If I Weren't Afraid....

Summary

We Talk Back Podcast: "If I Weren't Afraid..." (October 2, 2025)

Overview

In this candid and entertaining episode, hosts Tam Bam and AJ Holiday dive into the theme of fear—both trivial and profound—and how it shapes decisions, relationships, and personal growth, especially for Black women. With their signature mix of humor, honesty, and unfiltered talk, the duo explores their own fears, share memorable personal stories, and challenge their listeners to confront and overcome what holds them back.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weekend Catch-Up & Scary Movie Season

• The episode kicks off with a lighthearted conversation about uneventful weekends, missed storms, and a shared love for scary movies—framing "spooky season" as the perfect backdrop for discussing fears (03:15–06:10).
  • "I only want to see [scary movies] with a man so I can be like, oh, scared." – Tam Bam (06:01)
  • AJ relishes feeling scared ("I just want to feel scared"), while Tam Bam is all about the experience, especially when dating.

2. Cultural Commentary: Asada Shakur & Tina Turner

• A moment of tribute to Asada Shakur, her legacy, and the misinformation about her case. The hosts clarify key facts and reflect on media portrayal (07:43–10:47).
  • "She didn't kill anybody. That was all a lie." – AJ Holiday (08:38)
  • They discuss the legacy's impact on culture, noting Tupac’s connection to Shakur.
• Hilarious critique of the Tina Turner statue in Brownsville, TN (11:22–13:16).
  • "They really tried it with that piece of hair on the [statue]… that shit look like, what's that, Dr. Seuss book?" – Tam Bam (11:38)
• They highlight an ongoing theme: public art dedicated to Black icons often misses the mark.

3. Fear & Prison: Real Talk about Consequences

• When prompted with "What would you do if fear didn't exist?," AJ reframes: "It should actually read, if prison didn't exist, what would you do? Because, bitch, a whole lot of shit." (22:07–22:25)
  • Both admit a practical fear of incarceration and consequences, laughing about hypothetical lawlessness if those fears were gone.

4. Personal Fears: Homelessness, Asking for Help, & Social Anxiety

• AJ and Tam Bam open up about deep personal fears:
  • Fear of homelessness and how "living at your mama’s house" can feel like a lack of independence (23:24–24:01).
  • The liberating feeling of not having to pay rent, but the trade-offs (24:16–24:38).
  • The challenge of asking others for help, especially when used to being the strong support in their circles. (25:52–26:56)
  • "Now 'no' is a complete statement." – AJ Holiday (26:56)
  • How delegating and setting boundaries is learned, not innate (26:15–26:56).

5. Intimate Relationships & Vulnerabilities

• Dig into relationship fears, expectations, and gendered standards.
  • Tam Bam admits: "I fear looking ugly, stupid bitch. I fear it… I’m so self-conscious about how I look on social media that I end up not posting nothing." (30:39–31:24)
  • AJ encourages authenticity—"People like authenticity," referencing a woman confidently posting herself online (32:01–32:48).
  • The duo jokes about the struggles of bonnets, wigs, and men seeing them at their "realest" (36:25–38:06).
  • "Not if it’s not… right now what I've been doing is just slicking my shit back in a ponytail… I haven’t been taking care of my hair." – AJ Holiday (36:48–37:19)

6. Missed Opportunities Due to Fear and Other Barriers

• Reflection on missed opportunities—not always stemming from fear but sometimes from procrastination and laziness (39:18–39:59).
  • The hosts discuss how adults unknowingly project fears onto children, dampening ambition.
  • "Adults are really just dream killers." – AJ Holiday (39:18)

7. Deeper Fears: Motherhood, Illness, and Death

• Tam Bam shares candidly her dual fears about motherhood: "I fear… to be a mother and I’m afraid not to be a mother." (43:45–44:34)
• Both discuss experiences with loss, age, illness, and being a burden, with Tam Bam stating, "I don't want to be a burden." (50:58–51:06)
• AJ: "I'm not afraid to die. Once you conquer the fear of death, you can do anything…" (51:06–51:26)
• Discussion about the collective fear of the unknown that surrounds death (60:43–62:33).

8. Fear & Social Media / Money Talk

• The hosts get real about why their social followings don’t match their charisma, pointing back to social media anxieties and reluctance for self-promotion (52:42–53:14).
• Hilarious and practical advice on how to ask men for money, delivered in a playful, step-by-step fashion:
  • "Hey baby… I want to ask you something. Remember I told you about that thing I needed… I really would appreciate if you could help me with that." – Tam Bam (54:52–55:17)
  • Tips: Always ask in person or on the phone, not via text (55:27–55:53).

9. Overcoming and Embracing Fear

• The episode closes with affirmations and challenges for listeners to confront a fear this week (65:43–66:06).
  • "Courage is not being without fear. Courage is doing it in spite of fear." – Tam Bam (65:31–65:42)
  • AJ encourages trembling action: "Just do everything trembling and in fear… the other side is so fucking miraculous." (64:11–64:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Time | Speaker | Quote/Moment | |-----------|--------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 06:01 | Tam Bam | "I only want to see [scary movies] with a man so I can be like, oh, scared." | | 08:38 | AJ Holiday | "She didn't kill anybody. That was all a lie." (on Asada Shakur) | | 11:38 | Tam Bam | "They really tried it with that piece of hair on the [statue]… that shit look like, what's that, Dr. Seuss book?" | | 22:07 | AJ Holiday | "If prison didn’t exist, what would you do? Because, bitch, a whole lot of shit." | | 23:32 | Tam Bam | "I'm ready for my own space again. Like, I've been here since I broke my foot and I'm ready." | | 25:52 | AJ Holiday | "One of my biggest fears... is literally just asking people for help when you need it." | | 31:24 | Tam Bam | "I fear looking ugly, stupid bitch. I fear it… I end up not posting nothing." | | 36:48 | AJ Holiday | "Not if it’s not… right now what I've been doing is just slicking my shit back in a ponytail… I haven’t been taking care." | | 43:45 | Tam Bam | "I fear I'm afraid to be a mother and I'm afraid not to be a mother." | | 51:06 | AJ Holiday | "I'm not afraid to die. And I feel like once you conquer the fear of death, you can do anything on this planet." | | 54:52 | Tam Bam | "Hey, baby… I want to ask you something. Remember I told you about that thing I needed? …I'd really, really appreciate..." | | 65:31 | Tam Bam | "Courage is not being without fear. Courage is doing it in spite of fear." |

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Important Timestamps

• 03:15–06:10 – Scary movie season and dating reflections
• 07:43–10:47 – Asada Shakur tribute and legacy
• 11:22–13:16 – Critique about commemorative statues
• 22:07–24:38 – Conversation about "if fear/prison didn't exist"
• 25:52–26:56 – Asking for help, boundary setting
• 30:39–33:06 – Social media self-presentation fears
• 43:45–44:34 – Confessions about motherhood fears
• 50:58–51:26 – On illness, being a burden, and death
• 54:52–55:53 – How to ask men for money (fun role-play demo)
• 65:31–66:06 – Final affirmations about fear and courage

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Tone

• Warm, raw, and unfiltered
• Features playful banter, vulnerability, and real-life wisdom
• Encourages candid self-acceptance and collective growth

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Listener Challenge

At the end, Tam Bam invites listeners:

"I challenge you all… pick one thing that brings you fear in your life right now and attack that fear with all the ferocity you have in your body." (65:43)

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Summary:
This episode offers a relatable, laughter-filled deep dive into fears big and small. With humor, heart, a little side-eye, and real talk, Tam Bam and AJ Holiday remind listeners that pushing through fear—no matter how you look, love, or live—unlocks the best and boldest version of yourself.

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

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[AJ Holiday]

Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tam Bam]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an op. He talks back.

[AJ Holiday]

What's up, y'? All? It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, T. Bam?

[Tam Bam]

Hey, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All. I love y' all so very much.

[Tam Bam]

How you doing, aj?

[AJ Holiday]

I'm doing. I'm doing fine.

[Tam Bam]

How was your weekend, girl?

