I Chose The Bear

Summary

We Talk Back – "I Chose The Bear" (April 16, 2026)

Main Theme/Purpose

This episode of We Talk Back sees hosts TamBam and AJ Holiday dive deep into the raw realities of women’s safety, especially for Black women, in a world where predators abound and societal norms often fail to equip women with the tools and mindset needed for self-protection. They intertwine humor, personal anecdotes, and current events to spark a candid conversation about situational awareness, self-defense, trusting intuition, and recognizing red flags in interpersonal situations. They also touch on relationships, social media news, financial finesse, and Black women navigating safety in relationships and society at large.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weekend Recap & Tax Rant

• TamBam shares highlights from seeing Cardi B in concert, noting the raunchy burlesque vibe and reflecting on “auntie” feelings.
• AJ discusses fasting, low energy, and the universal annoyance with U.S. tax filing. Both express frustration with the system and joke about finessing tax returns.
• Quote (TamBam, 06:32): “Like, I feel like taxes when y'all in the country in bigger debt than I ever been or whatever.”

2. Burlesque, Card B, & Becoming Your Mom

• Discussion on generational changes in nightlife and how parents’ comments reflect “auntie” status.
• Quote (TamBam, 09:42): “She said, last time I was here, I was at Onyx stripping in 2014 and now selling out this arena. So I was like, yes, girl.”

3. Safety Scares & Amazon Anxieties ([10:12])

• TamBam recounts a comical but unnerving story about reacting to a 4:45am Amazon delivery, gun in hand, crawling on the floor, only for her mom to pray for the delivery person.
• Quote (TamBam, 11:35): “I started like military crawling with the floor. I had my gun and I went to the window.”

4. Social Media & "Stupid Internet News" ([12:43–16:56])

• Story of a woman whose prank on her boyfriend led him to shoot into her car, revealing deeper concerns about abusive partners and the dangers of prank culture.
• Discussion about prank calls causing real-life harm, referencing viral social media incidents.
• Quote (AJ, 16:00): “When you prank call somebody and you cause them, like, duress… what if her mom would have had a heart attack?”

5. Killers Among Us & Real-Life Dangers ([17:24])

• Hosts discuss how some people are “killers” or sociopaths, seamlessly blending humor and caution.
• Quote (TamBam, 18:00): “You see how I was doing my sniper move… that felt like instinctual, though.”

6. Relationship Finesse, Money, & Protecting Assets ([19:08–23:09])

• Discussion on selling one’s likeness (AI) for millions, prenuptial maneuvers, and infamous cases like PSG star Hakimi hiding assets.
• They muse on why men often get finessed post-fame and the importance of knowing someone’s motives.
• Quote (AJ, 22:34): “That is why I always say that men deserve the women that they had access to prior to the money.”

7. Culture & Credit: Russell Simmons, Kimora Lee ([25:16])

• Critique of Russell Simmons trying to take credit for Kimora Lee Simmons’ success, while highlighting the grooming undertones of their early relationship.
• Quote (TamBam, 26:31): “Groom. 101.”

8. Main Segment: The Ashley Janae Story & Black Women's Safety ([27:27])

• The death of influencer Ashley Janae in Zanzibar sparks an impassioned discussion about women’s safety, the presumed cause (suicide by hanging), and the hosts’ belief that her fiancé was involved.
• They address “divesting,” dating outside one's community, and the myth of the "greener grass" in interracial relationships.
• Quote (TamBam, 33:50): “Black people don’t… even if we do commit suicide, we don’t hang ourselves. That is not—”
• Quote (TamBam, 37:08): “That’s a lie, and we all know it. That’s not what happened to that beautiful Black girl.”

9. Situational Awareness and Everyday Habits ([41:12])

• Tips for safety: use only one earbud in public, park near lights, hold keys strategically, and trust your gut.
• Emphasis on walking with confidence and avoiding being “nice” to men who show red flags.
• Quote (AJ, 42:13): “I don’t really present as somebody you can play with.”
• Quote (TamBam, 41:43): “Put your keys in hand before you reach your car.”

10. Self-Defense Toolkit: Practical & Psychological ([44:11])

• Pepper spray, personal alarms, tasers—advice on their real and perceived utility.
• Many practical techniques: aiming for vulnerable spots, loud/firm responses to intimidation, quick escapes.
• Quote (TamBam, 44:27): “Pepper spray: aim for eyes, spray quick, and run.”

11. Navigating Uncomfortable/Unsafe Encounters ([57:09–61:39])

• Tactics for handling unwanted sexual advances, the psychological labor of being “nice” versus assertive.
• “If you feel uncomfortable, start an early exit plan; always let someone know your whereabouts.”
• Quote (AJ, 59:10): “You have to share locations with somebody… I know she coming to kill somebody about me.”

12. The “Flew Out” Risk—Discernment & Boundaries ([61:05])

• Warning against accepting travel invitations from men without separate lodging or a clear exit strategy.

13. Escalation & Self-Preservation ([64:34–68:09])

• If things turn physical: “Stick & move,” target weak spots, never be afraid to cause a scene or escape.
• Emphasis on never announcing a departure to an abusive partner.
• Quote (AJ, 68:09): “And don’t be afraid to be loud. They need to hear you.”

14. Recognizing Red Flags & Decisive Action ([69:11])

• Don't confuse possessiveness or violence with “crazy about me” affection.
• True stories of fatal consequences when warning signs are ignored.
• Quote (TamBam, 69:12): “He just crazy about me. No, bitch. He is just crazy. Get the fuck out of there.”

15. Black Women as “Hard Targets” ([82:08])

• Affirmation that Black women are less likely to be victimized by strangers due to less “niceness” and higher suspicion.
• Quote (AJ, 82:08): “That’s why, you know, black women aren’t victimized as much by strangers, because we’re not nice at all.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• AJ (04:39): “You get punished for not having children, you get punished for being single… That’s stupid too.”
• TamBam (11:35): “[I was] military crawling with the floor, I had my gun and I went to the window…”
• AJ (26:29): “Let’s be clear. Grooming 101.”
• TamBam (32:22): “Nobody teaches women how to protect themselves. For real. They teach us how to be pretty, to be nice, to be agreeable, but not what to do when something feels off.”
• AJ (42:13): “I don’t really present as someone you can play with.”
• TamBam (69:12): “He just crazy about me. No, bitch. He is just crazy. Get the fuck out of there.”
• AJ (81:47): “I am going to always live to tell the story, period. Even if it’s from a prison cell.”
• AJ (82:08): “That’s really what I live by… I think that’s why Black women aren’t victimized as much by strangers, because we just… we not nice at all.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 04:03–07:53: Weekend updates, taxes, and U.S. tax system ranting
• 07:53–10:17: Cardi B concert recap, generational shifts
• 10:12–11:54: Amazon delivery scare—life, guns, and Black motherly humor
• 13:38–16:18: "Stupid Internet News"– dangerous boyfriend prank shootout, pranks and mental duress
• 17:09–19:08: Killers in society; normalization of murder and violence
• 27:27–37:42: Tragic death of influencer Ashley Janae and deep dive into women’s vulnerability abroad
• 41:12–44:11: Daily habits for situational awareness and safety
• 44:11–47:12: Self-defense tools: what works, what doesn’t, and how
• 54:18–57:09: Using your voice, assertiveness, and handling aggressive men
• 62:35–64:34: Real stories about blind trust and safety abroad
• 64:34–68:09: If it gets physical: tips for escape, fighting back, and emergency actions
• 69:11–72:22: Recognizing escalation/domestic violence; real-life murders and overlooked victims

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Guidance & Insights for Listeners

• Trust your instincts: If something feels off, it probably is.
• Awareness beats weapons: Staying alert and practicing prevention is the best defense.
• Share your location: Always let someone who cares about you know where you are, especially with new acquaintances.
• Immediate action: Don’t feel obliged to explain yourself or be polite to potential threats—remove yourself from the situation decisively.
• Discernment in relationships: Understand why someone is interested in you, especially after acquiring money or fame.
• Don’t ignore red flags: If someone shows the capacity for harm, believe them and exit safely.
• Empowerment through preparation: Carry self-defense tools only if you’re comfortable and practiced.
• Be loud, firm, and clear: When necessary, use your voice to set boundaries and create a scene—your safety comes first.

