We Talk Back: Hard Head Makes A Soft A$$

Summary

We Talk Back: "Hard Head Makes A Soft A$$"

Podcast: We Talk Back (The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts)
Date: March 21, 2026
Hosts: TamBam & AJ Holiday

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Overview

In this vibrant, raw, and heartfelt episode, hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday dedicate their comedic repartee to life lessons they wish they’d learned at 25. With unfiltered commentary, personal stories, and advice, they cover sex, relationships, money, self-worth, and the realities of navigating life as Black women. Their aim: to help younger listeners—especially Black women—avoid needless mistakes, find confidence, and build a better future. Expect bold truths, laughter, and the kind of wisdom that comes only from living through both hard knocks and big wins.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Catching Up (02:53–06:48)

• Laughter about food and weight: The hosts humorously discuss gaining weight, blaming late-night Taco Bell runs and quarantine habits.
  • “I'm fat as hell, bro.”—TamBam (02:57)
• Homemade food adventures and searching for “churro” snacks, showing their relatable domestic sides.
• Reflection: “That's why you gotta be careful what you say. I bet if I manifested this, didn't I call myself Big Tail Bam every week?”—TamBam (04:28)
• Weekend check-ins touch on home shopping, healthy eating, and setting the tone for a real-life podcast.

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2. Community and Legacy: Kiki Shepherd & the Oscars (06:48–09:59)

• Tribute to Kiki Shepherd (former Apollo host): Both reflect on her impact and AJ’s personal connection from playing Kiki in a stage production.
  • “She was definitely a staple in the Black community. For sure.”—AJ (07:31)
  • “Coming out looking like a bad every week. Yes, to her.”—TamBam (07:34)
• Oscar reactions: They discuss seeing Black talent rewarded, especially Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan.
  • “He always gives thanks to her because she was the one who brought it, bought him Final Draft... she helped him execute. Of course, you're supposed to give thanks.”—AJ (09:36)

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3. Love, Loss, and Real-Life Romance (09:59–12:47)

• TamBam shares a moving story about a man fulfilling his dying wish to marry the mother of his children from his hospital bed; he passed an hour later. The hosts reflect on the beauty and pain in real love, gratitude, and cherishing time together.

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4. Debate: Dating "Straight" Men & Gender Dynamics (12:47–19:59)

• EJ Johnson's Comments on Dating: Discussion about EJ Johnson (son of Magic Johnson) saying he “only dates straight men” and “looks better than women in a skirt.”
• Critical analysis: The hosts dissect what it truly means to be “straight” if you’re dating men, gender presentation, competitiveness with women, and issues within Black queer/straight dynamics.
  • “If you are dating him as a man, he is no longer a straight man. So how could you only like straight men?”—TamBam (14:08)
  • On gay men who “compete” with women: “Being a woman is not about aesthetic, okay?”—AJ (15:03)
  • “It's still patriarchy. The highest form of patriarchy is for a man to tell you I'm you, because I feel like it. No, sir.”—AJ (18:27)
• They joke about trans men, changes in presentation, and the social complexities of gender and attraction, balancing humor and critique.

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5. Social Media, Influencer Nonsense & Seat Belts (20:07–22:22)

• NLE Choppa’s viral seatbelt take: Criticism of the rapper’s claim that “if you wear a seatbelt, you ain’t been through shit.”

  • “You're gonna be through a windshield. You better put your seatbelt on.”—TamBam (20:49)

• Meme Culture Break: Conversation about people calling each other “twin, king, queen,” with The Game’s viral tweet about feeling “fold” (22:11).

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6. Main Segment: Advice We Wish We’d Taken at 25 ("Hard Head Makes a Soft A$$")

(22:25–88:58)

Self-Acceptance & Body Image

• Stop being hard on your body:
  • “The body that you have right now, in 15 years from now, you're gonna look back and be like, it wasn't that bad.”—TamBam (27:08)
  • “Appreciate the body that we have while we in it, while we in the moment and stop being hard on ourselves.”—TamBam (28:10)

Finances & Credit

• Start saving and investing early:
  • “Start putting money into an IRA now. Annuity. Because by the time you're retired, you can have a million dollars waiting on you.”—TamBam (30:36)
  • “Check your credit report. Depending on who your mom is!”—AJ (32:02)
• Financial literacy: Learning from family flaws, fighting for good credit, disputing old bills, understanding money/credit.

Relationships & Breakups

• Get out early if it’s not working:
  • “Get out of those relationships soon and early…do not stay around.”—AJ (29:43)
  • “Once I get there, I'm ready to go through hell and high water with a forever.”—TamBam (35:13)
• Be realistic about men:
  • “Men are not going to deal with half the shit they put you through.”—AJ (35:27)
  • “These ain’t shit…They just want to see your asshole. Once they do, they outta there.”—TamBam (43:29)
• Cheating conversation: They share wild “caught cheating” stories and discuss how cheating is handled differently across genders and friend groups.

Personal Growth & Self-Reflection

• You’re not always right:
  • “Sometimes you’re wrong.”—TamBam (44:01)
  • “The smartest person knows they know nothing.”—AJ (45:37)
• Time moves fast:
  • “You don’t have as much time as you think. 10 years goes by so fast.”—AJ (50:07)
  • “Youth is wasted on the young is so true because they don't know what to do with it.”—TamBam (87:45)

Friendships

• Let unhealthy friendships go:
  • “Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time don't mean y'all have to be friends forever.”—TamBam (55:51)
  • “If you have a friend who always got different friends, ain't your friend either.”—AJ (64:25)
• Dumping emotional baggage: Ask before venting, balance good and bad news, and recognize when a friendship is over.

Confidence & Self-Love

• Imposter syndrome and insecurities:
  • “I always gave off confidence. But deep down inside I struggled with my insecurities and imposter syndrome”—TamBam (68:41)
  • “You have to really be with yourself. That's why a lot of people don't be at home by themselves.”—TamBam (70:35)
• Fake it until you make it: “Eventually, you will trick your subconscious mind and you will become that thing.”—AJ (71:06)
• People-pleasing: Don’t do it for men, friends, or family; “You never get a reward for overextending yourself except burnout.”—AJ/TamBam (73:18)

Health & Appearance

• Start healthy habits young:
  • “Take your health serious today because you only got one body for real, right?”—AJ (83:19)
  • “For every shot of liquor, you need a cup of water.”—TamBam (66:50)
• Surgical quick fixes: “Do consistency, not quick fixes. You don't want to have to be dealing with shit years later.”—AJ (67:18)

Rapid Fire: What Would You Tell 25-Year-Old You? (74:53–85:58)

• Save 20% of income (76:02)
• Leave him the first time he lies (77:28)
• Start therapy early (78:30)
• Your friends will change (79:47)
• Don’t post everything online (80:27)
• Don’t invest in “potential” in men (82:04)
• Don’t date back-to-back; take time to heal (83:07)
• Use condoms, protect your health (84:01)
• Your job is not your identity (85:55)
• Travel, but don’t go broke doing it (86:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you are dating him as a man…he is no longer a straight man…How could you only like straight men?” —TamBam (14:08)
• “The highest form of patriarchy is for a man to tell you I'm you, because I feel like it. No, sir.”—AJ (18:27)
• “You’re gonna be through a windshield. You better put your seatbelt on.”—TamBam (20:49)
• “Sometimes you’re wrong. Sometimes you are the wrong person. If you think every time you are right, you probably wrong more times than not.”—TamBam (44:01)
• “Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time don't mean y'all have to be friends forever. Sometimes that chapter is done. And that's okay.”—TamBam (55:51)
• “Fake it 'til you make it. Eventually, you will trick your subconscious mind and you will become that thing you've been acting like you were.”—AJ (71:06)
• “Youth is wasted on the young is so true because they don't know what to do with it. And the knowledge you get as you grow old, if you had it when you was young, you would be more responsible with your youth.”—TamBam (87:45)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Catching Up and Food Talk: 02:53–06:48
• Tribute to Kiki Shepherd & Oscars: 06:48–09:59
• Love, Loss, & Real Romance: 09:59–12:47
• EJ Johnson/Gender Dynamics: 12:47–19:59
• Seatbelt Nonsense & Memes: 20:07–22:22
• Advice We Wish We’d Taken at 25: 22:25–88:58
  • Body Image & Self-Love: 27:08–28:10
  • Finances: 30:36–34:32
  • Relationships: 34:32–43:29
  • Friendships: 55:03–66:07
  • Confidence: 68:41–74:17
  • Rapid Fire: 74:53–85:58
• Final Words & Takeaways: 88:58–90:47

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Tone and Style

• Language and Energy: Uncensored, honest, and full of Black girl magic with heart and humor.
• Vulnerable and comedic: They share their flaws and struggles as freely as their hilarious stories and solutions.

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Summary Takeaway

“We Talk Back” delivers a cultural call-in for listeners to own their truth, invest in their future, and embrace self-worth over external validation. TamBam and AJ, through hard-won lessons and sisterly wit, remind all—especially young women of color—that it’s okay to make mistakes but better to learn from someone else’s. If you’re 25 (or any age), don’t wait to protect your mind, money, body, and heart.

“You are not supposed to know everything at 25. You're supposed to make mistakes, but know enough to know you don't know, and try to get some of the knowledge.”
—AJ Holiday (88:26)

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Tam Bam]

Guaranteed Human Carvana is so easy.

[John Green]

Just a click and we've got ourselves a car.

[AJ Holiday]

See so many cars. That's a clicktastic inventory.

[John Green]

And check out the financing options, payments

[Tam Bam]

to fit our budget.

[John Green]

I mean, that's Clickonomics101. Delivery to our door.

[AJ Holiday]

Just a hop, skip and a click away. And bought. No better feeling than when everything just clicks. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply.

[Tam Bam]

Then she says, have you seen a photo of my son? And I'm like, who is this person?

