Masculinity In Crysus Mode feat. Terry Capelton

Summary

We Talk Back - "Masculinity in Crisis Mode" Featuring Terry Capleton

Release Date: July 24, 2025
Hosts: TamBam & A.J. Holiday
Guest: Terry Capleton
Produced by: The Black Effect and iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of "We Talk Back," hosts TamBam and A.J. Holiday engage in an in-depth conversation about the current state of masculinity, exploring whether it is indeed in crisis. Joined by their esteemed guest, Terry Capleton, the discussion delves into various dimensions of masculinity, including societal expectations, emotional intelligence, accountability, and the unique challenges faced by Black men in America.

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The Crisis of Masculinity: Statistical Insights

The conversation opens with a poignant examination of the declining indicators of masculinity among men today:

• Decline in Testosterone Levels:
  A.J. Holiday presents alarming statistics, stating, "Testosterone levels have dropped 30% since 2000, with the average 22-year-old now having lower testosterone than a 70-year-old did in the 1970s" ([16:00]). This decline is linked to broader health issues, including reduced sperm motility and fertility rates.

• Environmental and Lifestyle Factors:
  The hosts discuss how factors such as endocrine disruptors, environmental toxins, and poor dietary choices contribute to the diminishing masculinity traits. A.J. emphasizes the impact of seed oils on testosterone production, explaining, "Avoid seed oils. They alleviate your testicular temperature, lower the star gene expression, and therefore the cells which are meant to produce testosterone become lazy and unproductive" ([16:40]).

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Personal Experiences and Societal Challenges

TamBam and A.J. share personal anecdotes that highlight the real-life implications of the masculinity crisis:

• Surviving Accidents and Vulnerability:
  Big T recounts the tragic loss of Malcolm Jamal Warner in Costa Rica due to drowning, touching on the dangers associated with vacations and water safety ([04:17]). A.J. adds her own experience of nearly drowning, emphasizing the importance of confidence and safety in water-related activities ([09:27]).

• Media and Stereotypes:
  The hosts critique societal stereotypes, discussing how media portrayals often misrepresent Black men, contributing to misunderstandings and heightened stress levels among men ([03:39]).

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Defining Masculinity: Hosts' Perspectives

The hosts articulate their own definitions of masculinity, challenging traditional stereotypes:

• Calmness and Decisiveness:
  A.J. Holiday defines a masculine man as someone who is "calculated, calm under pressure, decisive" ([39:39]). She advocates for a balanced approach, incorporating both masculine and feminine traits to foster well-rounded individuals.

• Emotional Regulation:
  TamBam emphasizes the importance of emotional regulation and respect, asserting that masculinity is not solely about physical strength but also about being emotionally intelligent and respectful in interactions ([41:25]).

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Guest Insights: Terry Capleton on Masculinity

Terry Capleton offers a nuanced perspective on the state of masculinity:

• Masculinity in Crisis:
  Terry asserts, "Masculinity is in crisis; we gotta get back to being men" ([32:10]). He discusses the urgent need for men to reclaim their roles as protectors and leaders while maintaining emotional stability.

• Protecting Women Safely:
  He believes that Black men do protect Black women but stresses the importance of situational awareness to prevent harm to themselves when intervening in violent situations ([33:11]).

• Accountability Among Men:
  Terry highlights the increasing accountability among men, especially in roles like fatherhood and provision, advocating for mutual support and respect within the community ([53:46]).

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Emotional Intelligence and Masculinity

The episode delves into the critical role of emotional intelligence in redefining masculinity:

• Vulnerability as Strength:
  Both hosts and Terry agree that expressing emotions is a sign of strength rather than weakness. They discuss how societal misconceptions often lead men to internalize emotions, resulting in negative manifestations like anger ([41:25], [74:35]).

• Creating Safe Spaces:
  Terry advises providing supportive environments where men feel comfortable expressing their emotions, stating, "You provide that by being a good listener. And also by reaffirming him as he's communicating" ([74:52]).

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Accountability and Communication in Relationships

A significant portion of the dialogue focuses on accountability and effective communication within relationships:

• Challenges with Accountability:
  The hosts express frustration with men not taking accountability for actions such as cheating. Terry counters by noting a growing trend of men embracing accountability, particularly concerning family responsibilities ([53:46], [57:35]).

• Effective Communication Strategies:
  Emphasizing the importance of clear and respectful dialogue, Terry advises against confrontation without understanding the full context, advocating for calling authorities in dangerous situations instead of risking personal safety ([34:15], [37:16]).

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The Role of Respect and Appreciation

Respect and appreciation emerge as foundational elements in fostering healthy masculinity:

• Respect Over Love:
  Terry argues that men primarily seek respect and appreciation, which can naturally lead to love. He states, "Men want respect. Love will come from that" ([75:33]).

• Expressing Affirmations:
  The hosts discuss the significance of verbal affirmations, especially among men, to build stronger and more emotionally intelligent relationships. They emphasize the importance of saying "I love you" and showing appreciation through actions ([82:32], [85:10]).

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Navigating Modern Relationships

The conversation also explores contemporary relationship dynamics and the expectations placed on men and women:

• Balancing Emotional Needs:
  TamBam and A.J. discuss the complexities of balancing emotional needs in relationships, advocating for mutual support and understanding ([50:38], [76:00]).

• Using Technology for Better Communication:
  While acknowledging the potential benefits, they caution against over-reliance on tools like AI for communication, stressing the importance of authentic, in-person dialogues ([61:15]).

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Conclusion

In this insightful episode of "We Talk Back," TamBam and A.J. Holiday, alongside guest Terry Capleton, provide a comprehensive exploration of masculinity's current challenges and the pathways to redefine and reclaim healthy masculine identities. The discussion underscores the importance of emotional intelligence, accountability, respect, and effective communication in fostering a more evolved and respectful understanding of what it means to be a man today.

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Notable Quotes

• A.J. Holiday [16:00]:
  "Testosterone levels have dropped 30% since 2000, with the average 22-year-old now having lower testosterone than a 70-year-old did in the 1970s."

• Terry Capleton [32:10]:
  "Masculinity is in crisis; we gotta get back to being men."

• A.J. Holiday [39:39]:
  "A masculine man is calculated, calm under pressure, decisive."

• Terry Capleton [53:46]:
  "Respect is number one. Once we lost that, you lose the man."

• Terry Capleton [75:33]:
  "Men want respect. Love will come from that."

• Terry Capleton [74:52]:
  "You provide that by being a good listener. And also by reaffirming him as he's communicating."

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Connect with Terry Capleton

Follow Terry Capleton on Instagram: @AmsoCharleston

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Listen to More Episodes: "We Talk Back" is available every Thursday on the Black Effect iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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Transcript

[A.J. Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast. Meetings, deadlines, emails, millions of notifications. Don't you wish you could escape the chaos? Fortunately, that's where the all new Nissan Murano comes in. And with available features like the relaxing, massaging seats and the beautiful skyline views that bring in natural light, it's like cruising in your own personal oasis. And if you need to set a vibe, 64 colors of personalized lighting and a Bose premium sound system have you covered. Hands down, the all new Nissan Murano is your stress free getaway. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features. Welcome to We Talk Back podcast, a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[Big T]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[A.J. Holiday]

What's up, y'?

[Big T]

All?

[A.J. Holiday]

It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Big T? Bam.

[Big T]

What's up, y'? All? I missed y'. All. I love y' all so much. How was your weekend, aj?

[A.J. Holiday]

I can't talk about it online. It was great.

[Big T]

Oh, that crazy.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I had a good weekend. Real good weekend.

[Big T]

New Bay.

[A.J. Holiday]

What?

[Big T]

Okay, my bad.

[A.J. Holiday]

Of course not. It's all about me.

[Big T]

Okay. Excellent. Yeah, I did a big eye week.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I had a good weekend, though. Hanging out around town, around Charleston.

[Big T]

The weather was nice.

[A.J. Holiday]

Hot as fuck. Okay. My car was screaming, it's 97 degrees outside and it's only gonna get hotter. Yeah, just like having a shower three times. Just, you know, natural deodorant.

[Big T]

It don't play well right now. It don't. I went on.

[A.J. Holiday]

I used to, anyway.

[Big T]

Go ahead. That's debatable. I. I went away, y', all, for my birthday. I was gone for an entire week. And I just had such a good time. I just needed that break from just everything. And I was in the. I was in Europe. And then after I got back from Europe, I went to New York for a couple days and I just got back. I left last Monday and I just. I'm tired now, though.

[A.J. Holiday]

Have to do nothing, right?

[Big T]

No, I didn't have to think this. I don't have to think about shit. I just get pretty and show up. I just wish that could be my whole life. Like it can be just pretty and show up.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's what we're working towards. You know what I'm saying? But the thing is, then you'd be booked and busy.

[Big T]

Yeah. It just ain't Never gonna be just.

[A.J. Holiday]

What you want to do.

[Big T]

Somebody feed me grapes. I was getting foot massage and eating grapes at the same time. I was like, I'm a queen.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, how do you go back? How do you go back?

[Big T]

As soon as I got back to America, it was the bullshit. I almost got hit by a car. Bitch get out the street in New York, like, oh, I'm going back.

[A.J. Holiday]

Planet America. You know, I saw this video on TikTok. It was some guys. I think they might have been, like, I don't know. Panama, I think, maybe. But they just was saying, like, how, like, you know, a little bit of money, you know, over there, you can really live like a king or a queen. America is just fucking stressful.

[Big T]

It's just.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't even breathe right on this planet. I swear to God, when I'm in the Caribbean, I don't have no. I don't have to do none of that shit. Sinuses be clear. Breathing shit, Using the bathroom every day, like, it's just different.

[Big T]

Different. It really is.

[A.J. Holiday]

Shit's stressful in America, man.

[Big T]

So shout out to taking vacations. But speaking of vacation, Malcolm Jamal Warner, y' all went to Costa Rica on vacation, and we lost him. That was like losing an uncle, you know?

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, I just don't understand, but it definitely happens.

[Big T]

It just. And I was just looking at the statistics on a thousand Americans a year die on vacation annually. Be it the number one reason was, like, car accidents, bus or scooter, so some type of motor. But two was drowning. That was the number two reason that people die, is drowned. Americans vacation.

[A.J. Holiday]

That water ain't nothing to play with, y'.

[Big T]

All.

[A.J. Holiday]

I remember there was a post where it showed, like, the shoreline on back, and most of the black people, like, I'm staying in the one and two. Like, I'll go. I'll go out. You know what I'm saying? Especially if I got some braids and if I got a lace front, I'm at 1 and 2, but if I got braids, I'm out. Right?

[Big T]

But you got to be careful with that. For real.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, that's what I'm saying. I got stuck one time, so I know what that. So they're saying he got stuck, like, in a rip current, you know, far out. And then some bystanders did get him ashore, and then the. The Costa Rican Red Cross tried to, you know, revive him, but he literally was gone right then. So he had been out too long.