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Closing Affirmation:
TamBam and AJ encourage all their listeners—especially women—to make their own safety the top priority, to trust their intuition, and to never be afraid to “fight back” in whatever form necessary, even if that means simply walking away, leaving quietly, or starting over. As AJ puts it: “I am always going to live to tell the story, period. Even if it’s from a prison cell.” (81:47)

Final Words:
“Be safe out here, y’all, and protect yourself, because your very first line of defense is you. Sometimes there’s nobody to save you but yourself.” – TamBam (82:31)

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This summary captures the full spirit, humor, and seriousness of the episode—a masterclass in blending real talk, cultural references, and Black women’s lived experiences into crucial life advice.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Tammy]

Guaranteed Human.

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[Lauren LaRosa]

Hey, y', all, it's Lauren LaRosa with the latest with Lauren LaRosa on Black Effect. And I cannot wait to see you guys at the fourth annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. We are coming back to Atlanta, Georgia on Saturday, April 25th at Pullman Yard. And it's hosted by me alongside DJ Envy and Charlamagne Tha God. We got Drink Chance with Noriega and DJ efn. We got Keep It Positive Sweetie with my girl Crystal Renee Hayslett. We got Reality with the King with my guide and my brother Carlos King. And y' all know he does reality commentary like nobody can. Now we also have Don't Call Me White Girl, the podcast I Love Mona and Club520 podcast along with the Grits and Eggs podcast. So this lineup stacked, baby.

[AJ Holiday]

You're also going to want to check

[Lauren LaRosa]

out the panels that we have lined up too, featuring Kev on Stage, Tika Sumpter and John Hope Bryant, just to name a few. Of course, it's way bigger than the podcast. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to kick keep you fed while you visit us. Okay, listen, you don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your ticket [e-mail] podcast festival.

[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tammy]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who Talk back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'? All? It's your girl, AJ Holiday. How y' all doing?

[Tammy]

Hey, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Hey.

[Tammy]

Hey, y'. All. It's Tammy. I love y' all so very much. Thank y' all for coming back again this week. It's been like five, five plus years of y' all coming back every week. So y' all really with us sometimes. I don't even be wanting to with y'. All. I ain't gonna hold.

[AJ Holiday]

You committed?

[Tammy]

Yes. How was your weekend?

[AJ Holiday]

Thank you. My weekend was, you know, same regular. I went to Costco.

[Tammy]

Oh, you back at Costco?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I went to Costco this weekend just for some little. But I do my job. I've been fasting, so my energy is low as. Okay, so I just been.

[Tammy]

What's your fast?

[AJ Holiday]

Laying low. Water. Water.

[Tammy]

That's all you having is water for how many days?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm gonna try to go till Thursday.

[Tammy]

Y', all. It's Monday.

[AJ Holiday]

One is five days. Probably over. Way over 72 hours. Like. But last night I didn't go to sleep so late. So now I'm like. Might murder somebody. You know when you fast and like, you gotta go to sleep at 8 or 9 o'.

[Tammy]

Clock. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Hours out the way. I was up till 2 o' clock with no sleep, doing nothing like I needed to be sleeping. Trying to fuck around with taxes. Y' all did y' all taxes.

[Tammy]

I'm about to do mine in a few minutes after we finish this girl business.

[AJ Holiday]

Taxes was due in March.

[Tammy]

For real? Yeah. Yikes on bikes.

[AJ Holiday]

File an extension on every damn thing. I should. I might have to file an extension tonight on my personal taxes because, like, I think America is maybe the only country that does taxes in this way. Like just, just. Just already know and just take what y' all need and like, why we gotta. Why we gotta do go through all of this? Well, they can't get punished.

[Tammy]

They can't take shit from me. How they gonna do it?

[AJ Holiday]

You can't. I mean, you. You get punished for not having children, you get punished for being single. You know what I'm saying? Like, you have to. That's. That's stupid too.

[Tammy]

Like, I feel like taxes when y' all in the country in bigger debt than I ever been or whatever.

[AJ Holiday]

That's why I don't give a. About debt. You know what I'm saying? I always wiggle my way out of debt. But taxes, that's one thing you ain't. You might not be able to wiggle out of. But my thing is this. If everybody collectively said that we ain't paying taxes, they cannot lock all us up. Right?

[Tammy]

Where are you gonna put all this?

[AJ Holiday]

Right? Yeah. What y' all gonna do? Stop paving the roads? Y' all already don't do that, right? We are gonna do. Let all the inmates out because y' all got tax money to. To. To house them anymore.

[Tammy]

Good. Right? Free.

[AJ Holiday]

Really? Anyway, freedom, like that. The prison industrial complex, they make too much money, right?

[Tammy]

That's sustainable extortion, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. This is extortion, man. I'm sick of it. I've never hardly ever gotten. I haven't gotten a refund check in years.

[Tammy]

You gotta have a baby.

[AJ Holiday]

I always got to pay some money. I gotta finesse some. Listen. If anybody's listening and like, you're a super good accountant, please call me DM me, please. I Need somebody like a little. Little gray area. Area low finesse.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Know where the finesse are.

[AJ Holiday]

For real. So that. That was my weekend, Chad, what you had going on.

[Tammy]

I went to see Cardi B. Oh,

[AJ Holiday]

I want to go see Car. My niece didn't win. My niece and my stepsister went.

[Tammy]

It was so raunchy, girl. Like, first of all, was there burlesque?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tammy]

Was there a group chat about the dress code? Because everybody was a naughty school girl.

[AJ Holiday]

I mean, my niece and my stepsister, that they looked so cute. They dressed schoolgirl outfit. Yeah.

[Tammy]

Everybody was a naughty school.

[AJ Holiday]

What is that about, though? What is that? How is that?

[Tammy]

I don't know. I added to the group chat. I don't know. I didn't get the memo. I didn't get the memo. And a T shirt. So, yeah, that was everybody's look. And then there was some that was cute, you know, some. You know, some not so cute. But it was a good time. And it was so raunchy. Oh, my gosh. Like, I knew it was gonna be raunchy because it's Cardi B. Right? But it was like, next level. This is how I know I'm an auntie now. Because I was in there clutching my pearls, like, oh, my. Yeah. I always felt sad for the girls I seen walking through with heels on.

[AJ Holiday]

Then they had, like, stadiums and stupid.

[Tammy]

They had a wet ass contest. But it was just like, they just danced. It wasn't really.

[AJ Holiday]

No.

[Tammy]

Nobody was touching the. Up there. I would have left if that happened, but. But I just admire the confidence of these women to go up there and throw their ass like that. But it's for $5,000. So everybody was trying to, you know, get a piece of that money. But it was a good time, and she put on a good show, and I'm so proud of her because she said, last time I was here, I was at Onyx stripping in 2014 and now selling out this arena. So I was like, yes, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, this. This show was in Atlanta.

[Tammy]

Charlotte.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, oh, Onyx. Oh, right.

[Tammy]

Yeah, in Charlotte. So it was a good time. That's all I did this weekend. And then my mama had. Oh, my mama had jokes. Speaking of my mama. Cause something else happened this weekend. My mom had jokes because she's like, so how was the after party? I was like, oh, I went home. She said, you ain't go to no after parties after the concert. I said, no, I went home and went to bed. She said, you really an auntie now.

[AJ Holiday]

You really are growing up.

[Tammy]

But y' all speaking of my mom, let me tell y', all, this happened. So I lost. That's. Y' all know I had my chin done and I had the chin strap. I lost my chin strap. So I had to order one, right? Oh, I don't know. It fell out my car somewhere. I don't know what happened to it, but it went missing. So I ordered one. And Amazon had the option to pick 4 to 8am delivery. So I had to go back to Charlotte. So I was like, let me just pick that. And then I totally forgot about it. So I'm packing all this stuff in my mom's house. My bed is covered with clothes and stuff that I'm packing. And so I slept on the couch. Bella slept in her bed right below me. Around 4:45am I hear someone walking toward the door and I forgot that shit was coming. And Bella jumped up and she barking. So baby, I just, I don't know, instincts jumped in. I ran to the other room. I started like military crawling with the floor. I had my gun and I went to the window. Military crawling. And I was peeping out the. Looking out the window. And my mama got up because she heard Bella barking and she saw me laying by the window.

[AJ Holiday]

God damn. What the going on?

[Tammy]

So she would. Can't wait to shoot a.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, I can't wait to use their gun. Like your neck brace. Your ma'. Am.

[Tammy]

She saw the truck, like the person walking back to the truck. She said, girl, I had to pray for the Amazon man. Please get in your truck.

[AJ Holiday]

She about to shoot your mother about to kill you.

[Tammy]

4:45 in the morning. Now I've never seen a delivery at that hour, man.

[AJ Holiday]

They delivered on Christmas early in the morning.

[Tammy]

Amazon get to Amazon be getting to

[AJ Holiday]

it, man, like these other companies, like really don't have a chance at this point.