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to the Boys and Girls Podcast. Arranged marriage is basically a reality show

[Tam Bam]

and you're auditioning for your soulmate.

[AJ Holiday]

And who's judging? Only your entire family. I sacrificed myself to this ancient tradition, hoping to find love the right way. And instead I found chaos, comedy, and a lot of cringe.

[Tam Bam]

Listen to boys and Girls on the

[AJ Holiday]

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[John Green]

I'm Daniel Alarcon and this is my friend. He's much more famous than I am. I wouldn't go that far, but I'm John Green, co host of the podcast the Away End with my old friend Daniel. On our podcast the Away End, we'll share with you the magic of international football, all leading up to the 2026 World Cup. Together, we'll find out why of all the unimportant things football, soccer is the most important. Listen to the Away End with Daniel Alarcon and John green on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tam Bam]

I actually drive better when I'm high. It heightens my senses, calms me down. If anything, I'm more careful.

[John Green]

Honestly, it just helps me focus. That's probably what the driver who killed a four year old told himself and now he's in prison. You see, no matter what you tell yourself, if you feel different, you drive different. So if you're high, just don't drive. Brought to you by NHTSA and the Ad Council.

[AJ Holiday]

Hey, I'm Wilmer Valderrama and this is Freddy Rodriguez. And we're back.

[John Green]

Dos Amigos. Season two, baby.

[AJ Holiday]

Last time, we went deep on our careers, our lives, our art, and everything in between.

[John Green]

Our big breaks, our auditions, the near

[AJ Holiday]

misses, the epiphanies, the moments that change our lives forever. This season, we're deepening our relations, creating collaborations. And the door always stays open for a third amigo to pull up a chair. Listen to those amigos on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'?

[Tam Bam]

All?

[AJ Holiday]

It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bam, y'? All.

[Tam Bam]

It's me, Tam Bam. I love y' all so much. Thank y' all for coming back again this week. Yo, I'm fat as hell, bro.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, we blaming everything on the Y

[Tam Bam]

ends going forward, y'.

[John Green]

All.

[Tam Bam]

He had me at Taco Bell.

[AJ Holiday]

They don't close till 2. Fat ass.

[Tam Bam]

That was fat, too.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, no, I'm fat. Cause let me tell you, I saw on Instagram how people be making their own. The twist from Taco Bell. That's the only thing I'll eat from Taco Bell. But you could buy, like, the. They're. It's like noodles. It's wheat noodles, though. And you fry them, and they turn into those puffs, and then you put the cinnamon and sugar on them.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I saw that on that dude on.

[AJ Holiday]

He be throwing his sunglasses to the wall.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, I saw him do that. I saw him do that shit. I was like, that's fire. I want to try it.

[AJ Holiday]

When I tell y', all, I went to Whole Foods, Publix, Harris, Teeter. I couldn't. I went to the Mexican grocery store. They did not have the. They. I don't know what they call it. They're not churros, but it's. It's like a wheat noodle. And, you know, at a certain heat, like, it blows up like that. I cannot. I've spent an evening looking for them locally, and I just ain't never going on Amazon. Evening looking for them. Shit, one day when I saw that post, because I love those things, but I hate fast food. Like, I be trying to make all the. At the house. I be making Chinese at the house now. All type of.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, we gotta do better. The podcast festival. We gonna be. We talk fat at the podcast festival if we'll do something right now. Hey, y', all. It's Big Turnbull, for real. That's why you gotta be careful what you say. I bet if I manifested this, didn't I call myself Big Tail Bam every week.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

What'd you do over the weekend?

[AJ Holiday]

I look for churros. I do much work and rest my nerves. Bought some 500, almost 600 pots from HomeSense, which is a new store. Like, home goods is, like, the same line. Y' all got a home sense.

[Tam Bam]

There this one is Charlotte Girl 5.

[AJ Holiday]

These pots is 580 for two pots.

[Tam Bam]

And you bought them?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but they're 100 copper and stainless steel. So they should last me forever. Forever?

[Tam Bam]

Forever for life.

[AJ Holiday]

So you come here and be serving you out them pots. The pots go on the table.

[Tam Bam]

If I'm supposed to come to Charleston. If I come to Charleston on Thursday, can you make me something to eat?

[AJ Holiday]

What?

[Tam Bam]

Healthy.

[AJ Holiday]

We got water. I gotta. Look. I made spaghetti on Sunday. That's what I've been eating the whole week. Veggie. I use beyond meat in there. A bunch of vegetables, and I did put shrimp in it.

[Tam Bam]

That's what I hate about spaghetti, though.

[AJ Holiday]

What, all week long?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, it's a. All week meal. When you make that, it's gonna be four days old. If you come here on Thursday. No, thank you. What did I do over the weekend? I feel like I did something I don't be remembering. I did it till I. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I cannot remember what I did this weekend. Oh, worked. That was it. I worked this weekend. And then I come back and I hung out with the old baby. And that was it. It was very like Sunday. I rested back to work on Monday. So let's get in the sins.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Kiki shepherd died.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, I saw that. I played Kiki shepherd in a play I did. It was actually Dream Girls in Charleston. My last year high school. It was a big play. D'oh. The whole city came out. We had like a. We did like four maybe. Maybe four or five dates and times. But I played Kiki Shepherd. I was swimming back then, obviously, and the director stole my dresses. I had all a nice ass, sparkly, from all the thrift stores around Charleston. And he was like, just give it to me. We gonna clean them. Never got my back.

[Tam Bam]

Damn.

[AJ Holiday]

I played Kiki Shepherd. I love her, man.

[Tam Bam]

She's definitely too.

[AJ Holiday]

She was definitely a staple in the black community. For sure.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. Kiki Shepherd. Apollo. Coming out. Looking like a bad every week. Yes, to her.

[AJ Holiday]

She apparently had a sudden heart attack at 77 years old.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, 74.

[AJ Holiday]

74 years old. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Damn. Rest in peace. Kiki Shepherd.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man. 1987 to 2002. That's how long she graced the stage at the Apollo Theater.

[Tam Bam]

Man, that was a long time. Yep. Did you watch the Oscars?

[AJ Holiday]

I did not. I have not watched any of those award shows, you know, because my. My brain be working too much. Right. So I know what I'm looking at, so I can't.

[Tam Bam]

Did you? You did did you watch it in the clips, like, of Michael B. Jordan?

[AJ Holiday]

I love them. I'm so like that, every time I see old boy winning award, like, that should be like, start right. Go finish writing. Do you?

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Because I got a great movie out this.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. Do it, man. I'm trying to tell you. Do that shit, man. What you waiting on? Because I want to audition.

[AJ Holiday]

You want a part?

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm so proud of them. I'm so proud of them. And, you know, they. They basically like in hall of Fame now at this point for movies.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. Yeah. They go down in history. I love, love, love how Ryan Coogler speaks about his wife. Oh, my God, I just love that down. It's so beautiful how he, you know, champions her and everything that he does,

[AJ Holiday]

you know, and that's how you get all your gifts from God. They come via women.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

If y'. All. I can't say that shit enough. Find you one and lock in.

[Tam Bam]

Period.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Because he always gives thanks to her because she was the one who brought it, bought him final draft, which is the program you use to write your scripts. He talks about that. I saw him not on the Breakfast Club. Something I was watching. I see. I saw him talk about, you know, how she purchased the program for him. So, like, this had an idea, and she helped him execute. Of course, you're supposed to give thanks.

[Tam Bam]

And she was crying when he was doing his speech, and it was just so beautiful. Oh, I got a beautiful story to share with y'. All. It's sad, but it's beautiful. My. One of my sister's best friends, he flew in from Hawaii to go to his cousin's wedding. His cousin was sick with cancer, and he was getting married, and he was really sick, you know, like, really knocking on death's door. But him and his wife, his girlfriend, who they had three kids, they wanted to go ahead and get married. They had been planning to be married, and, you know, the sickness came and it wasn't going to stop them. So that weekend was the weekend of the wedding. All the family had come to town. Everybody was ready to celebrate their nuptials. And during that week before the wedding, he took very ill and ended up in the hospital and then ended up on life support. So the wedding was supposed to be that Sunday. By Wednesday, he was not doing too good in the hospital. So by Friday, they were going to pull the plug on him and, you know, see if he survived or not. They pulled the plug, and he did not pass away. So they decided to, if he was gonna, you know still be alive. They wanted to go ahead and have the wedding. So they had all the bridesmaids, the bride get dressed up, everybody come to the closest family, not all the guests, but all the closest family that could fit in that room. They went to the hospital, and the pastor came to the hospital and there did the vows by the bedside of his hospital bed. And when it was his turn to say, I do, he shook his head yes. He couldn't speak anymore, but he shook his head yes. And then they kissed. And the hour later, he passed away.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl. What?

[Tam Bam]

Yes. Ain't that crazy? He said that all he wanted to do was make it to his wedding. He wanted to make an honest woman of his, the mother of his kids. And he died an hour after doing that. Baby, when I tell you I cried so hard on Sunday. I ain't never met these people a day in my life, but when I tell you I cried because it was so beautiful and so sad, and it sounded like something Shonda Rhimes wrote, but not real life. So that happened, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All. Where were they at now? In South Carolina? D.C. okay. This happened in D.C. damn it, man.

[Tam Bam]

But what a beautiful.

[AJ Holiday]

She's doing well.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I mean, I. I.

[AJ Holiday]

As good as possible.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. So I know that was kind of random, but I just wanted to share that story with y' all because, I mean, how. You know that's a wild story and a beautiful story and a sad story all at once?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So now how do we transition in now to A.J. e.J. Johnson? Because that's what I want to talk about.

[Tam Bam]

Go ahead.

[AJ Holiday]

So Carlos King sat down with E.J. johnson on his podcast, which is also on the Black Effect podcast network. And E.J. donson had a lot of choice words, right? A few that I can remember is that, you know, he looks better than women. Most of us. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

In the skirt.