[Big T]

Too much water. Yep.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. But I remember struggling, like, you know, you have, like, Those little snorkeling masks. But even with that, you have to, like, breathe. So that's why, like, breathing exercises are real good too, in case of situation like this. But that shit makes you feel so tired trying to fight against the current.

[Big T]

And then the thing is, it's always the people who are confident swimmers. Sometimes that confidence can be your downfall. Because I ain't getting. I typically don't go past ankle. Maybe I don't go in past my calf. Really?

[A.J. Holiday]

So you don't get in the ocean then?

[Big T]

My calf, that's. Girl, I be like, hell no, I don't go that far.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes, I be floating. Like, I. I don't. I mean, like, I. I have went out to where, like, I know the bottom ain't nowhere to be found, but hell no. When the water is like calm, you can tell when the water is crazy.

[Big T]

The only time my butt get wet is when I sit down to pee.

[A.J. Holiday]

Girl, why are you even taking beach vacations? I'm confused now. Like, why are you even going there to take pictures?

[Big T]

I like sun. I collect sun. That's what I go for.

[A.J. Holiday]

Bitch, I'm a whole mermaid out here. I am going out.

[Big T]

I get eating water.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm going out, man. I need to be able to see my feet, though. I'm not getting in Charleston water past mangles.

[Big T]

They had this Charlotte boat weekend, and I don't know if y' all saw the videos. Y' all Google it.

[A.J. Holiday]

When it was that. What's that black boat, Norman?

[Big T]

It's either Norman or Wy. I don't know which one it was on. But first of all, these was fighting. Like, it was a video. Like one boat. You look at that, they fighting their next. Literally the boat, right, that was in.

[A.J. Holiday]

That was in Charlotte.

[Big T]

Yeah, I saw the video. They was fighting. The water look all dirty and nasty. Like, I don't like. It's a fun time, I imagine, but let's not video it. Let's not let people see that we out there in that murky ass water. I'm not getting in there.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's so funny you said that, because on that same post, I was on the phone when I saw. And I was like, I am so sick of black people. Then I went in the comments and I saw somebody was like, just ghetto ratchet. I'm tired of seeing this shit. And I was. And I. I said to the person I was on the phone with, like, get her a ratchet. Ain't that bad. But just don't record it, right? I don't want to see it, like. And I might want to be ghetto and ratchet, but you will never see it on tv.

[Big T]

No. Remember that time I had to save you from the water?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, bitch. I was just about to say that, y'. All, Tammy had a little birthday yacht party one time, and I had just came back from Anguilla swimming in level 25. Okay? So now I'm thinking, like, okay, this lake water, this ain't shit. The lake water is worse. More people drown in lakes per year than in the ocean. The current in a lake is different because y' all know most lakes are built on top of old towns. Okay? So when y' all hear that about Lake Norman, what's the lake in Georgia?

[Big T]

That one. Never go to that damn lake Lemire. Lanier.

[A.J. Holiday]

Lanier. Yeah. La Mere is the casino in St. Louis. Oh, that is it. Luminaire.

[Big T]

Lumiere.

[A.J. Holiday]

Whatever. Anyway, yeah, Lake Namir in Georgia, whatever niggas, begin. It's really not black people.

[Big T]

Lake Namir takes so many people every year. I would never go to that.

[A.J. Holiday]

Usually not black people, though. So I don't. I think black people really just don't go in there. And then also, the ancestors is probably.

[Big T]

Pulling legs, snatching feet and pulling them.

[A.J. Holiday]

Down for your birthday. I hopped in there, hopped in that lake with no life vests on, thinking I could swim. And when I tell y', all, the current was pulling me under the boat, mind you, I was drinking, too, so just a whole thank you, God moment, right? Saving me from myself. But y' all got. You definitely gotta be careful.

[Big T]

That bitch out the water, y'.

[A.J. Holiday]

All, it was not you that put me out. It was a guy. Girl, imagine you lifting me out the. Out the ocean, out the water. It was a dude. You might have had one of my arms, maybe.

[Big T]

Yeah. And then I grabbed you and pulled you up.

[A.J. Holiday]

It was definitely a whole man on the boat that pulled me up. Shane. Man, you got to be careful, man. Man, rest in peace, Malcolm Jamal Warner. We all grew up off the Cosby Show, y'.

[Big T]

All. So I rented that boat for my birthday. I did not. Like, there was jet skis. There was little, like, floating pad. Guess who didn't touch a lick of water. No. And I was on the boat in.

[A.J. Holiday]

A vest with a captain hat on.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Shame.

[Big T]

So, yeah, rest in peace, Malcolm Jamar Warner. And, like, life is so fleeting. Like, be kind to one another and love each other because you just never know, man. Absolutely. Yeah. So, y', all.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know if Tam was in attendance, because she was In Europe, you know, this past week. But apparently UK's biggest sex festival, Swing a Thon, returns with 1,000 people in attendance. You think you slick.

[Big T]

What's not there?

[A.J. Holiday]

So apparently roughly 1,000 thrill seekers have taken over a sleepy Lincolnshire village for the. For the UK's biggest swingers festival. Dubbed Swing a Thon, the X rated three day event is now its fifth year of drawing sexually liberated guests from across the uk. What you doing is stank out there.

[Big T]

It's stank out there. They out there in tents, y'. All. It's like all kind of tents on this big ass field. And they out there just having sex with each other.

[A.J. Holiday]

You probably can catch it on a pornhub.

[Big T]

I'll call the police. I would have called the police if I seen that shit.

[A.J. Holiday]

I wonder if you got to give any paperwork, like, before you come a thousand people. Like, out of a thousand people, what is the, like, statistics for, like, hiv?

[Big T]

Gotta be some diseases out there.

[A.J. Holiday]

Absolutely. And I be thinking, like, sometimes, like people who partake in, like, risky behavior, it's probably because they ain't got shit to lose. Like, I already got the thing. Let me, right?

[Big T]

I might as well do all the shit, go to the swing a thong and give it to everybody.

[A.J. Holiday]

Or like, I don't give a fuck. Shit, yeah, you want some pussy, you get some pussy. Mouth, head, neck, ears, nose, Just every whole thing that's scary to me. I'm cool.

[Big T]

I'm not into none of that stuff because people be having like, parties. I be getting invited to like some wild shit and I be like, yeah, no, that's not my vibe. I'm scared. When I was living in the uk, they used to have like this little swingers group on the military base and.

[A.J. Holiday]

On the military base, Yep.

[Big T]

Girl, they used to be into some. It was the white people, though, and they would. This was your sign that your home was down for the get down. You would put a bottle of Tide in the window.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, in St. Louis they have. It's like a particular flag they put in their yards to let people know that they down for swinging. So they put a bottle of Tide, like, with the rainbow. Doesn't Tide have a rainbow on it?

[Big T]

I don't know. I don't know which tide it was, but that was the indicator that you put it in your windowsill to let people know you trying to fuck outside your relationship. I just drooled.

[A.J. Holiday]

What does that mean?

[Big T]

It means you gonna put some time in your window.

[A.J. Holiday]

Hell no. I am not interested in catching some shit like, quick, you doubling, tripling, quadruple your chances of running into some bullshit right fucking around.

[Big T]

That's not funny.

[A.J. Holiday]

Let me find out your ass.

[Big T]

It's more than one person feel like work at that point.

[A.J. Holiday]

And there's a lot of dudes who be wanting threesomes even. Like, I never understand why somebody with, like, a schmedium dick, like, wants super fat ass. Why would you want multiple women? Like, right, what's up? Are you okay?

[Big T]

Coming off ass? And now you got somebody hits one woman sitting here mad. It was all right. Like, I just. All right. If two people are having sex, what am I doing during that time? Am I just sitting there? Am I watching? Like, what is. Like, what am I doing? If I'm rubbing his foot or I'm jiggling his balls from underneath. Like, I don't know what to do.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, it depends on what type of shit y' all got going on. If it's a threesome where, like, the women are interacting as well, or is you just waiting your turn for this one dude.

[Big T]

That's what I'm saying. Like, well, I wouldn't know what to do. I would be awkward as, like, I just gonna rub your feet while you her.

[A.J. Holiday]

Be tickling foot.

[Big T]

I would not know what to do. So I disappeared.

[A.J. Holiday]

And then, you know, two guys and one girl. Like, I don't know.

[Big T]

That sounds like.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's not a threesome.

[Big T]

That sounds like, at that point, they at work. I don't wanna.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I'm cool and all that. I am such a plain Jane type when it comes. Like, the most freaky I'm doing is licking the gooch. Possibly.

[Big T]

Listen, I was saying, like, oh, yeah, I'm a freak. That's what I would think. And then after the Diddy trial, I realized that I just approved. For real. I'm vanilla sex. That's what I have. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm not doing all that extra shit. And I know I've said this before in the show. You do all that extra shit for a man just because you want him to. Like, you fall in love, they gonna keep pushing the limit on your ass. It's never gonna be enough. You don't need to do all that shit to come. You really don't. Like, you don't need another person. You don't need. I mean, toys are good, you know, but you don't need all this extra shit. Something you trying to get women to do.

[Big T]

To have an orgasm, you have to set boundaries. You really do. Because if you don't a have you Upside down, dropping balls in your mouth. Off the couch.

[A.J. Holiday]

I mean.

[Big T]

I don't like balls.

[A.J. Holiday]

Why do I understand the purpose of balls? But they just fucking ugly and they just be hanging out there.

[Big T]

I don't like them either.

[A.J. Holiday]

I saw somebody had like a book bag made of two big ass nuts, the white ones at that, on Instagram yesterday. Like, what the fuck is going on, people?

[Big T]

Oh, goodness.

[A.J. Holiday]

So apparently 20 year olds today have the testosterone of 70 year olds in 1970s.

[Big T]

That's crazy.

[A.J. Holiday]

It says masculinity is down. Bad testosterone levels have dropped 30% since 2000. The average 22, 22 year old has lower T than a 70 year old had in the 1970s. And it says what the fuck is going on? So it says 90% of men are low on testosterone. This crisis also includes drop in sperm count and lower.

[Big T]

Mobility.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, it says motility.

[Big T]

Did he mean. What the fuck is that?

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know. Y' all tell us. Anyway, the drop in fertility rate is double the 1950s. The results of a world filled with endocrine disruptors, environmental toxins, stress seed oils, elastin, underwear, et cetera. If you want a higher T level, here's what you need to do. Avoid seed oils. They basically alleviate your testicular temperature, lower the star gene expression, and therefore the cells which are meant to produce testostero testosterone become lazy and unproductive. So like seed oils, like peanut oil. That's a seed oil, right?

[Big T]

That's a nut oil.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, okay. Well, nuts aren't seeds. Plant nuts. They. Yeah.

[Big T]

Are they seeds?

[A.J. Holiday]

I guess. I guess so vegetable oil would be.

