We Talk Back – "Adore Your Life" feat. Vanity Ware (Replay)
Podcast on iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network
Release: January 30, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of We Talk Back features hosts TamBam and AJ in conversation with special guest Vanity Ware — a seasoned tech professional, certified life and business coach, and the founder of the “Adore Your Life” movement. Together, they explore life, love, and career as unapologetically Black women, diving into topics ranging from healing trauma and femininity to navigating tech, dating with higher incomes, and the importance of self-identity beyond job titles. As always, the hosts deliver their blend of humor, real talk, and “advice you didn’t ask for,” sprinkled with laughter and candid storytelling.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Healing & Reflections (03:03–07:07)

• Dreams and Childhood Trauma: TamBam shares a powerful dream about healing her childhood self and confronting abandonment issues with her father.
  • “I had a dream my current self was going back to my childhood self… telling her I was never gonna leave her and she is okay.” (04:28, TamBam)
• Daily Life and Decompression: The hosts talk about the struggle to find time to decompress and self-care around busy schedules.

2. Declining Fertility Rate & Social Engineering (07:11–13:28)

• Fertility Rates: The U.S. fertility rate is at its lowest, possibly due to economic concerns, postponed marriages, and lack of childcare support.
• IVF & Women’s Health: AJ shares her own experience of considering IVF and discusses the prevalence of fertility issues.
• Government Incentives: The Trump-era focus on symbolic policies over meaningful change for families.
• Population Myths: Hosts debunk the idea of overpopulation in the U.S., noting most people cluster in major cities while rural America is sparsely occupied.
  • “We are not overpopulated. It’s concentrated areas…” (10:26, AJ)

3. Viral Apps & Privacy Disasters (13:28–15:23)

• The T App Hack: Discussion of the app for outing red flag men being hacked and leaking 72,000 images, including private selfies and IDs.
  • “Now your selfie about to be on an AI character, right? Okay… the app got hacked so now it’s a whole hot mess.” (13:51, AJ)
• Gender Double Standards: What if men created similar exposé apps? Hosts note women would struggle with the exposure and scrutiny.

4. Dating, “Flew Outs,” and Self-Respect (17:00–28:13)

• Stranded by an Athlete: Storytime about an IG model left stranded after refusing sex with a pro athlete, leading to “flew out 101” advice.
  • “You’re never stranded if you got money. And if you got no money, you should not go nowhere.” (21:01, TamBam)
• Predators and Scammers on Both Sides: Both men and women can be users; caution and self-sufficiency are paramount.
• Predatory Women: “Women are apex predators too…we gonna do whatever we gotta do too.” (18:34, AJ)
• Safe Travel Tips: Always have your own “just in case” money and support before traveling.

5. Black Women, Burnout, and Authenticity in Tech (31:24–43:00)

(Featuring guest Vanity Ware)

• Vanity’s Journey & “Adore Your Life”: Introduced as a tech professional and life coach helping women secure careers and realign mindsets.
• Making Tech Cool: Vanity uses humor on social media to make tech accessible and fun.
• Burnout for Black Women: Validation struggles, workplace isolation, and self-shrinking (“I’m the only Black woman in the room... have to shrink yourself.” – 35:28, Vanity).
• Affirmations and Community: Emphasizes therapy, affirmation, and building community as resilience tools.
  • “You deserve to be in that room. They hired you for a reason…” (39:43, Vanity)
• Code-Switching: The exhaustion and inauthenticity of code-switching; importance of bringing your true self to work.
  • “You can only keep that up for so long…eventually your real self breaks through.” (37:39, Vanity)

6. “Soft Life” and Outsourcing Self-Care (41:29–43:40)

• High-Earning Black Women in Charlotte: Noting the rise of “soft life” due to higher incomes and banking jobs, and the importance of outsourcing chores to maintain work-life balance.

7. Pathways Into Tech—No Degree Required (43:44–46:41)

• Breaking the Stereotype: You don’t need to be “super techy” to thrive in tech. Transferable skills matter most; many roles focus on people skills.
  • “If you use a computer, in some way, some tech is there.” (78:19, Vanity)
• Strategic Resumes: Tailoring resumes to job descriptions and understanding how AI resume screening works.

