Replay* | Choreplay with Jordan Carlos

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Replay* | Choreplay with Jordan Carlos"

We Talk Back – June 12, 2026
Hosts: TamBam & AJ
Guest: Jordan Carlos (Comedian, author of Chore Play)

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Episode Overview

This lively and humorous episode centers on the concept of "choreplay"—the idea that everyday effort and shared household responsibilities can become a powerful love language in relationships. Comedian and author Jordan Carlos joins TamBam and AJ to discuss his book Chore Play, unpacking why chores have become such a flashpoint in modern partnerships and how shifting attitudes and gender roles affect intimacy, satisfaction, and overall relationship health.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chores as a Love Language

• Modern Romance and Chores: Chores are no longer just domestic duties, but critical acts of partnership and service that influence attraction and intimacy.
  • "Everyday effort, chores, responsibility, showing up has become a whole new love language essentially in relationships." — TamBam (07:08)
• Raising the Bar: The bar for straight men is comically low (in "hell," as Jordan jokes), yet many still trip over it.

2. The Inspiration and Impact of Chore Play

• Why Jordan Wrote the Book: After years of marriage and seeing divorces among friends/family, Jordan realized small, unglamorous lapses (like not helping around the house) were major relationship dealbreakers.
  • "Things that seem unimportant after a long period of time, on a long timeline, are very important. They can mean the unraveling of a relationship." — Jordan (16:55)
• Sexual Rewards: Doing your share often results in improved intimacy.
  • "By doing things for yourself, it can have this kind of snowball effect... The outcome is that, yeah, you can smash more." — Jordan (11:47)

3. Socialization & Gendered Expectations

• Learned Helplessness: The way chores are distributed in family upbringings becomes embedded—girls cleaning, boys relaxing post-meal.
• Role Modeling: Jordan credited his own father's work ethic (but hands-off home approach) for unconsciously shaping his own early behaviors.
  • "I was thinking that would absolve me of my responsibilities because I had seen it with my dad… If I pay for everything, I don’t have to do anything, right?" — Jordan (24:52)

4. The ‘Invisible Load’ & Executive Function

• Women often handle not just the physical chores but also organizing, planning, and anticipating needs—a weight men rarely notice.
  • "A lot of executive function goes hidden. Women don’t always talk about it because they just shoulder it… Guys, if we even had half of that load, would probably buckle." — Jordan (35:02)
• Advice: Self-Motivation: Men need to proactively make and complete their own lists of what needs doing—without waiting for applause.

5. Gamifying & Unlearning Negligence

• Selective Attention: Men are socialized to “not see” messes—unconscious selective attention (Jordan’s "USA" term).
  • "If you open both eyes, you can't see your nose...your brain ignores it. So what are you socialized to ignore?" — Jordan (31:26)
• Jordan suggests actively noticing and immediately handling small things—like laundry or moving clutter.

6. Recognition & Validation

• Desire for Gold Stars: Men especially crave recognition for basic domestic tasks. The hosts lampoon this, noting women’s baseline effort still far exceeds men’s “top tier.”
  • "Your top tier man is just an average woman." — TamBam (33:55)
• Internal Validation: Jordan stresses the importance of affirming oneself instead of waiting for outward praise.

7. Gender Roles & Negotiation

• Some division of responsibility is natural (many women don’t want to mow lawns, for example), but everyone should "do something." Outsourcing is valid, but not a total substitute for shared labor.
  • "I'm just saying do something. There has to be the middle point between nothing and something." — Jordan (45:30)

8. Memorable “Messy” Stories

• Relationship Gripes: The hosts share tales of partners leaving messes: from nasty bathrooms and piles of laundry to a boyfriend leaving tape from his laptop porn sessions all over the house.
  • "He beat off his dick in my kitchen. Why are you in the kitchen?!" — AJ (59:46)
• Parents Enabling: Concerns are raised about mothers not teaching sons basic chores, leading to adult men who cohabit like children.

9. Chore Play’s Real Impact on Intimacy

• Mess and “mental clutter” kill desire, especially for women. Jordan references Maslow’s pyramid—basic needs and order precede intimacy.
  • "We need to understand what your partner's hierarchy of needs is...there's two people in this. It's a we." — Jordan (68:22)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

On the “reward system” for men:
"Why do we have to be like, 'hey baby, I noticed you washed the dishes today…you want your dick sucked.' Why do we have to give big rewards for doing something basic?" — TamBam (33:46)

On men making excuses:
"If your son said, 'I didn't do it, but even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying,' would you accept that? …Would you accept that from your son?" — TamBam (34:46)

On patriarchal double standards at family gatherings:
"After the meal is done, all the teenage girls have to wash the dishes, but the boys watch the Cowboys game…That just happens." — Jordan (19:00)

On the “bare minimum” bar:
"The bar for men in straight relationships is in hell, and we still tripping over it." — Jordan (16:55)

On the relationship “cold war” of chores:
"Marriage is a cold war…if you get rid of that little tit-for-tat, then there’s more tits for you!" — Jordan (91:41)

On negotiating household roles:
"I'm not saying you have to do 50/50. I'm just saying do something." — Jordan (45:30)

On the correlation between fitness and helpfulness:
"Having a fit body meant I could get up and do the things my wife needed." — Jordan (23:06)

On behavioral change:
"You have to not look for outside validation…you can give yourself a gold star." — Jordan (37:03)

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Game Segment: "Who Does This?"

(75:28-86:31)

The hosts and Jordan play a lighthearted game, answering which gender is more likely to:

• Keep score in arguments (Women more, but men try)
• Want recognition for effort (Both, but "men want it more for doing less") (76:44)
• Say nothing’s wrong when it’s not true (Men)
• Do things with expectations attached (Men)
• Expect partner to read minds (Men, but women too)
• Apologize to end an argument (Men)
• Believe they are the better partner (Both)

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Practical Advice: One Thing to Improve Your Relationship

(88:29–89:44)

Jordan’s Tip:
"Check on the toilet paper around the house. If your girl comes home, sits down, and there’s no roll, she has to do that hop to the cabinet…Check the bathrooms, change out the roll. That will take two minutes and will save your relationship." — Jordan (88:41)

TamBam’s Addition:
"Put the toilet seat down!" — TamBam (89:30)

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Closing Thoughts

The episode is rich with personal anecdotes, sharp comedic banter, and practical insights. The key takeaway: sharing the load at home isn’t just about chores—it’s about equity, respect, and keeping romance alive. Both men and women can “update” themselves, actively unlearn harmful patterns, and embrace the everyday tasks necessary to make love flourish.

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Quick Reference Timestamps

• Theme introduction, weekend stories: 02:30–07:27
• Chore Play topic intro: 07:08
• Jordan Carlos joins, book origin: 11:47–16:55
• Patterns from upbringing on chores: 19:00
• Invisible load/executive function: 35:02
• Selective attention/socialization: 31:26
• Game segment: Who does this? 75:28–86:31
• One tip to improve your relationship: 88:29–89:44

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Where to Find Jordan Carlos

• Instagram: @oneofonejordancarlos
• Book: Chore Play (available in print, audio, eBook)
• Upcoming Netflix projects and more info on his website: jordancarloscomic.com

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“If you have somebody solid right now, please stick with them, do the things that work, because the dating pool got dookie in it.” — AJ (93:24)

Transcript

[AJ Holiday]

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[Jordan Carlos]

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[Jordan Carlos]

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[Jordan Carlos]

wherever you get your podcasts. What's up y'?

[Tam Bam]

All?

[Jordan Carlos]

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[Jordan Carlos]

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[Tam Bam]

to We Talk Back podcast a production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

[AJ Holiday]

We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talk back.

[Tam Bam]

What's up, y'?

[AJ Holiday]

All?

[Tam Bam]

It's your girl, A.J. holiday. What's up, Tam Bam?

[AJ Holiday]

Hey, girl. Hey, girl. I love y'. All. Thank y' all for coming back for another episode. I missed y' all so much. How was your weekend?

[Tam Bam]

Uneventful. I do. For real.

[AJ Holiday]

You'll be lying.

[Tam Bam]

And I missed a really nice event in Charleston on Sunday. But I didn't. I didn't get out the house for. I literally did nothing this weekend. And I felt good about it.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, sometimes that's what you need.

[Tam Bam]

I paid bills. That's the most I did was pull my laptop out to pay my light bill. And.

[AJ Holiday]

Well, this. That's all good. Let me tell you what happened to me this weekend. I just be feeling like. Like, it just be chaos, right? Like. All right, I got. So I haven't. I don't move into my place in Charlotte until the first. I had to push it. They pushed it back till the first, so that's my official move in date. I was supposed to move in on Friday. So I ended up getting a room for the night after work Friday night. And I just got a room at the Doubletree uptown, right? And I was tired. I left Columbia like, six in the morning. I got here eight, and I worked till eight at night. So now it's like, almost nine. I'm checking in my room. I'm like, I can't wait to lay down and just eat my little burger in the room. I open the door. I walk. I step one foot in the room, and I slip on something. And then I feel the floor to get up, and it's goo. Something gooey under me. And I was like, yeah, somebody's dead in this. Because I can't see. I haven't turned on the lights yet. The door closed behind me. I'm like, there's a dead body in here, I'm sure. And somebody's. Somebody's gonna kill me in this. I know it. And I left my pistol in the glove compartment, so I'm dead. I turned on the light, girl, it's dookie water all over the floor. Water, bruh. Like, from the toilet.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, my God.

[AJ Holiday]

It's overflowed all over the floor, like in the doorway. This. It looks like. I don't know if it came out the sink or the toilet. I don't know. I didn't say to inspect. When I tell you, I screamed to the top of my lungs. It probably sounded like somebody was getting killed in. Because I was hollering, dookie water, girl.

[Tam Bam]

And that.

[AJ Holiday]

Girl, I'm back in a boot. So I heard my. Yes, I twisted my foot. The foot that I broke. I'm back in a boot.