[Tammy]

Yeah, they don't. How?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know.

[Tammy]

They monopolize the game.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, absolutely. Because I mean, different companies can sell via Amazon and they'll store your. Your stuff, you know.

[Tammy]

So like

[AJ Holiday]

I want to get into some Amazon girl selling some damn products.

[Tammy]

Well, he about to have. He was about to have a bad day.

[AJ Holiday]

He was going to jail. You shoot somebody through the window, you went to jail. Speaking of shooting, let's get into stupid Internet news. Chad.

[Tammy]

Huh?

[AJ Holiday]

I saw it. I think this might have happened in some. Maybe Charlotte might have happened in Charlotte. I'm not sure. Yeah. Yes, Charlotte. So according to an affidavit on April 4, a woman was out getting food with her friends in Charlotte, North Carolina. During the outing, the woman and one of her friends decided to play a prank on her boyfriend, Shahid Ivy, who she had been dating for about five months. The prank involved a woman's male friend calling Ivy and pretending to be cheating with her. After the call, the woman and her friends were still out driving when Ivy began following and tailgating them. Authorities say he was able to track her location through his phone. You know, people be sharing. Y' all who share locations, y' all are too grown for me. Like, I've never. Like, I will share my location if I'm going out of town or something like that, but I'm not just every day, you know where I'm at.

[Tammy]

Not with no man, but my. I got life360 with my. My family.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that makes sense. But, like, with a man, if it's not your husband, what do y' all do in five months? So it says, during the chase, Ivy called his girlfriend angry and was driving recklessly, attempting to get them to pull over. At one point, the woman reported seeing him fire what appeared to be a handgun in the air. Later, when both vehicles stopped at an intersection, Ivy pulled alongside their car and fired three shots into their drive and fired three shots into it before driving off. No injuries were reported. So the male friend involved in a prank also received a text From Ivy about 1:32am the following day that read, stop playing with me, bro. With me. W, I M, M, e. Stop playing with me, bro. So he's been charged. So Ivy's been charged with five counts of assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill, discharging a weapon into an occupied convenience, and what? Occupied, whatever car. Domestic violence and possession of a firearm by convicted felon. Crash, dummy, crash.

[Tammy]

Like, you know what? That prank pretty much saved her life in the long run because you don't know who the fuck you dealing with.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely not. That nigga is not to be played with. Like, he don't play the radio for real. And, you know, this kind of makes me think about. I seen recently online where this girl called her mom, was, like, prank calling her mom, and she told her mom how she got into. She's in jail. She had, like, the little automated recorded thing calling her mom. Like, she.

[Tammy]

And jail.

[AJ Holiday]

Her mom immediately, like, was in duress. Okay? Like, oh, my God. What is that? What's that? What was that? And she told her mom that she got into a fight with some girls and she stabbed one of the girls, and the girl died. The mama was so hysterical, like, she was just bawling like, that's a. That's a charge in itself. I don't know if people realize that when you prank call somebody and you cause them, like, duress. So what if her mom would have had a heart attack?

[Tammy]

Heart attack. Playing like that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. Like, that has happened and people have been charged with crimes because of it.

[Tammy]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, like. And it's just be, like, devastating too.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Not. Not that I like, I love a prank call, but not that deep. Don't go as far as you're in jail, calling you.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm about to kill myself.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Suicide. Like that. Don't play like that. I remember my homeboy, his daughter called him on some shit. Like she accidentally killed her boyfriend in a, you know, fight. And she was like, fake crying. And he was. I heard the audio. He was far too calm. Scared me. I was like, oh, this nigga different. He was like, where you at right now? Where the body at? All right, stay put. I'm about to be on my way. Don't call nobody else. Oh, hell no.

[AJ Holiday]

What kind of you are? I much can lie. I'm probably gonna be the same way. My baby. My child calls me and says that. Yeah. Like, there's movies like that.

[Tammy]

You and your baby going to jail. Don't call nobody else. I'm on the way. Where the. But he say, where. Where is Michael at? He said, where the body?

[AJ Holiday]

Damn.

[Tammy]

Oh, hell no.

[AJ Holiday]

Killer. You know, more people are killer. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine one day, and he just was like, you know, like, people be murderers, people be killers, like, and don't think nothing about it and go to sleep peacefully. Yes. He was like, I'd have been in plenty of situations. Like, you know, I'm like, did you ever kill somebody? Of course he not going to say he killed somebody, but he just was saying, like, he done been in some situations he didn't think he was going to make it out of. Like, people be looking for a reason to get one off on you right quick.

[Tammy]

You see how I was doing? My sniper move. That felt like instinctual, though. I don't know. Somebody at the door. 4:45am and the dog barking. You woken up out of your sleep, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Somebody come to my door 4:00 clock in the morning.

[Tammy]

I'm definitely, like, assuming it's somebody to ignore me.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Yes. Because I live on the third floor in my building. Like, what you doing up here?

[Tammy]

Yeah, like, so

[AJ Holiday]

by myself.

[Tammy]

My mama, she funny. All right. God damn. Get in the truck. So did you see this? The instagram influencer. What is this? Tick Tocker? Kabi lame. So, in November 2023, Kabi Lane married Wendy Jewel, a model of Danish and South African descent. A few months later, Kabi reportedly sold his image rights to iron source for 975M's, y', all, to create an AI digital twin that would represent him in Tick Tock sales videos. Damn. He sold his likeness? Yeah, that's.

[AJ Holiday]

That is weird to me, but a lot of people are doing that. But you're not you no more.

[Tammy]

Yeah, no, you don't own your own in your likeness. But for 975 million, y' all could do whatever y' all want with my likeness.

[AJ Holiday]

Nah, hell no.

[Tammy]

I don't care. Go ahead.

[AJ Holiday]

Hell no.

[Tammy]

That was.

[AJ Holiday]

That is like in perfect. Like, forever.

[Tammy]

Alexa, it wasn't me. Saw you hitting on the counter. It wasn't me. Oh, Alexa, I was just joking.

[AJ Holiday]

Alexa. Big nosy ass. We was talking about you, not to you.

[Tammy]

Alexa, stop.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know why y' all hook them shits up in your house. I do not do the robo vacuum. I don't do Alexa. Like, I feel like the robo is the camera to look around. Around your and Alexa is the ears. Yeah, no, I'm not doing it. And all this connected to what you'd be buying on Amazon. You're gonna buy some rope. And somebody suspect you of killing somebody. The Zumba little thing saw you, right? And Alexa done called the police on your ass.

[Tammy]

Roomba seen your ass. And Alexa called the police.

[AJ Holiday]

Zumba is the gym.

[Tammy]

So listen to this. So by May 2024, Wendy filed for divorce and demanded half of Cabbie's assets. However, to her shock, she discovered that Cabbie did legally own a thing. Everything had been registered under his father's name long before the marriage. The bigger surprise, the court later found out that Wendy jewel actually had 10 million in her own private account, and she would have to split that money with Cabbie after the divorce. The story reminds us of Hakimi. Remember, the wife of the PSG star filed for divorce after three years of marriage and requested half of his assets. Find out. There was nothing to dispute. Legally, Hakimi owned nothing. The court revealed that a player's entire fortune and property were registered under his mother's name. Despite earning a monthly salary of £1,000,000 at PSG, how can we transfer his entire income to his mother's account? Everything he purchased from house and cars and jewelry were in her name. So not only did she get half of his state, he got Half of hers.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. So I'm like, maybe she probably finessed 10 million out of the last marriage. Probably. Because what do you do that you got $10 million in the bank? I'd like to know what family she comes from.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Did you acquire that from the last

[Tammy]

nigga you finessed or did she take it from him over time? 975 million. Little in the baggage, little in the purse.

[AJ Holiday]

My thing is this. Why not just stay you can have access to all the things and just be a cat, sneak around like you still got access to all the resources. Like why you want to divorce? Take it and run. I'm going to stay around a little bit. It's fun over here, it's free. Unless you know what I'm saying. Maybe he an. I don't know. But you, you filed for divorce right after he gets this 975 million dollar deal.

[Tammy]

Did you ever really like him? Because they don't look. They don't look.

[AJ Holiday]

She definitely was doing it for the bag. And that is why I always say that men deserve the women that they had access to prior to the money. Okay. Then you don't have to worry about this type of you are with your kind. So you get the bag and then you go buy the you always wanted. This is the type of that happens. They don't like you genuinely. They don't like you for real. And they finessing you. And you know that maybe it's subconscious consciously you know that this you would not have this woman if you didn't have the money.

[Tammy]

That's what I always know. But I always. Kevin Hart and his wife, they look like, you know, Tory heart matched him.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, they match, yes.