[Big T]

A seed oil also peanut. All right. No, I don't know. What's a seed oil? Avocado oil.

[A.J. Holiday]

I use avocado oil all the time. Almond oil? Yeah. I don't know.

[Big T]

So motility means like the, the sperm's ability to swim.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay, got it. Motility, New word for the vocabulary test.

[Big T]

But you know what? I've been talking about this because I don't see no Adam's apple no more. Where is the Adam's apple? It's gone.

[A.J. Holiday]

Some of them be. I've seen them. And they be protruding too much.

[Big T]

Yeah, but you don't see them as much.

[A.J. Holiday]

I mean, look. Right? Yeah. So. Oh, canola oil. It said on a, on a diagram, you can see that rats on the canola oil diet have lower star. So star is important because it is. It is responsible for converting the cholesterol into testosterone. So lower star equals lower test. So canola oil, soybean oil. So maybe men the best type of things they say use beef tallow, coconut oil, grass fed butter or any animal fat. Extra virgin olive oil. Yeah, I use G all the time. That's usually what I use instead of butter. And I use olive oil and grapeseed oil. That might not be good. Right, But I'm not a man, so. Right, there's that part. But this post has a whole bunch of stuff in there. Like, yeah, that, that explains a lot. You know what I'm saying? Like, and maybe y', all, that's why I use that app Yuka, because there is a chemical in most of our products. It's like a. It's like a chemical. A chemical to help things like keep the shelf life. Like a. What is the word I'm looking for?

[Big T]

Preservative.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, preservative. There you go. It's a preservative. But like the number one thing is endocrine blocker causes fertility issues. It's so many chemicals in our food and especially black hair products.

[Big T]

But it's supposed to happen like in the Age of Aquarius for us to get all information and also for men to be more feminine.

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't know about that part. Why then that means men will eventually be extinct. Because if you notice, like a lot of people are having female children as opposed to boys also. We not even create them all to die.

[Big T]

But at least I'll be able to jog at night.

[A.J. Holiday]

Girl, what is happening? I love men, y'.

[Big T]

All.

[A.J. Holiday]

But for, I mean, if you think about it now, a Y ain't nothing but a broken X the chromosome. So sometimes these be low half broken and st the X part the other side of the XBDA low. And that's where you. That's where you get the bent wrist factor. Girl, shut up, y'. All.

[Terry Capleton]

We love.

[Big T]

We love men. Y' all know we love y'.

[Terry Capleton]

All.

[Big T]

We just like poking fun, right?

[A.J. Holiday]

Speaking. I do love men.

[Big T]

I mean, why are we on y' all this? We might as well do this last one. All right. It says Chinese woman saying top tier man is just an average woman. The bar is low. And she went on this rant about how the average woman is considered a top tier man in our society. Like the things that we do and the things that we provide these men, if they're doing that, is top tier when it's what we're doing every day. And it went on to say that one black man said, a black man without a criminal record makes you top tier. And I had a woman impressed. I had furniture and A bed frame in my home. It was like a whole conversation. What'd she say? Did you hear it?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. She was essentially saying, like, you know, like the basic shit, like cooking, cleaning, taking care of yourself, taking care of your family, like, just. That's a top tier man. But that's basic for a woman. That is the basic. The basis of being a woman. So essentially what she was saying, like, all these grandiose things that men think that they're doing and accomplishing, it's actually, you know, the average woman.

[Big T]

Average woman.

[A.J. Holiday]

So the top tier man is the average woman. Imagine that.

[Big T]

How that make y' all feel, man? Listening to that. Are you offended?

[A.J. Holiday]

I mean, that's what we agree or disagree with that.

[Big T]

Because, I mean, there is some validity to that. But I. I mean, not going to prison, like, where they from? Because I don't know a lot of niggas that have been to prison. I know. I mean, I know a lot of niggas that's been to prison, but I know more that haven't. You know.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think it's probably pretty equal. I mean, for a black man in America, it is so easy to catch a charge. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, they are trying to make sure every black man has criminal history. I remember I was dating this dude, and him got into real bad because he had this charge over his head for many years. Like, they knew they couldn't charge him with resist. It was like, resistant. Arrested some. They literally was giving his brother taking a. Harassing his brother, and he just was sitting. Happened to be sitting in the car, in his own car when they pulled up to the house. And like, the police officer then came to his car and started harassing him, right? So the.

[Big T]

The.

[A.J. Holiday]

What happened was he ended up slamming this cop on the ground, right? So once I met him and he was telling me about it, and he was like. They were calling him, like, for what? Is it like, not jury duty? Not. Not jury duty. Like, what is shit. You got to keep going to court just to check in, basically. Like. Like, no. Like a bench. Not a bench warrant. Anyway, whatever it is, they want you to come check in and make sure. And the minute your ass don't show up, then you got a bench warrant, basically, like a roll call, essentially. But they kept doing this shit to him for years, and he finally pled. He pled guilty to, like, a lesser charge. I'm like. And when I talked to him, I'm like, why the fuck did you do that? You were in court. Exactly. They tired him out. They would. You would never ever get me to agree to some shit I didn't fucking do.

[Big T]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

Right. So I'll drag that shit out for 10 years. I'll play as long as they willing to play. Like, but you got tired and you. Then you got mad at me for pointing out you being an idiot. Yeah, but they were. They. He was. He had like a CDL license. So the officer was like, yeah, I'm gonna make sure I get these license. Like, so then he can't work and things like that. This is the stuff that they do to black men, right? So it is hard for a lot of niggas not to have. Like. I. I know most black men that I know. I won't say most. I'll say it's like half and half. Half of them have criminal charges. Maybe they beat it and didn't actually end up with the charge.

[Big T]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

And then the other half probably did some time.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know?

[Big T]

Well, say I know a lot that have. But I feel like I know more men right now.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right? Yeah.

[Big T]

That have not been. But then I listen, I done skated by a couple times. Like, I ain't never went to jail, but this at the same time, I done probably shouldn't have.

[A.J. Holiday]

There are. There are. I forgot the number. But there are over a thousand different statutes in America. Okay? All of us has done. Have done some shit where we could have got fucked up about. Just because you didn't get caught doesn't mean you're not a criminal. Okay? My stepdaddy was talking shit about my ex because he went to prison, right? And I said, man, you be at the job selling Viagra. Okay, let's be very clear. If those people in your job were healthy and was healthy enough for Viagra, their doctors would have prescribed it to them. So what you're doing is drug dealing Viagra pills. 20 a pop right now at the job? No, not right now. No. He's retired now. But yeah, he was doing that and talking about. Talking about a who. Moving work. It's the same thing, right? You just. On a smaller scale, you just selling pharmaceutical drugs, right? Which. Which actually may be worse because one of the guys went blind that he was selling this to because the. Wasn't healthy enough to be taken viral.

[Big T]

Blood pressure wasn't. Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So how much bitches you fucking like? How long you want your dick to stay hard?

[Big T]

My guy, you know, I get concerned with people who are taking those, like, in honey packs and all that stuff and Bluetooths and all that shit.

[A.J. Holiday]

And it be young guys.

[Big T]

Yeah, but I would be upset if I was young and my dick wouldn't get hard. I'd be upset if I was old and my dick wouldn't get hard. But especially as a young man.

[A.J. Holiday]

But how hard they want it? Like, it might be getting hard, but in their mind, it's not getting hard enough for some. I don't know what. Just let. Just let us tell y' all if the dick is hitting or not.

[Big T]

If you gotta squeeze the balls and the dick together to try to shove it in some pussy, it's not hard enough.

[A.J. Holiday]

My mama call it a wet rag.

[Big T]

It's not hard.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, stuff that wet rag, man.

[Big T]

But like, so when men are angry, sometimes I think that's why, like, if they're just always mad and you're like, damn, why you just got such a unpleasant disposition all the time?

[A.J. Holiday]

It's because they do it.

[Big T]

I get it. Because I'd be a mean motherfucker, too.

[A.J. Holiday]

Either it doesn't work or it's little. You know, I always say, like, I just pray to God, please let my son have, like, it don't have to be no super big dick, just good dick. Right? Because I just don't want to deal with a man with low self esteem as my child.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

What we talking about this week, Chad? Masculinity, bitch. We talk about y' all some more. Okay.

[Big T]

Yeah. Cause we love y' all so much.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's masculinity in crisis. And we actually have a guest of a friend of the show, friend in life on this episode this week, you know, because we didn't want to be the only ones talking.

[Big T]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

And then we also wanted perspective.

[Big T]

So y' all gonna be like, you don't even know what the hell you're talking about.

[A.J. Holiday]

But we do. Like, we've been dealing with y' all our whole life, literally from daddy on up. So, yeah, I feel like I got a PhD in. Okay.

[Big T]

No. Every time I encounter y', all, I realize I just don't know what the is going on. So. We'll be right back, y'.

[Terry Capleton]

All.

[A.J. Holiday]

The first two months of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your weird cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions, Take in the skyline views that let sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus, with the 64 color personalized lighting option, you can set the mood any way you want. Be it romantic, chill, or straight up on do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[Big T]

Thank y' all for coming back again.

[A.J. Holiday]

And we got a bald headed special guest. We talked about it this week.

[Terry Capleton]

Thank y' all for having me. Thank y' all for having me.

[A.J. Holiday]

Our homeboy, Mr. Terry Capleton.

[Big T]

Damn.

[A.J. Holiday]

Elsa's son.

[Big T]

Elsa's son. We love you, Terri.

[A.J. Holiday]

Well, me and Terri have been friends and have known each other from elementary to college.

[Terry Capleton]

This is correct.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay. So if anybody know me, I think he might know me a little bit.

[Big T]

Listen, he my friend too. They not just friends. Like I met him in college and we've been friends ever since. And this is like the person I go to. Anytime I need, like relationship advice, I want to talk to get a male perspective. I always call Terry to see what he got to say, and he always give me some solid advice.

[Terry Capleton]

I appreciate y'.

[Big T]

All. Now do I take it.

[Terry Capleton]

You don't have to.

[Big T]

Maybe not.

[A.J. Holiday]

All right, so you. We want to follow up on a previous conversation we had. Right. We were talking about. It really wasn't about masculinity, but somehow the conversation went in that direction. Right. Talking about, you know, women and not even about gender roles, just in life, like our positions, what we should be doing. But today I actually want to talk about, like, do you think masculinity is actually in crisis mode?

[Big T]

But what you mean by crisis, though.

[A.J. Holiday]

Is it under attack? Is it just. Is it just evolving? Right. I think women can't really define what masculinity is. Right. I think. I believe men should define amongst their peers what being a man is and what masculinity actually is. Right. But I do think it may be evolving a little bit because, you know, women or devolving.

[Big T]

Is that a word? Whatever.

