Lil Fine Shyt

Summary

We Talk Back - Episode: "Lil Fine Shyt" Release Date: July 3, 2025

Hosts: Tamibu "Tam Bam" and A.J. Holiday
Produced by: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

In the "Lil Fine Shyt" episode of We Talk Back, hosts Tam Bam and A.J. Holiday dive deep into their recent experiences attending an exclusive black-owned wine event in Charleston, South Carolina. The conversation seamlessly transitions into broader discussions about personal health, dieting, and the complexities of modern relationships, particularly focusing on "situationships." With their signature blend of humor, honesty, and insightful commentary, Tam Bam and A.J. offer listeners a candid exploration of navigating life's challenges as unapologetically black women.

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Event Recap: Don Lucci’s Ruby Event in Charleston

The episode kicks off with Tam Bam and A.J. recounting their weekend attendance at Don Lucci’s Ruby event, South Carolina's first black-owned wine brand.

• A.J. Holiday [03:00]: "There are some elite black people in Charleston. Thank God. People be thinking Charleston just is super ratchet, but this little crowd... they really be having shit going on here."

• Tam Bam [04:50]: "It's all in the details. It's all in detail."

Key Highlights:

• Venue Ambiance: Set at the Gibbs Museum, the event featured meticulously branded elements such as caviar, custom pizzas, branded candles, and artistically arranged wine displays, creating a sophisticated atmosphere.

• Personal Experiences: Both hosts shared their personal experiences, including A.J.’s effort to fit into a tight dress and their subsequent brunch outing.

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Health and Wellness: Fasting and Dieting

Transitioning from the event, the hosts discuss their personal health journeys, including A.J.'s initiation of a water fast and Tam Bam's struggle with maintaining her physique.

• A.J. Holiday [07:31]: "I've been fasting. I'm not eating until Thursday. Just water. I'm doing a water fast."

• Tam Bam [08:57]: "I think I'm done with liquor. I think I'm done with liquor."

Topics Covered:

• Fasting: A.J. shares her experience with a water fast, emphasizing the challenges of maintaining it amidst social obligations.

• Dietary Preferences: Both hosts discuss their evolving attitudes towards diet and alcohol, highlighting a collective shift towards prioritizing health over social indulgences.

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Navigating Modern Relationships: Situationships vs. Traditional Relationships

A significant portion of the episode delves into the concept of "situationships"—relationships lacking clear boundaries or definitions—and how they contrast with more committed partnerships.

• A.J. Holiday [12:01]: "It's not us. The only difference is if we fake our death and niggas still might come and try to hump on your ass, right?"

• Tam Bam [16:49]: "I don't believe in fairy tale endings no more. What I want is... peace and financial stability."

Key Discussions:

• Definition and Dynamics: The hosts define situationships as relationships without titles or clear commitments, often leaving one party uncertain about the relationship's status.

• Emotional Impact: They explore how situationships can lead to emotional burnout, manipulation, and instability, contrasting them with the desire for clear, committed relationships that offer peace and financial stability.

• Cultural and Societal Influences: The conversation touches on how societal pressures, media influence, and dating apps contribute to the prevalence of situationships, particularly within the black community.

• Personal Experiences: Both Tam Bam and A.J. share personal anecdotes about navigating situationships, highlighting the emotional complexities and the challenges of transitioning to committed relationships.

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Community and Cultural Commentary

The hosts provide insights into the state of the black community, particularly focusing on family dynamics and societal expectations.

• A.J. Holiday [50:31]: "I'm stressed out about the black community right now. I'm not black no more, y' all."

• Tam Bam [53:02]: "The black family unit has changed. The dynamic is different."

Discussion Points:

• Changing Family Structures: They discuss how modern influences have altered traditional black family units, leading to diverse household dynamics.

• Cultural Shifts: The conversation addresses the impact of cultural shifts on relationship norms and community support systems.

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Calls to Action and Listener Engagement

Throughout the episode, Tam Bam and A.J. encourage listener engagement by inviting them to share their own experiences with situationships and relationship dynamics.

• A.J. Holiday [57:00]: "Call us and tell us about your situationships. Call 919-410-7735 and tell me all your business."

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Conclusion: Emphasizing Clarity and Commitment

In their closing remarks, Tam Bam and A.J. stress the importance of seeking clarity in relationships and moving away from ambiguous situationships toward more committed and fulfilling partnerships.

• A.J. Holiday [61:18]: "I choose clarity over confusion because that's all situationships is offering. If you don't know where you stand, you gotta check in with someone else to see where you stand in this man's life. You are in a super duper situation. Get out of there. Save your life."

• Tam Bam [61:02]: "Life is short. Do what makes you happy, do what feels good, but just be prepared for the consequences of all your choices."

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Notable Quotes

• A.J. Holiday [12:09]: "They like, they're talking full body, limb floating upside down and even holding their breath. It's the ultimate ghost move for a frog. Like, I'm dead. I'm dead."

• Tam Bam [31:29]: "That's what I'm saying. Like I said, as soon as we start talking about, like, ex being exclusive, that's when I start feeling like."

• A.J. Holiday [55:05]: "I think men benefit more from situationships because they don't have to deal with the emotions of a woman."

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Final Thoughts

In this episode of We Talk Back, Tam Bam and A.J. Holiday offer a heartfelt and unfiltered look into the intricacies of modern relationships, personal well-being, and cultural dynamics within the black community. Their honest dialogues and relatable anecdotes provide listeners with both entertainment and valuable insights into achieving personal and relational growth.

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Stay Connected:
We Talk Back is available every Thursday on the Black Effect and iHeartRadio platforms. Tune in to join Tam Bam and A.J. as they continue to guide femininity to its ultimate greatness with their unique blend of humor, honesty, and empowerment.

Transcript

[A.J. Holiday]

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[Tam Bam]

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[A.J. Holiday]

Guarantee welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Tamika]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[A.J. Holiday]

What's up y' all. It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Big Tam Bam, y' all.

[Tamika]

It's Tam Bam. I love y' all so, so, so very much. I love you too. Aj. How you doing?

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm fine.

[Tamika]

Y' all, we just got finished going back and forth, so that's why. I'm fine.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm fine. I don't think we should. All the things. I was outside Saturday and Sunday.

[Tamika]

Like, your outfit was cute, too.

[A.J. Holiday]

Girl, I ain't supposed to. My dress? Yeah, I bough that dress, so. Oh, let me back up a little bit. All right. So y' all, there. There are some elite black people in Charleston. Thank God. Okay. Know, people be thinking Charleston just is super ratchet. But this. This little crowd of people, like, from age, I don't know, like 35 to 38, they popping like they really be having shit going on here. So Don Lucci, Prosecco and is your first black owned wine brand in South Carolina. Okay. Yeah. So they had their Ruby. The Ruby event this weekend. And I did do, like a little brief interview. Sweating late, per usual. I'm never really late. I'm gonna stop saying that. I think I always be on time because I might have missed the accident.

[Tamika]

Somebody else is early.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, they got there when they were supposed to, and I. That's full of shit.