[AJ Holiday]

In a skirt. And also that he does not date straight men. He don't want to talk of.

[Tam Bam]

He only dates straight.

[AJ Holiday]

He only dates straight men. Skin. Excuse me. He only dates straight men. I'm trying to figure out what the. Does that mean as a gay.

[Tam Bam]

Listen, you know what? And me and a friend of the show, you know, as well, we were pow wowing last night through dms, and he said he understood that sentiment about only dating straight men. And I was. I was like, can I ask a question? Because what kind of sense do that make?

[AJ Holiday]

Because,

[Tam Bam]

like, I just be confused and y' all forgive me, but if you are dating him as a man, and both of y' all are Men, he is no longer a straight man. He is not straight. So how could you only like straight men?

[AJ Holiday]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

That's not a straight man. Right? Am I crazy?

[AJ Holiday]

Right? Right. And if you are a man of a certain age, you ain't just now randomly about to run into E.J. johnson and Holl at him. Okay? You have had dealings with other men before. So is the thought process that this man has never been with a man prior to you? Is that what he means? Like, or do you mean you want a man who primarily only dates women, but then is also attracted to you because you think you're a woman?

[Tam Bam]

Right. Either way, it's not a straight man. I don't care how you pluck a chicken. It's not the same thing. You can flip it, rub it down.

[AJ Holiday]

Everybody gay. Everybody understand what we talking about? And the part about him, you know, looking better in a woman in a skirt. I mean, I don't know if it was shade, but I feel like all. A lot of gay men, they try to slight women in that way. They're always talking about how they look more of a woman than a woman. Because being a woman, I say this over and over again, is not about aesthetic, okay? You can. You can go to the hospital. I mean, go, Go to get surgery to look like a woman. Yes, you can do that, right? But you will still not be a woman biologically.

[Tam Bam]

You're just not. And I, you know what? And be whoever you want to be, that's fine. But I just hate why you gotta, you know, knock women in the process of you becoming whoever you are. Like, why you saying I look better than any woman? A skirt? Like, why. Why even do that? That's just unnecessary, Shade to me. Because you can think you fine, and it's okay to think you fine and think you a woman or whatever you think you are. I don't care. That's your prerogative. But when you start saying like that, like now that Shade to me, like, what I had to do with your. Why are you talking about, you know, absolutely nothing?

[AJ Holiday]

I think only that difference between gay men and straight men who, you know, just publicly or outright have this disdain for women, is that one is gay and one stadium gay, one is outright gay. Because both of them be hating on women, all of them be hating on women is like, they cannot stand us because they are not us. That is what it boils down to. And also, you date in supposed heterosexual man. That means that man has a family, probably he has children, he has a wife, he has a girlfriend. And it does something for you to also have access to that man.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Maybe it makes you feel like you have more proximity to womanhood or something. I don't know. That's what it. That's what I would imagine. Like, but some of my best. Like, if you have a gay man friend, like, they do be the best friends too, though. My gay homeboy be hyping me up even when I'm fat. He be like, in all the right places.

[AJ Holiday]

No, a lot of them are sweet people, but then they have this little. This. They all have a little thing with them, right? This little competition with women. And we not in competition with y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

The minute if I'm with somebody, like, God forbid this were to ever happen. Let me knock you.

[Tam Bam]

But I think that might be the femme ones because it's something. Do you think it's the. The masculine presenting?

[AJ Holiday]

No, no. It's usually the feminine or the transsexuals. Usually those are the ones who, you know, I saw, you know, T.S. madison, she was online one time. She was like, where are the men who protect trans women? Like, what? You're a man. Protect yourself, bitch. What are we talking about? You are. What are you talking about? Where are the men to protect trans women? What. What are we talking about? I will not. I refuse to play into this delusion with these grown ass men. I refuse because again, the highest form of patriarchy is for a man to tell you I'm you, because I feel like it. No, sir.

[Tam Bam]

You a man.

[AJ Holiday]

And I don't give a. Who get mad about it. They don't care about our feelings. They don't respect their stances, but they. They don't give a damn what we talking about because it's still patriarchy. You do not hear from trans men. You do not hear trans men, which are women out here. Ruhan and everybody face.

[Tam Bam]

I'm stronger.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me tell you, women, we. We be the best at all the shit. Because those trans men be fine as hell. Do you hear me?

[Tam Bam]

Some of them ask me fat. Like, I hate seeing the trans with

[AJ Holiday]

their fat asses or some. That you can understand why they trans into a man and they be pregnant, right? What is that, Shrek?

[Tam Bam]

What is that? It's a lot going on. It's a lot happening.

[AJ Holiday]

What is happening?

[Tam Bam]

You got that big old boonky talking about you

[AJ Holiday]

one of my cousins. Hey, girl, boy, whatever. The. She got the fattest ass in the world. She, the boy in the relationship, the fat she. And she got kinkles, like, thick ass legs all the way to the ankle. This a fat out bitch, okay? She's the boy. And I always be like, how you doing all that with that fat ass?

[Tam Bam]

Girl, if you pull your pants up,

[AJ Holiday]

ass so fat need a lap dance. Shame.

[Tam Bam]

All right, so any nle chopper says you ain't never been through shit if you wear a seat belt. So he is riding down the street with no seatbelt on, talking about if you wear a seat belt, you ain't been through shit. If you ever see him in the seat belt, he riding with somebody who he feel like can't drive. And that's the only time he wear a seat belt because he done had real life experience, this boy.

[AJ Holiday]

You stupid. Because you're not concerned about getting accidents with other people. I can drive, I wear a seat belt, cuz somebody else might hit me, right? Defensive driving.

[Tam Bam]

Where is the sense? And these are. This is the people that like young youth are looking up to. And it's scary.

[AJ Holiday]

You think looking up the nle chopper,

[Tam Bam]

young, maybe young, I don't know. So now they thinking, like, now they riding down the street with no seat belt because they want to prove they been through some. I binge up my porch.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want to be loose in the car. Like when I don't got my seat belt on, I feel loose.

[Tam Bam]

Like, I feel naked.

[AJ Holiday]

I just feel like I'm just all over the place in the car. Like, whoa, whoa.

[Tam Bam]

Over the speed bu.

[AJ Holiday]

And jumping up. Yeah, put your seat bel on, stupid boy. It ain't just. Cuz. It's not just for you, okay? Like, even if you are a good driver, everybody is not a good driver. Somebody can hit you. You got no seatbelt on. So now your ass going out the

[Tam Bam]

windshield because you've been through stuff.

[AJ Holiday]

Loose ass, you gonna be through some.

[Tam Bam]

You gonna be through a windshield. You better put your seatbelt off.

[AJ Holiday]

Take me through there. Where we going, twin? Right, y'. All. So I have an Eminem messy meme. The game. The game tweeted and said we out here calling each other mattress sizes Twin, king and Queen. I guess we ain't say fold, though. I feel full right now.

[Tam Bam]

That's me right now. Damn

[AJ Holiday]

you fold, Twain, Queen.

[Tam Bam]

What are we talking about this week? All right, y', all, you know how

[AJ Holiday]

I always say, like, I feel like our podcast. For me, my target market is, you know, the younger women, right? Y' all can live vicariously through us so you don't have to go through the dumb shit. But I wanted to talk about some things you wish you would have listened to at 25 or something. Some somebody may have told your ass that you didn't listen to that. Now at your current age, you wish you had. That's what I want to talk about today.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. I like that.

[AJ Holiday]

Make a soft ass.

[Tam Bam]

Mm. Listen, let's get into it. We'll be right back with Verbo Care.

[AJ Holiday]

Help is always ready before, during and after your stay. We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because of great trip starts with peace of mind.

[John Green]

I'm John Green. You may know me as the author of the Fault in Our Stars and now I guess also as the co host of the Away End, a brand new world soccer podcast. I'm Daniel Alarcon, a writer and journalist and John and I have known each other since we were kids. My first World cup was Mexico 86. I was nine years old. I watched every game and I fell in love. On our new podcast, the Away End, we'll share with you the the magic of international football, all leading up to the 2026 World cup for us. Soccer. Football is a story we've shared for over 30 years, since Daniel was the star player on our high school soccer team. Very debatable. And I was their most loyal and sometimes only fan. I love this game. I love its history, its hope, its heartbreak, and above all, its beauty. Together we'll find out why. Of all the unimportant things football, soccer is the most important. Listen to the Away End with Daniel Alarcon and John green on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Tam Bam]

I went and sat on the little ottoman in front of him and I said, hi dad. And just when I said that, my mom comes out of the kitchen and she says, I have some cookies and milk. This is badass, convict. Just finished five years. I'm gonna have cookies and milk at

[AJ Holiday]

mom

[John Green]

on the Cena Show Podcast. Each episode invites you into a raw, unfiltered conversations about recovery, resilience and redemption. On a recent episode, I sit down with actor cultural icon Danny Trail. Talk about addiction, transformation and the power of second chances. The entire season two is now available to binge, featuring powerful conversations with guests like Tiffany Haddish, Johnny Knoxville and more.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm an alcoholic and without this program, I'm gonna die.

[John Green]

Open your free iHeartRadio app, search the

[AJ Holiday]

C show and listen Now. A ambitious, well intentioned, ferocious and wealthy

[Tam Bam]

mother looks like in the black community

[AJ Holiday]

this Women's History Month. The podcast Keep it positive, Sweetie celebrates the power of Women choosing healing, purpose and faith. Even when life gets messy, love is not a destination.

[Tam Bam]

You have to work on it every day.

[AJ Holiday]

Keep It Positive Sweetie creates space for honest conversations on self worth, love, growth and navigating life with grace and grit, led by women who uplift, inspire and tell the truth out loud. I have several conversations with God and I know why it took 20 years to hear this and more. Listen to Keep It Positive Sweetie on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Bob Pittman, chairman and CEO

[John Green]

of iHeartMedia, and I'm kicking off a

[AJ Holiday]

brand new season of my podcast, Math and Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing. Math and Magic takes you behind the

[John Green]

scenes of the biggest businesses and industries

[AJ Holiday]

while sharing insights from the smartest minds in marketing. I'm talking to leaders from the entertainment industry to finance, and everywhere in between this season of Math and Magic, I'm talking to CEO of Liquid Death, Mike

[John Green]

Cesario, financier and public health advocate Mike Milken.