[A.J. Holiday]

Something's happening, right? Right. So something is definitely happening. So we don't know if it's just men, you know, having more outward emotion nowadays or sassy pants, sassy friends that the minute A man expresses emotion. We calling it ass, sassy. Because really, I don't want no stranger on the Internet talking crazy to me in the comment section. You're sassy. My man would never. You know what I'm saying? I don't really like that talk. I told table that the other day.

[Big T]

I was like, damn.

[Terry Capleton]

A can't talk, they can't do nothing.

[A.J. Holiday]

When you see my man, you know, he mean business. That's the type of man I be liking. Like, I like men who make jokes, though. I like men funny.

[Big T]

You gotta talk to tell a joke.

[A.J. Holiday]

He do, but not too much. Tell a joke and go sit down and look out for me.

[Big T]

You ride a fine mouth. Tell a joke, but don't talk to do it.

[A.J. Holiday]

But to answer that, I gotta know I be playing, right?

[Terry Capleton]

To answer your question, I don't think masculinity is in a crisis, but it is in, like, in the red area, you know what I'm saying? We gotta get back to the green area.

[Big T]

And when you say red, what you mean?

[Terry Capleton]

Like, meaning your fingers should be on the panic button because, you know, men are becoming a little more publicly emotional. You know, a lot of men don't have no foresight. You just see men crashing out every day on the Internet, you know what I'm saying? And we need to get back to being men as a whole.

[A.J. Holiday]

Being quiet, right?

[Terry Capleton]

Well, I wouldn't necessarily say being quiet. No.

[Big T]

So what's wrong with being publicly emotional, though? That's what.

[Terry Capleton]

Like, we not like that. You know, you got a lot of men who are arguing with women publicly. You know, some of them are actually physically hitting women. You know what I'm saying? And, yeah, we got to get back to being men. And then you hear a lot of sisters say, you know, black men don't protect black women. I disagree with that. I think we do protect black women. It's just, you know, people just got to understand when you out, you gotta be mindful of that, because you can be harmed trying to protect somebody that you don't know.

[A.J. Holiday]

And if it ain't your sister or your mama.

[Terry Capleton]

Correct, Correct. Right.

[Big T]

But, yeah, so. So wait, if you see a woman outside getting beat, you not go, you gonna film it or you gonna try to stop it?

[Terry Capleton]

Oh, I'm definitely not filming it. I'm definitely not filming it. But first of all, somebody can lose their life, and you filming somebody. You know what I'm saying?

[Big T]

Yeah.

[Terry Capleton]

But I would definitely be mindful of the situation because you got to understand situational awareness. If you see A man and a woman arguing, and he start.

[A.J. Holiday]

Did y' all hear that? Sorry, I just burped on the mic.

[Big T]

Listen, we talk about masculine energy. You ain't got to be a man today, okay?

[A.J. Holiday]

And it's straight acid, because I ate.

[Terry Capleton]

Listen, but like I was saying, if you see a man and a woman arguing outside across the street and you a man, don't just go over there and just try to be, you know, superhero. Cause you can lose your life too. I've seen it. It's best to just call the police from where you at. Don't try to be no heroes.

[A.J. Holiday]

Is calling the police.

[Terry Capleton]

Call the police from where you at. Listen. Cause listen, as a man, you gotta make it home to your family, right? Your mama or your woman and your kids or whomever that may be, you know? So you definitely gotta think about that before you just go, yeah, man, you don't know.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, men know the level other men will take it to, right? Like, women really don't realize when they life in danger sometimes. And I think men always, like.

[Big T]

Like a woman would, right? A woman will put a man's life in danger. In danger unknowingly.

[Terry Capleton]

That's a fact.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I can't tell you that. Would mind my business. If I saw a man beating a woman, like, I don't know that I wouldn't go help her.

[Terry Capleton]

Just call the police from across the street. Call the police.

[Big T]

I might pop in there. Pop. Pop in the air or something.

[Terry Capleton]

Like, call the police if that's not your loved one or your sister, your mother.

[Big T]

No, we can't be like that. We have to.

[Terry Capleton]

That's what I'm saying. You can lose your life trying to save somebody you don't know. And now your mama crying, your kids crying, your daddy crying, your aunties and everybody crying, and he go to jail. And what you think she gonna be.

[A.J. Holiday]

Doing back when he get out?

[Terry Capleton]

If he get out, right? She gonna be answering all them calls, sending that money. And you did, you did.

[A.J. Holiday]

That could happen with a family member too. You know what I'm saying? You could stop your family member from getting beat up by their loved ones, by their boyfriend, girlfriend, and it'll be the same. The same thing. But you're more inclined to intervene in that situation.

[Terry Capleton]

Well, that's another thing, right? Like, I have a daughter and she's only three. But if she. When she get older, right? Let's just say she got a boyfriend and they get into it, I would tell her, before you call me, you need to think about that. Because when I get involved, when you involve me, that can go either way. He's a man. Like I'm a man. So if I come over there trying to get some law and order, that can go in his way, or I can go in my way, right? But you got to think about that, because I know how I'm thinking. I'm coming home. He probably thinking like, you know, so before anything of that that happens, just leave.

[Big T]

But see, when you say that, it makes them scared to call you when maybe they should, you know? Because, like a woman trying to protect. Trying to protect you and not protecting herself.

[Terry Capleton]

I. And I hear you. If you are a family member of mine and you are dating a man, and y' all happen to get into a verbal dispute, that could possibly get physical, right? However that may be, leave before you get the other men in your family involved. Because again, that can go either way. When your uncle get there, your brother or your daddy get there, he a man like you a man. It might not go in your daddy favor, right?

[Big T]

He might whoop your daddy ass.

[Terry Capleton]

Hey, he might whoop your ass or he might.

[Big T]

You and your daddy before daddy's going.

[Terry Capleton]

To protect their daughters. They come in with their strap.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's a true story. The one time I got hit by a man, right? I was on some bullshit, and he couldn't control his emotion. After. He done been on a lot of bullshit. Now all of a sudden, like, my bullshit bigger than your bullshit, you see, he want to hit me, and then he breaks my cell phone. So now when I finally like, call my. Like, literally before he broke the cell phone, like, we driving down the street, you, like, I'm gonna put you in the swamp. This is what he's telling me. I called my daddy. I'm, like, screaming on the phone like this. Says he's gonna kill me for real.

[Big T]

So.

[A.J. Holiday]

Finally got me to the swamp. He didn't kill me.

[Big T]

He took you to the swamp?

[A.J. Holiday]

He took me to the projects by the swamp.

[Terry Capleton]

Oh, gosh.

[Big T]

And you know the. The funeral, The.

[Terry Capleton]

The dance with a graveside at the.

[A.J. Holiday]

Graveyard there in the back of the graveyard is like water, like waste, like. Like wetlands and Martian like that.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

He told me he was about to drop me off there.

[Terry Capleton]

So the best thing for your daddy to do in that situation, I think.

[A.J. Holiday]

My daddy, when I finally, like, called my daddy once, I calm down, like, daddy, can you now come pick me up? Because I've since been left where I'm at, right? This is like when he came and got me. He said, either you want to stay or you want to leave. Because if I get involved, somebody gonna get hurt, and I just was never with that person.

[Terry Capleton]

It's a fact.

[Big T]

Any who drop you off at the swamp, you definitely need to. And where is that? In the project Downtown? Yeah. In a graveyard. Yeah. You need to go.

[Terry Capleton]

Yeah. Y' all just gotta be. Be mindful of certain situations, because before I get you, everybody know a man who is somewhat of a. An abuser, even if he's physically abusing or give you verbal warnings, you know, you gotta be able to peep that way before it happened. He ain't just gonna come over, just start smacking you. You know, it usually be like a. I'm not an abuser, by the way, so. But it used to be like a. All right, keep playing with me. I'm gonna show you better than I can tell you how.

[Big T]

You know, they say that you.

[Terry Capleton]

You see it all the time. You. I'm telling you, I never hit no woman. And that's on record. I never hit no woman, but I'm telling you, that's the way it be. And then people ignore those signs, and then next thing you know, no, no, no.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay with me. Like, I'll give y' all what I think masculinity is. I think a masculine man is calculated. He's calm under pressure. He's.

[Terry Capleton]

He.

[A.J. Holiday]

He's a decision maker. He's not indecisive. He's very decisive. Now, all those characteristics could also be associated with women, right? So I think to be a well rounded human, you need to embody both, because who wants a super indecisive woman, you know what I'm saying? Who wants a woman who can't ever make a decision on the food conversation? Like how we supposedly never know we want to eat. We always know we want to eat. We just don't know how much y' all can afford. Okay. We just don't know where we can eat at, but we always know where. You know, me and my homegirls like to eat at. We always know what we want to eat.

[Big T]

I don't always know where I want to eat. Sometimes I want you to, you know, you pick it.

[Terry Capleton]

Well, if, if you, if you. If I know you like seafood, we're gonna go to a seafood restaurant. You might not know what you want when you get there, but I know where we going.

[A.J. Holiday]

Right.

[Terry Capleton]

You know what I'm saying?

[Big T]

Yeah, the gist of it.

[Terry Capleton]

Yeah, I know where we going.

[A.J. Holiday]

Seafood, Chinese.

[Terry Capleton]

Yep.

[A.J. Holiday]

Steak.

[Terry Capleton]

Steakhouse. But to me, masculinity Means man. So many things. It don't have anything to do with being like, tough and hard. Nothing like that. It's just a man who can, you know, regulate his emotions. One who can think under pressure and one who could be vulnerable because being. Being vulnerable takes strength. A lot of men don't realize that. Like, they think, oh, you know, gotta be all stoic and strong. No, that's not masculated to me.

[Big T]

Yeah, I think a lot of men associate vulnerability with weakness.

[Terry Capleton]

You know, in women, it's all about. Yeah, it's all really. It's really about being able to articulate yourself so the other person understands you and controlling your emotions. That's very masculine to me.

[Big T]

Yeah, well, strength don't have nothing to do with masculinity at all.

[Terry Capleton]

Physical strength. No, no, no. But to be vulnerable takes strength. Internal strength.

[Big T]

Like mental strength.

[Terry Capleton]

Yeah, that too. Yeah.

[Big T]

I don't know. Because I need you to be strong. Yeah, listen, right, Open this jar.

[Terry Capleton]

Listen. Yeah, he can open a jar. That's just being strong. That don't have nothing to do with being masculinity. Being masculine.

[A.J. Holiday]

That'd be.

[Big T]

That's.

[Terry Capleton]

You got a guy, you can have a guy that's brolic. Go to the gym every day. Super strong, but very feminine.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, yeah.

[Terry Capleton]

You see what I'm saying?

[Big T]

So, yeah, they shorts.

[Terry Capleton]

They don't have anything to do with strength.

[A.J. Holiday]

First of all, this is not masculine. Why? Your whole thigh out the hoochie Daddy short.

[Big T]

I love them.

[A.J. Holiday]

What, you want that?