[Tamika]

That's one way to look at it. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I got there when I was supposed to because I still got things done. But, man, the shit was outside. It was hot as fuck. But it was beautiful. Okay. It was so beautiful. And these men, they pay attention to the very small, intricate details of everything. The girl had caviar. They had pizza with their little brand. Everything was branded. The candles, the pillows on his. On the sofas. They had somebody sitting there painting because it was in a museum, the Gibbs Museum here in Charleston. So they had their. Their different. They got three different wines in champagne. They had it like. You know how you put in, like, the glass case, like a museum. It was so nice. You go in the bathroom, they got the bottle with the little lampshade on it. Like, how y' all know to do this stuff? Everything, Smallest details. Yes, I love it.

[Tamika]

It's all in the details. It's all in detail.

[A.J. Holiday]

It was so nice. And yes, I had my little dress on.

[Tamika]

Child, I saw you. You was cute.

[A.J. Holiday]

I had to lose a couple pounds for that dress because I had bought that dress for. In April to wear to. Remember that movie premiere I went to in Miami? I bought it to wear there. But the shit was Too fucking tight. Because that shit is 100% cotton. It ain't no stretch. It's either you getting in there or you're not. Yes. And I got in there. I got in there.

[Tamika]

I'm post some pictures.

[A.J. Holiday]

And then we went out Sunday. We went for brunch Sunday.

[Tamika]

So good you had on it. Look, it didn't look like nothing, girl. Oh, them titties do good, girl.

[A.J. Holiday]

I almost put a bra on. I'm glad I didn't, boy, because that would have been melting. I had shit on underneath that dress. Nothing.

[Tamika]

Yeah, I think, like, since I lost weight, I lost titties too. Like, I just think I need to buy some at this point.

[A.J. Holiday]

Leave them titties alone. Because I know, you know, people who have since gotten them titties removed.

[Tamika]

I just piece of titty up at the top like it's all sitting on.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, get the fat transfer to the titty then. See how long that lasts instead.

[Tamika]

I wonder if I can get my back put in my tick. Exactly.

[A.J. Holiday]

My homegirl had got her body done in St. Louis a long time ago. Very like, whoever she went to, if I get some shit done, I'm flying to St. Louis because it was like, very, very natural, right?

[Tamika]

Because I want some. I put my fat in my titty.

[A.J. Holiday]

Because she didn't get titties, though. So what her doctor told her is that all the women, the white women all want the fat put into their titties. And all the. All the black women want the fat put in their ass. So she got the fat to the ass. Okay. So she get no titties.

[Tamika]

Take my back out and put it in my boobs, please, sir.

[A.J. Holiday]

And if you need some extra fat, I'll. I'll donate.

[Tamika]

Yeah, yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

How big you want them titties?

[Tamika]

I just want. I don't even want bigger titties because I don't want big titties. I just don't want. Like, they just. All my girth is at the bottom. It's just like a slope, like a beginner's ice skin slope, flat across the top and then like a little cuppage at the bottom. I hate that shame. So I can't fill out a dress. I can't. Like, it's so weird because dresses, like. Because I'm so bottom heavy, like the top, they assume that you got something up top. So it'd just be like empty in the top and, like, real full at the bottom.

[A.J. Holiday]

They got little stuff.

[Tamika]

I. It don't. It's too tight at the bottom. I struggle with that.

[A.J. Holiday]

But that was my outside. I was outside all weekend, child. We did Sunday Funday brunch from shit. I was outside from 1 to 8 on a Sunday.

[Tamika]

Oh, you was outside this week?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. Now I'm recuperating. I've been fasting. I'm not eating until Thursday. Just water. I'm doing a water fast. So, yeah, don't be getting on my nerves. That was the first thing I said. It's like, girl, I'm like, really, like, texting you back like, I haven't ate. I'm gonna need you to get off my nuts because I'm.

[Tamika]

Hungry.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm about to take a bite out of crap. Crying.

[Tamika]

If someone say, hey, can you send that asap? Does that mean right then, or does that mean as soon as possible? I thought ASAP meant as soon as possible.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, let us know what y' all think. Somebody say, I need this ASAP versus Can you send this soon as possible.

[Tamika]

Acronym for as soon as possible.

[A.J. Holiday]

Which one y' all prefer? Don't tell me to do asap, because I can't. I can't do nothing asap.

[Tamika]

That's a problem. You had to say what? You would have just read that and be like, cool, but because she was hungry, you was all like, crazy.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, no. Or because I had a lot of to do.

[Tamika]

So listen, my weekend, it was my besties. Dad. 70, 70, 70. I can't 70th birthday say that to save my life just now. And they were supposed to go to New Orleans and all the flights out of Charlotte got canceled from for a storm. It was like, bad. Like, the airport was just crazy.

[A.J. Holiday]

It was raining.

[Tamika]

No, it was just lightning. Storm.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's crazy. It's been happening over the whole country. One of my people in Texas was saying they had an electrical storm, like, so shit was going out because of the thunder and the lightning.

[Tamika]

Yeah, it wasn't. Wasn't raining. It wasn't. It was just lightning. Real sharp, so they just couldn't fly. And like, a couple of my clients got grounded. They were going to New Orleans. My friend, her. Her dad, so we was like, we want to still make his birthday a good one. So we took him to this restaurant in Charlotte called Deluxe Fun Dining, where the food comes out on, like, all these crazy trays and smoke and, like, different stuff. And we started, we were drinking, taking shots, and this man could drink. I like, I haven't been drinking in a long time. And last week when I could drink, I just had me like an espresso martini. You know, I didn't really, like, go crazy, but Saturday I had four shots of tequila. When I tell you I was down bad Sunday and Monday, like, so bad yesterday that my blood pressure was 1, 110 over 58.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, hell, no, bitch.

[Tamika]

I was so dehydrated. I was so dehydrated.

[A.J. Holiday]

You need to go get some Pedialyte.

[Tamika]

Yeah, I did. I did. I got me. I got a watermelon, and I ate a whole watermelon. I drank four bottles of water and a Pedialyte just to get myself back together. But, yeah, that was my weekend. We turned up for his 70th.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's fun.

[Tamika]

Yeah, it was a good time, but I don't think I like liquor no more. I think I'm done with liquor.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's like, my homegirl, she just had a baby, and she was like, I don't think I'm a drink no more. Like, I don't even miss it. Like, why I'm drinking. I'm like, yeah, it is poison. You know, I'm always consciously aware of what it is that I'm partaking in. And every time I drink, I'd be like, man, I'm just poisoning my body. And that's why I don't drink often. I might go outside five times a year.

[Tamika]

For real.

[A.J. Holiday]

Five, six times a year. So I'm drinking five or six times a year, for real. Like, aside from, like, a vaca, if I go on vacation, I'm drinking. If I go, like, outside, like, a Saturday, I might have one or two drinks. I don't indulge that often, and when I do, I be fucked up the next day. Luckily, I ain't drink nothing on Sunday, but I did drink a little bit on Saturday, and luckily, I was all right.

[Tamika]

Yeah, luckily, when me and my best friend get together, we just be like, it's just fun.