[Tam Bam]

Shut the up.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, I'm back in a boot. Looking crazy. Looking crazy out here again.

[Tam Bam]

Looking like a lawsuit, cuz. What?

[AJ Holiday]

At least this girl, girl, what can you imagine? I got pictures. I gotta send it to you. It's. I'm talking dookie water, friend. Like, I was like. Like screaming, hollering, and then you need

[Tam Bam]

to go get a tetanus shot. You go get a tetanus shot too.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, they gave me a shot. Like, I went to the hospital. I went to the hospital. They did X rays on my foot. I did not re. Break the bone. But there is some injuries in my butt bone too. Like I. My butt and all this cushion. I. You think I would be safe? No, the tailbone.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Damn.

[AJ Holiday]

So, yeah, that happened to me this weekend. So then I was just laid up, you know, after that. What the.

[Tam Bam]

But you know, we had that age where like, you really can't get an injury at all because like what this injury is like forever.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes. So that happened to me, y'. All. Dookie water at the double tree.

[Tam Bam]

Was it actual pieces of in it or was just like the.

[AJ Holiday]

It was dark. It was brown. Like brown.

[UnitedHealthcare Ad Voice]

Brown,

[AJ Holiday]

right, Exactly. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, I can't do it. I wouldn't let them have it at that front desk, girl.

[AJ Holiday]

I was.

[Tam Bam]

How do y' all not know this happened? Like, when was the last time y' all was in this room? When was last I was cleaned, it was wires.

[AJ Holiday]

It looked like it. Like something exploded in there for sure.

[Tam Bam]

You know what? Probably wanted to clean in people or somebody probably used that restroom and then didn't realize it overflow.

[AJ Holiday]

And it looked like. Yeah, like somebody. Somebody exploded. And then something exploded.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, hell no.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes, girl. So that was my weekend, y'. All. What we talking about today? A little bit of line.

[Tam Bam]

All right, so y', all, today we're breaking down how everyday effort, chores, responsibility, showing up has become a whole new love language essentially in relationships. Don't you think I love a who clean up behind himself.

[AJ Holiday]

I can't wait to get into this one.

[Tam Bam]

We got a special guest on when we talk back this week. We'll be back. Go ahead.

[AJ Holiday]

All right. Yeah, so we'll be right back with that guest.

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[Tam Bam]

All right, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

And we're back. And quick question. If your partner starts doing more around the house, cleaning, cooking, helping out, does that make them more attractive? Okay. Or are you like, nigga, that's what the fuck you supposed to be doing.

[AJ Holiday]

That's who I am. That's where I'm at.

[Tam Bam]

Okay. So today's guest wrote a book about it. Okay. It's called Chore Play because apparently washing dishes is now foreplay. Okay. So we do have comedian Jordan Carlos on We Talk back this week. And we're talking relationships. He usually makes people laugh, but he's written a book on how to save your relationship via doing your chores, doing

[AJ Holiday]

some around the house. I love this. Jordan Carlos.

[Jordan Carlos]

I don't know if I was allowed to talk yet. I never. Okay. I didn't know. Okay. I was trying to. I always try to be very formal. I mean, you got two sisters on this podcast right now. Try to be very respectful and know when I need to talk. You know that I have been married for almost 19 years, so I have to know when to speak, when it's allowed, when I'm allowed to go. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate this, A.J. tam. And thank you for commenting on my book. Yes. Listen, I wrote this book because we've lost a lot of good men out here and just trying to help them out with some really kind of just low hanging fruit, some real just easy hacks for around the house and just. Just stuff that, you know, men should probably be doing anyway. Yes. Should be doing anyway. For themselves, just for themselves. Right. And by virtue of that, by doing things for yourself, it can have this kind of like snowball effect where, you know, you're not even trying to impress your good lady, your partner, whatever it is. It's just like you're doing that for yourself. And then like from that, from that I found the outcome is that, yeah, you can. You can smash more.

[State Farm Ad Voice]

So.

[Jordan Carlos]

Which has been great. I mean, a guy like me that's just 18 going on 19 seasons in, we're always happy for that, you know?

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Because you can see clutter around the room in the dark. I don't want to smash in this. I'm sorry.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Jordan Carlos]

Truly. Truly. I mean, there are. Sure, there are times, like, in my 20s, college age, like, that didn't really matter. It was passion, you know, I'm saying. So, like, that. That is. That's true. But what's cute in your 20s is not cute in your 40s. And that's kind of what that book. This book is about, is that things change. They do. And you have to be. You have to be ready for that change, and you have to be ready for that new, like, operating system. Because, as I say in the book, like, we update our phones everywhere, two weeks, we got to get a new operating system, whatever it is, you know, so it's like, it go. You know, like, of course, logically, you need to update what your partnership is as well and what that will look like.

[AJ Holiday]

So did you have, like, an epiphany or were you just getting in trouble at home? You weren't getting no coochie. Like, you was like, what I got to do? Let me get a dust pan. Let me get a mop. Like, what happened? How did the book.

[Jordan Carlos]

I mean, we tried all the things. You know, you try all the things, right? You try therapy, like, out of Network Therapist, which is just like $200 an hour, and you're, like, talking in circles and you're trying to do better. But what I found was mostly, like, what was the change agent was like, vibe. Changing vibe was really important for me. I mean, I understand. Like, when I was a kid, I used to have, like, up on the wall, my mom would put, like, you know, if you clean your room and do the dishes and do your chores, like, you get gold stars, and that means you'll get your allowance and things like that, right? So I was like, I mean, that's cool, but I'm not 12 anymore, right? So I didn't want to have such a rigid structure to, like, my behavior. And that's one part. The other part was why. The why factor, Right? So that inflection point came from just. I mean, at year 10, and then women in their 40s, they just want to talk to the manager. They want to talk to the manager. There's so many notes they have, right? I mean, listen, manager I mean, like, the manager of life, right? Like, they take a full inventory, restock, whether it's career, it's family, it's like dead weight friends. Like, they're like, I'm not doing this anymore. Perimenopause and menopause has entered the chat, and so they're getting very serious. And, like. And you. And believe me, you are up for review. As a man, you were up for review. So that was definitely a part of it. I saw a lot of people in my circles, like, getting divorced. I had a divorce in. In our family that was very close on. I have front row seats to that. And, like, just learning the. The very unsexy ways that. And undramatic ways that a marriage can come apart. And seeing that firsthand, I was like, okay, people can be role models. This person is a role model for me. I'm gonna do the opposite of that, you know? So. So it was definitely, like. It wasn't anything dramatic. It was just like my wife feeling as though she was alone in doing all the things. Doing all the things, you know? So. So that was enough. That's y'.

[Tam Bam]

All.

[Jordan Carlos]

After a while, that can. That can be enough. You think it's gonna be, like, some Tyler Perry level excitement? Nah, that's not it.

[AJ Holiday]

So how did. Go ahead. You got a question.

[Tam Bam]

So in a nutshell, so our listeners understand who have not read Chore Play, give us a quick, like, not a whole summary, but, like, a quick synopsis of what Chore Play is about.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay. Chore Play is about all of the money that you are leaving on the table that can, like, correct a lot of what's going on that might be going south in your relationship. So whether it's, like, making sure that your side of the room is clean, the dishes are. Are done, whatever it is. This. These kind of small house items that seem not important after a long period of time and on a long timeline. They are very important, and they. They can mean the unraveling of a relationship. So this is about. This book is about taking those things more seriously and then also seeing that they have this kind of unexpected outcome, which was an. An improved sex life as well. So that's basically what the book is about. And it's about doing, like, the. The least amount to get the most. Because the bar. I'm gonna put it out here. I don't know if I feel like a mansplaining this, but the bar for men in straight relationships is in hell. It's in hell, and we still tripping over it. We are still tripping over it somehow. So just, like, I feel like I got struck by lightning a little bit. Like, I shouldn't be married, but I am. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still alive, but I am. But we're not gonna talk about that, you know? But I am. And I'm here to report and just thank God. I'm just putting. It's just about putting people on game to things that they might not have, like, noticed before. And that's it. Because a lot of it is, like, what you're socialized to do, you know, and what you're taught to do verbally. Non. Verbally. Like, for instance, every Thanksgiving, I love when my family comes together. It's an amazing, like, Southern Thanksgiving. And we. Our family from New Orleans comes up, by the way, aj, I'm like, every. Good food, right? So it's really good. Anyway. Yes, we got. I love my New Orleans family. Like, for people listening. I don't know why AJ randomly was that before that.

[AJ Holiday]

I don't.

[Jordan Carlos]

Anyway, this is before we were rolling. But anyway, the point is, after the meal is done, what I saw was, like, all the teenage girls have to wash the dishes, but the teenage boys then watch the Cowboys game, right? So it's like. It's kind of crazy, and, like, that just happens. And this year, like, we were like. We kind of. We kind of embarrassed the boys. We're like, get in here and wash the dishes. And they're like, huh, what dishes? Never seen one. You know, like, acting dumb, you know, and that's just. That is kind of what I saw. These patterns forming, and how we're channeling kids to do certain things or, you know, what's expected of them can ultimately just have, like, a horrible effect, I think. Just like, it can. It can erode and undercut a relationship because you're. You. If you expect a woman just to clean up for you while you watch the game, just because, I mean, you're. You're going to be on thin ice. Timeline. You go be on thin ice. Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

That brings me to a story I remember on Sundays, football Sundays, which is my boyfriend at the time, that was his day. Like, I want to watch football all day.

[Jordan Carlos]

Cool.

[AJ Holiday]

That's fine. You know, I' ma watch housewives, you watch football. Cool. Whatever.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

But he would do this thing where he would. When he was finished with his beer, he'd be like, babe, and then just hold a beer in the air and shake the empty bottle. He wouldn't say, hey, can you get me another beer? Please, he just hold that in the air and shake it. Hey, baby.

[Tam Bam]

Girlfriend.

[AJ Holiday]

Wow.

