. Yeah, most women want more than just letting somebody get on their ass. Most women, you know, not all.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

A marriage with no sex. I'm versus being.

[AJ Holiday]

You didn't say I can have. No, you said no sex. That mean no sex with him?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

It didn't say that.

[AJ Holiday]

It said married with no sex with him. Because I'mma get me. I don't know. I just. I. I have been in relationships where love is gone and you don't want to have sex, and you just not even in the mood to have sex, you know? So men always talking about how their wives don't be giving it up. I'm gonna tell y' all a secret women ain't gonna. Don't want to tell y'. All. She don't like you. We giving that pussy up when we in love. Okay. We can't wait for you to touch us. They're too tired.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Rubbing his foot on the bottom of their foot at night. They can't get no sleep.

[AJ Holiday]

They like, they bored. I don't even think it's. I don't think it's.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

The stroke don't change. It's the same position. We gonna start missionary, then I'm gonna flip you over. Then I'm gonna do that a couple times. I'm gonna come and go to sleep. Same shit for 20 years. Yeah, she tired. She don't want that no more.

[AJ Holiday]

I think married people or people who have been in long term committed relationships, they need to go go to a hotel more often. Hotel sex be good. Why?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Vacation sex. That's what I always hear. Like the girlies say, like, they. Sex might be boring at home, but when they go on vacation, they get slitted out by their man.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, Lexi, y'.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

Cause you're just happy you're on vacation. You don't have to worry about the kids ain't here if you got them. Like, it's just all fun times. And then maybe like, that thing that made them like each other gets rekindled. Like, they acting like kids themselves. You gotta keep that childlike energy, man, to keep fun when shit is just extra strict and too much adult shit going on. Like, we just living, working, and paying bills. I don't really feel like sucking dick. I really don't feel like, you know. So on one of our episodes when I said, like, I want a man who ain't mad that we ain't having sex for a month for our goals, I believe sometimes you have to practice abstinence, right? From multiple things, just fasting to reach goals. You just have to, like, if you milking a man every single night, I promise you, he's not producing. He don't have the energy, too. If you're doing it right, baby. Because I put niggas to sleep. So if your nigga always Awake, you ain't doing nothing every night.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Every night is crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, like having sex every night. Having sex every time your man wants to have sex. That's not. I wouldn't suggest that to anybody. No, I'm not saying deprive him, but have a little boundaries even in. In the marriage to make sure he keeps producing.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, but a month is crazy. Is it 30 days?

[AJ Holiday]

No, it's only four weeks. You break that down, it's 30 days.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, that sounds like. Yeah, that's a long time.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all just horny. Why y' all are horny?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

30 days and I got a whole man right there every day. That seemed like a lot.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but. But every day, like we knocking out goals. Like, every day we doing things like might. That might have us tired. And this is in situations where you building. You know what I'm saying? Like, why do you even. What's the reward? What are we celebrating with the sex? That's how I feel. I'm not talking about relationship, girl. Bye. That love shit, man, ain't shit when them bills piling up on your ass.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Like, you only got enough money for bills, but nothing fun.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, now that don't sound fun at all.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. And why do you. I have to be happy to have sex. You have to be happy to have sex.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

To do it willingly or really, really mad. One of the two. You toxic.

[AJ Holiday]

That's all I'm hearing. You toxic. You be making up reasons to fight a nigga so y' all can have makeup sex. I don't want to be upset.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I don't do that no more.

[AJ Holiday]

You don't even know if you still do that or not. Yeah, right. The helly. No, man. The more we fight, the less I like you.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, but you never had like really good makeup sex. Like.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want to have sex. We gotta. We. We have to have had a in depth conversation about whatever transpired. And maybe the day after tomorrow, I'll give it to you three days.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

We'll revisit this conversation in 30 days.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, because I You not climbing up on me if you don't piss me off. Because the problem with men, they are already don't understand what intimacy really is. Intimacy is not you tapping me on my shoulder after you done pissed me off all day and now we in the bed and you think I'm supposed to happily give you my. Like this is somebody else going into my body. My body. I can't let you go in my body when you have not been being nice to me all day.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Right, I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

So intimacy starts when you wake up kissing on me, rubbing up on me. If I'm cooking you breakfast, you touching me like that shit.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

But the makeup, the makeup. When I think of makeup sex, I think of a reinforcement of the conversation that we've had to make up. Now we're having sex. Not just we was mad, but now I want to fuck. No.

[AJ Holiday]

So it's going to be like right after the conversation. It's not going to be a cool down period.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

It don't have to be no cool down period as long as we've communicated that you're sorry.

[AJ Holiday]

See, here's the thing. I'm scared of people who say sorry easily because I really don't do shit. I try my, really my hardest, my damnedest, not to do shit I got to apologize for and say sorry about. So when somebody can easily say sorry, they are going to violate you again, okay, if all they got to do is say sorry to get that pussy.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

No, as long as they. As long as it. It feels sincere, you know, not just to say it, but like if they're acknowledging my perspective and they are seeing where what they did may have hurt me or upset me or why it did, then I'm okay with that sorry, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

But what if they do it again? What if they do it again? The thing that they apologize for, they do it again in a month and a half now, a month and a half ago, was that really a legitimate, sincere apology?