[A.J. Holiday]

I want to be loud and cussing and talking loud. Like, I don't want to be sober. Everybody else drunk. Because now I'm, like, mad.

[Tamika]

Yeah, y' all are ignorant, you know? But that was my weekend, and now I'm finally getting back. I couldn't even go to the gym yesterday, y' all. It was so bad. Like, my doctor was like, if you try to go to the gym with this blood pressure right now, you might faint. Just stay home, drink water, and put your feet up. So, yeah, that's what I did. But I'm going today, this evening. Let's get in the sins.

[A.J. Holiday]

Let's do it. So apparently, female frogs fake their death to avoid Mating with males they don't find attractive.

[Tamika]

So it's not just us.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's not us. The only difference is if we fake our death and niggas still might come and try to hump on your ass, right?

[Tamika]

They like, they're talking full body, limb floating upside down and even holding their breath. It's the ultimate ghost move for a frog. Like, I'm dead. I'm dead.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I done did that in a relationship. Now pretend like I'm sleep.

[Tamika]

Like we get in.

[A.J. Holiday]

Might have done plan to have sex and all that. I done changed my. My mind by the time we get home. Like, I'm. I'm pretend sleeping hard as hell.

[Tamika]

I've definitely pretended to be sick to not have to do, like, I think I'm a rock. Go get me a bucket.

[A.J. Holiday]

When it becomes a job, I got to get out of there.

[Tamika]

Huh?

[A.J. Holiday]

When it becomes a job, I got to get out of there. Like, we got to do this.

[Tamika]

Sometimes it just don't feel like it, you know?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. And then you can't deprive your partner of sex. But God damn, Imma just be acting like a frog and just be dead.

[Tamika]

I'm dead.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's how little kids be. I'm doing one eye open. I'm dead. That ain't gonna be like opium out. They do not care we're dead. Man, they still trying to hump on you.

[Tamika]

Statistically, if you live in Utah, you're more likely to get married than if you live anywhere else in the United States.

[A.J. Holiday]

Interesting.

[Tamika]

According to the CDC and census data, Utah consistently ranks among the top states for marriage rates, with over 21.9 marriages per 1,000 women. Damn. That's it. Well above the national average. With its culture, community values, or early commitment norms, Utah makes marriage more common than anywhere else.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, I. You sent this post to me, and when I saw it, I went to go Google, are people in Utah generally pretty? And they actually, you know, because I was thinking, like, you know, I saw this post on Instagram one day, and I don't know what. I can't remember what city it was, but he was like, man, everybody in this city ugly.

[Tamika]

Talk about Columbia, South Carolina.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, Columbia is not ugly. People in Columbia are not ugly.

[Tamika]

So. But remember, that man was like, yo, I'm in Columbia and all these bitches is ugly. And they ate him up.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, we had him on the show. I remember. But meanwhile, you looking like, I don't know, Dr. Umar reject. Like, how you look like a Dr. Umar reject, right?

[Tamika]

Like, how you do that and then calling somebody ugly and stuff.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, Columbia has very beautiful, beautiful people.

[Tamika]

Yes.

[A.J. Holiday]

I but I can't remember what city this person was in, but he was just like, yeah, I see why everybody coupled up here. Everybody ugly. So that's what I was thinking about Utah. But apparently Utah is like number 12 on the list for most beautiful people.

[Tamika]

So maybe that's where I need to go looking for my partner.

[A.J. Holiday]

You gonna get you a partner for sure. A partner in Utah. I don't know who the is living in Utah. Maybe they got a good military base with some hidden over there. See about it. So another study shows by age 35, many women have stopped chasing fairy tale expectations and instead they seek peace and financial stability from their relationship. Study shows it says by the time they reach their their mid-30s, a lot of women begin to shift their focus away from intense drama filled passion, passionate relationships and instead look for something more grounded. Peace, stability and real partnership. After years of dating and going through different phases of life, their outlook naturally matures. Instead of chasing fleeting excitement, many now seek emotionally healthy connections. Absolutely strong compatibility and financial steadiness. Okay, that is very important.

[Tamika]

It's so funny because I was on the phone with our producer Taylor yesterday and I was just talking about this. I didn't gave back to the streets and she was like, you know, talking to me about like the fairy, don't you want the fairy tale? And I was like, I don't believe in that no more. And she was like, I was like, girl, yes. I don't believe in no fairy tale ending no more. What I want is. And it's so funny because the things that are listening listed here is exactly what I said.

[A.J. Holiday]

Let me finish up. The things like it says things like emotional intelligence, shared values and common direction in life start to matter more than chemistry alone.

[Tamika]

Yeah, that's why this is so funny. You said this because I was just having that conversation. Like I don't need all of that no more. I don't even want no fine ass nigga no more. Like fine being off the list of what I want. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll take a fine, but it's not on the top of priority.

[A.J. Holiday]

You take a little fine shit.

[Tamika]

Yeah, I was, I take a little fine shit now.

[A.J. Holiday]

It says the change isn't about giving up or settling. It's an intentional choice. Experts say that this shift is influenced by everything from social media, excuse me, from societal pressure and biological clocks to professional goals. So for many women, it's about finding lasting Happiness and a sense of. Of security. And I think that because women are, you know, putting their happiness at the forefront, you don't accept a lot of things, especially when you happy with yourself, like you then, you know, your self esteem is up. I say this all the time. People date based on their self esteem. Recently. Decisions decisions is on the Breakfast Club, you know, and we did one of our earlier shows with them. And we talked about this maybe on this episode, right? Maybe. I don't know. On another episode we talked about how the hoenn don't heal. Like now they're older, right? We were older than them. Obviously we're older than them. But I was trying to tell them the future. Then they didn't get it because they were still having fun outside. Right? But you will come to a point where none of this shit matters. And you gonna look back at your old self like what the fuck was I doing? Or the was I with these people? These cannot see my today.

[Tamika]

Yeah. A.J. asked me about this guy she saw at the party that I used to date. And she was like, remember that guy? And I was like, who? She was like describing him and I kept saying who? And she's like, are you serious? Or do you know who I'm talking about?

[A.J. Holiday]

I said, who.

[Tamika]

This man.

[A.J. Holiday]

Because you did that the last time I asked about that dude because I saw him another time.

[Tamika]

Who?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, man. So we start like, you know, you just start prioritizing different things in life. Like, you know, I still want to find little shit because I don't have any kids. I want to make sure I got a super fine kid. You know, I'm not that selfish.

[Tamika]

I don't care about fine. I don't want no ugly ass. But I don't want. I don't care about him.

[A.J. Holiday]

He gotta be fine. To me.

[Tamika]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

To me, that's all that matters. I don't revamp my whole little list, right? The things I'm trying to manifest in a partner.

[Tamika]

I care more about fitness now than fine.

[A.J. Holiday]

Exactly, exactly. Get on my ass. Let's go to the gym, let's do all the things. And then also, you know, what's really important to me is like diet, because I don't feel like having to cook somebody something different. Like I need people to be on my diet. I'm sorry. And there's people out there on my same diet to where I don't gotta touch chicken for them or touch a piece of steak. They gonna eat what the fuck I eat. I need a little baby that's gonna.