[Tammy]

Story heart. And then the new wife, Mr. Bag Wife for sure.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, absolutely. And she just is basic regular. You don't think she's saying yes, they definitely both beautiful women. But she's not like, she's not like how these guys go and get. She's still like a to me like a mom, a wife type image. Right. She's not like the super baddie. Like when I think about like the, the who be finessing, I think about like Daphne, okay. 50 Cent baby mama, the one who basically did. He probably sicked her ass on 50 Cent and he ended up with a kid with her. Like that's why I think about those like super bombshell looking women who be finessing, finessing men for money. Like obviously I think Kevin Hart wife probably loves him. She cheating with his ass prior to them getting.

[Tammy]

Oh what that's T. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

No, you. You didn't. Okay, so I remember one time, Tori Hart. What is his wife name? I don't even know her name. But she posted basically like this is after divorce and all that stuff. And they were now like posting. Yes. She posted how long they were together. And Tori Hart, like that's interesting because that definitely overlaps my marriage. Yeah. So he married the savage. That happens sometimes. It happens sometimes. You know, it may not always. I mean, you see what she has to. Has had to go through to remain in that marriage. It's not like she just got an easy life over there, Alexa, doing your ass a number. It's not like she just getting better treats than Tori got.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

You still got cheated on and humiliated publicly like he Menschle still. They still want to do the Dougie to you. If it's in him, this is what it is. Are we going to talk about Gamora Lee?

[Tammy]

Do you want to.

[AJ Holiday]

And Russell Simmons? I think just. Just right quick. So Kimora Lee Simmons was recently on a special Aspire with the what? Aspire with the. Mmm, grade. Whatever. Like she was doing a podcast interview and you know, she was talking about baby fat and all that. And so the headline says, russell Simmons takes credit for making Kimora Lee famous after she spoke about the sale of baby fat. Because I saw another post where she was saying how baby fat sold for like a hundred million dollars and she only got like 10 or something like that. Right. So here comes Uncle Rush. He says, I gave her the brand which already existed. I put her in baby fat leather shorts the day we met. I found designers, made her famous and marketed the brand with her face. Eventually she learned and blossomed. She did a good job, but not. Very generous of me. Oh, excuse me. But note. Very generous of me. Excuse me. Yeah, boy, get.

[Tammy]

First of all, head ass.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. When you put those leather hot pants on her. She was a kid.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Let's be clear.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tammy]

Groom.

[AJ Holiday]

Very clear.

[Tammy]

101.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Stop trying to remind us that you're a creep.

[Tammy]

Yeah, that's what it's given all the way in Bali. Can't come home. Stay out of American business, please.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. Are you even a citizen over here? No more. This is. You don't even go here. He's got here like yesterday. Yeah, like, no, get. Okay. Let that girl flex, you know, on her interview. Why are you trying to embarrass her in the comments like that? Like, I understand why he's bitter because

[Tammy]

he can't come home,

[AJ Holiday]

but create a new one. You know what I'm saying if you made Kamora legal, make another one, right? That's all you got to do.

[Tammy]

Are you in Bali? I'm sure somebody over there, Kamura looking like out there,

[AJ Holiday]

right?

[Tammy]

Yeah. So I wanted to talk about this for this episode today about our safety. I don't know if y' all saw, but, but a young influencer by the name of Ashley Janae passed away in Zanzibar and they're ruling it a suicide. And she was out there with this white man that she was engaged to. I'm not gonna say his name cause he ain't getting no light on this show. But I don't believe it was a suicide. I believe that man harmed her. So I want us to have a conversation about that and then talk about our safety and things that we can do to be more self aware and take care of ourselves. So we'll get into that right after this commercial break.

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[Cal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah dude, me too.

[Cal Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Tammy]

All right, so let's Be real, y'. All. Nobody teaches women how to protect themselves. For real. They teach us how to be pretty. They teach us how to be nice. They teach us how to be agreeable, but not what to do when something feels off. So today we're going to talk about real safety. Not fear, not paranoia, just how to move smarter, trust yourself faster, and get out when you need to. Because motherfuckers is trying. Is taking us up out of here. Especially in South Carolina.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I be having, like, these intrusive thoughts sometimes. And I've had it, like, after sex before, because I remember telling somebody one time, this guy's a date, like, after we finish having sex. I'm like, you know, there's a woman right now who just finished having sex, and the man killed her. Like, I literally, like, that's how my mind works. Because somewhere that thing is happening. Like, you were just intimate with this person. It was great. Like, you were intimate with him. You wanted to be.

[Tammy]

You were willing.

[AJ Holiday]

None of that. Yeah. And then they just kill you. It's just like, what the fuck happened? Very animalistic. So this man got this woman out the country, away from her family, asked her to marry him, and then somehow she ends up hung, I guess, wherever they were staying at.

[Tammy]

And first of all, black people don't. Even if we do commit suicide, we don't hang ourselves. That is not.

[AJ Holiday]

Black women don't. Especially, especially, especially.

[Tammy]

So it just. And all right, so her mother came out and said that she got a call from her daughter saying that they had gotten in a big fight and that the staff at the hotel put them in separate rooms. So that's how, you know, it was really probably like that. Like, for y', all, that be in separate rooms, it had to been really vicious what was going on. And then all of a sudden, you end up dead. And you. She said he called her and said that she's gonna receive medical care, that something had happened.

[AJ Holiday]

That's the guy called the mom and said.

[Tammy]

That's what she said. He called. The next call was from him after the daughter had said that they had gotten a big fight. So I'm thinking this woman said, I am not marrying you, motherfucker.

[AJ Holiday]

I wonder what happened, though. You think maybe he might have went in her cell phone and. Probably because she was a young, beautiful black woman. Young girl. Yeah, it was an old white fart.

[Tammy]

Right. Okay. Fart.

[AJ Holiday]

And, you know, the black men are having such a day with this, you know, because we have had a. Plenty situations where, you know, white women have. Have Killed black men that they were in relationships with, and they actually got off same situations. But then, you know, you go through their social media, and you might see, like, some disparaging things that those men said about women in the past. So black men have found a few little Twitter, little tweets that she, you know, when she was talking about wanting to have a biracial child and just the whole. What's it called? I can never remember this word when I want to use it, but it's essentially like leaving your culture, leaving your community. Divesting. There you go. What the fuck? Yes. Divesting. Yes. So, you know, she was a divester, because this is, like, a group of people supposedly, I guess. I don't know. You're supposed to get this. This better life. And we have had multiple episodes. Is white grass greener?

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all can go check out our earlier episodes. But no. White women deal with things from. From their men. You may not know, because that may not. You know, you're not in that community.

[Tammy]

You're not subscribed to it. Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So when you get in there, you. Men are men. Men are men. But I can only imagine, like, I'm. I'm creating, like, a scenario that probably didn't even happen, but Young, beautiful black woman, you ask her to marry you. You know, you have no business with this woman.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay. You're not really her type. I think he might have went through a phone, saw some shit she was keeping. I. I think he might have had. It's like. Like, just flipped out. Just flipped out and murdered her. Because do. Do you plan to take somebody to an expensive vacation, Zanzibar, ask them to marry you, and then murder them? I don't know how you do that.

[Tammy]

Right. I think he found something. They got into a fight about it, and then she know, said, I. I'm not married. I don't want to marry you. And he couldn't handle it, and he strangled her.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. On Thursday, April 9, it says, when the woman allegedly hung herself using a piece of clothing from her outfit inside a bedroom closet. How. How did she get herself up there

[Tammy]

to hang herself on vacation? Yeah, child, that's a lie, and we all know it. That's not what happened to that beautiful black girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, this is. This is. It's nuts when. I mean, you got to be careful. You have black women who have been, like. Who have met white men on dating websites, and this episode is not about, like, that in particular. Right. That's just this one story.

[Tammy]

Right. But into it you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. The. You meet these guys, not even white, meeting people on dating apps who you don't know prior to.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Have ended up in bad situations because there are real predators out there, not just predators who want to rape. There are people who enjoy killing.

[Tammy]

We just told a story about a man shot into his girlfriend's girlfriend of five months, car. Three rounds. Like, one for each girl in the car.

[AJ Holiday]

And the. And the homeboy, he was he in the car? That's what it sounded like when I read.

[Tammy]

No, I thought it was just the three homegirls in the car.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, but probably. Maybe.

[Tammy]

So do you feel like black women were taught to be polite and not safe? Because I feel like. Is that an all women thing or is that more of a white woman thing? I feel like we'd be ready to voice our opinion quicker than other races. But I might be wrong.