8. Dating as a High-Earning Black Woman in Tech (50:00–52:05)

• Dating Challenges: High-earning women must seek high-caliber partners—both in finances and character.
  • “You have to know how to treat me and really cater to me and love me with consideration…money isn’t everything.” (51:37, Vanity)
• High Caliber vs. High Value: They’re not always the same—lame men can have money; character is crucial.

9. Therapy, Life Coaching, and Actual Healing (52:16–54:57)

• Life Coaching vs. Therapy: Therapists focus on past trauma; life coaches help with present goals and accountability.
  • “No one is God. No one can heal you. They can help you heal, but you have to do the work.” (54:12, Vanity)
• Real Healing Work: Trauma must be acknowledged and processed before progression is possible.

10. Success, Titles, and Self-Worth (64:09–67:20)

• Separating from Your Job Title: One’s identity shouldn’t be about degrees or titles—be interesting, funny, and multidimensional.
  • “You’re so much more than your degree... You take that away—what else do you bring to the table?” (65:40, Vanity)

11. Male–Female Friendship Debate (57:36–63:33)

• Can Men and Women Be Friends?: Hotly debated; hosts argue that most male “friends” are just waiting for a chance, a claim supported by men in the studio.
  • “That’s not your friend… they waiting on you to let them smash.” (62:05, AJ)
• Rare Exceptions: Some true platonic friendships—but most male friends would cross the line if invited.

12. Social Media Algorithms and Presence (75:15–78:24)

• Reprogramming Your “Inner Algorithm”: The importance of intentional breaks from social media and living in the moment.
  • “We’re in the moment, taking a picture of the moment, and not even living the moment…” (75:39, Vanity)

13. SIMP Series: Tales of Money Manipulation (83:15–89:12)

• Dating Story: Vanity recounts dating a “money manipulator”—a man who feigned need to gain her sympathy, let her cover expenses, and hid his true situation.
  • “He was a hobosexual and a money manipulator.” (84:28, Vanity)
• Advice: Communicate limitations honestly; don’t date beyond your means or use people as a financial crutch.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Healing:
  • “Am I healing myself subconsciously in my sleep?” (05:32, TamBam)
• On Burnout in Tech:
  • “I’m the only Black woman in the room. You feel like you have to shrink yourself.” (35:28, Vanity)
  • “Those affirmations — I should be in this room. My voice needs to be heard.” (35:59, Vanity)
• On Dating & Money:
  • “You're never stranded if you got money… If you got no money, you should not go nowhere. Your mama should have taught you that.” (21:01, TamBam)
  • “If you can't spend money, be creative.” (86:06, Vanity)
• On Gender Double Standards:
  • “Imagine if men were to have an app talking about who all they done smash… y’all would commit suicide.” (14:01, AJ)
• On Professional Identity:
  • “Don’t get so attached to your title…You did your thing, but what else do you have to offer?” (65:40, Vanity)
• On Soft Life:
  • “Get somebody to clean—outsource. When you come home, allow yourself to have that soft life.” (42:18, Vanity)

Important Timestamps

• 03:03 - TamBam’s healing dream and childhood trauma
• 07:11 - US fertility rate discussion
• 13:28 - T App data breach and women’s privacy
• 17:00 - Body counts, exposing men, and dating dangers
• 22:30 - "Stranded" while being flew out; travel self-sufficiency
• 31:24 - Vanity Ware joins, introduces herself and her tech journey
• 35:28 - Navigating burnout as the only Black woman in tech
• 39:43 - The importance of authenticity and avoiding code-switching
• 42:18 - Embracing self-care as a high-earning Black woman
• 43:44 - How to pivot into tech roles
• 50:00 - Dating pros and cons as a high-earning woman
• 52:16 - Life coaching versus therapy; real healing work
• 57:36 - Can men and women truly be friends?
• 64:09 - Separating yourself from job titles and degrees
• 75:15 - Reprogramming your social media habits
• 83:15 - Vanity’s story of being played by a “money manipulator”

Closing and Contact

• Vanity Ware offers the hosts her branded journals as gifts and reminds listeners to focus on adoring their lives—not just enduring them.
• For those interested in tech, life coaching, or self-improvement:
  • Find Vanity Ware: @adore_coachvanity
• Hosts: AJ Holiday (@ajholiday2.0), TamBam (@officialtambam)

The signature We Talk Back humor and directness are ever-present, with deep dives into issues of identity, career, relationships, and self-worth — always with a focus on keeping it real (and keeping it funny).