[Tamika]

Listen, because I want a piece of steak every now and then. Give me some.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, you go out and get it. I shouldn't have to touch it. Cause it's more. It's real spiritual for me. Like the consumption of meat. I don't want to shit. I'm leaning towards, like. I'm trying to really stop eating seafood, but it's just so hard. Cause I'm a fish head from Charleston, South Carolina. It's hard for me not to eat seafood, but I'm do it one day.

[Tamika]

You're a chicken head. I don't know how this happened to you, girl.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm a fish head. You a chicken head. I don't know what you. What y' all got in Colombia, what Columbia got.

[Tamika]

What do you mean?

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, what is Columbia, like, known for, aside from being the capital? I was just thinking this Confederate flagship. Like, what, y' all got the flag. What the fuck else is going on? Columbia, like, aesthetically don't even look good. Like, I just always was depressed. The landscape isn't nice.

[Tamika]

There's shining faces in beautiful places.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like where the. Is the trees and the flowers and shit. We got palm trees in Charleston.

[Tamika]

Okay, where is the. Yeah, where is the palmetto trees that they always talking about on the flag? I don't see y' all damn in.

[A.J. Holiday]

The middle of the state. Y' all ain't got nothing. Y' all ain't by the water.

[Tamika]

Yeah. Speaking of little fine shit, let's get into it. We'll be right back.

[A.J. Holiday]

The first two months of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your weird cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus, with the 64 color personalized lighting option, you can set the mood any way you want, be it romantic, chill, or straight up on do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features. There's something special about folks that come through without being asked. Like your co worker surprising you with your favorite coffee just because. Or your friend handing you the ox cord the moment you get in the car. No debate, no fight, just positive eyes. That kind of love. It just hits different. And that's exactly the energy. AT&T is on with their new guarantee. If there's ever a network interruption, AT&T will proactively credit you for a full day of service. No calls, no emails, no jumping through hoops. It's just handled. It's like the universe saying I got you. Except this time it's not the stars aligning, it's your network. And let's be real, the connection is everything. Whether you're holding down the group chat, checking on your parents, scrolling TikTok, your network's gotta come through. And if there's a problem, AT&T is on the case. No stress, no drama, just real backup when it counts. Credit for Fiber downtime lasting 20 minutes or more or wireless downtime lasting 60 minutes or more caused by a single incident impacting 10 or more towers. Restrictions and exclusion supply. See att.com guarantee for full details. AT&T connecting Changes Everything.

[Carlos Miller]

Hey fam, if you like me, you're thinking about how to level up in your career. Maybe you're fresh out of college, just started in your field, or even looking to switch things up and find your true calling. Whatever stage you're in, remember that this is your time to grow, to learn, and to build something that lasts. State Farm understands that early career development is key to long term success. They've been a steady presence in our communities and they know that having the right support early on can make all the difference. State Farm is there to help you make smart moves and to help you get the coverage you need. We all know the journey to success is a marathon, not a sprint. It's about staying focused, staying grounded, and making sure you're protected every step of the way. Let's build our careers with confidence, knowing that State Farm is there to support us. Just like they've always been. Because like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Find out [e-mail] Are you interested in.

[Unknown]

Investing in Bitcoin and not sure how to get started? Well, with the Gemini credit card, a card that I've been using now for a couple months, you can dip your toes in the bitcoin world without even trying. You just spend like you normally do. I go to the gas station, I use it. I go to the grocery store, I use it. I take my wife out, I use it. And I instantly earn up to 4% back in Bitcoin or one of the over 50 other cryptos straight to your account. You can choose. There's no annual fee and the Gemini credit card is a no brainer. I love it. I use it all the time. And right now you can grab a $200 bitcoin intro bonus. So just go to gemini.comjohn to learn more and start earning today. Terms apply. Again, you go to gemini.com john and start building your Bitcoin stash now. Terms apply. The Gemini credit card is issued by web bank and in order to Qualify for the Intro 200 crypto bonus, your application must be approved by June 30, 2025 and spend 3,000 in your first 90 days. Terms apply. Some exclusions apply to Insta Rewards in which rewards are deposited when the transaction posts. This content is not investment advice and trading. Crypto involves risk. For more details on rates, fees and other Gemini credit card terms, see Rates and fees. Go to gemini.comjohn to learn more and start earning today.

[Tamika]

I ain't seen AJ since April in person. Like, we get together, we record every week, but it's been audio. We're back filming as soon as she walks in the door. She don't even say hi to me, y' all. She says you look like a dyke.

[A.J. Holiday]

I said a little bit more high pitched though. Like nice though.

[Tamika]

How you. All right. Say how you said it.

[A.J. Holiday]

You look like a dyke.

[Tamika]

I'm chilling. It's big chilling vibes. It's hot.

[A.J. Holiday]

We don't never coordinate. That's the problem. See, I'd be wanting like, maybe I should have this on my wrist, right?

[Tamika]

So you want to dress alike.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not dress alike, but coordinate. Like we really like two different people.

[Tamika]

Yeah, I know, but we should still.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like be cohesive a little bit, you know? That's my favorite.

[Tamika]

We are cohesive. This is so as cool.

[A.J. Holiday]

I only pack dresses.

[Tamika]

It's a hundred thousand degrees outside.

[A.J. Holiday]

You got on sweatpants. So what are we talking about?

[Tamika]

That's all I see. Loose.

[A.J. Holiday]

I thought you had just off the road or something.

[Tamika]

Let's. Let's get into fine shop.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's Pride month.

[Tamika]

It is shout out to Pride Month. But I'm not gay. But I love them today because it's Sunday.

[A.J. Holiday]

Other than that, that has to be.

[Tamika]

I am not those to promote that.

[A.J. Holiday]

All right, I won't. I'm sorry. Anyway, you know what I want to talk about today, because I am having a lot of. I feel like we both. Right, all right. We have a lot of transitioning amen going on in life right now. And y' all know we, like, real young, too, but I don't know, I feel like at this age, you still end up in these. These situationships with people.

[Tamika]

I know, Listen, the last 10 years has been a situation. All of them. I haven't had, like, a solid. That's my man, my man, my man. No, it's been situationships.

[A.J. Holiday]

I haven't had a situationship in a long time. I always end up in relationships, but I'm like, do I need a situationship?

[Tamika]

I think, yeah. I think you should, like, calm down on claiming a nigga so quick at.

[A.J. Holiday]

This age, at this young age, because.

[Tamika]

You just need the eye, like, just see what it is, you know, I.

[A.J. Holiday]

Don'T got that type of time, so Situation. But for the younger folks. But I feel like we, at this nice age, we still end up in situationships. And what qualifies as a situationship in today's dating? Whatever we got going on.

[Tamika]

So Chat, GPT did not answer the question for us. So let me tell you what I think. Listen. I think a situationship is a relationship without any real boundaries or parameters or, like, title. That's all the situationship is. Y' all in a relationship, but y' all don't give it a title.