[AJ Holiday]

Take Two Interactive CEO Strauss Selnick.

[John Green]

If you're unable to take meaningful creative risk and therefore run the risk of making horrible creative mistakes, then you can't play in this business.

[AJ Holiday]

Sesame Street CEO Sherry Weston and our own Chief Business Officer, Lisa Coffey. Making consumers see the value of the human voice and to have that guaranteed human promise behind it really makes it rise to the top. Listen to Math and Magic stories from

[John Green]

the frontiers of Marketing on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, so I have one that should resonate with everybody over 40 years old. You are not. I've been doing the whole thing. You are not fat. You are not ugly. You don't look bad. The body that you have right now, in 15 years from now, you're gonna look back and be like, it wasn't that bad. I used to be so bad on my body. I used to be so hard on my body at 25. So hard on myself on 30. So hard on myself at 35. You know, just hard on your body and how it looks. And always like, I'm getting on here and I'm saying I'm fat, but I'm more comfortable in my fatness than I've ever been, honestly. Like,

[AJ Holiday]

hold on now, but we ain't about to wait till we 10, 10 more years from now. And looking back like, oh, I wasn't that. Because I. I'll be damned if I'm any bigger than what I am right now.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, I got up right now. I'm waddling,

[AJ Holiday]

but I'll be damn.

[Tam Bam]

But even. Even in my waddle, my skin will be tighter than it is 10 years from now. My. I'll just be more youthful, you know, I just be 10 years older. So we just have to appreciate the body that we have while we in it, while we in the moment and stop being hard on ourselves. So that's definitely one.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Because I know we all look back on that on pictures from like. And I was like, damn. I was saying I was fat. I look good as fuck right there.

[AJ Holiday]

Right? Can I get back there? Right. I was looking at some pictures of when I used to live in St. Louis and I feel like I probably had the best body, I would say then. So that would have been like 20. From 2011 to 2015. Our 2010 to 2015. And then like sometime like in 2000, I don't know, eight. Something like that. Like, I don't know. It was a good. It was a good little. I just remember my mind being different around that time too. Right. I was way more disciplined around that time. I was kind of more isolated because I was living away with no family, hardly no friends, and I went to the gym every day. But I was like, I was really focused until I got into a relationship, a long distance one. Then I moved back south and then I got fat and then I almost went to prison. Just fucking domino effects after that. Then I've gotten to another relationship. Getting more like. It's just.

[Tam Bam]

Listen, life.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. So one of my suggestions, if you are in your or. Why where somebody would have told me was, you know, keep your regrets to a minimum. I always say that. Get out of those relationships soon and early. If they are not serving you. Do not stay around. Now, weight. You could put on weight and happy relationships too now because y' all just eating and laying up.

[Tam Bam]

That's what I was doing with that wire. Yeah, let's go to Taco Bell.

[AJ Holiday]

That's always fun. But don't, you know, don't forget, right. Because it is easier to lose weight. And in your 20s, the older you get, your metabolism slow down. You got to take all type of supplements and all type of to to get that. It's just something. It's just your body is changing. It's not the same. The molecular, you know, formation of all the things is just not the same.

[Tam Bam]

You know, one that I have that I wish somebody would have told me at 25 or I would, you know, known at 25. Y' all start putting money into an IRA now. Annuity. Because by the time you're retired, you can have a million dollars waiting on you. A million dollars. Just by putting little small amounts over time, you can have so much money.

[AJ Holiday]

Damien, also, I mean, never mind 25, like right now, like, what are we doing to set that up for now? Because I know, I'm working on it. But a lot of people, even our age right now aren't doing that because they still don't have the financial literacy. So that is one part I wanted to get to with younger. I wish when I was younger, like, my mom never explained credit. She's always had good credit. She just. She doesn't know how to make money off credit. Right. She. She doesn't understand financing that.

[Tam Bam]

Monetize it. Yeah, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

She just knew you buy something, you got to pay for it or, you know, if you don't have the money, you can't get it. That's all she knew. But she's always had like a 800 something's credit score, but she never passed that information down to her kids. All of us have had bad credit at some point. Okay. I done my credit out twice in life now.

[Tam Bam]

First of all, I have all kind of bills in my name. I went for 78 years old.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, that's another thing. Pull your credit report. Depending on who your mom is, pull your credit report right now. If you've never pulled your credit report and you're 25 listening and we talk back, pull your shit just in case there might be a default light bill in your name.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You don't got to get your mom arrested. But you can dispute it today.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

If you need help, DM me, right? I remember my friend Ken, like, when. When I met him, I might have been. I probably was like 27 at the time. And I've always been an adult, though, you know what I'm saying? So it's a lot of things I feel like ain't nobody never told me. My mom ain't never told me nothing. Like, anything I know I had to learn on my own for the most part, but I remember pulling his credit report. Now, his dad is African, so his dad would talk to him about how, you know, he's paying for him to go through, go to school and all this man, I pulled, man, that has so much in his name, including them student loans. Your daddy ain't paying for nothing, boy. That credit report was crazy. I mean, like, he has so much and had never put anything in his name.

[Tam Bam]

Wow.

[AJ Holiday]

And a whole credit profile. So check your. Check your credit Report today.

[Tam Bam]

My mama had somebody at one time using her credit, but they was paying on time. It was so weird that her credit score was going up on that she never had.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. She probably just let somebody. I mean, essentially they build her credit for her. Basically.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. But she don't know who it was.

[AJ Holiday]

It was probably. Somebody probably stole her Social Security number as a cpn and that person was actually taking care of it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And not burning it out, you know. Oh, y' all about to go to jail for fraud for burning out CPMs and. But that might be what happened. Should thank you.

[Tam Bam]

It was wild.

[AJ Holiday]

I'll be hoping somebody hacked my. Because, listen, I'm blaming everything on you.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I never went to college. Whose student loans are those?

[Tam Bam]

Benedict. College? Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Never been. Please. I didn't. I don't know who did that. I don't know this man. Yeah. So let me think of anything else. I wish somebody would have told me at 25 now. Finances. I don't know. Let's talk about men.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Relationship. Relationships get out, like I said, fast and soon. Like, don't wait for the sixth flag.

[Tam Bam]

Let me tell you, that's one that. I still ain't learned my lesson. I, like, I just be locked in. Like, I'd be, like, so in love. I'd be. Once I get there, it's hard for me to let go. I str. I still struggle now. It take a lot for me to get there with somebody. It take a whole lot for me to be like, oh, I love them, and I really want to be with them, and I'm acclaimed in publicly, but once I get there, I'm ready to go through hell and high water with a forever.

[AJ Holiday]

Also, society makes women feel like we give up on relationships so easily. Like, we easily walk away, and it cannot be furthest from the truth. I think a lot of us stay in relationships hoping it gets better, you know?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

But, man, I'm telling y', all, men are not going to deal with half the shit they put you through. So just think about it. That is when you need to think like a man. You need to think like a man when the man is doing some shit to you.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Would he stay with you if you do the same thing to him? Because nine times out of 10, he gonna beat your ass, and then he out of there.

[Tam Bam]

But sometimes, like, if he cheated on. If you cheat on him, some of these be saying it just be a secret.

[AJ Holiday]

But then why you. Why did you smile like that? I just heard.

[Tam Bam]

I just heard,

[AJ Holiday]

like, he ain't gonna never share with his homeboys that you cheated on him before. Yeah, because he probably, he probably subconsciously think you owe him that because he probably done cheating on your ass. Or maybe, maybe he's cheated worse than you ever known.

[Tam Bam]

Who knows?

[AJ Holiday]

And I'm not gonna say there's no relationships out here where women didn't cheat first, third and last. I ain't saying that because women be cheating for sure. We just don't get caught. I feel like you really love your partner when you don't get caught. When you be leaving trash out for people to step on and see like dogs leave shit out. You do not love the person you're with. You're.

[Tam Bam]

I don't agree with that because some people just not slick. You know, that's what I.

[AJ Holiday]

Some people need to be slick if you cheating.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, you need to be. But everybody I had one of my homegirls, she is the worst cheater in the world. Like God damn, you need to stop. You keep getting caught. I'm talking about every single time she get caught red handed. It's like she get caught with a. It wouldn't be like evidence. It'd be like with another like God damn everyone time she got caught, she called me. She like, girl, my man came and I had another thing at my house, I would have hit in the closet. I said, at your own house?

[AJ Holiday]

I got a homegirl who her and the was under the bed. Her baby daddy and I have broken the window of her apartment. He climbed up to a second floor window and got inside her apartment and her and other was underneath the bed watching, watching feet like a scary movie.

[Tam Bam]

They didn't get caught.

[AJ Holiday]

No, he, he, he never knew they were in there.

[Tam Bam]

Damn.

[AJ Holiday]

To this day, I mean, they get together.

[Tam Bam]

See, I don't play games like that because I know how I would act if I caught somebody. I might break in my house.

[AJ Holiday]

You break in my house, I'm flipping that on you with the sitting right there. How dare you break into my house when I tell you I'mma gaslight the out that why you going to jail. I'm not taking accountability. That girl.

[Tam Bam]

Accountability.

[AJ Holiday]

I am not taking accountability for being on some motion when you done broke in my house.

[Tam Bam]

No,

[AJ Holiday]

you what are you doing here? Absolutely not. Reality versus potential.