[AJ Holiday]

No, we do. But then also, I think we have also been trained because, you know, taking our safety into consideration. You ever had a guy haul at you, you just got, like a bad feeling about him? You might give him a fake number because you don't want to have to explain why he can't have your number.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

They just come off kind of aggressive. So you like, you know, you act nice in the moment.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

To get out the situation. There are even women who, you know, are. Who are put into. That's why I say to young girls, don't get in a closed setting with a man unless you want to have sex. Right, Right. Because you might engage in the thing just to get out safe. Because you felt like if I don't,

[Tammy]

it would be worse. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. So I don't know that we are. I think it's just, you know, just situational awareness. Black women, we are raised with attitudes. Okay.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Like,

[AJ Holiday]

I think things are less likely to happen to us versus other groups of women. Like from strangers.

[Tammy]

From strangers. Usually.

[AJ Holiday]

Usually when things happen to black women is definitely somebody who's familiar with us. I think for other groups of people, white women in particular, maybe in America, this is what I'm basing this off of. They are probably victimized more because they seem. They, They're. They appear to be a easier target.

[Tammy]

And their situational awareness isn't as advanced as ours, I think.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Because why you don't got curtains on your house? Like, why can't I see through your entire house? And it's just over worrying about everything.

[Tammy]

All right. I just. You know what? When I see women, and it's typically white women, no shade to Y', all. But y' all be walking at night with both AirPods in.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl.

[Tammy]

You have no situational awareness right now. How are you gonna see what's going on around you if you got both AirPods in listening to Paramore or whoever the fuck, I'mma do your ear.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. You can't possibly. Like, I really live my life like a scary movie. I am prepared for situations just because. I don't know. I just. I just don't think the world is safe. I remember when I went to China, my mom was like, you just around there walking around by yourself? Like, yes, I actually feel more safe here than in America. Like, America is very dangerous. This is not like. And it's not a third world country, but this is. We have killers here. We have murderers. We probably have more serial killers than any other country. Right.

[Tammy]

So that's why our situational awareness is your first weapon. Y' all be aware of your surroundings. Don't just be walking around with. That's the first thing it says. Daily habits. No, no. Both AirPods walking. Put one in so you can hear what the fuck going on around you. Put your keys in hand before you reach your car.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't put the one key in between you, in between your knuckles, Right.

[Tammy]

Just in case you stab a motherfucker with it.

[AJ Holiday]

Quick little weapon.

[Tammy]

Scan surroundings before stepping out and park near lights. I know I used to do this thing where I'd be like, I'm gonna park in the back of the parking lot so I can get my steps in. No, bitch, park closer to the front. Part. Closer to the front is dangerous. It is not safe. Yeah. Advanced awareness walk with confidence.

[AJ Holiday]

I think this is me, right? Because I don't really present as somebody you can play with.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. And people have told me that I don't look approachable. I don't want to be approachable by anybody. And anybody that I intimidate is not even somebody I want.

[Tammy]

Okay?

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, I'm not just rolling around in the world. These. It's not safe for women. Like, men. Be really want to steal your cookies, right?

[Tammy]

Listen, I go as far as scratching my. Walking down the street like, yeah, yeah, you don't want none of this.

[AJ Holiday]

Just. Just. Just pat it a few times.

[Tammy]

This person gonna burn you up if you try to take it.

[AJ Holiday]

He might kill your ass anyway. Bitch, you bad for the ecosystem.

[Tammy]

I would look real crazy. Looking fool as hell. It says if something feels off, don't go straight home. Yeah. Like, if you feel like someone following you, don't lead them to your house. It says go somewhere public.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely.

[Tammy]

And it says your first line of defense isn't a weapon. It's awareness. So be aware. I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I. I think. I think black women have a little bit more situational awareness.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And just overall awareness than other groups of people. Now, they might be. Some of them do CrossFit, you know, the white girls be in shape, child.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

They can run. They might outrun a. Right.

[Tammy]

They got the AirPods on. But once they do realize, they gonna be ahead of your ass.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. Right. We might. We gonna have to fight. But I'm not gonna be an easy kill, though. Like, I'm around, like, if you kill me, like, my whole name probably gonna be carved inside of your face. They gonna know you did it.

[Tammy]

Did it.

[AJ Holiday]

I guess I am going to fight. I don't think black women are not an easy target.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

I agree. At all.

[Tammy]

We're gonna fight back. So tools don't save you. Skill does. So it says a breakdown. Pepper spray. Aim for eyes spray. Quick spurt and run. Don't just stay there holding the button long as you can. Spray that shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Fuck, Run and spray yourself. Right.

[Tammy]

Cause you end up getting some of it on you. You by yourself now. Both of y' all laying on the ground choking. Get us some milk. No, run. Personal alarm draws attention. You have one of those. Sometimes those pepper sprays have one of those loud alarms on it, you know, that you can.

[AJ Holiday]

Horns.

[Tammy]

Yeah, yeah. Activate. It says Taser only if you're confident using it. Because you can fuck around and get tased. So they take it from you and tase you. So you just have to be careful with it. Taser. I have one. But it does make. It does make. I'm more scared of the taser than I am my gun.

[AJ Holiday]

Me too. Isn't that weird?

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, me too.

[Tammy]

Because I just don't, like. Ain't no. Like, I've. I've shot. I. I go out in the back. You know, we in the country, we go out back and put some old refrigerators back there and shoot them up. But I ain't have no Taser. I like. You know, I've never been tased and I haven't been out here tasing, so I don't have a lot of partners.

[AJ Holiday]

You gotta tease a few.

[Tammy]

Right. I just gotta practice on.

[AJ Holiday]

What are you doing? No, I'm just always scared of, like, mechanical stuff like that. Malfunctioning and shocking. Just. Yeah, right. I just stick my hand in my pocketbook or.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Stick my keys in There or something.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

All of a sudden. So yeah, I do trust and not no high point. Now if you got a high point nine millimeter, child throw that in the trash. That. That thing be shooting by itself.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

I. My first gun was a high point. And girl, I was so afraid of that gun once I bought it and then I researched and I realized it's like the worst pistol handgun to have because it has a hair trigger. Yeah, it has like a. It malfunctions. So I was always afraid I would never keep a bullet in the chamber. Yeah, I was always afraid of it just randomly going off when I hit a bump too hard or some shit like that. So get you. I mean, if you're not a gun, girly, you gotta have some type of weapons.

[Tammy]

A knife.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. My friends in the military, these bitches don't have guns. I'm like, how are you around guns for a living and don't own one? And don't own one at home. And one of my friends told me, you know, you get tired of carrying them around. Like I'm not telling you to get an AR15, some big stupid. But how are you just out in the world? I guess I don't. I guess might invite that, might invite that energy, like just even thinking about it. But it's not about, you know, living. Like I said, I live my life like a scary movie. I really don't though. I'm not just out in the world just thinking like inviting like that. Manifesting harm to myself, right? Absolutely not. Like on a daily basis. I'm just aware all the time that something can pop off and usually pop off when you're having a great day. Something just happens. Like when you're not expecting it. So I feel like you got just have to always expect the unexpected. Like in my mind, like when I go to Costco, Tammy just. I might be a little crazy. When I go to Costco, I always have a pistol in my. I always have a pistol. So I always feel like, what if somebody comes in here? No matter of fact, bitch. Saturday I was at the outlet and I walked past this guy, he had a big ass book bag sitting in the middle, like the, you know, like the middle seating area, like in outlets and stuff like that. Like everybody's sitting down, maybe eating some food, drinking or whatever. But he has this oversized book bag and he's like fiddling around with it. So I walk past him. Nobody else is looking because I'm looking at everybody, but I'm looking at him. Yes. One of the things they said online, like, during wartime and stuff like that, you have to be more alert, Right? Because you do have people who are willing to sacrifice themselves for their greater cause.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right. So mall shootings, random acts of terrorism and attacks could possibly happen. But why the fuck y' all just think this a regular Saturday? And this man got this big ass book bag. I could not. I wasn't comfortable until I got into the store I was walking to. I kept looking back, kept looking back to see, like, what the fuck going

[Tammy]

on, if he was gonna pull a

[AJ Holiday]

pistol out or not. But I always envisioned myself creeping up behind the shooter and shooting them in the back of the head. Like, I already got the plan.

[Tammy]

That's not weird at all.