[AJ Holiday]

I was supposed to storm and all this stuff, so I've been waiting for rain all weekend. It didn't happen.

[Tam Bam]

I know tropical storms.

[AJ Holiday]

They were threatening us and about, but uneventful.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, it did rain. It did rain for us. We did get some weather, but it wasn't like what I was hoping for. I was hoping to be, like, rained in watching scary movies, but have you.

[AJ Holiday]

Seen that movie him yet?

[Tam Bam]

No. I wanted to go see that Disney. It just came out. I heard it was, like, really demonic.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So I. I saw. When I saw the trailer on Instagram, I commented and I said, you got to know what you're looking at when you see it. And, like, all these people was commenting. Like, some people was, like, on calling me, just from that small line, like, I'm a super conspiracy theorist. From the trailer, I could see hella shit. Like, I know what that movie's about without watching a movie.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And it's real shit. People think they can't be touched by stuff just because they don't believe in it. That is not true. I do feel like they be putting bullshit in these movies. Like, I turn shit off when I hear too much chanting and Latin and like that. I fast forward because what the fuck.

[Tam Bam]

Are y' all and what are y' all saying? Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And until I learn Latin, I wanted. Talking to me.

[Tam Bam]

I wanted to go see that movie. And I wanted to see Strangers too.

[AJ Holiday]

I didn't see the first one.

[Tam Bam]

Me neither.

[AJ Holiday]

You gonna skip? I saw the trailer for that, too. Like, I can't skip. I gotta watch the other one first.

[Tam Bam]

That was my assignment, to watch the first one before we went to the movies. But we didn't go to the movies, so I got time, so. I've never seen the first one. I think I haven't.

[AJ Holiday]

We hope you all had better weekends.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Because our shit was uneventful. But I do Have a date coming up next week where I'm going to see. I know. And hopefully I won't be sleep because I just feel tired for next week already. Like, it's a movie in the park. A scary movie in the park. So that's gonna be cute outside. It's in a big. It's not like it's outside, now that I think about it, but it's kind of like it's a kiddie movie kind of. It's Halloween town.

[AJ Holiday]

What if, like, Jason, girl, fuck you.

[Tam Bam]

Don't do that.

[AJ Holiday]

What if. Yo, I used to be terrified. I love scary movies. I love scary movies so much. What is wrong with you, though? Like, why are you watching this crazy shit? Like, I just. I just want to feel scared.

[Tam Bam]

I like it too. I'm a scary movie fiend. I love. This is my season right here. Like, this is my season. I want to see all the scary movies. I only want to see it with a man so I can be like, oh, scared.

[AJ Holiday]

This should actually fucking happen.

[Tam Bam]

It should really jump off. I' ma turn into somebody different. I'm going to turn into some sha'. Carri. She. I'm out.

[AJ Holiday]

I think I might turn into. What's the girl off of the Walking Day with the dreads, with the knives.

[Tam Bam]

Michonne.

[AJ Holiday]

Michonne, bitch. I'm turning to Michonne so quick, girl. I literally was just saying today, like, I need one more pistol. You know, people be having all these guns, but if you single, like, it's only one person. You only got two hands. You really can't use all these guns.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

But I need one like them. YN's got, you know, like the.

[Tam Bam]

The get a 3D printer.

[AJ Holiday]

A little modification on it.

[Tam Bam]

What.

[AJ Holiday]

What do they call it? They call it a. Not a clapper?

[Tam Bam]

No, old.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what your ass do when you.

[Tam Bam]

Want your draws on. Clapper.

[AJ Holiday]

It's a switch. I don't want to switch necessarily. All right, maybe I'll get like a. I was researching online. Apparently the AR15, they have like a pistol like AR15. Like, maybe you could fold it up and shit.

[Tam Bam]

Fold it? It's crazy. Just get you a 3D printer and you can have anything you want and.

[AJ Holiday]

Go to jail, bitch. You can't be at the house printing guns.

[Tam Bam]

This is Charles America. We do what we want around here. Apparently not.

[AJ Holiday]

You stole a. Yeah, touche.

[Tam Bam]

Touche my touche. Let's get in the sins.

[AJ Holiday]

What do we got going on this week, y'? All? I want to start off by giving a Super big rest in peace to Asada Shakur. She made it off this hell realm unscathed a little bit, because she definitely was at some point. But they haven't been able to touch her since the 70s.

[Tam Bam]

Right. Thank God she became a citizen of Cuba, never came back to the United States. You know, there's a. She has a book that my best friend swears by, and she's been telling me to read it for years. And now that she's passed, it's just, you know, prompted me to go ahead and get that book and read it, because that is my birthday.

[AJ Holiday]

It's probably about to be sold out on Amazon, I bet.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Order it tonight while you're thinking about it.

[Tam Bam]

Right. Because I want to read her story. Because she was a black abolitionist, freedom fighter for all things black, and killed a New Jersey officer.

[AJ Holiday]

She didn't kill anybody. That was all a lie. So this is why she sought asylum in Cuba. She was not guilty of anything, actually. They were under attack by New Jersey police, so assault. I know the Youngians may not know Assata Shakur, but that's who Tupac chose.

[Tam Bam]

His name after, you know.

[AJ Holiday]

No, she's actually his stepdad's sister.

[Tam Bam]

Right. But his. Their last name was not. Was it his last name originally? Shakur.

[AJ Holiday]

That's not her real name either.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, exactly. That's the name that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, so that was her. That's the name they took on. But it wasn't that he, you know, acquired that name from her. Like, it was just family Black Panther shit.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I thought it was her that he chose that name behind Shane.

[AJ Holiday]

No. So her real name is. I can't pronounce. Her last name is Chesmar. I believe it's Chesimard. Joanne Chesmar. So Asada Shakur was wanted by the FBI and other law enforcement agencies for her. For her involvement in a 1973 shootout that killed a New Jersey state trooper, Warner Forrester. She was convicted of murder, and they sentenced her to life in prison. Three armed men rolled up in the woman's facility and broke her out. And she resurfaced in Cuba. Cuba, yeah, under Fidel Castro.

[Tam Bam]

And they tried to label her as a domestic terrorist.

[AJ Holiday]

Most wanted since the 70s. She actually, they. They tried to kill her the day that, you know, they got into the shootout with the police. Like, they shot first. The police shot first. She was shot twice in the back, and. And they literally was, like, standing over her. I watched it like a documentary once. They literally was just standing over her, like, is this bitch Dead yet. And then they took her, you know, to the hospital, and then she actually got sentenced to life in prison.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

She's been minding her business in Cuba, and every president has been going after her since the 70s. They have been trying to get extradite her back to the United States, and they.

[Tam Bam]

And they weren't going for it. Nope.

[AJ Holiday]

So I'm glad. I'm glad she's.

[Tam Bam]

The first time I heard her name was Tupac in a Tupac song. I can't put my finger on the song right now, but he was like, really? Huh. He said, assada Shakur, Mumia Boujeemun. And all the real OGs, we out. What song was that? Y' all tell me. What song was that he said that on? But that's the first time I heard that name. I was a little girl. Yep. All right, so.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, you even that little. When Tupac went out? Cut it out.

[Tam Bam]

I was a little girl.

[AJ Holiday]

Ms. We was crying. In high school, Tupac got murdered. Was that high school and middle school when Tupac got murdered?

[Tam Bam]

Middle.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, okay.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

For me, I was wilding out in. In middle school, so I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

So also, over the weekend, they released a statue memorializing the queen of rock and roll, Tina Turner herself.

[AJ Holiday]

Hated it.

[Tam Bam]

Brownsville, Tennessee. Y', all. I listen. That wig that they gave, like, all right, Tina did love some big hair. I'll give it to her. But they really tried it with that piece of hair on the. That shit look like, what's that, Dr. Seuss book? No. God damn. I was so mad. If they ever wanna give me a statue, don't just put my picture or just.

[AJ Holiday]

Why couldn't they just do, like, a. I'm pretty sure they done did plenty of wax museums of her. But who asked for that? Like, when they asked for that museum.

