We Talk Back Podcast: "If I Weren't Afraid..." (October 2, 2025)

Overview

In this candid and entertaining episode, hosts Tam Bam and AJ Holiday dive into the theme of fear—both trivial and profound—and how it shapes decisions, relationships, and personal growth, especially for Black women. With their signature mix of humor, honesty, and unfiltered talk, the duo explores their own fears, share memorable personal stories, and challenge their listeners to confront and overcome what holds them back.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weekend Catch-Up & Scary Movie Season

• The episode kicks off with a lighthearted conversation about uneventful weekends, missed storms, and a shared love for scary movies—framing "spooky season" as the perfect backdrop for discussing fears (03:15–06:10).
  • "I only want to see [scary movies] with a man so I can be like, oh, scared." – Tam Bam (06:01)
  • AJ relishes feeling scared ("I just want to feel scared"), while Tam Bam is all about the experience, especially when dating.

2. Cultural Commentary: Asada Shakur & Tina Turner

• A moment of tribute to Asada Shakur, her legacy, and the misinformation about her case. The hosts clarify key facts and reflect on media portrayal (07:43–10:47).
  • "She didn't kill anybody. That was all a lie." – AJ Holiday (08:38)
  • They discuss the legacy's impact on culture, noting Tupac’s connection to Shakur.
• Hilarious critique of the Tina Turner statue in Brownsville, TN (11:22–13:16).
  • "They really tried it with that piece of hair on the [statue]… that shit look like, what's that, Dr. Seuss book?" – Tam Bam (11:38)
• They highlight an ongoing theme: public art dedicated to Black icons often misses the mark.

3. Fear & Prison: Real Talk about Consequences

• When prompted with "What would you do if fear didn't exist?," AJ reframes: "It should actually read, if prison didn't exist, what would you do? Because, bitch, a whole lot of shit." (22:07–22:25)
  • Both admit a practical fear of incarceration and consequences, laughing about hypothetical lawlessness if those fears were gone.

4. Personal Fears: Homelessness, Asking for Help, & Social Anxiety

• AJ and Tam Bam open up about deep personal fears:
  • Fear of homelessness and how "living at your mama’s house" can feel like a lack of independence (23:24–24:01).
  • The liberating feeling of not having to pay rent, but the trade-offs (24:16–24:38).
  • The challenge of asking others for help, especially when used to being the strong support in their circles. (25:52–26:56)
  • "Now 'no' is a complete statement." – AJ Holiday (26:56)
  • How delegating and setting boundaries is learned, not innate (26:15–26:56).

5. Intimate Relationships & Vulnerabilities

• Dig into relationship fears, expectations, and gendered standards.
  • Tam Bam admits: "I fear looking ugly, stupid bitch. I fear it… I’m so self-conscious about how I look on social media that I end up not posting nothing." (30:39–31:24)
  • AJ encourages authenticity—"People like authenticity," referencing a woman confidently posting herself online (32:01–32:48).
  • The duo jokes about the struggles of bonnets, wigs, and men seeing them at their "realest" (36:25–38:06).
  • "Not if it’s not… right now what I've been doing is just slicking my shit back in a ponytail… I haven’t been taking care of my hair." – AJ Holiday (36:48–37:19)

6. Missed Opportunities Due to Fear and Other Barriers

• Reflection on missed opportunities—not always stemming from fear but sometimes from procrastination and laziness (39:18–39:59).
  • The hosts discuss how adults unknowingly project fears onto children, dampening ambition.
  • "Adults are really just dream killers." – AJ Holiday (39:18)

7. Deeper Fears: Motherhood, Illness, and Death

• Tam Bam shares candidly her dual fears about motherhood: "I fear… to be a mother and I’m afraid not to be a mother." (43:45–44:34)
• Both discuss experiences with loss, age, illness, and being a burden, with Tam Bam stating, "I don't want to be a burden." (50:58–51:06)
• AJ: "I'm not afraid to die. Once you conquer the fear of death, you can do anything…" (51:06–51:26)
• Discussion about the collective fear of the unknown that surrounds death (60:43–62:33).

8. Fear & Social Media / Money Talk

• The hosts get real about why their social followings don’t match their charisma, pointing back to social media anxieties and reluctance for self-promotion (52:42–53:14).
• Hilarious and practical advice on how to ask men for money, delivered in a playful, step-by-step fashion:
  • "Hey baby… I want to ask you something. Remember I told you about that thing I needed… I really would appreciate if you could help me with that." – Tam Bam (54:52–55:17)
  • Tips: Always ask in person or on the phone, not via text (55:27–55:53).

9. Overcoming and Embracing Fear

• The episode closes with affirmations and challenges for listeners to confront a fear this week (65:43–66:06).
  • "Courage is not being without fear. Courage is doing it in spite of fear." – Tam Bam (65:31–65:42)
  • AJ encourages trembling action: "Just do everything trembling and in fear… the other side is so fucking miraculous." (64:11–64:26)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Time | Speaker | Quote/Moment | |-----------|--------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 06:01 | Tam Bam | "I only want to see [scary movies] with a man so I can be like, oh, scared." | | 08:38 | AJ Holiday | "She didn't kill anybody. That was all a lie." (on Asada Shakur) | | 11:38 | Tam Bam | "They really tried it with that piece of hair on the [statue]… that shit look like, what's that, Dr. Seuss book?" | | 22:07 | AJ Holiday | "If prison didn’t exist, what would you do? Because, bitch, a whole lot of shit." | | 23:32 | Tam Bam | "I'm ready for my own space again. Like, I've been here since I broke my foot and I'm ready." | | 25:52 | AJ Holiday | "One of my biggest fears... is literally just asking people for help when you need it." | | 31:24 | Tam Bam | "I fear looking ugly, stupid bitch. I fear it… I end up not posting nothing." | | 36:48 | AJ Holiday | "Not if it’s not… right now what I've been doing is just slicking my shit back in a ponytail… I haven’t been taking care." | | 43:45 | Tam Bam | "I fear I'm afraid to be a mother and I'm afraid not to be a mother." | | 51:06 | AJ Holiday | "I'm not afraid to die. And I feel like once you conquer the fear of death, you can do anything on this planet." | | 54:52 | Tam Bam | "Hey, baby… I want to ask you something. Remember I told you about that thing I needed? …I'd really, really appreciate..." | | 65:31 | Tam Bam | "Courage is not being without fear. Courage is doing it in spite of fear." |

Important Timestamps

• 03:15–06:10 – Scary movie season and dating reflections
• 07:43–10:47 – Asada Shakur tribute and legacy
• 11:22–13:16 – Critique about commemorative statues
• 22:07–24:38 – Conversation about "if fear/prison didn't exist"
• 25:52–26:56 – Asking for help, boundary setting
• 30:39–33:06 – Social media self-presentation fears
• 43:45–44:34 – Confessions about motherhood fears
• 50:58–51:26 – On illness, being a burden, and death
• 54:52–55:53 – How to ask men for money (fun role-play demo)
• 65:31–66:06 – Final affirmations about fear and courage

Tone

• Warm, raw, and unfiltered
• Features playful banter, vulnerability, and real-life wisdom
• Encourages candid self-acceptance and collective growth

Listener Challenge

At the end, Tam Bam invites listeners:

"I challenge you all… pick one thing that brings you fear in your life right now and attack that fear with all the ferocity you have in your body." (65:43)

Summary:
This episode offers a relatable, laughter-filled deep dive into fears big and small. With humor, heart, a little side-eye, and real talk, Tam Bam and AJ Holiday remind listeners that pushing through fear—no matter how you look, love, or live—unlocks the best and boldest version of yourself.