[AJ Holiday]

I always envision, like, yeah, and if I just got a little knife, they getting stabbed in their neck. I just got to make sure I do it with precision to where, like, they don't, like, turn around, turn around

[Tammy]

and shoot me, right?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tammy]

Oh, you're the perfect person to strap this bomb to, bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tammy]

So you gotta be careful with shit like that. And then another thing it says, like, having. If you do have a weapon, because it ends up. We don't. Obviously we're not using them. Thank God that we're not always using these things. So they end up buried at the bottom of your purse. So in the moment that you need it, you can't even fucking get to it because it's under diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, old plants, and it's dirty.

[AJ Holiday]

It's got all type of crumbs in it.

[Tammy]

Chewing gum stuck in the Taser, like, so you just have to make sure that you keep that stuff readily available to you in the event of, you know, someone causing you harm. I know I'm. I do that my be way at the bottom. I can't even get to it. So I definitely need to work on that. Not. Not the pistol, but the other stuff. That pistol be easy to get to. That big pistol, that big metal. Feel that real quick.

[State Farm Ad Voice]

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[Cal Penn]

I'm the host of Irsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as a as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo yo yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply emotionally affected me and I left it on the mic that's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh, my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Cal Penn]

Listen to Irsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Tammy]

So then it says, use your voice before it gets physical. Say no, back the fuck up. It's a. Just back up. But I put the. If you're a black girl, yeah, I'm not interested. You're making me uncomfortable. But it's not. You also have to be firm and loud. And don't smile. Because I know people who smile when they're scared or intimidated or like, that's just their natural instinct. They're just like, back up, you know, or I'm not interested. And they're saying it in a way that doesn't sound like they serious, you know? And I've known people who've, like, ended up in sexual situations with people when they really didn't want to because they didn't know how to assert themselves in that way. Like, you done gave a some pussy that you didn't want to give up, but you. And you were saying no, but not in a way that made a realize

[AJ Holiday]

some men think no means yes. All right? They just keep being, like, overly aggressive or keep pushing the issue. You got to just get up out of there if that's ever the situation. Like, you know, because sometimes no don't mean no to all people.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

And I think if they keep, they could Finesse you out some coochie.

[Tammy]

Right? They think that's what they're doing. And they are kind of. Because you can. If you're like, no, no, stop. No.

[AJ Holiday]

And you mean like, stop.

[Tammy]

Move, nigga. No.

[AJ Holiday]

Off me.

[Tammy]

Get the off me. I said no.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tammy]

You know, you got to have some type of energy like that. You can't be like, no. Because, I mean, I have. I have been like that with a. I really wanted to give some pussy to. No, stop it. Meanwhile, my legs in the air. So you just gotta be for real. So, like. Right.

[AJ Holiday]

And I think people do. Like, I've seen, like, situations online where, you know, people are in a. Comments like, oh, she was smiling, she was laughing. Sometimes that's like a nervous smile. It's a nervous laugh.

[Tammy]

And.

[AJ Holiday]

And it's also a defense mechanism. Right. You're trying to. You're laughing, giggling, Kiki. And trying to disarm this other person who's very serious with you right now.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Because you. You. When you don't know your personnel. I think that is. That's probably women's like, a woman's like, go to setting, right? It's just to appear. Appear nice. But you don't want to be nice to these niggas.

[Tammy]

Okay? Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm not saying as in black men. I mean, like just men, period.

[Tammy]

Right, Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Or yeah, I'm a person. I'm not nice, though.

[Tammy]

Right, Right, exactly. Because women will fight your ass too, like, and take it. I don't know if women is taking pussy from other women, but I imagine it has happened.

[AJ Holiday]

I imagine him. Could you imagine men have been raised before. You can't tell my ex that he was not raped by his baby mama.

[Tammy]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

So.

[Tammy]

Exactly.

[AJ Holiday]

And her friend.

[Tammy]

That's crazy. That's the next level.

[AJ Holiday]

So you just. You just never know. I can. Men. Men are victims as well. Okay. I'm not, you know, trying to put out. Put out that just women are the ones that are victimized, but per capita is usually a woman.

[Tammy]

It's more women.

[AJ Holiday]

And it's not all men, but it's always a man.

[Tammy]

So.

[AJ Holiday]

Right, there's that.

[Tammy]

So I have. This is a situation like you're at a guy's house, you don't know him well, and your phone is dying and you don't feel comfortable what you gonna do? So it says, buy time. Your phone is about to die. Let me plug it up. No, my phone is about to die. Let me plug it up.

[AJ Holiday]

So you ask him to plug it up.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Then drop your location Fast. Send address pin. Take a pic for a location. Dad, I feel like somebody that you love should have your location at all times. There's somebody that love you. Let me say that because it could be somebody who you love who don't give a. So you just need to make sure that it's somebody who love you and care about your whereabouts.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, the only person I share locations with, like, indefinitely, is my best friend, Priscilla, because I know she coming to kill somebody about me. I swear to God. So we share locations and one day I. I don't even. I don't even remember setting that up. She might have put that on my damn phone because I don't remember ever setting it up. And then when I moved into the place I'm at and she came by here. Well, we talked about her coming by here and I'm at home, and she called me like, hey, which apartment you live in? I'm like, how the. You know where I live at? I forgot. She got my location. Right, Right. Yeah. So somebody. You have to share locations with somebody.

[Tammy]

Right, I agree. Somebody need to know where you at at all times. All right, Then it says, start exit early. So start talking about, like, I gotta be up early. Lord, I got a busy day at

[AJ Holiday]

work in the morning.

[Tammy]

I gotta get up or somebody's waiting on me. I love to get in the Uber and act like somebody waiting for me at my house. You know, I just get on the phone, be like, yeah, I'm on my way there and I'll be there in a few minutes. Yeah, baby, yeah. Like so. Just making it seem like that is a. Is. Yeah, it's a waiting on me. So come over here if you want to. All right, so then it says, reposition yourself, sit next to it. Exit, keep belongings closed.

[AJ Holiday]

And this is if you're feeling uncomfortable. Right. If you're in a situation that just feels kind of eerie and like, I gotta get up out of here.

[Tammy]

I gotta get up out of here and use your casual exit. Let me grab something from my car. Act like you coming back in and don't,

[AJ Holiday]

I need some fresh air.

[Tammy]

Right. Up out of there, up out of there. I remember I said I need to grab something for my car and left a. But that's because I do key in his toilet and it wouldn't flush, so I'm so embarrassed. I just act like I was getting

[AJ Holiday]

something and I left, you know, so this is for the fly flew out, girlies. Did you see recently how somebody, some dude was trying to say Lex P a liar? Because he flew her out and she told him her period was on. So all the women in the comments was like, yeah, she told you that. Right, Right. She probably, like, at some point, she probably flew out with all intentions, but at some point. Ah, so even in situation like that, like that, she's lucky it worked. And he was in a creepy.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Because somebody else would take that period. Pussy.

[Tammy]

They would take it.

[AJ Holiday]

You have to be careful when going. I feel like if a guy is flying you. I did my own hotel room that I got the key to. Like, y'. All really? And if he wants to. If he's flying you out to come to his house. No, you need a hotel room.

[Tammy]

Yeah. Like, because why are you staying with a stranger? I mean, you don't know this nigga like that. I mean, unless you know him like that. But if nine times out of ten getting flew out, you might not know that man that. Well, why are you staying in your house?

[AJ Holiday]

And I think before situation awareness, it's kind of like just discernment also comes into play. Right. What's your discernment like? Like, you know, you can talk to somebody, you get this little ick about them. Like, some women will get the ick and still proceed. Right, Right. And it could be, you know, motivated by. By what this. What they think this man can do for them, things like that. But just know that the more resources some men have, the more of a creep they are, because they just have this expectation that all going to go, right. Yeah. So, I mean, have some discernment about the people y' all engaging with, especially all these dating apps and stuff like that. Predators. Like, there's been a lot of serial killers that, you know, killed people off of dating apps.

[Tammy]

Right. They're using the app, that girl in

[AJ Holiday]

Milwaukee, a young girl like her, she met this white guy, and he basically cut her up. Spread her body. Yeah. Spread her body parts across the city.

[Tammy]

Yeah. That's. Wow.

[AJ Holiday]

You got to be careful, man. He's like, just. I don't know, because I. I think. I think back to, like, our childhood, like, teenagers and like that. Like, we had some situational awareness, but we thought we was bigger than the program. Right. You think you grown. You think you know. You think you know people. You just. You don't. And even as a grown woman, you get wrong sometimes. Right.

[Tammy]

I can look at back some of the choices I made, and I just say, thank you, God. We made it.

[AJ Holiday]

We made it.

[Tammy]

That was wild.

[AJ Holiday]

Could have been accessory to murder. All Type of.

