We Talk Back: "Hard Head Makes A Soft A$$"

Podcast: We Talk Back (The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts)
Date: March 21, 2026
Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday

Overview

In this vibrant, raw, and heartfelt episode, hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday dedicate their comedic repartee to life lessons they wish they’d learned at 25. With unfiltered commentary, personal stories, and advice, they cover sex, relationships, money, self-worth, and the realities of navigating life as Black women. Their aim: to help younger listeners—especially Black women—avoid needless mistakes, find confidence, and build a better future. Expect bold truths, laughter, and the kind of wisdom that comes only from living through both hard knocks and big wins.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Catching Up (02:53–06:48)

• Laughter about food and weight: The hosts humorously discuss gaining weight, blaming late-night Taco Bell runs and quarantine habits.
  • “I'm fat as hell, bro.”—TamBam (02:57)
• Homemade food adventures and searching for “churro” snacks, showing their relatable domestic sides.
• Reflection: “That's why you gotta be careful what you say. I bet if I manifested this, didn't I call myself Big Tail Bam every week?”—TamBam (04:28)
• Weekend check-ins touch on home shopping, healthy eating, and setting the tone for a real-life podcast.

2. Community and Legacy: Kiki Shepherd & the Oscars (06:48–09:59)

• Tribute to Kiki Shepherd (former Apollo host): Both reflect on her impact and AJ’s personal connection from playing Kiki in a stage production.
  • “She was definitely a staple in the Black community. For sure.”—AJ (07:31)
  • “Coming out looking like a bad every week. Yes, to her.”—TamBam (07:34)
• Oscar reactions: They discuss seeing Black talent rewarded, especially Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan.
  • “He always gives thanks to her because she was the one who brought it, bought him Final Draft... she helped him execute. Of course, you're supposed to give thanks.”—AJ (09:36)

3. Love, Loss, and Real-Life Romance (09:59–12:47)

• TamBam shares a moving story about a man fulfilling his dying wish to marry the mother of his children from his hospital bed; he passed an hour later. The hosts reflect on the beauty and pain in real love, gratitude, and cherishing time together.

4. Debate: Dating "Straight" Men & Gender Dynamics (12:47–19:59)

• EJ Johnson's Comments on Dating: Discussion about EJ Johnson (son of Magic Johnson) saying he “only dates straight men” and “looks better than women in a skirt.”
• Critical analysis: The hosts dissect what it truly means to be “straight” if you’re dating men, gender presentation, competitiveness with women, and issues within Black queer/straight dynamics.
  • “If you are dating him as a man, he is no longer a straight man. So how could you only like straight men?”—TamBam (14:08)
  • On gay men who “compete” with women: “Being a woman is not about aesthetic, okay?”—AJ (15:03)
  • “It's still patriarchy. The highest form of patriarchy is for a man to tell you I'm you, because I feel like it. No, sir.”—AJ (18:27)
• They joke about trans men, changes in presentation, and the social complexities of gender and attraction, balancing humor and critique.

5. Social Media, Influencer Nonsense & Seat Belts (20:07–22:22)

• NLE Choppa’s viral seatbelt take: Criticism of the rapper’s claim that “if you wear a seatbelt, you ain’t been through shit.”

  • “You're gonna be through a windshield. You better put your seatbelt on.”—TamBam (20:49)

• Meme Culture Break: Conversation about people calling each other “twin, king, queen,” with The Game’s viral tweet about feeling “fold” (22:11).

6. Main Segment: Advice We Wish We’d Taken at 25 ("Hard Head Makes a Soft A$$")

(22:25–88:58)

Self-Acceptance & Body Image

• Stop being hard on your body:
  • “The body that you have right now, in 15 years from now, you're gonna look back and be like, it wasn't that bad.”—TamBam (27:08)
  • “Appreciate the body that we have while we in it, while we in the moment and stop being hard on ourselves.”—TamBam (28:10)

Finances & Credit

• Start saving and investing early:
  • “Start putting money into an IRA now. Annuity. Because by the time you're retired, you can have a million dollars waiting on you.”—TamBam (30:36)
  • “Check your credit report. Depending on who your mom is!”—AJ (32:02)
• Financial literacy: Learning from family flaws, fighting for good credit, disputing old bills, understanding money/credit.

Relationships & Breakups

• Get out early if it’s not working:
  • “Get out of those relationships soon and early…do not stay around.”—AJ (29:43)
  • “Once I get there, I'm ready to go through hell and high water with a forever.”—TamBam (35:13)
• Be realistic about men:
  • “Men are not going to deal with half the shit they put you through.”—AJ (35:27)
  • “These ain’t shit…They just want to see your asshole. Once they do, they outta there.”—TamBam (43:29)
• Cheating conversation: They share wild “caught cheating” stories and discuss how cheating is handled differently across genders and friend groups.