[Big T]

Yes.

[A.J. Holiday]

If you're not playing soccer, not want to see you with your whole thigh out to wear.

[Big T]

No, I like it because I like seeing them legs. Them strong legs. It looks nice.

[A.J. Holiday]

I like. Oh, I. I do like legs now. Yeah, he just got like a little. Little sperm tadpole body.

[Big T]

But I don't like a. With no fat ass, though. Like, I don't want his ass to be fat as mine.

[A.J. Holiday]

But I like the thick legs and a nice back. The first two months of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your weird cousin's latest overshare. It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all new Nissan Murano is your piece on wheels, thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing, massaging seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let sunlight pour in and watch as your day brightens. I have a special playlist that always gets me. Right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like at your own private concert. Plus with the 64 color personalized lighting option, you can set the mood any way you want. Be it romantic, chill, or straight up on do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather. Appointed seats are optional features.

[Big T]

So I got a question. Is society stripping men of purpose or liberating them?

[Terry Capleton]

Oh, man, that's a great question. Yeah, yeah. Because you got a lot of women out here telling men how to be men, you know, and social media isn't making it any better. So we have to get back to being men. You know what I'm saying? If y'.

[A.J. Holiday]

All.

[Terry Capleton]

And a lot of women always say, oh, bring back the men, you're right. We got to bring back the men. But in order to bring.

[A.J. Holiday]

What does that mean when we say that? What do you. What do you. I know what we mean when we say that. Bring back the men here.

[Terry Capleton]

What men hear is, ain't no man out here good enough. Like our granddaddies. That's what they hear. Give a shit as a whole. That's what they hear. But the men are here. We just have to bring them back as a whole. Bring back strong, you know, men who can think, you know, but in order to bring back masculine, strong men who can lead, we have to bring back the respect of the respectable woman.

[Big T]

So you. Wait a minute, Al. You don't think respectable women exist?

[Terry Capleton]

No, they're out here. This is at a minimal. They're out here, but there's a lot of disrespectful women out here that.

[Big T]

Oh, you.

[A.J. Holiday]

Wait, wait, wait. You said not respectable. You mean disrespectful. Because. Respectable. Just because you are disrespectful doesn't mean you're not respectable.

[Terry Capleton]

Right, that's what I'm saying.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, you mean like women like women who respect me?

[Terry Capleton]

Correct.

[A.J. Holiday]

Okay.

[Terry Capleton]

That's what we have. We. In order for us to get back to that, we have to bring back the women who respect men. We have to bring that back.

[A.J. Holiday]

So why do you think that the, that, that there's a lack of respect for men? Yeah. Like collectively, why do you, you, you obviously feel like there's. You said that there's a little bit of women out here who actually respect men. But why, why do you feel like that and do you get disrespected by women in your day to day life?

[Terry Capleton]

No, no, I do not. And I feel like. Well, this isn't really a feeling. You know, in my lineup, my. In my line of work, I talk to men every day. Every day.

[A.J. Holiday]

I mean, so he's like your barber's favorite barber. Okay. Oh, yeah. This your new barber right here?

[Big T]

Yeah, he in Columbia.

[Terry Capleton]

Oh, okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

New barber right here.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Y' all more committed to, like. Ain't leaving my barber. I don't know that.

[Terry Capleton]

Listen, they can be committed to their barber now, I ain't going to lie. They be committed to their barber.

[Big T]

Barber, but go ahead. What were you saying?

[Terry Capleton]

In my line of work, I talk to about 2,000 men a year, maybe more. And they all say the same thing. They all say the same thing. Respect is number one. I've said it. Respect is number one. Once we lost that, you lose the man.

[Big T]

Well, why do you think the women have lost respect, though? You know?

[Terry Capleton]

Because how the world is shaped is telling women who to tell men how to be men. We gotta get. In order for the man to come back, we gotta. In order to bring back the real strong men that we used to be, we also have to bring back the woman who respects those men.

[Big T]

I feel like those men were providers, though.

[Terry Capleton]

They were and they still are out here, but it's at a minimum.

[Big T]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like women, minimal respect is because there's minimal providers. See, provision is.

[Terry Capleton]

All right. See, the thing is about provision. I hope y' all don't think provision is just like money.

[Big T]

No, we don't.

[A.J. Holiday]

No.

[Terry Capleton]

Okay, cool. So in my opinion, providing or provision is a man who can lead you be a life manager, you know what I'm saying? Like a man who can come in and he can be considerate of how you feel and for the betterment of the house. You see what I'm saying?

[Big T]

So where they doing that, though?

[A.J. Holiday]

I just saw a tip.

[Big T]

We say. I'm telling you.

[A.J. Holiday]

Listen, I just saw.

[Terry Capleton]

They will. Men are doing it. Men will do it. I'm telling you. In order for. If you want a man to. And I hate to get on the man woman thing, but if you want.

[Big T]

A man, that's why we brought you here.

[Terry Capleton]

All right? If you wanna. No, I'm not. Like the man versus woman. That's why.

[A.J. Holiday]

You hear.

[Terry Capleton]

The thing is, right, if you want a man to move or perform the way you want him to, you gotta speak that in him. I'm telling you, he Will do it sometimes.

[Big T]

Cause listen, listen, though. Let's think about some other guys that we know personally. I can think of one of your friends, okay? And he ain't shit. And he lying. He got a woman at the house, a pregnant woman at the house, and always in different bitches inbox and DMs. And he's just a straight sociopath liar. And that's your homeboy, I'm sure that woman over there is speaking all kind of life into him, and he's still outside doing the work.

[A.J. Holiday]

That's this part, right? Remember on another episode when I said that there are things that I discovered about myself, like not being able to be as thoughtful as other people are? But another is, I understand that most men, like one of their major love languages is words of affirmation.

[Terry Capleton]

Absolutely.

[A.J. Holiday]

But for me now, I give men affirmations often. I affirm men all the time, right? But when I'm like, I have struggled with a partner, right, who I have felt like I've been mistreated by and different things, and then they would start doing well, right? I can't get into the position of, like, affirming them. Yes, I can't, because you've broken me. All right? So I'm saying. So I. I can't. I can't. I don't even.

[Big T]

I don't. How do I affirm you?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. Like, how do I now?

[Terry Capleton]

Like, you don't have. You don't have the capability to affirm him at that moment. You know what I'm saying?

[A.J. Holiday]

So that's when a relationship.

[Terry Capleton]

You need to articulate how you. What's going on with you so he can understand. It's just all about understanding communication. That's it.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Because I know that's how you. That's. That is definitely how you get men to do well, right? That women are the museum, right? So like I. I was telling Thomas earlier, like, no, no woman. No black woman, right? Because that's who we are. We are not asking men to have everything together together today. We are asking you to let me see the progress. I need you to actively be working towards something, giving me the soft life, right? And I feel like it. Like I always say, there's two type of men. Like, there's either a man who feeds his ego through how many women he can have sex with, and then there's the man who feeds his eagle by how many people he can take care of. And that's. That's the man I like.

[Big T]

Is that the only two types?

[Terry Capleton]

See, the thing is, about that second guy that you just described. While that man is there making sure everybody around him is straight. The kids, the woman, the in laws, his mother, he filling up everybody else cup. He has moments where he gets weak, you know, and feel a little inadequate, you know what I'm saying? So it has to be like a reservoir. Like while he's filling everybody else up, you gotta be filling him up, you know? Cause when he starts to lack in certain areas, you know, gotta help that brother lift him up, you know? That's why, like you said, men like words of affirmation. Tell him how great of a man he is. Hey, babe, you know I think you are a great guy. Just say it, put it, write it in a card.

[Big T]

But what if he ain't?

[A.J. Holiday]

And what he. What if he has that's objective? What if he hasn't been being a great guy?

[Big T]

That's what I'm saying.

[A.J. Holiday]

So now you try so acting.

[Big T]

What's wrong with him?

[Terry Capleton]

Ask him what's going on, but don't sound like his mother. You see what I'm saying?

[Big T]

So, okay, how do you do that?

[Terry Capleton]

Get it out, get it out, get it out, get it out.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, be a woman.

[Terry Capleton]

You are a woman. But you know, that's what the femininity is.

[Big T]

Be a woman.

[Terry Capleton]

That's what the femininity is.

[Big T]

Listen, this is the second time somebody just said something about me being a woman today.

[Terry Capleton]

Either both of y' all be a woman.

[Big T]

Like, come on, man, what does that mean?

[Terry Capleton]

I can't tell y' all what a woman is.

[Big T]

Y' all are to you. So that's to be it.

[Terry Capleton]

Meaning be assertive and say it with your chest. What's going on, how you feel? That's all I'm saying.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, but soft though, right? Say it real soft and low tone, don't eat.

[Terry Capleton]

Listen, you don't have to coddle the man. You know what I'm saying?

[A.J. Holiday]

You sure?

[Big T]

I think sometimes they need it.

[Terry Capleton]

We that man grown. You grown. Just speak, don't curse or yell at him because you're not going to get no response.

[A.J. Holiday]

You ever had a conversation with somebody and you just feel like they intentionally disagreeing or intentionally trying not to understand? Oh, yes, that's when I start yelling. I do start off regular. Yes, but then when you. When I feel like I done repeat the same thing multiple times and someone's committed to misunderstanding it, Frustrated, and now I'm saying screaming because I feel like you're a hell bent on misunderstanding.

[Terry Capleton]

See, some people just like are not.

[A.J. Holiday]

Taking accountability Right, Right. And I. I am in a place now to where I'm no longer, like, really trying. Like, we speak very broadly on this podcast. But in my personal life, I am no longer trying to force people to take accountability. Right. That is not my job.

[Big T]

Right, Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I don't want nobody trying to force me to take accountability for shit either. We should all take accountability. Right. And do the things that we know people expect of us. Right. You know, especially in a relationship, you know, people have expectations.

[Big T]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

Your partner has expectations.

[Terry Capleton]

This is my first time ever hearing women say that.

[A.J. Holiday]

What?

[Terry Capleton]

Accountability. We should take it.

[Big T]

You never heard a woman say she should take accountability, Terry, you lying. Don't get on here, y'.

[Terry Capleton]

All, Boy, accountability, like the Matrix, man. Like, it's not true. Because I'm telling you, man.

[A.J. Holiday]

What does accountability look like to you?

[Terry Capleton]

Own your.

[Big T]

What is it?

[A.J. Holiday]

Was it.

[Terry Capleton]

Own your. Listen, if we're together, it's all about correction. You can correct me, adjust me, and I can do the same for you. It's about respect. Own your. And we gonna be all right.

[Big T]

So you feel like women never own they.

[A.J. Holiday]

I feel like men sometimes.

[Terry Capleton]

Sometimes.

[A.J. Holiday]

I've never been with a man who actually, like, took accountability.

[Big T]

See what that was. I feel like it's just.

[Terry Capleton]

See what that was?