[Tammy]

All kind of. All kind of. I remember going to Kingston, Jamaica and leaving the club with some strangers to go somewhere else. And I was by myself. I let my homegirls stay in the room. I was like, I'm going outside. And I was out in Kingston by myself with some strangers, club hopping. Girl, what the fuck wrong with you? That was cool, though. We still Instagram friends.

[AJ Holiday]

And then you know that that also can happen, right? So that's where discernment comes. Obviously your discernment was on point for the. For that group of people, but there are people who thought they could trust

[Tammy]

who they were with and could not. You saw that man. He worked for American, I think it's American Airlines. And he was a flight attendant. And they had like a stay in Columbia. This happened like two weeks ago. They had an overnight stay in Columbia. Him and the other flight attendant went out. They went back to the hotel, but he went back out to hang out with somebody he met. And they ain't seen him since. Never returned the next day to work.

[AJ Holiday]

The pilot?

[Tammy]

No, he wasn't. He was a flight attendant.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, flight attendant. Okay. And.

[Tammy]

And Medellin. They don't know what happened to this man.

[AJ Holiday]

You gotta be careful.

[Tammy]

So let's talk about if it gets physical. So done popped off, y'. All. It done got real. So it's not about fighting, which I know we be ready to like square up, but it's really about getting the fuck away.

[AJ Holiday]

Like sticking. Stick and move, Stick and move.

[Tammy]

That's it for real. So target weak spots. The eyes, the nose with a palm strike up with the bottom of your palm. That shit up into their nose. That'll back anybody up the throat. Niggas, Adam's apple. You slapped that with the side of your head. Growing a knee to the growing and shin or foot stump. So this makes me think about the movie with Sandra Bullock where she was teaching.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah, like self defense stuff.

[Tammy]

Yeah. What movie was that?

[AJ Holiday]

You don't know the movie? I don't.

[Tammy]

I do.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know.

[Tammy]

I keep wanting to say Legally Blonde, but that's not it. That's with Reese Witherspoon. It was where she was in a MissicAmerica pageant and they had to like, Miss America.

[AJ Holiday]

Who that? Miss America.

[Tammy]

Y' all tell her who named. I don't know the reference, but yeah. So she was in that movie. So those are the eyes, nose, throat, growing shin. Remember that? So here's simple. Moves that work if you're grabbed, twist the thumb back. No twist toward the Thumb and break grip. So what does that mean? Twist towards.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't know. If somebody grabbed me and they thumb. So somebody grabbed me would be like this. So twist inwards, I guess. I don't know.

[Tammy]

Yeah, I guess you had to twist inward and break them to hurt their hand.

[AJ Holiday]

To hurt their hand, maybe.

[Tammy]

I don't know about that one, y'. All, but so if close need a growing calm. The nose. We just said that those are your two best defenses. I feel like nigga dick is very fragile. We learned that little when they were riding their bikes all on that pole.

[AJ Holiday]

Them balls, boy.

[Tammy]

We learned that young. If grabbed from behind, drop your weight, stomp the foot, and elbow back. So elbow back into, like, the stomach or chest. Stop and get the hell out of there.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that's. This just the closed settings, man. You just got to be real careful. You just started dating somebody. Meet them out, you know, don't, don't. And even don't even drive. I mean, don't have them pick you up either Uber or drive your own car. Because once you're in somebody's, like, domain,

[Tammy]

you're at their mercy.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, it's tough. And then you don't you. Anytime I go into any. I remember when I went out to this club with some friends, and I don't be in the hood spots, for real, right? Because I don't feel comfortable. So we went to, like, they had, like, this back patio area. I'm like, where the. Is the exit door? Like, I immediately started looking for exit doors or whatever. And the dude who I was with, he saw me like, I'm like, man, what the. The exit? He was like, don't worry about. He done got his whole pistol in the glove. I'm like, good, we straight. But I. But see, still, I. I need to know where, like, can I scale this wall? Like, can I. Can I get the up out of here if need be. So always look for exits. Even when going to someone's house. If. If it's an apartment, you know you only got one exit. Stay closest to it, right?

[Tammy]

I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

Closest to the exit.

[Tammy]

And don't be afraid to be loud. Need to hear you. You need to know you're not playing with their ass. So scary, man.

[AJ Holiday]

It is so it's not about, like. It's not about, like, staying there and fighting the person. The moment you can get away from them. Get the hell up.

[Tammy]

I told you not to with me. I ain't the one to with no. Get out of there. Get back up. You want to tell A how? You ain't. You ain't her. Get out of there and save yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. You know, this is. This is. Go ahead. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Tammy]

And another thing, don't. Because I've seen on social media and I've seen women actually die because they thought A wouldn't go that far. If a man is showing you signs that he will harm you, believe that shit.

[AJ Holiday]

He wouldn't do that.

[Tammy]

He just crazy about me. No, bitch, he is just crazy. Get the fuck out of there. It was a young lady on Facebook. The nigga set her wig on fire while it was on her head. And she thought it.

[AJ Holiday]

I thought nigga did me worse by cutting my shit after he snatched it. But damn. While the wig is on the head.

[Tammy]

He said it on. And she was like making jokes about it on social media like, he's so crazy. Like, my nigga's so crazy. And then like, literally two months later, he killed her. He was dead. You know, so when someone show you who they. Hold on. Let me put my mind. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Believe that motherfucker, because they.

[AJ Holiday]

Who was that? Maya Angelou.

[Tammy]

I was trying to do that.

[AJ Holiday]

Are you okay? What's that about? You're nuts.

[Tammy]

But you know, I did the best I could.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all remember that group? You remember that group Brownstone? You know that I just. I had to look this up because I was thinking about it earlier when we were talking about the. The girl who got murdered in Africa, Charmaine Maxwell. So if you're a millennial, you remember Brownstone? The group Brownstone. She was. Her husband murdered her white man. Okay. Supposed like a freak accident where she fell on a broken piece of wine glass. She was found with her neck slashed and she fell. Yeah, she was Charmaine Maxwell.

[Tammy]

She was a part of the group

[AJ Holiday]

Brownstone in the 90s, and she died age 46. This happened in 2015, it says. And she did have a child with this man also. 46 year old member of the Grammy nominated group Brownstone was found bleeding to death by her husband, Carsten Soul Shock. Sounds kind of right. On Friday night at their home in Los Angeles, California. According to tmz, evidence suggests the music star fell backwards while holding a glass. Holding a wine glass as two fatal puncture wounds were discovered at the back of her neck. Wow. Like how? Authorities told the news sources after interviewing Maxwell's family members that they do not suspect foul play and there is no history of domestic violence. One theory is that she could have been intoxicated before falling to her death. Autopsy and toxicology tests will help set the record straight. The mother. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And he. The husband, he rushed her to the hospital, allegedly. And she died on the way there.

[Tammy]

He did that?

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. He had a 10 year old son with her. He absolutely killed her. And, you know, this girl, Ashley Renee, her friend, you know, posted on Janae. Excuse me, her friend posted on Twitter, and that's how the story got out, as big as it has been. Right. I mean, it did just happen on the 9th, but I just heard about it, what, day before yesterday when everybody started talking about it.

[Tammy]

Right. And just think about all the countless women whose story you never heard, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, yes. Because I don't even think people remember her dying from Brownstone.

[Tammy]

No, I did not know. I did not even know that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So. And then she probably didn't have the online support, like they need to. They needed to look into her husband. But we already know we don't get the same type of treatment in the hot medical field with first responders, police. We don't. They don't think that anything we're going through is an emergency oftentimes, so.

[Tammy]

Well, I hope. I hope Ashley Janae gets the justice that she deserves.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. He was very calculated. If he planned to kill her, which I don't think was planned, I think something happened. But getting her out the country because extraditing him, that's probably not going to happen. What's the. What's the. The girl that was murdered in Mexico and they finally extradited some of her friends back down there. Oh, did they remember from, From. Yeah, yeah. From Charlotte.

[Tammy]

I didn't know that. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I believe one of the girls was extradited. The main suspect was extradited back. Kamika. Her name is Kamika. Yeah. They murdered her in a hotel room or their condo or whatever when they went on a trip to Mexico, just. Just teamed up and killed a girl. You know, so even situations like that, energy. Yeah. But you could tell by videos that they posted after the fact she had no friends there. I remember I saw a video where. I think she posted it. They were all, like, cuddled, huddled up in a back room, and she was the only one, like, walking around naked. Like, come on. I thought we was getting like, you know, she's like. I thought he was doing such a sludge. But they, like, all huddled up in a back room without her. And she just thinks everybody's there to have a good time.

[Tammy]

That's all. Sad.