[Tam Bam]

Together, did somebody, like, everybody looked and was like, that's the one. Like, they didn't, like, have a conversation for the same nigga who did. Dwyane Wade did this one. I bet.

[AJ Holiday]

Did they not consult with her family members, her sons? Like, nobody. And it's 10 foot tall at that. This is a big ass statue, and.

[Tam Bam]

Three feet of hair don't play with Tina like that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, she could have. Well, I was about to say she could live without that. She can live without that shit. We could live without that shit. Okay. Tina would not be happy if she were to see this big ass.

[Tam Bam]

The hair.

[AJ Holiday]

Big ass, metal hair.

[Tam Bam]

The same Dwyane Wade statue. Listen, the last couple statues came out, was fucked this one, Dwyane Wade's in that statue of that. Get out, nigga. And he was in the sucker's place on the statue.

[AJ Holiday]

What about that fat one in the damn New York Times Square statue?

[Tam Bam]

Let's let statues go.

[AJ Holiday]

First of all, I feel like they trying to pay us back for taking down all them goddamn World War II criminals right from around the country. I feel like they trying to pay us back so they just resurrecting all this bullshit nobody's asking for. Give us the money.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[AJ Holiday]

That's. We don't need that snake. We want money.

[Tam Bam]

That black girl at Times Square, they didn't even put her in a cute outfit like they was. Had her leaving McDonald's like, I feel.

[AJ Holiday]

Like her belly was hanging out a little bit.

[Tam Bam]

Her T shirt.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

It was like the real disrespectful.

[AJ Holiday]

And Lizzo went up there with that. Girls, if you don't sit, your statue.

[Tam Bam]

Can go to hell.

[AJ Holiday]

So that statue got on my damn nerves, y'. All. So young thug is 100% fulfilling his. His, his duties, right? Because under his release. Yeah, under his release. And like, his what. Why is my brain. What's going on today? His. His plea deal. His plea bargain. Right. There's certain things, Certain things he has to do. So one of them was like, you know, community service and also, like, speaking to the youth and stuff like that. So he put on a concert this weekend in front of the Atlanta courthouse. Okay, so Young Thug performs a surprise concert in front of the full courthouse. Yeah. Free for his fans on Sunday. The rapper, who was previously banned from Atlanta due to the terms of his probation until condition was amended in December, announced a series the surprise show on Sunday, September 28th. So, yeah, so he tweeted a picture of the album cover. I'm trying to figure out why he light skin on the album cover.

[Tam Bam]

What was that about? That's what I was confused. I thought that was someone just poking fun of him, but he did that himself. Okay.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

Then he posted pictures of everybody else white, too. I was confused.

[AJ Holiday]

I wonder maybe he, like, if we was white, would this have happened to us? I don't know. I'm trying to make, you know, trying to reason with all the time. So I don't know why he was light skinned anyway, you know, because when you see some real on social media, like, did I see that? You got to go back. Like, who's that?

[Tam Bam]

It just made me think about Sammy Sosa. Vibes Cartel. Wasn't that Vibes Cartel? Like, that real white?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, it is. So this says on the COVID of ui, Scotty Thug brightened his skin and gave himself blue eyes. In a move that threw listeners off guard after the project went live, Thugger posted a carousel of photos of guest artists who appear on the album, including Lil Baby Quavo, Sexyy Red T Guy, Reimag. Reimagined in a similar style. Yeah, Excuse me. Reimaged similar style. Reimagined Thugger. Cat thugger. Thugger. Captioned the post. My new friends, the oh. Cause he ain't supposed to be around niggas. So now everybody white. That's what it is. Yeah. Because they banned them from Atlanta. But, you know, Atlanta, when we think about Atlanta, Atlanta is literally just a metro area. Right, Right. But then you got all the other, you know, counties, areas outside of Atlanta. Metro Atlanta, so you don't actually have to leave.

[Tam Bam]

But it's not right.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. So he's probably in Smyrna or, I don't know, actually being Brookhaven, which is Buckhead, essentially. So. Yeah. So Doug hasn't given a concrete reason for the skin lightning. The only clue comes from an Instagram post that went live a few hours before the album's release. And it says, if you want to be the biggest, go white, I told you. Yeah, I guess I'm good. I'm good at making reason. Making a reasonable, I don't know, out of bullshit again.

[Tam Bam]

Did he not run it by nobody and, like, was just like, is this going to hit?

[AJ Holiday]

You know, like, he is on, man. You know, another thing I saw about him today, he was doing an interview with somebody. I didn't care to go look and see. I'm sorry, who it was, whose show it was. But he basically said if Mariah the scientist needed to go see a therapist, he has failed as a man. Because why you need to go talk to somebody else?

[Tam Bam]

What?

[AJ Holiday]

What? Yeah, you probably sent her to a therapist, right?

[Tam Bam]

All of this, she's trying to make sense going on.

[AJ Holiday]

Definitely.

[Tam Bam]

She talked to somebody outside of you. Y' all been doing enough talking as far as I'm concerned. I need to talk to other people.

[AJ Holiday]

Y' all talk too damn much. But that's kind of controlling. Like, you don't want her seeking anybody, you know, Because I think that some people who haven't actually been to theory, been to therapy, have a different idea about what therapy even is. Like, they really don't give you no answers. Not like somebody's going to tell her how to act or how to be hard to think. Right. They try to they try to make you, like, leave. Come to your own resolutions.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. So it's not like somebody's gonna say, hey, you shouldn't be fucking with thugger. He's not a good man. He's been in prison. Da, da da da. He has several children. We gonna do that. The therapist ain't gonna do that. Thug, you are safe with this girl going to therapy, right?

[Tam Bam]

It might make your relationship better, so.

[AJ Holiday]

Or she might get the fuck up out of there. But anyway, right?

[Tam Bam]

One of the two.

[AJ Holiday]

It's all better.

[Tam Bam]

Well, what are we talking today? It's spooky season and we're talking about fear not, fear of ghosts.

[Podcast Announcer]

You've been working in the garage with your dad every week, Monday to Sunday, trying to get the old school up and running. Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it. So you have that feeling of accomplishment. You did it. Then your dad throws you the keys. He says those three magic words. All yours, son. Yep. Same car that belonged to your grandpa and that your dad helped him fix. It's yours. Three generations right there, keeping the tradition alive. But if you ask dad to really keep the tradition going, you need to get insurance. And you already know you need to get State Farm because your agent, well, he gets tradition, too. His dad was an agent, his grandpa too. So he gets you. Generation to generation. Remember to choose the agents that your family counted on. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Jana Kramer]

This is Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. As summer fades and fall rolls in, I notice the sun did a number yet again on my skin. I wanted a refresh, and that led me to Ideal Image, America's number one med spa. After a free consultation, I found out the clear and brilliant laser treatment was perfect for evening my skin tone and boosting collagen. It's gentle, non invasive, and safe for all skin types. And it's going to help me tackle that melasma. I so badly want to get off my skin. I booked my appointment and can't wait to see the results. Refresh with September Med Spa offers custom facials, skin tightening and more. Book your free consultation today and check out their fall [e-mail] or call 1-800-Bideal that's 1-800-Bideal.

[Jacob Goldstein]

This is Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up and it gets complicated and confusing. Odoo solves this. It's a single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything from Accounting to inventory to sales. Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way. You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out Odoo at O D O o dot com. That's O D o o dot com.

[Lenovo Advertiser]

In the heat of battle, your squad relies on you. Don't let them down. Unlock elite gaming [e-mail] Dominate every match with next level speed, seamless streaming and performance that won't quit. So you can push your gameplay beyond performance with Intel Core Ultra processors for the next era of gaming. Upgrade to smooth high quality streaming with Intel Wi Fi 6e and maximize game performance with enhanced overclocking. Win the tech search power [e-mail].

[Tam Bam]

Goblins and ghouls. Or that could be one of your fears too. Oh, yns right. But we're talking about not being afraid. If I weren't afraid, all the things I could do. So let's talk about that after this commercial break. All right, y', all, we're back. Now I have a question for you. What would you do if fear didn't exist? No limits, no judgment, just pure action. What would you do?