[Jordan Carlos]

My son does that, but he's like 7 years old. He does it from the back seat with the juice box. You know what I'm saying? And we're always like. I'm like, I'm your butler, you know, But I've been like, you need to hold on to that till we get to a trash can. You need to hold on to that. Like, I think it's so funny that you say that, Tam. I'm not trying to. I mean, I'm only going to speak on myself, right? So I'm a Cowboys fan. I don't know why I spent so much time watching the Cowboys just do okay. They're like, okay. Then they choke. And it's like, some fans. Look, some teams. I get it, right? If. If the teams are great. Like, if you were a Pats fan during the two twenty tens and things like that, yes, you're going to be glued to the couch. But the Cowboys. What am I doing? What are jets fans doing every Sunday? You should be out in nature. You should be out like a farmer, whatever it is. Yeah, you should be, you know, whatever it is. Go do something. Go outside, touch grass, whatever it is. Go to the beach, whatever. Like, yeah, Chop, do something. Do that project you said you were going to do around the house. Because the jets don't need you. Believe me, they don't need you to do bad. They can do bad all by themselves. So I wasted all that time watching them. But I will say for the couch thing, I was out of shape, too. So the getting up from the couch, because the nicer the couch you have, the more it's. You sink into it, right? And. And I had to reverse that. I was like. When I found out at the gym, like, I found out about kipping and hip thrust, I was like, oh, okay.

[Tam Bam]

So now the hip thrust coming, right. Come through with the good back and

[AJ Holiday]

hip thrust and push ups, too. Because ain't that worse than a laying on you like this? Lay it up against you?

[Tam Bam]

I literally ask people for pictures of their forearm. Okay, let me. I'm looking for a particular thing.

[Jordan Carlos]

Wow, Amazing. I'm not gonna. I'm not going to add to that joke, but I feel. I got you. I got you. Well, let me just say that that's something I work on a lot. We work on our plank pose. So it's like. So I feel like what I'm saying is, like, getting up from the couch. Yes. So many ways. This is Swiss army knife. So so many ways. Like getting up from the couch, if you don't want to get up. Right. If you can't get up physically every time you. You're down like that, if you can't get up quickly, then when you're asked to get up, what happens? Attitude, right. Like coming up with different reasons why you shouldn't do the thing.

[AJ Holiday]

Right.

[Jordan Carlos]

So, like, that. I didn't even, you know, I, like, stumbled on all this. So I found out that, like, having a fit body meant that, like, I could get up and I could do the things that my wife needed me to do. Right. If she asked me to do this, that, and the third, no problem. No friction, no problem. Because then I could quickly pop back on the couch and do whatever and. Yeah, I just. I feel like in that case, with your man. I'm so sorry about that. That's.

[AJ Holiday]

That's my man. No more.

[Tam Bam]

Let's talk about the asking part, because.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

Do I have to ask you to be an adult? Right. And I kind of liken this to, like, you know, couples having babies probably out of wedlock. Right. And mama automatically knows to be a mama. Right. It's just natural. Natural. But then the. The young man might feel like, you know, he's being mothered by her, so she has to tell him what to do because he does not innately know what to do. I think most men at some point probably live on their own. So what were you doing in your own house to where you think that now you cohabitating with a woman, you don't have to clean up at all?

[Jordan Carlos]

I think, you know, that's where, like, money and capitalism gets in the way. Right? So, like, I. I was making. I make. Still make good money. And it's like. And I was thinking that, like, that would absolve me of my responsibilities because I had seen that with my dad. My dad's a very successful doctor. And my dad was actually, like, at a time in. In Texas, was also, like, at least the Fort Worth chapter was. Was heading up, like, Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood in Fort Worth. But when he. And he's an obgyn, but when he got home, like, he cared for women all day long. Do you understand?

[Tam Bam]

So I can hear your mama melt right now.

[Jordan Carlos]

Boy, when he got home, that. That was it. No more. Yeah. Yeah. That was one too many women. So he, like. So he'd be home, like, in his DVDs, you know, watching ESPN, got a steak on his belly, just eating, got the beer, like, whatever. Like, that was that was him. So I. I was like, okay, no one's explaining this or saying this to me. You're just seeing it, right? So I'm like, this is a guy that is well regarded in the community, at church and his family. This is what I want. This is the prototype. I just need to emulate this. So that's what I did with comedy. I emulated that and then was, like, thinking, okay, so if I make money and handle all bills and, like, make everything all right, pay for everything, then I don't have to do anything. Right? And so that was my mindset, and that's why I feel like it got to a point, like, when we first started dating each other, it wasn't like, I wasn't looking to her. Looking for her to do, like. Like, domestic stuff or. Or I wasn't looking for her to mother me in any way. But that's this part of me that, like, kicks in. Like, I had to get over that the need to make women mother me, you know, like, which is. Which is crazy. So once you. I mean, cut that. That umbilical cord, like, for real. For real. And stop, like, keeping things clean around the house so mommy doesn't get mad at you. Right. Or. Or whatever it is. And have your own standard for yourself, though.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. Your own standard. Like, I just don't understand, like, why a man wouldn't have some men do, like my dad. And I look for men like my dad, because my dad is a very clean man. Right? So I know it's possible. So when I run across somebody who thinks, like, and everybody has a different level of cleanliness. Right? There's a base level. And then some people, like, I watched you in a Breakfast Club and how Charlemagne said that women clean the bathroom better.

[Jordan Carlos]

I.

[Tam Bam]

A man has told me that living in the house with me, like, he let his. He let his bathroom.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

Get so deplorable because I no longer would share bathrooms with him, and he let it get so bad, and he asked me if I could clean it for him.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

No.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah. I mean, you could outsource. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

You could bring another bitch in here and literally your nasty bathroom. Or I might put that bathroom on Facebook or Instagram so people can see how you living.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[AJ Holiday]

But I think there's a lot of men, though. That's just a lot of men. I remember my ex used to have, like, yeah, E. On the floor around the toilet sometimes. What?

[Tam Bam]

Sticky.

[Jordan Carlos]

Damn. No. Was this the same guy?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, same guy. Same guy. And they used to have, like, all right, this Is gonna get gross. He used to have in the toilet and then, like, cubes on it, so it looked like a teddy bear.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yep.

[AJ Holiday]

It was gross.

[Jordan Carlos]

He didn't have the brush. He didn't have the toilet brush.

[AJ Holiday]

He did, but he just didn't use it. Use it or flush.

[Tam Bam]

So to be a. I do blame the moms. And I. And I. If my sister is listening.

[AJ Holiday]

Good. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

My nephew just went to college, and I'm so concerned about him having a roommate, knowing how he was raised to not have to do anything. Right. I'm concerned about him now having to cohabitate and, like, not being the cleanest. Right. And you're. And you're. And he plays football. And now people on your team talking about you. I'm so concerned about that because I watched them not have to do anything.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

I remember once I made him take the trash out, and he was like, you know, because he said he's gonna be a professional millionaire. He plays. He's planning to go to the NFL, right?

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Oh, wow.

[Jordan Carlos]

Amazing.

[Tam Bam]

He was like, yeah, when I get older, I'm only gonna give people money who was nice to me or some shit like that, because I asked him to take the trash out. So now you. You are raising a man that no woman is really going to want.

[Jordan Carlos]

Absolutely. After a few years, like, it's gonna. It's gonna go sour, right? So. Because what I found, and I'm not an expert by any means, but I found that, like, romantic love can get a marriage to, like, 10 years. Right? But past that, you could still have so much love for the person, but if they are a mess, they are a mess. Right? And. And yes, for me, it was like this. Like, when I was 19, I had a really bad fallout with my mom. And it was about independence. It was actually about independence. I wanted to move to the big bad city, New York City, and I wanted to, like, intern for Def Jam, and she wouldn't let me do it. So I did it anyway. We had a huge falling out. But it actually kind of, in a way, was helpful because I had to become independent because there was no mom wasn't going to send me a care package. She wasn't going to check up on me. I had to get my own apartment. I had to do my own laundry. I had to do all these things. So it just really kicked me in the butt. But, like, can women clean better than men? Maybe, but they've been left to do it. You know what I'm saying? Like, men have taken all the other jobs. I Was like, yes, I guess so. So it's like that's. That's what they're able to do because men have taken everything else, right? So I mean everything else, too, though.

[AJ Holiday]

But do you feel like you don't believe in any gender roles? Because I don't want to cut no grass, and I don't want to wash no car. I don't want to put no gas in it. Do all that I believe.

[Jordan Carlos]

Listen, I believe in doing. I do. I don't do that much, right? But it seems like a lot. Of course. I handle the car. Like, I write in the book that I handle all things about the car. Cleaning the car, like, taking it in for whatever maintenance that's due, whatever this, that, and the third. Fortunately, I live in a city. I live in a townhouse. There is no backyard, really, to speak of, so it's like, you don't have to really take care of that much. I do the gardening in the summertime. Just, like, the trimming and things like that. But, like, when it comes to. But that's like, for a season or two, right? So summer, spring, that's all you got to do. Think about the daily grind, though, of, like, laundry, food, all this, this, this, that, and the other. Like, my wife needs help. And those kind of things I think people are falling short on. I know I was falling short on. So it's like, that's where I'm. I'm picking it up, and I kind of gamify it now. Like, I, I. If I see something on the stairs, pick that the hell up. Get it downstairs. It will take.

[AJ Holiday]

Don't walk past it.

[Jordan Carlos]

Don't walk past it. But there, as I describe in the book, there is something called usa. This is called. Is unconscious selective attention. This is a real thing, right? Where it's like, you can see, like, if you close one eye, you can see your nose, and if you close the other eye, you can see your nose. But if you open both eyes, you can't see your nose. That is because the brain just ignores the nose.

[Tam Bam]

Mine kind of big. I see my daddy nose all day. I see that.

[AJ Holiday]

We're both eyes.

[Tam Bam]

Yes.