[Tam Bam]

Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

When you see this man and this is how he's presenting, believe him. Okay? Now I can tell you I was in. That's why I hate Columbia so much. I've had some of my worst relationships in Columbia, South Carolina. Okay? And one of My boyfriends. I met him at the gas station by the apartment where I lived at. And he was actually working at the gas station part time just so he can like, get gas money to drive to Orangeburg for like this diesel mechanic school, right? So I saw the potential. But this man had a whole fucking family. Damn near still with the family. He's still with his baby mama to this day. Okay, His. His kids grown as hell now. But I was. I saw. I don't know, I think women, we be so delusional. Like, we be seeing a future with every body. He was such a hard worker. Like, yes, you could see the potential and where he's going to be at in the future because he does well now, right? And I saw that then. But he was on some. Like, he always gonna be a lover boy. Like, his baby mama gonna always have to deal with him other bitches, like, forever. And I knew that then work well no more. I got up out of there. But y', all. It was two tubal pregnancies later, the baby mom was pregnant the second time I was pregnant at the same time. It was a whole lot of bullshit in my 20s. Middle finger to my old life. Don't go through it the minute a bitch call you a fool. I remember this girl calling my phone. I'm at work. She like, who are you to so and so I said, who did he say I am? I said, you calling me? You should ask him. And furthermore, why are you going through his phone? That's my favorite to tell a when they call me. Why are you in his phone? And if you got a check for me, you already know what time it is, right? Like, I'm not. But yeah, ask that man.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, I remember I had a girl post my picture on social media. Her that I ain't even never met in real life. He was just in the DMs, and they were on vacation. And he was like messaging me while they were on vacation because they were arguing about something. I didn't. I didn't know none of this. And then I wake up in the morning and I'm tagged in some.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm like, what the. I don't even know this.

[Tam Bam]

Like that relaxed.

[AJ Holiday]

Why are you ruining vacation, girl?

[Tam Bam]

That's why. Listen, I always tell my clients and homegirls, like, don't ruin your own vacation. On some going through. Why would you go through a phone on vacation? Like, you want to have a bad time? You asking for.

[AJ Holiday]

Basically, I had a go through my phone on Christmas, like, what the.

[Tam Bam]

You. You want to ruin Christmas.

[AJ Holiday]

Ruining Christmas and New Year's at this point. Cuz you. You ain't going into my New Year's. Why you in my damn cell phone?

[Tam Bam]

Anytime a went through my phone, I was flabbergasted cuz I thought only women did that.

[AJ Holiday]

Me too.

[Tam Bam]

So I was lying. It's not. They do it.

[AJ Holiday]

They go through. I'mma tell y'. All, men go through women's phones. Ain't been a time I ever been in, like, in a real serious relationship with a man that I don't pick my phone up in my settings and is different at all. Type of weird in my cell phone because I know he been in there fiddling around doing some shit. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

So get. You see, I. And listen, I wasn't even covering my tracks because I just thought niggas just did not do that wrong again.

[AJ Holiday]

I never even. Up until the point to where a man actually did it. I still covered my tracks just in case my mind. I. I don't push it past nobody.

[Tam Bam]

I definitely thought was too thorough for that. No, no.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely not.

[Tam Bam]

Now. My. My. You know how you can lock everything? My photos is face id'd. My everything. You can't get in without my face.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't sleep too hard. You can't get that phone in your face, right.

[Tam Bam]

That would be the only way. You have to do it. In my sleep.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I don't set up none of that biometric on my cell phone. Like, you got to use a pin. I'm not. It's not no face. None of that.

[Tam Bam]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

You got to put the pen in. And my shit long, too. It's nine characters. You'll never figure it out.

[Tam Bam]

You'll never guess.

[AJ Holiday]

Yep. Nine, so. And then even when you do, like, the little code on the phone, people

[Tam Bam]

can look and see, like how you swipe.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. The fingerprints on your phone. So. I don't do that either.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And I don't even. I don't think I don't have nothing to hide now.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I ain't really got nothing, but I just still keep it locked. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

No, no. I guess that. What. What? Relationships? Yeah. Just get out of there soon and early. Your mama is right. These ain't. They just want to see your asshole. And once they do, they out of there. Okay. There's only two men that really love you. Is it your daddy? Okay. I mean, the two. No. Two men that actually want to be around you. Your daddy and. And the man that truly loves you. The rest of these Men, they only around until they have sex with you. Just know that they gonna chase you until they get to coochie. And then all of a sudden you chasing them.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I have one that a lot of you women and men need to hear. Guess what? Sometimes you're wrong. Sometimes you're not right. You can't be right every single time. Sometimes, sometimes you are the wrong person. And if you are listening and think every time you are right, you probably wrong more times than not. There's no way you're always right. So sometimes you have to be like, okay, like maybe I should think about this more objectively instead of just from my own perspective.

[AJ Holiday]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

Try that shit. I had to learn that one. I had to learn that one. I just remember like in my 20s, I was definitely how I think is right. And that's the only right way. And it just felt like it was supposed to make sense what I thought to everybody else.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I mean, I. I feel like perspective and just saying the word perspective is 10 years old, right? People. People didn't even consider other people's perspective about something, you know, I don't know personally, I don't be talking about, I don't know about. And then if somebody's telling me some I never heard, I'm listening. I'm never just telling them, oh, that's not, I don't. That's not right. I don't do that. I'd be like, okay, and then I'll go do my own little independent research and see what the they talking about. But yeah, you absolutely don't know everything. Nobody knows everything. And the smartest person knows they know nothing.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Actually, you should always be a student. Yeah, listen to your damn mama. Your mom already said that, right? Listen to your mama. Your mama already, right? The you think you are going through, she's already been through it, right? All right, so. Oh, anytime if you're 25 right now, anytime. Anybody who's older than you tell you some. Okay. They are telling you it from. From experience.

[Tam Bam]

Some of them bitter as hell though. I don't know, man.

[AJ Holiday]

You have been in a room for the old bit of girl. I want to hear that beauty salon. I've been looking for this lady who used to. Ms. Yvonne. I've been looking for her man, to see if she could.

[Tam Bam]

She.

[AJ Holiday]

She could do my hair because I used to go to her as a kid. But yeah, that beauty salon was so catty and some of the conversations that should not have been had in front of little girls, right in the hair salon Everybody husband was cheating John. So still, I mean, I guess, George,

[Tam Bam]

you know what I'm talking about. Where Shanae, Nay and Kilolo came to the. The meeting and they was telling everybody about how their husbands was out here cheating on everybody.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Thank you. Another thing I think that we take for granted is time, right? So my oldest niece is 25. My youngest niece now is. She's 20. She's 20. Is she 21 yet? She's 20 or 21. Anyway, second year of college and I remember for my youngest niece, I remember having a conversation with her maybe when she was in her 11th grade year. Just trying to talk about the future. Because nobody did that for me, right? Nobody like helped me think about what I'm gonna do when I finish high school. Because shit gets real once you finish high school, right? You can go to college, you can go straight to the workforce. You start getting. Making money and acquiring bills and credit. Fucked. All type of things start happening. Shit gets real really fast when you are becoming an adult and 25, you are still a child.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

So a lot of the. I was telling both of my nieces, they are now having to experience. I would have my oldest niece, I have been telling her since she was a kid all these gay. And she did not believe me until now. And she's 28 years old. And then my youngest niece, like, yeah, I remember sitting in the car with her trying to. Everybody trying to tell me what to do in my life. This is what she told me like in 11th grade. Mm. And now she is trying to figure it out. You know, the first two years of school didn't work out as she, as she planned. She. Now she has to come back home and. And do tech for a little while to get her grades back up. Because you have to have a different level of discipline right now once you get into the real world, because there's nobody there to wake you up and make sure you on your shit. You have to be self motivated, right? So work on that. Work on your mind. Like, listen, read some. Like now we're getting more into like the self help books and meditation and all that stuff at this age. But imagine if we was on this type of time at 2025, like your mind would be really, really super duper fortified. Like it wasn't until age 33 for me. That's like 32 is when shit started getting bad and going downhill. And 33, I feel like. And then just the time and not like in the rat race of having to work with Somebody else. I was able to do a lot of research. I was able to read. I had time to think. I had time to. To actually figure out what is actually going on in the world. But the old, the younger you can do that, the more advanced you'll be, you know, 35. Yeah. So read. Figure out what is going on in the world for real. I don't know. Start therapy now. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a lot of stuff that we probably blame on childhood that we probably could have, you know, had somebody help us resolve right now. On. Yeah, because it comes out in dating. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

It comes out. And how you present yourself to the world every day.

[AJ Holiday]

Friendship, all that.

[Tam Bam]

Mm.

[AJ Holiday]

And you don't have as much time as you think. That is the whole gist of what I was trying to say. Yes, you're 25 right now, but 10 years goes by so fast. I was just telling a the other day, like, we're gonna be 50 soon. You know, you around here bum fumbling and bullshitting. You want to be 50, doing the same thing you're doing today if you do not make a change today, right? So if you're 25 right now, I think you got time because you young and lit, baby, the worst thing right now is add a baby to your right, okay? So yeah, you single, young, lit, no kids, you good

[Tam Bam]

soon as you become a mama. But let me tell you, them mamas be turning into superheroes though. Sometimes.

[AJ Holiday]

Though sometimes I feel like I don't have as much hustle as I should because I don't have no kids.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah, me too. Sometimes I lay in the bed and people be going to pick their kids up from daycare. I'd be like, damn, that's crazy. I got another good one pertaining to finances. Don't spend your money trying to keep up with a lifestyle or a look that is really outside your means. Stop wasting money on dumb ass like that. Like you buying a Chanel bag but ain't got no real mattress on your bed, you know, like. Or you don't have the means to pay your rent by yourself, but the money you get and you spending on clothes and shoes and bags and can't put no money in the bag. And if this person is taking care of you decides to stop now, you're gonna get evicted. Don't do, dummy. I've seen that shit happen before. For.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, we got grown ass women that's still doing stuff like that, but yeah, like, definitely. I mean, there's so much like financial literacy like help on YouTube. Check out some of those videos. Learn about the stock market right now. Like Tammy mentioned earlier about, you know, doing a ira. Stuff like that. Annuities. Put a couple dollars. You have the money.