[AJ Holiday]

So see, this is like I understand the question, but it should actually read, if prison didn't exist, what would you do? Because, bitch, a whole lot of shit, okay? I'm afraid to go to jail. I scared of shit.

[Tam Bam]

For real.

[AJ Holiday]

Prison consequent. I used to have. I can tell you my number one fears, and I've already met both. I used to always say I'm afraid of God and I'm afraid of ever being homeless. Those were always my fears. And when y' all started, don't you got to re imagine. You got to reimage. You can't. Like when you, when you create those things in your mind, like the fears, you can manifest them, right? So maybe if you like, if you create the fear, create a solution for it at the same time is what I'm trying to say, right? So those two things I have already met and conquered in life, essentially. Listen, everybody, everybody level of homelessness is different, okay? At your mama house is homelessness. I don't give a fuck.

[Tam Bam]

I'm at my mama house right now and I don't feel homeless.

[AJ Holiday]

Bitch, I felt homeless at my mama's house. I swear to God I do.

[Tam Bam]

I'm ready for my own space again. Like I've been here since I broke my foot and I'm ready. I'm be all ready like. But I'm going to give it till the beginning of the year. Before I jump into anything else for reasons. But I get it. Homelessness is a great. I think that's a of fear across the board for Americans.

[AJ Holiday]

And I don't think it was real. Okay. I've never been homeless. Okay. Okay. As long as my mom is breathing, I'll never be homeless.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

But there is something freeing, right, about not. Not having to like, pay to live life for real. You could just go so wherever. Like, I've never lived any place for free, including my mama's house. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

September.

[AJ Holiday]

But I was able to pick up and go and do what the fuck I want. I feel like everybody should backpack in life at some point.

[Tam Bam]

This. Yeah, this last year. All right, so September is the first month that I haven't paid rent. And that shit felt good. I ain't gonna hold you. That shit felt nice. I was like, I don't owe anybody thousands of dollars before the free.

[AJ Holiday]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

Look at God. That shit was crazy. But I also cannot smoke weed or walk around ass naked with a man. So there's that. So there is a trade off.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man. I just like. Those were my biggest fears. And since being past those things, I've had other fears. Right. I would say one of. One of my biggest fears that I've had to overcome to move forward is literally just asking people for help when you need it. That has always been one of my biggest fears. Now I'm always the person anybody can come to. I don't know if it's because of. I don't know. I make it comfortable. It's just like. I just know for a fact that people don't ask people for shit that they think gonna say no. So every once in a while I shock a motherfucker. Every once in a while I'd be like, no. You wasn't thinking I was gonna say no this time? Yes. Sometimes I will say no, but I've always been the person people can come to. But I can't think of anybody that I can go to a lot of the times. Like, who ain't more fucked up than me. And sometimes help is not always monetary. You know what I'm saying? It's just like needing help with a project or something like that. Like finding somebody who's gonna, I don't know, barter some services off. Just asking somebody else for help has always been a big struggle for me. I got some friends that really know how to give work to other people. Like, what is the word I'm looking for? Delegate. How to delegate really well.

[Tam Bam]

That's me. I'm a delegator. I don't have a problem with it, but I had to learn it too because I found myself in a hallway carrying a bunch of shit, crying, somebody else's shit, crying. Because I was so overwhelmed with life. Like I'm overextending myself to other people so much that I'm going, I'm about to make myself sick. And then after that baby, some shit changed. And now I like when people come to me for shit. I'll help them navigate all the other options. We can sit down and talk about all the other options. And let's see if we've exhausted those. And if we have exhausted all of those, then I'll help.

[AJ Holiday]

Like money is the easiest thing for me to help with, right? Because some people, I just know, like, I'm going to get this money back. Probably not from this person, but I will get that money back before they would ever see it, before they could ever pay me back. I'll already have that money back. I just can make money quicker than them, right? So I know that about some people. But my time, that's one thing I'm real like stingy with nowadays. Because I would literally do shit for people I did not feel like fucking doing. Now Noah's complete statement. My mom told me I was selfish. And I'm like you, you don't even really know me. For real, right? Because nobody, none of my friends would say that Ashley is selfish. Nobody would say that, right? But if you don't help her cut grass, girl, you selfish. Like I'll pay for somebody to come do it. But that is not what I want to do with my Saturday.

[Tam Bam]

Sorry, that's not my love.

[AJ Holiday]

Right, right. Like you doing that shit for a workout. I'm gonna go to the gym where air condition at but time. Like if somebody pick you up from the airport on time or help you move, like they really love you. Like I will do those things Any airport pick.

[Tam Bam]

If they pick you up from the airport, they fuck with you for real.

[AJ Holiday]

Heavy, heavy.

[Tam Bam]

Or take you one of the two.

[AJ Holiday]

Or help you move, bitch, if somebody come and help you move, you move or pack, they really love you.

[Tam Bam]

If someone clean your house for you, they love you.

[AJ Holiday]

Huh? What?

[Tam Bam]

I used to clean my friends houses.

[AJ Holiday]

Really?

[Tam Bam]

I haven't done it in a long time though, now that I think about it. But I definitely have had places where I come in and clean their whole house for them.

[AJ Holiday]

Now I have cleaned the space, I'mma be in in someone's house. But to say I'm coming into another grown woman's house and cleaning it. No. Now if I come and the bathroom is not to my liking, like, don't even worry about it, baby. I'm cleaning. I'm cleaning my. The area I'm gonna be in. But they whole house. You a good friend.

[Tam Bam]

Job I have, I've definitely cleaned.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm talking shit. I'm like, why is this like that? Why? How long this been like that?

[Tam Bam]

Whole house? Yeah, I've done it.

[AJ Holiday]

They just do when they try to get a guy to fall in love with them. They'd be over there cooking, the cleaning, the clicking the cleaning and oh yeah, washing the.

[Tam Bam]

House.

[AJ Holiday]

Now cleaning. That's bad. Okay, so now you clean your friend's house. I will clean a nigga's house. I'm spend a lot of time over there and I'm just really just trying to make it comfortable for me is not even for him still. It's not for you. This dude I used to fuck with, if you're listening, it was months, year, a whole, a whole year in between us seeing each other. And when I got to his place, it's like nobody had touched that bathroom since I left a year ago, right? Because I would clean the bathroom all the time. And when I got back I'm like, who is letting you fuck them with this bathroom like this?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, who.

[AJ Holiday]

Who letting you them?

[Tam Bam]

I agree.

[AJ Holiday]

I had let him. Me. But you cleaned it one time because I was already there. But who play you a regular with this? Like they're not using the bathroom when they come, right?

[Tam Bam]

That part.

[AJ Holiday]

Jesus Christ.

[Tam Bam]

If you go to a man house and you feel like you gotta hover above his toilet to use it, you probably shouldn't have sex with him.

[AJ Holiday]

Hell no. And I'm pissing on your floor. Okay? I'm pissing all over your toilet seat. I'm just treating your like you do. I'm pissing all over this. This is gas station. This is spanx bathroom. This is no fucking nigger of mine.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Did you hear that? Er, this is no nigger of mine.

[Tam Bam]

That heart yarn's crazy. All right, what's one of my fears? I'm gonna share it with y'. All. And this is hard for me to say. And it's probably reflected in my social media. I fear looking ugly, stupid bitch. I fear it like so I. I'm like. I'm so self conscious about how I look on social media that I don't. I end up not posting nothing. I'll take a picture, I'll be like, that's cute. And then I'll analyze it 17,000 different ways. And then I'd be like, I'm not posting that. I would take outfit pics. And I swear I'm the baddest in my outfit and feel like the baddest out in my outfit. And then I look at myself in the picture and I be like, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

It'S not you, girl. It's the iPhone camera. I already told you that. They with our perception. So we use these stupid ass filters.

[Tam Bam]

Filters.

[AJ Holiday]

I know I look better in person than I do on the Internet.