[Jordan Carlos]

You're the first person I've ever met that says, you have a very nice nose, A.J. like, very nice. Everybody got nice noses. I don't have a good. I. My nose is like a Bill Cosby nose. But, like, But I. I will say this, like, but your brain ignores things. So it's like, what are you socialized to ignore? Ignore, Right. As men, we are socialized to ignore stuff on the floor, the Legos, the this that, like, the piles of clothes, the. Everything around us, right? Our brain is telling us to do

[AJ Holiday]

this because when it comes to the table. So I know what you're talking about.

[Jordan Carlos]

Like, what? It wasn't even there. Like, whatever. What are you talking about? So there are things we got, like. So if I know that, then I know that there are things that I can unlearn, right? And I can unlearn. Like, just pick it up. Like if, if, if, like, there's laundry, there's. And the. And the washing machine is done. Just put it in the dryer. Just do it, bro. And it's. It's like, all about getting into active mode, right? Instead of ready mode, you got to get into active mode. And I feel like a lot of guys are in ready mode. Like, we're always like. Like, we work out. So it's like, I wish. I wish someone would try me, right? Like, so I can live this John Wick fantasy out, right? But, like, but, like, where we have to just, like, stop with the readiness, stop with the preparedness, and just activate. Like, and I don't think it really takes that much. It just takes doing small things, and then like, eventually, gradually, you will be more active. And. And a part of that also is just, like, you have to not look for outside validation. I wait for your girl or anybody to, like, pat you on the back for it, but just pat yourself on the back for it. You know? That's what it is. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

What is that, though? What is that? Wanting, like, to have this admiration, you know, from another person simply because you, you know, you washed the dishes today. Like, hey, baby, I noticed you washed the dishes today. You want your dick sucked. Why do we have.

[AJ Holiday]

That's what they want.

[Tam Bam]

Like, they just want big rewards for, like, so have you, you know, I'm dying right now.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm dying right now.

[Tam Bam]

She said your top tier man is just an average woman.

[Jordan Carlos]

And I

[Tam Bam]

like the. That men think they really do. It's like basic, and then when you add different layers. My ex said I would build RICO cases, and I'm a Gemini. Okay. I'm not a nag, right? Because I feel like if I ask you to do something, if you ask me as my partner to do something, you only have to ask me me one time, and I'm going to acquiesce, you know, whatever, if it's reasonable. But sometimes with men, like, you have to keep asking them something like a child, and then now they're acting as if you're nagging them, yes.

[AJ Holiday]

Right?

[Tam Bam]

So I'm not a nag. I asked you one time and then I add it to the rico. Right?

[Jordan Carlos]

The RICO case. Against you. Yeah, against him. Okay, okay.

[Tam Bam]

It's a.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Post it.

[Tam Bam]

It's a sticky note on that, nigga.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay?

[Tam Bam]

That's what I'm putting a sticky note on this, a sticky note on that. And my ex tell me, even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying. I'm like, what, is that acceptable from your son? If your son were to say, well, no, I didn't do it, but even when I'm not doing it, I'm trying to do it?

[AJ Holiday]

I think it makes sense.

[Jordan Carlos]

I think what we need, I think, man.

[Tam Bam]

Man, math, man.

[Jordan Carlos]

Truly, truly, truly. I think it's just like you can rationalize anything. You can rationalize anything, but it's like integrity is everything, right? It's just like, you know, integrity doing what you're supposed to do when nobody is watching you, right? So, like, if you know that she said to do whatever chore it was she asked you to do, you heard it, you know it. If it's a second time thing where she's like reminding you, like, just say, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'll get to that. And do the thing. I think that it was for me, learning. And I'm still learning. I'm still learning. There are things that I still need to do, but I create the list for myself now, you know, it's not about her having to amass the list of things that need to be done around the house. Like, what about me? What. What do I see that needs to be done? Right? That's the executive function part that I talk about in the book. That, like, it's a lot of executive function goes, like, hidden. And like, women don't always talk about it because they just shoulder it, right? And guys, if we even had half of that load, would probably buckle under the pressure, right? So I think that's a big part of it as far as, like, needing that kind of, like affirmation and approval. That's a very American thing. Like, we all love a pat on the back. We love a, like, you're doing great, you know, Like, I don't know about y', all, but I like, I go to, like, workout classes, and if the instructor doesn't say that I'm doing great, then, like, did I do great today? Am I dying? Am I out of shape? Like, what's good? Like, you know, like, we need gold stars. We're raised with gold stars. We need gold stars. But you could give yourself a gold star. Like come on, gold.

[UnitedHealthcare Ad Voice]

You could do it.

[Jordan Carlos]

There's also ignore. You could post, you could be that guy. Like, you could post it on IG, like look the way I loaded the dishes today. And you could become famous that way, unfortunately. And then you, you know what I'm saying? Then like whoever Paul Mollif will like back you and like sponsor you, you know, for real. So I think that, you know, just trying to get that kind of validation is the same validation that we wanted for our parents. It just, it just goes on and on. And like the people that really, I think get the most in life out of life are people that, that are very good at like validating themselves. Right? And just like very self possessed and self contained. I think I just, I strive for that daily. But it's not, it's not easy out here. You know, it's not easy but like it's, it's, it's, it's something that, it's a discipline that I work on all the time.

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[Jordan Carlos]

More.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Ashley from Ben and Ashley Podcast]

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[AJ Holiday]

So is helping like a red flag word? Because I noticed, like, I remember being on the phone with a guy and he was like, yeah, I can't go out tonight. I gotta babysit my kids.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm so. Tim, I'm so worried about North Carolina.

[AJ Holiday]

That's your kids. You don't babysit.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm so worried about the dating pool in North Carolina. For real.

[AJ Holiday]

First and foremost, she's not helping me. You help. This is your house too, you know, babysit.

[Jordan Carlos]

Babysitting his own children. I've heard that one before. And it's. I've said it. And, and that was like. When I heard myself say it, that was terrifying. To me, you know, I'm saying. So, like, yes, that is a person that is not fully. Or they're showing that maybe they're not most fully vested in having the kids. Maybe, you know, like, like you have to be like, the more you put into it, the more you invest in them, the better and more chill your life will be. Because if you're trying to, if you ride, like we say down south, you trying to ride two horses with one ass, if you're trying to be like Mr. Single Guy and have kids at the same time, no, because people, it'll be like dead giveaway. People will see right through it. You'll kind of try to present somebody that you're not. And you have to accept where you are in life. Like, that was a big part of it for me. I wasn't accepting that I was like a dad. Like all this stuff, you know, because like, kids can ruin everything. They can ruin it all. Like, I was looking for my charger today for my computer. My kid had used it with some GI Joes and he was putting together some kind of zipline thing with my charger. And I told you not to touch it, right? Now I gotta, now I gotta kill him. You know what I'm saying? Like all these things. So, but, but like, but this is what they do. They upset everything, but that's okay because they bring joy. So the more you like accept where you're at, accept what's going on, I think the better. That's, that's what made it better for me. Accepting that I was like, I'm a dad with kids and responsibilities and I need to own up and act like it.

[AJ Holiday]

Like, so I have a question. Like this applies. So I have a friend, she doesn't work, she doesn't have to work. And she has been afforded a lot of the luxuries of life, but her responsibility are the kids, the chores in the house. And sometimes she gets fed up with having to do it all by herself. And he's like, well, I bring home the bread, you bake it, you know, that's your job. Do you feel like this applies to someone who has.

[Jordan Carlos]

It applies to everybody. Everybody. It applies to everybody.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay.

[Tam Bam]

You bringing home all the bacon. I would use your bacon and outsource some of these tasks because regardless of what, like a housewife, they, they say she works 90 hours a week. So that's two full time jobs, essentially. Yeah, right. And I like, even my mom, I tell her, use his money to just get somebody to pay and come clean the bathroom. If you don't want to do it. Like, I feel like men value their pockets. So if he starts seeing his bottom line, like, some of that money is going to house cleaning and. And a nanny, he might want to help it, help out.

[Jordan Carlos]

You know, men. I mean, listen, men will do anything as long as they're money involved, right? Like, apparently men, like I write in the book, like, men can't cook, right? But, like, the best chefs in the world are like, our men, right? Like, you got, like, Andrew Chang. You've got, like, you know, Anthony Bourdain, God rest his soul. Like, all these people, these. Bobby Flay, right? All these people. These men, like, broadcast that they're great at cooking, but then when they're home with their kids are like, what's an egg? You know? Like, they don't. They don't know, right? What's a pan? I feel like. I feel it's like. Like this. Even if your friend who has that amazing. That's a great problem to have. I would love to switch heads with her. That's an amazing life.

[AJ Holiday]

When you say that, that is a trigger for her, for real. She's like, you don't understand. You say you want to switch, but you wouldn't want to switch. Like, bitch, give me a chance right now. I'll switch with you.

[Jordan Carlos]

She probably has a bit, I'm guessing, big, big house, a lot of things, a lot of material things. Like, those are responsibilities unto themselves. So when you think about it, yes, that's a lot of executive function, right? So she has to keep track of that. And even if she gets, like, a house manager to, quote, unquote, like, you know, defray the load right there. Like, then she. She's in charge of that house manager, right? So she has to tell them what to do. And my man, I'm sure he has pressures. He's trying to make generational wealth and all this kind of stuff, but when he gets home, he's done. He's got one shift, she's got two, right? So that's. It's a lot. It's a lot to deal with. I'm just saying this. I'm not saying that you have to do 50, 50. I'm just saying do something. Like. Like, there has to be, like, the middle point between nothing and something, right? Like, you have to do something. Do something if. Even if it's taking out the trash. Like, even if it's like. Like just remembering the nights that the trash was come or remembering your children's schedule, Even if it's just remembering your kids, teachers names, right? Or their shoe sizes. That takes nothing. That is not. That's just a walk to their room. Check. Okay. Uk, it's always a little bigger with a shoe size than American size, right? So that's all it takes. But like, even that is, I feel like people are dragging like, like I've had so many comments where people are like, man, this guy sounds like a wussy. He a woman. He, you know, like, like I'm like, dude, I'm not asking you to do anything, but maybe like five minutes of work, right? Five minutes of work here and there and that.