[Big T]

What?

[Terry Capleton]

That was a protest to the protest. You see what I'm saying?

[A.J. Holiday]

Because I do. Let me tell you.

[Terry Capleton]

She asked about the women. He said, I feel like men.

[A.J. Holiday]

This is. That is something that I'm working on. Right. Not allowing other people's. What they're doing or their emotions to affect mine. Right. Or, like, trying to stay even keeled. So if I'm asking if I. I feel like I've always been. Men want you to take accountability for your bullshit, but they. They will never, like, even with cheating. Right. You can ask them a thousand times, hey, you already know, right?

[Big T]

Did you do this?

[A.J. Holiday]

You know, this girl. They lying, lying, lying till the bitch come knock on the door. So you never.

[Big T]

And the bitch standing right there, she AI. That's not even a real bitch right there. Close the door.

[A.J. Holiday]

They will never take accountability. So they. I feel like collectively, men are requiring something from women that they never offer.

[Terry Capleton]

I strongly disagree. I strongly disagree. I had a conversation with one of my. One of my boys the other day about this, and we both said the same thing. Like, I've. I've noticed that men actually have been taking full accountability for their actions lately. Even with men. Men hold each other. You talking about today all together. Like, men hold men accountable when you do some goofy shit. Men be like, hey, yeah, you right, bruh. You know, sometimes when you. When you talking to one of your.

[Big T]

So why you don't hold that guy accountable that I mentioned?

[A.J. Holiday]

They don't hold each other accountable.

[Big T]

Not for real. All right, you know what? What? I will say, like, in the 90s, black men could be bad fathers and they would still have homeboys. But I feel like now, no, you're.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not taking care of your kids.

[Big T]

Ain't fucking with you if you don't take care of your kids. That is something y' all do hold each other accountable about.

[Terry Capleton]

That's a fact.

[Big T]

And I think it's because we grew up without absentee parent. A lot of us grew up with an absentee father. So black men are more holding each other more accountable for that. So I will agree there. But outside of that, when it comes to cheating and shit like that, y' all don't hold each other accountable for them.

[Terry Capleton]

This is the thing.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, listen, y' all just give warning.

[Terry Capleton]

No.

[A.J. Holiday]

At least sit man down and say, hey, you fucking up.

[Terry Capleton]

That's my. I know. I'm telling you, I'm around the men. I'm telling you what we say.

[Big T]

Okay?

[A.J. Holiday]

I say you're a mom.

[Terry Capleton]

No, I'm around the man. Listen, if you got a dude who's your homeboy and he's cheating, like you said.

[Big T]

Right?

[Terry Capleton]

Right.

[Big T]

I'm about to scoot in. Go ahead. I'm listening.

[Terry Capleton]

If he know your woman, right? He like her. Like, oh, I like her for you. She's a sweet woman. Trust me. He's going to be like, hey, bro, you fucking up something. You fucking up a good thing. You fucking up. But a lot of niggas have reasoning, like, man, I'm doing it because it is. She don't give me no attention at home.

[Big T]

But you're not gonna not fuck with a nigga cause he a cheater. You're not gonna stop being cool with him.

[Terry Capleton]

Well, you.

[Big T]

What?

[Terry Capleton]

Will you stop fucking with your homegirl? Cause she.

[Big T]

Absolutely. My friends do not need cheating with you, man, please. Absolutely. First of all, I would be appalled to hear that my friend is cheating.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. We do not accept that.

[Big T]

What are you talking about? That is crazy.

[Terry Capleton]

What? Cameron.

[A.J. Holiday]

Black women don't cheat.

[Terry Capleton]

All right? Brothers don't cheat either. But no. All jokes aside, though, listen, back to accountability. Own your and we gonna be all right.

[Big T]

That's it, everybody. That's it. Just own your and we'll be fine as women.

[Terry Capleton]

And I'm telling you, from a man's response own your and we'll be all right. Same thing for the brothers. Men do hold men accountable when they up.

[A.J. Holiday]

So, okay, if masculine, if masculinity is not in crisis, it obviously we said it's like it's changing, right?

[Terry Capleton]

It's in the red more.

[A.J. Holiday]

And then also you have more men like having emotional intelligence. But Tammy, do you think women are actually ready for emotional, intelligent men?

[Big T]

Why?

[A.J. Holiday]

You know what I want?

[Big T]

I don't think oftentimes, no, women are not ready, but that's because they're not used to it. You know, they're not used to it. Give me, I give you something. Give you a little something for that. All right. And then we're quick to call them sassy when they say when they are displaying emotional intelligence.

[A.J. Holiday]

You sassy, yes. But random men, that's not for like men in my day to day life, a random man on the Internet rambling like somebody. Some men have said some of the worst things to me on the Internet. I could be your sister, your mom. Like, what if somebody else was disrespectful? Somebody else is disrespecting your mom the same way you're doing me right now, right? For no reason. Just like unwarranted, unsolicited disrespect.

[Big T]

Right, Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. But that is a small sample size of how these men are probably in their real lives.

[Big T]

Like, well, that's not, it's not emotional intelligence, though. That's just disrespectful.

[Terry Capleton]

As the Internet is just a safe space.

[A.J. Holiday]

Like, women pop off quick.

[Terry Capleton]

Right?

[A.J. Holiday]

I don't expect men to just be popping off quick, you know what I'm saying? And writing me a paragraph and they don't know me. Like, yeah, what's happening?

[Big T]

Go to work.

[Terry Capleton]

It could be a bot.

[A.J. Holiday]

Go chop wood. That one. Like, we talk, whoever he is, we need him on the show. Because I just want to touch him. That man with that good hair, looking.

[Big T]

Like he eating fruit and chopping wood.

[A.J. Holiday]

Biting in the watermelons and be dripping.

[Big T]

Yeah, that's very nice.

[A.J. Holiday]

Go chop wood.

[Terry Capleton]

That ain't chopping wood every day.

[A.J. Holiday]

Stop saying I like men who chop wood.

[Big T]

Okay, yeah, but I mean, that's just what I don't know if we are ready for a truly emotional, emotionally intelligent man. But that's because half the time we not.

[Terry Capleton]

I can have a response to that.

[Big T]

Go ahead, let's hear it.

[Terry Capleton]

If a woman have never experienced that, meaning forget a relationship, if she never seen her father be an emotionally intelligent man to her mother or an uncle to an aunt or maybe a boyfriend to a sister. She says she wants that, but when she gets it, it can be a little bit too much, you know? Oh, damn. This man really communicates, you know, he thinks. He processes his thoughts. He cycles through all the emotions, you know, and then he's. He's coming to me. He's shooting from the hip, like, boom. That can be too much for somebody that never had that. You know what I'm saying?

[A.J. Holiday]

You.

[Terry Capleton]

You ask for that, but you never had another man to use as a. As a measuring tool as to what that is. When you get it, it's like, whoa, this is too much. You know? So they might deflect or run like, I don't want to talk about it right now. It could be too much. It could be overwhelming. You know what I'm saying?

[Big T]

Let me tell you what I did. As soon as I find, like, I'm talking to a man who has a very strong emotional intelligence, I use ChatGPT to get me through this conversation. Y' all text me, listen, I'll write down my. No, listen. I'll write down my feelings, and then I'll go to ChatGPT and they'll say, please write this more eloquently for me.

[A.J. Holiday]

But is that emotional intelligence, though? That's not.

[Big T]

No. But I'm just saying, like, she's scared of it. No, I'm not.

[A.J. Holiday]

You don't know what to say.

[Big T]

I ain't scared of nothing, but I'm just. No, I know what to say, but sometimes I can't get the words out correctly. So, Chad gt Why would be a wrong way? Just speak how you feel.

[A.J. Holiday]

So recently, one of.

[Big T]

So Chat GPT don't help y' all express better.

[Terry Capleton]

I never use that before.

[Big T]

Oh, I use that all the time.

[A.J. Holiday]

Don't. Because if Chappie. If Chat GPT. If Chat GPT is formulating your thoughts, when are you.

[Big T]

It's not formulating my thoughts. It's just displaying it a better in a better way.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's finesse, because when you got to have an actual conversation with this person.

[Terry Capleton]

By bit, you was just.

[Big T]

It'S my thoughts. It just said better.

[A.J. Holiday]

So I don't know. My homegirl, she read some shit her baby daddy sent her, and I said, put what you said to him in ChatGPT and see what it gives you. It gave his exact text message.

[Big T]

So he just had ChatGPT respond for him?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes.

[Big T]

That's not what I did.

[A.J. Holiday]

I actually put her text in there, and they gave a chatgpt response.

[Big T]

That's different. Different. I'll display. I'll write my own message and then I'll say, make this.

[Terry Capleton]

It will revise it.

[Big T]

Yeah, revise.

[A.J. Holiday]

We will edit that part out. We don't want to know. You Chad, already using it to communicate with someone.

[Terry Capleton]

No, I haven't. I have never. I don't even have the app on my phone.

[Big T]

A lot of people do. You'll be surprised how many people are using it. Conversation to communicate their thoughts more eloquently. Yes.

[Terry Capleton]

That's not you.

[A.J. Holiday]

I think you go like that. We're definitely digressing as a people. If we're going to use AI in. In that way.

[Big T]

They use an AI for everything.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, but not to have day to day conversations. I'm not using AI like, not to formulate a response to somebody saying something to me. I'm not even to say it different. Like I' ma say it how it's gonna be authentically me and my thoughts and my words when I see it.

[Terry Capleton]

Me too.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? Because I feel like then you still gotta have a real conversation with this person. So it could sound eloquent via text. But then you having a conversation with them, like, who the fuck is that?

[Big T]

It's not. I don't think I have to show you an example. Yeah, I can see. So it's not like they're changing. It's the same sentence. It's just worded in a way that it could be. Understand it better. Maybe the way I'm saying it, like.

[A.J. Holiday]

So you articulate that.

[Big T]

Yeah, like we are flawed in communication. You know that, right? Even just on this podcast today, there's things that we've said that may be misconstrued between just the three of us. And sometimes using AI will help it come across better.

[A.J. Holiday]

I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You gotta send me an example.

[Big T]

I'll send you an example. I did it last night.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah.

[Terry Capleton]

I try to talk in text. How I read.

[Big T]

You know what I'm saying?

[Terry Capleton]

No. How I read.

[A.J. Holiday]

All right.

[Terry Capleton]

Yeah.

[Big T]

Them boys about the bombers in it.

[A.J. Holiday]

Blow us up.

[Terry Capleton]

You talk like that?

[Big T]

Yeah, Gosh, I definitely do that.

[Terry Capleton]

You slow down.

[A.J. Holiday]

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[Terry Capleton]

Yes, ma', am, I am. I said that with confidence. Yes.

[A.J. Holiday]

How long you been in therapy?

[Terry Capleton]

Consistently, about nine months. Nine months strong.