[Tam Bam]

I'm so much finer than the Internet. And then when I take videos. All right, so y', all, I got a nice smile, but these two bottom teeth, they. They like the wisdom tooth start growing in, and they started shifting, and I feel like cardi b. I be wearing low shirts so you don't look at my bottom teeth because they, they crooked.

[AJ Holiday]

There ain't no titties there.

[Tam Bam]

Cut it out.

[AJ Holiday]

They still looking at your face, girl.

[Tam Bam]

The face.

[AJ Holiday]

They looking at your smile and don't nobody see them teeth. Okay? No, no. We be so hard on that stuff. No, I, I, I can, I can say I have sort of the same fear. Right? First of all, I don't like people in my life, for real. But recently I saw this girl's Instagram, and she was big, honey, pretty face. Okay? Big, pretty, but stomach out, coochie cutters on. She in the drive through in the driveway of her house. She like, y' all bitches, y' all just mad that I don't give a fuck. Y' all mad because I can get on here looking like I'm looking and not give a damn. Had hella followers and people like authentic authenticity. Right? Right. So, of course, if we could just wake up and get on live, right?

[Tam Bam]

Shit would be lit and not give a fuck. That's why I aspire to for.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't want to.

[Tam Bam]

I do. I want to. I want to not. I want to get online. I want to get on my ig live and not give a single solitary fucking. I want that, but I can't. It's so difficult.

[AJ Holiday]

Let's unpack that a little bit, because I feel like I just. You know how people be talking shit about women wearing hair, makeup, all this shit. Like I'm gonna look like I'm going to a wedding. Every day, the same shit. Y' all natural bitches do. Y', all. When y' all gotta go to a wedding, y' all go get Y' all a bust down. Y' all put that shit on top of y' all dreads. Y' all put that on top of y' all low cuts. Like, I want to look like that every day.

[Tam Bam]

What's wrong with that?

[AJ Holiday]

What's wrong with that?

[Tam Bam]

Nothing.

[AJ Holiday]

I wanna. I wanna present my best every day. And I feel like, even, like, in relationships, like, I remember my ex telling me basically. Basically, like, not to wear my wigs. He just want me to be comfortable. I'm comfortable like this. I'm not gonna be comfortable walking around with this on this untreated ass fucking hair. Okay? This is little as a. I mean, it stretches, but as little as a motherfucker. Yes. I'm not going to be comfortable like that. So what you really think you're going to do is, like, you think you take my swag? That's the cutting of the wig, right? He thought he was, like, taking my swag. No, bitch. Like, I'm still me with or without the fucking wig. I just feel better when I look like I'm going to a fucking wedding. And why would you not want your bitch to feel good about herself, right, at all times?

[Tam Bam]

But I think they want us to feel good about ourself. And it's full authenticity without weave, without lashes, without makeup, without.

[AJ Holiday]

And these niggas, if all black women started pulling up just like that, these niggas would definitely be leaving the community in droves even more than they are now. That ain't what y' all don't want y' all mama. It's your mama up under this wig, nigga. You don't want your mama. You want a bad bitch.

[Tam Bam]

On my hinge. I, like, I was courageous, right? And I was like, I need these niggas to see me how I am, right? So I put one picture of myself of me in a robe. It was. You couldn't see all the robe, right? But it was. No, it was like, I tell you.

[AJ Holiday]

All these dates, bitch, I had.

[Tam Bam]

It was my top. Just the top. Not even my breast, but you could see the top of my robe. And I have on a bonnet, and it's okay. And, like, my edges is nappy and gray coming out the front of the bonnet. And when I tell you the niggas is on that picture, I'm like, no.

[AJ Holiday]

Definitely like an ugly bitch. Okay? And I'm saying ugly, like, how we be feeling ugly? No, how you don't like when. You know, when you look not looking the best and n be on you.

[Tam Bam]

Like, getting so much love from that picture, yes. And I'm surprised. Like, that surprised me because I'm like, damn, that is just me. Like, literally in my mind, the most basic looking version of myself. And there's all kinds of pictures in me in workout gear and, like, looking, you know, and dresses on there. And the one with me just in a bonnet is like, getting all the love. I'm like, oh, shit.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, maybe it ain't that bad out here. You look like a mama in that one, probably. You just look like you ready to be a wife. Wives be happy. I feel like wives should not be walking around all day with bonnets on. Okay. Men like, you gotta appeal. Yes. You gotta. If you don't make it a fantasy for your, he will go look for one. So.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. Make sure.

[AJ Holiday]

Make sure you remain a fantasy. Men should not see all the things. Why this, this weekend, he was like. He was. I almost saw your hair today. When I tell you I took that bonnet off and put my hat wig on so quick. I mean, you missed it. And I was like, you wouldn't have seen it anyway because I got a stocking cap.

[Tam Bam]

You don't let them see your hair.

[AJ Holiday]

Not if it's not first. First of all, like, right now what I've been doing is just slicking my shit back in a ponytail. Like, my shit not even like braided. It's just like real rough. Right now. I am looking for, like, somebody who specializes. The natural hair shit is cool, but you do have to take care of your hair. You do have to get treatments and stuff like that. And I just haven't been. I haven't been taking care of my hair. So I'm looking for somebody that I can start a regimen with and take care of my actual hair. But right now, it's no shape. It's just bitch.

[Tam Bam]

You.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, you know what time it is.

[Tam Bam]

I know. So you sleep in your wig or you take it off and just put on a bonnet?

[AJ Holiday]

No, hell no. I haven't a bonnet. I don't know.

[Tam Bam]

That is miserable now.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm past that part of life, especially we listen.

[Tam Bam]

I listen when I would like just.

[AJ Holiday]

The wigs off me with a man.

[Tam Bam]

For the first time and I have on, I'm wearing a wig. I let them know, like, when I come out the bathroom, my wig is going to stay in there and I'm going to put on a bonnet or I might not. I want you to treat my bonnet like a crown. Okay? That's what it is. Don't be alarmed by the hair hanging up in there, it's no longer going to be on my fucking head because I cannot sleep like that. Yeah, but I don't want to have sex without my hair, though.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Cause who ain't in there like a porn star, like flipping that shit. And don't pull it too hard, but pull it. Yeah. We'll barrel this in his hair. Thank you.

[Tam Bam]

But I remember my last boyfriend, he used to do it on purpose. He used to piss me off. Like when we were having sex, like doggy style, he'd take my wig off and put it on his head.

[AJ Holiday]

Shut up, man. Stop. Give me back my fucking hair.

[Tam Bam]

You're ruining it for me.

[AJ Holiday]

Let me find out you be wearing my shit when I home. You look cute on you, though.

[Tam Bam]

Stop.

[AJ Holiday]

I remember somebody's pulling my hair so hard, like, okay, I'll glue my wigs down sometimes and sometimes I don't. And I had my glued down and yanked my.

[Tam Bam]

Now you. Are you okay? Pull my skin up.

[AJ Holiday]

Are you? Well, I don't know what type of wigs you're a. At the house wear, but why are you pulling my hair hard like that? Like it's attached to my scalp. So like days where I actually glue my shit down, of course, I might have to wear it to bed. Like, I wore my hair to bed last night because I had shit to do today. But on a regular day, no, I'm taking that shit off.

[Tam Bam]

Have you ever missed.

[AJ Holiday]

But I do have a bonnet.

[Tam Bam]

Have you ever missed an opportunity because of fear or delay the goal or.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, when I, as an adult, I feel like I, you know, I definitely don't execute on all opportunities. And it's not out of fear, though. It's out of fucking procrastination and laziness. That's what I'm fighting more than fear every day. But I can remember as a child and recently I was saying this how adults are really just dream killers. You know what I'm saying? I remember, like, things I wanted to do as a kid and I was talked out of doing it because of somebody else's fear. It was never my fear. I've been a big personality.

[Tam Bam]

So that's why if you don't have.

[AJ Holiday]

Like a parent to cultivate that, you know, because of their fears, not share all your goals all the time, now you grow up. Yeah, that part.

[Tam Bam]

People will unlock a new fear for you that you didn't even have just by you sharing your dreams with them.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. New fear unlocked.