[AJ Holiday]

I think it would make a dramatic difference. Just that little.

[Jordan Carlos]

It'll make a dramatic difference. But a lot of men don't take in a lot of information like this or just people in general don't take in new, new ideas because they think it's like a threat to the established order of things. You know, I'm saying? So I, I'd say to your friend, just like, I hear her. But what I, what I suggest to women at that point is like, take time for yourself. If your man's not gonna do anything, say you're going out with your girls on Thursday, Friday, whatever it is, maybe Thursday, which is little Friday. I like little Friday. So go out, have some fun. Let him deal. He'll survive. You know what I mean? Like, he'll be okay. Have some fun for yourself. Make some time for yourself. I had to do that for myself too. Like, because I felt that there were so many like, resentments built up in whatever I was doing. So if I was asked to do something, I'd be like, yeah, I'll do it, I'll do. With an attitude. But I'm still doing it. What's the fucking problem, right?

[Tam Bam]

I triggered. I mean, friend is the friend would be like the exception, right? Most women are working along with their partners.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

And also if they have kids, they are responsible for the children and they're responsible for the household.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

So it's like the bills, all that, everything. Nothing's 50, 50. You see what I'm saying? So men, they online talking about 50, 50 this, 50, 50 that. Most of y' all don't have. Y' all half anyway. Okay, let's be very clear.

[Jordan Carlos]

They don't to any man out there listening, right? And to any man out there listening, like, just remember, there's always guys doing worse than you. There's always guys doing worse than you. And like, like I was at my kids school and I asked this dad Excuse. No, no, no, no, no.

[AJ Holiday]

Worse than me.

[Tam Bam]

I'm doing.

[Jordan Carlos]

I think it's a reason to do more. You have to pat them on the back or they won't do it. I'm telling you, you have to give them a little pat on the back. A little even for this. Yeah. Good boy. And attaboy. Right? So like this, dad. That's how I knew I wasn't so bad. Like, because the guy was like, I was like, I was bad, but not that bad. Like, like I was like. I asked him about his other kid that didn't go to this, like to our kids school and he's like, oh yeah, he goes to. He couldn't remember the name of his child's school. Let's just put it that way. Okay. How can you not know the name of your child? What if something goes sideways in school?

[UnitedHealthcare Ad Voice]

You don't.

[AJ Holiday]

And it's a school shooting.

[Tam Bam]

You don't even realize it's your kids school.

[AJ Holiday]

Right. You just chilling on the couch, man. That's crazy.

[Jordan Carlos]

Else, I. I mean, I'm just here

[Tam Bam]

to tell you, you know.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right, right. It's like, it's like that, that kind of like out to lunch mentality has to stop.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Because men think it's like a, you know, they. We talk about this on the show a lot. Like men saying that they're simple. That's not a compliment to yourself.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

You know, and they say women are more complex because we do think things on a different. On layered. Right. But why do you want to be simple? That's a simple ton as far as I'm concerned.

[Jordan Carlos]

Because it's easier to be simple. It's easier to be simple. Right. Or so we think. But actually in the long run, it'll cost you. So like for instance, just knowing and understanding, like what. You know, if it's like your kid's schedule, your wife's schedule, whatever it is. And understanding the household task and the schedule itself will. Will make your life so much easier because you'll know what the game plan is and you won't have to ask a million questions. You'll already know. I think that that's just really important. In fact, my wife is always sending me articles about like, about no good man and stuff. But like, but this is. But this one I found really interesting that she sent me. She's great. She's like a PhD so she's a very smart lady. All right. Five psychology. Five early signs your marriage is heading for divorce. And number five was like, she just said, she said this to me yesterday, but she's like. She's kind of like. She likes that the book can't. Like, she. She likes the book. She likes the response, and she likes what I'm doing. So she's trying to support me in that. Like, you try to say, oh, I see what you said. It's like we head into the rocks. You see how quick I'm like, let me just tell you something, okay? She said these. She's trying to support me. All right, all right. Poor division of labor, number five. And it was just said, like. Like one out of four marriages end in divorce because of a poor division of labor. One out of four. That's a lot. That's a lot. Okay. And it's just. It's so simple to solve, you know? And. Yeah, I mean, I just don't think that men need that pat on the back for doing dishes and things like that. I think you should eventually get a pat on the back for changing your ways. But I don't think, like, every little thing you do, like, you're six years old, you need gold stars for.

[Tam Bam]

Right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah. It'll come later.

[Tam Bam]

And I'm talking crazy, but I have a man now who will. We don't live together though, right. So I don't know how it would be cohabitating, but when he's here, like, he helps.

[AJ Holiday]

He.

[Tam Bam]

If I'm cooking, he's washing dishes, like, so.

[Jordan Carlos]

Great.

[Tam Bam]

I wrote it down, though, what I wanted in my little manifestation for the next man. All right, so that a lot of shit that he does, that's on my list.

[Jordan Carlos]

Beautiful.

[Tam Bam]

You know, I wrote, you don't know what you need until you experience the thing, and you're not getting it. So when I was in this two bedroom apartment with this man, and I'm like, what if we bought a house? Like, I'm gonna be responsible for an even bigger space because he's not doing shit like, you're doing a bare minimum in here. You know what I'm saying? He'll wash dishes. But like, even just calling maintenance and stuff like that, like, I had to helping you fix your car.

[State Farm Ad Voice]

Whoa.

[Jordan Carlos]

For real?

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

I mean, because I'm. I am super duper, like, mechanical.

[Jordan Carlos]

Mechanical. Okay. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

So I want somebody who also matches that.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right, Right.

[Tam Bam]

We don't always have to pay somebody to do some if we can look at YouTube and figure it out.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

Abs, he just wasn't using his screen, you know what I'm saying? And then he would have his friends calling me to help them solve their Problems. I'm like, no, you outsourcing your girl that you are already annoying the shit out of to help somebody else, man figure some shit out. Like, what is that? Like, I don't want to be the problem solver in my relationship. And if men want to leave, you have. You have to. You have to show up in that leadership.

[Jordan Carlos]

AJ And Tam, let me just say thank you for your service. Both of y' all have described some men that are just. Oh, my God. Oh, no.

[Tam Bam]

Gonna be for me. I don't mind giving somebody refurbished.

[AJ Holiday]

Man.

[Tam Bam]

Like, girl, he is.

[AJ Holiday]

He works.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, no.

[Tam Bam]

Because he's gonna remember why. I really feel like men only learn through consequence, right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

So it's going to be like, he's going to tally these things up. He's going to do his own inventory and. And realize what didn't work here.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

And he'll probably do better in the next relationship.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Maybe, maybe not.

[Jordan Carlos]

Maybe, maybe not.

[AJ Holiday]

Someone who don't have no boundaries.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah, exactly. Maybe, maybe not. Please, please.

[AJ Holiday]

What was the craziest argument? No argument. You got in over chores. The craziest one. Over, like, a chore.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, okay. The craziest argument I think we got in over chores was probably just. It has to do with laundry. Like, because I had a pile of clothes, and I liked my pile. I had, like, my mountain. You know what I mean? Ask me if it was dirty.

[AJ Holiday]

Was it dirty?

[Jordan Carlos]

No, it wasn't dirty. It was like, maybe ish. Ish. I had. I had, like. Actually, I had, like, multiple piles, Right? So you had, like, you had the clean pile, and you had the, like, ish pile, and you had the filthy pile, right? So it was like.

[AJ Holiday]

It was like, oh, that was your scratches sniff.

[Jordan Carlos]

Absolutely.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

I have my own. Yeah, but I have my own order, you know? Like, I was like, everything ends up on the ground eventually, right? Like, physics tells us that everything falls apart. Everything ends up in the. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Why are we out here? Like, I'm trying to, like, hit her with philosophy and reverse psychology and jokes. Yeah, and jokes.

[AJ Holiday]

Ain't nothing worse than a joke.

[Tam Bam]

What if she started doing exactly that? What if she just stopped? What if she had stopped washing clothes? Just started being just as nasty, Right. Eyeing her like, you nasty. You nasty.

[AJ Holiday]

That's a pile of clean dishes. That's a. Yeah, it might be clean dishes and those dishes dirty over there.

[Jordan Carlos]

We'll be crashing out. The kids would be like, we need to take mommy in for resurfacing. Something like that. Something we ain't gonna make it, we ain't gonna make it. Call grandma. Like, if you're absolutely, positively right, she's the neatest person I know. So like back in the day in college, like her roommates, what they would do is lay a sock on her bed and watch her crash out. Just watch her crash out. And so like that, that kind of like, that was a joke to me, right? That was like a joke. I was like, haha, kidding. Like I'll do the same thing, like leave a dish out and be like, how long? I'm just timing you, you know, see how long it takes for you to get it. And like after a while you realized, okay, that's real. It's not funny. It comes from a real place. Like her, her upbringing was such. Where it's like a lot of different people lived in her house, right? So it's like they rented out rooms to people. So her space. Because she's one of four children growing up in New York City, right? So it's a, it's a jam packed situation. So she kept her space orderly. And that's how she, that was like, that was for her mental health and so like really putting that together to mental health, right? And so putting that together and understanding that, okay, well this, this is how she copes is like, like that was how, you know, that was my moment of maturity, right? So gold star for me. But like, you know, like, but you have to make sure that you understand where your partner is coming from. From, right? So not only was I. I needed to understand that part, right? That's a bucket. Then I had to be like, Jordan, you need to grow up and just clean up after yourself. Because like what I got, the reinforcement I got about cleaning and our house was clean. It was clean because my mom was scary, you know, she's a scary lady. That would be like, I' ma come through for inspection on Saturday morning, you know, and make sure that that bed is like, you could bounce a quarter off it. Are you gonna, are you gonna die? You know, I mean like, it was like I was under a lot of pressure. I was pressed, you know, it was, it was crazy. I was, I come from the era of having to get to church clothes together on Saturday night and to polish my little penny loafers to a high shine like on Saturday night and then make sure that I studied my Sunday school lesson before and starts my college. Do you think when I left that house that I wanted to do that anymore? Absolutely not. I was like, every day is a fun day. Like eating fruit Loops, like, just having a good time, like. So

[AJ Holiday]

I got another story. I got another bad story telling you. Same, same.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, no. Damn. No.