[A.J. Holiday]

So what, what, what was the trigger to go to therapy? Because I feel like that is probably what we, we women work on their little things, right. We are working on ourselves.

[Big T]

Right.

[A.J. Holiday]

Every day, like, you know what I'm saying? I reflect first thing in the morning, I think about the previous day, you know what I'm saying? And then what I could have done different if I had situation. Like most of my days have been stupid nowadays. But yeah, you know, I just do a lot of. In the shrooms also have you having a lot of introspective, introspective thinking, you know, talking to yourself, having a. Having a lot of conference calls with yourself, picking through your own mental health. So what triggered you to go to therapy?

[Terry Capleton]

What triggered me to go to therapy was me being uncertain about me being the greatest version of myself. For me, you know, if I can't be that for me, I can't be that for nobody else. So that was my trigger.

[Big T]

And how has it been going?

[Terry Capleton]

Great. Great. I'm learning to express myself freely without wondering how that may make the person feel. One thing I learned in therapy is to never make other people problems become your problem. Yes.

[Big T]

Because what do you mean?

[Terry Capleton]

Me, myself. My therapist said that I can be a people pleaser. Right. Sometimes I can overly extend myself for others. And, you know, even though I want to say no to somebody, I'll be like, okay, yeah, I'll do it because I don't want to disappoint.

[Big T]

Did you do that today?

[A.J. Holiday]

No, with this podcast?

[Terry Capleton]

No, ma'.

[A.J. Holiday]

Am. Okay.

[Terry Capleton]

I didn't think when she called me that was just a. Let me think. Okay. Do I have something?

[A.J. Holiday]

People be last minute the hell out of.

[Big T]

So wait, when I came over your house, like two weeks ago and I ate that food that your aunt made, was you just being a people pleaser because you could have kept that meal?

[Terry Capleton]

No, no.

[Big T]

What I mean by that, we ain't taking nobody food. Did your aunt cook today?

[Terry Capleton]

I got two aunts that live in the city and one cook all the time. One don't cook as much. My cousin Candace do all the cooking over there at the house. Okay, but what was I saying?

[Big T]

No, people pleaser, people pleasing.

[Terry Capleton]

What I mean by that is, you know, let's say if you say, hey, can you take me to the airport?

[A.J. Holiday]

You love somebody, you take them to the airport.

[Terry Capleton]

I know, I want to say no. I want to say no, I don't want to do it. And I'll just be like, all right, I got you. What time if I leave? But really, I really just want to say no. But I'll say, yeah, just the cause. You call me and I just make sure I get you there on time. But now I'm learning I can say no and not feel bad about it. You know what?

[A.J. Holiday]

So you. Do you think you were saying yeah, because you expect something from that person, like some type of. Some gratification at some point, like, no. Why you can't say no?

[Terry Capleton]

I just used to like to be there for people. People, you know, I just used to like to be there for people to the point where anyway, it would inconvenience me. You know, I gotta get everybody. I gotta get them by the airport by two, knowing I gotta do it. You know what I'm saying? So now I'm learning, man. Yeah, I'm learning now that no, I can say no confidently and not care about it.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, yeah.

[Big T]

I had to learn, like, because you will deplete yourself that way. No is a complete sentence. No, no, period. You don't have to explain to get years.

[A.J. Holiday]

It's almost like they just pop up. Like, you know I'm gonna say, yeah, so that's why you calling me. But I'm a surprise you today.

[Terry Capleton]

I mean, it could be different things other than just asking for a favor. It could be like, hey, I'm having a housewarming. I remember one. One week, somebody invited me to a housewarming. A baby shower, a kickback. A promoter friend of mine had an event, and then someone asked me to help Them move all in one week. And unfortunately for myself, I tried to make each one of those things a priority. Damn, they killed myself.

[Big T]

Did you go to all of them?

[Terry Capleton]

Nope. But I felt bad because I didn't make it to one of it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So I was like, you know what, man?

[Big T]

I don't ever have that problem. I don't think I ever had that problem. I'll just say no. With love.

[Terry Capleton]

I do it now. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm earning that. I'm learning.

[Terry Capleton]

Hey, I can't. I can't make it.

[Big T]

Call me for money and see what happened. Know with love. I'll tell people. Like, you know, especially if someone's close and I know it's urgent, I'm like, exhaust every other option and then circle back.

[A.J. Holiday]

God damn, you gotta get off my feet.

[Terry Capleton]

That's cruel.

[A.J. Holiday]

Terrible.

[Terry Capleton]

That is cruel.

[Big T]

But you'll get it. You'll get it. I'll give it to you. But you need to try every other possible avenue first. You know, the.

[A.J. Holiday]

I want to play a quick game right when we get up out of here. So it's just a couple questions and you have to tell us if it's masculine or no, basically.

[Terry Capleton]

Okay.

[A.J. Holiday]

Wearing pink.

[Terry Capleton]

That's masculine, man. I love pink pink, soft pink, mauve, you know, anything on that color spectrum you feel like.

[Big T]

I don't think clothes, I mean, like a color, there's like no limitations. Yeah, I don't think so. But I don't know if I put my baby boy in pink, though.

[Terry Capleton]

I wouldn't put a baby. A baby boy in pink. Not at that point. Not until later.

[A.J. Holiday]

I wonder why. That's something else we gotta do.

[Terry Capleton]

It's a fly pink out there, though.

[Big T]

Yeah. You don't really see a lot of baby boy people.

[A.J. Holiday]

You don't. Why would we do it? I wouldn't do it as a baby. That's what I'm saying. Like unpack that part. Crying during a movie, that's masculine.

[Terry Capleton]

I have cried during the movie. I made a Facebook post the other day. You know what movie I cried on? I don't care how hard you think you is, this movie will make you cry. A Time to Kill with Samuel L. Jackson.

[Big T]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that one is.

[Terry Capleton]

Those two white boys raped his daughter.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[Terry Capleton]

Oh, my God, man, listen. Every time. I can't watch that movie all the way through, boy.

[Big T]

I remember I went to see a best man holiday with my ex boyfriend and we was in a movie theater and he kept on looking like. Looking like you. Straight. Yeah. I'm good.

[Terry Capleton]

Yeah.

[Big T]

Like, he was hard down, staring at the sky. He couldn't keep them tears from falling. That movie.

[Terry Capleton]

Find a movie. That's masculine. Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Paying for a first date.

[Terry Capleton]

That's masculine.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. So y' all bitches stop going to your pocketbooks. I'm like, why are you going to your purse?

[Terry Capleton]

You know, some women. You know what a woman told me? They say they do that because that's setting up the play.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, okay. Yeah, the real gold diggers do trick first, you know, But I'm not paying.

[Big T]

But some men are offended by that.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I'm not doing that.

[Terry Capleton]

What about leave a tip or something? That's cool.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, I'll. I'll leave the tip.

[Terry Capleton]

I shouldn't have to ask.

[Big T]

Don't walk in dark. Don't walk in dark alleys. That's the tip. Being a stay at home mom. No, being a stay at home dad. I'm sorry. I'm so used to saying mom.

[Terry Capleton]

All right, before I say, I got to put that one in context, because I'm a dad now, right? And I didn't have a full understanding of what it was being what it was like to be a parent, because kids is a lot. A lot. And I'm gonna have to say masculine. I'm telling you because people think, oh, it's a baby. No, you can go home. That's crazy. I made a Facebook post about this too. You can be having a mental breakdown. Kids don't know nothing about none of that. They're gonna come to you. Daddy, Mama, I want a popsicle. Take me to the park. I want to go to trampoline park. I want to go to the pool. You'll be like, if you knew the day I had, you wouldn't ask me for nothing.

[Big T]

I'm about to stroke out.

[A.J. Holiday]

You want to go to the park, Mommy? It's like your woman is working, and you're at. You're. I mean, a stay at home dad. Your woman is working, and you're at home with the kid. That's masculine.

[Terry Capleton]

That can be masculine as well. Yes. I'm telling you. Because kids is a lot.

[A.J. Holiday]

Interesting.

[Terry Capleton]

Interesting. Yeah. Because that's a duty within itself. Taking care of kids at the house. It takes a lot.

[Big T]

Yeah. So asking for emotional reassurance.

[Terry Capleton]

Very masculine. Yes. Because men are very emotional. You know, we were taught when we were kids, oh, be tough. Hold it in. Don't. Don't cry. Don't express yourself. And now you got men that are grown adults not knowing how to properly express himself. To his woman. You see what I'm saying? And so he keeps everything inside. You know, he internalizes his emotions, how.

[Big T]

You feel, and then everything comes out as anger. Every emotion comes out as anger.

[Terry Capleton]

But that's only if his. His top gun exploded. You see what I'm saying? But the. The trick to it is providing a safe space for a brother to be emotional. If you provide that, you wouldn't have no problem with him communicating or being. Expressing himself.

[Big T]

And how do we provide that?

[Terry Capleton]

You provide that by being a good listener. And also by being a good listener. Also by reaffirm. Reaffirming him as he's communicating, you know, letting him again, letting him know how. How much you appreciate him. Appreciation go a long way with men. A long way. Men don't really care about love like that. Respect and appreciation don't care.

[Big T]

They don't want to be loved. They want to be appreciated and respected.

[Terry Capleton]

Men, you love the kids. Men want respect. Love will come from that.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm telling you, taking longer than your girl to get dressed.

[Terry Capleton]

I could be very feminine. Feminine doing that. No, I. I listen when I'm in the shower, I know what I'm putting on when I get out the shower. Like, I already be thinking about that. You know, the men don't gotta do all the other aesthetics to get himself together. You know, sometimes our women.

[A.J. Holiday]

You saying women are ugly?

[Terry Capleton]

No, I understand. Women gotta take time to enhance their beauty, you know? You know, y' all gotta get right.

[Big T]

What about meditating or journaling?

[Terry Capleton]

That can be a mixture of both. That could be a mixture of both, in my opinion.

[A.J. Holiday]

You don't write down.

[Big T]

No, it's androgynous, is what you're saying.

[Terry Capleton]

Somewhat, yes, Because I compartmentalize everything. Like, okay, I know I got to do this, I got to do that, I got to do that, I got to do that. I don't have to write it down for me, you know, And I don't.

[Big T]

You'll be forgetting.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm about to say, do you actually be executing? Because a lot of y' all is unmedicated. Y' all need. Y' all got. Y' all need ADHD medicine.

[Terry Capleton]

I'm very organized and punctual. You see, I got here with time.

[Big T]

Yeah, you was. We was here on time.

[A.J. Holiday]

We was letting your woman take the lead in bed.

[Terry Capleton]

In bed. Very masculine. We want that. Yes. Because men like to be desired as well. Yes. We don't always want to be. Not all the time. We don't always want to be the one to initiate the first move sometimes come over here. Yeah, come over here.

[A.J. Holiday]

And what if your man say, what if your man be like, I don't feel like it today, Tam.