[A.J. Holiday]

So my definition of situationship, because one person is probably in a relationship and the other person is in a situationship. A lot of times when people start labeling things as a situationship, one person usually doesn't know where they are and they want to be in a relationship, but the other person is essentially putting them into a situationship. No, because they're not committing.

[Tamika]

It depends. It depends because it could be, like, two single people, or it could be one single person and one somebody that's in a relationship already, or it could be somebody in jail. Is somebody free? Like, it could be all kind of things that make it a situationship. And that's why they don't put a title on it. Because they can't or they don't want to.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think oftentimes one party wants to put a title on it. Right? I think sometimes people are escaping, like, having to be, like, really, like, intimate, you know, having to express real intimacy with somebody. So they put them in this situation box where they're left in limbo and don't really know if they're in a relationship with this person or not, but y' all doing all the things. See, I went from a situation. Yes, you are. And I literally went from a situationship straight into an engagement. And this person really didn't consider us being in a relationship until he gave me a ring. Does that make sense to anybody?

[Tamika]

No, that's.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's manipulation, right?

[Tamika]

That's retarded. Oh, can I say that?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes, you can. Trump is president. You can say retarded.

[Tamika]

Okay, that's retarded.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's retarded. But it left me feeling like, am I tripping? Like, because in his mind, I believe he thinks. Because, you know, he didn't have to be. He doesn't have to be accountable for the things he did prior to the engagement. Right. All the fucked up things. Well, we was really wasn't together when that happened, but we was building businesses.

[Tamika]

Y' all was together, though.

[A.J. Holiday]

We were absolutely together. So this is why I'm saying oftentimes one person is in a relationship, they. They define the, the, the thing that they have going on as a relationship, but the other person gets to say, well, I just. It's real murky.

[Tamika]

I prefer. I have been known to prefer a situation.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I don't prefer it.

[Tamika]

I don't like feeling like Tamika is just so boxed up. Has been so boxed in for me. I start feeling like, claustrophobic and like I can't breathe.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, maybe I'd be like that too. And that's why it's just. It's almost like at two years, I get kind of antsy. I get kind of like.

[Tamika]

So you start feeling like you ready to leave?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes, I start feeling stuff.

[Tamika]

That's what I'm saying. Like I said, as soon as we start talking about, like, ex being exclusive, that's when I start feeling like. And it's just.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's way before two years. At least I'm in the relationship and feeling stuffy. You like, as soon as start talking about a relationship, you about it.

[Tamika]

Yeah. What do you think that's about, though?

[A.J. Holiday]

We already talked about this, Tammy. You like the unavailability of people, I think you know what I'm saying? So I don't know. And I might also. I might be the same way. Right. But I'll stay in a thing a little bit longer than you do. But.

[Tamika]

No, that's not true. I just don't put a name on it. That's a fact. I just don't put a title on it. I just, I struggle with that. Once we start putting titles on It. It just starts getting. That's so masculine of me. I feel like, though. I feel like that's. That's something a man would say and not a woman. Typically, a woman is the one who's like, but this has been my entire life. Every, like, serious relationship I've ever had, I was given an ultimatum.

[A.J. Holiday]

Commit or leave. Yeah, interesting.

[Tamika]

The two times I always tell you.

[A.J. Holiday]

You a boy, and here you are dressed like Missy Elliot, sweatshirt, T shirt.

[Tamika]

So a sweatpants, and I feel comfortable. Fuck that. All right, so why are they so common now? Because I feel like, I think social.

[A.J. Holiday]

Media and dating apps, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just hookup. It's just like a hookup society, essentially. Now, like, people are so. People think everybody's just so replaceable. Like, Instagram is a whole holodex. So the minute this one act up, you can just go in there and scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll.

[Tamika]

You find a new one, throw the.

[A.J. Holiday]

Fishing line out there and see who catches.

[Tamika]

I enjoy the variety of new people, but I don't want to have sex with them. Like, if I could have, like, multiple boyfriends that I didn't have to sleep with, that would be ideal for me because I enjoy, like, the company, I enjoy the perspective of new people, but I just don't want everybody. Dick.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, you know, we talk about non monogamy and polygamy and all those things. I just don't know. How do you. How do you learn, right, if you are restricted to this same person for the rest of your life, like, how do you get new information and new ideas? You know what I'm saying? Like, because some things have to come with a little bit more intimacy. Like some conversations you might have with people.

[Tamika]

But then there's something beautiful about finding that one person.

[A.J. Holiday]

You didn't know nothing about that. I said neither one of us. Hold up, bitch.

[Tamika]

I said there's something beautiful about. I've seen it, you know, like growing. Finding that one person and y' all grow old together and then that's beautiful. Like, I like my ex boyfriend's aunt. Her and her husband, they're the cutest thing. I haven't seen them in a while, but they're still together. He still get jealous. Like, he still love her so much and she love him and they so cute, you know? That's so cute. But I just feel like it's hard to come by that now. They didn't know ever since, Listen, since Remy and Pat Poos broke up, I just feel like everybody do, man.

[A.J. Holiday]

They. They definitely.

[Tamika]

I thought they was gonna stay together. They can stay, huh?

[A.J. Holiday]

It was definitely never a couple. Not couple goals, but, like, see, when out of prison, that's all he did.

[Tamika]

I just thought they were, like, very, like, urban and cute and, like, locked in with each other no matter what.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know. My.

[Tamika]

Like, despite the hardships, my ultimate, like.

[A.J. Holiday]

Ghetto love story, love couple. I like Gucci Mane and Keisha Kor. Like, I felt like they established, like, oh, about to start getting married. Gucci don't got married. Men are about to. Black men are about to start getting more because Gucci Mane got married and the glow up. You know what I'm saying? Like, he came home a whole nother person. Some people think literally he was not himself, but.

[Tamika]

Yeah, okay, that's a good example.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I like there.

[Tamika]

But they were similar. Maybe not as glamorous as Keisha Kor and Gucci, but, like, just a. A beautiful urban couple that was locked in.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I don't like that word, urban.

[Tamika]

I'm just trying to be, like, hellenically correct. So. So that was locked in with each other, and I just. I enjoyed the seeing that. And it wasn't the man that went to jail. It was the woman. That's what made it different, you know, like, he held her down while she was in jail.

[A.J. Holiday]

And that's why I feel like a lot of men probably don't have respect for papoose. You see all the jokes online. It's like he. Like, he's the woman, and he likes these tough. He likes tough women. You know what I'm saying? So it's even.

[Tamika]

Oh, you do like tough women. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

For a man to be just. Your woman is in prison for shooting somebody. Like, you didn't do that type of time. Your girl did, and you waited for her.

[Tamika]

Like, that is the way you waited for her. Like, you said it, like, very. Like, that's condescending of him.

[A.J. Holiday]

Gender role. Flop, flip, flop, flop.

[Tamika]

It is because his new chick can whoop ass. I ain't gonna talk about her too much. She can fight, right?

[A.J. Holiday]

I got guns. I am not scared. Also, Remy obviously has guns.

[Tamika]

Yeah, she can shoot. She can fight.