[AJ Holiday]

Right? I was talking to my homegirl today because she. A whole Fucking psychologist. Bitch, if you listening, sometimes I have to be like, hey. Because this bitch won't map out. She'll map out her whole entire life. Like, I'm not like. I'm kind of like, go with the flow, bitch. We'll figure it out. We got some time. She got a whole. I'm like, listen, I don't have all the answers right now that you asking me. Like you. You trying to force me to map out the next nine, 10 months while I'm driving on the highway. I don't got it. Don't ask me. I don't know what's gonna happen, but it'll be figured out when it needs to be.

[Tam Bam]

I have some.

[AJ Holiday]

Procrastination is my problem.

[Podcast Announcer]

You've been working in the garage with your dad every week, Monday to Sunday, trying to get the old school up and running. Today, after all the hard work, y' all finally finished it. So you have that feeling of accomplishment. You did it. Then your dad throws you the keys. He says those three magic words. All yours, son. Yep. Same car that belonged to your grandpa and that your dad helped him fix. It's yours. Three generations right there, keeping the tradition alive. But if you ask dad to really keep the tradition going, you need to get insurance. And you already know you need to get State Farm. Because your agent, well, he gets tradition, too. His dad was an agent, his grandpa too. So he gets you. Generation to generation. Remember to choose the ages that your family counted on. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Jana Kramer]

This is Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. As summer fades and fall rolls in, I noticed the sun did a number yet again on my skin. I wanted a refresh, and that led me to Ideal Image, America's number one med spa. After a free consultation, I found out the clear and brilliant laser treatment was perfect for evening my skin tone and boosting collagen. It's gentle, non invasive, and safe for all skin types. And it's going to help me tackle that melasma. I so badly want to get off my skin. I booked my appointment and can't wait to see the results. Refresh with September Med Spa offers custom facials, skin tightening and more. Book your free consultation today and check out their fall [e-mail] or call 1-800-B- IDEAL that's 1-800-BE- IDEAL.

[Jacob Goldstein]

This is Jacob Goldstein from what's yous Problem? When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up and it gets complicated and confusing. Odoo solves this. It's a Single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything from accounting to inventory to sales. Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way. You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out odoo@o d o o dot com. That's o d o o dot com.

[Lenovo Advertiser]

In the heat of battle, your squad relies on you. Don't let them down. Unlock elite gaming tech at Linotri. Dominate every match with next level speed, seamless streaming and performance that won't quit. So you can push your gameplay beyond performance with Intel Core Ultra processors for the next era of gaming. Upgrade to smooth high quality streaming with Intel Wi Fi 6e and maximize game performance with enhanced overclocking. Win the tech search power [e-mail].

[Tam Bam]

I have some fears that I'mma share that are going to go it's a little deeper, y', all, but we family on here and I'm going tell y' all my truth. This is what this space is for. I fear I'm afraid to be a mother and I'm afraid not to be a mother.

[AJ Holiday]

Interesting.

[Tam Bam]

I'm not afraid to like raise a child. I'm afraid of trying to have a child. Like actually the physical part of just because of my experience with it before, that scares me. Then I'm afraid of picking a bad partner. That scares the shit out of me. But then I'm also scared that what if I. I'm like, I'm getting older. What if I never become a mom? So those are real life fears for me.

[AJ Holiday]

What if you get a serial killer? I mean, you just never know.

[Tam Bam]

Well, as a kid.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. You just gonna have to go with what? God. Because I mean, like when we. Thinking about the simple affairs, like, could get worse. That's why. Like, it'd be like the little things that harass me. It's not ever like the big things. I don't. Okay. I've been past the fear of not having children because I've had two tubal pregnancies years ago. Right. I'm 41 now and it's like, that's just the reality. I'm gonna get this bag though. I got two nieces and a nephew and I wanna see them very, very happy. Right. So if that's the way I gotta go, I gotta go that route. I don't think it's also, it's not selfish for like say for instance, either one. Like, I don't want no kids. It's over with. I don't even Fuck it. It's not selfish. It's not selfish to not want to be responsible for somebody else for the rest of your life. Like, your fucking life changes. And without having had a kid yet. Like, I'm a mother at heart. I'm a mom, like, so it doesn't scare me to actually have to like have a kid and. But they don't stay little, you know you're gonna end up with a teenager. I've always wanted a seven year old though. So I can stay.

[Tam Bam]

I'm gonna stay.

[AJ Holiday]

My mama said. Like, that's all I want my little girl to be saying. Well, my mama said it's not the.

[Tam Bam]

Raising the kid that is the physical part of trying to push a kid into the world.

[AJ Holiday]

I can't wait.

[Tam Bam]

That scares me because I just. My experience with it was just not a healthy one, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, I can't wait. And I'm gonna do it in the house, in the pool.

[Tam Bam]

You're a bad bitch. Epidural me right now. Give me all modern medicine and drugs.

[AJ Holiday]

And, you know, because I've had a tuba pregnancy and I've actually been cut before. Like, the doctors will now be inclined to like try to make me do like a C section if I were to have a kid. Like, I want to push. I'm not having no C section. Less time stepping out this coochie feet first like I did my mama.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, then I'll do a C section if they like breached or something like that. You're not about to do a C section around your schedule because you got vacation is to, I don't know, Italy next month. And that's what they be doing, scheduling your child's birth around in their life, right? Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Instead of the other way around. Yeah. What else? I fear picking the wrong partner. I don't pick nobody.

[AJ Holiday]

And then you just gotta pick them. And if it's not right, you just do it again.

[Tam Bam]

I just can't pick. I just struggle with picking. So I'm always like dating people who are. I. I'm always entertaining people who I don't see future with. Like, I'll be like, oh, he's so young. This is fun. We'll do that. But he's too young to be serious about or he's cool.

[AJ Holiday]

He's not. Keep talking. Keep talking so you can hear your.

[Tam Bam]

Keep talking. I'm being honest right now.

[AJ Holiday]

It's therapy, right? Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

About like my shit, you know, my shit. My fear is when it comes to relationships, I just, I've never been in A relationship where I wasn't forced.

[AJ Holiday]

You always keep saying that.

[Tam Bam]

So I have a fear with relationships, but then I'm also afraid to get alone by myself. Yeah, this is so stupid and it's so contradictory and so dumb.

[AJ Holiday]

I just fear of picking the wrong partner. So, I mean, I guess I'm past that because then I did that shit a lot. Why not add another? You know what I'm saying? That's really how I be feeling by like, I love love like I'm never afraid to do it again. I am never. I will love like I'd never been hurt before and I'mma keep doing it. I don't give a fuck if I'm a hundred bitch. If I'm unhappy in this marriage, I'm getting the fuck up out of there. Recently, 100-year-old man or 90 something year old man divorced his. He's 96 or something. His wife is like 92. And he divorced her because he found out that she cheated 30 or 60 years in the past. Like that'll be me. I'm not happy here. I'm a hundred came and walk coochie dry. I'm out of there. Yeah, I'm gonna start again and I think I can get me another. Like, I've been past that fear of staying in situations I don't even get too long.

[Tam Bam]

I'm so scared I don't even get in the situation. Like I told my status, I won't even go in that.

[AJ Holiday]

Just try one. Just, just pick one and see what happens.

[Tam Bam]

All right, so the movie guy, potential there.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, there's potential there. So we'll see. And I just watched that Boaz and Ruth and y', all, y' all need to watch that. I cried so hard watching that movie because I was like, I want to.

[AJ Holiday]

Be alone like that.

[Tam Bam]

It was so beautiful. And that man is so fine. And what's her name?

[AJ Holiday]

I don't even know the movie. You mentioned it to me today and I hadn't even seen her name.

[Tam Bam]

And I was like, Sariah Saraya, her, she's so beautiful. And Taia Lepley is just a God.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, he's in there and he plays Boaz.

[Tam Bam]

And I'm like, joanna, yes, send me that dog. And that movie just make you want to pray and just be very, you know, sincere about what you want from a partner and who you want to be as a partner. You know, who you want to show up as. So you know that means you got.