[Tam Bam]

Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

I can assure you I had way more money in my 20s than I do do now. Okay? And I did not save. Save your money when. I don't even think. I was worried a whole bunch of.

[Tam Bam]

When I was living in Europe. I was balling hand like ball Lynn. Okay? And I was just blowing money like you. I was blowing money like I was a drug dealer. Straight up, like, oh, we just. We flying to Amsterdam this weekend. We going crazy. And I just spend thousands and thousands of dollars on. I can't. I can't show food none of that shit now, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And you will. That is another thing. You're looking back on skinny pictures. You're gonna be looking back on the money you had your hands on that you don't have now. You did absolutely nothing with. You're not multiply that money. You just. All this money going out and nothing coming in. Nothing extra coming in.

[Tam Bam]

Now, what I'm not saying don't make memories and experiences, but just balance, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. Yeah. Have fun. You know what I'm saying? If you can find a man who will sponsor your fun, do that too.

[Tam Bam]

That applies to any age.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Also, don't spend too much time trying to look for somebody to find it to finance your life. Make sure you the with the money.

[Tam Bam]

Right. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Because I'm unfortunately learning, realizing that I' ma just have to be the. With the money in my life. Not that I don't. Not that I don't. Not that it's not any men out here with. With the money, man, but it's really not a whole bunch of them to go around.

[Tam Bam]

Remember that. That psychic said I was gonna marry rich? You lied.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, he ain't lied to me because he told me I'm have to work hard. I'm gonna get everything I want. I' ma just have to work hard. And that is. And I already knew that. Right? So it was just confirmation for me, for real, because this. That is the story of my life. So I just got to get out of my. My own way, basically. He told you you was gonna marry a basketball player because. But you probably looking for. Or Dre Michael Age like your retired.

[Tam Bam]

I want. I don't want no young no more. I'm done with y'. All. Y' all got me fat. Lions got me fat.

[AJ Holiday]

That should be the name of this episode. The lions got me fat. Let's talk about friendships right quick. Right. Because I am no longer friends with a few people who I were. Who I was friends with, like in my 20s.

[Tam Bam]

Absolutely.

[AJ Holiday]

And I thought that it would never. I would. I thought that these people would be my friends forever for life. Right? Yeah. And it's just. It doesn't work that way now. What I don't believe in is people growing apart. I don't. Not my relationships. It wasn't about people growing apart. It's just somebody start acting like a. Okay. It ain't no growing apart. Once you get a certain age, you

[Tam Bam]

don't feel like that. No, I feel like you can because I have some friends that are still very good friends of mine, but we don't talk as often because just distance in life, you know? Like, those are your.

[AJ Holiday]

Those probably your best friends, though. You know what I'm saying? Like those probably your. When y' all do talk, y' all probably talk for a long time.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

About relationships that ended completely. Like you no longer talk to this person.

[Tam Bam]

I. You know what? I used to think that I had to hold on to friendships that I've had for a long time. That's another one. Like you. Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time don't mean y' all have to be friends forever. Sometimes that chapter is done. And that's okay. You know, you holding on to unhealthy relationships because y' all know each other. Other since y' all was 14. That let that go. It don't matter. Sometimes it's just. Okay, your piece is more important if you got girlfriends that y' all always arguing every time y' all talk is. Is discourse. Like, just let that go. It's okay. And you can still love them and wish them well and not have nothing to do with them.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. My mom asked me about one of my ex girls best friends over the weekend. And I get so annoyed when she does. I. I get so annoyed when she does because it's almost like, did you forget what these people did to me? And it's almost like if it was my daughter and my kids said such and such. Did such and such. I ain't your friend no more either. Yeah, but I guess she. And I mean this. This particular person, she's like a family member who I just don't with. Like, she's a family member who I don't talk to no more. So. And we were friends from middle school basically a very, very long time. And you Know, I feel like I was in some abusive friendships. The same like it's just a different type of abuse because like she would be mad at a, mad at a, a boyfriend. And then all of a sudden like you got an attitude, I mean the nastiest attitude towards me. Like why I got to deal with it. Anytime I'm pissed at somebody, the energy goes towards that person. Person only. I'm not taking it out on somebody else, especially my homegirl. Like your friends are there to make you happy when these make you mad, right? But you mad at me when you mad at, you know, you, it's just, it's weird. And in some of those relationships you realize once they do end, y' all probably were never really friends. You know, sometimes it's really, really one sided also. Like somebody is benefiting more off that friendship than the other.

[Tam Bam]

One of my friends got mad at me because I was going through another failed situationship that didn't turn into a relationship and I was really upset about it. And she was like, you know, just trying to be encouraging. The right person is going to come along. You just gotta not whatever say to always make each other feel better. And I was like, you know what, I'm sorry but I really don't want to hear that right now. Right. And she was upset that I said that to her cuz she said that I was, she was just trying to encourage me and make me feel better. But sometimes it's okay to say, you know what, I don't want to hear that right now. Do you think I was wrong?

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, were you venting to her? And so sometimes you got to tell people you just want to air. You really don't want any thing from them, right? You just want them to listen. Because if you are calling her and you just, you know, telling them all these, all the bad that's been happening with you in the relationship and all that and they offer words of encouragement. Why would you ever get upset about words of encouragement?

[Tam Bam]

Well, I didn't, I wasn't upset with her about the words of encouragement I wouldn't like.

[AJ Holiday]

But the way it came off, she took it personally.

[Tam Bam]

She took it.

[AJ Holiday]

I, I don't want to hear that right now. Like why the energy for me?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but it wasn't the type of

[AJ Holiday]

this friend would do to me.

[Tam Bam]

But it wasn't energy for her. That's the thing, it wasn't energy for her. But it's like after 20 years a is saying the right person coming like girl, don't nobody want to hear that, Yeah, I heard it before.

[AJ Holiday]

You gonna get mad at her? Cause you keep going through the.

[Tam Bam]

The right person. Cover the law girl up.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, you would have felt better. She would have said, steady yourself for a little while. Stop dating. That would have made you feel better.

[Tam Bam]

That was the plan anyway, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

That was the plan.

[Tam Bam]

Get with the plan. The.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, so if you. If you are in your 20s and you got a friend, like, venting you about her relationships, just listen, okay? You don't always have to give your opinion about stuff, right?

[Tam Bam]

Listen.

[AJ Holiday]

And I don't even think I used to be giving this my opinion about, like, literally she would be giving her opinion to me about my. And one of my. She ended up think I don't know about to this day. Okay. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So just listen. Not all. You will not be friends with all your friends forever. Right? It will feel like a real breakup. It will hurt and you gonna live and you're gonna make more friends. Okay? I don't. I've never had a problem making friends.

[Tam Bam]

I always. I try to always. Especially in the, you know, last decade, anytime I unpack on friends, I always ask them first do. If they have the bandwidth for, you know, I always ask, hey, can you handle, you know, me venting to you right now? I try to do that because some people would just come dump on you without even asking if it's okay to do that. I think that's something that we should start, you know, putting into our repertoire when we're talking to our friends. Like, ask first. Don't just come drop. You know, your friends are. I mean, what are friends for? They're there for that. But you got to also consider that it might be more than they can handle at that time, you know. And then also tell your friends, I just want you to listen. I don't want advice. And that's okay too, you know, Also

[AJ Holiday]

tell your friends good things about your relationship. You don't want to just be like, dumping all the trauma and all the bad on them. Like, there are some good times I think you can think of. If you can't think of any good, good times in that relationship, get out of there. But, you know, you don't always want to just come to your friends with the bad because. Because your friends are not going to. With your person anymore. It's gonna. Thank you making bad decisions. And eventually they ain't gonna want to hear that. I remember I used to be venting so much to one of my homegirls who I'M no longer friends with. I used to be venting to her about. About my ex, one of my exes. And then I. I stopped. Right. I stopped fitting her because I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna just stop bending everybody ears about this until I'm ready to leave for real. But that was my way of, you know, talking myself out of the relationship anyway. Right. But then when I would talk to her, she would be asking me about what's going. Like when I stopped mentioning, she would then be asking. But then the reason why I stopped even mentioning is because she was like, getting short with me during conversation about it. Like she was tired of hearing about it. Right. So I stopped talking about it. And now you asking me about the. Like, I'm not even mentioning this. Don't ask me about him right now.

[Tam Bam]

Like, which one is it? Because when I am talking about it, you don't want to hear it. And when I stop now you wondering why I stopped.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Like what. What is happening?

[Tam Bam]

Well, we know women. We can get with our friends and bend our. Our friends ear back about a yes. And then the same over and over and over again. And it can be annoying. And we've all done it. We've all been that friend. And then you got to find new to talk to talk to about because everybody else tired, everybody.

[AJ Holiday]

Now you got to find new people to hear your delusion.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Get out of there. But yeah, like, as far as friendships, like best friends usually be, the ones you don't talk to every day. For real, it's okay to break up with the. With friends if the relationship is no longer. Longer serving you. I kind of hate that term, you know, no longer serving you. I understand what it means, but, like, what does it mean? You know, this is if it's. If it doesn't feel good. Right. I get happy when I talk to my friends.

[Tam Bam]

Me too.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. I know the people who cause me, like, a little mental anguish and I'm not friends with them no more. Or like, you see them break up with other people and stop being other people friends for trivial. Like, your turn. Your turn is coming.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

It's definitely coming. Because one of my friends, I would see her fall out with all these different people and like, me and her stayed thick thieves for many years afterwards. But my time came eventually.