[A.J. Holiday]

Trying to fight. So have you ever been in a situationship and, like, couldn't leave it because of emotions? Yes.

[Tamika]

I just got out of a situationship that I was in for a long, long time, and I still think about him all the time, but I had to get up out of there. I broke my foot behind that. Yeah, I broke my foot behind that. And that's when I was like, all right, you know what, girl? Go. Go and get your life together. So. Yeah, but it's like. It's a. What's the word I'm looking for? It's a soul tie. Sometimes you have a soul tie with someone and you just gotta untether, and that should be hard. And ain't nothing but the devil, you know?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I feel like anything confusing is the devil. If I'm in any. Any situation and I don't know exactly what's going on, it got it. Like, only the devil be trying to confuse you like that. So why would anybody want to be engaging with anyone and not just tell them what's up. Hey, I want to fuck sometimes, you know, I was dating somebody who was too honest, right?

[Tamika]

See, that's the problem. You want a nigga that's honest, but then you talking about he too honest.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, I would call him, like, you want to do something? Like, I want to come over. And he. And he would say shit like, I kind of want to, but then I don't.

[Tamika]

And how would you receive it? Because what does that mean?

[A.J. Holiday]

What the fuck does that mean?

[Tamika]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? So when he started liking me more, right?

[Tamika]

When the tables turn, always kind of like at.

[A.J. Holiday]

I was at the tail end of the bullshit at that point. I was tired of being in. Being in a situation with somebody like, that's not even courting at that point, because we like, a year and a half locked in. You don't been to my mama house. We be chilling. You know what I'm saying? We doing the nasty.

[Tamika]

Oh, I know who you talking about.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I'm taking you places. Pulling up with your ass.

[Tamika]

Yeah, Chelsea boots. Old Chelsea boots.

[A.J. Holiday]

Don't fuck with no who wear Chelsea boots.

[Tamika]

Okay?

[A.J. Holiday]

A nigga sent me a picture this weekend with Chelsea boots on.

[Tamika]

I'm like, that nigga boots on the ground. Because he was that.

[A.J. Holiday]

Get. So I was always feeling confused, like. And I couldn't really g. Check him on stuff because you left the door open.

[Tamika]

He was honest. And. And you were. He was honest.

[A.J. Holiday]

He's single, and so am I, essentially. But when I started, like, just hanging out a little bit extra or not being as available, he actually told me, like, he don't like how he feels. Well, I have been feeling like that for a year and a half, and we could have been together, building a whole life, but obviously, I don't know.

[Tamika]

It's not too late.

[A.J. Holiday]

Child, please. It is too late.

[Tamika]

Okay, well, okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

It is too fucking late. I'll play around a little bit, but.

[Tamika]

I'm just scared I'm gonna choose the wrong person and end up by my. Like, I'm. I feel like if I don't, like, start going to therapy and, like, working through these.

[A.J. Holiday]

I thought you go to therapy.

[Tamika]

I. I stopped.

[A.J. Holiday]

Why?

[Tamika]

Because my therapist became my homeboy, and it just was, like, our relationship changed.

[A.J. Holiday]

I need to talk about.

[Tamika]

Our dynamic changed. So I can't. He can't be my therapist anymore. Right. Like, my therapist became my homeboy, you know, and we started talking outside of therapy, and it just no longer became a safe space.

[A.J. Holiday]

Were you paying initially?

[Tamika]

No. Oh, and that's why. That's why y' all just was, like.

[A.J. Holiday]

Talking on the phone?

[Tamika]

No, but he was giving me free therapy. No, he was giving me excellent therapy, but. And he still does a little bit, but it's not like, you know, ongoing therapy and, like, working through things. And I need that because I know I'm a commitment phobe, and I know that I have, like. Like, Even I love my hair in locs, but I will not put my hair in locs because I can't commit. Stuck. Yeah, it's just too. Like, I'm start hyperventilating. I'm stuck into something, you know? And that's just how my relationships have been my entire life. And I don't know. With men, I will commit to females. Not in a lesbian way. Happy pride month. Not in a lesbian way, but, like, in friendships. I'm for life. I'll be like, we locked in for Life, Ashley. We, A.J. we locked in for life. I can say that. I can say that, you know, in perpetuity, but with these men, I'd be like, you cool. You know, And. And I don't know what that. That might be, like, a daddy issue or. I don't know what that is. Why?

[A.J. Holiday]

I think it's just, you know, you.

[Tamika]

You.

[A.J. Holiday]

You're in relationships with people, and you start learning things. Like, every relationship I like. The other night, I sat down, remember, we have our list of the kind of. I'm going through a breakup right now, y' all. Okay. It's been going on for months, and I revamped my thing because I have new data now, new information. I know more things I don't like now. I know more things I would like now, you know, out of a partner. And I don't think these look like you. Y' all can make a list. I don't think it's outlandish, like, to have real like specific characteristics of the type of person you want. Even if people may call it shallow, I don't know, put it down, write the shit down, you know. But there's like new things now that I've discovered over the last year and a half that I need out of a partner. Like it's like a super non negotiable. The first two months of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your weird cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus, with the 64 color personalized lighting option, you can set the mood any way you want. Be it romantic, chill or straight up on do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[Tam Bam]

Hey fam, this is Carlos Miller from the 85 South Show. If you're like me, you're always thinking about how to level up your career. Maybe you're fresh out of college, just starting in your field, or even looking to switch things up and find your true calling. Whatever stage you're in, remember that this is your time to grow, to learn, and to build something that lasts. State Farm understands that early career development is key to long term success. They've been a steady presence in our community and they know having the right support early can make all the difference. State Farm is there to help you make smart moves and to help you get the coverage you need. We all know that the journey to success is a marathon, not a sprint. It's all about staying focused, staying grounded, and making sure you're protected every step of the way. Let's build our careers with confidence, knowing that State Farm is there to support us, just like they've always been. Because like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Find out more@state farm.com Are you interested.

[Unknown]

In investing in Bitcoin and not sure how to get started. Well, with the Gemini Credit card, a card that I've been using now for a couple months, you can dip your toes in the bitcoin world without even trying. You just spend like you normally do. I go to the gas station, I use it. I go to the grocery store, I use it. I take my wife out, I use it and I instantly earn up to 4% back in Bitcoin or one of the over 50 other cryptos straight to your account. You can choose. There's no annual fee and the Gemini Credit card is a no brainer. I love it. I use it all the time. And right now you can grab a $200 bitcoin intro bonus. So just go to gemini.comjohn to learn more and start earning today. Terms apply. Again, you go to gemini.com john and start building your bitcoin stash now. Terms apply. The Gemini Credit card is issued by Web bank and in order to Qualify for the Intro 200 crypto bonus, your application must be approved by June 30, 2025 and spend 3,000 in your first 90 days. Terms apply. Some exclusions apply to Insta Rewards in which rewards are deposited when the transaction posts. This content is not investment advice and trading Crypto involves risk. For more details on rates, fees and other Gemini credit card terms, see Rates and fees. Go to gemini.comjohn to learn more and start earning today. It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to chumbacasino.com it's like having a mini social casino in your pocket. Chumba casino has over 100 online casino style games or all absolutely free. It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus [e-mail] sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[A.J. Holiday]

No purchase necessary VGW Group Void where prohibited by law 21 plus terms and conditions apply.