[AJ Holiday]

To be what you want, right? So we be having all These demands as women, and you fuck around and run into somebody, right. That you wrote down, and you want all these things out of them, and you're not ready as a woman for that type of man. You got to make sure you're ready for that type of man also. Yep. Because that type of nigga gonna come to like, oh, this bitch stupid, right?

[Tam Bam]

Like, bitch don't know what she want.

[AJ Holiday]

Don'T know what. You gotta be sure. You gotta be decisive.

[Tam Bam]

You know that part?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, man.

[Tam Bam]

So that. That's something. That's my fears. That's like. And another one that I'm really gonna share with y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

I be scared of, like, getting sick or being really sick. That's a fear. Like, I'm sure everybody's scared to get sick and be really sick and be. I don't want to be. What's the word I'm looking for?

[AJ Holiday]

Burden.

[Tam Bam]

Yes. You took it right off my tongue. I don't want to be a burden. That's a fear of mine.

[AJ Holiday]

So I don't want to be alive and sick. I'm not afraid to die. And I feel like once you conquer. Conquer the fear of death, you can do anything on this planet. Okay. I'm more afraid of prison than death, so it was my time to get the fuck up out of here. I'm out of here. But I do not want. That's a fear of mine. To be alive and sick.

[Tam Bam]

Right.

[AJ Holiday]

Not to be sick, because I feel like my body's gonna always fight for me, but to have to, like, yes, be a burden, especially having children and stuff like that, you know? Like. You know, just. I look at my parents.

[Tam Bam]

My.

[AJ Holiday]

My mama is in pretty good health for her age, though. She doesn't think she is. She's in really good health. My stepdad, not so much. My daddy, not so much. And my daddy. Wife, like, she our age. Okay. I'm so grateful that she exists because she could take care of him. I wouldn't have to, but I think I wouldn't want my kids to have to take care of me.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. I don't want nobody. I don't want anybody to slow anybody's life down because they taking care of me. That's a fear, you know? Yeah, that's a real fear. But nonetheless, I just be out here living. Like, I. I'm fearless, though. But what else do you do, you know? But when it comes to that social media, y', all, I just gotta lock again because I know I like both of us. We should both have at least 100,000 followers by now. We should and we don't.

[AJ Holiday]

I just want the money, though, okay? I'm gonna tell y'. All. I'm gonna be honest with y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm be honest, okay? I'm be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I want to have enough money so motherfuckers can't see me. Like, I don't want. Like, that is not like this. And I know that's where we're headed at with, like, AI and, you know, getting rid of actual jobs. Like, you're going to literally be a job now, right? So you're gonna have to figure out a way to sell yourself to make money. That is where we are with the social media and the influence.

[Tam Bam]

Not the way you used to do it. Like, right.

[AJ Holiday]

Used to. I just tell him a loved one, girl, get each one of them, you on to give you a hundred dollars at least. That ain't even no money. I challenged that. I love you, girl. I challenged her. I said, listen, a hundred dollars, that ain't no money. Remember one year they had a winter coat challenge? They had hitting up the. They asked for a winter. And was really curving by the winter coat. If you in the winter, a lot of y' all bitches fair asking niggas for money. And that's where y' all got me fucked up at.

[Tam Bam]

That's not what I'm at now.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm not. I don't really ask men for money, but I'm not fucking with somebody I know wouldn't give me money if I need it. Okay? That's the difference. I'm not fucking with. I'm not fucking with somebody who can't at least take care of themselves. And I'm not fucking with somebody who doesn't have the means if I happen to need something. Because I don't have a fear of asking. I just don't. Because I feel like you should just do.

[Tam Bam]

Because. Yeah, but they gonna ask us for anything they want without fear, without resignation.

[AJ Holiday]

Absolutely.

[Tam Bam]

So I don't have any means. I have zero.

[AJ Holiday]

Put, like, a little weird laugh behind it. What's up with that?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

And that mouth and your ears and your nose. If they want it, they want to ask for it. So stop having fear of.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Your energy, your youth. Yeah, okay.

[Tam Bam]

They won't have no fear of that. So I don't have no fear of asking. And I'll be real sweet.

[AJ Holiday]

How you doing? Tell these bitches how to ask for money.

[Tam Bam]

Tim.

[AJ Holiday]

Hey, baby.

[Tam Bam]

How your day? That's good. That's good. Did you have fun last night? I had such a good time, yeah. I want to ask you something. Remember I told you about that thing I needed? I really, really would appreciate if you could help me with that.

[AJ Holiday]

Now.

[Tam Bam]

If you can, it's fine. But if you could, it would make me really, really happy. Okay. Thank you. I really appreciate you.

[AJ Holiday]

And listen, don't text people asking them for money. You call them. You verbally call and ask. I don't like somebody texting me about money. I need you to call me and ask me verbally for my damn money. I'm not gonna ask you what for or have no extra questions. If I can do it, I'm gonna do it. If I can, I can't. If you need some money from that man, you gotta get him at face to face or over the phone facetime or something. He gonna have to tell you no to your face, girl.

[Tam Bam]

And I will always.

[AJ Holiday]

And it's gonna be hard.

[Tam Bam]

I typically mention what I want before I ask him for it too.

[AJ Holiday]

Mm, like what? Like, I don't know, like something you saw that you wanna. Wanna buy.

[Tam Bam]

It's this class I wanna take. I like, yeah, it's this class and I think it will really help me with what I'm trying to do. Blah, blah, blah. But it's $5,000, man. It was crazy. Yeah, it's crazy.

[AJ Holiday]

But if you do. If you know 10, you do that to each one of them. You could at least you could fundraise amongst your contacts in your cell phone.

[Tam Bam]

Not crowd sharing with your.

[AJ Holiday]

It's fundraising. Go fund me. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

Seriously?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, fund me.

[Tam Bam]

But I invited being able to do stuff for people. I ain't got the time for that many people.

[AJ Holiday]

No, me either. I'm talking. I feel like. I don't know why. I just feel like most of the people who listen to the podcast are like younger. Yeah. So? And I know they pray. They. They are afraid to ask men for money. It was a time I might have been afraid. But then you realize that like Tam said, they don't give a God damn. They are asking you for whatever it is they want. Hold, chest out.

[Tam Bam]

And worst thing they don't think is no.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. And then guess what? If he say no, you could just. Off the list. Now you gotta deal with him. I definitely ask niggas for money. When I get want to get rid of him.

[Tam Bam]

I won't leave a nigga. I won't leave a nigga alone. If he say no for a good reason, if he has a good reason, why he can't. But if he don't, just don't want to, then you gotta go.

[AJ Holiday]

I remember one time I asked this dude I used to fuck with. I was in college at the time, but you know me, Shanari and Vondra live in an apartment together. And I asked him for the pet fee if he would pay my pet fee for my dog. And he told me no. He was like, dang, some shit I want to spend money on. No, this is very important to me. It's my dog. So I just stopped talking to him. And this is somebody I haven't talked to for years. Like, no. What do you mean? I'm confused.

[Tam Bam]

And it ain't even that much.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, I'm asking you for like $350.

[Tam Bam]

Hold on now. In college, that was a lot.

[AJ Holiday]

This was a grown man. This is not a college student.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, okay.

[AJ Holiday]

This is somebody's father.

[Tam Bam]

Oh.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Daddy, if you don't pay for this.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, yeah. Pay for this. Like, where you.

[Tam Bam]

Me?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. That's the quickest way. And I mean, if you don't like a guy anymore, that is also, like I said, the quickest way to get rid of him. Ask him for some outlandish amount of money, like 10 grand or something like that. Man, that nigga ain't never calling you again. You hear me? He might call you in a year later like. Like, hopefully you forgot about.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, never got that 10,000.

[AJ Holiday]

Ask for it again.

[Tam Bam]

I still didn't get it. I still need that. Your low transparent lamp to get the.

[AJ Holiday]

Antelope, like, stitched up. Them heavy earrings you never wear.

[Tam Bam]

No, that's only like 300. $500. You can get that done quick. I need a whole new ear. 10,000. Because I said no.