[AJ Holiday]

I would come home from work, so I was working two jobs at the time, okay?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, wow.

[AJ Holiday]

I was doing hair and working at Sephora. And I would come home from work, and I would find tape, little pieces. I know you know this story, aj. I find little pieces of tape in the hallway, in the stairwell, in the kitchen. Just little pieces. Two little pieces of tape. Every day, it'd be little pieces of tape. What the. Why am I finding black tape? Like, the electrical tape, not, like, the clear black.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right, right.

[AJ Holiday]

So after the months, this goes on for months, right? So I come home and I find two little pieces of tape stuck to the dishwasher, right? So finally, like, what the fuck is this tape? Every time I come home, there's two little pieces of tape. Do y' all know that this nigga was taping both sides of his camera on his laptop and, like, watching porn and beating off somewhere in the house?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, my God.

[AJ Holiday]

When he's done, he just take the tape off and leave it wherever it was at. Wherever. He beat off his dick in my kitchen. Why are you in the kitchen? You nasty. Like, what in the world?

[Jordan Carlos]

At least he wasn't using gorilla glue or whatever, you know? Like, that's.

[AJ Holiday]

He said, like, the cameras, he thought somebody could, like, watch him, and they do.

[Tam Bam]

They do, like, log into your ship. But he was beating this dick a lot.

[AJ Holiday]

So I've heard, while I'm at work.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay. Again, this is really. Like, I'm not a therapist, but the secretive nature in which this man is going about this is. That's very suspect, and I'm glad that you ended that relationship. Yo, that is wild. That is wild. I think. Yeah. I mean, that's. That makes you wonder, like, when. When the woman's outside the house, what are you doing with your time? Right? And that. That's. That gets me back to integrity. Right? So it's like, you could be beaten off. Okay. Is that what you're gonna do with your time?

[Tam Bam]

Figuring out how to make more money so I don't have to work two jobs?

[AJ Holiday]

That part.

[Jordan Carlos]

Exactly.

[AJ Holiday]

Exactly, that part.

[Jordan Carlos]

So rather, I think. I think a lot of men use. You know. So I've heard you use masturbation as. Like, if they're bored, if they need to cope, if they need to calm down. I'm not. I'm not excusing anything that your dude did, but, like, there's much better things to do when your wife leaves the house, like, look around. What. What needs doing? Just like, do real fast. Do it. Or you won't do it at all. Like, do it faster. You won't do it at all. That's my. That's my mo.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah. My ex used to be like, it'll be cleaned up when you wake up. One time he said, it'll be. I'm like, he came home late in the evening and he just dropped a piece of whatever. Every piece of the house. So from the door to the living room, it's like an item, a book bag, like a kid, you know? So I'm like, could you pick this? You come into a clean house and you're just. Now it's just in disarray, right? And he was like, well, it'll be picked up by the time you wake up. I'm like, nigga, I'm still awake. Stepping over shit. Well, what I realized is that this nigga needed some Adderall. He actually had adhd.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh.

[Tam Bam]

And what he was doing, because he'd wake up, like, four. Four o' clock in the morning, right? He literally was creating things to do when he wakes up. Because he would wake up and clean up his stuff. He'd wake up and wash the dishes, you know? So he was. I'm like, if you don't do that, then you don't have to do this 4:00 clock in the morning, right? But he was literally creating things to do.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes, yes.

[Tam Bam]

Instead of just not doing it. I mean, don't drop on the floor. What the fuck is. I don't understand, man.

[Jordan Carlos]

You have to. When it. I mean, like, the winning strategy for me has just, like, been put my arms around whatever my wife wants instead of, like, my head around it. Because men will come up with a million excuses why they shouldn't do it right now. And this. This guy that is in my life, that is, you know, that shows me this role model. I don't want to name his name, but he's a role model. And he just shows me, like, every day in every way. Like, oh, okay, just do the opposite of that. But not everybody's lucky enough to have that in their life. You know what I'm saying? Like, not everybody is lucky enough to have that, like, that foil, the comedic foil. Like, don't do it. Like, don't be like, him. Don't be like Jim. Like, that. That is. That's been very helpful to me, honestly. And that helped me, like, write this book. I mean, did you have to, like,

[Tam Bam]

tap into Your feminine energy to write.

[Jordan Carlos]

Not even. People keep talking about, like, being feminine. I'm like, it's not being feminine to, like, okay, for instance, I needed to. I needed this. People will call it feminine, but actually, I didn't. I didn't even put this in the book, but this is what happened to me. We're on vacation, and we. Like a door down for us. We rent this place on an island in Maine, and a door down from us is this guy who's a colonel and an army colonel. Very nice guy. Lets the kids use all his, like, little floaties and all that kind of stuff, right? He's got them, like, stockpiled, and we just get to talking on the beach. And he's just a really nice person. And I was like, so what did you do in your time in the army as a colonel? He. He was like, I was a quartermaster, and if you don't know what a quartermaster is, a quartermaster, like, make sure that all the provisions that the army needs are there when they need them, right? So if it's ammunition, if it's food, if it's clothing, they got you. And they know where everything is in the. In, like, in the stockade, whatever, you know, like, they know where everything is. So I was like, okay, so this guy, like, knows where everything is in his house. He knows about, like, the comings and goings, and he's got the schedule down, the routine. I was like, I could be a cool. A quartermaster in my own home. So it wasn't. It was like, it has. It's about showing people that there. There is a male version of everything we say is, like, female, right? So, like, for. For me, that was, like, just being a quartermaster in my own home, understanding that, like, we're good for paper towels right now because we are so good. I wish I could show you on the other side as well. We are so good. I'm not. I'm not a doomsday prepper, but we good. Like, tppt. Like, all that kind of stuff. Like, I needed that to make it okay for me to, you know, be a man and then also worry about this stuff. Of course. I think people are on a spectrum. You're always in touch with, like, your feminine side. I don't like show tunes or anything like that, but there's part of me that, like, you know, I was hanging out with my son. We went skiing this weekend, and. And I was like, you know what we're gonna do because we're driving. And I was like, we're gonna put on Aretha, but for like, an hour, like, so he just listened to Aretha Franklin because we were, like, listening to so much hip hop. I was like, we're gonna put on Aretha so that you understand. Yeah, yeah. So we get some feminine energy in here too, you know? So, like, I feel like. I feel like I'm always in touch because, like, my mom raised me more than my dad because my dad was always working at the hospital. So it's like, that's never far away from me, so I'm comfortable with that. But not, you know, not every guy is. You know, not every guy is, like, not every guy can be me, but period, right? So I'll have a rose as well every once in a while. No one's looking. No one's keeping score. You know, it's all good. But I. I think that, yeah, you have to get over the feeling of being feminine or something like that, because being masculine, that's just like. It's a heavy weight every day. It's a heavy weight to do that. It's.

[Tam Bam]

It's.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Is there a female version, like, for the men of chore play? Like, what would be the.

[Jordan Carlos]

I haven't read it. You know what I mean? I just haven't run into a messy girl yet in my life. Luckily, I'm with this type a situation,

[Tam Bam]

you know, not necessarily like, the.

[AJ Holiday]

The chores, but, like, the thing that men would want more of.

[Jordan Carlos]

Like, the exact opposite, you know, do we want something? Oh, interesting.

[Tam Bam]

I mean.

[Jordan Carlos]

Right. I was only gonna say this, like, which is the. The direct line between, like, if you give something a week, right? Like, if you. Like, I made coffee for my wife for, like, a week. You give it a week. Like, I wanted to just touch on, like, the. The sex part, which is, like. Which was an outcome I. That was definitely. I did not expect. I was just trying to save my marriage. I didn't know how much, like, how much better our romantic life would get from that. But then in researching the book, I looked at, like, Maslow's, like, pyramid of needs, right? Which is like, you need food and shelter and all these things before you get to his. The top is self actualization, meaning just like, you know, a good life, whatever it is. So I think wedge with self actualization is also, like, sex. Like, you're not gonna.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

You're.

[Jordan Carlos]

We said it already. If the room is messy, like, my wife's not gonna want to smash at all. Right.

[AJ Holiday]

I just feel like Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Updated because I feel like men food Shelter right behind each other. I don't think it's all the way at the top. I really don't.

[Jordan Carlos]

They need tape. They need electrical tape.

[AJ Holiday]

Food, shelter, pussy. Electrical tape.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Right.

[Tam Bam]

It definitely is different between men and

[Jordan Carlos]

women, but we need to understand that. We need to understand what your partner's hierarchy of needs is. Right. So it's about understanding. You can't just, like, shut it off at your own point of view. There's two people in this. It's a we.

[Tam Bam]

Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

And like. And learning what she needs. Security. That's a feeling of security when things are in order and in place. Right. So that can just make. Make for a much better atmosphere, because then we kind of, like, stop being like, oh, we haven't hooked up in a long time. What's going on? We ain't doing this and that anymore, you know? And it's like sex was more of, like, a chore, right? As. As kind of like a way to. To make sure that. That we kept going and that, you know, like, we weren't off track. Instead of just, like a fun thing that we could squeeze in while the kids are away at school or something like that, you know? So it's. It's like. It feels like that point. And I feel very lucky. I feel very lucky in that, because not a lot of people that are, like, kicking for 46 in the ass are able to, like, say that they just have that kind of fun with their wife.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Like when sometimes we're on the phone at night and she'd be like, girl, let me just go suck his dick real quick. I will call you back. And it just sounds so much like a chore. Like, let me just go put this to bed. I mean, I'll call you right back.

