Podcast Summary
We Talk Back — "Make A List, Checking It Twice"
Hosts: AJ Holiday & Tam Bam
Date: December 11, 2025
Podcast Network: The Black Effect & iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

This episode centers on helping women "audit" the men in their lives as cuffing season winds down, with Tam Bam and AJ Holiday offering their signature unfiltered, funny, and real talk about qualifying men in relationships. Through lively stories, comedic banter, and candid perspectives, they give listeners a practical checklist to assess the emotional, financial, and energetic value men bring, when and how to exit relationships, and the power of self-worth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Weekend Stories & Travel Fun

• AJ shares family pride over her nephew's football championship and college plans (03:19-04:27)
  • "My nephew graduated high school early … I'm so excited for him." — AJ (03:19)
  • Describes meditation time in the car, mother-daughter dynamics, and fasting updates.
• Tam Bam recounts a quick trip to Houston just for the food and fun (05:50-09:56)
  • "We was in the airport, getting drunk at the bar, taking shots at the bar in the airport. 10 o'clock in the morning!" — Tam Bam (06:23)
  • Enjoys caviar, wagyu steak, Seaside lounge with confetti, free pizza, glow sticks & lots of tequila.

2. Hot Takes on Trending Culture

• Discussion about Saudi Arabia partially lifting their alcohol ban for high-earning foreigners (10:50-13:43)
  • “If you ain't got no earning … what you drinking for? What are you celebrating, my guy?” — AJ (11:52)
  • They joke about tying alcohol sales to income in the U.S.
• Gunna's Run Club in Atlanta: Celebrating celebrities promoting healthy habits and glow-ups (13:43-18:28)
  • “All the fine [men] with no shirts on be out there.” — Tam Bam (14:44)
  • Commentary on how weight loss changes public image, referencing Gucci Mane & Gunna.

3. Social Media and Celeb Drama

• Ja Rule vs. 50 Cent: Diddy documentary drama & "snitching" on social media (18:46-22:23)
  • “50 Cent been demolishing [Ja Rule] for life.” — Tam Bam (20:04)
  • The hypocrisy of public call-outs — “You’re now snitching on 50 Cent to justify calling 50 a snitch.” — AJ (21:30)
• TV Talk: Stranger Things, American Horror Story, and Welcome to Derry—musings on dark series and representation (22:27-23:37)
• "Why are you a life coach? It’s our first time on Earth." (23:46-24:43)

4. The BBL Era & Natural Bodies

• Reflections on plastic surgery trends and body image, with both critique and non-judgment (25:27-27:41)
  • “I know that got the first batch of BBLs be mad when they see with the BBL Pro Max.” — Tam Bam (25:42)
  • “I don’t want to body shame anybody ... but there’s no graduation [from thigh to ass].” — Tam Bam (26:48)

5. Main Segment: Auditing the Men in Your Life

(Tam Bam: “This is the last conversation on these men for the rest of the year.” — 27:46)

The Grown Woman Checklist: Qualifying Before Giving Access (32:26-41:46)

• Emotional stability (Peace vs. Chaos):
  • “A lot of [men] don’t have peace. They not peaceful, right?” — AJ (32:44)
  • Don’t act as a therapist to your partner’s unresolved traumas.
  • “Go get help.” — AJ (35:08)
• Effort and Consistency:
  • “Texting is not talking to me…You cannot get to know anybody via text message.” — AJ (42:16)
  • "Don’t 'wyd' me to death." — Tam Bam (41:46)
• Financial Responsibility:
  • “It’s not gold digger, right? I'm not fucking with somebody who does not have the means to help me if I need it.” — AJ (38:00)
• Boundary Respect:
  • "The first person who has to respect your boundaries is you." — Tam Bam (40:30)
  • Men want boundaries and will enforce theirs without hesitation.
• Effort needs to go both ways:
  • “Everybody wants reciprocation. Buy that [man] a trinket too.” — AJ (44:23)
  • Cute gift ideas: coupon books, FaceTime Lego builds, surprise cards (44:42-46:35).

Practical Grading Scale for Your Roster (51:16-54:47)

• A — Elite: All boxes checked (energy, stability, consistency, ambition)
• B — Grown but Not Aligned: Good but not a forever fit, or missing key elements
• C — Seasonal: Short-term fun, not long-term material
• D — Draining: Emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, makes you feel older/worse
• F — Remove from Roster: Disrespectful, chaotic, low emotional intelligence

“If you look five years older in the mirror, somebody’s stealing your damn energy.” — AJ (57:25)

Signs to Remove Someone:

• Unclear intentions, poor hygiene, negative impact on body or mood, inconsistent communication (63:01-66:52)
  • “If your coochie [is] itching every time you have sex with somebody, get away from that man.” — Tam Bam (63:53)
  • Eliminate men who make you feel like their mother. (67:10)

Grown Woman Questions to Ask Yourself (70:42–73:42)

• Do I feel emotionally safe?
• Am I chasing, managing, or mothering him?
• Does he nourish or deplete me?
• Do his words match his actions?
• Is he disciplined?
• Does he bring out my best self?

"Relationships should not be that hard... everything in your life should get better." — AJ (79:23)

6. The Exit Strategy — How (and When) to Leave

(75:14-79:23)

• “Leave quietly... there’s no explaining. They know why you’re leaving.” — AJ (75:40)
• Announcements mean you’re not ready; action means you are.
• Men learn from consequences; don’t over-explain when it’s over.
• “Keep it clean and firm. This isn’t aligned for me anymore. I wish you the best. That’s it, that’s all.” — Tam Bam (78:27)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Boundaries: “Only people who mind boundaries are habitual line steppers — get them the fuck up out your life.” — AJ (41:18)
• On Reciprocity: “If you never had a woman do something nice for you, then that dick ain’t hittin’.” — AJ (44:23)
• On Depletion: “If you looking five years older, somebody’s stealing your damn energy." — AJ (57:25)
• On Ending Relationships: “Leave quietly… You don't have to make a big announcement because half the time you done told him a thousand times at this point.” — AJ (76:13)
• On Relationships: “Relationships are not as hard as people make it out to be… It's just two people considering each other.” — AJ (72:00)
• On Transformation: “I’ve been a dumb bitch a lot of times in life and relationship and it's okay. We're all here for the first time.” — Tam Bam (81:37)

Important Timestamps

• 03:19 — AJ’s family & football story
• 05:50 — Tam Bam’s Houston food adventure
• 10:50 — Saudi alcohol ban discussion
• 13:43 — Gunna’s Run Club/glow-up chat
• 18:46 — Ja Rule/50 Cent/Diddy doc controversy
• 25:27 — BBL body image musings
• 27:46 — Transition to “audit the men in your life”
• 32:26 — Main checklist begins
• 51:16 — Relationship grading scale explained
• 75:14 — Exit strategy “grown woman style”
• 81:37 — Wrapping up the episode/philosophy on self-growth

Tone & Energy

Authentic, bold, playful, judgment-free, and forthright. The hosts intertwine hard truths, humor, and the wisdom of experience; never preachy but always pushing growth and real talk. They acknowledge their own mistakes and encourage listeners to honor their worth and intuition.

Summary

"Make A List, Checking It Twice" delivers actionable guidance with comedic flair, empowering women to demand more from the men in their orbit by setting standards, recognizing red flags, and moving boldly when it’s time to let go. Through stories, laughs, and real-life lessons, AJ and Tam Bam remind listeners: be kind to yourself, stick to your boundaries, and don’t stay with someone who makes you question your peace. If you're happy, stay. If you're not, go — immediately.