[Tamika]

Have you discovered things that you need to be as a partner?

[A.J. Holiday]

Absolutely. And I also discovered things I'm just not as a partner. You know what I'm saying? I'm not the most thoughtful person and I really that is so crazy. But I definitely show up for people in a million other ways. So like I know I'm not the like the friend who gonna see some and be like oh Ashley might like that or Daddy might like that and I would buy it. It depends maybe sometimes right? Or shut up I probably bought you Some. But I don't bought a some before.

[Tamika]

Okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

I've never bought you nothing.

[Tamika]

No.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay, I'm gonna send you the Costco candle. Because, y' all, I was in Costco like last week and they do still had them candles. My mama took me on a shopping spree to Costco for my birthday.

[Tamika]

And I used all my candle. You just kept on walking.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know why? Because I couldn't leave that big ass candle in the car because it would melt. And I live on the third floor. So like I had a bunch of.

[Tamika]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? And now add on this 30 pound candle. Yeah, but they are in there. And I'm buy you a candle.

[Tamika]

Okay, I'm buying. My birthday is in two weeks.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, I'm gonna send that candle. Yeah, got it.

[Tamika]

All right, we going. So.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I'm not.

[Tamika]

We come back, y' all, we gonna see if I got that candle.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm not that thoughtful in a relationship, you know, I like flowers. I like flesh flowers. Like my dude, he would bring he. I would have fresh flowers.

[Tamika]

Oh, let me interject. Have you used any of the that I've bought you? Like them books and them journals and you only.

[A.J. Holiday]

You bought me two journals. You bought me a gratitude journal, which I probably have like six entries from.

[Tamika]

That year in so 2021.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. And that's it, right?

[Tamika]

No, I bought you another. Another journal. It was like a daily planner. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, yeah, you did. It's a little black one. So it's on the side of my bed next to all the other.

[Tamika]

That I don't be using.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. But I do have a spell book. I write in that all the time.

[Tamika]

That's. Yeah, I know what to get you mixed.

[A.J. Holiday]

And it's leather bound with a hogwarts.

[Tamika]

All right, go on, continue. Listen, y' all, when I walked in also she gonna say, bibbidi bobbity bad bitch. Take that off.

[A.J. Holiday]

Because what is happening?

[Tamika]

No, I'm chilling today. That.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So I don't know. I learned I do have everybody comes with. I definitely don't want a situationship for any next Anything.

[Tamika]

No.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I'm really not even.

[Tamika]

It's hot outside.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I don't really feel like men right now. I really don't.

[Tamika]

So you don't want no man for the summer?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I don't no nothing. I need a man for the summer because I want to be pregnant by the end of the year. So I don't know how that's supposed to work.

[Tamika]

So you don't want to go on no vacations.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, I'm going on some type of something.

[Tamika]

So you gotta have you. You gotta have somebody to do that.

[A.J. Holiday]

It doesn't have to be a situationship. It could be a friend. I feel like situationships come with a lot of emotions.

[Tamika]

So. Hold on, wait, wait. When you say a friend, what's the difference? Are you going to. If you go on a vacation? Typically vacations include intercourse.

[A.J. Holiday]

A male friend that you're having sex with.

[Tamika]

So that's a situationship. No, I don't think what's the difference?

[A.J. Holiday]

That's why I think that situationships. This is a totally different thing. Situationships come with emotion and it's usually one person emotion than the other.

[Tamika]

You can have a. Like, it could be a situation. It depends on what the situation situation is. So you can have a guy like, I know a girl like one of my hair clients. She got a guy who she deal with. She got a man, he got a girlfriend. They see each other out in the club and they lead together, they hook up and then they go. They separate ways.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't think that's a situation.

[Tamika]

And they do that all the time.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't think that's a situationship.

[Tamika]

How.

[A.J. Holiday]

I just think that they are. They're two adults who enjoy having sex with each other. Like they.

[Tamika]

That's the situation.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I think.

[Tamika]

Yeah. And then. And they like link. That's they. That's they. Situationship. You said it's deeper. It got to be deeper.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think it is.

[Tamika]

No, it don't. It really don't. It just depends on what the situation is.

[A.J. Holiday]

A lot of times people be in situations.

[Tamika]

I feel like you got it. The only. The only thing you got to be doing to be included in the situationship, it has to happen frequent and you got to be having sex and that's the situationship. And it's just different situations. What's the situation? Y' all not together, Y' all having sex frequently. What's the situation?

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know. I don't think. I just. I. I think I have a different idea in my mind about what that thing is.

[Tamika]

So you got to be locked in.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think men benefit more from situationships. Women be wanting. I feel like it's limbo. You're stuck in a limb and. And you're stuck in like purgatory. Relationship purgatory, essentially. You know what I'm saying? You want.

[Tamika]

But not every woman wants to be with that they in a situationship or man that they're in a situationship.

[A.J. Holiday]

With you don't really want to have at this big age. I do not want to have sex with somebody that I don't like or I don't see a future in a relationship with.

[Tamika]

Yeah, same. That's why I said I like variety. But I don't want to sleep with all these people I don't want to sleep with. No, no. I just want their energy. Oh, I mean, energy.

[A.J. Holiday]

Sucking.

[Tamika]

Yeah, I wanna, like, I wanna, I wanna be in there. Like, I want the vibes. I create vibes, though. I create vibes. I bring good energy and I'll be wanting to be around good energy. But I enjoy variety, you know, in different perspectives.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know. Well, I guess that that would be just be dating. I wouldn't.

[Tamika]

I enjoy dating.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, though, that's dating, you know, like. And you should date, right? And I think more women should date and not be having sex. You don't have to have sex with everybody you hanging out with.

[Tamika]

Listen, I don't have sex with nobody. It was so funny. I was with my friend. You know what? I'm not even gonna tell that story.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, tell it.

[Tamika]

No, I'm not. I'm not. Because this, that's a. I really enjoy their company. I don't want to even share that business on here.

[A.J. Holiday]

Do you think a situationship could ever become, like a healthy relationship?

[Tamika]

Yeah, absolutely. Sometimes it's just like two people having fun and then it turns into something else. It turns into more. You don't think it could happen? It does happen. I, I. One of my closest friends right now damaged me. She's with and locked in and they got two kids. It was a situationship. They would like, just be like travel buddies. They meet different places around the world, you know, vacation. They were like vacation friends. That's what they would do. And then she got pregnant and then she had a baby and they still wasn't. Like, when she got pregnant. I don't feel like they was like really locked in like that. They look, you know, they with each other hard, but. And then all of it just turned into something more. And now they're a family and they have a beautiful family and they're happy together there. And that was a situationship.

[A.J. Holiday]

Was she talking to other people? Was he talking to other people?

[Tamika]

We don't know. We don't. Yeah, she was talking to other people.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like dating?