[Jordan Carlos]

You are wild. That is hilarious. You have the funniest friends ever. I mean, that. Never have I ever. I wish that was my life, but that is not my life. Like, my wife's never like, let me. Groceries done. Okay. Let me. Like, this. Fans did never. But. Yeah, but if you. But that's a red flag if you're there at that point, you know, that just shows no desire. Right. And if desire is dead, then what are we doing? But it's all. All these things work in concert with each other. Like, so, you know, taking my. I kind of was like a. I mean, just. I was just out of shape. Like, I was. I wasn't, like, that much overweight, but I was out of shape. So, like y' all were saying with the rickety arms and everything, like that, like, I started to go to the gym, work on like kettlebell and stuff like that. Didn't ever think, never did I ever. I mean, look at me, I'm like, I look like Urkel's stunt double. Like, never ever did I think that that would, like, that's. You're very kind. Okay, let me go from Steve to Stefan. All right, so, like, but never did I ever think that that would like, have some kind of correlation, like losing the way, getting, like, getting more solid, solid core and all that kind of stuff. Like you like, my wife is the kind of person where she's like, she loves personality, she loves conversation, she loves talking. And that, that is very like romantic to her. But I always, I was like, okay, we have tried these things. We've tried talking, we've tried romance. Like, let me open up new paths and corridors in my life, like, and see, see what else I can be, you know, and, and again, don't be revolution. I was trying not to be revolutionary about it. I was just trying to be like gradual about it because I was sick of the mode that I was, I was, I. I'd been in previously, if that makes sense.

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[AJ Holiday]

Aj you have a game you want to play.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh God.

[Tam Bam]

Right quick. Okay. It's called who does this?

[Jordan Carlos]

By the way, I'm having fun on this show. This is really.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, yeah. Ladies.

[State Farm Ad Voice]

This is really fun.

[Tam Bam]

Get about 10 more minutes out of you.

[Jordan Carlos]

All right.

[Tam Bam]

More. So the game is who, who who does this? And you Would select more likely men, more likely women, or both Are your options.

[Jordan Carlos]

Do you see. Do you see the pain already etched on my face? I'm like, oh, I'm ready. I'm ready.

[Tam Bam]

And it's just overall relationship. Not even just about cleaning and stuff. So, okay, this first one. Keep score and arguments.

[Jordan Carlos]

Keep scoring arguments. Who does this? Keep scoring an argument. It's got to be women. It's got to be women.

[Tam Bam]

Acting like he don't know.

[Jordan Carlos]

It's got to be women. But I try to be like them. I'm always trying to be like, you know, let's go back. Let's go way back and, like, try to remember, get the files out. I can never remember the date, but, yes, I think it's women. They're better at it than men.

[AJ Holiday]

All right, I'll do the next one. Who wants recognition for effort? Women. Men are both.

[Jordan Carlos]

I think both want it, but men want it more. I think both want it, but men want it more for doing less. Women want it. And it's never. It's like, never seen. And, like, you gotta be like, you gotta. You gotta say thank you for this. If you say thank you for this. Oh, my God, it gets them so wet. I know. Because she'll, like, say. I'm like, thanks for making their lunch this morning. Thank you for that. She's just like, it's not a problem. It's my specialty.

[AJ Holiday]

Easy.

[Tam Bam]

Women. Women are actually easier, I believe.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay. Okay.

[Tam Bam]

We love you, you know?

[Jordan Carlos]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

We just need one reason to stay.

[AJ Holiday]

A million reasons to leave.

[Tam Bam]

One good reason to stay. Says nothing's wrong. When something is clearly wrong.

[Jordan Carlos]

Says nothing is wrong with something that is a man says. A man will like.

[AJ Holiday]

I agree.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah. He will deny.

[AJ Holiday]

I thought you were gonna say women. I thought you were gonna say women. I feel like I always see a woman, like, walking around the house, quiet, not saying. And the man be like, nothing.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, that way. I thought you meant denial. Like. Like. Like, that is denial as well. But I thought you meant, like. Like, if there's clearly a problem in the relationship, and he's like, why are you tripping? Everything's fine. You know, like. Like saying that everything is fine. That's a man thing. Like. Yeah, but if there's something. It's like jazz. It's the notes you don't play. Like, when she's like, I'm like, I'm gonna go out, get some beers with the boys, and she's like, yeah, go do that. That's fine. I'm like, I'm not going out. Like, if it's tone. If it's tone like that, like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. See what happens? She's not. If she doesn't say, like, I'm happy for you. You should do that. Like, no, that's good. I love that guy. Sure. So I see what you meant there.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Sorry.

[Jordan Carlos]

These are good questions. Oh, God. What's next?

[AJ Holiday]

Does things with expectations attach?

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, does things with expectations attached. That is. That is definitely some man stuff. I feel like. Yeah, that is.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

I expect ticker tape parade. I expect, like, you know, school will be suspended. Banks close. Yes. Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Expects their partner to read their minds.

[Jordan Carlos]

Expects a partner to read their minds. That is that. Women do that. Women do do that. But I also feel that. But. But I feel it's probably men more that. Yeah, it's men more.

[Tam Bam]

I agree.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah. Because we want to be treated as we would treat others. And we don't always express what we need or want in the moment, and it comes back to bite us in the ass, man. Like, it's real bad.

[Tam Bam]

Explicitly state what it is that they need. You just supposed to know, and then if you don't know, then it's a problem. Like, men are not as simple as they like to say.

[Jordan Carlos]

We're very complicated. We're very complicated. I mean, listen, the most complicated thing that my wife does is say that she doesn't want anything for Valentine's Day when she clearly wants something done for Valentine's Day. Like, she does that every year. And every year, like, I have a panic attack. But, like. But that's about it. Like, for me, I know I'm low key. Like, oh, my God, you ate the last of this in the refrigerator. I didn't put my name on it. I didn't tell anybody that I wanted it. But everybody's gonna pay for it later. You know what I'm saying? Cause I'm an Aquarius, so that's.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh, shit. Hey, what's up?

[Jordan Carlos]

No, we're both. Me and my wife are both Aquariuses.

[Tam Bam]

Oh, y' all belong together then.

[AJ Holiday]

Got it

[Tam Bam]

Now. I didn't have that other Aquarius I was with, man. He took a shower just as much as I did. He cleaned up just as much as I did. Like, that wasn't a problem with the Aquarius.

[Jordan Carlos]

Aquariuses often will do whatever you want them to do. So it's like our survival mode is, like, we don't argue. We go with the flow.

[Tam Bam]

No, I don't. Y' all create arguments calmly, and then when you get to a hundred, they looking at you like it's not that serious. Some shit after you done got me on a hunted. Yeah, like that's what Aquarius do.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, my God. I can't speak for all Aquariuses. I can't speak for all Aquarius.

[AJ Holiday]

What about this one? Apologizes just to end an argument, not because they mean it, but just to stop the argument from it.

[Jordan Carlos]

That is a man thing right there. I will do it. I'll jump on the grenade. I just want to stop. I'm gonna tell you a quick story. All right? Women now. Women now are wearing, like, the trench coats in. In New York City. They like these kind of like. Like, detective trench coats right out here solving mysteries. It's very fashionable for women in Manhattan to wear them. I had one, a Christian Dior vintage trench coat that I liked a lot about 10 years ago. My wife says, ugly, Throw it out. I was like, but, babe, I think it's cool. I think she's like, who wears that? Throw it out. You look crazy. I was like, okay, okay. So I threw it out.

[Tam Bam]

Expect a gadget.

[Jordan Carlos]

I love to spectacle gadget. Penny would solve all the mysteries. Come on, Brain.

[Tam Bam]

Doing all the work.

[Jordan Carlos]

Summer Cree. Summer lifted that show. Okay, Penny. All right, all right. So anyway, back on track. Speaking of adhd, recently, guess what came back in style? All the. All the women wearing these. She goes, babe, look at this online. It's from Aritzia. Look it. I want it. Will you buy it for me? Will I buy it? If you apologize to me for 10 years ago, I will buy it. World War III. World War III. Exactly. Exactly. But everything's cool now. Everything's fine. I bought it.

[AJ Holiday]

Did she apologize?

[Jordan Carlos]

Never.

[AJ Holiday]

You lost.

[Jordan Carlos]

Lost that war. You have to. You have to know when to shut the up. That's why. That's why at the beginning of this, I was like, do they want me to talk? I don't know when to talk. I was glitching. I was glitching.

[AJ Holiday]

Especially coming on the show called We Talk Back with some black women.

[Jordan Carlos]

I know you from the Carolinas too. I'm like, oh, Lord, I gotta know how to present myself. Here we go. Here we go.

[Tam Bam]

Thinks effort should lead to more intimacy.

[AJ Holiday]

Oh.

[Jordan Carlos]

Thinks effort should lead to more intimacy. I mean, I wrote a whole damn book about this. I think. Okay. Thinks effort. Yes, yes. That's a guy thing. But you got to be like. You got to be like Yoda with this shit. You gotta. It's like the force. You can't want it if you want it? It's not gonna happen. You gotta. You gotta just do the thing and it will happen. It's like. But you can't force it. So I'm saying it's a man thing, but I'm trying to educate as well. Just saying

[AJ Holiday]

y. Stop. Stops doing something just to see if their partner notices.

[Jordan Carlos]

That's a woman. Diabolical. Diabolical. Like, my wife has stopped cooking. She stopped cooking. It's. It's. It's. It's a. It's a fraught time over here. She stopped cooking because she teaches night classes. She's a professor. So three days out of the week, she's. She's gone and doing that. So I'm like, okay, I gotta step up and cook. And that's what I've been doing. And you gotta cook, but you also gotta put a silencer on it too. You can't be like, well, look at me doing all the cooking. Because then I asked. So I've been doing this for months now. And I asked my son. I said. I said, malcolm, like, who. Who cooks as much like Mommy's? Daddy's like, who. Who cooks Mommy or Daddy? He's like, mommy, I'm like, I. I made you nuggets from scratch. Like, what are you talking about? You were watching the Simpsons. I was over here. Whatever, you know, like, that's. That's what it is. So. Yes.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Tam Bam]

Believes they're the better partner.