Personal Growth & Self-Reflection

• You’re not always right:
  • “Sometimes you’re wrong.”—TamBam (44:01)
  • “The smartest person knows they know nothing.”—AJ (45:37)
• Time moves fast:
  • “You don’t have as much time as you think. 10 years goes by so fast.”—AJ (50:07)
  • “Youth is wasted on the young is so true because they don't know what to do with it.”—TamBam (87:45)

Friendships

• Let unhealthy friendships go:
  • “Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time don't mean y'all have to be friends forever.”—TamBam (55:51)
  • “If you have a friend who always got different friends, ain't your friend either.”—AJ (64:25)
• Dumping emotional baggage: Ask before venting, balance good and bad news, and recognize when a friendship is over.

Confidence & Self-Love

• Imposter syndrome and insecurities:
  • “I always gave off confidence. But deep down inside I struggled with my insecurities and imposter syndrome”—TamBam (68:41)
  • “You have to really be with yourself. That's why a lot of people don't be at home by themselves.”—TamBam (70:35)
• Fake it until you make it: “Eventually, you will trick your subconscious mind and you will become that thing.”—AJ (71:06)
• People-pleasing: Don’t do it for men, friends, or family; “You never get a reward for overextending yourself except burnout.”—AJ/TamBam (73:18)

Health & Appearance

• Start healthy habits young:
  • “Take your health serious today because you only got one body for real, right?”—AJ (83:19)
  • “For every shot of liquor, you need a cup of water.”—TamBam (66:50)
• Surgical quick fixes: “Do consistency, not quick fixes. You don't want to have to be dealing with shit years later.”—AJ (67:18)

Rapid Fire: What Would You Tell 25-Year-Old You? (74:53–85:58)

• Save 20% of income (76:02)
• Leave him the first time he lies (77:28)
• Start therapy early (78:30)
• Your friends will change (79:47)
• Don’t post everything online (80:27)
• Don’t invest in “potential” in men (82:04)
• Don’t date back-to-back; take time to heal (83:07)
• Use condoms, protect your health (84:01)
• Your job is not your identity (85:55)
• Travel, but don’t go broke doing it (86:44)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you are dating him as a man…he is no longer a straight man…How could you only like straight men?” —TamBam (14:08)
• “The highest form of patriarchy is for a man to tell you I'm you, because I feel like it. No, sir.”—AJ (18:27)
• “You’re gonna be through a windshield. You better put your seatbelt on.”—TamBam (20:49)
• “Sometimes you’re wrong. Sometimes you are the wrong person. If you think every time you are right, you probably wrong more times than not.”—TamBam (44:01)
• “Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time don't mean y'all have to be friends forever. Sometimes that chapter is done. And that's okay.”—TamBam (55:51)
• “Fake it 'til you make it. Eventually, you will trick your subconscious mind and you will become that thing you've been acting like you were.”—AJ (71:06)
• “Youth is wasted on the young is so true because they don't know what to do with it. And the knowledge you get as you grow old, if you had it when you was young, you would be more responsible with your youth.”—TamBam (87:45)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Catching Up and Food Talk: 02:53–06:48
• Tribute to Kiki Shepherd & Oscars: 06:48–09:59
• Love, Loss, & Real Romance: 09:59–12:47
• EJ Johnson/Gender Dynamics: 12:47–19:59
• Seatbelt Nonsense & Memes: 20:07–22:22
• Advice We Wish We’d Taken at 25: 22:25–88:58
  • Body Image & Self-Love: 27:08–28:10
  • Finances: 30:36–34:32
  • Relationships: 34:32–43:29
  • Friendships: 55:03–66:07
  • Confidence: 68:41–74:17
  • Rapid Fire: 74:53–85:58
• Final Words & Takeaways: 88:58–90:47

Tone and Style

• Language and Energy: Uncensored, honest, and full of Black girl magic with heart and humor.
• Vulnerable and comedic: They share their flaws and struggles as freely as their hilarious stories and solutions.

Summary Takeaway

“We Talk Back” delivers a cultural call-in for listeners to own their truth, invest in their future, and embrace self-worth over external validation. TamBam and AJ, through hard-won lessons and sisterly wit, remind all—especially young women of color—that it’s okay to make mistakes but better to learn from someone else’s. If you’re 25 (or any age), don’t wait to protect your mind, money, body, and heart.

“You are not supposed to know everything at 25. You're supposed to make mistakes, but know enough to know you don't know, and try to get some of the knowledge.”
—AJ Holiday (88:26)