[AJ Holiday]

I just don't know how you go from never killing anybody to. To actually killing some. Like what I just always think is demons hopping right quick. And it just takes one.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

Right. It takes one person to be infested. And then they influence the rest of the group.

[Tammy]

Or like that black lady. Because these were older women with all them white people and they had a slumber party and the black girl ended

[AJ Holiday]

up dead and nothing ever happened.

[Tammy]

Nothing ever happened. I know them white people did something to that black lady.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely. First of all, why are I having an adult slumber party? They hunt us. I will never forget this story. I think I've mentioned it a couple times. This Jamaican American guy, he went on a hunting trip with his ex co worker and some of his friends, white men. And he was actually what they were hunting. His wife dropped him off and she said she immediately called him and he was never answering the phone from the time she dropped him off. So she knew something had happened. Double back, like immediately they were hunting him. Like he came to be the game.

[Tammy]

That's wild.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. These movies they create, ain't it? That should not come out of out of thin air. We're all human, right? But I believe that there's different breeds of human and some people have a little bit more of that. That animalistic nature about themselves. Just. And I don't. I don't even think in the animal kingdom do animals if they're full and they're good, they don't just be hunting just to list.

[Tammy]

Just to kill. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

For no reason. They. When they're hungry, that's when they hunt the most. Otherwise, you know, they might let game walk past them. Humans are supposed to be a more like sophisticated animal.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Basically. Right. But man, some people just don't have the human filter.

[Tammy]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Empathy for somebody else. So they did. They just really.

[Tammy]

I know a girl, a woman. Excuse me. Her daughter was. Her son was a clinical sociopath. And he did not have the capacity for empathy at all. He did not know love. He only said I love you as a tool to manipulate, you know, so there's people out there that like could kill you and go to sleep and not lose any sleep because they feel nothing. So just keep your head on swivels, bitch.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. You're not safe. You are not safe. Safe. Just know that you are never safe. So there are women who. I saw this on, on YouTube the other day. It was a woman who basically solved her own murder from the grave. Her husband orchestrated this whole thing where he first gave them the. They gave. He gave them the defendant Not. I don't. Not the defendant, but the suspect, basically. So he orchestrated this whole thing about how his girlfriend, his wife's ex boyfriend, was stalking the both of them, but really he was stalking himself and he was stalking his wife. And she started to kind of feel like it wasn't the ex boyfriend. She started to feel like it was her husband doing the thing. So she was having, like, these secret meetings with the police. Like, and she was, like, documenting times when this. Whenever this person would email her or whenever the. This person would call, she was documenting all the shit. And he was emailing her from work. So they tracked, like, his emails from his work server from the IP address on his work computer. Yeah, he killed his wife. He killed her. He stabbed her inside their garage. But he had already, like, tried to orchestrate the whole, like, scenario, so where he would get off and he would blame this other man or some stranger for the murder, but he just randomly just decided he didn't. He wanted to kill her.

[Tammy]

What about that white man recently went hiking with his wife and tried to push her off the. He pushed her off the cliff. I didn't see that he survived.

[AJ Holiday]

I didn't see that.

[Tammy]

That just happened like, maybe a week and a half ago, two weeks ago.

[AJ Holiday]

Damn.

[Tammy]

They went on a hike together and he pushed her off. But that bitch did not die.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, so now he going to jail.

[Tammy]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

That's like that, is it? There's a movie right now, I think I mentioned it to you on Netflix, called My Husband the Gaslighter, and my husband gaslights me or something like that. You watch that?

[Tammy]

I haven't seen it, but I saw it, though, up there.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, that. Imagine. Imagine being married to somebody you're supposed to be safe with. And. And that was based on a true story. The actual situation happened in 2021 and the husband is in prison.

[Tammy]

I could imagine me imagining me push somebody off a cliff, but I would never do it.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, intrusive thoughts. But what if your intrusive thoughts somehow, like, manifest to your hands right quick and you didn't even know. You just started and then you just pushed.

[Tammy]

I would never. I would never push nobody off a cliff, but I would have been.

[AJ Holiday]

That could be somebody's defense. I did. I don't know why I did it. I just.

[Tammy]

Tell it. Did it. Tell it to the judge. You're going to jail.

[AJ Holiday]

I. I just don't know why I did it. I. I think that is. I believe in demons.

[Tammy]

You didn't believe in God and not believe in demons.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I'm trying to figure out how people go to church and be catching the Holy Ghost. But y' all don't believe in spirits and ghosts for real. Like, I do feel like things. You leave your body open and susceptible to outside entities when you're on drugs, when you're under the influence, like of alcohol and like that. When you come wake up in jail. That part. Okay. And you. You wake up and just even also when you're just an angry person. Also just super mad people. That is like a nice environment for a demon. They like when you angry already. Let's. Let's crank this up a bit.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

You know, make her a murderer right quick. Yeah. So if you're ever in these. Any situations and you just feel like something is off, it is. You're not feeling like that for no reason, Right.

[Tammy]

Your intuition is right? Always. Trust me.

[AJ Holiday]

I really. I don't even subscribe to giving a excuse to get out the house. I'm going to stand up and walk to the door and leave. I'm not saying I even learned that in a relationship. Like, when you're about to leave a guy, don't tell them you leaving. Just. Just leave when they're not there. Because if you tell them you leave and they gonna come, they're gonna try to stop you. It could be a fight, it could be a death. You don't know what. Just. Just. Just plan the least plan to leave. Don't announce it.

[Tammy]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

So I don't even agree with announcing, hey, I gotta go to my car. Like, that is still somebody who. You're trying to be nice. No, I'm not giving you a reason why I'm standing up and getting my purse and walking out the door.

[Tammy]

If. If that works, you know, if you feel like you can just get out that way. But sometimes you might have to lead a nigga astray. Like, I'll be right back. I gotta go get.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm gonna just stab you. Then if I feel like I can't get out of here, I'm just gonna initiate the punishment y. For the.

[Tammy]

Y' all go.

[AJ Holiday]

Listen.

[Tammy]

Ain't even did that. He stabbed in the neck on the couch.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me tell y' all something.

[Tammy]

Just get out of there.

[AJ Holiday]

I be knowing I know what I know. And what I do know is that I am going to always live to tell the story, period.

[Tammy]

It might be even if it's from

[AJ Holiday]

a prison cell, right?

[Tammy]

He about to say it might be from a sale, but I'mma be alive.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay?

[Tammy]

You should.

[AJ Holiday]

I have 12 judge me before nine. However, six. Carry me.

[Tammy]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what. That's really what I live by. And I think that's why, you know, black women aren't victimized as much by strangers, because we just. We don't. We not nice at all.

[Tammy]

It ain't trying to be. All right, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

For the people. That was it.

[Tammy]

You know what? Just be safe out here, y', all, and protect yourself, because your very first line of defense is you. Sometimes it ain't nobody to save you but yourself. I love y'. All. Be careful out there, man. Be careful.

[AJ Holiday]

And white grass is not greener. Okay? Beyond divesters, it's just not. It's not greener. Like, man, people are people. I don't know.

[Tammy]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. That's it. That's it. And, you know, also be a better person yourself, so you can attract better people. Start there. It always starts with us, right? Do I do a lot of introspective work? And I think I said this before. I just. I've just started blaming myself for everything. Everything is my fault. Fault because I can forgive myself before I can forgive somebody else. I hold grudges. So if I just say, you know what? You're right, it was my fault. I'm just going to forgive myself and move on. That's where I'm at. Move the on, man. Cuz I spent a lot of time festering about. Yeah, get out of there. Anyway, this is great.

[Tammy]

This was a good hope, y'. All.

[AJ Holiday]

Hope y'. All. Hope y' all get some. Some real good advice here if you're ever in these up situations, right? All right, y'. All. So you enjoyed this episode. Y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday. Kick your ass. Stab your ass. Stomp your ass. I'm getting out of here. Kick your tail.

[Tammy]

Y' all follow AJ on Instagram. Y' all follow me too, at official tam Bam on Instagram and follow We Talk Back podcast on Instagram. We love y' all all. Send us your dumbest stories. We haven't had one in the winning so DM us your dumbish stories. We love to hear them. Remember, speak now

[AJ Holiday]

and never hold your peace. Hell yeah.

[Tammy]

Cause hell deuces.

[AJ Holiday]

We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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[AJ Holiday]

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[Tammy]

Hmm.

[AJ Holiday]

People hate the sound of chewing. Maybe they won't like the crunch. Maybe we're saved. Wait a minute. Yellow. Have you been eating them this whole time? Mmm.

[Tammy]

So tasty.

[AJ Holiday]

Hands off us.

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[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHEART podcast.

[Tammy]

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