[Big T]

Give me that.

[Terry Capleton]

Dang.

[Big T]

I'm joking.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm joking.

[Terry Capleton]

How do you feel about that? If he say, I don't feel like it today.

[Big T]

Listen, I want to know why I.

[A.J. Holiday]

Have had like this wasn't a boyfriend. I never been turned down by like a boy.

[Terry Capleton]

Oh, here it is, right?

[A.J. Holiday]

By somebody I was fucking with. And he told me he wants to be alone tonight.

[Terry Capleton]

He wants a me time.

[A.J. Holiday]

And I didn't talk alone.

[Terry Capleton]

Damn, the man can't have no me time.

[A.J. Holiday]

Hell no. Because that. Hold on. What that means is you're not gonna always feel like the person you with. You do do it sometimes because they want to, right? So you mean to tell me you only gonna with me when you feel like it? Like that's not what's wrong with that? No, that means if. If I don't fuck. Okay, obviously I fucked with you when I didn't feel like it at some point.

[Big T]

That was a personal choice.

[A.J. Holiday]

You could say that. That's. To me, I hate when people be like, well, you chose to do that because relationships is always give and take and people choosing and making sacrifices. So no, you can't tell me you feel like being alone tonight because you think when you call me tomorrow, when you feel like me, I'm gonna just come over there.

[Big T]

But you can't say you feel like being alone.

[A.J. Holiday]

Not if I like somebody. I'm not just trying to just. We don't even have to have sex. We could just. I like to be alone with somebody. What?

[Terry Capleton]

That's you.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, I know, but what if he feel like.

[Terry Capleton]

What if he's saying, hey, not tonight, or I need some time to myself so he can be.

[A.J. Holiday]

Then see it like that. He just. I want to be alone tonight.

[Big T]

What if he had like something happening.

[A.J. Holiday]

His mind he was going to fuck somebody else, man. It's okay. And listen, and here's the thing. Listen, and here's the thing. You can do that, right? I'm not somebody you could just brush off like that. Like, you can't do that to me. So I didn't hold. No, I'm not holding a grudge against him. Like I still talk to him when I see him and shit like that, but I stopped fucking with him.

[Terry Capleton]

That's crazy.

[Big T]

Just cause he wanted to be alone one night, that's crazy.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yes, yes.

[Terry Capleton]

The man wanted some time. Maybe he didn't feel like it. Was fair for you. Fair to you for him to be in that space around you.

[Big T]

Maybe he felt like he didn't deserve your energy that night because of something he was going through mentally.

[Terry Capleton]

What if it was some health issues?

[A.J. Holiday]

Chat.

[Terry Capleton]

What if it was. He found some. Just found out some bad news.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, he had a hurt breakout.

[Big T]

Good God damn.

[Terry Capleton]

It could have been mental health. It could have been mental health.

[A.J. Holiday]

Nigga had a breakout.

[Terry Capleton]

He got it from somewhere.

[A.J. Holiday]

I'm receiving my life.

[Terry Capleton]

God damn right, nigga.

[Big T]

Can't even have a bad day alone.

[A.J. Holiday]

It was a Friday night. Quit playing in my face. And then, like, anytime after that, you was on my nuts. If I had something. You see what I'm saying? So it's when I took my energy completely away from him because I know, first of all, this is community dick. Okay, listen.

[Big T]

This person, all right? Set up the place. Set up the story.

[A.J. Holiday]

So community deck. And this wasn't. This is. This is just. I was doing some shit because sometimes I get bored if I'm single, okay? So, yeah, like, I. I know this person, so I know how he moves.

[Big T]

So you.

[A.J. Holiday]

You. Maybe it would have been better if he said, no, I'm having somebody else over tonight. Maybe I would have taken to that more. I don't know.

[Terry Capleton]

You would have accepted that.

[Big T]

You would have accepted that more than I want to be alone tonight.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I feel like that I had some trust.

[Big T]

Why would you accept that more? Because now that. That feels like now you're choosing somebody over me. That's a problem to me.

[A.J. Holiday]

But now I feel like you lied and chose somebody over me, which is why you don't have access to me no more. But if it's not a lie doing that.

[Big T]

But what if it's not a lie?

[A.J. Holiday]

If I call that dude because I took my energy from him, I bet you I can call him every single. It's when they think they got some type of control. So I took the control back. You can't fuck with.

[Terry Capleton]

Y' all was in competition with one another.

[Big T]

That's what it sound like.

[A.J. Holiday]

I wasn't in competition. I wasn't in competition.

[Terry Capleton]

That man just wanted some me time. And you ghosted her child on a Friday night.

[A.J. Holiday]

Boy, fuck you. Go and have your me time. And you can't just talk to me no time no more.

[Terry Capleton]

That man gonna spend the block.

[Big T]

All right. Do you say I love you? What about saying I love you to your male friends?

[Terry Capleton]

That has been hard for me. But I do love my. I do love my male friends. I love all of Them.

[Big T]

But telling them is hard. Why?

[A.J. Holiday]

You just was saying, like, one of your homeboys has been calling y' all and telling y' all how he love.

[Big T]

Y' all when he drunk.

[Terry Capleton]

Yeah, when he drunk.

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh.

[Big T]

But maybe that just allows him to be more. More vulnerable.

[Terry Capleton]

No, that's dangerous because you might get. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't call me when you're intoxicated. But hey, bro, I love you, bro. What you about to do? You about to jump off a bridge. No, no, no. What you about to do? But to answer the question. That's masculine. That's masculine. That's very.

[Big T]

But why do you have trouble?

[Terry Capleton]

I was never around men who said that to other men growing up. You know, even the men didn't growing up. My father, fortunately for me, my father told me as a kid he loved me. But a lot of men in the community didn't tell other adolescents that they loved them and hear other men tell other men that they love them. So that was always hard for me.

[Big T]

I get it.

[Terry Capleton]

So it's easy for me to tell.

[Big T]

My child, but I challenge you. All men listening if you listen to the show. So tell your friends you love them.

[Terry Capleton]

I love y', all, man. I love each and every last one of you guys, man.

[Big T]

Hey, man. See, I love that. I love that. I tell. Listen, I tell our listeners every day, every episode, I tell them I love them. Because some people don't hear it.

[Terry Capleton]

It's a fact. I actually have friends that told me that their parents never told them that they loved.

[Big T]

Exactly. You know, some people never hear it, and they just would love for their mama just to say, I love you. You know? So that's why I tell them. Because if you ain't gonna hear it nowhere else you gonna hear it.

[A.J. Holiday]

We talking about just be telling people I love them. Because my love comes with action. I can't just frivolously tell just people, random people I love y'. All. Because you don't.

[Terry Capleton]

You can tell me.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah, because I don't know people. Right? Right. And it's like, my love does not really come with conditions either. Like, real love does not come with conditions. So I can't just use that word with a bunch of people that I don't know. Because the minute you disappoint them, they will turn on you and they never loved you. You know what I'm saying? The minute you do or say something they don't like, they turn it on you. So did you ever love me for real, or the minute they say or do something to you. Like, it's, fuck you. I'll really be quick to tell people I love. Fuck them.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

You know what I'm saying? So I can't really get into with strangers like that. I absolutely appreciate, Appreciate everybody, though. Have a lot of gratitude and. And thanks for everybody. But I am a real lover girl. Like, for real. For real. And I, I, I be like in my feelings about. So if I feel like, slighted after I said I.

[Terry Capleton]

That hard shell on the outside.

[Big T]

Oh, she very marshmallow on the inside. That's very. See, I just. I like to think that I walk around with God's loving me every day, and I want to do display that in every day. And that's why I tell people I love them, because that's what we're supposed to exhibit.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. But I'm gonna display it. I ain't gonna say it. I'mma do.

[Big T]

You gotta do both.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah. I'mma do the things to let you know I love you. And that, that is because of how I was raised. My mama never was just giving out hugs and saying, I love you. But you knew she loved you. But the things, how they prevail, how she shows up for you. Absolutely. Just raw love.

[Terry Capleton]

But then you got to look at what they heard versus what they didn't hear.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah.

[Terry Capleton]

See what I'm saying? Did their parents tell them right, I love you. You see what I'm saying?

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah.

[Big T]

Because I think hearing it is important.

[Terry Capleton]

Very important.

[A.J. Holiday]

No, it is.

[Big T]

It is.

[A.J. Holiday]

It is important for today. I love y'.

[Big T]

All.

[Terry Capleton]

Y' all right here.

[Big T]

We love you, too. I thought y' all had got some.

[A.J. Holiday]

Love from AJ for a second. No, let me tell y'.

[Terry Capleton]

All.

[A.J. Holiday]

Y' all experience this love is gonna make you a better person. I'm telling you. I create gods.

[Big T]

All right? Amen. Amen. Do we have a last, Last? No. Oh, Terri, tell everybody where they can find you, follow you, support you. All the things.

[Terry Capleton]

Great, great, great. My name is Terry. You can find me on Instagram. Amsocharleston. Amsocharleston. I a M C H H A R L E S T O N.

[Big T]

You live out the song.

[A.J. Holiday]

You're from the West.

[Terry Capleton]

I said so.

[A.J. Holiday]

Yeah.

[Terry Capleton]

I A m S O C H A R L E S T O.

[Big T]

N. There you go.

[A.J. Holiday]

Shame. Anyway, y', all, it's all good. If y' all enjoy this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the Black Effect iHeartRadio app. And Kevin Hart, we need to check because he loved the tequila. Okay, I've been buying that shit.

[Big T]

What is it?

[A.J. Holiday]

I can't pronounce it. It's the Kevin Hart Tequila Reposado, y'. All.

[Big T]

Did you tell him your name?

[A.J. Holiday]

Oh, yeah. It's AJ Holiday 2 Play on Instagram. Kick it Tam, y'. All.

[Big T]

It's official. Tam Bam on Instagram. Remember, Speak now.

[Terry Capleton]

And lastly, I just want to say I am very proud of you both. I see the progress and only God knows what he has in store for y'. All.

[Big T]

Amen. Thank you. We appreciate that. Last.

[A.J. Holiday]

Last. Oh, it's not last. Last.

[Big T]

Yeah.

[A.J. Holiday]

Speak now. Thank you.

[Big T]

And never hold your accountability.

[Terry Capleton]

Own it.

[Big T]

Deuces.

[A.J. Holiday]

We Talk back Podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Big T]

Hey, everyone.

[A.J. Holiday]

This is Carrie Champion, the host of Naked Sports. The all new 2025 Nissan Armada Pro 4X provides freedom. Freedom to explore, to go wherever you want with your whole crew and all your toys. With a twin turbo V6 engine, £8,500 of towing capacity and seating for eight, this unshakable fortress of a vehicle is built to take you on your next adventure. Drive the all new 2025 Nissan Armada today. Learn more at nissanusa.com intelligent four wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. This is an iHeart podcast.