[Tam Bam Jatam]

See, and I know that's a slippery slope. That's what you gotta see, like I'm a work in progress, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

No, I just changed behavior. Motherfucker. Don't never have to tell me sorry. You'll never have to apologize to me for nothing, I promise. I just don't want to see that again. That's it. That's all you gotta do. And I'm. And I'm.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And I'm happy.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I want both.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want to see that again. If I got to say something to you about this same thing again. I'm building a Rico.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

What's your last Last.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all better stop flexing like y' all happy being single because you're not. Okay. And no, I'm not saying you're lonely. Right? I think men, they just think that women are just going to die alone. The Bible says man shouldn't be alone.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

Because we can. We can be alone in solitude and not be lonely. We got relationships with our friends, you know? Half y' all niggas don't even got no healthy relationships with other men. Okay. We always want to have community, I believe, as women.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Yeah, I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, so we don't got to worry about being alone.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Good loving people, good friendships, church, fun, hobbies. And that's more of, you know, you have solitude and that's not lonely. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, that's. That's really my last. Last is like, we. We want. We want it. We want good men. Definitely want good men. We. A lot of women need to stop acting like it. And it's because somebody, they ran into a bad man. Like, the men like to tell us, choose better, man. You be thinking you choosing better, and then all of a sudden, Michael Myers shows up on your ass, you know, so we be doing our best. The information we have until. Until his representative, you know, dies. And then all of a sudden, the real nigga pulls up is like this.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

You right? Well, listen, got me again, my last last. I pray a healthy relationship for anyone within the sound of my voice, whether that be with yourself or with somebody else. Amen.

[AJ Holiday]

Period.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

All right.

[AJ Holiday]

Period, Period. All right, y', all, y' all single. If you enjoyed this episode if you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is Your co host, AJ Holiday is 2.0 on Instagram. Kick a tam bonoir bonu.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

I see you next week. I'll be back in America. I love you guys so much. Official tam bam on Instagram. Remember speak now.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

And never hold your because somebody else is out here single and they trying to get his ass.

[AJ Holiday]

You better hold your we talk back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Tam Bam Jatam]

Thanks for listening and celebrating five years of the Black Effect podcast network with us. Keep following because the next five years are about to be even.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Every business has an ambition. PayPal open is the platform designed to.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Help you grow into yours with business.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Loans so you can expand and access to hundreds of millions of PayPal customers worldwide. And your customers can pay all the ways they want with PayPal, Venmo pay.

[AJ Holiday]

Later and all major cards so you.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

Can focus on scaling up when it's.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Time to get growing.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

There's one platform for all business PayPal.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Open grow today at paypalopen.com loans subject.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

To approval in available locations. Can small acts make a real impact in the world? Sometimes a small thing has the power to become more something big and meaningful. And when it comes to helping children, no act is too small. When you fill up at the Purple Giving Pump at Shell, a portion of your purchase will be donated to support charities in your community. The Giving Pump Easy to stop, Easy to donate from 9125 to 103125 participating Shell stations will donate a minimum of $0.01 per gallon of the fuel pump from the Giving Pump or a minimum donation of $300.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

With depression it feels like every day you're just going through the motions. I wanted something that could help me feel better fast and that also lasts. That's when my doctor told me about Ovility in a study. Ovelity started working for some as early as one week with significant improvements seen on average at six weeks compared to placebo. Ovelity is helping me to feel more like myself.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm glad I talked to my doctor about Ovelity.

[Lenovo/Greenlight Announcer]

Ovelity is a prescription medicine for adults with major depressive disorder, Ovalid. Ovelity is not approved for children under 18. Ovelity may increase suicidal thoughts and actions in young adults. Tell your doctor about sudden changes to mood, thoughts or behavior. Do NOT take Ovelity if you have a history of seizure eating disorder or have abruptly stopped drinking alcohol or taking benzodiazepines, barbiturates or anti seizure medicine. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Do NOT take if you are allergic to dextromethorphan, bupropion or any of the ingredients in Ovality. Do NOT take with maois. High blood pressure, manic episodes, serious eye problems and dizziness can occur. Report all medicines you take to avoid a life threatening condition. Do NOT take Ovelity if you are or may become pregnant. Side effects can include dizziness, headache, diarrhea, feeling sleepy, dry mouth, sexual function problems and excessive sweating. Ask your healthcare provider if Ovelity is right for you. Visit Oval Vellity.com that's a U V E L I T Y.com or call 866-496-2976 for more information.

[AJ Holiday]

Chances are you've been to the doctor.

[State Farm Announcer]

Recently and you probably handed over your insurance, your ID and even your Social Security number. Your doctor is just one of many places that has your personal info and if any of them accidentally expose your details, you could be at risk for identity theft. LifeLock monitors millions of data points a second. If you become a victim, they'll fix.

[Lenovo/Chumba Casino Announcer]

It guaranteed or your money back.

[State Farm Announcer]

Save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code iheart.

[AJ Holiday]

Or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off terms apply. This is an iheart podcast.