[Tam Bam]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

So I know how that you are not exempt from the sweetie. So if you have a friend who always got different friends, ain't your friend either.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Another one is you have to be the friend you want a Lot of people have these high such huge expectations of friendship, but then aren't that type of friend in return? So you have to be the type of friend that you want, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. And that, that goes with relationships, right? So we have all these demands for our significant others, right? But a lot of times in order to attract what you want, you, you gotta change. Because the current you, it's the same way as like you look back at somebody you don't like anymore, right? And you probably don't even like who you were when you were dating him. It's the same thing. So if you want better, you have to also then become better, right? To make sure you're prepared.

[Tam Bam]

Girl, listen, I was going through my text message messages deleting old and it was one of my old hoes that I was like crazy about. And I was reading my messages. Oh, I was like, oh, you weak in the knees. Stand up. Like I was so mad at myself reading some of those messages. Asshole, stand up.

[AJ Holiday]

What if he was showing those asshole messages? Look at this man, right?

[Tam Bam]

She loved me. Look how much she love me.

[AJ Holiday]

St. Stupid girl. 25 year old girl. Just know he's showing them text messages. You being weak in the knees, right? To them, right? Or to the he cheating with.

[Tam Bam]

Right? That part.

[AJ Holiday]

So just know that that's, that that might be happening. Okay?

[Tam Bam]

It's possible for sure.

[AJ Holiday]

We kind of talked about, you know, health and all that stuff and you know, not taking this current body, right? Make sure you taking care of it.

[Tam Bam]

Make sure you drink water.

[AJ Holiday]

We know y' all outside drinking Hennessy is about to be warm again, okay? Drink some water.

[Tam Bam]

You don't nobody drink Hennessy no more. That's how I know you ain't outside.

[AJ Holiday]

It's tequila vitamins, girl.

[Tam Bam]

These who drinking?

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, I don't know because I don't be outside with the Y N's.

[Tam Bam]

Tequila. Everybody drinking, they, they wait in tequila right now. And y' all okay, enough water. What is wrong with y'?

[AJ Holiday]

All?

[Tam Bam]

Some of y' all looking like very old. And that's because you're not taking care of your body. For every liquor shot of liquor, you need to drink a cup of water.

[AJ Holiday]

So our generation, I think we went through like the BBL era, right? I don't know what's going to be coming up for the Gen Z's. What y' all gonna be doing?

[Tam Bam]

Doing every peptide, every peptide injecting peptides in their skin.

[AJ Holiday]

So you want to do consistency versus quick fixes, okay? You don't want to have to be dealing with some years later, you know, from some putting your body added, removed, all this weird, right? Just, Just work out because a lot

[Tam Bam]

of y' all girls who got them pretty, bless the plants that last 10 years, now y' all got to go have another surgery right now. And I know y' all hate that in your 40s or something, right?

[AJ Holiday]

And hope you got the money, right, to go get another. Another breast implant surgery. I don't know how to. I don't know how. I've always been pretty confident. I know there are some older, younger women who lack confidence, and I don't know how to help you get more confidence.

[Tam Bam]

Look in the mirror and talk to yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

That's it. That's exactly what the fuck I was about to say. Like, people, y' all think that's crazy. Somebody said something to me the other day about looking in the mirror. But I mean, it's literally a portal, okay? So whatever you want to be, you look in the mirror and that's where you merge those two realities.

[Tam Bam]

Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

You bring. Bring that other reality through the mirror. Right?

[Tam Bam]

You know what? As a young woman, I struggled with. I always gave off confidence. But deep down inside I struggle with my insecurities and I struggle with imposter syndrome and things like that. But on the outside, I just be putting on a good face. But deep beneath the surface, there were all these things that really lied there that, you know, I wasn't as confident as I thought. Like, I projected and I wasn't as secure as I projected. And those things I still battle with sometimes, you know, Like, I'm not perfect. You know, I do know who I am at this age. I know exactly, exactly who I am. But sometimes I still struggle with insecurities. I mean, and point out one woman who don't have no insecurities, and I'll call you a lot. I call you a liar. There's something.

[AJ Holiday]

No, absolutely.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. You know, there's something there that you. You might.

[AJ Holiday]

I think we. I think you get a certain age. You like it? This is how I'm showing up. Whatever body, whatever face, like this is. This. It is what it is. I think it's just a little bit more pressure for the younger people, right? Yeah, you gotta. You just have to really try to find self love. That is what it all boils down to. And everything else will work itself out. You gotta like you today, work on that. Everybody. And I don't think like you're like you. Everybody definitely has insecurities. Everybody, I think everybody puts a mask On, Right. Yeah. And then you got to go home and actually deal with yourself when you're

[Tam Bam]

getting in that mirror.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Make sure you can deal with you. That's really all that matters. Everybody else, you love you.

[Tam Bam]

That's why I could never be a stripper or a prostitute. No shade to y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

But I just would be scared in the mirror. Like, I. Like outside, it's like, okay, okay. But when you in that house by yourself, you have to really be with yourself. And you know what? And Pete, that's why a lot of people don't be at home by themselves, because they.

[AJ Holiday]

Or they're not their real self when they're at home by themselves. They probably drinking on drugs, you know,

[Tam Bam]

so they don't keep their face in the phone. Keep their face in the phone and things like that and don't really sit with themselves.

[AJ Holiday]

And I'll tell you also, it's okay to fake it till you make it also. Right. So you might feel like, yeah, you were showing up this way, you're showing up this way, but deep down inside, this is how you feel. Eventually, you will trick your subconscious mind and you will become that thing you've been acting like you were.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. So you will become that much more confident. Right. Just sometimes you. Some certain situations, you just gotta fake it till you make it for real.

[Tam Bam]

That was wild that I just said that. The reason why I was never a stripper or a prostitute, I just be getting on this bike, just saying.

[AJ Holiday]

I think it's true, though. I can only imagine, like, some of the things that strippers and prostitutes actually go through and they. And they. They don't. You don't. I. I didn't never watch. What's the girl? Janice. The. I know she does, like, only fans and stuff like that.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, so many of them. You need to narrow it down.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. She was on. She was on Joe Buttons recently. Janice. Isn't her name Janice?

[Tam Bam]

I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

Anyway, but I remember she was on Poor Minds and she, you know, she was crying. She did talk about how she was on Joe Button. Joe. Joe Button. Talking about how she, you know, something did happen to her when she was a child and things like that. So a lot of people who end up in those industries, they have dealt with a lot of trauma, Right. And maybe this particular thing is. This is how they're expressing. That's how that. That trauma is being expressed right through this lifestyle. But that's not really what they want to do. But maybe they think that's all they are Good for, you know. So can I, I can imagine. Yeah. I can imagine how they feel when it, when they're, when, when they're by themselves. So it's not like crazy for you to say you, you would be more concerned about the mirror. Like for real, right? For real. I'm working. I am more concerned about how I see me versus how other people see me because I know me. Right. So as long as I with me, I don't care who doesn't with me.

[Tam Bam]

They're apart.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't be no people pleaser. Okay. For men, for, for friends, for family. You'll regret that. And you're gonna be learning at 40 how to say no.

[Tam Bam]

Right. And you never. You're not gonna get a reward for that.

[AJ Holiday]

Nope.

[Tam Bam]

You're not gonna get a reward for being available and overextending yourself to everybody and everything but yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I think earlier on maybe people. I don't know if I ever cared about being liked. I promise. I don't know if I've ever cared about just like making sure everybody likes me. I feel like I like more organic relationships anyway. So if me and a. Me and a person kick it off like that is who I'm supposed to be friends with. Like I'm never, I don't know. So I definitely get wrapped up in just wanting everybody to, to like them. And you're going to learn that everybody ain't gonna like you even no matter what in the world.

[Tam Bam]

Let me tell you. I, when I was, especially when I was like very young in college, my college age, I was concerned with that like why they don't like me, you know, like. And I will want people to like me and. But then I had to realize like some of these is, are committed to not liking you for no reason. So it's pointless.

[AJ Holiday]

They don't even like they selves. So how they don't like you, it's

[Tam Bam]

pointless to try to even figure it out, you know, like, you know, you get to a place where you can't worry about like that, you'd be worried all day. Don't like you. Shame.

[AJ Holiday]

So let's do like a little quick, little rapid fire game right quick.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

For 25 year old you.

[Tam Bam]

Okay, let's see. So hold on, let me put my hair in a hump in the top.

[AJ Holiday]

Little finger wave. A hump.

[Tam Bam]

You remember the little hump that was popular? Like you just grab that little piece right across the front and put it.

[AJ Holiday]

Was that at 25, push it up. I feel like that was younger than 25.

[Tam Bam]

Really? I don't know.

[AJ Holiday]

I feel like that was 16.

[Tam Bam]

What was

[AJ Holiday]

at 25? Girl, what.

[Tam Bam]

What are you talking about? You had a hump in the sewing.

[AJ Holiday]

You was doing hair at 25. You was doing sewing that 25 and

[Tam Bam]

definitely putting a hump in it.

[AJ Holiday]

What you mean a hump?

[Tam Bam]

That little hump that we had right there. I'm gonna find a picture of that.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, so A, I would have listened. B, I would have ignored it, and C is I would have done the opposite.

[Tam Bam]

Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. Save at least 20 of your income.

[Tam Bam]

What's the A, I would have listened?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

C,

[AJ Holiday]

you would have done the opposite

[Tam Bam]

at 25. Spend that gas on eat all drinks, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

The game is if. If you. If somebody would have told you then would you have done it? Like, now with your current mind? You still ain't paying attention at this age. So A is I would have listened had somebody told me. B is I would have ignored had somebody told me. C, I would have done the opposite had someone told me. So first question is, save at least 20% of your income. If someone had told me you to save at least 20% of your income.

[Tam Bam]

Somebody did tell me that. But I was still L. Me down.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

You know, somebody. I did have somebody telling me that. You know, I just didn't give a. At the time. I was young, wild, and free and making money for the first time. So it was just like. And I just assumed that that money was going to be consistent forever in my head, like, so.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's it. I. I already arrived.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. And it's just us from here. It's just up from here. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

No, yeah, sometimes you up and sometimes you down, right? You want to learn that?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, leave him.