[AJ Holiday]

I couldn't hear you. No. What? Shay, I'm trying to think if I have any other, like, super fear. I used to be afraid of the dark. I used to be afraid to sleep on my back. I have conquered all those things. Like I said, I was afraid of the dark. And I was afraid to sleep on my back because I was afraid of death and laying on my back felt like a coffin. But now I intentionally sleep on my back because it's good for your health and it's good to make sure your body is aligned as much as possible when you. Soft ass mattress. Soft mattresses.

[Tam Bam]

I'd be afraid, too. I mean, I would prefer that. Not yet, though. Like, that's how I want it at 98. Not in.

[AJ Holiday]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

Not in 1998. You know, at 98.

[AJ Holiday]

So on. On 9 28.

[Tam Bam]

Right, exactly. See, no, I don't want that. I just want. I don't want to die in my sleep yet. That's a fear. That's been a fear of mine. Dying young. Like, you know, I don't. Yeah, all of that.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. I'm still trying to figure out what happened with my homegirl. And it's just like her mom just said she was. She came home and she was in the recliner. And you know, one thing I. That makes me so sad about that is that she didn't get have like a peace of mind before leaving the planet. Like, she was struggling and she was trying to get out her mom's house. You know what I'm saying? Like, depression can really set in when you end up back in the place you were raised in. Okay. So you really gotta go in with a plan to get the fuck up on outta there. And she just. It just, you know, shit was just piling up. It was just piling up. I just knew. I almost feel like she just let go. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just feel like she just was like, let me get the fuck up out of here.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. And it's bad, but I mean, I try. I'm like at this stage of my life, I'm trying to. So it's the fear of the unknown, Right? Because we know. We know that we gotta die, all of us. Right. But it's just not knowing what's next. And so I just try to always visualize that what's next is better than what's now. And it's hard because you just don't know. You have all these stories about heaven and hell and the places you can go and I mean, nobody wants to go and burn.

[AJ Holiday]

You remember when Ty passed? Ty, who went to school with us, went to Benedict. Yes. So the week before Ty passed, one week to the day that he passed, he had posted a picture of him on. I forgot. The guy who was in the picture with him. Somebody from Benedict too. But he posted a picture and it said, live. Cause we dead a lot longer. And I commented and I said, do we really know that? And he commented back and was like, I think we do. One week later he was out of here. And I went back and I commented. I was like, you know, rest in peace or whatever. One of us now gets to experience the unknown. Because I don't think this is it. And that's why, like this. Like this is not this. The way this world that we live in is set up. Where Children are abused, murdered, kidnapped. Just. It's just a hell realm. There's nothing good about this place. You know what I'm saying? Like evil prevails around it. Like.

[Tam Bam]

No, I don't know if not. Like. I just.

[AJ Holiday]

It's. It's. Listen, a new earth is coming, right? So things are starting to be unveiled. But it takes. It takes a lot of people to be aware of the evil that actually exists. Because people don't think that these things are actually happening in this world.

[Tam Bam]

No, I know that.

[AJ Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? They don't think it's a three. 400,000 black women missing in America annually. Teenage girls. Like, this shit is fucking happening. This is not a good place. So there has to be a better place than this. I ain't coming back.

[Tam Bam]

I just.

[AJ Holiday]

I'm life path number nine, bitch. It's over with for me.

[Tam Bam]

I just hope that there's coffee at the next place.

[AJ Holiday]

You a vampire?

[Tam Bam]

I love coffee.

[AJ Holiday]

Vampires drink coffee. So they don't eat. Drink bloods. They don't have the urge to drink blood. Get you some matcha. Not you hope there's coffee and different type of meat.

[Tam Bam]

You said some profile and then I was like, I hope they got coffee and chicken wing.

[AJ Holiday]

You know, you want a different meat. You want a whole bunch of drunk.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, that's what I want. Some new shit. I tired of all this same old meat. They just bring some new meat. Wouldn't that be great though? Like a new meat that tastes like new meat. You eat the old meat you ever had before.

[AJ Holiday]

I eat this veggie meat from the factory in Raleigh. What?

[Tam Bam]

No chickpea burger? Fuck out of here. It is so good.

[AJ Holiday]

Remember those little nuggets from Whole Foods? Remember I used to get those? Was I order them? Yeah, I ordered those. That's veggie. I ordered those directly from the factory. Now, like that is a good protein.

[Tam Bam]

What the fuck was that? He had these little nicely seasoned cardboard nuggets.

[AJ Holiday]

This used to be busting.

[Tam Bam]

Her last laugh about fear.

[AJ Holiday]

Nothing fears fear, but fear itself.

[Tam Bam]

Nothing fears fear, but fear itself.

[AJ Holiday]

Look, don't fear. Listen. Just do everything. Trembling and fear and in fear. Just still do it though. Push through. Because once you push through that fear, the other side is so fucking miraculous.

[Tam Bam]

And you realize.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly. So what? Another fair is public speaking, right? And I have actually done a couple. Yes, this isn't that weird. I have done. Not like. Not like public speaking where I'm just getting up there talking shit. I mean like in a professional setting. Public Speaking type thing, right? Where I have to really articulate for the niggas in the room. Like, I mean, one thing, you just gotta know what the fuck it is that you're talking about.

[Tam Bam]

You're talking about.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I've done Toastmasters several times and I have not kicked the fear of public speaking. I haven't. I start sweating. Like, once I get up there and start talking, I'm cool, but I'm going to stutter. I'm going to fart, I'm going to sweat.

[Tam Bam]

You fart up there, fart. You really got to imagine.

[AJ Holiday]

I hope the mic ain't like these condenser mics, okay? I hope it don't pick up everything because, yes, I'm a fart too, and I'mma be sweating.

[Tam Bam]

But do it still.

[AJ Holiday]

Do it.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, do it. Fear is a disease.

[AJ Holiday]

You guys.

[Tam Bam]

Don't let it into your spirit the best you can. And if you encourage is not being without fear. Courage is doing it in spite of fear.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly.

[Tam Bam]

Be courageous in all things. I challenge you all listening to the sound of our voices to pick one thing that brings you fear in your life right now. And I want you to attack that fear with all the ferocity you have in your body. Just one thing this week that makes you afraid, that makes you scared. I want you to attack that thing.

[AJ Holiday]

Even if it's that nigger who be putting his hands on you. Put me over there. We could double team him together.

[Tam Bam]

Whatever it is, you fear him, attack that thing. Y'. All.

[AJ Holiday]

Is this somebody listening, getting their ass beat? It's just inevitable.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah. Call me. I'll pistol whip your for you. I promise you I will.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah, reach out to AJ because on that one, I'm not fighting, I'm paying. Like, once I broke my foot that I all the fight that I had in me left your friend that will call the police for you. I I down fast.

[AJ Holiday]

Shame. All right, y', all, if you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the fuck you get your podcast at. This is your co host, AJ Holiday 2.0. On Instagram, it's Kick a Tam, y'.

[Tam Bam]

All. It's official Tam Bam on Instagram. Also, we have We Talk Bad podcast, y'. All. Follow us there. Y' all. Remember, speak now and never hold your fears.

[AJ Holiday]

Fuck fear.

[Tam Bam]

Fuck them fears, period.

[AJ Holiday]

Deuces We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Thursday Night Football is on and it's.

[Podcast Announcer]

Only on Prime Video. Tonight, it's a California showdown. Division rivals lock horns when the 49ers meet the Rams.

[AJ Holiday]

What a great job.

[Podcast Announcer]

Coverage begins tonight at 7pm Eastern with football's best party teeing up tonight presented by Verizon.

[AJ Holiday]

Not a Prime member? Not a problem.

[Podcast Announcer]

Simply sign up for a 30 day free trial. 49ers Rams tonight at 7pm Eastern, only on Prime Video.

[AJ Holiday]

Restrictions apply.

[Podcast Announcer]

See Amazon.com Amazon prime for details.

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[AJ Holiday]

Lenovo.

[Tam Bam]

This is an I Heart podcast.