[Tamika]

Yeah, she was dating and I think he was too, you know, but they were just like, they had enjoyed it and it. And that thing went on for like eight years. Before she got pregnant.

[A.J. Holiday]

God damn.

[Tamika]

Before she got pregnant by him. I know. And now they got a beautiful family. So. So it can happen. It has happened. It does happen.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know. I don't think I can be in limbo too long with somebody. Like I've definitely done it. And when you, when you want more, you want stability.

[Tamika]

I don't.

[A.J. Holiday]

I be wanting to. Like I always say I like to feel single in relationships, but I don't really like to be single.

[Tamika]

So you think it. I'm reading here it says the emotional burnout of being almost loved. So do you think like situationships is almost love?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes, I do.

[Tamika]

I think.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I. And I. And I. That's what I said. I think men benefit more from situationships because they don't have that. They don't have to deal with the emotions of a woman. Right. They can just say, hey, excuse me sweetie, we not together like that. Yeah, we smashing raw, but that's together.

[Tamika]

You say that like the situationships are always. Because is a woman who wants to be with this man. And that's not the case.

[A.J. Holiday]

What's the percentage? What is the percentage? It's so many fruit fries, fruit flies flying around in here.

[Tamika]

I know what is happening.

[A.J. Holiday]

What is the percentage then? Because I think like it's a high percentage of women who are stuck and relationship situationship purgatory than men.

[Tamika]

I don't know. I don't know. I. I think especially these young girls. These young girls is out here not caring. They really don't care. I care. I'm too. That's why, that's why still getting pregnant. And that's why I don't. I don't be like that because I like we. I'm in love. Like we go together. I want to be. I want to. To be with you. So that's why I don't do it no more. I stopped like once I turned 32 years ago is whatever just stop doing that cuz just something about sleeping with someone and sharing your body for me, it just. I feel connected.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Tamika]

No, you don't feel that connection.

[A.J. Holiday]

So we put a little poll. I'm trying to see if we got any. Any responses. I wanted to hear about other people's situationships y' all. I would love. We like to hear other people business. Okay, so call us aj.

[Tamika]

Aj. Love to hear y' all business.

[A.J. Holiday]

You don't like. You don't like being nosy.

[Tamika]

I like it, I get tired. I like it, I get tired.

[A.J. Holiday]

Y' All. Call it. Call it. Call us and tell us about your situationships. Call 919-410-7735 and tell me all your business.

[Tamika]

AJ, listen, you got three minutes before it's going to hang up on you and you got to call back. So put your timer on or something.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think situationships are dangerous. I feel like everybody should stay the up out of them. Children come through situationships.

[Tamika]

We need children. You don't.

[A.J. Holiday]

You need children with both family, both people in the household. When children are born out of side situations and situationships, it is a strenuous relationship at that point between these two adults. It's not. Nothing good comes out of situationships.

[Tamika]

I mean, I get what you're saying, but I mean, in 2025, get off.

[A.J. Holiday]

The damn dating apps. Go out.

[Tamika]

And there's a lot of, I mean, there, let's be honest, the back. The black family unit has changed. The dynamic is different. You know, a lot of black families are in different homes. They're not in the same household.

[A.J. Holiday]

And where is that getting us? We're, we're, we are up. So.

[Tamika]

Yeah, yeah, but that's the reality of things, though, you know, it doesn't have.

[A.J. Holiday]

To be the reality of things. I, I'm for people not being in situationships, like actually date people, you, you know, and actually get into actual real relationships. Start your families, do things the right way. Like, you know, I'm not no super religious person.

[Tamika]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

But the Bible, basic instructions before leaving Earth. Right? The Bible does give you a pretty nice instruction guide on how to live so you don't get up, you know what I'm saying? Like, it, it still got some in there. Like, you know, you're not supposed to fornicate with your neighbor's wife, but it don't say nothing about the around the corner.

[Tamika]

So you can still do those. It says don't fornicate, period, until you're married. I mean, we're going, if we're going biblical.

[A.J. Holiday]

And it says nothing about marrying for love either. It says if you can't sustain from not having sex anymore, then you should find a wife. So, I don't know, I just feel like people, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm stressed out about the black community right now. I'm not black no more, y' all. I forgot to tell y' all, I'm gold with a little bit of green.

[Tamika]

So listen, how you stressed out about a community you don't even belong to anymore?

[A.J. Holiday]

It's the word not expatriate I have.

[Tamika]

Not excommunicated your expat from the black community.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not expat.

[Tamika]

What does that mean?

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm looking for. I have divested. No, I'm not divested.

[Tamika]

I'm gonna say now you divested from the black community. It's crazy.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I'm not divested, but I just. There's a lot of things that we got going on I just don't agree with, you know what I'm saying? So listen, if you are.

[Tamika]

So situationships are one of them. You think relationship or nothing, hookup culture gotta stop. It's so crazy that you. Your age now is. You know what that reminds me of? Like my grandma telling me these are last days. I'm like, Grandma, you 70 years old and now you talk about it's our last days and I'm just a young bug. You know why?

[A.J. Holiday]

That's how you feel when me talking to you right now?

[Tamika]

No, I'm saying you talking to the people, not me talking to the audience. Like saying you done been in hella situationships in your life, and now you.

[A.J. Holiday]

Telling hella, I have been in one. I have been. Excuse me. I have been in two situationships in life.

[Tamika]

Okay? Two. Coffee, girl. Well, if it.

[A.J. Holiday]

If it turns into a relationship, was it really a situationship? I mean, like, I don't know, if.

[Tamika]

A tree falls in the woods and there's nobody.

[A.J. Holiday]

From the beginning to the end, it was never nothing else going on. I'm tired of staying situationship anyway.

[Tamika]

Don't y' all. When y' all watch this, I want you to watch it with your homegirls and take a sip of your drink every time we say situation. And then go out to a day party or something like that.

[A.J. Holiday]

Anyway, what's your last. Last tab?

[Tamika]

Listen, life is short. Do what makes you happy, you know, do what feels good, but just be prepared for the consequences of all your choices. That's my last. Last.

[A.J. Holiday]

Y' all. I choose clarity over confusion because that's all situationships is offering. If you don't know where you stand in someone else's life, if you were having to call another bitch to ask her if she with him, with this man, you. You gotta check in with somebody else to see where you stand in this man's life. You are in a super duper situation. Get out of there. Yeah, save your life.

[Tamika]

Yes, but all situations don't.

[A.J. Holiday]

Girl, shut up. You a boy. Anyway.

[Tamika]

There can be clarity within your situation. This is what it is, I guess.

[A.J. Holiday]

Anyway, y' all, if you enjoyed this episode Y' all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect. I Heart Radio Apple. Where the you get your podcast at this young?

[Tamika]

Yeah, it's Sam, ma' am. I got on T shirt and sweatpants. Maybe that's the energy I'm giving today. Maybe I am a dyke today. Fuck you, bitch.

[A.J. Holiday]

Remember to speak now and never hold your nuts deuces. Bye. We Talk Back Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Tam Bam]

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[A.J. Holiday]

This is an I Heart podcast.