[AJ Holiday]

The first time he lies.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, wait, you ain't answer it.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Tam Bam]

20.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, yeah, I would have saved, like, I spent so much money in my 20s. I remember, like, I had a couple accidents. Like, I had, like, stacks at different times in life on top of income. And I just. I don't know where the money went at. I don't know where it went.

[Tam Bam]

No. BB got a lot of my money.

[AJ Holiday]

Bb oh, my gosh.

[Tam Bam]

Cache. I used to be in Cachet, running it up, just buying Cachet, buying all that dumb ass.

[AJ Holiday]

So leave him. The first time he lies. The first time he lies. You know, I'm. I could be a little. You know, the first time he lied. Maybe the second time I be.

[Tam Bam]

I would have ignored it.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Because I probably done lied to the foot.

[AJ Holiday]

Start therapy early.

[Tam Bam]

I Just feel like when I was 25, 30, therapy was for crazy people, you know, Duh.

[AJ Holiday]

You.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, but I didn't, you know, I didn't realize that I was crazy back then. So I. I would have. I wish somebody would have been like, yeah, go to therapy. That's a real thing that can help you. Because maybe I wouldn't listen.

[AJ Holiday]

I sent my mama this meme last week that said the only difference is between me and my mom is that I know I have a mental illness. I sent that to my mom and she did not think that was funny. We talked about it on Sunday. She. She was like, you sent me that. I see anything. It was funny. I thought it was hilarious. She did not think she was mad about that. Yeah, like, still don't know. She got mental illness. That's the m. Mental illness right there. You not think you got one right.

[Tam Bam]

The first step is acknowledging the problem. Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Imagine like that was me admitting. Okay. Like, yes, me. You are very much alike a lot. The only difference is I got self awareness of my. That's it. She didn't like it. Your. Your friends will change a.

[Tam Bam]

It was already changing.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Let's see. Don't post everything online. That is. That. That's a big one. Because I got some pictures online. If they ever come out, I won't even say what the handle was back in 1992, thousands, like young as. Yes. I got some out there that I hope never turns up. I feel like I. I scrubbed the Internet pretty well. But what I did learn, even about places like MySpace, like, you can't even log in no more like you. You don't own none of that. None of your images. Nothing.

[Tam Bam]

I don't really think I was. I think I was pretty conscious about. Now it might be some. I said that I might not want to pop up. I don't remember, but like pictures and stuff like that. No, I was very. Now it might be some home videos I'd have made with a. I don't want to show up nowhere.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, I mean, that would have been. You sent to somebody and they sharing it.

[Tam Bam]

No, we. I made some home videos.

[AJ Holiday]

But you put them online.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, no, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

This is like don't post.

[Tam Bam]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Along with don't post everything online. Don't be sending these your body.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. Get the shot, though, because that is that. That will save you a lot of

[Tam Bam]

time or at least crop your head out.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. Invest instead of splurging. That's kind of along the line. As saving some 20% of that income. You are not behind. Okay. Definitely not at 25. But you also don't have as much time as you think. Yeah, I wish somebody would have. I feel like I might have hustled backwards. Right. I was so eager to, like, get a job and start making money. Like, I didn't do. I didn't want to be the broke college student. Like, that is just something you got to go through.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Because what's going to happen is you're gonna end up 30, not finish the degree. Right. And be trying to go back and do all over again. So just go through. Go through the thing.

[Tam Bam]

Stop dating your potential. Yeah, B. I would have ignored it at 24.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, me too. Absolutely.

[Tam Bam]

You don't know anything. You're just a.

[AJ Holiday]

You're just a whole. You're just an old. Heal. He'll heal before your next relationship. Now, I'm still a little. A little hopper nowadays because why I

[Tam Bam]

would have ignored it.

[AJ Holiday]

I ignore it now because why. What the are we waiting for? Especially the older I get. The last time I. I'm waiting. Who's next? Yeah. Not. Not now, anyway, because I am in a relationship. But for sure. Like. But even this relationship versus the last one. It was a weekend, okay? It was a weekend apart. Nobody got no time to be playing around. Like, I remember my homeboy was like, oh, you. You move on fast. Like, why wouldn't I. Men always got a. A in the pocket somewhere. Maybe a too. Okay. But men always.

[Tam Bam]

EJ said.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Tam Bam]

Definitely in the pocket.

[AJ Holiday]

Take your health serious now. Okay? I got. My mom is, like, trying to do all this holistic stuff. She's 70. She trying to do all this holistic that I've been trying to get her to do for years. She trying to do it now at 70. So if you start at 25, you won't have to be consciously struggling even at 30. 40. Right. To unlearn a lot of the eating habits. All that. Like, take your health serious today because this. You only got one body for real, right? One body. Use a condom. I know I'd be around here. Talk about smashing rod shipping. We know y' all ass don't be going to the doctor, so use a condom.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, that's the first time she said that

[AJ Holiday]

you use a condom because I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

That feels good. Like, I don't understand why people don't want to use it.

[AJ Holiday]

No skin. The skin condoms. Those feel pretty nice. Yeah, like S, K, Y, N skin.

[Tam Bam]

And you can sleep peacefully at night after you use a condom like.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

You don't have to worry about the next period. You're not worried about like what the next test coming back more peacefully. I don't see why people don't do it.

[AJ Holiday]

Look, I had, I got tested just last week and still is like nerve wracking.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Waiting for these test results.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Even when you in monogamous relationship like should just be going down, you don't know who got what laying dormant where.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

So you have to be responsible for your body. Do not let these put your life in their hands because they're real. Not everybody deserves access to you. That's friends, family, men.

[Tam Bam]

Hey,

[AJ Holiday]

right, start a business. Now I always would say like get a business loan instead of a student loan but you know they're gonna make, make it hard for you to get a business loan anyway. But if you got decent credit like right now, if you like 20, go ahead and it up and get all the you want so you can have everything and your credit be good by 30 again.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Like if somebody would have told me that I would have really strategically my credit up at 20 instead of doing like frivolous little like buying rings from K Jewelry, just dumb with my credit and not paying for it. I would have strategically my credit up, had a house, car, all that early 20s and would have been good. Would have been good by you know, seven years. Right.

[Tam Bam]

Your job is not your identity.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh yeah. I think some women need to hear that now.

[Tam Bam]

Especially a lot of women need to hear that now. A lot of people need to hear that right now because that's all I

[AJ Holiday]

can't stand when somebody asks me what you do. I breathe for a living. That's what I do.

[Tam Bam]

Don't be trying to get LA is the worst about that. That's the first thing I want to know about you. They don't even want to know your name. But I feel like in LA is like they will need to know where what part of town you live in and what you do so they can know how they should treat you and

[AJ Holiday]

how to finesse you if they need you or not. They need, they're trying to determine if they need you or should you even be around them type right. To dance is no you don't need me and I don't need to be around you. Just go with that when you with

[Tam Bam]

me travel but don't go broke doing it. I ain't need nobody to tell me

[AJ Holiday]

that them bills go

[Tam Bam]

that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So that was fun.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I wish I when my, my Goddaughter's mom when she was graduating from high school, she had text me and asked me, like, what would I tell my daughter, you know, if. If my goddaughter was my kid? Like, what would I be telling her? Whatever. So I gave her a lot of. A lot of good things. And some of this is on here, like get. Get the student loan. Get the business known instead of the student loan.

[Tam Bam]

If you. All this we said today.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Keep your aggress to a minimum. A lot of this stuff I actually wrote to my goddaughter when she graduated from high school. She has a baby now. She has a career, though, so she's a. She. She does. She isn't. She's a nail tech. So she got her own little business going. So that's good.

[Tam Bam]

But you know, you know that saying youth is wasted on the young is so true because they don't know what to do with it. And the knowledge that you get as you grow old, if you had it when you was young, you would be more responsible with your youth. And I think that's what this episode, if you are listening and you are much younger, take heed of the things that we're saying and please apply them to your life. It's just going to make it much better when you grow old. If you get to, you know, and most of us, we will get to. So you don't want to be like, damn, I should have listened to them. We talked back ten years ago.

[AJ Holiday]

And you are not supposed to know everything at 25.

[Tam Bam]

No.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tam Bam]

You're supposed to make mistakes, you know,

[AJ Holiday]

but know enough to know you don't know. And try to get some of the knowledge right. So you could just put yourself in a better position in all aspects of life, from love, finances, all this. Just get as much information as you can. Surround yourself by smart people. If you're the smartest person you know, bitch, you dumb, right? Okay. Surround yourself with some smart people. That is my last.

[Tam Bam]

Last. And just keep doing your best. If you are here doing your best, that's enough. Honestly. And sometimes your best ain't shit. But what I'm saying, like, it's enough. Like, some days your best is just existing. And that's okay. You know? That's what I mean. Like, for real, like, some days we can get, like our day, we don't get nothing done. We could have a laundry list of shit to do and nothing happens. And it's still okay because sometimes you just can't, you know, don't beat yourself up about it. The next day. Start over and take that list again.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man, that's my last. All right, y', all, yhs, if you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect I Heart radio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0 on Instagrams. This is a long ass episode.

[Tam Bam]

You can make this too and cut it in half, right? But you know what? Not to forget the o ins and the ohs. We love y' all too. To this information that you probably already

[AJ Holiday]

knew and we still struggling with.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, you know, still got that same

[AJ Holiday]

man, still got that same friend, still

[Tam Bam]

got the same insecurities and still fat. So.

[AJ Holiday]

Just still, we love you.

[Tam Bam]

Anyway, thank you for tuning in. It's official tab bam on Instagram. Y' all follow me there. Remember, speak now

[AJ Holiday]

and never hold your youth period. That makes sense. Nope. Bye.

[Tam Bam]

Bye.

[AJ Holiday]

We Talk Back Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. This is an iHeart podcast, guaranteed.