[Jordan Carlos]

Believes they're the better partner. Men always believe it. Men. We always believe. We did. Did amazingly well. We over. In my research, we over hype ourselves with. With the confidence that we, like, we're overconfident in our performance all the time.

[Tam Bam]

I thought you would say women. Women believe. I think, because I. I do think sometimes women believe that they can do no wrong in a relationship. Like, it's always a man. Like, when are you going to think about some you might have contributed to in the relationship that caused it to end? You know? So I. I thought you would say

[Jordan Carlos]

women, hey, push back. Tell me, tell me, Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm wrong. Because. Because from where I'm standing, it's always been. I'm. I'm just saying I think she has been the better partner in the relationship. Just amazing.

[Tam Bam]

Agree with that.

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I. I feel like.

[AJ Holiday]

I think it's both. I think it's.

[Jordan Carlos]

You think both?

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, absolutely. Everybody think they're the better partner. Every, like, man, like, yeah, my ex was crazy as hell. And then I was like, he was such a bad communicator. Like, I was just the best communicator. He couldn't. Like it's always. Everybody thinks they're the best. Every.

[Tam Bam]

I saw this post on Instagram and I commented on it. That's thousands of comments and likes on it. The post was a guy like driving down the street in his drop top and he was like, you know, you a crazy. If a man gotta tell you, let's have a good day today, babe. Yeah, after that ruined the day before. After you ruined the day. Now you telling me to have a good day after you done caused some.

[AJ Holiday]

The day before. Right?

[Tam Bam]

No, I'm knocking over today too. I'm not done. I had to take a nap.

[AJ Holiday]

And if I got.

[Tam Bam]

Hold on. I got a messy meme for today right quick too. It says, what was that? Being, I love beating a dead horse. I don't give a fuck. I got something else to say.

[Jordan Carlos]

That's true though. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. I would never, I'd never tell a woman to calm down. Never tell her to have a good day. Like, I never tell my wife that I say I love you.

[AJ Holiday]

I never tell her to have a good day at

[Jordan Carlos]

after I pissed her off. Like, what do you like? No, I mean that is like, you got to be like the joker. Like, you crazy doing stuff.

[State Farm Tradition Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Jordan Carlos]

Poking. Never. Never. A woman from Brooklyn in 2026 in this economy.

[AJ Holiday]

Yeah, let her cook.

[Jordan Carlos]

Leave her alone. Leave her alone. That's how you stay married. That's how you stay booed up. It's like understanding the person's their limits and taking a step back and understanding that like not everything. A lot of men don't understand that. Not every comment needs to be said. That's like, that's why men are always in the comments. We're like, we comment on everything. Not everything is your opinion. You know, that's what it is. These are great questions.

[AJ Holiday]

Are you going to do another one? I have.

[Tam Bam]

No, that's it. Go ahead.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay, so I have one closing question, please. What's one thing people can start doing today to improve their relationship? Like right after they finish listening to this episode.

[Jordan Carlos]

Okay, one thing that they can do today. Like, if you're a guy, there's multiple things you can do, but one thing you can do is just, I always say, like, check on the toilet paper around the house. If that toilet paper. Let's say your girl came home from a long day work, just working her jobs with a boss that sucks, sits down on the toilet. She goes to the role, and there's nothing there. And now she's got to do that. Hop to the. To the pantry of the cabinet. Come on. Now. Check the bathrooms. If you're low on ammunition, so to speak, then change out the role. That will take two minutes tops, and it will save your relationship. That's. I mean, I'm speaking from. Speaking from experience.

[AJ Holiday]

I would like to add to that. Please put the toilet seat the down.

[Jordan Carlos]

I've learned precision shots. I don't even put it up. I just. Precision, precise.

[AJ Holiday]

That's a sniper.

[Jordan Carlos]

I'm a sniper. I'm a sniper. I don't even. I don't even around anymore. I think that.

[AJ Holiday]

And, like, there's nothing worse than falling into a toilet seat. Now your ass is covered in toilet water.

[Tam Bam]

You touched it with your hands, too.

[Jordan Carlos]

It's terrible. Just take a shower after that. I feel like this. Check on the milk. Go to the. Go to the fridge. Check on the milk. If the milk. Boo boo. If the milk is at a quarter, go to the store. If it's a. If it's a quarter full. If you got one of those skinny ones because you're lazy, get a big one from the store. Get it done. That's all my wife ever does is like. She's like, the milk. Where the milk levels? What are the milk levels? I'm like, jesus Christ, we could never go straight home. It was always like, is there milk in the house for tomorrow? I don't even drink milk, you know?

[AJ Holiday]

But Jordan, your wife. Your wife white because is lactose.

[Jordan Carlos]

She's half. She's half. So, like, that's why she talks like that. But, like. But.

[AJ Holiday]

I would be sick in here with some milk.

[Jordan Carlos]

I don't drink it. I don't drink it, but I want to be happy. You know what I mean? So I'm like. So I go to Costco. I. I bomb this place of milk. Like, you get Costco, you can get

[AJ Holiday]

three of these, right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Yeah, it smells. You get a cow in there and, like, and you can freeze. This is what I learned. You can. This woman taught me this. You can freeze milk. I didn't know that. Put that in the deep freezer. Comes out later. I'm telling you, man, you just gotta fight these little battles. It's the little cult. Because marriage is a cold war. If you take. If you get rid of that, that, that little, like, tit for tat, there's more. I like this podcast. Then there's more tits for you. Okay? Is that. Is that Is that good? Is that in keeping with this podcast with the vibe

[Tam Bam]

hat your ass.

[Jordan Carlos]

That's what I'm talking about.

[AJ Holiday]

All your things, your. Yeah, yeah, everything. Your book, your ig, all of it.

[Jordan Carlos]

Folks, you can reach me, like, okay, so if you just search on Instagram, I'm one of one Jordan Carlos. And then you can. From there, you can check out my website, jordancarlocomic.com you can. You can check out my book, Chore Play. There's links on the IG to find the book online and whatever, like, variation you want. If you want audiobook, that's not you. If you want, like, Kindle, whatever, it's there. It's doing well. We're very happy with the sales, and I'm excited about it. And, like, yeah, just check me out and let's see. This fall, you're gonna see me on Netflix. I'll be. Yeah. So I, I, I mean, you did

[Tam Bam]

Black Mirror before, right?

[Jordan Carlos]

I did Black Mirror, but this time. So I been very fortunate, very blessed. I'm writing and acting in, like, Hotel Transylvania, the show on. On Netflix, so. Which is really cool. And then you can check me out on a Sony PlayStation game because I play, like, a voice of the AI, which I can't. I can't even say the name of the game, but it's like, it's coming out. It'll be out in fall. Yeah, yeah, but. But that's me. That's me. But you know what? Yes. Check out the book, please. Gentlemen, please. Okay? One. One out of two. One out of two marriages in a divorce. We can stop that. We can. We can. We can do better than that. That's all.

[AJ Holiday]

You're doing God's work here trying.

[Jordan Carlos]

Y' all are doing God's work. Tam, the people that you describe that you're out here dating, woe is me.

[AJ Holiday]

Okay? Listen, pray for me, okay? Pray for me out here. This struggle, if you. That's what I'm saying. If you have somebody solid right now, please stick with them. Do the things that don't work, because the dating pool got dookie in it.

[Jordan Carlos]

That's not a Snickers bar. That is. That is straight up dookie. Yeah, get that little net. All right. Thank you, y'. All.

[Tam Bam]

All right, y' all go pick up Chore Play by Jordan Carlos.

[UnitedHealthcare Ad Voice]

All right.

[Tam Bam]

And if you enjoyed this episode, and if you enjoyed this episode, y' all tune in every Thursday on the iHeartRadio app or wherever the fuck you get your podcast at this show. Co host AJ Holiday 2.0 Instagram skit. What?

[Jordan Carlos]

No. Y' all have made me laugh this whole time because it's like, that's the thing about. I am a comedian, but I wrote this book kind of like serious. But y' all have made me laugh. Like, Char made me laugh the whole time. I was like, I was like, this is a serious thing. But he's like, you know, y' all are making me laugh. It's funny.

[AJ Holiday]

We don't take nothing shit serious. Too serious. This is light hearted and fun. That's why we here. Okay, good. We want to talk about serious things, but we want to have fun with it, you know?

[Jordan Carlos]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

[AJ Holiday]

Thank you so much. Now, y'. All. I'm Official Tam Bam. I love y' all so, so very much. Thank y' all for tuning in. Y' all follow me on Instagram. Official Tam Bam follow. We Talk Back podcast on Instagram. Y' all speak now and never hold your chores.

[Tam Bam]

Clean up after yourself.

[AJ Holiday]

Yes.

[Tam Bam]

Not a kid, right?

[Jordan Carlos]

Wash your hands. Wash your hands.

[Tam Bam]

Five times.

[Jordan Carlos]

Oh, no.

[Tam Bam]

In the penis part.

[Jordan Carlos]

It's true. It's true. Bye, y'.

[AJ Holiday]

All.

[Tam Bam]

We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Jordan Carlos]

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[Jordan Carlos]

That's why you need Super Mobile from T Mobile.

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[Jordan Carlos]

Letting you run your business from your phone like never before. In moments of high demand, T Mobile's network adapts to put your business connection first. Discover [e-mail] best business plan based on combination of advanced network performance, coverage layers and security features. Best Network based on analysis by Ooglips B. Test intelligence data 1H 2025 oogle trademarks User license and reprinted with permission.

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Are they adding more weight to their

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[AJ Holiday]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.